DEATH BATTLE

None of these characters belong to me. All properties belong to VALVE, Hasbro, and Screwattack!

"Teamwork, one of the most efficient ways to get things done," said Wiz.

"And these two groups have mastered the art of ass kicking through the power of teamwork," said Boomstick.

"The Mane Six: The protectors of Equestria."

"And the RED mercenaries: The famed mercs of TF2."

"Since the RED team has such a vast armory of weapons to choose from, we will be giving them the most iconic arsenals. And since the Mane Six have powerful magic abilities that could instantly end the fight, we will be restricting them to their natural abilities. This means no Elements of Harmony or Rainbow Power," explained Wiz.

"He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!"

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

"The RED Team is a group of mercenaries hired by Redmond Mann to combat his brother Blutarch. These crazed killers come from all across the globe, giving them a wide range of skills," said Wiz.

"And a crap-ton of firepower! Each of these hired killers bring their own style of combat to the battlefield, showing us so...many...guns!" said Boomstick, excited at hearing the guns he'd see in this episode.

Scout

+Fastest member of the team

+Can Double Jump

+Quick on his feet, good at dodging and running

-Lowest stamina on the team

-Hit and Run technique doesn't always get the job done

-Cocky attitude can get the better of him

"Born in the city of Boston as the youngest of 8 boys, Scout had to learn how to fend for himself at an early age," said Wiz.

"Inspired by the fights he had as a young boy, he began training his speed to make up for his lacking physique. And boy, this dude can run!" said Boomstick.

"Indeed. Scout easily outspeeds any of the other classes in the game, making him a valuable asset to the team," said Wiz.

Weapons:

Force-a-Nature.

+Fires more rapidly than the standard Scattergun

+Can cause knockback for whatever it hits

+Does more damage than the Scattergun

+Can be used for an effective third jump

-Only holds two shots, resulting in frequent reloads

BONK!: Atomic Punch

+Renders Scout invincible for eight seconds

-Takes time to cool down after consumption

-Cannot be used when it is impossible to taunt

Sandman

+Does the same amount of damage as the standard bat

+Can launch a baseball that can stun enemies

+Can be used to perform the Home Run taunt, which is an instant kill

-Baseball takes 15 seconds to reappear after launch

-Reduces Scout's health by 15 points

"For Scout's primary, we are giving him the Force-a-Nature; a gun that does more damage than the normal Scattergun, and can cause knockback. Though the clip size is smaller than the Scattergun, forcing him to reload a lot," said Boomstick.

"His BONK! Atomic Punch grants him invulnerability for eight seconds. And his Sandman can launch a baseball that can stun opponents, as well as perform the Home Run taunt, but it does come at the cost of 15 health, limiting his already weak stamina," said Wiz.

"But don't underestimate this quick Bostonian. He's taken down a BLU Heavy all by himself, has fought in a war against BLU alongside his team, and has helped his teammates fight Wizards, monsters, spirits, and robots!" said Boomstick.

"But he also isn't perfect. His stamina is lacking, requires using hit and run tactics, and has a cocky attitude that can lead to his downfall," Wiz said.

"And Rainbows make him cry!" added Boomstick.

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother; I hurt people."

Soldier

Age: Unknown

Height: Unknown

Weight: Unknown

Real Name: Jane Doe

+Can Rocket jump

+Rocket launchers provide good offense

+Has above average health

-Second slowest of the classes

-Is pretty dumb (and insane)

"Next up, we have the Soldier; an insane American who thinks all other countries are inferior," started Wiz.

"He loved America so much that he wanted to go fight in World War 2. But he was rejected, so he went on a German killing spree anyway...after the war was over," Boomstick said.

Weapons:

Rocket Launcher

+Shoots rockets at opponents

+Can be used to Rocket Jump

Shotgun

+Fast reload

-Low damage

Market Gardener

+Deals critical hits against enemies while the user is Rocket Jumping

-Will not randomly crit

"The Rocket Launcher blows enemies sky high, the shotgun is his secondary, and the Market Gardener deals critical hits while the user is rocket jumping. He can also use the grenades on his chest to perform a suicide taunt kill," Boomstick said.

"He has fought wizards, monsters, BLU, and robots with his team. But he definitely isn't perfect. His rocket launchers have small clips, he is one of the slowest classes, and he is downright insane," said Wiz.

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!"

Pyro

Height: Unknown

Weight: Unknown

Age: Unknown

Gender: Unknown

Race: Unknown

+Is insane (in a good way)

+Flamethrowers deal afterburn damage

-Has average speed and durability

"The Pyro is a mysterious pyromaniac of unknown origin," said Wiz.

