John was a young man from the southern United States. He enjoyed the simple things, video games, manga, and drinking himself into a stupor. One day thought while he was a drunk he stumbled into an interdimensional teleporter that some guy had left around. He was swiftly thrown asunder into a land of talking ponies and danger around a few of the turns.

Five years have passed since this day, and now he sits in his little house writing his memoirs of what really happened in his time in Equestria, even though he still lives there, and is still subscribed to the monthly pastry.