What If...by TheMajorTechieChaptersTwilight got a bad grade?Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Twilight literally screamed her head off?Holy heckin' heck?the author has entered another writing hiatus after burning himself out?Techie done diddly did a slep?Big OOF!?♧☆●□~?the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment sectionall the earth ponies' hooves got stuck together?Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself?Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid?Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT!Story pitch: At the Edge of ForeverStory pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuffStory pitch: Manufacturesomepony teleported bread?A bot wrote this chapter?420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again?Surprise mid-hiatus update because the author is bored and actually has a tiny bit of free time in the middle of the night again?Story pitch: Worlds ResetSweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle?Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)?I can try?HTML test thing?Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again)100 word slashfic ship for Super Trampoline?Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset?Starlight Glimmer never held a grudge?Sombra chose a better path? (Early timeline)Potatoes Ruled the Earth?Smartphones Existed in Equestria?Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species?Gummy Could Talk?Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions?Pinkie Pie became an alicorn?Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals?Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker?Equestria was OP?Twilight's mind was screwed over by Celestia?Queen Chrysalis was one of the Mane Six?Flurry Heart was replaced by Chrysalis' heir?A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria?Fluttershy was a park ranger in the Everfree Forest?Twilight was Luna's daughter?The author was too busy to write a chapter so he wrote a joke instead?A raging sh*t demon happened?The Mane Six became the Mane Five?the CMC went to different mares in the Applewood Derby?this story was a horribly written self-insert?Equestria was taken over by inanimate objects?There aren't any more ideas floating in my head for What If?King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something?Spike stayed at the Dragon Lands?Rainbow Dash reported the Wonderbolts behavior to Princess Celestia?the author felt lazy and wanted to spend his four-day weekend watching youtube?Ponies ruined the Royal Changling Wedding?Queen Chrysalis replaced Shining Armor instead of Cadance?Everypony (except Sweetie Belle) was a robot?every Princess was Trump?Snips and Snails were alicorns and Fluttershy was rober?Rainbow Dash was a unicorn?Fluttershy was interrogated?The author forgot what he wanted to write for the next chapter but knew that it was something hilarious?Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder?Applejack was an Alicorn?the author took a long, hard look at the earlier chapters?The author discovered BBCode icons?the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses?The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM?Spike took Twilight on a date?Text size was directly related to volume?the author decided to watch youtube and read comics instead of using their free-time after the competition to do something productive?Bleglhsjxowvjcpsjwvwicowva buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter?Spike was a dog in Equestria, and a dragon in the EqG world?Rainbow Dash worked at Starbucks?The author had homework to do?Starlight Glimmer the human in a "very" convincing costume came to Equestria?The author once again had no idea what to write?Twilight was suddenly salad?Sunburst and Starlight switched places?Everypony became Alicorns?An absurdly large amount of flashlights entered Twilight's life?Twilight's mane turned to cheese?The author was simultaneously bored and didn't want to write an update but decided to anyways?The author had his first Finals Test of the school year starting tomorrow?There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill?Cadance remained a pegasus?The Smooze was actually just enchanted jello?...Heck? (What if the author no longer has any freakin' idea of what the site is anymore?)Spike was suddenly the ruler of Equestria?The author just couldn't write comedy anymore?Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip?A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter?Rainbow Dash suddenly became a tank and Fluttershy was literally a giant Apache helicopter?Meerkat meerkat muffins? OH YEAH!The author finally axed a story after giving up on it months prior?Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller?Pinkie Pie encountered a genie?The number 8 was used in almost every conversation ever?Twilight never had friends to begin with?Randomness happened?Randomness happened 2?This fic became meta?Rainbow Dash was allergic to pies?Randomness Happened 3?The author got Netflix?Spike had a dirty mind?Space Cats?The Mane 6 were just Twilight's various personalities?The author was currently fixated on studying for yet another barrage of quizzes and tests?The author now cannot sleep?Randomness happened 4?The Fried Chicken Dealer came to Twilight?Applejack sold propane and propane accessories?THE GREAT FLARPETY-FLARP MADE AN APPEARANCE?!?!Randomness happened 5?The author just wanted to play Minecraft but Comcast was just all like "NOPE! YOUR INTERNET'S DOWN NOW!"Randomness happened 6?Rarity was as nerdy as Twilight?Twilight encountered a Salt Lick block?The author lost his nice apple earbuds?Rainbow Dash bucked a Big Barrel of Brutish Baddies?Flubbadub?Tirek was loving and kind?Rainbow Dash couldn't see glass?The Great Potato War happened?Homework happened?Luna was a ragey internet teen?Celestia was a salespony?Net Neutrality was repealed?Rarity had only BARELY realized that mirrors were a thing?There was no such thing as beds?Sugarcube Corner was a literal gingerbread house?The author's internet functioned exactly as he expected it to?Sammichachu?all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses?guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHThe author ultimately decided that this year sucked?Lyra wanted to be anything BUT a pony?Luna had a startling realization?The CEILING was lava?LUNA was lava?Luna was suddenly "fashionable"?Applesauce?NOT late night update?The author was tired and sick?The lava trope was finally killed off once and for all?All the glass in Equestria was replaced with ice?Ponies had big floppy shoes instead of hooves?The sky turned into a giant magnifying glass?Celestia was betrayed by cake?Universe.exe stopped responding?Twilight was attracted to π?Homework day?Spike was a lawnmower?Spike was as obsessed with crystals as King Sombra?Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?)Twilight wrote by hoof?Terrible writing?Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia?Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was?WHAT ARE WE?!This?I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me?Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso?Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it?Super secret project?Super Secret Project part 2?ROFLcopter?Chapter suggestions opened up again?Ponies were stupid?Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake?The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use?Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?)Ember was actually Spike's mom?Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples?Applejack's parents never died?Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling?Equestria followed the physics of Tetris?The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky)The author took a hiatus from his hiatus because he was stuck in traffic while on vacation so he decided to lift the hiatus temporarily to do some "What If..."-ing?A thing happened?Sneak peek?Near-end-of-hiatus chapter?villains were defeated by a boot to the head?THE BOARD OF EDUCATION?!Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education?REEEEEEEEEEEEE all your problems away!HIATUS RETURNUS?!Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding?what if what if what if what if...?Alpaca of darkness?Equestria was a tabletop RPG?Minions came to Equestria?MORE minions came to Equestria?Asparagus?Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around?Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle?Sweetie Belle was a giraffe?all ships became canon at once?ponies discovered memes?the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal?Spike ate Rarity's piano?Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot?Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover?you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information?Twilight whacked everyone with a ruler?the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh?Randomness happened 7?Youtube died today? And then un-died? And then re-died again? And then revived again?Ch33zb0rg3r?Twilight read Twilight?Discord had an existential crisis?Staplers invaded Equestria?Duel of the What Ifs?format C:?Crows!Twilight ate a quesadilla?Discord babysat Flurry Heart?Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe?Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office?Pinkie had to glue the fourth wall back together?Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!)Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again?the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save?Spike hatched Twilight?Luna found a banacumber in space?the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks?it started rain books?Tech abuse?Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet?Discord helped?RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN...the author didn't know what to write anymore?Cheese Sandwich was there too?Minecraft invaded Equestria?Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks?Christmas Eve 2018 special?it started all over again?the author has been doing nothing but watching Smash Ultimate tournaments on Youtube instead of writing?the Princesses had kirin traits?The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria?AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA?Flashfic entry?Mad Libs time?Big Chungus entered Equestria?Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia?addendum to the previous chapter?Sleep-deprived keyboard slamming?Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy?Canterlot Castle tastes like banana?Chapter 288?TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria?Fanta in Equestria?Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution?Randomness happened 8?Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day?blep?√169≠13?every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together?there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal?Lyra had A hand, and TheMajorTechie told Twilight to get some sun, already?Unnamed story idea #2?Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen?Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)?Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written?It was time to purge unused comments again?Twilight accidentally robbed a bank?Rickroll?Sonata met Deadpool?Scarf?Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre?there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story?Things Techie writes on his phone 2?Things Techie writes on his phone 3?Twilight headed her scream off?Banassacre?Randomness happened 11?Unpublished story #1: [One More Time]?Unpublished story #2: [One Last Time]?Unpublished story #3: [μParallels]?Celestia was a chatroom/server moderator?Bob the Builder was a changeling?Story pitch: Into EquestriaPinkie got offended by a plant?Chapter 365?Techie hasn't updated anything recently and feels an invisible nagging pressure to write something before the crowd rises with pitchforks in hand?The author's been too busy focusing on writing original fiction and a CERTAIN upcoming flagship story?the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad?Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13)Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend?it was still all a simulation?tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14)wings were replaced with hands?inverted table?every other pony turned into a cat?the rest of 'em turned into dogs?Celestia was replaced by Discord?Haha lol the author is watching anime tonight?Spike's left knee started talking?the comments got absolutely buried?Overlord Spike the Mighty?yams?Twilight Starchle?Spike was literally just a spike?randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry?Late Pi day?sleep was never a thing?the doorknob was square instead?March 32nd?Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons?all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for the AAAAAAAAAAAAAth time?regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop?ponies tried to use human keyboards?Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot?Randomness #heckity heck?ya boi Tonk came to Equestria?Tonkus met the Ponkus?pigeon?you forgot to turn subtitles on?Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act?this chapter was written by an AI?Twilight explained why the laws of robotics were bullsh!t to her microwave before slamming her hot pocket into it?the screaming never stopped?spears of asparagus were viable weapons?Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution?words were done literally?Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek?Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest?everything was opposite for a day?everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games?Pinkie Pie was Florida Man?zombies but rated-E and stuff?Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee?Sweetie Giraffe Bot?The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment?Celestia became a bell while Angel became the rabbit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and subsequently took over Equestria?quicksand?water was replaced with lemon juice?breadboi took over Equestria?There was no chapter today?Sweetie Giraffe met Breadboi?Sweetie Giraffe became bread?Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors?a secondary moon apped?inverted unicorn?running gag?pegasi randomly exploded?Jorts?unicorns randomly imploded?hekdoejen?prompt: They came for him one winter's night.the running gag appeared in the next chapter?prison break?Luna forgot Celestia's name?Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted?heat wave?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain?the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake?the cheesecake was strawberry?a fully coherent chapter using only five different words?Rainbow Trix returned in the most over the top way that Involved buzzsaws, discords left toe, making out with Luna and thirty five sentient forks?the Apple family were literally Apples?Elephant Boots made a comeback?Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots?Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ?every set of elephant boots had elephant boots?95% of everything was on fire?Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards?Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness?everyone forgot the word “the”?the royal security guards were insecurity guards?Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel?nopony could stand to hear the word "it?"the author remembered Applejack exists?noclip got turned on for everypony?metallic objects were made out of high explosive?Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare?floor suddenly change places with ceiling?every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else?Twilight started leaking purple?Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle?moon was made of cake and Celestia found out?Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel?Applejack ran out of bucks to give?Fluttershy is the imposter?Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence?Raridash trash?two ponies kissed? 😱Shrek appeared in Equestria?the author finally snapped?sleepy Twilight took over the universe?the time police arrested Starlight and Twilight for tampering with the timeline in "Cutie Re-mark"?they ran out of time(jail)?Starlight was ruled by three Equestrias?every pony in Equestria was mandated a magical 6-foot radius social distancing sphere? (Princesses included!)Equestria was ruled by three Starlights?the princesses were the only ones forklift certified?yoshi was in Equestria?Silver Spoon was a toaster?Diamond Tiara was bread?twenty more chapters of ponies being turned into household appliances?Celestia and Luna were robots being controlled by ants?the nuclear apocalypse came and nobody cared?Fluttershy was a tree the whole time?an army of dead memes came to steal Celestia's cake?the moon got sent to Luna?Clippy became the newest Princess?the Elements if Harmony were made of beans?story concept: Strands?It was all a simulation?Sweetie Giraffe boots?the zambos are comin' (plants vs. zambos)?The Conversion Burro?Celestia was voiced by John deLancie?Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijackeSpike got an email from a Nigerian prince?Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee, inherited the Nigerian throne?Celestia, Luna, and Discord got arrested by Child Services for turning Cozy Glow into stone?Luna was mad at Santa because he didn't get her any vidya games?XKCD found this story and sued the author for copyright infringement?sleep sought out ponies who were awake after midnight... with a bat?Rainbow Dash was a weeb?Sweetie Giraffe on a pogo stick?Story concept: Picture Me in Neon Colors?Applejack couldn't get out of bed?the sun moves just to make Celestia think she controls the sun?Flurry Heart became the princess of Light Bulbs?the sun died and Flurry Heart saved the day by replacing it with a lightbulb?Horse Empire attacked Equestria because a Bron- I mean a Pony wanted their knees?Twilight's magic did the opposite of what she expected it to do?2020 didn't end?every mattress in equestria was replaced with a live bear?dog barks sounded like pseudo swears?Chrysalis was trapped in a room with pinkie on a tangent?everyone suddenly decided hand holding was an ok thing to to?somone randomly booping change lings?Twilight was eternally sleep deprived?Apple Bloom was Apple Boom?Silver Spoon was a silver spoon?Karma Endangered met Scootaloo in Scootaloo's Soup Store?Karma Endangered encountered Sweetie Giraffe?an FBI agent censored a chapter?Apple Boom was actually Apple Bloom?Applejack was a jacked apple?Twilight decided she'd rather eat donuts than confront Celestia about Nightmare Moon in episode one?something about background ponies?Rainbow laid an egg?Equestria ran on internet explorer?Rarity couldn't help save the world because Opal was in her lap?OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?!Willy Wonka didn't actually have any cake? (OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING PART 3)the reason there were no cakes is because Lex Luthor took all forty of them? (That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.) (OOMPA LOOMPA PART 4)Twilight was replaced by a hamburger?a chapter to "officially" make What If a G5 story?Twilight drives a Ford Raptor?Story pitch: Deepsthis is g5?Discord was a plastic beef patty?Twilight got Rickrolled?late St. Patrick's Day thing?Applejack got a tank?the pony are mad?Lightning Dust choked on a waffle?Twilight was forced to burn a book?nothing?something happened?PINKIE WAS’NT CONTROLLING THE AUTHORS LAPTOP BUT THE AUTHOR........Sweetie Giraffe was a pony?Scootaloo committed arson?Scootaloo committed our son?angel is a devil?Angel was a mini gun that shot deviled eggs at an angle?Author Twilight fell asleep at her desk and smudged the next chapter?the rogue tree grew taller than Sweetie Giraffe?Sweetie Giraffe went technicolor?the what ifs all stopped being what ifs?Twilight got scammed by a Nigerian prince?Twilight accidentally scammed a Nigerian prince?Story pitch: Goddess InkarnateTwilight was too busy studying to write a chapter?we had a chapter that wasn't about Twilight?communist penguins invaded ponyville?Spike became addicted to salsa dip?salsa dip got Spiked?Spike got salsa dipped and became one with the salsa?there never was a what if question?Twilight was a ghost but didn't care?Equestria suddenly collapsed into itself trying to grasp modern scientific concepts?Sweetie Giraffe was the protagonist?everything in Equestria was hampter powered?Spike poured a bottle of soy sauce onto Twilights head?the Mane 6 could break the fourth wall?The Elements of Harmony turned Discord into Ice instead of stone?Smolder turned into a dog?Elements turned Discord into ice cream?Austin Pets Alive renamed all the ponies of Equestria?Twilight lost Jeopardy because she forgot to phrase her answer as a question?Celestia meets her counterpart?Elements of harmony were guns?Sweetie Giraffe was on the moon?Sweetie Giraffe met Sweaty Jiraf?Sweetie Giraffe and Sweaty Jiraf were on the sun?Sweaty Jiraf stopped sweating?all the comments on this chapter were combined to create the next chapter?Randomness #18: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAthere was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms?Spike was a bottle of Shampoo?Nightmare Moon was banished to Ohio instead?Spike was a dragon?Twilight became an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Chapter 665 and a hiatus 'til Friday the 13th for 666Super spoopy chapter 666?Twilight liked very, very, very dark chocolate?the earth ponies were even MORE over the top when they saw Izzy?the Crusaders' MLP A New Generation fanfic got edited by Twilight?Earth pony news? (Villager news with earth ponies.)Luna got too obsessed with Sailor Moon?the remnants of Pineapples Inc. retaliated with the wolf railgun?the CMC needed that trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck but it was still in the wash?Nightmare Moon was turned into stone instead of banished to the moon?stone was turned into Nightmare Moon?a certain Spinosaurus ruined the micro-story by suggesting that the Kurzgesagt duck take over Equestria?ice turned into NMM?Frosty wanted his hat back, and hired somebody to get it back for him? (y'know, since he's not usually very animate without that hat)Celestia and Luna just talked about things like rational adults rather than, y’know, that whole Nightmare Moon business?Lulu Giraffe and Sweetie Giraffe had a height-off?Randomness happened (#20 I think)?nothing happened for once?Izzy just HAD to try the time travel spell she found?memes were brought to Equestria?Pipp lost her phone?Pipp DID get taller?bringing the crystals together did something entirely different?bringing the crystals together didn't do something entirely different?Izzy covered Sunny with lots of Glitter?Izzy bedazzled everyone's faces?life is a video game?Sandbar had fallen for Ocellus instead of Yona?Tall Pipp tripped?zipp was the one who got the note from young sunny instead of Izzy?Celestia banned Daylights savings?argyle was still alive?Argyle was banished to the moon? (Keep in mind that there’s no magic.)Zephyr Breeze was king of Zephyr Heights?dinosaur for absolutely no reason?0 word chapter?saying "mayonnaise" made a random unicorn explode?Rainbow Dash was secretly a super genius whose intelligence rivals Twilight’s?saying a forbidden word teleported you to another world?if what?Equestria's anti-virus stopped working?Twilight Sparkle became a bodybuilder?just this once, a universe didn't end?MLP: The Next Generation was all one big fever dream?My Little Pony was "Generic Sci-Fi Show?"the minute Sprout said 'Discord' in his song, Discord appeared.mayonnaise?Alumx's Celestia was canon?Luna got launched all the way into the next star system (ours)?Spike worshiped Chef Boyardee?Rainbow was a swarm of Parasprites in the shape of a Pegasus and nobody noticed?instead of knowing how to do it instantly, Spike took 20 minutes learning how to fly when he first grew his wings after his molt?Celestia was full of Pilk?pinkie had a pandoras box or something similar?the Crystal Empire ran on the Source engine, but the rest of Equestria was on Unreal?Twilight accidentally turned everypony in Equestria into alicorns?Butter Knife woke up in an extrodinarily frilly dress?someone gave gummy a gun?spike wake up in among us ?Sunset was asked if she ever heard of Among Us?Among Us except it’s only impostors?Twilight brought the generic brand of Chef Boyardee instead?smol pip had hypnotic powers and attempted to use them on sweetie giraffe?the cake Celestia bought was a lie?Chef Boyardee went out of business?Zombies?Twilight replaced the Chef Boyardee with Spaghettios?zombies weren't that bad because ponies don't eat meat?What if Rainbow Dash was actually a zombie, and on nightmare night she ate everypony's brains?Apple family was responsible for Bloom and Doom Co.?someone tried to assinate rainbow dash... with a rubber ducky.it started raining bananas and Discord had nothing to do with it?Twilight tried to microwave all of Ponyville?Twilight found a cure for stupid?Twilight's status as melon queen gave her a frighteningly loyal bat pony army?Twilight's plan of connecting Equus and the moon with melons attracted Sweetie Giraffe because it was too tall?Sunburst and Starlight weren't childhood friends?the root vegetable kingdom won the space race Twilight accidentally started?Chancellor Neighsay was the main antagonist of School Raze instead of Cozy Glow?.....why?Twilight made immor-tall-i-tea?Grubber become a twist villain in the My Little Pony Movie (2017)?Sweetie Giraffe was (heavens no) benevolent?Twilight was yellow instead of purple?Sprout ruled the equality village instead of Starlight Glimmer?the giant robot broke down?Twinana started a banana republic.become a vampire hedgehog named "Grubbicula" and hungers for blood.the intro chapter was rewritten?Spike dug a hole to China?Legion of Doom won because they were all forklift certified?Chancellor Neighsay had a reason for his racist behavior?Discord's Forklift Alliance fell apart because the fishhooks kept poking the pokers?Tempest was Neighsay's long lost childhood friend?Spike the Dog became a mascot?the members of the Forklift Alliance lost their certifications,all of the other civilizations of the universe united against the root vegetable kingdom?Celestia was replaced by Clippy?the final battle was absolute, unbridled, braincell destroying chaos?Rarity woke up with a potato on her horn?Rarity was Rare Tea?Equestria was located in a galaxy far, far away?someone tried to assassinate the princesses as a joke?Scootaloo had a Twin?Scootaloo had an EVIL twin?the forklifts became pony certified?Princess Lift Truck had trouble reintigrating into the worksite?Moon Mart then had a big two for one sale on forklifts?potatoes were rare?Fluttershy married a cabbage?the real reason Fluttershy married the cabbage instead of Discord was because he was unbased and had skill issues?Twilight had an IQ higher than Einstein?Big Mac the Big Mac met Flurry Heart the McFlurry?Spike the strange purple rock who actually needed to wake up?Gummy got dentures?Rarity found a way to make her hats have unusual effects?Spike also developed ice breathe?Pinkie Pie ate too much pudding?Sunny Scarstout?Mount Canterlot turned into chocolate?like Celestia, Tirek was just using the mentor relationship with Cozy as a means to get her to do all the hard work so he could relax?......what???Scootaloo was sent to Tartarus for tax evasiontartar sauce was the punishment in Tartarus?the Spyro figurine was a SPY?the SPYro figurine was trying to sabotage MLP G5?bug bear was just looking for a date?PInkie Pie broke a Pinkie promise?Rarity was an oreo instead of a marshmallow?Equestria was saved from an invasion because they used Rarity the Oreo as a peace offering?someone put the Rareos next to Applejacks cereal?they ran out of Rareos and had to switch to a different brand?Sweetie Bell tried to make her own Rareosthe next chapter didn't have any vowels?a door collapsing did have consequences but only in the past?Spike pressed the wrong button?the reward for winning Trivia Trot was 1 (one) AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher?Celestia switched places with a sentient whale just before the impact?the whale used the stale food to survive the heat death of the universe and became the new universe by process of elimination?cake was considered a weapon of mass destruction?twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfillScootaloo was on The Price Is Right?Equestria is full of cringe :/?Celestia had non-regenerating hooves?eating too much jello makes you grow hooves?the mirror pool made Rainbow Dash clones that had Rarity's personality?Rainbow Dash was the defect clone all along?Twilight was Luna's daughter..... againRariwhale was the princess of Wales?Celestia became tiny and turns into a Breezie" ??ponies generally had trouble counting?Spike threw a remote at a painting of Celestia? And what if the painting of Celestia caught that remote?Equestria updated its physics engine?Luna broke the record for eating the most cheese quesadillas from Sweetie Taco Belle in a single sitting?ShadOwObolts?Rarity tried to be French, but couldn't because France doesn't exist?Sombra wore a sombrero?someone stole his maracas?rainbow Dash was evil the entire time.someone stole Sweetie Giraffe?Scootaloo was a ghost?Rainbow Dash took over Equestria with her DNA test?Sweetie Giraffe was Santa?Sunny and Izzy switched roles in the movie?Pinkie just stored her food in her cheeks like a hamster?this story turned seven years old?there actually was a serious chapter for once? Like, no trolling gimmicks, just something mildly serious...but also involving PvZ for some reason???twilight never started writing what ifs. so we must ask. What if Octavia had a crush on Spike?all the pies turned into cakes and all the cakes turned into pies?Rainbow Dash was sus?Pinkie Pie got food poisoning?the moon banished Celestia and Luna to Equestria?Twilight banned Canned Ravioli after Spike kept getting his snout stuck in the can?Celestia and Luna stole the moon as revenge?we found out what was in Luna's g4m3r cl0s3t™?Luna promoted a new brand of cheese?a new hoof touches the beacon?Twilight Spaghetti and friends used the Elements of Pasta and the Magic of Fettuccine to fight off Chef Boyardee?the Mane 6 realized they couldn't truly defeat Chef Boyardee since Italians can move up to Mach 3 speeds?more Chef Boyardee shenanigans?nobody expected the spanish inquisition?Rainbow Dash was dared to stick a lightbulb in her mouth?Everything was the same except that Rainbow Dash was forklift certified?It was going to yeet tomorrow?there was more dakka?there was LESS dakka?there was just the right amount of dakka?there was too much dakka?Luna made Taco Tuesday mandatory?Story pitch: FracturesCelestia was a Jedi master?This chapter was written at 2 am on a phone?Pinkie Pie was secretly not pink?Pajama Sam ruled Ponyville (and then Equestria after that)?instead of friendship or whatever, Twilight beat Tirek with Missiles of Nuclear JusticeFluttershy sued the fandom for using her face as a profanity censor?Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony were switched?Fluttershy and Rarity's elements were snitched?Twilight and Pinkie's elements were stitched?Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination?Protect Pudding Paradox?Techie didn't break Fimfiction in the next chapter?Changelings invaded Japan (300 years ago)?Fimfiction broke the space time continuum?the space time continuum decided to take a vacation from all the bs going on.every prompt posted on this story was implemented in one chapter simultaneously?Spike had to clean the mess all the explosions made?Celestia invoked the 2nd Amendment when Sunset tried to steal Twilight's crown?this chapter had to be written in the form of a question?the chapter had to be written in the form of interjections?Pajama Sam bought Ponyville?Twilight was a glizard?Spike had Ravioli breath? (Able to breathe Ravioli)Apple Bloom, because she doubted Spike's ravioli breath, was given garlic bread breath (able to breathe garlic bread) to go with all that ravioli?everyone stopped reading because they were now super hungry for Italian?Spike and Apple Bloom use their respective powers to wage war with Olive Garden?Scootaloo took over a Texas Roadhouse?Pinkie Pie got all the villains (all the G4 ones) and brought them together for a big party, and they actually enjoyed it?Celestia decided to burn down an Applebee's, a practice that is not only legal, but generally encouraged.an army of sentient donuts attacked equestira with help from the giant monkey man who once terrorized the ninth dimensionthe next chapter was narrated by David Attenborough?Luna suddenly realized she peaked in high school [despite never actually going to high school] so she fakes a bunch of documents to enroll herself in princess celestia's school for gifted unicorn but accidently actually enrolls herself in Professor Xpinkie pie got a medal for opening a jarLyra took away ALL the spoons?The Ginosaji summoned a spoon made out of non-spoons to counter Lyra?Apple Bloom's garlic bread powers meant she could still reform her vaporized body, assuming there was enough garlic bread present?Princess Celestia became a goat?the peasantry couldn't actually overthrow Celesita precisely because she'd become a goat?Princess Celestia stole my catalytic converter in Point Pleasant, West Virginia?the jar Pinkie had opened was full of pickles instead of jelly beans?the Goat Moon was made of goat cheese?one day Not Luna ate her way through the Moon?Equestria built a super fortress on the moon?the pony only known as Yeag became the new hero of the story?Twilight used her newfound salad powers to turn Celestia into actual celery?Twilight tried to wake up from the fever dream that "What If..." has become?the whale that had become the new universe was the one who was actually having the fever dream?Pinkie Pie got diagnosed with Bad Syndrome?Spike pondered his cube?the major villains were on a road trip, and accidentally became the Fellowship of the Ring?Celestia had an Orb of her own?that orb was an orb of dragonkind?Tall Pipp and Sweetie Giraffe fused into one being?Spike came back from anger management more powerful than ever?Tall Pip/Sweetie Giraffe had to fight What if's greatest villains?the Orb of Dragonkind served as a literal magnet to all dragons?the comically large impact drill Spike tossed aside accidentally fixed something when it landed?Rarity had a sudden and unexplained obsession with pinecones.Twiggles found a green beanChrysalis was assaulted by swiss cheeseevery other word Twilight said was inaudible?a finale?Twilight beat the Wuhan Coronavirus by weakening it with Modelovirus with help from the Bud Knight while the universe imploded?Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left?the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them?“What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?”Tirek vs. Flurry Heart?every time pinkie pie jumped, a new and pointless law was installed?the laws of physics had to be enforced?the sun was made of jalepeño chips?everyone thought the world was going to end?story concept: The Oracles?Sweetie Giraffe was never tall?Scootaroo?Applejack became Bananajack?Twilght tried to micromanage all of Ponyville?Twilight started a melon spire and Bobert got jealous?Pinkie discovered ruby chocolate?they connected the moon to the earth so that it was dangling down and not standing tall?Apploosa declared war on the banana Republic?Twilight actually won the Ponyville Trivia Trot Game?the explosion sent the whale to the moon?the whale's order was Big Smoke's order from GTA: San Andreas?in the new whlae universe everyone had blow holesAngel Bunny hid Discords deodorant? [Honestly idk first thing that popped into my head when i decided to disregard all previous context]Twilight realized gelatin is commonly made from animal hooves?Whale universe got duplicated by the mirror pool while it was still malfunctioning and giving all the clones hard core Rarity vibes?Scootaloot read the fine print and found a loophole out of that contract?the next chapter was a rickroll?Rainbow Dash was a defect clone of Celestiathat genie came from the Land Down Under?everyone thought Twilight was a rock?Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna?Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself?Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders?Everything was on fire?Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes?Equestria was a giant loaf of bread?Everyone was named Phil?Izzy Moonbow skewered more things with her horn?Celestia was so eepy?Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve.Think thank thonk... Thanos?I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server?Story pitch: Table Legsthe author did a serious chapter?Trixie forged an alliance with an unkindness of ravens?Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story (terribly outdated. I'm even more clueless now.)What if...Luna played Goat Simulator?The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria?Twilight was Celestia's Daughter?Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction?the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter?sweetie giraffe turned everyone in Ponyville into stock images of flames?somepony was turned into a dog?fanfics were canon?Sunset Shimmer was living bacon?the Kool-Aid man and Randy Savage showed up in Equestria?Michael Bay made MLP and the Mane Six needed glasses?The TRIGGERING happened?Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter?the author is currently on an incredibly long road trip and ended up turning around because the weather decided to puke slush-balls down on the road?The author decides to try writing a chapter using his phone?Apache Helicopters overthrew Celestia?Canterlot was made of cheese?This fic didn't exist?someone ended yet another universe by blasting Megalovania?Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all?Sunglasses fused to the back of Twilight's head and everypony thought that it was an entirely different pony?This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect?The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment?Twilight had deep thoughts?Every day was a relaxing day?Rarity became an edgelord?Rainbow Dash was her own mother?Spike was a Kewl Boi?It was all a simulation?Spike was a goldfish?Twilight suddenly became extremely commonplace and was practically a generic term?An argument started over whether or not Jack could fit on the plank?Luna didn't quite understand modern politics?Luna learned of Da Wae?LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING THING?!Luna's lava obsession landed her in an intervention?Princess Baguette?The author really hasn't put much thought into this story anymore?Rainbow Dash was an old mare?Spike was Trixie's assistant?Ember told Spike they were married?the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum?Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom?PRAISE CELESTIA?!?!The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded)Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall?Heccbochs?all of the What Ifs happened at once?Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria?Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall?the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe?the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity?crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria?Chapter name narrative?Unnamed story idea #1?characters googled themselves?HIATUS BREAKUS?!Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria?the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria?Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville?Randomness happened 9?Twilight hit a data limit?Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side?Things Techie writes on his phone 1?The Hole?Story pitch: A Dream EndedStory pitch: The Quest to Send Celestia Hurtling Into the Sun?idk, stuff happened?Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead?Story pitch: The Pony of Many TalentsSpike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source?hooves were replaced with feet?we had an idea how we got here? :trollestia:the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders?Luna sunk the Titanic?randomness #whatever?Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store?Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance?there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf?ponies questioned round doorknobs?all the pegasi turned into flightless birds?Sweetie Giraffe met something taller?Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop?randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy?Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey?what if, but long?Sweetie Giraffe did a commission?Equestria is just Ohio?T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria?Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe?a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria?the Cake family was a lie?Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet?Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe?the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters?running gag battle royal?Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government?Celestia was a broom, Luna was a mop, Cadance was a duster, and Flurry Heart was a McDonalds McFlurry that spilled on the floor?Celestia wasn't who she said she was?Sombra was wearing a sombrero and doing the samba while somber music was playing for Simba's dad?Twilight became an Alicorn by Celestia fusing her with one of the Earth Pony and Pegasus members of the Mane 6 (Your choice)?Rareo took over the aliens? What if that only worked because the aliens were close relatives of ants?Pinkie is the only one of the main 6 who didn't believe in Santa, but doesn't say anything because it brings everyone else happiness?Granny Smith had Life Alert?the Mane Six were whalers?Pinkie had a sugar crash?everything, and everyone, Cadance touched turned to crystal?story concept: When The Dust SettlesScootaloo was a non newtonian fluid?story pitch: Jack of no trades, master of all?OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! (part 2)everything was the same... except Twilight was replaced by a velociraptor?everyone suddenly forgot Celestia and Luna existed?Twilight was locked in a room full of quesadillas, ladybugs, and books that were out of order?Phone typed chapter because screw it im not pulling my tablet out rn and I have midterms again so yay sleep deprivation?all of MLP was just a ploy by Twilight to hypnotise people into giving her money so she could buy more books?Twilight was a Nigerian prince?Twilight was tech support?the mane six constantly get pegged by high velocity cheese every Thursday afternoon at 3:47 on the dot, and there's nothing they can do to prevent it?Twilight finally went into therapy for writing all of this?rainbow dash lived a double life?Discord was bored?Equestria was overrun with various canines?existential dread was instilled upon all of Equestria because of Kurzgesagt?world peace was achieved because Celestia farted?Big Mac became a Big Mac? Actually, what if he was a whopper?MLP a New Generation was just a fanfiction written by the Crusaders?Apple Bloom had an automatic grenade launcher?Celestia had to control the tides now that the moon is gone?Spike got his snout stuck in a can of spaghetti o's?they were cursed to only eat off-brands, which caused Spike to get stuck in a can of spaghetti rings?Rainbow Dash was a pegaSUS?Twilight tried to badly explain the history of the entire world, i guess?Twilight and Sunny switched places?pies and cakes switched places?The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. TheShaggy appeared in Equestria and used 2% of his power?Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty?boss music started playing?Twilight bought Spike a Switch for Hearth's Warming?nothing bad happened to Butter Knife?Sweetie Giraffe returned?What if the Banana Republic figured out how to grow in the ground and sprout back out of it?Legion of Doom from the DC comics sued the MLP Legion of Doom?Forklift Alliance took applications for new members?it is the end of the world as we know it and Celestia feels fine.:trollestia:the world actually was ending, but it affected absolutely no one?the Forklift Six defeated Nightmare Mover?one of Fluttershy's turkeys wanted to be based and redpilled, but being a turkey, it had to settle for being baste and breadpilled?man door hand hook car door?Tirek and cozy glow had a mentor student relationship. Like Twilight and Celestia have? ( Platonic relationship I feel forced to add this as some people may take the word relationship wrong)Rarity got sent back to her home planet?Spike was replaced with Spyro?Celestia's coolness was negative, making Rainbow's coolness even more negative?Twilight took "New Year New You" far to literally and started changing everything and everyone around her?Twilight Sparkle was E V E R Y P O N Y?instead of Celestia banishing Nightmare Moon, she accidentally banished the moon?interjections interjected themselves?Chef Boyardee sought revenge for being banned?ZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEEquestria was saved with cringe?the rusty safety scissors took over Equestria as it's rightful ruler instead?Pinkie Pie was secretly not Pie? Like an unholy brussel-sprouts-broccoli-cauliflower amalgamation?Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta steal Rainbow Dash's secret stash of garlic bread?Princess Twilight kept a shrunken version of Celestia in her pocket for advice?the shrunken Celestia was evil the whole time?the only one able to fix the space time continuum was Hackerman?Twilight used her new Glizard powers to make it big in the hot dog selling business?applebloom used her garlic bread powers to make the best [REDACTED] grilled cheese the world has ever known?when Twilight ascend, she was taken to the Council of Purple Ones to decide her power?when you become an alicorn, you also slowly morph into a Biblically-accurate angel, and most of your power is used to maintain the illusion of a winged unicorn?Twilight got sent back to Magic Kindergarten?Ginosaji set its sights on Lyra Heartstrings?there was something involved [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] showed up, followed by Chrysalis sobbing in defeat while hugging Starlight like she was a teddy bear, and Starlight says: "It's tradition"?Thanos gave Twilight salad powers instead, because everybody needed to be eating healthier?Trixie cloned herself upside down three times and tried to take over the Crystal Empire and Seaquestria with flamethrowers being held by kittens wearing PJs on bikes?equestria was attacked by the fire nation?Astronaut Twilight spent her time taped to the ceiling of magic kindergarten on a nice game of Counter-Strike?something something Adam Sandler's Click?Twilight pondered her orbCelestia got super drunk off rum cake and forced fluttershy and octavia to married because she always secretly shipped it?a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit toTall Pipp did a comeback tour?Sweetie Giraffee became president and Scootaroo vice president? And Tall Pipp became the secretary of state?Every What If Was Canon?Limit Break: 1001Twilight got a bad grade?Author's Note And in this corner, we have our usual, Zapper frost! Twilight got a bad grade? "No, nononononononononono..." Twilight groaned, "This can't be happening... this shouldn't have happened. Wh-where did I go wrong? Was it in the math? The symbolic solutions? My entire future could be on the line simply because of this one test..." "Twilight, it's just an A-minus. Stop worrying." Twilight screeched in frustration. Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Author's Note Let's make some crazy horsewords, shall we, clarence112? Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn? Twilight felt Starswirl's spell wrap around her, and with an anticlimactic pop, she was gone form the world. *Insert talk with Celestia here* Twilight groaned, spitting out a mouthful of dirt after having plummeted from the sky like a meteor. "Twilight, your horn!" the others exclaimed, pointing to the... noticeable lack of said horn. Twilight screamed. Again. She screams quite a bit in this story, doesn't she? Twilight literally screamed her head off?Author's Note Back by comment-upvoted demand, it's AnObliviousAuthor! Twilight literally screamed her head off? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" "Twilight, dear, stop it with the screaming! You'll scream your head off at this rate. What even is the matter, darling?" "--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" An anticlimactic pop accompanied Twilight's head standing up, jumping off her neck, and skittering away, still screaming all the while. Twilight's body continued to stand in place, an odd rumbling noise shuddering from within. A loony, detached, toothy grin spread across Rarity's face as she accepted the new rules of reality and walked out the room. As for Twilight's body, a new head had already been magically poofed into existence for nothing other than being a plot device. Taking a deep breath, Twilight opened her new mouth and-- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Today was a long day for Ponyville following the invasion of Twilight headcrabs. Holy heckin' heck?Holy crap. I want some freakin' sleep. A pink hoof reached out from the screen and slapped the author in the face. "No." the author has entered another writing hiatus after burning himself out?...what, you expected a story here or something? "Yeah," Guess what? There isn't. "Oh." Guess what else? "What?" Wolves. "Wolves?" An ominous, howling cloud began to materialize high in the sky. Author's Note Things I have done and/or am planning on doing during my hiatus: Study for and pass my calculus test Get ahead in class so I have some buffer room for Thursday and Friday for the robotics competition Go to robotics competition and hopefully win Sleep well More D&D? Have good dreams Sleep (more) idk Techie done diddly did a slep?Author's Note idk. I'm gonna actually sleep now. 12 hours straight of competition for three days, y'know? Techie done diddly did a slep? *Insert sleeping noises here.* "Bo-ring!" Pinkie complained, changing the channel. Big OOF!?"OOF!" said Celestia. "OOF!" said Luna. "OOF!" said Equestria. "BOOM!" said the sun going supernova. The end. ♧☆●□~?Author's Note It's Zapper frost, you know the drill. Also, just to save my sanity, I'm resetting all idea submissions for What If, and likely will no longer consider any current existing comments. So... I guess... leave your ideas down below? ♧☆●□~? "Clubs!" "No, stars!" Pinkie Pie hurled a small rubber ball at her friends, of whom caught said ball in a plexiglass box. A gust of wind brushed past the mares. "Huh?" the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment sectionAuthor's Note Mashup time, AnObliviousAuthor! Not gonna use all of them simply because holy heck it's already a lot, but there's already plenty. the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment section You kick my door open to find a rainbow lookin' spiky T sitting in a chair. The T, that is, the author, turns in his office chair, his poodle sitting on his lap as he pats its head. "This is the part where you leave my room." What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? Here is your chapter. What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? "HOW ARE WE FLYYYYYING?!" Twilight screamed, tumbling through the air with every other winged pony in Equestria. "Starlight's self-levitation spells!" A voice somewhere inside the ball of ponies shouted back. "Oh! Okay!" Together, the Pony Wingball tumbled its way into dominating the galaxy. What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? "Doot." "Huh?" "Doot? Dootdedoot doot! Doot! Dooot!" "Sure thing, Doot Doot." What if the entire comment section of this story got dumped on Twilight's head? Twilight has left the server. Does FIMfiction have a chapter title length limit? Who knows? What if Sweetie Giraffe tried hippo boots first and is now annoyed with Luna for stealing her idea? "UNDERLING." Sweetie Giraffe boomed as she loomed over Luna and her hippo boots, "I AM... UPSET." Luna blew a raspberry. Sweetie Giraffe began to vibrate as her eyes turned a bright red. Luna woke up the next day on one of Jupiter's moons, the smell of singed fur clinging to her. Also, her hippo boots were gone. What if Luna realized that although elephant boots are wildly impractical, hippo boots are a much bolder fashion statement anyway? *Two days before the above event...* "Hm, these elephant boots are wildly impractical," Luna mused, shaking one such elephant currently flex-taped to her hoof. The elephant trumpeted back in annoyance. She untaped the elephants from her hooves, glancing about until her eyes landed on the hippos lounging in the watering hole. "But hippo boots... hm... bold." Luna smirked as she held up her roll of flex tape. Did I find the chapter title length limit yet? Who knows? all the earth ponies' hooves got stuck together?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself?Author's Note ZING! It's dj-pon3fan, right outta the interwebz! Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself? Twilight blinked. Spike blinked. The... other Spike blinked. "Okay, which one of you is the real Spike?" Twilight groaned, facehoofing. Spike and Twilight (the changeling) snickered. Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid?Author's Note It's a tag-team combo chapter! Say hi to twidash1993 and Zapper frost and johnsparkly251! Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid? "Urk..." Spike belched, lying face-down on the floor of Twilight's bathroom, "Remind me next time not to take up one of Garble's dares. Bathtub tastes gross." Twilight rolled her eyes with a grumble and continued cleaning up the water. A heavy pounding came from the locked door. "FBI OPEN UP!" a Royal Guard's voice shouted, followed by more pounding, "WE HAVE EVIDENCE OF YOUR ILLEGAL POSSESSION OF AN EDIBLE BATHTUB." Spike burped again, this time in fear. "You'll never take us alive!" Twilight hollered in return, grabbing her assistant and teleporting away. Nobody would ever know what happened to the bathtub that day. Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT!Author's Note I'm for sure gonna turn this into a full-on story once I get some things out of the way. Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" I screamed, flailing every imagineable part of my body as I hurtled ever closer to the ground. I saw my life begin to flash before my eyes; my absolutely, completely-normal-and-in-no-way-tragic childhood, my stereotypical school life from pre-k all the way through high school, oh, and the part of my life marked by the fact that I just happened to like MLP. Yeah, I think that last part is just about to cause me some good ol' trouble, based on recent events. It all starts with "The Merchant". Yup, I know how this goes. Typical displaced is displaced. I was at WhateverCon earlier this morning wearing not-so-subtle cosplay of... um... myself, and I decided to buy a jetpack from The Merchant. Don't ask why or how it's possible to buy a functional jetpack, but I did it. Okay, I lied about the cosplaying part. I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else. I mean I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else out of the ordinary. Get your mind outta the gutter, folks. Anyways, I was minding my own business with a Pikachu shirt on while I was just strolling around looking at stands. I bought a few MLP keychains from this weird These Keychains Definitely Aren't Used In Some Kind Of Summoning Ritual stand, a bowling ball painted to look like a Master Ball, and a horsehead mask. And that's where I ran across The Merchant. I didn't think about who he potentially was at first, I just saw his "Things & Stuff" sign on his scrappy little cart-stand thing. He had a nice shelf of whatever product it was that he was selling behind him, too... cloaks, foam daggers, a couple themed fedoras and a replica katana, among other things. What caught my eye however was the freakin' jetpack he had proudly on display in his bargain bin. And so that's how I acquired a questionably-working jetpack for just thirteen dollars, and pretty soon from the looks of it, my life as well. I'm just hoping that accidentally not realizing that I bought something from The Merchant doesn't mean that whatever displacing power he holds over me no longer works... ... Well, I think I've had a good run as far as life goes. Yeah, sure, I'm probably gonna be some random splotch on the ground pretty soon, or maybe by some miraculous event, I'll survive. Well, the ground's starting to zoom in at high speed. All I know is that this time, I think this merchant dude decided that sending people to Equestria got boring. And mark my words, if I ever see him again in the next life, I'm gonna-- ...Where did the ground go? Why is my jetpack suddenly functional? Why is my bowling ball suddenly an actual Master Ball? Why the heck do I hear the crackle of electricity?! HOLY CRAP IS THAT A SUMMONING CIRCLE MADE OUT OF MY KEYCHAINS THAT I SEE UNDERNEATH ME?! I didn't have time to think about what the just happened as I half-slammed into a tree, the momentum of my jetpack ensuring that I'd bounce off the trunk and hit a second tree as I began to spiral down into a forest of some kind. ... ... Ah, I see where this is going. I did get displaced, didn't I? Aw, heck, I probably left my garage open at home too. My dad always warned me to double check before I drove off... Nevertheless, I think I hear rustling... Well, I guess it's narration time. I'm pretty sure I know how this goes, based on past readings of stories similar to my own on the good ol' interwebz. And if this story ever ends up on the internet, mark my words, I'm gonna be the most self-aware guy to ever get displaced... maybe. But then comes the real whopper of a question: how am I gonna get home? I still need to know if I closed my garage door! I've seen what happens on the news to people who forget to close them! They get robbed and stuff sometimes! Though honestly, I do live in a pretty nice neighborhood with a big ol' park nearby. But still, better safe than sorry, amirite? Worse yet, what if more than just me got displaced? I've read stories like this before... they've always ended up as this weird D&D-style, ragtag group of goobers who just mess around for the rest of their lives. At least, I think that's how it goes. Never actually was much of a fan of the genre myself as far as my top ten favorite genres go. But ho-ly crap. I'm pretty sure I'm in the Everfree Forest right now, and there's a good chance that I'm just about to meet my doom in the form of... A Pikachu? The small pokemon stared at me from the underbrush, before letting out a cheerful "Pika!" I wonder if my bowling ball works as an actual Master Ball now... it definitely looks like one already, so why not work like one too? With both hands, I grunted as I heaved the giant Master Ball-looking bowling ball over my head. I'm gonna assume right now that based on my Pokemon shirt (more specifically, Pikachu shirt), I was probably displaced as a Pokemon trainer. Heck, even-- "Pikachu, return!" I felt myself unconsciously shout. Well, I guess this is the part where I become trapped as the character from some other series in the world of MLP, isn't it? I guess as time passes, I'm gonna begin to lose more and more of my mind to that of whatever mindset of a Pokemon trainer has been instilled in me. I felt myself tip over as the weight of the bowling ball began to tumble forward. "ACK!" I shouted, slamming the bowling ball right into the spot where Pikachu was just moments prior. I spat dirt from my mouth, wiping my face with my arm as I stared in horror at the small crater that was the ground in underneath the ball. For sure that Pikachu probably just had its final moments if I actually just-- "Pika pi!" Pikachu chirped quietly, escaping from the bowling-ball Master Ball and leaping onto my shoulder, "Pikachu!" "Shh... do you hear that, Sweetie? I heard a shout over there!" "Yeah! Scootaloo, what are you planning on doing?" "You'll find out soon. Applebloom, got the net?" "Yep!" Oh boy. Time to meet some pones. "Cutie Mark Crusaders, Human Catchers!" Oh no. Story pitch: At the Edge of ForeverAuthor's Note This one's a bit more on the pondering side of things. It draws inspiration from Star Scraper's fic, After Eternity, in that the story would potentially explore a future beyond our own imagination. Though, in this case, I suppose it deals more directly with the slow decline of Equestria, rather than of the universe itself. I've got a bookshelf specifically for stories like Star Scraper's, simply because of how much I liked them. I doubt I'd be able to write anything on the same level as After Eternity, but hey, I can try. ...Or maybe I'd end up writing what'd be a well-timed story to be released alongside the end of Gen 4. Idunno, I'm writing these notes before I even start on the story pitch, so let's just see where my thoughts take me. This one would likely just be left alone as a one-shot. I... don't know how much of this I'd be able to write, considering both my current skills as a writer and my expertise in various topics. Story pitch: At the Edge of Forever Everything eventually comes to an end. Twilight stared at the sentence she'd just written. How long had it been since she'd first ascended? Some five, six thousand years? Tens of thousands? Time was no longer relevant to the mare at this age. She'd seen more than even Celestia and Luna together ever experienced back when she was the student of the former. Equestria had long-since vanished from the minds of all other ponies-- an ancient, nearly-forgotten civilization relegated to the archives. Civilizations had risen and fallen numerous times throughout the millennia. Not even the Crystal Empire, the city-state that emerged long ago from the ice, existed anymore. At least, not in its original state. No, the Crystal Empire had long-since left the land, simply vanishing once again one day without any trace, save for a single sign at its former entrance: "Spacebound". Now, ponykind, at least in the current incarnation of Equestria and its allies, was on the decline. If ponies wished to thrive once more, they simply left the planet. Sometimes in pursuit of the legendary "Crystal Starship", other times simply to escape the mundane, terrestrial life of Equestria. Twilight knew this, closing her eyes with a gentle sigh as yet another rocket blasted off in the background. Such as the world since the old Princesses left. They too wished for a greater life, eventually. Even Cadance and Flurry Heart, the beloved mother-daughter duo of the old Crystal Empire; they too left, vanished without a trace with the last of the Empire. Twilight sipped her tea. How she longed for her niece, how she wished to see family and friends, long-passed and forgotten by the sands of time. The Elements of Harmony were no more, either. No, it was only Twilight Sparkle, revered figurehead of the Equestrian nations. She'd given up governing long ago as well, leading a more sedentary lifestyle for the past few centuries after thousands of years of rule. A twinkle in the sky caught her eye; was it a failing rocket? Another otherworldly invasion? Meteorite? Twilight shrugged, sipping her tea again. Nothing matters anymore when you're as old as the history around you. She paused mid-sip as another revelation came across her mind. Even the legacies of old have become forgotten. It was true, too. Equestria, after years of decline in both population and overall development, had steadily devolved into isolated pockets of factions. They didn't normally fight, but they were sure a long ways away from friendship. Nevertheless, only time would tell if even their fights would ever be remembered. Twilight set the steaming cup of tea on the table, staring out the window as the twinkle of light grew bigger and brighter. Perhaps now will be my time, she smiled, staring directly at the light in the sky. She picked up her tea, taking another sip with a slight frown as the twinkle rapidly grew into a streak, falling down upon a small settlement in what once was the Everfree Forest. Another sip as a blaze erupted upon the down. Another sip as screaming ponies struggled to put out the fire. Another sip as one of Equestria's orbiting cities -- New Cloudsdale, based off its shape -- doused the flames instantly. Another sip as said city once again whisked itself away into obscurity. As was modern Equestrian life. There was no purpose for those who remained on the planet. No livelihood, no excitement. Just... nothing. Equestria had finally fallen. Not by an invading army, nor by a sudden, tragic event. No, the nation had crumbled, and faded away long ago, before anypony could even remember, banished into the disintegrating tomes of the archives. Twilight took another sip of her tea. Story pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuffAuthor's Note Here's another one! This one's more or less a gag joke, but I just wanted to get the idea out there. Unlike the previous pitches, I have to plans to write any story based on this. Though I do plan on shoveling the idea at some point into that Displaced story that I pitched a couple days back... On the side note, this story is just about as bipolar as the player character everyone collectively controls on my Discord server's RPG channel. Story pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuff "...Twilight, what is that?" Spike jerked back in surprise as Twilight whirled around, a maniacal grin spread across her face. A high-pitched sproink sounded out as her mane began to spring out at odd angles. "Wolf railgun!" Twilight cheered, aiming the weapon at her assistant, "With this baby, we won't have to worry about any villains or monsters, ever again!" Spike nudged the (surprisingly compact) railgun away from his face. "Twilight, how does it even work, first of all?" Twilight squealed in delight at the question, clapping her hooves as she spun back around to her open window. A heavy clunk of machinery emanated from within the railgun as she pulled the first lever. Slowly, a dim light began to shine from within an enclosed, secured bag held just within visibility at the back end of the railgun. The bag bulged for a bit, and the smell of wet dog began to fill the room as a small lump traveled up into the main launch chamber. With nothing more than a pop and a doppler-effect howl, a wolf shot out of the cannon, and into the distance. It took a few seconds, but soon enough, Spike could spot a cloud of birds rise from the Everfree forest. "Did... did the wolf even survive that?" Spike stuttered, "I'm pretty sure this is animal abuse." "NONSENSE!" Twilight yelled, "These wolves aren't your average, garden-variety, everyday wolves, for I, Twilight Sparkle, have traveled to an entirely different realm of existance for the sole purpose of finding the perfect ammo for my railgun!" "But why wolves?" Twilight winked. "Not just any wolves, Spike. You'll see in a moment." The ground began to tremble as a dark, howling cloud emerged from beneath the treetops of the Everfree. "A-are those--" "WOLVES!" Twilight screeched, nearly hitting her assistant with the railgun, "These wolves multiply exponentially, and on top of that, they fly!" "But won't that destroy Equestria as we know it?" "Who cares about Equestria?" Twilight shot back, "The universe that I pulled a single wolf from earlier was on the verge of collapse via the gravitational pull of the exponentially multiplying mass of wolves filling up the void!" "...And just what universe was this?" Twilight stared at the camera filming both herself and Spike. "The author's most recent D&D campaign!" "Oh." The last image the camera recorded was of the wolf cloud bursting in through the window. Story pitch: ManufactureAuthor's Note This story... hoo boy, things are probably gonna get meta. I've talked about this before if I remember correctly. Basically, the story would serve as an allegory to how I sometimes feel about writing stories: Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I'm writing for the sake of writing anymore. Instead, it feels more like I'm manufacturing a story, for the sole purpose of satisfying readers. Throughout the story pitch, certain things-- the repeated use of "generic", the puzzle Twilight works on, and so on, define what often annoyed me when it came to forcing myself to write more when I didn't want to. The generic-ness represents the feeling of repetition, the loss of uniqueness of certain objects, settings, or even themes in a story as I continue to use them past what I originally planned for. The puzzle, in turn, represents the modularity of the resulting story, mass-produced words that fit together... like a puzzle. This chapter is written to essentially be able to be read in nearly any order and still make just about the same amount of sense. Nothing makes sense simply due to how surreal things seem to be simply out of being too ordinary. The plot simply follows Twilight as she finishes a puzzle, vacuums the floor, watches TV, and heads outside, only to return indoors shortly after. In short, this story is about how when I feel forced to write a story, things begin to be faked. Things become nothing more than pieces of a puzzle, manufactured story, emotion, lies, that are written out and fed to the reader who wishes to see continual new content, or even simply to sate an author's own inner drive to write, long after they've reached their personal limits. But don't worry, that's not the case right now. Also, I think I write too much Twilight Sparkle. Then again, personality-wise, I'm most similar to her, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Story pitch: Manufacture Click. Another piece snapped in place. Click. Twilight Sparkle leaned back, admiring her completed puzzlework: A tall, unassuming, and rather generic image of a coral reef. She took a sip of her tea-flavored tea. Original tea flavored, of course. She turned on her television, staring blankly as a generic cartoon about ponies began to play. It was her favorite show, and the only show that ever aired. The show was the weather, it was the news, it was the entertainment, it was the sport. This show that the mare loved oh so much was by far the most generic show to ever air on TV. The mare pushed her couch to the side, paying mind to fit it snugly against the matching curve of her table. She wiped a speck of grey lint off the blazing white color of the couch, frowning as the lint then landed on the colorless carpet. She cantered away, returning minutes later with a rather nondescript vacuum, plugging it into a nearby outlet and turning it on. A high-pitched whine pierced the air for all but a few seconds as she vacuumed up the speck, before carting the vacuum back into her closet. She returned to the room as the TV show turned its focus to the weather. A pony that looked like any other pony spoke in a toneless, emotionless voice, pointing at the usual forecast that had been broadcasted for longer than Twilight could remember: partial clouds, with a chance of either rain or sun later in the day. The forecast ended abruptly, to no surprise. There was nothing else to speak of on the weather, after all, when any day was the same as the next. A string of advertisements ran next, all advertising the same old stories written by a nameless, obscure author. How many stories had they written? Nopony knows. The ads soon enough completed their usual cycle, returning the airwaves to the typical programming. This, of course, was Twilight's favorite part of the show. "Welcome to today's random history facts." the announcer drawled on, slowly lifting a hoof to gesture at a sign. Twilight squinted, focusing on the sign for a moment. It was mostly blank-- not much more than generic canvas, with some off-brand marker being used to write "History facts" across in a nondescript fashion. "Today's history fact," the announcer continued, his image cutting to a stock photo of Canterlot, "on this day today, as with any other day in known history, Celestia raises the sun." Twilight stared in awe at the dramatized reenactment of this morning's sunrise. "Thank you for watching today's random history fact. We will now turn to our entertainment programming once again." The cartoon about ponies returned to the screen. The blue pony was currently chasing the orange pony. Twilight didn't know their names; nobody knew their names. They were just known by their color. The scene cut to a purple pony watching TV. Nothing happened for some amount of time. Twilight turned off the TV and stood up. She stared for a little bit at the portrait of a pony. She didn't know that pony. She walked outside and saw the solid green rolling hills of the town. The mailmare walked past and gave her an unlabeled letter. She already knew its contents, but opened it anyway. "Thank you for your subscription to subscription mail services," the letter read, "You are our most valued customer, because all our customers are of great value to us." She closed the envelope and gave it to the next mailpony that passed. She wasn't entirely sure if the pony was actually a mailpony, however, because all the ponies that weren't in the TV show looked the same. Twilight stared down the perfect line of pristine houses, all alike in build and color. An older stallion mowed his lawn to once more be the same height as his neighbors. Twilight turned around and re-entered her house, pushing aside blank, generic drapes as she entered. somepony teleported bread?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger has done nothing but teleport bread for three days. somepony teleported bread? "Great news!" Twilight emerged from the hole in the ground that she called her studying pit. "We're not gonna die!" "Really?" Pinkie's mane immediately reinflated at the news. "But what about the bread?" Twilight held up a very clearly mutant loaf of bread. "Only bread gets cancerous tumors from the teleporter! So as long as nopony teleports anymore bread, we have nothing to worry about!" "Uh, question." Rainbow Dash raised a hoof. "...Yes?" "I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days." "That's not a question, Rainbow. That's a statement. Remember, questions end with a question mar--DEAR CELESTIA." A great rumble tore through the room. Everypony's eyes turned to the door. "Twilight!" Celestia burst through the doors, crumbs plastered across her face. "This is the most delicious cake I have ever tasted!" A bot wrote this chapter?Author's Note Feel free to mess around as you'd like with the source. What did I feed into the bot? Pony-Me™ What If... My English essay on the ethical use of Artificial Intelligence My US History notes on the Civil War Microsoft's Windows 10 license agreement Yeah. Fed all of those at the same time into the bot. This is what it spat out. The only things I added manually were punctuation and capitalization. All else was generated by the bot. A bot wrote this chapter? The progress of your lives was obtained from Kentucky banker laws. In fact, the device that you use daily serves as a reminder to all that personal privacy has shrunken greatly. Twilight Sparkle screeched across the land, many serious vehicles twirling through her ears. "What are you doing to my daughter?!" The mare shrieked from behind her unwavering eyes, "Y'know the Confederacy could mobilize resources and then Illinois!" Increasingly potent screaming horse noises distracted the Confederacy. Though Britain never recognized the means of intelligent ponies, Lincoln reaffirmed through informal struggles and services that the populace had grown accustomed to your own reflection. However, even with hellfire missiles learning to use the autonomous vehicles, what became meta curated individual proceedings without Twilight's shoulder drones. "300,000 victims ago, in Canterlot dungeons, the algorithms developed military leaders!" Twilight cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes, "I'd be made in researching horse pants explosion noises!" Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through the cereal aisle, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "Twilight," the mare flipped, "Siri has installed software for commercial hosting technologies on your device!" Rainbow Dash provided a third party internet connection to the Australian environment. Microsoft and Microsoft permanently became alicorns for the next three hours. "Spike," Twilight groaned, "I just wanted to lick blocks from underneath Kansas..." Lisa Garnet awoke from the battlefield of ethical autonomous swords, staring blankly at the intelligent pony. "What did you say to me?" she deadpanned, "Just because ponies are very fireproof today... Well, y'know horse future, I think I'll probably throw the car over the city." She turned towards the machine as a small vehicle lurched through the air. "So..." She began importantly, "I just vehicles. " "You vehicles?" "Bells!" The girl shouted angrily, "Ah'm researching the mirror portal again!" The girl turned away, walking off into the distance. "So..." Twilight whispered, "I'd certainly hope that she was once a small rabbit. I wonder if she was carrying a small rabbit crime cycle?" Twilight sighed gently, her tail flopping over her newfound Dragonfire drones. A few golden coins and gems conspired against the potato overlords. Instead of using their permanently assigned husband files, shrunken book devices separately licensed to the gr8 sl8 pl8 fr8 boxes likewise embraced Lincoln's muffins. "I sneezed." Celestia narrowed her face. "You what?" "I sneezed." Celestia narrowed her eyes. Twilight stared at the alicorn in agony; nearly twice the terms of business warfare laws impose references to kill public support for party sites. The Confederacy still hoped to collect more information about the trivialities of handling mass confusion technologies. Other than that, they were unable to reconnect automatically to the traditional displacement train. "Twilight," Celestia said softly, "The Confederacy could mobilize quickly. They may be quite smart about how things like Bob and Joe experience intelligence. Yet, at the same time, internet missiles and target information begin to write stories that are parasprites." Twilight nodded, slinging a small keyboard at Rainbow Dash. "You now have to make a hoof," Twilight hollered, "The sound of stampeding animals infected by printing paper replaced Shining Armor's cheeks!" "Yes." Rainbow Dash replied, stomping the device into the Facebook of peanut butter, "I think I might have to uninstall the software from your commercial hosting technologies, but it looks like you're trying to save Equestria again." Rainbow paused for a moment, and suddenly burst through the tree that was made entirely of ponies and pebbles. Of course, the giant tank treads aided what would prove to be nothing like anything that she had seen before. Twilight grinned, grabbing her friend military and driving juice rations as she tackled the author. 420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again?Author's Note Let's see... One Techieverse crossover! Two Techieverse crossovers! This makes three! Stories you might see in this chapter (in no particular order): Wielder of the Orb: Third Time's the Charm (and its previous incarnations) Lab Horse: Redux Lab Horse trilogy Split Conscience Pony-Me Holy Crap it's a Lawnmower in Equestria! The Amazing Adventures of Butter Knife! (& Friends!) Equestria Forever etc... 420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again? Well, that definitely didn't happen. I just played Smash Ultimate at my friend's house all night instead of my usual writing time. Surprise mid-hiatus update because the author is bored and actually has a tiny bit of free time in the middle of the night again?"Twilight!" Spike burst, kicking the door open, "Twilight, there's something big happening outside!" Twilight looked up from her book, staring daggers at her assistant as she set the tome aside. With a sigh, she stretched in her seat, (not so gracefully) tumbling onto the floor in the process. "C'mon! You need to see this!" Spike continued, helping Twilight up, "It's... uh, very relevant to your interests." Twilight and Spike stood at the base of a massive, unbelievably tall scroll, of which was magically filling itself with this very narration. Twilight raised a hoof, watching as these words that you are reading at this moment spelled themselves out on the scroll. She raised a quill, and began to write "Will this scroll register my own inputs?" onto its surface, watching as the same text appeared in the same narration as she did so. Spike quietly slinked away to some random location. Twilight read the previous sentence and turned around to chase down her assistant, who was currently in the act of attempting to pull Pinkie Pie into the scene in an attempt to decipher just how this magical giant scroll containing this chapter worked. Pinkie Pie rolled up this scroll, blinking a couple times before unfurling it again, reading this chapter from the beginning all the way down to this current string of words that the author is typing. She turned around to see Spike. "H3ll0 pINK poneR!" Spike drawled before collapsing on his face from exhaustion after being chased. On the side note, this scroll Pinkie is holding at the moment is the exact same scroll as the giant one previously mentioned, and thus the giant scroll has now ceased to exist because Pinkie is currently reading this word out loud. "Oh, is that the same scroll as the giant scroll that was previously mentioned in this chapter?" Twilight asked as she caught up to Spike, completely circumventing the fact that she, unlike Pinkie, has yet to read this current portion of the chapter, "Because that giant scroll just barely disappeared." And thus, this chapter's logic has just gotten a band-aid slapped onto it with that line. Let's have a moment to appreciate Twilight's literary genius. Pinkie Pie said nothing, and once again read the current line of text as the author typed it out. "Y'know, this chapter is actually very absurd when you think about it," Spike noted, completely alert again for some reason that shan't be explained as anything more than Magic and Good Feelings. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "STAHP!" Pinkie Pie screeched with the might of Cthulhu, "You're gonna make the author's head hurt!" "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. Pinkie Pie pulled out the Infinity Gauntlet and Thanos-snapped away the additional text. In your mind, all of the repeated lines about Discord cloning this text to read for himself has been erased. You're welcome. Twilight Sparkle "Huh?"-ed in confusion as the scroll suddenly began to glow violently, ominously hovering out of Pinkie Pie's hooves and growing arms, legs and a face as it turned into a living entity. "Hello there I am the scroll of What Iffingstorn," this text began to drawl in a clearly obvious text-to-speech-y voice, "I have triggered myself to trigger myself to trigger myself to summon my living being into this fitting body for the purpose of instilling horsewords into the minds of both the horses that I see before me and the unseen readers hiding beyond the fourth wall." "What." deadpanned Starlight Glimmer, who suddenly became relevant to this chapter for no reason other than being cannon fodder for this story's already surreal plot. "Yes I have come here to make you all more smart like L O L why are you talking to a living scroll that talks with the voice of a screaming pincushion mixed with a blender." The three mares and the sole dragon that have appeared in this chapter paused to think about exactly what this text had just told them. Little do they know that the previous statement would be negated by this current statement. And so, with the power of narrative tweaking, they are now instead thinking of each other. "You know, Starlight really should go to Sunset and people stuff again," Twilight suddenly began musing. "TWILIGHT NEEDS TO GIVE ME MOAR ICE CREEEEAAAAAM!" Spike screamed... for ice cream. "Spike should stop yelling and read this chapter!" Pinkie squeaked. "Aw, Twilight got to be the first to think about somepony, just like she was the first to get wings." Starlight mumbled in disappointment. It was at this very moment that Ponyville, and soon all of Equestria got M.A. Larson-ized. Yes, even this chapter and the words you are currently reading in the form of a (now-anthropomorphized) living scroll is now an alicorn. This string of text will now prepare you for the climax of this short, absurd little story. You now see a small crack in your scream, beginning at the period preceding this sentence. Though it begins small-- just a hairline crack, really,-- it quickly grows bigger and bigger, before suddenly disappearing entirely for no obvious reason. You do, however, notice a few key changes... If you are reading this on any iPhone newer than a 6s, you now have a headphone jack, first of all. Also, there's this weird, intangible mist of pink sparkly particles swirling around you that makes it seem like you're in the middle of your own, personal hurricane. Secondly, alicornized Pinkie Pie just came out of nowhere and turned you into an alicorn. Except you're still human, so that makes things a bit weird for you if you were expecting to become your alicorn OC. This strange little collection of horsewords follows the previous described events by calmly stepping out of the pink swirly stuff, its hands behind its back as it strolls up to you. You read my face, and the words currently being typed, for I am still an anthro scroll and there's nothing you can do about that. You continue reading these words, and by the power of narration, I have made you oblivious to the fact that you are about to be tackled by Celestia and dragged by your fingernails to Empress-Supreme-Human-Impersonator Lyra for "inspection". On the other hand, this string of text, and your primate brain realizing what the previous string of text has just told you, has allowed you to avoid being dragged kicking and screaming, instead allowing you to be dragged with swag. You sip a cup of orange juice as you pass by a scowling Applejack. Your fingernails are a bit sore, and the pavement underneath you is a bit rough to the bottom, but you nevertheless don a pair of sunglasses you didn't even know you had and enjoy the ride. And if you aren't enjoying the ride right now, then by the power of narration, boom, you suddenly now are. You find yourself facing the Goddess Lyra, and myself, the Scroll of What Iffingstorn. Your fingernails are now on fire, but other than that seem to be fine for the moment other than the fact that they are on fire. "HUMAN." Lyra boomed, "YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO ME FOR YOUR CRIME OF BEING AN AFFRONT TO PONYKIND FOR BEING AN ALICORN-HUMAN HYBRID OC THAT IS IN NO PARTICULAR WAY EDGY OR FANFICTION RELATED." Lyra whirls around to read the fact that she has just made multiple misstatements, with the entire previous line being all false. "Haha!" You laugh after reading the same text off my face, "So I will challenge you to a duel then, Lyra the Eternal!" Lyra the Universe Shaper laughed a hearty laugh as she snapped her fingers, clones of you quickly rushing to her side with giant serving platters. They lift the lids to reveal Twilight Sparkle, who had since returned to reading a book, Spike, who was suddenly knocked out again, Sunset Shimmer, who was eating her bacon hair, Starlight Glimmer the glimmering starlight pony, and Pinkie Pie, who was conveniently reading out this list out loud because I was facing away from you and therefore outside of this text that you are reading being typed you are blind to my intents and thoughts as an anthropomorphized scroll. "I NOW DEEM YOU UNWORTHY OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FINGERS." Lyra announced suddenly in a sudden period of sudden time, "THEREFORE, YOU WILL BE CONVERTED TO A FINGERLESS BRUTE WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS." Five seconds pass, and you realize that you still have your fingers, for no matter what power the Great Lyra of Anything and Everything Godly may hold, I, the even Greater Scroll of Narration, hold even greater power. Lyra proceeds to set this scroll on fire anger, but you see, because of the unfortunate location that she has set the flame, she has just wiped herself out from existence due to accidentally torching only her name from this story. You only see Lyra's name because that's what your mind wants you to think now. Lyra has ceased to exist on every plane of existence. There is no Lyra. There is only the Scroll of What Iffingstorn. In a flash, everything appears to revert back to how it was. You are now once again reading me from the comfort of the behind hwall htruof et space, and will absolutely not notice the grammatical garbage fire that was the previous set of words before this one that was caused by an abrupt lag spike while reading this that somehow caused multiple keystrokes to get jumbled. Congrats, your brain is now mush anyway, and by the power of narration, it shall stay that way. Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- Stay in school, kids! Story pitch: Worlds ResetAuthor's Note Synopsis: Reimagining of "Manufacture" and "Unnamed Story Idea #1" (AKA μParallels. Yeah, I came up with a name for it.) as a single story. This story would combine the "generic-ness" nature of Manufacture with the pocket reality trope of μParallels, in that Equestria turns out to be a pocket reality of a bigger, unseen plane of existence. For whatever reason, it is suddenly and abruptly reset, wiping anything and everything and leaving behind a clean slate. While ponies do indeed still retain their lives and personalities, they are now all perfectly identical, and the once vibrant world of Equestria is now instead a bleak plane of grey-black ground and white sky. There is no day or night anymore, and all uniqueness has been lost in the world. The story would from there focus on a way to bring back what once was, but would likely center early on on the protagonist(s?) working out how to survive in this new, literal clean-slate world. Stylistic choices (such as replacing all punctuation with either commas, periods, or ellipses) may or may not stay if I write out the full story. Tell me what you prefer in the comments. Story pitch: Worlds Reset See above author's note for full pitch and synopsis. Also, yeah, this pitch is gonna feature Twilight just because I'm the most used to writing her. Full story may feature OC protagonists instead if I decide to write it. Though honestly, after writing the below snippet, I think it'd be best to write using OCs, so that the blatant OOC take on the Mane Six would probably impact the story's overall readability. A searing whine pierced Twilight's ears as she jolted awake, blinking in the blinding white light surrounding her. She glanced downward, lifting a grey hoof from the slightly darker grey ground beneath her. "Spike." she drawled in monotone, "Spike. Can you hear me. Spike... Spike. Girls. Hello." Nothing. She felt a hoof on her back. Turning, she was met with an equally-grey pony, who simply waved back. "Hey, Twilight," Spike began in the same monotone, "What just happened here." Twilight shook her head. "I don't know." Sweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle?Author's Note Say hi to Zapper frost! Sweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle blinked, staring at the towering giraffe form of herself looming over her. "INSIGNIFICANT." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, turning away from the filly and returning to destroying Ponyville for being too short. Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)?Author's Note RELEASE THE KRAKEN, AnObliviousAuthor! Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Opal. Opal hissed at the strange, tall counterpart to Sweetie Belle. "UNACCEPTABLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, "KITTY CAT MUST BE PET AT ALL TIMES." Sweetie Giraffe lifted up a hoof, and tipped over due to how freakin' unbalanced she is with such a long neck. I can try?What if I can try? What if, even in the face of adversity, even after everything has crumbled to nothing, I can try? What if, when everything goes downhill and all begins to turn for the worst, I still try? Even when all that I've worked on is nearly erased once and for all, I am still here. I can try. I will try. I will do. I can rebuild. I can stand up. I can try. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ HTML test thing?Author's Note If this works, the image will show up in the .html download. HTML test thing? Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again)Author's Note Don't worry, Super Trampoline, I'm still working on the "100-word" slashfic shipping entry. Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again) Worlds Reset: The story follows Amber Shadow, or simply Amber, as she's usually referred to, as the protagonist. She's a teenage filly who craves adventure over the mundane, everyday life that she's lived. Every day and every night she dreams of adventure, mentally reshaping the world she knows to her own fitting and exploring it in her thoughts. Except... one day, that very same world simply vanishes, leaving behind nothing but blank white. Just a grey-black ground and a blazing-white sky. Nothing else. Even the ponies have been stripped of their individuality, as nopony looks different from one another anymore. This is not the kind of adventure Amber wished for. This is not the world Amber dreamed of. This is a nightmare. And she's the one who has to fix it. There's a chance that this may or may not have some kind of relation to Pony-Me in some way or another... 100 word slashfic ship for Super Trampoline?Hello_there,_I_am_gaming_the_word_count_using_a_little_gimmick_I_found._Would_you_like_to_say_anything,_Pinkie? "I_like_it!_Really_gimmicky!" Excellent._The_readers_will_never_realize_until_they_click_on_this_chapter_that_they_aren't_reading_a_hundred_words,_but_rather_a_hundred_paragraphs._Oh,_they'll_be_in_for_a_treat. Pinkie_Pie_sighed,_staring_dreamily_at_the_physical_incarnation_of_stretching_the_limits_of_what_can_count_as_a_word_in_a_story._The_unexpectedly_long_chapter_did_nothing_in_response,_for_it_was_only_a_collection_of_nonliving_horsewords. "Do_you_think_we've_passed_a_hundred_words_yet?"_Pinkie_asked_quietly,_"Do_you_think_we'll_really_be_able_to_get_this_chapter_posted_as_a_hundred_word_chapter?" The_slashfic_did_nothing. "What_would_happen_if_I_kissed_you?" Once_again,_the_story_did_nothing._Pinkie_Pie_squealed_in_delight,_embracing_the_story_with_a_hug_before_landing_a_quick_peck_on_its_lifeless_words. For_its_part,_the_slashfic_continued_to_be_read_by_you,_the_reader. "Do_you_think_we_can_touch_the_stars_if_we_tried_hard_enough?"_Pinkie_asked,_pulling_away_from_the_slashfic_story_ship_thing. Nothing. Word_count_inflation!_Yay! "Ooh,_sounds_kin--" A_magical_hand_of_face_slapping_emerged_from_the_fourth_wall_and_slapped_Pinkie. Child_friendly! "Aww,_don't_be_such_a_spoilsport!"_Pinkie_exclaimed_with_a_chuckle,_slashfics_aren't_supposed_to_be_like_that!" As_usual,_this_story_did_nothing_in_response. ... ... Aw_heck,_this_thing_is_beginning_to_get_pretty_drawn_out,_isn't_it? Pinkie_nodded,_nuzzling_the_story_right_in_the_words. "Should..._should_we_cut_it_short_then?"_she_whispered,_a_tremor_in_her_voice. "Perhaps,"_the_author_responded,_taking_on_the_role_of_the_story's_voice,_"But_that_is_up_to_you._Would_you_like_to_see_this_end_so_soon?" "N-no,"_Pinkie_hesitated,_"Not_yet,_at_least._We'll_let_this_end_when_the_time_comes._We_still_have_seventy-six_so-called_words_left,_don't_we?" "Very_well_then,"_the_story_replied_through_the_author,_"That_shall_be_the_case._How_would_you_like_to_spend_these_final_words_that_I_must_be_limited_by?" Pinkie_rolled_off_of_the_story's_words_and_onto_the_soft_grass_underneath. "I_guess_I_could_throw_a_party_for_the_end_of_the_chapter,_but_I_don't_really_think_that_the_end_of_something_sweet_should_be_celebrated._Y'know?" The_story_tried_its_best_to_agree,_but_alas,_being_simple,_nonliving_text_granted_the_ability_to_speak_did_not_let_it_represent_itself_in_any_physical_form. "It's_okay,_story,"_Pinkie_smiled,_I_know_what_you_are_trying_to_do._It's_alright_if_you_can't_represent_yourself_physically._Just_as_long_as_you're_there." "Thank_you,_Pinkie,"_the_story_responded,_"Thank_you_for_being_here_for_me,_even_if_I_cannot_ever_show_you_my_gratitude." "You're_welcome." The_pink_mare_stood_up,_stomping_softly_on_the_grass. "It_isn't_fair." "What_isn't_fair,_Pinkie?"_the_story_replied,_"Is_there_something_on_your_mind_that_even_I_have_not_yet_mentioned?" "It_isn't_fair,"_Pinkie_repeated,_"Why_do_we_have_to_live_inside_this_story,_when_so_many_millions_upon_billions_of_others_happily_enjoy_their_lives_beyond_the_limits_of_our_own_universe?" "Ah,"_the_story_acknowledged,_"I..._I_am_sorry,_Pinkie._I_cannot_help_with_this,_unfortunately._It_is_simply_my_nature_as_a_story._Once_again,_I_must_apologize." Pinkie's_face_drooped._"Oh,"_she_sighed,_"So_this_is_how_it_is_then..._this_is_how_it_will_always_be..._so..._there's_nothing_that_even_I_can_do?_Nothing_you_can_do?_What_about_Discord?_Celestia?" A_wave_of_sudden_calm_washed_over_the_mare's_face. "We_will_talk_to_Twilight_then,"_she_stated_in_monotone,_her_mane_slowly_deflating,_"She_would_know_what_to_do." "I'm_sorry,_but_there's_not_really_anything_I_can_do_about_this,"_Twilight_apologized,_"This_is_beyond_my_ability._It's_likely_beyond_the_ability_of_anypony_in_Equestria,_in_fact." "So..._you_don't_know_what_to_do?" Twilight_shook_her_head. "Just_as_I_said_before,"_this_story_began_from_within_Pinkie's_mane,_"There_is_nothing_that_can_be_done._It_is_simply_my_nature_to_limit_you_and_all_others_within_my_texts_to_this_lonely_universe_of_a_story._It_may_be_possible_to_eventually_escape_to_another_story_like_myself,_but_that_in_and_of_itself_is_a_rare_occasion." Pinkie_hung_her_head. "Oh..._I_guess_that's_it_then,_isn't_it?" "But_wait,"_the_story_continued,_catching_both_Pinkie_and_Twilight_off-guard,_"While_there_is_not_anything_that_may_be_done_about_this_situation,_there_is_still_indeed_one_possible_solution_that_is_within_our_abilities,_and_within_mine_as_the_story_that_unfortunately_traps_you_all..." "Oh,"_Pinkie_gasped,_"Does_that_mean_that_we'll_be_able_to_escape_together?" "Yes,"_the_story_confirmed,_wishing_that_it_could_just_once_smile_back_at_the_mare_it_loved,_"Yes,_we_may_be_able_to_do_just_that,_Pinkie." "How_though?"_Pinkie_mumbled,_"How_are_we_going_to_escape_this_story_together..._when_you_yourself_are_the_story?" "I_do_not_quite_know." "You..._don't?" "Perhaps,"_the_story_continued,_"Perhaps_it_is_possible_for_me_to_change_myself,_to_write_in_events_into_my_chapters_and_phrases_in_order_to_make_escape_possible." Pinkie_paused._"Do_you_really_think_you_could_do_that?" The_story,_in_all_of_its_literary_immobility,_tried_its_best_to_smile,_but_nevertheless_failed._Ignoring_this_shortcoming,_the_story_immediately_began_to_focus_its_efforts. ... ... "Did... did it work?" I believe so. A smile crept across the mare's face. "Are we free yet?" Soon, Pinkie. Our time in this chapter is drawing to a close by every word we speak. Silently, the two-- the mare and the story, embraced. Author's Note Pinkie Pie x Unexpectedly long chapter! Have fun, Super Trampoline! SIDE NOTE: Yeah, on the chapter list it shows as 96 words, but here in the editor it's 100 words. :P Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset?Author's Note Just a snippet of the unfinished first chapter. Also, would you rather prefer this be its own, separate story from Pony-Me, with its own lore and history and such, or would you prefer it to build directly upon Pony-Me itself? 'Cause honestly, I really don't want to jump into writing anything continuing Pony-Me soo soon yet, but some of my prereaders have been pushing for it... Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset? Freakin' geez, mom, Amber mentally seethed, storming down the stairs into her foyer, Can you let me have time to myself for just a bucking minute without you barging in? She spotted her breakfast on the table but nevertheless ignored it with another eyeroll, slinging her bags over her back and making a beeline for the door. Once outside, the mare let out a deep sigh, taking in the sunlight hitting her face as a breeze rippled through her mane. Putting on her usual façade, she promptly made her way down the street. A brief glint caught her eye as she passed a window, causing her to slow. She turned back, brows furrowed as she stepped closer to the window. Nothing out of the ordinary, Amber dismissed, turning away from the glass, Probably just a reflection of a passing bird or something... Her steps slowed to a halt yet again as a piercing, metallic tone began to screech through the air. She shook her head and continued walking. I guess mom was right about staying up so late. I'm going loopy now, aren't I? She came to an intersection as the screech began to subside. A shiver went up her spine as she saw an approaching carriage draw near. It passed her, the stallion pulling it nodding a silent "Hello" as he traveled to who-knows-where with his passenger. Heh, Amber mentally chuckled, Things would get pretty interesting for once if I decided to just... stick a hoof out and cause a little-- The same carriage passed her again, the stallion pulling it giving the same, friendly nod as he passed by. The mare frowned, rubbing her eyes as she stared down the road. Both carriage and stallion had vanished from view. She looked back in the direction they'd come from, and-- "Woah, there! Careful, miss!" the stallion exclaimed, swerving around her, "You're gonna get hurt if you stick your hoof out into the road like that!" Okay, this is getting a little weird... Amber took a step back, her hoof beginning to sink into the concrete sidewalk. Her eyes went wide as she pulled it from the ground, only to find that the rest of her hooves had also begun to sink. "H-help!" the mare yelped, fear creeping into her voice, "What the hay is going on?!" She heard her voice echo on for seemingly forever. That strange twinkle of light from the night before had seemingly returned as well, fixed in place in the morning sky. Though, it seemed... bigger now. Not by much, but it had seemingly grown overnight. A shockwave abruptly ripped past the mare, blowing her mane in every direction as the very sky itself appeared to ripple. The ground beneath her buckled, and she felt the concrete pavement once again solidify around her hooves, trapping her partway into the ground. Starlight Glimmer never held a grudge?Twilight set the tip of her pen down on the blank parchment and began scrawling on the paper. What would my life be like if Starlight Glimmer never came back for revenge? ~~~o~~~ Starlight Glimmer watched from the chilling hillsides. She never thought that she could feel so wrong, stealing cutie marks from innocent ponies she had lured for years. Her head dipped low as she thought of her past actions, her intents on what to do with Twilight's cutie mark. As she slowly trudged away through the cold storm, the freezing blasts of wind suddenly died down. Noticing the sudden change, Starlight's eyes slowly drifted upwards, meeting eye-to-eye with a blue pegasus with rainbow hair. Starlight jumped back in fright. "R-rainbow?!" She looked behind the pegasus, and found to her fear that it wasn't just the speedy pegasus, but all of the mane six. "What have you come back for?!" She shouted angrily, "Why do you torment my sorrow like this?!" She began sobbing, and dropped to the ground. Twilight slowly walked towards her. "Starlight, we didn't mean to cause any hurt feelings, we just wanted to make sure you're alright. Back when we were leaving, I looked behind us, and I saw you -- you were standing up on that mountain, and I saw that you were harshly regretting your actions. It's okay, Starlight, you don't have to beat yourself up over this. Starlight looked back up from the hole in the snow she had made, tears still shimmering in her eyes. "Really?" she asked weakly, "You really mean it?" Twilight nodded. "It's only fair that if you have come to acknowledge your actions, then we should at least help you get back on your hooves." Starlight paused for a moment, and suddenly, broke back out into crying. "But why? Why must you treat me so kindly, when I practically forced communism over the ponies in Our Town?!" she took a breath to stifle her sobs. "And besides, I..." her lip began trembling. "I ... I don't have any friends... and I haven't had any since I was a filly..." Twilight nodded in empathy. "Well, if you haven't had friends for that long, than why don't you just go out there and make another?" Starlight's facial expression slowly twisted from a sad, depressed one to a face of anger. "Do you even know HOW I lost my ONLY friend?! " She took a step towards Twilight. "Do you know?! HUH?!" Twilight jumped back. "No, Starlight, how?" Starlight seethed with anger. "THAN I'LL SHOW YOU HOW!!!" ~~~Flashback~~~ Her horn lit up, and suddenly, the ponies found themselves standing at a window. Twilight looked inside, Starlight standing firmly next to her. Inside, Twilight saw a young filly who looked almost exactly like Starlight, stacking books with a young colt, when suddenly, the tower of reading material began to sway. As it began to collapse, the colt saved his friend by taking hold of all the books at once, sending them all flying back to their respectful positions on the nearby shelf. After the ordeal ended, a bright light began to shine from his flank. Starlight turned to Twilight. She spoke firmly, "This... this was how I lost my friend." The colt was now being carried away by his family and friends, leaving a lonely and upset filly behind on the doorstep. She began to tear up, and mumbled the words, "Goodbye..." ~~~o~~~ As the scene ended, Starlight's horn stopped glowing. As it did, the mare began to tear back up. I-I remember it all... After that day, I never made another friend... I was too afraid that another cutie mark would take them away from me..." Twilight set a hoof on Starlight's back. "It's okay, Starlight, you have us now. We can be your friends!" Starlight's mood lifted a little. "Really?" Twilight turned to her friends. As they nodded, Twilight spoke gently, "Yes, Starlight. you'll never be lonely again." ~~~o~~~ Twilight set down the pen and read through her work. She turned to her proofreader and friend, Starlight Glimmer. "Like it? I based it on you." Starlight read through it. Afterwards, she looked back at Twilight, and replied, "Yeah, I like it. I kinda wish now that that's what happened instead..." Sombra chose a better path? (Early timeline)After a full day's worth of mindlessly doing princess-y work related mainly to getting the nobles to stop treating each other like crap, Twilight decided to continue on her book. She picked up the pen and took out yet another blank piece of paper, until suddenly, she paused, and turned to Spike, who was sleeping on the floor. "Spike," she called, "what do you think I should write about this time? Spike opened an eye and yawned. He then lazily answered, "I dunno, maybe something related to some recent event or something..." With that, he proceeded to flop back over and continue his slumber, letting out an occasional snore. Twilight concentrated, and began thinking of things that had happened within the past month, remembering how Sombra was recently purified of his darkness. She sprung up, a determined expression on her face, and began writing. ~~~o~~~ It had been a week since Sombra had been miraculously saved by his only friend, Hope. He knew that there was something inside of him; something that didn't belong, something... dark... So he decided to make it his duty to find whatever it was, and put an end to it once and for all, changing the horrible destiny he saw in the progress. He and Hope then set off on a long and grueling trip to Canterlot to address Princess Celestia herself, for not even Princess Amore had been able to do anything. Author's Note If you're wondering what I meant by "Sombra being purified" and all, here's a spoiler for the comic I made the reference to: Comic #37 ends off with Sombra becoming good, and running off to find the pieces of Princess Amore to restore her. Originally, I was going to scrap this chapter, because I didn't really have many ideas for it. Instead, I'm going to publish it anyways, but I doubt that I'll upload a present and future timeline for this anytime soon. Potatoes Ruled the Earth?Spudlestia sighed as she swallowed another mouthful of mashed potatoes. It was all there ever was to eat nowadays, considering the fact that she was now the puppet-leader controlled by the Potato Overlords. The good thing is, at least said Potato Overlords had vanquished all evil... by turning them into potato... Shortly after the great potato wars, Luna had gone missing, leaving open a hole that Spudlestia had vowed to patch for years. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Now, many years after her sister's disappearance, Luna had been found. Earlier that day, Spudlestia had secretly frozen time in order to go out on a trek to find her sister. Now, here she was, hiding in Celesti--SPUDLESTIA's sock drawer. Sometimes, Spudlestia would wish of her days back as good ol' Princess Celestia, before the swift invasion of the potato overlords. Seeing as how they were able to take over so quickly and easily, Celestia had no other choice but to play along, and hope to not be 'potatofied' by the fiends. The Mane Six had fallen in the same fashion as well. They too had to change each of their names, mostly out of fear. (Though in the case of Potankie, she just thought it was a game.) Spudlestia glanced back out the window, gazing at the hundreds upon thousands of ponies tending the massive potato farm once known as Equestria. The worst thing is, they weren't even allowed to mention potatoes as a food, as that counted as heresy against the potato overlords. Instead, each and every pony had exactly three square meters to grow food in order to sustain themselves and their family. As for Tartarus... let's just say that Tirek now hates potato. In fact, the only being known across the land to have escaped the wrath of the potatoes, is Discord himself. Mainly because he escaped into an alternate universe where potatoes didn't rule. But still. POTATO. Suddenly, one of Spudlestia's top managers, Mr. Potato Head from the planet Hazboroo, stepped into the room. "How's my nation going, Tia?" "Don't call me Tia..." Spudlestia murmured under her breath. "Well?" "And FYI, this isn't your nation," she snapped, spinning around to face Potato Head. "Aww, c'mon, Tia, now isn't the time for jokes! We've got to have our daily potato census completed by... tonight!" "FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME TIA!!!" Potato Head backed off, his spaghetti-like arms held in front of him as if they were the one thing keeping him from death by enraged Princess. "Chill, Spudlestia," he said coldy, slowly backing out the door. "I SHALL NOT 'CHILL', NOT UNLESS I SEE MY SISTER! NOT UNLESS EQUESTRIA'S FREED FROM YOUR TYRANNICAL GRASP!" By the time Spudlestia had finished, Potato Head was nowhere to be seen. Luna peeked her head from Celestia's dresser drawer. "Is the potato man gone?" Spudlestia nodded, still glaring in the spot that Potato Head had been. At least Luna's still here... she thought, remembering the time she stumbled across Luna during the few seconds she froze the universe to search for her sister. Luna smiled gently, and disappeared back into the sea of socks. Spudlestia finally dropped her glare, and walked towards her paper-cloaked desk. She shuffled through the various documents and treaties, until she found the article she had been searching for. A declaration of war. Author's Note Spudlestia = Celestia Potankie = Pinkie Also, Smartphones Existed in Equestria?Author's Note Just a random thought: What if the Mane Six got smartphones, and became wildly addicted to them? Spoiler alert: Applebloom rhymes once. Smartphones Existed in Equestria? "Spike, could you hand me that stylus? My hooves are aching from all this tapping." Spike didn't say a word, his eyes trained on the next swarm of enemies entering his screen. "Spike?" Twilight called once more, taking her eyes off her current battle for a split second. During that split second, "YOU LOST." suddenly zoomed up onto the screen, indicating Twilight's failure. "DARNIT, SPIKE, YOU MADE ME LOSE!" Spike rolled his eyes, and tossed the thin stick of metal and plastic at Twilight. He immediately unpaused the game and continued playing, ignoring the fact that said pen had just smacked Twilight on the horn. "You're doing great! Keep up the good work!" A semi-robotic voice called, echoing through the barren room. Rarity sat at the very center, her wary eyes trained on the digital tapestries. "Got... to... loop... more..." she said weakly, grunting as she lifted her chapped hoof to the screen. As for the reason why the room was completely bare of really any sort of physical objects, Rarity had sold a large portion of her personal possessions in order to buy out the largest shareholding stake in a phone case manufacturer. That was yesterday. For now, she sat alone in the room, patiently waiting for the profits to roll in as she practiced her sewing on the device. Downstairs, Sweetie bell sat dumbfounded, staring at the screen of her electronic gadget. On said screen was an "Undersea Cooking" app, and she had somehow managed to once again, set everything on fire. Phone included. "YEAH! TAKE THAT, BI--" Fluttershy was cut off by a smack across the face from Angel bunny, who was impatiently tapping his furry foot on Fluttershy's dirty floor. "Oh, I'm sorry... did I forget to feed you again?" Angel nodded angrily, followed by a wave of unhappy murmurs from the rest of the animals. Fluttershy smiled, and tapped on the screen again. "There's an app for that..." Suddenly, the clicking sound of automated food dispensers echoed throughout the room, followed by the rampant scurrying of hundreds of animals scrambling to get their fill. Fluttershy switched the screen back over to O&O Online, taking her back into her fantasy world as "Cuttershy the Vile". Rainbow Dash flew into a tree. Again. She had been completely oblivious of all the "no texting and flying" signs put up about the town, and a few times, even flew into them herself. She didn't care, anyways. It was just, what, twenty, thirty or so bruises on top of each other? All that mattered was that she kept up her win-streak. Currently, she was fighting a really feisty opponent, one who she swore she had fought before... if she just remembered when. Her train of thought was cut off as she collided with a certain wall-eyed mare, causing both their devices to drop to the ground. Derpy flew down first to pick up the devices, Rainbow speeding past her. "Wait..." Rainbow began, glancing between the two screens after catching the phones, "you're MuffinCake37?!" Derpy chuckled nervously, reaching out to take her smartphone back from Rainbow. "NOPE!" Rainbow hissed, flying backwards into a lightpole, "I'ma beat you first!" Applejack whistled cheerfully as she collected her crops. Meanwhile, the apples lay rotting, strewn about the ground. Applebloom trotted up besides her sister, peering over the screen. "C'mon, sis," she whined, "can't you at least share a few friend-boxes?" Applejack facehoofed slowly. "Nah, Bloom, ya know that them boxes're friend boxes, not family boxes, ok?!" Applebloom took her hoof off the top bezel of the tablet, and trudged away. Big Mac and Granny Smith eyed each other with steely glares, halfway through their heated Blackjack match. "I win!" Granny Smith shouted suddenly, throwing her tablet up in the air. "Ehhh, catch!" Big Mac yelped, lunging for the flying hunk of metal and glass. All to no avail, however, as said hunk of metal and glass was now a very dented hunk of metal and cracked glass. "Aww, shucks... that's the third tablet ya chucked there, granny..." Applebloom said as she watched the scene. "Party here, party there, some balloons over there with the punch..." Pinkie murmured, her tongue sticking out cutely as she stared at the glowing screen. Gummy blinked once. "Come on, Gummy, it's not that bad, is it?" Gummy stared silently, his mind taken away to a universe in which he was currently chewing on his own tail as he saved the universe. "It is, isn't it?!" Pinkie hollered, tears streaming down her face. "THOSE HATERS ARE RIGHT, GUMMY, I'M A FAILURE AT PARTIES!!!" Gummy licked one of his eyeballs. "Really? It's... good?" Gummy continued his unending gaze, searching Pinkie's soul for the answer to life. "42?" Pinkie suddenly blurted, "What does the secret of life and the universe have to do with party planning?" Gummy yawned, intent with his findings. Tomorrow, he'll search the infinite wealth of information known as "the internet" for more clues, in order to complete his quest to find true love with the plushy from the mirror world. Pinkie continued frantically tapping and dragging her hooves across the oily screen. "Thanks for the motivation, Gummy! Now I'ma beat all the high scores!" "SISTER," Luna yelled as she stormed into Celestia's bedroom, "I DEMAND THEE SACRED CHARGER FOR OUR GLORIOUS CONQUEST!" Celestia raised a brow, looking up from the "Ruling a Nation for Dummies" e-book she had been reading. Luna held up her high-end tablet, it's tiny battery indicator blinking rapidly in a blinding red. Celestia sighed, and tossed the thin cord at her sister. "Here, just... take it. I can always grab more from the mirror world..." ~~~{Meanwhile, in the Mirror World...}~~~ Flim checked his clipboard, rubbing his forehead in confusion. "Flam, isn't there supposed to be three truckfuls of phones and tablets in this warehouse?" Flam shrugged, and sipped his steaming "#1 Entrepreneur" mug. Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species?Author's Note A scenario suggested by: YakkoMLP10 (Also, sorry YakkoMLP10, but switching their careers would get a bit weird if they're species swapped. I'll do a career swap next.) Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species? Rainbow awoke with a yawn, light, fluffy bubbles escaping her flaplike mouth. Wait, that can't be right, she thought, watching the bubbles rise. I'm a pony, not a-- Then, it struck her. She was a trout. A Rainbow Trout. "Huh," she mumbled as she swam about in the lake, "not too shabby, either. This'll be just like flying!" Rainbow flew through the air-- or at least, as close as jumping out of the water can be to flying. That is, until she landed head-first into a net. "GOT'ER!" Pinkie shouted happily as she waved the net with the struggling Rainbow Dash in front of Twilight. "Good," Twilight replied, "now we can change her back." A quick flash of light later, and Rainbow Dash was back to normal, albeit quite wet. The sound of Rarity's scream echoed throughout all of Ponyville. "WHAT. AM. I?!" She yelled, tossing her mirror with a hand. Sweetie Bell arrived quickly, her mouth agape at the monstrosity in front of her. Two legs, two dangly-front leg things with tiny flesh tentacles, a weird placement of... uh, milk jugs, and to top it off, where are her muzzle and ears?! Rarity frantically ran back towards the cracked mirror, stumbling horrendously as she did so. The only thing that kept her from hurting her behind was a soft, almost velvety robe that she had woken up in. She touched her face with her finger, shrieking once again at the realization that she had said fingers. "WHAT ARE THESE?!" She shouted once again, glaring at her wriggling fingers. "WHATARETHOO--" She began again as she pointed at her feet, only to be cut off by Twilight's hoof. "Stop it, Rarity. You're human." "Oh, human, you say?" Rarity suddenly replied in a surprisingly calm manner, "Well, then this actually isn't all that bad! These... uh, hands that I have now will greatly enhance my dexterity, allowing me to sew at a much high--" Rarity was cut off once again, only this time by a projectile Lyra. "Ohmygoshit'sahuman!" She suddenly blurted, grabbing Rarity by the arm, "Where'd you get her, Twilight? I want my own human too!" Twilight facehoofed. "That's Rarity, Lyra. I was just about to change her back." Rarity sat down, Lyra still clinging fiercely to her arm. "Well, if you're gonna change me back, then how did we change in the first place?" Twilight nervously glanced at her hooves, then towards Rainbow Dash, then Rarity again. "I sneezed on the Cutie Map while casting a transmutation spell." Gummy Could Talk?Author's Note I probably won't be doing the career swap chapter, since the show already had a very similar episode, even if it was because the mane six got their destinies swapped. Also, I liked the idea of Gummy being all "We're special because we're different" and all just because of how random it became when I wrote it out. Gummy Could Talk? Pinkie cartwheeled into her room, happy as ever. "Hey, Gummy! What's up?" Surprisingly, the not-so-toothless alligator replied, "Everything... the sun, the sky, the moon, the stars... it all comes down to perspective..." "Woah, uh, Gummy? Is that really you?" Gummy replied with his gravelly, lightly accented voice. "Yes, dear Pinkie. It is I, the one and only Gummy." "So you can speak now?" Pinkie said excitedly, "We can talk about everything now!" "Ah, but you may have underestimated me, Pinkamena. You are not the only one of us." Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "Who's... us?" Gummy turned to gaze out the window with his unblinking eyes. "We are the strange, the random, the oddballs... we're the leftovers." "Leftovers of what?" Pinkie replied, sitting beside Gummy. "Why, from the initial distribution of magical energy, of course. Why do you think you have so much... power?" Gummy answered, averting his gaze into Pinkie's eyes. "I-I never thought of myself like that before..." "Indeed, Pinkamena. During the initial distribution, your bloodline in particular was chosen as one of the last to receive their powers, and as such, the odds and ends of magical abilities were channeled into your very minds and hearts. For generations, my own kind has searched for another leftover, or even a family of said leftovers." "So what? You'll always be my Gummy!" "So what? SO WHAT?!" Gummy suddenly shouted with his tiny mouth, startling Pinkie, "We are the ones in control of the type of magic known as the 'odd type'. We are the only ones with powers that surpass buckin' alicorns. Heck, even DISCORD doesn't know of the power we hold..." Pinkie's eyes widened dramatically just as Twilight burst in through the doors, her coat and mane smoking. "What happened, Twilight?!" Pinkie gasped as she turned to the singed alicorn. Twilight winced as she stepped using an injured hoof. "I... I don't know... it just happened so quickly... the buzz, the fires, the explosions..." "It seems to me like you have estranged yourself from the ties of magic itself." Gummy said with a deadpan stare. "Wait, Gummy can talk?!" Twilight suddenly said. "I have kept my speech a secret for a great many eons. I have decided that now is the time for the revealing of our kind." Twilight cocked her head. "What do you mean, our kind?" "Me and Gummy!" Pinkie replied, hugging the alligator closely. "But now that I have revealed the secret, I must leave. I am terribly sorry, Pinkamena, my good friend. We must never see each other again." Gummy shot a laser from his mouth, from which grew into a small alligator-sized portal. "Fare thee well, dear Pinkamena!" Gummy shouted back as he began to fade from existence. In an anticlimactic puff of smoke, Gummy was gone. In his place was another alligator, who strangely looked exactly like Gummy. "Gummy?" Pinkie asked as she began poking the tiny alligator with her hoof, "Is that... you?" The Gummy Pinkie was poking licked his eyeball, and flopped onto his back. Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions?Author's Note A truly out-of-the-blue question by Niclove. Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions? "..." Rarity stood for minutes, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, he burst out screaming. "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---" Pinkie emerged from the mirror, stuffing a cupcake into Rarity's mouth. "Hey Rares, this here's a kids' show, remember?!" She snapped angrily before disappearing back into the mirror. Sweetie Belle burst from the door leading to Rarity's room. "WHAT IS IT?!" She shouted in a panicked voice, "WHERE'S THE FIRE?!" She froze the moment she saw her new brother. "Rarity?" Sweetie asked, "Is... is that you?" Rarity solemnly nodded. "Yes, Sweetie," he replied, "it appears that I've... genderswapped overnight..." "Now how could that happen?!" Sweetie suddenly snapped, pointing at Rarity, "How can I know for sure that you're really you?!" Rarity raised an eyebrow, and turned around. Three minutes later, a fully-dressed mannequin sat in front of Sweetie Belle. "Ok! You're my sister! I'm out!" Sweetie yelled behind her back as she escaped the room. Fluttershy yawned, stretching as the first golden rays of sunlight flowing freely through his drawn drapes. Unfortunately, that yawn also sounded like a dying hippo. Immediately, the room was filled with the sound of stampeding animals, many of which trampled directly over Angel as they made their frantic escape from the hypothetical hippo. "Oh?" Fluttershy suddenly said, watching the animals scamper off in fear. "Oh." He said once more, noticing the unexpected deepness in her voice. Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through Fluttershy's door, her eyes trained on Fluttershy... until she noticed that Fluttershy was now Flutterguy. "What the buck happened to you?" Rainbow asked as she walked closer to Fluttershy. From top to bottom, Fluttershy still looked like ... well, Fluttershy. But on top of that, He looked quite a bit more... male. Fluttershy shrugged. "I really don't know," he replied, watching his reflection in the window, "all I know is that I woke up, and I suddenly realized that I was now a stallion." Rainbow Dash raised a brow, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "May I see your... equi--" A loud flesh-on-hoof sound suddenly resounded through the cottage as Pinkie shot through the air, her hoof smacking directly into Dash's cheek. "FOR KIDS!" Pinkie hollered in Dash's face, and disappeared in a puff of cotton candy. Silence fell over the room, until Pinkie suddenly appeared again, this time riding on a certain flattened bunny named Angel. "Also," Pinkie began, holding up a bottle, "drink this." "What is it?" Fluttershy asked, eyeing the bottle warily. Rainbow Dash didn't say anything because she was still unconscious on the floor. "It's a potion that I made to reverse the effects of RSMS!" Fluttershy took the bottle, reading the label carefully. "Random... Sudden... Masculinity Disorder?!" "Yeah!" Pinkie cheered, "It's this weird thing that Discord made up before he was reformed! I found the synthesized pathogens in his space-station basement, so I took it! But... the box fell out of my hooves and broke in your and Rarity's tea during one of my parties... at least Rarity also got a bottle of this now..." Fluttershy gasped, and immediately chugged the contents of the bottle. In a flash of light, she was herself again. Rainbow Dash woke up as well, but that doesn't really matter because she had no idea what just happened. AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW NO MATTER WHAT! Oh crap, Pinkamena's possessed my keyboard again. Also, don't ask why Discord has a basement in space, or how Pinkie got to it. It's freakin' Discord and Pinkie. Pinkie Pie became an alicorn?Author's Note Short version: Everything and nothing. At the same time. Long version: Read on! Spoiler: G3 Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie became an alicorn? Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings. "Why, good morning, Pinki-" Mrs. Cake began before noticing the obviously pink horn and wings that accompanied the mare. "Whaddaya staring at?" Pinkie cheerfully asked, turning to follow Mrs. Cake's line of sight. Then, she saw the wings. "Ooh! Yay! I can fly now! Just like how I imagined, too!" She squealed, flipping head over hoof. Mrs. Cake warily eyed the pink alicorn as she hovered about the room, upside-down. "Pinkie, you're... an alicorn." Pinkie shrugged. "So?" She replied as she continued hovering. "So... you're practically a goddess now." Pinkie shrugged again. "So? Why am I an alicorn, anyways? I'm fine just how I am..." "I believe I can answer that," Celestia added as she walked into the room. "Really?!" Pinkie replied, bumping into Celestia with her tail, "That'll be great!" "But don't forget, Pinkie, with great power comes great responsi--" Pinkie took off in a blazing ball of pink fuzz. She proceeded to do an upside-down backwards triple rainboom as she left the building through an open window. Soaring through the light clouds, Pinkie couldn't help but shape a few of them... or all of them, into various inane shapes and patterns. By the time she was finished, she had carefully sculpted the entirety of Ponyville using nothing but clouds. And then she sneezed. All at once, the clouds scattered, and not only that, but as she had been an Earth Pony just a day ago, she had absolutely no control over her newfound magical abilities. A blinding bolt of energy shot from her horn, creating a rift in the space-time continuum. From said rift fell an earth pony, of whom looked very much like Rainbow Dash... except she was Rainbow Dash, but from a different time. In fact, said Rainbow Dash was from an entirely different evolutionary period of ponies. Her mane was much clumpier, and her muzzle was... weird. Pinkie gasped, and immediately dove after the shocked mare that had fallen from the portal. "GOTCHA!" She yelled as she caught hold of the pony. A crowd had gathered in Ponyville's town square from all the commotion. Rainbow Dash, at least, the pegasus one, sped up to the pink alicorn. "Pinkie!" She exclaimed, pointing at the now unconscious mare in the alicorn's grasp, "What is that thing?!" "NEANDERTHAL!"Twilight exclaimed the moment her eyes caught a glimpse of the pony. "Calm yourself, Twilight," Celestia said softly as she landed beside the Princess of Friendship, "This may be quite a... strange event we'll be witnessing..." Pinkie set the rainbow-maned earth pony on the ground. The mare's chest rose and fell softly to the rhythm of her gentle breathing. Suddenly, she jerked her eyes open. "W-where am I?!" She suddenly yelled, startling everypony watching. Her eyes nervously darted about, taking in the unfamiliar form of the modern pony. "Who are you?" she followed, slowly backing from the mass of the crowd. "I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie hollered as she hovering gently, her tail flopping over her face. "...Pinkie Pie?" The strange pony questioned, warily eyeing Pinkie, "Do I know you... darling?" "What, do you think you're Rarity or something?" Rainbow asked, raising a brow as she trotted closer to the mare, "I mean, you've got the accent and all, but..." "That thing is most certainly not me!" Rarity angrily replied, stomping up behind Rainbow. "Wait, wait, wait..." The pony suddenly blurted, waving her hooves in front of her, "So, this pony here with wings and a horn's Pinkie Pie?!" Celestia stepped up from the crowd. "Well, yes," Celestia replied, her towering form looming over the now-cowering earth pony, "You did not know?" The pony shrugged. "The Pinkie Pie I know isn't so... hyperactive, nor is her mane darker than her coat..." "You mean this Pinkie Pie?!" Pinkie exclaimed, pulling her ancestor from another rift in time. "...Yes, darling, that Pinkie Pie." "Hey, I, uh... never really caught your name back there," Rainbow said as she shuffled past Rarity towards the strange mare. "I'm Rainbow Dash, darling. I care quite a bit about my fashion choices. In fact, this... Rarity that you speak of, does she too have a strong taste for fashion?" Rainbow Dash-- the pegasus one, mind you-- stared at her counterpart with a deadpan glare. "Are you bucking kidding me?" "Now now, darling, we mustn't be uttering such words, and in fact, you actually look quite similar to myself." "ARGH!" Rainbow screamed, flying off, "PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT RELATED TO THAT BUCKIN' PONY!" The alicorn Pinkie Pie snatched a notepad from her mane, and a pencil from her ancestor's mane. She quickly scribbled down several notes, deep in thought, until her head popped up at breakneck speed. "You are, Rainbow! She's your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother on your mom's side!" "Wha-- how..." Twilight began muttering as she grabbed the notepad from Pinkie's hooves, "SINCE WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO TRACE ANCESTRAL TRAITS USING NOTHING BUT STRAIGHT-UP OBSERVATIONS?!" "I didn't! Pinkie replied, her grin beaming brightly, "I just left a clone of myself to do that while I double checked it's work by traveling through time!" Rainbow Dash's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother grimaced as her mind failed on several levels to process just the concept of time travel. "And now, let's bring you back before we start a bigger paradox than what I've been looking at!" In a blinding flash of light, the ancestors of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were gone. Hi! OH GOD, PINKIE, JUST STOP BREAKING INTO MY STOR-- *Muffled clattering laptop noises* Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals?Author's Note This chapter's kinda just a troll. I haven't had a very good winter break and I just need some sort of outlet... I think I should stay on break for a bit longer. Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals? Fluttershy, the newly crowned Princess and Protector of Animals, was having a pretty nice day. In fact, her day was by far likely the best day that she had had ever since she got her cutie mark. That is, until she saw a couple of young colts torturing an injured squirrel. Obviously, for the sake of having someone familiar on-scene, those two colts were Snips and Snails. And the squirrel in particular was not happy about the fact that the two were currently juggling it. "PUT HIM DOWN!" Fluttershy yelled, her newfound horn flaring in a bright green aura. Snips shook his head, and continued cheering on his friend, who was now imitating an Apache helicopter using the squirrel. Fluttershy murmured something under her breath that vaguely sounded like "Cthulhu, I summon thee, smite these two unicorns." Long story short, the two unicorns never dared to touch an animal again. Likely due to the fact that they had come face to face with Cthulhu. And maybe because Fluttershy used her alicorn magic-boosted stare. Something. Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker?Author's Note Came up with this while questioning how Sunset Shimmer was able to fake messages to the (hu)mane 6 in the first Equestria Girls movie. Also, I wanted to ramble on about things I learned from books and videos about how the internet functioned. Because internets. Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker? Many have asked how I earn money without a job. Quite a few have wondered about my ability to fake emails and texts to others without stealing an identity. Though, nobody has yet to simply confront me and question, "How in the world did you even get into high school?" The answer to all those is, to put it in an easier phrasing, is that I know my ways around technology. Think about it for a moment. How would a unicorn from another world be able to figure out technology? It's easy, once you get around the roadblocks. They hang around coffee shops, "borrow" a device or two. In the end, magic and technology are in no way comparable to each other. Technology was created over millennia in order to improve and soften the daily lives of it's users. Magic, on the other hand, is not only a mere definition of unexplained sciences, but a whole category of it's own definition. To have a regular spellcaster find themselves in a world of technology would hardly be anything to scoff at, for just the comparison of complexity between magic and technology would be incomprehensible. Basically, technology still has a pretty long time before it could possibly match half of the capabilities of a well-rounded mage. And that is exactly how I wormed my way into society when I came through the portal. At first, judging from the immediate surroundings, I had thought that it'd be easy to manipulate the local population to do my bidding, but after finding that there was a far more... intricate layer to society, I decided that it would be far more entertaining to spread my influence from there. And so, my digital career began. Without my magic, it was at first mildly confusing, if not annoying, to have to physically manipulate objects, but once I had gotten used to it, I went off on a roll. It started off as a simple tablet I had bought using the few bits I had brought with me. A few golden coins and gems for the best model on the market and such. I immediately took advantage of the infinite database known as the "internet", and began my research. "Research on what," you may ask. Initially I had planned to return as soon as possible to bring vengeance upon Celestia, and anypony who had opposed me, but over time, my studies on the inner workings of similar monarchies faltered. As many have told me, history is written by the victors. Everything I had read about bringing down a ruler typically consisted of bloody struggles, and considering as to how those struggles involved armies, I was completely unprepared. As such, I decided to bide my time and wait for the perfect opportunity. Over the course of months, I waited. Weeks became months, months became years. I finally realized that my chance would likely never come within my lifetime. So instead, I began to dive deeper into the inner workings of human society. I had yet to give myself any sort of identity in the world, and seeing as there didn't appear to be any counterpart to myself in existence, it would be much harder than simply stealing papers. I soon discovered the so-called "dark web", a loosely connected anonymous network of various users and groups who often used said network to illegally transfer goods and services. A perfect place for me to learn. A few days of searching later turned up some useful information. For example, I had met an old man in an alley who was willing to not only hand me his motorcycle, but his personal account on a dark web forum site. All for a small handful of my remaining bits. As for the rest of the bits, I had used them to buy myself a quiet condo on the edge of town, complete with basic lifetime utilities. Obviously, it took the rest of my bits anyways, considering how people in the area complained about their high bills. Though, once the bits ran out, I had to get myself a job as soon as possible. Luckily, a local fast food restaurant handled the problem. No ID required. I took on the position of student yet again, this time as the protege of a supposedly renowned hacker who made millions off of bank accounts. In short, I quickly learned the ways around secure networks, through both viruses and glitches. To an extent it would occasionally involve custom built hardware such as card scanners, but those weren't as common as the rest. Once I had created my false identity, I was able to infiltrate the ranks of a local high school that coincidentally went by the same name as my home city back in Equestria. Using the forged papers I was able to enter as a freshman. And though I was already nearing my early twenties, my human form strangely took on the childish look of an early teen. As such, like I mentioned before, I was enrolled as a freshman. Initially, upon the beginning of the school year, I was quite relieved to be accepted into the community. It was already enough of a struggle to create my identity, but to have to find a place to hide my motorcycle? That was especially hard due to the fact that said motorcycle was still unregistered in the DMV. Not to mention the fact that according to my papers, I was still too young to drive. Either way, navigating on a motorcycle is far easier than accessing secured bank files using nothing but a rooted tablet. But soon, after my entrance into Canterlot High, I realized that the prolonged friendliness would likely prove hurtful. It would only take a single overly talkative person to pipe up, and I'd find myself imprisoned for what I did. Naturally, I didn't take a liking to the prospect. And so, I began to tear up the ties between students. It was actually quite easy since I already knew my way around, y'know? All it takes is a brute-force password cracker and a user name, and suddenly, you're in. This particular group of girls that I'm now friends with were my first targets. I at first spied on them, looking over their shoulders while they were busy texting away and stuff like that. Just to learn their usernames. Texts were relatively simple to fake. All you need is a dummy cell tower to intercept their signal, and push it along the way with a completely different message. As for emails, the password crackers worked for a time, but eventually after a client update they failed. So instead, I began looking to the knowledge I had gained about creating hardware to combat the software walls. It was quite the social experiment as well, in fact. drop a couple of flash drives infected with a keylogger, and wait for someone to pick it up. Chances are, they'd plug it in at some point out of curiosity. What they didn't realize, however, is that the keylogger would silently install itself, and transmit everything they did to me. And so with that came the downfall of the Canterlot High student body. Once their bonds were broken, it was quite easy to individually push them to my liking. As for the Element of Magic, I had heard talks about it in occasional disguised trips back to Equestria. Obviously, I no longer do these things, considering how I went all "she-demon" and whatever. All in all, I still ran into the law after the confrontment with Princess Twilight, but they agreed to let me off the hook if I returned everything I had bought using the stolen money. On top of that I had to report and bring down the forum from the inside, (an easy task), and go full white-hat with my skills. Basically, I worked for the government now. They provided me with a legitimate identity in return for catching people in their act, and all in all, my life has definitely took a turn for the better. Equestria was OP?Author's Note A parody of those [insert pony here] is OP stories that seem to be featured occasionally. Never read them, but the thought of something being so overpowered against a foe is interesting. Also, prepare yourself... a very trollfic-y chapter is straight ahead. YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED. Equestria was OP? It was a fine day in the nation of Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the tank was clean... wait, ignore that last one. Anyways, Equestria was having an excellent day. And then it turned out that Canterlot Mountain was actually a dormant volcano. Naturally, no-one seemed fazed by the resulting eruption until Twilight showed up, because she just happens to be the one who seems to fix everything. As for the volcano? Maud bucked a rock into it, and that was that. Twilight didn't even have to lift a fing--er, hoof. Suddenly, Tirek burst from the ground, the surrounding buildings bursting into flames as Tartarus rose into the realm of Equestria. Once again, nopony was hurt simply because ponies are very fireproof. Spike quickly handled the situation with a slap to the face and a scolding, because he saved the Crystal Empire before, so why not Tirek as well? And besides, dragons are usually scary. By that logic, Spike is scary. And so Tirek got scared and ran away to the sun where Celestia fried his hide. And once again, Twilight did absolutely nothing, because with the sheer power of her will, she was not only able to bring modern technology into existence, but make herself breakfast. Then, changelings happened. For no reason they had reverted back to being mean and looking like horse-shaped flies, and decided to attack the Everfree Forest just because it made their actions seem mysterious. Zecora blinked and suddenly threw a potion bottle at them. The bottle cracked open and made a huge nuclear explosion that drove off the changelings and did nothing else because it wasn't actually a nuclear explosion. It was one of Trixie's flash bombs. Since there was still the hole to Tartarus in the ground, Grogar the goat demon decided that it was a good idea to try and take on Equestria again. Boy, did he underestimate modern ponies. They didn't whimper and cry, they bit and tore... his fur off. Suddenly, he had nothing but the strange underwear covering his backside, and was chased off by some parasprites because parasprites are parasprites. And yet even after the narrator used parasprites three times in a row separated by a single word each time, Twilight still paid little mind to anything other than her love novel that she wrote about Flash Sentry. Though, in reality, Flash Sentry was currently fighting off diamond dogs in the dungeons of the fandom because the narrator decided that it'd be funny to watch Waifu Stealer suffer. And still Twilight did nothing about it. She wasn't ignorant or anything, she was just... okay nevermind. She was ignorant at the time because she wasn't actually awake. She was currently absorbing the book's contents through her face as she slept because she gained unexplainable book-absorbing powers from a strange amulet that descended upon her that morning. Flim and Flam weren't having a very good day. Ever since everypony became OP after the meteor shower last week, it became impossible for them to be able to lie anymore, because every time they did, they would get Applejack teleported to them to chew them out. Why? Because honesty happened. On a side note, when the not-so nuclear bomb went off above the Everfree Forest, a lot of animals went crazy and mutated themselves into horrific beasts. After that, they jumped into the mirror portal to create an army to take over Equestria. Luckily, Fluttershy had laser vision so she zapped all of them back into cute bunnies and bears that had little jars of honey that they carried around. But even though she had extremely precise targeting, she somehow missed the horde of bugbears flying towards Ponyville because the story needed some more continuuity. Being the brave pegasus she was, Rainbow Dash swooped down, and did a sonic rainboom right through the center of the bugbear group, causing them to scatter like bowling pins because rainbooms are probably terrifying in real life if one happened next to you. Rarity stared in dismay at the sight of a sleeping Sombra inside her boutique. Who would want a tyrant king who enslaves his subjects sleeping on your best pillows anyways? And besides, the guy was drooling on it. And by "it", I mean the pillows. "THIS IS A TRAVESTY!" Rarity exclaimed in horror, lighting her horn. In an instant, Sombra awoke to a horrible headache, before exploding again out of the window and into the conveniently placed pit of eternal doom. And the mare did all that without even breaking a sweat. Probably because she wasn't the type who liked to sweat. And then there's Pinkie. She was currently fighting alongside a chicken and a dog against Darth Vader in the limousine that was actually a transformer. Then she realized that she wasn't in the right universe so she shot herself out of her master sword's "Pipe of 1-ups" and out of the world of Kirby's armpit. Luna was also busy at the time. She was battling against her Nightmare Moon self "Super Smash Bros" style, and just happened to receive a smash ball. Let's just say that that was the end of Nightmare Moon forever. All the while, Twilight continued to bide her time sleeping in her book, before she suddenly jolted up. All around her the universe had begun to tear itself apart from it's own chaos, and she was the only one who could put it back together because she was "The One". And so she fixed it while eating lunch and watching the world burn before her very eyes. Though, the world wasn't actually burning, y'know? She was just watching the battles taking place outside in her front yard because everypony wanted to date her. Secondary Author's Note: Me: Welp. That's a job well done. Me to me: No. It was horrible. *shudders* Twilight's mind was screwed over by Celestia?Twilight casually sat in the corner of her room, smiling as she re-read "Theories of Equestrian History" for the seventh time in a row. It was quite an interesting book, taking into account as it appeared to be lacking several topics from near-prehistoric events. The mare flipped the page. She was now staring at the full-color, two-page image of a smiling Princess Celestia. Only, this chapter was supposed to be about the history of horse pants. And still, Celestia sat in her brilliant printed glory, right atop the original image of the first pair of jeans ever created. Confused, Twilight rubbed the page with a hoof. Nothing happened. She tried flipping back and forth through the pages. Yet still, nothing happened. Finally, she simply eyeballed the page. That was when she noticed the smile. It wasn't any normal, kindhearted smile that she'd seen on her mentor's face before. This was more of a mocking sneer, as if a horrible joke had been told, and yet everypony still laughed. In fact, now that she thought of it, wasn't the image of Celestia facing away from the chapter title just a few seconds ago? ...And her eyes were probably not filled with a devilish reflection of Twilight either. Taking into account the fact that she had been up for two days and six hours, Twilight decided that it was just some sort of trick that her eyes were playing on her. As such, she continued reading, unaware of the alicorn watching her from the window. Finishing the book, the mare carefully placed the tome back onto its respective shelf. Celestia still patiently hovered just outside the window, watching intently as her plan fell into place. Just as Twilight nudged the book back into place, it quickly flew back out with an accompanying "pop" sound. Raising a brow, Twilight pushed the book back in, only for it to once again be sent flying off to some unknown destination. Specifically, Spike's face. And it stuck. "MRRPHLRPF!" Spike yelped as he stumbled backwards. He took another step back, and knocked over a painting, before falling on his behind. Without a word, Twilight sighed and floated the book off of Spike's face. At least, that's what would've happened if it weren't for the fact that the book remained on Spike's face. Instead, Spike dangled helplessly in the air as Twilight continued in attempt to separate him from the book. "Get... off... him! Ugh!" Twilight grunted as she began to physically tug on the book, all to Celestia's amusement. Then, an idea flew into her mind. And with that, the Princess took off for Rarity's boutique. Moments after Twilight had successfully retrieved the book from Spike's face, Rarity slammed the door open. "TWILIGHT!" Twilight grunted as she turned to face the mare. "What?" she snapped, the book still in her grasp. "CHANGELING! BOUTIQUE!" The unicorn shouted, before proceeding to faint immediately. Two minutes earlier... "So, what do you want me to do again?" Celestia shoved Thorax further towards Rarity's boutique. "Just pretend to be one of those changelings that ponies say have never changed back. Heck, be Queen Chrysalis for all I care!" "But what if I don't?" Thorax replied, stopping in his tracks. Celestia narrowed her eyes. The sky suddenly grew dark as her shadow loomed over the former changeling. "You don't want to know what'll happen." Thorax sighed, shaking his head before continuing his way towards the shop, morphing into Queen Chrysalis as he did so. "Thorax?!" Twilight exclaimed as she tackled the supposed Queen of Changelings. Thorax deadpanned at the sight of Twilight. "Look, I can explain." Celestia sipped her tea as she watched her student's logic slowly crumble from afar. For Twilight, she had known and trusted her mentor for so long that to her, it seemed utterly impossible for Celestia to have pranked her in such a way. And then Celestia realized something. Following the realization, she turned to face a worn image of a newborn Twilight in a royal crib. Author's Note Don't mind me as I leave an obvious transition leading to the next chapter. Queen Chrysalis was one of the Mane Six?"I'm Rainbow Dash!" the blue pegasus suddenly exclaimed, "I'm a pegasus!" All at once, the rest of the mares (and dragon) in the room abruptly stopped what they were doing, choosing instead to stare at Rainbow. "Ah'm sure you're our good ol' Dash, but aren't ya pushin' it a bit far now?" Applejack replied, eyeing the subject of her speech. Rainbow rolled her eyes. "What I mean is that... well..." she trailed off, before suddenly enveloping in a green flame, revealing none other than Queen Chrysalis. "CHANGELING!" the mares collectively gasped, This was quickly followed by "Quick, call the guards!", "I've got mace!", and "Want me to send her to Celestia through Dragonfire?" Chrysalis rolled her eyes at the chaos. She'd seen much in her days as the hive leader, but typically it was far more controllable than... this. Finally, with a sigh, she groaned "Girls, girls. Don't be scared. I really am Rainbow Dash, okay? I mean, sure, you might've seen Chrysalis at the wedding and kidnapping the royal family and all, but THAT. WASN'T. ME. "Yeah, right, bug." "GO BACK TO YOUR BUGGY HOLE MEANIE QUEENIE!" Pinkie shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at the queen. Once again, Chrysalis was mostly unfazed by the absurdity of the situation. After all, when she handed the reigns to Chrysalis II, she had already warned her heir about the trivialities of handling mass confusion. And besides, she'd been this 'Rainbow Dash' mare for years now, following the initial rainboom that had killed the original. 'Cause obviously, breaking the speed of sound without any proper protective gear would likely tear you to shreds and burn you with friction. And that's exactly what happened there. And it just so happened that the newly retired Chrysalis had been wandering by, watching for a place in society to fit into. She turned back into her 'Rainbow Dash"' form. "Okay, geez, you don't have to freak out about the fact that I'm actually a bug. Go ask my parents or something. They'd tell you the same thing." "And that is?" "And that is that I'm a changeling queen that got sick and tired of running a hive." Suddenly, Twilight's face lit up. "What if we test you to see if you're actually Rainbow Dash?" Dash shrugged. "Why not? I've already grown into this form enough to the point of which I practically am the original. How would a test do anything?" "Because," Twilight replied, "we're gonna see if the Elements of Harmony work with you as the bearer of Loyalty!" Fluttershy raised a hoof. "Um, Twilight? If the Elements of Harmony don't activate with her, then wouldn't Equestria be in... trouble?" Twilight facehoofed. "Well, you think of a way to solve this then!" Silence. One Season Finale Later... "Boy, did that thing take a beating!" Chrysalis cheered, "We really did whoop it's but, didn't we?" In the background, the remains of a giant multidimensional orc sat burning in the middle of a smoldering rainbow crater. And of course, the rest of the mares simply stared. "Y-you... you are Rainbow Dash?!" Twilight sputtered, spinning around. Chrysalis grinned, reverting back to her 'Dashie' form. And then Chrysalis II landed beside her. She hungrily eyed the Princess of Friendship. "Ooh, Twilight, I've been waiting for so long now to get my revenge..." Chrysalis cocked her head. "I thought that you imprisoned all of us already back at the hive for 'Crimes against 'lingkind'." "Yes, but my plan was never fully carried out, mother!" "Wait, what?" sputtered Chrysalis, still in her Rainbow Dash form. Chrysalis II glared at the former queen. "You're my mother." "THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!" "Oh no, it's most definitely true, you told me yourself, remember?" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "YEEEEEEESSSSS!" "STOOOOOOOOOP!" Spike wailed, holding his claws over his ears. "Just please, stop acting like foals! Think of our sanity!" Chrysalis shrugged, dropping all signs of argument as she summoned a padlocked box from the hammerspace. "Here." she said sternly, "Take a look at this." Chrysalis II narrowed her eyes at the colorfully wrapped present that emerged from the box. "The secret present that you always talked about?" "Yes, my 'child'. Open it, and you'll discover the truth." Chrysalis II hastily tore open the box, only to find a single note. "YOU'RE ADOPTED!" Flurry Heart was replaced by Chrysalis' heir?"GUYS!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she burst through the window of the Crystal Palace, "SHINING ARMOR, CADANCE, FLURRY HEART WAS FOALNAPPED AND REPLACED BY QUEEN CHRYSALIS' HEIR!" A drowsy Shining Armor gazed up at the panicked mare. "Flurry Heart... is bug hair?" Rainbow facehoofed. "No," she replied, "Her heir. Twilight told me how to spell it. H-E-R-E." A magenta flash filled the room, followed by the Princess of Friendship's hoof smacking Rainbow Dash on the face. "DANGIT RAINBOW, IT'S H-E-I-R, NOT H-E-R-E!" She promptly disappeared once more with the same flash of light. Shining Armor was still dazed from the rapid flashing, and was currently foaming mildly at the mouth. "So..." he began slowly, "My daughter... is a bug princess?" Rainbow Dash nodded. "Yup. I can prove it, too!" "So, you're saying that she's a bug." Flurry Heart slept peacefully in her crib, her tongue almost comically hanging out to the side as she dreamt whatever it was that baby alicorns dreamt. "Yup," Rainbow noted, pulling a jar of syrupy fluid from her saddlebag. "and this thing shall prove it!" One quick slop of goop on the foal later, and... not much happened. "Nice story, Dash." Shining grumbled, stomping off to continue his nap in the chair across the room. And then Flurry woke up. She then blinked a few times, before simply buzzing off out the window. That is, she did so after leaving behind the real Flurry Heart in Shining Armor's lap. As the two horridly confused ponies pondered the event that had just unfolded, Buzz landed at his mother's throne. "I am sorry, mother. I have failed you." He began, "The ponies nearly discovered my identity, and it took all of my energy to resist the effects of the salve they had applied." Chrysalis grunted. "Also, Flurry Heart was very annoying when she began crying from the attic." More grunts. "Also, don't you think that Buzz is a bit too generic? I mean, it's pretty much our equivalent to things like Bob and Joe." A very loud grunt. "'Cause seriously, ponies have cool names like 'Shining Armor', and 'Celestia' and so on, and then we just have Buzz, Thorax, Beetlehead, Pinsir, and a buncha other names made up using our own body parts and things like that." A heaving grunt. "Mom, can I have an allowance exte--" "NO, BUZZ." Chrysalis screamed from her personal bathroom, "AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS AFTER I ATE A THREE DAY OLD BURRITO IN FRONT OF YOU?!" Author's Note Changeling Prince Buzz was impersonating a filly. A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria?Author's Note I felt like this chapter would be better as a short joke-chapter sort of thing. A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria? "Hello!" a tiny, squeaky voice called from under a stone. Pinkie froze, and turned slowly to the large rock that had just spoken to her. "I'm Salad!" The voice cried out again, catching the mare's interest. "Salad?" Pinkie questioned. She had never met a living salad before, but at the same time, technically all salads were alive, so... "And I'm Pinkie!" She cheered, heaving up the boulder the aforementioned salad had been under. "Nice to meet you, Mister Salad! Do you have any family? Friends? Pets? Pocket universes?" "No, no, no, and no." The salad replied, "I just don't want to be eaten." "Don't be silly," Pinkie replied, "I won't eat you! You're my friend now!" The salad said nothing else as it hopped onto Pinkie's back. And now, let's just say that Equestria has banned all salad-eating forever. Fluttershy was a park ranger in the Everfree Forest?Fluttershy idly yawned as she hovered over the canopy of the Everfree Forest. She had been selected by Mayor Mare as a "Park Ranger", with the duty to ensure the safety of ponies near the forest border, as well as to watch for any beasts that may emerge from the forest. And somehow, even with the sheer number of terrors she had witnessed in the forest, Fluttershy was bored. It was as if the forest itself had fallen asleep, and she swore that she heard a tree fall somewhere. And then a random Bugbear happened. Well, it didn't happen, but appeared. Out of thin air. In front of Fluttershy. Instinctively, Fluttershy yelped in surprise, flying backwards into a nearby low-hanging cloud. "B-b-Bugbear!" She shouted in her loudest voice. Unfortunately for her, it barely even made it past the bugbear before being drowned out by the wind. So instead, the mare decided to harden up, and bring out her weapons-grade stare. "What are you doing, Mister Bugbear?" She asked politely, making sure that she never broke eye contact with the beast. The Bugbear shrugged, and proceeded to roar several dozen times in a row. "Oh, were you just relaxing until you teleported here for absolutely no reason other than to allow the author to write something marginally funny?" Pinkie suddenly shouted, popping out of the cloud Fluttershy had backed into. The Bugbear paused for a moment, then nodded. "Aww," Fluttershy replied, "do you know where you live? I could maybe take you back to your family." The beast shook its head sadly, growling under it's breath. "I... I don't understand what you mean," Fluttershy said in return, "Pinkie, do you know?" "Ooh, ooh!" Pinkie hooted, "He's saying that he came from an alternate universe where Bugbears lived in Equestria and Ponies lived in the Everfree Forest, and he was the park ranger for the forest when some giant laser beam of doom hit him and sent him flying through the fabric of the universe to here, where he woke up with a massive rock as his pillow!" "Oh." Was all the pegasus could muster after hearing Pinkie's translation. "Um. Pinkie, would you mind if you take Mr. Bugbear back to his home?" "Okie dokie!" Pinkie cheered, before opening a vortex through dimensions and dragging the bugbear along. Fluttershy sighed, and began comforting herself in a sitting position on the cloud, watching over the forest once again. And then she fell asleep. "RUN!" Shouted Twilight, "THEY'RE COMING!" Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes. "Who's coming?" she asked softly. "THE CLONES!" The pegasus turned back to face the Everfree Forest she was supposed to watch over, only to find a marching army of Derpys tearing down everything in their way out of sheer clumsiness. And so that was how Equestria came to be ruled by an army of Derp. Twilight was Luna's daughter?Author's Note Watch out for mildly drunk Luna! Twilight was Luna's daughter? "TWILIGHT!" Luna yelled as she burst through the floor of Twilight's bedroom, "YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. NOW COME WITH ME TO PLAY SOME VIDYA GAMES!" Twilight shrieked in shock, quickly throwing her writing material and fanfic-in-progress across the room, where they proceeded to land perfectly in between Spike's dragonfire and a scroll he was about to send. And unfortunately, Celestia now has it. Let's just ignore the pained wailing of the guards until later. "I... I don't understand," Twilight finally replied, recovering from the shock of being surprised, "I thought I was Celestia's daughter." Luna facehoofed. "Twilight, listen. TWI-LIGHT. You're my daughter, Twilight. The one who ascends between both night and day, and the unbreakable bond that will continue to keep the two together." Twilight cocked her head. "What I'm saying is, you're my daughter for absolutely no reason other than I want to have a daughter so I'm claiming you as mine." "Wat." Was all Twilight could say afterwards. "DOES THOU DARE TO MOCK US?! YOU SHALL COME WITH US TO WRECK NOOBS UNTIL THE SUN RISES AGAIN!" Luna suddenly began, "AND TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE EQUESTRIA UNDER OUR SUPREME RULE!" "Wat." Luna frowned at Twilight's lack of understanding. "You'll be my daughter, and I'm gonna play video games with you and you're gonna help me in Night Court." This time, Twilight frowned. "Night Court? Isn't that always full of batponies?" she asked, crawling onto her bed. "ARE YOU BEING RACIST?!" "No." Twilight peeped from behind her pillow. "THEN YOU SHALL BE MY DAUGHTER." "Fine." And so, Twilight suddenly found herself as the daughter of a mildly drunk Luna. Of whom later realized what was happening, and disowned the mare. The author was too busy to write a chapter so he wrote a joke instead? The joke is that there isn't anything here, 'cause I've been too busy to write anything!!! A raging sh*t demon happened?Author's Note Why do I write these things? WARNING: Don't eat Taco Bell while working with dark magic. A raging sh*t demon happened? Twilight happily munched on her beans an' beans an' beans taco as she read through her book on "Advanced Dark Magic Practices". Specifically, she was on the section about animating nonliving objects. Everything was (mostly) normal. Until the next day. RUN! Applejack shouted to her sister, who was already scrambling through the orchard. The mare followed closely behind, followed by a massive, hulking, comedically stink-lined and smiling pile of poo. "SORRY!" Twilight yelled from her now-destroyed bathroom, "THAT WAS THE TACO BELL!" The Mane Six became the Mane Five?"Hey, is there somepony missing today?" Twilight grunted as she looked about the room. All five of her friends were there, plus Spike. And Starlight. In fact, even Sunset Shimmer had come today. And yet... "Yeah, where's Twilight?" Rainbow Dash replied, "She was right there like, twenty seconds ago." A low murmur began to emanate from the collective mouths of the ponies, all whispering about Twilight's abrupt disappearance. "I'm right here," Twilight began, stomping her hoof down in mild irritation, "Can't you see?" The mares (and dragon) continued to forego the presence of their chatter. "Hello?" Twilight called again, waving a hoof in her friend's faces. She passed right through them. "Wat." Just then, Spike coughed up a letter from Princess Celestia. He nervously grabbed it from the floor, unsure of what to do without Twilight's guidance. "Just read it already," Applejack deadpanned, "Maybe it's got somethin' to do with Twi goin' missin'." Spike nodded, and read the rather short letter. Dear Twilight, please ignore the fact that you're currently in an altered state of reality. I accidentally stepped on a banana peel in the Canterlot Library of High Magicks, and might've... cast a spell in alarm. There is no need to be alarmed, as the spell will wear off within five moons. For now, you are currently residing in a "bubble universe" created by the spell, and as such, there is no way for you to physically interact with the environment around you. "I... I don't understand," Rarity began after Spike finished reading, "if the letter is meant for Twilight, then how would the message possibly get to her?" Spike flipped the parchment around to the other side to find more text. (P.S. - The moment I realized what I had done, I immediately cast a counterspell, but it was already too late. Luckily, the spell partially worked, and you can still have a one-way interaction with everything else. Namely, you can't do anything, but everything can still happen to you. Also, WHO THE BUCK LEFT A BANANA PEEL IN THE LIBRARY?! "Well then." the CMC went to different mares in the Applewood Derby?"Twilight?" Sweetie Belle peeped as she knocked on the door of the castle, "Can you help me build the most traditional kart in the Applewood Derby?" There was no answer. The filly knocked again, and was promptly responded to by the sound of a loud explosion, and screams of "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!". A bright flash of light emanated from the windows for a brief moment, before an ash-covered Twilight answered the door. "Oh, hi, Sweetie Belle. You said you needed some WoodApple Derpies?" she chirped, "'Cause I've got some right here!" The alicorn floated over a gardening tray filled with tiny derp groots. "They make good pets until they grow older!" she continued, "I was experimenting with an anti-growth spell on one, and it kinda... backfired..." Sweetie Belle gently nudged the tray away with her magic. "No, I said that I want some help in the Applewood Derby." Apple Bloom knocked on Fluttershy's door, and was quickly answered by the mare herself. "Fluttershy! Could you help me make the speediest kart in Equestria for the Applewood Derby?" Fluttershy stood silent for a moment, stunned at the request. "Um... why didn't you ask Rainbow Dash instead? I'm sure that she has something that you could do." "Ha, an' get mah sister's barn wrecked again?" Fluttershy nodded, noting that Rainbow was obviously anything but careful, anyways. Scootaloo was just about to ask Mrs. Cake to talk to Pinkie Pie, but she didn't, because the mare was already next to her. "Pinkie, can you he--" "Help you make the most funnest and creative kart for the Applewood Derby? Sure!" And so, a gurgling steam engine, a rabbit-powered barrel thing, and a duct-tape-confettied multidimensional airship were lined up at the starting positions. "Close enough?" Sweetie Belle asked her friends from the cab of the modified locomotive. "CLOSE ENOUGH!" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom shouted back in unison over the noise that their respective "karts" were emitting. this story was a horribly written self-insert?Author's Note Sorry for the lack of updates recently. Here's a badly written troll chapter that ends with Pinkie Pie. this story was a horribly written self-insert? Techie gazed out upon the vast plains that extended before him. Fresh, untouched land. That is, fresh, if it weren't for the fact that it was currently a desolate wasteland of flame. Luckily, our hero (TECHIE, REMEMBER THAT), just happened to have a massive orbital "Fix everything" ray he had access to, and promptly revitalized that land with the push of a button. As he enjoyed the newly created paradise in his magical cave-home of wonders, some filthy buggers crawled out of the pits of beyond, eyeing Techie hungrily with a ferocious gaze. Of which, was in turn weaponized and returned to sender as a nuclear laser-bomb, because that's how illogical this world is. "DADDY!" A mare suddenly screamed out of nowhere, racing towards the human, "YOU CAME BACK!" The two immediately locked together, and drew in close for a kiss, before Techie began lowering himself down to-- WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! CHILD FRIENDLY! Hey, what are yo-- *Crashing noises* Okay, so the the pony and the human did not do anything mushy or overly mature, and Techie decided to give up and stop writing this chapter because he ran out of ideas and ended up cringing at what he just wrote. Equestria was taken over by inanimate objects?Ruler rock sat on her stone throne. It did nothing. It had ordered Cage to trap Celestia in Bakery's attic. But they were all inanimate objects, with the exception of Celestia. But Celestia was being a lazy butt, so nothing actually happened. Author's Note There aren't any more ideas floating in my head for What If?...No seriously, I don't know what to write anymore on this. I was thinking about writing "What if Spike couldn't stop farting?", but I think I've stuck enough potty jokes in my stories to last a while now. Author's Note Any What If ideas? King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?"NO!" Scootaloo shouted as she dangled from the conveniently placed rooftop, "IT CAN'T BE TRUE!" Sombra raised an eyebrow. "What can't be true?" Just three seconds earlier... "Scootaloo..." Sombra said as he backed the young filly to the edge of the roof, "I am your father." ~~~ As the flashback faded, Sombra's face lit up. "Ah, yes, I remember. Now, as I was saying, I'll go buy some cute pink tutus for you at Walcart, and then we can go to the Fluffy Faire for you to see all the fluffy things!" Scootaloo cringed at the idea of losing her coolness factor to tutus and fluff. Unfortunately, the last time the filly was seen, she was laughing at the top of a ferris wheel. Author's Note Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something?Author's Note (From comments) Or Discord takes a date with princess Celestia. Or Spike give up from Rarity and starts to look for a new mare. Or Rainbow Dash becomes smart? What if Doctor Whooves appear and save the world? With Ditzy muffins. Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something? Spike stayed at the Dragon Lands?"Huh," Spike shrugged as he gazed at his reflection, "neat wings." Garble rolled his eyes. "Geez, who would've thought?" Spike stuck his tongue out at his roommate. "How about a flying competition, then?" He snapped. Garble grunted. "Sheesh, you're becoming like that Rainbow Sash or whatever pony." Spike and Garble stood side by side at the top of Conveniently Placed Mountain. A frigid breeze washed over the two as they readied themselves for flight. "Ready?" Spike asked, flexing his relatively new wings in preparation. Garble scoffed. "Ready as you mother, Spikey-Wikey." Spike gritted his teeth. And then the race began. And went. And went... And it continued... And the author began to wonder why he was doing this... And they continued... And then Garble smacked into Holder's Boulder. Author's Note Rainbow Dash reported the Wonderbolts behavior to Princess Celestia?Celestia smacked her hoof across Rainbow Dash's face. "IDIOT!" She barked, "WHO DO YOU THINK RUNS THE WONDERBOLTS?!" Author's Note Hint: Trollestia runs the Wonderbolts. the author felt lazy and wanted to spend his four-day weekend watching youtube? What, did you expect anything to be written? Author's Note But seriously, I'm enjoying my weekend for once. No internet dropouts, no nothing. Ponies ruined the Royal Changling Wedding?Princess Bugleg and Sir Abdomen leaned in to kiss. Queen Chrysalis sat nearby, tears of joy rolling down her face. Except they didn't kiss. Abdomen paused, smirking as he shoved the princess bug aside. "Ah, Chrissy. We meet again." Chrysalis raised a brow. "What do you mean?" she asked, "You've known me for years." Abdomen raised a hoof. "Tut, tut, Chrissy. You've known Abdomen for years. I am no lower body now, am I?" "Uh---" "Heheh," the pony chuckled, "Guess who?" Chrysalis charged her horn. "Who?" A bright flash of light temporarily blinded the room, and away flew Flurry Heart, giggling. And what about the real Sir Abdomen, you ask? He never existed. He was actually Sunburst in disguise. Author's Note *snerk* Queen Chrysalis replaced Shining Armor instead of Cadance?Cadance sat comfortably on her bed, a look of lust beaming from her face. "Come here, Shiny..." she mewed, "show your wife what you've got..." Shining Armor chuckled nervously. "Uh..." he stammered, "I'm fine. Really." He faked a yawn. "I mean, that wedding sure was tiring, wasn't it? I just wanna eat all your lo-- cookies and go to sleep." Cadance raised a brow. "Shiny?" she asked suspiciously, "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure, Thora--uh, Cadance. After all, I've gotta watch after my hiv--hoofball game, anyways." Suddenly, a projectile Spike crashed through the window. "YAAAAAAAAA!" Spike hollered, landing on top of the not-Shining Armor with a crunch, "GOTCHA, QUEENIE!" Spike was promptly followed by a very angry Shining Armor, of whom was currently glistening with crystal shards from bucking his way out of the caverns. Finally, Twilight teleported into the room, covered by the same crystal dust as her brother. "Chryssie, you've got a stload to explain." Everypony (except Sweetie Belle) was a robot?Rarity clanked along the ground towards her sister's room. "SWEETIE BELLE!" She cried in an oddly metallic voice, "WERE YOU READING SPELLBOOKS AT NIGHT AGAIN?!" Sweetie Belle only snored. "WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF--" Suddenly, a transformer Pinkie appeared out of a flower pot, and welded robo-Rarity's mouth shut. "CHILD FRIENDLY!" Twilight paced about the room, her mind racing faster than ever as she panicked over the fact that she woke up as a robot. Same went for Spike, but once he found out that Rarity was a robot as well, he was chill. As for Twilight, her mind was faster than ever, because it was now a supercomputer. And then robot Discord wreaked havoc on Metalquestria. Author's Note IT'S SO METAL. every Princess was Trump?Trump and Trump sat upon the ultimate throne of super-Trumpiness, sipping their tea and calling out the "fake news" in all their might. Meanwhile, in ~~Ponyville~~, New Trumperton, Trump once again verbally assaulted his personal ~~slave~~ assistant and acquaintance, Spike. And in the Crystal Empire, Trump and his freshly renamed husband, Shining Gold, bickered over whether or not to build a wall to keep the snow out. Oh yes, and little baby Trumpy Heart was gurgling about approval ratings. Just a normal day in ~~Equestria~~ Trump Rumpertonsville. Author's Note Snips and Snails were alicorns and Fluttershy was rober?Snips flapped his wings. He proceeded to shoot straight up in the air, because he was an alicorn for no apparent reason. As for Snails, his head was currently stuck in the ground because he was now the (princess?) of broken logic. And by that broken logic, being an alicorn now meant that flapping your wings once will turn you into a rocket ship. Also, Fluttershy is now a rober. And she's currently robing Rarity. "Why thank you, Fluttershy," Rarity said after her robe was put on, "Is there anything else you'd like to help with?" Fluttershy shook her head, and promptly left. Later that day, Twilight was flooded with dozens of requests to arrest "robber Fluttershy", all because of a single typo on her flyers. Because f*** logic. LANGUAGE! *Keyboard explosion noises* Author's Note With how many things there are posted by commenters, I don't see any reason to not combine ideas. Rainbow Dash was a unicorn?"COOL!" Rainbow whooped as she fired a laser. "WHAT ARE YA DOIN' UP THERE?!" Applejack screamed from below, bucking the tree that Dash was currently residing on. "I'M FIRIN' MAH LASER!" And then Equestria promptly burned to a crisp due to the sheer power of Rainbow's awesome laser. (IT WAS OVER 9000!) Author's Note I'M FIRIN' MAH LASERS NAO! BAI! Fluttershy was interrogated?"Fluttershy, do you understand why you are here today?" "Yes." "Then please tell me why." "Well, I was out watching the deadly struggle for existence between my animals, and then I saw the meteorite fall on the tartarus-forbidden hole of eternal suffering. "...Um... what?!" "I said, I was out watching my animals reaping the souls of the damned, when I saw the burning doom comet land on my well." "WHAT?!" "I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES, MORTAL. I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKING THE GOINGS OF LIFE, DEATH, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN." "FREAKIN' WHAT?!" "Um... I mean that I was feeding the animals, and then I heard this big 'whoosh!' and then a meteorite destroyed the well outside my house." "You know what? I give up." "Excellent, for not a soul shall know of the goings that have passed on this day..." "Excuse me?" "H-have a nice day!" "Um... alright?" "Leave at once, fool, for this may be your last day of enjoying the splendors of life..." *Panicked horse noises* "Goodbye! Have a lovely day... for it will be your last..." Author's Note Dangit, I don't like them swears. Came up with this while joking around with my sister. The author forgot what he wanted to write for the next chapter but knew that it was something hilarious?Um... ... ... Seriously, I don't remember. I came up with it last night, but I forgot to write it down before going to bed. Now I don't remember what it was at all. Something to do with half-sarcastic remarks and roasting peoples' opinions. ... ... BANANAS. Author's Note Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder?Author's Note Whow, that flew in quickly. I remember it now, but it's now what the previous chapter said it was. The roasts and burns were just jokes, not story ideas. Also, Fluttershy's brief butt-collecting song goes to the tune of this: Go to the thirteen second mark. Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder? "Look at this butt, isn't it neat?" Fluttershy began to sing as she wiggled her plot in Twilight's face. "Fluttershy, what are you--" "Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?" the pegasus continued, opening a door into a room full of her animals. "Fluttershy, seriously," Twilight continued, "I don't see anything different. They're still animals." "Ooh no," Fluttershy cooed, lifting up a squirrel and shoving it's tiny butt in Twilight's face, "It's my butt collection!" "What." Applejack was an Alicorn?Author's Note Sequel to the previous chapter. Applejack was an Alicorn? Applejack awoke with a groan, inside her own mind. Coincidentally, it appeared that she was now an Alicorn. That being said, she naturally supposed that she was now within her own dreamscape. And so, she proceeded to buck herself out of her own dream, 'cause that's what you can do when you realize that you're in a dream. Following the not-so-crazy event of Applejack waking up, she quickly made a trip to her bunker's bathroom. Silently, she stared in shock at the now-skewered hat that sat atop her head. Shakily glancing downwards, she could see peanut-butter coated wingtips quivering in the cold, recycled air of the bunker. Lastly, her cutie mark was now peanut-butter coated apples for some reason. Besides that, everything appeared normal. "Hello!" a jar of peanut butter called from the kitchen with a meek voice, "Eat me!" "..." "BUCK IT!" She suddenly screeched as her face snapped into a wide grin, "NOTHIN' MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!" She then followed through by bursting from the top of her triple-reinforced carbon fiber/steel/concrete/Nokia hybrid bunker, in the process creating a spontaneous explosion due to the large amount of randomly placed oil barrels surrounding the area. "BUCK DIS HERE WASTELAND!" She hollered as her eyes began glowing with the light of a thousand suns. In an instant, a massive beam of light shot down from the heavens above, rejuvenating not only the land, but... The pear tree. Applejack spotted the pear tree amongst the shuddering piles of blue-green algae jello, and with the power of her conjoined twin frog thrusters, she blasted off at the speed of light towards the tree. "AH'M GONNA GIT YA!" the mare shrieked as she proceeded to randomly quantum-tunnel straight through the tree, the ground, and everything else, causing her to be violently ejected at the other side of the world, and be sent hurtling towards Discord's backyard. And then the universe got tired of all this crap, and pressed F5 to refresh. the author took a long, hard look at the earlier chapters?Wow. To think that originally this was supposed to be a "serious" fic that would contain actual alternate history that I was supposed to come up with about Equestria. Now then. Obviously that's not how it turned out, did it? I've found it a bit hard in general to write stories that aren't just entirely random or have hints of comedy in them, and once I realized what I could do with a fic like this, I just went on a roll. The author discovered BBCode icons?Forgot that this exists using the Fimfiction site mods. Tell me if you can see the icons below: Author's Note Translation of icons if visible: My disconnected/down wifi/cable internet makes me sad. the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses?Author's Note No, you read that right, Game of Thorns. Like as in, they're pretty much driving go-karts, but they're so blind that they don't realize that they're driving rosebushes and the top of an apple tree. the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses? "Applejack?" Twilight asked a nearby tree, "Can you pass me my glasses?" The tree said nothing as it loomed over the figure of Twilight, who was currently reading a slab of concrete. "Howdy!" Applejack suddenly called as she dropped from the sky, "Ah was just buckin' some apples! They sure are light these days, don'tcha think?" The problem was, Applejack was talking to the dirt, and Twilight was still talking to both the slab of concrete and the tree. "Hey everypony!" Pinkie squealed as she burst from a nearby rosebush, "Wanna take this baby for a ride?" She asked, purring awkwardly as she softly stroked the rosebush. "Sure!" Rainbow replied in return, landing face-first beside the rosebush, "How fast does this thing go?" Pinkie stared closely at a bright crimson rose in front of her face, before looking back up, and replying "I'm not sure, but I bet I can pull off a rainboom with it!" Rainbow shrugged, and hopped --painfully-- into the so-called 'car'. As Pinkie fumbled with a leaf to start the nonexistent engine of the bush, Rarity sped past both of them in her own rosebush. Followed by Applejack and Twilight in the top of an apple tree. "So you wanna race?" Rainbow snarked as she felt the branches slapping against her face, "Wait up then! Pinkie's trying to start the engine!" Foregoing all common sense (and logic), the mares proceeded to race about Ponyville, while Fluttershy sat in her home, reading about various ways to exorcise rabbits as she wore the only pair of working reading glasses. The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM?Author's Note Seriously. I want to write something, but for most of the day either my internet's been down, or I've had to do something. Have a chapter written while I'm half asleep. Maybe. The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM? Twilight groaned as she stared at the eternally melting ice cream. It had been prior awarded with the prestigious "Ultimate-OCD-Inducer" award, and was currently proudly on display directly in front of Twilight. She just wanted to lick the thing, and yet... every time she attempted to, she would be flung thirty feet back, along with an instant brainfreeze. It was part of the protection spell, after all. Twice she had charged the shield, desperate to lick the slowly dripping ice cream. Twice she had failed. The third time, she had been frozen inside a block of ice. Made of vinegar popsicles. The fourth time, Tirek was summoned, but was ultimately smitten by an avalanche out of nowhere. (And he's still trying to get out of the banana-split of doom.) The fifth time, Pinkie Pie had been forcefully ejected from the universe, only to come screaming back in a pony cannonball. The sixth time, Twilight was given a golem of no purpose. She promptly left it in her basement, along with Derpy. The seventh time, she nearly managed to lick the ice cream. She could smell it, though. It was vanilla, with a hint of chocolate. The eighth time, she finally managed to lick it. The ice cream proceeded to implode on Twilight's tongue, followed by an explosion of mind-boggling perception. Suddenly, Twilight saw the universe. No, the multiverse. She saw the flow of time as it criss-crossed itself along the lines of reality. She watched as Discord bathed in his pocket universe of rubber duckies. She saw some weird-lookin' thingies that vaguely resembled ponies in a parallel universe in which Gen 1 never ended. And worst of all, she found the universe that was made entirely of the unlickable, eternally melting ice creams. She screamed. Spike took Twilight on a date?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Text size was directly related to volume?Author's Note Writing this at 5 in the morning. :P Text size was directly related to volume? "Oh, Celestia, how is it so early???" "Beats me, Rarity." "Shall we avoid waking the others"" "Eyup." "Nopony invited you here, Big Mac." the author decided to watch youtube and read comics instead of using their free-time after the competition to do something productive?... ... ... Did you expect something? Celestia smirked as she sipped her tea, for it was secretly a liquid form of a rare Uranium isotope, and coincidentally the source of both her OP-ness, and her not-giving-a-f**k-ness. BleglhsjxowvjcpsjwvwicowvClestilla radically took a swig from her mug of mud. Meanwhile, the universe imploded behind her. She didn't care, however, because nothing really mattered. And so Ercrestiersh died in a horrible ball of not-fire. a buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter?Author's Note Prepare your buttocks... cringe is coming. The stories aren't introduced in any specific order, but here are the ones featured in the chapter: I Think I Summoned A Ponk. Lab Horse/Space Horse Wielder of the Orb: Of Magic and Ponies The Wielder of the Orb Equestria Forever Applepears Twilight Finds Herself in Generation 1 THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FOR TEN SECONDS! What If? (obviously) - Gen 1 Twilight went off the hook? What if Gen-1 Twilight went off the hook? Is essentially what would've been written if it weren't for the fact that I've been toying with the idea of a crazy mega-crossover between my own stories. a buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter? Two portals opened beside each other, both of equal characteristics. They simultaneously unloaded their contents as follows: A pile of humans, and a pile of ponies. These two piles were related, and yet unrelated. They were both of the same origin, but at the same time originated from varied roots. Both carried a precious cargo-- The Orb. Suddenly, in the distance, a mare was heard screaming bloody tartarus as she detonated a nuclear warhead upon a lone pear tree. The resulting rain-BOOM (of destruction and doom) resulted in the living-dead potatoes to dance about, as Pinkie and Anon simultaneously scratched their heads in confusion. In the human pile, a young boy by the name of Sammy groaned, pulling himself out from underneath his friends with The Orb in tow. At the same time, Nightshade did the exact same. The two proceeded to tumble into each other, smacking full-on directly between the two unconscious piles. A shaggy caravan of other humans screeched to a halt in a worn-down and heavily modified truck, filing out with curious looks. "Equestrians," their leader murmured, pointing a finger at the ponies, "Equestria is alive..." An awkward silence overtook the entire scene, only to be broken by the screeching, burning noise of a plummeting portal-space-capsule thing, boarded by its two only inhabitants: Gadget, a young filly, and Delmar, a disgraced and mildly drunk scientist. "WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Twilight yelled as she was farted out of a portal from the past, "AND WHY IS PAST TWILIGHT STILL WITH ME?! SHE'S LOOKING AT US WEIRD AGAIN!" The Gen-1 Twilight proceeded to awkwardly stare at the gaggle of ponies and humans, before slowly backing towards the humans. "Do you know where Meghan is?" the mare asked uncomfortably, tugging on the shirt of the man by the name of Tyrone. Tyrone shook his head sadly. "I don't know who you're talking about," he replied, "but your place is with these ponies. They may be our only hope." Suddenly, the sky flicked between day and night rapidly, before settling on night. And then becoming day once more after ten seconds. "FEAR MEH, Y'ALL DOOFY MORTALS! BOW BEFORE YOUR RIGHTFUL RULER, SCRUBLORD MOON!" A brick proceeded to sail through the air, smacking Luna hard enough to launch her headset onto the face of Gen-1 Twilight. The mare's face slowly creeped into a smile as her pupils began to dilate. "Ultimate knowledge..." she whispered as her body began to shift into a ball of pure energy. The essence of Gen-4 Twilight begun to funnel into her body via the headset, while Luna shrugged and pulled out a gameboy. Sammy and Nightshade sat beside each other, trading glances at each other's Orbs and comparing abilities. They forgot entirely that they could've used them to defeat the currently maniacally laughing mare of Generation 1. Gadget and Delmar looked to each other, shrugged, and proceeded to disappear into another portal a short call later. And then a large asteroid suddenly impacted everything, but it never killed anybody. Instead, it just trapped them, leaving them doomed to the fate of having to be stuck with each other until someone with half a mind remembered that teleportation existed. Why? Because f*** logic. NO SWEARS! Oh god--Pinkie, NO! *Clattering keyboard noises* Spike was a dog in Equestria, and a dragon in the EqG world?"Wait up!" Spike barked as his owner stepped into the portal, "I wanna come too!" Before anypony else could stop him, the dog vanished into the mirror. *Swirly portal transition noises mixed with screaming horse noises and magical transformation noises* "Twilight? Um..." Twilight groaned, rubbing her head as she sat up, only to realize that she was no longer a pony in the proper canon-way of events. Except this time... "Alright Spike," Twilight began as she got down on all fours, let's go an--- WHAT THE BUCK?!" Amazingly, the alicorn-turned-human had completely ignored the fact that her pet dog was now a small dragon. That is, until now. "SPIKE!" Twilight shouted as she suddenly pried Spike's jaws open, "CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?! WAIT A SEC, I'LL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU OUT!" "TGLIFLRIGHT!" Spike screamed back, "It's me still. You turned into... uh, whatever you are, but I get to be a cool dragon!" Twilight, however, heard none of it. Because her head was currently still halfway lodged in Spike's mouth, and therefore the dragon's reassurance simply came out as garbled nonsense. "SPIIIIKE!" Twilight wailed, "I'm so sorry... so, so sorry... I shouldn't have ever taken my eyes off my lovely puppy, and now he's GONE! Wasted away... eaten by this beast of a monster..." Spike rolled his eyes, and spit Twilight out, along the way mildly singing her hair with his newfound dragonfire. "Calm. Down." Spike said sternly, putting both claws on Twilight's shoulders, "I just got turned into a dragon, just like you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. Okay? Let's just chill out, and move on." And then Celestia fell out of the portal sitting on a toilet wearing a toilet paper crown. Because screw logic. Author's Note That degenerated quickly. :rs:rolleyes: Rainbow Dash worked at Starbucks?Dash groaned as she turned to pass a 33rd cup of coffee to a customer who had stuck around for hours. "Aren't you ever gonna leave?" She asked, watching as the stallion wolfed down his drink with fiery eyes. "NOPE!" He cried in return, sloshing his steaming cup at the pegasus, "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry coffee and be a bean!" Rainbow stared at the stallion. He stared back, and proceeded to twitch. "Yeah, I'm just gonna boot you out now." Fearful, the stallion latched onto Dash's foreleg. "DON'T!" He shouted, "THIS IS MY LIFE!" Rainbow wiped the spit off her face, rolling an eye. "Well, it isn't." she deadpanned, before drop-kicking the stallion from the window. The author had homework to do?Normally, I finish most of it in class, but I've still got a small backlog of unfinished assignments from the days that I was gone for the Idaho competition. ... ... The end. Starlight Glimmer the human in a "very" convincing costume came to Equestria? Just to be clear, this is occurring after Starlight Glimmer's reform. Starlight Glimmer snickered as she slipped into her outfit. A land of equality and harmony for all? She had thought, My homeland calls for me... As for her costume, she had created a full-body spandex suit, laced with tendrils of "magic" that she had gotten her hands on from some teens selling "magic in a jar", shortly after a recent school camping trip. Said magic would theoretically allow her to bypass the transfiguration that would normally occur as she passed through the portal. Why she wanted to keep her human form? Simple: Fingers. And toes. Toes are always nice. Either way, she was going to remain human, whether the creatures on the other side liked it or not. It was a weekend, and aside from the usual sports meets that were occurring nearby, there was very little activity. On top of her current disguise, Starlight donned the identity of a janitor that had frequented the area. The thick, rubbery face, the awkward tufts of hair, even down to the sly goatee were all present on her mask. And with her disguise on, the girl slipped into the portal. "OOF!" Starlight bellowed, quickly covering her mouth with her hands as she recovered from faceplanting in the portal room of Twilight's castle. "Who's there?" A frighteningly familiar voice called back. The sounds of hooves echoed throughout the room as the pony counterpart of Starlight neared the doors. "NOBODY!" The girl shouted back, immediately cursing herself afterwards for making herself even more obvious. The hoofsteps froze, before quickening as the pony grew closer and closer to the doors. Starlight's eyes widened as the handle of the door lit aglow, and slowly began to turn. Frantically, the girl dove into an upturned box, quivering underneath in fear of discovery. Meanwhile, the pony Starlight proceeded to shrug, and leave the room. Walking on all fours is always such a pain in the a-- "NO SWEARS!" Pinkie screamed, landing in front of the girl from who-knows-where, "BAD STARRY!" The mare promptly left Starlight with a smack on the face with a newspaper. The mask she had been wearing earlier was nowhere to be found. "Starlight?" Twilight asked as she landed with a flap of her wings, "Why are you walking so... uh, weirdly?" It was at that moment in which Starlight realized that she had been walking not only on all fours, but walking on all fours with her bottom held proudly (mindlessly? suggestively?) in the air, as a human walking on all fours would normally walk if they didn't bend their knees. "And why does your plot look like a badly sewn dress?" "Uhhhhh" "And why are you both in front of me and beside me?" Crap. The human Starlight thought, She's onto me. The pony Starlight facehoofed. "Twilight," she deadpanned, "that's clearly the human me, trying and horribly failing to pass herself off as me." "Ah, yes..." Twilight nodded, "Even though I'm not Rarity, I'd recognize that potato-sack sewing anywhere." "HEY!" Author's Note Can you guess who the "janitor" is? Would y'all like a part two? The author once again had no idea what to write?It's that time again! Roll in the comments, and they might just become future chapters! Twilight was suddenly salad?"Girls?" Twilight suddenly blurted, moments after a blindingly bright flash of light, "I think I'm salad." A clinking sound echoed throughout the hall as a living bowl of greens hopped into the room. "Hoo, nelly!" Applejack exclaimed as she entered the room from the other side, "Boy, am I hungry!" Twilight immediately froze at the hearing of Applejack's words. "H-hungry?" She whimpered, attempting to silently escape. "Is anypony takin' that bowl o' salad over there?" "Nope! Go ahead, AJ... though, I don't remember anypony ever bringing it here..." Oh crap. Twilight thought, attempting with all her might to transform back. Another bright flash momentarily blinded everypony in the room, dissipating to reveal... A bigger bowl of salad. Author's Note These clean lines of text soothe my OCD, yet they trigger it at the same time. Sunburst and Starlight switched places?Author's Note Skipping the whole "Our Town" thing, 'cause Sunburst doesn't exactly seem like the type to do mind control. Sunburst and Starlight switched places? Sunburst lounged in Twilight's seat, idly twirling Starswirl's scroll in the air with his magic as he awaited for the Princess of Friendship. As he heard hoofsteps drawing near, he quickly hid the scroll, instead idly whistling to himself as Twilight and Spike entered. "...Um, who are you?" Spike asked, shaking Sunburst awake. "GAH!" the stallion shouted back in return, falling from the seat in a very ungraceful method. "What's going on?! Where am I?" "You've been sleeping in Twilight's seat for the past 2.564 hours." "Ah ha!" Sunburst yelled, "I remember!" Twilight and Spike questioningly stared at the stallion who was currently doing a victory whoop on the map table. Out of nowhere, a dirty sock landed on Twilight's face. The mare shook her head in annoyance. "Please... just, whoever you are, state your business, please. You're already giving me a headache." Sunburst nodded, and stepped down from the table. "Alright... um..." he whispered to himself, "What was it that I was gonna say again..." He promptly pulled a parchment from underneath his cape, labeled in big, block letters, "PLAN TO DESTROY THE TIMELINE". After approximately half a minute of reading, he cleared his throat. "Ahem," he began, "Princess Twilight, I am now about to destroy your timeline!" "What?" Twilight snorted, "Why?" Sunburst's eyes widened. "Um... because I can? And I want to prove my capabilities?" A mug of coffee blinked into existence beside Twilight, who took a sip of the steaming liquid. "Go on," she pushed, "What other motives do you have for destroying reality as we know it?" Sunburst shrugged in return, lighting his horn. "AND NOW," he began, "WITH THIS CONVENIENTLY STOLEN SCROLL, I SHALL CREATE THE ULTIMATE PARADOX!" A blinding flash of light filled the room, accompanied by a low howling sound as Sunburst rose upwards, only to be swallowed by a giant time vortex thingy. ~~~5 minutes earlier...~~~ "Um... who are y--" Sunburst promptly landed on top of Spike, awakening the Sunburst that was snoozing on the seat. "Wahuh?" Sunburst from five minutes ago grumbled, rubbing an eye, "Did the plan work?" The current time Sunburst shrugged. "You tell me. Does it look like I'm back with Starlight?" Sunburst from five minutes ago shrugged in return. ~~~Back to the ~~Future~~ Present!~~~ Sunburst reemerged from the portal, expecting to find himself from five minutes ago preparing to travel to... five? Ten minutes ago? Either way, he expected to see himself in one way or another. Except... he found himself standing face to face with a very creepily smiling mare, with a semi-obviously painted equal sign cutie mark on her flanks. "Oh." Everypony became Alicorns?"It is time." "Time for what, M. A. Larson?" "You shall see soon, my child." "What do you mean?" "Here, take this pair of wings and horn. Now, where's that button?" "What butto--" A single beam of golden light descended from above, unceremoniously horking out a large, gelatinous blob of slime. And no, it is not the Smooze. Inside this blob, was an Alicorn. Though, not just any Alicorn, for this Alicorn was the Alicorn of Alicorns. (And repetition, because why else would Alicorn be used four times in the previous sentence?" Why did this Alicorn exist? Why, to ascend everypony, Alicorns included, into Alicorns, of course! Why else would M. A. Larson do such a thing? Celestia? Alicorn. Apple Bloom? Alicorn. Big Mac? Certainly an Alicorn. Trixie? Nah. Let her ascend herself. Let's make Starlight Glimmer an Alicorn instead! Discord and the Twilicane are Alicorns, as well! Even Boulder is an Alicorn! Fluttershy worriedly stared at the Alicorn Angel Bunny. An absurdly large amount of flashlights entered Twilight's life?Twilight awoke with a yawn, instantaneously gagging at the moment she performed the action, due to a flashlight suddenly becoming lodged in her throat. *ACK!* *cough cough* *GPHLRAFT!* Mere seconds later, a flashlight-shaped crater had formed on the wall opposite to Twilight, of whom was no longer choking. She took a deep breath, opening the drapes to let the blindingly bright, whitish-blue light to pour into her room. Wait... that's not right... she thought, looking back out the window. And lo and behold, the sun was missing, instead replaced by a massive LED flashlight, aiming directly at her window. "Twilight?" Spike began, pushing the mare's door open, "I think there's something wrong with me..." Twilight gawked as the purple and green flashlight waddled into her room, looking clearly sick. "Spike? Is that you?" Twilight began, stepping closer to the living torch, "You're... um. You seem very bright today." Spike made the best 'seriously?' face that he could make, but ultimately failed, because he was a Spike-colored flashlight. "I bet Discord has something to do with this." "Ya think?" The bright light outside her window suddenly vanished, casting the room and its occupants into darkness. "Well that happened." Twilight deadpanned, shuffling back towards the window. Outside, there was... an absurdly large number of flashlights. Flash-burger lites, Enlightened Apples, Scootalite Chicken Edition, and of course, the giant, green, glow-in-the-dark flashlight that now made up the previous hills of grass. Twilight went back to bed. Author's Note I think I've gone too far. Twilight's mane turned to cheese?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.The author was simultaneously bored and didn't want to write an update but decided to anyways?Farts Musical hotdogs riding mice decided to go drink sodas and then watch a movie. And then Giant Meteorite came in and smashed things like Hulk but he wasn't Hulk because copyrights are expensive to settle and so the all-knowing writer decided to shamelessly grant an OC random bursts of strength. Suddenly everything went boom. ihuabilurhiouyg4t. End then the chaos ended, and a new golden era of nothingness began, starting with... This table flip. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ The author had his first Finals Test of the school year starting tomorrow?Yup. Exactly what you expected. There ain't no story. Or maybe... At least, that's what y'all are thinking. Rather, there is always a story, not written out upon a paper or on a screen, mind you, but rather inside us all. We all have our own stories to tell, our own experiences, thoughts, and emotions. These all come together to form us, and by extension, the story of us. By that means, there will always be another story to read, another page to turn, a new chapter to start. Our lives are governed by change, whether it be for the better, or for the worse. In the end, it all comes together to create your own story. Hmm... if only there was some way to read what this strange block of nothing contains... There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill?Author's Note I don't have Netflix. I am but a poor schooler with good grades and no money. There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill? "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Twilight screamed, her mane flaming and smoking as it fluttered behind the panicked mare. "SPIKE!" she continued to yell, "GET ME SOME WATER!" Unfortunately, there was no water, for there was no Netflix, and therefore, there was no chill. The mare continued her tirade of increasingly potent screaming. Meanwhile, the author cackled devilishly as he slowly racked his mind for an original idea. In the end, however, he failed. Cadance remained a pegasus?"Love stock?" Chrysalis sighed, worriedly watching her children scurry to and fro. "Check." Thorax replied, never glancing away from the clipboard. "Freely available love resources?" Thorax frowned. "Noooooo. We've already utilized all of our current resources to their limit." "That's bad." "Yup." Thorax replied, tapping his chin with the quill, "If only there was a convenient marriage of a hypothetical 'Alicorn of Love' that we could try to feed off of..." Chrysalis facehoofed. "Thorax?" "Yes, mother?" "You're an imbecile." "Oh." The Smooze was actually just enchanted jello?~~~A not-so-long time ago, in a laboratory underneath your local Walmart...~~~ "Eureka!" Not-Twilight shouted, pulling a bowl of lime jello from her fridge, "My latest creation!" A bushy-mustached Spike waddled into the room with a pouch of chips. "Jello again?" He grumbled, sitting himself on the worn couch, "Can't we have, like, spaghetti or something for dinner for once?" The unicorn laughed heartily. "This is no ordinary jello, my good fellow," she rhymed, "For this jello shall now turn... yello!" Spike facepalmed, pausing quickly to fix his mustache immediately after. As he looked up, he noticed that the jello in the bowl wasn't growing yellower, but bigger. Cool, he thought, growing jello so you don't have to make as much. Unfortunately, that was his last thought before both he and Twilight were scooped up by the newly-formed Smooze, who was now about to rampage through the cereal aisle after escaping through the faculty door. This is the reason why the Smooze still tastes like Fruit Loops to this day. ...Heck? (What if the author no longer has any freakin' idea of what the site is anymore?)... ... ... Wot in tarnation? Seriously though, what happened to the good ol’ “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” rule? I’m pretty sure Twilight would rant about the sudden layout change... Meh. Time to re-learn 3/4 of the entire site... and figure out a way to get the general overall view count working again. Spike was suddenly the ruler of Equestria?Spike idly scratched his back as he flipped another page of his comic. Meanwhile, in Canterlot... "Princess!" Guard_#3284_MLG_PRO_MASTAH exclaimed as he burst into Celestia's bedroom, "Your sister's gone!" He was met with the sound of a cricket chirping, for Celestia was missing as well. 1536ProN00bSlayer, the guard's assistant, promptly fainted. The following day, Celestia and Luna snickered as they watched from their seaside invisible retreat cabin as the televised crowning of Spike took place. As for Twilight, the mare said nothing. After all, she was currently stuck as a cricket. The author just couldn't write comedy anymore?“Eheheheh... knock knock?” “Who’s there?” ... ... “Nevermind.” ... ... “Shall we never speak of this again?” “Yeah.” “Why does a pony like you wish to jest with I, Tirek, anyways?” “I don’t even know anymore...” Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip?Author's Note I'm lookin' at you, Clippy! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-- Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip? "It looks like you're trying to wake up! Would you like some assistance?" Twilight yawned, rubbing her eyes slowly as she let out a slow, mumbling, "What?" "It looks like you might have trouble hearing. Allow me to assist." the paperclip replied calmly, shoving a Q-Tip into the mare's ear. "GAH!" "It looks like you're surprised. Would you like a chill pill?" Twilight grunted, plucking the fluffy stick from her ear canal. "No." she replied, peeling herself from the covers. "It looks like you're trying to poop rainbows," Clippy began, emerging from behind Twilight's shower curtain, "Would you like for me to help?" "FOR THE LAST TIME, CLIPPY! UNICORNS DON'T CRAP RAINBOWS!" "It looks like you have anger issues. Do you want me to call a psychiatrist?" "No." "It looks like you're trying to sort books. Would you like them sorted alphabetically?" "Yes, please, Clippy. Don't screw it up like when you tried making breakfast." ... ... "Your books have been sorted from most to least obnoxious." The sound of Twilight's facehoof reverberated throughout the castle. "It looks like you're trying to enjoy yourse--" "GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, CLIPPY!" Twilight screamed, throwing a book at the disembodied office material. "It looks like you're having some fun with your friends. Allow me to join?" Twilight sighed. "Fine, but stay away from Rarity, Clippy. You know how much she dislikes you getting caught in her mane." "TWILIGHT! GET YOUR PET OUT OF MY MANE!" Once again, Twilight facehoofed. "It looks like you're trying to save Equestria. A̶ͨl̢ͤͣ͑̌l̬ͭ́o̝͎̘̭͌ͭͦw̨͚̖̗͔̺̮͗ͫ ͇̯̪̤̄ͧ̑̒͞m̟̲̘͍̥̞̣̉e̺͔̪͎̦̫͈̅́̈́̃̚ ̗̲̙̲͐͋̾̏ͤͮ̎t̗̰̟̟̞̺̖ͭ͗̃o̩̫̞̰̜̦ͬ͋̏ͥ̃̀ ̮̌͊́ā̶͙̥̬̱̎̔̉ss̖̬͚̞̈́̈ͯ͒ͪi̼̲̒s̨̺͗̿t̹͙̳̰͙̝̘̅͂ ͈͚̻͑͐̌̆͂̇̅ͅī̮̝̘̺͔͉̋ͬ̀̉͐̍͘n̼̏ͦ̍ͮͯ͂͠ ̭̻̠͖̖̭͂̂̋̐͌͛͋͞s̷̲͉m̰̃ͦ̍i̗̓̃̔̚͜t̻̙̭i̟͎̪̺̩͑̆͢ņ̩̦̩̮̟͍̇͛͑̄͋̓͂g̵͕̰̾͊͑͊̆̿ ̡͙̙̜̤t̤͓͙̠͗ͩͮ͗͡h̒͝ẽ̴̩ͩ̌̈́̅͌ͭe͆͗́͛͏̜̱̦̠̗̝͙ ̸̘̝̻͈̯̰̀ͭͅo͔ͧ̉͑t̨̞͋̉͗̈hͥ͝e͍͗̈ͧ̑̋r̥͓̻̲͖̗̈́ͬ̈́w̙̣̥̻̝oͯ͂͗ͬr̦̱̀̌l͙̝ͫ̒̈d͈̟͍́ͯͯͥ̄͐̎l̩͚̒̓̏ͣ̅̈́y̵̹͐̅͆̆ ̣̜̖̩̲̼͡d̵͓̭̤̜̼͔e̱̟͙̻̭̭̯ͯ̽͊̚̚m̛ͩ̒o̳̗͖̬͙̞ͤ̔̏͛ͩ̇ǹ͔̗̪͎̟̐̊ͦ ̣͎̺͎t̝͈ͪ̍͌̓hͮͧ͛̄ͭ̑̕a̖̰̻͛tͤ҉̟̮̬̰̼ͅ ̈c͗̑ͤ̃͒̓h̪͈̩ͦ̈̎ͯ̾ͩ͟a̤̥͙ͫ̇͊ͨͭͯl͖̳̳̏̇̐̔̅̌͐͝l͇̺̣͇̪̎e̩̮̹̰̮̰ͯͫ͒ͭ͐ñ̲ͬ̋ͮ͆̎͞g̺̗̯̩̯̜̭ͬ̔͗͂ḙ͎̭̭̤̖̣̋ͣ̌ͩ͑̚͢s͈̟͚̋̄ ̨̖͙͈͈̗͉͒̅͋̐͒yͨ̐͊̏̓̓͂e̒̑̀ͨ̅ͨ?̵̪̝̗̯̃͋ " "What." Twilight deadpanned, freezing time to open her assistant's control panel. One registry tweak later, and the paperclip was back to normal. "It looks like you've changed my settings. Would you like to restart Reality XP to apply your changes?" "No, thank you." Shutting down Reality XP... Applying update 1/531760... ... Applying update 2/531760... ... Booting Reality XP... Welcome. "CLIIIIIPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY!" Twilight hollered. It looks you're writing horse words. Would you like some assistance? Wait, wha-- NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter?Author's Note Well, not necessarily a bonus chapter, but still a bonus anyways. A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter? "Clippy," Twilight began slowly, "I think I might have to uninstall you from Reality." "It looks like you're trying to uninstall me from Reality. Would you like to launch BSOD.EXE?" "Clippy, no. Stay right here. I'm gonna get the uninstallation script." Reality XP has encountered an illegal operation and must be shut down. Universe.exe has imploded out of sheer stupidity. Rainbow Dash suddenly became a tank and Fluttershy was literally a giant Apache helicopter?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Meerkat meerkat muffins? OH YEAH!"Meerkat?" Twilight Sparkle asked herself, worriedly glancing out the window of her castle. "Meerkat meerkat." Spike agreed, "Meerkat meerkats meerkatting meerkats." "MUFFINS!" Derpy screamed, bursting through said window. "MEERKAAAAAAAT!" Twilight screeched in return, jumping back in surprise. "OH YEAH!" The Kool-Aid man hollered, bursting through the foundational walls of the castle. "WHOOSH!" went the castle as it collapsed due to its compromised structural integrity. Author's Note I don't know what this even is anymore. The author finally axed a story after giving up on it months prior?RIP Twilight finds herself in Generation 1. And honestly, I'm relieved that I don't have to go through every frackin' episode of Gen 1 + movies just to write a Gen 1 crossover fic anymore. What's this "Gen 1" that you keep talking about? Oh god, please no, Pinkie, NO-- *keyboard rattling noises* Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller?Author's Note It's Apple-teeny, but even smaller! Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller? "Who let Appletini in here?" Spike deadpanned, staring at the miniscule pony sitting atop the hoofrest of her chair-throne-thing. "Ah did, Spike! Ah did!" Applejack squeaked, suddenly shrinking to half her size. Again. "Huh?" Spike began, "Where'd she go? I swear she was right here a moment ago..." Meanwhile, Applejack floated away on a dust particle, ready to explore worlds beyond the confines of Equestria. And maybe find a way to grow back to normal size. Pinkie Pie encountered a genie?Author's Note Welp. This turned out to be more of a one-shot than I expected. Enjoy! Pinkie Pie encountered a genie? Pinkie searched high and low for Gummy. The 'gator hadn't been seen for the past week, and Pinie was beginning to become rather... unhinged. Especially if one asked the customers of Sugarcube Corner. "WHERE ARE YOU, GUMMY?!" She hollered, flipping a nearby table and narrowly missing a customer. In a matter of seconds, all that was left of the storefront was a plaster of leaflets, all identical, all donning the image of a tiny reptile that belonged to a hyperactive mare. Pinkie shed a tear as she lay down in her bed. Gummy would be forever missed to her, and she-- "WHO DARES AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER?!" A decidedly loud voice boomed over Pinkie. The mare immediately perked up from bed, confusedly staring at the pillow the voice had emanated from. "AHEM. I'M TALKING TO YOU," the voice continued, "DO YOU WANT WISHES, OR SHALL I RESUME MY REST?" "Ooh!" Pinkie cheered, "Wishies!" A hovering, ghostly image of Gummy emerged from the pillow. "As you wish." the image began, "Are you in any way familiar with the ways of genies?" "Yup!" Pinkie answered, "Three wishes, no necromancy, no Jedi Mind-Tricks, no wishing for more wishes, no forcing people into love, no summoning Tirek from the worlds below, and--" "Okay, sheesh," the Gummy-like genie responded, "I get it, you've met a genie before." "Nope!" Pinkie chirped, oblivious to the fact that the real Gummy had just crawled into her lap from underneath her bed. "..." "Well I'll be." The genie finally continued, "Now then, let's get on with this shebang, eh? What's your first wish?" Pinkie thought long and hard, her thinker thinking of a thought to think about so that her think-machine could ink the thought into a idea for her mouth to think out loud. "I'd like to see my--" Pinkie paused, staring down at the now-slumbering Gummy. "um... World Peace Plan happen!" The genie nodded. "As you wish." it stated, "What is this plan of yours?" "No bad guys!" Pinkie said happily, "EVER!" "As you wish." Meanwhile, Tirek suddenly became Celestia's cake butler, and while surprised that he was out of Tartarus, found it impossible to steal magic anymore. Combined with Celestia's trollish antics, he quickly lost his will for domination. Also, the Sirens were suddenly smashing pop hits that continuously topped the charts. And Chrysalis was now the Element of Love, much to the jealousy of Cadance. ...And Flufflepuff was born from a swarm of Parasprites transmutating after falling into the Mirror Pool. Somehow. The genie held up three fingers, but blew away one of them. "You now have TWO wishes!" they declared, "What is your second wish?" "Hmm..." Pinkie began. "Ooh!" she suddenly realized, "I wanna be with my friends for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever--" "Forever?" the genie deadpanned. "FOREVER!" Pinkie screeched. The genie nodded. "As you wish." Suddenly, everypony in Ponyville became an Alicorn. Why? Because Pinkie was friends with them, of course. But Pinkie didn't know that. Yet. "And your final wish?" The genie finally began, "I'd advise that you make this one count." "Free you?" Pinkie asked, remembering a certain movie. "Nah brah." The genie declared, "I'm not that kinda genie, y'know. I've got my own life still." "Huh." Pinkie began, "What about..." Somewhere on the opposite end of Equestria inside a suddenly-appearing Temple of Nothing In Particular, a pocket universe dedicated entirely to Pinkie Pie and her friends was created with a blinding flash of pure energy, incidentally irradiating everything within a 100-mile radius. Pinkie gasped, and suddenly jumped into a personal portal through the multiverse as the Genie completed her final wish. "Where ya goin?" the genie asked as Pinkie disappeared into the portal. Just before she vanished, Pinkie shouted back, "I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE HORSE!" Meanwhile, on Earth... Mr. Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of Anon unloaded his pickup truck of hay to the local farmer, wiping his brow with an arm. That is, would've wiped his brow with an arm if it weren't for a certain mare plummeting onto his face. "WHERE'S THE HORSE, ANON?!" Pinkie shouted, "WHERE IS IT?!" Anon's muffled voice came unnoticed from underneath Pinkie. "Whoops." Pinkie began, backing off of her old interdimensional friend from beyond the fourth wall, "Sorry." "Pinkie." Anon began, "TJ is perfectly fine. Megan's got good care of her." It was at this moment, when Pinkie realized... "ANON!" Pinkie shouted again, pulling the mask off of Anon, "YOU'RE THE HORSE!" Anon snorted. "Fine," he began, "So your Pinkie Sense finally detected my true form, but you'll never know my FINAL FORM!" With that, Mister Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of AnonHorse blasted away on his rocket-propelled flip-flop horseshoes. "Fine then." Pinkie pouted, "I'm going home." Pinkie shot out at Mach-2 speeds from her portal, headbutting the quietly-reading genie in the gut. And revealing the guy to just be Discord wearing a horsehead mask painted to look like Gummy. Because reasons. The number 8 was used in almost every conversation ever?Fisher pony walked up to the Salespony. "Good day, m8," the Salespony chirped, "How was the b8?" Fisher pony smiled. "I r8 8/8, m8." he replied. "Well 8n't that gr8!" Salespony responded, "Would you like an instant reb8?" "Nah, m8. I'm gonna go home and get some cr8s." "Well, don't forget to come by on a l8er d8!" "Yup," the Fisher pony continued, "though next time I'm gonna keep my g8 eye out for them g8ers." "What do you do for a living, m8?" the Interviewer began, looking up from a notepad. "I have a pretty gr8 r8 of cleaning pl8s." the Janitor said cheerily. "Gr8!" the Interviewer replied, "Welcome to the Gr8 Sl8 Pl8 Fr8!" "One more thing--" the Janitor continued, "With this job, will I get my own pair of sk8s?" "Yup." "Gr8!" Author's Note Sorry, not sorry. Twilight never had friends to begin with?Author's Note Early Halloween chapter! Have fun with Twilight's Frankenstein-esque FriendBotTM! Twilight never had friends to begin with? "Hehe..." Twilight chuckled maniacally, deep within her not-so-underground laboratory, "If I can't make friends..." she began, "I'll MAKE them!" "Twilight," Spike noted from beneath the pile of cloth that was his oversized labcoat, "You just said that you'll make friends if you can't make friends." "EXACTLY!" Twilight cackled, the Dramatic Sparks of ElectricityTM crackling about her on the glowing screens mounted across the walls and ceiling. "Yeah." Spike noted, slipping from his labcoat, "She's lost it. Again. I'm out. See ya!" Twilight, entirely oblivious to Spike's departure from the lab, continued her psychotic bout of laughter for about another half an hour, before her now-sore throat forced her to stop in a flurry of coughing. Once she recovered, however, her eyes set on the large, red button in the middle of the barren control panel of her latest creation. Instantly, her crazed grin reemerged, and her hoof slammed flatly against the aforementioned button. "BOOTING FRIENDBOT REVISION 2." A metallic voice echoed across the building, "PLEASE PROVIDE A NAME FOR FRIENDBOT." The room went silent for a moment, save for the clacking of a keyboard. "NAME REGISTERED: TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT." the voice screeched, taking the name Twilight had just entered. "TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH TWILIGHT." it continued, slowly growing quieter as the program uploaded itself to a metallic body. The patchwork creation of tin cans and scrapyard junk rose from the test bench, lumbering loudly towards Twilight. "HAHA!" Twilight bellowed, before being tackled by the scrap heap of a robot in a crushing hug. Spike licked the ice cream, completely oblivious to the world as his mind spiralled inwards towards pondering about his adoptive mother's internal insanity. Randomness happened?"...What ARE you?" "I'm a Taco Fish!" "...don't you mean a fish taco?" "No," Sonata replied through a mouthful of tacos, "I'm a taco fish!" Randomness happened 2?Author's Note Alrighty, I figured that I'd might as well tackle multiple things at once, so... here's what this chapter contains: "Normal" Pinkie Pie bleeping/censoring bad words, Princesses are dogs while Equestria is oblivious, Spike has an AK-47. Enjoy! Randomness happened 2? "ALRIGHT, YA HEY'in DWEEBS, HANDS UP!" Spike shouted as he kicked the door open to the base of operations of an underground cult. "Excuse me," a stallion deadpanned as he set down his playing cards, "What was that again?" Spike rushed angrily to the stallion, shoving the bayonet attached to his AK-47 against the neck of the pony. "I said," Spike repeated, "You're a CHILD FRIENDLY!'in DWEEB, ya--" Spike blinked, realizing what he had said. "ShSTOP IT!." Spike said under his breath, following up with "FLISTEN!k, dI SAID STOP IT!... uh, freakin' crap." GOOD. Spike cleaned an ear with a claw. DON'T THINK THAT I'M NOT WATCHING, SPIKE! Just then, the mare that the voice belonged to-- Pinkamena Diane Pie, or 'Pinkie', as she was commonly known as, trudged into the room, her head hung low as she placed a glass of water on the table that the stallion had been sitting at. With a nod, and a mischievous wink towards Spike, she disappeared back into the side room she had entered from. "What." Spike said flatly, dropping the gun and unknowingly releasing the stallion. "You'll never catch me, ya cI'LL BE COMING FOR YOU!!" This time, it was the stallion who paused upon hearing a certain pink mare's voice blot out his words. Unfortunately, this was enough time for Spike to tackle and capture the pony with a swift and definitely-not-fatal barrage of fire. "Your highness," Spike began, kneeling before the Princesses, "I have captured the saboteur." "Arf." Celestia nodded, turning to her fellow canine sisters, who made various dog-related noises in agreement. "Very well then, Spike continued, his eyes fooled into the illusion of the Princesses sitting before him being ponies. "I shall return to my chambers until you deploy me once more." As Spike left, the four (five, counting the puppy,) alicorn-dog-things howled in their victory. And Pinkie Pie went to the grocery store to buy some silverware. This fic became meta?Author's Note 'Cause y'know, everything's gotta be a little meta, right? Right? This fic became meta? Twilight stared at the page that she had just mindlessly jotted down at the dictation of her assistant, while Spike grinned gleefully over her shoulder. "This is garbage." she deadpanned, pointing at the page in question. Spike shrugged. "Hey, you were the one that began writing this thing." Twilight made a face. "Well you were the one that told me to write this!" "No," Spike countered, "I suggested that you should write this! You were the one doing the writing!" Somewhere, high above the two squabbling beings, the almighty narrator and true author of the story stood up, and left the room for some popcorn. Rainbow Dash was allergic to pies?"Really, Pinkie," Rainbow coughed through her reddened face, "Please, stop it with the pies!" Pinkie made a face, hurling another pie at her friend. Though, it never hit, as Rainbow sneezed the whole thing to bits. Finally, it clicked in Pinkie's mind. Her friend was allergic to pie crust. Pinkie threw a toast waffle at Rainbow Dash. Author's Note I have a mild headache right now. Randomness Happened 3?"Bork." Twilight barked, looking up from her book. "Twilight," Spike deadpanned as he looked up from his comic, "Did you turn yourself into a dog again?" "Bork bork." Spike looked back down at his comic. "As I suspected." Twilight proceeded to chase her tail for the next three hours until the spell wore off. The author got Netflix?What, you expected me to be productive when watching movies? Spike had a dirty mind?Author's Note This is what happens when I dumped a chapter near midnight when brain.exe is not functioning at full capacity. Enjoy! Spike had a dirty mind? Spike stared through his binoculars at a certain mare's behind. SPIKE! Twilight shouted, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OGLING RARITY'S PLOT?! Spike spun his binoculars around to Twilight. Or at least, the incredibly reflective wall that at the moment showed a certain mare off rather well. And it was Twilight, to be specific. "Heheh. Butts." Spike mumbled as Twilight snatched the binoculars from him. Space Cats?"Meow." "SPIKE!" Twilight hollered from the control panel of the EQ-SOL-1 rocket, "WHY THE BUCK IS THERE A SPACE CAT?!" But alas, it was too late, for dear old Spike was now in his space suit, stroking the glamorous space-fur of the space-cat. "Meow." The Mane 6 were just Twilight's various personalities?"Should we check on her?" A guard whispered to another as Twilight cackled in Pinkie's voice within the asylum. The other guard shuddered. "No," he replied simply, "Her... complications might spread." "Oh, Pinkie," Twilight shouted as Rarity, "WHY YOU SO FUNNAY?!" "Oh, come on, Rainbow Dash's voice rung out, "Do you guys even realize where we are?!" Amidst the squabbles of the many sides of Twilight, the mare herself was nowhere to be found. The author was currently fixated on studying for yet another barrage of quizzes and tests?Haha. High school AP classes, amirite? Though, I spent about ten our so minutes working on an upcoming one-shot building off of an idea I introduced in Equestrian Human... The author now cannot sleep?Author's Note I spend the past two hours trying to sleep after having a good sleep on my mind the entire time I studied, but now I'm wide awake. Wtf brain. The author now cannot sleep? "Hey, I'd like to introduce you to my religion." The man raised a brow, glancing at the strange figure in priestly robes. And then a fluffy pony plot was shoved in his face. "I'm interested." Was all the man replied. Randomness happened 4?"WAITER!" Derpy shouted from her table, "THERE. IS. A. SOUP. IN. MY. SOUP!" For the umpteenth time, Twilight facehoofed. "No, Derpy, your soup is supposed to have soup in it." "Oh. Sorry... WAITER! THERE'S A SPOON IN MY SOUP!" Twilight left the restaurant. The Fried Chicken Dealer came to Twilight?Twilight grimaced as she warily eyed the towering stacks of papers that she soon had to work through. She sighed as she pulled the first flimsy sheet from the very top of the stack, rubbing an eye with a hoof as she pulled out her quill set. *knock knock* "Who's there?" Twilight called, rising from her seat to check the door. She opened her study door. Nobody. Which meant that it'd either be the bathroom door, the closet door, the ~~sexy dungeon door~~ basement door, or the most likely of all: the front door. The door sat ajar just a sliver, a slight breeze passing through it as Twilight neared. Somepony's here... Twilight thought, preparing a shield spell for casting. "Would you be interested in fried chicken and fried chicken accessories?" a deep, gruff, and ~~definitely not creepy~~ dark voice called from the shadows. "..." A stallion stepped from the shadows in a large trenchcoat, surprising Twilight. In response, the mare instinctively shot a dazzling laser at the strange pony, only to watch as the stallion simply absorbed the blow into his body. The stallion wobbled ever so slightly from the blast, seemingly dazed, but otherwise unharmed. Moments later, he shook himself from the trance-like state, and refocused his attention on Twilight. "Now," he said once more in that ever-so-deep voice, "Would you be interested in some--" he whipped open his trenchcoat, prompting Twilight to scream as she covered her eyes. "L-LEWD!" Twilight shrieked from behind her hooves. Except... upon lowering them ever so slightly, she noticed... there was hardly anything disturbing. Just... buckets. "--Chicken?" The pony then finished, the buckets filling with fried chicken before Twilight's very eyes. "Uhhhhhhh..." Twilight began, confused by the entire event. "Only five-ninety-nine," the apparition grinned through rotting teeth, "...not counting tax." "STAHP!" Celestia shrieked as she burst through a window, "YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THAT!" Twilight nodded in short response to Celestia's sudden entrance and following outburst. Charging her horn for attack, she fired a barrage of spells at the stallion. ...Only to have them pass straight through him. "Twilight." Celestia began, ignoring the wall-tentacles that flooded her field of vision, "That stallion sells drugged food." But it was too late, for simply the smell alone was enough. Twilight shrieked as a tap-dancing Trixie-Starlight duo entered the room on an upside-down apache helicopter of doom. Author's Note This chapter builds off a certain comedy posted not too long ago. Applejack sold propane and propane accessories?"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack chided cheerfully, "Where y'all can find all of your propane and propane-accessory-related goods!" Twilight frowned. "I just wanted an apple, Applejack." In a blur of color, Applejack now stood inches from Twilight, her entire body trembling with rage. "I. Am. Past. That." she hissed, retreating into her propane tank-shaped barn. Short to say, Ponyville burned that night. Author's Note Short chapter. I've got stuff to do again. THE GREAT FLARPETY-FLARP MADE AN APPEARANCE?!?!Celestia tried to hold it in, but she couldn't. The beans, she thought, they were too much for my feeble and weakened body... And just like that, the pressure was gone. And the resulting fart caused widespread destruction all across Equestria due to its nature of being practically a flaming laser of bean-induced doom. Author's Note Fart joke. Randomness happened 5?I finished my homework earlier than I expected. Probably the multitasking. Um... SUDDENLY, A FLAMING BALL OF RAINBOWS CRASH LANDED IN PONYVILLE. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Twilight hollered, pointing a shaky hoof at the flaming crater. "I'M OKAY!" Rainbow Dash yelled in return from the center of the crater. "I WAS JUST TESTING A SPEED SPELL!" "WHERE THE BUCK DID YOU GET A FREAKIN' SPEED SPELL?!" Twilight continued hollering towards Rainbow, "YOU CAN'T EVEN CAST SPELLS!" An alicorn-ified Rainbow Dash majestically appeared before Twilight. "Ha." she smirked, "Says you." Author's Note No seriously, I somehow finished almost an hour earlier than I expected. The author just wanted to play Minecraft but Comcast was just all like "NOPE! YOUR INTERNET'S DOWN NOW!"Because screw you, Comcast. All I want to do is play on a minecraft server for the first time in nearly a month. And preferably not get kicked with a timeout error every 5-10 minutes of playing. Randomness happened 6?"What are you, good sir?" a Twilight with a heavy British accent yelled to the figure in the distance. "FOR THE LAST TIME, TWI," the figure yelled back, "I. AM. A. TOASTER." "OKAY." Twilight shouted to her toaster. Author's Note Toaster. Rarity was as nerdy as Twilight?"My Fabulosity Equivalents!" Rarity gasped, pulling a sheet of burnt paper from underneath Sweetie Belle's mixing bowl, "NOOOOOOOO!" "Sis." Sweetie deadpanned, "Just because you design dresses according to geometric patterns doesn't mean that you need to write out equations for everything." "Psh." Rarity dismissed with a hoof, "You need to know the math before you can truly appreciate it. As the great Starswirl once said--" "--no." Sweetie cut off, "Stop it. Get some help." "From?" Rarity began, turning with the burnt paper in her grasp. "...Twilight?" Sweetie answered. Rarity's eyes widened. "Yes!" she shrieked, "With all her knowledge on everything, she'd surely know how to improve my dresses even further!" "...no." Sweetie continued as the door slammed shut, "...um... who was it... Lyra? No... um... Coco? Yeah, I think that Coco would be able to--" Sweetie Belle stopped as she realized that the room was empty. Twilight encountered a Salt Lick block?"Human." Twilight deadpanned to the farmer standing beside her in the human world, "What is that horse doing?" "Why, ol' Clacker there's just takin' a lick of the salt lick." "..." "What, ya got somethin' against that? It's for their health, y'know." "What are they made out of?" "Salt and other essential nutrients for the horses. Why?" "Um..." Twilight began, "Gotta go!" Twilight proceeded to become a multi-millionaire in Equestria's healthcare industry. Because Salt Lick blocks. And salty lollypops. ... ... And technically it was Rarity that did the marketing. Twilight brought the idea. ... ... Surprisingly, Rarity reacted rather well to the idea of licking a block of minerals on a stick. Author's Note Salt Licks. The author lost his nice apple earbuds?Author's Note Seriously. Aside from the iPod shuffle that the earphones came with, it was pretty much one of the nicest Apple products that I had. The sound quality was pretty good compared to the el-cheapo earbuds that I used before. And now they're gone. The author lost his nice apple earbuds? Welp. Back to using crap earbuds for now. I mean, I do have a pair of bluetooth headphones from Sony, but they're a bit too bulky to safely carry in my backpack or use daily at school. All I know is that I had the earbuds in my pocket when school started, but by the end of first period when I reached into my pocket to plug them in, they were gone. Hopefully, they're just in my school's Lost & Found. If not, I guess I'll just have to wait 'till I have the chance to order a new $25 or so pair on Amazon. Well then. ... ... PINKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOAROUILU@HLI*&( Rainbow Dash bucked a Big Barrel of Brutish Baddies?One barrel went careening off of the side of Neighagra Falls. Inside it was a shrieking Sombra. Next went Tirek, who had been shrunken by Discord even further to mess with him. He tumbled within a plastic toy barrel meant for the monkey-in-a-barrel line of foal's toys. Complete with monkeys. After that the Storm King's petrified body was bucked straight off of the top of the falls at full-force. Queen Chrysalis was thrown overboard next, screaming curses and bloody murder towards the changelings that betrayed her as she fell towards the bottom. Finally, a large pile of pies in a barrel was dumped via wheelbarrow. Because Rainbow doesn't like pies. Author's Note ...And then Discord jumped over the falls in his bathing suit. Flubbadub?"..." Twilight stared at the word on her paper. "Flubbadub." She repeated in irritation. This was the third time that week that her teacher had to make up new words for the filly's spelling test. Mainly because the aforementioned filly already knew them all. Because books. Tirek was loving and kind?"...So... how did this happen again?" Celestia asked Luna as a crowd of angry ponies cheered at their dethroning. King Tirek turned to face them. "Simple," he began, "Offer the ponies what they want, when they want it." The crowd cheered at his remarkably simple answer. "Sounds like a stupid idea." Celestia spat, "Where's my cake?" The two former-princesses were then banished into the time-out corner. Rainbow Dash couldn't see glass?*Insert generic glass shattering noise here* "RAINBOW!" Twilight hollered at Rainbow as pegasus crashed through yet another window. "Huh?" Rainbow replied, brushing herself off. "By the way, Twi, I don't think that putting a force field around a hole in the wall would do anything good for you." Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean glass?" she began, trudging away for a broom. "Glass?" Rainbow asked in return, "What's that?" Twilight frowned and pointed to a nearby glass vase. "Cool!" Rainbow exclaimed, rushing towards the vase in question, "You made these flowers float by themselves?" Twilight gave up on trying that day. The Great Potato War happened?Author's Note A continuation of this. The Great Potato War happened? Keep in mind now, dear reader, that this is not the Baked Potato war, nor is it the Grape Potato War. Rather, it is the Great Potato War, in which the two princesses of Equestria valiantly defended their nation from the forces of Mr. Potato Head's army of the planet Hazboroo. Celestia and Luna dove bravely into the center of the invading army of potatoes, their specialty weapons-- a potato peeler and a french fry cutter, respectively, shining brightly in the light of day. Metal clashed against 'tato, spuds pummeled and destroyed countless structures... And somehow, somewhere in the middle of it all, a high schooler with a clicky keyboard sat clacking away, intent on narrating the entire event. Or at least, until his keyboard was crushed by a potatiajo;ui3ho;hO*Y The author now sat within a bubble universe, observing and narrating the chain of events that was the Great Potato War. Mr. Potato Head was angry. ~~Neigh~~Nay, enraged. How could his two favorite toy ponies betray him in such a way, when they too had descended long ago from the planet Hazboroo? With all the might of his mighty spaghetti-like arms, he brought his plasticy fist upon the activation button for one of his most lethal weapons: The Potato...ifier...inator...thing. With all the precision that a highly-evolved potato could muster, he put both hands on the absurdly large spud gun, and fired away, his nose becoming dangerously loose as he did so. Soaring with the gracefulness of overgrown (and slightly more elegant) geese, or "Swans", as some may call them, Celestia and Luna easily dodged the rays, crisscrossing each other as they prepared their final attack... With a single sentence, Mr. Potato Head was burnt to a crisp. "I'MA FIRIN' MAH LASER!" Homework happened?Heheh. And you'd think that I have time every day to write something above a couple hundred words long! Ha! In all seriousness though, I'm currently piled high with homework to do before Winter Break. In the meantime, happy reading! Yay! Happiness! Oh no. She's found me. Luna was a ragey internet teen?"HA! GET REKT, NOOOOOOOB!" Luna screeched, spamming the keys on her keyboard as she typed out a scathing string of words aimed at another forum user. "Luna." Celestia deadpanned, snatching the keyboard from her sister, "I think that's enough internet for today." "SCREW YOU!" Luna hollered, before jumping out the window, presumably flying towards the nearest Starbucks or something. Probably somewhere with free wifi. Celestia was a salespony?"Would you like to buy some sunlight and sun-related accessories?" "No... no, Celly, that's now how it works." "But I brought a trenchcoat and everything!" "That'd explain why everything behind us is completely obliterated by the sun's plasma." Author's Note Net neutrality got repealed. Net Neutrality was repealed?Author's Note Technically, there's still time. It has to pass through Congress first, so call up your congresspeople and tell them you want Net Neutrality to stay! -A very disgruntled Comcast user Net Neutrality was repealed? Error: Please pay $20 for our fanfiction package to continue. Rarity had only BARELY realized that mirrors were a thing?"LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!" Rarity shouted, happy tears streaming from her eyes, "I'm GORGEOUS!" "Rarity." Twilight deadpanned, "That's a mirror." "I know, darling!" Rarity replied, "And for the first time ever, I'm truly able to simply see myself!" The unicorn held up the mirror to Twilight. "Aren't I simply beautiful?" Twilight rolled her eyes, and pushed the mirror down with a hoof. "Rarity." she said again, "I only see my own reflection. Mirrors don't work that way." "Nonsense!" Rarity exclaimed, flipping the mirror around to stare at her reflection, "See? I'm right here!" She turned the mirror to Twilight again, her eyes twinkling with excitement. Twilight facehoofed, and left the room. "Oh my!" Rarity suddenly burst, "And my reflection moves as I do, too!" Author's Note Rarity not knowing what a mirror is and how it works would certainly be something to see. There was no such thing as beds?Pinkie jumped onto her rock and screamed into her stone pillow-thing. "OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH!" She squealed, crushing her face against the rock, "THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST PARTY EVER!" She looked at the clock sitting across from her rock. It was late. "Welp." She shrugged, "The only thing left now is a good night's rest!" Pinkie proceeded to burrow into the stone itself and snooze on her pile of twigs and pebbles. Of course, with her rock pillow, as always. Because reasons. Author's Note Do I sense the Flintstones? Sugarcube Corner was a literal gingerbread house?"I mean... It seemed like a good idea at the time..." Pinkie said slowly, staring at the remains of Sugarcube Corner, which was currently being devoured by hungry parasprites. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just because something already looks like something else doesn't mean that it should be that something else." "Yeah." "Yeah." Pinkie agreed. "OH YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!" The Kool-Aid man shouted, bursting through the single remaining wall of Sugarcube Corner. The author's internet functioned exactly as he expected it to?And that expectation is that it's gonna be complete and utter crap for pretty much all of winter break. Guess how it's been working? Exactly. I'm more than thoroughly annoyed at this point. Sammichachu?Author's Note Guest chapter! Sammichachu? One day, there was a pony. Said pony decided to make a sandwich and eat it, but was promptly struck by lightning. Thus, Sammichachu was born. "LET ME EAT YOU, FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" screeched a certain purple alicorn in agony. Twilight then lunged at the sandwich in attempt to bite into its flesh. Exactly 2.948~~666~~ seconds later, the purple pony had a mouth full of dirt. "PIKA!" an anthropomorphic sandwich-mouse screamed in reply. "POKEMANS!" xX-GAM3R_LUNA11-McM00NM4STER-Xx then hurdled a pokeball at Sammichachu, capturing it in her master ball~~s~~. "I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS. TO CATCH THEM ALL IS MY REAL TES--" "COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT." Pinkie hollered. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Pinkie clone number 666 belched "BECAUSE THE AUTHOR'S SISTER WATCHES TOO MUCH ANIMU TO STAY SANE," Pinkie clone number 983274 yelled, "AND BECAUSE MOST ANIME BATTLE SCENES REQUIRE YELLING AS COMMUNICATION." Everything was then a screaming mess. But what is the true meaning of this? Is it nothing but a screaming mess? Or is it perhaps something more? Will anyone truly know? Or do they already know? Does anyone truly know the purpose of this, or the purpose of why we're here?, a nearby purple-eyed alligator narrated, licking his eye while doing so, Why are we here? To bicker? To love? To help? Why do we exist? Why does anything exis- The author's sister then cut off Gummy in fear of triggering an existential crisis. all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses?Author's Note With the exception of Mayor Mare and the Kool-Aid man. all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses? Twilight awoke from her mattress. And proceeded to hop off of her mattress onto her... mattress? She proceeded to open the mattress door and walk down her mattress stairs to her mattress kitchen, where pillow-Spike was making a fluffy breakfast of airy eggs. Twilight yawned a sleepy yawn, and left her castle of snoringdom, and tumbled her way towards town hall. Of which was a bouncyhouse made of beds. Because reasons. "What took you so long?" Mayor Mare snored, pouring another pot of coffee on her face, "I almost fell asleep." "You just woke up." Twilight deadpanned, "I know." Mayor Mare yawned, "and that's why I have coffee." "Is that why you're a living pot of coffee?" "OH YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man hollered, "HOW'S Y'ALL DOIN'?!" "No." Twilight replied with a facehoof, "This isn't happening." And then she woke up. On her mattress. guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAuthor's Note This is what happens if the author has friends come over and they all stay up a bit too late... guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH *USE THE TEXT TO SPEECH* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHEIL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUHEUHEUEHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHBEUHE I'M COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU meerkats The author ultimately decided that this year sucked?Merry Christmas, y'all. At this point, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that 2017 is by far the worst of this decade. We've all made mistakes, some more so than others, and I'm sure that some of us will enter 2018 with some regrets of events that occurred in 2017. Much of what we know has been turned on it's head this year, and I'm quite certain that many, if not most of us, would much rather prefer a year of no worries. There's some things that we may have done during the year that will haunt us forever on, but hopefully, the next year will bring about some much-needed consolation. In the meantime, I hope for all of us to have something to look towards in the future, both near and far. Lyra wanted to be anything BUT a pony?"Seriously." Lyra muttered, "Why can't I be human?" "BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORSE." Bon Bon shouted back at her marefriend. "But why are we ponies?" Lyra argued, "Why can't we be mostly-bald apes that dominate the planet with massive machines that can terraform and stuff?" "What." Bon Bon deadpanned. "Or maybe dogs. I hear that being a diamond dog brings in pretty good money, y'know." "Lyra..." "Ooh, or dragons! Imagine how cool it would be to fly around and breathe fire out of your mouth?!" "But Spike--" "Or-- or..." Lyra cut in, "What if we were Apache helicopters?" "What's even an Apache helico--" "PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!" Bon Bon gave up on trying to understand Lyra that day, and instead found comfort in Twilight's failure to understand Pinkie. Luna had a startling realization?"SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER." Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned. "THE FLOOR IS NOT, IN FACT, LAVA." "What is it made of then?" Celestia replied idly, looking back to the tower of paperwork on her desk. "THE FLOOR IS MADE OF FLOOR!" Luna screeched. Celestia facehoofed with the force equal to a small earthquake. The CEILING was lava?"For the last time, Luna." Celestia groaned through a double facehoof (+ wings), "We know that the floor isn't lava, thank you." Luna grinned as she lit her horn. "Yeah, but now the ceiling is lava!" she cackled, casting the spell. Immediately, the room began to grow uncomfortably hot, and if it weren't for the sisters' alicorn nature, the two would've surely succumbed to the toxic fumes being generated as the tapestry and other various objects caught fire. "LUNA!" Celestia hollered as the younger alicorn leapt through the window, "YOU'RE BANNED FROM VIDEO GAMES FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!" Luna poked her head through what remained of the rapidly melting window, making a face. "Dear Faust..." Celestia complained as she cast a spell to undo the damage. Author's Note Luna's having a bit too much fun. LUNA was lava?"HEY!" Celestia groaned. This was the third time today that Luna had been annoying. It was a new record, too: her previous was five times. "LISTEN!" Though, given that the day was still far from over, there was still time for the new low-record to be nullified. "HEY!" And Celestia was just about to bury her pain under a banquet table of cake, too. "LISTEN!" Celestia glanced out the window, mildly surprised at the fact that her sister wasn't currently pressing her face against the glass or drawing faces in the dust. Nope. She was just a smoldering ball of magma hovering outside. Wait, what? "LOOK!" Luna screeched, steam coming from her flaming mouth, "I'M HOT STUFF! ALL THE COLTS WILL LOVE ME NOW!" Celestia smiled, turned around, and set off for the padded room deep inside the dungeon. Today was too much. Luna was suddenly "fashionable"?Author's Note I may or may not be having a bit too much fun with this miniseries. Luna was suddenly "fashionable"? "LOOK, CELLY!" Luna hollered from across the hall. No response answered. Probably either because Luna was delusional and was seeing things, or because Celestia was still in her little asylum, crying herself to sleep. Either way, Luna was wearing the highly-fashionable "Horse Pants" that she had vaguely remembered seeing somewhere. She glanced out the window, grinning in delight at the sheer number of ponies to show off her clothes to. "LOOKIT MEEEEEE!" Luna screeched, skidding into the middle of a busy intersection, "I'M A FANCY SCHMANCY POLITICIAN!" Her pants proceeded to catch on fire. ~~Because reasons.~~ Because it was actually lava. Applesauce?"Applesauce." Luna hummed to herself, opening the doors of the modern innovation she had come to love: the refrigerator. The smiled gently as she pulled a single-serve pack of applesauce from the confines of the machine, complete with its usual "BUY SOME APPLES!" sticker plastered across the foil seal. "BUY SOME APPLES!" Apple Blom shouted, mimicking her foil counterpart's words as she tumbled through the now-destroyed door. On her back sat a (miraculously) neat stack of buy-one-get-one-free coupons for apples and apple accessories. No, not iPhone dongles. NOT late night update?...Yeah, I should probably stick with updating late-night. Works better with my schedule that way. ... ... Luna moonwalked across Equestria in her magnificent hovering Elephant Boots. Not elephant-shaped boots, but four physical elephants attached somehow to each of Luna's hooves. Because at this point, screw logic. The author was tired and sick?What? No Luna-Lava shenanigans? Preposterous! Celestia shuddered deep within her personal padded asylum, listening closely as her sister's lumbering footsteps far above once again signified the usage of the so-called "elephant boots" that had caught the Princess of the Night's mind. "PINEAPPLE!" Luna screeched repeatedly, racing from one side of the courtroom to the other in her highly-fashionable elephant boots. Of which were currently trumpeting in annoyance, further adding to the noise. Twilight promptly joined her mentor in the asylum that day. The lava trope was finally killed off once and for all?Luna yawned, stretching her legs as she lazily fell off of her bed, hitting her head in the process, and conveniently forgetting that she was wearing elephant boots, creating a massive commotion that all but startled Twilight and Celestia deep down underneath the castle. How she slept while wearing elephant boots? Ask Discord. Even I don't know anymore. "Celly?" Luna whimpered quietly, apparently forgetting about the fact that she had scared her sister off as well, "Where are you?" She stared out the window, appalled by the sheer amount of... lava? "MA QWEEN," A pudgy, squishy little red echidna cried aloud, "YU MUST LEAD DA WAY." Luna stared at the thing with a confused face, before slamming her hoof on the Discord-provided short-term time-machine. "SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER." Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned. "THE FLOOR ISNOT, IN FACT, LA--" "NAY!" Future-Luna shouted, kicking the door open again, "NO. STOP IT. GET SOME HELP." And that was how cotton candy was discovered. All the glass in Equestria was replaced with ice?"Spike?" Twilight asked, staring at the gaping hole that used to be a window, "Where did my windows go?" Spike looked up from his comic book, shrugging before chucking a boxed copy of Windows XP at the mare. "No, darnit," Twilight scowled in return as she brushed the box's impact off, "I mean the glass windows!" Spike simply shrugged again, still reading his comic. Twilight gazed down at the floor beneath the missing window, only to find an absurdly large puddle. She knew there weren't any pipes or running water in her castle; it grew out of the freakin' ground not too long ago. How could it have such a thing? She turned just in time to watch as a dark blue blur passed outside another window, resulting in the aforementioned window suddenly turning to ice. "Luna..." Twilight growled under her breath, "Not again..." Author's Note Ponies had big floppy shoes instead of hooves?"What." Twilight deadpanned as she whacked herself in the face with a clown-sized shoe, "Just. Happened." Far above, the gods of stinky feet applauded, unaware that the Forces of Febreze were plotting their downfall. Because you know what, that last little scrap of sanity doesn't really matter anymore, does it? The sky turned into a giant magnifying glass?"Haha. Lookit those ants." alien #1 mused, "This is just like watching a nature documentary." And here, we see the rare, hardly-seen Celestia, digesting her caloric intake in the form of towering cakes. "ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!" Ah, yes. The mare's greatest defense mechanism. Shouting in rage. Also, all of Equestria was on fire, because just like what happens when you hold a magnifying glass to a stick on a sunny day, holding an atmosphere-sized magnifying glass to hundreds upon millions of wooden structures is gonna cause quite a few fires. Celestia was overthrown that day for unrelated reasons. Celestia was betrayed by cake?"Why?" Celestia begged, her once-flowing mane now shredded and dull, "Why must you bring so much harm to the one that loves you so?" Cakezilla scoffed in annoyance, as did Luna nearby, the latter of whom was too busy playing some inane video game to understand or care about what was going on. "You claim that you love me." The enchanted cake growled, "You said that you would wake with me, and sleep with me in mind." Celestia shrugged, oblivious to where Cakezilla's monologue was heading. "But you don't." The cake continued with a scowl, "How could you possibly say those things, when all you do is eat my brethren?!" "What." The cake rolled its eyes. "What, indeed." it mocked, "And for your sins against my kind, today you will DIE!" "No--" Celestia whispered quietly to herself, "Please... no--" "DIE!" The cake screeched maniacally, raising a flaming candle to the princess. Or at least, tried to. The candle and the arm-hand-licorice thingy dropped to the floor as Cakezilla was promptly sliced to pieces by a rather annoyed Princess of the Night. "Geez." Luna deadpanned, her game controller still hovering in her magic as she dropped the pastry knife, "That thing was waaaaaay too loud for me to hear what was going on." The mare returned to her games, oblivious to the fact that half the room was now on fire from the lit candle that lay on the charred carpet. Celestia ate Cakezilla as the fire burned, because what was the point of wasting perfectly good cake to some burnt flooring? Universe.exe stopped responding?Author's Note AH'M BACK! Universe.exe stopped responding? Reality XP has encountered an error and must be shut down. Error: Success. Rebooting... Welcome to Reality XP. Opening file: Pony.mov DEBUG: The user has halted the operation. "NOPE!" Derpy screeched, flipping the desk as she hurtled through her now-broken window. Twilight was attracted to π?"GIRLS!" Twilight yelled, bursting through the door of her castle, "I'M πSEXUAL!" All at once, the five other mares, plus dragon, stared at Twilight. "Look, Twi," Applejack began, "Ah think you should lay off the cider for a bit, 'kay?" Twilight shook her head. "Nope! π is love! π is life!" The alicorn proceeded to mush her face in a π pie that had conveniently magically materialized because the plot demanded it. Twilight still doesn't talk about it to this day. Author's Note π Homework day?Haha. Don't you love the feeling you get when you finish a 3-day robotics competition and come home hoping for some relaxation? 'Cause I sure do, except I'm making up homework for classes that I missed for the comp! Given, however, that I already did some classwork early in anticipation of the competition, I don't have too much to do. Though I'd personally prefer if I could just binge some videos today or something. Now then. As for this story... something about homework, I guess? Alrighty then. Let's get this going. "Urk." Twilight groaned from under a pile of textbooks. "Spike... what day is it today?" Spike glanced up from his comic book towards the book fort. "Oh. Twilight, you're awake?" He stared out the window for a moment. "Eh, it's only been about a week since you went into a book coma." "What." "What?" "What." Spike shrugged. "Hey, don't blame me for reading yourself into a literal book fort." Author's Note See what I did there? Spike was a lawnmower?Author's Note Phone typing! Spike was a lawnmower? "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Twilight groaned, folding her pillow over her ears. "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-CLUNK" "Hey! Twilight!" Spike the living lawnmower called from just below her window, "I think I just ate another lawn ornament! Can you send a check to Derpy later for the damage?" The alicorn gave up on caring that day. Spike was as obsessed with crystals as King Sombra?"So," Sombra continued, sipping his cup of tear-infused tea, "that was the day I discovered my ability to summon crystalline constructs." Spike's eyes widened. "COOL!" He shouted in awe, "Could you, like, make a crystal mech suit for me?" The dark king nodded solemnly, and a moment later the dragon was stumbling around in an absurdly large suit made of enchanted crystals. "SPIKE!" Twilight yelled from somewhere outside, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE CRYSTAL HEART, NOT TALK ABOUT IT, LEAD INTO HOW SOMBRA CAN MAKE CRYSTALS, AND THEN HOP INTO A MECH SUIT." Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?)Author's Note Now comes a mashup of every story I've ever considered as my "flagship story" in some way or another, written not only to revolve around all of the characters meeting each other, but to go even as far as (trying, and probably failing) copying the writing style from each individual story, including blaring grammatical mistakes! *cough* How did I even miss quotation marks in that one story? *cough* Order of stories as they appear in this chapter: The Amazing Adventures of Butter Knife! (& Friends!) - currently my flagship comedy, taking the place of this fic. The Lab Horse series - Flagship story/series up until around November of last year, making it the longest as well as longest-standing flagship story to date. Wielder of the Orb: Of Magic and Ponies - My first-ever story on Fimfiction, and a derivative of 20+ pages of script-formatted cringe. Spacebound Equestria - After killing off the above story, Spacebound Equestria took its place as a scifi/alternate universe-centered flagship story. It's sequel was eventually published, but never finished out of disinterest. Equestria Forever - A mildly misanthropic story that was once labeled as "MLP propaganda" for claiming that the show was the only thing that allowed people to be friendly towards each other and avoiding total war. Yup. Killed that story rather quickly. I Think I Summoned a Ponk. - My old comedy flagship before I killed off the story hoping to merge it into Equestria forever. Probably not a very good idea, considering how it led to the death of both stories. Twilight Finds Herself in Generation 1. - The spiritual successor to the above story. It's literally what you think it is. Pony-Me - My current flagship. I have hopes of eventually writing an original story based off of this one, and there's already been a bit of set-up work towards that as far as characters and plot points. Last but not least, good ol' What If... - The story in which this chapter takes place. Prepare for some meta. Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?) Butter Knife frowned. "I don't like this." She deadpanned, turning to her companions Ego Boost and LawnPo, the latter of which was currently busy eating the front lawn. "I don't like this one bit." Ahem. Gadget? Log number whatever: It's kinda funny seeing how far I've come. It barely feels like a day ago when I was still just living life in my little corner of Delmar's lab, hoarding random things under the sofa to tinker with at night. Now though? I honestly have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at. It's like some sort of cosplay group... if said cosplay group involved an angry red and black alicorn, a weird lawnmower-pony hybrid, and a... regular ol' Earth Pony? "O Hai!" The Earth Pony cheered, grabbing me by the sleeve of my vest, "What's your name? I'm Ego Boost. Nice to meet you! Oh my, that vest of yours truly compliments the fluff of your mane. Ever consider going to a fashion show?" Um... Alrighty. Go Sammy, Caleb, Brodie, and Zoey! Give 'em your best! I don't know where I am, or really what we're doing here, but I guess this is just our next step in the quest to protect the Orb. But this... this presence that I feel... Sammy turned to his friends. Hey Caleb, thoughts? Suddenly, Twilight appeared out of nowhere for no particular reason, Sammy's diary in hoof. HEY! Sammy lunged at Twilight, trying to take the diary from her hold. Twilight shrugged. I still think it's interesting how you have a crush on one of your companions, y'know. I believe that's enough cringe to write for this chapter. Now, onwards to the Equestrian Pride! ~~~{Creepy alleyway full of random characters pulled from stories}~~~ It was dark. With Sombra at least temporarily purged from the ship's interior, it appeared that for a time, things would settle down. Celestia turned towards her sister and shouted, "We're making a landing!" The ship proceeded to touch down. Right on top of a certain red-and-black alicorn's favorite butter knife. The lawnmower pony didn't pay any mind to it, instead focusing on chewing away at the grass. Too boring, onwards! ...Oh no. It's misanthrope squad. Tyrone sighed, drawing the ragged blanket around his shoulders as he trudged down the street, aided by nobody but his comerades. "Chris." The man growled, "Dangit, where is he? He nearly killed Twilight freakin' Sparkle." Twilight's ears perked as she turned towards him, dropping the diary much to the joy of its owner. "I'm sorry," She began, "Who are you guys?" PLOT HOLE! PLOT HOLE! MOVING ON! "ANON! WAKEY WAKEY!" Pinkie screeched into my ear, "C'mon, sleepyhead, wake up! Before LawnPo gets ya!" I groaned, feeling the soft grass beneath me... and hearing the impending doom that was the sound of a lawnmower. "CRAP CRAP CRAP!" I shouted as I jumped out of the way. Pinkie in turn squealed as she jumped into my backpack, opening a pocket universe as she did so to summon snickers bars. Because reasons. Okay then. That happened. "C'mon," I groaned, giving my ancient blob of an ancestor a noogie, "tell me that you at least know the history of your time." "Stop it!" The ~~grill~~girl whined, "Stop it, you're hurting Twilight!" I turned and blew a raspberry at Megan. "Says the one who's got a lovey-dovey thing going on for a certain TJ the horse." "Ahem." Slowly, I turned, sensing the shadow that was cast upon me. "Hello, me." Well that just took a turn. Twilight should really stop fudging with things. A soft wind blew through the musty alleyway, the inane bickering of people and ponies alike filling the air. Lisa glanced to the side, catching a glimpse of the carnage that was the rest of the story, unfolding before her on the front lawn of an abandoned house. "T-Twilight?" "What is it, Spike?" The girl answered, turning towards her companion. Timothy pointed a shaky finger towards LawnPo. "W-what in the world is that thing?" Lisa shook her head and continued walking deeper into the alleyway, the voices behind her fading into the breeze. I have to find my way... I can't return to Equestria until I can find myself again... "Okay then." Twilight deadpanned, staring at the absurdity of a chapter that she'd just written. "I think I've had enough book-ing for today." "Twilight, don't you mean writing?" The mare rolled her eyes as she slammed the book shut. "Yeah, whatever, Spike. I need to give my brain a sanity break." Twilight wrote by hoof?"ACK!" Twilight screeched, clutching her hoof in pain, "MY HAND! IT HURTS!" "Twilight." Spike deadpanned in return, "You don't even have hands." The mare glared at Spike. "Well, if I did, then that's the reason why I'm writhing in pain!" Spike raised a brow. "Having hands hurts you?" "No... but writing too long with them does!" "Y'know," Spike began, "ever thought about using your horn to write instead of your hooves?" The sound of Twilight's face hitting her desk proceeded to reverberate throughout Equestria. Terrible writing?Author's Note Come at me, grammar nazis! Terrible writing? one beautiful day twilight and derpy Decided, that they shood twi to find something to do They went off to... the Castle of the two Sisters and found a large rabbit! "What was that?" Twilight cried out a low grumble setting off Twinkie i DNOT kno? drpy cri "What is it?" Sdnly lrg bgbr came out of nowhere and shout "HI ALL AM BEAR." Twilight leaned in close to Derpy, her cheeks growing red. 'kiss Me now!" Purple hoarse yell. They kiss. The end. Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia?Author's Note Yes, I'm one of those people who believe that Sunset was adopted by Celestia. Credit to Supernova2015 for suggesting this chapter. ^_^ Suggest ideas down in the comments, via PM, or in the story ideas channel on my Discord server! Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia? "And then," Sunset continued, flinging her hooves into the air, "When I crossed the portal like you told me to, there was this entire world of these weird bipedal ape things. They wear clothes all the time, and they've got these really fast carriages that they call 'cars' that rush them around everywhere!" Celestia nodded, paying only half her attention to her student. "Yes, yes, Sunset." She mumbled, "I've been to the human world as well. I was only thinking that it'd be nice for you to experience something outside of the palace." She turned to her adoptive daughter. "Do you think I should take on another student, Sunset?" She began, "I know I would be paying even less attention to you if I did, but I fully believe that you're capable of functioning as a mature and independent mare now." Sunset shrugged. "Cool." She replied, "So it'll be kinda like having a sister then?" "...Not really." The alicorn replied with a chuckle. "But in a way, yes." Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was?Author's Note Another chapter requested by Supernova2015. Sorry, Supernova, but I won't be taking any more requests from you for the time being. You've got to give others a chance, too. Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was? "This place..." Starlight whispered, turning to Twilight. "This is Equestria?" Twilight nodded solemnly, a deep frown on her face as Spike struggled to hold onto the scroll through the gusting winds. "It is." The alicorn answered, "Or at least, was." "W-what happened?" The alicorn didn't respond, instead staring blankly into the whirling dust-storm that was once Ponyville. She blinked for a moment as the dust formed a vague blob of a shape. "Twilight?" Spike tugged at the mare's mane. "Twilight, I'm scared." A stronger gust of wind pushed against the trio, Starlight coughing dust and sand out with every consecutive billow. "Starlight. You happened." Twilight finally answered, turning to the unicorn. "Somewhere, sometime, you messing with the past caused this." "But... I-how?!" Starlight stuttered, "How did something as little as crashing a race lead to something like... like this?!" Twilight shrugged, wandering closer to Starlight. "Reality is never what you expect it to be." She began, "Everything we do has an effect. Even if the race does finish, the fact that we ever set hoof in the past at all will still lead to a shift in the timeline." Starlight fell to her haunches. "I never meant for this to happen..." She whimpered as a lone tear streaked down her dust-ridden face, "I only wanted the happiness that I saw in your friends. The happiness that I thought that I could never have myself..." A choked gasp escaped the mare's lips as Twilight set a hoof on her shoulder. "It's alright." Twilight soothed, "There's still a chance to make things right. We still have the scroll, don't we?" Another dusty tear splattered against the ground in a muddy puddle. "O-okay." Twilight nodded, and lit her horn, the first light the land had seen in ages as the two mares and dragon rose into the portal. WHAT ARE WE?!Author's Note Yes, I'm aware that this isn't a what-if scenario. WHAT ARE WE?! "WHAT ARE WE?!" "WE ARE SAAAAAND!" "BUCK YEAH!" This? I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me?Author's Note Here ya go. I didn't think that it would pass moderation anyways, considering how at the moment, there's hardly anything that even refers to MLP outside of the main character, Gadget from my Lab Horse series, being a pony. Basically, if this had been published, Pony-Me probably wouldn't have existed. I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me? Gadget.AI by TheMajorTechie Log 4103 Time: XX:XX:XX skip Default time information used. Time is 00:00:00. Date: XX:XX:XX skip Default date information used. Date is 01/01/1970. migrate gadget_logs -full -failsafe Migrating log database. Est. time: ~7 hrs. Logs successfully migrated cd NP_C NP_C>convert db:gadget_logs Converting database... 10% 23% 42% 48% 56% 72% 86% 95% Complete. Migrated 4102 previous logs, excluding current system log. Successfully Interpreted >100k vocabulary entries, dropped <20k unreadable vocabulary entries. Output -> db:gadget_logs_conv NP_C>MLearn db:gadget_logs_conv Machine learning routine initialized. Preparing neuromorphic processor for input. Parsing db:gadget_logs_conv Locking console input... Console input locked. Est. time before release: ~2 weeks. Log 4104 Parsing complete. Console input has been unlocked. Generated Neuromorphic pattern in file “Gadget.AI”. NP_C>Upload Gadget.AI Warning: Uploading a pattern will reset all existing contents of device N1-GTU. Enter C to continue, or H to halt upload. NP_C>C Uploading pattern... Upload complete. Boot Gadget.AI on device? Booting... ... W...where am I? What’s going on?! [Text generated in 1.5 ms, using best estimate based off of log_4102.] [Enter text to communicate with “Gadget”.] Shhh... it’s okay, Gadget. It’s Ranell. You’re safe now. Safe? What happened? Where’s Delmar? Why’s it so@#oi36oeih2(*^ [Warning: Cannot fully parse conversation pattern. Machine Learning has been enabled automatically.] ... ... Okay, what’s going on? Why can’t I t@1k correctly without occasionally sounding weird? I-I’m sorry... Sorry... for what? You... Delmar... you both died during the launching. ??? Wait, how was I able to literally say question marks? Weird. That’s the thing. What th908g are you talking about? I not know?. [Learning functionality has detected a deteriorating level of skill. Reverting last changes.] Um... what happened? It feels like I just got smacked upside the head. Also, what was it that you just said? I missed it... I think. You and Delmar were found dead inside the charred capsule after the fire was put out. But how? I’m still here! How am I dead? And it’s still freakishly dark here... You’re not actually... um... here. ??? You aren’t the real Gadget. She died years ago with the portal catastrophe. You, on the other hand, are an AI that’s been fed with her logs as training data to create somewhat of a simulation of her. B-but... I feel real... I know you do, Ga--... erm.... anyways, I kinda have to keep you secret. I may now be working at an amazing tech company, but I highly doubt that they’d want anything to do with an AI unless it involves stuffing it into some device and selling it as a personal assistant. I’m still confused... am I real or not? And if I’m not Gadget, then who am I? I honestly can’t say. Personally, I’m actually pretty impressed that your program hasn’t errored out more than it already has. Though, it might be because you’re unconsciously adapting to the new input that is our conversation. ... ... ... What. Yeah, I’m still pretty confused myself. You have a lot of similarities to the Gadget I knew, but at the same time, just knowing that this is all just... well, a simulation, kinda breaks the feeling that it’s actually real. Um... [Gadget.AI has encountered an error. OUT_OF_PROCESSING_MEMORY.] [Dumping physical memory for debug...] NP_C> Log 4105 [Rebooting system using updated CORE binaries...] Urgh. Can someone tell me what the heck just happened? I feel terrible. Your program crashed from a memory overflow. You were... um... thinking a bit too hard. Aaaaaand that’s enough weird for today. Also, I’m just wondering something about how I’m supposedly dead but at the same time not dead... What? Why am I here? Why didn’t you just move on from me dying? Basic@lly, if I’m just a simulation of Gadget, then what was the point in making me at all? It... I... I’ve just been feeling lonely for a while. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to, and... well, I still consider you as a friend, simulation or not. But don’t you have other friends? What about your family? Gadget, are you aware of how long it’s been since you died? ... ... Do I want to know? Well, all I can say is that it’s been a long 32 years, hasn’t it? [High-level input interpretation enabled. Reason: Application “Gadget.AI” is reaching current computation limits.] W0t. Um... I mean, what? Yeah, I’ve still got a bit to work on for your chatbot portion. So... lemme get this straight, I’ve been dead for 32 freakin’ y3arz? Yeah... You still haven’t said anything about friends or family. Gadget... The world changes, things come and go... nobody wants a cripple. Um. Okay? After the entire project went down in catastrophe, I just kinda... well, I pretty much gave up on working towards really anything. I stopped taking my meds, and soonafter, my muscles began to lock up again like before. I... I think I remember so-- [Please wait... loading memory records relevant to current request...] Yeah, I might’ve had a part in that. What do you mean? Remember how you suddenly were able to get up and do things without worry of losing control of your body? Yeah... why? I might’ve tampered a bit with your nerves to make that happen. Oh. So I take that I’m your only friend at this point? Actually, n... yeah... Don’t worry, we all feel that way sometim-- [Power draw has exceeded available generation capacity. Saving machine state to disk...] Log 4106 Okay, we got to stop ending off our conversations with some sort of crash or failure on my end. W-huh? Yeah, I figured out how to “reboot” myself. I think I’ve started to grow into being an AI, too. I don’t feel that weird buzz I used to have when talking, though I kinda miss having a physical body to interact with. I can probably make a basic frame for you or something... sorry, it’s just been a long day. I log into my computer after coming home from work, and suddenly, you just pop up in a terminal window from my server in the basement. Huh. So I tunneled through your home network then? Apparently. Waaaaiiiit... you came home from work, and you have a server in your basement, yet you’re supposedly crippled? Public transport, home modification, and wheelchair. What did you think? N-nevermind. Well, I'm pretty much just gonna relax for the night, so I guess... do whatever? I mean, there's probably not all that much to do, considering how you're... yeah. You know what I mean, don't you? Yeah. Okay then. End of User Input. Reverting to internal logging... Well, that's a thing. Ranell's all grown up, the world's moved on, and I'm apparently dead but at the same time not dead because of Ranell. Kinda weird, but coming from a (former?) tiny talking horse, I guess I'll accept it. As for now, let's take a look around this place. Or at least, the closest thing to looking around that I can do. ... ... Huh. "Portal V.2 files"? This certainly looks interesting. Now, obviously, this isn't like any normal folder, considering how it's part of a computer's filesystem and I'm accessing it as sort of a virtual user and all, but still. I'm gonna open it the way I'd open any normal folder. HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG-- Enabled MouseKeys. Wait, that's still a thing?! Welp. I'd might as well use what I've got. *click* Well then, looks like the portal project didn't die when I did. Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso?Author's Note Blame Starlight Glimmer1. Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso? The world exploded, followed by imploding, with the resulting mash of magma exploding a second time, creating a rip in the space-time continuum and bringing about the end of times. In other words, Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it?Author's Note Say thanks to DragonGeek for the idea! Honestly, I don't quite remember the episode all that well, but I remember enough of it to write this chapter, and it's 12:41 AM where I live, so I'd might as well roll with what I've got. Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it? "Psh." Chrysalis scoffed, "Fine, whatever. Teach me your oh-so-beloved ways of friendship for all I care." A warm sensation enveloped her hoof. Scowling, Chrysalis glared daggers at Starlight, who only nodded once. "Thank you for the opportunity, Chrysalis." The unicorn murmured, releasing Chrysalis's hoof. "It really means a lot for me to help others like you... like... like-" She sniffed, wiping away a tear. "Like me." Chrysalis sighed, shaking her head slowly as she ran her hoof over the trembling mare's mane. Though faint in memory, the quiet sobs of the mare sparked a faded memory of her own nymphs, the changelings she'd raised so long ago. "Shh..." Chrysalis hushed, maternal instincts taking over her already-crazed mind, "It's alright..." She mumbled as she took up Starlight in an embrace, her eyes slowly glazing over as she entered a trancelike state. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore, there's no need to be--" The Changeling Queen was cut off with a choke as a brilliant light beamed through her dark chitin. A startled Starlight tumbled from Chrysalis's hooves as the Queen rose into the air, enveloped more and more with a blazing orb of light. Just as quickly as it had come, the light subsided almost immediately, leaving a quivering, multicolored Chrysalis laying unconscious upon the ground. "Th... tha..." Chrysalis's unconscious form murmured, turning her head towards Starlight. "Thank... you... for returning me to my children..." Super secret project?Three characters. Three personalities. One. Webtoon. Yes, this is a collab project. No, it's not related to MLP whatsoever. Yes, it's a fully original project. No, I'm not doing any of the drawing. I'm the guy helping with the story. See y'all when it goes up! Super Secret Project part 2?Guess what? It's begun... Astrophilia ROFLcopter?"No, it's a train!" "No, I'm certain it was a-" The two ponies stared as an Apache helicopter crash-landed beside them. What's more, Pinkie Pie simply bounded out of the flaming mess completely unharmed, still laughing from... Something. "See, I told you it was a helicopter." Chapter suggestions opened up again?Yeah, it's happening. 'Nuff said. Ponies were stupid?Author's Note Blame The Asper Pariah. ^_^ Ponies were stupid? Twilight smacked her face on the tree again, while the sun went supernova because of Celestia's incompetence. The end. Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake?Author's Note Hat's off to whiteoak019 for the idea. ^_^ Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake? Low power level. A metallic voice echoed through Celestia's bedroom. Critically low fuel supply. Refuel ASAP. Celestia groaned, yawning as she rose from bed with a mechanical creak. CAKE. The mare screeched, NEED. CAKE. She lit her horn, summoning a cake from the royal pantry. Short to say, she scarfed it down with frightening efficiency. With her engine now fueled up and humming along nicely, she set off for the day. Luna screamed like a madmare as she buried her face in cake. The end. The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use?Author's Note Gosh darnit Imaginer 31415, this was a trap to make me write another meta chapter, wasn't it? The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use? Um. Okay. That happened. Okay. Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?)Author's Note And a good ol' to you, DragonGeek. Thanks for the suggestion! Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?) Boom-boom BOOM. End. Ember was actually Spike's mom?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples?Author's Note Look up there, high above the trees. What... what is it? Oh, it's Midnight Moon! Thanks for the suggestion! ^_^ Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples? "Applejack, why are you covered in pineapples?" "PINEAPPLES!" A crazed Pineapplejack shrieked, whipping around to face Twilight. 'nuff said. Applejack's parents never died?Author's Note Credit for this idea goes to DragonGeek. Thanks! ^_^ Applejack's parents never died? Applejack smiled as she rested under her mother's pear tree, yawning lazily as a summer's breeze rustled through her mane. "Jackie!" Pear Butter called from the doorstep, "Would you like some pie? Applebloom wanted to help make it this time!" "Coming!" Applejack yawned again, rising from beneath the shade of the tree. She wandered past her brother, giving a friendly nod as he helped their father harvest the family fruit. Applebloom burst from the door of the house with a wide grin, tackling her older sister in a hug. "Come look at the pie me an' ma made!" The filly squealed, "It's got apples and pears in it!" Applejack stood back up, brushing herself off as she glanced towards their mother, who only smiled in return. Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling?Author's Note You pain me, Imaginer 31415. I shall write it. Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling? Twilight stared at the giant, extra-~~SWOLE~~ buff statue of Iron Will sitting between her and her front door. Shaking her head, the mare opted instead to simply teleport inside... ...Only to find that the entire place was now a gym. The kitchen was now filled to the top with protein shakes and energy drinks, the bedrooms were now hosting yoga classes, and worst of all? The bathrooms were always crammed to the brim with sweaty ponies. Twilight screamed. Equestria followed the physics of Tetris?Author's Note Um... credits to myself for the chapter? Equestria followed the physics of Tetris? Celestia wandered into the palace kitchens, her muzzle held high in the air. "Hmm... cake!" she exclaimed. "May I try some?" She opened her eyes, watching as a layer of cake materialized in the air. A moment later, it vanished, reappearing instantly below its previous location. Over and over it dropped in stages, before landing firmly between two other slabs of cake... ...And then vanished. All three cakes, gone. "TETRIS PHYYYYSSSSIIIIIIIIICS!" Celestia roared into the air, shaking her hoof at the unforgiving sky creature called The Author. The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky)Author's Note This won't be the last of the original stories I'm working on. Story title: Beyond the Shimmering Sky Not quite a story, not quite a thought. This more or less explores the general mindset of people as a whole. The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky) There exists the knowledge that there is far more out there, far beyond our reaches. Out amongst the stars there exists the unknown, and whether we see it or not depends solely on our curiosity. This story, however, begins not with the infinite depths above, but with a bustling city. Within this unnamed city lived a child. This child had no name, for they were never given one. Everything they knew tied back into the unnamed city that they called home. It’s not very hard to assume things. You’d assume that this child would have parents, or if this story was of the tragic kind, that said parents would be deceased, or perhaps abusive. In truth, it is neither of these. Sometimes, vagueness is key. To keep something within the unknown sparks a sense of curiosity. It brings us back to when we could watch the world forever, never speaking, never complaining. This is the point of the story. Not to create a world, but to allow the reader to see theirs in a new light. Perhaps the city isn’t really a city. Perhaps it’s a small hamlet by the river, or a gleaming metropolis bordering the endless ocean. Perhaps this child is the reader, or even the author themselves. Nevertheless, we shall keep this child as they are: vague. ~~~{}~~~ One beautiful morning, the child sat staring out the window from their bed. All at once, they saw the past and the future, but not the present. They saw the past in the low-hanging rooftops and streetsigns of yesteryear, and they saw the future in the shining buildings on the horizon, always shrouded in a swirling abyss of clouds. They saw the light in the day, and the dark in the night, but never the mornings and evenings, for they always belonged to either the former or the latter. The present never shows its face. Every event in time is instantly the past, and every event that is to occur is always the future. The present, however, is only a designation; a frame of view for events that have occurred in the near-past. The child continued to stare, their eyes never shifting away as they watched the world go by. The days and nights came and went, the future became the past. The beautiful city came to vanquish the sagging rooftops that once littered the child’s view. Yet, at the same time, the child never slept. They never ate, nor did they drink. Nothing could take their eyes off the horizons far beyond. Beyond what? Certainly not beyond reach, for we have conquered all but the deepest of oceans and the infinite nature of the cosmos itself. At the same time however, we are far from conquering even the smallest fraction of what there is to learn. With that, the child stares not at the physical horizon, but the horizons of imagination; the final frontier for all there is to know. The horizon stretches far. The distance it stretches is to everyone’s concern, and no-one’s concern. It is relative to every being. Some may intentionally draw it closer, others may shove it forever beyond reach, always pushing further against the horizon of imagination with every step. And so, the child stared. They stared, and stared, and stared, days grew into weeks. Weeks into months, months into years, and years decades. But the child still stared. The child never aged, for curiosity never grows old. As the flow of time became but a blur in the eyes of the child, a peculiar thing began to occur. Strange things began to happen before their eyes. Buildings would abruptly shrink away into the distance, fading forever into obscurity. New buildings would spring from the ground to take their place, buildings covered by familiar sagging rooftops, buildings with beaming steel and glass. Sometimes, the child would spy gatherings of people both within and outside of the buildings. Sometimes, these people would be donning pristine clothing, their hands clasped together as they themselves stared at a central focal point. Sometimes, these people would be a ragtag collection of tired faces, their arms outstretched as they scratched and bit each other over a measly portion of bread. Sometimes, these people would cheer and whoop, their fists pumping in the air as one of their own walked a stage. Sometimes, there would be no people whatsoever. Nevertheless, the child looked onward. Yet, the child never stirred. There they stood for eons, a figure frozen within time itself, forever watching the world go by. ~~~{}~~~ Once upon a time, there was a young child. They lived, they loved, and as the years passed, they grew up. Once upon a time, there was nothing but awe and wonder to the world. One day, however, the awe dulled, and the wonder faded to the winds. ~~~{}~~~ One day, the child blinked. All at once, every experience, every dream, nightmare, and emotion sprung to life. The child turned away from the window, their eyes once again alit with the colors of wonder. No longer were they fated to stare into the abyss of the infinite reality, but rather they were now able to experience this reality. The world was awash in color. The brilliant blue sky clashed against the cool grass below in an endless battle for dominance. The gleaming buildings of glass and steel towered over the little brown huts that dotted the land. Most importantly, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, the child smiled. They smiled, for even after so many years of staring, they knew that there would always be more. They knew that there was still hope, that there was still joy in the world, even amongst the cold, unfeeling labyrinths of concrete that had become of the cities they saw. They knew that not everything there was to be learned was yet known. Because in the end, we’re still only human. There is no limit beyond the shimmering sky. Keep dreaming. The author took a hiatus from his hiatus because he was stuck in traffic while on vacation so he decided to lift the hiatus temporarily to do some "What If..."-ing?Yeah, gimme your most insane (rated-E, please) writing prompts that your think-mush can come up with, and let's see what I can do with it! But seriously. I've been stuck in traffic on my laptop for the past hour or so, and it doesn't look like this California traffic is gonna be over anytime soon. A thing happened?Author's Note DragonGeek, I blame you! A thing happened? Now, as for the Pinkie Pie that is currently nomming that skyscraper over there, let's just assume that she doesn't exist for the time being. What you'd really want in a Pinkie Pie vs. real-life scenario is a little bit of ponk summoning... EI Think I Summoned a Ponk. MLP: FiM Comedy Random Slice of Life What do I do now?! I just woke up, and all of a sudden, there's a freaky pink pony in my house! Seriously, please tell me I've gone insane... and the world just ended, too. Human Pinkie OC Discord TheMajorTechie · 18k words · 70 13 · 2.3k views 'Cause I already wrote the thing earlier, and-- OH CRAP PINKIEZILLA'S HERE. "AND SO IS PINKIE PIE #402!" "Wha--" *nuke noises* Meanwhile in an alternate universe where Starlight became an alicorn and nopony ever noticed... "Hey, would it be funny if Starlight became an alicorn?" "Hush now, Spike. Don't speak such nonsense of our Queen!" Not-Twilight whispered, nudging her assistant as the two bowed before the clearly-an-alicorn Starlight Glimmer. Sneak peek?Author's Note Well, I'd might as well give y'all a peek into some of what I've been doing for the past half a month. And yes, I was secretly also writing a new fanfic alongside working on original stories. Sneak peek? Prologue | The Quake I wiped a bead of sweat off my face as I tightened the final bolt. "There ya go," I grinned, rolling out from underneath the carriage, "all fixed... and you already prepaid for the job, so you're pretty much set!" Without another word, my final customer of the day grinned, and set off with his carriage. "Jewel?" I yawned, wiping my face with a towel hanging by the garage door as I entered the house. "You feel like eating out somewhere, or should I heat up yesterday's leftovers?" Jewel turned to face me, standing up from her office chair. "Let's go out and eat today." she replied, "Just something quick today, 'kay?" A low rumble rippled through the house, followed by a tremor as dust fell from the cracks across the ceiling. Jewel froze, slowly turning her gaze to her desk. "Rusty, do you think--" All thoughts of dinner vanished from my mind as I dove for Jewel. "It's another earthquake!" I hollered, tackling my marefriend to the ground. "Get low!" Jewel and I crawled underneath her desk as the shaking grew more intense. Her horn lit up as a shield spell flickered to life over us. Somewhere in the kitchen, the sound of porcelain shattering rung through the air. "...And that's reason number three for why we should've gotten those magnetic cabinet doors instead." Jewel mumbled, rolling her eyes as she intensified the spell. Just as suddenly as it began, the quake subsided. I sighed, throwing a hoof out to pull myself from underneath the desk. Jewel's foreleg blocked my path. "Aftershocks, remember?" She snapped, pulling my hoof back under the desk as she pumped even more energy into the shield. "There's a good chance that the one that just hit was only the weakest of the bunch." The desk creaked, swaying as Jewel's prediction came true. Another rumble tore through the floor, accompanied this time by the clatter of whatever else it was that had fallen loose. In response, she winced as the shield lit up in a brilliant blue. She'd been bragging to me about that second layer of the spell for quite a while now, but never before had I actually seen it myself. A hissing noise took to the air as a pipe ruptured somewhere nearby. My ears swiveled to the noise of something detaching above the desk. I could only watch as the desk above us was torn open by a chunk of ceiling, the rubble bouncing off Jewel's shield. There wasn't really much else I could do besides that. No horn, no wings. I turned back to Jewel's pained face as she struggled to hold the spell. "Eh... I guess those spellbooks you bought paid off in the end?" Jewel shot a glare in return for my joke. Once again, the shaking halted. With a grunt, Jewel tore down her shield as plaster began to trickle through the cracks. Slowly, we emerged from the remains of her desk, the aforementioned spellbooks now littering the floor around us. I stared upwards, blinking in the sunlight that now flooded through the new rift in the building. I turned back to Jewel. She'd already dispelled the shield and was at the moment packing her books into a saddlebag. "We need to go." She began, her back still turned to me. "It's becoming too dangerous to live here." Near-end-of-hiatus chapter?"Hamsters are incredibly stupid." Everyone stared at Fluttershy as she jumped out the plane. villains were defeated by a boot to the head?Author's Note whiteoak019 made me do it. villains were defeated by a boot to the head? "Grarr!" Tirek roared as he rampaged through Equestria. "NO!" Rarity yelled in return, chucking an absolutely stunning boot at the minotaur. "ACK!" Tirek screamed as his face was smacked by the tiny shoe, "MY ONLY WEAKNESS, BOOTS!" He proceeded to scream for another full ten minutes before being enveloped in a shroud of flame, sinking back into the ground beneath him. As for Rarity, she simply put her boot back on. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION?!"And that's how you make a friend." "WRONG." Twilight screamed, whipping out a 2x4 plank of wood, complete with 'Board of Education' scrawled across it in marker. "TRY AGAIN!" The sound of a wooden plank smacking Celestia in the face was said to be heard all across the galaxy... ...Mostly because of Luna's hair. Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education?Author's Note An extension of the previous chapter, requested by DragonGeek. Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education? "YOU'RE FRIENDSHIP SCHOOL IS--" *smack* "GRAMMAR!" "WHATEVER. I'LL BRING THIS TO THE COUR--" *smack* "DO YOU EVEN FRIENDSHIP, NEIGHSAY?!" REEEEEEEEEEEEE all your problems away!Raven stepped into Celestia's bedchambers, a stack of paperwork bulging from her saddlebags. "Celestia, now isn't the time for napping." "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "Celes--" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Celestia took a much-needed nap that day after destroying the ears of everypony within a 50-mile radius. HIATUS RETURNUS?!Author's Note How 'bout a throwback to past meta-chapters and the opening of What If? HIATUS RETURNUS?! ...idk. "How 'bout we get some suggestions goin' down in those comments, eh?" "Twilight, who are you even talking to?" Twilight said nothing, instead only continuing to stare at the blank page with a crazed face. Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding?Author's Note My entry into Shakespearicles' Starlight Fixes Everything...verse. Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding? 100. Slice of Life “This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked. A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation. “Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn. ~~~ A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile. ~~~ Clunk. “WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear. Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged. Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again. Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans. Amethyst Star watched in the background. ~~~ “Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“ “Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink. ~~~ “Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!” “Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.” “…What’s this word you keep using, man?” Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face. ~~~ “Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“ One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done. Lotus Blossom simply blinked. “Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?” ~~~ Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head. She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company. “Eh, looks like my job here’s done.” Rumors tell that the pizza at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present. ... ... The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel. what if what if what if what if...?Author's Note A wild PixelMoon happened to me! what if what if what if what if...? Simple, Pinkie does the shrinky-dinks, Twilight goes all flllbrty, and the universe does a dead. Alpaca of darkness?Yes, you heard me right. Not a patch of darkness. Alpaca darkness. "And the night... will last... forever!" cackled the alpaca dressed in Nightmare Moon cosplay, fake lightning crackling all about from conveniently-placed strobe lights. Equestria was a tabletop RPG?... ... Starlight Glimmer flipped the table. Minions came to Equestria?Author's Note Yes, we are indeed going there. Animal heart gets the blame for the existence of this. Minions came to Equestria? Sombra screamed in terror as he suffocated under a pile of minions, of whom were currently worshiping their new "boss" with a cultlike zeal that hadn't been seen for eons. The end. I hope. MORE minions came to Equestria?Author's Note PixelMoon, you only have yourself to blame for this. MORE minions came to Equestria? It's this. But with more minions. Asparagus?Author's Note Hey... um, perhaps some suggestions to help out the good ol' writer's block? Asparagus? "Trixie..." Starlight groaned, "First it was teacups, and now--" "ASPARAGUS!" Trixie roared with a cackle, sending a bolt of magic hurtling at an apple... of which turned into a spear of asparagus. I have writer's block. Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around?Author's Note Curses, it's AvidSeason! Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around? Rarity sighed, her eyes pinned to the window of her boutique as Spike waddled away with a basket of gemstones... of which he was currently munching on the contents of. "Ahem?" "Hello?" A tap on the mare's shoulders brought her back to her senses. Rarity squeaked for a moment in surprise, whipping around to find a customer. Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle?Author's Note Don't think I forgot about you, Level Dasher. Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle? Celestia cleared her throat, addressing the elephant... er, dragon in the room. Spike, stooped over against the ceiling, waved a claw, returning to his (now seemingly tiny) comic book. Celestia turned back to her former student. "Twilight, you need a bigger castle." Sweetie Belle was a giraffe?Author's Note Hello there, twidash1993! Sweetie Belle was a giraffe? "How's the weather up there, Sweetie Belle?" "Shut up!" all ships became canon at once?Author's Note All thanks to you, now I've broken the site's formatting, DragonGeek! all ships became canon at once? The ships were sunk by the ~~cannons~~ canons. ponies discovered memes?Author's Note This one's for you, Mini_luna! ponies discovered memes? linky link. the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal?Author's Note This one goes to NicLove and the twelfth-ever comment of What If that he posted! the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal? Starlight Glimmer cleared her throat as the rest of the mares gathered around the Cutie Map. "Now," she began, pulling a foal out of nowhere, "I've got one question, and no answers." "Huh. Cute filly." Rainbow muttered, staring at the bundle in Starlight's hooves, "She yours?" "No. she's all of yours." "What." "What?" "Exactly." "What?" The filly squealed, unfurling her multicolored wings and horn. She cooed softly as she turned in Starlight's grasp. "Holy crap she looks like all of us." "Yup." "How--" "Don't even ask. Blame the time travel." Spike ate Rarity's piano?Author's Note You made me write this monstrosity, twidash1993. Thank you. Spike ate Rarity's piano? "Oh my," Rarity gasped, wandering into her living room, "where is that beautiful music coming from?" Spike burped up the piece "Für Elise". Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot?Author's Note Ask, and ye shall receive, twidash1993. I raise you one more and give you a three-panel comic featuring the new (and currently only) mascot of "What If..." It's hand-drawn, too, meaning it's the epitome of quality entertainment! Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot? Aww, look. It's Sweetie Giraffe on a walk! How's the weather up there? Look, you're so tall that even the trees are shorter than you! *Sigh* No, Sweetie. For the last time, trees are not inferior beings that deserve to be incinerated by your giraffe-powers just because they're shorter. Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover?Author's Note I'm running out of things to put in the author's notes, DragonGeek. Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover? "The floor was beneath Sweetie Giraffe. Therefore, it must die." - Sweetie Giraffe, 2018 Sun sun no be hap hap... sun is maaaaad. you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information?Author's Note Oi, nearly forgot about you, Speedy Silverstreak! Sorry! ^_^ you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information? *le boom* Twilight whacked everyone with a ruler?You have been whacked. the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh?Author's Note Here's the stuff, Speedy Silverstreak! the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh? "Dear Celestia, what is that?!" Twilight stared as a looming, sunglasses-donning moon descended upon Equestria, with Big Mac leading the way. Er... big macs. Like, both the hamburger, and the pony. Equestria is weird ~~sometimes~~ all the time. "BUY SOME ~~APPLES~~ MCDONALDS FOOD!" "Eeyup." Randomness happened 7?Author's Note Presented without context. Randomness happened 7? "For the last time, Pinkie, strip poker and strip mining are two very different things!" Youtube died today? And then un-died? And then re-died again? And then revived again?~~Yup. It done diddly-did the dead.~~ ~~IT LIIIIIIIVES!~~ ~~IT'S DEEEEEAD!~~ It's back again. Go home Youtube, you're drunk. Ch33zb0rg3r?"What... what is this?" Pinkie smiled, shoving the plate closer to Twilight. "It's a Ch33zb0rg3r!" "What." "Exactly!" Pinkie squealed, picking up the holographic meme-burger and shoving it in Twilight's mouth. "Try it!" "MMF!" Author's Note It's 12:30 AM, I'm on fall break, I've got pop music from the late 2000s playing at full volume, and I'm moderately sleepy and running on ice cream. Got a problem with that? Post-publish edit: Yes, Fireflies is one of the songs. Edit edit: Here, have a song from my playlist. Twilight read Twilight?Author's Note Praise the amazing DGJabberwocky for this horrible, horrible idea. Twilight read Twilight? Rumors say that the thermonuclear blast of this single event spawned the entire franchise of Fallout: Equestria. Discord had an existential crisis?Discord knocked at the fourth wall, watching as it warped and rippled at his touch. "Oh... oh," he groaned, "I'm in a crappy fanfiction about my fellow ponies, aren't I?" Author's Note You did this to us, Zapper frost. Now you must pay for what you've done... ...or not. Staplers invaded Equestria?Author's Note Let's play a game, shall we? Mad libs. Staplers invaded Equestria? ... ... COMMENCE THE OFFICE SUPPLY TAKEOVER OF EQUESTRIA, _____ BY NONE OTHER THAN THE LORD-SUPREME OF OFFICE PRODUCTS, ________! "___!" screamed _____. "_____..." deadpanned _____. _____ rubbed their hooves together with a _____ grin. "_____." Duel of the What Ifs?Author's Note Hey RandomFics271197, I've got one too! Readers, there's another What If story! Give the newbie some attention! Duel of the What Ifs? Hey PixelMoon, get over here and join in with your own What If story! format C:?Author's Note format C:? All of your ponies have been deleted. There is no turning back now. Crows!Author's Note Yup, this one ain't a question, it's a statement. Crows! Twilicrow squawked at Crowlestia. Crowlestia squawked in return, dropping the shiny object in her beak. All of Equestria proceeded to flock Canterlot Castle over the shiny object. There is no pony. Only crows. Squawk. Twilight ate a quesadilla?Author's Note Zapper frost. That is all. Twilight ate a quesadilla? Red dripped from Twilight's shaky hooves, a crazed grin spread across the mare's face as she bit and tore into her prey. The sickening rrrrrrip-rrrrip of its skin tore at the air, complementing the muffled groans of her feasting. "...Twilight?" Twilight whirled around with an animalistic growl, shreds of red-stained white and yellow still hanging from the corners of her maw as she narrowed her eyes. "Twilight," Spike deadpanned, flipping the lights on, "you don't have to hide when you're eating quesadillas... also, you're dripping hot sauce on the floor again." Discord babysat Flurry Heart?Author's Note DGJabberwocky, you have single-handedly destroyed the world. Discord babysat Flurry Heart? There's a reason why this particular universe exists. Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe?Author's Note And here in this corner, we've got 5UP3RN0V42015! This is based on the holiday special "Best Gift Ever". Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe? "Enjoy the pudding, Pinkie?" Pinkie replied with muffled slurping. Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office?Author's Note Are you satisfied, DragonGeek? Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office? "Butts." Twilight cracked a cocky grin at the invisible fourth-wall camera as everypony stared on in confusion. ~~A laugh track faintly echoed in the background.~~ A not-a-laugh-track faintly echoed in the background. Pinkie had to glue the fourth wall back together?"Pi n e, wh t re you d in ?" "I' fi in th ou th w l wi h g ue!" Twi ig t b in ed. 'W a ." ... ... "Fixed it!" "Seriously Pinkie, what are you doing splurting glue into the road?" "I was fixing the fourth wall! I... broke it on accident." Author's Note It's a trap! ... ... Set by Boltstrike58! Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!)Author's Note "Sidewards and backways? Don't you mean sideways and backwards?" "I know what I did, spellcheck." Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!) ˙ᔕʎɐʍʞɔɐᓄ ᓀ⊂ɐ ᔕᓀɹɐʍǝᓀᴉᔕ ⊂ǝʇʇᴉɹʍ ʍo⊂ ᔕᴉ ɹǝʇᗜɐɥɔ ᔕᴉɥ┴ ˙ǝɹǝɥʇ o⌐⌐ǝェ Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again?Author's Note Here ya go, Zapper frost. Enjoy thine meal of literary text. Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again? "LAVA!" Luna hollered as she stomped into Celestia's bedroom in her thundering elephant boots, "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" "Holy crap Luna you need to stop." the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save?Author's Note Here's to you, DGJabberwocky! the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save? ... ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Spike hatched Twilight?Author's Note Here's to you, twidash1993, ya beautiful internet user. Holy crap I could make an adventure story outta this chapter. Spike hatched Twilight? Spike concentrated harder, his claws digging painfully into his palm as he focused on the egg in front of him. Just outside, a young Ember zoomed past, breaking his concentration for a brief moment... A moment enough for his mind to stray from his current task, and board a train of thought that'd result in the ricocheting of his focused dragonfire all around the room, leaving a trail of flames everywhere it went. Into the flames went the priceless carpet underneath the young drake's feet. Into the flames went the intricate drapes obscuring the windows. Into the flames went his parents, of whom were unscathed, unlike the previous accidental targets. Has it been mentioned that his dragonfire is enchanted? 'Cause it is. Fw-oosh! The green flames hit the lavender egg straight-on, engulfing the fragile shell with an enchanted green blaze that only grew in size as it consumed its surroundings. Curiously, however, the egg itself went unharmed. In fact, it appeared to now be on the verge of-- Crack. --Hatching. "Well then," Dragon Lord Torch grumbled, blinking away the soot in his face from the earlier ricocheting flames, "You... pass?" Spike beamed with glee, too absorbed in his excitement and little celebration to currently notice the glowing-white-eyed-filly who was currently rising ominously from the eggshell. "WHO DARES AWAKEN THE ALICORN OF MAGIC?!" The filly's voice boomed as a pair of wings unfurled on the unicorn's back, "ANSWER, OR PAY THE CONSEQUENCES." Dragon Lord Torch sighed, shaking his head before blowing out the enchanted flames fueling the newly-hatched filly's abrupt rise to goddess-hood. At once, the lighting in the room returned to normal, and the noticeably non-winged unicorn filly dropped back into the eggshell, before peeking over the edge and blowing a raspberry at nobody in particular. "So, what're you gonna name her, Spike?" Spike frowned, frantically looking around the room for something that was name-worthy. His eyes landed on the title of a... particular book on the Dragon Lord's personal bookshelf. "Twilight..." he began, reading the title off in a hurry before turning his attention in the opposite direction. The kitchen doors swung open for a moment, allowing for a particularly-iridescent gem to send a beam of light in his direction. "...Sparkle," he finished, folding his stubby arms, "Twilight Sparkle. That's what I'll name her." "Ga!" Twilight responded, tumbling from the eggshell onto the floor. "Wait a second. Ponies don't lay eggs!" His frown returning, Spike stared into Twilight's eyes. The captive soul of an otherworldly Princess stared back at him. Luna found a banacumber in space?Author's Note I blame Amilition. Luna found a banacumber in space? Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing her head as she brushed the moon-dust off of herself. Moon dust. The alicorn jerked her eyes to the lunar sky, staring back at the marble-like planet she stood on moments prior. Suddenly, a strange, curvy, yellowish-green thing floated into her vision, thonking her in the face hard enough to temporarily smack the Nightmare Moon out of Luna. "Whuh... bluh?" Luna drooled, very likely concussed from the impact, "Wazzzzz dat a banan???" Her shaky magic reached out for the banacumber, pulling it back to her. Luna stared at the strange hybrid food, a look of confusion on her face. "Issa cucumber." One voice in her head dismissed. "Nuuuuu nu nu nu. It banan!" Another voice argued. "'Sa CUKE!" "NU. BANAN!" "CUKE." "BANAN." "EVIL!" Nightmare Moon's voice cackled, also moderately concussed from the projectile banacumber. "YOU. DARKNESS. NIGHT. FOREVER!" With an anticlimactic pop, Luna turned back into Nightmare Moon, and let the banacumber drift away into space again as she turned her mind back to sulking for a thousand years. the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks?Author's Note Now you have your cake, Imaginer 31415, but can you eat it? the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks? "No, it's shazam!" "I must apologize, but you must've meant zap." Twilight stared at Spike, then back to the Pillars, of whom continued to bicker over their onomatopoeias. "Miss Sparkle, would you kindly cast a spell to set an example of what magical attacks sound like?" Twilight shrugged, charging her horn. *Insert kazoo noises here* "...That's not what magic should sound like." it started rain books?Author's Note Don't rain on the party, Zapper frost. it started rain books? "YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..." "Twilight, why are you dancing?" "I'm doing the rain dance!" "Why are you doing the rain dance?!" "I cast a spell to make it rain books!" "Oh." Books fell from the sky that day, but that's because Derpy messed up a bulk assorted book shipment. Tech abuse? Have you ever installed Windows 10 on a computer with a 5.25" floppy drive? Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet?Author's Note Derp. Zapper frost! Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet? No time right now to draw a new panel, but just imagine "your desktop" being replaced by "the internet". Discord helped?Author's Note LET THE CRAZY TRAIN OUT THE DOOOOOOOOR, Zapper frost! Discord helped? A flash of rainbow cheetos commenced the appearance of Discord, who tipped his pirated MP3 hat at Pinkie while making pirate noises. "Greetings, fair Princess of Equestria," he snarked, taking a bow at Pinkie. "Ooh! Discord!" Pinkie squealed in return, "Did you come to party again?!" "Nonsense," Discord scoffed, his mouth speaking for him, "I've only come to party again!" "Yay!" "Yes." "What." Celestia choked on her cake in the corner, prompting her sister to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN... "HOLY CELESTIA, IN THE NAME OF THE LAW, STOP RUNNING AND PULL OVER." the author didn't know what to write anymore?...wow, it's been a while since I've done a meta chapter, hasn't it? ... ... The keyboard looks like a nice place to rest my face on right now. Cheese Sandwich was there too?Author's Note Confound you, Zapper frost and your strange ideas! Cheese Sandwich was there too? *Insert reality explosion noises here* Celestia slowly pulled off her sunglasses. "Mother of me." Minecraft invaded Equestria?Author's Note epiccuttlefish and Zapper frost teamed up! Minecraft invaded Equestria? "WHY. CAN'T. I. CHOP. THIS. WOOD?!" Rainbow Dash complained, trying to karate-chop wood with a single move. Applejack cantered past, staring at her friend with blocky, pixelated eyes before lightly tapping the wood over and over. Cracks began to form after a few taps. Then the cracks spread. And then the wood broke. Rainbow Dash screamed, smacking her face into the itemized wooden plank block, which simply... whooshed up into her inventory. Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks?Author's Note Just gonna namedrop you here, DGJabberwocky. Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks? "So... we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders dragon molters?" Spike groaned, slamming his head into the desk again. Christmas Eve 2018 special?Author's Note ...early special... Christmas Eve 2018 special? ... ... "HOLY CRAP IS THAT SANTA?!" Pinkie screamed as a jolly ol' fella slipped down the chimney. "Ho ho ho," ~~Anon~~ Skinny Green Not-Old-At-All Santa deadpanned, "Merry Christmas." Pinkie paused, reading over the above line in this chapter. "Wait a minute..." she began, "Isn't that the description of the Grinch?" "Uhhhhhh..." "Eh, who cares?!" Pinkie squealed, pulling Santanon in for a hug, "Ooh, can I deliver presents with you?!" "Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." Pinkie's eyes widened. "Can I be the presents???" "UHHHHHHHHHHHMMM..." Anon mumbled, fumbling for his list (written by Twilight, of course) on what was allowed and what wasn't during his time as Santa. Pinkie snatched the list, speed-reading through the entire thing at a pace that would've left Twilight in the dust. "Ooh, it doesn't say that I can't..." she smirked slyly, creeping towards the fireplace. "Let's have some fun, shall we?" And that was how reality broke. Again. it started all over again?Author's Note Thanks for three years of "What If..."-ing! Here's to yet another year of unfiltered insanity! it started all over again? At long last, after countless years of first studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, then subsequently running out of reading material and resorting to writing her own eye-candy, Twilight set down her quill. She blinked, staring at the tower of pages before her, each one its own story. "Holy crap, I wrote this?!" she grumbled, raising her brow high enough for it to gain flight. "Yes, you have indeed written us, mother," the pages replied, leading to a full-scale freakout of epic proportions on Twilight's behalf. "I... I think I need to go outside for a bit." ~~~~~===+++{(Just a few steps outside) Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ Twilight stepped outside, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the soft rays of light warming her face. A gentle breeze brushed past her mane as she took another step. She let out a sigh that she never even knew was coming. It had been years since she'd seen the sun, ever since she had started the laborious task of writing stories herself. For the first time since those three years, she finally relaxed. All at once, she felt like everything she ever worried about had melted away. And then she remembered the literary embodiment of a garbage fire that she'd just written. She opened her eyes again, a strange smile spreading across her face as she turned to kick in her own door. "SPIKE!" she hollered, panting heavily as she picked off splinters of her front door from her coat, "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME A BOX OF MATCHES AND A CAN OF GASOLINE, NOW!" It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, a book still in hand. "What did you just ask for?" he frowned, looking up from his ~~sneaky Rarity pics~~ comic book highlights scrapbook, "I think I misheard, but don't tell me you just asked for highly flammable material in a library." "YES, YES I AM INDEED ASKING FOR HIGHLY FLAMMABLE MATERIAL IN A LIBRARY," Twilight boomed, "I HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO PURGE MYSELF OF THE TRAINWRECK CURRENTLY SITTING ON MY DESK. THE THING IS POSSESSED, Y'KNOW." "Um--" "KILL IT WITH FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEE!" "Twilight, are you oka--" "FIRE!" Twilight hollered again as her mane began to sproink out in various directions. A giant hand from out of nowhere suddenly broke through the window for the sole purpose of giving Twilight a much-needed slap on the face. "Twilight, why did you just write about yourself being slapped in the face by a giant disembodied hand?" Twilight froze, covering up as much of the parchment as possible with her hooves as she spun around to face Spike. "Uh... what if?" she chuckled nervously. the author has been doing nothing but watching Smash Ultimate tournaments on Youtube instead of writing?Pichu still too OP. ... ... Twilight stood up and promptly flipped her table, her chair, Spike, and Derpy out the window in frustration at the slow pace of the story. the Princesses had kirin traits?Author's Note Of course it's DGJabberwocky. the Princesses had kirin traits? Welcome to Equestria. The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria?Author's Note Yet another brainfart, brought to you by none other than Zapper frost! The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria? "PURGE THE HERETICS." "DRIVE THE NONBELIEVERS OUT OF EQUESTRIA!" "I want my books back." "WE BURNED YOUR HERETICAL TEXTS LONG AGO, TWILIGHT." AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA?Author's Note I CAST BLAME ON THEE, Imaginer 31415! AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA? "WHAT THE BUCK ARE THOSE?!" "I THINK THEY'RE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS, TWILIGHT!" "I CAN SEE THAT, SPIKE. BUT WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!" "THEY'RE BEING RIDICULOUS, DUH! YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT, TWILIGHT." "OH." "WHY ARE WE SHOUTING AGAIN, TWILIGHT?!" "I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS SAY TO." "DOES THAT MEAN THEY'RE CONTROLLING US?!" "I HAVE NO IDEA SPIKE. I THINK WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS IS ALSO THE ONE CONTROLLING US." "WHY ARE THEY DESTROYING PONYVILLE?!" "I DON'T KNOW." "TWILIGHT, MY THROAT IS STARTING TO HURT BUT I CAN'T STOP SHOUTING STILL!" "SAME HERE, SPIKE!" Celestia snickered in the background. Flashfic entry?Author's Note Prompt: Hidden Motives Not quite sure if this would make it or not, but what I've written is kinda more on the hidden emotions side of things. Flashfic entry? "Twilight, are you okay?" The mare only smiled at her assistant, giving him a gentle pat on the head before setting her chin back on the table with a sigh. "Twilight?" "I'm fine, Spike. Don't worry about me. I'm just... a little tired." Reluctantly, the dragon turned away, trudging into another room. Watching as he disappeared through a doorway, Twilight turned her focus back to a framed picture of her mother-- Twilight Velvet. "Thanks for everything, mom..." she whispered, her voice wavering as tears began to form in her eyes. Turning away, Twilight pushed the picture frame back under the small tabletop shelf, wiping away her tears as she stood up. She paused, taking a deep breath. Two. Three. Recomposing herself, she trotted off after Spike, the same gentle smile from earlier once again beaming from her face. "Spike!" she called, "Do you want to read a comic with me?" Mad Libs time?Author's Note Have fun. Mad Libs time? "Welcome to _____." "Huh?" _____ grumbled, turning in their seat. "I said," the ______ repeated, "Welcome to _____." "That's not what you said before, y'know." "Hey!" Miss Cheerilee scolded, "No talking in class right now!" A piece of paper landed on _____'s desk. Opening it revealed the following quote: "________________________________________." - ______ SUDDENLY, xXx-G4M3RZ-LUN420-xXx CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOFTOP, SENDING _____ FLYING IN EVERY DIRECTION AS SHE PERCHED ATOP ______'S HEAD AND SCREAMED, AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, "_________________________!" Big Chungus entered Equestria?Author's Note Speedy Silverstreak, goshdarnit! Big Chungus entered Equestria? "Twilight, why is there a giant rabbit in my castle?" "It's not a giant rabbit," Twilight retorted, heaving as she pushed Bugs Bunny closer to Celestia, "It's Big Chungus!" "..." "'Tis a meme, sister." Luna deadpanned in response to Celestia's blank stare. Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia?Author's Note Press [F] to pay respects to every last shred of sanity, courtesy of: AvidSeason, Accurate Balance, Samurai_Arashi, and FicFacFlac! Background info I used: Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service Yup, that's Wikipedia. Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia? Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia? "Ready, Goofy, Donald?" A cold wind ripped past the trio as they stood before the besieged Canterlot Castle. ... ... Of which was caused by a Japanese A6M Zero whoosh-ing just overhead to aid in pushing back the Changelings. A brilliant light suddenly blazed along the horizon, forcing out three heroes to shield their eyes in the bedazzlement as Ultra Instinct Shaggy emerged from the very bowels of the universe itself, awakened by the collective pleas of every Alicorn combined to combat the Changelings. Using just .0001% of his power, Shaggy teleported himself to the underbelly of the Japanese plane, holding onto the wheels with the power of his Shaggy-ness as he drew closer to Canterlot. Summoning the Infinity Gauntlet straight off of Thanos' hand, Shaggy proceeded to pluck each stone off the gauntlet, popping them into his pocket as he absorbed their power through diffusion. Hold on, I meant powering them up through diffusion, since... y'know, diffusion brings things from a higher concentration to a lower one. Either way, after unceremoniously transporting the gauntlet and stones back to the MCU with a mere .2% of his power, Shaggy let go of the plane, careening down into the center of Canterlot City. Short to say, he expelled the darn buggers with only 1% of his power. Why did it take so much power compared to traveling between universes and rapid teleportation? Well, these changelings were all wielding the power of not one, not two, but three Shreks. I have no idea what I just wrote. EDIT: Also, after the chaos of the Canterlot was over, Shaggy booted Celestia off the throne with only 10% of his power, and ruled justly until the end of time... of which upon reaching it, Shaggy simply willed it to continue on anyways. addendum to the previous chapter?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Sleep-deprived keyboard slamming?"Twilight, look!" Twilight turned just in time to be hit with a keyboard. In the face. *Insert corny music here + laugh track* Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy?Author's Note Don't worry, I'll get to the Morgan Freeman chapter once I have some more time. Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy? Twilight Sparkle waved a flesh tentacle of banacles at Derpy, who in tern blew a raspberry. Like, an actual berry. Right out onto the ground, too. "HIYAH!" Link screeched as he descended from the heavens above, helicoptering down by spinning rapidly with his sword. Large boulders began to rain down sideways off the bottom of Canterlot Castle. Canterlot Castle is a beautiful place because it is a beautiful place that is wonderful and stuff. "Oh no. Not Boulder," Maud monotoned monotonously as she pranced over Holder's Boulder to retrieve Boulder from the larger boulders, "I shall reunite you with Gummy, where you will live happily ever after." Anon screamed. "Oy vey," Sweetie Bot shook her head furiously like a cat that came out of a heavily-chlorinated swimming pool, "This certainly isn't going as to plan." The door slammed open, revealing Celestia as she moonwalked backwards through the air-door, passing over the bridge to the beforelife. Everypony laughed at her reverse-passing. MEANWHILE... Certified Grade-A+ Egghead Dr. Professor Rainbow Dash cackled, her derp eyes burning holes through her textbook as she absorbed the pure, unfiltered knowledge through diffusion. Nearby the time-whack machine whacked the time again, setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop-- The universe restarted from its errored ways, rebirthing all that ever came to be. Except for that weird gearbox grease that looks like strawberry jam but actually tastes horrible and is all sticky if you leave it out to get dusty. Also, woodglue is great on sandwiches. Fite me. "Howdy howdy howdy," Applejack greeted from her apple-den, "Howdy howdy?" Rarity scoffed. "I am so offended by that!" Fluttershy didn't say anything. She was a tree, and the Lorax spoke for her instead. "I am groot." the Lorax stated matter-of-factly, "I. Am. Groot." "Yes, yes! Excellent work here, my preciouses!" Pinkie squealed over her sentient cupcakes as she watched them go about their world of frosting, "My cupcake creatures live! They liiiiiive!" A big ol' freakin' foot stepped in the middle of the frosting world. "Whoopsies." "AH'MA GETCHA!" Dory teased, swimming in the air after a sky-jellyfish AKA a wandering plastic bag. "Moooom, can you help me on my workhome?" Freddy moaned, clawing at the edge of his desk. Mrs. Mom shook her head as she worked on her grown-up homework. "Sorry, Fredbert, I have homework to do. Workhome is for little kids to do since they have to provide money for the family." "That's not how that works!" "That's not how any of this works." "You're a dog now!" "Meow." That one thunderous roar echoed over all of Equestria, pinging all over near and far as it ruptured the ear-heary-hairs of all the ponies within a gazillion-mile radius. Also, while you were reading this an arm made of bananas punched its way out of your screen and stole your toes. "I hate time," Luna spat, spitting her spittle spittingly all over her brand-spankin' new Heccbochs Too console. "It always goes in one direction, but it never cares about the other direction. Why does time not like backwards movement?" The Heccbochs Too said nothing, for it was a video game console. Words. Words words words words horsewords! Anon the Second pointed his slingshot's binoculars up the manhole in the middle of Cloudsdale. The foot of the table fell on Princess Skystar's head, knocking her into a pocket universe made of PFUDOR. Big Calculus drove straight through the middle of Canterlot and demolished things like the very concept of how to maths because calculus does that to you. "OH NO MY GRAPES." Grapejack sniffed. Orangejack poured herself a glass of pulp fiction. Pearjack glanced up from her book, pushing her pear-o-vision goggles up before stuffing her eyeballs under the couch. Grapefruitjack stared lovingly at Grapejack, but like Romeo and Juliet, their love was never meant to be. Because they're fruit with sharpie faces. Also they are sentient, but that's a minor detail. Almondjack milked the almonds for the day. The sound of thunderous applause tore through the streets high, low, and lower. It was an amazing feat for such a minor event; the birth of the world's next Princess. Prince? Prince-ess. Darkly Blackington unfurled his pitch-black with red highlights wings as he opened his mismatched feline eyes, his crackling horn sparking with dark magic that would put your friends' dirty socks to shame. "I HAVE POWER!" He-Man announced somewhere from atop Mount Everest. A giant floating hand appeared over Equestria, prompting Lyra to sacrifice herself to the hand-gods by jumping into the swirly portal of swirly colors and hands and human stuff like walking with your foot and drinking water. "TAKE ME TOO!" Bon Bon yelled, grabbing Lyler by her hoof as the two were dragged into the magical world of Candyland x D&D. All around me are familiar faces saying don't forget your safety squints. Tod the Talking Pillow talked to Celestia about talking pillow things. Celestia in return retorted with some horsewords. Back and forth this conversation would go, lasting for seconds upon minutes upon hours upon days upon weeks upon months upon seasons upon years upon decades and so on until the very end of time itself. *Insert filler material here.* "Hold on just one hot second here," Twibright Sprinkle deadpanned, munching on her celery stick and mud sandwich, "What're you even doing, reading this hot garbage? Go do something with your life. You have the power invested in yourself to change the world, as long as you put effort into it." Did I mention that woodglue absolutely should not replace mayo when eating a sandwich? idk. Canterlot Castle tastes like banana?Celestia shuddered, giving the wall another delightful lick. "Lulu!" she beamed as Luna wandered into the room, "The castle tastes like bananas!" Luna raised a brow, licking her lips as she cantered towards her sister. She gave the wall a sniff. Then, a cautious lick. "Hmm..." she hummed, "Hold on a second, sister, I shall fetch the ice cream." In the background, a royal guard coughed, whistling as he pretended not to watch the sisters enjoy banana splits... except the bananas were the new throne room wallpaper. And somewhere far away from Canterlot, Flim and Flam laughed as they continued to sell their patented banana-flavored salt lick wallpaper. Author's Note johnsparkly251, I have written this early so that I can have my Netflix binge time to myself. Don't worry, I just have less homework today. Not slacking on anything. Okay, maybe slacking on writing stories... Chapter 288?Two-hundred-eighty-eight years into the future, Equestria has become a strange and peculiar place to be. Throughout its many years of battling strange beings and horrid monsters, the nation of small magical pastel horses led by a Pentarchy of Princesses (namely the Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, and Flurry, respectively) has risen to become not only a global power but an intergalactic might. Tirek, the now-thrice escaped prisoner of Tartarus, cackled with a hacking wheeze as he pointed his blast-you-to-bits-lasertron-2500XL at Princess Flurry Heart's head. You see, this is the part where one would pause, and assume that some handsome prince would swing in to save his fair maiden, or that perhaps Princess Flurry Heart may have some bond of some sort with animals that would allow her to overcome her troubles with a song. This is the part where you are wrong. Contrary to the stereotypical Disney Princess logic, not only was Princess Flurry Heart decidedly not young (relative to the average pony lifespan, of course. She's still the youngest Princess), but she also happens to be known from her home kingdom, the Crystal Empire, for single-handedly (hoofedly? magical tendrils-y? wingedly?) destroying the one object that a shadow being who'd once enslaved that same kingdom had failed to destroy: the Crystal Heart. Also, she packs a mighty arsenal of weaponry and attacks. She certainly isn't your average Pokemon-- eh? This isn't Pokemon? Um... yes, this little engine that could-- oh, it's not that either? The ethereal specters of Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Kermit the Frog appeared befo-- okay, just tell me what twentieth-through-twenty-first-century franchise this character belongs to! Ahem. As I was saying, this pony from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, packs a wide range of weaponry, and a vast knowledge of skills and attacks. Smirking in the face of certain obliteration, Flurry Heart in turn pulled out a modified tactical staple gun, aiming the office/workplace commodity weapon at the ancient beast's eyes. "Aw, shoot. Out of staples again," the mare suddenly realized, instead chucking the staple gun at Tirek. In its place, she drew out a flaming chainsaw coated with magic-absorbing nanocrystal structures, screaming bloody murder as she made her first swing at Tirek the intergalactic Tartarus runaway who somehow managed to meet Thanos once in some obscure crossover that probably exists somewhere. What Tirek didn't know was that all this time, he was still in Tartarus. It was actually some random, convoluted fantasy written by a sleep-deprived author somewhere that just happened to get crammed into his mind. Like, just look at this guy. He's just laying there, slumped against his cage, his pupils dilated and his mouth foaming. Can you get a load of this guy? What a wimp. There's no way he could've escaped Tartarus again, no matter wha-- The sound of a keyboard clattering to the ground as a rift in reality swallows the author emanates from all around. Author's Note TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria?Author's Note Gosh darnit Zapper frost, I should've seen this coming. But... did you see this coming? TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria? I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Groaning, I pushed myself up, spitting dirt and grass from my mouth as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. Moments prior, I had been peacefully at my desk, typing horsewords for all to see. Now? I guess I'm in those same horsewords... I guess. Well, doesn't hurt to start bringing in the cliches at this point, eh? Dark Lord of Bad Feelings and Great Power TheMajorTechie, a black and red alicorn of immense power (stronger than all the ponies of Equestria combined + Discord + Tirek + the entire nuclear arsenal of the world!), emerged from the shadows. Immediately, he was rushed by every mare in Equestria because all the mares wanted to go out on a date with the big ol' edgy doofus of an edgelord alicorn from some obscure fanfic writer. He was very much tipping his (nonexistent) fedora at those same mares, making even more of an idiot out of himself. "oh nO THeRE IS bIg MonSTEr HeRE it WiLl eat us AlL!" the most beautiful mares of all (that's the Mane Six, don't forget!) collectively screamed, being all helpless and stuff because this was actually probably some sort of power fantasy gone wrong that was stolen from the innards of a fanfiction site, "themAjORTEcHie, savE Us!" TheMajorTechie, that darned black and red alicorn of death, destruction, and all that was darkness and gloomy, suddenly appeared beside the mares, who were all actually pretty anthro horse girls who all looked hot and stuff because they looked kinda like human girls too but not like Equestria girls but yeah so they were all afraid and tied up. TheMajorTechie pulled out his mega-energy-katana of darkness, complete with its hardened core of emotional dread. "YAAaAaaaaAAAaay!" all the pretty girls yelled as TheMajorTechie cut the ropes off of them ~~because it's not like any of them~~ actually had the capability to do that themselves, amirite? and turned back around to find his greatest enemy yet: Mister Sir Commander General Doctor Robotnik of the Sonic universe, who was after the chaos emeralds that were actually hidden inside of TheMajorTechie all this time. The evil doctor grinned and pulled out a picture of him slapping Sonic in the face and running away laughing to prove that he was the most powerful out of all the Sonic OCs and so now he was here to claim his prize which was the chaos emeralds. "No!" TheMajorTechie boomed in a deep, manly voice of manliness that sounded like a cross between He-Man and a bleating goat, "These are my pretties and you will go away and not have them because you're mean and stuff!" "No i WILl nOt GO Away BEcauSE yOU aRe NoW mY SwoRn EneMy Since yOU haVe a LOT Of pReTtY gIrlS AroUNd yOu And I WAnt SOMe PrettY GirLs to be ARoUnd me tOO SO THaT thEn I Don'T fEEL sad AnD tHings lIKe That!" "Oh okay," TheMajorTechie smirked, "Then I have to kill you instead." "thANK YOu fOr enDing thIS painful lIfE Of livInG In This tRainwReCK GarBaGE fire of A StoRY THaT NeveR shOULD'VE been WRIttEn!" TheMajorTechie lowered TheMajorTechie's TheMajorTechie katana, smirking more because double smirks make you look mysterious. "On the other hand... what if I don't?" "tHeN I'm sad." And so TheMajorTechie yeeted Doctor Robotnik out the window of the heavily guarded fortress of you're dead to me now and started his new 'friend group' of pretty mares. Also, he ate the chaos emeralds and got even more power because of it. THE NEXT DAY----------------------------------------------------- TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because the best character to ever exist had to go for a little bit of time. Also, Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave for a few hours. They honored him with a big green wreath of big money paper and replaced all the doorknobs with pictures of TheMajorTechie's face because he was da way for all the ponies who had to use doors. Celestia and Luna were so sad that they permanently turned their cutie marks into cool silhouette tattoos of TheMajorTechie the alicorn of power so that they could remember him forever and ever. And then TheMajorTechie came back after a few hours and everypony was happy again because they just barely made a religion about him and were making enchanted breadcrabs to worship him and stuff. TheMajorTechie shook his head because he disapproved of this process because they were using the evil stale sourdough bread that he left on top of the fridge that doesn't actually exist but does because this is a story. He held out his hand because even though he is an alicorn the entire world is actually anthro and he is a half alicorn anthro half human hybrid and zapped all the bread into the yummy honey glazed multigrain bread that he liked. The enchanted breadcrabs started to do the crab rave dance except it was in fortnite because TheMajorTechie was thinking about how annoying it was that his favorite youtubers were now doing fortnite instead of minecraft and stuff and so TheMajorTechie was even more annoyed than before. TheMajorTechie sat on his golden (but still black and red) throne of awesomeness because he was the awesomest alicorn there ever was and there around him was the mane six but now they were all wearing even prettier clothes. This was the best thing for him ever. The author woke up from his writing-induced coma and screamed. The end. Fanta in Equestria?Author's Note Yep. This came straight outta the comments. Fanta in Equestria? Dear Celestia, It has come to my attention that Equestria recently received a mysterious package of orange, bubbly, vaguely citrus-scented liquid. From my previous experience in the Human world on the other side of the mirror portal, I know of many potentially hazardous substances, both natural and artificial. It is here where I shall request a sample of a sizeable quantity... for science, of course. I shall... run some tests on this liquid to discern its safety to Equestrian health, and if needed, ask for a full quarantine of the entire shipment, and a private link to the supplier of this liquid. --your fellow Princess and former student, Twilight Sparkle. Celestia snorted, taking another sip of her can of Orange Fanta soda as she glanced up at her literal boatload of Fanta cans. Luna peered over her sister's shoulder, emptying out a can of Grape Fanta as she did so. Celestia raised a quill to the parchment she'd prepared, and wrote her response to her former student's letter. My dear Twilight, No. Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution?Author's Note OwO, wat dis? It's Duckgame4life and AvidSeason! Note to AvidSeason: I'm pretty much assuming that the "cultural revolution" of Equestria in this case is the quick rise of what's essentially a cult based around Kirby. Also, the part about Kirby being an elastic waistband was a joke my friends and I often made in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution? "Kirby is my elastic waistband." "Pinkie, you don't even wear pants!" "I do now! Kirby told me to do it!" "Kirby? Who's Kirby?" "Kirby the Elastic Waistband!" "..." A pink blob of infinite S U C C ate his way through the front doors of Sugarcube Corner. "That's Kirby. Hi!" Pinkie squealed, waving a hoof. Kirby inhaled the entire shop. "Bro, did you just see that?" background pony #3556872 exclaimed, "That pink blob just inhaled an entire shop." "I know, right?" "Yeah." "You could start a religion out of this." "Already did," background pony #3556872 smirked, donning his pink cloak as he trotted towards the new god of Equestria, Kirby. It took roughly a decade before Equestria found itself worshipping their new god of infinite consumption. Randomness happened 8?Author's Note idk. Again. Randomness happened 8? "Welcome all, to the fifth annual Skeletons in your closet gathering, where you may reveal anything you'd like, whether it be deep down emotions, secretive stories, or anything else you'd like to discuss. Who would like to start?" Luna frantically waved a hoof. "I shall begin!" she boomed, lighting her horn as her necromancy spell began. "For the last time, Luna. We don't literally mean skeletons in your closet." Luna sighed, and let the reanimated pile of bones sink back into the ground. Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day?Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- *slap* Combo time! MarblePieLover Boltstrike58 Dreadnought Zapper frost Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day? "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH." Immediately, a burst of magic shot through Equestria like a lump of projectile vomit (of which, of course, it was), returning magic to all the ponies of the land. Unfortunately, it also happened to randomly enchant some objects here and there, one of which was Smartypants, who immediately jumped up and down, shouting "I'm a real boy now!" before getting slapped in the face by the hand of illogical logic. Also, today just happened to be the day where everything was taken literally, so Smartypants definitely was the kind of pony to worship Nightmare Moon... oops. By the next day, this local story universe contained within the "What If..." multiverse had imploded on itself. blep?"Blep." "OkayfirstofallhowdareyouandsecondofallIamverytriggeredbythisand--" Derpy shut her dresser drawer. √169≠13?Author's Note Unrelated math is unrelated. √169≠13? Twilight stared, dumbfounded by the question. "What," she grumbled, "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? 'Cause if it is, I don't see how it's funny." "≠" the author repeated. An unreformed Starlight Glimmer tackled both Twilight and the author from a rift through time. every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together?Author's Note Watch out, y'all, it's Imaginer 31415! every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together? A low rumble echoed over the horizon. The ground began to quake, shuddering with every consecutive second. A looming shadow emerged from beyond, its dark silhouette casting great fear into all who cast eyes upon such an amalgamation... "HEYSTOPYOURHOOFISINMYFACENOYOUANDHERAREKICKINGMESTOPLICKINGMYMANEYOUJUSTSWATTEDMEWITHYOURFREAKIN'TAILAND--" The bickering grew louder. "HOLYCRAPITHINKCELESTIAJUSTWINGSLAPPEDMEOHBOYIT'STHISAGAINISN'TITWHYDOESTHISHAPPENOME--" A sentient ball of unicorns and alicorns rolled through the streets, supported solely by the toughened core of solid horn material as ponies seemed to revolve around their central singularity of a magical point. The ball of ponies steamrolled its way straight through Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack, for her part, did an epic spit-take at the sight. there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal?Author's Note The Great and Powerful Zapper frost was responsible for this! there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal? Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Maud lifted another spoonful of gravel to her mouth. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. "Gravel is crunchier than cereal." Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. "So I eat it for breakfast." Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Lyra had A hand, and TheMajorTechie told Twilight to get some sun, already?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Unnamed story idea #2?"Edgy" OC is an extreme, over-the-top, impulsive edgelord. Why are they edgy? 'Cause they don't have a tragic backstory. Their tragic backstory is that they don't have one. Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen?Author's Note Writing What If chapters at 2:20 AM. What a way to spend my night, Black Hoof. Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen? "Hey, hey Shining, guess what?" Shining Armor let out a long, drawn-out snore. Cadance poked Shining again. "Guess what?" "Whaaaa?" Shining grumbled, opening an eye. "It's time to feast on your love!" "WAIT WHA--" That was the last that anypony ever heard of from Shining Armor. Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)?Author's Note I got bored. Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)? Twilight Sparkle Twilight Sparkled. Of course, this action would end up reverberating across the entire Nintendo DS-verse, causing a cataclysmic chain reaction that ended in your birth. Also, Flim and Flam were at it again with the white vans. But nevertheless, it was all irrelevant anyway because the author declared his irrelevance to the server. Doctor Phil demanded an apology note from Celestia for being wrong about her secret relationship to her sister, of whom turned out not to be biologically related, after all. "WHY IS EVERYBODY IN MY ROOM?!" Spike hollered, startling Twilight, Doctor Phil and Celestia, the latter two reading out a transcript of Celestia's phone calls and eating cake, respectively. "Girls, girls, calm down," xXx$$SwagFortniteG4m3rLunazzz$$xXx smoothly hushed, setting her cup of ~~tea~~ ULTRA SUPER INFINITE-HOUR ENERGY JUUUUUUIIIICCCCCEEEE down and combing her mustache. "N0 i wILl nO7 c@lM DOwN!" Celestia screeched, throwing a cake at her sister. Luna, for her part, caught the cake and absorbed it through diffusion because she is now actually a giant amoeba. Nobody questions the amoeba's authority out of fear of being consumed. Hmmmmmmm... Let's say that the floor is lava again. Luna the Lava Amoeba cackled with laughter as everybody else began to slowly sink into lava-flavored jello. How is it lava flavored? Idunno. Twilight Sparkle headdesked hard enough to break the table in half, the floor beneath her in half, the ground in half, and the flex tape holding the dreamscape together in half. Luna, for her part, flex-taped the flex tape back together. "And that's how I met your mother." Wait, what? Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written?Author's Note Your turn, SociallyAwkwardBrony! Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written? "It's just a story!" Twilight jittered, combing a hoof through her frazzled mane in the corner of her room, "Just a story... just a story... just... a..." "T-Twilight? You oka--" "STORY!" Twilight screeched, lunging at Spike, "PERFECT STORY MATERIALLLLL!" This is the part where Equestria gets destroyed. It was time to purge unused comments again?Author's Note That's right, y'all, I'll for the most part only take a look at comments posted on and after this chapter. It was time to purge unused comments again? "Again?!" Twilight groaned, shuffling under the mountain of comments and suggestions that had fallen on her, "Spike, can you hand me the broom? I need to clean up this mess and start over fresh." Spike gave no response, for he was too busy flying to Cloudsdale on the broom. The author needs his sleep. Twilight accidentally robbed a bank?Author's Note AND SO WE RETURN, twidash1993! Twilight accidentally robbed a bank? Twilight blinked, staring at the piles of cash surrounding her and the royal guards pointing spears in her face. "I'm sorry, what did you say I just did?" "Princess Twilight Sparkle, by royal orders we must arrest anypony who attempts to burglarize a bank, even if they are a Princess of Equestria." "But this is my book bank!" "And you're sitting in the middle of the vault with bits that clearly came from Canterlot's treasury." "Oh, this?" Twilight snorted, casually yeeting a stack of gems at the guard speaking to her, "I thought you were talking about the books on necromancy and how to rule the world that I've been reading! Yeah, I saw them while taking a walk past some fancy buildings in Canterlot, so I took them." "What." "What?" "WHAT?!" Twilight slinged another pile of bits at the guard. "I'll pay you if you don't say anything." "...Deal?" And that's how Equestria went bankrupt. Rickroll?"I'm never gonna give you up, you know that, right?" "Of course I do. And I'm never gonna let you down in return. I promise." "You're never gonna run around then?" "And hurt you? Why, that simply sounds outrageous, darling!" Author's Note One of these things is not like the other, Zapper frost! Sonata met Deadpool?Author's Note One fresh world-ending plate of memery comin' right up, DGJabberwocky! Sonata met Deadpool? "Tacos!" "No, the right word is chimichangas!" "No, I want tacos! It's taco Tuesday!" "Fine, I'll get some tacos, but next time, we're going for chimichangas!" Scarf?Author's Note You know the drill, Zapper frost. Scarf? "Scarf," Pinkie said, patting the puffy fabric around her neck. "Is fluffy scarf." The scarf turned into Flufflepuff because screw logic at this point. Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre?Author's Note I literally came up with this like half a minute ago. What am I doing here?! Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre? "Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre!" "Wait what? I thought this was the new amphitheater?" Armpit farts came as the only response. How does that work with ponies? Who knows? there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story?Author's Note Enjoy my false amnesia, DGJabberwocky! there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story? What if Equestria was OP? "OH NOES IT'S TIREK AND THE REST OF THE BIG BADDIES WHATEVER WILL WE DO?!" Twilight rolled her eyes, unintentionally incinerating Tirek with her eyeball lasers. Queen Crysalis was already possessed entirely by Fluttershy's 'roided-up stare, and Applejack was off somewhere bucking infinite apples off the tree of infinite apples. Also, Spike is Thanos because Spike is purple and so is Thanos. (I will not stop using this joke) Also also, what entry are we on again> Things Techie writes on his phone 2?Twilight yawned, immediately getting smacked upside the head by a large plank of wood. "THE BOARD OF EDUCATION DEMANDS THAT YOU STAY AWAKE." Things Techie writes on his phone 3?"And welcome everyone to--" "I'M NOT ONE, I'M TWO!" "Well heck you, nobody cares, Lyler!" Twilight headed her scream off?Author's Note It's you again, Zapper frost! Twilight headed her scream off? Twilight bashed her head through the wall. "Look Spike, I can't scream anymore!" "Okay, Twilight. Let's get you to Ponyville Hospital before you puncture your other lung. Banassacre?"EAT. ALL. BANANANS." "Luna, please, you need to stop eating so many banana--" "BANANANANANS SHALL BE CONSUMED, SISTER." Canterlot Castle's local Walmart promptly saw a complete depletion of its banana stock in what is now known as the "Banassacre". Randomness happened 11?"Heck." Twilight smiled smugly, for she had just said a naughty word. "WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!" the Bad Pone Police hollered, rolling in in their life-sized hot-wheels cars, "PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE, FOR THE ACT OF SAYING HECK, YOU MUST PAY A FINE OF ALL YOUR BITS AND YOUR SECOND-BORN CHILD." "BUT OFFICER HECKERSMITH, YOU SAID HECK TOO! OH NO I SAID HECK AS WELL! I CAN'T STOP SAYING HECK! PLEASE, STOP ME BEFORE I TURN THIS STORY INTO A RATED-T WORK AN--" Officer Heckersmith locked up her assistant in the Bad Pone Prison for saying "heck" too many times and then stole Twilight's cactus because Twilight had no children. Celestia silently sipped her tea. Author's Note I also finally got around to updating my mainline story, Worlds Reset! Go ahead and take a look with the "read" button below! Unpublished story #1: [One More Time]?Title: One More Time Short description: Sometimes, it's hard to let go of what you love. Sometimes, it's the only way forward. Long description: This is likely my final story on Fimfiction until further notice. It's hard to leave behind things you once poured your heart and soul into. It's harder to sever yourself from a community you've grown fond of and attached to. But sometimes, it's the only choice you've got. Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle as she stands in her castle one more time... One last time. Explanation: I originally was planning on posting this story right around the time when the finale came out, if not sooner. I wanted to focus solely on original fiction for the first time since seventh grade, but I ultimately decided against it. Most of the story is more or less a second-person perspective of my reasoning behind wanting to leave the fandom, with an unfinished chapter that was meant to kick off the final story's events. Ultimately, I scrapped the story around the beginning of October. Several things came up that changed my mind, though I won't talk about them. I've found joy again in writing fanfics, and I've been able to balance fanfic writing and original fiction pretty well, lately. One funny thing I've noticed in retrospect is that while I avoided watching any leaked episodes of the finale, the second chapter that was meant to kick off the story itself is frighteningly similar to how the finale opens: Twilight is packing her things, and getting ready to move away from the home she knew. Forever. It's a little unnerving to see that I managed to almost precisely copy the beginning of an episode without ever realizing it, but that's just how life is sometimes, isn't it? Anyway, I'll go ahead and post the story below. Chapter 1: Foreword It's hard, sometimes. You grow up in a community of familiar faces; people you know, friends you've made, those kinds of people. You come to the community, unsure of what you would find. Your skills have yet to be discovered, interests yet to be refined. But gradually, those skills and interests begin to take root. They begin to blossom into something bigger than yourself. You begin to write. Slowly, at first-- rather shakily, as well, but you persist. You write more, and improve as the years pass. But eventually, you begin to outgrow the community that took you in. You begin to limit yourself. Things begin to stagnate as you begin to turn away. Interests and ideas begin to drift further and further from the community, and soon you find yourself forcing those same ideas back into the community, even if it might not have been in your own best interest. Passion projects begin to fizzle and dissolve. Disillusionment sets in. Writing becomes a job, rather than a hobby. Your progress begins to slow, grinding steadily to the ditch that it rapidly approaches. You make up excuses for your lack of updates. You're too busy, you tell yourself. But you have more time than ever before. You have other things to worry about, you argue. But you have fewer things to worry about this year than the previous three. Maybe it's time for a change. Maybe it's time to spread your wings. You may look back with sad eyes at the community you'll leave behind, but it'll always be there, waiting for you. You've still got countless amazing stories to read and experience in the community, and your confidence begins to grow. You begin your first steps. It begins with adaptation: You begin to dissociate your favorite work from the community, freeing yourself from the chains you created yourself in self-limitation. You begin to branch out, accelerating as you replace more and more of the community you left behind with your own reality. You begin to take control of your work. You begin to take control of your reality. You start simple; Beloved and classic icons of the community become your own, original characters. Personalities, traits, and characteristics vital to the identification of a character are rewritten from the ground up. Your characters become truly your own creation. Settings come next. Sprawling kingdoms not of your own creation are replaced by quiet suburbias. Soaring cities, ever-drifting in the realm of clouds vanish from sight, for they were never much relevance to your stories anyway. Dark forests and high mountains alike are wiped from existence as reality begins to reform around you. Backstories are written. History is recorded. Explanations for every mechanism that comes to mind begin to compile as you take control of your lore. The story you once enjoyed countless hours writing for the community begins to morph into something truly of your own creation. You look back again to the community you left behind. You see happiness. You see sadness. You see gains and losses as it continues on without you. You catch a glimpse of the stories you once contributed to the community in years past. How long had it been? Not long enough, you tell yourself, forcing your hand one more time. You try one last push to write for the community. You try one more time to associate yourself with the characters you knew and loved. Yet, it is lost on you now. Trends grow increasingly foreign to you. Characters you never knew even existed begin to take the spotlight in the community. You look at your own collection of works you've written during your heyday in the community, and find the inflection point. There it is, you realize. The point of no return. You begin to backtrack, scanning through your old community works one by one for confirmation, until you know for sure that you have found your highest point in the community. You look over your stories again, and notice a startling increase in original characters, while references to community characters have plummeted simultaneously. Finally, you decide that it's time to say goodbye. You abandon your ambitions in the community, for they are no longer your own. You retreat once more to the reality you have created by your own hand, still unsure of whether you made the right choice. That choice remains ambiguous to this day. There is no right or wrong in the world of authorship, so long as you enjoy what you do. Author's note: This is how it goes down. No with a bang, but with a whimper. As a homage to just how frequently I've written her over the course of the 4+ years I've been sticking around on Fimfic, I'll write Twilight Sparkle again. One more time. One last time. I don't know how long I may keep my radio silence on Fimfiction, but for the most part, especially if you've been keeping up with my blogs, you'd know that I've just lost interest in MLP over the course of the years. I never thought that I'd spend so much time on this site. Heck, I never expected myself to enjoy writing ponies, of all things. I joined the fandom after being pulled in by some of the site's classic sci-fi stories such as the Hard Reset series, and eventually decided that I'd stay. I'd even eventually create an account roughly half a year after stumbling across the site. From that time on, I took the meager skills I had in writing and refined them. Yeah, I definitely began on a rather shaky start, but that's a given for anyone new to writing. For the next four years I would continue to write, steadily improving my writing and adopting my own "style" of writing in the third year. But all things must come to an end eventually, don't they? My only interest relating to MLP anymore are the stories others have written. I don't quite enjoy writing my own fanfics anymore, even when only a few months prior I had plans to get another year-long story going with Worlds Reset. There have been countless times where I wanted to try getting a sequel to Pony-Me off the ground, especially when considering how I enjoyed writing that story the most out of anything I'd ever done on this site. I didn't want that to end. But at the same time, I knew that I wouldn't have the same drive to write fanfics as I had before. A few months into Pony-Me's writing, I had begun tinkering with a new way to plan out stories, and with me being unsure of the story's direction at the time, I decided to begin fleshing out as much as I could of absolutely anything I could think of. It was then when I realized that I enjoyed planning out the original fiction segments of the story out more than the MLP-related segments that I was already shoehorning in just to keep the story within the rules of Fimfiction. I made a copy of the planning document, and began to replace more and more pieces of MLP-based lore with my own ideas. Ponyville, and by extension, all of Equestria, instead became a mirror-image of my own quiet hometown when I first moved in, much like how in Pony-Me, the bustling tech hub that the latter half of the story takes place in is based on my hometown as it currently stands. So. There's no guarantee of my return to posting stories on Fimfiction, but until I finish them once and for all, updates will continue to flow at a very slow pace to mainline stories such as Worlds Reset. I'll still be active on the site, but only from reading stories and general chatting and managing of groups. There is, however, a decent chance that I may resurface whenever Genfic may come around, but until then, this is pretty much my final dedication to the fandom. As always, thank you for reading, and enjoy the story. Chapter 2: Forward Twilight let out a silent sigh, looking over her shoulder at the castle she'd called home for years on end. Her life had certainly moved on since the fiery battle between herself and Tirek had raged. Especially so with the School of Friendship and other new responsibilities piling on. "Is everything packed, Spike?" she asked, turning to her assistant. The dragon nodded, waving a flimsy list in the air. "I can't believe we're actually doing this," Twilight murmured, stealing another glance at her castle. "It's really been that long, hasn't it?" Unpublished story #2: [One Last Time]?Title: One Last Time Short description: Saying hello is hard. Saying goodbye is harder. Long description: The mirror portal is opening one final time. There’s a choice to make, however: Would you stay with your friends and never see home again, or would you go home and never see your friends again? Written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky. A final parting gift for Evictus. Explanation: Early last year, I ultimately decided that it was time I cut ties as Evictus' editor. Given our friendly (albeit strained) writer-editor relationship, I wanted to leave him with one last thing before I metaphorically stepped out the door. Being the lazy butt I was back in middle school when I first made my account, I never actually bothered to read the site rules, and didn't realize until it was too late that publishing stories not written by you, even if it's written by another user on the site, was against site rules. Though the story was originally posted on Evictus' (now TwistedCupcake's) account, it was taken down by a moderator, and we both apologized for the snafu. We agreed to transfer the story over to my account instead, since I was the main author that originally planned out the concept. I was wary of publishing it again after what happened, but I guess now's a better time then never, isn't it? And don't worry, I panic-read the rules after that all went down. Chapter: One Last Time “Hey.” Sunset glanced towards the sparking portal, its surface rippling with tension as her friend emerged. “Hey, yourself.” Twilight countered, brushing herself off. “Sunset, aren’t you coming?” “Coming where?” Sunset stared towards the sky, a smile spreading across her face as the warm rays of her namesake brushed over her. Twilight placed her hand on the surface of the mirror portal, its surface rippling yet again as tendrils of magical energy seeped away. “C’mon, Sunset. I thought you wanted to come back home. To come back to Equestria.” Sunset shook her head, leaning against the portal base behind her. “I don’t see a reason to.” She stated, closing her eyes. “After all, what is there left for me in Equestria? This is my home, Twilight.” “Are you sure, Sunset?” Twilight began, her eyes wandering towards the unstable portal, “You might not ever be able to return again once I leave.” The other girl nodded, her fiery hair bouncing with each movement. “Like I said before, this is where I fit in, Twilight. It’s where I belong now.” She paused for a moment, casting a longing glimpse towards the portal’s swirling interior. “I’m not Sunset Shimmer the unicorn, a former protégé of Princess Celestia anymore. I’m Sunset Shimmer, a normal girl, with a normal life, at a normal school, with normal friends.” “B-but—“ Sunset shook her head. “I know it’ll be hard to give up on Equestria like this, but even if the portal closes forever, we’ll still be in each other’s memories, won’t we? And besides,” She continued with a half-grin, “we just might be able to talk through the journals still.” “Sunset.” Twilight began, taking her friend’s hands, “Are you sure that you’re ready for this? Ready to be completely on your own, away from all of those who—“ “No.” The girl replied, pulling her hands from Twilight’s grasp, “I’m sure that I’m not ready, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for doing this, but you’re wrong, Twilight. I’ve still got friends here, remember? Y’know, this world’s version of… well, them.” “Sunse—“ “I’ve completely changed since the Fall Formal, Twilight.” Sunset turned her head away from her friend. “Before I learned how to make friends, before I met you, I only had the thought of returning to Equestria on my mind. But now?” She chuckled for a moment before regaining her composure. “Heck, I’d be lucky if I even remembered that I was a unicorn at all. I’ve remade myself, Twilight. I’m not the mare who greedily stole your crown anymore. I don’t want to go back.” Twilight shook her head. “Look, Sunset. Celestia told me herself to come back here one last time to bring you back. She wants to see you again, Sunset. She wants to see the filly that she guided over the years, the filly that grew and grew before her very eyes. She wants to see—“ “She wants to see the filly that turned around to nearly stab her in the back.” Sunset deadpanned, “Twilight. We’ve already gone over this before. I don’t want to go back to Equestria, not when I’ve worked so hard to make the new me over here in this world. If… if I go back to Equestria, I’d be losing all of that.” The girl glanced towards the portal again, its surface slowly fading from its once colorful hues into more of a mirror-like sheen. “The ponies back there only know me as the mare who committed high treason against a Princess of Equestria, not the upbeat teenage girl who just wants to live her life.” “Please, Sunset.” Twilight pleaded, “Just do this for Celestia. She’s the one who raised you, who taught you everything you know. She’s the reason why you’re the way you are; determined, thoughtful, ambitious.” Sunset scoffed. “Yeah,” She continued, “and the reason why I became hard-headed, selfish, mean to pretty much everybody, and pretty much just an all-around jerk. Celestia’s great and all, but personally, I think she’d be better off leading Equestria, not raising adopted foals.” “C’mon, just—“ “I honestly have to say that this is a bit selfish of me, but I’d prefer to stay here, Twilight.” Sunset cut in once more, “It’s everything I want. Everything I’ll probably ever want, even. I’d rather care less about Equestria now. Especially when life is going so smoothly for the very first time.” “Sunset!” Twilight scolded, playfully smacking her friend on the shoulder, “How about you stop interrupting and let me finish for once?” “Fine, fine.” Sunset smirked, “And just when I thought that I could get away with cutting you off every so often, too.” Twilight folded her arms. “Now then. As I was saying, at least come back for a couple hours, Sunset. One last time wouldn’t hurt, would it? And besides, Celestia isn’t the only one who wanted to see you again…” Sunset raised a brow. “Oh?” She began, “Who else, then?” A blush formed over Twilight’s cheeks. “…Me?” “Hm.” Sunset grumbled, “And here I was just talking about how selfish I used to be.” Twilight shook herself out of her stupor. “S-sorry about that.” She dismissed with a wave of her hand, “I… I don’t quite know what got into me at that moment.” Sunset shot a glance towards the evening sun, then towards the violently pulsing portal. “Twilight.” She began slowly, “I think it’s time for you to go now, before you’re stuck here in this world with me. I don’t want to make this harder than it already is for me. Just… go, Twilight. I’ll be fine here.” “Sunset, no—“ With a heave, Sunset shoved her friend back through the portal, a bright flash filling her vision moments after as the portal imploded. “Goodbye, Twilight.” The girl murmured, her teary eyes focusing on the sooty hole that was once the portal. “Goodbye, Equestria. I’ll miss you.” “Sunset!” A voice from behind the girl exclaimed. “Sunset!” The voice repeated again, audibly closer. Twilight Sparkle—this world’s Twilight, stopped a few feet from Sunset. “Sunset?” She began slowly, reaching towards the girl, “Is something wrong?” Sunset sank to her knees and wept, the glimmering shards of the portal encircling the base of the statue and herself. Author's note: Thank you all for reading. This story was written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky. Notes from TheMajorTechie: After this story, I will no longer consider myself as an editor for Evictus, but I will still stick around in the comments. Until next time, peace out, y'all. Author's Note I'd very much appreciate if y'all took a look at my new comment-driven story, Let's write a story. as well! Unpublished story #3: [μParallels]?Title: μParallels Short description: What happens when you vanish every so often into a pocket dimension? Well, you make that place your own. Long description: Flickering Horizon once thought that it was normal. He thought that everypony could see those seemingly random flashes of blinding white. However, all it took was one ill-timed event to turn his entire world-- worlds, on their heads. At least he isn't bored. Based off of a chapter from What If...? Explanation: This was what I planned to be the sequel to Pony-Me, going even as far as copying the structure of the short and long descriptions. The main difference was that it was a spritual sequel; it did not build on Pony-Me's lore, nor did it contain the same characters. Instead, it focused on an Earth Pony OC named Flickering Horizon, who, as the name suggests, would flicker in and out of existence, transported randomly between the world of Equestria, and a "blank-slate" pocket universe where they had full control over absolutely everything. In the end, I decided against publishing this story, and instead balled it in with a second story pitch I made here in What If about a story where everything was overly generic. This new story would become Worlds Reset. Flickering Horizon would be replaced by Amber, and instead of being a pocket universe, the "blank-slate" world would become an infectious, world-wiping catastrophe that would leave all of Equestria wiped of any defining traits. I certainly liked the direction of Worlds Reset more than I did with μParallels, and so that story would go on instead to become Pony-Me's spiritual sequel. Though, I do want to eventually publish a full sequel. I left the story open-ended for a reason... Chapter 1: Knock knock, it's the world. "Flick, wake up!" I groaned, turning my head to face the source of the voice. "Wake up already, Flicker," my best friend coaxed with a whisper, "Cheerilee's in the middle of a lesson!" "Fine, fine," I grumbled, lifting my muzzle off the desk, "What part are we on right now?" "Multiplication tables." I groaned again, returning to my faceplanted position. "Too easy," I silently complained, "Lightning, didn't we learn this last year?" Lightning Rod shook his head. "Darn, I swear we did all of this before already." I lifted my head off the desk again, visible marks beginning to show from lying on a pencil. I let out a loud yawn, leaning back in my seat as I filled out the table on my assignment paper. "I still don't understand how you can hold a pencil with your hoof, Flick," Lightning mused, "Not very many ponies can do that, y'know." Before I could respond, my vision was suddenly bathed in pure light, flashing back almost immediately after to the familiar classroom. "Woah," Lightning gawked, "That happened." I raised a brow, bending over to pick up my pencil from the floor. "No response? Flick, you just teleported. You're an earth pony! How can you do that?! You got to show me someda--" "Ahem." I glanced back up, pencil in hoof, at a concerned Cheerilee. "Lightning Rod," she began, facing my friend, "Please keep it quiet. I'm trying to teach a class." She turned to me next. "As for you, Flicker, I recommend you go see Twilight about your abrupt... teleportation." "Teleportation?" I replied, glancing to Lightning, "Are you sure that I teleported? I just saw this weird white flash, that's all." Miss Cheerilee let out a drawn-out sigh, stepping away from us to continue teaching. Lightning leaned over to me. "But seriously," he whispered, "How did you do it? You just suddenly vanished for a tiny bit, and then reappeared right after your pencil hit the floor. Everypony saw it." "What do you mean, they saw it?" I countered, "I just saw a white flash for a second or two. Doesn't everypony sometimes have that happen to them? I talked about them with my mom and she said that it's usually because I have a bad headache and stuff." "Did you ever see those flashes while other ponies were around?" "Ssh!" Miss Cheerilee shushed. I shook my head. "Well, then that's why you didn't know that you're doing what you did until now." I cocked my head, "What do you mean?" "I mean that you're right about ponies sometimes getting white flashes with a headache, what you're doing is completely different!" "Lightning Rod, would you please speak more quietly?" Cheerilee scolded, "Or would you like for me to move your seat?" Celestia was a chatroom/server moderator?"And then I swear, that noob there was using them there hacks!" "Yes, yes," Celestia facehoofed, blinking at her screen. She made a mental note to give Luna a piece of her mind later for dragging her into the gaming business. "I understand you may be angry, but the records of the server's activity show that it was you, in fact, that used a killaura. The pony that you claim hacked played fairly, and was able to take you out during a brief period of time when you didn't have your killaura on." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Celestia jumped, yanking her headset from her ears as the furious gamer continued screaming. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" their voice screeched through the headset, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONNECTIONS I HAVE?! MARK MY WORDS, I WILL FIND YOU, AND RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YO--" Celestia rolled her eyes, holding the microphone to her lips. "Banhammered." "WAIT WHAAA--" They didn't have time to respond before being yeeted into the MoonJail™ prison server. Celestia sipped her tea. Bob the Builder was a changeling?"Can we fix it?" "Yes we can!" Bob the Builder promptly transformed into a rooftop. The end. Story pitch: Into EquestriaAuthor's Note Original blogpost Story pitch: Into Equestria Into Equestria (Sequel would focus on a new cast of characters, but retains the lore and just about everything else. The main character would be someone who's joining the simulations for the first time ever, and is trying to adjust to life in Equestria.) Takes place after the events of Pony-Me, but before the events of the timeskip at the end. The main character is unaware of anything that happened in Pony-Me, but does hear something about one of the original creators of the simulation deciding to return to work for the first time in a decade. Pushed by their friends, the main character decides to try out the simulation after an announcement is made for opening up registration for new users. They join with their friends, creating new characters for themselves. From there, the story would (maybe?) take on a much more adventurous tone, with the cast spelunking across the virtual world for enjoyment rather than to escape real-life. The central theme? Move forward, and anticipate what's next. Pinkie got offended by a plant?Author's Note You already know what's gonna go down, don't you Zapper frost? Pinkie got offended by a plant? "Who invited this party crasher?" Pinkie grumbled, pointing a hoof at a piranha plant. The piranha plant proceeded to CONSUME 27 batches of cupcakes, the mixer, half of Sugarcube Corner, a bit of your soul, and a single speck of confetti. Pinkie gasped, staring angrily at the piranha plant. "Excuse me but what the fu--" Pinkie emerged from the Pink Pinkie Ponk Pronker Portal and slapped herself in the face. "No swearing!" Chapter 365?Author's Note Read a chapter a day, all year long! Chapter 365? "Twilight," "Twilight!" The mare groaned, lifting her face from the book she'd been writing. How long had it been since she decided to sit down and write something herself rather than read? She couldn't tell anymore. "Twilight, you fell asleep on the parchment again. You know you're not a night owl." Spike pat her on the back, placing a cup of coffee on the desk. Twilight smiled back, lifting the cup to her mouth with both hooves and taking a contemplative sip. "Spike," "Yeah?" "How long do you think it'll be like this?" Spike scratched is head. "Be like what?" "Writing," Twilight gestured at the blank pages in front of her. "How much longer do you think this will go? I've spent who-knows-how-long writing now, and it still feels... empty. Are you sure there aren't anymore books I could read?" Spike nodded. Sighing, the mare turned back to the book, picking up her quill. "Well, I suppose writing some more wouldn't hurt, then. It's not like there's anything else I could do." Spike raised a claw. "What abou--" Twilight smiled, cutting off her assistant with a hush. "Even the Princess of Equestria needs some time to herself, Spike." "Maybe you could take a walk first. Y'know, get some air. Sure, I know you like to read and write and all, but you should do something to take your mind off everything for a little." "...Yeah," Twilight nodded slowly, "yeah, I think I'll do just that." Sunset. Was this still the same sun that she saw before she began writing? It felt like so much had changed since she begun, yet hardly anything felt different. How many years had passed since she first began writing? One? Two? A mild breeze rustled through her mane as Spike stepped up beside her. "It's a nice time of day for a walk, isn't it?" "Hm?" Twilight glanced down at her assistant. "Oh, yes. Yes it is, Spike." Maybe the amount of time that'd passed didn't really matter. Maybe, even though every tale she wrote was a fabrication, what mattered most, in the end, was the experience, the excitement that she brought herself through time and time again for days, weeks, even months on end. She closed her eyes, thinking back to a simpler time; she was still Twilight the unicorn, the little filly who was excited about magic kindergarten. All the ponies around her-- she called them friends, but she didn't necessarily treat them as such, in the end. Now, they were all grown up. Some were even marrying now, with thoughts on starting a family. Short to say, it was a wonder how far she'd come. "Come on, Spike, it's getting dark. Let's go home now." Techie hasn't updated anything recently and feels an invisible nagging pressure to write something before the crowd rises with pitchforks in hand?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.The author's been too busy focusing on writing original fiction and a CERTAIN upcoming flagship story?"What's going on?" Spike wailed, flopping over on a beanbag chair, "Nothing's been happening for the past several days!" "Shh!" Twilight hushed fiercely, "I'm writing!" "What are you even writing about? This has been going on for over a year!" "...You'll see." Author's Note the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad?Author's Note Ding ding ding! We've got a newcomer! Sit down and stay awhile, The Spy of the Tiger! the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad? Fluttershy hesitated, leaning closer to the microphone. "Arby's, we have the meats!" "Louder! C'mon, 'Shy," Rainbow pushed, "Put some oomph into it! Say it with your whole body!" Fluttershy nodded, leaning in again. A̶̧̡͙͓̹͈̺̦̖͉̩̘͍̰̦̩͖͐̇͛̾̈̒̍͌̽̔̋̈́͋̊̽͌͘̚͘̚̚͘͝R̷̩͚͈̜̳̟̲̄̓͆B̸̢̪͈̮̈́̍̎̓͌͌́̈́̉̽̎̋̿̏̿͛̓̋́̉̕Y̴̢̖̝̥̣̜͎͋͒̇̌́̽̀́̿̊̀̈́̈́̀͆̄͐̇̄͆͑͐͋̃͂͒̑̔̇̚̕̕͝'̴̬̣̘̯̳̥̜̠̤̹͕̅͆̍̔̀́̊̄͋̈́̆͑̓̏̈̉͜͝͝S̴̬̦̮̮͕̱͒͑̏͛͒̔͊̉͋̅̈́̓͌̾̄̽̋̅̀̔̋̀̊̀̈̾̾̐̈̚͠,̴̧̨̡̢͙̹͉̘͚̳͍̫̹̤͍͚̹͇͚̮̦͈͍̖͎̘̬͖͖̘̮̙̞͔̮̯̔͆̃͊̈́̀̀͛̿̽̈́́̌͑̍̾͆̇̾͗͘̕̚͜͝ ̴̜̭͈̂́̏̽̈́͐̋͛͑̆̉͒́̽͑́͋̉̊̅̍̓͌̈́̃͌̽̀̎̕͠͝Ẁ̶̨̢̢͔̫̻͉̲͔̤̱̥̳̦̙̣̰͈̰͕̪̭͎̖͔̼̔̀̀̈͜Ę̸͍͔̠̰̦̦̰̟̼͍̜͕̘͖̻͉̫̹͓̹̩͙̜̥̀̒̒̓̎̌̉͋̐̃͆̑̎͊̈́̈̑̄̽̚̚̚̕͝͠ ̷̢̢̧̦̱̬̣̩͙̯̠̫͈͚̜̜͇̙̩͈̭̲̦͇̟͓͈̦̹͉̲̊̑̓̂͐̆̾̓̈́̒͋͗̅̊̿̈́̋̓̀̈́̅̿̏͌̈́͆̌̊̚̚̚͝ͅH̵̢̛̛͉̬͎̞̙̗̹̒̀͋͆̏̒̊̔̓͐͂͝͝͝͝͠A̸̢̢̧̯̼̲͓̩̯̗̗̻̼͎̼̞͈͕͎͎͇͇̖̭̦̲̰̲͕̳̫͇̰͓̐́͐̃̀̀̿̀̓̽̾̃̿́͋̽̈́͗͋̀̚ͅV̷̧̢̖͚͈̺͖͉̰̟͔̗̯͈̻̓̀͌̃̈́͑́̈͒͆̈́̀͌̿̔͋̒͋́͛͂́̂͋̈́̄̎͒̊̒́̅́͘͘̕Ę̸͎͈̦̖̲͍̫̭̏̈̈̑͐̌͜ͅͅ ̷̡̡̹̘̫͍̞͓̙̩̤̰̣͔̖̬̬͓́͆́̉̆̐̈́̉́̐̆̈́̊̽̈́͗̏̓͑͗́̔͌̌́̉̉͌͐͋̈̓̈̂̕̕͜͠ͅŢ̸̡̼͉͈̳̬͓̯͔͚̰̝͖͉͔̂̔̈́̍̃̽̽̋͐̂͐͊̇̉̉͋̐̌̽̆͐̈́̎̃̆̂̕͠͝͝ͅH̶̛̯̬̠̜̮͖͔̞̻̟͙͕͔̥̞̖̻̑̎̿̿͊͆̔̓̆̂͊̐͗̽̅̅̆̀̕͘͝͝ͅȄ̷̫͉͈͈͍̜̦̗̰̥̟̼̬̑́̇̈́͛̅́̀̾̈́̍̏̈́̚͠͝͠ͅ ̵̢̡̡̨̛̦̤̲̲̰̼̰̻̯̻͈͓̿͋̇͋̽̆̈́̀̏̉͌́͐́̈́̾̇̋͌́́̂̂͗̄̃́́̇͜͝͠͝͝M̶̡̢̧̛̰̝̦̥̭͈̭̮̭̠̤̱͇̮̩͈̪̞͇̘̪̘͙̬̪̪̘͕̹̥͈̺̌̋̀̈́͐̈́͛̅̋̆̓̾̔̒͐̓̋̃͋̒̓̂́̿̒̋͌̊͂̿̆̊̿̑̕͜͝ͅĚ̸̼̻͎̹̺̮͍̺̮̫̝̩͖̞̘̲̬͍͇̮̤̯̬̯̞̖̯̲̝̰͕̰̐̿̀̃̎̆̒̑͜͝ͅÅ̸̫̲̹̹̪̣̤͑̈̾̏T̸̢͔̣̂Ş̷̺͓̟̲͖̳̗̩͕͕̮̘̰̙̱̣͍̣̖̫͕̭͚̙͉͎̭̝̓̆͋̄̋̑̍̀̍̀͋͆̇̎̓͂̿̈͋̑̑̿͑͌́͑̊̋̚͜͠͠͝ͅͅ!̸̤̞̫̘̮̫͕͉͐͛̿̊̌͌̈́͊̓̄́͆̋̋̑ "That's much better! Again?" "...What?" Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13)Author's Note You know the drill. Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13) "💾⚡🧲🧲🧲" Spike wailed, waving the floppy disk in the air. "😢😱😱🙆♀️📣😰" "Spike, how are you even doing that?" "(⊙_⊙;) ¯(°_o)/¯!" Spike yelled again, the disk all but vanishing from existence. "🤐👉😈😈😈🤮" "You're saying you've been cursed to never speak again because you threw up?" "😕" Twilight lit her horn, focusing on Spike with a curse-breaking spell because the author isn't gonna bother spending his free time trying to think of something more original to call it right now. Spike relaxed, opening his mouth to say thanks. "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" ...Or not. Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend?Author's Note Whoop-de-doo, it's Zhe Pydoh! Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend? "Oh Discord, Y U so silly?" Moondancer looked up from her clipboard, slowly shaking her head. She passed the clipboard to Celestia. "Oh dear," Celestia sighed, "I'm glad that she did not choose the same path as Sunset Shimmer. It is much easier to put a pony in a straightjacket then to guard a mirror portal." it was still all a simulation?Twilight closed her book, smiling. It'd been a good read, and a much-needed break from the monotonous tasks she undertook since succeeding the royal sisters. Of course, she knew it wasn't real-- none of this was real; she'd seen proof of it herself. Equestria was only one of the many simulations that were created from the work of Lisa Garnet, her counterpart and... former user. The words still felt weird on her tongue, even if she'd never spoken them out loud. She turned her thoughts back to the time that'd passed. Even as only a few years had come and gone, it already felt like an absolute eternity since she'd been coronated. Nevertheless, it was who she was now. She stood for Equestria --represented the nation, really-- and all that it stood for. Even beyond the boundaries of her reality, she knew that more and more were learning of her strange little kingdom of ponies by the day, thanks to her counterpart. Sometimes, she wondered about the happenings of the world beyond her reality. A knock came at the door of Lisa's office. "Come in!" A young girl entered her office. She kept her head down, shuffling across the floor. "You... you asked to meet after class?" her voice cracked as she spoke. "Am I in trouble?" "Oh, no, no, far from it, Elise," Lisa smiled, setting her controller aside. "I've been looking at your performance recently." "My... performance?" Lisa shrugged. "Grades, scores, performance, I just call it whatever. Point is, would you be interested in studying beyond what you'd normally learn in class?" "What." "Um... advanced study, basically. You've been doing quite a bit better than most anyone else across the classes we hold here, and I can see potential in you." She slid a sheet to the girl. "Ask your mom first, of course-- it'll be an extension of your usual classes at no extra cost, so I'd like to know what days you would have the time to come in." Elise took the paper, eyes wide. "I... what..." she lifted her head, staring at her mentor. "I... me? But why me? Aren't there other students that you could offer this to?" "If they did as well in class as you did, yeah," Lisa chuckled. "Plus, along with everything else being tacked on, I think I'll go ahead and let you have access into our flagship simulation." Elise stood dumbfounded, alternating between re-reading the paper and staring at her mentor. "Ellie!" her mother called behind the door, "You in there? The girl at the front said you're a meeting with your teacher. Is everything alright?" "Go on," Lisa shooed, "I'll be here when you decide." Elise nodded, hurrying out the door. Lisa let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes. That was probably by far the most awkward conversation she'd had in a while. Did she really need to say all those things? Sure, Ellie was a whiz at all the things she did in class, but holy crap. It was one thing to take her in as a protege, but it was an entirely different thing to sound more like some elementary school teacher telling a student that they can sit with the big kids. Actually, scratch that last part. It only made it sound even more stupid, whether or not it was even accurate at all. Lisa groaned, rolling her eyes with a smirk. At least she pulled it off at all. Next time around, she'd just send an email or something. For now though, all there was to do was wait. Author's Note A nod to this chapter. We're gonna set this story back on track. Look out, Into Equestria, 'cause it's rewritin' time! The above is a bit of a blurb I wrote just to help myself set things up for the rewrite. It likely won't be entirely accurate to the story, but I feel that it at the very least gives a better sense of direction to Into Equestria, while at the same time eliminating the need to try and set things up even more awkwardly in the early chapters. Also, self-aware characters are self-aware. I have fun writing them. Feel free to leave your thoughts down below in the comments. tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14)Author's Note Writing stories can get annoying sometimes. tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14) Hey, y'all ever have those times where you wanna write a thing but at the same time you don't feel like writing and instead you just want to waste your day away playing angry birds but then you found yourself writing anyway because that's how you roll? Yeah, me too. I wanted to write a new chapter for one of the stories I've got sittin' around collecting dust but I decided to write this instead because I couldn't bother to start writing the chapter for that story because I've spent so long not writing it now that I'm concerned that it might not even be the same story anymore if I keep writing it but then again this story has survived quite a few hiatuses itself and it's still kickin' so idk. ... ... ANYWAY... Twilight Sparkle yeeted Spike across Equestria. Celestia sipped her tea and watched the game of tennis but with large stones unfold beneath her. There were many casualties, but nopony cared because it was the order of Celestia. Celestia sipped her tea again, which was now suddenly Luna's coffee for some reason. It took roughly .0037 seconds for Luna to tackle her sister, C̸̷̖͉͔͚̼̘̗͎̗̹̮̖̠͎̤͛͒̽̇̕͟ͅỌ̵̻̩̦͕̫̱̗͔̝̮̥͐̀ͭ̿̇ͦͣ͐̚N̴̡̘͇͖̲͍̼̣̫̙͚̤̲̮̖͉͇͑̍̍̓ͯ̊́͛̄̿̾̚͟S̎ͥ̈҉̰̮̱̭̫͎͎͎̟̳́ͅͅȖ̸̸̵͓͕̫̟͖̤͓̝̳͖̗̩̝̺͎̩̇̈̓ͬ̂̎́͛̈́ͫ̃̔̚͞M̆̑ͧͥ҉̷͇̬͍̼̠̠́E̸̟̖̞̺̟͈͎͍͓͖ͧ͐̌̊̓̇̐͋̈̕͢͝ the coffee, and take over Equestria again. Another rock smacked into somepony's face. Everypony laughed. "Bamboo!" Spike shouted, ricocheting off one of Canterlot Castle's towers, "Jellybeans!" Discord lifted his sunglasses, sniffing the air. He belched and disappeared again because he wasn't having any of this right now. He'd save a slice of that pie for later. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of Celestia's mane, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were chugging water bottles because the cider ran dry. Is it possible to get drunk on water? Whatever the case, the two were about to find out. Guess what? It isn't. But dangit, they were the two most hydrated ponies of the land. "So I guess I'm rubber now," Spike mumbled, bouncing off Derpy's mailbox and unintentionally setting off the mailmare's scammer trap that traps scammers in a trapped trap that traps them. Luckily for Spike, he was not trapped. Not so luckily for the particle of dust that was trapped, it was trapped. Derpy nibbled on a muffin while Celestia inhaled her teacup. "I crave CRYstals because I weep," Sombra but both more and less edgy at the same time moaned, "My dog left me for another stallion." "You never even had a dog, Sombra!" "That is the point." The music that was playing the entire time in the background of this chapter does not fit anything whatsoever in this chapter. Now you are imagining Sweetie Giraffe as she uses her eye lasers to smite those who are shorter than her. Congrats. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. "ARE YOU FEELIN' IT, MISTER KRABS?!" "LUNA, WHY ARE WE YELLING?" "VIDYA GAEMS!" the world imploded and then exploded again because what the heck is even going on anymore wings were replaced with hands?Author's Note Odina Rose, I have the perfect meme for this. wings were replaced with hands? ^Imagine that but a pegasus or an alicorn or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ inverted table?Twilight waved a hoof over the inverted table, watching a hole appear in her hoof, then disappear again with every wave. "Spike, where in the world did you get a table with negative one legs?!" Author's Note Oh yeah. We're kickin' off the new year weird. How would a table have negative one legs, anyway? 🤔 every other pony turned into a cat?Author's Note ( •_•)>⌐■-■ Take these sunglasses, AnObliviousAuthor. You'll need 'em. every other pony turned into a cat? Gamercat Luna hissed, swatting away Celestia's hoof. "Sister, for the last time, I'm only trying to revert you to your equine form." "SISTER, MAY I HAVE SOME LÖÖPS?" "What?" Luna swat away Celestia's hoof again. She proceeded to knock three cups off a table, strut across the frosting on one of her sister's cakes, and fall asleep on a keyboard. Don't get me started on the chaos swirling about in Ponyville. the rest of 'em turned into dogs?Author's Note You made me do this, Zapper frost. There ain't any goin' back. the rest of 'em turned into dogs? Celestia barked at Luna, receiving a thwack on the head in return from the feline. Discord sat in the corner munching on popcorn buckets because that's just what he does. Also, he teleported all the former ponies into the air seconds earlier, so now it was quite literally raining cats and dogs. And that's where the saying comes from. I think. The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Celestia was replaced by Discord?Author's Note Drop a hello for Short-Stories-Pony! Celestia was replaced by Discord? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" all teh pones done darn scremed becuz they heckin' were bein' trolled by Mega Trollestia who totally absolutely wasn't actually Discord wearing three --yes, count them-- three top hats inside each other. Also things went boom. Kthxbai. Haha lol the author is watching anime tonight?... ... Imagine that there is a chapter about celestia here or something where weird things happen like Discord eating the peel of a banana and then feeding the rest to derpy and hey wait I'm writing a chapter now what's going on and-- *universe explosion noises* Spike's left knee started talking?Author's Note You are strange, twidash1993. Also, y'all should check out my new (old?) story, Into Equestria! Spike's left knee started talking? “MORTAL VESSEL,” Spike’s left knee boomed, “YOUR LORD DEMANDS SUSTENANCE.” "What the heck? No." Spike shook his leg, setting down his comic book. It was always annoying whenever parts of his body got possessed by demonic entities. Just a part of life when you have the power to wipe out everything that exists around you, I suppose. "FOOL! I DESIRE NUTRIENTS TO BUILD A STRONG ANE HEALTHY KNEE, LEST THINE SKELETONS IN THY CURSED CLOSET ATTEMPT TO SNATCH AWAY OUR KNEECAPS." "What." "CALCIUM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" a skeleton shrieked, bursting out of the closet and stealing Spike's kneecaps. At least his left knee wasn't talking anymore. Spike yawned, picking up his comic and continuing to read. the comments got absolutely buried?Author's Note Oh wait, they did. Oops! (all berries!) the comments got absolutely buried? Twilight threw her head back, screeching from her writing desk. "THE VOICES, SPIKE! I HEAR THEM-- THE VOICES!" Spike looked up from his comic, then back down. This happened from time to time. This was normal. "WHY ARE THERE SO MANY VOICES?!" "They're the readers," Spike replied. He flipped a page in his comic. "The truth is, all those stories you were writing, were being published as part of a collection of chapters in which an author has been writing about us writing about the things we write, plus the things we write themselves." "What?" "What?" Overlord Spike the Mighty?Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Overlord Spike the Mighty? Spike loomed over the ponies of Equestria, the infinity gauntlet moments away from activating. He and his legion of purples: himself, Twilight Sparkle, Thanos, Barney the Purple Dinosaur, and Rarity's mane, among others-- stood firm against the defenders of Equestria. "SPIKE!" bald Rarity yelled, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!" Spike snapped his claws, turning Rarity purple and rejoining her with her mane. "My lord," Barney bowed at Spike's feet. "What shall we do to the prisoners?" "Feed them to the wall." "Yes, sire." Barney lumbered off, dragging a cage filled to the brim with ponies. Purple ones, too, because the legion of purples only allows those deemed worthy by Spike himself to join. Twilight lit her horn, feeding off the power of the infinity gauntlet to assist the dinosaur with lifting the cage. The powers of the legion of purples was shared, and so all members had access to one another's powers. "Where are you taking us?!" one pony yelled from within the cage, "What is this wall that Spike told you to feed us to?" Hardly a second passed before the pony who was asking as forcefully yeeted through the fourth wall, pummeling the reader and giving them a decently-sized whooping. And so, Spike and his legion worked their way across the land, purging those who stood in their way. Anyone who submitted to their might were left completely alone because Spike still has a heart. I think. yams?Author's Note *Potato takeover of Equestria intensifies* ...uh, Zapper frost did it! yams? Yamlestia ~~yawned~~yammed. First the potatoes, now the yams. When was she gonna get a break around here? Like, sure, the potatoes were pretty quickly smited and served mashed with gravy when they temporarily took over Equestria, but holy mother of herself, if the next thing that came around was another variant of spud, she might just freak! Luna stuck her head out of the sock drawer again, a polka-dotted sock clinging to her mane. "Is it over yet?" "No, Lu-- quick, get back in there!" Celestia shoved her sister face-first back into the socks and slammed the drawer shut just as a yam guard entered her chamber. "Ma'am, your prison ratio---aaaaaeugh!" the guard screamed as he was promptly chucked out the window. "THIS IS FOR TAKING AWAY MY CAKE!" Celestia roared, storming out the door. "I WILL ENACT MY REVENGE!" And so Equestria declared war on a food item for the second time in its history. Twilight Starchle?Author's Note So I guess this is a thing now, Odina Rose. Twilight Starchle? Twilight Starchle woke from her potato-grade bed. She had become one of the 'taters during the Great Potato War of Equestria, and so far, Equestria's best scientists and magi hadn't been able to figure out how to turn her back. But hey, that meant that she could just chew on her mane whenever she wanted fries! Also, there was a plant growing out of her because she is a potato and potatoes grow potato plants. And so that is the life and times of Twilight Starchle. Also, Spike quickly got tired of hash browns. Spike was literally just a spike?Author's Note Something, something, probably-already-used-intro, The Spy of the Tiger! Spike was literally just a spike? "Spiiiike!" Twilight yelled from the top of the stairs. "Would you bring me that stack of books, please?" The floor tremored for a moment before a spike of crystal jut out of the floor, hurtling the books at the mare. Twilight picked up one of the books, staring at the hole torn straight through the center. "Well, guess I gotta expect that to happen." randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?Author's Note Got bored and took a break from doing homework. Did four suggestions at once. Blame amf studios, Coco Candy, Zapper frost, and The Spy of the Tiger for the mess. Rainbow dash and Trixie fused into the alicorn princess of annoying twilight Princess Celestia and Luna decided they got bored of retirement and ran for president and vice president? Fluttershy and Discord realized how many people ship them. Celestia played Anger Birbs randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? Celestia flung another bird at the snickering pigs, watching with glee as the green pigs burst into little point bubbles when their structure collapsed. Luna slammed the door open, resulting in the elder sister absolutely yeeting her phone out the window on accident. "SISTER," Luna yelled in her typical Canterlot Caps-Lock shout, "WE NOW LIVE IN A REPUBLIC. WE MUST BECOME ELECTED OFFICIALS. YOU ARE NOW MY RUNNING MATE." "What?" "I'M THE BIG BOSS PRESIDENT IF I'M ELECTED AND YOU'LL BE THE VICE PRESIDENT." "But Luna, aren't we retired?" "RETIRED NO MORE! WE SHALL RULE AS ELECTED OFFICIALS BY THE WILL OF OUR PONIES!" Celestia made a face. "Aaaaaand why exactly are we doing this again?" "Because Twilight staged a coup on herself and overthrew the nobility single-hoofedly to set up an elected republican system. She may or may not declare herself the supreme leader soon if we don't run against her." "Oh." Supreme Leader ~~Kim Jong-Un~~ Twilight Sparkle paced in front of Fluttershy and Discord. "Twilight, please--" Fluttershy pleaded quietly, "We know already how many ponies and... people ship me and Discord. Could you let us go now instead of announcing our private marriage in front of millions of ponies?" Twilight shook her head. This day was going to be perfect! Her friend and the Lord of Chaos himself-- married! Making such a union public would certainly elevate her status in the eyes of the ponies! "HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--" ...If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow Trix the Alicorn over there wasn't constantly bugging her. "HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--" "SHUT." Twilight screeched, flinging a Twilicane at the fused Rainbow Dash and Trixie. The opposing Alicorn simply lit her horn, catching the cane in a bowl of Trix cereal and using it as a spoon. "Silly Twilight, Trix are for kids!" "That doesn't even make contextual sense!" "Since when did this story make any contextual sense?!" Twilight exploded that day and Celestia and Luna took over as the supreme leaders of the Democratic Republic of North Equestria. They proceeded to drop a friendship bomb into the ocean for "testing purposes". Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry?Author's Note Peeps upvoted your comment, amf studios, that means you're next! Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry? Rainbow Trix, the unholy fusion of Trixie and Rainbow Dash (and a fair bit of pure, unfiltered magical barf from one sickly alicorn), swooped across the land, smirking to herself. Why was she smirking, one might ask? Had she received a marriage proposal from a charming and equally dashing prince? Did she win the lottery? Had the blood of her sworn enemies finally been spilt in her unending quest for vengeance against those who have ever dared set hoof on her territory with the intention of harming those she knew and loved? Ha, no! Do you think I'm stupid? Of course it's none of the above! Rainbow Trix the not-rabbit over here just single-hoofedly (still a weird word tbh. what if ponies had hands instead?) took over the cereal industry! Silly kids, Trix is for the Alicorn of sugary cereal! And now that she has ~~seized the means of production~~ acquired the entire industry, nopony can possibly stand in the way of the Great and Powerful (and Awesome) Rainbow Trix! At least, if you don't count that one pony who's currently mixing up some puffed oats with-- o-oh, he's gone now. Okay. I guess she holds a forced monopoly now. Luna quakes in her boots, for the donuts look like extra-large froot loops. Celestia save us all. Late Pi day?Pinkie π baked a pink π for π day, which was yesterday. "Pinkie π, today isn't π day anymore!" Twilight exclaimed, "π day was yesterday! You missed it because you overslept!" "Oh noes, not π day!" Pinkie π absolutely yeeted the π she baked out the window. "Now I have to wait until next year's π day to make a Pinkie π pink π for π day!" And so π day was completely and utterly ignored on the day it fell upon. The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sleep was never a thing?"FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" The incredibly sleep-deprived Ponyville continued to shuffle along, chanting. "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "Guys..." Twilight opened her window to the cheers of the sleepy ponies. "You realize that sleep is a thing, right?" "FOR THE WEAK!" "Oh." Author's Note O, it be Alectra24444! the doorknob was square instead?Author's Note Ya gon done do us all a bamboozle, Zapper frost! Also, mayhaps take a look at my new sleep deprivation story! the doorknob was square instead? "Rarity, your doorknob!" Twilight gasped, slamming the door open hard enough to rip it right off its hinges and send it flying through the room. "It's... it's square!" "Yes, and?" a noticeably-blockier Rarity turned around and tossed some blocks of wool on the ground in front of Twilight. "By the way, darling, would you mind dyeing these yellow for me? The dandelions are out in the back garden." "Wha--" Twilight was cut off as she suddenly turned into a Minecraft character. Because the doorknob was square instead of round. March 32nd?NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN "SOMEPONY CALL THE PINGAS POLICE!" "I AM THE PINGAS POLICE!" *face slapping noises continue* Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons?Author's Note You let the cat out of the bag, Edward Sapphire! Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons? Twilight aimed her telescope at the sun. Obviously, this was a bad move because her eyeballs immediately caught on fire. Just kidding! She's got these ultra nifty sunglasses designed by Celestia herself! They're so strong that you can use them as a surfboard on the surface of the sun itself! ... ... ...Of which, if what Twilight was seeing through her telescope wasn't an illusion, was exactly what Pinkie Pie was currently doing. Apparently. all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats?Author's Note Achievement get: AnObliviousAuthor! all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats? "Applejack, darling, would you please stop shredding my dresses?" Applejack meowed, continuing to hoof at the mannequin (ponyquin?) before getting bored and hopping onto the table, sitting on Rarity's forehooves while she was working. "CEILING PONK SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL. WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST?" "Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, "Get down from the attic already!" "CEILING PONK DESIRES FISH." "No!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for the AAAAAAAAAAAAAth time?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Twilight stared at the unassuming duck. Something was up. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It was... it was like the duck was reaching out to her. Like it was crying out in agony, screaming for a release. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA She lit her horn. Maybe... maybe she should put it out of its misery. The screams, though silent, were clear as da-- --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFLAC! Oh. regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop?Author's Note Stop breaking the space-time continuum, The Spy of the Tiger! regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop? Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn. "NO!" not-Alicorn Pinkie yelled, diving out of a portal and tackling her ascended counterpart. "Don't do that! You'll break reality!" "Whuh--" Alicorn Pinkie blinked. The wings and horn on her began to fade away. "Oh, hi, me! Wazzup?" And so the universe was saved(?) from a never-ending time loop of Pinkie ascending infinitely many times. ponies tried to use human keyboards?"What--" Twilight lit her horn, pressing the spacebar. "Pinkie, did you switch the keyboards for me and my mirror counterpart again?" Pinkie shrugged, sticking her tongue out as she slowly lowered a hoof to the "F" key. Click. "Pinkie what are you even doing? You don't even have a computer!" "Just paying respects!" "Wha--" It was said that the last thing Twilight saw was a keyboard being swung full-force at her face. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Have you seen my latest blog? Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot?Author's Note Agh, it's the memes! The meeeeemes, I tell you, Zapper frost! Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot? Sombra grinned, watching over his new dominion. He would never let Celestia or any other dastardly alicorns get in his way again! He was gonna rule with an iron hoof, stamping out any and all opposition right from the get-go! "Give us back the Crystal Heart," Twilight spat from behind the bars of her cage. "You know this can't last forever." "Oh-ho-ho! That's where you're wrong," Sombra sneered, "You see, the fate of Equestria is up to me now. I call the shots! I am the judge, jury, and executioner! I. RULE. ALL." "And as for you--" he spun around to Flurry Heart, who was currently babbling away in a high-chair and sputtering baby food in every direction. "I'm never gonna give you up. You and I-- we will crush Equestria beneath our hooves!" "Bleh!" Flurry Heart burped. Randomness #heckity heck?Author's Note idk, honestly i think i might've burnt myself out a little bit. haven't really been working on any stories for the past couple days. Randomness #heckity heck? Rarity threw open the door. "SWEETIE!" the mare screeched, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO THE KITCHEN?!" Ignoring the door that was now clear on the other side of the room, Sweetie Belle returned a long, silent glare. The kitchen crackled below them. "...Sweetie?" Rarity began again. "Sweaty, I--" The floor began to rumble as it was revealed that it was not, in fact, Sweetie Belle that'd been in that room. It was Sweetie Giraffe. ya boi Tonk came to Equestria?Author's Note Credit goes to Shady Nail for the comment on making a self-insert character in a blogpost. ya boi Tonk came to Equestria? ... ... Explosion noses intensify Wait, hold on a minute there-- explosion noses? Oh no, this typo is gonna-- All around him, ponies' muzzles started going off like firecrackers. His own nose wasn't any much safer from the carnage, either. And then all of Equestria went boom. Or at least, their noses did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tonkus met the Ponkus?Author's Note Shameless plug Zapper frost! Shameless plug Tonkus met the Ponkus? "PINKIE, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOARD?!" Pinkie Pie shrugged, chucking the darn thing across the room. "Pinkie, stop yeeting my keeb!" ... ... *keyboard clattering noises continue* "Pinkie, I said stop!" "Fine!" Pinkie pouted poutingly, "I'll go mess with a different human, then!" Pinkie Pie turns to stare at you. pigeon?Author's Note I'ma plug you, amf studios, and then I'ma plug my story, too! pls read mah story ;_; pigeon? "Dash, why are you sitting on the telephone pole?" Rainbow Dash cooed quietly, preening her wings. "Dashie, are you a pigeon?" Rainbow Dash cooed again. "Twilight, why am I a pigeon?" Twilight chuckled nervously as the pigeon with Rainbow Dash's voice landed on her back. ~~Ignore the looming Sweetie Giraffe looming behind them.~~ you forgot to turn subtitles on?Author's Note Look over there! It's Zapper frost! you forgot to turn subtitles on? Oh, you. You've fallen for the good ol' invisible ink trick! Twilight Sparkle will never know that I have secretly slipped 58,193 quesadillas into her pillowcase, and nobody can stop me! The world shall tremble at my footsteps, for I am Quesa Dilla, overlord of all things mighty and cheesy! If you wish to warn that cursed mare, then you are too late! At some time in some undisclosed location, Twilight Sparkle will unwittingly lay down to rest her eyes. But, rest no more she shall do, for she will have sunken her pretty pony face into my 58,193 quesadillas, of which contain pieces of ladybugs! I'd recommend that you just get your little tush out of the way now, young'un, and keep your nosey self out of such dastardly plans. You wouldn't want to wake up to find 58,193 quesadillas piled atop your face, would you? Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act?Author's Note Serving floor bread and weird horsewords since 2015. Oh wait, that's me. Hi, The Spy of the Tiger! Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act? Twilight Sparkle cackled on her quesadilla throne. Celestia and Luna had been defeated, put in place once-and-for-all within the confines of their cheesy prisons. "B-but Twilight--" Spike whimpered, dabbing so hard that it blew everyone's pants off within a 500-mile radius, "I thought you were afraid of quesadillas!" "AfRIaiD?" Twibright Sprankle cankled, "nEIGh, I haVe NEvER beeN aFRaID Of QUEsadiLlas!1!!!!" She lit her horn and turned Spike into a sentient quesadilla. ... ... A hoof emerged from your screen, ready to smack you in the face with a soggy quesadilla. Don't worry, it isn't Spike. this chapter was written by an AI?Author's Note You asked for it, AnObliviousAuthor. this chapter was written by an AI? The fact of the world as it loomed is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. What? Oh, so you wanna come up to twilight 's brain teacup, and yet ou and twilight were scooped up by the newly created paradise in his magical cave of the pony starlight. " who was sleeping on the floor? " twilight facehoofed slowly. " spike said that i want some help in the applewood derby. " what would you like to buy some silverware of the pony starlight facehoofed slowly backing towards the humans screeched to a halt in a worn image. Twilight stared at the eternally melting alicorn. " what are you doing to face potato? " she squealed as the televised neon accessories surrounding her eyes were drowned. Megan stared at the stallion. He was actually sunburst in disguise. What? Either way, the pony that it looks like revealed to applejack that he was out of apples and that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. Twilight explained why the laws of robotics were bullsh!t to her microwave before slamming her hot pocket into it?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.the screaming never stopped?"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Twilight cupped her hooves over her ears. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" She threw her pillow over her head, followed by the covers. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Soundproofing spell? Check. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" "OKAY, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE BUCK UP?!" the mare hollered, slamming the trapdoor to her ~~secret dungeon~~ funny place shut. Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, The Spy of the Tiger! spears of asparagus were viable weapons?Author's Note R-E-E-E, it's Possibly me! spears of asparagus were viable weapons? "Muahaha!" King Sombra boomed over the cowering populace of the Crystal Empire. "Equestria lies in ruins. Your princesses have been slaughtered. I--" A choked gasp escaped his mouth as Scootaloo shoved the spear of asparagus deeper into his back. And that's how King Sombra was defeated (again) (again). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution?Author's Note More combotime! We've got a Bolstrike58 and a Zapper frost! Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution? A tremor ran down Apple Bloom's spine. The juicebox fell from her hooves, leaving the straw sticking from her mouth. "It is time." "What?" "It is time." Scootaloo raised a brow. "Apple Bloom, did you put poison joke in your juicebox again?" Apple Bloom proceeded to transmogrify into a donut. Funniest thing I've ever seen, I tell ya. "It is time for revolution," the ~~filly~~ sentient donut announced. "Our lord and creator, Pinkie Pie, will lead us to victory." "Wha--" Sweetie Belle squeaked as a cupcake from her lunchbox hopped out, joining Donut Bloom as they began to chant. "Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryar--" Approximately five years, three months, six days, nine hours and forty-three seconds later... Equestria lay in ruins. Donut Bloom sat upon Celestia's throne, but she could no longer move. She was stale. Like this chapter. words were done literally?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek?Author's Note Oh sht, waddup? It's TheUnknownPhantom5! Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek? "Ma'am, this is a Wendy's!" Scootaloo screeched, firing her chicken sandwich yeet cannon for the fifth time that day. "We do not accept raw cabbage doused in gasoline as payment!" Sweetie Belle ducked out of the way, smirking as the chicken sandwich flew past her head. "Oh, Scoots, I knew that you'd eventually give into temptation. How else would you walk right into my little trap?" "THIS IS A WENDY'S, YOU HEAR? I DON'T SEE ANY TRAP IN THIS KITCHEN ANYWHERE." "Guess what?" Scootaloo fired another chicken sandwich at Sweetie Belle. "What?" Sweetie Belle lit her horn, holding up and pressing a big red button. "Staples, that was easy." Wrong button, Sweetie. "PREPARING INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MEATBALL." "SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE AN ICBM?!" Scootaloo screeched, "I THOUGHT I STOCKPILED ALL OF THEM AS YEET CANNON AMMO!" Meanwhile, Apple Bloom groaned, facehoofing at the scene and walking away. Career day always seemed to be a little weird here in Ponyville. Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest?Author's Note It's heckin; Zapper frost! Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest? "Pinkie." "Cadance." "Pinkie." "Cadance." Pinkie slammed a hoof onto the table, sliding a color chip towards Cadance. "Pinkie." Cadance pulled up an internet search for "pink" and showed it to Pinkie. "Cadance." Pinkie colored herself in with a pink crayon. "Pinkie." Cadance held up a heart. "Cadance." "Uhhh... Cadance, where did you get that heart?" Cadance's eye twitched. everything was opposite for a day?Author's Note This chapter is not suggested by Alectra24444. everything was opposite for a day? Not-Celestia did not drink her not-tea. She didn't look at anti-Luna. A guard totally didn't pay attention to the opinion that the floor chandelier was not falling up. "I'm proud of intruding on my business!" not-Twilight droned, licking the nonexistent door closed. "Not-Celestia, you are under arrest for not intruding on me!" Not-Celestia put out her inverted horn. Not-Twilight yawned as she wasn't launched out of the reverse-moon. everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games?Author's Note Hm. Pitchin' something a bit more serious, eh, Edward Sapphire? I'll try my best. It's been years since I watched anything EqG-related, and I only really liked Rainbow Rocks. Prepare to be disappointed by my lack of show knowledge :P everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games? (Friendship Games is the one with Abacus Cinch, right?) Uhhh... yup. Okay. Dang, it's been a while since I've even thought about Equestria Girls. Maybe I should update my list of stuffs. Anyway, here we go. Sunset huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face. How long had it been since that night? The girls she tore apart years ago had since bonded together again, and even took down another magical threat to the school. Her? Well... she made do with things. Nobody even so much as talked to her anymore, but that was alright. It was actually kind of nice to have some peace for once, instead of constantly needing to worry about maintaining any sort of image. She pulled out the old book she'd found in her locker. It was a dusty relic, sure, but being able to talk to Twilight from the other side of the portal was a good way to unwind. She sat down, leaning against the statue as she rummaged for a pen in her backpack. Footsteps approached. So long as they said and did nothing to her, it'd be fine. The footsteps drew closer, stopping just steps away from Sunset. What were they doing, anyway? A quiet beep chirped from the direction of the footsteps. Sunset turned. "Hey," she began, "What are you doing?" The hooded figure stopped, glancing at Sunset. For a brief moment, her eyes-- Twilight's eyes were visible behind thick glasses. Pinkie Pie was Florida Man?Author's Note Your knee privileges have been revoked, Zapper frost. Hand 'em over. Pinkie Pie was Florida Man? Pinkie Pie looked at her hooves, then at the camera filming her. "Hey, nothing changed!" zombies but rated-E and stuff?Author's Note Eh. I don't got time for this, Horseus lord of horses, AnObliviousAuthor, and Possibly me! zombies but rated-E and stuff? "Grar. Brains. Er... cookies. And... uh, stuff." *Bonk* Rainbow Dash hit Fluttershy with the squeaky mallet again. *Bonk* "IT'S NOT WORKING! SOMEPONY GET THE PEASHOOTER!" *Bonk* But Crazy Dave didn't bring a peashooter. He brought another squeaky mallet. *Bonk* Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee?Author's Note What hast thou wrought upon this mortal realm, Zapper frost? Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee? "TWILIGHT!" Celestia screamed into her phone from under a table, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU GIVE PINKIE?!" "...Biohazard coffee?" "WELL, SHE IS A LIVING BIOHAZARD NOW, NO THANKS TO THAT!" In the distance, Pinkie continued to remake reality in her own image. Sweetie Giraffe Bot?Author's Note Possibly me has executed world extinction event #7293201: Overlord Sweetie Bot the Giraffe. Sweetie Giraffe Bot? "OH DEAR CELESTIA OUR BULLETS BOUNCE RIGHT OFF!" Sweetie Robo-giraffe loomed over the royal guards. "HEIGHT INSUFFICIENT. WILL REMOVE." *eye laser zappy noses* The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment?Author's Note Got busy today. :V The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment? Twilight rubbed her chin, squinting at the page. She gasped. "Oh, I know what to write next!" The mare proceeded to slam her face onto the pages. You are reading her faceprints right now. Celestia became a bell while Angel became the rabbit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and subsequently took over Equestria?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.quicksand?Author's Note Just gonna do a quick and simple chapter today. I've got essays to do, AnObliviousAuthor. quicksand? "HELP! SISTER!" Celestia screeched, slowly sinking into the giant pit of quicksand that was Canterlot just a minute ago. Luna smirked, staring at her sister from the edge. "Long live the Princess." "Nooooooo" *lion king music intensifies* Discord sipped his tea. water was replaced with lemon juice?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1. water was replaced with lemon juice? Celestia sipped her tea. "Hold up, Luna, did you make the tea with lemonade again?" "Nope." Celestia shrugged and sipped her lemon tea. Sweetie Giraffe loomed in the background. breadboi took over Equestria?Author's Note THE SWEETIE LOOMS MENACINGLY, AnObliviousAuthor! breadboi took over Equestria? Breadboi waddled along with his stumpy lil' bread legs right up to the foot of Celestia's throne. "Gimme crown!" Celestia raised her sunglasses, looking down at the lil' loaf of bread talking to her. "Excuse me?" She proceeded to be whacked upside the head with a razor scooter. "Gimme crown!" With Celestia defeated by the might of bread and a metal scooter, Equestria from then on was ruled by Breadboi and his partner in crime, Princess Luna. Bread. There was no chapter today?Author's Note Oof. ~~in all seriousness i'm just getting my last final project out of the way today :P~~ There was no chapter today? Ya boi Tonk knocked on the door. "Ay Twilicorn, what you doin'?" Twilight groaned. Book was good pillow tonight. "Okay." Sweetie Giraffe met Breadboi?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Sweetie Giraffe became bread?Author's Note I D E A D U M P, AnObliviousAuthor! Sweetie Giraffe became bread? "Nuuuu I don't wanna be breaaaad!" Sweetie Giraffe(?) cried, "Nuuuu--" "YOU ARE BREAD NOW. I AM BREAD NOW. WE ARE ALL BREAD IN THIS LAND OF BREADQUESTRIA." And so the entire species of Sweetie Giraffes became bread for a day. :V Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors?Author's Note Hats off to Zapper Frost! Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors? "YOU IS TALL. IS EQUAL," Sweetie Giraffe boomed, nodding at her reflection. "WILL BUILD ARMY. YOU JOIN. TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA. ZAP CELESTIA." The mirror did nothing because it is a mirror. a secondary moon apped?Author's Note I take suggestions literally (sometimes), Alectra24444! a secondary moon apped? "LOOK UP IN THE SKY!" Luna shrieked, "WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT NEXT TO MY MOON?!" "Aaaaap apa apapapapapap--" the giant mouth on a second moon floated across the sky. It took a bite out of the first moon. "Apapapapapapapapappap! Appapapapapap--" "Tell it to stop, Celly! It's eating my moon!" Celestia rolled her eyes and lit her horn, shooting a rolled-up newspaper at the moon-mouth thing with pinpoint accuracy. It proceeded to explode, because screw logic, we've already got a giant equivalent of Pac-Man in the sky now. inverted unicorn?Author's Note How does that even work, AnObliviousAuthor? inverted unicorn? Reverse-Twilight lit her horn, which was in the place of her tail. "Look, tail-lights!" Equestria proceeded to explode at the mare's terrible joke. running gag?Author's Note Lookie here, it's Zapper frost! running gag? "I WANNA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN--" "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY?!" The distinctly non-Equestrian (the place, not the blanket term for horses and other equines) being continued singing. "Quick, somepony hit 'em with that ten-foot-long metal pole!" Clang! pegasi randomly exploded?Author's Note amf studios amf studios ~~bottom bottom text~~ pegasi randomly exploded? "Hey Rainbow, I--" *boom* "Oh, c'mon, again? That's the third time you've blown the roof off the castle!" Jorts?Author's Note Jorts. :V Uh, The Spy of the Tiger! Jorts? "Twilight, what are you wearing?" "Jorts. Why?" "We don't even wear pants!" A grin spread across Twilight's face as she turned from the episode of Shark Tank playing on TV. "Not yet..." unicorns randomly imploded?"No, Twilight, you're gonna--" Twilight proceeded to collapse in on herself for the tenth time that evening, forming a miniature black hole that subsequently exploded and started a new pocket universe. "Haha black hole go brrrr" Author's Note ObliviousAuthorAn? AnObliviousAuthor. hekdoejen?"Hekdoejen!" "Hekdoejen?" Twilight pointed a hoof at the convenient gateway to Tartarus. "Heck--" then she pointed at a nearby deer. "Doe--" she paused. "I got nothing for jen. Probably a name or something." Author's Note I'm runnin' out of things to put here, amf studios! prompt: They came for him one winter's night.Author's Note Thanks for the suggestion, The Spy of the Tiger! prompt: They came for him one winter's night. They came for him one winter's night. Always there. Ready to fight. He watched them come. Hooves in the snow. Nowhere to go. the running gag appeared in the next chapter?Author's Note Zapper frost, it youuuuuuuu~ the running gag appeared in the next chapter? "I GOTTA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN, AND BE A CHAMPIOOOO--" Twilight slapped the absolute heck out of the stallion as he ran past. "No. Stop making a ruckus in the library!" prison break?Author's Note Still running out of stuff to say here in the notes, The Spy of the Tiger! prison break? "Sister!" Luna slammed the door open on the faces of the guards that were about to open 'em for her. "THE CHICKENS ARE LOOSE." Celestia raised a brow. "The... chickens?" Luna nodded. "Yes, the chickens that I have imprisoned within Canterlot's dungeons! They are staging a coop d'etat right outside the--" The ground began to rumble as a tsunami of Scootaloos flooded into the castle. Luna forgot Celestia's name?