Chapters "Colin's! Were the fuck is my porn!?"
"Its in the tank. Hey, I'm going to the local Taco Bell, do you want anything?"
'Oh fuck. Please don't come over here.'
"Let me just get you your shitty porn, fucking prick."
'No..no!'
'Oh God his hands are so fucking greasy!'
*wack*
"A shit! That fucking hurts!"
"What happened Colin's!?"
"I hit my head on the fucking tanks cannon!"
'Heheheheehehe'
"Anyway, I'm going to go get some burritos you sure you don't want anyth-"
"PORN!"
'Humans and their porn, I'll never get used to it.'
-----Military base Alpha, central Pakistan. Mechanic bay 4.------
It wasn't an unusual day. No. Just a normal day of doing nothing.
My cannon was prepped, my machine gun was loaded, theal sights are cleaned and checked, and what am I doing?
Waiting.
For my fucking driver to get back so we can blow up people.
He's getting Taco Bell, apparently Pakistani humans love that shit, and American, and Mexican...
OK the whole fucking planet.
Anyway, I was supposed to be on a scouting mission about 2 house ago but I'm still sitting here.
"Colin's!?"
'Who's that?'
'Oh, it's just another human calling my driver'
The human I was watching suddenly swung around to me.
"Hello.."
'...'
He looked around, and noticed a taco bell bag next to a ammo crate.
He looked through it to find two unopened bean burritos.
Then looked around to see if he was being watched.
And at me.
"Well, I got nothing else to do..."
'No, no. Nonono!'
He walked over to me and opened the commander hatch.
And climbed in.
'Aw, for fucks sake!'
Then he proceeded to eat the bean burritos.
"As my God! Its like sex! But with no hair!"
"It feels like my wife shit in my mouth, but it taste so good!"
"I could masturbate to this burrito!"
'........I fell violated.'
I heard a rumble, earthquake? No, we are in the middle of fucking Pakistan.
"Aw shit! Smells like my son shit in some tinfoil and eaten it and vomited!"
My thermal vision became blocked with a certain gas that emmited from inside me.
'Oh come on! I just got cleaned!'
The human got out of me, and then ran to the other end of the garage.
I saw some sparkles on my cannon, at first I thought it was just lenses flare on my normal sight.
But it got brighter.
*poof*
"What the- aw fuck! I need to get a cleaning team in her to decontaminate that smell!"
-----Equestria---
Warthog was currently checking over himself when a giant puff of air out of nowhere knocked him back from his wheels.
Warthog then used his thrusters to re-level himself.
"Who the fuck-"
Warthog cut himself off when he saw a M1-Abrams sitting there.
With it's cannon aimed straight at Warthog.
"Woah, easy Abrams. Friendly."
"You can fucking talk?" Said Abrams.
"Holy shit, I can talk to!" Abrams said in surprise.
"Well, looks like your convenienly next to me. Witch will make everything easier to explain."
"What do you mean by that?" Abrams asked, confused about the statement.
"Well-"
----One annoyingly long explanation that I'm to lazy to type and I know you heard enough from other stories to get the point later-
"And that's how you got here."
Abrams had no expression, but warthog could sense a very confused aura.
"So let me recap."
-well shit, I'll be nice then-
"I'm on a separate planet called Equis with resemblance to Earth except the population consist of multicolored ponies that have other races called unicorn, alicorn, pegusus, and earth that have special talants that judge their destiny and is bound by laws of friendship?"
"Yeah."
"And this country that we are in now is called equestria and is ruled over as a duel monarchy with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna who control the celestial bodies the sun and moon and are looked up to?"
"Yup, pretty much."
"And other species liver to like Diamond Dogs, Minitor's, Dragons, bug ponies-"
"OK you get the point, anyway we need to move, we can't stay in this location." Warthog said impatiently.
"Why?" Abrams asked.
"If you haven't noticed, it's going to storm. We are lightning magnets here if we stay."
"Where should we go then?" Abrams asked as the first raindrop fell on to his cannon.
"There's a forest nearby, we can take some sort of shelter there." Warthog began to taxi himself twords the forest with Abrams following after him.
*crack*
The first lightning strike has been sounded as Abrams and Warthog found a cave and decided to take shelter.
*crack* *SMASH*
"AHHHHHH!" Abrams yelled, banging his cannon across the stone wall.
"Jezzes Abrams, it's just a fucking storm, have you ever been deployed?" Warthog asked.
"No, I was only on scouting missions for the humans." Abrams held his cannon down in depression.
