The hero arrives
In a world of magical lesbian ponies there exist some evils that not even gay pride beams can stop a hero will rise, but not out of a sense of justice this man is a hero for fun.

Saitama was just busy making his rounds in city Z he became class S rank one after his most recent fight, putting all the other hero’s to shame. Genos had achieved rank 3 but he could not surpass blast who was formally rank one.
Saitama was about to return to his apartment as something and grabbed him and threw him into a building. As he waited for the next attack he contemplated what day it was, it was Saturday; sale day. He jumped to his feet but just as he was about to run to the store he fell into a hole that appeared where he once stood.

Equestria: lyra pov

All was well today in ponyville, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, a human was falling out of the sky and the town wasn’t on fire… wait what. Back up a human just fell out of the sky and landed in town square.
Now as the only pony who believes in humans your more than happy to run full speed towards the smoking crater. As you approached the human stepped out of the crater mumbling something about dirt in its special place.

“Hello what is your name human?” you ask it.

“huh, oh you can talk that’s weird” it says with enough boredom to fill a room. “my name is saitama and I’m a professional hero as of a few weeks ago.”

“nice to meet you, my name is lyra heartstrings could you come back to my house for a little bit, I need to ask you some questions.” You ask.

“no that’s weird, your weird.” He says almost taken aback by your request “ where am I, this isn’t city Z and that’s the last place I remember.”
You don’t know what a city z is but you are going to help him get back “your in equestrian, more specifically ponyville.”
He rubbed his chin with his hand and said “are there any villains here?”
Why would he want to know that, is he planning on fighting them? “no but there are some scary monsters in that forest over there.” You turn your head and point to the forest but when you turn back its gone. “That’s weird I wonder if he can teleport?”

Everfree forest: saitama pov

Nothing in this forest could put up a fight, already you have killed a strange scorpion tiger, a fruity river dragon, and a hydra. All. In. one. Fucking. Punch. So he decided to head back to the town and get some food or money to buy food, either way he was hungry.
On his way back to town he decided to take trophies off of the corpses of the monsters, maybe they had bounties he could cash in on. In the end he had a purple scale a scorpion tale and hydra spike. Little did he know that these items would only sully his reputation in among the inhabitants.

Upon arrival a pink pony appeared in front of him faster than he could react, that was bad.

“Oh a new pony is in town, but I guess you’re not a pony are you? What are you some kind of hairless monkey?!” she asked but before he could answer she started up again “who cares about all of that anyway I can’t wait to throw you a party!” a party meant food, he liked food.

“What time should I be there?” he asked with no real interest.

“7 o’clock sharp” she said before running off.

“Those things are weird.” Our hero said before walking towards the smell of food.

Food stall: food stall guy pov

It was a long day and you were just about to get off work when a strange creature sat down in an empty stool, nopony else was eating right now so it was just you and him.

“h-hello sir would you like a menu?” you asked somewhat nervous at this creature’s appearance.

“Sure but I should warn you, I probably don’t have any money from this area so will this do as payment?” he said as he placed a river serpent scale on the counter.
The only thing running through your mind was how did he get something so valuable and why was he offering it for food.

“Sure but that scale is too valuable to give you change for it, so how about you can eat free here anytime you want?” you said. It wasn’t a lie because that scale could pay for a whole new restaurant and a lifetime supply of bits.

“That’s sounds great so I won’t question it.” He said. He reads over the menu and ordered a sandwich without the flowers.
“coming right up” I said and started making his sandwich, all the while other ponies began to slowly crowd around the stall trying to observe him.

“Isn’t that the thing that fell out of the sky today?” a mare asked somepony

“Yeah I think it is, why is it still here?” another replied.

“I don’t know maybe it want to eat us?” a rainbow haired mare said.

“Leave him alone It probably just wants to eat in peace!” A mint colored mare yelled at the crowd.

“Who cares its clearly some freak with no fashion sense.” A white mare that reminded saitama of marshmallow.

I passed him his sandwich and he started eating it with gusto. Then all of a sudden a rotten tomato was thrown at him. It smeared all over his suit and probably stained it. He set his sandwich down and stood up and began to yell.

“What the fuck is wrong with all of you, I just came here to eat some goddamn food and you fuckers had to ruin it and my suit. This is a one of a kind suit you know!” his fist was raised into the air as if preparing to attack the crowd. But before he could lower his hand the crowd began to throw things at him and some of them were pushing him against the stall.
I was stunned, what could he do, on one hoof he didn’t want to hurt the creature but on the other one he does look really scary. So he closed the flap on his shop and just went home.

Saitama pov

These bastards, they ruined my suit and they had to pay. But first I’m going to finish my sandwich. I grabbed the sandwich and ate the rest in a single heroic bite.

“Now who is gonna pay me for my god damn suit?!” nobody stepped up. “Fine but if anybody ask I’m saying the freaks from ponyville did this to me!” I yelled and stomped off angrily into some nicer looking woods, out of the corner of my eye I saw a golden chariot come down from the sky in town.