"Not to mention this guy, girl, or whatever it is is downright crazy. It sees itself spreading rainbows and happiness when it is really causing death and destruction," said Boomstick.

Weapons:

Flamethrower

+Sets opponents on fire

+Airblast can deflect projectiles

-Short range weapon

-Airblast uses up ammo

Scorch Shot

+Bounces off enemies and detonates

+Does mini-crits against burning opponents

+Direct hits cause knockback

+Can be used to flare jump

+Can be used to perform the Execution taunt, which deals 400 damage

-Direct hits do 35% less damage than other flare guns

Axetinguisher

+Deals critical hits against burning players

-Does not randomly crit

-Deals half the damage of the standard axe against non-burning players

"Pyro has fought BLU, robots, wizards, supernatural beings, and even killed an unprepared BLU team single-handedly," said Wiz.

"Not to mention that his insanity comes in handy. But he still has weaknesses. He has average speed and durability, and must get in close to do any real damage," said Boomstick.

"Mmmphh. Hudda hudda."

Demoman

+Average durability

+Good strategic fighter

-Always Drunk

-Below Average speed

"Hailing from Scotland, meet the one eyed, black, Scottish explosion expert!" said Boomstick in an excited voice.

"Demoman is a master of all things that explode. Giving him a devastating close range advantage," said Wiz.

Weapons:

Grenade Launcher

+Grenades can bounce off walls

+Explode on contact with an enemy

Sticky Bomb Launcher

+Can be used to sticky jump

+Attaches itself to any hard surface

+Can be remotely detonated

-Up to eight can be out at a time

Eyelander

+Has long melee range

+Increases base speed and health upon decapitation

+Heals Demoman upon decapitation

+Can perform the Decapitation taunt, which is an instant kill

-Does not randomly crit

-Decreases user's health by 25

"Demoman will be wielding the basic grenade launcher and sticky bomb launcher for this battle. The Grenade launcher shoots grenades that can bounce off walls and roll along the ground, and the sticky bomb launcher shoots bombs that can be remotely detonated," said Wiz.

"And for his melee, he uses the Eyelander. A claymore that holds a spirit which thirsts for heads. When you decapitate some fool's head off, you get several boosts, such as health and speed," said Boomstick.

"He has fought many dangerous creatures and humans over the years, but he still has flaws. He's always drunk, he is not the fastest class, and he can also be harmed by his own bombs," Wiz reminded.

"KABOOM!"

Heavy

+Has the most health of any class

+Is the physically strongest of the team

-Slowest of the classes

-Biggest of the classes

"Next up is the Heavy. This large Russian behemoth is the most durable of the classes, allowing him to take wave after wave of punishment," said Wizard.

Weapons:

Natacha

+Bullets slow enemies on contact

+Gives Heavy a 25% damage resistance

-Does less damage than the default mini-gun

Sandvich

+Fully heals Heavy when he eats it

+Can be thrown, allowing for other players to pick it up

-Cannot be eaten in places where you can't taunt

-Takes 30 seconds to recharge

Fists

+Can perform the Showdown kill taunt

"Heavy's primary is Natacha, an absolutely BEEE-YOOTIFUL mini-gun that slows down enemies," Boomstick said, salivating at the giant death dealer.

"The Sandvich can fully restore his health, and he can also use his giant fists to pummel enemies. But although he has fought some pretty crazy stuff with his team, he still has weaknesses. While he can take a lot of punishment and deal it out as well, he is a close range class. He is also very slow, leaving him open to long range attacks," said Wiz.

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe *sniff* maybe. I have yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet."

Engineer

-Below average stamina

-Average speed

+Skilled at offensive and defensive combat

-Buildings do most of the work for him

"Coming straight from Texas is the Engineer, the man who gave me my favorite philosophy: More Gun," said Boomstick, admiration for the Texan in his voice.

"Engineer is a great asset to his team. His buildings supply both offense and defense for his team," said Wiz.

Weapons:

Shotgun

+Fast Reload

-Low damage

Pistol

+Fast reload

-Low damage

Wrench

+Can be used as both a weapon, and a way to build and repair devices

Devices

+Sentry shoots enemies

+Dispenser supplies allies with health and ammo

+Teleporters teleport allies

"Engineer may not have the most powerful weapons, but his devices certainly make up for it," said Wiz.

"His shotgun and pistol can get off a few good shots, while the wrench can whack his enemies and upgrade his machines," said Boomstick.

"And while his devices are a great help to his team, Engi himself can't do much in combat. But don't underestimate this brilliant Texan," finished Wiz.

"The answer...is a gun. And if that don't work...use more gun."

