Haymaker

Wagons and carts pulled by various ponies caused quite a racket throughout most of the day, along this bustling road to Manehatten…but now, it was almost nighttime, and the only sounds to be heard now were the cicadas grating the atmosphere of sunset. Contributing in no small part to this was the sole human marching stoically alongside the princess of love.

They walked without heed to the frightened stares they were receiving from windows and doorways. Ponies slammed closed shutters and doors, emptying the streets. But one figure was hiding for reasons besides fear. The other citizens, in fact, didn’t seem to notice the squatting figure draped with mottled gray robes, although they did have the low evening light working in their favor.

“I don’t understand. He looks safe. Sane. Why can’t I see him?” a voice, coming from everywhere around the figure at once, forlornly whispered.

“It’s not that simple, child,” a second, also omnipresent voice assuaged the first. “Now is not the time for reminding Thomas of what he lost; he must find himself yet again before that. He’s only just left one world, and needs to find his legs in another. The lad doesn’t need any extra stress. Give him time, you’ll see him again.”

The lone figure watched for a few minutes more, then grudgingly limped off into the treeline, disappearing into the Everfree.

*

“So how long are you guys in Ponyville? It’s been too long since the last time we spent any time together…” Twilight asked her forlornly.

Shining looked at the ground, shuffling his hooves awkwardly. “I know, Twily, but…between this secret assignment we’ve been on, and keeping the kingdom running, we’ve just had too much on our plate to come visit. If it wasn’t for Cady’s…clairaudience, or whatever that was, we wouldn’t even have been able to come down here in the first place.”

Twilight nuzzled her brother’s shoulder. “I know, you have responsibilities; I do, too. But I still make time once in a while to visit mom and dad- who, by the way, are going to be delayed just as long as the princesses on their cruise. It shouldn’t be more than a month or so. I know you most likely won’t be able to wait on them, but I thought you should know.”

Shining bowed his head, knowing that his job would more than likely prevent him from welcoming back his parents. As if to confirm his fears, a screech rang out from the window. Shining and Twilight turned to watch Philomena, Celestia’s prized phoenix, come swooping into the library, carrying a parchment in her claws.

Shining Armor unfurled the parchment and began reading, his face falling. “…And apparently Aquilinus can’t keep Puddinghead from stepping on everyone’s hooves at the summit…which wasn‘t supposed to be held for another three days. Cady and I need to return before there’s an international incident.” It was Twilight’s turn to look melancholy, as her hopes for a family reunion were dashed.

Shining hugged her and said “No rest for the weary…” He headed for the door and shot a look over his shoulder. “I’ll try to come back soon, okay? Hopefully before mom and dad get back. Write me if something changes with the monkey, alright?”

Twilight nodded once as her big brother said goodbye and stepped out the door. The unicorn sighed and began organizing books (as Spike was away at a sleepover with Snips and Snails) and spent about half an hour taking inventory, and putting pot of herbal tea to boil, to calm her nerves after a worrying day.

She was stopped abruptly by a knock on her door. Upon answering it, she was faced with her sister-in-law and a very stressed-looking ape-thing. “OMIGOSH-HE’S-AWAKE- I mean…heh…good to see you up and about! Cadence, won’t you please come in?”

Cadence rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “Just stay out here for now.” she said to her companion. “We’ll call you in in a moment.” Cadence stepped inside, ushering the librarian in as well. Closing the door behind her, Cadence started whispering.

“I need you to keep him here tonight, and learn anything you can about him. Please be gentle, though. He’s had a rather rough time lately…and I’m not talking about the construction accident. Try not to pry too much into his personal life, okay?”

Twilight nodded, walking to the door to let her new houseguest in. “Looks like you’ll be staying here for a while! Come on in!” The creature gathered his belongings (retrieved from behind the boutique only minutes ago), and stooped slightly to enter the library. “Gosh, you’re tall…” Twilight mumbled absentmindedly.

“Six-foot-eight.” he responded.

“Wow, you must really like your veggies!” she giggled, smiling brightly. He chuckled and returned the smile.

Cadence, however, laughed a bit louder than was necessary, and said nervously “Hey, Twilight? Have you seen my husband? I thought he’d be here.”

Twilight looked shocked. “Oh my gosh! I think he was heading back to the hospital to get you! He said something about a summit-”

“OH FAUST, THE SUMMIT!!!” she raced out the open door, heading back the way she’d came. The new houseguest closed the door behind her and put his hands behind his back placidly.

