Friendship is Heresy!

The six ponies sat around a dining table that was covered with apples and all kinds of apple-related products. Twilight tapped her hoof on the table in boredom while Rainbow Dash flipped a page of her Daring Do-book, Pinkie Pie munched on some apple pie and Rarity applied make-up on her face. Applejack had tried counting the amount of money she wouldn't gain from the pastries before remembering she didn't know how to count, so she had decided to take a nap instead.

"Uh, I'm certain he'll be here soon," said Fluttershy who eagerly waited for her friend.

"This must be another one of his pranks," Twilight muttered in annoyance and boredom.

"It isn't," Discord said.

Pinkie Pie screamed out of surprise, which made Rarity ruin her make-up and yelp, which awakened Applejack and made Rainbow Dash accidentally throw her hardcover book onto a pie which in turn burst open and covered Twilight in apple jelly and pie crust.

Pinkie laughed. "Oh, you got us, Discord! That was actually pretty funny!"

He chuckled. "Hohoh, indeed! Excuse me for being late. But like I said, my friends don't like each other one bit, so it took a fair amount of coinvincing to get them to come here."

There was a moment of silence. The ponies glanced at each other.

"Uhh, where are they, then?" Twilight asked as she wiped her head with a towel.

"I'll bring them here one by one, don't worry. First of all, allow me to introduce... Furor Maximus!"

A huge humanoid as tall as Discord but much wider appeared on one of the empty chairs. He was covered from head to toe in shining red metal armour, and his shoulder pads were larger than a foal. The chair under him soon cracked and exploded into pieces.

"AHH! THIS CHAIR DARED TO HARM A MIGHTY MARINE!" he shouted as he sat awkwardly on the floor. He stood up and started pummeling the broken remnants of the seat with his fists. "RAAAARGH! FACE THE WRATH OF KHORNE, CHAIR SCUM!"

It would be an understatement to say that the ponies were utterly speechless. They stared at the hulking monstrosity with their jaws wide open.

"Hehe, he has some... temper issues," Discord said. "But trust me, if I had brought him here last, he would've gotten out of control. His blood begins to boil whenever he sees my other friends, you see. Meeting them all at once would've... hahah, I don't even want to think about it."

Twilight blinked several times before regaining her bearings. "Okay, I can see that he has... a certain lack of patience."

The giant stopped hitting the broken chair, raised his gaze and looked at the cute ponies around him. "What is this? WHAT ARE THESE DESPICABLE MONSTROSITIES?"

Discord drifted in front of him. "Calm down, Fury! You're a guest, so behave nicely!"

Furor was silent for a moment. "Calm down? CALM DOWN? YOU DARE TO ASK ME TO CALM DOWN? KHORNE HATES CALMING DOWN!" He grabbed the table and pulled it upwards. "THIS TABLE WILL FEEL MY WRATH!"

"No!" Discord shouted, stood on the table and snapped his fingers. A flute appered in his hands. He played a soothing tune as the warrior glared at him.

"BLOOD... FOR THE... blood... god," he mumbled and yawned. "Sleep... for the sleeping god." He lied down on the floor and began to snore.

Discord wiped his forehead. "Phew, that was close."

"Are your other friends... as, uh, 'quirky' as him?" Twilight asked.

He chuckled "Oh no, he's the craziest one."

"Are you saying that the others are crazy as well?" Rainbow asked.

"No! Or maybe. Anyways, here's the next one!" he said nervously and snapped his fingers.

A humanoid creature appeared on one of the seats. He was clad in intricately decorated clothes and had a black cape on his back. A book hung from his belt and many skulls decorated his apparel. His black hair was neatly combed, and he examined the room with a grim face.

"These bright colours hurt my eyes," he muttered. "Foul daemon, where have you brought me?"

"To a very special place," Discord said. "Here, you'll learn to appreciate the magic of friendship!"

He squinted. "I am not afraid of such torture, monster. The Emperor protects, so I have nothing to fear. Your threats are pointless."

"Those two aren't behaving like friends at all," Rarity whispered to Twilight. "Why did Discord bring them here?"

"Shh, I'll ask him later," Twilight said.

"Ohohoh, you must've misunderstood!" Discord said to the man. "Friendship is a good thing!"

"Certainly. Next you'll tell me that love can solve all problems in life. Your lies are truly vile, beast."

Discord sighed and turned to see the ponies. "See what I mean? They are in need of your help!"

"And what is his name, Discord?" Rarity asked.

"My name is Inquisitor Carpathos," the man replied. "I am a faithful servant of the Emperor. My job is to exterminate foul xeno such as you."

"Well that's not very nice!" Pinkie said.

"You haven't even heard of my information extraction methods yet. They are certainly not very nice at all, xeno," he said, frowned and turned to look at Discord. "These are xeno, right? I do not wish to anger any Grey Knights. Last time I accidentally killed a daemon they threw eggs at my house."

"Yes, yes, they're not demons-"

"Daemons," he corrected.

Discord rolled his eyes. "Daemons. They're 'xeno' as you like to call them."

"Good. But first things first, send me back to my home, or I'll make sure Castellan Crowe gives you a back massage with his sword."

"Discord!" Fluttershy said. "You didn't abduct that poor creature from his home, did you?"

He chuckled nervously. "Uh, no, of course not! He's just joking around! Oh, Carpathos, you silly prankster!"

"Filthy liar," Carpathos muttered. "You're lucky I'm part of the Ordo Xenos and not a Daemonhunter. Speaking of, perhaps I should first conduct field research on these xeno so we can learn to kill them more efficiently..."

