Friendship is Heresy!

Twilight walked to the door leading out of the dining room and stopped. She turned to look at her friends. "Keep the... guests entertained while I talk with Discord, alright?"

"Sure," Rainbow said with a nervous smile and glanced at the eccentric visitors. "Yeah, it's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it."

"I'm sure some good ol' apple pie made by the Apple family will calm 'em down!" Applejack said.

"I'm scared," Fluttershy mumbled as Raxon leered at her,revealing her sharp teeth.

"Let's get this party started!" Pinkie screamed and took out her party cannon, blasting confetti into the air.

"Yeah! Let's begin da figthin'!" Kraknutz said happily and punched Raxon.

"See? It's gonna be fine!" Rainbow said with a sarcastic tone as Raxon kicked Kraknutz in the knee.

Twilight sighed. "If you need any help, tell me." She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. The glittering hallway was empty and silent. She frowned and said "Discord? Where are you?"

She took a few steps forward and looked around herself.

"Princess Twilight!" Celestia said with a harsh tone.

Twilight yelped and turned around. The white alicorn stood before the door, sternly looking at her, her head slightly tilted backwards.

She smiled nervously. "Oh, haha, hi, Celestia! I... didn't expect you to come here! What's the matter?"

"Twilight, I senced a disturbance in the magical aether. Have you been meddling with dimensional portals again? Do you miss your 'boyfriend'?"

"What?" she said, her eyes widened. "How do you know that I-"

"Did you forget that magical realm where you ascended? The one with glowing screens? I have the keys to that place, and I regularly spy om you. I know everything you do."

"Everything?" she said in horror.

"Well, almost everything. I have a nation to govern, you know, so I can't keep an eye on you all the time. So tell the truth, did you bring beings from another dimension to Equestria?"

"No, I didn't! I swear!" she said.

Something shattered in the dining room, followed by loud shouts.

"What was that?" Celestia asked and frowned.

"Uh, nothing!" Twilight said and ran to the door, placing a hoof on it and smiling. "Everything is absolutely fine, and you have no need whatsoever to enter that room! None! At all!"

She glared at her and asked "Then can you tell me who is making that noise?"

Twilight avoided her gaze and chuckled nervously. "Eheh, the girls are just... having fun! That is a fact!"

Somebody screamed.

"That sounded very masculine," Celestia muttered.

"That was... erm, that was Rainbow Dash! Puberty has hit her really hard!"

"Excuse me?"

"Uhh," she sounded and leaned on the door. "Well, you really shouldn't enter! For... very, very good reasons!"

"Twilight, are you lying and hiding something from me?"

"Yes-- I mean no, of course not!" she said and tried to smile.

"You do realize that if you have brought creatures from another dimension without telling me, I must punish you somehow?"

Twilight looked down at her hooves. "Uh..."

"You've never been good at lying, Twiligt. You're only making it worse by doing it."

She crumpled up into a ball on the floor and covered her face with her hooves. "I'm sorry, Celestia, I swear it wasn't me!" she said and closed her eyes.

Celestia chuckled. Then she laughed. With a surprisingly masculine tone. She sounded like John de Lancie laughing.

Twilight opened her eyes and stared at her. Her head had turned brown, her eyes yelow and her horn had been replaced by two other ones.

"Hohohohoho! You should see your face right now!" Discord said and placed a hoof on her shoulder. Or whatever is the horse equivalent of a shoulder, if they don't have them. I don't know, why am I even writing this? I could be writing Adventure Time fanfiction right now! There's no horses there!

"Discord?" Twilight said, her mouth and eyes wide open.

"I fooled you, silly! Ahahahah!"

"That wasn't funny!" she shouted and stood up.

"Then why am I laughing so hard? Ehehehe!" he said and wiped a tear on his cheek.

Twilight glared at him before sighing. "Forget about it, we need to focus. Discord, send those monsters back to their home before Celestia finds out!"

"Oh, by the way, here's the keys to that magical place with glowing screens. I stole it from Celestia's palace when I was subjugating the populace of Canterlot with Tirek." He presented her a golden key with colourful gemstones embedded into it. "Take it to her before she finds out. I feel bad for stealing it! If she asks about the popcorn scattered on the floor, tell her it's a magical anomaly that you're studying fervently."