“She’ll be fine.” Twilight assured him. “So, introductions! I am Twilight Sparkle.” She held her foreleg out, and he tentatively shook her hoof. “Well, I assume you’re exhausted after the day you’ve had, so how about we have something to eat and get some rest?”

“Thomas Sovereign Cody, at your service. And actually honey, I’ve been out cold all day, so I’m kind of wired…”

She smiled brightly. “Well that makes two of us! We can stay up a while, getting to know about each other’s worlds! But, about dinner, um…I…don’t know how to cook, and I don’t know if there’s anything open nearby, so…leftovers?” she finished sheepishly.

He smiled and said “I’ll handle it. I’m a pretty good cook; just point me to the kitchen.”

She honestly looked horrified. “What? I-I can’t have a houseguest cook for me! That’s would be rude!”

He crossed his arms and looked at her questioningly. “All right, then. What are we having for leftovers?”

“Hay fries and daffodil sandwiches.”

“…Um, humans can’t digest cellulose, and daffodils are poisonous to us.”

Her face fell immediately. “Oh…I’m-I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to ask. Um…what about apples?”

“Apples are just fine.” He grabbed a couple out of a bowl of fruit and tossed one over to her. She caught it expertly with her hooves and took a bite, but almost choked as a shrill whistle cut through the air.

*

“Oh! The tea!” Twilight raced into the kitchen to take the kettle off the stove, and I turned to inspect a few books. The history books, fiction and encyclopedias, while all jumbled together, were written in English. Why not? They speak my alien language, they might as well write it.

But every so often was a strange tome covered in runes that I didn’t recognize. Removing one of the random tomes, I cracked it open and flipped through a few pages. 'Cause that's what you do the minute you wake up on an alien planet. You poke around in stuff.

It was kind of trippy; holographic letters seemed to float off the page, and it kind of hurt my head to look at for very long. I returned the book to it’s original place, and then pulled an atlas out.

After examining an unfamiliar continent for a while, I was interrupted by the sound of liquid pouring. I closed the atlas and replaced it on the shelf, turning to sit down at a table with my hostess.

“I’m sorry, I only have orange tea. I haven’t been to the market yet.” The little teacup floated off the tray, and I absently reached for it before I made the connection.

“Oh, thank y-yi-YAAAHAHA!!!” I yelped, leaping off the cushion and throwing my hands up defensively.

Twilight shrunk back, terror and confusion in her big, soulful eyes. “What!? What?!”

“W-how-f-FLOATING! HOW IS IT-THE THING-...HOW CUP FLY?! WHAT?!”

She looked, frightened and confused, from me to the teacup, then back to me, shrugging her forelegs in a disbelieving fashion. “I-It’s just a simple levitation spell!”

I stood gawking at her for moment, holding my breath, before finally mouthing the word ‘spell’. She stared back at me, looking like she was about to cry. I finally emptied my lungs in a breathless chuckle, a cautious smile spreading over my face as a new and unknown feeling welled up in me. “You have magic?” I almost hissed gleefully.

“…Y-Yes?” she replied carefully.

I put my hands to my mouth, and barely stifled a moronic giggle.

And then my motherfucking brain exploded.

“Omigawd-this-is-the-coolest-thing-that-has-ever-happened-in-the-history-of-forever-I-meet-aliens-and-they-have-MAGIC EEEEEEEEEEHEEEHEEE!” I squealed quietly, wringing my hands and bouncing up and down.

Twilight brightened immediately.

“Omigosh-I-meet-an-alien-and-he-thinks-magic-is-COOL EEEEEEEEEEHEEEHEEE!” she squee’d and started prancing around the room.

‘Cause, I mean, seriously. If you dropped a comic book geek in front of SOMEONE WITH TELEKINESIS, wouldn’t you expect him to dance a jig, too?

After some calming down and a little hugging, we sat on our cushions, facing one another. “How does it work, how does it work?!” I begged gleefully.

“I just concentrate until the mana in my body activates my horn, and picture where the object is and where I want it to go!” she said enthusiastically. For demonstration she closed her eyes for a moment; her horn started glowing with a purple light, and the tea set did as well, right before everything just floated up between us.

The china spun around slowly, dipping and bobbing and weaving a serpentine path around us, before setting back down on the tray. “…What about people? Er, ponies? Have you ever had it used on you? What does it feel like?”

She stopped smiling. “Oh, I could never do that so casually! I’ve only really done something like that to help a friend…or to shut Spike up…”

“Pardon?”