Furor snored, and Carpathos turned to look at him.

"And why in the Emperor's name is there a berserker snoring on the floor?" he asked.

"Oh, I played a soothing tune with a flute to calm him down and he fell asleep."

He raised an eyebrow. "And it worked? Huh, we should arm Space Marines with flutes, then."

"I'm more confused than a pig in the ocean," Applejack mumbled.

"I think it's time to bring another friend here!" Discord said and snapped his fingers.

A lanky humanoid appeared on a chair. She had long hair and pointy ears. She wore blue robes and examined the room in silence.

"Here's Ushtaal the Warlock!" Discord said.

"These are some truly ugly creatures," she muttered. "Especially you." She pointed at Carpathos.

He scowled. "Disgusting xeno, don't point at me with that creepy finger of yours!"

"Or else?"

"Or else I'll..." he said and moved his hand to his belt. His eyes widened. "Damnation! He took away my meltagun!"

She chuckled. "I'm not afraid of you, barbarian."

"So, are you two excited to befriend each other?" Discord asked.

"No," they both said simultaneously.

"If you weren't keeping my daughter hostage, I would've shot you already," Carpathos said.

"If you hadn't stolen my spirit stone, I would've already fried you with lightning," Ushtaal said.

"Discord!" Twilight shouted. "What on earth have you done? These aren't your friends!"

"Yes they are, Twilight! They just love pranking and fooling around like I do, that's all! Do you think they're being serious? Hahaha, don't be stupid!"

Everyone in the room glared at him. Except Furor, who mumbled "kill kill kill kill" as he slept.

"Uhh... here's another one of my friends!" Discord said with a nervous smile and snapped his fingers.

A female humanoid similar to Ushtaal appeared. She wore dark, spiked armour and had an exotic haircut. Her skin was pale white and a skull hanged from her belt.

She blinked a few times before saying "Am I hallucinating or is this just another horrific nightmare? Either way, I am pleased!"

Ushtaal rolled her eyes. "Oh no, it's you."

The other woman turned to look at her and grinned. "Ah, if it isn't Ushtaal! How are you, my 'beloved' sister?" she said and punched her lightly on the shoulder. Except she didn't punch lightly at all and her gauntlet was spiked.

Ushtaal winced in pain. "Augh! Stay away from me, you savage degenerate! You are no longer my sister!"

She chuckled. "Whatever you say, sister," she said and kicked her in the shin.

"And this is Raxon," Discord said. "She... likes to hurt others."

"Hey you, catch this!" Raxon said and threw a knife at Fluttershy.

She yelped and lowered her head. The knife hit the wall.

"Where did you find a knife?" Discord asked with a scowl.

"It was on the table. Here, have this!" she said and threw a fork at him.

He dodged it. "See Twilight? My friends really need your help!"

Twilight sighed.

"Here's one more!" he said and snapped his fingers.

A hulking green humanoid appeared on one of the chairs. He wore scraps of metal and leather rags.

"Oi, what's this?" he asked as he looked around the room. "Some kinda party?"

"Yes, actually!" Pinkie said with a gleeful smile.

"Rwahahaha, Kranutz loves parties! When will da fightin' begin?"

"Fighting?" Pinkie asked.

"Yup! Ain't this a good ol' figthin' party? Can't wait to crack some stinkin' skulls and clobber some gits!"

"Uh, no, this isn't one of those kinds of parties," Pinkie mumbled in shock.

"A disgusting ork?" Ushtaal said. "Keep its despicable hands away from me!"

"Well, at least there's one thing we agree upon," Carpathos said. "Orks are disgusting."

"Of course we agree. Barbarians often take cue from superior beings," she said.

Carpathos scowled.

Raxon punched the ork with her spiked fist. "Hey ugly one, can I hurt you a little? And by that I mean a lot."

"Rwahaha! A tiny elf punchin' me? Sure, show me what ya got, pointy-eared git!"

"No fighting!" Discord shouted. "Calm down, each and every one of you! Behave like proper guests!"

Twilight rubbed her eyes and sighed. "This is going to end horribly," she muttered.

"One more friend, and that's all!" Discord said to the ponies, chuckling nervously, and snapped his fingers.

A lanky humanoid with grey skin and no nose appeared on the last vacant chair. She had a vertical slit on her forehead and her face was entirely expressionless.

She looked at everyone in the room. "This... is an interesting gathering, to say the least."

"Thank Celestia, she's not a psychopath!" Rarity said.

"Now, how many of you are citizens of the Tau Empire who have embraced the ideal of the Greater Good?" she asked.

The others glanced at each other, raised eyebrows or frowned.

"Aha. Have any of you ever even heard of the Greater Good?"

The ponies shook their heads while the others remained silent.

"Well, now is an excellent opportunity to learn about the ideals of my nation! I assure you that each of you will abandon your inferior morals after my extensive presentation. Except you, barbaric ork, I ask you to leave."

"I ain't goin' anywhere, greyskin," he said. "Wanna do sum fightin'?"

"So, everybody, this is... uh, what was your name again?" Discord said.

"My name is Por'vre Tash'vaar Niho'ner Poron'sha An'sai," she said calmly.

Discord blinked a few times. "Uh, very well. Can we call you 'Por'vre'?"

She sighed. "No, that is my caste designation. You may call me 'Niho'ner'."

"Yup, every single one of them is crazy," Rainbow mumbled. "This is gonna be a ton of fun."

"Discord," Twilight said, "we need to talk."