Kentucky Derpy

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, it's a beautiful day here at Churchill Downs, and as always, I am Charles Wicket, and to my right is Bill Finley. Looks like a good day for the races, wouldn't you say Bill?"

"Oh yes, it's a beautiful day here. The-"

"Thank's Bill, anyway there's been a few minor races already, and if you had missed them, you can check the paper tomorrow for those results. Anyway, the betting cages are all now closed, and the horses are lining up at the starting gate. Stu Chan is our favorite for today, Assault is in there, Safety Pin has been scratched, Dog Biscuit is three to one, and at the worst odds at twenty to one is Beetle Bomb."

"And now it looks as if we are getting the final signal to start the race, yes, there's the bugle blast, and THERE THEY GO! Coming right out of the starting gate is Stu Chan, followed closely by ARRRG, and Cabbage is just behind up on the rail, Banana is taking fourth, and the rest of the pack is sticking close, and finally just out of the starting gate, is Beetle Bomb."

"Now we're coming up to the first turn, Stu Chan is still up in first, Cabbage is second by a head,"

"Cabbage by a head?!"

"Thank's Bill, and Beautiful Linda is third, and Beetle Bomb is in the first stretch."

"Coming out of the first turn, Dog Biscuit is in first, with Lady Avalon in a close second, Banana is coming up through the bunch,"

"Banana bunch! Ha! Oh you kill me,"

Quiet Bill, and now, Beetle Bomb is last, with Apartment House in second, with plenty of room. Stu Chan is now in first again with ARRRG in third, and Fly Paper sticking to the wall.  Assault is passing Battery,"

"Assult and Battery!"

"Quiet you, and now they are coming around the final turn into the home stretch. ARRRG has taken the lead, yes it's ARRRG, Followed by Banana, Now it's Apartment House getting an eviction from third by Late Rent.  And taking up the rear is Beetle Bomb."

"Now it's Stu Chan, followed by ARRRG, Pressed For Time is running behind, and in last place by ten paces is Beetle Bomb. It looks close ladies and gentlemen, It's Stu Chan, it's ARRRG, it's now Cabbage. The race is almost over, and it looks like- MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"I don't know if you just saw that Bill, but there was a very bright flash of light that has just appeared on the track, closely followed with a very loud noise that has spooked some of the horses. There's pandemonium on the track as the jockeys try to get their horses to continue the race. "

Judges are looking into the track, there seems to be some sort of a commotion, and wait, where did that horse come from? Ladies and gentlemen, if you are at home listening to this you simply won't believe what has just happened. it appears that a small grey and blond horse is running on the track with no jockey."

"Nobody seems to know where it came from, but it did look like it came out from that light that spooked the horses temporarily, the race is continuing but there's a judge holding up a signal to stop.  I don't believe what I'm seeing do you Bill?"

"No Charles, I don't. The small grey horse is pulling through the thicket of racers like they were standing still. It looks confused."

"Right you are, it's looking around and seems to be wearing goggles of some sort. Now it's passing ARRRG, and is decidedly in the lead of the pack, the judge is calling a no contest, and telling everyone that the race is a no contest, but they are still running to pass the, wait a minute."

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"Ladies and gentlemen, the newcomer on the track has spread, wings. Yes, wings, and is now flying across the finish line and now is headed to the judges stand. Bill, I'm feeling a headache coming on, get me my aspirin powder. The race is over, and declared a no contest by the judges. This is Charles Wicket, letting you know that betting tickets will be refunded, and if you are listening to this on air, there will be more information from this station as soon as it's available."