“Oh, nothing!”

“…Look, Miss Twilight, in my world?…Magic is just a myth. Same as unicorns. And winged unicorns.”

“Alicorns.”

“Whatever. Things where I come from don’t just move because you will them to. I-…I need to experience it. Please.” I begged her, staring straight into those enormous eyes.

She shifted uneasily from foot-…hoof to hoof, then finally said “…Well, if you’re sure it’s okay…”

“Twilight, it would be more than okay. It would be close to a dream come true.”

She smiled once again, and said “Hold up your hand.”

I did as she asked, and her horn lit up bright violet- then, so did my palm and fronts of my fingers. It felt like the shocking sensation you’d get from sticking a 9-volt on your tongue, in several moving points on my hand. It felt like glass, smooth and slick, but also…fuzzy? Like a peach. How can something be slick and fuzzy at the same time? Warm like an electric blanket, yet cold and clammy…a brilliant and bizarre kind of synesthesia.

I pushed one finger forward experimentally, and Twilight wrapped her energy gently around it. I slowly pivoted my hand, and she eventually faked up a mock hand of her own, lacing her own ‘fingers’ between mine. I smiled and crooked my head to look at the underside of the aura, poking at it with a finger from my free hand. It went through effortlessly, and all I could feel was my own palm against it.

“Wow…” I breathed. Twilight beamed at me, and for a few scant moments, we simply held ‘hands’ and smiled at each other.

The spell was interrupted by a knock at the door. Twilight stood up and answered the door, whilst I grabbed my cup of tea and tried my damndest to look civilized. Pinkie out, of course.

At the door was a sky-blue Pegasus with a RAINBOW-COLORED MANE (oh god, how fabulous) and an orange normal one with a Stetson on its head (hey, they have the normal ones too, neato).

They both walked merrily into the library, greeting my gracious hostess, but stopped dead in their tracks when they spotted me. I toasted them with my teacup, then resumed sipping at it. The blue one crept closer, anger and caution in her eyes. I turned to look at her for a moment, then gave a short, but polite, “Hello.”

She looked at me for second more, then returned my greeting. “…So, big guy…when’d you wake up?”

I set my tea down and replied “About an hour ago.”

She backed up slowly, giving Twilight a querying look, and said “So, what’s his deal? What is he? Why’s he here?”

Twilight looked flatly at the Pegasus and retorted “I don’t know, Rainbow Dash, we didn’t get that far.”

I involuntarily snorted with laughter. “Your name is Rainbow Dash?”

She glared at me. “What’s so funny? I bet you got a weird name, huh?”

I cautiously extended a hand in peaceful greeting. “My name is Tom.”

She smiled gleefully and chuckled as she shook my hand. “Actually, that name-*snerk*- ‘rocks’!”

The orange one glowered at her. “Rarity said: ‘We shall never speak of that again,’ sugarcube.”

I cast a quizzical look around the room. “Who?” Twilight stated that Rarity was the first pony I met in Ponyville. I asked why she wasn’t present for the introductions, Twilight hesitated.

“What? Did I scare her, or something?”

She nodded sheepishly. “A lot, actually.”

...Oops. Well, then I need to go apologize to the poor dear. I never meant to traumatize her. “I think that I should speak to her tomorrow.”

“I think that would be for the best.” Twilight replied.

We were interrupted my stomach growling loudly. In all the excitement, we had forgotten to eat anything. “Okay, Twilight, seriously? I haven’t had a home cooked meal in almost a decade, and you’ve had a hell of a day, meeting an alien and everything,” -Rainbow and the orange one looked beyond shocked- “I really would feel better if I could fix us dinner, alright?”

The cowgirl spoke up. “Y’all ain’t had some down-home cookin’ in ten years? Oh, now we all have got ta fix that!”

“And I will help.” I interjected. “Guest or not, I’d rather feel useful, and I cook when I’m antsy. It makes me feel better.”

She huffed and replied “Well, I never! What kinda hosts would we be if we had y’all toilin’ over a hot stove? We’re a progressive town, here in Ponyville. We get our stallions out of the kitchen; they can get any a’ the same jobs us mares can, same pay an’ everything! We ain’t no female shahoovinists.”

“‘Chauvinists.’” Twilight corrected.

I stared at them, completely bewildered. “...Wha? What are you talking about?”

The librarian piped up. “On Equus, female ponies have typically been the breadwinners, while stallions stayed home to work the fields and take care of children...after weaning, of course.”