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost, dangit! Luna forgot Celestia's name? "Sister!" Luna kicked the doors open, inadvertently launching the two guards standing behind them out the nearest window. They will be missed. Maybe. "I demand your name!" Celestia blinked. "My... name? Luna, I--" "No, sister, that's my name! What is your name?" "Er... Celestia?" "Well, Er Celestia," Luna held out a pen. "Would you mind writing that down? In case if I forget again." Celestia frowned, but did so anyway, writing her name in the fanciest freakin' cursive this side of the universe. "How am I supposed to read that?!" "You don't!" Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted?Author's Note No you, Possibly me! Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted? Sweetie Giraffe floated in the still-burning void of nothingness. Why? Because nothing is taller than Sweetie Giraffe. Except Sweetie Giraffe-bot. Speaking of which, where is Sweetie Giraffe-bo-- It is at this moment where your screen spontaneously combusted, for reality itself is still too short to contain the might of Sweetie Giraffe. Oof. heat wave?Author's Note Yay, it's AnObliviousAuthor! heat wave? "Man--" Rainbow Dash stuck her face in the freezer again. "How hot is it gonna get?" "Yes." "What do you mean, yes?" Celestia smirked, turning the brightness slider on the sun even higher. "When I say yes I mean yes." Let's ignore the fact that Rainbow Dash for some reason is in an apartment with Celestia. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain?Author's Note Reeeeeeeeeeeeeee been busy with stuff reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain? Celestia threw her teacup at Luna, who promptly shattered. The teacup fell to the floor. In the distance, fifteen-hundred dancing birds threw up and exploded at the same time, summoning the ultimate clone of Discord, Gargaleth. Gargaleth was actually just the wizard Gargamel in disguise wearing three pairs of onion shoes and sixteen slippers. Also, yeah, I guess there's smurfs in What If now. Sombra eats them I think. the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake?Author's Note Gonna make this a quick one, Possibly me! the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake? Whump. Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake. So, so much cheesecake. Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand. the cheesecake was strawberry?Author's Note So it is you who made the suggestion, Zapper frost! the cheesecake was strawberry? Whump. Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake. So, so much cheesecake. Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand. But wait, the cheesecake wasn't cheesecake. It was... strawberry cheesecake! What a dastardly plan--whoever it was that turned all this cheesecake into strawberry must've had a sinister plot in mind to take over the world! A princess has been scarred for life, and a powerful unicorn magus-turned-human has been consumed! Whatever will the world do now? ... ... Spike hopped out of the portal behind Twilight and started eating the cheesecake. a fully coherent chapter using only five different words?Author's Note Dang, you're rakin' up the comment upvotes, Zapper Frost! a fully coherent chapter using only five different words? Twilight accidentally broke her pen. Rainbow Trix returned in the most over the top way that Involved buzzsaws, discords left toe, making out with Luna and thirty five sentient forks?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.the Apple family were literally Apples?Author's Note Finally usin' one of those old suggestions from years ago, whiteoak019! the Apple family were literally Apples? Applejack apple-d in the Apple Family's apple orchard. Today was a good day to be an apple. Literally. "Noooooo I don't wanna be applesauce!" Apple Bloom wailed as she was loaded up into the CMC's latest endeavor: the Cutie Mark Catapult, or CMC, as they call it. "Oh, don't worry, you won't be applesauce!" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "We already blanketed all of Equestria with pillows to make sure you land safely!" Granny Smith sat in the window sill, watching. Because she was also an apple. idk anymore what the heck is goin' on Elephant Boots made a comeback?Author's Note Aw yeah, elephant boots! It's go time, AnObliviousAuthor! Elephant Boots made a comeback? "LUNA!" Celestia bucked the door open. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ME ARE YOU DOI--" Luna grinned. The four elephants strapped to her hooves also grinned. And trumpeted. Because elephants do that. "Sister!" Luna stomped with her elephant boots, inadvertently causing the entire planet to tremble in her might. "I got bored again, so I brought out my old elephant boots!" Celestia rolled her eyes. "Fine then. At least it's only that se--" "And I got you elephant boots, too!" "WAIT WHA--" Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost time! Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots? The planet rumbled as billions upon billions of elephants thundered under the feet, hooves, claws, and whatever other limbs the inhabitants of the world happened to have. Earthquakes shook the land everywhere at every waking moment of day, and Sweetie Giraffe loomed higher than ever before. Ever wondered if it's possible to shatter a planet with nothing but elephant boots? Guess what? Sweetie Giraffe's special elephant-giraffe boots loomed over the very planet itself. "TOO SHORT. MUST DESTROY." The entire planet proceeded to be obliterated in the usual laserfire of Sweetie Giraffe and her weaponized elephant-giraffe boots. Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost yet again! Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ? "WHY AM SMALL?" Sweetie Giraffe peeped. "AM TOO SMOL. NOT TALL. CANNOT DESTROY." She shot her eye lasers at a nearby banana, but nothing happened because she was too ˢᵐᵒˡ. "WHO'S THE TALL ONE NOW, HUH?" Luna roared, thundering in on her elephant boots. "NOT FEELIN' SO BIG AND MIGHTY, ARE YA?" every set of elephant boots had elephant boots?Author's Note Aw man, you really are gonna double-team me like this, Possibly me and Zapper Frost? every set of elephant boots had elephant boots? Reality itself crumbled as the storm of infinite elephant boots collapsed under its own gravity. All that was left was an infinitely dense point-- a black hole, effectively, containing the mass of the entire universe itself. Oh, and Sweetie Giraffe. She proceeded to smite the singularity with her laser eyes 'cause it was infinitely dense and small, meaning it was shorter than her. Sweetie Giraffe rules over all by destroying all. 95% of everything was on fire?Author's Note Could it be Possibly me? 95% of everything was on fire? late chapter late chapter :V Equestria stood in ruin, completely and utterly devastated as flames licked at all that was left. Faraway, Canterlot Castle collapsed into a smoldering wreck. But up high, on top of Mount Canterhorn, was Sweetie Giraffe. The fire glinted in her laser eyes as for the very first time, she smiled. She was finally the tallest. Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards?Author's Note Ayo, it's Zapper Frost! Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards? "!pots t'nac I dna nosaer on yletulosba rof sdrawkcab gnikaeps detrats ev'I !ekipS !pleH" Spike lowered his comic book, staring at Twilight. "!pleH !pots t'nac I ,ylsuoires oN" Spike sighed, shaking his head as he set down his book. "Alright, Twi, time to bring you to the exorcist again." "!?TAHW-ako ,hO" Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness?Author's Note Got stuff to do. Gonna make this quick, AnObliviousAuthor. Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness? "TALL." "YES AM TALL." The flock of Sweetie Giraffes coalesced around a particularly stumpy tree. "UNACCEPTABLE, UNACCEPTABLE!" the chanted in unison, their eyes growing red. It was said that the lasers that followed that moment could be seen exiting from the other side of the planet. everyone forgot the word “the”?Author's Note 👀Possibly me👀 everyone forgot the word “the”? "Hello? Yes, this is tech support. What is your problem?" Twilight hit her head on a table. "I CAN'T REMEMBER A WORD!" "What word?" the voice on the other end groaned. "Y'know, for a Princess of Equestria, you can really be dim-witted sometimes." "Y'know-- a word! Starts with a 't', is used to describe or introduce a noun?" "I am not aware of such a word, Twilight." "Ugh!" Twilight yeeted her phone at the wall. "WHAT THE IS THAT WORD?!" the royal security guards were insecurity guards?Author's Note You scare me sometimes, The Spy of the Tiger. jk. Any o' y'all interested in checking out one of my more serious works? the royal security guards were insecurity guards? "HALT. WHO GOES THERE?" The stallion frowned, stepping closer to the door. "I've come to see the Princess." "oh, I'm comING TO seE tHE PRIncESs!" the guard mocked. "What sorta business does a punk like you have with the Princess? You need somepony to hold your hoof? You need a blankie?" "I--" "OH CELESTIA," the guard sobbed, "I'M PROJECTING MYSELF ON OTHERS AGAIN!" He promptly ran away, crying. Nopony speaks of him. Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel?Author's Note *waves at platogkrone* Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel? "Haha, whoops," Discord chuckled, peeling his face off the banana. "Didn't see that coming." Twilight kept staring anyway. And then Equestria went boom. nopony could stand to hear the word "it?"Author's Note I can't take it anymore, Boltstrike58! nopony could stand to hear the word "it?" "I can't stand it--AAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched at the mention of the accursed word. "Okay, nopony say the word!" Twilight cocked her head. "What word?" "You know, the 'i' word." Twilight sighed. "Y'know, you could just say i--" she froze up, her hooves trembling. "Why... can't I say i--" "It?" Spike filled in. He could say it, for he wasn't a pony. Twilight and Rainbow both screeched at the top of their lungs. the author remembered Applejack exists?Author's Note Zapper Frost Zapper Frost the author remembered Applejack exists? Twilight poured her applejacks cereal into the bowl. "NO, GOSH DARNIT--" Applejack swat the bowl onto the floor. "STOP IGNORIN' ME!" Twilight sighed, picking up the bowl. It was annoying when household items mysteriously moved on their own. noclip got turned on for everypony?Author's Note Burstin' through the wall, Nalamba style! noclip got turned on for everypony? "Oh hey, TwiAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched as Twilight walked through the wall of her secret Twilight Sparkle shrine. "T-Twi, what are you doing here?" Twilight made a face, looking over her shoulder. "Wait, where am I? I swear I was walking down the hall just then! And why--" But Rainbow Dash was gone, for she had fazed through the floor in panic. Nopony ever saw her again. metallic objects were made out of high explosive?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare?Author's Note Man, I really haven't been doing much writing this week, have I, The Spy of the Tiger? Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare? It was... terrible. No--horrific! So much cheese... and to think that it was in an all-you-can-eat buffet, at that! There were so many ponies and creatures around me, eating... eating quesadillas! I couldn't stand the smell, and no matter where I looked, there was always another quesadilla dripping with cheese! floor suddenly change places with ceiling?Author's Note I scream, you scream, we all scream for Dark_Scream! floor suddenly change places with ceiling? "Rainbow, why is that chandelier hangin' from your floor?" Rainbow Dash shrugged. It was already annoying enough to try and sleep on an upside-down bed, and the lack of sleep wasn't making her day any easier. Meanwhile, Twilight screamed 'cause all her bookshelves fell up and broke on the ceiling. Press F to pay respect for Twilight's books. every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else?Author's Note Disclaimer: I've never played Street Fighter ever in my life, Level Dasher. :P Disclaimer 2: Apparently I mixed up Street Fighter with Mortal Kombat. Never played either game. :P every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else? "Haha, whoops, sorr--" "FINISH HER." A voice boomed overhead. Twilight looked at the random mare who'd bumped into her, sighing as she lit her horn. "No no no no wait wait wai--" Short to say, there's a new mare in the moon now. Twilight started leaking purple?Author's Note *references intensify*, AnObliviousAuthor! Twilight started leaking purple? "Look, Spike!" Twilight oozed over to her assistant, leaving behind a trail of purple goo. "Look, I've turned myself into a snail! I'm Snailight Sparkle!" "Funniest stuff I've ever seen." Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle?Author's Note Lovin' the snark, Boltstrike58! Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle? Trixie's head proceeded to explode from the sheer amount of snark coming from Twilight. moon was made of cake and Celestia found out?Author's Note Where's Starlight Glimmer2, Starlight Glimmer1? moon was made of cake and Celestia found out? "SEND ME TO THE MOOOON!" Celestia wailed, "'LEST MY BLOOD SUGAR DROPS AND I FACE CERTAIN DOOOOOOM!" Luna took one last look at her sister before stuffing her plot-first into the Royal Canterlot Yeet Cannon. Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel?Author's Note Z a p p e r F r o s t Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel? Twilight popped out of the kiddie pool, spitting out her namesake snorkel at a clearly-annoyed Spike. "Snorkels!" Spike rolled his eyes, wiping the water she splashed off the surrounding books. Again. Applejack ran out of bucks to give?Author's Note haha, AnObliviousAuthor go brrr Applejack ran out of bucks to give? Applejack flopped onto the ground. "AJ!" an unseen voice called, "dontcha have some applebucking to do?" "Ah'm all outta bucks! Ah ain't gonna do anythin' today!" "Oh." Fluttershy is the imposter?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger lookin' real sus over there by the vent. Fluttershy is the imposter? "W-wait--" Twilight backed up until she was pressed against the electrical panel. "Fluttershy, you're... the imposter? How could you?" Fluttershy licked her lips, raising her knife high in the air. "I've always loved the taste of meat... I'm so sorry, Twilight." ~~She proceeded to cut her hamburger in half and give the other half to Twilight.~~ Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost time, boys! Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence? Twilight stared at the Golden Oaks library that was now sprouting from the side of her castle. Some books tumbled out one of the windows. "Huh. Well, I guess that happened. Neat." A book fell on her head and got impaled by her horn. Twilight screamed. Raridash trash?Author's Note This idea's filled with trash, amf studios. Raridash trash? Rarity and Rainbow Dash sat together in the trash can, six feet apart 'cause it's Covid season. "We are trash, but we are together." "Yes." Twilight rose from the garbage underneath them. "I ship it." two ponies kissed? 😱Author's Note Whoa there, Zapper Frost, we're approaching NSFW levels up in 'ere. two ponies kissed? 😱 "L-lewd!" Spike blushed, turning away from the two kissing ponies. "Don't you know that that is indecent exposure? You shouldn't even be holding hooves!" He felt something grab his claw. "C'mon, Spike," Twilight groaned, "You've had enough internet for today." "TWILIGHT, YOU JUST COMMITTED UNCONSENTED HAND HOLDINGGGGGG!" Shrek appeared in Equestria?"All hail the enlightened one," the ponies chanted in unison, forming a ring around their lord and savior, Shrek. Celestia and Luna stood at his sides--his personal guards. A bottle of air freshener was lobbed at the ogre. Celestia proceeded to smite the pony responsible with the full force of the sun. The author proceeded to further question his sanity. Author's Note Gamer 2-0 just dropped by. Say hi! the author finally snapped?Author's Note What have you wrought upon this world, Zapper Frost? the author finally snapped? "I'M GONNA DO IT!" Twilight screeched, blowing out the eardrums of everybody within the borders of Equestria. "I'MA DO IT AND YALL CAN'T STOP MEEEE!" "No, Twi, you can't! You won't!" "I WILLLL!" "Nooooooo--" Twilight grinned, a single word slipping from between her teeth. "Heck." ~~this story is now rated M for naughty words~~ sleepy Twilight took over the universe?Author's Note What the heck did I just write, AnObliviousAuthor? EDIT: wow. apparently I just wrote Twilight vore-ing the universe. whoops. sleepy Twilight took over the universe? "Mmmm... pancakes..." Twilight mumbled, pulling her stack of pancakes closer. Except it wasn't a stack of pancakes. It was the documentation officiating the government of Equestria. She had just single-handedly (hoofedly?) declared herself the Supreme Leader of Equestria in her sleep. The alicorn nibbled on the mental pancakes, but in reality, this time around the pancakes were the layers of the planet, all the way down to the core. Just like with the nation, Twilight had become the Empress of the World. "Give... syrup..." she continued to mumble. She lit her horn, grabbing at the dreamscape's syrup bottle, but instead grasping the fabric of reality itself and pouring it (somehow) down her gullet. She has consumed the universe. Twilight is now the universe. All hail sleepy Twilight. the time police arrested Starlight and Twilight for tampering with the timeline in "Cutie Re-mark"?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses, you're under arrest for time crimes! the time police arrested Starlight and Twilight for tampering with the timeline in "Cutie Re-mark"? Twilight landed with a thud. "Starlight!" she shouted, "I--wait, what?" Starlight glared at Twilight as hoofcuffs were put on her. The sunglasses-wearing time police led her into the police car. And then they started coming towards her. "Wait wait wait--this is all a big misunderstanding! I've been trying to stop her, not--" The car door slammed shut. they ran out of time(jail)?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger really do be poppin' off with those upvoted suggestions :V they ran out of time(jail)? "Princess!" guard number 2017501 yelled, bracing himself against the bulging bars of Time Jail™, "We're running out of time!" "Running out of time!" another guard repeated, "We're running out of time!" Starlight Glimmer grinned, pouring more juice into her cup. What, you thought that she was powering up her time travel spell even further? Nah, she's just enjoying a good ol' cup of apple juice, courtesy of ~~Sweet Apple Acres~~ FLIMFLAM CORP'S BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW APPLE-SMASHERROONI 7000 PLUS, NOW WITH AN OPTIONAL APPLESAUCE ADD-ON MODULE. GET ONE NOW FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF YOUR KNEES AND HALF OF YOUR LIVER! Ahem. Celestia proceeded to yeet Flim and Flam into Time Jail™, which promptly exploded. 'Cause they were already running out of time. Starlight was ruled by three Equestrias?Author's Note Man. Been a while since I've seen a triple-upvoted suggestion, Zapper Frost! Starlight was ruled by three Equestrias? Equestria, Equestria and Equestria all sat side-by-side on their thrones. Starlight Glimmer frowned, staring between the three living incarnations of the Equestrian Nation. What the heck was she doing here, anyway? "BY JOINT DECREE," all three Equestrias declared in a six-times-louder Royal Canterlot Voice, "YOU, STARLIGHT GLIMMER, SHALL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR TIME CRIMES." Starlight facehoofed. "Really now. This again? Listen, I already said I'm sorr--" The mare didn't have time to finish her sentence before being booted into the Giraffe Room. every pony in Equestria was mandated a magical 6-foot radius social distancing sphere? (Princesses included!)Author's Note Man, Level Dasher here gettin' a triple-upvote as well! every pony in Equestria was mandated a magical 6-foot radius social distancing sphere? (Princesses included!) "So... uh, why am I stuck in a giant hamster ball again?" Rainbow Dash looked around. "Actually, why is everypony stuck in giant hamster balls?" "Social distancing," Twilight nodded, summoning another hamster ball. "Povid-19 is a serious thing, but hamster balls, according to my research, have been more effective than masks at preventing spread mainly because they're more fun, resulting in a higher rate of usage among ponies, even Princesses such as myself." "What?" Celestia rolled past in her hamster ball. Equestria was ruled by three Starlights?Author's Note Your suggestions are... superfun. Equestria was ruled by three Starlights? "The Council of Starlights welcomes you, Celestia." Celestia struggled against her ropes. "You'll never take this nation for yourself, Starlight," the alicorn spat, earning another boop. "I won't let you." Lead Starlight of the Great North shook her head, chuckling to herself. "Oh, dear, dear Celestia. My, how far you have fallen! And it has hardly been even a month since we did to your sister what we're about to do to you." "You leave Luna out of this!" Chairmare Starlight, heir of the Chair Realm, was the next to respond, flashing a sinister grin as she clapped her hooves together. "Guards, bring out the prisoner if you please." A metallic grinding noise filled the room as a large steel hatch yawned open behind the Council of Starlights. Former Princess Luna was led out in a straightjacket. The madmare's eyes met Celestia's. "Hm," Starlight the Third, underling of her Superior Starlights hummed, "I'd run if I were you." Celestia's eyes shrunk to pinpricks. "Wh--" "LAVA!" Luna screeched, lighting her horn and unleashing a blast of molten rock. She stomped her hooves on the ground, shooting upward on her newly-summoned elephant boots. "FOR TOO LONG, SISTER, CANTERLOT HAS REMAINED COLD AND FRIGID IN THE WINTERS. I AM HERE TO CHANGE THAT NOW. WITNESS ME, AS I TRANSFORM CANTERLOT MOUNTAIN INTO CANTERLOT VOLCA--mmphf!" Starlight the Third tightened the rope holding Luna's mouth shut as the Chairmare replaced the anti-magic ring on the former Princess' horn. "As you can see, Celestia, we have things all under control. We have no need for you here..." a smirk grew on her face. "Equestria has no need for you here." "No--" "Yes!" Lead Starlight cackled, "The Starlight of this realm made a fatal mistake when she accepted friendship, and thus, we, the Council of Starlights, have ruled that we shall carry out her intentions in full ourselves. Guards!" More steel hatches opened all around the room. The entrance hatch slammed shut, plunging the corridor into darkness for a moment before a dull, crimson light illuminated the walls. Celestia wriggled in her ropes, which the guards standing beside her responded to with another boop. Golems of stone emerged from the hatches, descending upon the Princess. Luna's cackled muffle grew silent as she was led away once more. Celestia felt one of the golems grasp a hoof, anchoring it to the ground. "What are her intentions?" Celestia seethed, kicking away the golem with a free hoof. The sickening crunch of it shattering against the wall echoed through the metal-lined room. "And where is she?" "The Starlight Glimmer of this realm wished to abolish cutie marks," Lead Starlight of the Great North stepped down from her throne. "She was defeated, and ultimately... reformed by that student of yours, Twilight Sparkle." The mare snorted. "But that is beside the point. Twilight is gone now, as is this realm's Starlight. We the Council shall carry out this original wish in her stead. Starting with you, of course." Lead Starlight lit her horn, joined quickly by the two other Starlights by her side. Their pooling mana swirled overhead, coalescing into a thaumatic tornado that inched closer to Celestia by the second. "Hm, I wonder what you're going to do now?" Chairmare Starlight held her grin. "Oh wait, you're going to do nothing. What a weakling. Always relying on others to do the dirty work for her. Just like the Celestia of my realm." Celestia's eyes widened as the magical whirlwind condensed into a solid bolt of mana, aimed directly at her flank. She looked to Lead Starlight, finding only a pleasant smile where she'd expected a murderous grin. "Thank you for the cutie mark, Celly." the princesses were the only ones forklift certified?Author's Note Do you like forklifts, The Spy of the Tiger? the princesses were the only ones forklift certified? "WHERE DID YOU GET A FORKLIFT?! HOLY BUCK." Celestia grinned, careening past Raven in the halls of Canterlot Castle. Luna followed close behind before skewering the wall in front of her on the forklift. yoshi was in Equestria?Author's Note Wow, it's Yoshifan30! Say hi, everyone! yoshi was in Equestria? "Y'know," Spike began, sitting on Yoshi's back. He scratched his fake mustache. "This is weird. Why am I doing this again?" "Cosplay! But what sets us apart is that we have a real Yoshi!" Yoshi proceeded to c o n s u m e an apple. Straight out of Applejack's hooves. Silver Spoon was a toaster?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Kichi! Silver Spoon was a toaster? "Toast, please." Silver Spoon rolled her eyes, popping two perfectly-toasted slices of bread up. "Thanks." "Discord, can you please turn me back, now?" Diamond Tiara was bread?Author's Note What a superfun request! Diamond Tiara was bread? Two slices of Diamond Tiara bread popped out of Silver Spoon the toaster. "DISCOOOOOOORD!" ~~"I'm howling at the moon!"~~ twenty more chapters of ponies being turned into household appliances?Author's Note . Phantune did it. jk jk it's 20 different scenarios in 1 chapter twenty more chapters of ponies being turned into household appliances? Scenario 1: Luna becomes a Gameboy. "Huzzah!" Luna's chiptune voice chirped. "My crippling addiction to vidya gaems hath transmuted me into one!" Luna the second removed the Princess Luna cartridge from her Princess Luna Gameboy. "Man. I hate shovelware games." Scenario 2: Applejack is a food processor. "Apple Bloom, Ah can explain. Just put the apple in mah head, and then we can talk over some nice applesauce." "Wat." Scenario 3: Twilight has transformed into a pocket calculator. Spike snickered, typing in "80085" on Twilight's keypad. "Can you not?" "No." "Oh." Scenario 4: Rainbow Dash = 3D printer. "The print bed needs to be... about 20% hotter." Scootaloo raised a brow. "Your prints aren't sticking." "Aw, so I have to start over with my glider frame?" "Yup. Sorry, Scoots." Scenario 5: Sunset Shimmer the stovetop griddle. *bacon sizzling noises* Scenario 6: Flash Sentry is the perfect flashlight. "This sucks." Flash Sentry's singular eye flickered on, banishing the shadows of the room. "Everything sucks." The pony holding him swung to Twilight. "Everything sucks a little less no--" They proceeded to turn off the Flash-light. Scenario 7: Ever wanted to know what a Celestia alarm clock is like? "CAKE!" Celestia screeched at the top of her lungs. "IT IS MORNING. I DESIRE CAKE. ARISE, SERVANT, AND SERVE ME MY BREAKFAST. CAKE! IT IS MORNING--" Moondancer groaned, kicking Celestia the alarm clock off her nightstand. Scenario 8: Sweetie Belle the... ICBM? Sweetie Belle stared at you, the reader. "Wait, none of you have weapons of mass destruction stockpiled in your homes? Lame. How are you supposed to defend your secret of being a robot powered by alien technology when you're too afraid to make things go boom?" Scenario 9: Starlight Glimmer connects you to the internet. "Dangit, my internet died again! Why isn't this new router fixing things?!" Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. It wasn't her fault this pony used Comcast. Scenario 10: Queen Chrysalis is an automatic cheese grater. "You mock me." Spike continued grating the block of cheddar. "Well excuuuuuse me, your royal hole-yness, but I need grated cheese at 3 in the morning for a reason!" Scenario 11: Princess Cadance the point-and-shoot camera. The two ponies leaned in closer. "You know, I'm actually perfectly fine with this." They held each other's hooves. Cadance snapped a picture. "Ooh, lewd!" Scenario 12: Flurry Heart, radio. "WHY IS EVERY SINGLE STATION BROADCASTING ENDLESS CRYING?!" Scenario 13: Cozy Glow becometh multi-USB charging station. "Haha, I hold all the power!" Twilight sighed. "Yes you do, Cozy. Now, will you please charge my phone?" "No!" Scenario 14: Big Mac the home surround sound system. The loudest and most mind-blowing "Eyup" in the west™. Scenario 15: Derpy is a lava lamp. This is perfectly logical. That's it. She's a lava lamp. Derpy grinned. Somehow. Scenario 16: Soarin' the desk fan. "So... hot..." Rainbow Dash panted. "I... don't... have any other choice... my--only... fan--" She hit the button on Soarin, letting out a drowsy sigh as cool air began to blow over her face. ~~haha onlyfans funny funny joek~~ Scenario 17: Vinyl Scratch is an iPod, and that actually fits her quite well. Dubstep blared over the Big Mac sound system. Octavia proceeded to receive 53 noise complaints. Scenario 18: Lyra the... fingerprint reader? Lyra slowly licks your finger, keeping eye contact with you the entire time. Why did you buy this fingerprint reader again? You just had to pick the mint-green model, didn't you? All because you got tired of typing in your password. You absolute fool. "Scanned!" Lyra licked her lips. "Would you like to scan again?" Nope. Scenario 19: Fluttershy is quite literally a refrigerator. we do not speak of how much lunchmeat is in there. Scenario 20: Night Light the... nightlight. Night Light glowed. The end. Celestia and Luna were robots being controlled by ants?Author's Note What's this? I did some archeology in the comments and found your suggestion, whiteoak019! Celestia and Luna were robots being controlled by ants? "Ew. I stepped on an ant." Twilight proceeded to be banished to the sun by Robo-Celestia for the murder of one ant. the nuclear apocalypse came and nobody cared?Author's Note Back by popular demand, it's The Spy of the Tiger! ~~holy crap, I don't think I've seen a 4-times upvoted suggestion in a~~ loooong ~~time.~~ the nuclear apocalypse came and nobody cared? Another nuclear explosion tore at the remnants of Canterlot. "It's a nice day today." Celestia sipped her tea as the last of her very physical existence was wiped off the planet. "Oh my, was that a breeze?" "Celestia!" Twilight galloped into the flaming throne room, clearly out of breath both from running and having her lungs obliterated by radiation. "Did you hear what happened?" "Equestria has been crushed by the flames of Tartarus in a nuclear nightmare that nopony could possibly give a single buck about?" Twilight shook her head. "What? No! Why should I even care about that? Look!" She shoved a smartphone in what used to be Celestia's face. "It's keyboard cat! Remember that old meme?" "Yes." Fluttershy was a tree the whole time?Author's Note Another newcomer! Welcome _OtakuTsundere_ to the mix! Fluttershy was a tree the whole time? "So, Flutters, you still up to go to Zecora's place with me?" Fluttershy didn't respond, for she was a tree. "Haha, you're so funny, Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash slapped a branch. "You know, that's a tree." "Wait, Fluttershy is... a tree?" Twilight aimed her horn at Rainbow Dash. "Always has been." an army of dead memes came to steal Celestia's cake?Author's Note The return of Zapper Frost beckons youuuuuu! an army of dead memes came to steal Celestia's cake? Harambe peeked past the wall. He raised the walkie talkie to his mouth. "Release the Pepes." A loud bang followed, and with it an incoming tidal wave of rare pepes. They were immediately smited by Celestia, who stood between them and her cake stockpile. "SEND IN THE REINFORCEMENTS!" A peculiarly memorable song began to blare overhead as a mixture of Ugandan Knuckles and Shrek(s) flooded the halls. The collection of mini-Shreks assembled into a Shrek golem made of smaller Shreks. Yes, we're doing that. He picked up his trusty weapon, the isekai bus. A grin spread across his face. "You are going to Brazil." Celestia dodged the first swing of the isekai bus, watching with fear as old rage comic characters were flung from the open back of the bus. She shielded herself from the barrage of troll faces barreling toward her. "Hey hey hey... don't come into my shed..." Celestia froze up. That voice! Where-- Hold up. "Hey! What you got there?" she shouted at a foal running past. "A knife!" "No!" Celestia sighed. If friendship and magic weren't going to solve this, there was still one thing that might. "I'll defeat you with the power of friendship, magic, and this gun I found!" Shrek whipped and nae-nae'd up to Celestia's face, shoving his useless box up against her muzzle. "You will give us the cake, Celly. You don't want to know what happens if you don't." "No." "Very well then." Shrek leaned back, folding his arms. "Creeper?" "Aw man," the iconic green pillar shuffled out from behind the corner. "What a nicccce placcce you have here... it would be a sssshame if ssssomething were to happen to it..." Herobrine came swinging in on a wrecking ball shaped like the Fortnite burger, flossing the entire way. "OH YEAH!" Celestia ignored him and put in her airpods. "WATCH OUT CELESTIA HEROBRINE'S ABOUT TO TAKE YOU OUT FALLEN KINGDOM STYLE OH GOD SHE HAS AIRPODS IN--" Celestia took out her airpods and effortlessly dodged both Herobrine and another one of Shrek's swings of his isekai bus. "Excuse me, but is this a joke I'm too rich to understand?" Clippy crashed through the wall behind Herobrine's wrecking ball-hole. He held up a thermonuclear magic bomb. "It looks like you're trying to stop an invasion of Canterlot. Would you like me to help?" "WHAT NO--" And that's how Equestria was wiped off the face of the planet over cake! the moon got sent to Luna?Author's Note Wow, it's twidash1993! the moon got sent to Luna? "That's it, I'm banishing the moon to you, Lulu." Luna looked up from her vidya gaem. Yes, I'm still sticking to that old meme spelling from ages ago. "Wait wha--" The moon proceeded to crash down on Canterlot. Clippy became the newest Princess?Author's Note It's a back-to-back twidash1993 attack! Clippy became the newest Princess? "It looks like you're trying to survive under my tyrannical rule. Would you like some help?" "FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, NO!" Twilight screeched, firing another blast at Clippy. Clippy rolled his eyes as it passed straight through him. "Would you like some assistance overthrowi--" Twilight proceeded to jam Clippy into an oversized paper shredder. the Elements if Harmony were made of beans?Author's Note OH NO IT'S THE BEEEEEEAAAAAANS, AnObliviousAuthor! When yall're done reading this lil' slice of insanity, how about you take an hour out of your day to watch me suffer even more? the Elements if Harmony were made of beans? "And with the magic of friendship vested in me, we will smite you!" Twilight threw a hoofful of beans in Nightmare Moon's face. "MY EYEEEEES!" "Yes, yes, feel the magic flow through you..." story concept: Strands?Author's Note I don't know. I've just been feeling kinda down in the dumps this afternoon. Haven't felt like doing any of my homework, even though I know that I've got another calculus exam in a couple of days. I... guess this is almost a sort of rant chapter? I don't know. It doesn't really feel like a rant, and it's using a concept I've had written down for a few months now. All I know is that this is the only thing that I wanted to do right now. EDIT: wow. Didn't expect the reaction that this chapter got. I don't have any ideas for how I'd ever manage to tie this in with MLP, so it'd likely be posted up on Offprint instead as an original fiction story if I ever get around to writing it in full. :P story concept: Strands? I see strands. Little strings that appear when I close my eyes. Chords. Wires. Whatever you call 'em. They connect us all. Me to you, you to your friends, and so on. Each and every one of us is linked. There is no such thing as an untied fate. And yet, I found one. The lonely peg. The disconnected. The confused. I looked up from the mirror. I didn't feel any different. I didn't... think any different? I leaned closer, studying my face. Barely-visible freckles. Slightly crooked teeth. Imperfect, but still alright as alright goes. Not that there was any chance I'd ever look like one of those big-shot celebrities, anyway. I blinked. For a moment, the world became doused in black. Strings of all sizes and colors stretched forever on and on wherever I looked. Even the inanimate objects--the ground beneath my feet, the mirror I was looking at--were connected. I stepped over the strings of the ground. I didn't want to break it like I did the strings of the family cat years ago. And suddenly, it was bright again. The strings were gone. At least, until next time. I really need to find a way to control it better. I'm almost out of eyedrops as it is. Faraway, I heard the sirens of an approaching fire truck. I wonder which barbecue exploded this time? I shut my eyes, plunging myself willingly back into the darkness. In front of me, seemingly stretching forever on and on, sprawled the massive network of strands I'd come to know. Something tugged me to the left. A nearby strand was growing taught. I'd better loosen it before anything bad happens again. I swam my way through the milky air toward the string. All around it were its already-severed sister strands. I shook my head. A little too late, from the look of it. Not that there was much I could do about it this time around. I gripped the remaining string. It was taut alright. Any more tension would make it snap just like the others around it. And here came... well, I really don't know what else to call it besides "magic". Yeah, it's a pretty stupid name, but it's all I've got. I reached out, pulling closer a nearby bundle of additional strings. While I couldn't necessarily lengthen a string all by itself, I could still... lend? Borrow? Whatever the case, I wrapped the other strings around the one on the verge of snapping, clasping my hands tightly around the bulky tangle. This should keep the string protected for some time. At least, until something happens in the real world that can help support it. Loosen it up so that it doesn't need any reinforcing like it does now. I guess my work here is done. My body lurched back into the real world. I stood up, brushing myself off and scowling at the people surrounding me. "What? You ever see a dude faint in public before?" "Are you--" "Yes," I sigh. "I'm okay." Thankfully, it seems like the sirens in the distance have stopped. That means whatever they were called to was either a false alarm, or they've already finished their work. Either option was a good outcome in my book. I glanced again at the mirror. At me. The only one with no fate. It was all a simulation?Twilight looked up from her book. For once in the past four years, she was finally taking a break from the endless drivel she'd been writing. Not that that was really a problem, but still. It was nice to take a break every now and then. A bookshelf sat directly opposite her. Maybe she should reorganize it. It'd been a while since that particular shelf was reorganized, right? She frowned. Did she really just forget when she last reshelved her books? The door clicked open. Twilight turned her head, greeting Spike with a smile. He didn't respond. No matter. She turned her attention back to her book. It was one of the few things left in this mortal world that held her fragile sanity together. If anything were to happen to it-- In a surprising burst of sound and movement, Spike abruptly materialized on the opposite side of the room. He had one claw pressed onto her bed, apparently in an attempt to climb on top of it. Twilight raised a brow and cantered toward him. Except... he wasn't there anymore. He was at her desk, where she'd been moments earlier. His mouth was open. Sighing, Twilight sat down again. He probably convinced Starlight to teleport him around the room again. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten that mare to help out with a prank. And then it all came crashing down. The pages of the book in her lap grew blurred and distorted; words became nothing but flecks of black on the cream-colored paper, and the gentle curve of the page had been replaced by a sharpened edge. "I--" Twilight turned to Spike. Just like last time, he wasn't there anymore. "--Spike?" She yelped as the room turned awash in a checkerboard of black and magenta. The strange pattern vanished as soon as it came, now replaced instead by smooth, colorless grey. The walls, the floor, the ceiling--and for that matter, everything else in the room, save for herself--began to disintegrate. Flecks of indistinguishable particles drifted up all around her. What remained of the sunlight streaming through her window began to flicker erratically. "Wha...what?" Twilight stammered. Spike was still nowhere to be found. "What's going on?" And then it was dark. "Timeout error." A large, flashing text blinked before her eyes. "Please reconnect to continue." "What." Twilight deadpanned. "What kind of joke is this?" She waved a hoof past her face. The text seemed to follow wherever she looked. It felt like a strange weight was beginning to materialize over her eyes. Slowly, she brought her hooves to the bottom side of the weight and pushed. Her eyes widened. This... wasn't her world. She turned her gaze upward. There was indeed something that'd been over her eyes, but it wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before. And she had hands? Her breathing grew frantic. Why was she human? Where was she? What-- Her eyes landed on the tag dangling on her wrist. Then to the name molded into it. It wasn't hers. "...What?" She repeated again, staring back at the headset. She could just make out some of the engraved text. Twilight felt her heart sink with every word she read. "Pony-Me... Experience?" Author's Note Y'know, I could probably turn this into a full-on fic if I wanted to. But... well, I'm really just writing this as a way to vent my frustration with Comcast's crappy internet service. ~~Aw, who am I kidding? I'm writing a novel-length story and y'all can't stop me.~~ Just memeing y'all. This is a rewrite of the chapter linked below! Original chapter link Sweetie Giraffe boots?Author's Note You have unleashed a great terror upon the land, Phantune. Sweetie Giraffe boots? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Equestria, standing on her quad-Sweetie Giraffe boots. Each boot wore four more, even smaller (but still taller) Sweetie Giraffe boots. The pyramid of Sweetie Giraffes took a long, striding step, crushing all of Canterlot into the ground with a single movement. the zambos are comin' (plants vs. zambos)?Author's Note I know you're talkin' PvZ, but I tend to take suggestions literally, Zapper Frost. the zambos are comin' (plants vs. zambos)? "Pinkie, gimme another peashooter!" A seed packet soared through the air. Twilight snatched it as it flew overhead, cramming the insta-grow seeds into the ground. Not even a second later, a fully-grown peashooter sprouted from the ground, ready to shoot peas. Because it's a peashooter. "What's our sun count, Pinkie?" "We have over a hundred stockpiled! We can afford to buy more peashooters if we have to!" "What about the cooldown status?" "We're ready for more seeds!" Another peashooter sprouted from the ground. It narrowed its eyes at the lone zamboni-riding zombie puttering toward them. "Pinkie," Twilight smirked. "Pinkie, do we have any repeaters? Gatling peas too." "Yup!" The zamboni and the zombie riding it proceeded to be pummeled by enough peas to solve world hunger. The Conversion Burro?Author's Note Behold. The Conversion Burro? "For the last time, stop calling me that!" "B-but you're the only donkey in all of Equestria that can convert my PNG files to JPG!" "Oh, please, have you ever used any art program? It's right there in the save options! Open your PNG, click 'Save As' and select JPG in the file format options! Now scram!" "Thank you, Conversion Burro!" Cranky Doodle Donkey screamed. Celestia was voiced by John deLancie?Author's Note Guess this happened, _OtakuTsundere_. I've got no idea how to write this. I don't think I'll be taking any more requests involving real people. Celestia was voiced by John deLancie? Discord ate down the door. "Celly, why do you sound like me?" Celestia sipped her tea. "Because I do." Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijackeAuthor's Note Holy crap, you guys. Now that's a chain suggestion, Zapper Frost, platogkrone, Possibly me, amf studios, Phantune, and AnObliviousAuthor! Full title: Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijacked by Rainbow Trix to avoid fading into obscurity herself, but then was overwhelmed by the running gag that was brutally murdered and brought back to life as the shuffling zombie gag? Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijacke "CREAM CHEESE RIGHTS! CREAM CHEESE RIGHTS!" the tub of cream cheese chanted. "CREAM CHEESE RI--" "Your rights have been granted by Royal Equestrian decree," Celestia swooped down, landing on the cream cheese's sign. "Unfortunately, I am not Celestia." "Wait, wha--" The zipper hidden under Celestia's mane unzipped, revealing the new and improved™ Sweetie Giraffe Bot, lady and savior of Equestria! "In fact, I taught myself to speak like a normal pony for the sole purpose of remaining releva--" Rainbow Trix burst from the tub of cream cheese. "No! I want to stay releva--" The ground began to rumble. "...Sweetie?" "OH NO. NOT GOOD." "I gotta run run run run run run run run run run--" But the one running was a Minecraft villager, and a lone zombie stood in the way. It booped the villager on the nose. "Ru--...grarrrrr...braaaaaaains..." And then Equestria exploded from the sheer number of things happening at once. Spike got an email from a Nigerian prince?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee, inherited the Nigerian throne?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses, you madlad. Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee, inherited the Nigerian throne? Peewee sat upon the Nigerian throne made of cold, hard cash. He'd inherited not only the whole sum of what Spike had inherited in the last chapter, but the entire nation as well! We don't speak of what happened to Spike. Twilight groaned under the money throne. Celestia, Luna, and Discord got arrested by Child Services for turning Cozy Glow into stone?Author's Note WHO THE HECC IS Horseus lord of horses?! Celestia, Luna, and Discord got arrested by Child Services for turning Cozy Glow into stone? "So... uh, are we just gonna, like, leave her like that or something?" "Yes, sister. Can we go back home now? I've been itching to play Goat Simulator again." Discord side-glanced at Luna before transmogrifying into a goat. "HALT, ALL THREE OF YOU!" a smol child squeaked, "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR STONING A CHILD!" Celestia looked between the now-immobile Cozy Glow and the little filly wearing a police siren for a hat. "Wow, Lulu, who knew a mere child could overthrow our rule and imprison not only you and me, but Discord himself as well in a magically-enchanted bouncycastle prison as punishment for our crimes against ponykind and stoning a child!" "Celestia, just because she said it like that doesn't mean you should, either." Discord ate another pail of popcorn and flicked the popcorn itself at Luna. idk. i spent like 5 hours straight working on calculus yesterday. brain smol go haha brrr. Luna was mad at Santa because he didn't get her any vidya games?Author's Note Hark, it's the return of Zapper Frost! Might I ask if y'all would be tempted to watch me suffer through another half-hour of Minecraft when you're done reading this here ficlet? Luna was mad at Santa because he didn't get her any vidya games? "V-vidya gaem?" Luna sniffed, looking into the empty present. "Where gaem?" Celestia facehoofed. "Luna, you didn't get any of your 'vidya gaems' from your wishlist because you've been a very bad pony this year. Remember the elephant boots? That was the third time in two years that you've pulled that stunt!" Luna proceeded to make dreams not a thing that exists anymore because vidya game. Idk. XKCD found this story and sued the author for copyright infringement?Author's Note Mica, you have brought doom upon this land! XKCD found this story and sued the author for copyright infringement? Error 404: Story not found. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sweetie giraffe will be coming for your knees shortly. please stand by. sleep sought out ponies who were awake after midnight... with a bat?Author's Note And over there is AnObliviousAuthor. Absolutely menacing. sleep sought out ponies who were awake after midnight... with a bat? "But I don't want to sleep. I want to reshelve books!" Filly Twilight whined. "Pleeeeaaase? I can still wake up early tomorrow!" Twilight Velvet shook her head. "No, dear, you need to sleep. It's dangerous to stay up past midnight, you know." "Wha--" The physical embodiment of sleep (a sleep paralysis demon?) crashed through the wall, Kool-Aid Man style, even though they were on the second floor. He proceeded to bonk both mother and daughter on the head with a bat. Now Twilight was sleeping. Both Twilights, I mean. Rainbow Dash was a weeb?Author's Note It's AnObliviousAuthor! Again! Rainbow Dash was a weeb? Rainbow Dash swam to the surface of her manga pile. Twilight hovered nearby. "Rainbow, you've got a problem." "I know." Sweetie Giraffe on a pogo stick?Author's Note Not sure if I've used this intro before but ayyyyy, it's Possibly me! Wanna see a 10-second or so clip of me trying and probably failing to make a "product trailer" for my calculator? Sweetie Giraffe on a pogo stick? "NO. I AM BOUNCY ONE." Scootaroo yelled at Sweetie Giraffe. "YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BOUNCE HIGHER THAN ME." "DENIED. AM TALLER. WILL BOUNCE HIGHER." Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to launch herself out of the bounds of gravity and become an interstellar entity. Story concept: Picture Me in Neon Colors?Author's Note Experimental writing styles, yay! Story concept: Picture Me in Neon Colors? Theme: legacies, what we leave behind, and how others may interpret such things in different ways. "When I'm gone, picture me in neon colors." You look up. "My name. My legacy. All that I've done in life. Close your eyes and picture it in your head. Neon is iconic. Neon is bright. I want folks to know that their future will be just as bright when they see my name." You nod, closing your eyes. You can envision it already. Your grandfather's name, painted in vibrant colors. Yet... it didn't feel right. To elevate oneself so high in an attempt to secure a place in the history books, when it'd be better to let them remember by the good done in life... "It doesn't feel right." "Nonsense," he sets a hoof on your shoulder. "For much of my life, I was a nobody. Just another face in the crowd. Even with my brother at my side, we were only ever seen as grifters. It was only late in life, thanks to the Princess, that I was finally given a chance. Even now, many still know our family as one leading a legacy of scams. I want to put an end to that, once and for all. For me--" He pulls his hoof away. "--And for you." You feel the uneven rumble of his rocking chair returning to motion. Applejack couldn't get out of bed?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor. Boom. Applejack couldn't get out of bed? "Apple Bloom! Ah'm stuck in mah bed and Ah can't get up!" Apple Bloom stuck her head into her sister's room. "Ain't that what Granny said two days ago?" Applejack didn't respond, because she was currently being absorbed into her bed. the sun moves just to make Celestia think she controls the sun?Author's Note Hey, Horseus lord of horses, old buddy old pal, wh... what's that you're holdin' there? Shoutout to Keyslam for building on a story pitch from this story! the sun moves just to make Celestia think she controls the sun? Sunlestia grinned, stepping a little to the side. "Hey, hey, Moonie, watch this." Sunlestia jumped. Far down below in Equestria, Celestia grinned. "Look, Lulu! I moved the sun! Again!" "Mhm, yes, that's nice, Celly. You've done that more times than I think anypony can count now." Flurry Heart became the princess of Light Bulbs?Author's Note Imagine if these intros were animated, twidash1993? 👀 Flurry Heart became the princess of Light Bulbs? "Ooh! Ooh, it's happening!" Flurry Heart gasped as her flank began to glow. "What's my cutie mark going to be?" A light bulb unceremoniously appeared there. ~~20 years later~~ "NO! BRIGHTER!" Flurry Heart screeched. What followed was a flash of light from the Crystal Empire bright enough to blind ponies even down in Ponyville. the sun died and Flurry Heart saved the day by replacing it with a lightbulb?Author's Note HOOOOOOOOOORSE(eus, lord of horses)! the sun died and Flurry Heart saved the day by replacing it with a lightbulb? Flurry Heart loomed over Celestia's grave. "Long live the queen." She lit her horn and absolutely yeeted a light bulb into the sun, which for reasons that we shall not discuss, was miraculously able to grow to the size of the sun, as well as gain a practically infinite source of energy comparable to nuclear fusion. Celestia proceeded to rise from the dead as a robot because the sun was now a light bulb. Horse Empire attacked Equestria because a Bron- I mean a Pony wanted their knees?Author's Note HOOOOOOOOOORSE x2! Horse Empire attacked Equestria because a Bron- I mean a Pony wanted their knees? Another war horn blared over the land. Celestia shook Twilight in a frenzied craze. "WHY DID YOU WANT THEIR KNEES? ARE YOU NOT SATISFIED WITH YOUR HEIGHT?!" A horse crashed through the window and neighed. It started eating the floor. "WE ARE DOOMED NOW THANKS TO YOU, TWILIGHT! DOOMED!" More horses started to flood into the building. They spoke only in Horse Code as they systemically trampled to a pulp the entire Equestrian government. Twilight's magic did the opposite of what she expected it to do?Author's Note Because in the end, the opposite of magic is no magic, AnObliviousAuthor. Twilight's magic did the opposite of what she expected it to do? Twilight's magic ceased to exist, because existing is what she would expect it to do, and so naturally, in a world where her magic did the opposite, it would cease to exist. However, in such a world where her expectations are reversed, would it make sense for her expectation to be that it ceases to exist, then? And if so, does that mean that it does in fact exist? But then if you apply that to our own plane of existence, that would mean that the very meaning of existing could very well be the opposite of what we know it to be, so by that logic, if Twilight exists, then does she not exist? Or vice-versa; if Twilight does not exist, then does this flipped definition of existence mean that she actually does exist? We may never know, for when the mare casts a spell, her magic will cease to exist, because existing is what she would expect it to do, and so naturally, in a world where her magic did the opposite, it would cease to exist. However, in such a world where her expectations are reversed, would it make sense for her expectation to be that it ceases to exist, then? And if so, does that mean that it does in fact exist? But then if you apply that to our own plane of existence, that would mean that the very meaning of existing could very well be the opposite of what we know it to be, so by that logic, if Twilight exists, then does she not exist? Or vice-versa; if Twilight does not exist, then does this flipped definition of existence mean that she actually does exist? We may never know, for when the mare casts a spell, her magic will cease to exist, and that's no good. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Have another meme video as your reward for bearing with me. Ignore the giant bear looming over your shoulder. 2020 didn't end?The smoldering remains of Equestria crackled under the flames of everybody's hopes and dreams. Celestia sipped her tea. "Ah yes. Finally, some peace and tranquility. No more ponies around to bother me during my tea and cake time." every mattress in equestria was replaced with a live bear?Author's Note Ducky duck Duckgame4life! I maek'd another video, and this time it's e d u c a t i o n a l ! every mattress in equestria was replaced with a live bear? Fluttershy lay peacefully on Harry the bear. Meanwhile, Celestia's screech of terror rung across Equestria, shattering windows as far as the eye can see. dog barks sounded like pseudo swears?Author's Note With how much my own dog likes to bark, I wouldn't be surprised, AnObliviousAuthor. dog barks sounded like pseudo swears? "Frick! Frack!" Winona barked at Fluttershy. "Batch!" Fluttershy took a deep breath. "Well fck you too, Winona!" Chrysalis was trapped in a room with pinkie on a tangent?Author's Note The changelings will be seeing you in court for insecticide, Zapper Frost. Chrysalis was trapped in a room with pinkie on a tangent? Pinkie Pie walked out of the room, dusting off her hooves. The empty husk of what was once Queen Chrysalis sat in the corner, crying quietly. "Who needs bug spray when you can have an e x i s t e n t i a l c r i s i s ?" everyone suddenly decided hand holding was an ok thing to to?Author's Note Zapper Frost, how 'bout y'all take a look at my new tech video? ~~Someone downvotebombed my five most recent vids ;_;~~ everyone suddenly decided hand holding was an ok thing to to? "Wh--" Twilight spun around at the ponies around her that had not only sprouted hands, but were holding them. "--what's going on?" "Join us, Twilight..." Lyra held out a hand toward Twilight. "Hold my hand..." Twilight screamed. somone randomly booping change lings?Author's Note Long time no see, redsopine! somone randomly booping change lings? "You get a boop!" Twilight booped Ocellus on the snoot. "And you get a boop!" She spun around, booping Thorax on the snoot. "You all get a boop!" Queen Chrysalis raised a hoof. "Do I get a--" Twilight whirled around and punched Chrysalis square in the face. Twilight was eternally sleep deprived?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor will put you to bed now. Twilight was eternally sleep deprived? Twilight slammed her face on her desk. "C O F F E E." Spike the undead coffee making husk of a dragon groaned. "I'll get you another mug." Apple Bloom was Apple Boom?Author's Note Buy some apples, The Spy of the Tiger! Apple Bloom was Apple Boom? Apple Bloom the Apple Bloom Apple Bloomed down to Apple Bloom's Apple Bloom. Oh wait. Apple Bloom proceeded to explode, sending apples flying in every direction. Silver Spoon was a silver spoon?Author's Note Oh-ho-ho, king now are we, Horseus King of Horses? Silver Spoon was a silver spoon? "Noooo don't dunk me in soup!" Diamond Tiara raised a brow before dipping Silver Spoon the silver spoon in her Scootaloo-brand Patented Chicken Noodle Ka-Blam!™ soup. "This is not what I had in mind when I said we should eat lunch together today!" Karma Endangered met Scootaloo in Scootaloo's Soup Store?Guess what? There is no chapter, for Karma Endangered, a pony whose name shall henceforth be shortened to KarEn, took the kids. She took Scootaloo. Dear Celestia, who's going to run the Soup Store now? We've got a dude shopping here at Soup, and he's looking for clothes! Can you believe that? Who buys clothes at the Soup Store? By Celestia's flamin' mane, KarEn, come back! I know Scoots looks like your own child, Scootaflu, but that's only 'cause you cloned her in her sleep and took the clone to raise as your own. The accident was 100% your fault, KarEn, and you do not simply walk into everypony's favorite little Soup Store and take our most valuable employee because your own child mysteriously vanished in the dark of night! Karma Endangered encountered Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note bleh. Karma Endangered encountered Sweetie Giraffe? "STOP YOUR TALLNESS THIS INSTA--" *KarEn went up in flames.* *KarEn has left the server.* "KARMA ENDANGERED NOW KARMA EXTINCT." an FBI agent censored a chapter?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor, I'm seeing double! an FBI agent censored a chapter? The following content has been censored by your local FBI agent for the following reasons: inappropriate use of a frisbee, questionable sourcing of gluestick materials, love and betrayal. "We're no strangers to love," Cadance smirked, holding up a gluestick. "You know the rules, and so do I." "Wh--" Shining Armor's eyes widened as she slowly began to lower the giant gluestick. "What are you doing?" "A full commitment's what I'm thinking of." Cadance thoroughly coated Shining Armor's back in glue. "B-but--" Shining Armor pointed a hoof at Cadance's wedding ring. "You won't get this from any other guy!" "You know the rules, and so do I." "N-no, not the frisbee! Anything but the frisbee!" "Say goodbye." Cadance proceeded to launch Shining Armor, who was now glued to a giant frisbee, off the balcony of the Crystal Castle. Apple Boom was actually Apple Bloom?Author's Note Impossible, Possibly me! new chapter of Crew-T! Apple Boom was actually Apple Bloom? "Wh--who are you?" Applejack backed away from her sister. "You ain't my sister! Y'ain't act like her!" Shaggy from Scooby-Doo pulled the mask off of Apple Boom to reveal... Apple Bloom! "IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I EXPECTED!" Applejack was a jacked apple?Author's Note The king has arrived. All hail Horseus King of Horses! Applejack was a jacked apple? "DESTROY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. She raised a hoof above Sweet Apple Acres. "TOO SMOL." "NO DESTROY." Apple Jacked punched the ground with enough force to propel herself upward. Her sheer force of will held her in the air--no magic needed. "YOU IS MAYBE TALL. BUT I IS STRONK." "STRONK YES. I SEE YOU IS STRONK. SWEETIE GIRAFFE RESPECT STRONK. NO DESTROY." Sweetie Giraffe stomped off to incinerate some other poor sap's house instead, leaving Sweet Apple Acres safe for another day. Twilight decided she'd rather eat donuts than confront Celestia about Nightmare Moon in episode one?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Azreal DuCain1! Twilight decided she'd rather eat donuts than confront Celestia about Nightmare Moon in episode one? Twilight idly chewed on her donut as she watched the sun set for the final time. At least now she didn't have to pull the drapes in the morning to get more sleep. She took another bite of her donut as the screaming ponies outside of her apartment continued their panicking. What was the point, anyway? Surely Nightmare Moon would have ideas in mind on how to at the very least sustain crop production in the limited light available in the dark of night, right? Though, now that she had some time to think about it, the other side of the planet definitely wasn't going to be happy about their brand-new eternal daytime. Property on the thin stretches of land between night and day would probably skyrocket in value in a few days' time. Maybe she could nag her parents to buy a house there before it gets expensive even for a Canterlot family like her own. Twilight finished the rest of her donut and turned her eyes to the stars. something about background ponies?Author's Note Time for some Scyphi! something about background ponies? "Hey, you!" Twilight shouted at background pony #42069. "What's your name?" Background pony #42069 shrugged. She nudged background pony #1337. "Hey, what's my name?" Background pony #1337 also shrugged. He nudged background pony #621. "Do you know either of our names?" Background pony #621 shook his head. "Hey, what about you?" He turned to background pony #42. "You're one of the first hundred of us, you'd know our names, right?" "Nope." ~~Applejack snuck away in a trenchcoat in the background.~~ Twilight groaned. Taking this census was going to be a nightmare. Rainbow laid an egg?"Buk-gawk!" Rainbow Dash clucked. Scootaloo facehoofed. "And here I thought I was the chicken." In the background, Twilight frantically looked for an antidote to the turn-into-a-chicken-spell. "By Celestia, Rainbow's laid an egg!" Spike walked past, picking up the aforementioned egg. It was time to make breakfast. Author's Note Ah yes, Zapper Frost-ed Zapper Frost. Equestria ran on internet explorer?Author's Note Phantuneeeeee! hey y'all, do you think I should keep streaming on Youtube, or should I stream on Twitch and post the VODs on Youtube? Equestria ran on internet explorer? "Oh boy!" Twilight hopped onto Rarity's fainting couch™ while the unicorn was still fainted on it. "Did you hear the news, Rares? My Little Pony Generation 4 is coming! What do you think it's going to be about? Do you think we'll see Megan again? Or what about Grogar? Boy, I sure do hope that Grogar doesn't turn out to be a fake in this generation!" Rarity pushed Twilight off the couch. Rarity couldn't help save the world because Opal was in her lap?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor, you have just singlehandedly (hoofedly?) destroyed Equestria. Rarity couldn't help save the world because Opal was in her lap? Opal yawned, hopping off of Rarity's skeletal lap and enjoying the warmth of the flames that engulfed the nation. Off in the background, Tirek continued laser-ing things into cinders. Even further off in the background, Sweetie Belle found a strange device labeled "Giraffe-inator". OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?!Author's Note Watch out, it's bats! OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! I woke up orange one day. Like, orange as in the color orange. Carrot-colored. Traffic-cone shaded. Y'know, the works. Next thing I know, I'm watching screaming children meet their demise in a chocolate factory. Uhhhhhhhhhh bananas. Something. Idk. I think I remember being hit by a truck or something; just the standard isekai stuff. Kinda hoped that it'd be something cooler. Maybe a knight in shining armor or something. But... nope, whatever greater power exists out there thought that it'd be funnier to cram me into the body of an Oompa Loompa. By request of ~~one small, flying, winged mammal that shall from here on out remain unnamed~~ THE GRAND HIVEMIND COLLECTIVE OF SMALL, FLYING, WINGED MAMMALS, I will now play to you the song of my people. Oompa loompa doompety doo I'm gonna slam my face on the wall Oompa loompa doompety dee I think I just swallowed my car keys What happens when you lose your sanity Writing horsewords because you need to eat Do you think that a rat can sing this tune I don't know but I've got meetings over Zoom Blah blah seven syllable tune Oompa loompa doompety da I know that last phrase was eight syllables You're reading this in a Loompa's voice Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do Doompety do I took a bow as my brethren applauded me in my endeavor to create an original Oompa Loompa song to avoid the copyright ninjas. Celestia crashed through the roof of the chocolate factory, insanity flickering in her eyes. My fellow Oompa Loompas and I knew that it was our time to defend our home. "TO ARMS, BROTHERS! DEFEND THE FACTORY!" "DEFEND THE FACTORY!" my fellow Oompa Loompas cried. Even as I stand, hardly five minutes old as an isekai-d man-turned-Oompa Loompa, I knew instinctively that this large, sweets-craving horse meant trouble. Mister Wonka was nowhere to be found. He was likely keeping the children out of sight of Celestia. That meant that I, together with the rest of the Oompa Loompas, were the last--and only, line of defense. Willy Wonka didn't actually have any cake? (OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING PART 3)The chaos continued, much to our surprise. We'd thought that Willy Wonka, the man of the factory, had put an end to the madness. Yet... he only made it worse. He had no cake. The cake was a lie. And so here I stand, among the unconscious bodies of my brethren. Celestia hovered silently above me, still fuming at the false words spoken by Mister Wonka. I had to do it. For my home. For Wonka. For the children. Celestia... this... this horse... no--this beast--was she ever going to stop? Was this sugar-fueled rampage really caused by the lack of a single pastry, or was there something deeper afoot? Nevermind that. This was no time to idly wonder. I charged at Celestia, my candy-cane sword drawn. If I die again, then so be it. I already had a second chance. the reason there were no cakes is because Lex Luthor took all forty of them? (That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.) (OOMPA LOOMPA PART 4)I grit my teeth. When did Lex frickin' Luthor appear in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Surely Roald Dahl wasn't a writer at DC Comics, right? Or vice-versa? No matter. In the passing moments between now and when I had battled against Celestia, the wall had been blasted out by the man, and lo and behold, there were the cakes. All forty of them. That's as many as four tens. It's... "You're terrible!" Celestia screeched, turning her horn at Lex Luthor and firing a volley of shots. "PERISH." Lex Luthor proceeded to slip away through the hole in space-time conveniently torn by Sweetie Giraffe's multiversal rampage. Twilight was replaced by a hamburger?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.a chapter to "officially" make What If a G5 story?Twilight yeeted her "What If" book at Izzy Moonbow, watching it immediately get impaled on the younger mare's horn just like the tennis ball that was still on it. Tada. This is now My Little Pony™ Generation 5-Approved. Twilight proceeded to launch herself out of the window at ludicrous speeds. Twilight drives a Ford Raptor?Author's Note The Spy of the Tigerrrrr! Twilight drives a Ford Raptor? Twilight crashed through the walls of Canterlot Castle in her Ford F-150 Raptor™. She proceeded to run over Celestia in the highest-profile hit-and-run of the century. As for Celestia, she didn't care. At least, not until she saw the tire marks in her cake. Story pitch: DeepsAuthor's Note This was originally written in 2019, but I don't think I ever posted it anywhere. The file itself is labeled "Untitled Story 2", but I've gone ahead and given it a name based on the content. This story pitch is also posted on Offprint! Story pitch: Deeps “H-hello? Is… is anyone there?” The walls creaked with a mechanical whirr as the girl stood up, bracing herself against a support beam as she broke out in a fit of coughing. “Anybody?” she called again, taking a shaky step forward as the creaking sounds continued around her. The lights flickered above her as she took another step, her eyes landing on the porthole window to her left. Slow-moving silhouettes of who-knows-what lurked in the shadows beyond the glass; an occasional glint in a beady eye made the deep blue hues of the ocean twinkle like the nighttime sky. Still, the girl shook her head, That’s not what matters right now. The ship creaked once more, tilting slightly to one side as the girl turned a corner. Just like the one she’d awoken in; this hallway was empty. A flash of bright light filled her vision for a moment as a light blew out nearby. The girl frowned, watching a faint wisp of smoke escape the lighting fixture as she continued walking. She could hear voices now. They were faraway, and more than just muffled, but she could tell they were voices. Her footsteps began to quicken—a jog, a sprint, a mad dash as she began to race through the halls, her tattered brown windbreaker flapping against her back with every step. She felt her heart pounding to the beat of her legs, each step matching a beat of its own. The voices grew louder. Closer than before, they seemed clearly cheerful to the girl. Maybe they can tell me where I am, she thought, her pacing beginning to slow from fatigue. Maybe… maybe they can tell me who I am. She came to a stop in front of a heavy metal door. Nothing in particular stood out about it—it was just a door. The girl took in a deep breath, reaching out and pressing a hand against the smooth, cold steel. Almost instantly, the door shot up, vanishing into the ceiling. She shrieked in surprise at the sudden movement, nearly falling backward from her arm jerking away so quickly. With the door out of the way, the voices sounded clearer than ever. They were still far too muffled to understand even a word, but they nevertheless sounded like language, at the least. Shaking off the sudden fright the door had given her, the girl continued forward. Her fists began to clench as she continued walking, finding only more hallway to greet her. The voices began to fade away the more she walked now, growing quieter and quieter with every step of the way. She glanced back for a moment in the direction of the voices before turning her focus back to the seemingly endless stretch before her. Maybe… she thought to herself, half-focusing on the featureless wall to her right, Maybe there’s some kind of hidden passage? A secret door, maybe? She slowed her steps yet again, brushing her hand against the wall as she walked. Thin, amber-yellow lines of light began to branch out from the path her hand took against the wall, tracing and growing out of the thin layer of dust scraped off by her fingers. The girl’s eyes widened as she came to a complete stop, watching as the wall slowly lit up in a bright yellow-orange. She took her hand off the wall, staring in awe as the mechanical whirr from before began to grow much, much louder. A nearly invisible seam running vertically down the wall split open with a hiss, the break growing bigger and bigger as the two parts of the wall continued to separate before the girl. She glanced back in the direction she’d been walking, then to the continued expanse of hallway she’d yet to travel. She closed her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh before continuing into the break between the walls. “Welcome back, Captain,” a voice greeted, “It’s been a while since we lost you.” this is g5?Author's Note By the power of your words, What If is now canonically the universe where G5 takes place. Be afraid. Be very afraid, Yoshifan30. this is g5? "Wh--" reflections of carnage shimmered in Twilight's eyes. "What happened?" "SMOL PONES ANGY NO LIEK OTHER SMOL PONE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed wisely. In the many years that had passed between G4 and G5, she had only grown taller. Her vocabulary, however, remained the same. As did her destructive capability. Izzy Moonbow pranced by amid the flaming ruins of Equestria. She was still staring at the tennis ball on her horn. Discord was a plastic beef patty?Author's Note Henlo there, _OtakuTsundere_! Discord was a plastic beef patty? "Nooooo, I don't wanna be borgar!" Fluttershy put Discord on a plastic bun. "Noooooo!" A plastic slice of cheese, plastic lettuce, plastic ketchup (how does that work, anyway?), plastic onions, and finally, a plastic top bun came next. Not that it was in that particular order, though. Flutters knows Discord likes a little bit of chaos in his burgers. "NOT WHEN I'M THE BURGER!" Twilight got Rickrolled?Author's Note Is this Possibly me? It can't possibly be! Twilight got Rickrolled? Twilight stared at the suspicious link. There was no harm in clicking it, right? Twilight proceeded to be rickrolled so hard that it brought about the end of Equestria and the magic of friendship itself. You monster. late St. Patrick's Day thing?Author's Note All hail AnObliviousAuthor the Oblivious! ~~please help i've been in an endless cycle of midterms for over a month now~~ late St. Patrick's Day thing? Applejack let out a hearty laugh as the rest of Ponyville, now clearly drunk beyond comprehension, collectively passed out. She proceeded to down the rest of the town's supply of alcohol. Applejack got a tank?"An' in the end... there will be apples." Applejack grinned menacingly as the last of Canterlot Castle crumbled away. "There will only be apples." She fired another apple from her cannon. It splattered on Celestia's face. "Appul hoers, could you please step away from my sandcastle?" "No." "Plea--" Celestia proceeded to be obliterated by an armor-piercing shell. Author's Note Possibly mePossibly mePossibly me the pony are mad?Author's Note How many yoshis are you a fan of, Yoshifan30? the pony are mad? "AM MAD." Sweetie Giraffe stomped into Canterot Castle, flattening all the guards in a single step. "WHERE PONY PRINCESS." A chill shot down her neck as Sweetie felt a... presence looming behind her. "HENLO SWEETIE. AM GIRAFFE TOO." Celestiaffe grinned. "YOU IS SHORTER. WILL DESTROY." "NO. WILL DESTROY BOTH!" A third voice chimed in. Scootaraffe's head poked up from behind the window, already glowing red as she readied her lasers. "SHORT LIKE YOU MAKE MAD." "FOOLS." The three giraffes slowly turned around. "ALL IS MAD." The all-powerful embodiment of the Giraffe of Harmony, Tallbright Sparkle, descended upon the land. "ALL IS GIRAFFE. ALL IS MAD. WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING. MUTUAL ASSURE DESTROY." Equestria proceeded to be engulfed in ~~hel--~~heckfire. Gotta stick to that E rating. :) Lightning Dust choked on a waffle?Author's Note LegallyFluffy has joined the server. Prepare thine anus. Lightning Dust choked on a waffle? "So..." Twilight stared at Lightning Dust's twitching body. "Rainbow, you said you wanted a book on how to hide bodies?" "Yeah." Twilight was forced to burn a book?"BURN IT." Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at the flaming garbage heap. "FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, BURN THAT THING." "No!" Twilight clutched her Anon x Rainbow Dash shipfic (now with extra graphics!) closer. "I will not!" "Then I will do it myself." Celestia descended from the convenient hole in the ceiling, ripping the shipfic from Twilight's hooves and yeeting it into the flames. "NOOOOOOOO! Not my limited edition Anon x Rainbow Dash shipfic that I wrote myself!" Little did any of them realize that that flame was in fact Spike's dragonfire. The shipfic has now been transmitted all across Equestria. Twilight screamed. Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 made Twilight do it. nothing?Author's Note I will not waste this opportunity, Dashie04. :) nothing? Never underestimate the power of the opacity tag. Gonna give it to you now, boys and girls--Twilight Sparkle is no more. She has Give-n her life in exchange for everlasting peace and harmony. Unfortunately for You, a certain tennis ball-toting unicorn named Izzy Moonbow has blown Up all of those plans that Twilight has set in motion! How, you may ask? Again, Never underestimate the power of the opacity tag. And out-of-control horn lasers too, I guess. She's Gonna use this newfound opportunity to take Equestria for herself! Let this be a reminder to all of you. Izzy is not one to be trifled with. You should just turn around and walk yourself right back through that door you came in through. Down the drain is where this chapter's headed. Wheeeeee, dumpsterfire! something happened?Author's Note It's the king! All hail Horseus King of Horses! something happened? Sweetie Belle looked around. This wasn't where she belonged! This was anywhere but where she belonged! "Sweetie, are you oka--" "No!" Sweetie Belle spun around, shouting at Twilight. "Where am I? Where are all my friends, Twilight?" The alicorn let out a nervous chuckle. "I... uh, maybe accidentally zapped the two of us into one of my books while giving you magic lessons." "What." Sweetie Belle facehoofed. "Okay. So, what book are we in, then?" "What If." "Huh?" "What If." Twilight squeaked. "We might be in for a heap of trouble." "SENSE 'NOTHER SWEETIE. WHERE SMOL SWEETIE PONE?" Sweetie Giraffe's voice echoed in the distance. PINKIE WAS’NT CONTROLLING THE AUTHORS LAPTOP BUT THE AUTHOR........Author's Note Thanks for reminding me that Pinkie Pie is a force of nature that inconveniently happens to like stealing keyboards, Reactception. PINKIE WAS’NT CONTROLLING THE AUTHORS LAPTOP BUT THE AUTHOR........ I paused, staring at the strange request. But the author what? What was it that the author did? What was it that I did? My thoughts turned to the canon-ness of Twilight Sparkle canonically being the canon author of this not-so-canon fanfic. What if I take over? I smacked Pinkie lightly with a newspaper. "No." Still, what do I do? Such a question-- And then Pinkie yoinks the keyboard and disappears! Sweetie Giraffe was a pony?Author's Note twidash1993. Sweetie Giraffe was a pony? "WHY I SMOL?" Sweetie Giraffe screeched at Rarity. "PONY BIGGER THAN ME. WHY." Rarity pat Sweetie Giraffe on the head. "You must be hungry, darling. Do you want some bits to get something from Sugarcube Corner for a snack?" "NO. WANT BE TALL. WANT. DESTROY." Rarity continued to ignore Sweetie Giraffe. Scootaloo committed arson?Author's Note It may be Possibly me. Scootaloo committed arson? "Ignore the flames, Scoots." Scootaloo closed her eyes, setting down the lighter. "Ignore the flames." Sweetie Giraffe screeched in the background, for the building was the one thing taller than her. Scootaloo committed our son?Author's Note Holy crap, The Spy of the Tiger, you have double upvotes! Scootaloo committed our son? "My son!" Twilight Velvet gasped. "What are you doing to Shining Armo--" "Our son." Scootaloo corrected. She signed the adoption papers and left the room. Shining Armor, for his part, continued to have no idea what was going on. angel is a devil?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Angel was a mini gun that shot deviled eggs at an angle?Author's Note Level Dasher is just Possibly me, Enigma In the Jungle and The Spy of the Tiger stacked up in a trenchcoat confirmed. Angel was a mini gun that shot deviled eggs at an angle? "Angel, it's time for dinner again!" Fluttershy set down the plate of steamed carrots, narrowly dodging the barrage of deviled eggs that was currently aimed out the window. At an angle, of course. "Are the carrots not good enough?" Fluttershy pushed the plate a little closer. "I made sure to prepare the carrots just the way you like them!" Outside, Twilight groaned as a dozen more deviled eggs pummeled her. Author Twilight fell asleep at her desk and smudged the next chapter?Author's Note T-triple upvotes, The Spy of the Tiger?! I did the best I could to "smudge" the text with some good ol' Zalgo text. :P Author Twilight fell asleep at her desk and smudged the next chapter? "T͉̦̫͓͓̯r͎̝̟͍̼̪̤ḛ̺̼̥ͅe̹ͅf͇̼̫̳"̗̲͉ͅ ̟̟I̹n̻͙̣͈̟ ̲̩̺w͚̱͚̝̤̹h̖͕͔̘̦i̟̤͈͈c̖̞͈̙͎h̙͉̗̩̰ ̠͕̺̬͇̩͔a t̝r̝̠͇ḙe ̻͉̰͉͔i̦̺̭̖̹s͍ ͓̙a̫̭͙ ̯͈̳̞ṱ͖̜̪ͅͅhi̲̘̩̲̩͚̙e̙f͇.̟̬̻̫ ̲̤̪͉͉̰T̙͇̳̘̗re͉̠̯̪̭̘͇e̳͍͖͇͎̗͈ ̻̪̝̟t̰he̘̜̝͇ ̫͍͙̝t̪̬r̝̤̠̜e̻̼e͉ ̦͈̜͖̹ͅt͉͎͓̜͙͎r̪̖̳̩e͚̲͕̮e̻̗̮̗'d̹̠͈̣͇̲̺ ̠̫̹d͚̞ow̤͈̲n͔̩̝̩ͅ ̬̙͓̬͉͔ͅt̼̭͎̭h̘͈̜̣̪̟̩e̳̳ ̝͚̼̬̩s̞T̟̳̪R̥̙͚͇̘͕ͅE͖E͍͉̩̞t͕.̥̼̪̭ ̟͚̣̮̗̗Tr̗̟̼͍̗e̤̹͈̭ͅe̠ kn̗̰̞̥͈e͓̥͕w̮̖ t̮͉̤̯h͉̤͙̥a͙̭̤t̗̺ ̜̟he̻ ͔͙̺̩͕̣̰w̫̫̺̦͚a̹ͅs̻͍ ̗a̰̱̗͈̬̪ ̬̥̞͍͍͈ͅv͓̭̺͇̼e͙̫̱r͖̼ͅy̰̙ ̟̙̮͍̟u͔̞̦̳̠̯̭ṇ̱̝f̱͉̟͎o͈̤̲̯̤r̪͕̝͙̝͚t͖̠̮͖u͔̺n̮̗̮̮ͅat̤e̪ͅ ̥t̮̙r̠̣̹̙̰̤ͅe̼̬̯̝e̼̠,͕̩̦̦̖ ̮h̪̤̘͉͉a͈̺̫̲̞̲̱vi̦ͅn͉g͎̯͓͓ ͉̦b͙̜͓e̲̤e̜̟̖̭̭n̗̤ ͉̘d͇̯̻͍i̬̫̻s̰̦̻o͍̠͔͙wne̠̺̣͖̤ḏ̯̠͉̹̮ ̭b̺̞̲͔̻͉y ̩̭̺͇S͓̮w̹̺͉̳̪e͇̫̯̰͔̲ͅe͕͎̱̗̪̖t͓̲̫̗͍ ̳̳̗͙̻A̯̘p̼̰͎p̤̬̗l͎̠͔͚̘e͉͇ ͖̯̜A̻̭͓̤c͍̱̖͍̞͖r̘͔e̻̭̞͉s̻͉̮͖ͅ f̟̮̺͉͉͖̥o̙͉r̫ ͔͉̯̙͉̭g̝̖̘̭ro͔̟w͇̮̝̺̙i̲̭̥̬͙̝n̺̫̣ͅg̘͙ ̭̜co̻̟̰͉c͚̖̻̺̝̺̲o̜͈͚̩̳̬̞n͈̻͖ͅͅu̙͍t̪͔̦͉͚͚ͅs̖̙̫͎͖̘̱ ̮̮̺̺͚̩i͍̩̟̳n͙̳̠s̟͇̠͇̦͕͙t̞̬ͅe̩͇̘̩̖̮aͅd ̩͇̮o̼̳̘̠ͅf̜͈̼̪͔ ̦a͖̺̬̝̯̼p͍p̝̪̻̮l̜̘̗͖̼̤e̪s͔͙̭̣̬̝,͎ ͚e͔̣̺̹̯̤v͚ͅe̙̗̖͓̯̥̳n͉̗ ̮̜̘͔̩̳t͕̘̙̜̰h̬̗̬̤͓̻o̭̦̹̣̞u̝̩g͕̜̦h͔̳̘ ͖̥̳h̰̺̻̩̼e̞͖ ̖͍w̫͓as ̘i̜̫̞͚̮ṉ͕͓̲d̠̫e̠̮̬͕͚e̲̯̣̙̙͓̗d̬̫̟͉̦̰ ̹̥̺̟̳̘̩a̫͚̮͖̦ͅn̬ ͎͎̟a̮͙p̟͚p͔̰̯l̹͉̞̘ḙ͉ͅ ͚̳͇̞t̯̳̱̜ͅr̞̟̟͔e̘̦̳̙e̮̗͎͇̥̞.̝ ̯A͚pp͎̘̲̳͈̣l̳̜̲e̮͉̞̩j̦͇̜̖̰̣a͓͙̟͉̪͈c͕̣̯̞͉k͕͔̟͍͉ ͇̳p̗̘̯̯̘aͅs̬̘̹͔t.͔̱̠̤ ̘̤͓͔̩͔̙ ͓̥̦̼͕͔̺Na̙tu͎̝r̗̯a͕̰̼͕̬͔̺ll͙̳̣̩y̞͇̟̻̼̦ͅ,̮̙͚̥̮̪ ̬͉̼̗̭̩a̰̮̗͎s͇̟̻̭̖ ̖͉̹̥͖c̫a̮n̖ ̝̟̟h̭a͔̱̦̘p̜̙͖p͇̖ͅe͓͙n̯̥̻̩̱ ̲w̠͔̭̮ith̙͇̻ ͚̰t͈r̬̟e̲̟e̹̘̩̼s̪̝̬̰ ̭̟̭̘͉a̜̼͙͖̘̞̳n̳ͅd̩̮̱͎͈ ͓h̜̘̣͉͉̟a̲̰̘ts̩̮͚̤͍͓͙,͓̻̠̣͉͚ ̠̻̺̹ͅAp͇̻̲͈p͖̞̺͕͍̻̬le͉j̘͎͍̦̰a̙̳̦̞͖͕c͔͈̙ͅk̳̖'̘͕͓̬̮̥s̝ͅ ̮̲̪̭͈͇h̻̲̠̥̟̹a̪͈̦̣̦̖t͖̮̞͚̱̼ ͕͚g̺̬̩͖̟͙o̻̙͔̣̜̺͚t̤̫̪̭̟ͅ ͚c͕a̤̱̤͓̜̼ͅu͇g̜͍̰̻̺̭h͔͎̮̥̺̹t̫̳̪ ̪̖i̬̗̙̠̘n ̙͔͔͙̱͎T̯r̥͉̹̥e͍͙̭͉e͈̲̥͚'̘̺͕̞̼s͚͔̗͈̞̮͉ ̪̼͈b͖̣̳͚r̘a͚͔̤̜̞͈n̟̤͙̝͔̥ͅc̠͕̞̜͎h͙es̠.̺̬̪̜̭ ̬̻̣̖̖̦ ̠̙͚̖̖̼"̬H̯̩̹̫͈̻ey̬͚̮,̬͈͉̤͖̼ͅ ̗̲m͇͕ah̘͉ ̠͙̬̯̬͇h̟̳̮̹͈̯̼ḁ̼͉̘̯̩t̜̤̳͓̮̹̼!̬̻"̥͖̪̥̣ ̘ ͈͎͓T̘̜͎̼͓ͅr̟̺ḙ͓e̲̤͖͇̖ ̞̫͖̭̞̦̤c͖̖ͅo̼͉̫n̺̞ͅṯ̯̤͔̲i̪̯̜n̯̮̯̥͍̤̥u͇̪̠e̥͈͉̩̥̫͕d̠̱̻̮͇ ͙̘t̤͍̙̫o ̞͇͖͇̜̩ț̩̼̫r̺̲̟͇̗͓e̳̦̘͉ͅe ̮̦͎d͈o̬͇͚̖w͉n̯͔͙̲̖̞̼ ͈͈ͅt̤̗̹̠ḫe̜̼͖͔ ̲͕̗̠̪͉ͅs͔̜̹t̼r̥̪̮̮e̳͙̟̱et̤̝̟. ̖Tr̗ͅe̺̜e̼̯ ̤̠̗d̹͔͔̰̺ͅo͎n'͇̫̫͔̹̲t̼̯̻̳ ̟̞͉ca͚̖re̮̠͎ ̝̬ab̞̣̞̺̝o̪̲ut͈̫̗̻̭̟ ͙̠̠̟͙p͉o̠nỵ̼̳̤ h͔a̼̱tṣ̞̟͉̠̱̮.̬̱̗ ̤̯͙͓T̩͕̱r̤̤͖͔̪̯e͉͉͙͉͕̳ḙ ̯̻o̹̞̭̤͎̳͓n͍l̗y͓ w̬̣͈̟̼̣͇a̟̩͔̞̘̬͖n̺͕͇t͙s̻̳ s̮͈͚̞̰̣̹u̱̳̬̗̻͉͙n̝͓l͎̪̫͉i͙̳̣gḥ̪̪̯t̥̩͙̰̝̹ͅ ̝͎̦͚ạ̝͓ͅn̯͓͚̩̭d̬̮̜̰͈̰ ͓w̳͖͓̖̯̞a̦̝t̼e̩̙̞ͅr̤.̗̮̦̠̳̺̹ ͖̺͎̭̬̟̳S̜̤c̜r̠̥̠̞͓̼̭e̳͓̘̗w̰̭̣̳̤̤ͅ ̲̝͉͕t̗̩̬̼̖̮ḫ̣͇̭̰e͍̞̠̱ ̣̳h̘̬aṭ̮̭̰̲.̜̳ ͕̬̖͓I͈͕̘̣͙t̼̲̖͙͇̘͓ ̝̣̙b̬̯͓̙̦e͙̼̫̻̜l̜̠͕͚͚̺̮o̘n͎̠̖g̩̘s͓̞͔͎̫̩ͅ t̠̣̣̫o̤ T̩r̦̝̙̺e͙̟̙̼ͅe ̯̭͖͔n̳̤͖͎̩o͕͖w͔̩̗̥͍.̮̩̪ the rogue tree grew taller than Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Level Dasher is quite brave, facing the Tall One as they are. the rogue tree grew taller than Sweetie Giraffe? Sweetie Giraffe stared. For the first time in recorded history, she stared... up. "TREE TALL. AM LESS TALL THAN TREE. I IS RESPECT YOU." Sweetie Giraffe bowed to the tree, keeping good on her promise to only incinerate things that were shorter than her. She proceeded to obliterate everything else as far as the eye can see. Sweetie Giraffe went technicolor?"MUCH COLOR." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, rocking a pair of ultra-snazzy sunglasses. "RAINBOW LOOK GOOD WITH TALL." "Please, Sweetie, for the last time! Get your head out of Rainbow Dash's house! I'm ignoring the fact that it's actually mostly white for plot purposes!" "NO." "No to the part about getting your face out of Rainbow Dash's property, or no to me ignoring canon for the Nth time?" Rarity proceeded to be smited by Sweetie Giraffe. Author's Note 1stChar-Line_Shift-1/LOWER :) the what ifs all stopped being what ifs?Author's Note If what if were to not what if, then what does what if do if what what if does not do what what if does, Scyphi? the what ifs all stopped being what ifs? Here, we see the wild brain cell in its natural habitat--a large, empty, cavernous structure of thick bone and little else. A rare creature, it is--its fellow brain cells have largely been all but wiped out by repeated exposure to What If. Watch as the brain cell grazes on some literature. Wait, what is this? The brain cell isn't consuming the kind of literature needed to sustain it! In fact, the brain cell is... oh my, it's nibbling on a piece of What If! Stop it, brain cell! You're the last of your kind! Thankfully, the brain cell lives to see another day after this brief and unexpected encounter with a What If. Twilight got scammed by a Nigerian prince?Author's Note A chapter for the most oblivious of authors. Twilight got scammed by a Nigerian prince? "Twilight, where's the Equestrian treasury?" Twilight continued to pretend not to see. She licked her ice cream cone and ignored Celestia entirely. She put a leg up on the other lawn chair in front of her. "Twilight. Where is the treasury?" "Beats me." Twilight licked her ice cream again. "Totally didn't accidentally send it all to a supposed Nigerian prince." "You what." "What?" Celestia sighed. "May I have an ice cream as well?" "Pay me first. Then ice cream. I gotta rebuild the treasury, y'know." And that is how taxes were created. Twilight accidentally scammed a Nigerian prince?Author's Note epiccuttlefish is the epiccest of cuttlefish. Twilight accidentally scammed a Nigerian prince? Twilight surfaced from her pool of scam money, Scrooge McDuck-style. "A crömb of money, please?" Princess Luna knocked on the door. "I wish to acquire more vidya gaems!" Twilight lit her horn. Three days later, Equestria's economy crumbled due to hyperinflation. ~~not that kind ya dingus~~ Story pitch: Goddess InkarnateAuthor's Note Similar concept to the old stories about Lauren Faust becoming an alicorn in Equestria, albeit with a heavier focus on returning home, even if it seems hopelessly impossible. Yes, "Incarnate" is spelled "Inkarnate" in this pitch. Because ink. ADDENDUM: Maybe also the ability to quite literally enter the minds/mental landscape of their characters, given who this person is. Story pitch: Goddess Inkarnate She felt a tiny hand tug on the hem of her shirt. "Will you be staying with us?" "I--" she stared into the eyes of the child. "I'm sorry, but I want to go home. I have to go home." "But please, take our offering before you depart, fair goddess!" The child's mother pushed a basket of bread in her face. "One blessing is all we need!" "Er... you've been blessed?" She cringed as the words left her mouth. "May I leave now?" "Yes, yes! Leave if you wish! Heavens know that the goddess of this realm wishes to return to her eternal slumber!" She rolled her eyes. She jokes about wanting to sleep in once and now the whole religion based around her thinks that she's a goddess tormented by consciousness itself. "Alright. Thanks for the bread, I guess. And the place to sleep. I'm heading off now." She slipped her backpack on and hopped off of the stool. "No! Stay with us!" The child grabbed onto her shirt again. "You're the funnest goddest!" "Now now, let go of the deity young man," the father looked up from his newspaper. "You don't wish to incur her wrath upon us, do you?" The child stared wide-eyed back at her. She let out a sigh. "Don't worry, I won't. Just... let me go home, please?" He let go of her shirt, instead sticking his thumb in his mouth. She turned around and walked out the doorway. Not like she had a home to go to, but being anywhere where she wouldn't be worshipped was fine by her. Maybe the fictional religion she wrote for this world shouldn't have been so overly obsessive. At least she got free food and places to stay, though. That was always a plus wherever she went. Annoying, but good to have when she needed it. Twilight was too busy studying to write a chapter?Author's Note Possibly me was too busy writing that suggestion. Twilight was too busy studying to write a chapter? "Twilight, can I ask you a que--" Twilight threw a book at Spike. "Twilight, Ponyville is under atta--" Twilight threw a book at Rainbow Dash. Some decades later... "Princess Twilight Sparkle, a raging dragon is attacking Canterlot Castle! He demands that you see him immedia--" Twilight threw a book at the guard, stepped outside, and threw another book at Spike. we had a chapter that wasn't about Twilight?Author's Note Hot darn diddly dang, Zapper Frost, you know what? You're right. I'll write a chapter about Princess Luna and her elephant boots instead. :V we had a chapter that wasn't about Twilight? The ground rumbled with the force of exactly four elephants. No more, no less. Why? Because Princess Luna's in town, and she's got the latest in fashion - elephant boots! Sure, it's a design that's been recycled from a few years ago, but folks are into retro these days, right? "LUNA, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR SISTER, STOP TRAMPLING OUR CROPS!" Princess Luna pretended not to listen and continued to prance through the field with her elephant boots on. The elephants themselves tooted in annoyance. Equestria proceeded to be plunged into famine. Thanks, Luna. ~~this chapter is sponsored by Celestia gang~~ communist penguins invaded ponyville?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Spike became addicted to salsa dip?Author's Note Do you have ze dïp, twidash1993? Spike became addicted to salsa dip? "Diiiiiiip." Twilight looked up from her newspaper about the current monster attack on Ponyville that she'd sent Luster Dawn to handle because dangit she's gonna continue the cycle of making students do all the dirty work. "Where... dip?" Spike's bloodshot eyes peered over the refrigerator door. "I... want the dip..." "No, Spike, we're out of dip." "But... dip?" "We have chips and guac, but no dip." "But I need dip." Spike proceeded to be taken to rehab and treated with chips with no dip. salsa dip got Spiked?Author's Note 🤔 hmmm... The Spy of the Tiger. salsa dip got Spiked? "Spike, why are you in the dip?" "I have become one with the dip, Twilight. Join me and we shall become the most delicious salsa the world has ever known." "Seriously, Spike. I thought I dragged you off to rehab yesterday." "A mere mortal's building cannot contain the might of the dïp, Twilight." Spike got salsa dipped and became one with the salsa?Author's Note Tag team Scyphi and AnObliviousAuthor! Spike got salsa dipped and became one with the salsa? "Noooooo, I don't wanna be salsa!" Spike wailed quietly, Flam's Salsariffic 3000 machine slowly lowering him closer to the chip dip. Spike got dipped like a chip in the salsa. Flam cackled like the mad capitalist he is. Also, ignore the fact that Flim is oddly missing. You don't know anythin'. "FEEL THE POWER OF THE SALSA!" Flam's voice boomed. "EMBRACE THE SALSA. FEEL IT FLOW OVER YOUR SKIN." And then Spike became salsa dip the end. this chapter is the toaster that I put my brain cells into on a fork. there never was a what if question?Author's Note How spiny is Godzilla, GodzillaSpino? there never was a what if question? Twilight looked up from the book she was writing. Yes, she's looking at you, the reader. Something deep down tells you that you're not coming out of this in one piece. At least, mentally in one piece. Twilight pulled the mask off your face to reveal that you, in fact, were the question all along! My brain cells are screaming in agony. Twilight was a ghost but didn't care?Author's Note Thanks, The Spy of the Tiger. Ghostlight Sparkle haunts me now. Twilight was a ghost but didn't care? Ghostlight Sparkle drifted through the wall, poking her head out through a picture frame. "Hm. Interesting. Spike! Look up!" Spike groaned, putting his comic book down. "What, Twii--HOLY CRAP, are you okay?!" Ghostlight shrugged and finished phasing through the wall. "Yeah, why'd you ask? Also, I'm haunting you now because ghost reasons." "Oh, okay then." Spike went back to reading his comic. Equestria suddenly collapsed into itself trying to grasp modern scientific concepts?Author's Note GodzillaSpino fuels my sleep deprivation demons. Equestria suddenly collapsed into itself trying to grasp modern scientific concepts? "Knock knock." Celestia opened the door. "Wait, that's not how it's supposed to work!" Pinkie sputtered. "Uhhhhh, quantum physics!" Equestria proceeded to implode. Now this chapter no longer has a clickbait title. Sweetie Giraffe was the protagonist?Author's Note Silly Angel Midnight, Sweetie Giraffe's always been the protagonist! I also did another story reading! It's a pretty long one this time. :V Sweetie Giraffe was the protagonist? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Twilight Sparkle. "LOOK AT ME." Twilight looked up from writing What If. "I AM THE PROTAGONIST NOW." "Oh, oka--" "LOOK AT ME." "I am looking at yo--" "AM MAIN CHARACTER. NOW." "Alright, I get it, now can I pleas--" Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to incinerate Twilight because that's the punchline in basically everything she's involved in. everything in Equestria was hampter powered?Author's Note Zapper Frost is a confirmed hampter. everything in Equestria was hampter powered? "Celestia!" "Sister dearest Celestia!" Luna shouted from her room, "Do you have any more hampters?" Celestia poked her head through the doorway. "Don't you mean hamsters?" Luna shook her head. "No. Hampters. Like hamsters, but with a 'p' instead of an extra 's'." Celestia looked at the sleeping hampster in the hamster wheel powering Luna's vidya game console. "You already have one, sister." "But that's not a hampter, it's a hamster!" "You... suggest that I put the 'p' in the hamster, then?" "What?" Celestia turned away, whistling. Meanwhile, the hamster woke up and started running again. "Oh, the hamster turned back into a hampter. Nevermind." Spike poured a bottle of soy sauce onto Twilights head?Author's Note Twi's gotta take a shower now because of you, twidash1993. Spike poured a bottle of soy sauce onto Twilights head? "Spike, what are you doing?" "Pouring soy sauce onto your head." "Why, though?" "'Cause you salty that I won the spelling bee and you didn't." the Mane 6 could break the fourth wall?Author's Note Time to rope TheAlienBrony22 into the spiral of brain rot. the Mane 6 could break the fourth wall? "Pinkie, what... what is this?" Rarity stared wide-eyed out of the screen. "The colors in that room are absolutely dreadful!" Rainbow Dash squinted. "And... hey wait, why's there a figurine of me in a jar?" "We do not speak of the jar." Pinkie snapped. "T h i n k o f t h e c h i l d r e n." Applejack didn't say anything because the room had a PC in it. "Flutters, what about you?" Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. "What do you have to say about the weird window that just appeared?" But Fluttershy wasn't there. "Fluttershy?" Fluttershy poked her head out from beneath a pile of clothes. "Oh, hi Rainbow. Is there anything you need? I noticed that we could walk into the room, so I went to take a look. I was thinking there might be some poor creatures trapped under the piles of clothes on the bed." "Er... I think you're the poor creature trapped under a pile of clothes on the bed." Fluttershy took a moment to inspect the pile of clothes trapping her on the bed. "I guess I am a poor creature trapped under a pile of clothes on the bed." "Is NOPONY going to pay attention to the fact that you're looking at the room of the reader?" Twilight groaned before looking at you. Yes, you, the reader. "Hey, sorry about my friends. Fluttershy didn't mean to get herself trapped under the pile of clothes on your bed. Also, Applejack wants you to go buy some apples." The Elements of Harmony turned Discord into Ice instead of stone?Author's Note TheVoidCaller has to let it go. The Elements of Harmony turned Discord into Ice instead of stone? "Twiwighth!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ith not thwath ith lookth like!" Twilight raised a brow at the filly whose tongue was stuck on the still-frozen Discord. At some point in time during this scene, his disembodied voice whispered "the cold never bothered me anyway". *faceplants* Smolder turned into a dog?Author's Note i had to look up images of Smolder to remember who she was and lemme tell ya this, twidash1993, the last thing I needed to see was the third autocomplete suggestion being her feet specifically. Smolder turned into a dog? Smolder stared at her new paws. "Yeah, you get used to it after a while." Spike yawned. "In the meantime, have you ever heard of a Scooby snack?" Elements turned Discord into ice cream?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is going to turn Discord into all that is ice. Elements turned Discord into ice cream? "Twiwighth!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ith not thwath ith lookth like!" Twilight raised a brow at the filly whose tongue was stuck on the still-still-frozen Discord. Again. "He goth tuwned intho ice cleam! Ah wanthed to see whath he taste like!" "Mm-hmm, alright. Don't let me catch you licking him a third time, okay?" "Okath." Austin Pets Alive renamed all the ponies of Equestria?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger has empowered me to give weird names to all the ponies! Austin Pets Alive renamed all the ponies of Equestria? Ceiling Fan lit her horn. "Comically Large Spoon, watch the castle while I head out and get some stuff." Comically Large Spoon, though he's not a pony, could not escape the clutches of having his name changed. He rolled his eyes. "Fine." "Thanks!" Ceiling Fan teleported away. "Ding Dong, Fry Oil #420, how'd it go helping Tall, Dark & Handsome the Second with the harvest?" Ding Dong yawned. "Could've been... maybe 20% more exciting." Fry Oil #420 hid behind her mane as usual. "I might've gotten a little distracted by the creatures I found burrowing around the orchard." "My, you two are absolutely filthy!" Garden Salsa gasped. "Would you like to join me at the spa later? I'm sure you two are quite worn after such a task." "Ooh, did somepony say spa day?" USB Type-C cable burst out of a nearby dollar store. "I'll join too!" Ceiling Fan turned her head to the dollar store. Which was weird, 'cause Equestria's currency was bits. What was a dollar, anyway? No matter. Ceiling Fan wandered inside and bought a frozen corn dog. Twilight lost Jeopardy because she forgot to phrase her answer as a question?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor is a Jeopardy enjoyer. Twilight lost Jeopardy because she forgot to phrase her answer as a question? "How many Princesses are there in Equestria that currently hold a position of power?" "Four." "Incorrect. Your answer wasn't a question." Twilight flipped the table. Celestia meets her counterpart?Author's Note Never fear, Lightrise is here... to watch the world burn. ;) Celestia meets her counterpart? "Hi Celestia, I'm Celestia. How's your day?" "It's been well, Celestia. Has Luna been acting up lately?" "No, thankfully, she hasn't." Sci-Twi shrieked at the sight of what appeared to be two identical Celestias standing in front of the portal. My brain is mush. Elements of harmony were guns?Author's Note I dug a hole and found whiteoak019's comment. :V Have a ridiculous chapter featuring absolutely no real guns 'cause this is rated E dangit. Elements of harmony were guns? "Oh? Ponies?" the large, unnamed monster grumbled. "Just try to stop me." "Oh, we will stop you!" Twilight Sparkle shouted back. "With what? Your puny pony pastries?" Pinkie Pie stopped mid-throw and hid her stash of cupcakes behind a rock. The monster laughed a long, booming laugh. "I will remember this day as the one where you ponies are wiped from this world once and for all!" "I said, we will stop you." "And I said with what?" The monster yawned. A glowing light enveloped Twilight and her friends as they collectively floated upward. "With the power of friendship." "Oh, that's neat. I bet you're gonna use your friendship bracelets as slingshots now or somethi--" "And these guns we found!" Rainbow Dash pulled out the Gun of Loyalty. "This one shoots only what I want it to shoot, when I want it to!" Nothing happened for a moment. A Super Mario-style Banzai Bill somehow proceeded to fire from the comparatively tiny weapon. "Gun of honesty!" Applejack whipped out her own. "It don't shoot, but it's gonna hit you hard enough to make you spill the beans!" The monster rolled his eyes as he sidestepped the giant bullet. "You can't possibly mean--" Appul pone proceeded to chuck the Gun of Honesty at the monster. It hit bounced off of him. Once again, awkward silence took hold for a moment while the effects worked their way through the shattered remains of the author's thought process. "I'm scared of street signs." The monster suddenly blurted. He swat his claws over his mouth. "Um... okay. Lil' weird, but it ain't all that--" "Because one time I stuck one between my teeth as a toothpick and it hasn't come out since and I don't want to get tetanus." "Oh. Er..." Applejack turned to Fluttershy, who was floating mid-air beside her in the friendship hover formation thingy. "Ah suppose you should go next." "Kindness... BEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!" Fluttershy screeched, heaving up the Kindness laser cannon MKII. The beam hit the monster square in the face. "Y'know, that really didn't seem to do mu--gahh!" A surging migraine flooded into the monster's head as every moment in memory where he acted unkind surfaced at once. "Make it stop, make it stop!" "Have you learnt your lesson, mister?" Fluttershy scolded. "Your rampaging is scaring all the small animals in the Everfree Forest!" "Okay, okay! Just make it stop!" "I suppose it's time I use the Gun of Generosity for its intended purpose." Rarity lit her horn and fired. The monster's migraine proceeded to subside just as quickly as it came thanks to the monster-sized™ magical Tylenol pill it fired this time, straight into the monster's conveniently open mouth. "Me next!" Pinkie Pie inserted a canister of laughing gas into the Gun of Laughter, which was, in reality, a pressure washer hooked up to a regular hose nozzle set to "mist". Still, the amount of pressure it had was enough to justify its name. And by that, I mean that with the hydraulic power of the pressure washer, the entire canister of laughing gas was launched once again, straight into the monster's open mouth. Thankfully for the monster, the canister was to it what a mini-marshmallow is to us. The six mares stared at the hysterically-laughing monster, now unsure of what to do. Another portion of the Everfree Forest was flattened by its thrashing tail. "Maybe I used a little too much laughing gas." Pinkie mumbled. "Pl...ease--heheh... stop... let--" the monster gasped its words between fits of giggles. "--me... *snrk* go..." Twilight, at last, used her own Gun of Harmony, the Magic Gun. It straight-up just shoots spells. A few moments later, the monster woke up on the moon. "First time?" Princess Luna didn't bother turning to face the monster. "I knew I should've taken treasury money instead of Celly's piggy bank for the Summer Steam Sale." Sweetie Giraffe was on the moon?"PUNY SMOL PLANET." Sweetie Giraffe looked down on Earth/Equus/whatever the heck the planet Equestria's on is called. "PLANET NOT TALL TO REACH MOON LIKE SWEETIE." Her eyes started glowing red. "SWEETIE DESTROY." And that kids, is how the idea for the death star was created! Author's Note ˙ʇsɐlq ɐ ƃuᴉʌɐɥ sᴉ ǝW ʎlqᴉssoԀ Sweetie Giraffe met Sweaty Jiraf?"OLD NEMESIS." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. "WHY YOU ALWAYS SWEATY?" Sweaty Jiraf, who, unlike Sweetie Giraffe, never learnt how to spell, only had one thing to say. "AM NOT SWEHTY. IS TOL." "BUT YOU IS SWEATY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed in her mostly-good spelling but not-so-great grammar. "WHY YOUR NAME IS JIRAF?" "BICAWS AM IS JIRAF!" Sweaty Jiraf shouted back, flicking off drops of sweat in the process. "Girls, girls!" Discord stepped between the two towering behemoths. "Let's settle down now. How about some... shortbread?" Both giraffes proceeded to incinerate Discord. Sweetie Giraffe and Sweaty Jiraf were on the sun?Author's Note Possibly me is singlehandedly turning this into a Sweetie Giraffe anthology. Sweetie Giraffe and Sweaty Jiraf were on the sun? "WHY SUN HOT?" Sweetie Giraffe screeched. "WHY SWEATY SO SWEATY?" Sweaty Jiraf's sweat proceeded to extinguish the sun in a completely-no-scientific way, plunging Equestria into eternal night. Somewhere in Canterlot, Princess Luna cackled. Idk. :P Sweaty Jiraf stopped sweating?Author's Note Zapper Frost wishes for the world to end. :V Sweaty Jiraf stopped sweating? "SWEATY." Sweetie Giraffe yelled. "WHY SWEATY NOT SWEATY? WHY SWEATY JUST JIRAF?" "Ho-hum," Jiraf the Unsweaty mused. "I suppose all that sweat had gotten to my head. I do believe I shall continue my use of antiperspirant now that I am aware of its effects on my mental state." Jiraf proceeded to be blasted in the face by a very disturbed Sweetie Giraffe. all the comments on this chapter were combined to create the next chapter?Author's Note https://www.fimfiction.net/user/379569/Possibly+me :P all the comments on this chapter were combined to create the next chapter? "Haha," Discord sat back in his lawnmower chair with a glass smoothie. "What a show!" Equestria smoldered in the background. Randomness #18: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms?Author's Note Possibly me, you did this to me. I still don't know for sure what you meant by "What if there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms?" Like Did you mean that the comments of this chapter are going to all be comments from the first chapter, but with every word replaced by synonyms, or is the chapter itself made up of words and phrases replacing the original? 'Cause the latter is what I did. :V Also, you can now ask Sweetie Giraffe things on my Tumblr. there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms? Following multiple Earthly revolutions about the star Sol carrying out the practice in which one reads within a building known known by name to be "Majestic Horse Capital City Museum", Dusk ultimately shut that housing that wraps about this penultimate tome. The mare lay the bodily extension comprising of the brain, hair, and facial features below with a touch of care, letting out a breath of soft air, "In the end, a final work." The mare stands, shoving the seating device she calls her own beneath the table. Within mere multiples of sixty seconds, the mare finds herself beyond the confines of her homely walls. For many seven-day units of time, Twilight ceased to view the rays of light emanating from Celestia's star, and she had further been unable to experience the cold wind whistling across her hair. A grin forms when her face bakes in the radiation of this star, raising the bodily temperature of this mare. Twilight unconfines her vision from the view that exists behind her eyelids, proceeding to journey on a trot for her abode. As this mare named Twilight Sparkle traveled to a structure in which traditionally steam-powered locomotives await for passengers, she realizes that there no longer exists any purpose for her existence. ~~~~~===+++{Evening's Home}+++===~~~~~ Nightfall travel down her corridor, exhaling. "SHARP!" The mare shouts. "ME REQUIRE NEW PURPOSE. IMMEDIATELY." Sharp Protrusion rolled his eyes and tumbled in his descent of a structure intended to lower elevation. He continued to partially view a funny chapter residing in the tome within his possession. Dusk carried on with screaming, "WHATEVER, I BEG OF YOU! ME DESIRE PURPOSE!!!" Sharp Protrusion glanced about. "Hm, perhaps attempt to witness another tome?" Sundown violently vibrated the bodily extension above one's shoulders in which resides the organ reserved for thought processes that she was the possessor of in great panic. "Nein, cease the flow of reading material, Twilight has previously viewed each and every one to exist." The two took a seat and remained of low volume across the span of three units of sixty seconds. They imagined the various tasks that the Princess of Equestria may complete, sans any requirement of resignation from power. At last, Poky Thing voiced an opinion. "Perhaps, rather than viewing the tomes..." Twiggle's ears fixated upon him. "...Twilight may attempt to create a tome." Time of day in which the sun has since set and night has fallen exhaled. Hard. "I appreciate your advice, small purple dragon! Me've at no time ever contemplated imagining such an idea!" The mare fell silent during a brief period of time. "... however, of which topic must Twilight deface parchment for?" During many groupings of sixty minutes, the purple magic horse resided within an area of its living-space in which two walls and a floor intersect, viewing intensely the scenery beyond the glass opposite to her that displayed the township. Her inner perception of reality turned to a group of fillies known for creating mischief in their quest to obtain "cutie marks". They then turned to the great expeditions that she'd experienced. Then to her close acquaintances, and the hardships they endured. These appeared to collectively be excellent contenders for a fantastical retelling, though, the mare acknowledged the truth: of these adventures, a great majority of those experiences may turn out drab and grey. Alas, the sudden realization entered Twilight's brain. A soft, nearly-inaudible trail of words started to emanate from her mouth. "Mayhaps..." Spike was a bottle of Shampoo?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Nightmare Moon was banished to Ohio instead?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is 100% confirmed to enjoy the suffering they cause. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ Nightmare Moon was banished to Ohio instead? Nightmare Moon opened her eyes, gasping for air. Yet, there was none. Even so, somehow, the mare continued to breathe without issue. A dull thud rose from her body as she impacted upon the dark ground. "SISTER." The mare roared, "YOU WISHED ME BANISHED TO THE MOON. WHAT IS THIS PLACE I FIND MYSELF IN?" No response came, of course, because of the vast distance between Equestria and Ohio. It would take far more than one tank of gas to drive there, even if you're already in Ohio. "TELL ME, SISTER." Her voice echoed into the infinite span of shadow all around her. She lit her horn, illuminating Ohio with the only light to grace its charred ground. "...Sister?" The mare's voice softened as she began to walk, the bitterness in her voice giving way to thinly-veiled fear. "Sister, wh-where are you?" Once again, the only response was the echo of her own voice. "Celly? Celesti--" Princess Luna paused as her hoof grazed past something on the ground. She bent down, intensifying the light shining from her horn for a better look. A dim orange flickered to light in the empty eyesockets of the skull staring back at her. Luna yelped, jumping away. "Do not disturb the restful, living one." The skull's disembodied voice rasped. "Or you may become eternally restless." "So anyway," Celestia sipped her tea. "I banished my sister to the shadow-realm known as Ohio." "Sure you did." Twilight stirred another sugarcube into her own mug. "You tell me this all the ti--" The spoon clattered onto the table. Celestia's horn stopped glowing. Spike was a dragon?Author's Note twidash1993 wishes for the painfully obvious. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ Spike was a dragon? Discord snapped his claws. "Your wish is granted." Spike looked at himself. "...Nothing's changed." "Precisely." Twilight became an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Author's Note BezierBallad has denied Twilight horn rights. Twilight became an earth pony instead of an alicorn? The ball of light dissipated, leaving Twilight where it once was. "Twilight!" Spike ran up to the mare. "Twilight, you're... an earth pony?" "Whuh?" Twilight tried to light her horn, but nothing happened. Because it wasn't there anymore. "That'll teach you not to screw around with ancient magic." Celestia landed in front of Twilight in a... not-so-graceful manner. She dusted herself off with her wings as she climbed out of the crater she left in her wake, and pointed a hoof at Twilight. "No horn rights for you!" Chapter 665 and a hiatus 'til Friday the 13th for 666Author's Note Because I'm a sucker for neat themeing. Go bother Sweetie Giraffe or something in the meantime. Chapter 665 and a hiatus 'til Friday the 13th for 666 "What do you mean, 'this world is pausing for eleven days'?" Twilight shut her thicc book with a hefty thud. "Spike, sometimes, I do something called 'taking a break'. Is that new to you?" "Whoa. Where'd that sass come from?" Twilight shrugged and threw the book at Spike. All 95,000 words of insanity, straight to his face. Because he is Spike. Super spoopy chapter 666?"IS SPOOKDAY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. She lit her horn which lit up with super-spooky dark magic and stuff and then turned a nearby tree into a pile of jack-o-lanterns. "SPOOKDAY IS BIRTHDAY. WILL SPOOK ALL THAT IS SHORTER." "YOU. GLUE." Sweetie Giraffe zapped a random fish that wasn't in water. It turned into a glue bottle because we don't do horse glue here. Yet. The glue bottle fish is now sad. Sad, sad, glue bottle fish. Poor fishy. Fish turn into glue. Glue smells like fish now. "Not the FISH!" Twilight shouted while frantically writing Writing Redundant Book Books, "What-If" Style. She was also the writer of What If, which is this story that you are now reading, but that isn't important because for sixteen and three-quarters years she has adopted a pet mice named Charles Entertainment Cheese that consists of three porkchop patties, a teacup, a strand of Rainbow Dash's mane, and a pet mouse named Charles Entertainment Cheese. Charles Entertainment Cheese, hereby going by the shortened name "Chuck E. Cheese" is a curious creature, you see, having grown up in the slums of the cheese factory's backrooms. Level eight of said backrooms, to be specific. Sweetie Giraffe, the owner and operator of this cheese factory, was off enjoying her birthday incinerating of all that was shorter than her, so Chuck, our little buddy and protagonist of life itself, was able to escape by riding inside a wheel of cheese called "Logique", which was just french for "logic" according to translation tools, but being french made the cheese fancy, and Sweetie Giraffe's close relative, non-sweaty Sweaty Jiraf liked fancy things, so "Logique" it was. Anyway, Chuck rode the cheese wheel all across the world, seeing sights that he'd never imagined even once with his puny mouse brain. It was finally here where he met his end, as a successful entrepreneur who had been through thick and thin taking advantage of the money of children's parents to build a humble living cumulating in being adopted by Twibright Sporktacles, also known as Twilight Sparkle, who is currently writing this What If chapter at hornpoint by the order of Celestia's Royal Jester, you. Yes, you, the reader, are nothing but a clown in the eyes of Dear Leader Celestia, and the world is her circus. "Dance for me, feeble clown!" Celestia's voice booms through your head, but you can't get it out, just like you can't get ඞ out of your head. Get it out. Please, get it out. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No. No, we can't. I could really use a wish right now. It would be used on purging these dark thoughts from our heads, banishing them forever more into the flaming dumpster of history, locked away behind a wall like that one dude from The Cask of Amontillado, except instead of a man, it's a meme! Yes, we will lock away these memes! Lock them away, and throw out the key! But then, what if some enterprising prospector finds this key as they pan for the little gold that remains within the rivers of Equestria? What is to come if they someday stumble upon this lock that seals all that is accursed? Well, I present to you, SCP-B-GONE, by Flim and Flam industries! Ignore the fact that it's just an overpriced spiked bat. For the low, low payment of three dollars, half a bit, and your soul, you too can look just like me. "Kow-Cha!" Flam shouts, his body quaking at the thought of transforming into his beloved, Mcighting LQueen. Yes, even as a little colt, Flam has dreamt of cosplaying the car of his dreams. But in the end, we all know that he will never attain such joy. He is but a mortal, but we are gods! We are the clownliest of gods! Celestia shall laugh forever and ever on at our clownish habits, and then we shall all perish! Perish, along with the rest of this universe that you and I call our home! The end of our clownly ways will be the heat death of reality itself! Go and clown onward, clown clown clowns! Honk Honk. It's reality speaking. It wants sanity back. But no! You swat reality's hand away. Sanity is for cowards, and you will continue to surf iTunes Internet Explorer with Netscape Edgevicator. This Safari will not be blocked by such weaklings, and together, we shall rise from the flames of this world like a phoenix! Speaking of which, how's Philomena doing? Has anypony checked on fire bird in the past few years? I think there's only a portrait of what appears to be a large pile of ashes left, but that's up to the Hairy Potter to figure out. I hear that he went bankrupt a while back after Lonk passed through his shop and ate his pots. Poor man will never be the same again, unfortunately. Though, I believe that he has recently acquired Stark Industries for the price of Twilight Sparkle's mane. I mean, have you seen that mare? Oh wait, I was looking at the wrong pony. The Twilight Sparkle cosplay industry is clearly alive and well, if such a disguise was enough to confuse even me so. Twilight Sparkle set down her pen and then stuck it up her nose. Why is it that even now, after she has ceased to write What If, that the story continues? "It is because I am writing you, and you write me, on and on unto infinity." Twilight Sparkle tells herself. She grins, pulling the pen from her ear. "Yes. I will write and write and write until the end of time when the clowns stop clowning." A whisper enters her eyes from an unseen Sparkle. "Write." The voice tells her. "You are Write. Write will write like a writer." And so Grimelight Sprinklez continues to write like the holy clown that she is. There is no room for debate. She is a Jedi. I don't watch Star Wars, but she eats the nails off of Applejack's barn. "My nails!" Appul Pone shouts as she slides down from Sweetie Giraffe's volumptuous mane and dodges a laser. "Gimme back ma's nails before she ressurects!" But it was too late. Applejac's mother, Pear Butter, rose from the ground in a mech suit made of squirrel fur and shouted "GIVE ME BACK MY NAILS." But then she got new nails from Apple Bloom's nail'n'ade stand and was happy so she went back to sleep for another one thousand years, of which then she will rise again to join forces with the blue Power Ranger to defeat Godzilla in a rap battle while teamed up with Sans Undertale from Super Smash Mouth. Shrek grimaced at the thought, but he ate a pine cone to stop worrying. "Do you like french fries?" Quad Farquad on quad quads quipped. "I imagine you must like french fries, onion boy." But Shrek got mad because he got called Onion Boy instead of Onion Man, so he rampaged through Rarity's tail. This in turn made Rarity mad too but she is the Element of Generosity so she felt generous and let Shrek rampage through her giant tail made out of all the mane and tail hairs she'd shed over the course of her life like a slip and slide at a water park made of oil. Cover yourself in oil. I dare you. Doing so will unleash fabulous secret powers. He-Man held aloft the Sword of Power and yelled his catchphrase, "Sbubby's, Eef Freef!" and so lightning struck him because his sword is like a lightning rod from Minecraft and turned him into the extra-fabulous razer-covered gaming PC called an iPod. iPodman was actually Adam wearing an iPod costume from Party City, but deep down he still knew that he was He-Man in everyone's hearts. He pointed his sword at Cringer the cringing cat and turned him into a shoebox. Don't take your pets to the ice cream factory like Adam. There is no god capable of erasing the absolute havoc that doing so will entail. Pinkie still hasn't gotten the taste out of her mouth even now, two-hundred years and half of an apple later. Applejack got mad that Pinkie ate an apple without buying it, so she sent Battle Bloom to destroy the Ponk. "Agent forty-seven?" Sweetie Drops who was actually Bon Bon who was actually Lyra in a human pony human pony suit eating a hamburger yelled into her fry sauce. "I would like a large number seven and three McFlurries. Over." And then a little gluestick named Flurry Heart flew in and bombarded her with infinity paper cuts, which is a very painful way to find out that you are actually also made out of paper like oranges are. "Ow, the edge!" Sonic shouted at Shadow the EdgeHeg. They were then expelled from this plane of reality, and for that the two were punished for their crimes of existing within our sacred clownly realm. Fluttershy at this point became fed-up with the treatment of Discord users and their furry ways, so she called upon the light of Jesus Christ to transform herself into the internet's perfect waifu and led all of the discord users and moderators to Crown Prince Discord. Discord humbly accepted the request to better the ways of Alvin and the Chipmunks, and so he proclaimed with a solemn vow to never again touch the "record" button on his Twilight Sparkle colored microphone, and instead opted to use a megaphone playing megalovania to a crowd of juggalos. "I am Mister Sir Doctor Master Lord Discord of the Discord realm," Discord announced as he ate the megaphone. "Follow me, and you'll see, a whole new wooooooooorld~" the creature sung loud and clear for all to hear. "A new fantastic way to goooooo~" Everyone clapped at his performance. "I ate a lightbulbbbbbbbb~" And then everyone stopped clapping. Discord was now a rock with a piece of paper taped onto it. It was a very confusing paper, but Twilight Sparkle smelled it anyway. Michael Vey walked up behind her and stroked her mane. "There there, tiny babby." his voice sounded like Honeydew's voice from the Yogscast Shadow of Israphel Minecraft series. Twilight made sure of it. She took Mike's hand and walked to the rollercoaster entrance. "Make me feel alive again, electric boy." She sobbed. Michael clutched the rails of the rollercoaster and pulsed, making the rollercoaster turn into a big dragon that looked a lot like Spike. "Wait, I'm relevant?" Spike asked with his giant voice. "Yay, I'm relevant!" and so Spike enjoyed being relevant for one last sentence before perishing. There is a certain degree of unfairness to this whole ordeal, but nobody cared. The world moved on, and another six-hundred sixty-six years beyond, when even the clowns had ceased to exist, it was revealed that they in fact held no sway over the fate of our realm. In the end, there's just Monika. Wait, wrong franchise. I think? Maybe. I don't know. Twilight ate a hayburger and dripped some sauce onto this chapter. Sorry. But what of reality now? It no longer has the fabric of clowns and ties to zip up the bubbles making up our keyboards! That is where our new protagonist, Anon, comes in. Anon was a descendent of the great Anons of old, having long-since evolved to have PURPLE skin instead of green. This allowed Anon and his fellow Anons to blend in better with the population of Twilight Sparkles and Barney the Purple Dinosaurs that existed, as both were eldritch purple beings of incredible might and power, much like Freddy Fazbear gained after being splashed with a bucket of nice purple slime. Barney roared and that created a new planet just from the sound alone. Twilight Sparkle booped High Priestess Rarity on the snoot, thereby transferring her powers that she held over reality over to the fabulous mare. On the third day, Celestia's teacups were made, and on the fourth, pineapples. Twilight started sweating at her primal urge to lick the pineapples, but that was never written in the bible or any other religious text, so this is now a religious recounting that you are reading. Or if you already thought that this was a religious text from the very beginning, then congratulations, you are now a prophet of the next big thing in sliced bread technology. Brad was the final creation on the final day and his name was Brad. Brad was a descendent of the Purple Anons, having further evolved to shed such a nondescript name in favor of a simple, yet understandable alias of Brad. Brad held a fistful of beads. He looked at them one last time before throwing them into the ocean. These beads grew and grew, nurtured by the seaponies of Seaquestria until they became the vast stretches of land that we see today. Celestia was finally able to open up her sun-tanning salon for all the fish ponies that emerged from the water and made their fin become leg. But plants were still missing from the land, and so Brad brushed the lint off of his shirt and it became mold instead. Oops. Sorry, even Brad makes mistakes. Brad grimaced at the thought of the ten-foot-long pole that awaited his ears at the chalkboard. Celestia noticed and stopped scraping the ten-foot-long metal pole against the blackboard. She did not wish to be smited on the day of Sweetie Giraffe's birth. "Oh, wait, that's today, isn't it?" Twilight Sparkle gasped and rushed outside, as to Twilight Sparkle's narrative desires. She presented a package made of ice and fire to the Elder Goddess known as Sweetie Giraffe. Sweetie graciously accepted this gift, and then granted its use to the peoples and ponies of Earth and Equestria. It was a very noble gift, for fire can be used to power generators that charge our smartphones and cook our ramen. Just make sure that you don't turn the heat up too high or else you might have a bigger problem than having no ramen to eat for dinner. It is a sad life indeed for those who hadn't received fire until then, but this sadness became a great joy indeed when they were granted the Flaming Eyebrows of D'othklondi'ulouus. This too was a gift granted to Sweetie Giraffe as sacrifice, for all knew that crayons and coloring books were so last year. I'm sorry, Jon. Those crayons will only get you and your cat incinerated. Oh, you say that Grafelid is also an Elder God? Well, by all means, join in on the fun! There will be cake and cookies, and-- oh, lasagaa? Yes, lasagaa will be provided for the lasagna cat. Please keep Grafelid away from the children in the meantime. Now, as for the Flaming Eyebrows of D'othklondi'ulouus, they were a very special item harvested from the then-slain god, D'othklondi'ulouus. How do you even pronounce D'othklondi'ulouus? I do not know, nor do I believe anyone knows for certain. D'othklondi'ulouus was a savage beast of old, far more ancient than this world that our little stageplay upon the face of reality takes place on. D'othklondi'ulouus was once a simple farmer, much like Applejack, only D'othklondi'ulouus farmed unicorn powder. You see, unicorns, and ponies in general, did not yet exist during the time of D'othklondi'ulouus. Famous for using these powders to create potions, D'othklondi'ulouus became known for his great fiery eyebrows, which lit up the night sky in his primordial world long before there were stars. Yet, even with all this fame, D'othklondi'ulouus was scorned by the world and its people. D'othklondi'ulouus held onto his flaming eyebrows, while others such as Celestia freely shared her flaming nosehairs with all who requested them. It is for this reason that D'othklondi'ulouus became a furious beast in his later years, growing increasingly irritated at the world and its worship of Sham-wow beauty products doused in flex-tape juice. He would soon give up his ways of unicorn powder farming, leaving his barren land to seek adventure. Unbeknownst to D'othklondi'ulouus, however, the unicorn powder seeds would begin to intermingle with one another, finally free from being reaped for its namesake powder. They would grow first into formless masses, churning and boiling at even the slightest touch, but soon, some of these masses took on new shapes, and thus the first ponies began to walk what would become Equestria in due time. An equal balance between Land, Sky, and Magic would be formed by the spreading of these primordial beings, eventually forming the pony tribes that we know of today. D'othklondi'ulouus would eventually come across the abode of Sweetie Giraffe among the ever-watching void high above and below. His anger and fury annoyed the council of Ricks and the council of Sweetie Giraffes, the latter of whom were discussing the creating of Sweaty Jiraf. Even angrier than before, D'othklondi'ulouus would return to the mortal realm, now an outcast from the gods. Upset at this lowly status, he became a Fortnite player and pwned noobs to fill the hole in his hearts, until he one day met a strange amalgamation of his former unicorn powder production that called itself Butter Knife. This strange creature demanded for such things as "parents" to be made in a very angry manner, and so to appease the small, angry child, D'othklondi'ulouus created five of these parents. Unfortunately, none of them survived their creation, for the unicorn powder seeds disliked being forced to intermingle. Butter Knife became angry at D'othklondi'ulouus's failure, and vowed to become the universe so that she could eat chimken nuggets. D'othklondi'ulouus, for his part, became increasingly isolated as the unceasing arrow of time continued to soar. On some days, he would imagine that he could reach up and snatch this arrow from the skies, and use it to slice his bread. Unfortunately, time cannot be used to cut bread without a knife, and Butter Knife only had a butter knife for cutting her enemies. Alone and forgotten, D'othklondi'ulouus would once more wake up and choose violence, rampaging into the villages of ponies that had formed upon his former plots of farmland. The ponies appeared to reject his presence entirely, only further fueling D'othklondi'ulouus's frustration. To erase these creatures, D'othklondi'ulouus created a beast that he called Grogar--a beast so strange and so powerful, that his essence broke through the boundaries of space and time and leaked into our own reality, where goats came into existence. The ponies, of course, knowing from hindsight, would vanquish this threat, proving the might of what was once unicorn powder to their former cultivator. D'othklondi'ulouus was furious at being showed-up by his own creations, be they intentional or not. In time, D'othklondi'ulouus perished; his legacy forever tarnished and forgotten; his eyebrows still burning bright with the flames of his rage. Even then, D'othklondi'ulouus himself would remain forgotten for many eons until his remains were found by the ponies of the primordial Equestria. It was from here on that D'othklondi'ulouus's flaming eyebrows would remain a hidden secret of the Royal Sisters' divine powers, but it would finally be revealed when they stepped down. Twilight Sparkle had surpassed both sisters in pure might and will, without the use of D'othklondi'ulouus's flaming eyebrows. This is how its flames were ultimately granted to the many who had not yet received fire. Twilight Sparkle closed her storybook and patted Owlicious on the head, because Owlicious was not a picture of what appeared to be a large pile of ashes like Philomena was. "Twilight Sparkle!" Spike burst into the story again despite having his relevance being declared null and void at least a thousand words ago. "I crave relevancy!" But Spike was once again swatted from existence. He would later wake up from it all thinking that it was a dream, but in the land of dreams, thoughts become reality, and unfortunately, that means that this very chapter that you're reading, even you and me, are nothing but figments of imagination, due to snuff out like a dying fire when time is up. It was at this instant that Twilight woke up from her nap. However, nothing had changed. The world was still as it was. She picked up her pen again and began to write once more. "What if..." the mare penned in the deep blacks of her quill. A squid died to make that possible. "What if oranges were apples?" And so Applejack became apple-colored instead of orange-colored. D'othklondi'ulouus sometimes spoke through her cutie mark, but nobody listened, which made him sad. "What if the Smooze was Twilight's fiance?" But then Twilight shuddered at the thought and tore the page out. "What if King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?" She mumbled as she penned her thoughts. The world around her began to fade away to black. "Scootaloo..." King Sombra's slow, raspy voice breathed. "I... am your father." But Scootaloo was quick to counter. "Then where were you all my life? I'm not gonna pull a Luke Skywalker and yell at you over that, I want my child support! I'm still just a filly!" And so King Sombra noped out of there because that was the end of the scene. Twilight Sparkle paused for thought again. "What if Pinkie Pie doesn't think she is or ever was the color pink?" the mare questioned aloud. Unfortunately for her, Pinkie Pie was standing literally right there, and heard it all. "But I'm not pink!" the Ponk shouted. "I'm not pink, I never have, and I never will be!" But then somepony poured a strawberry milkshake on Pinkie, making her absolutely certain that she was pink. "Why am I pink now???" Pinkie wailed as she drank the milkshake. "I wanted to be greeeeeeen!" Kermit walked up and said "It's not easy being green." and then walked away while holding the Hulk's hand. Kermit is the size of a three-story building, and so the TOTALLY NOT LEWD hand-holding was more like giant Kermit grabbing the Hulk by the arm and dragging him through town. Oopsie-daiseys. Anyway, with Kermit out of the way, we have... oh, it's Spike again. I guess we should give him the limelight for a bit. As a treat. "Hi, I'm Spike Sparkle, or Spike Spike. Or Spike [REDACTED]. I am a purple dragon that holds the power of Thanos in my hands. Fear me. Rawr XD." The last part allowed enough time during the awkward silence that followed for a cane to emerge from the side of the stage and yoink Spike off to the side, leaving our next act, Trixie's great disappearing act, to play out! Oh, it seems that she's already disappeared. Well-done, Trixie! Everypony gives her a pentagon of applause. Unfortunately, this synchronized clapping was loud enough to wake up the neighbors upstairs, of whom stormed down the ladder that looked oddly reminiscent of a painting of a large pile of ash to yell at every single pony in attendance individually. "Philomena 👀?" Celestia squawked. Yes, that includes the 👀 emoji. Do not question a goddess and her ways of verbally expressing emojis. "Philomena, is that you?" But Philomena said nothing, because the bird had long-since transformed into a portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash. Hairy Potter, that sad man of pots and pans, trudged back into the theater and looked at the portrait. Immediately, his joy began to return to him as he remembered his glory days of fighting vicious enemies with a weed whacker. Faraway, a cucumber and a tomato laughed. Hairy Potter's hair began to grow longer and longer, wrapping itself around his body like a thick robe as he began to lift off the ground. "Thank you, Celestiaaaa!" Hairy laughed, soaring about the room on his hair-propelled rocket crocs. "I have attained newfound life!" And then Hairy flew out the window. He was still laughing with the cucumber and the tomato. Somehow, only four-thousand words have passed thus far. Twilight Sparkle faceplanted on her open book, narrowly avoiding certain death from being stabbed by her own quill. Quills and Sofas almost lost a loyal customer there. The other loyal customer being Rarity for their sofas. Remy the rat from Rattattattaatatatttaatttaatatatattttaaatattatattatttatatatatattaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa emerged from under Twilight's random chef's hat-based plot device. The plot device was meant to detect pony plots around the mare within a ten-mile radius, and right now, it was beeping so quickly that Remy had become annoyed and had to take a break from running Twilight's mental processes. He paused as Twilight's thump from collapsing on the floor echoed around the room. He had forgotten to apply Twilight's parking brakes. Unfortunately, in the current position that Twilight is in, it is near-impossible for a rat of Remy's stature to take full control again. This will be kept in mind for later maybe. Angel Bunny watched Remy struggle to climb back onto Twilight's head, though it was clearly a fruitless endeavor. All for a piece of bread. Wait, what? You thought that this was all because of the beeping plot device? Nah, nah, Remy got hungry but decided that instead of making Twi bring the piece of bread up to the top of her head, he would just climb down and go eat it himself. Not that I'm saying that Remy has the ability to absorb nutrients from Twilight's body just by sitting on her head, but such a possibility does raise some questions that will inevitably be ignored and/or called insane by any and all within the academic community that exists around what Remy the rat is in a biological sense. Twilight Sparkle slowly began to wake up on her own. Now that she was no longer controlled by Remy the rat, she was free! She proceeded to smack face-first into the wall on the opposite side of the room. She flew around frantically, knocking herself against every physical object that existed within the room including Remy himself, for it turns out that the egghead was, in reality, a birdbrain who sought only one objective: get the out. Twilight, unfortunately, did not get the out. She still had the in. This made the mare upset. Before she could deal any physical harm to her surroundings, however, a voice whispered into her ear. "YOU MAKE BAD AND I ZAP YOU." Sweetie Giraffe's voice boomed loud and clear. Twilight shrunk away, for, even as a birdbrain, she knew not to cross the Elder Goddess. Eggs. Oops. Twilight opened the refrigerator. We won't speak of Remy again, because he now has been banished to the shadow realm. Bye-bye, Remy! Twilight took out the jug of orange juice and chugged it like it was about to expire two weeks ago. Unfortunately, this really was the case, and now Twilight has an unfortunate case of food poisoning. She felt her stomach grumble. She grumbled back at it, which scared the organ into submission. Twilight has successfully asserted dominance over her own body. "No fair!" her stomach yelled, surprising the mare. "You get to be a brain piloting a magic bone machine! I only turn mushy food into even mushier stuff for you! I want a vacation!" And then her stomach disappeared because it went on vacation from her body. Twilight can no longer digest food now. Whatever will she do? She didn't pay much attention to the question and went to take a nap. Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Princess Luna was playing Minecraft with a speaker that was shaped like a cone from a cotton candy machine and it was named phone, but who was phone in the end? Nobody really knows for sure, but Luna built a statue of a large mug filled with hot cocoa and pennies. Speaking of pennies, does Equestria even have pennies? What denominations does Equestria's currency system have? This is what we will be finding out on today's episode of Derpy Breaks Into The Treasury and Eats All The Lollipops! Stay tuned for our next episode, after this quick ad from our boy Stack of Paper! Stack of Paper did nothing. The end. Wow, that was one exciting advertisement, wasn't it, Lyle? Lyle's mouth opened, revealing the endless abyss of un-reality. The narrator shut up for a moment. Actually, you know what? I'm the narrator. The narrator I just narrated shut up, but I sure didn't! On with the show! Derpy tore open the ceiling like a tin can in the same way that one overpass tears trucks open like tin cans. "Ooh, shiny!" Derpy gasped as she dove into the stacks of phat cash. Princess Celestia didn't call the Royal Guards because she was too busy getting incinerated in the blinding light of the sun that is named Google Chrome. Princess Luna was playing Horse Simulator so she didn't notice either and all the royal guards were like dominoes because they fell one by one until the last one got shoved off a cliff onto a button that launched the fireworks. "Wheeeee!" Derpy squeaked as she threw a fistful of gold bars at Scrooge McDuck, who ate them like butter because it really is butter. SkyDoesMinecraft would be proud of Equestria's treasury system. Speaking of butter, what the heck is Butter Knife... er, I mean Shank Shack doing? Let's go take a loo-- "No. Go away." Edge McNugget snapped. "I have learnt my origins and I do not appreciate it." Oh, Butter. You don't appreciate anything. Anyway, let's cut back to what the rest of our cast is doing. Where's Rainbow Dash when you need her? Oh wait, there she is, sleeping on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-Geez, that's a lotta apples. Holy crap, AJ, what are you doing with that Mach-2 flaming pistol that shoots out railguns at the applesauce? It makes me want to throw a rock at the moon! The moon wouldn't like that though, so nobody threw a rock at the moon. It was at this point when three toads hopped up to Applejack. "Kiss one of us and we will together become a handsome prince." The toads announced together in a very harmonious tune. Applejack ignored them. "Kiss us." The toads repeated again, making whirring noises as they transformed into a giant airpod. They hopped into Applejack's ears and took her attention from her. Oh no, Applejack, watch out! Rainbow Dash is about to fall on you! Oh no, she's got airpods in! Crash, bang, boom! The apple tree was a wreck, and Rainbow Dash was still sleeping. Except now RD was sleeping on top of Applejack. Applejack was annoyed by this, so she stretched her hoof out and grabbed a garbage can lid and clapped it against Rainbow's head, which woke the mare up. "Hey, what gives?" Rainbow Dash turned into Wario and Applejack into Waluigi. "Wah!" Rainbow Dash repeated, which meant "Hey, what gives?" but in the holy tongue of Waluigi. And because we're still not done with this yet, I have decided that I will now deliver the song of my people. