DEATH BATTLE

None of these characters or items belong to me. All properties are owned by Hasbro, VALVE, and Screwattack! Music belongs to VALVE.

"Alright, the combatants are set, it's time to end this debate once and for all," said Wiz.

"It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!" shouted Boomstick.

Location: Doomsday Map.

Time: 4:58 PM

The RED team was bored. No attacks had come from BLU today, and they were wondering what was up. Although they were wary, they still enjoyed their day of rest.

Sniper was polishing his rifle, Spy was smoking a cigarette, Medic and Heavy were playing chess, Engineer and Pyro were hanging out, Demoman was drinking his scrumpy, Soldier was admiring his collection of hats, and Scout was tossing his baseball around.

Suddenly, their peace was interrupted by sirens accompanied by a loud voice.

"ALERT! AN UNKNOWN TEAM HAS ENTERED THE AREA!" The announcer said.

The mercenaries sprang to their feet, getting their weapons of choice and running outside to stop whatever had interrupted them.

.  .  .

Twilight and the others looked around, confused about their current location. One minute they had been having a little get together, and now they were in a strange place that they had never seen before.

"Twilight, where are we?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I'm not sure, I've never seen this place before," Twilight responded.

"Do ya think Discord sent us here Fluttershy?" Applejack asked the timid Pegasus.

"I don't think so, he would have let us know he was here if-" Fluttershy said.

Fluttershy was cut off by a loud bang.

"Eep!" she exclaimed. The group of mares looked at where the noise came from and saw the nine mercenaries.

"HALT!" Soldier shouted.

"Uh...What the hell are those things?" Scout asked. "And how did they get here?"

"What are little horses doing at Doomsday?" Heavy yelled at the mane 6.

"Um, we're very sorry sirs, we don't know how we got here, if you'd just show us the way out-" Twilight began.

"I DON'T THINK SO MAGGOTS!" Soldier yelled back. "THIS PLACE IS A RESTRICTED AREA, IF YOU SOMEHOW GOT IN HERE, THEN YOU MUST BE WORKING FOR BLU!"

"What? N-No, what are you talking about?" Twilight asked.

"Da, the horses might be creations of Blutarch," Medic said, completely ignoring Twilight's words.

"Why would Blu send wimpy little horses to fight us? I mean, look at them! They look absolutely pathetic!" Scout said.

"HEY! Who are you calling pathetic?!" Rainbow Dash called out. "If it's a fight you want, then we'll be happy to give it to you!"

"Okay men, let's kill these freaks so I can go back to my hat collection!" Soldier said, pulling out his Rocket Launcher.

"If this is the way you want to settle this, then so be it," Twilight said as she and the others got into fighting stances.

"LET'S DO IT!" Demoman yelled as he took one final gulp of his scrumpy before tossing the empty bottle to the side.

The two groups faced each other, ready for the fight of their lives. Only one group would come out of this alive.

RED Team: 9

Mane Six: 6

FIGHT!

Scout pulled out the Force-a-Nature and ran towards the group of ponies. he double jumped and aimed at Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately for Scout, Rainbow had other plans. In a blur of speed she rammed Scout into the ground.

Scout groaned in pain and looked at the cyan Pegasus in fear. Not only did her hair make him feel like he wanted to cry, but she was even faster than him. HIM!

'I better turn the tables or I'm doomed," Scout thought as he switched to the Sandman.

"Hah! Who's pathetic-" Rainbow began before being whacked upside the head by Scout's wooden baseball bat. "Ow...my head."

While Rainbow Dash shook the cobwebs out of her head, Scout whipped out his Bonk! Atomic Punch and took a sip. The effects were immediate, and Scout was surrounded by a blurry energy. He took off in the direction of the sewer tunnel as Rainbow regained her senses.

"Oh no you don't!" she shouted as she took off after Scout. She kept on bucking him, but it didn't seem to affect him, and the quick human taunted her every time she tried.

"That didn't hurt!"

"Better luck next time!"

"I'm not even winded!"

"SHUT UP!" Rainbow Dash screamed as she attempted to sucker punch him, only for it to fail once again.