But immediately shot it up with a quick motion.
"But, I have the best equipment in the entire 23rd batallion!" Abrams said in glee.
"Then why we're you only on scouting missions?" Warthog kept asking.
"...I don't know." Abrams softly said.
"Well anyway, get some rest. Were heading out tomorrow." Warthog turned his lights off.
"Were are we going?" Abrams also turned off his lights.
"I'm going to see an old friend when the storm passes, to see if I can return to civilization without having to cause anymore trouble than I already have." Warthog explained.
"What did you do?"
"I killed the prince of Equestria, apparently death here is not common. These ponies live long lives." Warthog withdrew his cannon.
"Was it Prince Blublood? The asshole you told me about?" Abrams deactivated his thermal.
"Yes, apparently he was corrupted. And that corruption took a physical form. I had no choice." Warthog sad sadly.
Abrams stayed quiet. Wondering how such emotions can become physical.
"We need rest, we may be machines, but in this world. We have emotions and feeling, we are alive here." Warthog soon deactivated his engines, signalling he's resting.
Abrams did the same, turning off his engine. And entering a weird state.
He has never felt rest before, but it felt great. Wishing he could feel it a bit longer before falling asleep.
------morning ------
*boom*
"Morters!"
*bam* *boom*
"Get to the tank!"
*boom* *splat*
"NO!"
*BOOM!*
"Ahhh!"
"What is it Abrams!? Is there a mainticore!?" Warthog was jolted awake by Abrams screaming.
"No, just a dream." Abrams felt like he was just in another battle, watching all of his crew members splater blood all over him.
There was so much...
"Hey snap out of it! We need to move. I have a friend near here who might help us." Warthog started his engines, and began to leave the cave.
Abrams did the same.
"Ill be in the air, so just follow me." Warhog took to the skies.
Abrams quickly followed him.
-------near a certain cottage-----
It didn't take us long to find our destination, Warthog brought us to a cottage on the outskirts of the forest we we're in earlier.
If what Warthog told me, the pony that lives here is named Fluttershy and she cares for any creature as long as they behave.
She is also the element of kindness, the elements are a group of pony's who protect equestria from any threat.
Warthog stopped in front of the cottage, Abrams followed soon after.
Warthog called for Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy! Can you come out! I need help!"
"Who is it?" A muffled voice said behind the door.
The door opened to reveal a yellow pony.
Fluttershy.
"W...Warthog? Is it really you?" Fluttershy looked as if she was about to faint.
"Yes, it's me. And I need your help." Warthog was soon hugged by Fluttershy.
"Everypony thinks your dead! We thought that we lost you five years ago!" Fluttershy was sobbing on Warthog's nose.
"I know, but I want to apologize for what I did. Do you think you could help me?" Warthog spoke softly.
"Of course! I will get my friends and we will bring you back to Ponyville!" Fluttershy was practicly repainting Warthog's nose with her tears.
Abrams stayed quiet.
"I also brought a guest with me, if you would like to meet him." Warthog turned to Abrams.
"Who and what is he?" Fluttershy climbed on Abrams cannon.
"His name is Abrams and he is called a tank." Warthog explained.
Fluttershy literally climbed all over Abrams, like a kid on a playground.
"So Fluttershy, do you think you could help us?" Warthog asked.
"Of course." Fluttershy answerd
The all left to Fluttershy's backyard.
Its going to be very interesting explaining this to Twilight.
Fluttershy was helping out a couple of her chickens with Warthog talking to her. Abrams on the other hand was being used as a climbing wall for all her monkeys and a post for all her birds.
'Fucking humans and there magical farts.' Abrams thought.
"Thank you Fluttershy, we really appreciate it." Warthog nudged Fluttershy.
"No problem Warthog, I'm just glad your back. I sent some of my birds for Twilight and the others, they should be here in a bit. For now, you guys just relax." Fluttershy walked back into her cottage.
"Relax? How in Sam's Hell are we supposed to relax with all these animals on us?" Abrams complained
"By us, you mean you?" Warthog teased.
"Fuck you.."
One of the monkeys were climbing on top of Abrams when it found the hatch.
Warthog stayed quiet and watched.
"Hey, what are you doing in there!?" Abrams yelled.
The monkey apparently found the in built TV, and it was on max volume.
"Onii-chan, no! It won't fit! Uh,uh,uh,uh,uh, don't cu-"
Abrams shut it off.
Warthog was trying to not laugh his ass off.
It didn't work.
