Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Brotherhooves Social

Within a few hours, all were assembled. Sam Listens-to-Carl's-Problems, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, the bailliff, the opposing council, Haybeus Corpus, and all the spectators were gathered in the same tiny apartment space...most of them sorely getting tormented by No Neck and his brothers...and staring at a bed from which Incarlsistency, a bandage around his head, was looking at them.

"Well, as you call can plainly see, I am still very much alive." Carl said with a shrug. "So this whole thing was really just a misunderstanding."

Princess Celestia, having to lower her head a bit in the poor clearance of the shabby apartment, looked rather stern. "I'm afraid 'a misunderstanding' is a bit of a flimsy apology in this situation, Carl."

"I didn't make a mistake. Ponies are supposed to die in dreams when they get killed in them." Luna reiterated.

"And...no offense, Carl...but I know I shot you in the head..." Sam muttered uneasily. "For a guy who harps on unexplained mysteries all the time, this one doesn't make a whole lot of sense..."

"I wouldn't have bothered calling you if I couldn't explain it, Sam. I would have just stayed in bed obsessing about it." Carl answered. "Alright...I'll concede your point that you did shoot me in the head and I should have died. But Sam...remember that time I was in the hospital two years back?"

Sam looked up, placing a hoof to his chin, and thought...

"Carl, I really think you should reconsider..."

"Hey, you won't believe me any other way, Sam."

"But..."

"I'll be fine. Rainbow Dash plows headfirst through trees all the time. Twilight Sparkle survives anvils and pianos falling on her head without even needing to stay overnight for observation. It makes perfect sense. You notice how the ground in Equestria is unusually rich in gems, right? Well...evolutionary pressures have obviously incorporated gems into our skeletons. Our skulls are indestructible."

"But...but Carl...this is a pile driver..."

"And watch as it shatters on my head. Now throw the switch!"

"...You did sign that document saying if you don't survive this, this was all your idea, right?"

"Yes, yes, just throw it!"

Sam grimaced uneasily while Carl sighed. "...In all fairness, that supported my argument more than refuted it. All I needed was a metal plate in my head as opposed to my brains being turned into Zap Apple Jam. Anyway..." He tapped his head dressing. "Most ponies think a gunshot to the head is an easy way to kill them, but the skull is a nice ballistic surface. Between that and the plate, the bullet slipped right around my skull and narrowly missed hitting me in the spinal column. I still got a concussion and I blacked out, but I survived."

"But...you got physically injured from a dream?"

Luna cleared her throat. "Actually, with the Tantabus opening all those passages to the real world, a lot of things that shouldn't have gotten out of that dream 'slipped through the cracks' and ended up becoming real..."

A sound of wheelchairs squealing were heard, and the group looked out the window...seeing Lyra and Bon Bon, their lower bodies covered in casts and looking to be in total agony, slowly pushing themselves along in wheelchairs as they painfully bumped their hooves.

"Totally...worth...it..."

Both Sam and Carl grimaced before looking back in the room.

"Uh, son," Haybeus spoke up. "One uh the exhibits the prosecutor put out on this here trial was the mortician reportin' you was deader, ah say, you was deader'n ah jar fulla pickled frogs."

Carl frowned. "Yeah, about that... Seems the ponies of Equestria really hate being exposed to death, blood, and injuries seeing as so few ever actually died. The doctor kept his back to me as he was trying to examine me and ended up grabbing one of his examining room models instead. And since I had been shot in the head, no one wanted to see my skull exploded so it was a closed-casket funeral. I'm guessing the mortician never even looked at my 'corpse'."

A sigh of disgust went out, and the group looked to see a doctor unicorn smacking his face with his hoof.

"So that's what happened to my homunculus..." Muttering angrily, he reached behind him and produced a shovel before turning to leave. "What's the nearest route to the graveyard? Maybe the soil hasn't packed in yet..."

"But, if all that's true," Sam answered. "How did you get back here?"

Carl groaned. "Well...as it turns out, my dear old sister came to the hospital to loot the body." He sighed.

"I heard that, Carl!" A mare's voice shouted from the other room. "And don't give me that tone! I have fillies to provide for! Just because you feel the need to drop everything and lose yourself in grief if a family member gets murdered doesn't mean other ponies don't grit their teeth and say 'life goes on'!"

The green stallion kept scowling and put a hoof to his snout to whisper. "When I came to, she was trying to get me to write my name on the lease to sign the apartment over to her through subconscious suggestion...and I swear No Neck was sizing up my hooves for the black market..." Removing it, he leaned up again. "So, that's how I got here."