Medic

+Second fastest class

+Vital in keeping teammates alive

-Average durability

-Built more for support than fighting

"And now we have the Medic, the psychopathic doctor from Germany," said Wiz.

"This guy is INSANE. He has no regard for human life, no compassion for the sick, and has a strange interest in experimenting on body parts. He also once got his medical license taken away after he removed a patient's skeleton. Kinda reminds me of my cousin..." said Boomstick.

Weapons:

Crusader's Crossbow

+Deals damage to enemies and heals allies

+Quick reload

-Healing does not affect uber

Medigun

+Heals allies

+Ubercharge makes Medic and whoever he is healing temporarily invincible

-Uber does not stop knockback

Ubersaw

+Can perform the Spinal Snap taunt

+Each hit fills up the ubercharge meter by 25%

-Hits result in 20% slower swinging speed

"Medic can heal allies with his medigun, heal and deal damage with the crusader's crossbow, and hold his own in a melee fight with the Ubersaw," said Wiz.

"But he is more of a support class, meaning he is not very capable in a fight," said Boomstick.

"Let's go practice medicine."

Sniper

+Above average speed

+Very effective at long range

-Not very effective at close range

-Below average durability

"And here we have the sharp shooting Australian himself: Sniper," said Boomstick.

"As his title implies, his specialty is picking off important targets from a distance," said Wiz.

Weapons:

Sniper Rifle

+Headshots are guaranteed critical hits

-Firing without the scope deals minor damage

-No random crits

Jarate

+Covers enemies for 10 seconds

+All damage is a mini-crit while covered

-Takes 20 seconds to recharge

Bushwacka

+Normal mini-crits are registered as crits

-Additional 20% damage vunerability while active

"He uses his great aim to pick off enemies from a distance," said Wiz.

"He uses a jar of urine to get mini-crits, and the Bushwacka as his melee. But while he is good at a distance, he is extremely vulnerable up close," said Boomstick with a snicker.

"Be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

Spy

+Great at stealth

+Average speed

+Can see enemy's health

-Below average durability

"And for the final mercenary we have the Spy. Hailing from France, this merciless back stabber has been the source of player rage since launch day," said Boomstick.

Weapons:

Ambassador

+Has perfect accuracy with shots fired at slower intervals

+Can score headshots

-Fires slower and does 15% less damage than the standard revolver

-No random crits

Dead Ringer

+Leaves a fake body upon taking damage

+50% damage reduction while out

-Cloaks for seven seconds

-Makes loud noise when you uncloak

Knife

+Backstab is an instant kill

Cloak and Dagger

+Recharges cloak when stationary

-Drains the faster the player moves

"The Ambassador is a revolver that can get headshots, the dead ringer can be used to fool enemies, the knife is great for killing unaware foes, and since Spy's sappers are useless in this battle, we gave him another one of his cloaks: The Cloak and Dagger," Boomstick continued.

"Spy is a master of stealth but can't do much in an all out gunfight," Wiz finished.

"Right behind you."

"The country of Equestria has faced many threats, but the group known as the Mane 6 have been victorious over evil every time," said Wiz.

"For girly ponies, these multi-colored horses are actually frickin awesome! ...For the most part," said Boomstick.

Twilight Sparkle

+Leader of the group

+Became an alicorn

+Very intelligent and proficient with magic

-Can crack under pressure

-Does not have much experience in flight

-Does not have many physical advantages

-Tends to rely on friends too much

"Twilight Sparkle was the personal student of Princess Celestia until she was sent to Ponyville to learn the magic of friendship. While there she made friends, rediscovered the Elements of Harmony, and stopped Nightmare Moon from plunging the world into eternal night," Wiz started.

"After that, she went on several more adventures and eventually ascended to the legendary rank: Alicorn," said Boomstick.

Magic:

+Can conjure fire

+Bursts and beams of magic

+Teleportation

+Telekinesis

+Force fields

+Self transformation (such as when she turned her friends into breezies)

-Some spells take time and concentration to perform

-Too much magical output can drain her energy

Flight:

+Can fly better than the average Pegasus

+Wings give her the ability move clouds and manipulate weather

-Not very experienced

Intelligence:

+Smartest of the group

+Can solve puzzles and riddles with enough time

-Sometimes loses her cool when her plans don't work out

-Can be naïve at times

"In her new form, her magical potential increased tremendously, giving her a bigger advantage than her unicorn form granted her," said Wiz.

"You can say that again! She can fire bursts and beams of magic, teleport, create force fields, use transmutation, and move things with her mind! Not to mention that she can fly now, which gives her the ability to manipulate the weather," said Boomstick.

"Also, since she has spent practically her whole life inside a library she is incredibly intelligent, even so far as being able to finish an ancient spell that not even one of the most powerful unicorns in history could!" said Wiz.