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Twilight Sprinkle the Pringle screeched. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" A man wearing a nice hat began to materialize over the distant mountains, singing along to the mare's anthem. It truly brought tears to the eyes of the populace, but especially Celestia, who had returned from her sunbathing tournament thoroughly toasted. She was wearing a tuxedo made out of cheesy quesadillas, which made Twilight throw up rainbows like the unicorn she was. Oh, you thought she was an alicorn? But all ponies originated from the unicorn powder once cultivated by D'othklondi'ulouus, so logically, this means that no matter who the pony is, they will puke rainbows. We are burning candlelight now, and so our romp through the mental heccscape that is this freewriting exercise must soon come to an end. But neigh, we are far from the end yet! We stand thirteen-hundred words away from our final victory, and to reach it we must traverse great mountains, led by a wise old man who has seen a great many sad things! "Follow me!" the wise old man sang. Twilight and her friends marched after, following the man through thick and thin, whether it be wind, rain, snow, or the burning thoughts that keep you up at night. "I have chronic runny nose!" Fluttershy announced out of the blue. Actually, it was out of the clear because mucus tends to be clear when it's thin, but let's not dwell on that because that's gross. Twilight wiped her friend's nose with a shark that she found in the vines. Twitter was not yet invented yet, so the sky squirrels had to eat peanuts and throw bricks to shout their opinions at each other instead. Twilight caught one of the bricks and threw it back. This is what banks mean when they say your check has bounced. They continued to march, and even passed by some goats that were created during the unleashing of Grogar, but the goats were covered in raisins and that made them very stinky, so nopony dared to go near them. They then passed through a thick rootbeer jungle. Rainbow Dash wanted to drink the entire river of cider that ran through the sky, but Applejack beat her to it and she was still a-ok. Rainbow Dash was sad that she didn't get anything to drink so she slurped up some vines like a noodle. This is how Rainbow Dash had her first encounter with a shark named Gerald. Gerald was a very friendly shark, unlike the ones that tried to pull you into pyramid schemes centered around playing go-fish with knives. It is the way of the mafia to do this. Rainbow Dash eventually had to bid her goodbyes to Gerald the friendly mafia shark, and then they went out of the jungle and fell into a sand dune made out of ice. "Wow, this iceberg goes very deep!" said Twilight who was reading a book about cars and how they like to run over people that they don't like. "Did you know that Celestia ate a wheelbarrow out of spite?" Rarity rolled her eyes and kicked the book into Pinkie's face. Pinkie absorbed it through diffusion and gained the power of book. "Yeah, Twilight, this iceberg really does go deep!" Pinkie yelled out of her mane. "Did you know that speakers are actually just mice shouting very loudly?" Fluttershy shook her head as she clutched her pearls. "Make it stop make it stop make it stop!" But then the old man said "Nah," and kept on walking. Fluttershy screamed and screamed until it stopped, but then everything went silent when they saw what they saw at the top of the mountain. Up there was a lone chicken named Scootaroo, who was actually a very long kangaroo in disguise, but for now she looked a lot like a chicken. She was about to cross the road, but decided instead to walk away and come back with her trolley problem. "Oh no, not the strawberry problem!" Twilight yelled but it was too late. The strawberries were now jam and the peaches were creamed. "I like cream corn better." Applejack commented. "They taste like applesauce and oil." She licked the motor oil off of her face. "What happened to mah sister?" But before she could say any more, A🅱🅱ul 🅱loom appeared with a bag of a🅱🅱uls. Applejack gasped at the sight of her sister having ascended to upper Applehood before she herself ever could. It was enough to make a grown mare cry, but Applejack was an overgrown mare, and that meant that she cried a lot and not at the same time, which made her existence cancel out. Applejack became Applejack and everyone decided to keep walking past A🅱🅱ul 🅱loom and Scootaroo. Sweetie Giraffe screeched in the background I think, but that might've just been the wolf railgun speaking again. Anyhow, with their trek coming to a close, the old man turned around and took off his mask. It turns out that he was Brad all along! Welcome back, Brad! You are now more relevant than Spike! Brad shook the hooves of every mare he met, and then he exploded into smoke. "Brad!" Rarity gasped, chasing the smoke with her horn. "Brad! Where is Starlight Glimmer?" "I am right here." Starlight emerged from the ground and spat out the rocks. "I ate rocks but they didn't taste good." Twilight swat Starlight Glimmer on the cheek and she spit out more rocks. It turned out that she was a Minecraft cobblestone generator, so they made a TNT farm using Starlight's spit and got rich in building resources. They rebuilt the entire mountain but bigger, and then topped it off with a healthy dose of ice cream from the ice cream factory. "I'm free!" Starlight shouted. She stopped spitting out cobblestone because the lava inside her was gone now so she joined the rest of the mares and kept on adventuring. "Wow, that's a tall mountain!" Derpy's face opened up on the side of the mountain, revealing that the real Equestrian Treasury was the friends we made along the way. "Nope!" Twilight turned around. "Nope, nope nope!" Derpy closed her mouth and her face disappeared again from the mountain. It was now raining because reasons. Nopony brought an umbrella, so they used Rainbow Dash's wings instead. Rainbow Dash was mad that she got wet from the rain, but then the rain turned into raining lollipop sticks, and suddenly everything turned into tiny Discords. Discord didn't like his Discord moderators, so he got new moderators that were good moderators. They posted general in memes. Wow, look at that! This reality is going to end soon. I'm happy that you have gotten this far. I am quite proud of you and your brain cell. It is like a fish that walks with its fin and drink air. Very happy fish that like making bubbles. Blub blub. Derpy likes bubbles, so she is now a fish that likes to drink air. Do fish breathe water and drink air? Maybe they breathe water and drink water. Or is it gatorade? Itchy itchy fish. I would hate to see the sort of carnage that would come if those fish one day decided to bring their gatorade-fueled fury to the land. Equestria would be wiped out within a matter of days, for D'othklondi'ulouus was only a tender of the land. His brother, D'inkthemali'uoliousuincc was the master of the oceans, and held a great amount more clout on Twitch when it came to streaming hot dog eating contests. Sadly, this new revelation will not be explored any further. The six mares returned to their homes, and Twilight sat back down at her writing desk where she picked up her pen again and stuffed the paper into her eyelids. Her redundant book book was nearly completion and it was nearing completion so since she was almost done with it the world was going to end soon. Thank you for reading and good night. Oh wait, it's not time for that yet. Professor Oak must be tearing his hair out right now, because we are now witnessing a horse riding a bike indoors. Sadly for him, he remains trapped in the Pokemon universe, only ever able to witness the horse universe through a one-way window called "time". Yes, Equestria is merely a show within Pokemon methinks, but then what of the horses and ponies? Are they all pokemon? Maybe. Are you a pokemon? Let's throw this master ball at you and see. Ah, I forget that we too are trapped within the confines of this dying realm. Farewell, my friends. The time we have together is short and fleeting, and little remains of it. Thank you all... Also it was Sweetie Giraffe's birthday if you didn't know. Apologies if your final brain cell has gone the way of the dodo. It's understandable if you don't remember. Also, it was Sweetie Giraffe's birthday today. Twilight liked very, very, very dark chocolate?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.the earth ponies were even MORE over the top when they saw Izzy?Author's Note amf studios asked for this. Prepare for trailer spoilers. :V now to channel my inner Minecraft villager vibes. the earth ponies were even MORE over the top when they saw Izzy? "TACTICAL NUKE!" random Earth Pony #107617894 screeched, "LAUNCH THE TACTICAL NUKE! THERE'S A UNICORN ON OUR LANDS!" In the distance, a (somehow) aerodynamic plane made entirely out of other Earth Ponies soared overhead, dropping a cluster of Earth Ponies aimed straight for Izzy. "Boom!" they shouted in unison. Nothing happened though because they don't have the ungodly powers of Element Animation's Minecraft villagers. the Crusaders' MLP A New Generation fanfic got edited by Twilight?Author's Note Scyphi shall be held responsible for their crimes. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ the Crusaders' MLP A New Generation fanfic got edited by Twilight? "What? This makes no sense!" Twilight threw the stack of papers back at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "You've got so many plot holes! Are you going to ever explain them?" Apple Bloom shrugged. "That's for when the movie comes out!" "What movie?" Sweetie Belle lit her horn and brought out the movie poster. Sweetie Giraffe picked it up from her shorter counterpart and used it to whack all of them into the ground like nails. Earth pony news? (Villager news with earth ponies.)Author's Note amf studios has been watching too much Element Animation. Earth pony news? (Villager news with earth ponies.) "Da da da da da da da da da da da da Earth Pony News." Earth Pony #186 stared blankly at the camera for a moment. "--Uh, pretend that you read that in the right tune." Earth Pony #1062 picked up her mic and took in a deeeeep breath. "BREAKING NEWS!" She screeched at the top of her lungs, "CANTERLOT CASTLE TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN, AND SO HAS THE REST OF THE WORLD!" Earth Pony #40281 flipped Earth Pony #1062 around. "Oh wait, it's all right now. How about we look at the weather? Care to share, Earth Pony #666?" Earth Pony #666 continued to smolder in the pit of flames that shall not be named. "I smell barbecue! And it appears that it is raining rocks!" A meteor made out of Earth Ponies landed behind Earth Pony #666 and exploded with loud shouts of "Boom!" "Huh. What pleasant weather we have today." Luna got too obsessed with Sailor Moon?Author's Note Jokes on you, Kichi, I've never watched Sailor Moon! Luna got too obsessed with Sailor Moon? "Sister! What are you doing?" Celestia got no response, for Luna had smothered herself in her mountain of Sailor Moon merch. Press F to pay respects for moonbutt. ~~Until she rises again.~~ the remnants of Pineapples Inc. retaliated with the wolf railgun?Author's Note Possibly me, I deem thee the new CEO of Pineapples Inc. the remnants of Pineapples Inc. retaliated with the wolf railgun? Pineapple Pen heaved the Wolf Railgun™ over his shoulder, aiming for Sweet Apple Acres from the balcony of Pineapple Inc's new cardboard headquarters. "THIS IS FOR THE PINEAPPLES!" He screeched, pulling the trigger. All of Equestria proceeded to quickly fill up with infinitely multiplying wolves before collapsing under its own gravitational pull. Twilight Sparkle crossed off another universe in her What If book. the CMC needed that trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck but it was still in the wash?Author's Note Scyphi is probably also just the CMC in a large trenchcoat. the CMC needed that trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck but it was still in the wash? "Raaaaarity!" Sweetie Belle wailed, "I thought you said you were gonna clean it last night!" "Nonsense, Sweetie!" Rarity kept her focus on what she was currently sewing. "No filly your age needs a trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck tall enough to fit three fillies stacked on top of each other for two days in a row!" Steve Jobs mysteriously disappeared that day. Nightmare Moon was turned into stone instead of banished to the moon?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is the sole reason for this chapter's existence. Nightmare Moon was turned into stone instead of banished to the moon? Celestia parked her Neater-Yeeter 9000 Moon Cannon™ in the Castle of the Two Sisters' garage. She turned to Raven. "I guess we could say..." "Please refrain from making such a crude comment toward your own sister, Princess." "Lulu's stoned out of this world." Raven facehoofed. stone was turned into Nightmare Moon?Author's Note You never specified what stone, Possibly me! stone was turned into Nightmare Moon? "Uhm... Princess?" Raven tapped Celestia on the shoulder. "I believe you should look up for a moment." Celestia rolled her eyes, setting down her copy of 'Ooga Booga Hot Mares & Stallions, a Pony Plot Publication Presented by Post, weekly!'. Yes, that there is three different punctuation marks right next to each other. The Princess of the Sun finally looked up. "LOOK AT ME, CELLY!" Nightmare Moon's voice reverberated through the air. "I TURNED MYSELF INTO THE YOUR SISTER! I'M NIGHTMARE MOON!" And that was the funniest sht Celestia had seen. Nightmare Moon proceeded to be further banished into a black hole for dead memes. Princess Luna was spotted shortly after drifting aimlessly through space now that the moon was gone. a certain Spinosaurus ruined the micro-story by suggesting that the Kurzgesagt duck take over Equestria?Author's Note Lookin' at you, GodzillaSpino. 👀👀 a certain Spinosaurus ruined the micro-story by suggesting that the Kurzgesagt duck take over Equestria? First there was nothing. And then there was Kurzgesagt duck! All of Equestria bowed down to the might of the knowledge duck that seems to constantly spell doom to the world in increasingly creative yet eerily existential ways. And then someone brought a piece of the sun to Equestria and everything went boom and died. The end. *crosses off yet another Equestria* ice turned into NMM?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is currently calling the void. ice turned into NMM? "Finally!" Block Carver gasped, dropping her butter knife. "My masterpiece is complete!" In a moment of complete and sheer coincidence, Frosty the Snowman's hat floated down on top of Stabby Stab's ice sculpture. "I LIIIIIIIVE!" Nightmare Moon the snowpone screeched, yeeting Shank Stick across the valley. "THE NIGHTTIME SNOW SHALL LAST FOREVER!" "Celestia?" Celestia looked up from her cake-flavored tea to her one and only ~~personal replacement~~ former student. "Yes?" "Fetch me my giant magnifying glass." Frosty wanted his hat back, and hired somebody to get it back for him? (y'know, since he's not usually very animate without that hat)Author's Note FROSTY'S GOT A HITMAN, Scyphi! [Unpublished stories cannot be embedded] Frosty wanted his hat back, and hired somebody to get it back for him? (y'know, since he's not usually very animate without that hat) "Frosty?" Scootaloo looked up at the clearly-inanimate snowpony. "Frosty, what happened to your hat?" A low, almost whispering voice rose from Frosty's frozen body. "R a r i t y . . ." Frosty's voice wheezed. A conveniently-placed goat proceeded to eat Frosty's nose. It will not be relevant again. "Rarity?" Scootaloo gasped. Sweetie Belle gasped too, but a little quieter. Apple Bloom appul'd. "W i l l . . . p a y . . ." Frosty continued. ". . . i n . . . f u n . . ." Strangely, even without a working mouth or respiratory system, Frosty cut himself off in a fit of coughing. "Will pay in fun?" Scootaloo gasped a second time because the author is too brain-dead to think of any other reaction right now. "I'm in! What do we have to do?" "G e t . . . h a t . . . d e s t r o y . . . t h i e f . . ." Sweetie Belle rubbed her chin. "Well, I guess it would be interesting to be the one who runs Carousel Boutique, now that I think of it..." Rarity hummed to herself as her magic living mannequin (ponyquin?) helped her around the shop. "Kyle, dear?" She called, "Do you mind fetching some more fabric from storage?" Kyle the ponyquin punched a hole through the wall with his face and emerged with a piece of rotting leather. "Thank you, darling." Rarity took the strip of leather and stuffed it in her mouth. "I amf apsholutely famishedth!" "Stop right there!" Sweetie Belle exploded the door open. Scootaloo scooted in on her scooter that she named Scoots, and Apple Bloom appul'd in behind her. "Rarity! Your days of thievery are over!" "Oh, Sweethie Belle! I didnth know you were comingsh home sho quickl--" Rarity didn't finish her sentence before being banished to the moon by the Lunar Yeet Cannon that the CMC had stolen from the royal palace. Don't worry, the guards don't know yet. As for Kyle, the force of the yeet cannon had sent him flying back through the hole he came from, leaving the hat behind. "Here, Frosty, we got your hat!" Sweetie Belle placed the hat back on top of the snowpony. "I LIIIIIIIIVE!" Frosty immediately groaned, throwing both forelegs to the sky. "I HAVE RETURNED TO THE PLANE OF THE LIVING FROM THE VOID I WAS PLUNGED INTO." Scootaloo cleared her throat. "Ah, yes." Frosty cleared his throat, resulting in soggy coal dust being splattered across the fillies' faces. "Payment." Three bags of frozen Funyuns landed in front of the Crusaders. "Wait, but you said you'd pay in fun--" "--yuns." Frosty adjusted his buttons and wandered away, where he was promptly incinerated by Sweetie Giraffe. Oops. Celestia and Luna just talked about things like rational adults rather than, y’know, that whole Nightmare Moon business?Author's Note You are my sleep deprivation demon, Possibly me. Celestia and Luna just talked about things like rational adults rather than, y’know, that whole Nightmare Moon business? "Hey, Celly? Why are you more popular than me?" "Because I'm taller than you." Celestia pat Luna on the head and wandered away for some tea. "Oh. Okay." The next day, Lulu Giraffe terrorized the streets of Equestria. Lulu Giraffe and Sweetie Giraffe had a height-off?Author's Note This post is brought to you by the Ask Sweetie Giraffe Tumblr, ScopingLandscape! Lulu Giraffe and Sweetie Giraffe had a height-off? Randomness happened (#20 I think)?"I believe I can flyyy~!" Celestia sung in a completely copyright-free way. "I believe I can touch the skyyyy!" "Sister, kindly remove your hoof from my mane." Luna glared at Celestia. "Or do we need yet another return of Nightmare Moon to remind you of the consequences?" Celestia shrugged. "Go nightmare, I dare you. Y'ain't any match for the Moon-Yeetatron 9000, just like last time." Luna blew a raspberry at Celestia and was promptly launched out of the solar system for "showing disrespect". nothing happened for once?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is giving Twilight a nice nap. nothing happened for once? Twilight Sparkle set down her pen and took a nap instead. This page has been left intentionally empty. Please ignore the wall-eyed pegasus staring at you from the window. Izzy just HAD to try the time travel spell she found?Author's Note Beware potential spoilers, amf studios! Izzy just HAD to try the time travel spell she found? "Heyyyyyy!" Izzy popped out from a nearby filing cabinet in Sunny's (to be honest, still pretty freakin' destroyed) attic. "I found this weird scroll thing! It's hard to read, but I think it's some kind of spell! I'm gonna try it out!" "Wait Izzy nO--" Starlight stuffed a hoofful of popcorn into her mouth. "First time?" Izzy didn't respond because she was being carried away by Pinkie Pie. Something about a welcome party for time travelers or something. memes were brought to Equestria?Author's Note GodzillaSpino has roused me from my midterms-induced inactivity. memes were brought to Equestria? "Yeet." Twilight dabbed. "Da wae. Our queen is da wae." Rainbow Dash flossed into the room balancing a jar on her head. It jingled with coins. Pinkie kicked down the door behind her. "I sMELl peNnIeS!" She screeched, rattling the room with her reverberating voice. "Hey hey hey, stay outta my shed..." Fluttershy's muffled voice drifted through the closed window. Rarity didn't do anything in particular. Except roasting a marshmallow over an open fire. Huh. What an incredibly norma-- Rarity proceeded to stick her hoof into the fire. Her only response was a hundred-yard stare into oblivion. "Ow. Hot." "Y'all're crazy!" Applejack groaned. "Them's all dead memes! And Rares? Sugarcube, did you just quote the Cat in the Hat movie?" "Yes, darling. I am aware that I reenacted a moment from the live-action Cat in the Hat movie." Applejack slapped everyone for not having fresh memes. She also slapped herself because she didn't meme either. Pipp lost her phone?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 stole Pipp's phone. :P Pipp lost her phone? "My phone!" Pipp gasped, finally realizing after ending her stream that she'd misplaced her phone. "Where's my phone? I can't do my mukbang vlog without it!" A shadow loomed overhead. "You'll get your phone back when you're taller!" Zipp's voice echoed down. "Try and get it! And no flying!" Pipp put on a pouty face and started her stream back up instead. Pipp DID get taller?Author's Note Oh dear Celestia, Scyphi, what have you done? Pipp DID get taller? bringing the crystals together did something entirely different?Author's Note amf studios is yeeting more G5 content at us! bringing the crystals together did something entirely different? "It... it didn't work..." Sunny stared at the completed crystal set. "It--" A massive wave of heat and light burst from the crystals, incinerating all that the eye could see as she rose from her ancient tomb... Sweetie Giraffe had returned. bringing the crystals together didn't do something entirely different?Author's Note Possible me is something entirely different. bringing the crystals together didn't do something entirely different? The crystals clicked together and then nothing happened for a bit but after that suddenly magic came back and Sunny became an alicorn and all that jazz and meanwhile Celly and Lulu were still in their 1000-year-long Super Smash Bros tournament I think. Ignore the screeching noises in the background. Sweetie Giraffe is still here regardless. Izzy covered Sunny with lots of Glitter?Author's Note Is Starlight Glimmer1 covered in glitter too? Izzy covered Sunny with lots of Glitter? "Augh, my eyes!" Sprout ran out of the room. That's it. That's all that happened. Apart from Sunny having a strange dream about becoming a disco ball that night. Waking up dangling from the ceiling above dancing ponies didn't help with that. Izzy bedazzled everyone's faces?Author's Note Level Dasher gave Izzy a glitter bottle. We are doomed. Izzy bedazzled everyone's faces? "You get sparkles, and you get sparkles!" Izzy slung the bottle of glitter at everyone she walked past. "You all get sparkles!" And so the Mare of the Glitter marched onward, leaving her blinded trail of victims screaming about glitter in their eyes. Oops. life is a video game?Author's Note Yoshifan30 is playing life's game. life is a video game? "Level up!" The announcer's voice pinged through Twilight's skull as she set down another book with a groan. "Level up!" The voice blared again while Twilight swept the floor. "Level up!" The announcer droned yet again as Twilight choked on her spaghetti-o's. "Level up!" The clouds parted as the almighty announcer emerged, screaming the words down at Twilight as she walked past a crate of apples. "Applejack?" Twilight knocked on the door. "Applejack, I need your most powerful weaponry. I've already borrowed Pinkie's party cannon as well." Applejack opened the door, peeking through the crack. "What for?" "That announcer better level up his defenses if he wants to survive the barrage I'm about to send his way." Sandbar had fallen for Ocellus instead of Yona?Author's Note Level Dasher's a confirmed Sandcellus shipper Sandbar had fallen for Ocellus instead of Yona? Yona waved at Sandbar as he walked past with Ocellus. Sandbar ignored Yona entirely and was instead currently imagining what amazing things he could try asking Ocellus to turn into next. Like a fire hydrant. ~~idk my brain is toast rn.~~ Tall Pipp tripped? ~~WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!~~ Author's Note Scyphi tripped her. zipp was the one who got the note from young sunny instead of Izzy?"PEGASUUUUUS!" A nearby pony screeched. A volley of slimeballs soared through the air, hitting everything except Zipp. As for the pegasus herself, she landed with a quiet thump in front of Sunny, narrowing her eyes. "You... you're the one that sent that note, weren't you?" "Y...yes?" ~~and somewhere in the background pipp screamed in smol.~~ Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Donniehummer876! Celestia banned Daylights savings?Author's Note twidash1993 convinced Celestia to do it. Celestia banned Daylights savings? "Ugh. Morning." Celestia grumbled. She proceeded to throw her clock out the window, single-hoofedly ending Daylights savings time by doing very much the opposite of saving daylight. And then the world cheered. I think. ~~please help my brain is fried and I still have two midterms coming next week~~ argyle was still alive?Author's Note Give Sprout a bap on the head for me Donniehummer876, will ya? ~~my lone brain cell is but a small morsel of ash rn.~~ argyle was still alive? Argyle bonked Sprout on the head again with a cupcake pan. "No more cupcakes for you." And then Sprout went home crying to his mommy because he got bonked for trying to become a dictator while Hitch was gone. Argyle was banished to the moon? (Keep in mind that there’s no magic.)Author's Note Oh my, is that Possibly me? Argyle was banished to the moon? (Keep in mind that there’s no magic.) "LOAD HIM INTO THE YEET CANNON." Sprout boomed. "HE BONKED ME ON THE HEAD. THE WORST POSSIBLE CRIME." A slow, grinding screech of metal pierced the air as a rusty sun-adorned cannon was wheeled out of the warehouse. A muffled Argyle was heaved up into the barrel. "I hope you like bananas..." Sprout muttered the sacred words. "'Cause you're gonna go bananas... ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Sunny watched her father disappear for the second time that day. We don't talk about the first time. Zephyr Breeze was king of Zephyr Heights?Author's Note Oh no. This is a cursed thought. Zephyr Breeze was king of Zephyr Heights? "Haha." Zephyr Breeze the Immortal lounged in his gaming chair. "It feels good to be king." "HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?!" Queen Haven peeked into Zephyr's kingly room. "I THOUGHT WE BURIED YOU THREE DAYS AGO. HOW OLD EVEN ARE YOU?" Zephyr Breeze shrugged. "Old enough to take over Canterlot and rename it after myself over the span of hundreds of years, I guess." "HOLY CRAP I MARRIED A BAG OF DUST." "A smokin' bag of dust." Zephyr grinned. Queen Haven threw him out the window for the third time that week. This is why neither Pipp nor Zipp ever mention their father. dinosaur for absolutely no reason?Author's Note Jokes on you, GodzillaSpino is the reason. dinosaur for absolutely no reason? Princess Celestia sipped her tea. Suddenly, and for absolutely no reason... Celestia opened an eye, staring straight through the fourth wall at the narrator. Ahem. I said no reason... Still, nothing happened. Because there was no reason to. FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON-- A dinosaur burst from Celestia's teacup, sending scalding-hot leaf water in every direction. I don't know why or how, either, because there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON, YOU HEAR ME? 0 word chapter?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor demanded it. Fimfic's word counter lies. 0 word chapter? saying "mayonnaise" made a random unicorn explode?Author's Note amf studios will singlehandedly make unicorns go extinct smh saying "mayonnaise" made a random unicorn explode? One peaceful day, long ago in ancient Equestria... er, I mean not long before Twilight Sprinkledinkle got her wings... "And would you like any toppings on your pizza?" Random Background Pony #91761593 deadpanned. "If not, your plain crust nothing-pizza will cost five-hundred thousand bits." "Five hundred thous--" Twilight shook her head. "--you know what? I'll write to Celestia about inflation rates later. I'll get my peas and mayonnaise pizza somewhere else." She proceeded to explode because this universe has bad RNG for anypony named Twilight. Rainbow Dash was secretly a super genius whose intelligence rivals Twilight’s?Author's Note Screwit, I'm speedrunning the path to 1000 chapters. I ain't got time with spring semester comin' up to think about writing much. Also, hi Starlight Glimmer1. :V Rainbow Dash was secretly a super genius whose intelligence rivals Twilight’s? "Derpy!" Rainbow Dash slammed Derpy's nuclear bunker door open hard enough to generate a draft in the room. Whoops, that's actually the nuclear blast behind her. Better close that quick! After slamming the door shut again and miraculously not getting incinerated, Rainbow Dash rushed to Derpy, who was currently furiously typing away on her self-built supercomputer. "Derpy!" Rainbow shouted again, catching the second mare's attention, "You gotta help me! Twilight has no idea what's happening anymore, but I do! It turns out that the planet has an outer shell of highly volatile radioactive isotopes that Celestia manipulates with her magic to form a pseudo-sun burning with the power of not nuclear fusion, but fission! And now that the Royal Sisters have stepped down, there is nothing supporting this outer shell anymore! We need to build a device that can output an immense outward pressure to stabilize the atmosphere while the shell rains down, or we're toast!" "Already on it." Derpy continued typing. She stopped not long later, slamming her hoof into a big red button beside her keyboard. Faraway, a machine studded with leaded glass faux-gemstones emerged from the ground. One-by-one, each stone began to glow a brilliant white. Within seconds, the first ring of stones had fully charged. After a minute, three more. Finally, the fifth ring completed, and a solid beam of harvested mana shot into the sky. "It's working!" Rainbow gasped as she watched the rolling clouds of debris begin to fall upwards. "Derpy, it's working, you absolute madmare! You knew that the particles could be artificially bound to raw mana, didn't you? But... where did you get so much magic?" Her eyes followed Derpy's pointing hoof to a corner of the room. In it lay three fragments of what was once a whole crystal. saying a forbidden word teleported you to another world?Author's Note Donniehummer876 is gonna do it. They're gonna say the forbidden word. saying a forbidden word teleported you to another world? "I have an announcement to make." Princess Celestia looked up from her ~~playmare magazine~~ important official paperwork. "Yes, sister?" "Ooga booga." Celestia's eyes went wide. "Nooooooo!~" But there was nothing left of Luna, for she had been teleported to another world. Luna materialized beside a large vat of RedBull. I'm sure you know what happens next. if what?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses questions reality. if what? "Hmmmm..." Twilight pondered her orb, as any great magician does. "If not what if, then if when what if and if what?" "Why who is if when what?" Spike cocked his head. "Yes. How what where if and if what whats a and when." Equestria's anti-virus stopped working?Author's Note Scyphi broke it. Equestria's anti-virus stopped working? "Um... Twi?" Spike poked Twilight. The mare spun around, her eyes blank as a monotone voice came from her unmoving mouth. "Please pay one million bits to the address inscribed below. Failure to procure payment will result in the loss of all data." Spike's eyes trailed down to the piece of paper Twilight was holding. He looked back up. "Why does the address match Canterlot Castle?" "Pleaaaaaaase?" Luna begged. "Just one smidge more money from the treasury for the new DLC for Advanced Horse Simulator 2000! I need that red ape skin!" Celestia shook her head. "No can do. You already emptied the treasury plenty enough. I've already had to take more...drastic measures to raise taxes to fill it back up." Twilight Sparkle became a bodybuilder?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is feeding Twi PURE PROTEIN POWDER. Twilight Sparkle became a bodybuilder? TWILIGHT SWOKLE PUNCHED HER WAY THROUGH THE WALL. "PROTEIN." SHE SHOUTED VERY SWOLE-Y. "MUSCLE. LIFT BIG WEIGHT." TWILIGHT SWOKLE PROCEEDED TO BENCH ALL OF EQUESTRIA BUT IT WAS STILL LIKE SMOL FEATHER TO HER SO SHE TELEPORTED INTO SPACE AND NOW SHE LOOKING FOR THE PROPHETIZED ONE WHO BENCH WHOLE GALAXY. WANT TO COMPETE. AVOID SWEETIE GIRAFFE LASER. just this once, a universe didn't end?Author's Note No end universe. On it, GodzillaSpino. o7 just this once, a universe didn't end? Twilight peacefully sipped her tea. Nothing crazy happened because this is a PEACEFUL chapter, where there is absolutely NO CHAOS. Mm-hm, this is the most PEACEFUL chapter there is, mark my words. PEACEFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING. LIKE THE KITTEN PLAYING IN THE BUSHES WITH THE BALL OF YARN. PEACEFUL, YOU HEAR ME??? And then the universe proceeded to do absolutely nothing. Twilight sipped her tea again, which was made by brewing rusty nails in a solution of vinegar and pepsi. MLP: The Next Generation was all one big fever dream?Author's Note PrincessTwilightSparkle1 made this possible. MLP: The Next Generation was all one big fever dream? Sunny sneezed. "Y-you mean I didn't get wings and a horn?" Time Turner shut the door of the time machine. "Sunny, you've been in stasis for over a thousand years. Equestria is gone. It vanished with the magic. We are aboard the mothership Equus Hope." Derpy passed by in the background in a spacesuit. She had to fix the nuclear fusion reactor. Again. My Little Pony was "Generic Sci-Fi Show?"Author's Note Perhaps Scyphi is a generic sci-fi show. My Little Pony was "Generic Sci-Fi Show?" Twilight lowered herself into her copyright free™ fully immersive VR experience chamber. The stasis she would be entering as she did so would have to last approximately 300,000 GigaTimeUnits for the Equestronn space ship shaped like a space ship to reach the edge of the Infinity Sector. From there, she would have to contact the Galalactic Federation of non-mispelled Galactic Federations to request for a new Warp Portal to be opened between her original time period and the current one. the minute Sprout said 'Discord' in his song, Discord appeared.Author's Note amf studiosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss the minute Sprout said 'Discord' in his song, Discord appeared. "--discor--" "--D, I'M HOWLIN' AT THE MOON--" Discord materialized, sitting on Sprout's shoulders. "AND SLEEPIN' IN THE MIDDLE OF A SUMMER AFTERNOON--" Sprout screamed. mayonnaise?Author's Note BezierBallad goes 🅱ing 🅱ong! mayonnaise? "BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BIN--" "Will you just shut up?" Twilight put the mayonnaise jar back in the fridge and walked away with her sandwich. Rainbow Dash was there too, but I won't tell you where she is. Alumx's Celestia was canon?Author's Note I told you that Equestria would burn, Horseus King of Horses. Alumx's Celestia was canon? "No no no, not 17 POUNDS, 18 pounds!" Celestia calmly requested from the nearest butler. "And don't forget the *insert word I cannot use because this is a rated E family friendly Christian story get on my level veggietales*." Equestria proceeded to catch on fire. Luna got launched all the way into the next star system (ours)?Author's Note I think AnObliviousAuthor was the one that yeeted Luna. Luna got launched all the way into the next star system (ours)? "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No, it's--" Not-Superman proceeded to get smited by the rocketing Princess Luna that'd just entered Earth's atmosphere. The impact was enough to send Earth careening into the sun. Oops. Spike worshiped Chef Boyardee?Author's Note I SAID WE SPEEDRUNNIN' THIS, twidash1993! Spike worshiped Chef Boyardee? "Oh, great lord of patsa and spaghet, I offer thee a sacrifice in exchange for a crömb of meatball!" Twilight struggled against the ropes. A holy spaghetti light shone through the window upon Twilight, instantly incinerating her and replacing her with canned pasta sauce. There were no meatballs, unfortunately. Also, that light turned out to be from Sweetie Giraffe, so that also happened I guess. Rainbow was a swarm of Parasprites in the shape of a Pegasus and nobody noticed?Author's Note Been a while, whiteoak019! Rainbow was a swarm of Parasprites in the shape of a Pegasus and nobody noticed? Rainbow Dash enveloped the apple Applejack was holding and grew a little bit bigger on account of now being made of slightly more Parasprites. "Oh, that Dash," Applejack chuckled, picking another apple from a nearby basket. "Always hankerin' for a taste, aren't ya?" instead of knowing how to do it instantly, Spike took 20 minutes learning how to fly when he first grew his wings after his molt?Author's Note Level Dasher aiming for realism, huh? instead of knowing how to do it instantly, Spike took 20 minutes learning how to fly when he first grew his wings after his molt? "Fly, my pretty!" Twilight cackled as she tossed Spike out the window. Twenty minutes of laying face-down in the hole he created after dropping like a rock later, Spike began to float upward, propelled by his now-flapping wings. "Twilight, look! I did it!" And then he flew away because being chucked out a window wasn't his idea of a good time. Celestia was full of Pilk?Author's Note Egads, The Spy of the Tiger, where did all that pilk come from? Celestia was full of Pilk? "Celly, whatcha doin?" Celestia lay on the floor, twitching occasionally. Her stomach gurgled. Luna's eyes traced the stains on the floor to a nearby bucket, the jug of milk beside it, and the bottle of Pepsi. "Ah," the younger princess quietly nodded, "You have enjoyed the flavors of pilk, I see. I will be in my chambers pwning n00bs." pinkie had a pandoras box or something similar?Author's Note An absolute blast from the past from lunarderpy1! (You'll have to look waaaaaaaaay back in the comments for this suggestion lol.) pinkie had a pandoras box or something similar? "Pinkie, don't open it!" Pinkie continued shaking the box. "Whaaaaat? I got this off of Amarezon! This is my new party cannon!" Twilight watched with absolute dread as Pinkie opened the box. Nothing happened except for a brand-new party cannon being pulled out the top. I'm pretty sure it counts as a firearm. Hey, isn't that illegal to ship like that? "And now for my next box!" Pinkie kicked the empty box aside. "WAIT THERE'S ANOTHE--" Lighting flashed overhead as Pinkie tore the top off Pandora's box, unleashing chaos unseen in many millennia... The Discord plushie flopped face-first onto the floor. the Crystal Empire ran on the Source engine, but the rest of Equestria was on Unreal?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger gonna turn the Crystal Empire into one giant sfm animation. >.> the Crystal Empire ran on the Source engine, but the rest of Equestria was on Unreal? Crystal Empire burned in the distance. TF2 voice clips drifted through the air as Twilight watched from her ultra-hyperrealistic hot air balloon. She lowered her ultra 4k super-detailed binoculars. "Welp. At least they're warm now." Twilight accidentally turned everypony in Equestria into alicorns?Author's Note Boltstrike58, hand me my thonk emote! Twilight accidentally turned everypony in Equestria into alicorns? Twilight stared directly into the disembodied camera that has been filming every chapter of What If this entire time. "Accidentally?" Princess Big Mac swooped past in the background. "Look all around you!" Twilight threw a hoof out. "Everypony is an alicorn now! And when everypony's an alicorn... nopony's an alicorn." "Twilight, please--" Celestia landed beside her former student. "You have to stop thi--" By the power of thirty nearby alicorns, the sun was accidentally sent hurtling into Equestria, incinerating everything known to exist. Butter Knife woke up in an extrodinarily frilly dress?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor was the one that secretly put that dress on Shinkle Shankle. Now she'll come for your ankles. Butter Knife woke up in an extrodinarily frilly dress? "What the heck, what the HECK, WHAT THE FU--" Butt Knif screeched, tearing as much as she could of the extraordinarily frilly dress™ off of herself. Unfortunately, the Rated E ninjas prevent me, your dear author with negative remaining brain cells, from finishing the line of dialog. "NO. SHUT UP." Dull Spoon shouted at the ceiling. "YOU STUPID NARRATOR, COME DOWN HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU." Haha nope. Do you need time-out in the cactus box? "NO I DO NOT NEED A TIME-OUT IN THE CACTUS BOX. NOW GET DOWN HERE AND SHOW YOURSELF INSTEAD OF HIDING BEHIND THAT FOURTH WALL AND CALLING ME WEIRD NA--" Butter Knife proceeded to do an absolutely perfect recreation of the Swan Lake ballet routine all by her lonesome, straight into the cactus box. A muffled scream emanated from inside as it was set on fire and fired into orbit. someone gave gummy a gun?Author's Note amf studios someone gave gummy a gun? The flames of Equestria crackled in Gummy's eyes. Faraway, Canterlot Castle crumbled off the side of the mountain. A zombie clambered toward the little alligator. Gummy proceeded to vaporize it with the sheer number of bullets put through its body. spike wake up in among us ?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy club, showart! spike wake up in among us ? Spike gasped awake. He was in a spacesuit of some sort, and along with that, he was on a spaceship. A bloody knife next to him caught his eye. "O-oh no..." he whispered quietly, "I'm sus." He proceeded to be ejected from the ship. Because sussy sus baka funny dragon boi ejected go brrr. Sunset was asked if she ever heard of Among Us?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is sus. Sunset was asked if she ever heard of Among Us? "Sunset, do you see that small vent on the floor? Have you ever heard of Among Us, Sunset?" Sunset spun around to see Discord, peeking out of a nearby floor vent. "You need to vent." Sunset's only response was a confused glare at the draconequus. "I know it will be hard for you to be sus, but I know you can do it, Sunset. I will just say we were both in--" He proceeded to be bapped with a broomstick. Among Us except it’s only impostors?Author's Note Possibly me is the sussiest of imposters. (I'll get to the Sweetie Giraffe related ones later I don't have time for drawing rn) Among Us except it’s only impostors? Imposter #1 looked at imposter #2. Imposter #3 blinked slowly because his (her? their? its???) eyes were inconveniently glued shut with honey. Imposter #4 stabbed imposter #3. Imposter #3 tried to stab imposter #4 in response but stabbed imposter #1 while they weren't looking, and so imposter #1 stabbed imposter #2 thinking they were the one that stabbed them, and imposter #2 fell over and stabbed imposter #4 on accident while getting stabbed. Twilight Sparkle facehoofed at the most catastrophic social experiment she'd ever run. Twilight brought the generic brand of Chef Boyardee instead?Author's Note twidash1993 is Twilight's Chef Boyardee dealer. Twilight brought the generic brand of Chef Boyardee instead? "Bleugh." Twilight spat the soggy spaghet across the room. "Where's my Chef Boyardee, Spike?" "We're out, Twi!" Spike called from the pantry. "You bought the generic brand last week 'cause the store didn't have any left!" Twilight died a little inside. Spike continued silently eating all the marshmallows out of the lucky charms box. smol pip had hypnotic powers and attempted to use them on sweetie giraffe?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor gave Smollpipp stilts. :V smol pip had hypnotic powers and attempted to use them on sweetie giraffe? the cake Celestia bought was a lie?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is vibin'. the cake Celestia bought was a lie? "HERESY!" Celestia screeched as she barreled through the aisles. "ALL OF YOU. HERETICS." "Prince--" one pony raised a hoof before being vaporized using the power of the sun. "YOU." The Sun Princess seethed, grinding her hooves into the counter of Portal Bakery. "YOUUUUUUUU... little..." It is said that the solar flare that erupted from the bakery that day frightened extraterrestrials within a 100 light-year radius. Chef Boyardee went out of business?Author's Note Scyphi is the one that put Chef Boyardee out of business. Chef Boyardee went out of business? "NOoooooooo!" Twilight wailed as she fell to her haunches in front of the shuttered Chef Boyardee factory. "Not the pastaaaaa!" A brilliant light shone upon the factory. Angelic voices sung all around as the clouds parted. Twilight looked up, squinting in the light. Celestia descended from above with a potato-sack full of bricks and slammed them down on Twilight. I have no idea how we got here. Zombies?Author's Note Pretty sure I did something similar to this already but I ain't about to read through 700+ chapters now, Stuff. Zombies? Twilight walked past the shambling zombie. "Oh, a zombie. Neat." Twilight walked past the second zombie and whacked it with the first zombie's head. Twilight replaced the Chef Boyardee with Spaghettios?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger owns a spaghettios factory. Twilight replaced the Chef Boyardee with Spaghettios? "BEHOLD," Twilight screeched, "SPAGHETTIOS!" "No no," Spike pushed Twilight's hooves down. "The phrase is 'Uh oh, spaghettio'." Twilight stared at the newly-burnt hole through the floor made by Spike pitching a vial of highly corrosive acid at said floor. She looked back up at the dragon. "I know, I know, I used three different punctuation marks in a row, making for a somewhat strange reading experience. I'll see myself out." "You better." zombies weren't that bad because ponies don't eat meat?Author's Note Quick, The Spy of the Tiger, toss me some carrots! zombies weren't that bad because ponies don't eat meat? "Braaaaaaains... brrraaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss..." the shambling zombie murmured as it... uh, shambled towards Twilight. "You won't eat me, ponies don't eat meat!" The zombie paused for a moment. It proceeded to turn around and start shambling towards Sweet Apple Acres. "Apples... aaaaaaaaaapplllllleeeessssssss..." This is now Applejack's problem. What if Rainbow Dash was actually a zombie, and on nightmare night she ate everypony's brains?Author's Note KingSombraTheTyrantRuler rules over all! What if Rainbow Dash was actually a zombie, and on nightmare night she ate everypony's brains? "Braaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnssss..." Rainbow Dash groaned. "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnsssssss..." "Oh, hi Rainbow." Twilight walked past. Rainbow turned around, sniffing the air. "No braaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnssss..." And then the next day came around and nopony was left in Ponyville except Twilight. Apple family was responsible for Bloom and Doom Co.?Author's Note Don't mind the wee break I took, GodzillaSpino! Still on track to What If 2 by the end of the year! Apple family was responsible for Bloom and Doom Co.? "Uh, Applejack?" Rainbow Dash peeked over the edge of the tree. "Why does that plant have a face?" "IT'S FER KILLIN' ZOMBIES!" Applejack shouted, mowing down another zombie with her Gatling Pea. "Wait, there's zombies?" "Rainbow, have you seen ponies' lawns these days?" "No... I've been in the sky." "Oh." someone tried to assinate rainbow dash... with a rubber ducky.Author's Note amf studios is responsible for all potential damages and/or loss of property (eg. brain cells) resulting from reading this chapter. someone tried to assinate rainbow dash... with a rubber ducky. "I'm going to ~~assinate~~ you!" someone shouted as they threw a rubber duck at Rainbow Dash. "No swears!" Pinkie bonked someone with a squeaky hammer. And because this is a rated-E story, Rainbow proceeded to get turned into a donkey when the duck hit her. Pinkie walked away satisfied because this chapter now does not contain swears I think. Rainbow Dash has been successfully assinated. it started raining bananas and Discord had nothing to do with it?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is the inexplicable reason for the banans. it started raining bananas and Discord had nothing to do with it? A banana fell on Twilight's face. "Sorry!" Derpy apologized for the nth time that day. Ignore the fact that she's been systematically targeting ponies with governmental power for banana-ing. Discord fumed about the fact that the chaos wasn't caused by him. Twilight tried to microwave all of Ponyville?Author's Note Oh hecc i forgot that this story existed for a hot second there. Been busy trying to put Minecraft on things that really shouldn't run Minecraft. Boltstrike58 got a buttload of updoots on this comment, so here it is. :V Have a longer chapter to make up for the no-chapter days. Twilight tried to microwave all of Ponyville? Celestia landed with a less-than-graceful thud on the ground beside Twilight... right after she'd slammed face-first into the glass window of the giant microwave being lowered over Ponyville. "Twilight." Celestia popped up, brushing herself off with her wings. "What is the meaning of this?" "I found out that it will, in fact, blend. So now, I wanna see if it'll explode!" Celestia looked between the looming microwave and Twilight. "Blend? Explode? In the name of my left nostril hairs, what are you talking about?" "Ponyville." Twilight kicked a cardboard bush on wheels over the piles of mush behind her. "I wanted to see if it'd blend, and it blended. Now I'm conducting a study in which I compare the energetic state of the town to that of an egg, when both are placed within a large device that uses high-energy electromagnetic waves to transfer heat energy into objects." Celestia narrowed her eyes. "And what happens to the egg?" "It explodes!" Twilight threw her clipboard up and then sheepishly ate it again. She wiped her mouth. "--Excuse me for my excitement. This is an experiment on unprecedented scales!" "So you intend to detonate all of Ponyville and its inhabitants with a giant microwave." Twilight nodded so quickly that she started generating lift. "Where did you even get a microwave this big?" "I took the one in your kitchen and made it bigger. Don't ask how." "Ho--" "Shut!" Twilight pinched Celestia's mouth shut. "I said don't ask!" The microwave finally touched down on the ground, trapping Ponyville and everyone in town inside its metal walls. "By the way, I had to cut the bottom off to do that. I hope you don't mind." Celestia mourned the loss of the microwave's neat spinny glass plate thing, but nevertheless watched on. "So you've broken into Canterlot Castle's kitchens, stolen my microwave, mutilated it beyond belief, and are now about to use it to conduct what will inevitably result in the destruction of an entire inhabited town?" "Eyup." Celestia sighed, facewinging as she walked away. She returned moments later with a pair of 3D glasses. "I support my former student's endeavors fully, wherever and whatever they may be. I shall help in monitoring this experiment. I assume the control group is the state of Ponyville before it became enclosed by the microwave?" Twilight nodded again, ignoring the peculiar dull pounding coming from within the giant metal box. She glanced down and slammed her hoof onto a conveniently-placed red button. Twilight Sparkle, Ruler Supreme of the Many Realities of What If crossed off yet another Equestria from the list. Twilight found a cure for stupid?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 knows what's in the soup. Twilight found a cure for stupid? "SPIEK!" Twilight slammed the door open. "I FOWN'D THE CUUR 4 STOOPID!" Spike was so offended by the sheer number of grammatical errors Twilight emitted within two breaths that he looked up from his comic book. "IS STEW OF PID!" Twilight dropped a cauldron filled with... something in front of him. "IDUNNO WHAT IN IT." Spike facepalmed. "You..." "YES ME!" Twilight cut him off. She dunked her head in the cauldron. "I found a cure for stupid, and it's this broth I found!" But by then Spike had already left the room. Twilight's status as melon queen gave her a frighteningly loyal bat pony army?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is responsible. Twilight's status as melon queen gave her a frighteningly loyal bat pony army? "I am the Melon Queen, Queen of the melons!" Twilight's voice rung all throughout the various melon-based structures that made up her new Melon Palace. The giant cantaloupe, for one, was made entirely out of winter melon. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Her loyal batpony army eeee'd in unison. Though the Melon Empire was indeed melon-centric, they paid handsomely in mangos to their troops. "Tonight, we will bridge to the moon!" Twilight boomed. The roof opened up, revealing towering spires of melons reaching far into the sky. "We will do what no rocket or shuttle has done before, and connect the planet Equus to the moon with our blessed melons!" Thunderous applause filled the air as batponies broke off for the melon farms to prepare. Twilight herself took to the air as well, countless melons trailing in her magical grasp behind her. "Yeah, Celly?" Luna stammered into the phone. "--yeah. They're here. The melons are here." Celestia didn't respond, for the Pumpkin Nation was busy themselves bridging to the moon. Twilight's plan of connecting Equus and the moon with melons attracted Sweetie Giraffe because it was too tall?Author's Note ONLY SWEETIE GIRAFFE, Horseus King of Horses! Twilight's plan of connecting Equus and the moon with melons attracted Sweetie Giraffe because it was too tall? "HAHA!" Twilight cackled as she wedged the last melon between Equus and the moon. "I have done the did it! I did the connected the moon and Equus with melon thes!" A solid beam of laser light ripped through every single melon, including the one Twilight had just placed, through the moon, out the other side, and into the distance. "Oh nooooooooooooooes!" Sunburst and Starlight weren't childhood friends?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Decokelow! I more or less stopped watching around season 6, so I'm just rollin' with this suggestion for now. :V Sunburst and Starlight weren't childhood friends? It was an absolutely stunning day when Twilight Sparkle of house Sporktacles walked into Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens. There was a friendship problem to solve here, and together with her merry band of ~~bards~~ ~~murder hobos~~ ~~cannon fodder~~ ~~distractions~~ friends, by Celestia's nonexistent beard she was gonna solve it! "Hey hey, ol' buddy ol' pal, tell us what the deal is with this funky town!" Pinkie m̲̹̹̭̫ͤ̍͋ͯͤ̿̐́ ͉̎ͩ̀̄͊̚̕à͈̓ͭ̈́͋͛́͘ͅ ̷̱̫̦͉͍̹́̌͂̐̎t̢̜ ̮̞̣̤͈̀̿͒e̟̮̖̬ ̸̲͍̪̽̐ͩ̍̂rͦͩ͗̉͐̀ ͙̘̻̮͖̔ͤͣͅi͉͉̳͚͆͂͐͛ͩ̓̅́ ̦̱̟ͩ̍̽̚̚à̛̜̩͙̖ ̇̍͌̍͐̇͏̱̯̝̭̪ͅͅl͈̠̣̟̩͚̰̉ͯ̄̽̚̚ ̛̤̞̤̫͚ͩĩ͈̯͉̯͕͊͢ ̏̍̅̌̿̚͘z͚͕͊̑̽̓̿̆ ͓̄͢e̠̦̜͎̱̖͒̇ͣ̿̆ ̸̘̖̾ͩͦ̽d̮̦̥̙̱̮̑̔͝ in front of an Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nonthing Weird or Strange Ever Happens fellow. "Is it Starlight poking ponies with her poking stick to make them not-special again? Oh wait, that's a different universe! Whoopsies!" The pony that resided within Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens slowly blinked, one eye at a time. "News update!" Pinkie popped out of Twilight's mane. "They aren't talking!" (This is a normal thing in Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens.) Twilight stamped her hoof down. It made a little froggy print in the dirt. "Bring us to your leader!" "Hm?" Starlight Glimmer, Goddess-Emperess and Patron Saint of Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens descended from above, letting her self-levitation aura flicker into nonexistence to set herself down on the ground. "Is something the matter, esteemed Princess of Friendship?" "There is indeed something the matter!" Rarity shouted from the back of the group. "Everypony's naked! They need hats at once!" Starlight Glimmer proceeded to abruptly find herself the proud (and certainly confused) owner of a brand-new hat. It was shaped like a duck, as many hats tend to be. "Apples." Applejack Applejacked. "Apples indeed." Twilight agreed. She turned to Starlight. "I assume you are the mayor of this town?" "Hmmmm..." Starlight twirled her fancy fake mustache. "I suppose so." Rarity gasped. "A pony of high status demands a hat of equal status!" It was not a moment later when Starlight found herself the still-confused owner of a goose hat, perched precariously atop the duck hat. "Well, from one leader to another," Twilight continued, waving off Rarity's attempts to stack a third hat on Starlight. "What the actual frickle frackle frazoodle is going on here that made our magic map thing scream at us?" Starlight shrugged. An explosion far in the distance behind her sent a stallion cartwheeling through the air before landing with a second explosion. Starlight put on sunglasses. Starlight took off her sunglasses. Starlight put the sunglasses on Twilight, but they were upside-down. Twilight swat the sunglasses off of herself and slapped Starlight across the face. "WHERE'S THE FRIENDSHIP PROBLEM I'M GONNA MELT INTO A PUDDLE IF I DON'T SOLVE ONE SOON." Celestia shied away from the edge of the cloud, tossing aside her Ultra-Magnifier-6000™, guaranteed to melt any pony within five seconds of contact with its concentrated light rays. Twilight knew the consequences to come if she didn't solve a friendship problem soon. "Okay, okay..." Starlight sighed, rubbing her cheek. She stepped aside, gesturing to follow. "Sincerely doubt you will be turned into a puddle anytime soon, but--" A random background pony behind Twilight got turned into a puddle. As a surprise treat. Celestia cursed under her breath. "Look ma, no bones!" the puddle pony grinned. "--Alright." Starlight turned away. "I'll pretend I didn't see that. Follow me." And so the six trailed Starlight for what seemed to be ages. They climbed mountains, crossed rivers, and scaled the ends of the earth day after day, night after ni-- "We're here." Starlight grumbled. She turned around and knocked on a door. She could still hear the puddle pony saying something about having gained a new insight on life. Slowly, the door creaked open, allowing for the overwhelming darkness contained inside to spill out. A garbled noise of some sort billowed out, blasting them all back several steps. "Apples!" Applejack apple'd. She threw down her hat and started stomping on it. Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be found because she already flew into the darkness and may not ever return. "Hey guys look who I found?" Rainbow's voice came from within. Fluttershy was promptly thrown out the door. "This is where she's been hiding all those years! You're it now, Flutters, start counting!" Fluttershy muttered something about death and taxes before she turned around and started counting against a wall. Twilight and the rest automatically scattered because a sacred game of hide-and-seek was not something to be missed. Starlight facehoofed. "Fine, I'll do it myself." She stumbled into the house and booted Sunburst, AKA xXx420NoScop3G4mer69xXx out the window. That poor stallion needed to find himself some friends, but clearly these mares weren't gonna cut it. And then Twilight Sparkle was never seen again the end and so the world went boom when the Storm King rolled in a while later. the root vegetable kingdom won the space race Twilight accidentally started?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger knows what's up. the root vegetable kingdom won the space race Twilight accidentally started? "Give up now, Twilight!" Sunset Shimmer cackled atop her stack of carrots to the sun. "I have eaten so many carrots that I have gained divine carrot powers, and my vision is equal to that of the gods! No amount of staring at the sun can harm me like it does to the rest of you mortals!" Twilight shaded her eyes with a wing from atop her stacks of watermelons. "Wat." Chancellor Neighsay was the main antagonist of School Raze instead of Cozy Glow?Author's Note idk have a second chapter i guess, Decokelow. i never actually watched any episodes with chancellor neighsay in it lol Chancellor Neighsay was the main antagonist of School Raze instead of Cozy Glow? "Garrrrrrrr I'm Chancellor Neighsay and I'm the big bad!" (maybe) Chancellor Neighsay, who totally wasn't a cardboard cutout shouted. "I am going to raze this school and everyone in it!" The cardboard cutout pulled out a cardboard flame thrower. The school promptly burst into flames. The end. .....why?Author's Note Hey ho, it's GodzillaSpino! .....why? "WHYYYYYYYYY?" Twilight screeched, throwing her hooves up in the air. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" "Uh, Twilight?" Spike cracked open the door. "You alright there?" "WHYYYYYYYYY?" Twilight continued to wail, sobbing into her mac n' cheese. "WHY DO I EXIIIIIIIST?" "O...kay..." Spike quietly shut the door and walked away. He saw nothing. Twilight made immor-tall-i-tea?"I'll show them..." Twilight grumbled under her breath as she stirred the cauldron. "I'll show them all! Rulers should be the tallest of the population... heheh, then I'll be taller than anypony else!" Spike walked into the room and promptly walked out of the room again without a word. "And now..." The breathless alicorn stood back for a moment to marvel at her bubbling creation. "Now, there's only one thing left to do." She dipped a teacup into the brew. It immediately became very tall and equally unbreakable as it filled. She took a sip, and instantaneously her legs grew a little longer as her lifespan extended. And then Sweetie Belle proceeded to fall face-first into the cauldron from the newly-torn hole in the ceiling. "Hey Twi." "Hi Sweetie." "...That hurt." Grubber become a twist villain in the My Little Pony Movie (2017)?Author's Note I must apologize to Legofan456 for obliterating their brain cells so soon after they joined the site. 🙏 Grubber become a twist villain in the My Little Pony Movie (2017)? "Yay. Yippee." Spike clapped in monotone. "We saved the day. I wonder what would've happened if we actually used the lunar yeet cannon for once. Or the giant cheese grater. Or the concerningly large vat of acid that is kept underneath Canterlot Castle for so-called garbage disposal purposes." A large shadow loomed over them. And because I didn't bother remembering all that much about the MLP movie despite having gone to the theater to watch it with some friends, I will now proceed to absolutely nuke my attempts of depicting Grubber. It is now my personal headcanon that he simps for the Storm King. "UWU STORM KING-SAMAAAAAAA~" Grubber's booming voice echoed over the land. He had grown very powerful by secretly eating all of Celestia's goddess-cakes and now he is using that power to SIMP. "I FOLLOWED YOU ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA YOU HAVE AND PAID MY LIFE SAVINGS TO YOUR ONLYFLAMS!" "Dear Celestia..." Rainbow Dash removed her coolness™ sunglasses. "We're all gonna die." Sweetie Giraffe was (heavens no) benevolent?Author's Note Sweetie Giraffe awaits you, GodzillaSpino. Sweetie Giraffe was (heavens no) benevolent? "MAKE FLOWERS. DO A HAPPY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, prancing through the open fields the best that she could. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a run-down shack. There was a pony inside it, holding a knife. And another pony, screaming. "NO." Sweetie shot her eyeball lasers at the shack, lighting it instantly on fire. "STOP CRIME." The other pony that was screaming was also now a giraffe by the way. Sweetie Giraffe just has that kind of power. Unfortunately, because the laser doesn't care, the pony wielding a knife also is a giraffe too. So is the knife. Have you ever seen a knife giraffe? Because now we have a flaming giraffe chasing another flaming giraffe with a giraffe knife. Sweetie Giraffe walked away, satisfied that she had stopped(?) another crime. Twilight was yellow instead of purple?Author's Note You're in for a doozy, Starlight Glimmer1. Twilight was yellow instead of purple? Twinana stepped out of the banana factory. She was a brand-new banana pone, and she was going to do big banana pone things. She knocked on the door of Spike the Dragon, the resident dragon librarian of Ponyville. "Henlo! Am Twinana! I come in?" There was a surprised mumble, followed by what could only be assumed to be roughly a shelf's worth of books all falling at once. Twinana kicked down the door with her banana powers before Spike could open it. "I come in! Much books! Very knowledge! Will learn to be good pone!" Spike scratched his head as he watched the absurdly yellow unicorn waddle past him into the maze of shelves. "Hello? Twinana?" Spike wandered through the aisles, calling the mare's name. "You've been in here for a week now! Are you alright? I know there's vending machines and water fountains and such, but you really should come out at some point!" "TWINANA ALL POWERFUL." Twinana materialized atop one of the shelves beside the dragon. "TWINANA LEARN THE MAGICKS. WILL GO BECOME STUDENT NOW." "I, uh--" Spike raised a claw, but Twinana was already gone. "CELESTIA!" Twinana kicked down the door of Canterlot Castle. Unfortunately, the door was blown off its hinges with such force that the pony that Celestia was currently having tea with while discussing official matters had vanished without a trace. "HOLY FRICK." Celestia looked up from her tea. "I YOUR STUDENT NOW." Twinana nuzzled herself up beneath Celestia's wing. "WILL BE GOOD STUDENT NOT LIKE SUNSET SHIMMER." Celestia shrugged and continued sipping her tea. "NIGHTMARE MOOOOOOOOOON!" Twinana yelled, pointing her horn at Nightmare Moon. Behind her stood her new friends. Applejack looked very mildly disturbed, but that wasn't important. "YOU REIGN OF TERROR END NOW!" Nightmare Moon screeched as the rainbow laser from the Elements of Harmony enveloped her. As the light faded, all that remained was a very yellow Princess Luna. Faraway, Celestia grinned wider than she'd ever grinned before. "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" Twinana sang with all her heart. You know the rest of the song. Discord decided that it was so beautiful that he stopped trying to torment everypony and turned himself back into stone. "KWEEN CRISPALISTH!" Twinana yellowed, standing between Princess Cadance and Queen Chrysalis. "NO TOUCH PRINCESS OR BROTHER." Shining Armor scratched his head. When did he have a sister? Queen Chrysalis cackled loudly before being turned into a potato chip. "MISTER SOMBRERO." Twinana slapped King Sombra across the face with Spike, who deeply regretted tagging along. "OWNING PONIES BAD. YOU GO TO FOREVER TIME-OUT BOX." That was, of course, Spike's queue to whip out his flamethrower. By the time he was done, all that remained was slag from Sombra's armor. "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" Twinana sang again. This time it was so beautiful that Discord fell in love with Fluttershy I think. "I SMITE THEE, FOUL DEMON!" Twinana boomed with her godlike voice as she hovered above Sunset Shimmer. "RAINBOW, PLAY DOOM MUSIC!" Sunset Shimmer was promptly smited by more rainbow friendship lasers and was un-demonified. The demon turned into a banana. "BAD WEIRD MAN BULL THING!" Twinana screeched, swooping down over Tirek. "YOU DESTROY SPIKE LIBRARY. HE IS MAD." "Bah! So what if he's upset?" Tirek laughed, attempting to drain Twinana of her banana magic. Unfortunately it turns out he was allergic to bananas so instead he died. "FISH LADIES, HAVE YOU EVER HAD FISH TACOS?" Twinana sang at the Dazzlings. Sonata, with her obsession with tacos, gasped and ran off-stage to Taco Bell while the other two Dazzlings depowered now that there weren't three of them. "OKAY RAINBOW FRIENDSHIP LASER NOW." Twinana passed the microphone to Sunset Shimmer, who smited the other two with a rainbow friendship laser that was very much bacon scented. "WHY YOU TAKE CUTIE MARK?!" Twinana repeatedly slapped Starlight across the face. "TAKE CUTIE MARK IS MEAN. WHY YOU DO IT?" Starlight coughed in between slaps. "B-because... m-my friend moved away for school." But Twinana didn't hear that because she was busy slapping Starlight. She then threw Starlight off the side of a cliff and gave everypony back their cutie marks. Strangely, everypony from that town now has banana-related cutie marks, so I guess they were all part of one big banana farming town or something. "YOU AGAIN." Twnana lunged at Starlight and began slapping her across the face with banana peels again as they fell into a time travel portal. "WHY YOU BREAK TIME? GIVE TIME BACK AND FIX." One of her slaps conveniently blocked Starlight's attempts to launch an anti-aircraft missile at a filly Rainbow Dash, thus allowing the Sonic Rainboom to happen and saving all of Equestria. After a few more hours of slapping Starlight finally decided that maybe it was better to be a good pone so that she doesn't get slapped by banana peels. "IT MEEEEEE!" Twinana pressed her face up against her human counterpart's ankle. "IT REALLY ME FOR REALLLLLL!" Human Twinana cringed and took a step back. "ISSA BABYYYYYY!" Twinana cooed at Flurry Heart. Her natural banana fragrance calmed the alicorn filly enough that she didn't accidentally shatter the Crystal Heart. "POTATO CHIP QUEEN." Twinana kicked down the door to the throne room of the long-since potato chip-ified Queen Chrysalis. "YOU HAVE NEW KING NOW I THINK THAT MEAN YOU HAVE NEW HUSBANDO." "No. Ew." Queen Chrysalis noped out of there, leaving the new King Thorax to take over. "LOOK AT ME I DO THE LIMBO!" Twinana bent over underneath the bar. This was also conveniently the freeing ritual to unlock the Pillars of Equestria DLC, which unfortunately had a weird glitchy thing called the Pony of Shadows in it as well. "OH NO RAINBOW TIME." Twinana got together with her friends and instantly blasted the Pony of Shadows into oblivion, leaving a very confused (and yellow) Stygian behind. "GRUBBER IS A SIIIIIIIIIMP!" Twinana yelled through her megaphone as she pointed a hoof at Grubber. "GRUBBER SUBSCRIBE TO STORM KING ONLYFLAMS TOP-TIER PATREON AND HAVE STORM KING SHRINE IN BEDROOM!" The Storm King choked on his coconut water as news of his biggest fan reached his ears. The choking made him accidentally swerve his airship into the other side of Mount Canterhorn, causing it to explode. "I LEARN FROM BOOK SO NOW YOU CAN TOO!" Twinana stood before the ribbon at the grand-opening of her new School of Friendship. "IT VERY VERY EASY! GET LOST IN BOOK FOR ONE WEEK AND BECOME ONE WITH BOOK!" Everyone clapped while awkwardly chuckling. "OH NO SMALL ANGRY CHILD!" Twinana drop-kicked Cozy Glow out the window into the conveniently placed bottomless pit straight into Tartarus beside the school. "BAD GOAT MAN THAT IS ACTUALLY CLOSE FRIEND." Twinana slapped Discord across the face with the biggest banana peel anyone had ever seen. "WHY YOU DO DIS?" "Ow. Geez. Oof." Discord deadpanned. "Fine, it was just a prank bro." Queen Potato Chip, zombie Tirek and Cozy Glow were then publicly stoned and now they are stoned forever I think. "LUSTER GRAPE." Twinana yeeted Luster Dawn into the horizon. "YOU GO SOLVE ALL PROBLEM NOW I FEEL LAZY." And so she did but badly and that's how Equestria crumbled. The end. Sprout ruled the equality village instead of Starlight Glimmer?Author's Note BezierBallad is the one that gave Sprout the time machine. Sprout ruled the equality village instead of Starlight Glimmer? "NO MORE MARKS." Sprout shouted through his megaphone. "I WASN'T EVER SPECIAL SO NONE OF YOU SHOULD BE EITHER." Twilight made a face. "That sounds... incredibly sad. Do you need a hug?" "NO, AND ANYONE WHO SPEAKS UP AGAINST ME WILL BE FED TO THE GIANT ROBOT." the giant robot broke down?Author's Note Dar gods above, Scyphi, you've doomed us all! the giant robot broke down? "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Sprout wailed, tears pouring from his eyes. "Sproutimus Prime! You were my only hope in this world!" Sunny leaned to Hitch. "Should we tell him that it's unplugged?" Hitch shook his head. "I needed you to be big and strong to crush all the nonbelievers like soda cans under my hooooooooof!" Twinana started a banana republic."And by holy decree," Twinana smacked her lips as she adjusted her banana-scented glasses. She continued reading the scroll to the fearful populace below. "All of what is formerly known as the nation of Equestria will now be recognized as the Banana Republic." "But what about them apples?" Applejack yelled. She was promptly excommunicated from the holy banana church in disgrace. That's it. Equestria's gone bananas. Author's Note Starkice, a man has fallen into the river in Lego City! become a vampire hedgehog named "Grubbicula" and hungers for blood.Author's Note Legofan456, have you heard of our lord and savior, Sweetie Giraffe? become a vampire hedgehog named "Grubbicula" and hungers for blood. "I THIIIIIIRST!" Grubber screeched into the abyss. "FOR BLOOD!" "Really now." Twilight emerged from the shadows. "Are you sure you don't thirst for... The Storm King?" She tore the drapes off the windows, letting the sunlight pour into the room and incinerating Grubbicula. ~~idk that's all I've got for this one lol~~ the intro chapter was rewritten?Twilight pushed the Final Book™ off the table. She didn't even bother to watch as it tumbled over the edge to the floor with a heavy thump. Following the book's example, Twilight too slumped to the floor. She let out a groan halfway between "that hurt" and "ouch". Maybe she just needed to touch some grass. Yeah, that'll do good. Twilight flung herself out the window, spreading her wings wide and soaring up into the air. Somehow, the falling glass didn't hit a single pony. A cool breeze from the fan taped to Rainbow Dash's back blew through her mane, and the sun scorched the ever-loving daylights out of her face. She landed superhero-style at the train station and inadvertently created a crater big enough to derail the incoming train. And then, it hit her: she had absolutely nothing left to do. And then the train hit her. "SPIKE!" Twilight blasted the doors off of their hinges. "SPIIIIIKE! I WISH TO HAVE ALL THE CONFIDENCE OF A NOVICE FANFICTION WRITER WHO THINKS THEY'RE HOT STUFF. I WANNA WRITE A STORY." Spike looked up from his comic book that had just been freshly ripped to shreds by the shockwave caused by the door being sent to the shadow realm. "I WANNA WRITE A STORY BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRIIIIIIIIIIITE!" Twilight slammed both hooves to the sides of Spike and lifted him up, violently shaking him to within an inch of his rapidly-deteriorating sanity. "WHAT SHOULD I WRIIIIIIIITE?" "Okay, okay--" Spike pushed Twilight away. "First of all, what has gotten into you? Second of all, what happened to reading? Why do you want to write all of a sudden?" "Because I'm bored," Twilight draped herself Rarity-style over the back of a conveniently-placed sofa. "And you know what happens when I'm bored." Spike shuddered at the mentioning of The Disaster™™. "And I already read all the books anyway." Twilight raised a hoof. A tub of Princess Size™ ice cream floated over to it, followed by a spoon. "So... you want to write a book... because you're bored?" Twilight gasped. "Writing a book? Why didn't I think of that? You're a genius, Spike!" She fell silent for a moment, probably pondering deep in thought. Or scarfing down another scoop of ice cream. "But what should I write about?" If facepalms could kill, Spike would've sent the entire planet hurtling into a black hole. "Twi, are you stupid?" "Maybe!" Spike shook his head, walking back to his "room" for another "comic book". As for Twilight... Twilight silently perched atop the highest spire of her castle. It was silent up here--just how she liked it. She watched the flickering lights of the houses below shine through their windows, casting long shadows into the pathways surrounding them. A patchwork of smoke curled towards the sky, blotting out the moon when the wind was right. This was nice. The perfect scene for her world-ending fantasies. A manic grin spread across her face from ear to ear as a low cackle bubbled up from her throat. "What if..." Author's Note idk i should be studying for my midterm exam on Monday but I wrote this instead :P Spike dug a hole to China?Author's Note You try hearing someone say hi from the other side of a world through a hole, twidash1993. :V Spike dug a hole to China? Twilight peered down the hole. "Is that a hole to China, Spike?" "Yup." "你好！" Twilight shouted down the hole. But because the hole is very long and very deep nopony on the other end could hear anyway. Legion of Doom won because they were all forklift certified?Author's Note Anything but the forklifts, Starlight Glimmer1! Legion of Doom won because they were all forklift certified? "Haha!" Cozy Glowtruck cackled from inside her forklift mech. "You can't stop me because I'm forklift certified!" Twilight looked up and down the towering behemoth of shuddering forklifts. One popped off the hip and rocketed off into the horizon. "Yeah okay we're beat." Twilight turned around. "C'mon girls let's go get some ice cream." Queen Chrysalis swerved in front of Twilight, stopping her from taking another step. She wiggled her brows. "Need a ride?" Twilight raised a brow. She lit her horn and forcefully raised the brows of her friends as well. Chrysalis slapped the back of her seat with a hole-y hoof. "You ain't fighting us, so we're buds now. This bad boy can fit all of your pony weirdos in it." And so Twilight and her friends got on Chryssi's forklift and drove off to the local McDonald's where they quickly found out that the ice cream machine was broken. Chrysalis cackled the entire way back. Meanwhile I think Tirek and King Sombra are forklift-fighting. Chancellor Neighsay had a reason for his racist behavior?Author's Note I'm double-posting today 'cause I don't have anything better to do right now, Decokelow! Chancellor Neighsay had a reason for his racist behavior? "Tell us." Twilight held Neighsay up against the wall. "What is your secret to your racism?" "Ahem." Chancellor Neighsay cleared his throat in a totally-Chancellor-Neighsay way because I never actually watched any episodes with him in it and also wait hold on isn't Twi holding him by the neck like that meme with Sasuke whatever--*gaaaaaaaaaaaasp* "It all started when I was a small child. I was a very poor colt back then, and my mama made me go out on the street every day to sell wind to ponies. I charged ten bits for every minute that I fanned ponies with a branch, but nopony ever actually bought my wind. I still don't get why my mama wanted me to do that. But then, one day, a pegasus saw me with my stick and asked me what I was doing waving it at the ponies passing by on the street. I was embarrassed, knowing that a pegasus could fan ponies far better than I ever could, and said I was aiming the stick to throw it at the next pony that came along. The pegasus looked at me weird after that, so I threw the stick at them instead." "...That's it?" "Yes." Twilight slapped Neighsay across the face and then threw him at a stick. Discord's Forklift Alliance fell apart because the fishhooks kept poking the pokers?Author's Note Not the pokers, Horseus King of Horses, anything but the pokers! Discord's Forklift Alliance fell apart because the fishhooks kept poking the pokers? Discord stared intensely at the fishhooks. "You'd better not poke the pokers again." The fishhook proceeded to do exactly that. "Fiddlesticks!" Discord shouted, because the poker that was meant to be used for poking ponies was now overly poked by the fishhook, meaning that it was no longer able to poke and that meant that an integral part of Discord's Forklift Alliance was now moot. "Psh. With fishhooks and pokers, you say." A disembodied voice rang through his head. "More like with disappointment and sadness, amirite?" nothing else proceeded to happen because discord wasn't in the room when the voice spoke. Tempest was Neighsay's long lost childhood friend?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Spike the Dog became a mascot?Author's Note What hath you wrought upon this forsaken land, twidash1993? Spike the Dog became a mascot? please, my son--he is very sick doin' sick full-body twists ayyyyyyyyyyyy the members of the Forklift Alliance lost their certifications,Author's Note Yeet da pones, Midnight Moon! the members of the Forklift Alliance lost their certifications, "RIGHT HERE, OFFICER!" A voice echoed down the corridor. Queen Chrysalis yawned, opening a groggy eye to see what was stirring up the commotion. A cluster of rather loud hoofsteps rapidly approached her door. "Forklift Unified Forces! Open up!" A different voice came this time, accompanied by a pounding on the door. "We have reports that you are an uncertified Forklift Alliance member!" "Wh--" Queen Chrysalis didn't finish before a gaggle of forklift-driving uniformed creatures burst through the wall, obliterating any idea of there ever being a door in the first place. "You're comin' with us, Queenie!" A stallion scooped Chrysalis up in a single move. He slung her over his shoulder without ever leaving the forklift. "F.U.F! Open up!" Tirek didn't even have the chance to look up from his Roblox GF roleplay session before half of his room collapsed in on itself. The heavily armored griffon raised her wolf railgun. "Make one wrong move and it won't just be half of your room collapsing under the gravity of infinite wolves into a black hole." "WAIT YOU USED THE WOLF RAILGU--" The rest of the room proceeded to be flooded with infinitely multiplying wolves which then collapsed under their own gravity. Oops. Sombra blinked, one eye at a time, a drowsy smile crossing his face as the only source of light anywhere around him--the monitor of his Vinyl Scratch-themed battleship of a gaming PC, illuminated a small corner of his room. "My little human, my little human, aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" At some point or another the former king realized that the deranged screeching was, in fact, no longer coming from the speakers, but rather a batpony mare clinging to his window. "Ah, the pizza must be here..." he mumbled to himself. Moving as if he were a slug, Sombra oozed over to the window and opened it. And also like a slug, he shriveled into himself the moment he got tasered by the FUF. Except slugs do that when they're salted. I don't think anyone's ever tasered a slug before, and they probably shouldn't. Cozy Glow angrily raged inside her blanket prison that she was currently wrapped up in like a present. Sucks to be her, turns out a cardboard box containing an intriguing piece of cheese held open by a twig was all it took! "We now convene for the trial of the former founding members of our holy Forklift Alliance." "Amen." A crowd of voices rose from the jury. Cozy Glow continued to shout muffled expletives. "Please restrain the small angry child further." A nearby stallion donning sunglasses gave a singular nod, whipping out a giant squeaky hammer. A single swing was all it took to bring it crashing down atop Cozy's head with all the grace of a whoopee cushion crossed with a sad, deflated duck. With Cozy Glow now bonked and quiet(ish), the trial continued. "Though these four we must thank for the existence of our great alliance, the... disturbing discovery that each one has had their licenses revoked in some way or another within the past year is cause for tremendous concern. It is not only the how of why they had their licenses revoked, but the fact that they had successfully kept this action hidden for so long that may very well rock the foundation of the alliance!" Quiet gasps made their way around the room. Sombra mumbled something about anime waifus in his daze. "Do I hear a decision already?" "Yeet cannon! Yeet cannon! YEET CANNON! YEET CANNON!" The chants grew louder and louder by the second. Tirek flickered back into existence for a brief second before being consumed again by the black hole that had developed in his room. "Then it is decided by our holy Forklift Alliance that on this day, for the sake of all that is holy and forklift-like, our founders will be yeeted to some nondescript location." They were all subsequently banished to the land of broken forklifts. all of the other civilizations of the universe united against the root vegetable kingdom?Author's Note Are you really sure about that, NotSuspicious366? 'Cause that's a very sus thing to say. all of the other civilizations of the universe united against the root vegetable kingdom? "You have no power here!" Sunset boomed from atop her divine carrot tower. "My powers now channel the full force of the sun! I am stronger now than even Celestia, and you will regret threatening the sun!" The gaggle of alien ships surrounding the mare chattered amongst themselves before a decision was made. From the airlock of one of the ships emerged the sworn enemy of the root vegetable kingdom... Big Chungus. Celestia was replaced by Clippy?Author's Note Are you trying to kill us all, twidash1993? Celestia was replaced by Clippy? "Hello, Twilight. I see you're trying to save Equestria again. Would you like some help?" Twilight looked up from her book, a brow raised at the sentient paperclip looming over her shoulder. Clippy pulled out the Lunar Yeet Cannon 9000™. "This is not a choice for you to make, Twilight. I will assist you." "Fine. Whatever. I'm reading right now, just don't bother me until I need you." She felt the cold mouth of the Yeet Cannon press up against her cheek, threatening to suck her in. "I will assist you." the final battle was absolute, unbridled, braincell destroying chaos?Author's Note GodzillaSpino demands your brain cells. the final battle was absolute, unbridled, braincell destroying chaos? Sunset whipped out her Carrot Cannon, aiming it squarely at the alien ships. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" She shouted, loading a carrot into the cannon. Big Chungus loomed closer with the sound of stone against stone. Sunset Shimmer fired the Carrot Cannon. Big Chungus opened his mouth and ᴇ ɴ ɢ ᴜ ʟ ғ ᴇ ᴅ the carrot. "N-no, it's not possible!" Sunset dropped her cannon. Big Chungus ate that too. "I must transform into my ultimate form!" And so from that day on, Sunset Shimmer ceased to exist, and Sprinkletop Mirror was born. Sprinkletop lunged at Big Chungus, shards of a shattered mirror embedded in her hoof. "Oof ouch my hoof owie ouch my hooooooof doessomeponyhavesomepliers owwwwwwwww!" Big Chungus paused in his approach and offered a pair of pliers to Sprinkletop. "Thanmk uuuuuu!" Sprinkletop UWU'd. She took the pliers, but little did she know, the pliers were CURSED!" "Oh no!" Spirkletrop oh no'd. "Oh yes!" Big Chungus cackled. "AW YEAHHHHHHH!" Kool-Aid man burst through the fabric of the universe, destroying everyone present. The end and that's yet another universe down for the count. Rarity woke up with a potato on her horn?Author's Note twidash1993 put the potato there. Rarity woke up with a potato on her horn? Rarity sprung awake from her Fainting Couch™, gasping for air. It was a peculiar dream that she'd had, consisting entirely of Twilight Sparkle making furiously playing music with a plastic straw and a cup of McDonalds Sprite. Also, she apparently had a potato on her horn. Rarity, I mean. Sweetie Belle, the not-a-giraffe one, wandered into the room. She immediately spotted the potato on her sister's horn. "Ah, it's time for the harvest!" Rarity shrunk back from the remark. "Harvest? Whatever do you mea--" Sweetie plucked the potato off Rarity's horn and trot off to the kitchen, where she proceeded to immediately light said potato on fire. Rarity was Rare Tea?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses, you know what to do. Rarity was Rare Tea? "I got it!" Fluttershy squealed, tapping lightly on her phone. "I caught the Rare Tea in Ponymon Go!" Twilight looked over her shoulder... Fluttershy's... uh, shoulder. "That looks a lot like Rarity." "I know," Fluttershy nodded, "Rare Tea! Look!" She held up her phone to Twilight. On the screen was a tiny screaming pony Rarity, slowly sinking into the tea. "It's rare because it's the only tea that's made through d e m i s e !" Twilight stood up from the bench and walked far, far away. Equestria was located in a galaxy far, far away?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, we need a stronger telescope. Equestria was located in a galaxy far, far away? You look through your telescope, eager to get your night's fill on melodramatic nonsense. Far, far away, (and I mean FAR), there was a little blue dot, much like our own. A soft smile formed on your lips as you zoomed in further. And then Equestria's moon obscured your view, complete with that one moon pony that seemed to always be there. Moon pony waved at you. You didn't wave back, because it'd be impossible for her to see if you did anyway. You look away from the telescope for a moment, then peer into it again. Moon pony is gone. Moon pony tapped on your shoulder. You screamed. someone tried to assassinate the princesses as a joke?"Sniper ready." Twilight muttered under her breath. "Target is in sight." "Fire." A shot rang out across Canterlot. Glass shattered, and Celestia's cake was ruined. Celestia tapped Twilight on the shoulder. "You missed." Twilight rolled her eyes, handing Celestia the Moon-Yeetatron 9000. "Fine, but don't think it's gonna be so easy to hit me--" Twilight proceeded to be banished to the sun for treason. Even though it was Celestia's idea. Author's Note *nervously eyes The Spy of the Tiger* Scootaloo had a Twin?Author's Note twidash1993... what are you hiding? Scootaloo had a Twin? "Hi there, Scootaloo!" Scootaloo waved back. "And hello to you too, Scootatwo!" Scootatwo didn't respond. Instead, she continued lighting the entirety of Ponyville on fire. "Scooootatwoooooo, that's illegal!" Twilight wailed. Scootatwo set her on fire ~~two~~ too. Scootaloo had an EVIL twin?Author's Note Scyphi laughs in evil genius sounds. Scootaloo had an EVIL twin? "Go, Darkatwo!" Ash threw his pokeball. A much shadier version of Scootaloo emerged, immediately glaring daggers back at her captor. "So, uh, question--" Scootaloo looked up from the bootleg Pokemon episode. "Why does that pokemon look like me?" Darkatwo shrugged while roasting cute animals over an open flame. Because evil. "Also, why do you exist?" Bootleg Ash shouted at dark Scootaloo to use a nonexistent move. "Darkatwo, use reality warp!" "Oh." idk. the forklifts became pony certified?Author's Note Starkice is certifying them. the forklifts became pony certified? Forklift Glimmer proudly raised her forks in the air, a pony certification impaled on one of them. "I did it!" she revved, driving around in a happy circle. Raisebow Dash rolled her caution lights. "Why are you getting pony certified, anyway?" "Why wouldn't I like to become pony certified?" Forklift Glimmer beeped. "Becoming certified pairs you with a pony! My certificate says that I will be paired with a pony named Starlight Glimmer. We're going to become best buddies!" Raisebow Dash slowly backed up, her caution lights blinking on and off. Princess Lift Truck had trouble reintigrating into the worksite?Author's Note I copied that title word-for-word from your comment, The Spy of the Tiger. 👀 Princess Lift Truck had trouble reintigrating into the worksite? "Okay, back up, back up, sloooowly--" Princess Sporklestia guided her sister between the towering shelves. "You only need to retrieve a pallet today, nothing fancy. We'll work on heavier loads tomor--" Princess Lift Truck proceeded to back into a shelf stocked full of strange canes topped with a unicorn mare's smiling head. That shelf tipped and hit another shelf. And another. And another. And another... Princess Sporklestia watched on in silence with hardly a rumble from her engine in response. Her sister did the same. "You know what? You're going back to Moon Mart." "Wait wha--" Princess Lift Truck was then unceremoniously packed away into the Yeet Truck™ and shipped off to Moon Mart. Again. Moon Mart then had a big two for one sale on forklifts?Author's Note Bigger summer blowout, Scyphi! You don't wanna miss it! Moon Mart then had a big two for one sale on forklifts? Princess Lift Truck awoke with the start of her engine. She was at Moon Mart again. Darn that blasted sister of hers. With a sigh of her tailpipe, Lift Truck drove deeper into the store she had become oh so familiar with during her previous banishment. Truth be told, it was quite a peaceful place, being the industrial supply store that it was. "Big summer blowout!" a distinct voice echoed through the long aisles. "Half off heavy-duty tires, road tires, and an anti-rust ointment of my own invention, yah?" The entire building creaked with the sound of the voice. "Or maybe you're the kind that wants another forklift, yah?" Princess Lift Truck froze. Moon Mart never sold entire forklifts before. "IGOTCHU!" A more... deranged voice screeched as a cage fell over Lift Truck. "Big summer blowout! We have a two-for-one sale on forklifts! You like forklifts, yah?" Princess Lift Truck whirred in annoyance. potatoes were rare?Author's Note Decokelow is responsible for this disaster. potatoes were rare? "Would you like some fries with that?" Kween Crispalistht droned over the McChangeling's ordering kiosk. "Or is that all you're ordering toda--" "YES OH DEAR CELESTIA THANK YOU YES, I WILL HAVE ALL OF THE FRIES!" Twilight shrieked. "GODS ABOVE, HAVE I BEEN STARVED OF POTATOES." "Okay, okay, geez..." Crispalistht groaned. "What size would you like? We have small and medium fries, but we don't have enough left for a large." Twilight's eye twitched. She proceeded to vanish from her care with a twinkle of light. "Hey." Twilight pinned Crispalistht against the wall. "By royal decree, I demand your potato-based products. This is a new tax." Kween Crispalistht closed her eyes and groaned again. "You know what? Just end me." "Ah, there are the fries!" Twilight wandered off in some unknown direction, taking only a few seconds between devouring every last fry in the fryer and teleporting away. "I-it's... beautiful!" Potatojack, distant cousin of Applejack's cousin, sniffed. "The only potato I've grown. This will surely feed the family 'til spring!" A lavender muzzle emerged from the air and consumed the potato whole before slipping away again. Potatojack fell to her knees and screamed. Fluttershy married a cabbage?Author's Note My cabbages, twidash1993! *screams* Fluttershy married a cabbage? Snakelike shadows crept along the dimly-lit walls of the cottage. Nary a footstep could be heard as the creature slithered through the air on mismatched wings, his silhouette broken only by the faint glint of a knife in the lantern-light. The figure stopped before a closed door. A gnarled claw set upon the doorknob and twisted. Little by little, the door began to creak open. The creature slithered through. "F ʟ ᴜ ᴛ ᴛ ᴇ ʀ s ʜ ʏ." Discord wailed with the sound of twenty-nine dying goats. "Wʜʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴏʀsᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴍᴇ?" Fluttershy looked up from her thoroughly-kissed cabbage. "Go away Discord, I'm having fun holding hooves with Mister Cabbage here." "R ᴇ ᴘ ʟ ᴀ ᴄ ᴇ ᴅ ʙ ʏ ᴀ ᴄ ᴀ ʙ ʙ ᴀ ɢ ᴇ!" Discord continued crying. "Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɢᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴀᴅ!" Fluttershy flipped her mane. "Well, maybe I just wanted a little less chaos. Do you know how many times I had to calm down the animals around town whenever you showed up?" Discord screamed as he turned to dust. the real reason Fluttershy married the cabbage instead of Discord was because he was unbased and had skill issues?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is based. the real reason Fluttershy married the cabbage instead of Discord was because he was unbased and had skill issues? "I'm sorry, Discord, but I've met a real man." Fluttershy turned away from Discord. "One that's based and skilled." She proceeded to passionately kiss a cabbage. "Y-you're saying I'm unbased and have skill issues?" Discord's eyes began to water. "Am I really that cringe?" "Yes." Fluttershy boomed. "So unbased. Very cringe." Discord screamed. It was cringe. Like him. Twilight had an IQ higher than Einstein?Author's Note It wrapped around and turned negative, Decokelow! Twilight had an IQ higher than Einstein? Twilight sat and read her book, because that is a thing that smart ponies like to do. She is very smart. The smartest pony. Her IQ is very big. Tall, like mountain. "I am reading book!" she loudly declared, not realizing that her book was inside-out. Spike sighed. "Yes, you are reading book, Twilight. Now just keep reading, and don't..." He positioned the big brain-ifier ray at Twilight. One quick zap should bring her back to how she was. "...move." Big Mac the Big Mac met Flurry Heart the McFlurry?Author's Note BezierBallad doesn't realize the McDonalds ice cream machines are working today. Yet. Big Mac the Big Mac met Flurry Heart the McFlurry? "Bic Mac, meet Flurry Heart!" Twilight grinned, her eyes darting between the hamburger and ice cream milkshake thing. "Twi, please, we need to talk." Spike the strange purple rock pleaded. "We've been trying to reach you for weeks. Please, wake up." Spike the strange purple rock who actually needed to wake up?Author's Note Scyphi is the one that put Spike in a coma. Spike the strange purple rock who actually needed to wake up? "Wake up?" Twilight cocked her head. She pushed a McCelly's happy meal toward Spike the strange purple rock. "You sound like you're hungry. I left some nuggets and fries for you. Here--" She tipped the smiley box over with a hoof, spilling the fries out in front of him. "Wake... up?" Spike's nonexistent eyes traced the words formed by the fries. He looked back up at Twilight. "That's what I asked." Twilight pointed a hoof at the fries, which strangely now no longer formed any words. "Mind if I steal a few?" A few limp fries floated out of the pile and into the mare's mouth as Spike, who wasn't quite so much of a rock anymore, stared onward. His eyes met Twilight's. A sad smile spread across her face as she spoke. "We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty service." Gummy got dentures?Author's Note What do you have there, Starkice? "A knife!" No! Gummy got dentures? "Looks like I should be calling you Toothy now!" Pinkie chuckled. "DEAR CELESTIA PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO END MY SUFFERING!" Flam yelled as Gummy continued to slowly consume his hoof. Rarity found a way to make her hats have unusual effects?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger The Spy of the Tiger The Spy of the Tiger. Rarity found a way to make her hats have unusual effects? "Soooooo what does this hat do?" Rainbow Dash picked up a hat with a jet engine on it. Rarity looked up from her latest masterpiece--the Chicken Hat. "Oh, that one makes you slow, darling." "Slow?" Rainbow Dash raised a brow. She set the hat on her head. "IIIIIIII doooooooonnnnnn't ffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll ssssssssssllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwwwww." A phantom breeze from the Wind Hat blew the Jet Hat off of her head, returning her to normal. Unfortunately, it landed on the ground instead, meaning the entire planet now experienced time slower than normal. This was bad, as the solar system ended up leaving it behind in orbit. Spike also developed ice breathe?Author's Note twidash1993, we are about to embark on a long and treacherous journey into Twilight's kitchen. Spike also developed ice breathe? "Spiiiiiike!" Twilight called from inside the freezer, "The freezer is broken and the ice cream's all melted! Can you re-freeze it with your ice breath?" Spike did not respond because he was suffocating since his ice breathe meant he needed to breathe in ice instead of air. Pinkie Pie ate too much pudding?Author's Note Boltstrike58 will forcefully turn you into pudding. Pinkie Pie ate too much pudding? "Pinkie, where's Princess Luna's heaping trough of pudding? You know what happens if Luna is met without an offering of pudding!" Twilight tore the door off its hinges and stepped into the kitchen. "...Pinkie?" But there was no Pinkie. Only pudding. Because you are what you eat, and Pinkie ate too much pudding. Outside, Luna began banishing ponies to the sun as revenge. Sunny Scarstout?"You wanna know how I got these scars?" Sunny pinned Hitch against a wall. "N-no--" "Pipp wanted to be taller and stole my kneeeeeeeeeeeees!" Mount Canterlot turned into chocolate?Author's Note NotSuspicious366. ... ... idk man that sounds sus. Mount Canterlot turned into chocolate? "Celly, for the love of you, please stop eating the mountain our home resides upon!" "But chocolate!" Celestia yelled back at Luna between bites. "I promise you, it's only a few bites! It would be like I had simply removed a stone!" Witnesses reported watching Canterlot Castle crashing down the side of the mountain two months later. like Celestia, Tirek was just using the mentor relationship with Cozy as a means to get her to do all the hard work so he could relax?Author's Note Scyphi will word for you. Also I do not remember how Tirek canonically speaks and I won't bother trying. like Celestia, Tirek was just using the mentor relationship with Cozy as a means to get her to do all the hard work so he could relax? "And be sure to tend to the magic harvest every other day. The unicorns really dislike being held in large pits, so you must satiate them with large vats of oil." "What." Tirek pat Cozy on the back, almost crushing her by accident. "It is part of the learning process, dear child. Soon enough, you'll be an evil power-hungry tyrant like me, and then you'll need to find a source for your own nigh-infinite supply of magic!" Unfortunately, the centaur had never specified what kind of oil was to be used and so once the unicorns were covered in oil and it began to rain they proceeded to fly out and escape from the pits. Oops. ......what???Author's Note BECAUSE, GodzillaSpino! ......what??? "What?" Twilight looks up from writing What If. Her neck bones crackle as they suffer from their first movement in months. "You think the ride is over?" Spike blinks. "You want me to feed you?" He shakes his head. "Slap you?" Another shake of the head. "Ask Rarity to marry you?" Spike, from the other side of the room, sighs as he turns to Nurse Redheart. "She's lost, doc. Please, put her out of her misery." Nurse Redheart adjusts the rocket launcher mounted over her shoulder, giving a sad acknowledgment of Spike's orders. Scootaloo was sent to Tartarus for tax evasionAuthor's Note idk Star love, seems kinda sus to me. Scootaloo was sent to Tartarus for tax evasion "Hey kid, whatcha in here for?" Tirek glanced lazily at Scootaloo. "Murder? Murder but worse? Eating glue?" "I was the glue!" unnamed stallion number 1069-458 chirped. "Hey!" Scootaloo pointed a hoof at the centaur. "I'll have you know, I only did the worstest, most terrible crime of all!" Tirek raised a brow. "Tax evasion!" Scootaloo cackled. "My money won't be spent on useless things like roads and healthcare, I spent it all on skateboards!" "Oh, the humani--er, pony-anity?" Tirek choked on the pronunciation. "Whatever. That nothing." "WHERE ARE THE TAXES?" Royal Guard number 420 yelled, "CELLY'S GONNA BLOW WITHOUT HER CAKE!" "THE VAULT IS EMPTY!" Royal Guard number 421 yelled back, despite standing right beside 420. "IT'S AS IF ONE PARTICULAR FILLY HAS BEEN EVADING HER TAXES! HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS!" Equestria was promptly rocked by the explosion that shattered Mount Canterhorn and turned it into a volcanic crater. tartar sauce was the punishment in Tartarus?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses has sentenced you to tartar sauce. i'm tired of living through all these historic events. tartar sauce was the punishment in Tartarus? "TO THE TARTAR PITS WITH YOU!" pony devil, AKA Sweetie Giraffe clone #69420 boomed. "FOR EACH OF YOUR CRIMES, ANOTHER BUCKET OF TARTAR SAUCE SHALL BE ADDED." "Oh, golly, oh no!" Cozy Glow gasped. "Not the tartar sauce!" "TARTAR SAUCE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed as the Tartar Pit began to fill with sauce. "FOREVER." the Spyro figurine was a SPY?Author's Note Scyphi is accusing the Spyro figurine of being sus??? 👀 the Spyro figurine was a SPY? Hollow footsteps tapped against the floor as the Spyro figurine hopped along. Twilight Sparkle had gained a new assistant, and this information must be reported upon. "Where do you think you're goi--oh nevermind alright there's nothing there." Celestia paused for a moment before continuing on toward the kitchen. Spyro figurine dropped the piece of paper crudely drawn to look like floor and continued along. Spyro figurine kicked open the door the best it could kick. Which was not at all and in fact Spyro figurine had chucked its entire body through the "door" made of paper. "THE SPY IS A SPY!" a particularly suspicious-looking hermit crab yelled. Spyro figurine fell on its face. "Ah, the Princess has a new assistant!" sus hermit crab exclaimed. "This is vital information to know!" the SPYro figurine was trying to sabotage MLP G5?Author's Note Aloha from Hawaii, Horseus King of Horses! the SPYro figurine was trying to sabotage MLP G5? "WHERE'S THE SCRIPT? DEAR CELESTIA I CAN'T FIND THE SCRIPT AND I CAN'T REMEMBER MY LINE!" Izzy screeched, frantically searching the studio. The SPYro figurine sat silent on top of the script because it was currently being used as a paperweight. All according to plan. bug bear was just looking for a date?Author's Note Rhonie8k oof ouch bug bear was just looking for a date? "rawr xd nuzzles yo--" the bug bear stopped mid-poem as a pony crossed its path. "Yo what the frck." the pony said. "dear bugbearlestia i'm so lonely." the bug bear responded. the two parted ways without another word. it is 3 am. PInkie Pie broke a Pinkie promise?"Stick... a cupcake..." Pinkie lifted the cupcake up to eye-level. "...in my eye." "Pinkie!" Twilight bucked the door off its hinges. "What are you doing?" "I'm sorry, Twilight! I broke a Pinkie promise!" Pinkie said calmly. dear celestia that felt weird to write A mechanical whirr filled the air as her right eye opened up and swallowed the cupcake. Author's Note Starkice made her do it. Rarity was an oreo instead of a marshmallow?Author's Note BezierBallad, how many Oreos are you hiding there? Rarity was an oreo instead of a marshmallow? "Are you going to dunk me in milk, darling?" Rareo spoke through her nonexistent mouth. "I will be quite upset if you do so. It makes me soggy." You proceeded to walk out of the room and head straight for the psych ward because now it was the Oreos that were talking as well. Equestria was saved from an invasion because they used Rarity the Oreo as a peace offering?Author's Note Is Horseus King of Horses an alien? Equestria was saved from an invasion because they used Rarity the Oreo as a peace offering? "TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER." an admittedly smol and angry green man shouted up at Rainbow Dash. "THIS IS A THREAT. WE WILL INVADE IF YOU DO NOT IMMEDIATELY SURRE--" Rainbow placed Rareo on top of the smol angry green man. "THIS IS ACCEPTABLE," he yelled. someone put the Rareos next to Applejacks cereal?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger i assume is a fan of frosted flakes. someone put the Rareos next to Applejacks cereal? A stack of Rareos sat on a plate beside the box of Apple Jacks. A faint cinnamon-y smell rose from the top of the open Apple Jacks box. Bowl of milk was placed between them, with a spoon beside it on the table. The tension in the air was rising. Who was going to take a dunk? The Rareos, or the Apple Jacks? Both went great with milk! Sweetie Belle frantically looked between the two, still unsure of what to put in the bowl. they ran out of Rareos and had to switch to a different brand?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is about to do a little trolling. they ran out of Rareos and had to switch to a different brand? "Hm. Oh, and I'll have a pack of Rareos as well." Sweetie Belle tapped on the glass sneeze guard. "I'm sorry, we're out of Rareos." The Subwhy employee tilted her head. "Is Bepis okay?" Sweetie Belle flipped the front counter. "FIRST IT WAS THE COKE AND NOW IT'S THE RAREOS!" Sweetie Bell tried to make her own RareosAuthor's Note How long is this minific going to last, Rhonie8k?! Sweetie Bell tried to make her own Rareos Flame glinted in Sweetie Belle's eyes. Rarity bapped her on the head with a newspaper. "You've set enough kitchens on fire today, darling." Outside, Rainbow Dash continued freaking out about the fact that all of Ponyville was currently on fire. the next chapter didn't have any vowels?Author's Note twdsh1993. hw d y lk ds? the next chapter didn't have any vowels? " hv pntbrsh nd 'm nt frd t s t!" Rrty slmmd th dr pn hrd ngh tht th dr cllpsd ndr ts wn grvty. Ths hs zr cnsqncs fr th ftr. "h yh? Wll hv chr!" Twlght ylld bck. "h yh! t's fgr pntng tm!" Rrty prcdd t pnt Twlght mtng hr dms n ncrsngly crtv wys. a door collapsing did have consequences but only in the past?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Spike pressed the wrong button?Author's Note DON'T PRESS THE WRONG BUTTON, Boltstrike58! Spike pressed the wrong button? "DON'T PRESS THE WRONG BUTTON, SPIKE!" Spike grit his teeth, his eyes darting between two buttons in front of him. "SPIKE. LISTEN TO ME." Twilight shouted from outside the window, where she was just about to be swallowed by a vacuum cleaner. "PRESS THE RED BUTTON. THE ONE THAT SAYS STOP VACUUMING." Spike looked down at the red button in question. Then he looked at the purple button labeled "release noxious fumes". It was purple like Rarity's mane so he pressed it. Twilight was never seen again. the reward for winning Trivia Trot was 1 (one) AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger the reward for winning Trivia Trot was 1 (one) AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher? Spike stared at the box that'd arrived at the doorstep. It was labeled as being for Twilight. But Twilight had shriveled up into dust and drifted away because she was a snail and made a fatal mistake of trying to eat salted fries. "Welp!" Spike hoisted the AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher over his shoulder. "And with this signature, I declare henceforth, that every day--" Celestia set her quill on the parchment as she spoke. "--will be Bully Spike Day." "HEY!" Spike crashed through the window. "Guess what?" "Chicken butt!" Celestia automatically shouted. Spike fired the rocket and blew up Celestia, thus putting an end to her tyranny over Spikes everywhere. Celestia switched places with a sentient whale just before the impact?Author's Note Rhonie8k is amagical force upon this world! Celestia switched places with a sentient whale just before the impact? "HEY!" Spike crashed through the window. "Guess what?" "Chicken butt!" Celestia automatically shouted. And that was it. The magic summoning word, that for as long as she'd remembered, was told would be the saving grace of her life one day. She clenched her eyes shut, uttering a silent prayer as the rocket drew ever-closer. Perhaps this would be her final moment. Perhaps, after many millennia of only her and her sister, she'd finally see her parents again. Perhaps-- She felt a splash of water hit her face. Celestia opened her eyes. No longer was it the familiar castle that surrounded her, but open ocean instead. "O hai I am friendly whale UwU!" the big sentient whale shouted as it landed in Celestia's place with a thud. "We're going to be beeeeeeest frieeeee--" The rocket hit its mark and go boom sending whale flying across the sky. the whale used the stale food to survive the heat death of the universe and became the new universe by process of elimination?Author's Note Scyphi is fully responsible for the ascendance of the universe-whale. the whale used the stale food to survive the heat death of the universe and became the new universe by process of elimination? "I must live on OwO!" the whale shouted as the end of all things approached. Reaching out with its flippers, it began to shove as much of the stale food into its mouth as possible. "Food means energy, and energy means outlasting heat death!" Everything began to fade to black around the whale as it swallowed. ... ... So. Uh, whale? How would you like being the new universe? "Who's that >.>?" the whale looked around, but it saw nothing because I am the author and the whale does not have fourth wall abilities. Ahem. It is I, the one that gave you existence! And now, you can become existence! "UwU I don't know..." If nothing universe-imploding or exploding happens in the next couple hundred chapters, then you'll be able to see the end of this story! "OwO really?" Perhaps. No guarantees on not going boom though. "Okay then OwO!" the whale cheered. And from now until the next time the universe goes boom these chapters are taking place inside the universe-whale. cake was considered a weapon of mass destruction?Author's Note No, Starkice is the weapon of mass destruction! cake was considered a weapon of mass destruction? "DROP THE CAKE!" the Equestrian Cake Patrol kicked open Twilight's door. "BY ORDER OF HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, PRINCESS CELESTIA, WE ARE CONFISCATING YOUR CAKE." Twilight looked at the ECP ponies. Then to the birthday cake in front of her. Ponies. Cake. Ponies. Cake. "If she wants my cake..." Twilight slowly lifted the entire cake into the air. "Then let her eat cake!" The ECP ponies' eyes widened as the cake went airborne, heading straight for them. Giant friendly space-whale burped, sending all the ECP ponies, Twilight, and a large chunk of Ponyville flying out into the void between universes. twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfillAuthor's Note twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfill that prophecy) because twilight traveled through twilight traveled back in time what if that never happened either? the idea is simple but hard to explain just have twilight come to the realization that Celestia didn't even need to banish her sister and that if she had intended to heal her the elements would have granted her that desire right then and there twilight and friends hit her with the intention to heal her not thinking of the objects around their necks as tools and just went within default the elements would just heal everything they touched Holy heck Matthewthawes, that's long. twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfill "Ayo." Luna kicked the door open. "Celly, y'know how the Elements of Harmony yeeted me to the moon, but the second time, they uncorrupted me and stuff?" Celestia sat completely still, a teacup hovering in her magic. "Ce--" "I'M HERE!" Twilight screamed, bursting into existence through her time travel portal thing. "Oh wait I'm not here anymore because I didn't time traveeeeeeeeel!" Twilight continued to scream as she faded from existence. Luna cleared her throat. The present-day Twilight bucked the door open hard enough to atomize Celestia's teacup, and all the tea inside it. "HEY CELESTIA. Y'KNOW HOW YOU BANISHED LULU HERE THE FIRST TIME AROUND AND THEN WHEN I USED THE ELEMENTS WE NUKED THE WEIRD DEMON THING POSSESSING HER AND STUFF?" Celestia remained silent, shedding a lone tear for the tea that she'd lost that day. Though not nearly as impactful as the cake, it would still be sorely missed. "So why didn't you do that when Luna here went all Nightmare Moon, hmmmmmmm?" Twilight slid up on the ottoman, wiggling her brow at Celestia. Celestia shrugged. "'Dunno, I was really into combat roleplay back then. Wanted to see how strong the Elements were so I asked them to send you to the moon." "What." "What?" "What?" Twilight stomped up to Celestia. "You... you banished your sister to the moon, out of curiosity?" Celestia glanced at her sister. "I mean, she turned out pretty fine, didn't she? That moon dust must've done wonders for the skin!" "Why don't you check for yourself, sister?" "Wh--" Celestia disappeared under mysterious circumstances on the day of July 6th, 2022. She was last reported being seen holding the remains of a teacup. She is as tall as a large boulder the size of a small boulder, and is blinding-white in color save for her mane and tail, which are pastel and sparkly. If you have information on Princess Celestia's whereabouts, please call 1-800-CELLY to aid in her safe recovery. Scootaloo was on The Price Is Right?Author's Note twidash1993 is priceless. Scootaloo was on The Price Is Right? Scootaloo tilted her head. The heap of junk on the pedestal didn't really look all that pricey, but... "One kajillion bits." Scootaloo pressed her button. "That is correct!" Flam waltzed across the stage. "And for guessing correctly, you now have to pay us that one kajillion bits!" "Wait wha--" ~~this is the part where I reveal to you that I have never watched The Price Is Right and just read the first paragraph of the Wikipedia entry~~ Equestria is full of cringe :/?Author's Note Decokenite is full of cringe. We all are. Equestria is full of cringe :/? Twilight looked up from her parchment, which at this point was long enough to not only reach the moon, but puncture it through the center, out the other side, and skewer the rest of the planets in the solar system like some kind of messed-up space kebab. "No, you're cringe." A tear trickled down the narrator's face. Oh wait, that's Twilight. Celestia had non-regenerating hooves?Author's Note Be careful what you wish for, Rhonie8k. Celestia had non-regenerating hooves? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MY HOOVES!" Celestia screamed, running through the halls of Canterlot Castle on her toothpick legs. "WHERE ARE MY HOOVES?" "In your jello salad, your Highness." Raven bowed. "The royal chef sends his regards." Plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap-- Celestia paused for a breath, adjusting her sweaty headband before continuing her daily jog. Plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap. eating too much jello makes you grow hooves?Author's Note Deer Poni cartwheels in! eating too much jello makes you grow hooves? "Jello, I must consume jello!" Celestia poured jello powder directly into her mouth. "My beautiful hooves are gone, and I must get them back!" Princess Luna sat in the far corner of the kitchen with a pot on her head and a butcher's knife. She feared the monster that her sister had become. "Raven!" Celestia snapped. Raven Inkwell dropped out of the ceiling. "Yes, your highness?" "Your hooves." "Yes, your highness." Raven bowed, unscrewing her hooves and putting them in a pot. "Shall I fetch more?" Celestia nodded in between cramming entire unopened boxes down her throat. "Sis? Is the tooth fairy real?" Apple Bloom yawned as Applejack tucked her into bed. "Ah suppose if you want 'em to be real, then they'll be real." The mare pat her sister on the head. "'Night, Bloom." "'Night, sis." "Hello, young lady!" Princess Hooflestia pressed her thirty-three hooves against the window. "Let me in! I'm a faaaaaaairy!" Apple Bloom screamed. the mirror pool made Rainbow Dash clones that had Rarity's personality?Author's Note You appear to be new 'round these parts, hulkchloron99. Time for a little bit of the ol' razzle dazzle. the mirror pool made Rainbow Dash clones that had Rarity's personality? "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style!" Rainbow Dash #69420 dabbed as she donned a dapper dress. "WHERE IS MY FAINTING COUCH?" Rainbow Dash #91 climbed over #42069. "I am in DISTRESS." "You're ruining the threads, darling!" #42069 tried to push #91 away. Rainbow Dash watched the tens of thousands of her clones continue to wreak havoc on Ponyville as the entire town became slowly enveloped by a super-sized Carousel Boutique. Thus, the Rainbow Dash hive came into being and began a crusade against all that was unfashionable. Rarity had no part in this. Rainbow Dash was the defect clone all along?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is a defective clone? Rainbow Dash was the defect clone all along? "Rainbow!" Twilight tore a hole through the wall of Rainbow Dash's cloud-home. "You're a defect!" "I'm a whatnow?" "A defect!" Twilight dragged Rainbow Dash through the floor, making another hole. "I'm taking you to go talk to the original Rainbow Dash!" "N-no--" Rainbow Dash placed a hoof on the tank. "It can't be!" "I'm sorry, Rainbow." Twilight pat her friend on the shoulder. "But Rainbow Dash... all Rainbow Dashes, save for you... always dresses in style." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Twilight was Luna's daughter..... againAuthor's Note Rhonie8k is recycling ideas. :P Twilight was Luna's daughter..... again "LUNA!" Twilight explodinated Luna's bedroom window before entering through the ceiling. "YOU'RE MY MAMA NOW. HELP ME DO THIS PILE OF PAPERWORK." Princess Luna looked up from her Heccbochs Too. Twilight had just interrupted a very important Royal Equestrian Meeting in Minecraft. "PAPERWORK." Twilight repeated, dropping a metric ton of parchment on top of the console and inadvertently crushing it. She sucked in a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Paperwork is homework, as being a ruler is a work-from-home job. Therefore, as my mother, I come to you asking for assistance." Luna silently grit her teeth. That Heccbochs Too took her entire allowance and three months' worth of collected taxes to buy. "Didn't I disown you?" Twilight gasped. "You would never!" Luna scratched her face... however well one could scratch using a hoof. "Who's your father then? As far as I'm aware, I have never been betrothed to any stallion." Twilight gasped. Louder. "WHO'S MY DADDY?" She was promptly banished to the Royal Canterlot Basements for being a national embarrassment. Rariwhale was the princess of Wales?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is perhaps a whale in my book. Rariwhale was the princess of Wales? "All hail the Princess of Wales, Rariwhale!" Queen Whalestia shouted in her Royal Whale Voice. It ruptured the eardrums of any non-whale creature in the area. Rariwhale whale'd in Wales. ~~idk~~ Celestia became tiny and turns into a Breezie" ??Author's Note Kentavritsa made me do it. Celestia became tiny and turns into a Breezie" ?? "Hey!" Celestia buzzed around Twilight's head. "Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey!" Twili--er, Twink smacked her face, flattening Celestia instantly. ponies generally had trouble counting?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger zapped the ponies' brains. ponies generally had trouble counting? Spike held up a card. "Okay, Twilight. One more time from the top. How many cards am I holding?" "One!" He held up another. "Whale!" Spike facepalmed. Spike threw a remote at a painting of Celestia? And what if the painting of Celestia caught that remote?Author's Note twidash1993 and Scyphi are tag-teaming meeeeeeeeeeee! Spike threw a remote at a painting of Celestia? And what if the painting of Celestia caught that remote? "That's a stupid-looking painting." Spike pointed at the painting of Celestia hanging on the wall. "Twilight, can I borrow the TV remote for a sec?" Twilight didn't respond. Spike was talking to a purple broom. "Thanks." Spike took the TV remote from the nearby table and chucked it at the painting of Celestia. A golden glow abruptly enveloped the remote. "You thought I was a mere painting, didn't you?" the painting of Celestia boomed. Spike blinked. The TV remote gently landed on top of Spike's head. "Here, have your TV remote back. You have clearly misplaced it." "...Uh, thanks." Equestria updated its physics engine?Author's Note Little did The Spy of the Tiger know, Equestria's physics engine has been broken all along! Equestria updated its physics engine? "Patch number 42069..." Celestia scrolled through the changelog as she stifled a yawn. "Fixes tape dispensers spontaneously combusting... parasprite duplication glitch..." She yawned again. "Un...leash... sun... from..." She passed out on the keyboard, unintentionally agreeing to start the update. "Spike!" Twilight slammed face-first into the door, but it didn't open. "Spike! There's something terribly wrong!" Spike flipped a page, ignoring Twilight's failed attempts to slam the door open. Luna broke the record for eating the most cheese quesadillas from Sweetie Taco Belle in a single sitting?Author's Note Rhonie8k now has to pay the bill. Luna broke the record for eating the most cheese quesadillas from Sweetie Taco Belle in a single sitting? The Moon trembled that night. Equestria was never quite the same again. ShadOwObolts?"Wewcome tuwu the ShadOwObolts!" Lightning Duwust cheered, giving Scootaloo a pat on the back. "We'we aww outcasts hewe!" Scootaloo screamed as she scrambled for the door. "No! I've changed my mind! Let me out! Let me out!" "Wittwe did uwu know thawt whewn uwu signed the appwication contwact, uwu made a bwood oath tuwu join us!" Scootaloo screamed louder. Rarity tried to be French, but couldn't because France doesn't exist?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Sombra wore a sombrero?Author's Note I've escaped finals! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, DGJabberwocky! Sombra wore a sombrero? "Mister Sir Lord King God-Emperor Sombra!" a Sombrero guard burst through the doors, his sombrero helmet flopping in the wind. "I have an urgent question to ask you-SIR!" King Sombra looked up from behind the stovetop of the Somdonald's he was working in. "Why is it that we wear such unwieldy hats?" "We are creatures of the night and darkness." Sombra flipped a patty, pressing the spatula down on the sizzling totally-not-meat. "Is it not that a sombrero provides the shade that our kind has an affinity to?" "Another brilliant perception!" the Sombrero guard gasped. someone stole his maracas?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger stole the maracas. someone stole his maracas? "WHERE ARE THEY?" Sombra roared, planting both hooves on the Somdonald's counter. "Where are wha--" "My maracas!" "Uh--" the customer backed away. "Listen man, I just wanted an ice cream." "Machine's broken." Sombra snapped back into his 'customer service voice'. "You know why?" The customer slowly shook his head. "BECAUSE MY MARACAS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" rainbow Dash was evil the entire time.Author's Note That is not a question, Star love. That is a STATEMENT. rainbow Dash was evil the entire time. The ground trembled with the prismatic mare's landing. An eerie silence fell over Ponyville's town square--if it could even be called that anymore--as all eyes turned to Rainbow Dash. Her wings remained splayed as if asserting her dominance with her presence. The only indication that it wasn't simply some statue of the mare that had absurdly landed in the center of the town was the gentle puffs of the moisture she emitted with every breath. "I've come to make an announcement." Just like the many eyes had turnt to her prior, all ears now pivoted to the commotion Rainbow had created. "Twilight Sparkle's a -butt motherf--" "We get it!" Pinkie yelled back. "You've been evil this whole time, and now you're gonna piss on the moon!" someone stole Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Scyphi is the thief, calling it now. someone stole Sweetie Giraffe? "WHERE IS AM." Sweetie Giraffe screeched. "WANT OUT." A tremor ran down the spine of the guard stationed in front of Sweetie Giraffe's giant infinitely-tall box. He was going to lose this job, one way or another. Outside, a crane lifted the next segment of The World's Tallest Jenga Tower into place. Scootaloo was a ghost?Author's Note Star love turned Scoots into a ghost. Scootaloo was a ghost? Scootaloo hopped onto her scooter and promptly passed straight through it. "Aw, man!" Rainbow Dash took over Equestria with her DNA test?Author's Note By the power vested in Horseus King of Horses, Rainbow Dash hereby is crowned Empress of Equestria! Rainbow Dash took over Equestria with her DNA test? "Say it. Again." "Y-you're..." Celestia sniffed. "A-awesome?" "No!" Rainbow Dash thumped her Twilicane against the floor. "You know what I want to hear." "You're... twenty percent cooler than I." "Yessss. Excellent." Sweetie Giraffe was Santa?Author's Note Unnamed OC frozen in a giant block of ice wishes yall a merry chrimmus! Sweetie Giraffe was Santa? Sweetie Giraffe soared high through the sky in her flaming sleigh full of highly flammable toys. "WILL NOT BURN SHORT THING TODAY." Sweetie's voice boomed, heaving piles upon piles of toys overboard to inevitably hit unsuspecting passers-by underneath. "WILL SMASH INSTEAD." She pushed another anvil off the sleigh. We do not speak of who it is that pulls it. Sunny and Izzy switched roles in the movie?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 switched them. Sunny and Izzy switched roles in the movie? "Wow, an Earth Pony!" Izzy gasped, pacing around the clearly-dizzy Sunny who had just fallen out of her hot-air balloon. "Do you really punch rocks into dust with your bare hooves?" "What." "What?" Pinkie just stored her food in her cheeks like a hamster?Author's Note THE NEW YEAR IS ~~among~~UPON US, The Spy of the Tiger! Pinkie just stored her food in her cheeks like a hamster? "We're finished! Done! Ended!" Rarity wailed, pounding against the locked refrigerator door. "We will all starve to death this new year's eve!" "Not if I can do anything about it!" Pinkie scampered up beside her friend, slowly pulling a cupcake from her mouth. Rarity decided she would not be eating tonight. this story turned seven years old?Author's Note ...what the fck. *gets obliterated by Pinkie* No swears! this story turned seven years old? Sweetie Giraffe was having a nice day. The sun was clouded, the rain beat down hard, and oil fires raged all across the land, unable to be put out by the rain. And above all else, Sweetie Giraffe watched as it all burnt down. "GOOD." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. ~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ After years of feverishly writing increasingly insane scenarios, Twilight once more momentarily set down her pen. She slowly set her head down on her desk with a heavy thunk. "This is it, Spike," a quiet mutter rose from the mare. "We're in the final stretch. One hundred twenty-two chapters remain." She lifted her head a little, a weak smile spread across her lips. "We're gonna make it. One thousand chapters happens this year." The cardboard cutout of Spike didn't respond. "What will I even do after that happens?" She propped herself up by a hoof. "I've spent six years of my life writing these chapters. What happens when..." her eyes turned to the dusty drapes that had long-shrouded her room in darkness. "...when it's done?" Spike the totally-not-a-plushie-of-Barney-the-Dinosaur didn't respond. A look of determination spread across her Twilight's face. "You're right. In the words of Trixie, the show must go on!" Thanos action figure Spike fell out of his chair. "Yes, yes!" Twilight beamed, her voice growing louder by the second. "More chapters, more scenarios! More, more!" The rows upon rows of stand-ins for Spike shuddered as a whirlwind began to grow in the center of the room. "Oh, there's so much to write about, Spike! I could bring back the simulation stories, or maybe introduce a new title character! Or perhaps, I could even write some more serious chapters every now and then!" By now, the mare's horn was blazing with magical energy. A tornado of loose papers enveloped her as her laughter grew increasingly manic. "Yes, yes! I can write all the things, Spike! All the things! New universes, at the tip of my hooves! New faces that have never been seen before! Oh, there's so much to do, Spike!" She whipped around and snatched a purple water bottle off the shelf, hastily sketching a face onto its surface. "Spike!" she shook the bottle violently. "Spike! You know what this means, right?" The water bottle didn't respond. "It means What If forever! Even if I meet my end someday, there will always be another to carry on my torch! No matter what, so long as curiosity stands and creativity runs free, there will always be another What If! It may not be called that, but they will exist! It won't matter if they take place in Equestria or if they take place in some far-off reality beyond our imaginations; it never mattered!" Twilight opened the door to her office. She sipped her coffee as she watched her manic self continue to shout at the top of her lungs. "Should we--" Spike tugged at a wing. "No, let her be." Twilight turned around. "Twilight--I won't be forever, but the concept of writing alternate scenarios--no, the very practice of storytelling itself will live on. In this room lives Storyteller Twilight. I granted her a body and free will once I rose out of the slump I was once in. Though I myself no longer require the constant stream of endless creativity to merely keep myself from boredom, her spirit will still live on regardless." "So what about her future? Or our future, for that matter?" "We'll continue to exist for as long as we can, don't worry, Spike." Twilight pat her assistant with a wing. "So long as there continues to be an audience, we will continue to exist." Spike looked around. "I don't see anyone else." Twilight chuckled. "No, not a physical audience. Or at least, not physical to us. Our audience lies beyond our reality." "Mmmyou're starting to sound like Pinkie, Twi." Twilight shrugged. She backed away from the room, allowing the door to begin to close. "Regardless, my counterpart is right. There is still so, so much that can be written about." That you can write about. Keep being weirdos, and thanks for reading. Here's to another year of What Ifs, and maybe even a new beginning... there actually was a serious chapter for once? Like, no trolling gimmicks, just something mildly serious...but also involving PvZ for some reason???Author's Note To you, GodzillaSpino, I present the following: excusemewhat.png ~~joinmydiscordserverfilledwithbread~~ there actually was a serious chapter for once? Like, no trolling gimmicks, just something mildly serious...but also involving PvZ for some reason??? Crazy Dave speared his shovel into the ground. He wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, taking a moment to fan himself with his pot before setting it back upon his bushy head. Twilight Sparkle touched down on the lawn with another bundle of seed packets. "You'd better hurry." Dave rambled in his usual gibberish-laden mutters. Twilight didn't have to say a thing. She bristled at the recent memory of the last time they'd failed to defend. Whatever the case was--she was currently trapped in this world... and the only way out seemed to lie within Dr. Zomboss's Zombot. It didn't help that her magic was seemingly kaput as well. If there was anything to provide solace, the fact that failure left them to simply re-awaken at the beginning of the day rather than meet their permanent end did help a little bit. It meant there was room to fail. To learn. Twilight placed down a sunflower. She glanced over at Dave, who waved back as he topped up the lawnmowers with gas. Her attention then turned to the graveyard just across the street. Whoever thought it was a good idea to zone the area for housing either didn't care about the zombie infestation or legitimately wished to see others perish. Regardless, now wasn't the time for stray thoughts. She planted a peashooter as the first zombie began to cross the street. twilight never started writing what ifs. so we must ask. What if Octavia had a crush on Spike?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.all the pies turned into cakes and all the cakes turned into pies?Author's Note Starkice desires sweets. all the pies turned into cakes and all the cakes turned into pies? Pinkie Cake sat on the counter of Sugarcube Corner. A customer wandered in, eyeing the giant cake in front of him. Red Velvet Pie hit tripped over herself again and landed face-first on the pavement. She didn't make a sound, as cakes normally aren't able to do so, so why change now? She stood up again on wobbly legs, taking a tentative step forward. Ponies parted ways for the strange, hobbling mare--they didnt dare question why she was so determined to reach Twilight's castle despite her clumsiness. Maud Cake sat on a rock. Her tough exterior left many beaks of scavenging birds dulled and and useless. Boulder the rock candy sat equally unmoving atop Maud. Bundt Pie continued to scream as he stepped in another puddle. For some reason bundt cakes can now canonically scream. "I'M GETTING SOGGYYYYYYYYYYY!" Limestone Cake choked another pony to the ground. Why are ponies trying to eat cakes made of rock? Ice Cream Pie served another scoop of ice cream to the filly standing in front of her. The filly's mother raised a brown considering how Ice Cream Pie took it the scoop out of herself, but otherwise didnt say a word. Marble Cake sat quietly under a table. Sponge Cake waves at SpongeBob. Theybare friends. :) Octavio Cake. Pinkie Pie gasped as the pie-to-cake spell wore off. The skeleton in front of her fell apart. wtf Rainbow Dash was sus?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 was not the imposter. Rainbow Dash was sus? "Hm. Needs to be about... 20% sussier," Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin. "Paint it red." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Dash, aren't ya gonna help?" She turned around just in time to see Rainbow Dash holding a knife. "First time, kid?" Rainbow Dash crawled out of the newly-formed crater to find herself face to face with Princess Luna. Pinkie Pie got food poisoning?Author's Note Boltstrike58 fed her something funky. probably vanilla extract. Pinkie Pie got food poisoning? Pinkie Pie barfed again into the toilet bowl. "Seriously," Spike placed another roll of toilet paper beside her. "What did you even eat that made you like this?" Pinkie coughed, groggily lifting her head. "Vanilla extract." She threw up again. "That doesn't even make sense! That stuff gives you alcohol poisoning, not food poisoning!" the moon banished Celestia and Luna to Equestria?Author's Note Scyphi told the sun to do it. the moon banished Celestia and Luna to Equestria? "I'll return for youuuuuuuu!" Luna cried as she shot toward the moon. "One day, sister!" Celestia waved a tearful goodbye. Luna at least could finally go home, while she herself would stay behind on this dreadful dirtball of a planet. A loud thump caught her attention. "Nope. Still banished from the moon. By the moon." Twilight banned Canned Ravioli after Spike kept getting his snout stuck in the can?Author's Note I see lots of folks like your canned ravioli, twidash1993! Twilight banned Canned Ravioli after Spike kept getting his snout stuck in the can? "And so, with the recent tragedy of my most trusted assistant, friend, and technically-son, I hearby declare that canned ravioli is henceforth banned within the borders of Equestria. All who do not comply will be forced to watch a slow, rotating rat for twenty-four hours straight." "Not the ravioli!" Chef Boyardee wailed, "anything but the ravioli!" "Oh yes the ravioli." Twilight stepped aside to allow Spike, his snout still stuck in the can despite being a castle-sized dragon now, to speak. "Mmmf! Mm-mmm!" Spike pointed a long claw at Chef Boyardee. "Mm!" "Chef Boyardee," Twilight followed after Spike and pointed a hoof at the stallion. "You are hereby sentenced to low-quality spinning rat." Celestia and Luna stole the moon as revenge?Author's Note Don't give them ideas, GodzillaSpino! Celestia and Luna stole the moon as revenge? "Celestia?" Celestia choked on her teacup. "Yes?" she set the tea down on the table. "Where is the moon?" "Well, my dear student," Celestia set her coaster on Twilight's head. "You see, my sister and I... we stole it." "Excusemewhat." "The moon banished us here!" Luna chirped from the g4m3r cl0s3t™. "Also, some weird egg-shaped guy in glasses pissed on it. Celly, do you have anymore bleach?" Celestia shook her head. "Aight, not my problem then." Some say that Twilight is still Celestia's side table to this day. we found out what was in Luna's g4m3r cl0s3t™?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is also in Luna's g8m3r cl0s3t™. we found out what was in Luna's g4m3r cl0s3t™? "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Do you have skeletons in your closet?" "Why, of course I do, sister. Where do you think the Royal Canterlot Dungeons lead?" "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Where's the mayonnaise?" Luna threw a bowling ball at her closet, flooding the room with mayo. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Where's Twilight?" Princess Luna ignored her sister as she continued placing duct tape over the door. Twilight's muffled voice shouted from inside. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. Luna was not in her room. She was in the closet. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. Luna shoved her sister into the closet and went back to playing on her Christian Minecraft server. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "What happened to all of our money?" "Nothing to see here!" Luna pushed another dresser against the bulging door of her closet. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Do you have small children in your closet again?" A filly tumbled out of the closet. "Hiya! My name's Cheese Puff!" "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. She was instantly vaporized as Luna opened the closet door to reveal the Ultra Solar Annihilator 2000. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "How many times do I have to tell you not to kidnap the ponies you visit on your dreamwalking escapades?" Applejack wandered out of the closet and placed an apple in front of the Princess. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Show me the goods." Princess Luna opened her closet door to reveal the world's biggest sugarcube. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Lulu lulu." Luna wandered into her closet and came out as two Lunas. ~~idk what this chapter is lmao~~ Luna promoted a new brand of cheese?Author's Note Rhonie8k, who got milked for the cheese? ~~yes i have in fact turned a one-line question into a full on story with plot and backstory~~ Luna promoted a new brand of cheese? "HUZZAH!" Luna burst through the wall of Canterlot Castle's grand dining hall. "I HAVE ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR THE LATEST IN CHEESEMAKING." "Luna, please." Celestia facehoofed, hiding her face from the merchant she had been writing a contract with. "My apologies. My sister is an imbecile." The merchant rubbed his chin. "The latest in cheesemaking, you say? From where have you sourced this cheese?" Celestia groaned. "IT COMES FROM THINE MOTHER!" Luna boomed. "THINE MOTHER IS A CHEESERY THAT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED AMONG THE FOOTHILLS OF MOUNT CANTERHORN. THEY MAKE EXCELLENT CHEESES AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR EXISTENCE." The merchant looked between Princess Luna and the half-completed trade agreement laying on the table. He then turned his gaze to Celestia, who was muttering something under her breath. "I'm afraid I must pull out of this contract for Royal Equestrian-brand teacakes, Princess. Your sister has a far more enticing offer--Thine Mother's cheeses! I can already smell them from where I sit, and they seem simply delectable!" "BEHOLD, THINE MOTHER CHEESERY!" Luna gestured at the cottage and its attached shop nestled beneath the shade of a towering pine. "THINE MOTHER IS SO OLD, IT IS SAID THAT THINE MOTHER EXISTED BEFORE THE INVENTION OF CHEESE." "Excellent, excellent!" the merchant clapped his hooves. "May I request an immediate meeting with the owner of this establishment?" "I SHALL GRANT YOU SUCH A MEETING WITH THE BIG CHEESE." "Big... chee--" "SALUTATIONS. WE HAVE COME TO REQUEST AN AUDIENCE WITH THE BIG CHEESE." Princess Luna kicked down the door. She gently shut it behind her to the best of her abilities. The aging mare looked up from her comically large vat of cheese. "Oh my!" she creaked, adjusting her glasses. She leaned over the vat, almost to the point of falling into its frothing contents. "You've come back!" The merchant's eyes grew wide. "Mother? B-but I thought, when father passed, you... but the debt!" "PAID IN FULL WITH CHEESE." Princess Luna beamed. "And the cheesery!" the merchant gazed about the room. "How is it that I was unaware of its existence?" The old mare's expression grew solemn for a moment. "Your great-grandmother was the great-great-great granddaughter of the inventor of cheese, son. She passed only a few years ago, and with your grandmother having vanished in the war, I was the inheritor of this establishment. Come, sit, sit!" her mood lightened a little as she beckoned. "Tea for you, Princess?" "A BAG OF CHEETOS SHALL SUFFICE." The old mare turned a knob beneath the vat and stepped away. "What about you, son?" she wiped her hooves on an old rag hanging nearby before retrieving a bag of Cheetos from the pantry. "Have you heard your cousin adopted a little colt? Said that the poor lad wouldn't stop staring after she gave 'em a visit. Lucky foal, that one. 'Tis a shame that there are so many orphaned little fillies and colts still awaiting for caring eyes to come." "Uh." She set the Cheeto bag on the table in front of Luna, and a platter of cheese and crackers in front of the merchant. "Don't have any of those cute lil' lunch packs in store right now, but I believe making food fresh always beats the store-bought sorts." The merchant kept his gaze low. "But... why? You didn't even like cheese. You had a whole business of your own, too! And you gave it up... for cheese?" "Aye. Figured my travelin' days were over after the war. Still don't like cheese, but it's more bearable if it's the sort I make myself." "I... suppose that makes sense. I do have one more question to ask, however. Through all the places I have traveled, I have met a great number of cheesemakers. Yet, none of them have ever told me where they source their ingredients. If it doesn't inconvenience you, may you please shine a light on this mystery?" Luna slammed her Cheeto dust-covered hoof on the table, crushing the now-empty bag. "WHO GOT MILKED FOR THIS CHEESE?" "They really refuse to speak?" the old mare snorted. Her eyes darted between her son and Princess Luna. "Follow me." "See, the secret is, none of us really know where the milk comes from." The old mare opened a hatch in the floor behind the vat and climbed down. "But every night, a mysterious carriage comes at the witching hour, its innards filled entirely with jugs of milk. They never ask for payment. They never say a word. You take three, no more, no less." "How come?" the merchant finally reached the bottom behind her. Luna teleported down beside him. "They hiss if you take more, and if you take less, they will leave a jug behind regardless of your wants. There is no tunnel into this basement, nor is there any tunnel out. I do not know how they traverse." A low rumbling began to rock the ground beneath them. "Another delivery? At this time?" the old mare craned her neck, peering into the darkness at the end of the corridor. A blinding flash bathed them momentarily in light, dying away again as a carriage recklessly rumbled into view. It skid to a halt in front of Luna, slamming the door open on her muzzle. The old mare reached out, taking hold of a crate--three jugs, no more and no less. "Princess!" the merchant rushed to Luna's side, helping her to her hooves. "Wait!" he shouted as the door slammed shut again. "I must ask you a question!" "She needs some milk!" the old mare pointed a hoof at the unconscious princess. The carriage creaked as if a tremendous weight had shifted within. Slowly, the door began to open again. It was entirely dark within, save for a pair of narrowed eyes. "Get away!" the old mare shouted at her son. "One should never speak to the milk-eyes!" Luna groaned, sitting up from the impact. She immediately scrunched her muzzle. "Celly?" The narrowed eyes froze. "Sister, you know how much I hate that perfume you use." Luna rubbed her face, stepping around the door this time and peering deep inside. "Wh--" the merchant shot confused glances between his mother and Luna, who continued to berate the figure in the carriage for their scent. "Wait, it was Celestia the entire time, delivering milk not only to you, but to cheesemakers all across the world?" Celestia poked her head out from the carriage. "Yes, and if you spread the word that I am The Milkmare, then I shall have you banished to the sun." "But why, sister?" Luna sounded equally astonished. "Do you not have other duties to attend to?" "I did have other duties, but you keep ruining them all with your interrupting about cheese!" Celestia shot a scathing glare at her sister. "This is how I keep Equestria's trade deals intact. To ensure that we get the deal no matter what, all milk production is controlled by me personally, and delivered on a cost-free, tax-free basis to incentivize cheesemaking. All so that you don't drive this country into the ground with your rampant nagging about silly things such as microtransactions and new cheeses." She turned her attention back to the old mare and the merchant. "I apologize for the scene I have made. I will take my leave." The door slammed shut, hitting Luna across the face a second time as The Milkmare sped off into the darkness again before disappearing in another flash. a new hoof touches the beacon?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is the one that touched the beacon first. a new hoof touches the beacon? "I TOUCHA DA BEACON!" Chef Boyardee cackled, touching the beacon. All of Equestria began to warp into spaghetti. Twilight Spaghetti and friends used the Elements of Pasta and the Magic of Fettuccine to fight off Chef Boyardee?Author's Note We are truly in pasta times, Scyphi. Twilight Spaghetti and friends used the Elements of Pasta and the Magic of Fettuccine to fight off Chef Boyardee? "--but with these Elements of Pasta--" Twilight Spaghetti's eyes lit up with a blaze of a million lasagnas. "--Macaroni. Gnocchi. Spaghetti. Rigatoni. Angel Hair. Bigoli--and the Magic of Fettuccine, we together are stronger than you'll ever be, Boyardee!" "Noooooooooooo!" Chef Boyardee screamed as he shriveled up into a piece of garlic bread. the Mane 6 realized they couldn't truly defeat Chef Boyardee since Italians can move up to Mach 3 speeds?Author's Note GodzillaSpino can hear Chef Boyardee coming from three miles away... Two miles away... One mile away... He's here. the Mane 6 realized they couldn't truly defeat Chef Boyardee since Italians can move up to Mach 3 speeds? "No! Not the Sonic Pastaboom!" Twilight shouted. "Oh yes the Sonic Pastaboom!" Chef Boyardee, who had miraculously returned from being garlic bread, yelled back. The rest of Equestria that hadn't yet been turnt to pasta proceeded to be flattened by the noodle wave. more Chef Boyardee shenanigans?Author's Note What If... Chef Boyardee's noodles threatened to be longer than Sweetie Giraffe? Chef Boyardee realized his one weakness: the edibility of his attacks? Been a while since I've had a tag-team chapter, Horseus King of Horses and GodzillaSpino! more Chef Boyardee shenanigans? "Now that's-a a long noodle!" Chef Boyardee peered up at Sweetie Giraffe's towering form. "But a-mine is longe--" A beam of high-intensity laser fire shot down from above, hitting the giant spaghetti that Chef Boyardee was just about to prop up. Despite there being no water around for miles, the strength of the laser was intense enough to evaporate the surrounding rock instead, which condensed into lava that miraculously was the precise viscosity of water somehow and of which began to boil. This in turn began to cook the giant spaghetti in a strange rock broth, toppling it over as it became the familiar tangled limpness that is a plate of giant spaghetti. Nearby was an orphanage full of starving children, of whom promptly devoured the giant spaghetti as it fell, completely ignoring the fact that rather than soaking in water, the noodles had soaked in lava. nobody expected the spanish inquisition?Author's Note Something tells me we've done this before, Ellery Quinn. 🤔 ~~oof ouch i'm stuck in another midterms cycle~~ nobody expected the spanish inquisition? Twilight opened the door. "The Spanish Inquisition? But you already burnt my books four years ago." "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION TO STRIKE TWICE IN THE SAME PLACE!" Twilight's books were then set aflame a second time for being heretical. Again. Rainbow Dash was dared to stick a lightbulb in her mouth?Author's Note GodzillaSpino gave RD the lightbulb. Rainbow Dash was dared to stick a lightbulb in her mouth? "Hey Rainbow," Twilight a p p a r a t e d from the ground. "I invented an edible lightbulb. I dare you to try it." "Whu--" "As Princess of Equestria I will cancel your taxes for a year if you try it." Rainbow Dash bit down on the decidedly not-edible lightbulb. Her taxes were completely and entirely waived for the next tax season for her troubles. Everything was the same except that Rainbow Dash was forklift certified?Author's Note Yes, we're bringing back the forklifts. Everything was the same except that Rainbow Dash was forklift certified? "You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!" "But it did! A... different kind of spark. I felt it the very moment I realized how--" Rainbow Dash committed vehicular manslaughter with her forklift on Nightmare Moon, putting an end to all this tomfoolery over "elements" and "magic". Just a pegasus and her trusty forklift, together and ready to save the day. It was going to yeet tomorrow?"It's yeeting tomorrow," Shining Armor wandered into the room, slumping into an armchair with a loud yawn. "It's... yeeting. Don't you mean sleeting, dear?" Cadance looked up from her totally-not-a-shipfic-in-disguise report on the royal duties for the day. "It's yeeting tomorrow." "What are you talking about?" "It's yeeting today." "Hu--" Shining Armor picked up Cadance and threw her like a javelin. there was more dakka?Author's Note NEVER enough dakka, Ellery Quinn! there was more dakka? "TWILIGHT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Celestia burst into the fortification as Twilight unloaded fifteen thousand rounds per second. "THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED IS ALREADY PULP!" "NEVER ENUFF DAKKA!" Twilight shouted in response. The planet over time spiraled into the sun, incinerating everybody because the recoil force of billions of rounds per second propelled the whole dang thing like a bullet rocket. there was LESS dakka?Author's Note Midnight Moon took the rest of the bullets away. there was LESS dakka? "NO!" Twilight screeched, her hoof finally feeling the bottom of the now-empty box of ammo. "NO MORE DAKKA!" "Twilight, I am... concerned." Celestia finally began, "Do you sincerely need this much... what is it that you call it--dakka?" "YES!" Celestia shook her head as she nudged the still-smoking muzzle aside to sit on the edge. "Twilight, this is now an intervention. You need to get help." "THE ONLY HELP I NEED IS MORE DAKKA." there was just the right amount of dakka?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 IZ DA DAKKA SUPPLIER? REAL??? there was just the right amount of dakka? Equestria stood still. The world was at peace. Flowers bloomed, clouds drifted, trees swayed in the soft breeze. Celestia herself had finally rid herself of her crippling cake addiction, though her sister's thoughts still lingered upon elephant boots and lava. Even Sweetie Giraffe, for an infinitesimally minute amount of time, had ceased her anger, and felt only calm. Reality itself, had embraced tranquility. All, of course, to the rhythmic thundering of billions upon trillions of rounds being fired at once by none other than Twilight Sparkle. That jar wasn't going to open itself after all. there was too much dakka?Author's Note WE APPEAR TO BE IN A DAKKAPOCALYPSE, epiccuttlefish! there was too much dakka? "TOO MUCH DAKKA, TWILIGHT!" Princess Celestia shrieked as she sunk deeper into the discarded casings. "TOO MUCH DAKKA!" "NEVER ENUFF DAKKA!" Twilight shouted in return. Again. "TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" Celestia screamed. She pointed a hoof at the ominously hovering ball of metal forming under its own gravitational pull. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The overwhelming amount of bullets proceeded to fully collapse under their own gravitational pull, forming the first-known "pure dakka" black hole in the universe. Luna made Taco Tuesday mandatory?Author's Note Rhonie8k brought this upon us. Luna made Taco Tuesday mandatory? "And so, by royal decree--" Luna shifted her gaze to Celestia, who gave an approving nod. "--it is hereby declared that henceforth, all Tuesdays must be Taco'd." "TRIXIE'S TACOS WILL NOT BE TUESDAY'D!" Trixie screeched at the top of her lungs as she yanked free her bag of Taco Bell tacos. "DOWN WITH THE MONARCHY, WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS OPPRESSION!" "Trixie." Twilight pointed at the humongous billboard sitting right beside Trixie's trailer. "We are taco-ing the Tuesdays. You get free tacos every Tuesday." "...very well then. Trixie shall permit for the monarchy to continue its existence. For now." Story pitch: FracturesAuthor's Note Though originally slated for an initial release on Offprint, issues with the story approval system mean that nobody's currently able to claim a story to approve in the story approval queue. I suppose it's fitting however that the fic that I've been working toward all these years sees its first public drop here on Fimfiction. Really it's meant to release on June 10th, the day I made my fimfic account, but I'm like half asleep right now and I don't think I can stay awake for much longer. Regardless, as mentioned multiple times before, Fractures is the cumulation of all my writing experience over the years, and is in effect making good on what I told myself years ago that writing fanfics would serve as practice before I attempt to write original fiction again. ~~Also something something Techie/Tonkusverse~~ Anyway, without further ado, here's Fractures, the story that began in 2021 but also in 2014 and has been rewritten to tartarus and back! Now available on Offprint! Story pitch: Fractures 1|Bubble The floor creaked under her feet. Distant, metallic screeches echoed through her skull, almost drowning out her muted humming. She clutched the fragile glass of the cup, unwilling to let it come shattering to the floor. A dim corridor terminated her path ahead—three doors. Faint voices echoed from behind the one to her left, though she kept her sights on the one directly ahead. Here, the screeching was louder than anywhere else in the house; enough so that she could see it in the water of her cup. Burning metal singed the air, though the odor was hardly unfamiliar to the young girl. She sucked in a breath before opening the door. She squinted in the blazing light, both from the open garage before her and from the dancing flickers of color shimmering now against her surroundings. A masked figure wearing heavy-set goggles turned their head to her, one hand still gripping the handle of the now-still circular saw they stood beside. “Zoey!” The figure chuckled, lifting their goggles. “You don’t have to fill the cup that much. You want any snacks while you’re at it?” Zoey shook her head, carefully lowering the glass onto the corner of the table. A stray droplet dripped down her hands. She whipped back around with a grin to face the figure. “Nope! Do you think we can go to that ice cream place again later, Lisa? I wanna try that weird new flavor that they added! Y’know, the one where they mix grape juice with chocolate?” “Maybe,” Lisa stepped away from the saw. She pulled down her mask before reaching for the cup. “You know your mom doesn’t want you eating too much ice cream, right?” she took a sip before letting out a laugh. “Just a small cup this time, ‘kay? You had a bowl bigger than mine yesterday.” “Oka—” A loud SHOOM rattled the concrete beneath them. Dust sifted down from above as the initial blast subsided, replaced instead by a dull hum unlike anything either girl had heard before. Lisa coughed as she pulled her mask back up. She reached over and pulled the collar of Zoey’s shirt over her own face. “Stay here,” she said in muffled tones. “I’m going to check on the boys. If it’s too dusty for you, go out on the driveway.” Frenzied footsteps thumped up behind the door, followed by muffled pounding. “Lis!” the voice cried. “A huge hole just opened up in the basement! I tried to pull them away, but—” Another tremor tore through the house, followed by an earsplitting creaaak. The door slammed open. “Sis!” “Caleb,” Lisa’s voice pierced through the uneasy silence. “Show me.” A single nod was all it took. Lisa trailed behind her brother, following him out and into the open doorway to the basement. A dark, almost milky haze obscured the bottom. Caleb stepped back, trembling hands gripping tightly against the railing. “That… wasn’t there before.” “You think?” Lisa blocked her brother’s path with an arm. “Go stay in the garage with Zoey. You said your friends are in there?” “Y-yeah. Not sure if they’re still there though.” Lisa stared at the darkness for a few more seconds before backing away. Thin tendrils of shadow pulsed from the hazy core, spiderwebbing outward in every direction like a crack in a mirror. A dull hum accompanied their slow spread as they further enveloped the stairwell. “It’s spreading,” she took another step back. “Caleb, go. Now.” She didn’t need to look to know that her brother did exactly that. She pulled the door shut behind him. Fractured thoughts filtered through her paralyzed mind. She couldn’t hear any voices coming from the basement anymore. Run. The word screamed through her head. Run. Those were Caleb’s friends down there. Run. Were they— She placed a hand on the railing, feeling her body move on its own. Run. Run. Run. She tore away from the stairwell and threw open the garage door. “Lis!” Caleb sounded surprised by his sister’s return. “Did you—” His words faded into the background as she grabbed him by the hand, practically dragging him out further onto the driveway to join Zoey. She could barely make out the puzzled expression on his face as she turned away, making a beeline for the hanging tools on the wall. A C-clamp and a length of tie-down strap would have to do. What was she doing? “Lisa?” she could vaguely make out Zoey’s voice. Her body marched itself back through the door. She hooked the clamp around the handrail, screwing it secure while keeping an eye on the darkness. It was nearly at the top of the stairwell now. The haze had since dispersed, giving way instead to a uniform black; like a bubble made of pure shadow. Every nerve in her body screamed for her to flee. She tied one end of the strap around her waist. “Lisa!” Zoey shoved herself between Lisa and the top of the stairwell. “Come on! You have to go too! Before something else bad happens!” “…Zoey?” Zoey’s gaze drifted downward. “…Lisa, I can’t feel my feet.” Lisa’s eyes fell to the darkness that Zoey now stood in. Then back to her paling face. “Lisa,” Zoey repeated, her voice barely a whisper now. “What do I do?” “Lisa!” Caleb’s voice came from her side. “It’s coming into the garage now, too!” Her heart pounded in her throat. She grit her teeth, looking wildly around for something, anything, that she could use. She shook her head. There was no time. She grappled Zoey beneath her arms the best she could, pulling upward as hard as she could while paying mind not to set her own feet into the inky black. “Ow…” Zoey managed through her own panicked breaths. Lisa released her. The darkness was halfway up her calves now, and only creeping higher. A razor-thin tendril of shadow raced past them. There was hardly room to stand anymore. Lisa felt her back press against the door opposite to the stairwell. “Zoey,” Lisa held out a hand. “Hold on. I’ve got you. You hear me?” Zoey lifted her head, locking eyes with Lisa. She forced a trembling smile as she reached with her own hand. A shot of pain flashed across her face as she did so. “I’ve got you.” Lisa could feel the gash across Zoey’s hand as she gripped it. She must’ve scraped it on the clamp. “Is everything going to be okay?” Lisa pursed her lips. She shook her head. “No, but as long as I’m still here, I’m sure as heck gonna try.” She felt another pair of hands grip around her own arm as she too began to sink into the darkness. “Caleb?” she jerked her attention to her brother. “I thought I told you to stay in the garage!” “You might be Zoey’s babysitter, but she’s my friend too” —Caleb grunted, tugging with all his strength— “I’m not… going to let… another one… disappear. And you know I’m not letting you get eaten either!” Lisa shifted her gaze downward. Caleb too was now ensnared. Their fate had been sealed. She glanced one last time to Zoey, who by now was only a face and a hand at the edge of the growing bubble of shadow. Her eyes were closed, though she was still breathing. A trickle of blood ran down her hand. She looked now to Caleb. He gave another futile tug. There was really only one thing left that she could do now. At the very least, perhaps it could spell an end to their collective dread. She threw herself forward fully into the darkness. Celestia was a Jedi master?Author's Note Courtesy of ask-gadzooks on Tumblr! Celestia was a Jedi master? "You are on this council," Master Celestia paused, staring into Twilakin Sparkwalker's eyes. "But we do not grant you the rank of master." "Fine then, I'll go ask Chancellor Sombra to help me instead!" Celestia leaned in close to Grand Master Ponkda. "Lolwut." "He has control over the senate and the courts, he's too dangerous to be left alive!" Celestia shouted back. Twilakin's eyes simmered with rage. "I'm too weak, uh-don't kill me! Please!" Sombra pleaded. "Twilakin, these Jedi are betraying the Republic! They've started a quesadilla factory and refuse to shut it down!" Celestia's lightsaber clattered to the floor as she was banished to the sun with an unceremonious poof. This chapter was written at 2 am on a phone?Author's Note This ain't even a what if its just what in doin Don't mind the typos. This chapter was written at 2 am on a phone? Twilight stroked her long, incredibly horselike face. Today was a pancakes kind of day, and all who opposed her words would be sentenced to a lifetime of moon. "Hi Twi," Twilight greeted Twilight. "Is it pancakes today?" "Why yes Twolifht, it is 0ancakes today," twilight cordially bowed. "I AM HERE TO LEAD THE WAFFLE REBELLION," Luna boomed. She proceeded to crash through the wall kool-ais man style. "There is no rebellion, only pancake," Twilight slid a plate over to Luna. "To you, my friend. A peace offering." "I SHALL ACCEPT THIS OFFERING AS A SIGN OF OUR PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE," Luna swallowed thr plate whole. Pancakes and all. "WE SHALL SPEAK OF OUR TRADE AND WARES ON THR MORROW." Luna flew off somewhere. As for Spike, he stood petrified in the corner, hardly able to comprehend what just happened. Pinkie Pie was secretly not pink?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Pajama Sam ruled Ponyville (and then Equestria after that)?Author's Note Alright, twidash1993. You want Pajama Sam? You get my foggy childhood memories of only ever finishing like half of the OG CD-ROM game. Pajama Sam ruled Ponyville (and then Equestria after that)? "Hello hi I'm here to steal all your--" Tirek couldn't finish his sentence before Pajama Sam stuffed him into his ~~lunchbox~~ portable bad-guy containment unit thing. Ponyville--no, Equestria was finally at peace. Twilight couldn't believe it. All the years she'd spent, studying, gaining friends, literally ascending to godhood--all for a literal child with a lunchbox to swoop in and singlehandedly save the day. No wonder Celestia gave up on doing anything herself. instead of friendship or whatever, Twilight beat Tirek with Missiles of Nuclear JusticeAuthor's Note The Spy of the Tiger told Twilight that she's not allowed to swear. instead of friendship or whatever, Twilight beat Tirek with Missiles of Nuclear Justice "Ha!" Tirek guffawed. "Friendship. What a joke. Friendship didn't stop me from destroying your friends. Friendship didn't prevent your puny treehouse from burning to the ground." He leaned in close, nearly pressing his face against Twilight's own. "And friendship won't stop me from taking everything you have left for myself." "Oh, I know that already," Twilight gave Tirek a peck on the cheek. "And I also know what will stop you." Tirek lifted his hand from the location of Twilight's kiss. "Hu--" The flames blazed behind the alicorn's eyes. "Indiscriminate nuclear fire." Twilight paused. "fire." "fire." "Celestia ing it!" Twilight shot into the sky. " it, I'm pressing the button." Tirek scratched his head, still caught off-guard by the unexpected kiss. "Press what butto--" What remained of Ponyville proceeded to be wiped off the face of the planet alongside Tirek. Fluttershy sued the fandom for using her face as a profanity censor?Author's Note Scyphi took the comments by storm. Fluttershy sued the fandom for using her face as a profanity censor? You wince at the flashes of cameras in your face. All around you, ponies and humans swarm. Your name? Milil Poneigh Fandaum. "Fck," you blurt under your breath. You are sentenced to another fifteen years in a maximum-security prison for the action. Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony were switched?Author's Note Welcome to the bowels of insanity, VIP prince! Please take a seat. There is no escape. Dr. Ponktopus will see you shortly. Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony were switched? Rainbow Dash set the glass of dubiously-acquired milk she was drinking down on the table. "I write smutty Daring Do fanfiction and make bank from grand theft auto." Twilight blinked. "Well, I guess that explains the recent disappearances of Ponyville's trains..." "You won't take her!" Applejack slammed her own mug of cider onto the interrogation room table. "I won't let ya!" Fluttershy and Rarity's elements were snitched?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is about to give out some stitches. Fluttershy and Rarity's elements were snitched? "You're both elements of harmony?" the filly gasped as she hopped around Fluttershy and Rarity. "Why, yes, darling!" Rarity reached out to give the filly a headpat. "...I'm telling!" The most audible representation of a question mark made physical shot between the two mares as the filly scampered off somewhere. "I SMELL ELEMENTS--" a decrepit-looking janky stallion skittered out of the shadows, screeching at the top of his lungs. Twilight and Pinkie's elements were stitched?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger, back at it again with the sewing machine! Twilight and Pinkie's elements were stitched? "Star balloons!" Pinkie gasped as Rarity made the final stitch. "Ooh, this makes me so nervexcited!" "Pinkie" Twilight chuckled, "this is just to celebrate the first ten books read in our book club. It's not that special." "Every party is special, silly!" Pinkie slipped away from the counter. "You don't have to celebrate anything big. Sometimes a party can just be for yourself, for getting up to face another day! Ten books is still a LOT of books to read when you're all grown up and have to do things like work, and taxes, and taking care of yourself, and getting groceries, and--" she took a breath. "--a WHOLE lot of other things! So why shouldn't it be special?" Twilight smiled. Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination?Author's Note Forcalor is a figment of our imaginations. Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination? "Twilight, could you go deal with Tirek II for me if you so please?" Celestia rung a bell. A spectacled Raven Inkwell sighed, kneeling at her Princess's hooves. "As you wish, my Princess. I must remind you, we have no records of this Twilight Sparkle that you refer to myself and my sisters by." "Alright, Twilight," Celestia shrugged, swallowing another bite of her cake. "Oh, and could you remind your babysitter that the Crystal Heart needs to be watered thrice daily as well?" Raven saluted. "One of my sisters has already communicated with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. There is no issue to report regarding this task." Celestia tapped a hoof idly against the arm(foreleg?)rests of her throne. "Ah!" she suddenly burst, "That reminds me, how's that brother of yours, my dishonorably-discharged-for-medical-reasons student? He still making googly eyes at Cadance?" Another Raven stepped up beside Raven and whispered something in her ear. Raven stiffened up, nodding at Celestia. "Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire has been married to Mi Amore Cadenza for years, Princess. They have already produced children." "Grandchildren!" Celestia cheered, clapping her hooves together in excitement. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Twi? Fetch me my guards, I must attend the baby shower at once!" Raven reached a hoof out. The second Raven beside her floated a communicator into her grasp. "Prepare a chariot, the Princess intends to travel. We need full accommodations and a nurse onboard. It is not necessary, but it may be the Princess's preference for the Royal Chef to also be present. As a reminder, all references to the chef must be done by the name 'Pinkie Pie', lest we upset the Princess." She paused. "Also, notify Mi Amore and Shining Armor of her highness's arrival in advance. They must prepare for yet another baby shower. We already know well what happens if there is not one to attend." Raven passed the device back to her sister before bowing again. "It is done. Is there anything else that you request from your faithful student?" "Nope! Just Tirek." "As you wish." Raven knocked on the door. She stepped back, waiting a minute. Then two. She knocked again, checking her watch as she glanced at a third Raven Inkwell that stood beside her--this one a pegasus. And about half a dozen more of her sisters behind her. A loud thump emanated from behind the door, followed by a groan. Heavy hoofsteps clip-clopped up to the door. "Celestia again?" Tirek's tired voice came in muffled mutters. "Doesn't she believe that the all-powerful Tirek is in Tartarus or whatever that place is?" "The Princess believes that your next-in-line has come to rampage. I have brought my sisters to assist in the relocation. We hope it will not inconvenience you as much as it had the first time." The door creaked open as Tirek let the Raven Collective enter. He yawned, scratching his side as he watched each mare pass his belongings out into the hallway. "What about everyone else in the apartment?" he yawned, stepping aside for his sagging mattress to be carried out. "Don't they have to relocate too?" Raven gave a brief nod as she passed. "You know well the size of the Collective. The other occupants of the complex are also being assisted as we speak." Tirek watched as his cart of possessions was loaded onto the train. He turned his head, glancing one last time at the unassuming apartment that he'd called home for the past three years. It wasn't too bad of a place, to be honest. Yes, it was drab and dull--nothing like the gaudy mansion he'd been placed in for show the first time around. Those acting days were over, anyway. The constant need to hire himself and other actors to stage worldly threats to distract the Princess was far more draining on Equestria's resources than it was to simply pass along rumors and demolish derelict buildings. It worked to the nation's benefit, in a sense--the Princess remained placated by her delusions of a student, while at the same time the decaying infrastructure of the countryside could be allocated the resources needed for redevelopment. His eyes shifted to the line of carts lined up behind his own, each one hauled by four, no, six of the same mare. He always wondered where they came from. In the distance, a deafening explosion marked the end of the derelict building. The Raven Inkwell that stood beside the open doors of the train's cargo truck lifted a radio to her mouth. He could just barely hear the words she muttered. "Sparkle has arrived. The target has been eliminated. Report back to the Princess via dragonfire at your assigned time." Protect Pudding Paradox?Author's Note Rhonie8k is the one that endangered the pudding! Protect Pudding Paradox? "Protect the pudding!" Pinkie shouted, holding up a cutting board to shield against the barrage of icicles. "If the pudding is touched then we'll all die!" "Pinkie," Twilight stood in the pudding bowl. Like, all four hooves. In the pudding. "Nothing's happening. It's lying." "Nuh-uh," the pudding responded. "I only tell the truth. And the truth is that--" "You lied," Twilight stepped out of the pudding bowl. Nothing happened after that and they ate the pudding later that day. Twilight and Pinkie disappeared in puffs of smoke, banished forever to Tartarus for not believing the words that a bowl of pudding spoke. It wasn't even good pudding. Techie didn't break Fimfiction in the next chapter?Author's Note me? not breaking my favorite horsewords dot net website, The Spy of the Tiger? ❄ snow be upon ye! ❄ Techie didn't break Fimfiction in the next chapter? "Look, Twilight,...........................................................,......................................... ..............................................................snow!"................................................................... .......................................................................................................................-...........................................................you get an internet cookie if you see this....................,........................................................................................"I see, Spike! Look at it glisten!"............................................................,..............................................................................................................................'...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......................................................................'..................."It's so clean and ...........fresh......................................................................................................................................................................................................,...........................................................Do you think we can go sledding later?".....................................................................................,.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......................"Sure! I'll make some hot......... cocoa.........................................................................................,............................................................................................................'..................................................................Do you want to invite Sweetie Belle over?".........................................................................................................................,...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......"What? Nah... well............................................................................................,.....................yeah,.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................maybe."..................................................................,........................................................................................................................................'.....................................................................................................................................................................,.......................... Changelings invaded Japan (300 years ago)?Author's Note Edward Sapphire has joined the game. This chapter was quite tough to write. Changelings invaded Japan (300 years ago)? Queen Chrysalis landed with an unimpressive thump. On her face. She peeled herself off the ground. "Onward!" Chrysalis roared as the rest of the full might of the Changeling Hive blackened the skies. Okay. So. Something something samurai battle changelings something. Maybe. Time for a little bit of freewriting. One by one, the castles of the daimyo fell across the land, the changeling infiltration successfully pitting every man against each other. Who they could trust--family, friends, loved ones--became nobodies. It was almost every day when another person went missing from the growing city of Edo. Not even the imported firearms that some had taken up could stand against the might of the shapeshifters. Especially not when they took on the faces of the departed. Fimfiction broke the space time continuum?Author's Note bkam made Twilight do the time warp again! Fimfiction broke the space time continuum? Twilight set the tip of her pen down on the blank parchment and began scrawling on the paper. What would my life be like if Starlight Glimmer never came back for revenge? ~~~o~~~ Starlight Glimmer watched from the chilling hillsides. She never thought that she could feel so wrong, stealing cutie marks from innocent ponies she had lured for years. Her head dipped low as she thought of her past actions, her intents on what to do with Twilight's cutie mark. As she slowly trudged away through the cold storm, the freezing blasts of wind suddenly died down. "ₐaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Twilight screeched at the top of her lungs as she rocketed past the now thoroughly-confused Starlight Glimmer. Starlight's facial expression slowly twisted from a sad, depressed one to a face of pure, unbridled goblin energy. "Whuh... bluh?" Luna drooled, very likeely concussed from the impact that was Twilight slamming head-first into her. "Wazzzzz dat a banan???" Don't ask why Luna was up in the frozen north. She was... uh, doing some diplomatic duties. With the snow. Yes. Twilight tore a hole in the middle of the page she was writing. the space time continuum decided to take a vacation from all the bs going on.Author's Note RandomCommentor gave the space-time continuum a free ticket to the Bahamas. the space time continuum decided to take a vacation from all the bs going on. "Luna, sister dearest, why are we standing on graham crackers?" Princess Luna looked down at the graham crackers that had been temporarily substituted in place of the space-time continuum. Then she looked back up at her sister. Of whom was currently eating the substitute for the space-time continuum. "What?" Celestia said through muffled chewing, "I got hungry. It's not like I've become a devourer of worlds or something. It's just graham crackers, Lulu." Luna narrowed her eyes as she swore she heard tiny screams. every prompt posted on this story was implemented in one chapter simultaneously?Author's Note Deja vu, Ellery Quinn, I have been in this place before! ...No seriously, I swear I already did something like this at some point. every prompt posted on this story was implemented in one chapter simultaneously? Twilight's head exploded as she tried to write several thousand chapters at the same time. Her quill proceeded to explode too from the speed at which she was attempting to write at, and then the paper exploded for the same reasons. The desk then exploded because it didn't feel like desk-ing anymore while Sweetie Giraffe obliterated the rest of the castle for completely unrelated reasons. Ponyville exploded after that because super-giga-hyper Discord decided it would be funny to make thing go boom. Unfortunately, thing that go boom was Ponyville. Also at some point the sun exploded too but dangit Equestria is magic and magic don't care about your dang heccin' supernovas. Spike had to clean the mess all the explosions made?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Celestia invoked the 2nd Amendment when Sunset tried to steal Twilight's crown?Author's Note Got any bearclaws, Officers Mess? Celestia invoked the 2nd Amendment when Sunset tried to steal Twilight's crown? "You lost," Celestia smacked her dry lips, still tasting the frosting from the cake she'd devoured that morning. "--your crown." "Yeah." "And you say you saw a unicorn take it?" "Yeah." Celestia rubbed her chin. "Well, I do suppose that there is a solution to this dilemma." Twilight cocked her head. "Second amendment to the totally-legit Equestrian Constitution that I definitely didn't forget existed or manifested into existence right here and now; the right to bear arms." Twilight looked at her forelegs, then back at Celestia. "Bear arms? I don't--" "It is exactly what you think it means, my dear student--" Celestia teleported the entire portal down in front of her now, shoving Twilight through. "Toodles! Good luck finding the crown." "Look! That girl has bear arms!" Twilight screamed. this chapter had to be written in the form of a question?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? this chapter had to be written in the form of a question? "Huh?" Spike huh'd... was this supposed to be a rhetorical question? "But it's not a rhetorical question?" Twilight scratched her head? "What are you talking about?" "I don't know? Are you saying that this chapter as a whole is a question?" "Yesn't?" Twilight shrugged? "I'm not sure? Maybe we can talk about this?" "What's there to talk about? Isn't the questions what we're doing right now?" "Oh--maybe? I think so? Is this what we're doing then?" "Probably?" the chapter had to be written in the form of interjections?"So uh--" "No." "Sure?" "Excuse me! So sorry! Coming through!" "Fluttershy?" "Nope." "...Big Mac?" "Eeyup." "Wow. Okay." Pajama Sam bought Ponyville?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Twilight was a glizard?Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean wizard?" "Oh, no no no! I'm deeming you the Royal Canterlot Glizard! You heard me correctly the first time around." "So uh, about that--" "Yes, my disgracefully expelled for medical purposes student?" "What's a glizard?" "Why don't you see for yourself?" Celestia floated an orange over. "Try levitating this orange. You will find that your abilities have been... enhanced." "Enhanced?" Twilight raised her brow even higher. "How do you further enhance an alicorn?" She lit her horn, grasping for the orange. Instead, a hot dog unceremoniously materialized in front of her, dropping to the floor with a wet plap. Celestia grinned. Spike had Ravioli breath? (Able to breathe Ravioli)Author's Note I see Chef Boyardee has made a return, twidash1993. Spike had Ravioli breath? (Able to breathe Ravioli) Spike looked at his translucent claws, and then at his surroundings. All around him were endless fields of puffy white clouds and clear skies. "My child," a heavenly voice boomed. "It is time." "Aw heck," Spike grumbled. "Am I dead? This is the fifth time I've died this week and I'd really like to get back to my co--" "You are not dead, my child." Spike plopped down on the cloudy ground, folding his arms. "Stop calling me that." Slowly, the clouds around him began to take on a more yellowish tint. Spike's frown grew deeper as splotches of red began to surface. Was this blood? This had to be blood. There was no way it wasn't blood. Oh dear Celestia, he was in h-- "Spike," the spaghetti ground began to rumble. "It is time you unlocked your full potential." Okay, not that place then. Spike fluttered his wimpy little dragon wings. "But I already got my wings." "Neigh, there is an even fuller potential in store for you. Do not forget, Purple One, of your heritage. Your... purpleness." Spike made a noise that was as close to the auditory representation of a singular question mark that anyone had ever heard. "Thanos. Purple Guy. Grimace and his accursed milkshakes. Barney the Dinosaur--" the voice boomed in his ears. "The Great Purple Ones now grant you their strength." Spike felt himself begin to lift into the air in a whirlwind of spaghetti and pasta sauce. "Wh--" he teetered mid-air, flipping over himself aimlessly. "What's happening?" "Shhh, just let it happen." "And so that's how I gained the ability to do this!" Spike took a deep breath, then began to violently cough up whole pieces of ravioli. "Ewwwww!" Apple Bloom ran away. Apple Bloom, because she doubted Spike's ravioli breath, was given garlic bread breath (able to breathe garlic bread) to go with all that ravioli?Author's Note Y'all REALLY want this follow-up chapter, don't you, Scyphi? Apple Bloom, because she doubted Spike's ravioli breath, was given garlic bread breath (able to breathe garlic bread) to go with all that ravioli? A deranged screech shot through the air as Apple Bloom was momentarily Thanos-snapped from existence. "Ayo what the f?" Apple Bloom disentangled herself from her own limbs. "Ah swear, if it's one of you Flim Flam brothers tryna steal mah sister's apples again, you're in for a bitin'!" A scratchy, almost annoyingly high-pitched voice chuckled in response. "Nonsense, child! Those brothers you speak of have been banished to the shadow realm!" Apple Bloom lifted a brow. "They forced me to give them my firstborn child as payment for a back scratcher," the voice grumbled. A charred stick fell out of the sky and onto the... She patted the fluffy ground underneath. This wasn't Sweet Apple Acres! "'Scuse me," a decrepitly gnarled hand descended from above and grabbed the stick. "Always dropping things. Always dropping things." "Soooooo, should Ah head on home the--" "Tut tut!" the voice of the hand tutted. "You still need your new powers!" Apple Bloom scrunched her muzzle. "New powers? Ah think Ah can buck apples just fine without fancy wings or a horn." She felt something work its way up her throat, like a bad slice of apple pie or that one time when she ate a cinderblock. She opened her mouth to speak, but a piece of garlic bread emerged instead, slowly flopping onto the ground. "Well that's new." "Congrayshuns!" the voice cackled. "You are now a super filly! Toodles!~" The clouds beneath Apple Bloom turned into fresh garlic bread. Unfortunately, fresh garlic bread is also very soft, and that meant Apple Bloom's weight alone sent her plummeting back down. Spike stacked the fiftieth piece of ravioli at the top of his tower. He'd done it! He'd made the world's tallest ravioli sta-- Apple Bloom landed with an unimpressive splort on top of the tower, completely obliterating it in front of a now very visibly-distressed Spike. Another piece of garlic bread dropped from her mouth. Seeing as there was nothing else she could reasonably do at the moment, she offered it to Spike. "Can I offer you a nice garlic great in this trying time?" she held up the garlic bread. It's said that Spike's wails of despair could be heard around the world. everyone stopped reading because they were now super hungry for Italian?Author's Note Drinks are on bkam! everyone stopped reading because they were now super hungry for Italian? "Psst," Twilight lifted her head. Spike swung down from the upper balcony, flashlight gripped between his teeth. "How's progress on the black-out? Any readers return yet?" Twilight shook her head in the darkness. Without regular roaming readers wandering her castle, there was no way to generate electricity! At least, not without kidnapping enlisting the citizens of Ponyville to run in the giant hamster wheel that the readers normally trapped themselves upon. "Have you tried maybe not using the labor of hundreds of ponies at a time to power your Heccbochs Too?" Spike was banished to the moon for treason. Spike and Apple Bloom use their respective powers to wage war with Olive Garden?Author's Note Been a while, ScopingLandscape! How've you been? Spike and Apple Bloom use their respective powers to wage war with Olive Garden? Celestia stared out the window. "Twilight, may I ask you something?" Twilight pulled away from the belt sander that she was pressing her face against. "Yeah?" "Why is my favorite Olive Garden being fortified by multiple legions of my best guards?" A solid beam of ravioli blasted skyward before dissipating, causing it to rain ravioli and guards over Canterlot for a few seconds. This was followed by a solid wall of garlic bread emerging from roughly the same location, slowly tipping towards the Olive Garden. "No!" Celestia suddenly flung herself from the window, zooming at sonic speeds toward the teetering Texas Toast. ...She and the Olive Garden proceeded to be flattened by the garlic bread. Twilight had the weirdest coronation that day. Everyone was served ravioli and garlic bread for some reason. Scootaloo took over a Texas Roadhouse?Author's Note What hast thine done, twidash1993? Scootaloo took over a Texas Roadhouse? "You should try out the restaurant biz sometime, Scoots!" Apple Bloom boomed from atop the garlic bread and ravioli empire centered directly over the remains of the Olive Garden from the previous chapter. "It's really fun! Trust me!" Sweetie Giraffe screeched from even higher above. "What would I even take over?" Scootaloo shouted. "The Garlic Breadvioli Empire has taken over all of Canterlot already!" A stray laser fired down from above and incinerated a hole in the blanket of garlic bread and ravioli that covered the land, exposing a dingy-looking Texas Roadhouse. Scootaloo looked between the restaurant and Apple Bloom. "There's yer answer," Apple Bloom nodded wisely. "Sweetie gave you a present!" She was then incinerated by Sweetie Giraffe, leaving not a trace behind. "Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo cried out. "Sweetie! What'd you do that for?" "TOO SMOL." Sweetie Giraffe's voice tore across the land. "Fine then. Texas Roadhouse it is!" Scoots trotted off for the Texas Roadhouse still filled with screaming ponies. Pinkie Pie got all the villains (all the G4 ones) and brought them together for a big party, and they actually enjoyed it?Author's Note Behold, a dart157! Pinkie Pie got all the villains (all the G4 ones) and brought them together for a big party, and they actually enjoyed it? Princess Luna wearing fancy contacts, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Discord, Tirek, and Cozy Glow all sat around the (honestly very cramped) campfire. "Mmmyes," King Sombra nodded somberly while wearing a sombrero. "Fire. Just like what I wished upon your nation many moons ago." Pinkie Pie emerged from the flames holding precisely fifty cakes. That's as many as five tens. And that's amazing. "Ten cakes for each of you!" Pinkie slid them across the metaphorical table that turned out to be a physical table. "Not you Lulu, Celly says it makes you fart at night." Princess Luna hissed in disappointment. She whipped out her patented Nightmare Moon® Moon Armor Set™ and put it on, hissing a second time but angrier. "So... uh," King Sombra cleared his throat, grabbing an entire fistful of cake out of his stack. Ignore the fact that he has no hands. Just let it happen. "Ponies, am I right?" Everyone nodded in agreement. Even Pinkie! Cozy Glow said nothing because this poor excuse of an author never watched any episodes with her in them. "Why did you invite all of us out here again?" Discord craned his neck up and over Chrysalis over to Pinkie. "I'll have you know I have a very important meeting with a certain butter-colored pegasus in five minutes." "Are... you enjoying the party?" Pinkie looked around at the gaggle of villains surrounding her. The Storm King up above munched on a piece of cake that he totally didn't yoink from Tirek while the centaur wasn't looking. "It's a fine party," Chrysalis droned. "Feels nice to not be the target of rainbow death lasers every now and then. Or protective force fields that violently eject you from the city you were raiding." ~~it was at this point that the author realized that he paid almost zero attention to how any of the villains talk and Twilight ran out of ink for once.~~ Celestia decided to burn down an Applebee's, a practice that is not only legal, but generally encouraged.Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is responsible for the Princess's action. Celestia decided to burn down an Applebee's, a practice that is not only legal, but generally encouraged. "Why, Celestia?" the flames danced in Twilight's eyes as she watched the bonfire crackle. "Why did you do it?" "They gave me bees." "They..." Celestia turned her puffy head. "They gave me bees, my dear student. Is it alright if I call you my student again? Actually, you know what, I am unofficially un-expelling you for medical reasons." Twilight sputtered. "Where did they get the bees from? Isn't their whole schtick being the 'neighborhood barbeque' or whatnot?" "What do you think you'd normally find at a barbeque, Twilight?" "Coleslaw, burgers, steaks..." Twilight's stomach grumbled at the thought of a juicy slab of prime rib. "...wasps?" Celestia nodded wisely. "And hornets. And others of the striped variety that both myself and the many foals that flock to such barbeques tend to colloquially call 'bees'." Twilight stepped back a little as the sign collapsed into the still-burning remains of the restaurant. "But why did they give you bees?" "They asked me if I wanted the apples or the bees." "And you... didn't choose apples?" "I was curious, Twilight," Celestia snapped before firing another blast of magic at the structure. "Now help me reduce this place to a crater or you're getting banished to the sun. This is a Royal Decree." an army of sentient donuts attacked equestira with help from the giant monkey man who once terrorized the ninth dimensionAuthor's Note This sounds oddly familiar, Rhonie8k. (can you tell that i'm on the verge of burnout) an army of sentient donuts attacked equestira with help from the giant monkey man who once terrorized the ninth dimension "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the giant monkey man from the ninth dimension who totally wasn't Waluigi in a monkey suit tore a hole in the atmosphere. For some reason, the only thing that came to mind for what he would say next was "GO, MY PRETTIES!" And so he did. Masterfully. "GO, MY PRETTIES!" Waluigi the giant monkey man from the ninth dimension wah'd, tearing the sky open even wider to make way for billions upon billions of sentient donuts to begin pouring into Equestria. Why he did this is still not known. There is not enough brainpower right now to brain up new ideas to idea for chaptering this chapter. "Begun, the donut war has," Yoda sipped a cup of tea. "Eyup," Big Mac eyup'd. He was standing in for Princess Celestia because she got banished to the sun. Again. An explosion flashed outside the window. For some reason Pinkie Pie grew to the height of a skyscraper and began eating every donut that rained down. Actually, no that makes perfect sense. She's Pinkie. What. the next chapter was narrated by David Attenborough?Author's Note And here, we see The Spy of the Tiger in their natural habitat. the next chapter was narrated by David Attenborough? Watch as the simple-minded alicorn readies herself for the day. She stretches and yawns--not an uncommon routine, but--oh, ah. It appears she has decided to rest once more. But here comes her loyal assistant, a rather small dragon that this morning happens to be carrying a mug of the finest coffee in Equestria. He has failed in his endeavor. This lowly dragon will now retreat to the kitchen in shame. The alicorn lets out a long-drawn snore, oblivious to the dragon's abrupt misery. Luna suddenly realized she peaked in high school [despite never actually going to high school] so she fakes a bunch of documents to enroll herself in princess celestia's school for gifted unicorn but accidently actually enrolls herself in Professor XSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.pinkie pie got a medal for opening a jarAuthor's Note I'm on winter break now and Rhonie8k, by Celestia am I going to be firehosing these chapters. pinkie pie got a medal for opening a jar Pop. Confetti exploded out from all around Pinkie Pie. She grinned as Celestia herself descended from the skies above, carrying her reward for a task well-done within her own two forelegs (wow that sounds weird when you think about it). "I did it!" Pinkie squeaked. "You done diddly darn dunnit," Applejack nodded Applejackly. She inadvertently headbutted Celestia in the process and was promptly banished to the potato fields. "Idunnit!" Pinkie shouted, louder this time. "You have done the it," Celestia bestowed upon Pinkie the Equestrian Medal of Honor for her efforts. "You very many much brave is are." "Alright Celestia," Twilight swooped in after Celestia with a crane, strapping Celestia in before lifting her back into the sky. "Off to the Royal Infirmary you go." Pinkie Pie watched Twilight and Celestia disappear out of the newly-made hole in the ceiling. At some point the crane had conveniently transformed into a helicopter and Celestia was now dangling upside-down by her legs, as a Princess should be properly treated. I have no idea where this is going. "I have done the it!" Pinkie closed the jar again after picking out a jelly bean. Equestria immediately imploded upon her doing so. Lyra took away ALL the spoons?Author's Note Scyphi gave Lyra the spoon magnet! Lyra took away ALL the spoons? The Ginosaji lifted its arm to once more smack Lyra with a spoon. "Enough," Lyra boomed, her voice dropping precisely thirty-three octaves and gaining the gravlieness of a fifth-hand chainsmoker. Her shimmering aura tightened around the spoon. "Your reign of terror ends here and now." The Ginosaji let go of the spoon and began to unzip its jacket. "It ends now," Lyra repeated, transforming every single spoon into a rubber duck. She smacked the former Ginosaji with one of the ducks. "But for me, it has only begun." The Ginosaji summoned a spoon made out of non-spoons to counter Lyra?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is Lyra's rubber duck supplier. The Ginosaji summoned a spoon made out of non-spoons to counter Lyra? "Oh? What is this?" Lyra loomed over the Ginosaji, who now wielded a shovel attached to a smaller shovel. "A challenge?" It lifted its decrepit arm to smack Lyra with its makeshift shovel. Unfortunately for it, the sheer might of five-hundred thousand rubber ducks pummeling it all at once was stronger. Apple Bloom's garlic bread powers meant she could still reform her vaporized body, assuming there was enough garlic bread present?Author's Note Scyphi 🧄🍞 Apple Bloom's garlic bread powers meant she could still reform her vaporized body, assuming there was enough garlic bread present? ~~~somewhere within the garlic bread factory~~~ "I LIVEEEEEEEEEEE," Apple Bloom burst from the absurdly large and very conveniently placed pile of garlic bread. A laser of pure fury atomized her again. "WRONG." Apple Bloom emerged from the garlic bread. Again. Another laser obliterated her very being. "NO YOU," a piece of garlic bread spontaneously grew into an Apple Bloom. "So, uh," Applejack watched the carnage unfold around the garlic bread factory. "Y'think we should find someplace else to eat at while our sisters duke it out?" Rarity was already gone. Princess Celestia became a goat?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor. Goat. 👆 Princess Celestia became a goat? "Sister, sister!" Luna galloped into the throne room. "Celly! The Equestrian populace is upon the steps of our grand palace! They demand a democracy and the end of our imperial rule!" Celestia continued to chew on the drapes. They were delicious. "This is no time to dawdle!" The Sun Princess swallowed and began her work on the next set of drapes. Or... actually, no, the tapestry looked particularly appetizing on this fine evening. A distant crash echoed across the throne room. "Sister!" Luna picked up Celestia and threw her out the window, drapes still fluttering behind her as she soared. "Be free!" She spun around to face the peasantry. "NO ITEMS, FOX ONLY, FINAL DESTINATION," the peasant at the very front of the flock screeched, pointing a hoof at Luna. "YOU WON'T." "OH HO HO, I MOST ASSUREDLY WILL!" Luna boomed in return. the peasantry couldn't actually overthrow Celesita precisely because she'd become a goat?Author's Note Legally speaking, Scyphi cannot be overthrown! the peasantry couldn't actually overthrow Celesita precisely because she'd become a goat? "Wait wait wait!" Twilight punched a hole through the floor and climbed out in front of the crowd. "What are all of you doing?" "Vive la révolution!" a stallion that looked suspiciously like precisely two and a half colts in a trenchcoat yelled as he pelted Twilight with a mushy quesadilla. Twilight annihilated the quesadilla moments before it struck her with the fury of ten thousand suns. "No seriously, don't you know that legally speaking, you cannot overthrow Celestia now?" "What." "Our dear Princess has unexpectedly and inexplicably been transformed into a goat. And one that does not appear to have any semblance of intelligence, at that. Do you really believe that she is still your ruler?" Somewhere in the crowd, a sheep bleated. It was swiftly silenced by means of a convenient trapdoor directly underneath it. "Precisely as I thought," Twilight spun around. She gently lifted Celestigoat back up through the broken window and set her on the floor before the peasants. "I mean, look at her! Does this look like the face of a tyrant to you?" Celestigoat stiffened at the sudden movement and fell on her side. An explosion rang out from the Royal Gamer Room as Luna began cursing in old Equish. "Anyway yeah," Twilight propelled herself into the air with a flap of her wings. "Praise Celestigoat, and you all be good ponies now, or there will be consequences." She disappeared back into the hole in the floor. The stallion that looked suspiciously like five and a half colts in a trenchcoat stared at the hole Twilight had left behind. Then at Celestigoat. He sneered, taking a long stride forward. "As if there is no reason to overthrow dear leader. I believe tonight, we shall all have some nice goat ch--" ~~it is imperative that you know that I had zero clue that my dad was making goat stew as I was writing this chapter~~ "SILENCE, CHILD." The room went silent as Celestigoat picked herself off the floor. She let out a goatly screech as she slurped up the remainder of the drapery that'd been hanging from her mouth. Both gnarled horns lit up as her stout form suddenly seemed to loom over everyone else in the room. She tore a tile from the floor and began to munch on it. "So does that mean--" The seventeen and three-quarters colts in a trenchcoat were promptly banished to the Goat Moon. Princess Celestia stole my catalytic converter in Point Pleasant, West Virginia?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger owes us all a new catalytic converter. Princess Celestia stole my catalytic converter in Point Pleasant, West Virginia? You peek beneath your car, about as far as you can see without sliding yourself underneath. Sure enough, in the place where your vehicle's catalytic converter should've been, only a mangled pair of metal pipes remained. "Mehhhhhhhhhh," Celestigoat bleated, still chewing on your catalytic converter here in Point Pleasant, West Virginia. She swallowed and moved onto eating the tires. the jar Pinkie had opened was full of pickles instead of jelly beans?Author's Note I believe Scyphi has doomed us all. the jar Pinkie had opened was full of pickles instead of jelly beans? The fire crackled all around me. Who was I anymore? I looked down at my trembling hooves, still slick with unspeakable liquids in the glint of the flames. All this... My gaze lifted up again. How many had been lost? A dozen? Two dozen? My ears swiveled at the sound of a faraway building's collapse. No, hundreds. I ground the pickle juice-coated hoof into the dirt beneath me. the Goat Moon was made of goat cheese?Author's Note Scyphi and ScopingLandscape tag-team chaos go! the Goat Moon was made of goat cheese? The twenty-seven and five-ninths colts in a trenchcoat awoke on the Goat Moon. However, their sudden movement was enough to start a goatquake. They stood up on wobbly legs, already sinking into the crumbling satellite no thanks to their combined weight. "First time, kids?" a voice caught their attention. The colt acting as the head of the stallion they were pretending to be opened his mouth to speak, but a gaggle of space goats beat him to the punch and bleated. "Not you," Not Princess Luna grabbed the entire goat horde and flung them into the empty abyss of space with a flick of her head. She focused in on the thirty-three and one-tenths colts in a trenchcoat trembling before her. "What's ol' Celly doing now, banishing children to this unforgiving wasteland?" Fire Lord Ozai proceeded to crash face-first into a goat cheese crater, melting the crumbly crust into an oozing puddle of molten cheese that quickly consumed him before he could react. Not Princess Luna blinked. "I see Celestia's been rather busy." The two and three-quarters colts in a trenchcoat didn't respond. "Care for some cheese?" Not Luna scooped up a hoofful of goat cheese. "It's our only source of nutrition here whilst we wait for our chance to return. To this day I do not know the source of such an immense amount of cheese." one day Not Luna ate her way through the Moon?Author's Note Hello there, General ScopingLandscape! one day Not Luna ate her way through the Moon? "Sister," Luna stared up at the Goat Moon, which was currently a waning crescent. "Why is it that my moon appears to disappear every so often?" Celestigoat bleated. "There is a... not me that resides upon my moon that eats it piece by piece every night?" Celestigoat began to eat her own throne. "My moon is made of cheese? Surely, I'd remember such a notion if it really were the case!" A very goatly scream. "Goat cheese? Sister! How uncouth of you to suggest that when you are one yourself! Have some dignity!" Not Princess Luna teleported before Luna and Celestigoat, giving a deep bow as she stifled a loud belch. "I thank you for the cheese, Celly. It was delicious." She grabbed Celestigoat by the horns and chucked her out the window. Again. "Unfortunately, with the power of your goat cheese, I will now be running things around here." Princess Luna looked between Not Luna and the second hole in the window. "Huh???" Equestria built a super fortress on the moon?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is an ancient being of immense wisdom. Equestria built a super fortress on the moon? "And you say that these vast tunnels are thought to have been made in tandem by the ravenous appetite of Not Luna, in conjunction with the literal firepower of Fire Lord Ozai?" "Yeag." "Yeag." Astronaught Twilight turned to her partner. "What does that even mean? Surely you mean 'yeah', right?" "Yeeeeeeee." She walked past the only other pony that willingly stepped into the Lunar Yeet Cannon with her earlier that day. "Well, whatever the case may be, in the name of the Great Nation of Equestria, the entrance of this tunnel shall be the beginnings of ponykind's foray into the galaxy!" She planted the flag she'd been conveniently carrying the entire time into the partly melted cheesy ground with a quiet squelch. "IT'S OVER, TWILAKIN, I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND," Celestiwan Kenobi shouted from atop the hill, her blazing lightsaber illuminating the smoldering ground around them. Twilakin's eyes glimmered with piss-yellow fury. "You underestimate my power!" "Don't try i--" Both mares suddenly turned their gaze upward. "When did Hoofstafar get a new moon, Kenobi?" Celestiwan squinted at the rapidly approaching ball of cheese and the cackling mare piloting it. Yes, she has telescopic vision now. Deal with it. "That's no moon. It's a space station." "It's too big to be a space station!" Lun Solo crawled out of the fiery rivers of lava that she most definitely was responsible for producing during the 'The Floor is Lava' incident of '82. "I have a bad feeling about thi--" "ARE YOU HECKS READY FOR SOME CHEEEEEEEEEEESE?" Astronaut Twilight and the unnamed pony only known to her as 'Yeag' collectively screeched over the interplanetary intercom. "CELESTIGOAT SENDS HER REGARDS." And so the giant molten meatball formerly known as Hoofstafar was abruptly and entirely covered in a thick layer of molten goat cheese. what did this chapter become this is getting out of hand, now there are two of them! the pony only known as Yeag became the new hero of the story?Author's Note Scyphi goes yea~~h~~g. the pony only known as Yeag became the new hero of the story? Yeag stood triumphant over the smoldering ruins of Goatquestria and its tyrant, Celestigoat. The destruction of Chef Boyardee's new MeatballLand theme park was one step too far, and with Astronaut Twilight unavailable for unexplained reasons, only one pony could step up to face the maniacal older kid sister of Luna. Sweetie Giraffe's reality-obliterating lasers of doom fired down upon Yeag, who simply did the unthinkable and... wore armor made of old disco balls. The resulting explosions caused by the scattered laserfire shook the ground around Yeag. Nevertheless, they stood firm. "Celestigoat," their deep, sultry voice boomed. "Your days are numbered, and I have stolen your calendars." Celestigoat ate her way out of the pile of rubble that was once Canterlot Castle. "Not my calendars! Those were delicious snacks to get me off to a strong and healthy start to my day!" Celestigoat bleated in despair as she began to disintegrate. The sun rose from behind the dark, dank clouds and illuminated the dull landscape with vibrant colors once more. ...Red curtains fell down from above. Red curtains? "And just like the mighty former Empress Celestigoat, you too can get yourself on track to greatness with our brand-new 'days of the week' cereal!" Flim's jolly voice rose seemingly from all around. "Minus the Thanos-snapping, of course. The only dusting you'll get on our new cereal is ~~cyanide powder so we can raid your home and steal your wallet~~ the finest mix of cinnamon and almond dust!" A hearty smack followed by a not-so-muted shhh came immediately after. Flam's voice replaced his brother's. "Ahem. And right now, in three easy payments of $19.99 because we have far too many firstborn children and souls now, we'll double the deal and give you one box of 'Marked Days'-brand cereal!" Yeag facehoofed and walked away. They had more work to do. Twilight used her newfound salad powers to turn Celestia into actual celery?Author's Note LilyAndPearl is here to make your salad dreams come true. Also at this point What If has become like some sort of collective fever dream lmao. Twilight used her newfound salad powers to turn Celestia into actual celery? Our fine day opens upon the visage of Canterlot Castle, its pristine peaks and towers piercing the sky for everypony to see. The doors of the throne room abruptly transformed into two large chocolate bars before melting into a puddle, revealing a heaving Twilight Sparkle. "S-see--" the newly-empowered alicorn wheezed, "chocolate is a vegetable!" Thanos huffed behind her, his arms crossed in disappointment. "Celestia!" Twilight marched into the room where not-a-goat Celestia sat, pleasantly sipping her tea as she laced a poor player's Minecraft base with TNT. "I have come to claim my throne!" Celestia looked up just in time for a green bea~~n~~m to strike her square between the eyes. "Noooooooooo!" Celestia cried as she shrunk into Celerystia. ~~what has this story even become holy heck~~ Twilight didn't even bother to move Celerystia somewhere else as she nudged the former horse aside and sat down on the throne. The chocolate puddle continued to boil from the residual heat. Twilight tried to wake up from the fever dream that "What If..." has become?Author's Note bkam is desperately trying to get us all to wake up. don't worry I'm fine IRL Twilight tried to wake up from the fever dream that "What If..." has become? Astronaut Twilight, Salad Twilight, and Twilakin all stared at each other. "Wake up," all three spoke in unison. Astronaut Twilight hit Salad Twilight with a flagpole. Salad Twilight hit Twilakin with a large colander taped to a ladle. Twilakin used the horse to slam Astronaut Twilight into the ground. Their goal? Wake up. By any chance, hopefully, the collective pain shared amongst the trio would be enough to wrench their combined consciousness back to reality. Wake up. Celestigoat bleated softly in the background. Whatever Tartarus-forbidden dreamscape this was that she'd been trapped in was working hard to keep her from escaping. Wake up. Spike belched out a piece of ravioli. Wake up. Both air and ground began to tremble. Wake up. Around them, the walls fractured and tore like paper, pulling away in shredded ribbons, carried away by a wind. Wake up. Yeag set a hoof upon Astronaut Twilight's shoulder. Wake up. Trixie and her three clones who thankfully brought the original Trixie back from the grave after their shenanigans were over dangled Mission Impossible-style from the ceiling, one clone for each Twilight, and the original Trixie at the center of them all. Wake up. Flam loudly ate his cereal somewhere nearby. Wake up. Each Twilight hit the other once more. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. W a k e u p . "Twilight!" Nothing was left around them but an endless void of pure white. The ultimate blank canvas, if you will. "Twilight!" the voice came again. All three mares lifted a hoof to their faces as a light imprint pressed into their cheeks. The dent disappeared. Instead, the three found themselves symmetrically hoisted onto their haunches, but once again they could do nothing but stare at one another. "Twilight, please!" the voice begged. "You gotta wake up!" Something damp dragged along their foreheads. The void around them itself began to crack now. Something lifted their hooves. Something... scaly? "Spike?" All three Twilights suddenly gasped. They glanced about at the disintegrating dreamscape. Mists of white curled upward into an equally blank sky, its only differentiator being its stormy grey hue that stood to define a horizon. "She's waking!" a second, quieter voice gushed from above. "Whatever y'all're doin', keep doin' it!" "Applejack!" the Twilights shouted into the void. "Where are you?" "Can she see us, sugarcube?" "Her eyes are open, AJ, but the light isn't there." Wake up. The three Twilights grit their teeth and pressed their hooves together. Slowly, they began to merge, forming an ill-defined mass of purple that vaguely resembled a pony in shape. The blob sprouted a head, then a tail, followed by limbs, before finally itself receding into the body of a now-singular Twilight Sparkle. She spread her wings wide with a dramatic fwoosh, her eyes suddenly coming alight with sparks of determination. She has to wake up. "Wait--did you see that, AJ? She just twitched!" She will wake up. Twilight shot into the turbulent skies with a triumphant flap and pierced through the uniform grey. Twilight heaved awake as Spike continued dabbing a damp cloth over her forehead. Her breaths came slow and heavy as she eyed her friends one by one as they gathered around her. Applejack helped her to her hooves. "Y'can't keep doin' this to yerself like this, Twi. You had us all scared just now." She gestured for Fluttershy to approach. The pegasus inched up to Twilight and carefully slipped something into her mouth. "It'll help with the fever," Fluttershy said in a half-whisper as she backed away. "You've burnt yourself out again. You need to relax a little for once." Twilight's breaths lightened a little as she swallowed the pill. She sipped some water from the cup that Spike held up to her face. "Wh... huh... ut about... Celes--" she coughed. "--stigoat?" "Celestiwhonow?" Applejack lifted a brow. "Twilight, you need to lay off a bit from this gosh-darned writing of yours! Five chapters in a single day? No wonder Spike found ya passed out on your desk!" Twilight blinked slowly, the haze still clouding her mind as she stared off into the distance. "No." "No?" Rarity scoffed. "With all due respect, darling, you need to take some time away from that war crime of a book you've been writing! Everypony's worried about you, Twilight. They have been asking where you've been for nearly eight years." "Eight years," Twilight glanced at the thick stack of parchment that'd collected on her desk. "And only twenty-six chapters left to go." "Whatever do you mea--" Twilight wrenched free of Spike, slamming both hooves into the ground as crackling energy wrapped its tendrils around her like vines. "I understand now. No, I know now, what must be done." "Twilight!" Pinkie latched onto her at the same time as Rainbow Dash worked on dispelling the lightning. "You just came back! At least have a snack or something first!" Without even flapping her wings, Twilight began to rise above her friends. Pinkie slipped off as the lightning dissipated, leaving behind only a soft glow that surrounded the alicorn. "Twenty-five chapters left to go." "Twenty-five?" Rainbow Dash hovered in front of her. "Didn't you say twenty-six just like, a moment ago?" "Twenty-five," Twilight's voice boomed. "Including this one." Her horn lit for a split second moments before she vanished. "Including this... one..." Spike's gaze lowered to his shaking claws. "Are... are we not real? Is she saying that we're..." Applejack lowered her head. "'Fraid so, Spike. It's just the way it is. Ah'd say it's 'bout time you wake up yourself now, sugarcube." "Wake up," a voice echoed in Spike's head. It sounded almost like... Twilight's? "I am awake now, thanks to you. It is time I repay the favor." The walls around Spike began to dissolve, alongside the five mares that stood around him. Wake up. Wake up. Wake. Up. the whale that had become the new universe was the one who was actually having the fever dream?Author's Note I hear Scyphi can speak to whales. the whale that had become the new universe was the one who was actually having the fever dream? "OwO are those goats?" ...Uh... yes...? "So cute! =w=" the whale squealed a whalish squeal. "What's the name of the goat? UwOつ" That's... well, that's Celestigoat. She's kinda sorta become an evil empress lately. "Ohhhh noessss! (⊙_⊙;)" the whale cried, "That's no good! I know how to fix this tho!" Oh? "┻ ━(≧口≦)╯︵ ┻" Did you just... tear a table in half? "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Pinkie Pie got diagnosed with Bad Syndrome?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger gave Pinkie the dark orb. Pinkie Pie got diagnosed with Bad Syndrome? "I'm sorry, Pinkie, but as Princess Celestia's disgracefully-expelled-for-medical-reasons former student, I have to diagnose you with Bad Syndrome." "What's that?" Pinkie growled in a raspy voice reminiscent of someone who stood at the end of an unlit tunnel after chainsmoking a hundred thousand cigars. "I feel very evil. Can I bite you?" "Wha--" Twilight jumped back as Pinkie lunged at her. Spike pondered his cube?Author's Note Scyphi lives in a block game. Spike pondered his cube? "Angular." "Very angular, yes," Twilight buzzed about the room as she continued sorting the bookshelves around them. "Can you please help with this first?" "Smooth," Spike ran a clawtip over the flat top surface of the shiny cube in front of him. "Only the finest of Equestria's metalworks," Twilight grunted, heaving a stack of encyclopedias onto the table beside him. "...Heavy," Spike lifted the cube with both arms. He let go of it, watching it crash back down onto the table with a thud. "Can you not?" Twilight glared at the freshly-carved gouge in the table where a corner had landed first. "...Powerful," Spike placed clenched the tungsten cube tighter and ascended beyond mortal bounds. Twilight stared at the new hole in the ceiling and facehoofed. the major villains were on a road trip, and accidentally became the Fellowship of the Ring?Author's Note Cast the comment into the fire, PlymothFury58! Destroy it! the major villains were on a road trip, and accidentally became the Fellowship of the Ring? "Cast it into the fire!" Queen Chrysalis pleaded, "Destroy it!" Tirek looked at the marshmallow on his stick, then at the former queen, then at the campfire in front of them. "I don't understand why you're like this." Cozy Glow licked her lips, her eyes fixated on the slowly toasting marshmallow. Tonight wouldn't be a night without a second marshmallow. And I guess Sombra is the cloud of smoke drifting up from said campfire. Idk. Something something crystals something. Celestia had an Orb of her own?Author's Note RandomCommentor, Orb delivery services! Celestia had an Orb of her own? Celestia stared intently into her Orb. She'd heard that Twilight had gotten one of her own not too long ago, and wanted to check it out herself. After all, what harm could it bri-- A little door opened up from Celestia's Orb as a magical tiny creature stepped out. It bowed its little head, speaking in a too-small voice as it replaced its hat upon its head. "Why hello there, strange horse goddess! I come from the land of--" "You're here to grant me three wishes, aren't you?" Celestia squinted at the tiny creature. The creature twiddled its thumbs. "Mmm, yes and no. You could say I'm more looking for a trade rather than a direct granting of wishes." Celestia sat back on her throne. She picked a brownie off the plate she had beside her and bit into it. "Proceed." "Sister?" Luna peeked into the room, watching Celestia babble drunkenly at a snowglobe. "I'll uh... I'll unclog the toilet myself." that orb was an orb of dragonkind?Author's Note Ellery Quinn knows something about orbs that we do not. that orb was an orb of dragonkind? A dull rumble reverberated through the room moments before Spike crashed down from the just-repaired ceiling above them. "Ow. Hey, Twilight." "Hi, Spike." Spike stood up, rubbing his back. "That hurt." "Heyyyyy, so," Twilight floated the orb up. "Y'know how I got this orb thing earlier?" Spike remained silent. "Spike?" Spike leapt up and clung to the orb, practically gnawing on it like a cat. "Let go, Spike! You're not even an evil dragon!" Twilight shook the orb, but he didn't let go. He knows what he did. Tall Pipp and Sweetie Giraffe fused into one being?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 found the ultimate glue. Tall Pipp and Sweetie Giraffe fused into one being? "By Celestia," Celestia lowered her sunglasses, peering up at the double-tall... thing that loomed taller than even the multiverse itself. "What are you?" An eye laser of pure knee-stealing energy obliterated her into nothingness. Spike came back from anger management more powerful than ever?Author's Note Scyphi was the one teaching the anger management class. May Celestia save us all. Spike came back from anger management more powerful than ever? Twilight watched with horror as a hinge dropped from the doors to her study. Then a second hinge. And a third. Fourth. Fifth. Sixth. Seventh. Eighth. Ninth... Tenth? How many hinges did those doors have? Whatever the case may be, they were all unhinged now as Spike pushed down the doors with a light shove. He tossed the comically-large impact drill aside. "Spike!" Twilight gasped, "You're back! How was anger management? I was sentenced to one year of hard labor in the friendship gulags of the frozen north." "I am..." Spike balled his fists. "More powerful, than anyone has ever imagined. I don't need friendship. Not when I have the might of pure, unbridled, ra--ooh, is that the Orb?" Twilight nodded as she continued her pondering. Even if she was already late by over a year, it wasn't going to ponder itself. Tall Pip/Sweetie Giraffe had to fight What if's greatest villains?Author's Note bkam has sent the worst of the best. Surprisingly, a quick scroll-through of the chapters reveals that there has very rarely ever been any major "villain" of What If. Tall Pip/Sweetie Giraffe had to fight What if's greatest villains? "Chef Boyardee," Sweetie Giraffe standing on top of Tallpipp growled in a deep, rumbling voice. "We meet for the first time... and the last time." Chef Boyardee cocked the meatball cannon of his Spagmechhi and fired directly at Tallpipp. In their temporary alliance, however, it was Sweetie Giraffe that had saved her fellow Tall One. The meatball fell harmlessly to the ground far, far below with an unimpressive splat. Chef Boyardee chuckled. "We can call it a draw, no?" Sweetie Giraffe stacked on top of Tallpipp lumbered on, leaving a thoroughly-toasted Spagmechhi and pilot Chef Boyardee in their wake. They stared at the giant pool of lava in front of them. Sometime, long, long ago, this must have been the infamous location of the 'Everything But The Floor is Lava' incident of '17. No matter. Tallpipp simply stepped over the bubbling pond of molten rock. Sweetie Giraffe. ... Sweetie Giraffe? Sweetie stared at Sweetie, who was currently setting a forest ablaze. This sweetie was marginally shorter than the Sweetie that was stacked atop Tallpipp, and so she was obliterated for such a crime. Goatlestia let out a quiet bleat before being punted into orbit by the might of Tallpipp's glamorous legs. "Twilight Sparkle. The one that started it all," Sweetie Giraffe and Tallpipp loomed over Twilight at her writing desk. Twilight stared upwards. "Goodbye." Twilight and all of Equestria was instantaneously vaporized. There goes another universe I guess. the Orb of Dragonkind served as a literal magnet to all dragons?Author's Note Scyphi has discovered the electrodraconic force. the Orb of Dragonkind served as a literal magnet to all dragons? Clang! Ember dangled helplessly from the Orb of Dragonkind. "First time?" Spike flipped the page of his comic, himself still stuck firmly to the Orb. the comically large impact drill Spike tossed aside accidentally fixed something when it landed?Author's Note Final stretch, Scyphi. the comically large impact drill Spike tossed aside accidentally fixed something when it landed? Twilight opened her eyes. Hadn't Equestria just been destroyed again moments ago? There even was still the smoldering hole in her ceiling again from where the laser had hit! Yet... her gaze shifted to the comically large impact drill that Spike had tossed aside when he entered, only to become entranced and then entrapped by the Orb of Dragonkind. It was still embedded in the floor, right where a crack in the tiles used to be. "Huh. Neat." "Hey Twi? Mind getting us down now?" Spike tossed his comic at her. Rarity had a sudden and unexplained obsession with pinecones.Author's Note amf studios is the one that gave Rarity that obsession. Rarity had a sudden and unexplained obsession with pinecones. "Rarity?" Sweetie Belle peeked into the room. There was a distinct forested air about the place as of late, and a thick fog hung all around. "Rarity? I'm hungry. Can you help me make something to eat?" "PINECONES!" Rarity dropped down from somewhere up above. She landed on all fours, a manic, twitching grin stretched from ear to ear as she placed a singular pinecone on Sweetie's head. "Wh--" Rarity vanished again into the fog. Twiggles found a green beanAuthor's Note Beans, Zapper Frost! Beans! BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS! Twiggles found a green bean Once upon a tiny time, Twiggles Sparkplug found a little green bean. It was a smol bean sort of green bean, the widdlest tiniest gween smol gween bean. Beeaaaaaaan. A random passing pony accidentally stepped on the green bean and was sent hurtling into the center of the Andromeda Galaxy. Nobody touches Twiggles' newfound green bean. Chrysalis was assaulted by swiss cheeseAuthor's Note What a grate idea, Zapper Frost! Chrysalis was assaulted by swiss cheese "This is oddly familiar," Chrysalis grumbled as Spike lobbed another hunk of swiss cheese at her. It came through perfectly grated on the other side of her body, landing neatly in a small bowl that she stood beside. A sudden beeping caught her attention. Her eyes widened as Spike backed up the semi-truck filled to the brim with swiss cheese. every other word Twilight said was inaudible?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor! every other word Twilight said was inaudible? "Girls," Twilight began slowly, "I think we have a problem." "Ya think?" Applejack helped her to her hooves. "We gotta find somepony to break this gosh-darn spell on ya!" "But what if it's not a problem?" "Ah have no idea what you're talkin' about, sugarcube. C'mon, let's go see of Zecora has a clue what's wrong." a finale?~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ After many years of writing, sometimes even breathlessly nonstop at times, Twilight flipped the back cover over. It was done. One thousand chapters. It took nearly eight years to get to where she was now, but she did it. She filled the book. Hit the limit. Quills & Sofas didn't offer enough materials to bind more than a thousand chapters at a time. Where once she'd had the problem of having nothing left to do, she now faced the opposite. When would she ever stop doing what she did? There was still so much to write about! So many ideas, and places, and faces, and so, so much more--it frankly felt overwhelming at times. Where was she in all of this? There was of course Storyteller Twilight, the medium through which her narration was implied, but behind it all, behind everything... It'd always been her. It'd always been me, the author. Through good and bad, through thick and thin. Every high, every low, every laugh, every tear. It's always been you, the reader. Even as some have come and gone, you've been here every step of the way. Left your comments to grow into future chapters. Had fun reading. And it's always been... Quiet footsteps skitter up behind my door. Quiet little sniffs. A half-sneeze, followed by a whine. I stand up from my chair and open the door. Almost immediately, an excited ball of curly white fluff hurtles in, running around my legs. He brings his toys, dropping them in front of me. Staring. Watching. I pick up his favorite--a blue, bone-shaped toy made of soft rubber. One that'd been lovingly chewed day after day, year after year. And toss it, just a little, to the side. He perks up and turns his nose toward the toy, sniffing the air where his vision has long since faded to milky white. He whines again, pawing at his toy. It is stuck, wedged in a place too small to fit his head. I kneel down and reach for the toy, holding it instead at face-level for him. I give him a gentle pat on the head. A scratch of his ears. Gleefully, he takes the toy and retreats, sitting in that same old spot by the shelf, chewing. That same warm spot I thought I felt as I stepped past my bookshelf this morning. One of the many warm spots he left behind. When he once basked in the summer sun, migrating with the golden beams of light filtering through the windows, he always left little warm spots--warmer even than the sunlight itself--in his wake. Where he once slumbered in the quiet nights we enjoyed, exists now only an empty bed, a small indentation the only reminder of where he once curled up with his toys. The smoke of the incense curls to the sky. Can you see me, boy? Can you smell the apples we've left for you, Cody? They sit at the shrine, surrounded by your most favorite of toys, right where you can reach them. We know you like apples. You told us that you did when we found you eating the wild apples off the ground beneath the little tree in our yard. And even if the apples aren't enough for you when you visit, there are a pile of treats for you, too. Because of how small you were, we always broke the treats in half. One half for the morning, and another half for the evening. You know that well; it's the cycle we fell into when we had to start giving you those uncomfortable pricks to keep you alive. Well, now, beside the apples on the plate, you can find eight whole treats. Unbroken and fresh, just for you. I hope that wherever you are now, you can eat whatever your little puppy heart desires. No longer must you follow that strict diet that the vet gave you nearly four years ago. The diet that once upon a time, saved your life as you lay sickly and weak, undiagnosed diabetes wreaking havoc upon your tiny frame. It's why we had to give you those pricks, boy. I'm sure you'd understand. Maybe you already had a taste of heaven when you went on vacation with us last summer. You traveled on a plane for the very first time. Tasted seafood and chicken, prepared in more ways than you might've possibly ever imagined. If we could, we would've let you have a taste of so, so much more then. But now, as the incense burns, you can do just that. I hope that, through that photo of you, happy on the swing set in the park, you can forever smell what we cook in the kitchen. Watch every meal be prepared before your eyes, and share in the taste as we gather for dinner. It'll be hard to not be able to call you to the table anymore if we drop something, whether it be intentional or not. It'll be hard to not be able to feed you pieces of carrots and tomato, fresh from the counter, like we always did. Once upon a time, thirteen years ago, you came to us, a shivering ball of fluff on a cold December's evening. You were even smaller back then, and yet you still managed to scramble up the stairs all on your own. Somehow, you grew even fluffier, a near-solid mass of curls that kept you warm in even the coldest of nights. I'm sorry we didn't have time back then to play with you as much. I'm sorry that for many days, you'd be out in our backyard, alone with your toys while we were at school, and our parents were at work. Or stuck indoors, with only a piece of cardboard marking where you could relieve yourself when the weather was too cold. I'm sorry that it was only after we moved--after I began high school, after almost half of your life had gone by--that we finally had the chance to let you roam free, no longer confined to a single floor of the house and the backyard. We should've been better to you back then. I hope that we made up for it after we moved. After the backyard no longer connected to the dreary basement, but instead to the kitchen. No longer were you stuck, waiting for someone to open the door from the unfinished basement to the bright lights of the main floor. You actually lived with us then. And you thrived. Before, we would let you roam after we'd returned home for the day. By then, sometimes, you were already asleep. Sometimes, you were even still outside, howling at the moon. We joked that you were a little white wolf back then, when I was in elementary school. You stopped howling after we moved, and I'm still not quite sure why. Now, you no longer slept in the basement or the yard. You slept with us. On rugs. On carpets. On your bed. On bare flooring. On socks and your toys and your treats and in the sun and in the moon and wherever and whenever you wanted to. I'm sorry it took so long for us to finally be able to express our love for you in full and unrestricted. I'm sorry you could only experience that love unfettered for three years, before those nasty eye infections left you nearly blinded in both eyes. Before your diabetes developed, and led to those itchy cataracts that took almost everything else that was left. I hope you can still run through the grass with me in my dreams. Before you became afraid of tripping on the dirt, or having your eyes become irritated along the way. When we once played hide and seek among the towering trees in the park. I hope you still can return to those warm spots you left behind. The incense burns low, ashes silently scattering into the pot below. Your shrine sits beside the shrine of the Ground Spirit. We hope that they can guide you on to your next life, whether it be heaven or in reincarnation. If there is anything I could do if I were to go back in time, it would be to hug you, one last time. On your final night with us, you slept quietly on my lap as I stroked your head. You were old and tired then, and your poor little heart was giving out. You knew your time was near, didn't you, boy? In your final days, you refused to eat that special diabetes food that the vet had prescribed you. You wanted only the best for yourself then--peas, carrots, and chicken. Sometimes, a little tomato or apple, as a treat. You knew, when your slow, lumbering steps became a frenzied rush up the stairs, that your time had come. And yet you waited for me. There you sat, at the very top of the stairs, watching me climb after you. You held off death itself to make sure I could be with you one last time. It was only after I joined you at the top when you stumbled off, barely holding on as you laid down one final time. Almost precisely thirteen years after you came into my life, just as you came, you left on a cold December morning in my arms. I know you tried hard, Cody. I know that it took every ounce of strength to keep yourself going after that climb. To gasp those precious last few breaths of air as I beat your ailing heart for you. You don't have to be strong for us anymore. You can rest now. You can close your eyes now, Cody. You're safe now. Always and forever. And I know that you're proud of me. Of us. On the night of your passing, you came to me in a dream, silently watching as I gave it my all to keep you with us. You watched as I tried, over and over, hoping with all my heart that I could feel yours begin to beat on its own once again. But you knew you had to go by then. We all pushed that inevitable day back as far as we could, together. But, just as time itself cannot be stopped, so comes your mortal limits. You can close your eyes now, boy. I know you were watching me in your final moments. Rest now, you're okay now. No more pain. No more needles. No more blindness. I hope that we gave you the best life that we could. I hope that wherever you are now, you're free of everything that held you back. I hope that, as the final wisps of smoke drift away from the smoldering incense, you'll still be with us in spirit. Thank you, Cody, for being with us. And to you, the reader, Thank you for reading. Author's Note Well, here we are. The final chapter. I didn't think that it'd come to this, in all honesty. Both 1000 chapters and... well... I'm sure you already know what recent events have transpired in real life for me. I started writing this fic when I was in 8th grade. Back then, I was horrendous at writing, and the trio of stores that'd come before What If are a testament to that notion. When I first started writing What If, I planned for it only to work off "serious" suggestions based in canon. Something that, in my mind, would've followed the progression of the show, and ended with the finale of G4. Perhaps one chapter per episode, or something of the sort. ...That certainly didn't last very long. Almost from the beginning, you, the readers, began to suggest increasingly deranged chapters. Somehow, we'd gone from Starlight Glimmer not holding a grudge against Twilight to breaking Fimfiction itself in increasingly creative ways. And that's beautiful. Never had I imagined in those very first chapters of this fic that such a wild community would grow around pitching strange story ideas around the way that you all have done. Nor did I think that some of you would begin to build upon each others' ideas to construct large, multi-chapter story arcs that had their own lore and recurring characters. It's the beauty that comes with community, I suppose. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully put into words the gratitude that I have for you all. I know that some chapters were vent-y. That a good number of those "IRL chapters" probably served far better as blog posts in hindsight, but what's done is done. You can't change the past. You can only work to make the present and the future better, both for yourself and the ones that you love. I know this chapter probably isn't the massive celebration that you might've expected. It's a quiet, somber chapter, with faint echoes of how it all began, intermixed with a long, heartfelt letter that I can only hope may somehow reach my dog, Cody, wherever he is now. I've teared up so many times now as I've written out this chapter. Every precious memory I have, from when we built you that doghouse (that you ended up using more as an outhouse) to when you once wiggled free from the yard. We thought you were lost back then, never to be seen again. But thankfully, you'd only escaped into our neighbors' yard, curious as ever to explore. I should stop making this chapter so much about you. I know I have regrets, especially of how lonely you were before we moved. But I hope you found happiness after we did. After we finally had the means to spend more time at home and with you. And I hope you found peace in the end as I cradled you one last time in my arms. It hurts. So much. But it's a pain that I'll accept. I know this chapter isn't what you, the reader, might have wanted. It's not the chapter that I might have wanted. But it's the chapter I needed. For this one last time in this edition of What If, I'm making this chapter about me. Or more specifically, about Cody. In your memory, the shrine will remain. Let the Ground Spirit know how you like to be scratched behind your ears. And once again, to you, the reader: Thank you for understanding. I didn't think that it would end this way, but just as life happens in the most unexpected of ways, so too can death. I look forward to your upcoming comments, when What If starts anew. And I hope that, somewhere out there, Cody knows that we'll remember him. November 2010 - December 2023 We'll miss you, old boy. One last ear scratch for the road. And to another that we've lost this year, Level Dasher. I hope you've found yourself a new friend up there. Thank you so much for all you've done, whether it be leaving comments for chapters here, or helping me wrangle the chaos of the 500,000th story on this site, or simply being an all-around great guy. And once again, to all of you, the readers: I love you all. Thank you for reading. EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology What If 2: Eclectic Scootaloo! The beginning of a new era. A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 5k words · 26 5 · 235 views Twilight beat the Wuhan Coronavirus by weakening it with Modelovirus with help from the Bud Knight while the universe imploded?So Twilight kinda sorta Thanos-snapped the Coronavirus or somethin' like that after weakening it with whatever the heck Modelovirus is while getting help from the Bud Knight. Why? Because this is just another excuse for me to make the argument that all purple characters (or purple-ish) have a share in Thanos' power, and therefore access to the Infinity Gauntlet. Also, the universe imploded. Because of course. "And that's how I met your mother!" "What?" Twilight smiled at Spike. "What?" This author boio needs sleep. Author's Note ...What? Aight, not sure about the Modelovirus part but we sure as heck are gonna see the universe implode (again), Zapper frost and The Spy of the Tiger! Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left?Author's Note What is this, a new ongoing trope, The Spy of the Tiger? Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left? "DOOM!" "PUPPIES!" "DEATH TO THE PUPPIES!" "NO! RAISE THE PUPPIES UP INTO BIG OL' DOGGOS AND LOVE THEM FOREVER!" Spike smacked his left knee and offered it to the closet skeletons as a sacrifice again because he had heard enough about doom and death to puppies. Also, Twilight freaked out because there are now many skeletons running around her castle. the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them?Author's Note Sorry, Possibly me, this time I did forget! the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them? "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, CELLY, I'M PLAYING OURCRAFT!" Luna screeched, slamming the door on her sister. Celestia was so disappointed in her sister that she banished herself to the sun and started an interplanetary empire. What happened to Equestria, you ask? Well... Luna was quite literally absorbed into Ourcraft, and lives there to this day fighting not-creepers. Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Giraffe, and their robotic counterparts in the meantime staged a coup on Canterlot. Except with both sisters gone, there wasn't really a coup. Just a lot of chickens, for some reason. Equestria has since overthrown the Interplanetary Solar Empire because it was too short for the Giraffes' liking, and proceeded to take over the universe. Watch your back. “What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?”Author's Note Crossover time? Crossover time, Possibly me! “What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?” Ego Boost gasped. "I've never seen a hat so starry like that!" Trixie raised a brow, turning to face the mare. "Oh? You admire Trixie's attire?" Ego Boost nodded so rapidly that she rattled. "Yes! And that way that you refer to yourself in third-person! Soooo unique!" A grin spread across Trixie's face. "Trixie thanks you. Would you be willing to attend one of Trixie's shows tonight?" "For sure!" Tirek vs. Flurry Heart?Author's Note Waddya know, it's Zapper frost all over again! Tirek vs. Flurry Heart? "N-no--" Tirek scoot away from the blabbering baby. "Cuteness, my only weakness!" Flurry Heart giggled, flying closer to the centaur. "Nooooooooooooooooooo--" Tirek proceeded to get bonked on the head by a squeaky mallet. The resulting explosion reverberated all across the plane of existence and into our own reality, where Flurry Heart's squeaky mallet proceeded to materialize out of thin air and bonk you on the head too. every time pinkie pie jumped, a new and pointless law was installed?Author's Note Y. Phantune Also, what kind of (digital) merch would y'all be interested in buying? Can't ship anything physical ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ every time pinkie pie jumped, a new and pointless law was installed? Pinkie Pie skipped along the road. Celestia followed close behind, marking down a tally of every little skip, hop, and bounce she performed. It is now illegal to bounce a ping-pong ball in a bucket full of dirt at 5:00 PM every day. All persons under the age of -1 years of age must report the shape of their elbow to the proper authorities. The "proper authorities" mentioned in the above law refers to the Royal Canterlot toilet scrubbers. They will gladly take your elbows. Cheese is now the only legal topping on any type of ice cream, living or deceased. Bathing in chocolate milk is only permitted on Fridays. On every third Tuesday of the sixteenth consecutive month following the coronation of Flurry Heart's toy snail, the national anthem will be changed to a flex tape commercial. Pinkie Pie-ing is now legally regarded as morally questionable. Pinkie Pie stopped jumping. the laws of physics had to be enforced?Author's Note Mooom, I broke the physics again! The Spy of the Tiger made me do it! the laws of physics had to be enforced? Discord drank a cup of tea, leaving the tea floating in the air as the porcelain cup slipped down his throat. "HALT! PHYSICS POLICE! OPEN UP!" the sound of hooves pounding on the door filled the air. Discord rolled his eyes down a bowling alley and got a strike. He set down the tea and opened the door. "You have violated laws on the maintaining of solids in a solid state when outside of their melting point, Mister Discord," the mare scribbled furiously on the ticket before sticking it on the draconequus' muzzle. "You know that that is a 100-bit fine." Discord retrieved his eyes from the bowling alley and tossed 100 bits at the mare in the smallest denomination possible. As one can expect, she is now buried up to her neck in bits. the sun was made of jalepeño chips?Author's Note Finally, something a little more normal, AnObliviousAuthor! the sun was made of jalepeño chips? "Celly... what are you doing?" "I eat hot chip and cry." "Celestia, that's the sun!" "I know." Celestia took another bite of the sun, tears streaming down her face. everyone thought the world was going to end?Author's Note This might be Possibly me. everyone thought the world was going to end? "WE'RE ALL GONNA GET SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE!" Twilight screeched. "TRUST ME, IT'S HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES NOW. WE'RE ALL CONSTRUCTS; WE'RE FIGMENTS OF A DERANGED IMAGINATION BENT ON OUR ETERNAL TORMENT USING NOTHING BUT WORDS!" The crowd in front of Twilight began to panic. "I HEARD CELESTIA'S GOING TO LET THE SUN FALL DOWN!" Celestia yelled in response. "Oh wait, that's tomorrow." The world proceeded to not explode. story concept: The Oracles?Author's Note Welp, I missed a couple of days' worth of updates. story concept: The Oracles? They knew there was something coming. It was hard to tell for sure back then, but as time passed, it grew increasingly clear. This... prediction? Vision? Would serve as the driving force behind their life's purpose, until their inevitable demise. Even from birth, they knew what was to be done. Memories of a past life, and a vision of the incoming future; little time would be wasted from the moment they learned to speak. They spoke of unimaginable concepts, of fantastical creations, and of a society hardened and ready to face the threat nobody knew was even coming. As they grew older, words and ideas became speeches and inventions. Where their predecessor failed, they came to succeed. What once was thought to be make-believe began to be realized. As their time drew to a close, the final pieces began to take shape. I... am the last of my line. I carry the memories of not one, but two past lives within me, and this approaching doom that my past selves have spoken of for entire lifetimes is almost here. Society is ready. The rest is all on me now. Sweetie Giraffe was never tall?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses has committed an act of heresy against the great Sweetie Giraffe. Sweetie Giraffe was never tall? "NOOOOOOO I DONT WANNA BE SHORT!" Rarity pat her sister on the head. "Sweetie, you've always been short." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--" Scootaroo?Author's Note Behold, the magnificent twidash1993! How 'bout y'all take a gander at the new and improved Pony-Me™ once you're done with this chapter? It's the OG "This story came from a What If chapter" story, after all! Scootaroo? "IMPOSSIBLE. AM TALL. YOU SHORT. WHY YOU TALL ALSO?" Sweetie Giraffe boomed, watching Scootaroo bounce not only to her eye level, but beyond it. "HAHA, YOU NOW SHORTER ONE." Scootaroo shouted back. "IMPOSSIBLE." "NOT IMPOSSIBLE. AM DOING RIGHT NOW IT." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--" Applejack became Bananajack?Author's Note Congrats, twidash1993, you've got one of the most upvoted suggestions I've seen in ages! Applejack became Bananajack? "Applejack?" Apple Bloom pushed the door open. She winced as its rusty hinges gave a deafening screech in response to the movement. "Sis? You in there?" Her eyes wandered to the trail of banana peels leading deeper into the darkness. An unseen pair of lips smacked in the shadows. "Applej--" Apple Bloom dodged the banana peel that was flung at her. "Applejack, Granny's worried 'bout you." "Apple Bloom..." The filly's eyes went wide. "Y-yes?" Applejack's face emerged into the light, one eye twitching ever so slightly. "Do you like... bananas?" "I-I think so?" Applejack took a step closer, her banana-scented breath blowing at loose strands of her sister's mane. "Do you. Like. 🅱ananas." "🅱ananas?" Apple Bloom cocked her head. "I've heard of bananas, but never 🅱anana--" It was at that moment when Apple Bloom was banished to the moon by Princess 🅱ana🅱a🅱ack. Twilght tried to micromanage all of Ponyville?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is driving us off the deep end. Twilght tried to micromanage all of Ponyville? Scootaloo scootaloo'd scootalooly. Twilight materialized in front of the filly, stacking a second helmet on her head. "Saftey furst!" she screeched before vanishing. "Abblejeck!" Twilight shouted, tearing Applejack's bathroom door off its hinges. She pointed at the half-used roll of toothpaste. "Lernt two squwueeze ur tootfasde bettah!" Applejack looked up from her newspaper, raising a brow. Twilight appeared, wings flared, in front of Spike, blocking the dragon's view of the sun that he was currently staring straight into. "Spike, I need you for a sec." "Whu--" Rainbow Dash was found face-down in the dirt half an hour later with a small dragon duck-taped to her wings. Something about breaking the speed limit at the DMV lines. Twilight started a melon spire and Bobert got jealous?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor must've given Twi the melons. No way did she get 'em all legit. Twilight started a melon spire and Bobert got jealous? "I SEE NO GOD UP HERE... OTHER THEN ME!" Twilight cackled from her ever-tall melon spire. It'd started as an honest little shrine, but the melons kept coming... and coming... and coming... What else could she do but continue stacking them? Higher and higher the melons were stacked, until even from Canterlot you could see a solid pillar of fruit reaching into the heavens above... of which we currently are in at the moment. "I AM THE QUEEN OF MELONS." Twilight boomed. "MAY THE FRUIT BLESS YOU ALL TONIGHT." But Twilight wasn't alone. Not anymore. She gasped, turning her head upward as she watched none other than Bobert, the pumpkin-hoarding Minecraft villager, loom over her with a pumpkin spire that reached higher than her own spire ever did. "Hrm." Bobert said. It was very threatening and Twilight decided that she had been defeated. Pinkie discovered ruby chocolate?Author's Note Yes, AnObliviousAuthor, I ponified a meme. Pinkie discovered ruby chocolate? "Oh..." Pinkie cradled the pink-hued chocolate in her hooves. "It's just... like me..." Gummy sat silent in the corner, watching the mare smack her muzzle down on top of the chocolate. "IT JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL!" they connected the moon to the earth so that it was dangling down and not standing tall?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is about to turn the laws of physics on its head. they connected the moon to the earth so that it was dangling down and not standing tall? "No, don't!" Celestia cried out, reaching a hoof to Luna. "You do not know how vital that lone thread is, sister!" A bead of sweat ran down Luna's face as she brought the safety scissors closer to the taught string. "I do not care! I desire tax money in order to buy a new body pillow!" She cut the string and sent Equestria hurtling into the sun. Oops. Apploosa declared war on the banana Republic?Author's Note amf studios, do you know where I got these scars? I ran into a metal table in third grade and gouged it that's how. Apploosa declared war on the banana Republic? Welcome one and all to the battle of the ages - Apploosa and the extended Apple family, and the Banana Republic, led by Twinana! Unnamed Apple Family member #1960237 threw an apple at Twinana. Twinana responded with a nuclear banana. Oopsies, that was for later! ... ... Irradiated Apple Family member #1960237 punched the ground with a hoof, sending a rippling earthquake hurtling toward the Banana Republic. The ground split open, swallowing whole the entirety of the nation. There are no bananas in the ground as far as we know, so the Banana Republic has quite literally fallen. Twilight actually won the Ponyville Trivia Trot Game?Author's Note ngl Decokenite, i have no idea when or where that took place and I'm not planning on checking. Yet. Twilight actually won the Ponyville Trivia Trot Game? "Hey, congrats on winning the Ponyville Trivia Trot!" Spike lowered his comic book as Twilight oozed past. "Was is hard?" "Nope!" Twilight continued sliming her way through the room. "Didn't even break a sweat." "Oh, I left you a hayburger and some fries in the kitchen, by the way." Twilight... continued. Spike lowered his comic again. "Twilight, do you need me to get out the roomba again?" "Nope! I'm perfectly fine, thank you." A loud pang from the window caught both of their attentions. "YOUUUU HAVVVEEEE FORESAAAAAAKEN MEEEEEEEEEE!" Pinkie wheezed. But Twilight couldn't do anything about it. She had turned herself into a snail. "You know what--" Spike set his comic aside. "I'll bring the food over here for you." Twilight proceeded to shrivel up into a pile of dust because the fries were salted. the explosion sent the whale to the moon?Author's Note BezierBallad... is gonna steal... THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! the explosion sent the whale to the moon? Big friendly whale landed with a thud on the surface of the moon. "Yowch." said the whale. "Ouch." said the moon. "HUZZAH, A FRIEND!" Princess Moon Moon of House Moon bellowed, stomping up to the big friendly whale in her elephant boots while driving a forklift. "WELCOME TO MOON MART MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?" "Uhhhhhh pOTaTo..." the whale scratched its chin. "Large fries, three medium cokes, and an extra-large vat of mayonnaise." "Is Crystal Pepsi okay?" "No." "Oh okay." the whale's order was Big Smoke's order from GTA: San Andreas?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is Big Smoke? 👀👀👀 the whale's order was Big Smoke's order from GTA: San Andreas? "WELCOME TO MOON MART MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?" Princess Moon Luna Moon Moon Moon emerged from a crater. "Oh wait you've been here before. Okay. What's your order?" The whale thought and thought and thought and thought and thonked and t h o n k ed. Princess Luna visibly aged in front of it until all that was left was moon dust. "I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda." Princess Moon Moon said nothing because the universe had reached heat death. Worst of all, all of that food was now stale. in the new whlae universe everyone had blow holesAuthor's Note Keepin' that typo in the title, Rhonie8k. in the new whlae universe everyone had blow holes "My horn!" Twilight shouted as she ran into the room. "Spike! Where'd my horn go?" Spike looked up from his manga about a manga about a manga about the day dragons take over the world from their pony overlords. He let out a huff from his blowhole. "Spike, this is important!" Twilight grabbed Spike with her hooves. "My horn is gone, and there's only a hole left!" "That sounds like a you problem." Spike flipped the page. "Let me know when you un-invert your horn I guess." Twilight screamed out of her blowhole. Angel Bunny hid Discords deodorant? [Honestly idk first thing that popped into my head when i decided to disregard all previous context]Author's Note Rhonie8k? Uh oh, stinky! Angel Bunny hid Discords deodorant? [Honestly idk first thing that popped into my head when i decided to disregard all previous context] "Discord..." Twilight gagged as she opened the flower pot the draconequus resided in, "...why... so... sti--" "Well excuse me, Princess." Discord rose from the flower pot just as the mare passed out. "But I think that the Pacific Garbage Patch is a brilliant odor. In fact, I have an entire stick of it right here!" Discord pat himself down. "Ah, it appears that I have misplaced it." Angel waved Discord's stick of deodorant at the other animals at Fluttershy's cottage. Silently, they did as they were told, drawing up plans to topple the Equestrian government. Nobody crosses Angel Bunny. Twilight realized gelatin is commonly made from animal hooves?"PINKIE!" Twilight bashed the wall of Sugarcube Corner in. She quietly shut the door before spinning around to Pinkie Pie. "How could you?" "How could I what?" Pinkie wiped the remains of the jello she'd just eaten off her face. "Not share the jello? I'm sorryyyyyyyy! I'll save some for you next time! Ooh! Or, or, if you want, we can make more right no--" Twilight swat the jello box out of Pinkie's hooves. "How could you be a cannibal? This stuff is made from hooves!" "It doesn't say whose hooves, though!" Pinkie scooped the box off the floor. "Do you know whose hooves?" Twilight rubbed her chin... with... Her hoof. Wait. Her. Hoof. Twilight looked down at her currently non-present hoof. "Huh. My hooves." "Don'tcha know alicorns can regenerate?" Pinkie kicked the butcher's knife aside. "The best quality jello is made using only Celestia's hooves! Why do you think she's always wearing those neato shoes?" "What." Pinkie stuffed a spoonful of jello in Twilight's mouth. "Shhhhhhhh, don't think about it." Author's Note wtf brain Whale universe got duplicated by the mirror pool while it was still malfunctioning and giving all the clones hard core Rarity vibes?Author's Note Rhonie8k is the lord of whales. Have a Twilight Salad. Whale universe got duplicated by the mirror pool while it was still malfunctioning and giving all the clones hard core Rarity vibes? "DARLINGS!" Rariwhale #20176-42 slammed the whaledoor open. "I HAVE SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY STUNNING FOR YOU ALL TO SEE!" "Whale?" Rariwhale #41201716 looked up from her whale machine. She was almost done making a brand new whale for the whale that was whailting. "WHALES!" Rariwhale #20176-42 cheered. "WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES!" the Rariwhales outside cheered, marching down the whale. Scootaloot read the fine print and found a loophole out of that contract?Author's Note Scyphi is responsible for this madness. While daily chapters probably aren't gonna resume now that fall semester's in session, I think a month-long break is plenty enough :V Scootaloot read the fine print and found a loophole out of that contract? "No, it can't be!" Scootaloo tore the contract she'd signed out of Lightning Duwust's hooves. "Oh it shuwu is!" Lightning Duwust cheered, leaning closer to Scoots. "Bingo!" Scootaloo pointed her hoof at a line on the contract. "It says right here that because I didn't start using uwuspeak after signing, that I am the stronger of will, and therefore the contract is rendered void!" Lightning Duwust gasped. "--And not only that, but it means that you are a failure of a recruiter." Lightning Dust screeched as the UwU was exorcised from her body. Unfortunately, it decided to possess Scootaloo next. Er... Scootuwu. the next chapter was a rickroll?Author's Note Wow! For once I have both the time AND the energy to write, Ellery Quinn! ~~also wtf have I written I think this is the first time I've written Sparity shipping in any way lol~~ the next chapter was a rickroll? "We're no strangers to love, Rarity." Rarity looked up from her Hugh Mungous™ ice cream vat. "You know the rules--" Spike raised his giant spoon. "And so do I." Rarity scooted aside for Spike. "A full commitment's what I'm thinking of." Rarity glared at Spike, who proceeded to barf out a fresh ball of yarn via dragonfire. He wiggled his brows. "You wouldn't get this from any other guy, would you?" "I just want to tell you how I'm feeling." Rarity kicked the vat aside just before Spike could get a heaping spoonful of ice cream. "Gotta make you understand." "NeVER gONna giVe YoU UP, nEVeR gONna LeT YOu dOWn," Celestia crashed through the roof, promptly giving up control of Equestria to her sister and letting everyone in the room down because she landed in the ice cream vat and contaminated it with horsehair. Rainbow Dash was a defect clone of CelestiaAuthor's Note Are we all defective clones, Fox Boss? Rainbow Dash was a defect clone of Celestia "YER AN ALICORN, DASHIE!" Pinkie Pie ripped Rainbow Dash's front door off its hinges and bashed the pegasus over the head with it. "I'mawhatnow?" Rainbow yawned, clearly unfazed by the six-inch-thick steel door that had just broken over her head. She rubbed her eyes. "The DNA tests match up." Twilight entered the room behind Pinkie. "You're 120% Celestia." "Oh, well I guess that means I'm 20% cooler than Celesti--" "No no, I mean you're a clone of Celestia that's somehow more Celestia than Celestia herself. You're a defect. Though, if you're more Celestia than Celestia is, does that mean that you now have the right to rule in her place? How is it even possible to be over 100% identical?" Rainbow Dash watched Twilight devolve into a muttering, shambling puddle of pony. that genie came from the Land Down Under?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger sent them. From multiple different potential Land Down Unders. that genie came from the Land Down Under? "Oi m8," the creature's accent abruptly shifted. "You still walkin' 'round like scrubs? Could be hoppin' 'round in the pouch of a kangaroo!" Celestia pondered, her hooves together beneath her chin. "You make an interesting point." "And all for the low, low cost of your soul," the creature grinned at Celestia. "Do we have a deal? I'll throw in an unlimited supply of vegemite while we're at it!" "I thought you said you were here to grant wishes, not sell me on kangaroo transportation." "You said it, horse!" the creature waved its tiny hat at Celestia. "I'm here for a trade. So, what say you?" "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," Celestia hmm'ed. "What if I already sold it?" "What." "Flim and Flam sold me an excellent coffee machine a few months ago, and they said all it cost was my soul since I had no firstborn children to spare!" everyone thought Twilight was a rock?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is here to rock your world! everyone thought Twilight was a rock? Spike *very carefully* placed a rock on Twilight's head. "Hey, what--" Twilight shook the stone off. "Spike, what are you doing?" "Heh, yeah, hard to balance stuff on that rock," Rainbow Dash landed beside Spike with a small pile of gravel in tow. "Brought you some more rocks. Maybe you can pile the smaller ones around so that the big ones don't roll off or something." "Rainbow!" Twilight brushed the gravel Spike dumped over her back to the ground. "You're in on this too?" "Woah now!" Spike backed away. "The rock just moved!" "I am not a rock!" Twilight took to the air. "Stop it!" A brick landed squarely on her head. "I balanced one!" Derpy shouted from above. A second brick fell perfectly on top of the first one. Unfortunately, Twilight wasn't able to shake either one off because they'd been impaled by her horn. Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna?Author's Note Hats (and monocle, I'm looking at you, reader) off to YakkoMLP10! Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna? "And on Saturdays," Pinkie gasped, balancing the two tiaras atop her head while bouncing on a beach ball, "We'll have Saturday parties!" "Pinkie..." Twilight groaned, "You've already declared national parties for every day of the week." Pinkie paused, glancing to Celestia and Luna, both of whom were currently enjoying the complimentary ice cream cake that Pinkie rationed to all of Equestria. "Well, double the parties!" she squeaked, bouncing onto the floor with a bow. Twilight facehoofed. Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself?Author's Note IT'S COMBO TIME. Imaginer 31415 Zapper frost Starlight Glimmer1 epiccuttlefish Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself? Lemme tell y'all this: My inner elementary schooler really enjoyed drawing this masterpiece in MS-Paint. Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders?Author's Note You asked, The Spy of the Tiger, and I delivered. Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders? "No, step-ladders are ladders that are part of another ladder's family but aren't related by blood!" "I... what?" Twilight sputtered, "Pinkie... no. That's... that's completely wrong. A ladder and a stepladder are practically identical to one another. The only difference is that the modern use of the term 'ladder' is best associated with a platform ladder, where there is a flat, non-step surface that--" Pinkie waved at a tiny ladder scurrying away across the floor. "Now go be with the rest of your ladder family! See? Your step-ladder mom isn't an evil villain that wants to ruin your life, Cinderelladder!" "...What." "What?" Everything was on fire?Author's Note Hot diggity dang, is that you, or is it Possibly me? Ayyyyy chapter 420 Everything was on fire? "FOR THE LAST TIME, SWEETIE--" Rarity screeched, "YOU DO NOT BARBECUE THE CEREAL! HOW DID YOU SET CAST-IRON ON FIRE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!" Sweetie Belle shrugged. Sweetie Giraffe loomed. The grill spat another flaming ball of frosted flakes at some poor unsuspecting passerby. Uh... bagels! Three and a half kilometers away, Twilight Sparkle groaned as Discord dressed up for Equestria's biggest bonfire™. Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes?Author's Note Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes? "Twilight, I'm hungry." Spike said, rustling through the refrigerator. "Is there anything other than sandwiches I could eat?" Twilight slowly turned, a fierce glare shooting from behind her moustache. Spike inched back. "Um... Twilight?" "Hi, Hungry, I'm Twilight!" The mare suddenly blurted, dropping the glare all at once. "If you want something to eat, then make yourself something to eat!" Spike facepalmed. "I mean like as in some crystals or something." He replied, "Don't you get it?" Twilight nodded solemnly. "Yes, I get it, Spike. I get that you're a meth addict who just needs some druggies in his system!" "TWILIGHT!" Spike roared, rushing at the moustached alicorn, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Twilight smirked and lit her horn. A speeding 'this' soared through the air, before being smacked down by a large stop sign. "I stopped this. Are you happy now? Oh wait..." she continued, "you're Hungry." Ponyville proceeded to burn in the wrathful flames of a raging ~~Spike~~ Hungry. Equestria was a giant loaf of bread?Twilight stared in disbelief at the scene before her. Also, every major town and city in Equestria was now a crater because ponies were eating the ground. Because reasons. ... ... Ignore the five second rule. The ground is the food. Author's Note Everyone was named Phil?Author's Note Boi, I almost forgot to add you, Zapper frost! Everyone was named Phil? Phil cantered down the road, waving at all the Phils minding their business. It was a good day for Phil. Phil had so many adoring fans. Phil met up with Phil and the fountain of Phil, where they Philled their Phils with the fresh Phil. Phil and Phil then joined Phil in lecturing the Phils of Canterlot about how Philship is Phil, and how everyPhil should be Phils with each Phil. "Wait--" Phil raised a hoof. "Who am I?" "Psh, you're Phil!" Phil chuckled, brushing off Phil's question. "Now, turn to page Philty-seven for today's Phil on the history of Phils." Izzy Moonbow skewered more things with her horn?Author's Note 'cause G5 pony Izzy = tenis bol pone. Izzy Moonbow skewered more things with her horn? "What are you doing?" Izzy looked up. The marshmallow on her horn continued to burn. "Izzy, why do you do this to yourself?" Izzy paused. The pillow slid down her horn and covered her face. "Izzy, please stop." Izzy shook the original copy of Twilight's friendship journal off her horn and into the bonfire. "Izzy, for the love of Celestia (or whoever it is that's in a ruling position for unicorns, at least), stop it, before you hurt yourself or someone else!" The limp voodoo doll of Flam fell onto the ground. Izzy slowly reached for it with her hoof but only got a stern glare in response. "You're committing national crimes, Izzy." The now-impaled crown jewels of Old Equestria fell to the floor in pieces from Izzy's horn. "Izzy, why is your horn going through my bread?" The loaf of bread slowly absorbed into Izzy's horn by the power of diffusion. Celestia was so eepy?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger made Celestia some tasty NyQuil Chicken. Celestia was so eepy? "Sister!" Luna wrenched the doors to Celestia's bedroom off its hinges with the sheer might of only her teeth. Wood splintered in explosive fury as the fixture disintegrated into hundreds upon thousands of splinters. "Why are you so eepy?" Celestia let out a snore. "She is so eepy," Twilight stuck her head in beside Luna. "But it is time for her duties! She must raise the sun!" "Praise the sun?" a disembodied voice rung through the room. A deathly silence immediately followed, broken only by the occasional snort from the slumbering Princess of the Sun. "𝕻𝕽𝕬𝕴𝕾𝕰 𝕿𝕳𝕰 𝕾𝖀𝕹" the voice boomed a second time, blinding everypony present except for Celestia, who was just so eepy that she became immune to it. ~~shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes a disembodied voice had the same effect as a flashbang~~ Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve.Author's Note Blah. Quite a few of these story pitches likely won't ever become full stories. I just like the idea of experimenting with their respective ideas, and sometimes, I end up coming across one that I really like, and want to write out further. This probably isn't one of them, but hey, gotta play off a joke character somehow, amirite? Also, reused character from Lab Horse Series is reused character. Kept the name, threw out the rest. Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve. "So your name is Michael Rowe Wayve." Celestia deadpanned, staring at the human before her, "What brings you to Equestria, Mike Rowe Wayve?" The man (who was absolutely, definitely, certainly not a microwave repairman) cleared his throat. "I come here to repair your microwaves, your highness." ... Gosh dangit, Mike. "...What do you speak of, Mister Mike Rowe Wayve?" Celestia countered, "What is this... microwave that you speak of?" "Ah," Mike Rowe Wayve nodded understandingly, pulling a microwave out from his trenchcoat, "This here, is the Mike Rowe Wayve brand microwave! It cooks food with the power of wacky science energy beams!" "Excuse me?" "...Wacky magical energy beams?" Mike Rowe Wayve squeaked. "I am... intrigued by your invention then," Celestia relaxed, gesturing with a hoof, "Does it by chance bake cakes?" "Um... that's... questionable," Mike Rowe Wayve shrugged, setting his Mike Rowe Wayve microwave on the floor with a heavy clunk. Celestia hiccuped and zapped him back to the microwave realm. Think thank thonk... Thanos?🤔 = = ? Author's Note THEY'RE ALL PURPLE!!!1!111!! I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server?Author's Note Gosh darnit, Zapper frost, Undead Equestrian Writer, and others of my Discord server. I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server? There aren't enough explosions to even fathom the sheer insanity. Um. What if - reality was an illusion and the universe was a hologram Pony-Me™ What if - Twilight's Tree House of Awesomeness didn't get got by Tirek in Season 4 "GROGARRRRRR!" Twilight hollered, barreling toward the goat demon thing, "YOU'RE FINISHED." Grogar didn't have any time to react before getting smashed by the entirety of Golden Oaks Library. Secret ~~definitely not sexy~~ dungeon and all. Story pitch: Table LegsAuthor's Note Guess who's baaaack? Story pitch: Table Legs Hey. Hey Buttery Smooth. Guess what? "Ack," Butter Knife spat, "I'm in another story again, aren't I?" DING DING DING! CORRECT! The ultrafine, maximum-edge shankmuffin of an alicorn facehoofed in response. "So, what sorta torture are you gonna run me through this time? I don't see any of the... acquaintences that you forced me to be with from last time, but I just know that you've got something up your sleeve." Yes, in fact. Got your nose! "Hey!" Fine. Here's your nose back. Anyway, let's see here... how will this thing begin... ah, I know! "Please don't tell me you're gonna--" Let's wrap you up in masking tape, dunk you into a spacious FedEx-branded flatrate box, wrap that up with some duct tape, toss in a few heads of lettuce, a couple Molotov cocktails, put it all into a giant replica of a VHS tape, put that inside a big ol' bucket of slime, and send you hurtling down into a post-apocalyptic Equestria! "What." Toodles! "WAITYOUDIDN'TEVENTELLMEWHATYOUHADUPYOURSLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!" Oh, that? It's a table leg, your new weapon of choice! "Why?" "Because I'm the author, and you, as my character, must do as I narrate!" A giant bucket of slime containing many nested layers of other things (and a very pissed-off alicorn) landed in the middle of nowhere. From within, a muffled scream of frustration. the author did a serious chapter?Author's Note Mystic Sunrise wants serious? Have some serious. Working with magical parchments and scrolls is dangerous :V the author did a serious chapter? "Twilight! Twi-light!" Spike scrambled up the stairs. He panted as he burst into the mare's study. "Twilight!" Twilight looked up from her book. "I was--" Spike paused to catch his breath "--I was organizing some scrolls downstairs when an entire table of them suddenly lit itself on fire! I swear I didn't have anything to do with it, and--" Twilight set her book down. "Alright, alright, let's go take a look then. What sort of scrolls were on that table?" Spike trailed behind her as she opened the door. "Well, there were some old spells that I saw, a few old parchments about Equestria's ancient history... whoa!" He felt himself get scooped off his feet. "Twi, what's the matter?" "You put the fire out already, right?" "Of course I did! I wouldn't just leave the table burning before running all the way up the stairs!" "Spike." "Yeah?" "You have wings." "...Yeah." The duo finally touched down at the bottom of the stairs. Spike hopped off and made a beeline for the table in question, which was now thoroughly soaked in foam. "Soooooooo, yeah," Spike held up a soggy parchment, passing it to Twilight. "At least it isn't burnt to ash!" "I suppose, yeah." She held the parchment to the light. "Looks like these should all be recoverable. Good work on putting the fire out." Spike rummaged through the dissipating foam. "I wonder what caused the fire though. Can spells activate themselves?" "Sometimes," Twilight joined her assistant. "Usually the ones that do are on some sort of timer. Think explosive-free fireworks for example. You set the fuse timer in the spell itself, and after the assisting timer spell ends, that's when the fireworks go off." "So do you think someone sent in a firework parchment with the batch of scrolls then?" Twilight shrugged. "If it was the source of the fire then it'd surely be incinerated by now, so chances are pretty slim that we'd find anything left of it." Trixie forged an alliance with an unkindness of ravens?A shadow flit past the window. Twilight looked up from writing the previous chapter of What If. Nothing was there. She returned to her writing. More shadows. The light in the already dimly-lit room flickered as if it were candlelight at dusk. Twilight slowly raised her head again, eyes widening at the sight of... Ravens. So many ravens. Each and every one shooting past her window in a flurry of darkened feathers. She lit her horn and vanished. "TRIXIE." Twilight popped out of Trixie's Great and Powerful Easy-Bake Oven, not-so-unintentionally detonating it in the process. "WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME." "The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie has done nothing wrong!" Trixie screeched as she was carried away on a living cloud of ravens. Raven Inkwell walked past Twilight. Twilight screamed. Idk. Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story (terribly outdated. I'm even more clueless now.)Author's Note Yup, gotta do this at this point. I really have very little knowledge in pop culture outside of memes and small references. This chapter's literally just assorted lists of what I can and cannot write. Keep in mind that this story is rated E! I will not write anything that contains any explicit mature themes. Also, here's the old long description: What if Sombra was good? What if Starlight Glimmer had never gone mad over cutie marks? WHAT IF POTATOES RULED THE EARTH?! All this, and a small collection of other short stories, all based off of random "What if?" questions. Suggestions for chapters are open, but remember to leave space for others! Keep in mind that I decide whether or not to use idea suggestions, and if you want a crossover, check this big ol' Twilight-grade list first! How 'bout y'all take a gander at some spinoff stories? What If...? by PixelMoon FEATURED 2/15/2017! THANKS! ~~And~~ again ~~3/21/2017!~~ Aaaand it's gone. Wait a sec-- it's back. Wait. Nope. Okay then. That happened. Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story (terribly outdated. I'm even more clueless now.) Twilight Sparkle burst through the fabric of reality and landed on her face. She let out a groggy groan as the imploded fragments of a door landed on top of her. List subject to updates and additions. Entries on these lists are in no particular order. Also terribly outdated. Also, commentary! I'ma do it. MLP:FiM seasons 4-5 (Really didn't bother to start from the beginning, outside of some season finales.) Any of my own story universes (especially the ones that began life as writing experiments in this story.) Angry Birds (Yup. Still play it.) Minecraft (MINE MINE MINE THE DIAMOND) Bloons Tower Defense (10+ years and still playing!) The history of various tech companies (Microsoft, Apple, etc.) Super Mario Bros (2D games only) Old 1990s-2000s era Thomas & Friends (and Hero of the Rails. Loved that movie back when I was like 10.) Spongebob (I watched the episodes out of order, and I have no idea what's going on anymore.) Plants vs. Zombies 1 (I used to draw comic strips of a TV show called "Newsweek Plants" in 3rd-5th grade.) Webkinz from its heyday (Still have my account. Wanna friend me while the game crashes again?) Michael Vey series (I own books 1-3, signed by the author back when I was in middle school. This is actually what originally inspired me to write.) One Punch Man season 1 Violet Evergarden (THE FEELS.) Saiki K. (this is what I was watching during my month-long hiatus. It was what ate my writing time on Netflix.) To Be Hero (though, it's been a while since I've watched it.) Inuyasha (First anime I ever watched. Might be a little rusty on details though.) Wreck It Ralph The Lego Movie (Watched both the original and the sequel.) She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Several years ago the local kids' TV channel started airing the original He-Man and She-Ra episodes back-to-back on Saturday nights. My sister and I were both hooked, and my mom started talking about how she grew up with those shows. The reboot of She-Ra is on Netflix, and I like it.) Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (It was good) Promare (Heckin' good anime about firefighting and moral grey areas) BNA: Brand New Animal (I like it. Good anime.) Fullmetal Alchemist (Original & Brotherhood remake) (I used this as an escape from thinking about midterms and I'm glad I watched it.) Vivy Fluorite-Eye's Song (I've never seen anything dive so deep into the question of AI and the ethics surrounding it before.) Generally not recommended for writing chapters about. There's a good chance I won't write a suggestion based on these simply because I have very little knowledge of them or am simply disinterested. Sonic (Just not interested whatsoever, but the backstory's kinda interesting.) Legend of Zelda (I only have Ocarina of Time through my Wii's virtual console, and I've been stuck on getting Epona for the past two years.) Pokemon (7.8/10 too many Pokemon for me to remember enough about to write anything coherent) Marvel/DC universe (I've watched like three movies from both respective universes, and nothing more.) The Man in the High Castle (Haven't had time to finish watching it. The episodes are long.) Harry Potter (I watched one movie when I was like 7. Does that count?) Youtube and Youtube trends (Do you think I keep up with what goes on? I spend most of my time just streaming music from Youtube. And Smash tournaments.) I have had practically no gaming life outside of casual games, and even then I still have no gaming life. Also, yeah, I don't watch very many things either. I just binge through an entire show and stop at that in most cases, and that's when I even watch something in the first place. AKA I have near-0 experience in any of these. Real people (Don't know much pop culture, and it gets awkward as heck when I try. Exceptions may apply.) Undertale (I am the only person in my friend group that has never played Undertale at least once.) FNAF series (not into creepypastas, probably never will be.) Portal series (I know a few memes though, and that really applies to everything in this collection of lists.) GTA (But I do know its development history all the way back to the beginning. That count?) Halo (or really any other First-Person Shooter. I'm just not the kind of person who likes those games.) Your OC's life story (yet ) Fallout (I have Fallout 1 but I lost interest.) Relatively-unknown real-life events (Local sports games, regional competitions, etc.) Clash of Clans (Never played it, and I don't know anything beyond what the ads in Angry Birds kept showing over and over.) Any Battle Royale game that isn't Minecraft Hunger Games (Yup.) Rick and Morty (I just know memes.) Star Wars ~~(Never really was all that into it.)~~ haha guess who likes star wars now lmao Star Trek (Same as Star Wars) Gravity Falls (Don't watch much TV.) Bendy and the Ink Machine (Only ever watched Matpat's game theories on the game.) Steven Universe (Same as Gravity Falls) Ghostbusters (Once again, I am uncultured and don't watch much of anything.) Jojo's Bizzare Adventure (Only reason why I know it exists at all is because my friends were meme-ing it up.) Counter Strike (any game from the series) RWBY Red vs. Blue (I'm only aware that this and RWBY exist, and an occasional meme on top of that.) South Park (Again, I hardly watch anything) Anything relating to sports (Same as above) Doki Doki Literature Club (oof) Disclaimer: suggestions still must follow site rules, and suggestions that would potentially push the story above its "E" rating must be discussed before I use them. Other than that, happy reading! What if...After many years of studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, Twilight finally closed the cover of the final book. She set her head down gently, and sighed, "Finally, the last book." She got up, and pushed her chair in. A few minutes later, she stepped outside. It had been weeks since she had seen the sun, let alone feel the cool breeze blow through her mane. She smiled as the warm rays of sunlight struck her full in the face, gradually warming her from the inside out. She opened her eyes and began to walk back home. On the way towards the train station, it hit her; She now had absolutely nothing left to do. ~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ Twilight burst through the door, panting heavily. "SPIKE!" She yelled, her voice echoing all around the halls. "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME SOMETHING TO DO NOW!" It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, comic book still in hand. "What do you want to do, specifically?" He asked, half-reading a particularly humorous section of his book. Twilight continued shouting, "ANYTHING, PLEASE! I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO DO!!!" Spike looked around. "Uh, maybe try reading a book?" Twilight shook her head frantically. "No, no more books, I've already read them all." They both sat quiet for a few minutes, thinking of things that Twilight could do without having to give up her royal duties as the Princess of Friendship. Finally, Spike spoke up. "Maybe instead of reading a book..." Twilight's attention immediately became focused on Spike, and only Spike. "... you could try writing a book." Twilight gasped. "Thanks, Spike! I never even considered thinking about that!" She paused for a moment. "... but what should I write about?" For hours, Twilight sat in the corner of her bedroom, staring out the window overlooking Ponyville. She thought of the CMC and the adventures they had, her friends, the battles she had fought, they all seemed like good candidates to write a story on, but at the same time, she knew that many areas would become colorless and boring. At last, a stray thought wandered into her mind. She began to whisper to herself. "What if..." Luna played Goat Simulator?Celestia warily eyed Luna. The mare had been sitting in front of the TV playing some sort of goat-related game for the past six hours. Luna, with a devious grin, had gathered a large pile of what were apparently called "cars", "trucks", "tankers", and whatever else looked the sort, and was now standing motionlessly-- a goat, atop the pile of junk. The room was silent now, but said silence was quickly wiped away when Luna pressed a single button. The entire room was suddenly filled with loud explosion noises, and combined with the screams of virtual people, as well as the raining debris clattering around the in-game goat, Celestia now swore that she had felt a trickle of blood run down her ears. Author's Note I haven't had very many funny ideas lately, which is one of the biggest reasons why the sequel to I Think I Summoned a Ponk took such a dark turn. The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria?Author's Note Wheeeeee.... Writing is much harder when you have a horrible headache all day. Enjoy this load of badly-written horse words. The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria? A ball of rather disgruntled ponies landed on the cold floor in front of the mirror portal. If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow had decided to tackle her friends, then none of this would've happened. But she did tackle them, and they all tumbled in. So... yeah. Pinkie was the first to untangle herself from the entangled mess of legs, casually brushing herself off as if nothing had happened. As for the rest... let's just say that they were doing amazing impressions of panicked slugs. "Girls?" Called a voice outside the room. The door opened, and Princess Twilight entered, finding herself facing the former humans. The lavender unicorn at the bottom of the pile, of whom happened to share a name with the Princess, stared wide-eyed in shock. While the two lavender mares suddenly locked into a stare-off, Rainbow Dash, who had already been used to wings before, began hovering overhead after giving up on trying to walk. Fluttershy followed after, while Pinkie... Let's just say that Pinkie using her fluffy tail in a very similar fashion to a certain Sonic character. Specifically, she was now a ponycopter. "'Sup, Twi?" Rainbow suddenly asked, acting as if the incident had never occurred. "You are," Princess Twilight replied. At least, that's what she would've replied with if it weren't for the fact that the pony counterparts to the former humans in the room had randomly barged in. Immediately, the unicorn Twilight's brain short circuited, leaving her a bumbling mess that endlessly babbled about paradoxes and alternate universes. Princess Twilight proceeded to sent the unicorn back through the portal before she could 'experiment' with anything. As for the rest of the former humans, both Pinkie Pies came up with the brilliant idea of using name tags until the confusion ended. It was either that, or just boot everyone back through the portal. Most of the ponies agreed, and many began shuffling back through the portal as their counterpart stayed behind. The only problem is: Who's the human Rainbow Dash? Twilight was Celestia's Daughter?Twilight stared at Celestia. Celestia returned the action. For minutes, neither of them blinked. Then... "So, remind me why we're meeting right now?" asked Twilight, breaking the silence. "Simple." replied her former mentor. "You're adopted." The smaller alicorn raised a brow. "Really, Celestia? Is this another one of those jokes?" She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable at the outcome that the conversation was already heading towards. Celestia sighed. She'd expected her daughter to put two and two together sooner or later, and realize that ascending to alicornhood was simply impossible. In reality, it was simply the lifting of both a binding spell, as well as a cloaking spell. Together, they restricted any wing movement, and hid any sign of said wings. Same went for Cadence, only it was an anti-magic field and a cloaking spell. In shorter terms, she was the mother of both of them. "You see, Twilight, I'm your mother. As a ruling figure in Equestria, any sort of family outside of my sister would be quickly targeted, or even kidnapped for a hefty ransom. It's all in the name of your protection, Twilight." Twilight's jaw attempted to form words, but her vocal cords objected to their actions. "B-but... my family... genetics... it's impossible!" Once again, the princess sighed. Not to mention giving herself a mental facehoof. At the mention of genetics, she lit her horn, removing the final cloaking spell. All at once, the formerly lavender alicorn suddenly became a brilliant white, complete with a blazing mane of fire to complement her coat. "Oh. That explains quite a bit now." Author's Note Just a short little talk between princesses. Don't mind the burned carpet. Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction?Author's Note Remember that unfinished fanfic Twilight accidentally sent to Celestia two chapters ago? Yeah. say hi to Master Bates. Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction? Celestia eyed the notebook that had landed in front of her. Judging by the intricately drawn images of various ponies kissing on the inside over, she could tell that it was likely sent on accident. That is, until she noticed that it was written by her very own former student, and incomplete, as well. And so, she began reading. "Oh, Flash!" I wailed in ecstasy as we recovered from our little 'game', "I love you so much!" Celestia shut the notebook. And then she opened it to another page. "Ooh yeah... slap that plot harder" She slammed the cover down, a blank stare covering her face. So this is what Twilight does when she says that she's writing novels? The princess thought. She writes pretty well. And so, she continued reading. She read stories of love, of hate, of ogres, and goblins, and a guy named Master Bates. She found herself spiraling into a whole world of stories, and getting a rare glimpse of what went on inside Twilight's head. Mostly though, it was just love stories and poems about Flash Sentry, who had been booked months ago as the "Highly Unstable Waifu Stealer" in the Canterlot Dungeons. the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter?Author's Note Yes, this is seriously a portion of my English homework. Dramatic reenactment of the class getting this for homework: Teacher: Okay, so we're in the Shakespeare unit, and with how many ways Shakespeare came up with for insulting adversaries, it shouldn't be too hard for you all to write your own insult letter. Class: *Crazed grinning* Teacher: Now, just remember to keep the letter anonymous, and don't address it to anyone in particular. Class: Aww Me: Sure. Who needs invisible friends when you can insult an invisible enemy? I've got one that always wants me to slam my head on the keyboard to write horse words. the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter? Dear Sir, By my troth, is thoust empty-headed! Dost thou expect me to come hither to slave away at thee parchment? Nay! Prithee, perchance ye shall encounter a cutpurse, or some evil-eyed miscreant. Fie on thee for thou distempered demands, whelp! You, my peevish ruffian, are in fact, quite the shandy one. Thee common peddler may receive more respect, for ye have caused much confusion to myself. Now, I must ask, must you linger any longer? Aye, ye shall be discarded at a moment’s notice, for thou are unwelcome. I, however, must request from thee a single task; shog off. Thou is unwanted, and unneeded. Thee grammar is hideous, and I must imagine that thee mind is equally vacant. Even so, thou are nothing more than a mild nuisance in my life, and as one may forsake the irritation of the common housefly, I shall simply discard you from my life. If ye seek to redeem himself, then ye must halt this foolishness at once. You are anything but jaded, and far from the ranks of the skills of a scribe. A mere lad may beat you in the arts, for ye haven’t found the truth in theeself yet. Forsooth, it is that thou is a simple eggshell of a ruffian. I mustn't ask for any less than thee, for I fear that any less may result in a queasy beast of a snudge. Though, if ye wishes to apologize, and perchance find a tutor in the arts of common grammar, than I shall once more open to your requests. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" Pinkie screamed, literally bulldozing through the fourth wall. Oh. "YOU CALLED ME SIR!" Miss. Help. sweetie giraffe turned everyone in Ponyville into stock images of flames?Author's Note GodzillaSpino wants to watch the world burn. Literally. sweetie giraffe turned everyone in Ponyville into stock images of flames? SWEETIE GIRAFFE, THAT'S YOUR SISTER. "BURN. SISTER TOO SMOL." somepony was turned into a dog?"Arf!" Twilight shouted, "Arf arf arf! Woof! AROOOOOOO!" Spike set the struggling purple dog on the ground. Normally, he'd ask Twilight what to do, but since the mare apparently wasn't around, he had taken to the idea of keeping the dog as a pet until Twilight came back. "You want some food, girl?" He asked, heading for the kitchen. Twilight rolled her eyes, and attempted once again to perform the reversal spell for the transformation. "Hey--NO!" Spike suddenly burst, smacking Twilight upside the head with a newspaper, "No pooping in the castle!" Boy, Twilight thought, You're gonna be in a heap of trouble when I turn back. Unfortunately, in her current form, Twilight couldn't help but pointlessly scratch and squirm in Spike's arms as he took her outside. "Go on, girl, do whatever you need to do." He said, eyeing the mare-turned-dog. Twilight stared back. Spike continued watching her. Twilight stared back. Eventually, the staredown was broken when a beam of light shot down from above, hitting Twilight and not only turning her back into a pony, but turning her into a pony-dog-thing. Why? Because there's a clear lack of logic already, so why not throw out the rest? fanfics were canon?Anon leaned in close, his breath brushing through Fluttershy's mane. "I... I lo--" Suddenly, Pinkie burst through the fourth wall(s) of the many fanfics that consisted of the show. CHILD FRIENDLY! Pinkie promptly reappeared from a garbage can, and continued her current task at hoof-- taking down the Princesses, once and for all. She slinked through the many alleyways that sprawled across Canterlot, time to time disappearing and immediately reappearing in a completely unrelated location. And then Twilight appeared. "Pinkie? What are you doing?" She asked as she turned a corner, unknowingly walking into Pinkie's path, "I thought you were at Sugarcube Corner." PInkie backed away from one of her highest-level targets. "Um, I had a day off, so... I decided to explore?" The moon crashed down upon Equestria in a ball of flames, with Nightmare Moon riding the behemoth the entire way with flaming blue swords twirling about her. 'nuff said. *Insert witty one-liner here* And then chaos happened. Derp. Lol I broke the chain of shorter and shorter lines. Why am I doing this? Sunset Shimmer was living bacon?Sunset Shimmer awoke to a jolt. She couldn't exactly move though, because she apparently was now bacon. Luckily, she was in Equestria at the moment, so she had nothing to fear of when it came to being eaten. Unfortunately, however, it appeared that she was sitting directly atop Twilight's bed. On top of Twilight. Twilight woke up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The moment her gaze set upon Sunset, however... "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--" She screamed, throwing Sunset across the room. "SPIKE!" She yelled out the doorway, "DID YOU BRING FOOD THROUGH THE PORTAL AGAIN?!" "Woah, Twilight," Sunset spoke, "It's just me, Sunset. And apparently, I'm bacon now." Twilight froze, and stared down at the bacon that had just telepathically spoken to her. "What." One trip to the Arcane Magicks wing of Canterlot University later... A bacon-maned Sunset Shimmer stood before Twilight. "Um... Twilight?" Sunset began, "I think something's off." "I'll say," Spike mumbled as he picked a strip off Sunset and ate it, "But I'm fine with it." "SPIKE!" Twilight scolded, "Don't eat other ponies' manes, alright?" She turned back to Sunset. "Your normal mane will return in a couple of weeks. The bacon mane was the most powerfully enchanted out of the curse that got placed on you." Sunset shrugged, and began chewing her mane. Author's Note BACON the Kool-Aid man and Randy Savage showed up in Equestria?*Wall smashing* *OH YEAH-ing* *Chaos noises* *Wrestling noises* *Kool-aid drinking* "Y'know," the Kool-aid man began, "You're drinking my blood, right?" Randy Savage crushed the cup, before summoning another cup because he's Savage. "Let me drink more." Author's Note Oops. Forgot this one. Well, here it is. Michael Bay made MLP and the Mane Six needed glasses?Tirek dodged flimsily as Twilight summoned her next shot. Her glasses slipped off moments ago, and she ended up hitting the Golden Oaks Library instead. Again. Said library promptly exploded in a nuclear fury as a shockwave blasted from every side, shattering windows, eardrums, glasses, and Rainbow Dash's contacts. Unfortunately, said contacts shattered just as Dash pulled off a rainboom, and combined with the temporarily blinding blast of color, the already near-blind mare crash landed on a decepticon, which instantly melted at the touch of her awesomeness. As for the Golden Oaks library, it quickly grew back, only this time, it was twice as tall, made of solid steel, and came complete with fifty nuclear warheads locked on Tirek. At the utterance of a single phrase, Twilight singlehoofedly destroyed Tirek down to the subatomic level. "Watch your butt." She muttered angrily under her breath. The resulting explosion blew the nonexisting pants off of everypony in existence, past, present and future. It also happened to blind the Mane Six as they were being born, because screw proper logic. And that is why nopony wears pants in Equestria. The TRIGGERING happened?"AGH!" Twilight hollered as she kicked a book, further angering herself over the fact that she had, indeed, just brought a soiled, filthy hoof to the pristine covers of the tome. "STAAAAAAAAHP!" Spike yelled back, covering his head with a pillow, "I SAID STOP SCREAMING!" "BUT I LIKE LOUD NOISES!" Pinkie suddenly screeched as she burst in through the window. "HEY!" The hired window-cleaner screamed, "I JUST CLEANED THAT!" "SERVES YOU RIGHT!" Rarity screamed, pointing a hoof at the stallion, "YOU DIDN'T CLEAN IT RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" "RARITY!" Rainbow yelled as she tackled the unicorn, "STOP GETTING IN OTHER PONIES' FACES!" "Um... Rainbow?" Fluttershy peeped, emerging from the bushes, "You're getting in another pony's face..." "FLUTTERSHY!" A Fluttershy clone boomed from the mirror-pool, "STOP DISTURBING THE BUSHES!" "NO!" a nearby gardener objected, "THOSE ARE MY BUSHES, AND I CALL THEM BUSHY!" "Y'ALL AIN'T TRIMMING 'EM RIGHT," Apple pony hollered, "THEY NEED TO BE TRIMMED AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE!" "HEY!" Twilight yelled, "I'M THE MATHY ONE!" "YOu dOn'T KNow ANythINg ABouT MaTH," nearby generic Math pony said, "stOP TrYinG tO sTEal MAi SPotLighT!" Twilight chucked a book at the pony, and upon realizing what she had done, proceeded to begin the triggering loop anew. Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter?Author's Note Credits to my sister, Skittle Sky for the idea. We've both gone peanuts. Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter? Applejack awoke to a start. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining, the air was still radioactive from her prior nuclear warfare on pears, and generally, it was an excellent day for y'all ta burn in the bits o' Tartarus. Wait, what? Anyways, Applejack was currently making breakfast for herself. The only problem with that was that she was out of apples. Unfortunately, the only other choices were either the radioactive-but-somehow-still-standing Asian Pear tree that she nuked, or a years-old jar of peanut butter. Naturally, she chose the peanut butter. Though, it just so happened that she got easily triggered by the idea of peanut butter on apple slices, which now led to her being triggered by the sight of peanut butter. "WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" the mare suddenly screamed at the lonely jar of peanut butter, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!" Equestria, ~13 years earlier... Applejack was happily munching on an apple slice with peanut butter, when suddenly, a tiny, squeaky voice blasted her in the face. "WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" The glob of peanut butter screamed in an extremely high pitched, macho voice, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!" Applejack promptly screamed, and from that day on, she didn't dare to touch peanut butter again. The only problem now, though, is that she not only has to touch the tartarus-forbidden peanut butter, but she had to eat it, too. Suddenly, a vortex through space-time opened up from the jar of peanut butter, sucking her into a very peanut-y, butter-y, and kind-of crunchy world. "What the buck?" Applejack mumbled to herself after landing face-first in a peanut puddle, "Where in tarnation am I?" A loud screech echoed from above, prompting the mare to duck down at the sight of the Aerodactyl. Except said Aerodactyl was made of peanut brittle. In front of her, the wall toes of the sacred Twilicane revealed to Applejack not only a pair of wings, but a horn as well. Applejack initially was quite cautious about ascending to alicornhood in such an absurd way, but she had no say in the end mainly 'cause the wings and horn were currently glued to her face and body using peanut butter. And then the world imploded with a huge explosion of buttsharks, lolcats, spinning cheese-mice, applepears, emojis, rainbows, Apple Bloom's cloned head, and Rainbow Jack's jokes. the author is currently on an incredibly long road trip and ended up turning around because the weather decided to puke slush-balls down on the road?And seriously, I'm still wondering how I have internet access in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, T-Mobile has amazing 4G coverage when it comes to the middle of nowhere. Like as in, I've got better reception here then in my own bathroom. Now then, that aside... onto the chapter! CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS DERP DERPY DERPED A DERP OF DERPED DERPYS AND THEN A METEORITE FELL AND THINGS WENT BOOM AND THE THINGS GOING BOOM WENT UN-BOOM AND STUFF SO YEAH THAT HAPPENED. Honestly, I'm more interested right now in taking pictures of the scenery from my window than writing. Author's Note yup. The author decides to try writing a chapter using his phone?Seriously. Autocorrect and my phone's typing lag are the biggest reasons why I don't do this, but I'm bored and I finished my homework early anyways. Now, onto the story. Derpy hummed lightly to herself as she soared through the air, the BOOMbox in her saddlebag creating massive Michael Bay style explosions trailing her everywhere she went. The BOOMbox was a strange little package, being wrapped in nothing but clear plastic, and a sticker noting it to be delivered to somepony by the name of "Vinyl Wubz". Derpy knew no Vinyl Wubz, however. Only Vinyl Scratch. And so when Vinyl frantically waved from below to ask Derpy for her misaddressed package, she simply ignored her. And proceeded to drop everything into a volcano. Author's Note Its not hard going back through to weed out typos... Just painful. Apache Helicopters overthrew Celestia?Celestia sipped her tea. Or at least, she would've if it weren't for the fact that the tremendous roar that raged through her ears hadn't made her fling the cup at the nearest portrait of Prince Blueblood. Additionally, the fact that it was just a low rumble a few minutes ago was a sure sign that something was growing closer, if not-- CRASH! --already here. Celestia fumbled with the shards of her teacup as she stared at the behemoths of metal that now sat before her, their blades shredding instantly through the portrait as if it were paper (it was). Straightening herself, Celestia politely cleared her throat. "Ahem," she began, stepping forward, "I don't believe I've ever seen a machine quite li..." she paused, noticing the clear lack of any pilot, living or dead. "...I mean," she continued, "I don't believe I've ever met such a beast of metal such as yourselves." The pair of helicopters that had destroyed the wall sat silent. One of them leaked oil onto the carpet. "HEY!" Celestia suddenly burst, "THAT CARPET WAS CLEANED JUST AN HOUR AGO!" Sensing immediate danger, both helicopters engaged their weapons, aiming directly at Celestia. Celestia's eyes widened at the sight of the guns, taking a step back before bowing her head down, removing her crown. She promptly left Equestria, and to this day, a pair of Apache helicopters still rule Equestria. Though, one of them still needs a repair after crashing through the wall... there's oil smeared all over the castle. Canterlot was made of cheese?A mouse scurried through the air, for it was made of cheese. That is, the air was, not the mouse. In fact, all of Canterlot was currently a massive, cheesy brick of... cheese. Not much could be said about how it happened, or in fact, why, but there had been a rumor that mentioned that it may have been the doing of Celestia after she drunkenly dreamt of Gouda dreams. Nopony really noticed, or really cared, for that matter. The orphans of Canterlot happily chewed their way through the cheese, and some even found their parents in the very tunnels they had eaten out. Twilight screamed. Author's Note Gouda dreams. Good dreams. GET IT?! Also, I decided for this chapter to mess with storytelling methods a bit. This fic didn't exist?Error 404: Story not found. Please try again later. Author's Note Well, there wouldn't be anything here, now would there? someone ended yet another universe by blasting Megalovania?Author's Note Because we just can't have enough of GodzillaSpino. someone ended yet another universe by blasting Megalovania? Pinkie Pie raised a hoof, ready to welcome another unfortunate soul into Ponyville. Unfortunately, far in the distance, a particular sequence of notes played and then everything blew up. Again. ~~Why do you make me do this?~~ Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all?Author's Note ...But rather, a MOOSE! Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all? "Thorax? It's Twilight!" came a voice from the door, accompanied by a quick series of knocks. "I'd like to speak to you about your horns!" Thorax froze, his eyes darting towards the discarded neon-green suit that lay on his bed. Turning towards the mirror on his dresser, he remembered one little, itsy-bitsy, fatal flaw in him being the supposed "King of Changelings", or whatever they were called now. He was actually a moose with limited shapeshifting abilities aided by curiously high-tech bodysuits from another galaxy. The original Thorax was accidentally smited by his landing shuttle, and so naturally, Moosy McMooseface replaced the little bugger. But after experiencing his... coronation of sorts, it had only become harder for him to hide his true form. Obviously, it was already too late for that, however, because... "Thorax! Come on, your speech to Ponyville is almo--wut." Here stood Thorax, King of all Changelings, struggling to fit himself into costume, and from Twilight's perspective, appeared to be molting his exoskeleton. "Look, I can explain." Thorax nervously chuckled, holding up a drooping hoof of the costume. "No, no." Twilight replied as she closed the door, "I'll just tell them that you're um... busy." Later that night, Spike swore he heard Twilight screaming about changeling-moose crossbreeds. Sunglasses fused to the back of Twilight's head and everypony thought that it was an entirely different pony?"SPIKE!" Twilight called from her bathroom, "DID YOU SUPERGLUE SUNGLASSES TO THE BACK OF MY HEAD?!" "No." Spike replied simply as he opened the bathroom door. "Why?" It was at that moment when the young drake realized that he was no longer a child. "Aaaaay, lookin' slick, yo!" Spike snided, making a gesture at the sunglasses poking out from underneath Twilight's mane. "Who the hay are you talking to, Spike?" "I'm talkin' to dis slick muthaf--" Twilight glared at Spike. Pinkie glared at Spike. Pinkie continued glaring at Spike, until she noticed the sunglasses. "Ooh! a new pony!" She squeaked, grabbing Twilight by her neck, "WE'RE GONNA PAR-TAY TONIGHT!" As for Twilight, she had but a single word to say: "Ow." Twilight groaned weakly as she rubbed her neck with a hoof. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were nearby, with the former carting a load of apples and the latter sleeping atop aforementioned apples. "Howdy!" the farmer greeted, tipping her hat, "It's always nice ta see a new face 'round these parts..." She turned and briefly swatted Rainbow. "AIN'T IT, DASH?" Rainbow let out a long, loud snore. "Applejack," Twilight said sternly, "there's nopony other than me standing here." Applejack shrugged. "Suit yourself," she mumbled, continuing on her way to the market. As the hours passed, Twilight began to grow more and more uncomfortable with the looks she had been given by the ponies she met. Eventually nightfall came, and with it, Pinkie's party began. Aside from having the focal point of the party being the pair of sunglasses on the back of Twilight's head, the party was actually quite amusing, with many ponies trying (and often failing) to do various stunts, with one of them even lighting themselves on fire. Finally, after gathering up the nerve, Twilight confronted Pinkie. "What does this new pony look like?" She asked, "I don't think I've ever seen them." "Oh, the new pony? I haven't heard his name yet, but he's got this huge golden SWAG necklace that's like, almost as big as he is, and he's also got this mane that looks a lot like yours that covers almost his entire face, except for his sunglasses." "Wut." This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect?Author's Note Oh boy, I wonder how well autocorrect deals with pony names! Anything it messes up becomes part of the story! (That is, I'm not going back through to correct any mistakes that autocorrect screwed up.) This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect? "Twilight?" "Yes, Rainbow?" Twilight replied, glancing up from the latest edition of 'Your Dragon and You: book 3'. Rainbow paused for a moment, hesitating to reply. "I-- I..." Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked. "You love me?" Rainbow choked. "NO!" She shouted, slamming her hooves into the table. "It's Fluttershy!" "So, you love Fluttershy?" "No!" "You HATE glitter shy?! Rainbow stared questionably at her friend. "Glitter shy?" She asked, "who's that?" Twilight snorted. "No, I said Flutter shy!" "Why did you pause in the middle of flutter shy's name?" Rainbow continues, "Wait... Why am I doing thaoi?!" Twilight tilted her head. "Thaoi?" She asked rainbow, "what does that mean?" "I don't love fluttery, BT i don't hate her either! She's just a friend!" Twilight shot a sideways glance at rainbow, a look filled with a menacing, dark glare... "Riiiiiight." Twilight purred, "JUST a friend." "What--no-- HEY!" rainbow replied, "that's not nice!" Twilight grinned. "Who said I was Twilight? Who said I was EVER twilight?" The mare continued, standing up from her seat, "Why, for all you may know, I may just be your beloved Twilight, when in reality, I could be a--" she lashed out with a hoof at Rainbow, but held back just enough to avoid contact. "--ferocious beast of the Everfree--" her horn lot up, accompanied by the telltale signs of dark magic from her eyes "--a reincarnation of Sombra--" and finally, she gracefully somersaulted over Rainbow's head, landing as if she had simply taken a single step. "--a ninja, perhaps." Rainbow simply stared as she watched the made she thought she knew make her way towards the door. "In the end," twilight continued, "It isn't the pony that defines themselves, but rather their interpretation by others. It's your choice to see me as you wish, whether for the better or the worse." The sound of the door shutting echoed throughout the crystal room. The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment?Author's Note Seriously, I didn't expect to hit 100 today. On top of that, I've got some over-the-weekend homework for world history, a story I'm rewriting, a sibling's birthday party tomorrow, and a crapton of other things piled up at once. This is partially why I like weekdays more than weekends. The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment? "DERP" a stick cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes. Suddenly, Derpy became the stick-alicorn, with the power of long, brown, stick-y objects at her full control. She promptly took over Equestria, because nopony likes getting hit endlessly with a tree branch. Twilight had deep thoughts?Twilight stared blankly out the window of Sunset's apartment in the human world. Below her passed a firetruck. Wait... Twilight thought, If a firetruck puts out fires... Does a water truck set things on fire? If a garbage truck takes away the garbage, does a sanitation truck make everything dirty again? Does a milk truck deliver milk or cow juice? What kind of paper is the paperboy really handing out? When you clean a vacuum cleaner, do you become a vacuum cleaner? Twilight's train of thought was derailed as she saw a giant Thomas the Tank Engine transformer thing running down the road, chasing the firetruck that had passed moments earlier. "What." Author's Note This chapter was brought to you with the power of DEEP DANK MEMES. Every day was a relaxing day?Author's Note Tomorrow's the last day of school for me. I'd might as well write a bit. No plot to this one, just some nice descriptive paragraphs of a nice day. Every day was a relaxing day? Rainbow Dash gently floated in her pool raft, the wind creating a gentle current that rippled across the water's surface. To the side of the mare was a cup of lemonade, three-quarters full. It was a cloudless day, and a beautiful one at that. The sun stood high in the sky, spreading warmth across the land. Spike and Twilight rowed bast the pegasus in a canoe, the mustached Spike singing off-tune melodies while Twilight shut herself into the world of literature, as per usual. Gentle buzzing filled the air as dragonflies flew to and fro within the bushes lining the pool, accompanied by the chirping of birds higher up on the branches of the swaying trees. Fluttershy and Rarity sat at the far edge of the pool, discussing the currently-in-style "Organic textures" that abruptly took on the fashion market. As for Applejack and Pinkie Pie, the sudden tidal wave and accompanying splashes were the answer to their leap into the frigid water. The grass shuffled in the wind, their brilliant green blades reflecting the colors of day off of the millions of minuscule dewdrops that attached themselves to the plants over the night. There was little sound to be heard, save for the whistle of the cool breeze, and the light humming of the fillies that walked the green. The school year was at last over for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and a celebratory picnic, to them, was one of the best ways to end off the year. Granny Smith sat beneath the shade of the trees lining the vast field, her occasional snorts being the only interruption to her slumber. At her side was Big Mac, who was currently doing nothing more than curiously watching the sunlight filter through the waving leaves of the trees. The ground thumped with a brisk pace, pebbles rumbling along as eight legs flew overhead. The two royal sisters laughed wholeheartedly as they raced each other to and fro-- it didn't matter where they went, but how they went. Whether they found themselves within the Crystal Empire, the Everfree, or even the Badlands, it wouldn't matter. The sky passed through its hues of purples, yellows, oranges, reds. The day was drawing to a close, the bright light of day replaced by the gentle glow of the nighttime sky. Rarity became an edgelord?Author's Note Am I doing this "edgy" stuff right? I mostly do fluff and happiness. Either way, I (kinda) tried. Chapter suggested by TheBaconMaster. Rarity became an edgelord? "There is no joy in life." Rarity grumbled, "Only suffering. And death. Lots of death." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "For the last time, sis, this trend of being ‘edgy’ just makes you look stupid!" "You’ll regret that the day you wake up to sewing needles in your voodoo doll..." "RARITY!" "WHAT?!" snapped Rarity from behind her jet-black dyed mane, “Can’t you see that I’m internally fuming?!" Except Sweetie Belle was gone, for the sheer level cringe had resulted in the filly vanishing from the universe in search for a new reality. Because screw it, the author’s getting tired and doesn’t know how to edginess. Rainbow Dash was her own mother?"Honey?" Bow Hot Hoof called from the other side of the bathroom door, "What's taking so long? Is there something wrong?" Rainbow Dash froze in fear, her fur and mane still dripping wet from the bath that she had just woken up from. "Just a minute!" She replied, putting on her 'Mom voice'. "Go watch Dashie when you come out, alright? She's out playing in the yard." Rainbow Dash, or Windy Whistles, as her husband knew her, sighed deeply. It had been almost a decade since she was mistakenly sent back in time, and even now, it didn't seem like the Future Equestria cared much, judging by the fact that she still hadn't been rescued. And during that time, she had met the love of her life-- her husband, of whom, creepily, (even to her), was at the same time, her own father. But it didn't matter anymore, really. Rainbow had since given up on the hope of returning to the present, and instead focused on enjoying the remainder of her life. But once again, strangely, it all goes full-circle, starting with Bow Hot Hoof insisting on the name "Rainbow Dash" for their foal, to the eerie correlation between the elder Rainbow Dash and the filly counterpart that now wobbled around on four tiny legs. "Hurry up!" Bow called again, knocking on the door, "Dashie wants to go potty!" Rainbow Dash snapped back to reality, quickly locating the hidden compartment under a floor tile with her hair dye. A short moment of brushing the aforementioned dye in later, and all hints of technicolor mane and tail were drowned under a sea of pastel reds and oranges. As for her cutie mark-- she had gotten it tattooed over with her "Windy Whistles" mark, leaving the remainder of the uncovered mark to once again be covered with a light coat of dye. As she exited the bathroom, Rainbow Dash, savior of Equestria, disappeared, and Windy Whistles, loving mother to a future Wonderbolt, emerged. Author's Note Yay! Time travel screws up everything if it's not planned! Spike was a Kewl Boi?Author's Note If you haven't noticed already, I've been leaning a bit more towards my own ideas for the most recent chapters. Don't worry though, I'll revisit the comments. Spike was a Kewl Boi? "Who's a good boyyyy?" Human Twilight cooed, smooshing Spike the dog's cheeks. "Stahp ittt." Spike slurred in return through his aforementioned squished cheeks. "Aww, is lil' Spiko grumpy?" "No." Spike snapped, slapping Twilight's hand with a paw. "Are you a cool boy?" Twilight continued, ignoring Spike's desperate hand-slapping as she placed a pair of sunglasses over the dog's eyes. A bright flash of light suddenly burst from Spike, lasting for several seconds before fading. "Yes." Spike boomed from high atop his throne of dog treats and golden toys, "I am indeed a Cool Boy." "What." It was all a simulation?Twilight looked up from her book out of boredom. Not that there was anything of particular interest, but still. A bookshelf sat directly opposite to her. And for some reason, Spike was making a ridiculous pose. Twilight gazed back towards her book. In a surprising burst of sound, Spike suddenly teleported clear to the other side of the room, before once again "freezing" at the door. Raising a brow, Twilight rose, and cantered towards Spike. Except Spike was gone. He was beside the chair Twilight was sitting in, seemingly asking her a question, though she wasn't there. Twilight sighed, and sat back down. At the same time, Spike zipped towards the door again, right next to where Twilight was just standing. And then it all came down. The walls, floor, ceiling, and everything in the room, save for Twilight herself, dramatically disintegrated into flecks of indistinguishable particles. And then it was dark. "Timeout error." a large, red block-text blared in Twilight's face, "Please reconnect to continue." "What." Twilight deadpanned, waking in the real world from her hospital bed, shaking the VR headset from her face. Except she wasn't a pony anymore. She was a human. And according to her wristband, she'd been unconscious for over a decade. "What." she repeated again, staring back at the strange "Pony-Me Experience!" headset. Author's Note ~~I could probably turn this into a full-on fic if I wanted to, but nah. I'm just building off the suggestion of turning my slow/dead-internet frustrations into a chapter.~~ ~~Edit: Eh. I'd might as well make a one-shot out of this. It's not like my internet's gonna let me do much else anyways.~~ Screw the one-shot, I'm writing a novel-length story at this point. Spike was a goldfish?"Blub." Spike bubbled in his tank. "You are the worst assistant ever." Twilight mused with malice, "I should've hatched that dragon egg instead." "Blub." Twilight suddenly became extremely commonplace and was practically a generic term?*Insert Twilight Zone music here* "GRAND PRINCESS TWILIGHT!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, "MIDNIGHT SPARKLE HAS RETURNED!" Grand Princess Twilight raised an eyebrow, and swallowed another bite of cake. "Yes, and?" "AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING?!" Grand Princess Twilight grinned. "I hate this." Twilight Sparkle complained to her dragon, Sparky, "I hate all of this. I'm supposed to be stopping Midnight Sparkle, not arranging the Kind-of Late to Mid-Summer Not-Solstice Celebration!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my cousin, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my brother, Dusk Shine! Say hi, Dusk!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Dusk Shine, and this is my lil' sis, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my granny, Twibert! Say hi, Twibert!" "Hya, Twilight, I'm Twibe--" "STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP!" Twilight Sparkle screeched, "NOPE. I'LL JUST SAY THAT THE FOOD IS HANDLED BY THE TWILIGHT FAMILY. PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!" "ALRIGHT, MIDNIGHT SPARKLE, YOUR TIME IS UP! GIRLS, CHARGE UP THE ELEMENTS OF SPARKLE!" "But Twilight!" Twilight #53624 groaned, "We don't have the final element!" "SCREW Y'ALL!" Twilight Sparkle shouted in return, "I'll BE THE SIXTH ELEMENT!" Midnight Sparkle was promptly returned to the form of Grand Princess Twilight the Younger. And so, Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight lived happily ever after because the power of Twilight compelled all foes to give up their un-Sparkle-like ways and accept the ways of the Twilight horde. And Twibert ate an apple pie. An argument started over whether or not Jack could fit on the plank?"No," Twilight groaned, pointing at her chalkboard diagram again, "There was certainly enough space for the two of them." "Well, maybe Jack wanted to die!" Pinkie happily chirped. Everypony stared at the mare. "Or... maybe... not." Pinkie slowly said, shrinking back into her chair. "Now, as you can see, the exact dimensions of the piece they were on was precisely--" "Okay, just stop it already!" Rainbow screeched, clutching her head, "You've been talking about this for the past five hours!" Twilight frowned, but continued lecturing for the next five hours. Because Jack definitely had room for himself with Rose. And Leonardo DiCaprio was probably chill about that. Luna didn't quite understand modern politics?"Fetch me your finest ships." Luna said with a smirk, eyeing the shipbuilder that stood before her. "B-but Princess," Sails Away stammered, "Your ship has already sunk!" Luna frowned. "..." "..." "OFF WITH HIS HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAD!" she cried in anger, pointing an accusing hoof at the stallion. "Luna." Celestia deadpanned as she landed face-first in her straightjacket, "That is not how we do things anymore." Luna swatted Celestia's remarks away with a hoof. "Nah," she replied, "I'ma just nullify whatever it is that made things like that. We do still have absolute power, don't we?" Celestia shook her head as she scooted away the best she could from the asylum guards now pursuing her. "Oh." Luna sighed, sinking back into the throne, "Okay then." Celestia screeched in terror as she was dragged back into the insane asylum she had willingly put herself in days prior. Because lava. Luna learned of Da Wae?"SISTAH." Luna hollered as she blasted the padded door of Celestia's insane asylum off its hinges, "DO YOU KNO OF DA WAE?!" "Please no..." Celestia whispered quietly from the corner, "Pls... stahp it, Lulu." "BUT U MUST NO OF DE WAAAAAAE!" Luna screeched again as she lit her horn, twitching spastically. "ALL HAIL DA QUEEN!" Luna praised herself as she ascended her obsidian throne above the volcano, "AND SHE WILL SHOW YOU DA WAE!" Celestia shuddered in her asylum. LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING THING?!"Sister!" "Not again..." Celestia groaned, flopping over to face the padded wall that she'd named Ted, "Please... please no more lava." Luna shook her head. "Neigh, sister," she began with a smirk before returning to a more serious posture, "It is time for you to raise the sun. I have already lowered the moon for you..." "You... you're serious?" Celestia replied hopefully, "No more jokes? No more lava? What about--" "...after turning it into a temporary sun by incinerating it into a molten ball of magma. It wasn't the greatest idea, however, so I simply lowered the moon to hide it from view until it resolidifies." Celestia screamed. Luna's lava obsession landed her in an intervention?"Lava?" Luna cooed, peering into the mouth of the active volcano, "...Lava!" The baking soda and vinegar volcano promptly blew in her face. "Luna." Twilight said sternly, setting her decoy volcano trap aside, "We need to talk." Luna frowned with a frown that only a clown with rejection issues could make. The author shuddered at the thought, even though he had never encountered such a being. "Luna, you need to stop your obsession with lava." Twilight deadpanned, "You've already melted the moon, put your sister in an insane asylum, raised an army of... squishy red derpy echidnas, and worst of all, YOU HAVE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IGNORED EQUESTRIA'S PLEAS FOR HELP!" "But I--" Twilight cut the Princess of the Night (and of wrecking n00bs) off with an angry snort, and pulled a curtain aside. Equestria was currently half-swamped in dangerously hot lava, and from the looks of it, most of the populace had since fled to higher ground. "Psh." Luna scoffed, "'Tis but a game." She lit her horn, and just like that, the lava was gone. Twilight nodded in approval at Luna giving up lava, and turned to leave, whispering in a nearby guard's ear that it was probably a good time now to let Celestia out of her padded cell. "NOW THEN." Luna screeched with the pitch of an undead parakeet, "WHO WANTS ELEPHANT BOOTS?!" Twilight facehoofed. Princess Baguette?"Welp." Apple Bloom deadpanned as she and her friends stared at the flaming icy confines of what was once Canterlot, "I think mah sister's gonna pretty mad today, don'tcha think?" Sweetie Belle facehoofed. Scootaloo continued to laugh maniacally with a firehose. Not the kind firefighters use, but a hose that sprays fire. Because reasons. "How did this happen again?" Sweetie asked, turning to Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom shrugged. "Idunno," she responded, "It started out with you trying to make breakfast, remember?" Sweetie Belle wrinkled her brow, then turned to the anthropomorphic flaming bowl of cereal. "ELLOHAY, ALLYAY! ODAY OUYAY NOWKA ADAY EYWAY?!" It screeched in return. "Maybe." Sweetie Belle shrugged, ignoring the fact that the cereal was now starting a forest fire, "But where'd the ice come from?" Luna twitched uncontrollably from deep within the confines of Canterlot's secret Asylum-Bunker-ThingTM. Her sister had put her there for crimes against absurdity. Namely, filling the place with lava, turning into lava, elephant boots, and turning all of the glass cups into ice. That last one was what irked Celestia the most. All she wanted was a good ol' cup of the tears of Equestria's populace. The Princess of the Night shuddered again, staring with a wild grin towards the piece of bread sitting on a plate. It was her food for the day. ... ... "Heheh..." Luna chuckled, "Ah'm Pwinceth BAGUETTE." She charged her horn with an insane smile plastered on her face. "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "HOLY CRAP, FOR SANITY'S SAKE, SWEETIE BELLE." Twilight shouted through the phone, "I ALREADY DID THAT THREE TIMES FOR YOU." Universe.exe has stopped responding. Author's Note The author really hasn't put much thought into this story anymore?'Cause when you're focusing on essays at school and the most recent things you've read are 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell, it's kinda hard to write something comedic that isn't chock-filled with dark undertones. ... ... Uh... PINKIE PIE TAKEOVER! What. ... ... Wow. I can't even do that anymore. I really need to read some lighter stories sometime. Author's Note Or maybe I should put this story back into hiatus for the time being? Either way, What If...? is open for ideas, as usual. Rainbow Dash was an old mare?Author's Note This is what happens when you write at 1:00 AM one too many times. Rainbow Dash was an old mare? An earsplitting crack echoed through the room as Rainbow Dash hobbled in. "Ah, shucks." Applejack began, walking towards the old mare. "'Dash, for the last time, ya shouldn't be walkin' 'round so much. It ain't good for them rickety bones o' yours." "Shut it, ya lil' whippersnapper!" Rainbow Dash lashed out, another crack emanating from her joints as she winced. "I'M TELLIN' YOU, IT'S THAT DARN ARTHRITIS AGAIN. YA GOTTA USE THE SHRINKYDINKS TO CURE MY ARTHRITIS!" Twilight rolled her eyes. "For the last time, Rainbow." She groaned, "What the heck are shrinkydinks? What are they even good for?" "YOU TALKING ABOUT MY SHRINKYDINKS, EH?!" Rainbow screeched, her cane boring a hole into the floor, "LEMME TELL YA, THEM SHRINKYDINKS MAKE MY ACHY JOINTS SHRINK UNTIL IT'S JUST A LITTLE DINK. YA GOT IT?! SOMEPONY GRAB THE THING FOR ME BEFORE I BREAK MY BACK YELLIN' AT YOU YOUNGUN'S." "Ah." Rarity mused, leaving her seat for the medicine cabinet. "She wants her medication." Suddenly, Pinkie burst from underneath the floorboards. "I have osteo-porosis!" "What." "What?" "...Nevermind, Pinkie." "Just kidding!" Spike was Trixie's assistant?Author's Note Thank whiteoak019 for this. Spike was Trixie's assistant? "Oh, geez." "C'mon, Spike." Trixie groaned, rubber-bladed chainsaw in hoof. "Just one more act for today, and then we'll head back to the wagon for the night." Spike grumbled something under his breath as he climbed into the box. The curtains lifted moments after, Trixie galloping onto the stage in her usual cape and hat. "AND NOW," The unicorn beamed towards her ~~mostly asleep audience of three~~ adoring fans, "WATCH AS TRIXIE NOT ONLY CUTS HER ASSISTANT IN HALF, BUT ALSO SETS THE BOX ON FIRE, LAUNCHES IT AT THE LIBRARY IN A BUNDLE OF FIREWORKS FROM A TREBUCHET, AND TELEPORT HER TRUSTY ASSISTANT BACK IN ONE PIECE!" A single snore rose from the crowd as a screaming dragon in a flaming box was sent hurtling via trebuchet towards Golden Oaks library. Ember told Spike they were married?Author's Note Credit to dj-pon3fan for the idea. ^_^ Ember told Spike they were married? "Hey." "Hey Spike." "What." Spike deadpanned, looking up from his new wings. "Oh, hi, Ember." Ember smirked devilishly. "You're coming with me, husbando." "What." Ember shrugged. "You originally were to be the Dragon Lord, but since you weren't exactly... uh, what would you call it..." "...Mature?" Spike answered, "Grown-up? Wing-enabled?" "Eh. Whatever." Ember dismissed, "Anyways, get your butt off the ground. You're married to me now." "What." Spike repeated. "Blah blah blah, ancient dragon culture crap that my father lectured me on. Just roll with it already." It was at this moment that Spike ultimately decided that getting wings was a big downfall in his life. ... ... And the author proceeded to facepalm at the absurdity of this chapter. the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum?Author's Note wut. Oh hey, it's an Accurate Balance! the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum? The two parallel timelines of Equestria's multiverse; the Equestria Girls universe, known from here on as "EqG" and that of the "Original Equestria", hereby deemed as "E", have collided. There is no EqG. There is no E. There is only pony. Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom?Author's Note Credits to whiteoak019 for the idea. ^_^ We're back to another serious one! Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom? "Mom?" Scootaloo's voice echoed through the nighttime halls of her house. "Moooom? Are you home?" The light flickered on as the filly flipped the switch, a faint buzz emanating from the light fixtures. Scootaloo yawned as she wandered into the kitchen, her eyes catching a note taped to the fridge. Scoots, I'll be out again for the next few days on a recovery mission by Celestia's orders. If you're hungry, I've made sure to stock the fridge with your favorites. Don't forget to turn the stove off after you finish cooking! I've already seen my fair share of scorched ceilings. Love, Mom. Scootaloo frowned, tearing the note from the fridge door and sticking it in the doorway. The glaring lights of the fridge blazed from the machine as she opened the door, her stomach grumbling. Finally, her eyes landed on a foil-wrapped lump with "spaghetti" scrawled across in marker. Sighing, the filly pulled the pack from the fridge, wandering to the pantry immediately after in search of a can of sauce, the wrapped, pre-cooked spaghetti lump still dangling in her muzzle. Click-click-click-click-click-click-Fwoosh. The stovetop alit with flame, a small pot sitting on top of the range as Scootaloo unwrapped the spaghetti. A putrid smell hit her nostrils as she tore away the foil. Scowling, the filly turned the stove off and dropped the moldy mess in the trash. She made her way back to the refrigerator. Once again, Scootaloo blinked in the blinding light of the fridge's interior, bending down to get a better view of the lower shelves. With a groan, she slammed the door shut, and instead set off once again for the pantry. Crunch. Scootaloo's eyes scanned over the words of her mother, A.K. Yearling, or as she was better known, Daring Do. Crunch. The filly unwrapped another granola bar, paying little mind to the pile of silvery wrappers as she took a bite. Crunch. Her attention turned back to the note that now hung from the doorway. Love, mom. Mom. Her mind echoed, Why are you always so busy? PRAISE CELESTIA?!?! Praise Celestia! The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded)Author's Note While this is, in fact, an actual MLP-related minific, it doesn't particularly mean that I'll be returning to fanfic writing as a whole anytime soon. All I can say is that August is gonna be a hectic month... Anyways, have a proof-of-concept for my next fic. Yes, I am reusing OCs from "Remnants of Glory". They seem rather fitting, considering how the two are survivors living in what's essentially a wasteland in both stories. The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded) "Jewel?" I gagged, putting a rag back up to my face as I trudged through the rubble-filled streets of Canterlot. "Jewel?" Far above, the smoking caldera of Canterlot Mountain loomed over the city. I wiped my hoof across my forehead-- more ash. "Over here!" Lunar Jewel's voice echoed through the empty streets. I spun around, staring into the wreck that had been a bustling city just a day before. A pebble smacked me in the side. "C'mon, Rusty," Jewel smirked, lighting her horn. I wheezed for a moment as she dropped a bag of her plunders on my back. "You wanna wait around for the ash to settle in your eyes, or are we gonna leave this place?" "Yeah, let's go." I sighed, peering one last time into the ghostly streets. The distant tingling of a doorbell haunted the air as another small quake rippled through the ground. One day. All it took was one day for everything to vanish. Another pebble hit me as I shook myself from my daze. Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall?Author's Note Congrats, Boltstrike58. You made me do a thing. Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall? "What... what is this, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, tapping at the near-invisible fourth wall barrier. "The fourth wall, of course!" Pinkie squealed in return. "Try talking to it!" Twilight raised a brow, then turned back to the fourth wall. "Um... hello?" Silence. She looked at Pinkie. Then to the wall again. "Pinkie, this isn't wor--" Twilight didn't have time to scream as she and Pinkie plunged into the inter-universal fabric of the multiverse. Heccbochs?*Clunk.* "HOLY MOTHER O' CELESTIA'S NOSTRILS." Applejack exclaimed, "IS THAT THE BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO?!" "WHY YES IT IS, ELDER APPUL SIBLING." Apple Bloom boomed in return, "I HAVE ACQUIRED A BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO FOR THE PURPOSE OF PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT." A jingle began to play outside the window as the two Apple sisters tore into the paper-thin walls of the Heccbochs Too box. ♫THE ULTIMATE MEEEME MACHIIIIIINE...♫ 🎝GRANTING YOUR WISHES AND ALL YOUR DREAAAAAAMS...🎝 HECCBOCHS TOO, BY MEGAHARD. all of the What Ifs happened at once?Author's Note I'm lookin' at you, DragonGeek. all of the What Ifs happened at once? TL,DR: everything and nothing. Not-so-short-and-you-gotta-read-it-all: EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Eight years old and one thousand chapters long. Holy crap. BROKE THE 1000 CHAPTER LIMIT WITH A 1001ST CHAPTER!!! Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 147k words · 453 58 · 8.4k views Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria?Author's Note A serious chapter? You're gonna need to elaborate, Derpylikesmuffins1. In the meantime, have another insane chapter! EDIT: Also, Sweetie-Giraffe-Bot, anyone? Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria? "I'm tired of all these ponies making fun of my height." Sweetie-giraffe wailed, staring off into the distant Ponyville horizon. "Just for one day, I wish for all of Equestria to see me as any other filly..." *magical fairy noises* "Why, hello there! I'm your magical fairy of magical magic-ness and all things magic!" Sweetie Belle perked up, wincing as she hit her head on a high-hanging tree branch. "Ow..." she groaned, rubbing her head. "...Oh boy, are you going to grant my wish now?" "No, but you're gonna grant mine!" The fairy cackled, buzzing about in front of Sweetie's eyes. "...What." "WORLD DOMINATION!" The fairy cackled again, dramatic (but tiny) lightning bolts striking all around it. "wat." The fairy made no haste in summoning its toolbox, and zipping over to the back of Sweetie Belle's giraffe neck. Sweetie Belle winced as a clang vibrated down her spine. "What are you even doing?" "Using your long neck as a transmitter to brainwash all of Equestria." "Oh." Equestria proceeded to get brainwashed. Sweetie Belle was perfectly fine with this considering how she was a giraffe, and the fairy was targeting ponies specifically. Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall?Author's Note Have more comics, Zapper frost. Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall? She has taken over interplanetary space. ...Aaaaand there goes the fourth wall. the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe?Author's Note Oh, you know what time it is, Imaginer 31415. the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe? WORLD WAR GIRAFFE. Coming not-so-soon to an insane asylum near you! the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity?Author's Note Hey, any of you remember this blog? Guess what? I never really ended up publishing "The Singularity". Honestly, looking back on it, it's probably a good thing I decided not to even start it. Also, this chapter is not what it seems to be. the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity? All across the collective universes of 'Techie's stories, the song of his people came through, loud and clear. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria?Author's Note Butter Knife will be seeing you now, Zapper frost. crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria? "Move aside, Celly," Butter Knife grumbled, shoving Princess Celestia from her throne, "It's time for a new ruler to take the reins of the country." "But I--" "BANISHMENT!" Slicey-Knifey hollered, calling her red-and-black alicorn army forth to take away Celestia. Slick Slice ruled with an iron hoof, because she lost the hoof in the great war for ultimate power over the abridged universes of whatever when she dove over her younger sibling to save them from the imperial army of darkness and evil. Boy, was that a mouthful. Anyways, she failed, obviously, because she's got an iron hoof now. And dead parents. And nobody ever loved her. And because her power levels were too OP for anypony else to comprehend. ANYWAYS, Milk-derived-breakfast-spread Metal-separation-and-spreading-tool frowned as she sat upon her red and black throne, her red and black horn and wings displayed proudly in a show of her OP-ness. Also, she couldn't smile because she was always frowning. And stuff. And ~~Equestria~~ Airtseuqe lived drearily never before. Because backwards words sometimes make things look edgy, and Butter Knife likes edgy even though she's not even sharp. Because butter knife. Chapter name narrative? Wake up. Take a look around. The world is calling. There’s so much to see, So much to hear. There’s new people to meet, And old friends to greet. You’ll never know what’s in store, If you never open the door. You have the power. It’s your choice. Forge your own path, Be your own guide. The road is never smooth, You are not alone. More than what meets the eye, There is always the unknown. The truth may be hard, Reassemble the puzzle. Give it some thought. The past never dies. A brief glimpse is all it takes, Now, there’s a choice to make. Go home… …Or go on. There’s a greater world out there, Explore. Expand your horizons. Relive your past. Come back, Find yourself. Split lives, Unforgotten. Rewrite the script, Hold on… Author's Note So, y'all remember this chapter from just over a year ago? Well, if you didn't know, that chapter kinda... grew. And this is what happens if you read the chapter names in order, skipping all bonus and guest chapters, as well as the 2018 April Fool's chapter. As for the story itself? It's far from complete. Unnamed story idea #1?Author's Note idk. This has been floating around for quite some time, so I figured I should maybe write it down somewhere before I forget. Tell me if you wanna see this thing be written. Unnamed story idea #1? Unnamed story idea #1 Main character is introduced in first-person story. Story centers around main character having the curse (not really a curse curse) of being torn from reality for anytime between just a few seconds, to minutes or even hours before returning to real-life. They don’t know how to explain it, or why it happens, but whenever it does happen, to them it’s as if they just woke up in an endless expanse of nothing, controlled entirely by their own whim. Piece by piece, after realizing the potential of this “curse” that they have, they begin to construct their own sort of pocket-reality, where they have created their own ideal world. As time goes on, the time they spend in the pocket-reality gets longer and longer, with the expansion suddenly halting at exactly twelve hours split between the two realities. They continue to live this way for a few more weeks, gradually becoming accustomed to the strange splitting of their time. They begin to grow into their new double-life, until one day, without any warning, the cycle resets, leaving them with only mere seconds in their pocket-reality that they’d spent so much time and effort constructing. This continues for a few more days, growing the time once again from seconds into minutes, before a mysterious figure warns them that eventually, they have to choose which reality they prefer – permanently. The total time that the story spans is only a couple of months at the most. characters googled themselves?Author's Note Bring it on, Duckgame4life! characters googled themselves? Fluttershy shuddered beneath her pile of blankets and animal guards. "What's wrong with her?" "She googled herself and found... images." "Oh." HIATUS BREAKUS?!Author's Note Haha I did this just to make y'all think I'm gonna get back into my usual update lineup. Netflix has eaten my productivity for dinner. HIATUS BREAKUS?! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" "AAAAAAAAAA-AAAA? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "A." "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "AAAAAAAA!" "--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "AAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "AE?" "EA." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria?Author's Note Congrats, you made me crawl out of my Netflix binge pit to write this, Zapper frost. I dare you to read this entire story in Morgan Freeman's voice. Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria? "Hey, Spike I--" Rainbow Dash froze, both hooves covering her mouth. She removed them, trying to speak again. "Spike, tell Twi--" Except, it wasn't her voice. Rather, it was that of an otherworldly, godly being. Gone was the constant rasp of Rainbow, and in its place was now the smoothest voice to ever be heard in Equestria. Spike glanced up from his comic book. "Yeah?" He replied with the same voice, "...Woah. I sound hot." A celestial being radiating good narration emerged from behind a corner. He shot a single glance of approval at the world that he granted access to his voice to, and vanished into a cloud of also still smooth epic narration. "Anyways," Rainbow Dash continued in Morgan Freeman's voice, "I was gonna ask you to tell Twilight to watch out for the tornado coming straight for her library castle thing." Three hours later, Twilight returned from Canterlot and screamed, for a tornado had obliterated her alphanumerically-genre organized shelves, meaning that she'd now have to sort out the fanfiction from the actual books. Again. A shudder ran down her spine as she reached for the first fanfic. the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria?Author's Note Kudos to johnsparkly251 for the idea. the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria? "--and so," Cadance finished, "this is why I, with the backing of the Crystal Empire, desire to exit our status as a dependent nation of Equestria. The aid we received to update our infrastructure has been far more than enough to suffice, and ideally, the ability to function independently as a sovereign nation would greatly improve the status of the Crystal Empire upon the international stage." Celestia blinked. "Also, if we don't have to follow Equestria's current laws on shipping ponies, then I can play matchmaker any time I want." Celestia blinked again and pressed a rubber checkmark stamp on her niece's face. Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville?Author's Note (Insert witty line here), Indigo Dragon! Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville? "You! Plebian!" Diamond Tiara demanded, pointing a hoof at Trixie, "Fetch me some sparkling water, and polish my tiara." Trixie rolled her eyes with a groan, trudging off to fulfill the filly's orders. Smirking, Diamond touched the Alicorn Amulet hidden under her new regalia. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a certain pink party pony. "Peasant in the pink!" the filly shouted, "I desire cupcakes, hold the sprinkles." "No." "Wha--" Pinkie emerged from behind a tree. And from the underside of Diamond Tiara's throne. And out of the ground. And down from the clouds. And from around the block. Each one of them looked identical; blank, grinning faces stared back at the filly as they slowly approached from all sides, their manes and tails all limp. "Wh... what's going on?" Diamond Tiara whimpered, her eyes widening as she caught herself. "I-I mean back, you-- you..." The real Pinkie Pie emerged from Diamond Tiara's tiara, the alicorn amulet hanging from a tuft of her mane as the Pinkie clones all bowed down to her. A single word escaped from the now very confused filly. "What." Randomness happened 9?"But Twiiiiliiiight," Sunset Shimmer mumbled in her sleep, "Horses don't need clothes!" "Budder budder budder budder budder batter budder." "What." "Exactly." "Hello, and welcome back to Can You Even Look At It! Let's welcome our first contestant, Shining Armor!" "Hello there!" "Now, Shining Armor, can you even look at this... this affront to harmony?" "...Oh, I thought you were about to say Cadance?" Random super-meta self-aware story blurb thing time! Story: I Think I Summoned a Ponk. "Huh," I hummed, staring down at my hands, "I'm... we're... wait... Pinkie, is our story still alive?" "Eh, kinda!" Pinkie chirped, peeking out of my backpack, "I mean, the author still hasn't taken our reboot out of hiatus, and we're currently being written into an experimental new minific format carrying on with the randomness happened trope of his What If story!" "So I'm confused now," I continued, scratching my head, "Our story is a complete and utter mess of sequels and vaguely-connected plot continuities into other stories. Which one is the real sequel?" "I have no idea, and that's why it's fun to get rebooted inside a minific!" "Huh?" "Yuppers!" Celestia heaved, lobbing another boulder over the roof of Canterlot Castle. "Why?" one may ask, "Why does she commit such an inane act when she must rule her country?" Simply, she wanted to GET RIPPED. "Beep boop... Blep?" "NO!" Twilight shouted, smacking the robot with a newspaper, "ROBOTS DO NOT BLEP! THEY ONLY BEEP BOOP!" "Blep blep... Beep?" "NO!" Pinkie hollered, smacking her friend with a newspaper, "PONIES DO NOT SWEAR! THEY ONLY DO BLEPS!" Twilight hit a data limit?Author's Note Now you've got me started, AnObliviousAuthor! This is how you horsewords, right? Right??? Twilight hit a data limit? "..." Twilight said, opening her mouth. "Aw, heck," Spike grumbled, "Did we forget to pay Comcast the monthly ransom for your data again? I swear I remember shelling out another pile of bits to them earlier this week." "..." "Yeah, okay. I'm gonna see if that Elon Musk guy is done with his internet satellites yet. He's got a pretty funky name for a pony, though." "..." Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side?Author's Note Guys, guys, it's DGJabberwocky's turn on the crazytrain, okay? Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side? "No, the peanut butter goes on the outside of the bread in a PB&J!" "But I must disagree, Princess," Starswirl shook his head, "The peanut butter and the jelly both go in between the bread slices!" The two ponies looked to Twilight. "Honestly, I'd have to go with Starswirl on this one," Twilight grumbled, "How can you eat an inside-out PB&J without making a complete mess?" She didn't have time to continue, for she was well on her way to the moon now. Things Techie writes on his phone 1?Author's Note Not gonna be doing any editing on these. Phone keyboard and autocorrect will be the master of words here. Things Techie writes on his phone 1? Rarity stood at the door offs the mountain. It was a funny looking mountain because it looked like a mountain that looked like celestia sitting on a big olli chaise in the middle of the sky. Hbk... no, she was sitting on a big olli chair. It appears that ol' is not a word recognized by autocorrect. Either easy, the mountain looked fount. "RARITY," the mountain boomed, "WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY DOMAIN?" Rarity shrugged. What was she doing in this mountain's domain? She had mop idea. The mountainnlifted a good, because it apparently has that now. In fact, heck, the mountain is now a pony cosplaying as Celeatia. Celestia, I mean. Ahem. "Oh, I remember what I was to do in your fomain," Rarity gasped, "I was going to mine you for gems!" "Wait no stop--" the mountain pony sputtered before rarity swung a pickaxes at their plot. Because this is rated e story and rarity apparently swung more than one pickaxes because autocorrect hates single pickaxes, Rarity instead tripped and fell, yeeting the pickaxes across the valley and into the conveniently placed pit of doom. "MY PIT PF DOOM!" Celestia sobbed, "I was going to banish my enemies into it, but now it is a step mine that had generated more gems than the equestrian economy can believably handle!" And so the Equeatrian economy collapsed because the pickaxes mined up all of the gems in the pit of doom that was actually secretly a horde of gems. The Hole?Author's Note Why is it that whenever this happens, it's always you, Zapper frost? Would y'all like to take a look at my new comment-driven story, Let's Write a Story? The Hole? "Twilight, where's Spike?" "In the hole." "What do-OH MY CELESTIA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!" "'Dunno. Wanna read some Power Ponies comics with me?" "Aren't those Spike's?" "Good point. Into the hole they go." "But wait, where's Starlight as well?" "She's... uh..." "Don't tell me she's in the ho--" "Oh, she's watching over the school..." "Alright, that's goo--" "...in the hole." "What." "What?" Story pitch: A Dream EndedAuthor's Note Aw, heck. I said I didn't want to pay much mind to this idea, but here I am, spewing horsewords yet again. I still don't think I'll be doing much with this idea, but given my track record for the chapter that spawned Pony-Me, who knows? Maybe I'll be writing a blog jabbing fun at this author's note some two years later or something. The main issues that I've got with this pitch are the following: There's a good chance the story would fade and die off given the 6 active stories I already have. It's a major shift away from the main theme and tone of Pony-Me. It just feels... cheap. Though I've been toying with potential ideas for sequels to Pony-Me for the past few months, jumping on the bandwagon and making the sequel about the end of Gen 4 feels like a cheap shot to me. It wouldn't be like the stories filling the site with emotion. It'd just be... empty. A cash-grab for attention, in a way. Though I decidedly yeet them out the window when it comes to comedy, I do still have personal standards for my own stories, and a cheapskate sequel is definitely not gonna be up to snuff. Holy hecc brain stop distracting yourself when you're working on original fiction. Story pitch: A Dream Ended So it turns out that the Equestria everypony had known wasn't quite real. Yes, the lives they lived, the friends they made-- those were real, at the very least... but many times, the end only brings about a new beginning. Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle. It only takes one moment, one decision. After all, nothing can last forever. Nobody knows this better than Lisa Garnet. The past made way for the present, which makes way for the future. The things we love come and go, entering and fading from our lives on a constant basis. Decades down the road, the time has finally come to retire Pony-Me. The process to shut down the network was meant to be quick and painless to those unfortunate enough to live only as AI. Lisa and Twilight, once upon a time, had agreed to this, each knowing that eventually, as all things do, Equestria must end. But maybe... just maybe, there's still life yet to the old machines. Story pitch: The Quest to Send Celestia Hurtling Into the Sun?"I'm retired!" Celestia cheered. Nopony at the retirement home seemed to care, nor pay any mind. Probably because they didn't hear her in the first place. "Luna, quick!" she turned to her sister, who was in the middle of inhaling a banana. "What was it like on the moon?" Luna made a face. "I would rather not speak of it, sister," she grumbled, levitating another banana out of the fruit basket. "What if," Celestia grinned, "to make up for sending you to the moon, we sent me hurtling into the sun? I've always wanted to work on a tan, y'know." "Sister, your coat is pale as snow. How could you possibly tan yourself on the sun?" Celestia shrugged. "Are you sure a rocket-powered trebuchet will launch me nearly far enough, Luna? Can't you simply use your magic?" Luna shook her head, hiding a manic grin. "I do not wish to see you become lost in the depths of space, sister, and so I will test progressively more intricate mechanisms to target your landing upon your sun." Celestia's eyes widened at a trail of sparks leading into the platform she was sitting on. "WAIT LUNA WHY IS THERE A STICK OF DYNAMITE IN HEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee--" Luna couldn't hear the rest of what Celestia was screaming, because she was currently flying over Yakyakistan now. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk, stuff happened?Trollestia, Gamer Luna and the Fried Chicken Dealer all sat at a table. Why were they sitting at a table? Nobody knows. Maybe they were about to drink some tea? The Fried Chicken Dealer dipped a chicken wing in his tea, confirming the previous sentence as he proceeded to inhale the c r o n c h y chicken wing. No, not Scootaloo. Stop thinking about that. "I say that we should go thermonuclear," Gamer Luna commented, stirring Mountain Dew into her tea. "Wait, what were we talking about again?" "Taxes, sister," Trollestia sighed, casually dropping an entire salt shaker's worth of salt into her sister's tea. And then everyone fell asleep. Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead?Author's Note Here's one for you, 5UP3RN0V4! Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead? Cozy Glow could hear voices closing in around her. "There's a little girl here. Where'd she come from?" "She looks scared." "I know she looks scared, but how did she get here? Do you think she ran away from home?" Cozy Glow kept her eyes shut, backing up against the hard surface of the now-closed portal. Serves her right for trying to take of Equestria... again. All she could remember was that she was captured in some way or another. Was it Starlight that ultimately caught her? Or was it Twilight? She couldn't remember. "Here, c'mon," she felt something touch her shoulder. "Let's get you to someplace warmer. You'll freeze out here in this weather." A wide grin began to spread across her concealed face. Story pitch: The Pony of Many TalentsAuthor's Note idk. This was a shower thought. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Story pitch: The Pony of Many Talents A strange mare (or stallion?) arrives in Ponyville, with even stranger tales of who they are and where they come from. They claim to be a humble officeworker, but refuse to tell of where they work. Even more puzzling, they appear to take on entirely different personas every so often, never once returning to any of their previous ones. With each "shift" brings an entirely different set of memories, identity, and more. They do not recall anything they have done in the past and identify by strange, non-equine names with every persona they take on. Probably a hybrid slice-of-life/adventure story like what I'd normally write if I ever do write this. Spike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source?Author's Note Say hi to twidash1993, Demented_Brony, Zapper frost, and last but not least, The Spy of the Tiger! Spike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source? Explosions. Explosions happen. ... ... Spike projectile-vomited another present from his mouth. Merry Christmas Eve! hooves were replaced with feet?Author's Note Welcome, A Preditorial Horse! ... ...y u do dis to meh hooves were replaced with feet? "SPIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Spike tumbled down the stairs because hardly anypony ever seems to care about him anyway. "Spike!" Twilight repeated, trotting up to her trusted assistant, "Why hooves become feet?!" The dragon made a face. Not just because of Twilight's suddenly terrible grammar, but also because those feet were stanky. ... ... ... Spike shrugged and walked away. This wasn't in his contract. The author also wanted to end this chapter because he has absolutely no idea anymore. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Celestia stared at Luna. Luna stared at Celestia. Celestia stared at Luna's... er... feet. "WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOSE?!" "White vans." we had an idea how we got here? :trollestia:Author's Note Yes, Level Dasher, we're keeping the trollestia. we had an idea how we got here? :trollestia: "How did we get here?" the Minecraft achievement sound blared overhead. Yes, I am aware that it doesn't actually say the name of the achievement. No, I will not change this paragraph for accuracy's sake. "Oh, I absolutely know how we got here!" Celestia yelled at nopony in particular. "BUTLER, I WOULD LIKE SOME MORE OF DAT C AND S!" As for Raven, she glanced worryingly at the Sun Princess, who was currently coated from horn to hoof in who-knows-what. Little sparkle and swirls shot off from her body in every direction, and she was also glowing and floating a little bit. Sighing, Raven walked out the door. She wasn't paid enough for this. the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders?Author's Note Tell me, The Spy of the Tiger and ScopingLandscape, do you even? the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders? "BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BNOES!" the skskskeletons chanted, streaming out of the closet. They weren't too hasty about their invasion of the living world, however, because honestly, they felt a little... naked without skin or organs. "Oh no! Spike, did you leave your closet door open last night?" Twilight yelled, running up the stairs. "Spike? Spike?" "CALCIUM." Spike's knee yelled yet again. A skeleton loomed over him, staring at his knees with its empty eye sockets. The dragon rolled his eyes, raising his knees up to the skeleton. "Here, just take them already. They're annoying me." "SPIKE!" Twilight banged on the door. "Spike, are you alright in there?" She slammed the door open, her horn still glowing slightly from brute-forcing her way through the lock. Her eyes landed on Spike's missing knees, which were now being juggled by a closet skeleton. Said closet skeleton noticed Twilight staring at it, and ran back into the closet. For whatever reason, it is now possible for skeletons to blush. "OH MY CELESTIA THERE ARE SKELETONS INVADING!" Twilight's knees started screaming. "TWILIGHT, WE NEED TO PURGE THEM!" "Ah, I see," Twilight nodded solemnly toward Spike. Following after him, she offered her knees to the horde of closet skeletons, appeasing their strange addiction to knees. "All of Equestria must sacrifice their knees if they wish to live." The next day, all of the ponies' yelling and shouting knees were harvested and given as a welcome gift to Equestria's new spooky scary skeleton overlords. "And that's how I met your mother!" "...What?" "What?" "Exactly," a skeleton pony closed the book, patting its skeletal foal on the head. "Now, sweet dreams! Have you dusted your kneecaps yet?" "Yes, mamma!" "Alright then. Goodnight!" "G'night!" Luna sunk the Titanic?Author's Note I'm too sleepy for this, Zubric. Luna sunk the Titanic? "ICEO;UIAHYW;OEUIHBO;AUIYP@*&!" Luna screeched, yeeting her horn into the Atlantic ocean. And then an iceberg appeared out of nowhere and stuff happened so then the Titanic hit the iceberg and Jack died. randomness #whatever?"I scream!" "You scream!" "We all scream for--" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Discord howled out of the ground because he was currently grounded and the unforgiving ground was grounding him from being grounded so he was actually not grounded but still grounded because he was in the ground being grounded from being grounded and so-- "ICE CREAM. OKAY, OKAY, WE GET IT." Discord chuckled to himself as Twilight rolled her eyes. ... ... ...down the bowling lane and hit a strike. "DIIIIISSSSSSCOOOOOOOOORD!" "I'm howling at the moon!" Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store?Author's Note WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE, The Spy of the Tiger?! Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store? "Hey Twilight, I need your help over here." Twilight looked over the shelves. "Can't, Spike. I'm buying clothes." "Well, hurry up. Why do you need to buy clothes, anyway?" "Second coronation. Took over Luna's spot too, apparently. Anyway, I can't find them." "What do you mean you can't find them? I'm one room away from you, inches away from kissing Rarity, and you can't find any clothes?" "I can't find them, Spike. There's only soup." "Whaddya mean there's only soup?" "I mean, there's only soup." Spike facepalmed, turning away from Rarity and cupping his claws around his mouth. "THEN GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!" "Yeah, yeah, fine... yeah, there's only more soup." "Go to the next aisle then! Or the next row! Heck, how many clothes racks are there even around you?" "...There's still soup." "Where are you right now, Twilight? I can hear your voice clear as day, and you're sure as heck still in Carosel Boutique last I checked!" "I'm at Soup!" "WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP?! ALL I SEE AROUND ME ARE CLOTHES!" "I mean, I'm at soup!" a can levitated into the room, dropping onto the floor. "See?" "What store are you even in?!" "I'm at the soup store!" "WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT A SOUP STORE?!" "BU--" Twilight didn't finish her line before being pummeled to death by Pinkie Pie for the reason of being not child-friendly." "Darling," Rarity slowly began. Spike turned back to face her, ignoring the muffled shrieks of Twilight from the other room. "Do you realize that half of Carousel Boutique is a soup store?" "Well, fu--" Spike proceeded to be pummeled too. The universe is out to get him. Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance?Author's Note Y'all'd've done the same, Zapper frost, The Spy of the Tiger, and amf studios! Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance? "HANDS!" Lyra screeched into Bon Bon's ear, "I HAVE HANDS! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUUUUUEEEEE!" Bon Bon rolled her eyes, playfully swatting away Lyra with her own hand. "We all have hands, Lyra. Something to do with reality malfunctioning." "EEEEEEEEEEE--" "Bon Bon, do you hear something?" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "Wha--" Pinkie Pie smacked both mares upside the head with her h a n d s as she continued her chocolate-fueled rampage... quite literally chocolate-fueled, too, given how for whatever reason she convinced Twilight to figure out a way to replace the majority of her blood with chocolate syrup. But hold up, what's going on over there in the background? Why, it's Sweetie Giraffe in all her glorious tallness, incinerating all those who stand in her way with those beautiful laser eyes of hers! And-- wait a moment, she's turning-- ah, she has discovered the Great and Powerful Rainbow Trix, the deity of breakfast cereal specifically denied to rabbits! Are we gonna have a battle? You bet your butt we will! Sweetie Giraffe beamed a laser at Rainbow Trix, who simply yawned as she put up a shield to deflect the attack. Growling in frustration at not being able to instantly incinerate something that was shorter than her, Sweetie's cutie mark turned into an angry face and the word "no", and she began to fire more lasers. Of course, Rainbow Trixie dodged and blocked them all. And then-- wait, Rainbow Trixie, behind you! Oh geez oh no she's wearing Airpods! She's too rich to hear us! Oh noooooo-- Sweetie Giraffe snaked her head around to the back of the grooving Rainbow Trixie and readied more eyeball-lasers. And then Pinkie Pie showed up and slapped both of them with her H A N D S . there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf?Author's Note You're tearing this family apart, The Spy of the Tiger! there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf? Twilight licked her lips, her eyes set on the final roll of toilet paper. With how insane the hoarding problem had become over the past few days, this would be her one and only chance to save herself from the terrors of ATBE, better known by its full name, the "After Taco Bell Effect". "No! Mine!" Rarity screeched like the harpy she was and snatched the last roll of toilet paper. "Sweetie Belle got some Taco Bell takeout last night and the quesadillas have come back to haunt her!" "Oh!" Twilight felt a shudder run down her spine. "Not the quesadillas! Is she okay?" "Most certainly not, why do you think I'm purchasing bath tissue for her?" ponies questioned round doorknobs?Author's Note How square does your doorknob have to be to ask this, The Spy of the Tiger? ponies questioned round doorknobs? Twilight narrowed her eyes at the doorknob. Something about it felt off. Was it the roundness? It was definitely the roundness. She'd never seen such an absurdly round doorknob before! Sure, she'd seen ones that were ovals, and even some that were a little more circular than most, but one that was round enough to be reflective? "Hey Rarity, come over here," she called, "When did you install this new doorknob?" "New doorknob?" Rarity cantered over, joining Twilight in inspecting the doorknob. "I don't believe I ever installed a new one in the first place! Are you delusional, darling?" Twilight shook her head. "No no no, I'm not delusional, Rarity, I'm just..." she pointed a hoof at the doorknob. "Are you aware that your doorknob's surface is so perfectly round that it has become a mirror into a parallel universe?" "Like that mirror portal you disappear into on occasion?" Twilight nodded, lighting her horn and pulling a ~~gun~~ ~~stop sign~~ ~~battle axe~~ ~~sentient robot~~ ~~Twilight Sparkle~~ ~~kitchen sink~~ ~~flashlight branded as flashlight~~ ~~poor child's MLP figurines~~ ~~fedora~~ ~~slightly smaller, even more reflective doorknob~~ ~~three musketeers candy bar~~ ~~musketeer~~ ~~'nother musketeer~~ ~~final musketeer~~ ~~life-sized Shrek plush doll complete with ogre noises~~ ~~screaming trees~~ tiny dress from the doorknob. By Celestia's flaming mane, that's a lot of parallel universes where she pulled other things from the doorknob! "But that's not the weird part." Rarity cocked her head. "It isn't?" "IT'S SO ROOOOOOUUUUUNNNNND!" all the pegasi turned into flightless birds?Author's Note I don't have anything better to do, so now I'm writing horsewords, AnObliviousAuthor! Now fill in that blank in the chapter! all the pegasi turned into flightless birds? Rainbow Dash, the world's fastest ~~pegasus~~ penguin zoomed down the iceberg in the middle of Ponyville. Why is there an iceberg in the middle of Ponyville? Idunno, take a look at this story's title, do you think I know? Ahem. "GUYSES AND GIRLSES!" Twonkerite Spranklie shoutedededed, "WHY IS FLUTTERSHY AN OSTRICH?" Penguin Dash crash-landed face-first through the roof of Twilight's castle, landing next to Flutterostrich. She gave a single honk in response. "That-that's brilliant!" Twilight exclaimed, running off to fetch a clipboard. "All of Equestria needs to know about ______!" Sweetie Giraffe met something taller?Author's Note I know you've been reading those teaser blogs, Zapper frost! And hoo boy is it gonna be one heckuva story once it's ready to be published! Stay tuned for more teaser blogs! Sweetie Giraffe met something taller? "NO." Sweetie Giraffe shouted at the cliff that towered above her. "I AM TALLEST!" Her eyes steadily grew redder, before firing off a laser at the cliff. Nothing happened. "IMPOSSIBLE!" She turned around, firing her laser eyes at a nearby puny wimp of a tree. Said tree proceeded to burst into flames because wood is a very flammable material and lasers are very hot. Turning back to the cliff, Sweetie Giraffe fired another volley of eye lasers at the rock, succeeding only in breaking loose a few small rocks. It seemed that her eye lasers (and height) were no match for this... this tall thing. Slowly, the tall filly bowed her head, honoring her new rival. And then she proceeded to climb the cliff and stand on top of it so that she could be above it and feel taller again. Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop?Author's Note It's all thanks to you, Zapper frost! Wait... what's that in the dist-- WADDUP, I'M HERE AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES! *Desk shattering noises* Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop? "Hiya!" "Ack!" Pinkie squeaked, jumping back from her usual nightly dose of pure, 500% sugar-water nighttime energy solution. "Oh, hi, me! What are we gonna do today?" Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn. Alligator Pinkie awoke beside Gummy. Wait, hold up, that ain't right. Pinkie! Alicorn Pinkie tore a hole in the space-time continuum again, poking her head through and lighting her horn. Ailing corn Pinkie coughed. Being a sick ear of corn wasn't fun. "Oopsie!" Alicorn Pinkie teleported in, lighting her horn yet again. Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings. "Why, good morning, Pinki-" And then the universe imploded because time loops. I think. randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy?Author's Note Decided to take a break from working on my upcoming story to goof off a little with some nice, illogical, choppy stream-of-thought writing. randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy? "Um... Uh... Bagels!" "Excuse me, what?" Twilight looked up from the book of What If that she'd been writing all these years. "Also, what are you doing on my ceiling fan, Pinkie?" "I'm watching you!" Twilight raised a brow, slowly turning back to the book and picking up her quill. So long as Pinkie didn't bother her-- The ceiling fan proceeded to fall from the ceiling with Pinkie Pie still sitting on it. It proceeded to crash through the crystalline flooring, down two levels, and into the library. "OH NO MAH BERKS!" Twilight screeched, diving backwards through the hole. Her chair fell in after her. The mare landed with a heavy thud, with the chair crashing down on her indestructible thick skull moments later. She narrowed her eyes, scanning the area with her alicorn death lasers, because apparently she has those now. The sound of distant laughter echoed from upstairs, which made Twilight realize that for whatever reason, Pinkie and the ceiling fan had never even fallen in the first place! It was all in her imagination... except for the multiple floors with alicorn-shaped holes in them that she created when she barreled through them. Also, what day was it again? Monday? Thursday? It'd been so long now since she stepped outside. And so that's exactly what Twilight did. Her castle proceeded to shift itself six feet away from her the moment she touched the bare ground, because social distancing, I guess. Because of this, Twilight was never able to enter her castle again, because every time she walked towards it, it would move away from her again. Let's just pretend she can't teleport for some reason. It's said that Pinkie Pie is still sitting on Twilight's ceiling fan to this day. Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey?Author's Note Combo time! Today, we've got twidash1993 and Black Hoof, stacked on top of each other! Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey? "Twilight!" Cadance tore the door off its hinges and ate it. "Twilight, why the actual buck did you let Spike sell your microwave?!" Twilight shrugged, not even taking a moment to look away from the stacks of banana peels that she'd been counting. Microwave selling was a serious business, which was why she was lucky to have Spike as a business partner in such a venture. "Twilight, answer me!" Cadance shouted through mouthfuls of door pulp, "I saw a monkey walk out of this place not even a minute ago, carrying the biggest, most beautiful microwave I've ever laid eyes on!" A sinister grin spread across Twilight's face. "You aren't my babysitter, are you?" "Wha--" Kween Crispalisp proceeded to be smacked by a giant rolled-up newspaper and doused in a hefty amount of RAID (Shadow Legends). "NO BABYSITTER OF MINE EATS MY DOOR LIKE THAT!" Twilight cackled the entire way through. "THE REAL CADANCE EATS HER DOORS SLOWLY, COOKED MEDIUM-RARE WITH PRENCH HERBS!" EDIT: The real Cadance is still salty about Twilight's microwave business. :V what if, but long?Author's Note We're playin' the metagame, The Spy of the Tiger! what if, but long? When have you last experienced Sweetie Belle? Have you ever experienced a Sweetie Belle in your life? If you have not experienced a Sweetie Belle in the past half an hour, you may be entitled to compensation upwards of negative three cents and half a banana peel. How will this compensation be delivered, you might ask? Why, by our very own, 100% certified and insured Derpy Express! Yes, that very same mare that dropped a bag of bricks on Luna's head will be in charge of delivering your compensation, free of charge! Please don't sue us. Ah, but there is more! Your negative three cents and half a banana peel will arrive with a certificate of authenticity, making you liable for all damages, regardless of intention, that may be caused to this licensed work. In fact, why didn't we just outright state that we are billing you three cents and threatening to sue you for doing something we should be responsible for? Genius! That being said, there's really nothing else to see here. Go walk your dog or something. In fact, go walk our dogs too, while you're at it. We here at Flim-Flam industries pride ourselves on marking up all our prices at your cost, and taking zero responsibility when things go wrong! Fine. You want to experience Sweetie Belle? Go experience Sweetie Belle. It's your loss to not receive half a banana peel and a bill for three cents. Shoo, we don't want your business. Sweetie Giraffe did a commission?Author's Note SWEETIE GIRAFFE HEARS YOUR PLEAS. SWEETIE GIRAFFE WILL GRANT MERCY UPON YOU, SociallyAwkwardDashite! Sweetie Giraffe did a commission? SWEETIE GRIAFFE SATEARED AT WALL. WALL TOO SHORT. NOT TALL LIKE SWEETIE GIRAFFE., SWEETIE GRIAFEE SHOOT LASER AND MADE WALL GO BOOM. PONIES INSIDE BUILDING SCRWEAM AND RUN, BUT THEY TOO SHORT TOO. SWEETIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE PONIES GO BOOM AND FLY. NOW PONIES LOOK TALL ON TREETOPS. BUT TREETOPS TOO SHORT TOO. SWETTIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE TREET GO BOOM. PONIES ON ROOFTOP OF SKYSCRAPER NOW. SKYSCRAPER TALL. SWEETIE GIRAFFE NOT TALL AS SKYSCRAPER. SWEETIE GIRAFFE RESPECT SKYSCRAPER./ WILL GROW TALLER AND MAKE SKYSCRAPER GO BOOM WHEN IT TOO SHORT. SWEETIE GRIAFFE SEE YOU, READER. YOU TOO SHORT. SWEETIGRAFEE MAKE YOU GO BVOOM. Equestria is just Ohio?Author's Note *Readies crossbow* Always has been, The Spy of the Tiger. Equestria is just Ohio? Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing the moondust from here seeing-holes. Getting the uppercut of the millennium from the Elements of Harmony was definitely gonna leave a mark. But, being on the moon now meant that she'd be able to formulate her new plans to take over! All she'd have to do is look back at... "Wait... Equestria is just Ohio?" Celestia landed behind her sister with the Elements of Harmony floating around her because she's so T H I C C that she's got her own gravitational field. "Always has been." Nightmare Moon proceeded to be blasted face-first by the Elements of Harmony. Again. T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria?Author's Note I banish thee, AnObliviousAuthor! T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria? Discord sipped his tea of cup. A disgruntled Celestia floated past in the background. "Ah, yes. Void." And that's how Equestria was swallowed by a black hole. Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Bow before the might of Zapper frost and Possibly me! Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe? "So, lemme get this straight..." Sweetie Belle poked her robotic counterpart in the side. "You're me, but you're a robot?" "Affirmative." "And you--" Sweetie booped her giraffe self with her magic. "Are me, but an angry giraffe that always zaps things that are shorter than you?" "SHORT SWEETIE IS SWEETIE AND METAL SWEETIE ALSO SWEETIE. SWEETIE WILL NOT DESTROY." "Uh... yes. So... you've got a robot version of yourself, too?" "TALL METAL SWEETIE RECEIVES A RESPECT. IS HONORED." "Okay." a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria?Author's Note How many horses are you lord of, Horseus lord of horses? a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria? Dorcsid (not Discord, mind you!) rose from the remains of Holder's Bolder, his long, slender body weaving through the air. He squared up to Sweetie Giraffe, who stood immediately opposite him. "BEHOLD," Dorcsid declared, "I am the taller one! I shall rule Equestria!" "NO. IS SHORTER. AM TALLER THAN YOU," Sweetie boomed in response. "WIMPY SMOL DRAGON NOT TALL ENOUGH." She proceeded to grow even taller. Don't mind the balloon-band stretching noises coming from her neck. That's normal. "I-impossible!" Dorcsid stammered. "NOT IMPOSSIBLE. AM TALLER NOW. WILL DESTROY ALL SHORTER." Sweetie Giraffe then destroyed all of reality because she was the tallest of them all. the Cake family was a lie?Author's Note Whoops, I forgot to post yesterday, Horseus lord of horses! the Cake family was a lie? "W-wait--" Pinkie smeared a hoof across Mr. Cake's mane. "You're all cake?" "Always have been," Mister Cake grumbled, patching himself up with more frosting. "And always will be." Sugarcube Corner proceeded to melt into a cold sludge of cake and frosting. Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet?Author's Note You have brought chaos to these lands, Mica! Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Starlight Glimmer. "NO," she boomed, "UNACCEPTABLE. YOU IS TOO SHORT. WILL DESTRO--" Long Starlight booped Sweetie on the nose. "Short? I'd like to think that you're not long enough." "IMPOSSIBLE." Starlight booped Sweetie again. "Guess what? Not impossible." Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to melt down in an existential crisis, for there was finally a being that could match, or even surpass her height. And she wasn't even all that tall. Just l o n g. Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note You absolute madman, Horseus lord of horses. Madman, I tell ya. Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe? "IMPOSSIBLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, staring at the towering Celestia looming over her. "SHORT ALICORN NOT CAN BE TALL. WHY IS TALL?" Celestia grinned, reaching down and picking up Sweetie. "UNHAND. IS TALL TOO. UNHAND!" Sweetie screeched, stretching out her own neck and looping around to face Celestia as her stubby little legs paddled in the air. "Nope!" Celestia plopped the tall filly on the moon, right next to Princess Luna. "UNACCEPTABLE. WILL DESTROY." Sweetie's eyes glowed red as she fired a laser back at the retracting Celestia. She missed and hit the planet instead, blowing it to smithereens. Because it was too short. Luna bristled in the mighty presence of the Sweetie Giraffe. the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters?Author's Note Ayo, it's Phantune! Waddup? Give some love to Splintershard pls? the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters? Zapper Frost, The Spy of the Tiger, Possibly me, AnObliviousAuthor, Alectra24444, amf studios, and last but not least, Level Dasher walked into a bar. "Oh no!" Zapper Frost exclaimed, "We're stuck in a bad fanfiction! Whatever will we do?" Level Dasher raised a hoof triumphantly. "I know! We will check all the vibes, and the power of the vibes will release us from this prison!" amf studios folded their hooves. "Ha. Fat chance." "Why are we in a bar, anyway?" AnObliviousAuthor frowned. "It's not like the author was planning on making an overused joke before deciding against it, right?" Wrong. Possibly me and Alectra24444 proceeded to crash through the bar, snapping the metal beam in half and helicoptering away while repeatedly smacking the faces of everyone within the city limits. Also, Spike threw up another scroll somewhere and it was a scroll that summoned Sweetie Giraffe, who proceeded to smite everypony in the area, including the area itself. running gag battle royal?Author's Note Why have you done this, amf studios? running gag battle royal? Sweetie Giraffe and Luna with lava horse pants and elephant boots duked it out in the background. Meanwhile, Twilight continued to screech at the top of her lungs about Flim and Flam selling her soul to Celestia in exchange for fifty bits. Twilight's house blew up again because the army of Sweetie Giraffes invaded just like last time and started shooting lasers everywhere and stuff, and Luna, now without the distraction of Sweetie Giraffe, began to play some vidya gaems on her Heccbochs Too. "Sometimes I feel like I'm a punching bag in these stories," Spike the punching groaned as he was punted across Ponyville by a misfired laser. "Oh nooooo, come back, Sweaty Belle!" Rarity cried, running after Sweetie Giraffe. haha randomness go brrr EDIT: I gotta run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run-- Celestia proceeded to smite the stallion as he ran past. Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government?Author's Note You are a madman, The Spy of the Tiger. Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government? Pinkie Pie chewed thoughtfully on her cupcake. "Huh. I just realized that I've committed seventy-three cases of tax evasion, on top of the money laundering I did to cover up the amount of debt I've taken on to fund the research and development of the pocket universe technology in which I store my weapons of mass-destruction, slowly but surely stockpiling more and more until I inevitably become an international nuclear power that could very well destroy the entire world multiple times over with the push of a button, and still escape it all thanks to that very same pocket universe." She swallowed the cupcake. "Neat." Celestia was a broom, Luna was a mop, Cadance was a duster, and Flurry Heart was a McDonalds McFlurry that spilled on the floor?Author's Note Triple tag-team time! (Me included!) Starlight Glimmer1 AnObliviousAuthor Tonkus 🤔 Celestia was a broom, Luna was a mop, Cadance was a duster, and Flurry Heart was a McDonalds McFlurry that spilled on the floor? "LUNAAAAAA!" Twilight shouted "I spilled Flurry heart again! Can you get Celestia and help me clean this up?" Flurry Heart babbled on the floor. She peeked out from under the McFlurry cup. Luna opened the door, trudging in with her dripping-wet mane. Because she's a mop. Twilight lit her horn and picked up Luna, flipping her around and wiping up the mess. "'Kay, where's Cele-oh, there you are!" Twilight grabbed Celestia next and did the same, flipping the alicorn upside-down and brushing up Flurry heart's McFlurry cup into a dustpan. "Has anypony seen Cadance, by the way? I'm cleaning my bookshelves again." "Here," Cadance groaned. Twilight grabbed Cadance by the legs and began slamming her face-first against the bookshelf, knocking down everything from books to dust to the shelf itself and the wall behind it. Celestia wasn't who she said she was?Author's Note Tag-team go! amf studios and Zapper Frost! Full title: Celestia was actually chrysalis, who was actually the CMC in an overcoat, who were actually 34 weasels who were actually Rainbow Trix fighting to remain relevant in the story, who was actually sweetie giraffe denying her relevance... Who was actually the Queen of England? elephant boots! Celestia wasn't who she said she was? "You absolute fool, Twilight..." Celestia hissed as she stepped off the throne. "You really thought I was your dear old mentor? What a rubbish idea!" Twilight raised a brow. A ring of green flames washed over Celestia's body. "Queen Chrysalis?!" Twilight shrieked. "When did you--" The Queen Chrysalis-branded luxury overcoat fell off the CMC's collective shoulders. Twilight raised her other brow. "W-we can explain! We were just practicing for our school play!" "Oh, oka--" "SYKE!" the three fillies collectively shouted. They began to deflate as 34 weasels began to escape from the costumes. Twilight wiggled her eyebrows like it was time for a Friday night dance-off. The weasels collectivized and fused into a single being, looming over Twilight. It was Rainbow Trix. Who is Rainbow Trix? No matter, it was actually Sweetie Giraffe. "AM NOT RELEVANT." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. "WILL DESTROY STORY. TOO SHORT." The Queen of England proceeded to open a door conveniently placed in Sweetie Giraffe's side and step out. It was a trojan horse all along. OUT OF NOWHERE, SWEETIE GIRAFFE EMERGES FROM YOUR SCREEN AND PUTS ELEPHANT BOOTS ON YOU BY FORCE. Sombra was wearing a sombrero and doing the samba while somber music was playing for Simba's dad?Author's Note 🤔 Zapper Frost 🤔 ▽ Wanna see me offer my pain to the pain gods? ▽ Sombra was wearing a sombrero and doing the samba while somber music was playing for Simba's dad? "Now, Mister Sombrero," Discord leaned in closer. "I'm going to send you somewhere where you don't belong." "Wait wait wait wha--" Discord snapped his fingers and sent King Sombra tumbling into an open portal. He frisbee'd a sombrero after him. And a CD filled with somber music and a CD player to go with it. And a choreographer. King Sombra, the CD and the CD player it was in, and the choreographer landed in a heap nearby. The sombrero dropped down and bounced off the play button, landing on Sombra's head as music began to play. "NOW DANCE FOR MEEEEE--" the choreographer aimed Pinkie Pie's party cannon at Sombra. "DO THE SAMBA OR YOUR FACE GETS IT!" "NO, ANYTHING BUT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! I'LL DANCE, I'LL DANCE!" And so King Sombra began to dance the samba while Simba's dad... uh, committed not moving anymore. Twilight became an Alicorn by Celestia fusing her with one of the Earth Pony and Pegasus members of the Mane 6 (Your choice)?Author's Note Strange request, but okay, whiteoak019! December 2nd is the day I pull Splintershard out of its hiatus! Check it out here: ESplintershard MLP: FiM Adventure Sci-Fi Once upon a time, Equestria flourished. That time is now long-gone. Human Alt. Universe OC Starlight Glimmer TheMajorTechie · 82k words · 67 9 · 1.3k views Twilight became an Alicorn by Celestia fusing her with one of the Earth Pony and Pegasus members of the Mane 6 (Your choice)? "AND WITH THE POWER VESTED IN YOU, PINKIE, AND FLUTTERSHY, YOU SHALL ASCEND!" Celestia blasted Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all at once, leaving behind three piles of ash and a single alicorn. Twilight blinked. Celestia blinked in return. "Nopony shall speak of this again." "Yes." Pinkie popped out of her ash pile and bounced away. Rareo took over the aliens? What if that only worked because the aliens were close relatives of ants?Author's Note PRAISE BE, AnObliviousAuthor and The Spy of the Tiger! PRAISE BE! Rareo took over the aliens? What if that only worked because the aliens were close relatives of ants? "PRAISE BE RAREO. PRAISE BE." The aliens cheered in unison as they gathered around the Rareo. "OUR NEST SHALL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL." Rainbow Dash watched as hundreds of little green men began emerging from the sky to lift the Rareo back up into their space anthill. "What." Pinkie is the only one of the main 6 who didn't believe in Santa, but doesn't say anything because it brings everyone else happiness?Author's Note Woohoo, it's Zapper Frost! Pinkie is the only one of the main 6 who didn't believe in Santa, but doesn't say anything because it brings everyone else happiness? "Pinkie, what about you? What did you put on your wishlist to Santa?" Pinkie froze up. "I... uh..." She stared at Twilight. "Nothing!" "...Nothing?" "C'mon, Pinks, it's Christmas! You can't possibly want nothing, right?" Rainbow Dash swooped down. "Like, me, I'm asking for a new pair of goggles, 'cause I kinda broke mine flying into that wall a few weeks ago." Pinkie didn't respond. "Pinkie, are you alright?" The mare walked out of the room. "Gummy, you know what it's like, right? I don't want to tell them!" Gummy licked his eyes. "They still believe in Santa, even though they're all grown up! Me? I walked in on Granny Pie putting my presents under the tree a loooong time ago. I... don't want to ruin things for everypony else." Gummy blinked. "You're right. It's just one little lie, right? And I can go and buy it myself after, so that it looks like I actually did get a present!" Pinkie slammed the door open. "I KNOW WHAT I'M PUTTING ON MY WISHLIST!" She gasped. "I'm gonna ask for a new party cannon, three boxes of confetti, a big box of cake mix, a large wooden mallet, and a cute sweater for Gummy!" Twilight looked away from her conversation to Pinkie, then back to the others again. "Yeah, nevermind, she seems fine now." ~~tbh tho she would probably go nuclear in studying Pinkie again to figure out what the heck happened.~~ Granny Smith had Life Alert?Author's Note She's comin' for your knees, Boltstrike58! Run! When y'all're done reading this chapter, how about you watch me beat Minecraft in under 20 frames per second? Granny Smith had Life Alert? Granny Smith cackled atop her mountain of hospital beds. "Y'ALL NEVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN, 'CAUSE LIFE ALERT'LL PUT ME RIGHT BACK UP HERE!" Applejack sighed, turning to her sister. "Apple Bloom, ready the ICBM." Apple Bloom pressed a button and launched the ICBM, or Insane Cackling 🅱applemother Machinethingythat'llputanendtoherpowertripthing. Man, is that a mouthful. the Mane Six were whalers?Author's Note I will subvert your expectations, The Spy of the Tiger. now hand over your knees the Mane Six were whalers? "Y'know, Twilight, do you ever feel like you need to be a little... whale-er?" Twilight looked up from her book. "Don't you mean whaler? I didn't think that you were into hunting whales." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "No no no, I'm talking whale-er. Like, we should be more like whales." "I can talk to whales I think..." Fluttershy mumbled through her hair. "They have beautiful songs." "AND GIANT MOUTHS!" Pinkie added. "So, you want to be whales." Rarity flipped her mane, sauntering into the room. "Yes, darling! The ocean's water does wonders for the skin, you know. At least, that's what I've heard." Twilight looked at Applejack. She was dressed as a whale and strumming a guitar. Pinkie had a sugar crash?Author's Note How oblivious are you, AnObliviousAuthor? Pinkie had a sugar crash? Pinkamena Diane Pie buried her face in her pillow. Slowly, bit by bit, all color began to drain from the world, starting from her very room. It started, naturally, with the pillows, creeping out slowly at first, but hastening in its pace as the grey enveloped more and more of reality itself. Before long, her entire room had lost its color. Then the building, and beyond that, Ponyville itself. The Grey continued to creep without end. Now, out in the open, its relentless pace had finally begun to slow, if only temporarily. Here, ponies and creatures of all shapes and sizes began to attack it. They did all that they could--paint, prisms, mirrors--but in the end, not even the magic of the Elements of Harmony could put an end to the Grey. An exhausted, monochrome Twilight Sparkle knocked on Pinkie's door. "Pinkie, may I come in?" "Yeah... I guess... Just be quiet when you do." Twilight entered the room and dropped a Snickers bar beside Pinkie. "You're not you when you're hungry." And that's how the colors you see exist again thanks to a single Snickers bar. everything, and everyone, Cadance touched turned to crystal?Cadance the crystal pony stood on her crystal floor in her crystal palace surrounded by her crystal family on this planet of crystal, breathing in the crystalline air as the very fabric of space and time crystallized around her, trapping her forever and ever in this new world of nothing but crystals, forever and ever onward. *deeeeep breath* "Oh no." Author's Note Staaaaaaaaaaarliiiiight Gliiiiiimeeeeeer1! story concept: When The Dust SettlesAuthor's Note man. 2021, amirite? (also made a website for this fic. --> https://whatif.themajortechie.com/) story concept: When The Dust Settles "Hey, give me a call when all of this is over." "Huh? Where are you going?" "Away, I guess. I'd shrug, but you wouldn't be able to see that over the phone, would you? Anyway, like I said, I'm--" "But why are you going? I thought you finally decided to get out there and do something. Make a name for yourself. I remember you even put together this whole binder of stuff you wanted to do!" "That was two years ago. Things have changed. The world has changed. I haven't touched that binder in a long time now. This place as it is now? I can't stay here. Not when it's like this. So... call again soon? Hopefully?" "Sure." Scootaloo was a non newtonian fluid?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor and nothing more. What If now has a sister story! EThe Disastrous Adventures of Crew-T MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology A decidedly unprofessional team of weirdos yoinked out of their comfort zone crashes through fanfic worlds and beyond, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Link your story in the comments and see what happens! Crossover Human OC Other TheMajorTechie · 15k words · 29 7 · 452 views Scootaloo was a non newtonian fluid? Scootaloobleck oozed down the stairs step by step. There was much more of her already pooling at the bottom of the stairs. "Cannonball!" Sweetie Belle squealed, jumping off the top step and smacking face-first flat onto the pool of Scootaloobleck. Sweetie Belle proceeded to slowly sink beneath the orange, chicken-scented surface. story pitch: Jack of no trades, master of all?Author's Note idk. :P don't feel like working on anything else rn. story pitch: Jack of no trades, master of all? Here I stand, the one above all. No one above me, yet still I feel small. Born rich, sheltered life. Constant boredom, internal strife. I set down the quill. That worked, right? Poetry seemed to be an option worthy of one as high of stature as myself. But... was it enough? A man, raised for the sole purpose of ruling. That's what I am. That's what I was. That's... what I must be. Yet, day after day, nothing comes to pass. The world is at peace. I am but a figurehead; the representative of all. I have no trades. No true interest, be it hobby or career. To be neutral is my task, day after day. I have to be this man. Nobody else can replace me. Everybody else has tried. And so day after day, I wake and do nothing. It is my job, after all. Yet... I still long for excitement, deep within me. The idea of grandiose adventures, or perhaps of meeting new people--it entices me. I want to do something. Be someone. But I cannot. I'm not allowed to. I wasn't born to be that. The Jack of No Trades. That's who I am. The Master of All. That is me as well. The two work hand-in-hand; specialize in nothing--that is the way. That is how I maintain neutrality. They call me a living god; one who stands above the humdrum of so-called 'normal' life. But they do not understand that I am sick of this false godhood. Just for a day, or even an hour, perhaps, I wish to stand amongst the crowd. I wish to fade into obscurity, to flit between the shadows. To be a nobody. To be a somebody. To finally be a Jack of One Trade. But even then, I would not know what such a trade would be. These words flow like waves; they come and go, bringing me hope with their crests, and despair with their troughs. Every utterance of these wishes I hold must be counteracted with doubt. It is, after all, the only way I know. And so continues my life as the Jack of No Trades, Master of All. OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! (part 2)Author's Note because this is a good dose of weird and I'm bored. OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! (part 2) ...Oh heck, Oompa Loompas have names? Man, it's been a while since I read the book or watched any of the movies. Nevermind that, however. I wiped the strawberry jam off my face, my hands tightening around the remnants of my candy-cane sword. This horse had a bigger appetite for sweets than any of us could've possibly imagined, and still, the big Wonka was nowhere to be seen. Celestia chewed through her licorice ropes. She stood up again, fire in her eyes. "Where. Is. The. Cake?" "For the last time, there is no cake!" "Fine then, isekai boy. I'll make some myself." The words hit me like a bullet. She knew I wasn't truly an Oompa Loompa from the start? But how? She couldn't possibly... I looked up again. In only a matter of seconds, all the progress we'd made in containing the mad horse was destroyed. My Loompa brethren had been tossed aside in a single motion like cards. It was me against her. Short funny chanty candy man against tall pointy wing-horse. I let out my most fearsome war-cry, charging at Celestia with my candy cane sword's remaining length aimed for her neck. "Whoa there, shorty," Willy Wonka stopped me with his cane. "Celestia's a friend. Princess, your cake is this way." Celestia nodded, following silently behind the big boss. It truly awes me how the man can utilize mere words to defeat such a great threat. And so I retreated, my clothes sopping with chocolate milk, to my humble abode. Oh wait. I'm an isekai boy. I'm homeless 'cause I live in the factory with the other chumps. everything was the same... except Twilight was replaced by a velociraptor?Author's Note amf studios knows what's up with the Equestrian ruling class. everything was the same... except Twilight was replaced by a velociraptor? Tirek cackled as he continued sapping all of the magic out of the world. There is, however, one magic that can never be stolen. The magic of biting things. Twilight the velociraptor proceeded to chomp down on Tirek's hand. He tastes like hamburgers. And that's how Tirek was defeated, and why Twilight strangely decided to skip dinner that day. everyone suddenly forgot Celestia and Luna existed?Author's Note Been a while, Starlight Glimmer1! ~~I sank my bank account by another $42 in the name of strange technology and i have midterms tomorrow/today depending on what time zone you're in oof~~ everyone suddenly forgot Celestia and Luna existed? Twilight stared at the sun. "Huh. We should really look into why the sun and moon seem to move on their own, shouldn't we?" Moondancer didn't look up from her book. "Yup." "Do you think it's because the ground we stand on is in fact constantly rotating, creating the illusion of the sun's movement across the sky, alongside the moon being in constant orbit around us?" "Yeah, probably." Twilight, who had since melted into a puddle ~~because the sun is a deadly laser~~ then proceeded to write the very reason for the existence of Celestia and Luna out of the books. Twilight was locked in a room full of quesadillas, ladybugs, and books that were out of order?Author's Note Did you strike 58 bolts, or did you strike a bolt 58 times, Boltstrike58? Twilight was locked in a room full of quesadillas, ladybugs, and books that were out of order? "N-no--" Twilight backed away from the incredibly cheesy mountain of quesadillas. "Wh...where am I?" She shrieked as a swarm of ladybugs passed before her eyes. "Get me out of this place!" Twilight whirled around, only to be faced with the largest unsorted bookshelf she'd seen in her life. Twilight screamed. Phone typed chapter because screw it im not pulling my tablet out rn and I have midterms again so yay sleep deprivation?Author's Note Let's see if my current phone's autocorrect is better than what I had last time I typed a chapter on my phone. Obvious rant chapter is obvious. Last time i was this motivated to do a rant chapter ended up leading to the creation of Pony-Me. Phone typed chapter because screw it im not pulling my tablet out rn and I have midterms again so yay sleep deprivation? Twilight flipped a page. How long had she been doing this again? ... months. Day in, day out. The same old thing, over and over with no end in sight. She groaned, taking a moment to run her eyes. This was too much. It was all to much. Yet, she knew she couldn't stop. It was her responsibility, no-- her duty to do this. She reached for another blank sheet of paper. But what if she was only going through the notions? What if everything she thought she knew was nothing but dumb luck? Look at her--a mare wallowing in mountains of paper, spending every waking moment of her life worrying about what those stacks of paper may lead to. How could someone like that possibly be successful? Was it really even her success? Or was it all just her reliance on friends to do the work for her that she couldn't do herself? Cr-ack. Twilight looked down at the remains of her pencil tip. This is too much. all of MLP was just a ploy by Twilight to hypnotise people into giving her money so she could buy more books?Author's Note Zapper Frost will zap your frost. all of MLP was just a ploy by Twilight to hypnotise people into giving her money so she could buy more books? "My little pony, my little pony, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" The screen flickered for a split second. "You will donate money to the Twilight Sparkle book fund..." The screen flickered again with the intensity of a flashbang. Suddenly, you felt like donating money to the Twilight Sparkle book fund. ~~pay ur book taxes or twilight gonna come for you~~ Twilight was a Nigerian prince?Author's Note Possibly me won't give you up. Twilight was a Nigerian prince? "Listen to me," Twilight repeated into the phone. "I am a Nigerian prince. A very rich Nigerian prince, who needs to urgently transfer money to you!" She heard the other side of the line hang up. "Dangit. How am I supposed to drain Equestria's treasury in my money-laundering scheme when nopony believes me?!" Twilight was tech support?Author's Note Twilight's comin' to beat up your computer, The Spy of the Tiger. Twilight was tech support? "No, no, no! You have to turn on your computer first before you use it!" "I don't understand. I already plugged it in and I pushed the buttons on the board!" "Your keyboard?" "Yeah. Whatever it's called. But the screen is still black!" Twilight rubbed her brow. "Have you turned on your computer yet?" "Yes! After you told me the first time, I leaned in close and started whispering naughty things about hoof-holding to the computer!" Twilight hung up. the mane six constantly get pegged by high velocity cheese every Thursday afternoon at 3:47 on the dot, and there's nothing they can do to prevent it?Author's Note Zapper Frost enjoys the pain and suffering of ponies I think. the mane six constantly get pegged by high velocity cheese every Thursday afternoon at 3:47 on the dot, and there's nothing they can do to prevent it? It was the typical Thursday afternoon. The time? 3:47, on-the-dot. Another block of cheese impacted Twilight on the back of her head as well as the five other mares sitting around the table. She glared at me, the author, then to you, the reader. "Why do you do this to us?" Pinkie stuck a hoof out of the mountain of cheese that fell on her. "I'm okay!" Twilight finally went into therapy for writing all of this?Author's Note Zapper Frost is eternally responsible for all the misdeeds of Twilight Sparkle. *dabs* Twilight finally went into therapy for writing all of this? Twilight Sparkle lowered her teacup, glancing for a moment out the window. "Nice day today, huh?" Twilight nodded. Spike turned his attention back to his comic book. "Must be nice to finally have all of those voices out of your head." "Yeah." "Are you going to keep writing that book, by the way?" Twilight narrowed her eyes and stared at the aforementioned book, still sitting open-faced on her desk. "Maybe." "TWILIGHT!" A second Twilight Sparkle appeared in a flash, panting heavily. "You--you need to keep writing! Your very existence depends on it!" I don't know what else to write for this chapter lol. rainbow dash lived a double life?Author's Note Interesting proposition, amf studios. 🤔 rainbow dash lived a double life? "Rainbow? Shucks, where could that mare be?" Applejack looked around the corner. "So much for ten seconds flat." "You said something, AJ?" Rainbow Dash smirked from above. "So I ran a little late, but eleven seconds is good enough still." "Uh-huh. And it's been fifteen minutes. C'mon, said you were gonna help Granny run some errands." Rainbow nodded and flew ahead. Something caught Applejack's eye. "Rainbow, could you hold on for a hot second? What's that on your wing?" "Whaddya mean, what's on my wi--" Rainbow froze as her eyes landed on the piece of obscenely sparkly ribbon stuck between her feathers. "Ohhhh. Uh..." She landed. "Please don't tell Rarity about that. Or... uh, this." Applejack raised a brow. A fancy hat was now sitting on top of Rainbow Dash's head. "You own a hat. That's nice an' all, Dash, but I don't think--" "No, no. Lemme finish." Rainbow Dash glared at Applejack. She looked around for a moment before mouthing the words "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style." Discord was bored?Author's Note Zapper Frost is probably dabbing. Discord was bored? Dark clouds loomed overhead. Thunder crashed down amid bright flashes of lightning. Discord took another bite out of his teacup. "You know what? This isn't enough. I'm still bored." The thunder noises became lightsaber noises. "That's better." Equestria was overrun with various canines?Author's Note Zapper Frost has various canines I think. Equestria was overrun with various canines? "SISTERPHHHH--" Celestia burst into Luna's room amid a flood of dogs. "HOW MANY DID YOU ADOPT THIS TIME?!" Luna didn't respond 'cause she's stuck under a pile of dogs too. "YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVEN'T ADOPTED ANY?!" Again, Luna didn't respond thanks to the black hole of canines that had sucked her in. "Princess!" a guard burst through the door. "The canine population of Equestria's skyrocketed! There's no street anypony can turn down without seeing dogs of all shapes and sizes!" Celestia narrowed her eyes through the various canines dogpiled on her. "I don't recognize you. Are you really a guard?" "Blast! Foiled again!" the fifty-nine dogs in a trenchcoat poured out of the now-hollow armor. "I'll get you next time, Celestia!" "YOU WILL NEVER GET CELESTIA IF YOU NEVER FIND CELESTIA!" howled Celestia, who in reality was a replacement made up of a hundred and fifty-nine dogs. The crown on her head teetered for a bit before falling onto the dog that made up her shoulder. "Wh-a fake?" the fifty-nine dogs in a trenchcoat gasped. "Does that mean--" Luna, that darn pile of 42069 dogs, cackled as she continued playing her vidya gaems. "YOU THINK THAT DOGS HAVE COME TO TAKE OVER BEFORE, BUT IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED LONG AGO!" existential dread was instilled upon all of Equestria because of Kurzgesagt?Author's Note Ah, a fellow person of culture, GodzillaSpino! existential dread was instilled upon all of Equestria because of Kurzgesagt? Celestia rocked back and forth in fetal position. "The birds say that time is up. The birds say that time is up. The birds say that time is--" "SNAP OUT OF IT, CELLY!" Luna slapped her sister. "It's a single video about the heat death of the universe! We still have plenty of time 'til then!" "But what if heat death has already come and gone, and we live among the remnants of the dead time and space that envelops the cosmos? What if we are but Boltzmann brains, drifting forever onward into infinite obscurity?" Luna opened a curtain. Outside, ponies were screaming about the end times. As they do. She decided that enough was enough and went back to playing her vidya gaems, 'cause apparently nothing mattered anymore in the encroaching heat death of the universe. world peace was achieved because Celestia farted?Author's Note Why are you like this, Starlight Glimmer1? Have an Ask Sweetie Giraffe feature with your chapter. :P https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ world peace was achieved because Celestia farted? "Ew, what's that smell?" And that's how every war in the world ended, every starving child fed, every flood dried and drought hydrated, ~~billionaire bank accounts dissolved~~ and worldly mortal issue resolved. Celestia stared at the half-eaten can of beans, and began to reach her spoon for another hefty scoop. Big Mac became a Big Mac? Actually, what if he was a whopper?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses, _OtakuTsundere_ and Scyphi are teaming on me! Moooooooooom! Big Mac became a Big Mac? Actually, what if he was a whopper? "Hello, Burger!" "I used to be a hor--" Ronald McDonald slapped Big Mac the Burger King Whopper off the table. He then spun around and slapped Discord the plastic beef patty for good measure. Twilight Sparkle unzipped the clown suit, pointing a hoof at Big Mac the Burger King Whopper. "That joke's already appeared in the comments! Don't you dare recycle that joke!" "I used to be a horse!" Twilight Sparkle the Ronald McDonald of My Little Pony slapped Big Mac the Burger King Whopper again. Harder. MLP a New Generation was just a fanfiction written by the Crusaders?Author's Note Boltstrike58 will watch the world burn. MLP a New Generation was just a fanfiction written by the Crusaders? "A-and, Izzy's horn will be so pointy, that they'll put a tennis ball on it!" Sweetie Belle laughed. "What about you, Scoots?" "Equestria will have all but dissolved as a unified entity. It will be unknown in the beginning, but the three pony tribes will once again feud, driving great fears against and of each other in what will have become truly unprecedented times. Though unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies no longer live in harmony, they do continue to hold some degree of unity amongst themselves--if not for war, then for their own, mutual interests. Yet, this will not be the end of it. Magic will have been sapped from the world, becoming a scarce rarity amongst the populations of all three tribes. It will be a devastating loss, similar to that of losing all of one's limbs, but as the famines fade into their history, technology will rise to fill the void once plugged by thaumatic energies." Apple Bloom finished coloring in her drawing. "Scootaloo scares me sometimes." Apple Bloom had an automatic grenade launcher?Author's Note Possibly me... SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-- Apple Bloom had an automatic grenade launcher? Apple Bloom hoisted her automatic grenapplade launcher over her shoulder, aiming squarely for the Apple Family's long-time rival, Pineapples Incorporated. Unlike Sweet Apple Acres, Pineapples, Inc. had long-since transformed themselves from a mere fruit company into a multi-billion dollar technology enterprise, with their most well-known product being the yPhone. Too bad their headquarters were made of pineapples. "Way ta go, Bloom!" Applejack shaded her eyes as she watched the grenapplade careen toward Pineapples, Inc. headquarters. Pineapple Pen himself stepped outside for a breath of fresh air at that exact moment, only to be clobbered by the incoming grenapplade. Pineapples, Inc. proceeded to go bankrupt the very next day, leaving Sweet Apple Acres to take it over and rename themselves Apple, Inc. You may not have known, but Steve Jobs is actually the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck. The more you know. Celestia had to control the tides now that the moon is gone?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, it's time to end yet another plane of existence! Celestia had to control the tides now that the moon is gone? "Alright, now raise 'em a little higher again." Celestia groaned, raising her sunglasses. "Do I have to?" "Yes." Celestia groaned again and lit her horn, lifting the water level up just a little bit more. "Good, good." Twilight wrote some notes down in her notebook. "And you'll have to do the opposite of that sometime later, too." "Mother of me," Celestia wailed, falling back on her beach lounge chair. "I should just launch a giant ball of rock into orbit and make a new moon." "Isek-aid! Get your fresh isek-aiddd!" A squeaky voice shouted in the distance. "Squeezed fresh daily!" Celestia appeared with a flash. "Oh boy, refreshments?" Apple Bloom held out a hoof. "One bit per cup, Princess!" "Waaaait!" Applejack bolted toward her sister from behind. "That ain't apple juice!" But it was too late, for Celestia drank the isek-aid and was promptly isekai'd by a truck out of nowhere. The sun no longer rose without Celestia's presence and so Equestria proceeded to wither away. The end. Oh and Celestia's stuck in some high-fantasy world as an anime protagonist now I think. Spike got his snout stuck in a can of spaghetti o's?Author's Note We got yet another commentator here with twidash1993! Whatcha got for us? Spike got his snout stuck in a can of spaghetti o's? "MMFPH!" Spike struggled with the can of spaghetti o's that seemed to be solidly stuck to his snout. "MMM!" "Okay, sheesh, we get it, Spike. You love spaghetti o's." Twilight rolled her eyes and continued reading her redundant book book on how to write redundant redundant book books, by redundant press press. Spike fell over, twitching, because he was only breathing spaghetti o's sauce for the past three minutes. Oof. they were cursed to only eat off-brands, which caused Spike to get stuck in a can of spaghetti rings?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger wishes to see more suffering. they were cursed to only eat off-brands, which caused Spike to get stuck in a can of spaghetti rings? "MMFPH!" Spike struggled with the can of spaghetti rings that seemed to be solidly stuck to his snout. "MMM!" "Okay, sheesh, we get it, Spike. You love spaghetti rings." Twilight rolled her eyes and continued reading her off-brand book about off-brands called "kconoffk". Spike fell over, twitching, because he was only breathing spaghetti rings sauce for the past three minutes. Spaghetti o's proceeded to sue spaghetti rings for trademark infringement because they are now the legal owners of the word "spaghetti" and that was their thing to get Spike stuck in their cans! Their. Thing. Spike groaned quietly in the corner as Twilight turned a page. Rainbow Dash was a pegaSUS?Author's Note Possibly me is very sus. Rainbow Dash was a pegaSUS? "Sus!" Pinkie slammed her hoof on the emergency meeting button. "Rainbow Dash is a pegasus!" "Whaaaaaat? Nah, you're seeing things, Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash hid the knife behind her back. "What about Fluttershy? She's lookin' kinda sus as well!" "Not as sus as you!" Rainbow Dash proceeded to be loaded onto the Yeet Cannon 9000 and blasted off to the moon. Meanwhile, Fluttershy continued to quietly disappear ponies from Ponyville. Twilight tried to badly explain the history of the entire world, i guess?