“You mean…in this world, most sexism is…misandrist, instead of misogynist? That’s... different. Look, in my world, females were stereotypically kept in ‘homemaker’ type jobs. Males being in the kitchen and females being employed is progressive, at least in regards to the last century.”

“Well, then it seems we are at an impasse.” Orange stated.

Our stare-off was interrupted by the sound of Twilight’s stomach growling. “As much as I love learning about interplanetary sexual-social dimorphism, WE HAVEN’T EATEN ALL BUCKING DAY!” she yelled over-dramatically, flailing her forelegs in the air.

I sighed, and said “Let’s just do it together, all right?”

She nodded in response, and we walked back into the kitchen to reinspect the fridge. Orange started fixing a fruit salad, while I chopped peppers, onions and potatoes up to make a southwestern-style hash. The smell of peppers and onions pervaded the kitchen, and I started humming to myself. “Hoo-ee! That there smells better ’n apple fritters an’ flapjacks! What d’ya call that?”

I shrugged and told her “It’s just hash browns...? What about you, what are you called?” Not the most subtle (or polite) segue ever, but I was getting a little tired of calling her ‘Orange’ and ‘cowgirl’ in my head.

“Oh, where’s mah head at? We ain’t even been introduced, yet! Name’s Applejack! Put ‘er there, pardner.” We shook forelimbs (violently, might I add) and I repeated my name for her.

“So, Applejack...like the cereal?” Why I thought they would have the brand here, I’ll never know- but my brain doesn’t always go to the most logical place sometimes.

“Ain’t never heard of a cereal with mah name, but we make plenty a’ whiskey.”

“You have alcohol here? Oh, thank god.” She laughed loudly. Within half an hour we had made a presentable dinner for four and carried it out into the common room. We decided to hold off on research until after dinner, instead talking about ourselves and our various friends.

“Well,” Rainbow Dash boasted, “I just happen to be the most awesomest pony in all Ponyville! I spend my time performing amazing aerial acrobatics, and death-defying feats of daring-do! And one day, I’m gonna join the Wonderbolts, the greatest fliers in all Equestria!” she finished with a flourish. Behind her, Twilight and Applejack were perfectly- and silently- mimicking everything Rainbow Dash was doing and saying. It took everything I had not to choke on a piece of pineapple. She must rehearse in front of mirror every day.

They immediately stopped when she turned around, eying them suspiciously. “...Hmm...anyway, my oldest pal would be Fluttershy. She runs an axi- oxy-...Twi?”

“An auxiliary veterinary clinic and wildlife preservation center.”

“Right, that. She’s really good with animals. And then there’s Pinkie Pie. Pinkie is...really lively. And eccentric. But she lives to make ya laugh.”

I smiled. “Sounds like a friend of mine, Markus. He’s from the southeast part of a city called Yonkers- stop laughing, that’s what it’s called- a place called ‘little Italy’; never takes anything seriously, loves to agitate you one minute, act like your best friend the next. I met him in a place called San Francisco; The City by the Bay. We met in a neighborhood called The Mission, but I convinced him to move closer to the restaurant I worked at, the Firewood Cafe, in the Castro.

I was working there, waiting for my cousin- the only other friend I really had. His name is-... WAS Ronaldo Rey. We were going to meet up in Vegas, then plan our new lives in San Fran. We had to leave home af...ter-"

I froze suddenly. I had just realized that I had no idea how these ponies would react to the idea of homosexuality. I knew literally nothing about their culture, nothing about their religions... I mean, yeah, they did take in a completely unknown and somewhat terrifying  creature, giving him room and board, but this place- seemingly parallel in terms of development and language- ...how would they react in this situation? I couldn't simply find out from the subjects, either. What if these few happen to be against persecuting gays, but it also happens to be illegal? What if even mentioning the concept gets me jail time? This wasn’t America, and I had no guarantee of free speech. I wasn't going to stick my neck out based on the hopeful words of a few idealists or social rebels. No, I was going to need to go to the leader of the country, that pink one from the hospital, and- for better or worse- get the legally accepted answer, straight from the horse's mou- er, um...yeah...anyway, best not to say anything for now.

"After...he, uh... had a huge falling out with my father. My father became paranoid and violent, and chased me out of the city." They all looked horrified to hear this revelation, but I pressed on. If I didn't get this out in one go, I might lose my nerve. "So, we trekked halfway across the continent to find some friends of his, who had promised to help us. We got separated along the way, and had agreed to meet up outside the Golden Gate Hotel and Casino, then make our way to Frisco.