“Probably nothing.” I said to myself. As I walked into the forest.

Lyra pov

“Those jerks, making him mad for no good reason and causing him to run off like that” you say to yourself. He looked like he was heading to white tail woods so she should be able to find him before dark.
After a about an hour of searching you just can’t seem to find him so you decide to head back for the night because it’s gotten dark but just as you turn around you spot multiple pairs of yellow eyes moving towards you. Timberwolves never go into whitetail woods, it’s the only place that isn’t effected by the everfree. The Timberwolves move forward and you book it towards ponyville, you know you’re not fast enough but maybe if you draw attention to yourself somepony can save you.

Saitama pov again

This sucks you’re lost and your suit is still ruined. You ran into the forest to avoid the ponies but it’s gotten dark and now you don’t know what to do. So you decided to try and find a way back to that little village and sleep in an alley or something. You stop at a clearing to contemplate what you should do but before you can do anything you hear a shrill scream in the distance accompanied by bright green flares.
You break into a sprint and before you know it your in another clearing with a pony and some weird wolf creatures. The pony seems relieved that someone came to its aid (was it a girl or a boy, it’s hard to tell) and took a defensive stance.

“Don’t worry I got this just stay behind me.” You say heroically. The wolves make their move but they are no match for your normal consecutive punches and are wiped away immediately, along with part of the forest behind them.

“Wow your strong, I’ve never seen anypony do anything like that before.” She exclaimed.

“That’s because I’m not a po- what time is it?” you ask suddenly remembering an invite to a party.

“I think it’s about 6:30pm why?” she asked
Shit you might be late now. “a pink thing told me to meet her at 7oclock sharp, something about a party.” You pause to clean dirt out of your special place. “do you know where I could find her?”

“Oh you mean pinkie pie, yeah just look for the building in town that’s looks like a gingerbread house ok?”

“Yeah, thanks I don’t want to be late.” I said as I began walking towards town.
After a while of walking through the town started realizing that these ponies were either very poor or very far behind on technology, probably both. I finally found the building mentioned by the green pony and knocked on the door. A somewhat tall lanky yellow guy opened the door and said to come in.

“So how do you know who I am?” I asked the guy

“pinkie told us about you, and to tell you your party isn’t here but in the big tree near the center of town.” He said pointing his hoof at the window.

“Oh, ok well I’ll be going now.”

“Come back soon and buy lots of cakes!” a female voice said from the back room.

“You got it” I said as I walked out.
Walking towards the tree he pointed at I could see that the lights were on and the dull beat of music. I walked up to the door and opened it. Immediately confetti and streamers assaulted my vision.

“WELOCOME TO PONYVILLE!” the pink one screamed into my ears. “What’s your name!” she said while bouncing.

“I’m saitama, saitama the hero.” I said taking a stance.

“Wow we don’t get many heroes in town these days that’s great.” She said and walked off to the party.
I looked up at the banner and it said super double welcome to ponyville party. So I turned to someone and asked them “hey is anyone else supposed to be here?” they turned around and jumped back but once they realized I was harmless she said.

“Yeah but she is cooped up in her room and won’t leave.”

“Shame, but parties aren’t for everyone I guess.” I said and started to eat some of the food left on the table.
Sometime later
The party was starting to wind down and the ponies were talking about some kind of celebration so I followed a few of them to what seemed like a town hall but was just a big room with a stage on it. After waiting for a while the started talking about some princess named celestia and how she was going to raise the sun. I thought that was crazy buy maybe in the universe there are some creatures that can put up a fight. The thought excited me.

“And now, welcome princess celestia!” a curtain opened up and nothing was there.
I whispered to a purple pony standing near me “hey is it invisible?”

“No I don’t know what’s happening but it can’t be good” she said.

“Ok, if you need help my name is saitama, the hero.” I said raising a fist heroically.

“Thanks but I don’t think I’ll need help.” She said with a matter of fact tone.
After some minor panic the purple on ran back to her tree fort and a blue one with wings followed her. I decided to follow her too who knows maybe ill get to fight a villain.
So after trailing them back to the house I saw a few other ponies inside now talking about a castle in the woods and how gay pride was the only way to stop the spooky night time.
I went back to the bakery and asked them about the castle, they seem hesitant at first and then told me where I could find it. I took a different path that the one she gave me because she said everything else it to dangerous. I want to know what it feels like to be in danger again. I encountered another manticore and obliterated it. Much to my dismay these things weren’t stronger than your average purse snatcher.

Twilight pov

We started making out journey through the everfree forest and after almost falling to our death we found a manticore corpse with a massive hole in its chest nearly separating it from its lower body it died recently but animals were already feasting on its corpse.

“What could have happened, im sure he wasn’t trying to hurt anyone” fluttershy said as she shed a small tear for dead creature.

