Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Canterlot Boutique

Sam had a rather downcast look on his face to match his blue skin tone, but that only figured. He had looked that way for a while now. Long before he had come to Canterlot and into this law office. It was clear his heart really wasn't in anything anymore...certainly not where he found himself at the moment.

He was seated across from a desk with a rather large, somewhat obese, brown and white stallion with a white suit and a bolo tie, looking over a deal of papers. In front of him read a desk plaque: "Haybeus Corpus - Attorneigh-At-Law and Part-Time Southern Stereotype". After looking over things a bit more, he leaned back in his chair, tucked his hooves in his pockets, and looked Sam in the eye.

"Well, son, you were rahght to call me after y'all got served the papers. When it comes tah legal matters, most younguns're as dull as ah spoon made outta cowhide. They got, ah say, they got the notion ya' jus' need ta' walk up to the princess and give'em ah heartfelt apology. Well, sonny, ya' got ta' get yer case on appeal before ya' get to that point. Especially in yer case when yer up fer murderin' ah pony in their sleep."

Sam only cringed more on hearing that, starting to tear up again.

"I...I still can't believe I did it... I didn't mean to! It just...kind of happened! The worst part is I only feel like half a pony ever since I killed him!"

The lawyer leveled his gaze at Sam.

"Son, ah say, son...if ya' wanna have a Timberwolf's chance in an oven of gettin' through this upcomin' trial, ya' best stop confessin' ta' the crime every time we talk ta' one another."

Sam looked up and blinked. "Wha...but...I wanted to enter a guilty plea..."

Haybeus frowned. "Yeah...and ah overwrote that decision. This is why ya' need ta' not act like ah mule in an oat factory an' listen to yer lahwyer; not try'n make yer own case. Ya' know what happened ta' the last pony who represented themselves in court?"

The blue stallion shook his head.

"...Let's jus' say she finally got outta the moon ah while back. Feel free, ah say, feel free ta' ruminate on yer unforgivable crime an' drink yerself into a pit o' yer own self-pity after the state says yer innocent o' all wrongdoin'."

Sam took in a deep breath and exhaled before leaning back. "...Alright. Um...I know murder in Equestria is really rare..."

Haybeus reached over and turned on a desk-top fan to blow in his face. "Oh, maybe. But y'all been in the business as long as ah have, and yah've seen it all. Ain't nothin' new no more. Ah been in an outta court more times than ah worn-out basketball. Why...check this out rahght here, son."

The lawyer reached over to one side, picked up a magazine, and tossed it in front of Sam. Looking down at it, he saw that it was an issue of Cosmare.

"Now what does that say right there on the cover, son?"

Sam blinked in puzzlement. "Um...'50 Ways to Please Your Stallion in the Bedroom'...?"

"What the...?! No, no, no, son... The other story."

Sam looked over it again. "...Oh! That's Rarity from town!"

"Just got done with ah case with her mahself. She had opened ah new franchise location rahght here'n Canterlot. Hired herself ah new mare ta' run it and, after ah shaky start, went back ta' Ponyville and let her handle the operations here. Problem is that unicorn had about as much sense as a junkyard of broken gumball machines."

Sam blinked in confusion a bit at that analogy, but kept listening.

"She didn't, ah say, she didn't know nothin' 'bout how possession an' caretakin' is 9/10ths of the law. Silly enough ta' let that manager run the ad campaigns, handle the orders, organize the store line...hell, even while she was there the owner was soon doin' nothin' but runnin' 'round in the back makin' dresses all day long. Well, once she headed back ta' Ponyville, the manager started filing a motion to have the store declared her property as owner."

The blue stallion was stunned. "She...she could do that...?"

Haybeus gave a grim nod. "Ol' Canterlot Edict 3.14.561, bettah known as the Equestrian Rite of Custodial Succession. Ya' manage the place, ya' conduct the financial and sales business, head up the marketing and whatnot long enough...in other words ya' handle everythin' as if you were the owner...ya' can declare ya' were the one who actually owned the business or property or whatevah and have it put in yer name. Ya' can get it declared ta' be yours easier than snaggin' blue tail flies with ah cheese grater."

Sam frowned. "...Ok, that one really didn't make any sense."

Haybeus frowned. "...Ya' ever tried ta' snag a blue tail fly with ah cheese grater, son?"

"Well...no..."

"Than button, ah say, button yer lip. Anyway, that little mare wasn't careful 'bout it an' should'a lost everythin' includin' the franchise rights. Sure didn't help she let the manager give her best sellin' dress her own name. Mahght as well signed over the rights ta' her right then and there... But ah'm good at what ah do, and ah managed ta' save 50%, at least."

Sam looked up a bit. "So...that means you think you can get me off?"

Haybeus let out a jolly chuckle. "Son, ya' must be dumber than ah cross-eyed pegasus. Right now ah'm just focusin' on tryin' ta' keep ya' outta Tartarus and merely get ya' banished and then thrown, ah say, thrown in ah dungeon in the place yer banished to."

The blue stallion groaned and let his face fall into his hooves.

In the main palace at Canterlot, a purple baby dragonservant looked up in a confused manner at the alicorn he served as she tried out sitting in Princess Celestia's throne.

"Um...Twilight? Why did you want to come here again?"

"Good news, Spike! When I was looking at some legal reading, I found out about Canterlot Edict 3.14.561..."

So that was one of the more "adult-themed" episodes the show went through so far. I mean, it's not like too many little kids need to worry about keeping artistic integrity in business. Isn't that right, Carl?

Uh...

...Carl, I'm kind of floundering out here.

Uh...

Carl!

Huh?! What?!

Carl, you're not...um...still mad about the whole thing, are you?

What? Oh...oh no, Sam. I just...

...Just what?

Forget it. It's...nothing.

...Ok then. Can you say something about this episode?

Huh? Episode? What? Oh...um...er...uh...

Come on, man...

Uh...Trottingham ponies have bad teeth...?

CARL!