Two Background Ponies Revisit Season Five

Princess Spike

As a green colored and blue colored pair of stallions walked down the road, they noticed something unusual happening at the Ponyville Embassy. There were a group of unicorns, seemingly all the ones native to Ponyville, picketing about it and giving angry chants. Most of the signs had to do with unemployment and jobless claims, it seemed. As the two passed, Carl looked to his friend.

"Sam, what was that all about?"

"It seems a lot of the local unicorns are getting laid off. You know those new 'gas engines' they came out with?"

"Oh yeah...able to move things around using magic. Aren't they using them to power stuff like tree saws and jackhammers?"

"You got it. Only problem is it's putting a lot of unicorns out of work. It's small right now but it's getting worse. They're starting to get mad that ponies might use technology to just take over everything unicorns normally do... Plus they need to get more of that gas stuff to keep up. Apparently this summit is going to discuss drilling in the Crystal Empire..."

"They need to spend their time trying to learn new skills. You can't stop progress, Sam..." Carl muttered as they walked on by. "If I was them, I'd head back to school and take up studying speech writing."

The blue-colored stallion looked to him. "...Speech writing?" He echoed with a raised eyebrow.

"You bet. You can make a killing at that. The world will beat a path to your door."

Sam blinked. "I...don't see how that's terribly lucrative of a career..."

"Oh you don't, do you?" Carl retorted. "Remember that time that the one developer went to the edge of the Everfree Forest, chopped down about 2,000 acres, displaced countless animals and monsters which sacked Ponyville as a result, dumped gallons of industrial waste into our drinking water, and drove the Greater North Equestrian Marmot to extinction?

Sam looked up and thought a moment. "Yeah...when a bunch of us confronted him in an angry mob, he said: 'Citizens of Ponyville, I'm truly sorry. The results of my thoughtless actions have really made me seen the light. A businessman shouldn't strive to be 'stupid rich' at the cost of everything else. They should be content with being 'fabulously stinking rich' after exploiting only most of our natural resources and preserve the rest for everyone from the good ponies of Equestria to the birds, the bees, the rodents, and even the tiny ants."

Carl stared back. "...And the next think you knew, we were cleaning up his industrial waste and runoff. For free. Then of course there was the speech that one pony, Pyramid Scheme, made after stealing the retirement funds of half the old gray mares in town." He cleared his throat. "If there's one thing I learned from deceiving you all and taking the work of your entire lives and blowing it on lots of expensive suits, meals, carriages, mansions, and the like on myself and leaving me with no possible way to pay you all back, it's that the elderly deserve as much care and respect and recognition as everyone. They're members of this community too who have many things to teach us and share with us, not just their bank accounts they were planning to live on when they stopped working. We should all be honored to be in the company of so many stallions and mares of such wonderful backgrounds."

"Oh yeah..." Sam answered, rubbing a hoof along his chin. "...And then the people he scammed not only hugged him but threw him a potluck."

"And of course you remember the infamous speech from 50 years back by Thurgood Reich...after he was finally arrested for war crimes against ponyanity as well as mass genocide and torture... 'I may have taken the lives of your children, your mothers, your fathers, your brothers, your sisters, your livelihoods, your homes, your possessions, your pride, your freedom, and especially your dignity as individuals...but I assure you all...that you have taken my heart."

"Yeah...that's the part of the speech written on the statue erected to him they put up the next day in Gerwhinny."

Both friends were silent for a moment.

"...Sam?"

"Yes Carl?"

"I know I've said we're way too easy on criminals in Equestria before, but... You ever think you can play us for saps way too easily?"

"Hey! Incarlsistency!"

The green stallion went rigid and turned to who had shouted. By now, the two ponies were nearing Carl's apartment, and the landlord was already waiting for them on the upper floor balcony, shaking his burly hoof at them.

"You're two weeks overdue! Where's my money?!"

Both stopped. Carl recoiled a moment, then looked around. Finally, he looked to his foot.

"Oh! Uh...my...um...horseshoe...er...phone...is vibrating!"

Quickly, the green stallion pulled up a hoof, leaned over with his other hooves, then, with a great pulling sound, ripped his horseshoe right off with nails still embedded and put it to his head.

"Uh...yes? This is Incarlsistency..." Pause. "Uh huh. Really?" Pause. "That's great." He pulled the shoe down and looked up to the landlord. "That was Princess Celestia. She just said to write the whole thing off this month."

The landlord glared back a few moments. His teeth clenched.

"...Damnit, I'm getting sick of this." He finally hissed. "You tell her next time she calls to call me direct! I hate getting all these rent absolution notifications through you! You never tell me unless I get on your case and I want to-"

Carl cut him off by quickly putting the horseshoe to his head again, then looking back up. "Oh, and Princess Luna says to shut up."

The landlord went a bit wide-eyed, then turned and slank back inside with his head hanging down.

As Carl breathed a sigh of relief, Sam raised an eyebrow to him.

"You know, Carl... This reminds me of how you told me you couldn't get me a Hearth's Warming Eve present because Princess Cadance called you up and declared a bank holiday on the very day you went to withdraw some money, and then she immediately abolished it the next day."

The green stallion cringed and began to tremble...before Sam shook his head and kept walking.

"I really don't understand royalty...and, no offense, why they always just give you special instructions, Carl..."

As Sam went on, Carl wiped his brow.

"I got to thank that lizard of Princess Twilight's for giving me the best idea ever..." He muttered before following.

Heh! That was great, wasn't it Sam?

...

Er...Sam?

...So first you exploit our mental conditioning last year, and now this. You made me leave work six times to go pay your utility bill this year because you told me Princess Twilight Sparkle told you that she was creating the Festival of Pay Your Friend's Bills. Then there was the two times you said that Yakyakistan would invade if I didn't take your monster nephews to the amusement park. And I've pretty much guessed the Trottingham Prime Minister never told you to tell me I had to do your laundry for a month.

...I'm sorry, Sam. That was horrible of me. You're my best friend, and here I am exploiting your friendship for my own personal gain. Being a true friend is all about give and take, and I've been doing all the taking and not nearly enough giving. I promise from now on I'll be better...that is...if you're willing to forgive me?

Aw...well, shucks, Carl. Of course I'll-HEY WAIT A SECOND!

Damn, so close...