The effects of the Atomic Punch wore off, and Scout immediately whacked her with his baseball bat. As she tried to shake off the pain, Scout pulled out a baseball and threw it up in the air.

*CRACK!*

The baseball soared at Rainbow Dash...only for her to dodge.

"Ah crap," Scout said, pulling out the Force-a-nature.

Rainbow smirked, and in a second, she was behind him. She pulled her legs back and gave a vicious buck.

RED Team: 8

.  .  .

After Scout and Rainbow Dash had gone into the tunnels, the rest of the group had also begun fighting. Heavy revved his mini-gun, Demoman shot several grenades, and Soldier fired a rocket.

"Scatter!" Twilight shouted, taking flight. Fluttershy took flight, Pinkie zoomed away at speeds that astounded the humans, Applejack sprinted away from the explosions, and Rarity ran away, not wanting to get any dirt in her mane.

"Move out men!" Soldier shouted, running out into the battlefield. Pyro and Demoman made their way to where the rocket would be, Sniper ran off to find a proper place to snipe, Medic used his Medigun on Heavy, following him out into the battlefield, Spy cloaked and ran out to do what he does best, and Engineer stayed behind.

Engi pulled a large toolbox out of nowhere and set it down.

"Sentry goin up."

.  .  .

Rainbow Dash flew out of the tunnel, looking around for her friends. She noticed Soldier running ahead, and decided she'd take care of him.

"Heh, this'll be easy," she said to herself as she zoomed after him, ramming him in the back.

Soldier got up, shaking off the pain as he glared at the Pegasus.

"Maggot!" he shouted, aiming his rocket launcher at his feet. Rainbow watched as Soldier seemingly blow himself up.

"Heh, what a-"

CRITICAL HIT!

Rainbow Dash was interrupted from her taunting by a hit from the Market Gardener, scoring a critical hit on her. She looked up only for Soldier to hit her with his shovel again. He switched to his rocket launcher and gave a vicious smile.

"This is what happens when you take on a veteran of war!" Soldier yelled. Rainbow came to her senses and flew away from the incoming rocket, avoiding most of the explosion. Soldier switched to his shotgun and tried shooting her out of the sky. Rainbow dodged the shots from the warmonger's secondary and took to the sky. She came back with a black storm cloud and positioned it above Soldier.

Soldier switched back to his Rocket launcher and rocket jumped, tearing through the cloud and causing it to dissipate. Rainbow Dash bucked anyway, hitting Soldier square in the chest. Soldier switched to the Market Gardener and bashed her outstretched leg.

CRITICAL HIT!

Rainbow yelped in pain, her back left leg now broken. Her pain turned into anger, and she turned to face Soldier, ready to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Soldier rocket jumped again, but she was ready this time. She dodged a swing from the Market Gardener and bucked the shovel out of Soldier's grip, and then flew around Soldier as fast as she could, creating a small tornado.

Inside of the vortex, Soldier growled. 'If I'm going to die, then I will take this girly horse with me!' He pulled the pins from the grenades on his chest and shouted, "FOR AMERICA!"

They both exploded into a bloody mess.

RED Team: 7

Mane Six: 5

.  .  .

Heavy and Medic looked up, seeing body parts raining from the sky.

"Looks like Soldier took care of one of the ponies," Heavy said.

"It seems- GAH!" Medic yelled as a ruby embedded itself into his side.

"Doctor!" Heavy yelled, concerned for the wellbeing of his friend. Before he cried out as and emerald was embedded into his left arm.

"You brutes killed Rainbow Dash!" Rarity said to the duo, using her magic to pull several more gems out of the ground.

"And we're gonna avenge her!" Applejack added, pulling Natacha out of Heavy's hands.

Medic growled and activated his Medigun, healing Heavy's injury. Heavy put up his dukes, ready for a brawl.

"Let us wrestle little horse!" Heavy said.

Applejack snorted and pawed the ground with her hoof, Rarity pulled even more gems out of the ground. Applejack charged the large Russian man, letting out a loud bellow of rage. Heavy ran at her as well, meeting her half-way. He threw a punch, but Applejack rolled out of the way and delivered a buck to his arm. Heavy threw another punch, successfully hitting her this time, then followed up with an uppercut.

