Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Castle Sweet Castle

"So I say to myself...she's going to need a staff at some point. Someone to polish the floors. Someone to wash the windows. Someone to beat the dust out of the tapestries..." Carl shrugged to himself as he snatched up another cookie on his and Sam's weekly outing at Sugarcube Corner. "I mean, heck, cooking in that place alone must be a pain. Probably can't even find the stove in the kitchen... And as the whole thing's made out of crystal, it's got to get dusty like nobody's business... Get what I'm saying, Sam?"

Sam sighed as he nodded, but then used his teeth to turn another page of a magazine he was rifling through. "Yeah, Carl...but I'm kind of too busy to tell you to relax right now. I'm trying to pick out a gift for Hearts and Hooves Day." He turned the magazine around and pushed it to the green colored stallion. "I was thinking one of these. Deers Roebuck just recently started to carry them, and I've seen the ad before. Seems pretty romantic."

Carl looked to the ad while munching a cookie, then suddenly snapped to one side and spat it out...right in the face of a waitress, who merely groaned as if used to this and turned to go clean herself, while Carl glared at his blue-colored friend. "Dude! Sick!"

Sam recoiled. "Huh? What?"

Immediately, Carl frowned and turned the page around, revealing an advertisement for "Cuddly Clones" and what looked like a stallion and mare couple with the mare cheerfully hugging a plush doll...of the stallion, all looking very happy and, more importantly to the men, turned on.

"Out of all the crummy, stupid, and dumbass things they try to peddle to men to give women under the guise of them being something they'll like, this is what you want to get? This horrific thing? You actually want to get Dawn a plush version of you to sleep with at night?!"

Sam shrugged. "Well, what's the big deal? What's so bad about it? She loves me, doesn't she? It can 'keep her company' at night if I'm ever out on business or late. And the ad claims women love it."

Carl frowned. "...Dude, some days you are too dense for my tastes. A...you shouldn't be trusting anything any advertisement tells you. B...I'm sure your mom loves you too, dude. Doesn't mean you wouldn't think it's sick, twisted, and disturbing if she kept a stuffed version of you to sleep with at night! This ain't a teddy bear, man! It's a frickin' stuffed you!"

The blue stallion looked a bit unnerved. "Well...yeah, but still-"

"Still nothing! Do you know what this is? This is practically a soft corn porn device!"

"Oh, come on! It's not-"

"Question, Sam." Carl cut off. "How do you think Dawn would react if you went to one of those anime conventions and picked up one of those full body pillows that has a picture of a mare or stallion in a bikini on a mattress all over it and you gave it to her to cuddle with? I suppose you don't think those are glorified sex toys either."

Sam was silent. He was starting to see his point.

"Hey! Are those 'Cuddly Clones'? I got one of those last week!"

Both stallions turned to who was speaking, and exclaimed in alarm. It was Spike, who had been walking by and decided to look in on them. However, he also looked like he had been run over by a steam engine, with two black eyes, half of his scales broken, and numerous gashes. Still, he smiled with what teeth he had left as he pointed at the ad.

"Those things are great! I got one of my...ahem...certain special somepony..."

"My Celestia, man! What happened to you?!" Sam exclaimed.

"Oh." The dragon shrugged. "Uh...my certain special somepony paid attention to me long enough to notice I had it. But it was totally worth it." He sighed dreamily as he walked off. "I'll never dress these wounds again..."

Carl looked back to Sam sourly as the dragon walked off, and he sighed.

"Ok, maybe it was a bad idea after all... Let's just get back to what else was bothering you..."

"Oh, I'm done." Carl said with a shrug. "Nothing else much to say about today... Except why we let a big smoldering crater with a piece of a stump that could have fallen and hurt someone just stand right in the middle of Ponyville for six months. Seriously, that was practically a monument to Tirek. But the girls came and got it and turned it into some big arts and crafts deal with gems hanging from it that contained pictures of all of their favorite moments. I do kind of wonder how they got those photos in there, though. Did they use magic to put them in gems or just make gem molds that-"

"Guys! Guys! GUYS!"

Both stallions turned in alarm, just in time to see a panicked looking Spike running back to them, holding onto one of the gems from the mobile. He quickly ran up and held it out to them. Both blinked, and then took a look at it. It was the girls back on the night of the Grand Galloping Gala a couple years ago, all of them sitting around the donut shop, along with Spike and Princess Celestia, just having fun hanging out with each other.

As a result, both were rather confused at the alarm. "I...don't really see..."

"Guys..." Spike said, his face turning to terror. "Who took that picture?!"

Both stallions went wide-eyed.

Now that I'm remembering this...er...um... Did they ever happen to find who did it?

My guess is whoever sent them the pictures of them sleeping, Sam.

Good Celestia...

Anyway...what'd you end up getting Dawn?

Oh! I ended up getting her one of those pajama-grams.

...You mean the ones that run the ad that looks like the mare is going into heat and is two seconds from seizing you and throwing you into the bedroom all because you bought her pajamas?

Yeah... That's what Dawn said to me when she saw them. Apparently she had seen the ad too.

...

...

So long did you stay on the couch?

Let's just say there's a reason we're still working on our first foal after this long...