New Life After Old

'Okay, did I just get stabbed by xenomorph?'

When the hospital put him on a stretcher, all the girls who had saved him tried to kiss him and started fighting over him.

He required 24/7 top-notch security, and Celestia couldn't be allowed in the hospital. They even had to put up a magic nullifying field. He had a cloak brought to him before he left. No one else should see his face. But Celestia ruined any chance of that.

"You are MINE!!!!!!!"

Then his cloak literally caught fire.

Welp, there's only one thing to say. RUN #$@%* RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Because every unmarried mare was after him.

He got to the barber's shop, grabbed some scissors, completely cut off his hair, and burned it. He kept his head down so they wouldn't notice it was him. But his mane grew in half a second, because logic.

And so, the chase spanned across Equestria, with little rest. Until, finally, he got to the Crystal Empire.

As the mares cornered him, he awaited his fate.

BUT W8

A pink mare fell out of the sky and landed in front of him.

"What are you DOING?"

"WE LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Love? This is not love. This is lust. I apologize, I do not know wh- (gasp)... now I DO! C'mere, you!"

"Honey, what are you DOING?"

"HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Right then and there was the fight of the century.

Mostly, mare fought mare, but the few royal guards fought too. Max? Max just ran.

And it seemed like he would never stop running.

And then Dash came. No, he would stop and hide.

He created an illusion to elude her- heh, elusion, geddit?

But she was actually running from security.

But then AJ got there.

Forced passionate kissing confirmed!

Fortunately for him, the public didn't want this, so he #@$%*-slapped her to the next dimension and back. And, because nobody gives a crap about logic in this story, she only had bruises and he ran faster than sonic on ten adrenaline pills.

Yeah. I went there.

Unfortunately for the mares that were after him, in Chapter 3: Wut Wut Wut Wut what Randy Orton said was a warning.

What happened will not be described here.

But, basically, ponykind had its first meme, and it's last.

Unfortunately, the security got vaporized in his awesomeness, and Dash was now free to chase him.

But, then, the author got bored of writing this crap for now, went 'screw it' and ended this chapter.