CRITICAL HIT!

Rarity began launching all of the gems at Heavy, but with Medic there to heal his injuries Rarity wasn't able to do any real damage. She began to pull more gems out of the ground, but a shot rang out, and a hole formed in Rarity's head.

"Thanks for standing still Wanker!" Sniper yelled out as he reloaded his rifle.

Mane Six: 4

"RARITY!" Applejack yelled, horrified that another one of her friends had fallen. Heavy used this distraction to deliver another punch. Medic pulled out the Ubersaw and ran at the vunerable earth pony, stabbing her twice.

Mane Six: 3

Sniper looked around for the remaining three ponies when he found himself surrounded in a magenta glow.

"What the bloody-?" Sniper said before he spontaneously burst into flames. He screamed for a while before falling to the ground.

RED Team: 6

Twilight teleported in front of Heavy, catching the Russian man off guard.

"You killed my friends," she growled. "Now, I'm going to return the favor ." She lit her horn up, preparing to blast her friends' murderers to kingdom come.

.  .  .

Pyro and Demoman had been scouring the map, looking for any sign of the ponies that their teammates hadn't already killed, but hadn't found any sign of them. They had returned to the place where the rocket would normally be and saw Heavy firing his mini-gun at the purple one, who was protecting himself with some kind of force field.

Demoman pulled out his stickybomb launcher, while Pyro pulled out the Scorch Shot, and prepared to fight yet another supernatural being. Suddenly, the ground opened up behind the two. Pinkie jumped out of the hole and put the barrel of the party cannon up to the back of the drunk man's head, blowing it clean off.

RED Team: 5

.  .  .

Fluttershy was curled up in a tiny ball inside the rocky passageways, waiting for the fight to be over. She had heard a lot of loud noises outside, but was confident that her friends could take care of themselves.

She heard a strange noise behind her that sounded somewhat like Twilight's teleportation.

"T-Twi?" she squeaked out. Fluttershy felt a searing pain in her back and collapsed, the last thing she saw being Spy chuckling to himself as he pulled his knife out of her back.

Mane Six: 2

.  .  .

Pinkie jumped over another shot from Pyro's flare gun before using her pinkie sense to avoid the flamethrower. She bucked him in the back and ran to avoid the flames when the masked pyromaniac turned around.

Pinkie ground her teeth together, delivering another buck to his already hurting back. Her mane and tail were now completely flat, her coat of fur a duller shade of pink.

"I'm going to kill you!" Pinkie said as she kicked him in the head.

(Meanwhile in Pyroland...)

Pyro laughed gleefully as he attempted to cover the smiling pink pony with his rainbows. He chuckled as the pony playfully tapped him on the head, continuing to avoid his rainbows. While he was enjoying the game it and the pony were playing, he was getting slightly frustrated that this pony wouldn't let him bathe her in his happiness.

The pony pulled out a water pistol and tried to squirt him, he giggled and began playing her game, dodging the water.

(Back in reality...)

Pinkie growled in frustration as Pyro dodged the party cannon's blasts, chuckling while he did.

As Pyro kept dodging, he noticed Engineer was building a Sentry where the wooden platform met the rocky ground. He flipped a switch on his flamethrower and shot an airblast at Pinkie.

She soared in front of the level three sentry as it finished building.

*BE-BEEP whirr* The sentry pumped Pinkie full of lead before the missiles blew the body up.

Mane Six: 1

"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled. She glared at Engineer and teleported directly behind him and creating a force field. The Sentry spun around and did to Engineer what it did to Pinkie.

RED Team: 4

Twilight used her telekinesis to pick the sentry up and crush it.

Pyro saw Twilight kill Engineer and grunted in anger. "Hudda HUD!"

(In Pyroland...)

Pyro saw a purple Alicorn bullying the Engineer and grunted, he would not allow bullying in Pyroland. He pulled out his bubbles, maybe some bubbles would get her to stop bullying his friend.

(Back In Reality...)

Pyro fired at Twilight with his Scorch Shot. Twilight teleported out of the way, and then shot a magical beam directly through Pyro's body.