“I don’t know but whatever it is was really strong.” Applejack said “nopony could have done that to a manticore, now even mah brother with his legs.”

“Let’s just move on everypony” twilight said wanting to get away from the corpse.
A few moments later they encountered a river with a slight red tint to it.

“You think its poisoned twilight?” rainbow asked with concern.

“No, look up stream” i pointed towards a purple scaly figure stretched from one side of the river to the other. It was some kind of river monster but it had the same holes in it same as the manticore, only they were bigger and there were more of them.

“The poor creature, its scales were so shiny as well.” Rarity said. Upon further inspection she realized that only a single scale was missing from it body. “Hey, didn’t that tall ruffian have a purple scale earlier today?”

“I think your right rarity, maybe he did this.” Rainbow said examining the body from above.

“How could he have done anything like this, it just doesn’t make sense.” i said rubbing my temple.

“Well whatever happened we have a bridge across now so let’s just go already.” Applejack said and began to walk over it.
After a few more minutes of walking we found the castle and a rickety bridge. We began to cross it when we noticed flashes up purple like from the castle, so we got across as fast as possible and ran in. it took a few flights of stairs and hallways but we finally found the throne room and what we saw made our draws drop and our hearts stop.
The naked ape in the costume was being bathed in dark magic from nightmare moon, damaging the area behind him, but he didn’t look hurt at all.

Saitama pov

Im not sure who this pony is but she is way bigger than the other ones, more like a horse really. But before I could talk to her she shot black energy stuff at me. It didn’t really do much but I couldn’t say anything because it was too loud.

“foolish creature, trying to challenge the great nightmare moon in her own castle will be your last mist- wait why aren’t you dead yet?!” she angrily screamed and stopped her assault for a moment.
This is my chance “because you didn’t hit me hard enough that’s why” wait what did I just say im trying to talk to it not incite it.

“YOU INSOLETE BEING!” she roared and began her assault once more, this time using more energy and damaging the area around me. I checked my suit to make sure it wasn’t being burned off because that would be bad and it was fine, only now the stain was gone. I was very happy, in the process of trying to kill she cleaned my suit.
I walked out of the beam and said “thanks for cleaning my suit, I didn’t think that stain would come out.” Just as I said that she began shooting be again and the ponies who went Into the forest finally arrived.

“Saitama are you ok?!” pinkie exclaimed.

“Yeah this is nothing, she doesn’t even hold a candle to boros.” I said.

“How are you not being hurt by her magic?!” twilight said behind her shield.

“its pretty weak so that probably helps.” As I said that the magic stopped and I looked back at the spooky horse. “So are you done being evil now, I want to leave, I got more dirt in my special place” I said pointed towards my belt buckle.

“NOT BY A LONG SH-“ was the last thing she said as a giant hole appeared in her chest, coating the wall with blood a viscera.

“I didn’t want to do that because I knew you weren’t even close to strong, even mumen rider could have beaten you.” I said to nobody, meanwhile the ponies standing near the stares had passed out for some reason and a new whit horse was walking through a door. She stopped upon seeing the corpse of nightmare moon.

“What did you do to her?” she asked in a deadpan voice.

“I punched her, she was being evil and stuff so it was the only choice I had.” I said. Her mane began to change colors from gross pastel colors to bright fire.

“You cannot be forgiven, now turn to ash!” she yelled and fired a beam of nuclear fire out of her horn at me. I easily sidestepped It and said.

“Wow that could have messed up my suit, please stop doing that you’re burning the forest.” Meanwhile the other ponies had got up and grouped up around twilight's shield. It was the only thing keep them alive in the firestorm.

“Please stop doing that you’re going to hurt those poor ponies over there, it looks like the purple ones shield is about give doesn’t it?”
This seems to have calmed her down to the point where she is now sobbing on the floor apologizing to someone named Luna. Who was Luna, I don’t think it was the spooky horse that was calling herself nightmare moon.

“Listen I don’t know what I did but im sorry is there anything I can do to help you?” I asked slowly inching towards her.

“There is only one thing you could do for me.” She said.

“Yes what is it?” I asked standing in front of her now.

“Since the elements were not activated at this time they will forever be useless, so you need to protect equestria with your power in their place.” She said looking at some stone balls near the throne.

“Do I get paid?” I asked

“You can have anything you want, just please don’t hurt any of my citizens.” She said tears still streaming down her face.

“Ok sounds like a deal” I extended my arm to give her a handshake but realized she has no hands

“I’m familiar with that greeting” she said and shook my hand with her hoof.

“So what were these elements of gay pride or whatever you called them?"

Author's Note

this is literally shit posting, its not ironic and its not funny. but im probably gonna b8 so many of you horsefuckers in here. i haven't even seen the show i just thought this might cause a few keks. (side not) it took an entire day for the mods to make a point about the way i spaced the paragraphs. anyone but me could have realized that word dosent format for spacing when you copy and past shit.