But... I could never find him. Those were some big cities; I could have spent the rest of my life searching either one, and even then, there was no guarantee that he had made it that far, so...I went on with my life, as best I could.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked solemnly at each other as Twilight walked over beside me, and put her hoof on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you lost your cousin. It sounds like it’s been a while since you really had a place to call home, huh?”

I smiled at her. “It was years ago. I’ve gotten past it... Let’s, uh...let’s finish the introductions, shall we?”

Twilight nodded and returned to her spot at the table, and told her story. “I am the star pupil of Princess Celestia, and- as you probably already guessed- the librarian here at Golden Oaks. I regularly send reports to her on my studies, and I also help organize several events around town.”

The introductions continued with Applejack. “Ah live at an’ help operate Sweet Apple Acres, th’ apple orchard just outside a’ town. I’ll introduce ya to ma family later.”

“SOME of her family.”Rainbow Dash interjected.

AJ rolled her eyes. “Yeah, alright. SOME a’ mah family. Anywho, y’all already Rarity: she makes clothes for when we dress up all fancy. Her sister runs around with mine, and another little friend a’ theirs, name a’ Scootaloo. They got a club called the Cutie Mark Crusaders; they get inta all kinds a’ mischief, trying ta get their Cutie Marks.”

“Their what, now?”

She pointed to- of all things- her ass. She had some kind of apple-shaped brand, or some kind of ‘tramp-stamp’.

With raised eyebrow, I cautiously asked “...You want little kids to tattoo their butts?”

Well, that was a mistake. All three looked somewhere between horrified and indignant. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK, YOU SMELLY JERK!” Rainbow shouted, getting right in my face. I threw my hands up defensively.

“I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”

That, apparently, was also a mistake. They suddenly recoiled, looking at me like I was on fire. Rainbow was the first to speak: “Whoa...you think...you think we would kill you?”

“I...don’t know?” I said timidly. “Most places I’ve gone, someone’s tried!”

Silence echoed throughout the library. AJ was the first to speak. “What kinda world do y’all live in?”

I glanced back and forth between the three mares, almost hyperventilating. “I-It...it has its up-ups and downs...” I muttered lamely.

Rainbow strode up to me and poked me in the chest, stating in an authoritative tone- albeit not nearly as hostile- “‘It has its ups and downs?’ No way, dude. You aren’t gonna cop-out that easily. I want you tell me. Tell me what your world is like. I want a straight answer, bub. Who controls your weather, who takes care of the wild animals, who grows the rocks... and most importantly: who moves your sun and moon?”

I just stared at her for a few moments. Am I on drugs, or something? I glanced at Twilight and jerked my thumb towards Rainbow. “Is she for real?”

The pegasus furrowed her brow at me, and replied “Of course I’m for real! We gotta be sure you aren’t gonna try and wreck our world, or try to overthrow the princesses!”

“You mean, your world...does all that stuff? You...do all that stuff?”

Twilight just looked at Applejack and shrugged, like this was elementary stuff. “Um...yeah! Not to be rude here, but, duh.” They both just chuckled.

“Well, in my...universe, I guess-” since, y’know, screw physics- “all that stuff just happens on its own. Well, except the rock thing. That’s just silly. They get smaller, not bigger. It’s called ‘erosion’.” I tried to keep the snark out of my voice, honest.

No, really. I did.

Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes. “We know what erosion is, smart flank. What, do you live in the Everfree?”

“Well, since I’ve never heard of that place, and I’m pretty sure I already mentioned the whole ‘alien’ thing, I’m gonna have to say no.”

Rainbow started to open her big yap up to say something else, but Twilight cut her off. With an entirely appropriate hoof-to-the-mouth. “I think what Rainbow Dash is trying to say is: There is a large forest east of Ponyville, housing all manner of odd creatures. Everything within works of its own accord, unlike the rest of the world. In your world, there must be similar areas. Did you happen to live in one of them?”

I just stared. “...Twilight, I don’t know how to break this to you, but the ENTIRE world was like that. The whole thing.”

She just stared at me. Applejack cut in with “An Everfree planet?! Gosh, sugarcube... ah don’t rightly know what to make a’ that. How’d any y’all survive, just magic n’ wings?”

“...Um.”

“You... ya aren’t serious. Ya can’t be. No wings r’ magic, either?! What’d you do ta th’ monsters? Throw tomatoes at ‘em?!”