"hudda..." Pyro said as he collapsed.

RED Team: 3

"I am fully charged!" Medic yelled. Causing Twilight to turn around.

"You're next!" Twilight yelled, some of the of the hairs on her mane standing up. She ripped Natacha out of Heavy's hands and tossed it out of reach.

"Now Doctor!" Heavy yelled as he put up his fists. Twilight charged up her magic as Medic flipped a switch on his medigun. Twilight fired her strongest blast at the same time Medic activated the ubercharge.

Heavy and Medic were pushed back by the sheer force behind the magic, but no damage was dealt due to them being invincible.

"C'mon..." Twilight growled as she put all her effort into her magic. The beam of magic ceased as a splitting pain filled her head. "AHHHH!" Twilight yelled as blood trickled down her face. She glanced up, and saw that her horn had broken apart. Twilight glanced back to see Spy smirking at her, the Ambassador in his hands.

She looked back at Heavy to see that the ubercharge had wore off, and that he was approaching her with a giant smile. Twilight closed her eyes as Heavy performed the Showdown taunt.

"Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, I'm so sorry," she whispered as Heavy said the final word she would ever hear in this life.

"Pow!" Heavy said as he pointed his finger gun at her, sending the Alicorn princess flying.

Mane Six: 0

"Spy is credit to team!" Heavy exclaimed.

"Thank you, my friend. The outcome never really was in any doubt," Spy said. "Come, the rest of the team has probably respawned already."

The three mercenaries made their way to where their teammates were waiting. Heavy pulled out his Sandvich and began to eat.

"Om nom, Om nom nom nom. Heh, Sandvich," Heavy bellowed as he retrieved Natacha.

K.O.!

Youtube Video

"Oh man! That ending was brutal!" Boomstick said.

"This fight was very close. While the Mane Six held the durability and speed advantage, the ponies have no resistance against the mercenaries' weapons and taunt kills. But on the other hand, their weather manipulation, magic, and all the stuff Pinkie can do gave them an edge. In the end, the Mane Six most likely wouldn't be able to counter the weapons and skills that the RED team has," Wiz explained.

"To start off, Rarity and Fluttershy were doomed from the start. Since Rarity needs time to perform her magic and Fluttershy is a timid coward, both of them are easy pickings for Sniper and Spy. Even if Fluttershy gets better when she's angry, she would most likely be killed before that could happen. And even if Fluttershy used the stare on them, it probably wouldn't work. The only things it did work on were animals, which was shown when Discord laughed when she tried it on him. So I doubt something like that would work on a cold blooded killer," said Boomstick.

"Applejack wouldn't last long against any of the mercs, because even though her kicks can shake trees, these people can take grenades and rockets at point-blank! Her lasso would only delay the inevitable, especially if they are in pairs. Rainbow Dash may have abilities that could end the fight, but her cocky attitude and mindset that humans are much weaker than she would likely get her killed before she would go all out, and would likely be caught off-guard by the seemingly harmless taunt kills," said Wiz.

"While Pinkie's strange abilities give her an advantage, the sight of her friends dying would likely send her into her depressed/crazy state, which would make it harder to focus, making her more prone to being caught off guard. Also, never in the show has it been shown that Pinkie's Pinkie sense can allow her to dodge bullets. And finally, Twilight may be the most powerful of the group, but she would likely turn into crazy Twilight after seeing her friends die; making her less likely to think rationally. Twilight is also an easy target for Sniper, Spy, and even rocket jumping," said Boomstick.

RED TEAM:

+Advantage in numbers

+Weapons can easily wound and kill the ponies

+More combat experience

+Have battled flying/magical opponents in the past

+Work better as a team

-Less durable than the ponies

-Not as fast as the ponies

Mane Six:

+More durable

+Faster

+Magic and flight gives them variety and a mobility advantage

-Less numbers

-Don't work as well as a team

-Have no counter for ubercharge

-Would not expect some of the more bizarre attacks such as the taunt kills or dead ringer

"In the end, the RED Team pwned those ponies," Boomstick quipped.

"The winner is the RED Team."