Twilight looked at it with a raised eyebrow for a moment before taking it. "...Alright. So, are you going to do what I just said?"

"Hm? Send back my friends? Why would I do that? They're having fun!"

Somebody bellowed in the dining room.

"Discord, you're not fooling anyone!" Twilight said.

"Well, I did just fool you! Wasn't I coinvincing?"

"Yes, very," she said with a dry tone and scowled. "Send those monsters away!"

"Would you mind if I stayed in this body for a while? I actually quite like it. Especially this wonderful mane!" He shook his head and fluttered his colourful hair.

"Discord! Focus! You must get those freaks out of here!"

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "What's that? Is the Princess of Friendship slacking? Oh dear, Princess Celestia will be most displeased when I tell her about it! I bet she will replace you with someone far more competent -- me, Discord! And then, after I've earned eveypony's trust, I'll wait for the perfect moment to strike... and dethrone Celestia, becoming the supreme ruler of all Equestria! Mwahahahahaha!"

Lightning bolts struck out of nowhere as he was surrounded by darkness. His laughter echoed ominously in the hallway.

Twilight stared at him for a while before mumbling "Sometimes I wonder if you've learned anything since your transformation, or if you were reformed at all."

The special effects disappeared as fast as they had appeared. Discord chuckled. "Well, it's not like I'm some kind of cartoon villain who turns good in an instant! Hahah! Much less a carbon copy of an original character from another show!"

"Discord, listen. This is just too much. Those insane... humans, I guess? Need to go. They can't stay here any longer."

"They can't? Huh, when did you become so callous? Those poor beings need some rainbows, happiness and friendship in their miserable lives, and you're just going to send them away?"

"Yes. They're monsters, like I said."

Discord sighed. "Very well, if words won't work, I'll use gifts instead. If you succeed in making these 'monsters' best of friends with each other, not only will you gain my eternal respect... but you'll also get a new car!"

A chrome luxury car appeared in the hallway. "Behold!" Discord said. "Lamborghini Veneno, prized at 4.5 million! It's name means poison, and it's a fitting name for for a vehicle that looks so positively deadly, so undeniably venomous! The Veneno is fast, thanks to its 6.5-liter V12 that spins all the way up to 8,400 rpm to deliver 740 hp and 507 lb-ft, surging the car to 60 mph in 2.9 seconds!"

Twilight made no motion and stared at the metal thing. "...What's a 'car'?" she mumbled and frowned.

Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his finger, making the car disappear in a flash of light. "Ugh, never mind. But I have something else! If you succeed, I'll give you the keys to the library of Babel!"

A silver key appeared in his hoof, its bow shaped like a hexagon.

"With this, you can access the eternal library that contains every book ever made!"

Twilight's eyes sparkled. "Wait, really? Every single book?"

"Yes! So, do we have a deal?"

She furrowed her brow. "Hold on, is there any food there?"

"Uh, no. You could eat books though!"

"I'd... rather not." She was silent for a while. "Discord, I'll agree to do this crazy challenge on two conditions."

"Oh, you do?" he said with a grin. "Well, go ahead!"

"One, if something goes wrong, which it will, you will help us. Two, you'll fulfill my wish."

"Whatever it is, I will fulfill it. Hey, perhaps I should become a professional genie?" he said and stroked his chin.

"Erm... so," she mumbled and looked at the floor. "Could you... could you persuade Celestia to read me a bedtime story? I've dreamed of that ever since I was a filly," she said and blushed.

Discord blinked a few times, staring at her. "...Very well. Wait, do you mean the real Celestia, or me, Princess Dislestia?" He frowned. "Hrm, that sounds like 'dyslexia'... how about 'Celecord'? That sounds better!"

Twilight grimaced. "I'd much rather have the real Celestia, thank you."

"Then it is agreed! You complete my dangerous challenge and prove that you truly are worthy of your lofty -- and corny -- title! I knew you'd do it, Twilight!" He hugged her.

Twilight looked like you did when your obese, wrinkly aunt who was like an ugly version of your beloved mother hugged you that one Christmas day. "Uhh... of course. But don't leave, alright? We might need your help. In fact, follow me, let's go check what's happening in the dining hall. I didn't like those sounds very much..."

"..."

"You can stop hugging me now, Discord. This is creeping me out."