"But even with all her power, she is still prone to magical overload and mental breakdowns," said Boomstick.

"You may have taken our magic, but we have something greater: Friendship!"

Applejack

+Physically strongest of the group

+Bearer of the Element of Honesty

-Most likely the least intelligent of the group

-Prefers to take fights and challenges head-on.

"Applejack was once a humble  farmpony until she became the Element of Honesty," started Wiz.

Strength:

+Can shake apple trees with a single buck

+Can launch hay bales several yards

Lasso:

+Is very skilled at handling it

+the rope itself is pretty durable

"Years of work on the farm has made her into the strongest and most durable of the group, able to shake trees with a single kick," said Wiz.

"And being a stereotypical country girl not only means she has a thick southern accent, but is also pretty good at using a lasso. She can perform tricks with it, as well as hogtie someone faster than they can say "Apple pie," said Boomstick.

"Despite being quite durable and strong, Applejack is limited to those abilities due to being an Earth Pony. Also, she's...not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Meaning while she certainly isn't an idiot, she is no Twilight Sparkle," said Wizard.

"Don't try and work yer fancy mathematics on me!"

Fluttershy

+Bearer of the Element of Kindness

+The Stare gives her an advantage over some foes

+Can manipulate the weather

+Becomes faster and stronger when determined or angry

-Is an absolute coward

-Not a very good flier unless motivated

"Fluttershy was a Pegasus in Cloudsdale before she literally dropped out, and made Ponyville her official home. She became an animal caretaker, and kept at it even after she became an Element bearer," began Wizard.

Flight:

+Can manipulate the weather

-Cannot fly as well as other pegasi unless provoked

The Stare:

+Instills foes with a sense of fear, making them bend to her will

-Can sometimes fail, as evidenced when Discord laughed it off

"Just like any other Pegasus, Fluttershy can use her innate magic to fly, and manipulate the weather. She also has the stare: an ability where she can make weak minded foes bend to her will," says Wizard

"But the stare can fail against strong minded, like when Discord laughed in her face when she tried to use it on him. Also, she's a complete coward, which works against her a lot of times. The only real times when she accomplishes anything is when she is motivated, or gets pissed off," said Boomstick.

"Um, I'm fluttershy."

Rarity

+The bearer of the Element of Generosity

+The most mature of the group

-More inclined to talk her way out of fights

-Can be very petty

"Ever since Rarity gained her cutie mark after designing costumes for a school play, Rarity started her work as a humble dress maker in Ponyville," began Boomstick.

Magic:

+Telekinesis

+Can conjure clothes(?)

+Can locate precious gems with her magic

-Can't do much else

"Aside from basic magical ability, there isn't much else to say about Rarity. She can locate precious gems, and stole Piccolo's clothes beam for her own use. So...onto the next pony," Boomstick said.

"This is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE THING!"

Rainbow Dash

+Fastest and most agile of the group

+Can fly at speeds up to mach 5

+Double Rainboom doubles speed

+Bearer of the Element of Loyalty

-Very Cocky and boastful

"And here is an opponent we've already seen in the arena. Introducing Rainbow Dash!" said Boomstick.

"We went over some of her abilities in the last episode, so we'll just give a review," said Wiz.

Abilities:

+Weather manipulation

+Rainnuke, which can decimate a barn

+Various other tricks

+Incredible speed

+Sonic rainboom

+Good physique

-Most tricks can only be performed in open areas

"Aside from the abilities we mentioned in Rainbow Dash vs. Starscream, she can also perform the Atomic Rainnuke, which has enough force to decimate a barn," said Boomstick.

"But even with all her speed, she's still cocky, and can't perform well in closed spaces," said Wiz.

"See? 10 seconds flat."

Pinkie Pie

+Bearer of the Element of Laughter

-Can sometimes go off the deep end

"And last but not least we have Pinkie Pie: Ponyville's premier party pony," said Wiz.

"Try saying that ten times fast!" quipped Boomstick.

"Pinkie is...odd. She can break the fourth wall, move at super speed, grab things with her mane, dig tunnels underground in a matter of seconds, pull a cannon out of nowhere, and has a Pinkie sense," said Wiz.

Abilities:

+Pinkie sense allows her to dodge attacks

+Party cannon launches a literal party at opponents

+Can apparently break the laws of physics at times

-Goes off the deep end at times

-Just like spider sense, Pinkie sense can be outdone

"But all her craziness comes at a price: and that is going crazy herself. If something bad happens that involves her friends, she enters a depressed state that the fans refer to as Pinkamena," said Boomstick.

"You know what this deserves? A PARTY!"