Sam paused a moment, but then exhaled in relief, slumping. "I don't believe it, but...but damn, am I happy. I thought I had killed you, Carl..."

"Ah, well..." Haybeus spoke up, turning to everypony else. "Now that ya'll see the allegedly deceased is alive and well, mah client is clearly innocent. So ah move that the case be closed at once an'-"

"Now just one second here." The prosecuting attorney interjected. "Alright, maybe your client didn't kill Incarlsistency, but that doesn't mean he didn't try to. This trial proved he meant to blow his brains out with that rifle, and last I checked aggravated assault is still a felony."

Sam swallowed a bit at that, rubbing the back of his neck with his hoof.

"Well...yes, I agree...but...I only thought it was going to be a 'dream' and he'd be fine when he woke up. I just wanted to keep him quiet until the Tantabus was gone and then-"

"That's not what I heard you say!" One of the witnesses spoke up.

"Me neither!" Said another. "You wanted him dead!"

The blue stallion wiped his brow. "I...I did, but...haven't you all ever said anything in anger before? I mean...yes, I did it...but it's not like I want to do it now or thought it would permanently kill him. I just lost my temper and got angry is all..."

"When I lose my temper, I don't pull guns on ponies!"

"And I don't shoot them in the head!"

Rather nervous at this point, Sam looked slightly behind him. "Uh, Carl? Help me out here?"

"...Dude, I'm actually still kind of pissed at you about all this. You're lucky I made that call to Canterlot in the first place. The rest of it, you're on your own."

The green stallion gulped as he looked back.

"Hang on, everypony!"

Everyone stopped on hearing that; turning the heads behind them. They were just in time to see Princess Twilight Sparkle swoop down and make a landing outside the door, then quickly trot into the room; bearing with her a large leather-bound book with a sun emblem, half-yellow and half-red, on the front of it.

Celestia spotted that and went a bit wide-eyed. "Is that what I think...?" She trailed off, then immediately looked uneasy. "Listen Twilight, if she wants to talk to me, I'm really not in a good spot right now. I have...um...a royal summit in an hour. Yes... Could you handle this one? You'd really be...uh...'doing me a solid'."

"As horrible as Sam's crime seems, it's more understandable than you think." Twilight went on as she walked into the room. "I conclude that anypony else under similar circumstances would have done the same thing."

A number of ponies raised their eyebrows. "...I don't think anything could ever drive me to try and actually kill a pony."

"Me neither."

"That's why I brought this." The new princess went on. "Carl...this contains the latest messages from Sunset Shimmer from what happened recently in her world." She hovered the book over to him. "I'd like you to read it for ten minutes."

Carl blinked a bit, but accepted the book. A moment later, while still opening the cover, he looked up in surprise as Twilight cast a spell on him, instantly surrounding him in a purple energy shield.

"You're going to need that..." She muttered. "Princess Celestia, I need your verdict...and Sam...you've experienced it firsthand, so let's step out of the room. I'll lock the door behind us..."

Ten minutes later, Princess Celestia was sitting calmly, Sam was pacing back one way and another while Twilight Sparkle was looking at the time.

"58...59...60. That's ten minutes."

She looked to the door afterward, still glowing purple from the locking spell. Immediately, her horn lit up and removed it, and the door opened.

Pressed all around the purple hemisphere, desperately trying to force their bodies in through the magical energy with wild, ravenous looks, was the crowd of ponies. Carl, meanwhile, was in his element and seemed oblivious to it.

"...And how does the dog still being able to talk make sense? I mean, it's not like dogs in this world can talk either! Was the dog being turned into a dragon? If enough Equestrian magic is used will both versions eventually fuse into one? Is Spike now acting more like a dog in this world?"

The ponies around him screamed in anguish.

"Shut up...shut up...shutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP!"

"GAH! Stop making the noises, pony!"

"I've got it! We'll burn down the house! We can take him with us! DEATH IS PREFERABLE!"

Celestia was rather aghast at the entire thing, while Sam merely sighed. Twilight looked up to her former mentor. "So you see, princess...Sam's natural talent for listening to Carl enables him to put up with subject matter that would normally drive ponies to suicide within an hour. I think it's understandable that just this once we can overlook it when he 'slipped one time', don't you?"

The goddess blinked a few times, and then looked uneasily at the psychotic ponies, and gave a reluctant nod. "I suppose I can hardly argue with that..." She sighed, then looked over to the blue stallion. "Sam Listens-to-Carl's-Problems, by virtue of temporary insanity, I declare you not guilty."