“We...built machines. Fortresses. Rallied armies. There were no ‘monsters’, nothing more ferocious than tigers. We quickly outpaced a cruel, beautiful, unforgiving and bountiful world. Soon, we didn’t have anything left to fight but each other. We climbed so high up the food chain, that we left it completely.”

“You’re carnivores?!” Dash interrupted, her wings flaring. She looked ready to beat my ass.

“Omnivores. And we didn’t start out that way! But an ice age or two with almost no other food to go around kinda drove us into it. I personally don’t care much for meat, but it beats starving to death. I’ll keep to a vegetarian diet if it bothers you, but I do need b12 from something.”

Twilight marched over and put a hoof on my shoulder. “Relax, we have other carnivores in town, like Gustave le’Grand. I have a pet owl, Rarity has a cat, and Applejack’s got a dog. We aren’t going to have a problem with what you eat. Rainbow’s just being overcautious, as usual. You eat what you need to to stay healthy.”

Rainbow glared at me and whispered “You know...I just remembered that I’ve got weather detail in the morning. See you later...especially you.” With this last quip directed at me, she flew out the window in a huff, leaving the three of us staring awkwardly at each other. Or, y’know, our feet.

Applejack was the first to break the silence. “Don’t worry none, sugarcube. Ah’m sure she’ll come around...eventually... Anywho, ah’d better git back ta th’ farm, ma chores ain’t gonna do themselves.” She hugged Twilight, then trotted out the door.

Twilight levitated the dishes into the kitchen, and I found myself following her like a lost puppy, staring at the magic aura around the plates. Once I got interested in something, it was hard to let it go. We got in the kitchen... and Twilight simply amazed me. Dishes were floating all around the room, being wiped down by airborne sponges. I ran my fingers through my hair, reveling in the mysticism of the event. “Good God... holy...wow...”

She giggled, a beautiful sound that perfectly punctuated the wonder before me. “If you get that worked up over a dish-washing charm, I can’t wait to see what you say about the vacuuming one.”

I abruptly sat down beside her, dizzy with glee, and looked her straight in the eyes. “Twilight...you are the most amazing person I have ever met in my entire life.” She smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head, blushing bright as the sun.

“Um...y’know, Rainbow is much cooler than me; you should have seen her at the Tornado Tourney last summer! She broke the sound barrier while passing through a thunderhead! She sent iridescent lightning bolts all over Trottingham airspace! And...y’know...I’m sure she’ll grow to like you after she gets over this whole ‘carnivore’ thing.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” I questioned as we returned to the common room. “She seemed to take humans eating meat as a personal offense.”

“Well...an old friend of hers showed up four years ago, and the first thing she asked was if Dash wanted to go on a hunting trip.”

I cringed. “Yeah, that...does not seem like something ponies would be interested in. At all.”

“Dash was sickened, but gave her a pass, cause her father was the kind of guy to force her to hunt for her dinner. The whole time she was here, however, she badmouthed and bullied our friends, terrorized the townsfolk, and even stole food! It all came to a head with her blowing up at a welcoming party for her, and Dash kicking her out.

But that wasn’t all...there was a pastry chef, I mentioned him earlier? Gustave le’Grand? There was a baking contest in the capital, and Gustave tried to let one of our friends lose her job when, on the train ride to Canterlot, each of the entries were half eaten! It turned out that most of the contestants were responsible, so they worked together to make just one entry with what they had left.”

“That sounds like it ended rather amicably. How would that contribute to her hating carnivores?”

“Well...after the contest, he moved into Ponyville and started his own restaurant...serving meat. He made some kind of Prench meat pasty and told her it was vegetarian.”

“Ick. Sounds like a jerk.”

“When she found out about it, she got so sick that she missed tryouts for the Wonderbolts. She kinda blames meat-eaters for losing her oldest friend, then a chance at her dreams. Please don’t bring it up around her, either. It’s really a sore spot.” We were quiet for a while, until Twilight, yawning, glanced at an old grandfather clock, her face falling. “Have we really been talking all night? It’s one in the morning!”

“Yikes... maybe I should let you get some sleep. I’ll stay up a while and browse. Still got plenty of energy, for some reason.”

She rubbed her eyes, nodded, and gave me a hug before slowly ascended the stairs. Let’s see...star charts...well, might as well figure out where the hell I am. I grabbed a few and spread them out on the desk. As I scanned the papers, an odd, errant thought entered my head.

Ponies can't eat daffodils, either!