The New Elements

I wake up 8:00 am on the spot. I wake up to my room normal as usual. It's actually pretty big for a bomb shelter. It has a bed, a desk, a sink with a mirror, a toilet, a shower, a fridge, a chest by the door, a oven, a hidden cabinet, a nightstand next to my bed with a clock, and a picture of me and dinky before this mess. I take the picture look at it and hug it.

I then put it back and go to the sink and brush my teeth. I then go fix my hair. I then go to fridge and make eggs and bacon. I then take shower and get all my stuff packed for the day in my saddle bag. I then go the hidden cabinet behind a poster about muffins. I open the cabinet and inside is a phone and flash cards with photos of the rulers and their right hoof ponies. Each card has a photo and a phone on it and a little info to remind me what they usually pay me with so I can keep organized with inventory.

I then pick the card of twilight sparkle. Then pick up the phone and call her number "hello twilight sparkle speaking"

"Do you have to say that every time I call Twi."

"Oh Derpy glad to hear from you, I take it your looking for work."

"You know it a mare got to make a living."

"You got it just give me a second."

She then looks over her check board. "Ok looks like I'm running a little low on test subjects again care for pick up. I need about 5 you think you can handle that ?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods ?"

"Great ! when can I expect them ?"

"Hmm I'll have to check around the area and see what I can find but let's say 2 to 3 hours. If I get delayed I'll let you know."

"Thanks Derpy weapons for payment as usual"

"You know it."

"Alright Derpy see you soon."

"Bye"

I hung up and went out the door and locked it. I went outside and went to a broken garage that is camouflage so people have no idea it's there. I then pull out a garage door opener remote from my saddle bag and open the door to reveal a black Chevy Impala. I stole it from these 2 brown earth ponies brothers, I think their names are Sam and Dean. I know it sounds weird I think its foreign.

Anyway I got in my car and put my bag in the passenger seat and drove through the wrecked town and looking at all the criminals, murders, rapists, thieves, and sorts of sum bags are now forced to live in my town cause they have no one left to go. Honestly I couldn't give 2 shits about it I just want to stay alive and get paid. I then drove up to the old town hall. After I parked my car I started at the old town hall, it was turned into a bar by a old friend of mine. I got out of my car, I didn't need to lock my car cause everyone in this towns knows what would happen if they did. I walked through the front doors and everyone stared at me in silence for a few minutes

"What are you all staring at ?"

They all went back to there business.

"That is what I thought."

I then went up to the bar and ordered a double shot of vodka. Berry punch gave me the shot. She pretty much looks exactly the same as she did years ago except she her mane was a little more wild and has a robotic left hoof now. There are a few helpful things the rulers made. She still drinks but WAY more responsibly now.

"So derpy are you on the job or are you just need a drink ?"

"Work. Twilight again. She needs her usual. So who are the 3 healthiest ponies in town now."

"Give me a second."

She goes to the back and gets a few files and gives them to me. The 1st is blue furred and red maned mare. The 2nd is a brown furred and maned colt that is actually in the back corner of the bar. The 3rd was a bounty hunter on the outskirts of town. I love a challenge. I paid for my drink and then went to the corner of the bar.

"Hey Sir ?"

"What do you want bitch ?"

"For you to shut up."

I then took the glass bottle he was drinking and used it to knock him out with it and dragged is unconscious body out the front door. This town is so screwed up this is considered normal. I dragged him to my car and put him in hoof cuffs and put him in the back of the trunk. I then drove around looking for the mare and found her drunk trying to rob a homeless pony. After she killed the homeless pony and took his stuff I then knocked her out, handcuffed her, and threw her in the back with the knocked out colt.

I then drove to the outskirts of town to a very old house. I then walked to the door and knocked. Nobody came.  I looked inside through a window to find it completely empty and skeleton pony of the floor.

"Aww shit looks like he was killed over for a while. Whatever I'll comeback later to see if he had any good loot."

I then went back to my car and decided to check on my delivery in the truck to check to see if they are both still alive. Sometimes my 'packages' will kill each other just for the hell of it.

I opened the truck to see the brown clot bucking the blue mare and they are both enjoying it. Then we all looked at each other in awkward silence.

"If you 2 make its too gross I will kill you both."

I then closed the truck and I heard them going back at it.

"Celestia damn it why does this keep happening I just got the thing cleaned last week."

I then drove off toward twilight's lab in sombra's territory. After a few hours I reached it like I always do. It's 3 story white building with a metal roof and a few satellite dishes on the top. I then parked outside to see twilight waving at me. I then got out and she gave me a small hug.

"Hello derpy it's so good to see you again."

I just nodded

"Great do you have my packages"

"Yea I could only get 2 this time."

"Oh that's alright I'll just have the guards send them in. Would you like to come in."

"No I'm good."

"Alright suit yourself"

I don't normally go in cause there is always a pony screaming as they slowly die. It's just annoying at this point. The guards then take the 2 ponies from the back off my trunk. I check to see the entire trunk was covered in cum.

"Damn it"

I then went to twilight.

"Hey twilight can you do me a solid."

"Sure derpy."

"Can you put them in the super painful experiments?"

"Hehe I thought you would never ask. Did they packages buck in your trunk again."

"Uh yes."

"Haha it's alright I'll have the guards clean it for you."

"Thanks"

After the guards cleaned the trunk I then drove back to ponyvile. I checked to see it was a little past midnight on the clock input in my car. Another average day.

Oh I almost forgot to go check that old bounty hunters house for loot. I drove to the house which was more of shack. I opened the door.

"Oh my celestia !"

Right there standing there in the center of the room was a blue police box.