The stallion sighed in relief. "Thank you, princess."

Twilight smiled a bit on her own. "Heh, so nice when the Cutie Map gives you 'easy ones'. So, Princess Celestia, care to help me out in calming everypony down?"

"Oh, sorry about that, Twilight. I have that royal business to take care of. I'm sure you can handle it."

The younger alicorn looked up in surprise. "But, don't you need to at least take Luna with-"

Too late. Celestia had already taken off. The former student sighed and muttered.

"...The sad part is I think I'm turning into her."

"Hey, Carl! Haven't seen you in a while! The usual?"

"Uh, I'll do fudge brownies today. The doctor's aren't sure if the bullet did irreversible damage to my masseteric muscles on the way out of my mandible yet..."

Mrs. Cake gave a nod and turned and left. As for Carl, he sighed and looked down to the table as he put a magazine out on it to read. Before he could open it, a shadow fell over him. He looked up...and saw Sam giving him a hopeful smile. Carl looked a moment, before looking down at the magazine again.

Sam swallowed. "...Hi, Carl."

The green stallion paused a long time. "...Hello." The voice was indifferent.

"...Mind if I sit?"

"Knock yourself out."

Grimacing a little, Sam uneasily took his seat across from him. The two stayed silent. Sam shifted in his seat and looked at Carl, but Carl merely opened his magazine and started to read silently.

"...How do you feel?"

"...Better."

Pause.

"You...um...know I'm sorry, right?"

"Yes."

"So...does that mean we're friends again?"

Carl didn't answer. He continued to slowly read the magazine as if he hadn't heard. Sam's ears fell as he slumped a bit. He fidgeted uneasily for a while.

"You...uh...know what happened while you were gone?"

"No."

"Well...Rarity finally opened her boutique in Canterlot. Then...she helped clear Rainbow Dash's name when she was suspected of backstabbing a teammate. Then...uh...she helped a friend in Manehattan... Ok, pretty much she's the only person who's done anything for a while." Pause. "...Isn't that...kind of weird?" He asked hopefully.

Carl turned a page. "...It happens."

Sam grimaced and looked down again. He dug his hoof into the table as Mrs. Cake came back and left off the fudge brownies.

"So...Sisterhooves Social was this week."

Silence.

"They...uh...let Big Macintosh compete even though he's a male..."

"That's just common courtesy, Sam." Carl idly answered as he kept reading. "Think about single fillies. Think about only-mare fillies in a household. Think about ones who lost an older sister and now only have older brothers. They're kind of leaving a lot of ponies out if they don't do that."

Sam's face sunk. He bowed his head a bit at this and went quiet himself.

"...Although..."

The blue stallion raised his head a bit. Carl slowly lifted his head from his magazine.

"Ol' Grizzleface...he nearly tried to hit on him when he was in drag, right?"

Sam paused a moment. "...Right."

"But...he was part of the committee running it...and they all knew he was a male the whole time...right?"

The blue stallion leaned up a bit more and nodded. "Right."

"So...in reality...this is some really horny old guy trying to hit on a dude without even knowing whether or not he 'swung that way'. Or maybe he had a thing for guys who dress in drag...you think?"

Sam was easing a bit now, as Carl leaned up from his own magazine and leaned back. He nodded more earnestly. "Possibly."

"And...what about how Big Macintosh is always wearing that horse collar? Is he just getting ready to plow things whenever the occasion calls for it? Does he think it's fashionable? You don't expect Crystal Ponies to go around wearing their old chains, do you? Or is it like those saddles we always wear?"

Smiling a bit now, Sam leaned over and took up a brownie. On biting into it...it wasn't quite the same as a gingersnap or chocolate chip, but it would do. "I don't know, Carl... You really think it's all that big of a deal? Ponies do body piercings and tattoos all the time and nopony cares..."

"And the events, Sam," Carl continued, smiling a bit himself now. "One of their events is to go get a chicken egg and bring it out to a basket. Baskets of eggs, Sam. Not for the chickens, but for us... And you know what those eggs end up getting put into, right? What we shove into our faces all the time?"

For once, Sam actually chuckled as he felt a sensation of "completeness" again; forcefully leaning forward and onto the tabletop, getting back into his "old position".

"I haven't thought about it in a while, Carl... Maybe you can remind me..."

Yeah...glad we could make up after that, Sam.

Carl! You snapped out of...whatever you were in.

Huh? Oh...hmm...guess I did. Weird.

That does kind of make me wonder, though. I never asked you this.

What?

What was it like to be in a coma?

You know...surprisingly...vivid...