Thieves files: The Keystone

December 16: Equestria/Several hours after Ace's arrival

So...yeah. I got knocked out by a talking horses....ponies...whatever the hell they called themselves. It's at times like that, I sometimes wished I never touched that fuckin' hunk of metal. That happens quite often actually. Then again if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met her...That gorgeous, Orange Mare...But I'll get to that momentous event in my life later. Right now, your probably wondering what happened to me after that little bitch, Celestia knocked me out. What? Who the Fuck doesn't get annoyed when a pony takes a cheap shot from behind? But yeah, I got knocked out...by a giant Unicorn with wings. You can imagine how well my day went after that.

So I woke up lying on what appeared to be a small wooden cart. Oh yeah, this land doesn't appear to have a cart that's human sized. No, I was lying on a cart that was way to frigging small for me, with my boots hanging off the edge and my head lolling off the other side. With my mouth hanging wide open. Embarrassing. But, yeah, when I opened my eyes, all I could see was the underside of...I'm not even going there. Anyways I was surrounded by...guards-ponies. God-dammit I can't believe that's actually what they say here. I digress. Yeah I was being pushed along a corridor lined with what appeared to be several torch brackets, instead of the modern bulb lights. Lined along the walls were several stone columns, each standing next to a large stained glass window. Six of these strange ponies surrounded me, each shooting nervous glances. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the ponies were all wearing golden armor, covering their main bodies and heads, with holes for their ears.

"Keep focused rookies." Barked a male voice. Craning my head, I could see another stallion standing in front of the cart. The stallion had white fur and a navy blue mane and tail. What appeared to be a...a shield with a purple star tattooed on its flank. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind tattoos but...tattooing a horse with a shield. Who already has a navy-blue mane and tail. It was at that point that I also noticed that the leading Stallion had a horn. A fuckin' Unicorn was leading this group of ponies. At the time I thought I was on a bad acid trip...I mean, could you really blame me? "This thing attacked Celestia." The Leading Stallion said, turning his head from side to side edgily. The Stallion had a deep, commanding voice that belied the twinge of fear lacing his tone. "Listen Rookies," The stallion said turning to address his troops the commanding tone returning to his voice. Then the stallion's blue eyes widened. He'd seen I was awake.

The leading Stallion stopped and the cart crashed into him. I was standing immediately, my twin hidden blades springing into my hands. What? Which self-respecting thief doesn't have twin long-knives hidden up their sleeves. Tell you what though, they fuckin' hurt if you stick them in the wrong way...that came out way better in my head. Anyways...yeah I jumped up from the cart, blades-a-swingin', taking out two of the guards. Unprepared, the two rookies folded forwards, blood streaming from gashes in their forelegs, their tendons slashed. Three of the horned ponies sprang, their spears stabbing towards me. Knives are great for close range combat, though in my infinite stupidity, I didn't realize that they weren't so great when ponies half your size are stabbing massive-fucking spears at you.

A bolt of pain shot up my arm as one spear skimmed across, the edge of the blade tearing through the fabric and carving a thin wound. A second strike caught me through the left shoulder. Now I want you all to know, I did NOT cry out like a little girl. What? I fuckin' didn't. It hurt like Fuck though. Pulling myself off the spear tip, I took a wild swipe at the attacking guards, knocking one sideways into the wall before another of the guards spears caught me across the side. Blood sprayed from the wound and my daggers fell from my slippery hands, clattering to the floor. Knowing I was rapidly losing ground, not to mention a large amount of fuckin' blood, I grabbed one of the injured guards, lying on the floor, snaked my arms around the pony's neck and drew the stallion against me. A difficult feat, whilst I was tryin' to cup one hand against my side wound, in an attempt to stem the bleeding. The guard squirmed, groaning weakly. The Blue-maned captain stepped forward as I backed up against one the stained glass windows, his ice-blue eyes narrowed.

"Listen to me creature." The Unicorn snarled, his horn beginning to glow a strange violet color. To my surprise, one of the discarded spears lifted itself off the floor and began to float towards me, the metal tip dripping with my blood. "Release my comrade." The Unicorn demanded, the spear jabbing closer. With each hoof-step the Unicorn took, I took a step back. My vision was fading fast, my bloody arm was slipping off my prisoners armor. "I can promise you anything," The Leading Stallion said, just as my back hit the window. "Healing for the wounds. I apologize for my trainee's actions," I chocked out a laugh, and was rewarded with a stab of pain, flecks of blood staining the air. I just found it so funny that they'd attacked me, knocked me out and treated me like a pin-cushion for spears...and he was apologizing whilst I had one of his men hostage. "Just. Put. My. Rookie. DOWN!" The leading stallion said jerkily. I smiled weakly, feeling my grip fail.

"Sorry Asshole." I said, noting the leaders pupils tightening. "I'm dead already." I gave a twist. There was a nasty snapping noise and the guard I'd been holding fell to ground, his front leg twisted and broken, howling with pain. The leader shouted and the spear jabbed forwards. "See you in hell, Ass-hol," I didn't even get the chance to finish as the spear, carried forward by the leaders...magical hold and empowered by the Leading Stallions rage, caught me square in the shoulder. The glass window behind me smashed. And then I was falling. Falling through whirling blackness until, with a sickening crunch and a blinding flash of pain I struck something and blacked out

So I think it's about time I explained something about myself. Yeah, for a master thief I don't have great reflexes when falling from a great height, I have a tendency to either fall on my ass or on my head. Plus, for a Master thief, I seem really bad at getting out of sticky situations, such as the one you've just heard about. I'm cornered, injured and on the verge of being killed. So what the hell do I do? I take a fuckin' hostage, break the damn pony's leg and then get myself thrown off the side of god-knows where...while getting stabbed with a frickin' spear. But yeah that Shit happened.

I really can't tell how much time had passed until I woke up but when I did, I found I was lying on rocky ground, covered in small cuts and bruises. Pulling my head groggily up from the large pool of blood that accumulated around me, I looked around, trying hard to see where I'd fallen through blurry eyes. I was lying in what appeared to be a small forest, each tree devoid of leafs. I hurt. All over. Struggling to raise my body up into a sitting position drew on a wave of agony, more blood spraying from the rips and tears in my clothes. The stuff already encrusted on my clothing cracked and flaked off, mingling with the pool of fresh blood upon the ground. I staggered to my feet, struggling to hold my vision straight. The brown trunks of the trees flickered and blurred, mingling together.

"Where is that piece of Buck!?" Shouted a voice. I looked up. Through my blurry vision, I could see a blank expanse of deep-blackish blue sky, with what appeared to be a large collection of towers, connected by bridges and...a castle anchored to the side of a giant mountain. Upon closer inspection I could see that the sky was dotted with several winged shadows. Pegasuses. Swearing to myself under my breath, I staggered forwards, slipping on the blood-spattered ground, trying hard to focus on where I was going. I could here shouts coming from behind me, coupled with loud thunks. Something whisked past me and I froze, staring at the object sticking up out of the ground. It was an arrow. The thing had been fired with such force that it was still quivering.

My hesitation cost me as something smashed into my shoulder, piercing through my shoulder again and hitting the ground. A second arrow had struck me through one of the tears in my clothing. Stumbling on, trying hard to keep myself from passing out again, I continued my mad rush, hearing the loud impacts of arrows crashing into the ground around me....that's when my foot left the ground and continued, straight down. I run straight to the edge of a cliff. No...a more accurate term might've been, I'd run straight off a cliff. The last thing I saw was a large blue something rushing up towards me. Then, for the third time that day, something smashed into me and I passed out.