Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Hey there everypon...er...there's...even less of you now than there was last year, isn't there?

Well, according to the ratings, the same is going for the show, Carl...

Anyhoo...I'm Incarlsistency and this here is Sam Listens-To-Carl's Problems. And we are the "Two Background Ponies"! Yes...I'm sure there's five people in the world who that means anything to...

Another season is behind us, and so that means it's time to once more gather together all of our little "quickies" from each week this year and present them in one nice package! All for your viewing pleasure to peruse down memory lane! You've seen your heroes go through it, now watch as us common folk in the background tackle the aftermath!

Because if there's one thing this season has shown us...it's to pay attention to whatever pony is lurking in the background...

Cutie Markless The Cutie Map

"Hey Sam!"

Sam, grinning ear to ear, looked up from his desk. "Yeah?"

It was one of his co-workers. "Good news! They finished the analysis and Pencil Pusher isn't any more naturally qualified than you are, and you made us more money, so you're getting the promotion to Vice President!"

"Wow! Thanks for the good news!"

Sam was grilling some hayburgers for a family picnic, while behind him Dawn made the rounds to both sets of their relatives, passing out drinks and chatting it up. He finished digging his spatula under one and flipping it before Dawn came by and gave him a peck on the cheek. He smiled in response, but soon snapped around, put his arms about her, and escalated it into a full blown deeper kiss.

"Hey! Sam!"

He looked up a bit, noticing Stonewall looking at him as he sipped cider.

"Normally I'd knock your teeth in for so passionately kissing my daughter right in front of me, but I don't feel my natural inclination or strength to break the neck of any male who comes within five feet of her thanks to my lack of talent. So I'll simply have to sit here with a frown and worry about my upcoming grandkids."

"Sure thing, Mr. Charger!" Sam grinned back. "By the way..." He immediately went into a French kiss next. Stonewall merely sighed, rolled his eyes, and sipped some more cider.

Sam picked up a bunch of carrots from one of the market vendors and tossed him a pair of bits. He put it away in his saddlebag and turned to go.

"Just a minute, sir."

Sam stopped and looked back to the vendor.

"I couldn't help but notice your highly strange and unusual, malformed Cutie Mark. Do you want to know what disgusting and ugly thing it reminds me of?"

The blue stallion blinked, looked to his own flank, which was utterly blank, and then back up to the vendor. The salespony grinned.

"Nothing!"

Sam immediately smiled as well, and both of them enjoyed a merry laugh.

Sam and Carl both smiled as they saw a plate of cookies and two milkshakes set down in front of them at their favorite cafe. Both of them nodded, and then took one together at the same time.

"Say Carl?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Is there anything you would like to say before we start eating these cookies? Any concerns you have?"

"None at all, Sam! I'm perfectly content to eat these cookies made using animal byproducts of critters I talk to every day, sitting beneath this warm and golden sunshine that existed long before any ponies or alicorns moved to Equestria, admire the sounds of birds singing that somehow can't fly independently, migrate, build their own nests, or even feed themselves yet evolved independently from us, and just enjoy spending time with my best friend! What do you say for lunch we have ham sandwiches and then make arts and crafts out of naturally-made glue, Sam?"

"Sounds great, Carl!" Sam answered as he took a bite.

"Sam?" Carl spoke again.

"I said it sounds great, Carl."

"Sam?"

"Why do you keep-"

"Sam? Sam? Sam? Sam...?"

In Sam and Carl's favorite cafe in Equestria, Sam sat at his usual table staring out into space, daydreaming such lovely visions. However, he was shaken out of them by a green hoof waving in front of his face, all while the owner continued to call out to him in puzzlement.

"Sam? Sam? Sam, you in there?"

The blue stallion blinked, and then suddenly lost his smile and looked around. Everyone still had their Cutie Marks. Carl sitting across from him still had his Find-The-Difference picture, and he still had his human ear. He blinked again, then looked back to Carl.

The green stallion put his hoof down. "Sam, did you hear me? I asked you what you thought a world without Cutie Marks would be like."

Sam stared silently back at Carl.

He blinked once.

Twice.

Then, throwing his hooves and head on the table, he began to sob loudly.

Carl merely frowned at this before he took up another cookie. "Huh...I thought it would make for an interesting anti-Socialism piece myself..."

Ha! Great way to start the season! Don't you think, Carl?

Actually, thinking about it makes me glad we aren't still in the Cold War, Sam. That probably would have ticked off some Soviets.

But who would have thought that all that nastiness, anger, and obsession with "Cutie Unmarking" arose just because she was too scared to lose another friend?

...Hmm? Oh, oh yeah, Sam. I'm sure being afraid to lose another friend is why she made everyone style their manes the same way too.

...

Oh, and being afraid to lose another friend is why she angrily shouted at everyone at her commune at how they were essentially nothing before they met her.

...

I mean, if I was scared I'd lose a friend, I'd certainly lock them in an unsanitary room, deprive them of sleep, and subject them to 24-hour mantras every day until they groveled on their hooves and knees to me for forgiveness and acceptance into my community...

Let's...move on...