"Bwa,hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Was that fucking hentai!? What the absolute shit man!? What human would leave there porn in a tank? Hahahahahahahahahah!" Warthog was dying of laughter.
"Hey, I don't mind it being there. Animated Japanese girls are hot regardless." Abrams stuck up his cannon (which is the equivalent of a person sticking up there head.)
"I only watched one anime and it was called...Bridge to the Starry Skies. I think. Anyway , no human would leave porn in a tank. And I guess you have been watching some of it haven't you?" Warthog asked.
"When you live in a hanger with nothing to do for five years and occasionally going out to test, it kinda gets boring." Abrams addmited.
"Well, I know how that feels." Warthog said with slight sadness to it.
The monkey climbed out of Abrams.
Fluttershy came back with five other ponies. Abrams could hear Warthog's cannon clicking to life.
"Warthog, I take it you don't trust them much?" Abrams asked.
"It's not that I don't trust them, there may be bad blood among them twords me. So I'm just preparing for the worst." Warthog aimed his cannon slightly twords the left to disguise his potential plan.
When the ponies arrived they immediately stopped in there tracks and stared strait at Warthog. Ignoring the big fucking metal box with a huge ass cannon.
"Girls..." Fluttershy paused for a moment to take a breath, "you all remember Warthog, right?"
They all stared awstrucked at the prince killer, shocked that he was still alive.
"And he has a friend, his name is Abrams, he is called a tank." Fluttershy tensed.
The air was quiet, even the animals were tense and stayed quiet.
The ponies didn't breath, move, or blink. Just stared at Warthog.
Abrams sensed Warthog was getting uncomfortable, Warthog's cannon aimed strait at the purple one.
Twilight.
"Hey guys, long time no see. You all got taller than I remember." Warthog spoke nervously.
...
Nobody breathed.
...
Nobody moved.
...
Sompony was getting it in the ass in Ponyville.
...
Applejack was wishing she would have masturbated before coming here.
...
I need to get sick more often so that I don't have to do this shit.
...
No, i will suffer.
Warthog continued to play out his plan in his head, if it came to that.
He would activate his hover engines and take to the sky as quickly as possible, then again, Rainbow Dash is quick (fastest in equestria). She could do that shock wave thing when I first came here. It didn't work the first time but I had more weight with missiles. She could easily take me down now.
Abrams was thinking of his own plan on his own, he would wait for Warthog to fly, shoot of a smokescreen, and run. That's it. Run. He dose not need this shit.
Then, suddenly, a blur of pink from next to Rainbow rushed to Warthog's nuzzle.
Pinkie Pie hugged Warthog and cried.
Well, cried very loudly.
"I-I thought you died! I was going to throw a 'Good job for killing Frogfoot and not dying' party! I was going to make a cake version of you!" She sobbed.
Eventually, Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack joined in the group hug, but Rainbow stayed were she was.
Rainbow had her head down and looked away from Warthog.
"Rainbow?" Warthog asked.
She just stayed were she was, but he could see that she was shaking a bit.
Warthog moved closer, but only a small bit as she began to move backward.
She bolted away from the group, and flew away toward a random cloud.
Warthog was confused, why did she leave? Was it something he did? Probably, but he didn't remember.
The rainbow stream disappeared and it left Warthog feeling bad and it concerned for Rainbow.
"It's al'right surgercube, she's just surprised your back, but maybe you wan't to talk to her, you did leave unexpected last time." Applejack said as she walked next to him.
Abrams was just in the background with Pinkie and Rarity, both still not really comfortable with him still.
Warthog turned around to meet the rest of the group.
"Well, I will comfort her later, she needs to process why I'm back. For now I need to get to Cantorlot so Abrams here dose not get sent to the moon." Warthog said in a more serious tone.
Everybody was taken back by this, even Abrams.
"Um...yeah sure, let's go." Abrams turned on his engine.
"Twilight, can you teleport us to Cantorlot?" Warthog asked.
"No, something heavy as you two would take a couple of hours to prepare so I don't strain myself, unless..." Twilight thought.
"...I can recreate the gateway portal that Celestia used to teleport you the first time you were here." She finished.
"But are you sure you wan't to go there? Celestia is still pretty steamed about you...you know...Blueblood." She cringed.
"I know, and I wan't to apologize for what I did, even though he was corrupted." Warthog said softly.
"Alright, then lets get started." Twilight prepared the spell.
She pointed her horn at the ground and in a flash of red, a gateway portal appeared.
Warthog and Abrams approached the portal and entered.
But before they left, Twilight said...
"Please don't anger her..."
Then they teleported.