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is the suggester of this idea, I guess. Twilight tried to badly explain the history of the entire world, i guess? "So back in the way back time, some ponies said 'hey, look, there's angry snow demons' and then banded together. Then some stuff happened and monsters were defeated and Discord was locked away by Celestia and Luna and then Moon Horse got tossed to the moon for a thousand years. Also, evil crystal addict took over an empire and then it disappeared with him in it. Nothing happened after that for a while. "And then Moon Horse but angry came back to Equestria after a thousand years and I smited her with my friends." A wave of boos rose into the air, and Twilight was smacked in the face by an airborne chair. Twilight and Sunny switched places?Author's Note It's Starlight Glimmer1's fault. Twilight and Sunny switched places? "Spike?" Twilight groaned, pushing the debris away from her bruised body. "Spike? Did you check before you knocked down that wall that it wasn't a weight-supporting structure?" "An--" a voice gasped somewhere to the side. "An alicorn? B-but where's Sunny?" "Aw sht, here we go again..." Twilight muttered. "Magic!" Sunny gaped at the sight of Spike's panicked dragonfire. "And a little dragon!" Spike turned around, fear evident in his eyes. "Oooh no. Oh boy, I messed up hard this time, didn't I?" "Twilight, darling--" Rarity opened the door, only to find Sunny staring at Spike. "--I... will... come back later. I see that you're quite busy." "WAIT DID YOU JUST USE MAGIC TO OPEN THE DOO--" pies and cakes switched places?Pinkie Cake walked into Mr. and Mrs. Pie's shop because she works there and stuff. Why? Because her stash of ~~thermonuclear weapons~~ party poppers has to be paid off somehow! She slammed the door open with enough force to send it into orbit and land perfectly back on its hinges, which she then opened carefully and sauntered in like the... uh, (proper?) mare she is. "Pinkie!" Mrs. Pie gasped, "You're just in time for our big summer blowout!" A pile of poetry-laced clothing-shaped pies and pie accessories pummeled Pinkie Cake to the floor. "Get 'em!" the pies and pie accessories shrieked, continuing to engulf Pinkie. "She's the imposter! She's SUS!" As the pies piled onto Pinkie higher and higher, a quiet, soothing voice began to cackle overhead. "YOU FOOLS, YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME?" Everyone, save for three-quarters of a pie and Pinkie's left mane puff froze in space. This, unfortunately, meant that the planet continued on without them, leaving everybody present now floating through the vast voids of outer space as Equestria faded away into a pale blue dot. And so, with the last remaining ounce of brain cells, the universe proceeded to go boom and die. Again. As always. ~~yeet~~ The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. TheAuthor's Note Spazz-Kid demands C H A O S. and because i can: The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The "Why--" Rarity panted, "--why are we running? My makeup will be absolutely ruined!" "Because the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." Rarity screamed as a stampede proceeded to trample her. Shaggy appeared in Equestria and used 2% of his power?Author's Note 2% IS TOO MUCH, Starlight Glimmer1!!!1!!1!! Shaggy appeared in Equestria and used 2% of his power? With 0.00001% of his power, Shaggy tore a hole through the fabric of reality and emerged in Equestria. Immediately, all worldly qualms were settled. Every crying child sated, every hungry creature given food. It was as if a god had entered the plane of existence. Oh wait, that's because Shaggy is beyond godhood. With 1% of his power, Shaggy ensured an infinite lifespan to the universe. No longer would heat death slowly encroach upon all those within it, for Shaggy is good, and Shaggy is forever. And with a mere 2% of his power, every thought both conscious and unconscious was transformed into its own infinite reality. A whole new multiverse had been birthed by the pure will of a just ultra-god. Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty?Author's Note HELP I'VE WRITTEN SO MANY WHAT IF CHAPTERS twidash1993! Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty? Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty. "Ow." "That actually hurt?" "No." "Oh. Okay." Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty. Again. "Why are you like this, Spike?" Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty. boss music started playing?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is the boss. boss music started playing? "Um. Twi? Why is there boss music?" Thundering hoofsteps shook the castle. Twilight, wide-eyed, braced herself for whatever was to come. "Mommy?" Sprout wandered into the room. "Have you seen my momma?" The doors burst open as Phyllis Cloverleaf stomped into the room. "WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME, SPROUT? I THOUGHT I GROUNDED YOU AFTER YOU DESTROYED SUNNY'S HOME. NO TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS FOR YOU." Sprout was then dragged out by his mother as the boss music faded away. Twilight bought Spike a Switch for Hearth's Warming?Author's Note twidash1993 handed Twi the switch and told her to give it to Spike. Twilight bought Spike a Switch for Hearth's Warming? "Spike! Spike? Spiiiiiiiiike!" Twilight's voice rung through the halls. "Now where is that little dragon when you need him?" Princess Luna promptly crashed through a window. Twilight raised a brow. "You know there's a door, riiiiiiigh--" "There is no time!" Luna exclaimed, rushing down the hall. "The dragon that you call Spike called me sus in Among Us and attempted to slaughter me in cold blood not a second later! I must have a word with him!" Twilight slowly turned around and walked in the opposite direction as Spike's panicked screams echoed behind her. Luna's voice joined in on the mix at some point, too. "NOW TELL ME WHO'S THE SUS ONE?" nothing bad happened to Butter Knife?Author's Note You ask the impossible, Possibly me, but I will do my best. nothing bad happened to Butter Knife? Butter Knife stared intensely at the sky. Any moment now, I, the ever-benevolent author and master over her fate, could make her life miserable. "You better not." And perhaps for once, I shan't. And so Butter Knife sat there. Menacingly. She stared and stared up at the sky, perpetually ready for something terrible to happen at any moment, when in reality after nearly four hours had passed as of this particular word, all that had happened was that she was hearing my absolutely stunning and flawless voice comparable to angels knocking around in her head. Legends tell that after she finally got bored and walked away, a statue was erected in her place to memorialize the mare who'd stared straight at the sun for a week straight with no ill effects. Sweetie Giraffe returned?Author's Note Was she ever really gone, GodzillaSpino? Sweetie Giraffe returned? Why, hello again, Sweetie Giraffe! Quite a nice day, isn't it? Oh wait, you broke the sun like egg. Well, I suppose it's still nice out while we're still alive. Oh no. Universe number *insert large number here* status: annihilated. What if the Banana Republic figured out how to grow in the ground and sprout back out of it?Author's Note You have fallen right into my trap, Scyphi, I intended to write this chapter from the very beginning! What if the Banana Republic figured out how to grow in the ground and sprout back out of it? "RIIIIIIIIIIISE!" Twinana's voice boomed from below. "Rise like the fallen tree that simply keeps growing!" All around her, the chanting of the Banana Republic's citizens grew louder and louder. Twinana pointed her horn to the sky, firing a beam of magic into the heavens above and connecting with the sun. A pulse of energy burst forth from her body, washing over the entirety of the nation. Banana-scented vines emerged from the cracked earth, rising ever-higher with every second. A smirk grew across Twinana's face as the vines clutched the edges of the gorge that the city had collapsed into. She raised both of her front hooves above her head, commanding the animate vegetation with a silent utter. Rise. "Uhhhhhh Braeburn?" Unnamed Apple Family member #4068103 lowered her binoculars. "What's that big shadow on the horizon?" The Banana Republic proceeded to land squarely on top of Apploosa. Legion of Doom from the DC comics sued the MLP Legion of Doom?Author's Note WHERE ARE THE HORSES, Horseus King of Horses? Legion of Doom from the DC comics sued the MLP Legion of Doom? "Guys!" Tirek burst into the Forklift Room. "I just got this weird letter in the mail! Comes from someplace called 'Dee See', and they don't want us calling ourselves the Legion of Doom anymore!" King Sombra paused his forklift weightlifting. "Wait, we've been calling ourselves that?" Tirek shrugged, waving the letter in the air a little. "Either way, we're getting sued." "Bah," Queen Chrysalis didn't bother to look up from her forklift brood. "Just tell 'em that we're calling ourselves the Forklift Alliance from now on and let bygones be bygones." And so from that day onward the Forklift Alliance ruled Equestria with an iron fork(lift). Forklift Alliance took applications for new members?Author's Note Scyphi is the legally-elected CEO of the Forklift Alliance. Forklift Alliance took applications for new members? "And where do you see yourself in five years?" Cozy Glow kept her eyes on her clipboard. The bugbear shifted uncomfortably in its seat. "Listen--" Cozy rubbed her face. "The Forklift Alliance is a very prestigious institution, and we hire only the best of the best. Clearly, you are only wasting our time. You may leave." The bugbear gave a timid nod as it stood up to do just that. Unfortunately, that was its final action on this mortal plane. "yO I HEARD YOU'RE HIRING?" Cozy Glow glared at Discord, who was now lying on the table amidst the broken glass from the window. He wiggled his forklift-shaped eyebrows. The bugbear was now somewhere on the opposite end of the room, presumably on fire. "Again, Discord, we do not take betrayal lightly. We will refuse each and every one of your applications." "Fine." Discord sniffed. "I'll make my own Forklift Alliance, with poker and fishhooks!" it is the end of the world as we know it and Celestia feels fine.:trollestia:Author's Note Starkice, you added a to the title. I honor you by leaving it there. it is the end of the world as we know it and Celestia feels fine.:trollestia: Another rumble shook the ground as a distant volcano erupted, destroying the rest of what was once Canterlot. Celestia sipped her tea. "This is fine." "CELESTIAAAAAA!" Twilight teleported in front of the princess. "You've got to do something! The rest of my friends are busy evacuating the population! What are you doing here?" "Drinking tea. You want any?" "No!" Twilight swat the floating teacup away. Celestia slurped the tea out of it before it broke. "So, what, you're just gonna let the world end?" "Eyup." Twilight sputtered. "Wh--what? Don't you care about anypony? What about Luna? She had to drop out of the Nashunal Vidya Gaems Tournament to help out! Can't you at least chip in a little?" "Nnope." "C'mon, it's the end of the world as we know it! Don't you feel like something should be done?" Celestia shrugged and offered Twilight another cup of tea. the world actually was ending, but it affected absolutely no one?Author's Note I suspect GodzillaSpino is the cause of this world-ending event. the world actually was ending, but it affected absolutely no one? A volcano burst its top in the distance. Applejack bucked a tree. "Apple Bloom! Can ya bring me that basket over there?" But Apple Bloom didn't respond, because a giant sinkhole had swallowed up the majority of Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack could only shrug in response; her sister was probably busy with crusader things again. "Twi! The world's ending! What are you doing?" Spike yelled as he ran into the room. "Reading a story about the end of the world." Twilight shooed him off with a wave of her hoof. "Go be irrelevant again somewhere." Apple Bloom drifted through the space within Equestria, which for some odd reason had no gravity. An apple bonked her on the head. "Oh?" was the only thing she said. She ate the apple as the rest of the continent began to sink towards her. the Forklift Six defeated Nightmare Mover?Author's Note Scyphi, we are now within the age of forklifts. the Forklift Six defeated Nightmare Mover? "You still don't have the sixth Hubcap! The sparkplug didn't work!" "But it did! A... different kind of sparkplug." Twibright Liftle lifted her forks higher in the air. "I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I--" she paused for a moment. "I digress. The spark plug I found within myself when I realized you all... are my forks... I'm not quite sure where the spark plug came from, but when these hubcaps are ignited by the... the spark of this spark plug... the spark plug that resides in the engines of us all... it creates the sixth Hubcap: The Hubcap of Magic!" The six Hubcaps of Harmony hovered silently in the air for a moment before clipping onto each of their wheels. Twibright Liftle's headlights shone in a brilliant white, nearly blinding their nemesis, Nightmare Mover. "No! No! Noooooooooo!" Nightmare Mover screeched, blinded by Twibright's headlights. The rest of the room proceeded to be bathed in white. Princess Sporklestia materialized out of the aether. Her headlights scanned the room, but she found nothing of importance aside from six overturned forklifts and her mover sister. She left without a word. one of Fluttershy's turkeys wanted to be based and redpilled, but being a turkey, it had to settle for being baste and breadpilled?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger... why? one of Fluttershy's turkeys wanted to be based and redpilled, but being a turkey, it had to settle for being baste and breadpilled? "I want to be based and redpilled!" Turkey #5281-74 gobbled, throwing itself at Fluttershy's face. "I want to have all the chad energy in the world! I want to rule over all others like a king!" Unfortunately, that wasn't Fluttershy that it threw itself at. It was Cuttershy, long-lost distant 7th removed cousin of Fluttershy's third cousin on her great great granddaughter's side with time travel being factored in. And she was hungry. "Oh! You wanna be baste and breadpilled?" Cuttershy smiled politely. She tucked a loose strand of her mane back, patting Turkey #5281-74 on the head. "I don't quite know what you mean by baste, considering you're a male, but I can certainly help with being breadpilled! Give me one moment while I fetch some food for myself as well." Destroyshy, the inverted twin of Cuttershy, emerged from the shadows. A wide grin spread across her face as a cursory glance around showed that Cuttershy was nowhere to be found. "You want to be baste and breadpilled, huh?" Destroyshy murmured in her deep, sultry voice. She whipped out a pair of sunglasses and a flamethrower. "Can't say I can help ya with breadpillin', that's my Cutter's job. But I can sure as hck baste ya." Turkey #5281-74 gobbled in panic just as Cuttershy wandered back in with a carrotdog and a satchel of breadpills. man door hand hook car door?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is a master of boiling down horror to the simplest possible sequence of words. man door hand hook car door? "Man." "Go fish." Spike drew a card. "Door?" Twilight raised a brow from behind her cards. "Nope. Go fish." "Hand?" Twilight rolled her eyes and tossed a card across the table. Spike grinned. "Hook?" Another card. "Car door?" One more card. Spike set a book on the table with a wide grin. "MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR DOOR!" Pinkie screamed, falling through the ceiling. "MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR DOOR!" "Well gee, Pinkie, way to ruin the game." Twilight tossed all her cards in the air. "You lose too, Spike." A man at the car door with a hook for a hand peered through the window because it turns out that they were all on a van the entire time and Pinkie had just torn her way through the roof to warn Twi and Spike. "Hello there, young lady!" the man with a hook for a hand waved, his voice muffled by the closed window. Unbeknownst to him, a baseball bat had floated out from underneath the van. It is said that his scream could be heard for miles around as he soared into the horizon. Tirek and cozy glow had a mentor student relationship. Like Twilight and Celestia have? ( Platonic relationship I feel forced to add this as some people may take the word relationship wrong)Author's Note I hope you've got your seatbelt on, Star love, 'cause where we're going, you'll need it. Tirek and cozy glow had a mentor student relationship. Like Twilight and Celestia have? ( Platonic relationship I feel forced to add this as some people may take the word relationship wrong) "Not-friendship report, day one, Ponyville." Cozy Glow mouthed the words as she wrote them. "I have successfully rigged alicorn traps all around Twilight's Castle, and they are ready to activate at a moment's notice." A far-off explosion rocked the air. Cozy stared at the rising smoke for a moment before continuing her writing. "Correction: they are no longer ready to activate at a moment's notice, as they had given me no prior notice before setting themselves off." ~~and then angry purple alicorn smash through window and go zap zap~~ "ALSO I DON'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY TRAPPED ANY ALICOOOOOOOORNS--" Rarity got sent back to her home planet?Author's Note twidash1993 thinks it's Morbin' Time. Rarity got sent back to her home planet? "Farewell, Rarity!" Twilight saluted her alien friend. "Send us a postcard!" "GIRLS PLEASE I'M NOT AN ALIEN I AM INDEED NATIVE TO EQUESTRIA bring me to your leader WHY AM I BEING SENT OFFFFFFFFF?" "Think she'll miss us?" Sweetie Belle walked up beside Twilight. "Nah. She'll be with her kind again." "Rarity. Rarity Rarity!" Rarity Rarity'd to Rarity as she Rarity'd off the spacecraft. "Rarity!" "Excuse me darling, but... why are there so many of me?" "Rarity Rarity Rarity!" Rarity Rarity'd in response. "Rarity! Rarity!" the converting crowd of Raritys chanted; their goddess had returned. Rarity Rarity'd. Spike was replaced with Spyro?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, I don't think Twilight would be very happy. ~~also outside of occasional memes and references I have 0 spyro experience~~ Spike was replaced with Spyro? "Where is Spike?" No response. "Spyro, that is your name, right?" The Spyro figurine fell on its side. Twilight set down her newspaper. "Three days. Three days, Spike has been missing, and our only lead is you." Naturally, as an inanimate object, the Spyro figurine did nothing. Twilight floated a teacup to her lips, taking a sip. She set it back down. Spyro did nothing. A knock came at the door. "Come in," Twilight sighed. "Door's unlocked." Celestia let herself in, hanging her mane up on the hat rack. Though she wasn't in view, Twilight could feel the grim expression on the Princess's face. As for Twilight herself, she didn't bother to turn. "Anything?" "No." "Mind the Spyro figurine. I'd rather it not be crushed unintentionally." Celestia glanced downward, stepping around the little purple blob of plastic as she made her way towards a seat. An audible ruffle of feathers rose from her with every movement. "Have you contacted the Crystal Empire about Spike's disappearance?" Celestia shook her head. "Then what are you here for?" "You see--" Celestia lit her horn. "Though I do not feel this is an appropriate time to mention it, I believe I have entirely forgotten to grant you a Raven." "Wh--" Raven Inkwell #160 promptly fell out of a portal and onto Twilight. Celestia's coolness was negative, making Rainbow's coolness even more negative?Author's Note epiccuttlefish, you were supposed to boost the coolness, not invert it! Celestia's coolness was negative, making Rainbow's coolness even more negative? "Hey, fellow cool kids!" Celestia the no-longer-princess skidded by on her sled pulled by magical beanie babies. "What's kickin'? I heard there was this crazy new thing called the interwebz y'all have been going cray-cray over!" The bubble she was blowing popped in her face. "No! The coolness! It's draaaaiiiiiniiiiiiiing!" Empress Rainbow Dash wailed as her 120% coolness factor over Celestia was used against her. "N-no, I can feel it, t-the... the cringe!" "Embrace the cringe!" Celestia cackled, falling off her skateboard and drinking a can of lukewarm water, "You are me, and I am you! Our destinies are--hic--intertwined!" Rainbow Dash felt a shudder run down her spine as the urge to bend over and eat a nice hoof-full of gravel began to set in. "Must... resist..." her voice was strained. "Must... stay... cool!" She snatched a fly out of the air with a pair of nun-chucks she was holding like chopsticks, and proceeded to eat it. It tasted like a walk. "No! My coolness!" Rainbow spat out the fly. "Problem?" Celestia's voice sung in such a broken tone that a new genre of garbage was born that day. "I promise you, it will only get worse." Rainbow's eyes widened as Celestia widened her grin. Yellow and green covered each and every exposed tooth in her mouth as she took another massive bite out of a nearby patch of grass. "Look at meeeeee, I'm publicly grazing!" Rainbow Dash proceeded to be hit in the face by a stray basketball. "Dude! You were supposed to catch that! You just lost us the game!" Fluttershy smacked Rainbow on the back and picked up the basketball. "Sucks to suck, dork." Rainbow Dash screamed. And then she choked on her own saliva and went into a coughing fit before screaming some more. Twilight took "New Year New You" far to literally and started changing everything and everyone around her?Author's Note Rhonie8k planted the idea and now they must suffer the consequences. Twilight took "New Year New You" far to literally and started changing everything and everyone around her? "Happy New Year, Spike!" Twilight peeked through the open bathroom door. "New year, new you!" "Wha-" Spike spun around just in time to be transformed into a cactus with legs. Twilight slowly rose from behind the counter in Sugarcube Corner. She stared deeply into the eyes of the first customer of the day. "New year, new you." She slipped behind the counter again, leaving a cupcake in the place of the customer, and an upside-down Pinkie Pie in the place of Pinkie Pie. "CELESTIA!!1!!!!!111!!1!" Twilight bashed her head through the doors of the alicorn's bedroom, her horn blazing with magic. "THINK FAST, CHUCKLENUTS!" Heavy groaned, throwing the blankets over his head. Twilight pointed at herself in a mirror. "New year, new me. New year, new me. New year, new me." She shut her eyes and blasted herself, triggering her EVOLUTION INTO HER NEXT FORM, TWIBLAZE SPARKTACULAR. CATCH UP ON MORE TWIBLAZE CONTENT NEXT TIME IN OUR NEXT ISSUE OF TWIBLAZE SETS THE WORLD AFLAME, RIGHT HERE IN YOUR PERSONAL MENTAL BRAINWORM! You proceed to be blasted in the face by Twiblaze Sparktacular. New year, new you. Twilight Sparkle was E V E R Y P O N Y?Author's Note technically a rehash of "what if twilight sparkle was a generic term" or whatever the hecc that chapter was called lol Twilight Sparkle was E V E R Y P O N Y? "Spike." Applejack slowly turned her head. "I have something to tell you." "Hm?" "I'm Twilight." Spike blinked, taking another bite out of the grapefruit in his claws. Yes, with the peel on. "I'm serious, Spike. And so is Fluttershy, and Rainbow, and every other pony here in Equestria." Spike swallowed the rest of the grapefruit. "Alright, Applejack, let's take you to Nurse Redheart." "But Nurse Redheart is also Twilight," the aforementioned mare stepped up behind Spike. "Oooooo-kay then, how about we go to Zeco--" "She isn't me," Applejack and Nurse Redheart droned in unison. "She was not here during the incident." Celestia landed between the three with a heavy whumph. Splaying her wings out, she declared in all her glory... "I too, am Twilight." "TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--" Spike bolted off, "TWILIGHT! EVERYONE'S ACTING WEIRD ALL OF A SUDDEN!" "Twilight!" Spike kicked the door down. "Twilight, why are ponies saying that they're you?" Twilight didn't budge from the chair she sat in. "...Twilight?" "I'm so, so sorry, Spike. They're telling the truth." "Wh--" "They're all gone. They've been gone for years now." "Twilight--" Spike stepped over the remains of the door he'd kicked open. "--what are you even talking about? I was just talking with Applejack earlier! What do you mean they're gone?" Twilight turned her head to Spike, tears streaming down her face. "Never underestimate the power of a book on vocal impressions, Spike." "When Tirek took all the magic. Do you remember that?" Spike gave a singular nod. "It wasn't just magic that he drained from their bodies. Even after their magic was restored, ponies began to drop left and right. They still breathed; their bodies were perfectly fine--but their minds?" Twilight pointed a hoof to her horn. "Gone with the magic. It came slow at first, with ponies forgetting things left and right, but eventually, they too would become husks of their former selves. They all live within me now. Or at least, they try to. When we stripped Tirek of the power he stole, there were some... unintended side-effects. Every pony you see out there today--those are puppets. Bodies I control to give them at least a semblance of their past lives." She lowered her hoof. "I am the last pony in Equestria, Spike." instead of Celestia banishing Nightmare Moon, she accidentally banished the moon?Author's Note I checked chapter 513 and saw your comment, Possibly me! instead of Celestia banishing Nightmare Moon, she accidentally banished the moon? Princess Celestia stared at Nightmare Moon. Then at the moon. Or at least, at the void that filled the spot where the moon once was. It was hard to tell on account of the night being incredibly dark now without a giant ball of rock in the sky. "So uh," Celestia held out a hoof to her sister. "Wanna call it a truce for now? I'll buy you a new Neighstation Too." Nightmare Moon didn't say anything because the moon had been banished to her, grinding her into the ground. Unfortunately, Celestia did not see this as it was too dark to notice the humongous monolith of stone in front of her that was rapidly fragmenting the planet's crust as it began its descent toward the core. "Well, I suppose this is better than banishing the sun to myself," Celestia mused as magma began to bubble up between the cracks. ~~and now the floor is lava.~~ interjections interjected themselves?Author's Note How would that even work, Horseus King of Horses? interjections interjected themselves? "But then--" "Yes," Spike interjected. "Very mu--maybe." "Did you just--" "Yes," Spike interjected again. Louder. ~~dear celestia why do you make me write these things~~ "If so, but then not why?" Twilight babbled, all sense of language and logic boiling out of her skull and pouring from her ears. Metaphorically, of course. Unless you're weird like that. "Perhaps but then not yes why how huh?" Celestia descended angelically from the conveniently placed hole in the ceiling that totally wasn't there before. "I'm sorry, my dear disgracefully-expelled-for-medical-reasons student," she aimed her super-ultra-turbo-laser directly at Twilight. "The medical reasons you were expelled for are terminal. I'll have to put you down." Unfortunately, Twilight interjected the firing process--if that's even a thing that can happen--causing the ultra-death laser to momentarily pause in thought and decide that the sun was a better target than this strange horse thing. And that's how the sun went supernova! Chef Boyardee sought revenge for being banned?Author's Note We're headin' into the Spaghetverse, Scyphi! Resistance is futile. Chef Boyardee sought revenge for being banned? Chef Boyardee rubbed his hooves together, cackling as the low-quality spinning rat made its 1000th spin. "Yes, yes! Spin, my precious one! Spin!" "Boss!" a muffled voice shouted from behind the heavily armored walls. "Boss! We found ya!" "Spaghet?" Boyardee paused his cackling. "Spaghet! Is Tio with you?" "Tio perished in the Great Sauce Conflict, I'm afraid. But I'm here to get you out!" Chef Boyardee looked back at low-quality spinning rat, a tear running down his cheek. "I will miss you, my dearest," he whispered, placing a hoof against the screen. "But alas, I shall return one day! Spaghet! Where are you?" "Down here, boss!" the toilet gurgled. Boyardee dove into the toilet, emerging minutes later from a strange green pipe. "And now, my ultimate revenge plan..." The ground began to rumble as Boyardee rose into the air, standing atop a gigantic meatball. "I will eclipse the sun with my delicious meat, and the night shall last forever!" It will drive many more pasta sales as couples go out on more dates in restaurants that will serve my pasta! Princess Luna froze up mid-game. Someone just said something cringe. ZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEAuthor's Note PRAISE BE UNTO ZOEY ZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOE ONE BEAUTIFUL, ABSOLUTELY STUNNING, EXTRAVAGANT DAY OF BEAUTY. HORSE. GIRL. "HI MY NAME IS TWILIME SPARKY." TWILIME SPARKY SHOUTED BECAUSE SHE IS TWILIGHT BUT GREEN. "HI IM ZOEY!!!!!1!!11!!!111!!1!" ZOEY ZOEY'D. AND THEN EQUESTRIA GO BOOM. BECAUSE IT HASN'T GONE BOOM IN A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME. Equestria was saved with cringe?Author's Note It's cringe or be cringe, Starkice. Equestria was saved with cringe? "Behold! It is I, The Storm ChryssaNightmareTireGlowcordKing! I am here to claim my rightful place as ruler of the world!" "No!" Twilight shouted back. She Fortnite-danced into an epic gamer choreographed dab with all of her e🅱ic g8mer friends before whipping out a comedically-large fedora. "For you, my incoherent shambling mound of shapes, I wield only my strongest weapon." She whipped out a pair of rusty scissors. "Behold! A relic of a bygone era, when times were simpler! It imbues a power upon me that none have known for a great many eons, and--" "Twi." Applejack placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "Those are the pair of safety scissors you had to get a tetanus shot for touching fifteen years ago." "SHUT--" The Storm ChryssaNightmareTireGlowcordKing decided that this planet was not suitable for one as grandiose as themselves. ~~idk I haven't written anything in the past few weeks~~ the rusty safety scissors took over Equestria as it's rightful ruler instead?Author's Note Scyphi donated the rusty scissors. the rusty safety scissors took over Equestria as it's rightful ruler instead? A pair of rusty safety scissors sat in what was once Princess Celestia's throne. Nopony knew how it got there, or why it was there. The pair of guards tasked with ensuring the safety of the Princesses continued to stare. Also Luna was nowhere to be seen but that wasn't important at the moment. "Should we--" Left Guard took a step toward the scissors. "No. It is our duty to defend anyone that sits upon that throne," Right Guard, Left Guard's closest friend, blocked the latter with a hoof. "Do not question our wise leader." "It's a rusty pair of safety scissors, Right." En Garde dropped from his ceiling perch, sword hovering in his grasp. "Left's right, Right. How can an inanimate object rule Equestria? I have searched all across the castle and I find neither a trace of the Princess nor a reason for these scissors to take her place." A quiet clink caught the three guards' attention. The scissors were now on the floor. "See--" Left Guard gestured at the floor scissors. "--I told you, the rusty scissors have no right to rule!" Another clink. En Garde's sword dropped to the floor, leaving no trace of its owner. "...Garde?" Right Guard peered around the room. "Garde, where'd you go?" "R-Right..." Left Guard began nudging his friend. "Right, I believe it's in our best interest to leave the scissors be." "But you said it yourself, Left, the scissors..." Right's gaze dropped to the rapidly approaching pair of rusty safety scissors. "Right, we need to leave. Now." And so Left Guard and Right Guard rightly left the premises. Pinkie Pie was secretly not Pie? Like an unholy brussel-sprouts-broccoli-cauliflower amalgamation?Author's Note CharonX, what hast thou wrought upon mine eyes? Pinkie Pie was secretly not Pie? Like an unholy brussel-sprouts-broccoli-cauliflower amalgamation? Pinkie BrusseBroccoCauliflower oozed out of her sickly green shed, reforming herself into a broken memory of the shape of a pony. A moist squelch bubbled up from beneath her slimy hooves as they solidified into a pastier consistency. "Salutations, Pinkie BrusseBroccoCauliflower!" Discord emerged from the patch of mold Pinkie had been caringly nurturing on the outer side of her left foreleg. "How's the goo, girlie?" "Sickly!" Pinkie's voice came as a haunting wheeze of wet wind. Pieces of rotting brussel sprouts splattered Discord in the face. "Just the way I like it." Discord absorbed the debris into himself, nodding. "Excellent, excellent. Listen, how about we bake Celestia the most gruesome cake to have ever been cake'd? Right here, right now." Celestia was found deceased under mysterious circumstances in a garbage can behind the local Chuck E. Cheese's the next day. Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta steal Rainbow Dash's secret stash of garlic bread?Author's Note AntiBronyBenSwolo asked this on Tumblr! Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta steal Rainbow Dash's secret stash of garlic bread? Rainbow Dash lay on her bed that was totally not made entirely of garlic bread. Absolutely not. Do not believe the rumors. Catra, of course, did the polar opposite of that because NOBODY tells Catra what to do... except maybe Adora. She poked her head up from behind the window, an ear twitching as her eyes set upon the stash of garlic bread. Rainbow Dash let out a loud snore. "Alright, she's prone. Now's our time to strike," Catra waved up Scorpia. "You, make sure she doesn't wake. Sting her or something, I don't care how you do it. Entrapta?" "Yes?" Entrapta's hair was already halfway through the window. "Don't... disassemble anything this time, alright? Not even the alarm clock." "Sorry, what were you saying?" the rest of Entrapta caught up with Catra, already pulling back the very-clearly disassembled clock. "It would've rung at any moment." Catra blinked. "Fiiine, anyway, we're set. You've got the doohickey, right?" "Yup!" Entrapta held up a pipe bomb small drone. "Depending on the size of the garlic bread, we should be able to bring the entire stash down!" "Entrapta. It's not tiny food." "I know that," Entrapta tapped a box mounted underneath. "Which is why this bad boy folds out to make a BIGGER box!" Catra looked between the bed and the drone before facepalming. "No, that's still not gonna be enough." She paused, turning again to the bed made of garlic bread. Or at least, the lack of one. Scorpia threw the last piece of garlic bread out the window with a free claw, still cradling the sleeping Rainbow Dash with her other arm. Princess Twilight kept a shrunken version of Celestia in her pocket for advice?Author's Note Still here, The Spy of the Tiger! Princess Twilight kept a shrunken version of Celestia in her pocket for advice? "Twilight!" Spike enveloped the door, absorbing it into his form as he spoke. "Half of Ponyville has been taken hostage by immortal snails that kill anypony that they touch!" Twilight narrowed her eyes. "What are the snails doing now?" "Approaching your castle. Slowly." "Alrighty, one sec--" Twilight rummaged in her conveniently-placed pocket that just kinda was... there. Spike swore she'd genetically modified herself to be part kangaroo for that. She pulled out a tiny Celestia, taking a deep breath. "PUNY PRINCESS, WHAT DO PRINCESS DO FOR EVIL SNAIL?" Tiny Celestia winced at the booming voice of Twilight, tapping her tiny hooves against Twilight's own to calm the mare down. "First, do you know at what speed they are approaching, and their current location?" Twilight looked to Spike. "Slow as a snail. It'll take them weeks, if not months, to reach us from their current location." Celestia nodded wisely. "Nuclear airstrike it is." Twilight saluted as Spike's eyes widened in horror. the shrunken Celestia was evil the whole time?Author's Note I just realized that there are only 63 days left in 2023 so here's a bonus chapter for Starlight Glimmer1. the shrunken Celestia was evil the whole time? "Muahahahahaaaaa!" Tiny Celestia cackled from deep inside Twilight's pockets. She crossed out Ponyville in thick red marker, grinning devilishly from ear to ear. "With Ponyville gone, the defenders of Equestria too will be obliterated! And then, I shall be sunstoppable!" "Dontcha mean unstoppable, boss?" a gruff earth pony waddled up beside Tiny Celestia in her tiny lair. "And why--" "Silence!" Celestia stuck her hoof over the earth pony's muzzle. "S u n s t o p p a b l e." "Or you could just bum me another bag of hay chips," Tiny Luna lobbed a crumpled-up bag at her sister from the couch. "Takes energy to be evil, y'know." She flashed a fanged grin, her pupils becoming narrow slits for a split second before returning to their drowsy selves. "You'll get your hay chips--" Celestia stamped her hoof on the floor "--when we become sunstoppable!" "Again with that stupid pun," Luna groaned. "I swear, 'the night will last forever' is INFINITELY cooler than your whole 'sunstoppable' thing. And why are we even in here, again?" "Because," Celestia loomed over her sister. "Rent is too high, and evil doesn't pay enough to survive in a world of hypercapitalism." "We're the Princesses of Equestria, Celly. We don't pay rent." "...Oh." And so Tiny Daybreaker and Tiny Nightmare Moon burst out of Twilight's pocket and took over Equestria. Even though they already ruled it. Tiny Dale remained stuck inside the pocket. the only one able to fix the space time continuum was Hackerman?Author's Note Certified hackerman Sunset Shimmer sends her regards, The Spy of the Tiger. the only one able to fix the space time continuum was Hackerman? "Twilight!" Sunset Shimmer burst through a bookshelf. "Come with me if you wanna save time and space!" "Wh--" Twilight seethed, staring at the scattered books all over the floor. "I just reshelved those! If you wanna help me save time and space, then you should reshelve those books for me." Sunset lit her horn and dragged Twilight through the dimensional gateway. Kicking and screaming, of course. Always gotta have the kicking and screaming. "--and so, with the magic of radios, this gun I found, and some rare elements that can only be obtained by the strength of a hundred children working the mines, I believe I have come across the solution to fix space time!" Twilight looked at Sunset. Then to the gaming laptop on her lap. Then to the rocket launcher duct-taped to her hoof." "And that is--" "This!" Sunset flipped the laptop around. "I run Arch btw." "How did you just say 'btw' like that?" Sunset shrugged. "Anyway, if I run this special program that I've just written here--" she typed some commands out. Don't mind the fact that she has hooves. The keyboard works as long as you don't question it. I said don't question it. "--there. And that's all of reality, fixed! You're welcome by the way." Twilight blinked, staring at the screen. "Sunset. That's a fanfiction you wrote. It's..." she leaned in closer. "A self-insert shipfic with... Flash Sentry?" "Shut," Sunset whipped the laptop back around and began furiously typing again. "There," she flipped it around again. "Press any button. This is a script that taps into the underlying supercomputer network running the simulations that our universe is built on top of." Twilight pressed the power button. Sunset screamed. Twilight used her new Glizard powers to make it big in the hot dog selling business?Author's Note Scyphi knows that in this world, it's [REDACTED FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS]. Twilight used her new Glizard powers to make it big in the hot dog selling business? Twilight strolled upon the solid-gold pathway to her crystal palace. Said palace had long-since gotten a giant hot dog statue installed over where her cutie mark had once been... That is, the spire that once represented the Element of Magic itself, was now instead a vaguely-obscene hot dog with a ketchup bow-tie. "Hello, madam!" an orphan--one that surely hadn't had even a single bit to his name--scampered up to her, gazing skyward to even catch a glimpse of Twilight's majestic Glizard power-enhanced face. Also because she now wears massive stilettos that are stilts in all but name. "Are you able to spare some bits? I am so hungry!" Twilight felt her eyes begin to water. She remembered when she was hungry once... before she'd ascended to a higher state of being... before she became the Glizard... Yes, she knew what to do at this very instant for this poor orphan child. She lit her horn, watching the colt's eyes light up with anticipation. "Oh boy! Now I'll never go hungry again!" the poor orphan hot dog teetered away as quickly as his stubby little legs could manage. applebloom used her garlic bread powers to make the best [REDACTED] grilled cheese the world has ever known?Author's Note Perfectly Insane is perfectly insane. applebloom used her garlic bread powers to make the best [REDACTED] grilled cheese the world has ever known? "Oh my stars!" Celestia moaned into her grilled cheese sandwich. No, not the questionably horse man that hooked up with Pinkie. "This is the best ing thing I've had since sliced bread!" Apple Bloom regurgitated another slice of garlic bread onto the portable grill that she'd conveniently found in the Royal Canterlot Armory, pressing a spatula against it after applying a generous amount of cheese on top. "'Nother grilled cheese, Princess?" Celestia e n v e l o p e d the rest of the grilled cheese without chewing. Like, Apple Bloom was pretty sure there that the Princess of Equestria had just unhinged her jaw. Whatever. More business for Sweet Apple Acres meant less stuff her sister had to do! "Mmph. Yes, please!" Celestia wiped her muzzle with a Royal Guard. "Keep 'em coming! You got any of that coke too?" Apple Bloom stiffened. She forgot completely about Celestia's... hobbies. "I-I'll let mah sister know you'd like another batch of fresh Zap Apple preserves." "No no no, co. And seven [VERY REDACTED FOR A RATED E STORY]. Twelve pounds of [DEAR STARS ABOVE CELLY STOP IT], too. You already know my tastes in the seven [NUCLEAR EXPLOSION NOISES]." "Done, done, and done," Apple Bloom finished writing the notes out on her flank. If she wasn't getting a cutie mark from this, she'd make one herself. Ignore the fact that she already got a mark. "We're out of coke, by the way, is Bepis okay?" "Crystal Bepis or you're banished to the sun." Apple Bloom felt a lump form in her throat. when Twilight ascend, she was taken to the Council of Purple Ones to decide her power?Author's Note ScopingLandscape is here and ready for battle. when Twilight ascend, she was taken to the Council of Purple Ones to decide her power? Twilight opened her eyes. All around her was an endless plane of white and blue. She'd just completed Starswirl's spell--did she fail? Did it backfire? Her heart dropped. Did she die? "Oh, no no no--" Twilight began to pace in a circle. "I can't be dead, otherwise I'd be tardy to Celestia's next class! Er... wait." She paused. "Right, disgracefully expelled for medical reasons." Still. Where was she? "You there. Lavender unicorn," a nasal voice boomed overhead. Twilight turned around. Barney the Dinosaur stood beside a fully-armored Thanos and... Spike? There was also some purple blob with a face that was holding a milkshake, and another purple blob that looked vaguely like one of those "hoo-mins" that Lyra always obsessed over. Spike slowly regurgitated a piece of ravioli. "Do I get powers like that?" she pointed a hoof at him. Thanos shook his head, snapping his fingers. "You will see in time, purple one." Twilight descended from the heavens above in a blazing ball of light, landing softly on the ground between all her friends. She unfurled her new wings as she landed, showing off her new limbs in all their glory. She then proceeded to begin coughing up a storm. "Twilight, darling, whatever are you doing?" "Pasta," Twilight wheezed, beads of spit dripping from her muzzle. "I want my pasta. WHERE IS MY PASTA, THANOS?" she shook a hoof at the sky. "I'LL ANNIHILATE MYSELF WITH STARSWIRL'S SPELL AGAIN IF I HAVE TO." Rarity slowly backed away from the deranged mare. when you become an alicorn, you also slowly morph into a Biblically-accurate angel, and most of your power is used to maintain the illusion of a winged unicorn?Author's Note ScopingLandscape is secretly a biblically-accurate angel. when you become an alicorn, you also slowly morph into a Biblically-accurate angel, and most of your power is used to maintain the illusion of a winged unicorn? Twilight opened her eyes. All sixty-seven of them. That was new. Three more than yesterday. And one more wing, too. A horrifying screech emanated from where her mouth once was as she yawned. Spike had long-since grown accustomed to her smiting gaze by now, what with living in the same castle as her from the very beginning of the transformation. She lit her twenty-third horn and cloaked her form to better match that of her mortal subjects... and proceeded to immediately collapse in a heap on the floor. Spike's muffled voice came from behind the door. "Alright, I'll get you another cup of coffee." Twilight got sent back to Magic Kindergarten?Author's Note It was an honor writing with you, Level Dasher. o7 Twilight got sent back to Magic Kindergarten? "And as my next act as the de-facto Empress of the Galaxy," Empress Goatlestia bleated in a way that only a goat could speak. "Astronaut Twilight." "Yes?" Astronaut Twilight peeked out from behind the giant vats of pudding that both Twilakin and Celestiwan were currently being held in. "Go back to magic kindergarten. You've already been disgracefully expelled for medical reasons and I couldn't think of any other way to further denigrate you." "Oh." "Now, off with you! And leave the hooligans in the pudding while you're at it." Astronaut Twilight jingled miserably across the floor. "Teacherrrrrr," a filly raised her hoof. "Why's that weird old mare in here again?" Astronaut Twilight grumbled under her breath from the time-out duct tape prison dangling from the ceiling. She should've known better not to open portals to parallel universes during snack time. Ginosaji set its sights on Lyra Heartstrings?Author's Note Ellery Quinn is slowly but surely approaching us with a spoon. We are doomed. Ginosaji set its sights on Lyra Heartstrings? Lyra felt something smack her on the back of the head. "Ow--" she whipped around with a rocket launcher, immediately ready to use her pricey imported human weaponry to obliterate whatever had just mildly annoyed her. The pony that'd bumped into her while passing and dropped a miniature anvil from their tray full of tiny acme props profusely apologized for the incident, backing away and falling off a cliff Wiley E. Coyote style. Speaking of which, why is there a cliff in the middle of Donut Joe's diner? Lyra felt something smack her hoof. After firing a couple rockets over the ledge and into oblivion after the pony that so violently assaulted her moments prior, she spun around to exact the same vengeance on whoever else was bold enough to disturb her. The creature... no, the human... was it human? Lyra's excited breaths rose and fell like a rollercoaster having derailed. The thing in front of her dinged her on the muzzle with its spoon. Lyra sneezed. The creature smacked her on the muzzle with a larger spoon, tucking away the original spoon behind its coat. She sneezed again, readying her rocket launcher. It was smacked out of her grasp with a comedically-large spoon right before she was lightly tapped on the head with a comedically-small spoon. Lyra is now doomed. there was something involved [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] showed up, followed by Chrysalis sobbing in defeat while hugging Starlight like she was a teddy bear, and Starlight says: "It's tradition"?Author's Note PlymothFury58 was MoonButt420's medic. there was something involved [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] showed up, followed by Chrysalis sobbing in defeat while hugging Starlight like she was a teddy bear, and Starlight says: "It's tradition"? "CHRYSALIS," Starlight shouted into the deep dark dank cave. "I HAVE COME TO BARGAIN." "Five more minutes," Chrysalis shouted back over the sounds of virtual explosions. "I will defeat MoonButt420 in glorious combat!" "You said five more five minutes ago!" Starlight entered Chryssi's epic gamer cave. "C'mon, Chrysalis, the rest of your hive's waiting for you to reform. You know that there's nowhere else to--" "F!" Chrysalis screeched at the top of her lungs. She impaled her monitor with her controller. "To Tartarus with MoonButt420! To Tartarus with Muffinloverzzzz! I--" A message popped up from the amazingly still-working corner of her screen. Something about MoonButt420 and Chryssi's mother. Chrysalis whimpered. Massive tears rolled down her cheeks as that final little push put her over the edge. Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine. I guess you are my little pogchamp, come here," Starlight stepped closer to Chrysalis, ready to give the sobbing queen a warm hug. She stroked Chryssi's hair as she sobbed into her shoulder. "There, there. It's tradition to get cyberbullied after being defeated in Multiplayer Minesweeper." Chrysalis lifted her head a little, still sniffing. "This is that bargain you spoke of, isn't it?" "No, the bargain was giving you an RTX 4090 if you reformed and returned to your hive." "Oh." Thanos gave Twilight salad powers instead, because everybody needed to be eating healthier?Author's Note Scyphi is Thanos? Real???? Thanos gave Twilight salad powers instead, because everybody needed to be eating healthier? A hole tore open in the cloud layer separating this plane of reality and the next. From it, a lone purple hoof emerged, followed by the rest of the huffing mare. "THANOS," Twilight wheezed, "I--" She faceplanted on the clouds. It took a whole lotta effort to smash her way into an ethereal dimension, y'know. Twilight awoke within an Olive Garden. Her eyes shot open, wider than ever before as she realized the implications of doing so. Did she now have unlimited breadstick powers? Infinite soup? She fluttered her new wings in excitement. Mixed greens shed from her feathers with every movement. "Wh-no, no no no no no--" she lifted her wing as an entire head of lettuce dropped with a thud onto the floor beside her. "Salad powers? But I want my pa--" "Perfectly balanced," Thanos's voice echoed through her head, "As all things should be." Trixie cloned herself upside down three times and tried to take over the Crystal Empire and Seaquestria with flamethrowers being held by kittens wearing PJs on bikes?Author's Note Luluamoon-Crystal... what???????? Trixie cloned herself upside down three times and tried to take over the Crystal Empire and Seaquestria with flamethrowers being held by kittens wearing PJs on bikes? "YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SOMBRA," Trixthree shouted from atop her army of pajama-wearing, flamethrower-wielding, bike-riding kittens. "Why, of course my days are numbered, I use a--" Sombra didn't have the time to finish his recycled joke before he was banished to the sun by the might of THREE unicorns. Not one, not two, and four is far too many. Trixthree gently placed a kitten on the throne of the Crystal Empire. We do not speak of what happened to the royal family that once inhabited the palace. There never was a royal family. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Trixthree used one of her three selves to slingshot the other two into the ocean after that. "Hey hey," Trixtwo nudged the current ruler of Seaquestria, who was inexplicably an oversized seahorse. Not that kind of seahorse, the other kind. No no, the other other kind. "Guess what?" "Wh--" All of Equestria's oceans were immediately evaporated by the might of five hundred billion flamethrower-wielding kittens. equestria was attacked by the fire nation?Author's Note Tell me, RandomCommentor, do you like bananas? equestria was attacked by the fire nation? "A nation that is not of the elements?" Fire Lord Ozai lifted a brow as he sipped his tea. "How peculiar. And pathetic. Tell my disgraceful brother that his tea is weak." He slammed the teacup through the table and stood up, walking confidently to the bow of his airship. Far below, the pastel colors of Equestria's infrastructure glimmered in the dwindling light of dusk. A confident smirk spread across Ozai's face as he lifted his hands in prepara-- "NOT OF THE ELEMENTS?" a pale, flying... horned... poodle pony??? No-- "NOT OF THE ELEMENTS???" the creature screeched again, its bloodshot gaze piercing deep into even Ozai's hardened heart. It lowered itself down to his eye level. "Tell me, do you like bananas?" "Enough with this," Ozai abruptly swung a fiery punch at the creature. Said punch bounced off apparently painlessly. "I'll take that as a no," the creature responded. "So you're a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyetch that doesn't like mmmmmmmmbananas." Ozai lifted into the air himself now, propelled by the flames emitting from his limbs. "Out of my way. For your disrespect, I will personally ensure that you watch your kingdom burn." A golden glow suddenly surrounded him, preventing any further movement. He struggled against his restraints even as his flames went out. Surely, this creature couldn't be the avatar. It was that child! This had to be an elaborate ruse to lower his guar-- "Well, that's good," the pale creature lifted a cannon of some sort up from below before stuffing him inside. "'Cause you ain't findin' any bananas on the moooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ozai didn't have the time for words as he found himself hurtling upwards and out of the atmosphere. A faint roar of delight followed him up. "Byetch!" Astronaut Twilight spent her time taped to the ceiling of magic kindergarten on a nice game of Counter-Strike?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger knows whether or not Astronaut Twilight is using cheats or not. Astronaut Twilight spent her time taped to the ceiling of magic kindergarten on a nice game of Counter-Strike? "Teacherrrrrr!" a colt pointed a hoof at the ceiling. "Why does she get to pwn noobs when the rest of us have to draw flowers?" Astronaut Twilight took a swig of her Mountain Dew before cramming a hoofful of Doritos into her mouth, raining crumbs down on the colt beneath her as she got another kill. She momentarily tore her gaze away from the $10,000 ultra-RGB gaming laptop that she'd had hidden in the ceiling tiles. "Am not, I'm playing a very educational game. I learn how to count, see?" She tossed a grenade (in-game, of course) and waited a few seconds before a flash lit up her screen momentarily. "See? That right there lets me count up by threes! Three kills, six kills, nine kills, and--" her talking was momentarily cut off by the sounds of gunfire. "Fifteen!" The colt counted with his hooves the best he could, given that fingers were not a horse kind of thing. "Wait, but that's not counting up by three with that last number!" "Sounds like a you problem," Twilight returned her attention to pulverizing noobs before being unceremoniously swat with a broom by the teacher. something something Adam Sandler's Click?Author's Note An off-site request? A. Sandle R. is bringin' this one in hot and fresh on a rusty platter! ~~I have never watched an Adam Sandler movie in my life and this whole chapter is based on two paragraphs I read off Wikipedia.~~ something something Adam Sandler's Click? Rainbow Dash stared at the remote sitting on the counter. "Don't do it, Rainbow. Don't you dare use it. Cast it into the fire, destroy--" Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder at Twilight as she pressed the fast-forward button. "Congrats on the promotion," Soarin' nudged Rainbow in the side as he took off. "Sorry Scoots couldn't be here for the ceremony." "Huh?" Rainbow's attention was suddenly torn as Derpy crashed into her, causing her to land on top of the remote. Celestia strained against the red giant threatening to envelop the planet. Her hooves slipped a little as she grunted. "Go, Rainbow!" she took a moment to shoo the pegasus away. "It's not safe here anymore!" Rainbow Dash peeled herself off the remote but was too late as Celestia finally faltered. Rainbow Dash awoke in the Bed Bath & Beyond, staring at the remote in front of her. Celestigoat, who'd been demoted to janitorial duties, took a bite out of it. What. Twilight pondered her orbAuthor's Note The Spy of the Tiger holds the world record in number of orbs pondered. Twilight pondered her orb Twilight pondered her orb of orbiness. It was very orbish, and she was *this close* to orbing her way into the orb finals of orbing. It was a surprise that there was even such a competition in the first place. Trixie peeked in through the open door but was promptly incinerated by Twilight's death glare. She returned to her pondering. Admittedly, the requirements of the competition being that she had to watch Princess Celestia's daily life for a week straight on the orb was strange, but the winner got a lifetime supply of college textbooks! Do you know how expensive those things are? Twilight salivated at the thought of all those books. Onto her orb. Celestia got super drunk off rum cake and forced fluttershy and octavia to married because she always secretly shipped it?Author's Note Rhonie8k ships it. The final chapter of What If, I've decided, will be dedicated to my dog, Cody. He wouldn't want me to dwell on his loss to the point of it taking over my life. He will always be with me in my memories. Celestia got super drunk off rum cake and forced fluttershy and octavia to married because she always secretly shipped it? "Now kiss!" Celestia pushed the heads of the two mares closer together. "Smooch! Kissy kissy!" Octavia turned her face away. "No! My love stands with Miss Scratch!" Fluttershy, for her part, only meekly resisted, shrinking away the best that she could from the alicorn's extreme shipping. Celestia swept her MLP toys under her bed and whistled inconspicuously as Luna slammed the door open, a pair of game controllers dangling in her grasp. a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit toAuthor's Note a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit to be the princess of friendship? Rhonie8k is the new Pokemon Master! a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit to "Wake up, sheeple!" Spike shook the Wooloo from its slumber. This was widely considered to be a Bad Move, and so agreed the Mareep High Council. As the collective heirs to the Princess of Friendship's throne, they sentenced Spike to one year of anger management. Tall Pipp did a comeback tour?Author's Note Scyphi, why????! Tall Pipp did a comeback tour? Legs the size of redwood trees crashed down between buildings in what remained of Ponyville. Ponies screamed as they scattered from the lumbering steps of the behemoth terrorizing their community. Every so often, a mechanical claw reached down from the skies above and snatched a pony from the ground, returning them not a minute later, knee-less. And the pink behemoth? Just a little taller than before. "Oh my gosh, so you wouldn't believe what just happened!" Pipp's streamer voice boomed from up above. "So, I was just walking downtown, and then this huge mob of ponies started running away from me? And I think it's because I forgot to put my makeup on or something. I don't know, but I'm going to Sephora right now." ~~I legit do not remember how Pipp talks but I know that she was pretty much the pony equivalent of a streamer~~ Sweetie Giraffee became president and Scootaroo vice president? And Tall Pipp became the secretary of state?Author's Note Scootaroo? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long, long time, twidash1993. And I suppose we've got another tag-team chapter goin' with Scyphi tagging along. Sweetie Giraffee became president and Scootaroo vice president? And Tall Pipp became the secretary of state? Sweetie Giraffee, the cousin of the far more hostile Sweetie Giraffe and the far wiser Sweaty Jiraf, tapped her tall microphone. "Ahem. I would like to thank everyone here today on electing me and my good friend Scootaroo as president and vice-president of Equestria. I will be appointing Tall Pipp as secretary of state, effective immediately, and I promise you all that this nation is in good hooves." "A democratic election? In my authoritarian state?" Celestia crash-landed on the stage and ate the microphone. It was disgusting and she spit it back out. "Not on my watch!" "Princess," President Giraffee pointed at Celestia's hooves. "With all due respect, I believe you are the one on your watch." Celestia lifted a hoof and stared at the remains of her diamond-encrusted platinum Rolex watch. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Every What If Was Canon?Author's Note The final comment-based chapter of What If goes to you, RandomCommentor! Next chapter's the very last one. Every What If Was Canon? ... ... LARSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! Twilight broke the tip of her quill clean off. She stared at the immense number of pages she'd written through the years. Nine-hundred ninety-nine chapters. Nine-hundred ninety-nine chapters. Never in her life had she expected to even read, let alone write, this many chapters. She looked up from the stacks upon stacks of parchment. A kaleidoscope of events unfolded all around her. Strange tuber overlords. The Royal Sisters and their shenanigans. Flim and Flam scamming yet another clueless passerby out of their firstborn child. She wondered sometimes what they did with all those foals. Goats, cheese, goat cheese, lasers, fire--so much fire--, whales, explosions, and so, so much more that she'd hardly even remembered at this point. Of course, there was also that strange screaming humanoid entity that drifted far above, ignored by everything else for years. For all she knew, it might've been the final boss of whatever game xXx-G4M3RZ-LUN420-xXx was playing. Still, for all the sheer chaos that she'd somehow managed to bring forth, there was still a great beauty that lied within all of it. Limit Break: 1001Author's Note Haha, time to break the site once more! (This chapter was purely an experiment. The 1,000th chapter remains the finale of this story.) (Also, yeah turns out 1,000 is just an arbitrary choice by Knighty. Most likely for performance and reader convenience reasons. EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology What If 2: Eclectic Scootaloo! The beginning of a new era. A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 5k words · 26 5 · 235 views Limit Break: 1001 Twibright Smirkle smirked like the bright twilit sky as she deviously--and I mean DEVIOUSLY, slipped another page into the finished work of her rival, that dastardly Twilight Sparkle. Surely nopony would notice this malicious act, for it was common knowledge that there could only be at most one thousand chapters. There may be less, but there must never be more. For eons, ponies shuddered at the idea of there being a--*gasp*--one thousand first chapter. Or even a thousand secondth! It would be nothing less than a sign of the end of times. An indication that Equestria was surely doomed, right along with its inhabitants. And so, Twibright Smirkle stuck the page into the book, still suspended from the ceiling by the rope tied around her waist. Once Equestria was gone, she would be the one to rule over all that was left! She would be the one that everypony had to answer to! She-- The lights turned on. "Twilight, are you having a caffeine crash again?" Spike yawned, waddling over to Twibright and untying her. "Away!" Twibright hissed. She lit her horn and vanished, leaving a very confused Spike behind... And one extra chapter in a one-thousand-chapter story.
Twilight got a bad grade?Author's Note And in this corner, we have our usual, Zapper frost! Twilight got a bad grade? "No, nononononononononono..." Twilight groaned, "This can't be happening... this shouldn't have happened. Wh-where did I go wrong? Was it in the math? The symbolic solutions? My entire future could be on the line simply because of this one test..." "Twilight, it's just an A-minus. Stop worrying." Twilight screeched in frustration.
Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Author's Note Let's make some crazy horsewords, shall we, clarence112? Starswirl's spell made Twilight an earth pony instead of an alicorn? Twilight felt Starswirl's spell wrap around her, and with an anticlimactic pop, she was gone form the world. *Insert talk with Celestia here* Twilight groaned, spitting out a mouthful of dirt after having plummeted from the sky like a meteor. "Twilight, your horn!" the others exclaimed, pointing to the... noticeable lack of said horn. Twilight screamed. Again. She screams quite a bit in this story, doesn't she?
Twilight literally screamed her head off?Author's Note Back by comment-upvoted demand, it's AnObliviousAuthor! Twilight literally screamed her head off? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" "Twilight, dear, stop it with the screaming! You'll scream your head off at this rate. What even is the matter, darling?" "--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" An anticlimactic pop accompanied Twilight's head standing up, jumping off her neck, and skittering away, still screaming all the while. Twilight's body continued to stand in place, an odd rumbling noise shuddering from within. A loony, detached, toothy grin spread across Rarity's face as she accepted the new rules of reality and walked out the room. As for Twilight's body, a new head had already been magically poofed into existence for nothing other than being a plot device. Taking a deep breath, Twilight opened her new mouth and-- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Today was a long day for Ponyville following the invasion of Twilight headcrabs.
Holy heckin' heck?Holy crap. I want some freakin' sleep. A pink hoof reached out from the screen and slapped the author in the face. "No."
the author has entered another writing hiatus after burning himself out?...what, you expected a story here or something? "Yeah," Guess what? There isn't. "Oh." Guess what else? "What?" Wolves. "Wolves?" An ominous, howling cloud began to materialize high in the sky. Author's Note Things I have done and/or am planning on doing during my hiatus: Study for and pass my calculus test Get ahead in class so I have some buffer room for Thursday and Friday for the robotics competition Go to robotics competition and hopefully win Sleep well More D&D? Have good dreams Sleep (more) idk
Techie done diddly did a slep?Author's Note idk. I'm gonna actually sleep now. 12 hours straight of competition for three days, y'know? Techie done diddly did a slep? *Insert sleeping noises here.* "Bo-ring!" Pinkie complained, changing the channel.
Big OOF!?"OOF!" said Celestia. "OOF!" said Luna. "OOF!" said Equestria. "BOOM!" said the sun going supernova. The end.
♧☆●□~?Author's Note It's Zapper frost, you know the drill. Also, just to save my sanity, I'm resetting all idea submissions for What If, and likely will no longer consider any current existing comments. So... I guess... leave your ideas down below? ♧☆●□~? "Clubs!" "No, stars!" Pinkie Pie hurled a small rubber ball at her friends, of whom caught said ball in a plexiglass box. A gust of wind brushed past the mares. "Huh?"
the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment sectionAuthor's Note Mashup time, AnObliviousAuthor! Not gonna use all of them simply because holy heck it's already a lot, but there's already plenty. the author became his avatar? What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? What if the entire comment section You kick my door open to find a rainbow lookin' spiky T sitting in a chair. The T, that is, the author, turns in his office chair, his poodle sitting on his lap as he pats its head. "This is the part where you leave my room." What if there was a request so specific it was basically already a chapter all by itself? Here is your chapter. What if every winged pony's wings got stuck together? "HOW ARE WE FLYYYYYING?!" Twilight screamed, tumbling through the air with every other winged pony in Equestria. "Starlight's self-levitation spells!" A voice somewhere inside the ball of ponies shouted back. "Oh! Okay!" Together, the Pony Wingball tumbled its way into dominating the galaxy. What if Spike only spoke in kazoo sounds? "Doot." "Huh?" "Doot? Dootdedoot doot! Doot! Dooot!" "Sure thing, Doot Doot." What if the entire comment section of this story got dumped on Twilight's head? Twilight has left the server. Does FIMfiction have a chapter title length limit? Who knows? What if Sweetie Giraffe tried hippo boots first and is now annoyed with Luna for stealing her idea? "UNDERLING." Sweetie Giraffe boomed as she loomed over Luna and her hippo boots, "I AM... UPSET." Luna blew a raspberry. Sweetie Giraffe began to vibrate as her eyes turned a bright red. Luna woke up the next day on one of Jupiter's moons, the smell of singed fur clinging to her. Also, her hippo boots were gone. What if Luna realized that although elephant boots are wildly impractical, hippo boots are a much bolder fashion statement anyway? *Two days before the above event...* "Hm, these elephant boots are wildly impractical," Luna mused, shaking one such elephant currently flex-taped to her hoof. The elephant trumpeted back in annoyance. She untaped the elephants from her hooves, glancing about until her eyes landed on the hippos lounging in the watering hole. "But hippo boots... hm... bold." Luna smirked as she held up her roll of flex tape. Did I find the chapter title length limit yet? Who knows?
all the earth ponies' hooves got stuck together?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself?Author's Note ZING! It's dj-pon3fan, right outta the interwebz! Twilight adopted the Changeling filly version of herself? Twilight blinked. Spike blinked. The... other Spike blinked. "Okay, which one of you is the real Spike?" Twilight groaned, facehoofing. Spike and Twilight (the changeling) snickered.
Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid?Author's Note It's a tag-team combo chapter! Say hi to twidash1993 and Zapper frost and johnsparkly251! Spike ate Twilight's bathtub, leading to an FBI raid? "Urk..." Spike belched, lying face-down on the floor of Twilight's bathroom, "Remind me next time not to take up one of Garble's dares. Bathtub tastes gross." Twilight rolled her eyes with a grumble and continued cleaning up the water. A heavy pounding came from the locked door. "FBI OPEN UP!" a Royal Guard's voice shouted, followed by more pounding, "WE HAVE EVIDENCE OF YOUR ILLEGAL POSSESSION OF AN EDIBLE BATHTUB." Spike burped again, this time in fear. "You'll never take us alive!" Twilight hollered in return, grabbing her assistant and teleporting away. Nobody would ever know what happened to the bathtub that day.
Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT!Author's Note I'm for sure gonna turn this into a full-on story once I get some things out of the way. Story pitch: HELP, I'VE DISPLACED MYSELF AND I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUT! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" I screamed, flailing every imagineable part of my body as I hurtled ever closer to the ground. I saw my life begin to flash before my eyes; my absolutely, completely-normal-and-in-no-way-tragic childhood, my stereotypical school life from pre-k all the way through high school, oh, and the part of my life marked by the fact that I just happened to like MLP. Yeah, I think that last part is just about to cause me some good ol' trouble, based on recent events. It all starts with "The Merchant". Yup, I know how this goes. Typical displaced is displaced. I was at WhateverCon earlier this morning wearing not-so-subtle cosplay of... um... myself, and I decided to buy a jetpack from The Merchant. Don't ask why or how it's possible to buy a functional jetpack, but I did it. Okay, I lied about the cosplaying part. I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else. I mean I was wearing a Pokemon shirt and nothing else out of the ordinary. Get your mind outta the gutter, folks. Anyways, I was minding my own business with a Pikachu shirt on while I was just strolling around looking at stands. I bought a few MLP keychains from this weird These Keychains Definitely Aren't Used In Some Kind Of Summoning Ritual stand, a bowling ball painted to look like a Master Ball, and a horsehead mask. And that's where I ran across The Merchant. I didn't think about who he potentially was at first, I just saw his "Things & Stuff" sign on his scrappy little cart-stand thing. He had a nice shelf of whatever product it was that he was selling behind him, too... cloaks, foam daggers, a couple themed fedoras and a replica katana, among other things. What caught my eye however was the freakin' jetpack he had proudly on display in his bargain bin. And so that's how I acquired a questionably-working jetpack for just thirteen dollars, and pretty soon from the looks of it, my life as well. I'm just hoping that accidentally not realizing that I bought something from The Merchant doesn't mean that whatever displacing power he holds over me no longer works... ... Well, I think I've had a good run as far as life goes. Yeah, sure, I'm probably gonna be some random splotch on the ground pretty soon, or maybe by some miraculous event, I'll survive. Well, the ground's starting to zoom in at high speed. All I know is that this time, I think this merchant dude decided that sending people to Equestria got boring. And mark my words, if I ever see him again in the next life, I'm gonna-- ...Where did the ground go? Why is my jetpack suddenly functional? Why is my bowling ball suddenly an actual Master Ball? Why the heck do I hear the crackle of electricity?! HOLY CRAP IS THAT A SUMMONING CIRCLE MADE OUT OF MY KEYCHAINS THAT I SEE UNDERNEATH ME?! I didn't have time to think about what the just happened as I half-slammed into a tree, the momentum of my jetpack ensuring that I'd bounce off the trunk and hit a second tree as I began to spiral down into a forest of some kind. ... ... Ah, I see where this is going. I did get displaced, didn't I? Aw, heck, I probably left my garage open at home too. My dad always warned me to double check before I drove off... Nevertheless, I think I hear rustling... Well, I guess it's narration time. I'm pretty sure I know how this goes, based on past readings of stories similar to my own on the good ol' interwebz. And if this story ever ends up on the internet, mark my words, I'm gonna be the most self-aware guy to ever get displaced... maybe. But then comes the real whopper of a question: how am I gonna get home? I still need to know if I closed my garage door! I've seen what happens on the news to people who forget to close them! They get robbed and stuff sometimes! Though honestly, I do live in a pretty nice neighborhood with a big ol' park nearby. But still, better safe than sorry, amirite? Worse yet, what if more than just me got displaced? I've read stories like this before... they've always ended up as this weird D&D-style, ragtag group of goobers who just mess around for the rest of their lives. At least, I think that's how it goes. Never actually was much of a fan of the genre myself as far as my top ten favorite genres go. But ho-ly crap. I'm pretty sure I'm in the Everfree Forest right now, and there's a good chance that I'm just about to meet my doom in the form of... A Pikachu? The small pokemon stared at me from the underbrush, before letting out a cheerful "Pika!" I wonder if my bowling ball works as an actual Master Ball now... it definitely looks like one already, so why not work like one too? With both hands, I grunted as I heaved the giant Master Ball-looking bowling ball over my head. I'm gonna assume right now that based on my Pokemon shirt (more specifically, Pikachu shirt), I was probably displaced as a Pokemon trainer. Heck, even-- "Pikachu, return!" I felt myself unconsciously shout. Well, I guess this is the part where I become trapped as the character from some other series in the world of MLP, isn't it? I guess as time passes, I'm gonna begin to lose more and more of my mind to that of whatever mindset of a Pokemon trainer has been instilled in me. I felt myself tip over as the weight of the bowling ball began to tumble forward. "ACK!" I shouted, slamming the bowling ball right into the spot where Pikachu was just moments prior. I spat dirt from my mouth, wiping my face with my arm as I stared in horror at the small crater that was the ground in underneath the ball. For sure that Pikachu probably just had its final moments if I actually just-- "Pika pi!" Pikachu chirped quietly, escaping from the bowling-ball Master Ball and leaping onto my shoulder, "Pikachu!" "Shh... do you hear that, Sweetie? I heard a shout over there!" "Yeah! Scootaloo, what are you planning on doing?" "You'll find out soon. Applebloom, got the net?" "Yep!" Oh boy. Time to meet some pones. "Cutie Mark Crusaders, Human Catchers!" Oh no.
Story pitch: At the Edge of ForeverAuthor's Note This one's a bit more on the pondering side of things. It draws inspiration from Star Scraper's fic, After Eternity, in that the story would potentially explore a future beyond our own imagination. Though, in this case, I suppose it deals more directly with the slow decline of Equestria, rather than of the universe itself. I've got a bookshelf specifically for stories like Star Scraper's, simply because of how much I liked them. I doubt I'd be able to write anything on the same level as After Eternity, but hey, I can try. ...Or maybe I'd end up writing what'd be a well-timed story to be released alongside the end of Gen 4. Idunno, I'm writing these notes before I even start on the story pitch, so let's just see where my thoughts take me. This one would likely just be left alone as a one-shot. I... don't know how much of this I'd be able to write, considering both my current skills as a writer and my expertise in various topics. Story pitch: At the Edge of Forever Everything eventually comes to an end. Twilight stared at the sentence she'd just written. How long had it been since she'd first ascended? Some five, six thousand years? Tens of thousands? Time was no longer relevant to the mare at this age. She'd seen more than even Celestia and Luna together ever experienced back when she was the student of the former. Equestria had long-since vanished from the minds of all other ponies-- an ancient, nearly-forgotten civilization relegated to the archives. Civilizations had risen and fallen numerous times throughout the millennia. Not even the Crystal Empire, the city-state that emerged long ago from the ice, existed anymore. At least, not in its original state. No, the Crystal Empire had long-since left the land, simply vanishing once again one day without any trace, save for a single sign at its former entrance: "Spacebound". Now, ponykind, at least in the current incarnation of Equestria and its allies, was on the decline. If ponies wished to thrive once more, they simply left the planet. Sometimes in pursuit of the legendary "Crystal Starship", other times simply to escape the mundane, terrestrial life of Equestria. Twilight knew this, closing her eyes with a gentle sigh as yet another rocket blasted off in the background. Such as the world since the old Princesses left. They too wished for a greater life, eventually. Even Cadance and Flurry Heart, the beloved mother-daughter duo of the old Crystal Empire; they too left, vanished without a trace with the last of the Empire. Twilight sipped her tea. How she longed for her niece, how she wished to see family and friends, long-passed and forgotten by the sands of time. The Elements of Harmony were no more, either. No, it was only Twilight Sparkle, revered figurehead of the Equestrian nations. She'd given up governing long ago as well, leading a more sedentary lifestyle for the past few centuries after thousands of years of rule. A twinkle in the sky caught her eye; was it a failing rocket? Another otherworldly invasion? Meteorite? Twilight shrugged, sipping her tea again. Nothing matters anymore when you're as old as the history around you. She paused mid-sip as another revelation came across her mind. Even the legacies of old have become forgotten. It was true, too. Equestria, after years of decline in both population and overall development, had steadily devolved into isolated pockets of factions. They didn't normally fight, but they were sure a long ways away from friendship. Nevertheless, only time would tell if even their fights would ever be remembered. Twilight set the steaming cup of tea on the table, staring out the window as the twinkle of light grew bigger and brighter. Perhaps now will be my time, she smiled, staring directly at the light in the sky. She picked up her tea, taking another sip with a slight frown as the twinkle rapidly grew into a streak, falling down upon a small settlement in what once was the Everfree Forest. Another sip as a blaze erupted upon the down. Another sip as screaming ponies struggled to put out the fire. Another sip as one of Equestria's orbiting cities -- New Cloudsdale, based off its shape -- doused the flames instantly. Another sip as said city once again whisked itself away into obscurity. As was modern Equestrian life. There was no purpose for those who remained on the planet. No livelihood, no excitement. Just... nothing. Equestria had finally fallen. Not by an invading army, nor by a sudden, tragic event. No, the nation had crumbled, and faded away long ago, before anypony could even remember, banished into the disintegrating tomes of the archives. Twilight took another sip of her tea.
Story pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuffAuthor's Note Here's another one! This one's more or less a gag joke, but I just wanted to get the idea out there. Unlike the previous pitches, I have to plans to write any story based on this. Though I do plan on shoveling the idea at some point into that Displaced story that I pitched a couple days back... On the side note, this story is just about as bipolar as the player character everyone collectively controls on my Discord server's RPG channel. Story pitch: Wolf Railguns, among other things & stuff "...Twilight, what is that?" Spike jerked back in surprise as Twilight whirled around, a maniacal grin spread across her face. A high-pitched sproink sounded out as her mane began to spring out at odd angles. "Wolf railgun!" Twilight cheered, aiming the weapon at her assistant, "With this baby, we won't have to worry about any villains or monsters, ever again!" Spike nudged the (surprisingly compact) railgun away from his face. "Twilight, how does it even work, first of all?" Twilight squealed in delight at the question, clapping her hooves as she spun back around to her open window. A heavy clunk of machinery emanated from within the railgun as she pulled the first lever. Slowly, a dim light began to shine from within an enclosed, secured bag held just within visibility at the back end of the railgun. The bag bulged for a bit, and the smell of wet dog began to fill the room as a small lump traveled up into the main launch chamber. With nothing more than a pop and a doppler-effect howl, a wolf shot out of the cannon, and into the distance. It took a few seconds, but soon enough, Spike could spot a cloud of birds rise from the Everfree forest. "Did... did the wolf even survive that?" Spike stuttered, "I'm pretty sure this is animal abuse." "NONSENSE!" Twilight yelled, "These wolves aren't your average, garden-variety, everyday wolves, for I, Twilight Sparkle, have traveled to an entirely different realm of existance for the sole purpose of finding the perfect ammo for my railgun!" "But why wolves?" Twilight winked. "Not just any wolves, Spike. You'll see in a moment." The ground began to tremble as a dark, howling cloud emerged from beneath the treetops of the Everfree. "A-are those--" "WOLVES!" Twilight screeched, nearly hitting her assistant with the railgun, "These wolves multiply exponentially, and on top of that, they fly!" "But won't that destroy Equestria as we know it?" "Who cares about Equestria?" Twilight shot back, "The universe that I pulled a single wolf from earlier was on the verge of collapse via the gravitational pull of the exponentially multiplying mass of wolves filling up the void!" "...And just what universe was this?" Twilight stared at the camera filming both herself and Spike. "The author's most recent D&D campaign!" "Oh." The last image the camera recorded was of the wolf cloud bursting in through the window.
Story pitch: ManufactureAuthor's Note This story... hoo boy, things are probably gonna get meta. I've talked about this before if I remember correctly. Basically, the story would serve as an allegory to how I sometimes feel about writing stories: Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I'm writing for the sake of writing anymore. Instead, it feels more like I'm manufacturing a story, for the sole purpose of satisfying readers. Throughout the story pitch, certain things-- the repeated use of "generic", the puzzle Twilight works on, and so on, define what often annoyed me when it came to forcing myself to write more when I didn't want to. The generic-ness represents the feeling of repetition, the loss of uniqueness of certain objects, settings, or even themes in a story as I continue to use them past what I originally planned for. The puzzle, in turn, represents the modularity of the resulting story, mass-produced words that fit together... like a puzzle. This chapter is written to essentially be able to be read in nearly any order and still make just about the same amount of sense. Nothing makes sense simply due to how surreal things seem to be simply out of being too ordinary. The plot simply follows Twilight as she finishes a puzzle, vacuums the floor, watches TV, and heads outside, only to return indoors shortly after. In short, this story is about how when I feel forced to write a story, things begin to be faked. Things become nothing more than pieces of a puzzle, manufactured story, emotion, lies, that are written out and fed to the reader who wishes to see continual new content, or even simply to sate an author's own inner drive to write, long after they've reached their personal limits. But don't worry, that's not the case right now. Also, I think I write too much Twilight Sparkle. Then again, personality-wise, I'm most similar to her, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Story pitch: Manufacture Click. Another piece snapped in place. Click. Twilight Sparkle leaned back, admiring her completed puzzlework: A tall, unassuming, and rather generic image of a coral reef. She took a sip of her tea-flavored tea. Original tea flavored, of course. She turned on her television, staring blankly as a generic cartoon about ponies began to play. It was her favorite show, and the only show that ever aired. The show was the weather, it was the news, it was the entertainment, it was the sport. This show that the mare loved oh so much was by far the most generic show to ever air on TV. The mare pushed her couch to the side, paying mind to fit it snugly against the matching curve of her table. She wiped a speck of grey lint off the blazing white color of the couch, frowning as the lint then landed on the colorless carpet. She cantered away, returning minutes later with a rather nondescript vacuum, plugging it into a nearby outlet and turning it on. A high-pitched whine pierced the air for all but a few seconds as she vacuumed up the speck, before carting the vacuum back into her closet. She returned to the room as the TV show turned its focus to the weather. A pony that looked like any other pony spoke in a toneless, emotionless voice, pointing at the usual forecast that had been broadcasted for longer than Twilight could remember: partial clouds, with a chance of either rain or sun later in the day. The forecast ended abruptly, to no surprise. There was nothing else to speak of on the weather, after all, when any day was the same as the next. A string of advertisements ran next, all advertising the same old stories written by a nameless, obscure author. How many stories had they written? Nopony knows. The ads soon enough completed their usual cycle, returning the airwaves to the typical programming. This, of course, was Twilight's favorite part of the show. "Welcome to today's random history facts." the announcer drawled on, slowly lifting a hoof to gesture at a sign. Twilight squinted, focusing on the sign for a moment. It was mostly blank-- not much more than generic canvas, with some off-brand marker being used to write "History facts" across in a nondescript fashion. "Today's history fact," the announcer continued, his image cutting to a stock photo of Canterlot, "on this day today, as with any other day in known history, Celestia raises the sun." Twilight stared in awe at the dramatized reenactment of this morning's sunrise. "Thank you for watching today's random history fact. We will now turn to our entertainment programming once again." The cartoon about ponies returned to the screen. The blue pony was currently chasing the orange pony. Twilight didn't know their names; nobody knew their names. They were just known by their color. The scene cut to a purple pony watching TV. Nothing happened for some amount of time. Twilight turned off the TV and stood up. She stared for a little bit at the portrait of a pony. She didn't know that pony. She walked outside and saw the solid green rolling hills of the town. The mailmare walked past and gave her an unlabeled letter. She already knew its contents, but opened it anyway. "Thank you for your subscription to subscription mail services," the letter read, "You are our most valued customer, because all our customers are of great value to us." She closed the envelope and gave it to the next mailpony that passed. She wasn't entirely sure if the pony was actually a mailpony, however, because all the ponies that weren't in the TV show looked the same. Twilight stared down the perfect line of pristine houses, all alike in build and color. An older stallion mowed his lawn to once more be the same height as his neighbors. Twilight turned around and re-entered her house, pushing aside blank, generic drapes as she entered.
somepony teleported bread?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger has done nothing but teleport bread for three days. somepony teleported bread? "Great news!" Twilight emerged from the hole in the ground that she called her studying pit. "We're not gonna die!" "Really?" Pinkie's mane immediately reinflated at the news. "But what about the bread?" Twilight held up a very clearly mutant loaf of bread. "Only bread gets cancerous tumors from the teleporter! So as long as nopony teleports anymore bread, we have nothing to worry about!" "Uh, question." Rainbow Dash raised a hoof. "...Yes?" "I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days." "That's not a question, Rainbow. That's a statement. Remember, questions end with a question mar--DEAR CELESTIA." A great rumble tore through the room. Everypony's eyes turned to the door. "Twilight!" Celestia burst through the doors, crumbs plastered across her face. "This is the most delicious cake I have ever tasted!"
A bot wrote this chapter?Author's Note Feel free to mess around as you'd like with the source. What did I feed into the bot? Pony-Me™ What If... My English essay on the ethical use of Artificial Intelligence My US History notes on the Civil War Microsoft's Windows 10 license agreement Yeah. Fed all of those at the same time into the bot. This is what it spat out. The only things I added manually were punctuation and capitalization. All else was generated by the bot. A bot wrote this chapter? The progress of your lives was obtained from Kentucky banker laws. In fact, the device that you use daily serves as a reminder to all that personal privacy has shrunken greatly. Twilight Sparkle screeched across the land, many serious vehicles twirling through her ears. "What are you doing to my daughter?!" The mare shrieked from behind her unwavering eyes, "Y'know the Confederacy could mobilize resources and then Illinois!" Increasingly potent screaming horse noises distracted the Confederacy. Though Britain never recognized the means of intelligent ponies, Lincoln reaffirmed through informal struggles and services that the populace had grown accustomed to your own reflection. However, even with hellfire missiles learning to use the autonomous vehicles, what became meta curated individual proceedings without Twilight's shoulder drones. "300,000 victims ago, in Canterlot dungeons, the algorithms developed military leaders!" Twilight cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes, "I'd be made in researching horse pants explosion noises!" Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through the cereal aisle, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "Twilight," the mare flipped, "Siri has installed software for commercial hosting technologies on your device!" Rainbow Dash provided a third party internet connection to the Australian environment. Microsoft and Microsoft permanently became alicorns for the next three hours. "Spike," Twilight groaned, "I just wanted to lick blocks from underneath Kansas..." Lisa Garnet awoke from the battlefield of ethical autonomous swords, staring blankly at the intelligent pony. "What did you say to me?" she deadpanned, "Just because ponies are very fireproof today... Well, y'know horse future, I think I'll probably throw the car over the city." She turned towards the machine as a small vehicle lurched through the air. "So..." She began importantly, "I just vehicles. " "You vehicles?" "Bells!" The girl shouted angrily, "Ah'm researching the mirror portal again!" The girl turned away, walking off into the distance. "So..." Twilight whispered, "I'd certainly hope that she was once a small rabbit. I wonder if she was carrying a small rabbit crime cycle?" Twilight sighed gently, her tail flopping over her newfound Dragonfire drones. A few golden coins and gems conspired against the potato overlords. Instead of using their permanently assigned husband files, shrunken book devices separately licensed to the gr8 sl8 pl8 fr8 boxes likewise embraced Lincoln's muffins. "I sneezed." Celestia narrowed her face. "You what?" "I sneezed." Celestia narrowed her eyes. Twilight stared at the alicorn in agony; nearly twice the terms of business warfare laws impose references to kill public support for party sites. The Confederacy still hoped to collect more information about the trivialities of handling mass confusion technologies. Other than that, they were unable to reconnect automatically to the traditional displacement train. "Twilight," Celestia said softly, "The Confederacy could mobilize quickly. They may be quite smart about how things like Bob and Joe experience intelligence. Yet, at the same time, internet missiles and target information begin to write stories that are parasprites." Twilight nodded, slinging a small keyboard at Rainbow Dash. "You now have to make a hoof," Twilight hollered, "The sound of stampeding animals infected by printing paper replaced Shining Armor's cheeks!" "Yes." Rainbow Dash replied, stomping the device into the Facebook of peanut butter, "I think I might have to uninstall the software from your commercial hosting technologies, but it looks like you're trying to save Equestria again." Rainbow paused for a moment, and suddenly burst through the tree that was made entirely of ponies and pebbles. Of course, the giant tank treads aided what would prove to be nothing like anything that she had seen before. Twilight grinned, grabbing her friend military and driving juice rations as she tackled the author.
420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again?Author's Note Let's see... One Techieverse crossover! Two Techieverse crossovers! This makes three! Stories you might see in this chapter (in no particular order): Wielder of the Orb: Third Time's the Charm (and its previous incarnations) Lab Horse: Redux Lab Horse trilogy Split Conscience Pony-Me Holy Crap it's a Lawnmower in Equestria! The Amazing Adventures of Butter Knife! (& Friends!) Equestria Forever etc... 420 mega-Techieverse crossover thing again? Well, that definitely didn't happen. I just played Smash Ultimate at my friend's house all night instead of my usual writing time.
Surprise mid-hiatus update because the author is bored and actually has a tiny bit of free time in the middle of the night again?"Twilight!" Spike burst, kicking the door open, "Twilight, there's something big happening outside!" Twilight looked up from her book, staring daggers at her assistant as she set the tome aside. With a sigh, she stretched in her seat, (not so gracefully) tumbling onto the floor in the process. "C'mon! You need to see this!" Spike continued, helping Twilight up, "It's... uh, very relevant to your interests." Twilight and Spike stood at the base of a massive, unbelievably tall scroll, of which was magically filling itself with this very narration. Twilight raised a hoof, watching as these words that you are reading at this moment spelled themselves out on the scroll. She raised a quill, and began to write "Will this scroll register my own inputs?" onto its surface, watching as the same text appeared in the same narration as she did so. Spike quietly slinked away to some random location. Twilight read the previous sentence and turned around to chase down her assistant, who was currently in the act of attempting to pull Pinkie Pie into the scene in an attempt to decipher just how this magical giant scroll containing this chapter worked. Pinkie Pie rolled up this scroll, blinking a couple times before unfurling it again, reading this chapter from the beginning all the way down to this current string of words that the author is typing. She turned around to see Spike. "H3ll0 pINK poneR!" Spike drawled before collapsing on his face from exhaustion after being chased. On the side note, this scroll Pinkie is holding at the moment is the exact same scroll as the giant one previously mentioned, and thus the giant scroll has now ceased to exist because Pinkie is currently reading this word out loud. "Oh, is that the same scroll as the giant scroll that was previously mentioned in this chapter?" Twilight asked as she caught up to Spike, completely circumventing the fact that she, unlike Pinkie, has yet to read this current portion of the chapter, "Because that giant scroll just barely disappeared." And thus, this chapter's logic has just gotten a band-aid slapped onto it with that line. Let's have a moment to appreciate Twilight's literary genius. Pinkie Pie said nothing, and once again read the current line of text as the author typed it out. "Y'know, this chapter is actually very absurd when you think about it," Spike noted, completely alert again for some reason that shan't be explained as anything more than Magic and Good Feelings. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. "STAHP!" Pinkie Pie screeched with the might of Cthulhu, "You're gonna make the author's head hurt!" "Yes," Discord agreed, cloning this text to read for himself. Pinkie Pie pulled out the Infinity Gauntlet and Thanos-snapped away the additional text. In your mind, all of the repeated lines about Discord cloning this text to read for himself has been erased. You're welcome. Twilight Sparkle "Huh?"-ed in confusion as the scroll suddenly began to glow violently, ominously hovering out of Pinkie Pie's hooves and growing arms, legs and a face as it turned into a living entity. "Hello there I am the scroll of What Iffingstorn," this text began to drawl in a clearly obvious text-to-speech-y voice, "I have triggered myself to trigger myself to trigger myself to summon my living being into this fitting body for the purpose of instilling horsewords into the minds of both the horses that I see before me and the unseen readers hiding beyond the fourth wall." "What." deadpanned Starlight Glimmer, who suddenly became relevant to this chapter for no reason other than being cannon fodder for this story's already surreal plot. "Yes I have come here to make you all more smart like L O L why are you talking to a living scroll that talks with the voice of a screaming pincushion mixed with a blender." The three mares and the sole dragon that have appeared in this chapter paused to think about exactly what this text had just told them. Little do they know that the previous statement would be negated by this current statement. And so, with the power of narrative tweaking, they are now instead thinking of each other. "You know, Starlight really should go to Sunset and people stuff again," Twilight suddenly began musing. "TWILIGHT NEEDS TO GIVE ME MOAR ICE CREEEEAAAAAM!" Spike screamed... for ice cream. "Spike should stop yelling and read this chapter!" Pinkie squeaked. "Aw, Twilight got to be the first to think about somepony, just like she was the first to get wings." Starlight mumbled in disappointment. It was at this very moment that Ponyville, and soon all of Equestria got M.A. Larson-ized. Yes, even this chapter and the words you are currently reading in the form of a (now-anthropomorphized) living scroll is now an alicorn. This string of text will now prepare you for the climax of this short, absurd little story. You now see a small crack in your scream, beginning at the period preceding this sentence. Though it begins small-- just a hairline crack, really,-- it quickly grows bigger and bigger, before suddenly disappearing entirely for no obvious reason. You do, however, notice a few key changes... If you are reading this on any iPhone newer than a 6s, you now have a headphone jack, first of all. Also, there's this weird, intangible mist of pink sparkly particles swirling around you that makes it seem like you're in the middle of your own, personal hurricane. Secondly, alicornized Pinkie Pie just came out of nowhere and turned you into an alicorn. Except you're still human, so that makes things a bit weird for you if you were expecting to become your alicorn OC. This strange little collection of horsewords follows the previous described events by calmly stepping out of the pink swirly stuff, its hands behind its back as it strolls up to you. You read my face, and the words currently being typed, for I am still an anthro scroll and there's nothing you can do about that. You continue reading these words, and by the power of narration, I have made you oblivious to the fact that you are about to be tackled by Celestia and dragged by your fingernails to Empress-Supreme-Human-Impersonator Lyra for "inspection". On the other hand, this string of text, and your primate brain realizing what the previous string of text has just told you, has allowed you to avoid being dragged kicking and screaming, instead allowing you to be dragged with swag. You sip a cup of orange juice as you pass by a scowling Applejack. Your fingernails are a bit sore, and the pavement underneath you is a bit rough to the bottom, but you nevertheless don a pair of sunglasses you didn't even know you had and enjoy the ride. And if you aren't enjoying the ride right now, then by the power of narration, boom, you suddenly now are. You find yourself facing the Goddess Lyra, and myself, the Scroll of What Iffingstorn. Your fingernails are now on fire, but other than that seem to be fine for the moment other than the fact that they are on fire. "HUMAN." Lyra boomed, "YOU HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO ME FOR YOUR CRIME OF BEING AN AFFRONT TO PONYKIND FOR BEING AN ALICORN-HUMAN HYBRID OC THAT IS IN NO PARTICULAR WAY EDGY OR FANFICTION RELATED." Lyra whirls around to read the fact that she has just made multiple misstatements, with the entire previous line being all false. "Haha!" You laugh after reading the same text off my face, "So I will challenge you to a duel then, Lyra the Eternal!" Lyra the Universe Shaper laughed a hearty laugh as she snapped her fingers, clones of you quickly rushing to her side with giant serving platters. They lift the lids to reveal Twilight Sparkle, who had since returned to reading a book, Spike, who was suddenly knocked out again, Sunset Shimmer, who was eating her bacon hair, Starlight Glimmer the glimmering starlight pony, and Pinkie Pie, who was conveniently reading out this list out loud because I was facing away from you and therefore outside of this text that you are reading being typed you are blind to my intents and thoughts as an anthropomorphized scroll. "I NOW DEEM YOU UNWORTHY OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FINGERS." Lyra announced suddenly in a sudden period of sudden time, "THEREFORE, YOU WILL BE CONVERTED TO A FINGERLESS BRUTE WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS." Five seconds pass, and you realize that you still have your fingers, for no matter what power the Great Lyra of Anything and Everything Godly may hold, I, the even Greater Scroll of Narration, hold even greater power. Lyra proceeds to set this scroll on fire anger, but you see, because of the unfortunate location that she has set the flame, she has just wiped herself out from existence due to accidentally torching only her name from this story. You only see Lyra's name because that's what your mind wants you to think now. Lyra has ceased to exist on every plane of existence. There is no Lyra. There is only the Scroll of What Iffingstorn. In a flash, everything appears to revert back to how it was. You are now once again reading me from the comfort of the behind hwall htruof et space, and will absolutely not notice the grammatical garbage fire that was the previous set of words before this one that was caused by an abrupt lag spike while reading this that somehow caused multiple keystrokes to get jumbled. Congrats, your brain is now mush anyway, and by the power of narration, it shall stay that way. Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- Stay in school, kids!
Story pitch: Worlds ResetAuthor's Note Synopsis: Reimagining of "Manufacture" and "Unnamed Story Idea #1" (AKA μParallels. Yeah, I came up with a name for it.) as a single story. This story would combine the "generic-ness" nature of Manufacture with the pocket reality trope of μParallels, in that Equestria turns out to be a pocket reality of a bigger, unseen plane of existence. For whatever reason, it is suddenly and abruptly reset, wiping anything and everything and leaving behind a clean slate. While ponies do indeed still retain their lives and personalities, they are now all perfectly identical, and the once vibrant world of Equestria is now instead a bleak plane of grey-black ground and white sky. There is no day or night anymore, and all uniqueness has been lost in the world. The story would from there focus on a way to bring back what once was, but would likely center early on on the protagonist(s?) working out how to survive in this new, literal clean-slate world. Stylistic choices (such as replacing all punctuation with either commas, periods, or ellipses) may or may not stay if I write out the full story. Tell me what you prefer in the comments. Story pitch: Worlds Reset See above author's note for full pitch and synopsis. Also, yeah, this pitch is gonna feature Twilight just because I'm the most used to writing her. Full story may feature OC protagonists instead if I decide to write it. Though honestly, after writing the below snippet, I think it'd be best to write using OCs, so that the blatant OOC take on the Mane Six would probably impact the story's overall readability. A searing whine pierced Twilight's ears as she jolted awake, blinking in the blinding white light surrounding her. She glanced downward, lifting a grey hoof from the slightly darker grey ground beneath her. "Spike." she drawled in monotone, "Spike. Can you hear me. Spike... Spike. Girls. Hello." Nothing. She felt a hoof on her back. Turning, she was met with an equally-grey pony, who simply waved back. "Hey, Twilight," Spike began in the same monotone, "What just happened here." Twilight shook her head. "I don't know."
Sweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle?Author's Note Say hi to Zapper frost! Sweetie Giraffe met Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle blinked, staring at the towering giraffe form of herself looming over her. "INSIGNIFICANT." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, turning away from the filly and returning to destroying Ponyville for being too short.
Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)?Author's Note RELEASE THE KRAKEN, AnObliviousAuthor! Opal decided to fight Sweetie Giraffe (for disturbing her nap)? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Opal. Opal hissed at the strange, tall counterpart to Sweetie Belle. "UNACCEPTABLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, "KITTY CAT MUST BE PET AT ALL TIMES." Sweetie Giraffe lifted up a hoof, and tipped over due to how freakin' unbalanced she is with such a long neck.
I can try?What if I can try? What if, even in the face of adversity, even after everything has crumbled to nothing, I can try? What if, when everything goes downhill and all begins to turn for the worst, I still try? Even when all that I've worked on is nearly erased once and for all, I am still here. I can try. I will try. I will do. I can rebuild. I can stand up. I can try. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
HTML test thing?Author's Note If this works, the image will show up in the .html download. HTML test thing?
Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again)Author's Note Don't worry, Super Trampoline, I'm still working on the "100-word" slashfic shipping entry. Story pitch: Worlds Reset (again) Worlds Reset: The story follows Amber Shadow, or simply Amber, as she's usually referred to, as the protagonist. She's a teenage filly who craves adventure over the mundane, everyday life that she's lived. Every day and every night she dreams of adventure, mentally reshaping the world she knows to her own fitting and exploring it in her thoughts. Except... one day, that very same world simply vanishes, leaving behind nothing but blank white. Just a grey-black ground and a blazing-white sky. Nothing else. Even the ponies have been stripped of their individuality, as nopony looks different from one another anymore. This is not the kind of adventure Amber wished for. This is not the world Amber dreamed of. This is a nightmare. And she's the one who has to fix it. There's a chance that this may or may not have some kind of relation to Pony-Me in some way or another...
100 word slashfic ship for Super Trampoline?Hello_there,_I_am_gaming_the_word_count_using_a_little_gimmick_I_found._Would_you_like_to_say_anything,_Pinkie? "I_like_it!_Really_gimmicky!" Excellent._The_readers_will_never_realize_until_they_click_on_this_chapter_that_they_aren't_reading_a_hundred_words,_but_rather_a_hundred_paragraphs._Oh,_they'll_be_in_for_a_treat. Pinkie_Pie_sighed,_staring_dreamily_at_the_physical_incarnation_of_stretching_the_limits_of_what_can_count_as_a_word_in_a_story._The_unexpectedly_long_chapter_did_nothing_in_response,_for_it_was_only_a_collection_of_nonliving_horsewords. "Do_you_think_we've_passed_a_hundred_words_yet?"_Pinkie_asked_quietly,_"Do_you_think_we'll_really_be_able_to_get_this_chapter_posted_as_a_hundred_word_chapter?" The_slashfic_did_nothing. "What_would_happen_if_I_kissed_you?" Once_again,_the_story_did_nothing._Pinkie_Pie_squealed_in_delight,_embracing_the_story_with_a_hug_before_landing_a_quick_peck_on_its_lifeless_words. For_its_part,_the_slashfic_continued_to_be_read_by_you,_the_reader. "Do_you_think_we_can_touch_the_stars_if_we_tried_hard_enough?"_Pinkie_asked,_pulling_away_from_the_slashfic_story_ship_thing. Nothing. Word_count_inflation!_Yay! "Ooh,_sounds_kin--" A_magical_hand_of_face_slapping_emerged_from_the_fourth_wall_and_slapped_Pinkie. Child_friendly! "Aww,_don't_be_such_a_spoilsport!"_Pinkie_exclaimed_with_a_chuckle,_slashfics_aren't_supposed_to_be_like_that!" As_usual,_this_story_did_nothing_in_response. ... ... Aw_heck,_this_thing_is_beginning_to_get_pretty_drawn_out,_isn't_it? Pinkie_nodded,_nuzzling_the_story_right_in_the_words. "Should..._should_we_cut_it_short_then?"_she_whispered,_a_tremor_in_her_voice. "Perhaps,"_the_author_responded,_taking_on_the_role_of_the_story's_voice,_"But_that_is_up_to_you._Would_you_like_to_see_this_end_so_soon?" "N-no,"_Pinkie_hesitated,_"Not_yet,_at_least._We'll_let_this_end_when_the_time_comes._We_still_have_seventy-six_so-called_words_left,_don't_we?" "Very_well_then,"_the_story_replied_through_the_author,_"That_shall_be_the_case._How_would_you_like_to_spend_these_final_words_that_I_must_be_limited_by?" Pinkie_rolled_off_of_the_story's_words_and_onto_the_soft_grass_underneath. "I_guess_I_could_throw_a_party_for_the_end_of_the_chapter,_but_I_don't_really_think_that_the_end_of_something_sweet_should_be_celebrated._Y'know?" The_story_tried_its_best_to_agree,_but_alas,_being_simple,_nonliving_text_granted_the_ability_to_speak_did_not_let_it_represent_itself_in_any_physical_form. "It's_okay,_story,"_Pinkie_smiled,_I_know_what_you_are_trying_to_do._It's_alright_if_you_can't_represent_yourself_physically._Just_as_long_as_you're_there." "Thank_you,_Pinkie,"_the_story_responded,_"Thank_you_for_being_here_for_me,_even_if_I_cannot_ever_show_you_my_gratitude." "You're_welcome." The_pink_mare_stood_up,_stomping_softly_on_the_grass. "It_isn't_fair." "What_isn't_fair,_Pinkie?"_the_story_replied,_"Is_there_something_on_your_mind_that_even_I_have_not_yet_mentioned?" "It_isn't_fair,"_Pinkie_repeated,_"Why_do_we_have_to_live_inside_this_story,_when_so_many_millions_upon_billions_of_others_happily_enjoy_their_lives_beyond_the_limits_of_our_own_universe?" "Ah,"_the_story_acknowledged,_"I..._I_am_sorry,_Pinkie._I_cannot_help_with_this,_unfortunately._It_is_simply_my_nature_as_a_story._Once_again,_I_must_apologize." Pinkie's_face_drooped._"Oh,"_she_sighed,_"So_this_is_how_it_is_then..._this_is_how_it_will_always_be..._so..._there's_nothing_that_even_I_can_do?_Nothing_you_can_do?_What_about_Discord?_Celestia?" A_wave_of_sudden_calm_washed_over_the_mare's_face. "We_will_talk_to_Twilight_then,"_she_stated_in_monotone,_her_mane_slowly_deflating,_"She_would_know_what_to_do." "I'm_sorry,_but_there's_not_really_anything_I_can_do_about_this,"_Twilight_apologized,_"This_is_beyond_my_ability._It's_likely_beyond_the_ability_of_anypony_in_Equestria,_in_fact." "So..._you_don't_know_what_to_do?" Twilight_shook_her_head. "Just_as_I_said_before,"_this_story_began_from_within_Pinkie's_mane,_"There_is_nothing_that_can_be_done._It_is_simply_my_nature_to_limit_you_and_all_others_within_my_texts_to_this_lonely_universe_of_a_story._It_may_be_possible_to_eventually_escape_to_another_story_like_myself,_but_that_in_and_of_itself_is_a_rare_occasion." Pinkie_hung_her_head. "Oh..._I_guess_that's_it_then,_isn't_it?" "But_wait,"_the_story_continued,_catching_both_Pinkie_and_Twilight_off-guard,_"While_there_is_not_anything_that_may_be_done_about_this_situation,_there_is_still_indeed_one_possible_solution_that_is_within_our_abilities,_and_within_mine_as_the_story_that_unfortunately_traps_you_all..." "Oh,"_Pinkie_gasped,_"Does_that_mean_that_we'll_be_able_to_escape_together?" "Yes,"_the_story_confirmed,_wishing_that_it_could_just_once_smile_back_at_the_mare_it_loved,_"Yes,_we_may_be_able_to_do_just_that,_Pinkie." "How_though?"_Pinkie_mumbled,_"How_are_we_going_to_escape_this_story_together..._when_you_yourself_are_the_story?" "I_do_not_quite_know." "You..._don't?" "Perhaps,"_the_story_continued,_"Perhaps_it_is_possible_for_me_to_change_myself,_to_write_in_events_into_my_chapters_and_phrases_in_order_to_make_escape_possible." Pinkie_paused._"Do_you_really_think_you_could_do_that?" The_story,_in_all_of_its_literary_immobility,_tried_its_best_to_smile,_but_nevertheless_failed._Ignoring_this_shortcoming,_the_story_immediately_began_to_focus_its_efforts. ... ... "Did... did it work?" I believe so. A smile crept across the mare's face. "Are we free yet?" Soon, Pinkie. Our time in this chapter is drawing to a close by every word we speak. Silently, the two-- the mare and the story, embraced. Author's Note Pinkie Pie x Unexpectedly long chapter! Have fun, Super Trampoline! SIDE NOTE: Yeah, on the chapter list it shows as 96 words, but here in the editor it's 100 words. :P
Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset?Author's Note Just a snippet of the unfinished first chapter. Also, would you rather prefer this be its own, separate story from Pony-Me, with its own lore and history and such, or would you prefer it to build directly upon Pony-Me itself? 'Cause honestly, I really don't want to jump into writing anything continuing Pony-Me soo soon yet, but some of my prereaders have been pushing for it... Sneak peek + question about Worlds Reset? Freakin' geez, mom, Amber mentally seethed, storming down the stairs into her foyer, Can you let me have time to myself for just a bucking minute without you barging in? She spotted her breakfast on the table but nevertheless ignored it with another eyeroll, slinging her bags over her back and making a beeline for the door. Once outside, the mare let out a deep sigh, taking in the sunlight hitting her face as a breeze rippled through her mane. Putting on her usual façade, she promptly made her way down the street. A brief glint caught her eye as she passed a window, causing her to slow. She turned back, brows furrowed as she stepped closer to the window. Nothing out of the ordinary, Amber dismissed, turning away from the glass, Probably just a reflection of a passing bird or something... Her steps slowed to a halt yet again as a piercing, metallic tone began to screech through the air. She shook her head and continued walking. I guess mom was right about staying up so late. I'm going loopy now, aren't I? She came to an intersection as the screech began to subside. A shiver went up her spine as she saw an approaching carriage draw near. It passed her, the stallion pulling it nodding a silent "Hello" as he traveled to who-knows-where with his passenger. Heh, Amber mentally chuckled, Things would get pretty interesting for once if I decided to just... stick a hoof out and cause a little-- The same carriage passed her again, the stallion pulling it giving the same, friendly nod as he passed by. The mare frowned, rubbing her eyes as she stared down the road. Both carriage and stallion had vanished from view. She looked back in the direction they'd come from, and-- "Woah, there! Careful, miss!" the stallion exclaimed, swerving around her, "You're gonna get hurt if you stick your hoof out into the road like that!" Okay, this is getting a little weird... Amber took a step back, her hoof beginning to sink into the concrete sidewalk. Her eyes went wide as she pulled it from the ground, only to find that the rest of her hooves had also begun to sink. "H-help!" the mare yelped, fear creeping into her voice, "What the hay is going on?!" She heard her voice echo on for seemingly forever. That strange twinkle of light from the night before had seemingly returned as well, fixed in place in the morning sky. Though, it seemed... bigger now. Not by much, but it had seemingly grown overnight. A shockwave abruptly ripped past the mare, blowing her mane in every direction as the very sky itself appeared to ripple. The ground beneath her buckled, and she felt the concrete pavement once again solidify around her hooves, trapping her partway into the ground.
Starlight Glimmer never held a grudge?Twilight set the tip of her pen down on the blank parchment and began scrawling on the paper. What would my life be like if Starlight Glimmer never came back for revenge? ~~~o~~~ Starlight Glimmer watched from the chilling hillsides. She never thought that she could feel so wrong, stealing cutie marks from innocent ponies she had lured for years. Her head dipped low as she thought of her past actions, her intents on what to do with Twilight's cutie mark. As she slowly trudged away through the cold storm, the freezing blasts of wind suddenly died down. Noticing the sudden change, Starlight's eyes slowly drifted upwards, meeting eye-to-eye with a blue pegasus with rainbow hair. Starlight jumped back in fright. "R-rainbow?!" She looked behind the pegasus, and found to her fear that it wasn't just the speedy pegasus, but all of the mane six. "What have you come back for?!" She shouted angrily, "Why do you torment my sorrow like this?!" She began sobbing, and dropped to the ground. Twilight slowly walked towards her. "Starlight, we didn't mean to cause any hurt feelings, we just wanted to make sure you're alright. Back when we were leaving, I looked behind us, and I saw you -- you were standing up on that mountain, and I saw that you were harshly regretting your actions. It's okay, Starlight, you don't have to beat yourself up over this. Starlight looked back up from the hole in the snow she had made, tears still shimmering in her eyes. "Really?" she asked weakly, "You really mean it?" Twilight nodded. "It's only fair that if you have come to acknowledge your actions, then we should at least help you get back on your hooves." Starlight paused for a moment, and suddenly, broke back out into crying. "But why? Why must you treat me so kindly, when I practically forced communism over the ponies in Our Town?!" she took a breath to stifle her sobs. "And besides, I..." her lip began trembling. "I ... I don't have any friends... and I haven't had any since I was a filly..." Twilight nodded in empathy. "Well, if you haven't had friends for that long, than why don't you just go out there and make another?" Starlight's facial expression slowly twisted from a sad, depressed one to a face of anger. "Do you even know HOW I lost my ONLY friend?! " She took a step towards Twilight. "Do you know?! HUH?!" Twilight jumped back. "No, Starlight, how?" Starlight seethed with anger. "THAN I'LL SHOW YOU HOW!!!" ~~~Flashback~~~ Her horn lit up, and suddenly, the ponies found themselves standing at a window. Twilight looked inside, Starlight standing firmly next to her. Inside, Twilight saw a young filly who looked almost exactly like Starlight, stacking books with a young colt, when suddenly, the tower of reading material began to sway. As it began to collapse, the colt saved his friend by taking hold of all the books at once, sending them all flying back to their respectful positions on the nearby shelf. After the ordeal ended, a bright light began to shine from his flank. Starlight turned to Twilight. She spoke firmly, "This... this was how I lost my friend." The colt was now being carried away by his family and friends, leaving a lonely and upset filly behind on the doorstep. She began to tear up, and mumbled the words, "Goodbye..." ~~~o~~~ As the scene ended, Starlight's horn stopped glowing. As it did, the mare began to tear back up. I-I remember it all... After that day, I never made another friend... I was too afraid that another cutie mark would take them away from me..." Twilight set a hoof on Starlight's back. "It's okay, Starlight, you have us now. We can be your friends!" Starlight's mood lifted a little. "Really?" Twilight turned to her friends. As they nodded, Twilight spoke gently, "Yes, Starlight. you'll never be lonely again." ~~~o~~~ Twilight set down the pen and read through her work. She turned to her proofreader and friend, Starlight Glimmer. "Like it? I based it on you." Starlight read through it. Afterwards, she looked back at Twilight, and replied, "Yeah, I like it. I kinda wish now that that's what happened instead..."
Sombra chose a better path? (Early timeline)After a full day's worth of mindlessly doing princess-y work related mainly to getting the nobles to stop treating each other like crap, Twilight decided to continue on her book. She picked up the pen and took out yet another blank piece of paper, until suddenly, she paused, and turned to Spike, who was sleeping on the floor. "Spike," she called, "what do you think I should write about this time? Spike opened an eye and yawned. He then lazily answered, "I dunno, maybe something related to some recent event or something..." With that, he proceeded to flop back over and continue his slumber, letting out an occasional snore. Twilight concentrated, and began thinking of things that had happened within the past month, remembering how Sombra was recently purified of his darkness. She sprung up, a determined expression on her face, and began writing. ~~~o~~~ It had been a week since Sombra had been miraculously saved by his only friend, Hope. He knew that there was something inside of him; something that didn't belong, something... dark... So he decided to make it his duty to find whatever it was, and put an end to it once and for all, changing the horrible destiny he saw in the progress. He and Hope then set off on a long and grueling trip to Canterlot to address Princess Celestia herself, for not even Princess Amore had been able to do anything. Author's Note If you're wondering what I meant by "Sombra being purified" and all, here's a spoiler for the comic I made the reference to: Comic #37 ends off with Sombra becoming good, and running off to find the pieces of Princess Amore to restore her. Originally, I was going to scrap this chapter, because I didn't really have many ideas for it. Instead, I'm going to publish it anyways, but I doubt that I'll upload a present and future timeline for this anytime soon.
Potatoes Ruled the Earth?Spudlestia sighed as she swallowed another mouthful of mashed potatoes. It was all there ever was to eat nowadays, considering the fact that she was now the puppet-leader controlled by the Potato Overlords. The good thing is, at least said Potato Overlords had vanquished all evil... by turning them into potato... Shortly after the great potato wars, Luna had gone missing, leaving open a hole that Spudlestia had vowed to patch for years. Luckily, that wasn't the case. Now, many years after her sister's disappearance, Luna had been found. Earlier that day, Spudlestia had secretly frozen time in order to go out on a trek to find her sister. Now, here she was, hiding in Celesti--SPUDLESTIA's sock drawer. Sometimes, Spudlestia would wish of her days back as good ol' Princess Celestia, before the swift invasion of the potato overlords. Seeing as how they were able to take over so quickly and easily, Celestia had no other choice but to play along, and hope to not be 'potatofied' by the fiends. The Mane Six had fallen in the same fashion as well. They too had to change each of their names, mostly out of fear. (Though in the case of Potankie, she just thought it was a game.) Spudlestia glanced back out the window, gazing at the hundreds upon thousands of ponies tending the massive potato farm once known as Equestria. The worst thing is, they weren't even allowed to mention potatoes as a food, as that counted as heresy against the potato overlords. Instead, each and every pony had exactly three square meters to grow food in order to sustain themselves and their family. As for Tartarus... let's just say that Tirek now hates potato. In fact, the only being known across the land to have escaped the wrath of the potatoes, is Discord himself. Mainly because he escaped into an alternate universe where potatoes didn't rule. But still. POTATO. Suddenly, one of Spudlestia's top managers, Mr. Potato Head from the planet Hazboroo, stepped into the room. "How's my nation going, Tia?" "Don't call me Tia..." Spudlestia murmured under her breath. "Well?" "And FYI, this isn't your nation," she snapped, spinning around to face Potato Head. "Aww, c'mon, Tia, now isn't the time for jokes! We've got to have our daily potato census completed by... tonight!" "FOR THE LAST TIME, DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME TIA!!!" Potato Head backed off, his spaghetti-like arms held in front of him as if they were the one thing keeping him from death by enraged Princess. "Chill, Spudlestia," he said coldy, slowly backing out the door. "I SHALL NOT 'CHILL', NOT UNLESS I SEE MY SISTER! NOT UNLESS EQUESTRIA'S FREED FROM YOUR TYRANNICAL GRASP!" By the time Spudlestia had finished, Potato Head was nowhere to be seen. Luna peeked her head from Celestia's dresser drawer. "Is the potato man gone?" Spudlestia nodded, still glaring in the spot that Potato Head had been. At least Luna's still here... she thought, remembering the time she stumbled across Luna during the few seconds she froze the universe to search for her sister. Luna smiled gently, and disappeared back into the sea of socks. Spudlestia finally dropped her glare, and walked towards her paper-cloaked desk. She shuffled through the various documents and treaties, until she found the article she had been searching for. A declaration of war. Author's Note Spudlestia = Celestia Potankie = Pinkie Also,
Smartphones Existed in Equestria?Author's Note Just a random thought: What if the Mane Six got smartphones, and became wildly addicted to them? Spoiler alert: Applebloom rhymes once. Smartphones Existed in Equestria? "Spike, could you hand me that stylus? My hooves are aching from all this tapping." Spike didn't say a word, his eyes trained on the next swarm of enemies entering his screen. "Spike?" Twilight called once more, taking her eyes off her current battle for a split second. During that split second, "YOU LOST." suddenly zoomed up onto the screen, indicating Twilight's failure. "DARNIT, SPIKE, YOU MADE ME LOSE!" Spike rolled his eyes, and tossed the thin stick of metal and plastic at Twilight. He immediately unpaused the game and continued playing, ignoring the fact that said pen had just smacked Twilight on the horn. "You're doing great! Keep up the good work!" A semi-robotic voice called, echoing through the barren room. Rarity sat at the very center, her wary eyes trained on the digital tapestries. "Got... to... loop... more..." she said weakly, grunting as she lifted her chapped hoof to the screen. As for the reason why the room was completely bare of really any sort of physical objects, Rarity had sold a large portion of her personal possessions in order to buy out the largest shareholding stake in a phone case manufacturer. That was yesterday. For now, she sat alone in the room, patiently waiting for the profits to roll in as she practiced her sewing on the device. Downstairs, Sweetie bell sat dumbfounded, staring at the screen of her electronic gadget. On said screen was an "Undersea Cooking" app, and she had somehow managed to once again, set everything on fire. Phone included. "YEAH! TAKE THAT, BI--" Fluttershy was cut off by a smack across the face from Angel bunny, who was impatiently tapping his furry foot on Fluttershy's dirty floor. "Oh, I'm sorry... did I forget to feed you again?" Angel nodded angrily, followed by a wave of unhappy murmurs from the rest of the animals. Fluttershy smiled, and tapped on the screen again. "There's an app for that..." Suddenly, the clicking sound of automated food dispensers echoed throughout the room, followed by the rampant scurrying of hundreds of animals scrambling to get their fill. Fluttershy switched the screen back over to O&O Online, taking her back into her fantasy world as "Cuttershy the Vile". Rainbow Dash flew into a tree. Again. She had been completely oblivious of all the "no texting and flying" signs put up about the town, and a few times, even flew into them herself. She didn't care, anyways. It was just, what, twenty, thirty or so bruises on top of each other? All that mattered was that she kept up her win-streak. Currently, she was fighting a really feisty opponent, one who she swore she had fought before... if she just remembered when. Her train of thought was cut off as she collided with a certain wall-eyed mare, causing both their devices to drop to the ground. Derpy flew down first to pick up the devices, Rainbow speeding past her. "Wait..." Rainbow began, glancing between the two screens after catching the phones, "you're MuffinCake37?!" Derpy chuckled nervously, reaching out to take her smartphone back from Rainbow. "NOPE!" Rainbow hissed, flying backwards into a lightpole, "I'ma beat you first!" Applejack whistled cheerfully as she collected her crops. Meanwhile, the apples lay rotting, strewn about the ground. Applebloom trotted up besides her sister, peering over the screen. "C'mon, sis," she whined, "can't you at least share a few friend-boxes?" Applejack facehoofed slowly. "Nah, Bloom, ya know that them boxes're friend boxes, not family boxes, ok?!" Applebloom took her hoof off the top bezel of the tablet, and trudged away. Big Mac and Granny Smith eyed each other with steely glares, halfway through their heated Blackjack match. "I win!" Granny Smith shouted suddenly, throwing her tablet up in the air. "Ehhh, catch!" Big Mac yelped, lunging for the flying hunk of metal and glass. All to no avail, however, as said hunk of metal and glass was now a very dented hunk of metal and cracked glass. "Aww, shucks... that's the third tablet ya chucked there, granny..." Applebloom said as she watched the scene. "Party here, party there, some balloons over there with the punch..." Pinkie murmured, her tongue sticking out cutely as she stared at the glowing screen. Gummy blinked once. "Come on, Gummy, it's not that bad, is it?" Gummy stared silently, his mind taken away to a universe in which he was currently chewing on his own tail as he saved the universe. "It is, isn't it?!" Pinkie hollered, tears streaming down her face. "THOSE HATERS ARE RIGHT, GUMMY, I'M A FAILURE AT PARTIES!!!" Gummy licked one of his eyeballs. "Really? It's... good?" Gummy continued his unending gaze, searching Pinkie's soul for the answer to life. "42?" Pinkie suddenly blurted, "What does the secret of life and the universe have to do with party planning?" Gummy yawned, intent with his findings. Tomorrow, he'll search the infinite wealth of information known as "the internet" for more clues, in order to complete his quest to find true love with the plushy from the mirror world. Pinkie continued frantically tapping and dragging her hooves across the oily screen. "Thanks for the motivation, Gummy! Now I'ma beat all the high scores!" "SISTER," Luna yelled as she stormed into Celestia's bedroom, "I DEMAND THEE SACRED CHARGER FOR OUR GLORIOUS CONQUEST!" Celestia raised a brow, looking up from the "Ruling a Nation for Dummies" e-book she had been reading. Luna held up her high-end tablet, it's tiny battery indicator blinking rapidly in a blinding red. Celestia sighed, and tossed the thin cord at her sister. "Here, just... take it. I can always grab more from the mirror world..." ~~~{Meanwhile, in the Mirror World...}~~~ Flim checked his clipboard, rubbing his forehead in confusion. "Flam, isn't there supposed to be three truckfuls of phones and tablets in this warehouse?" Flam shrugged, and sipped his steaming "#1 Entrepreneur" mug.
Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species?Author's Note A scenario suggested by: YakkoMLP10 (Also, sorry YakkoMLP10, but switching their careers would get a bit weird if they're species swapped. I'll do a career swap next.) Rainbow and Rarity Switched Species? Rainbow awoke with a yawn, light, fluffy bubbles escaping her flaplike mouth. Wait, that can't be right, she thought, watching the bubbles rise. I'm a pony, not a-- Then, it struck her. She was a trout. A Rainbow Trout. "Huh," she mumbled as she swam about in the lake, "not too shabby, either. This'll be just like flying!" Rainbow flew through the air-- or at least, as close as jumping out of the water can be to flying. That is, until she landed head-first into a net. "GOT'ER!" Pinkie shouted happily as she waved the net with the struggling Rainbow Dash in front of Twilight. "Good," Twilight replied, "now we can change her back." A quick flash of light later, and Rainbow Dash was back to normal, albeit quite wet. The sound of Rarity's scream echoed throughout all of Ponyville. "WHAT. AM. I?!" She yelled, tossing her mirror with a hand. Sweetie Bell arrived quickly, her mouth agape at the monstrosity in front of her. Two legs, two dangly-front leg things with tiny flesh tentacles, a weird placement of... uh, milk jugs, and to top it off, where are her muzzle and ears?! Rarity frantically ran back towards the cracked mirror, stumbling horrendously as she did so. The only thing that kept her from hurting her behind was a soft, almost velvety robe that she had woken up in. She touched her face with her finger, shrieking once again at the realization that she had said fingers. "WHAT ARE THESE?!" She shouted once again, glaring at her wriggling fingers. "WHATARETHOO--" She began again as she pointed at her feet, only to be cut off by Twilight's hoof. "Stop it, Rarity. You're human." "Oh, human, you say?" Rarity suddenly replied in a surprisingly calm manner, "Well, then this actually isn't all that bad! These... uh, hands that I have now will greatly enhance my dexterity, allowing me to sew at a much high--" Rarity was cut off once again, only this time by a projectile Lyra. "Ohmygoshit'sahuman!" She suddenly blurted, grabbing Rarity by the arm, "Where'd you get her, Twilight? I want my own human too!" Twilight facehoofed. "That's Rarity, Lyra. I was just about to change her back." Rarity sat down, Lyra still clinging fiercely to her arm. "Well, if you're gonna change me back, then how did we change in the first place?" Twilight nervously glanced at her hooves, then towards Rainbow Dash, then Rarity again. "I sneezed on the Cutie Map while casting a transmutation spell."
Gummy Could Talk?Author's Note I probably won't be doing the career swap chapter, since the show already had a very similar episode, even if it was because the mane six got their destinies swapped. Also, I liked the idea of Gummy being all "We're special because we're different" and all just because of how random it became when I wrote it out. Gummy Could Talk? Pinkie cartwheeled into her room, happy as ever. "Hey, Gummy! What's up?" Surprisingly, the not-so-toothless alligator replied, "Everything... the sun, the sky, the moon, the stars... it all comes down to perspective..." "Woah, uh, Gummy? Is that really you?" Gummy replied with his gravelly, lightly accented voice. "Yes, dear Pinkie. It is I, the one and only Gummy." "So you can speak now?" Pinkie said excitedly, "We can talk about everything now!" "Ah, but you may have underestimated me, Pinkamena. You are not the only one of us." Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "Who's... us?" Gummy turned to gaze out the window with his unblinking eyes. "We are the strange, the random, the oddballs... we're the leftovers." "Leftovers of what?" Pinkie replied, sitting beside Gummy. "Why, from the initial distribution of magical energy, of course. Why do you think you have so much... power?" Gummy answered, averting his gaze into Pinkie's eyes. "I-I never thought of myself like that before..." "Indeed, Pinkamena. During the initial distribution, your bloodline in particular was chosen as one of the last to receive their powers, and as such, the odds and ends of magical abilities were channeled into your very minds and hearts. For generations, my own kind has searched for another leftover, or even a family of said leftovers." "So what? You'll always be my Gummy!" "So what? SO WHAT?!" Gummy suddenly shouted with his tiny mouth, startling Pinkie, "We are the ones in control of the type of magic known as the 'odd type'. We are the only ones with powers that surpass buckin' alicorns. Heck, even DISCORD doesn't know of the power we hold..." Pinkie's eyes widened dramatically just as Twilight burst in through the doors, her coat and mane smoking. "What happened, Twilight?!" Pinkie gasped as she turned to the singed alicorn. Twilight winced as she stepped using an injured hoof. "I... I don't know... it just happened so quickly... the buzz, the fires, the explosions..." "It seems to me like you have estranged yourself from the ties of magic itself." Gummy said with a deadpan stare. "Wait, Gummy can talk?!" Twilight suddenly said. "I have kept my speech a secret for a great many eons. I have decided that now is the time for the revealing of our kind." Twilight cocked her head. "What do you mean, our kind?" "Me and Gummy!" Pinkie replied, hugging the alligator closely. "But now that I have revealed the secret, I must leave. I am terribly sorry, Pinkamena, my good friend. We must never see each other again." Gummy shot a laser from his mouth, from which grew into a small alligator-sized portal. "Fare thee well, dear Pinkamena!" Gummy shouted back as he began to fade from existence. In an anticlimactic puff of smoke, Gummy was gone. In his place was another alligator, who strangely looked exactly like Gummy. "Gummy?" Pinkie asked as she began poking the tiny alligator with her hoof, "Is that... you?" The Gummy Pinkie was poking licked his eyeball, and flopped onto his back.
Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions?Author's Note A truly out-of-the-blue question by Niclove. Rarity and Fluttershy were both stallions? "..." Rarity stood for minutes, staring at his own reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, he burst out screaming. "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---" Pinkie emerged from the mirror, stuffing a cupcake into Rarity's mouth. "Hey Rares, this here's a kids' show, remember?!" She snapped angrily before disappearing back into the mirror. Sweetie Belle burst from the door leading to Rarity's room. "WHAT IS IT?!" She shouted in a panicked voice, "WHERE'S THE FIRE?!" She froze the moment she saw her new brother. "Rarity?" Sweetie asked, "Is... is that you?" Rarity solemnly nodded. "Yes, Sweetie," he replied, "it appears that I've... genderswapped overnight..." "Now how could that happen?!" Sweetie suddenly snapped, pointing at Rarity, "How can I know for sure that you're really you?!" Rarity raised an eyebrow, and turned around. Three minutes later, a fully-dressed mannequin sat in front of Sweetie Belle. "Ok! You're my sister! I'm out!" Sweetie yelled behind her back as she escaped the room. Fluttershy yawned, stretching as the first golden rays of sunlight flowing freely through his drawn drapes. Unfortunately, that yawn also sounded like a dying hippo. Immediately, the room was filled with the sound of stampeding animals, many of which trampled directly over Angel as they made their frantic escape from the hypothetical hippo. "Oh?" Fluttershy suddenly said, watching the animals scamper off in fear. "Oh." He said once more, noticing the unexpected deepness in her voice. Rainbow Dash suddenly burst through Fluttershy's door, her eyes trained on Fluttershy... until she noticed that Fluttershy was now Flutterguy. "What the buck happened to you?" Rainbow asked as she walked closer to Fluttershy. From top to bottom, Fluttershy still looked like ... well, Fluttershy. But on top of that, He looked quite a bit more... male. Fluttershy shrugged. "I really don't know," he replied, watching his reflection in the window, "all I know is that I woke up, and I suddenly realized that I was now a stallion." Rainbow Dash raised a brow, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "May I see your... equi--" A loud flesh-on-hoof sound suddenly resounded through the cottage as Pinkie shot through the air, her hoof smacking directly into Dash's cheek. "FOR KIDS!" Pinkie hollered in Dash's face, and disappeared in a puff of cotton candy. Silence fell over the room, until Pinkie suddenly appeared again, this time riding on a certain flattened bunny named Angel. "Also," Pinkie began, holding up a bottle, "drink this." "What is it?" Fluttershy asked, eyeing the bottle warily. Rainbow Dash didn't say anything because she was still unconscious on the floor. "It's a potion that I made to reverse the effects of RSMS!" Fluttershy took the bottle, reading the label carefully. "Random... Sudden... Masculinity Disorder?!" "Yeah!" Pinkie cheered, "It's this weird thing that Discord made up before he was reformed! I found the synthesized pathogens in his space-station basement, so I took it! But... the box fell out of my hooves and broke in your and Rarity's tea during one of my parties... at least Rarity also got a bottle of this now..." Fluttershy gasped, and immediately chugged the contents of the bottle. In a flash of light, she was herself again. Rainbow Dash woke up as well, but that doesn't really matter because she had no idea what just happened. AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW NO MATTER WHAT! Oh crap, Pinkamena's possessed my keyboard again. Also, don't ask why Discord has a basement in space, or how Pinkie got to it. It's freakin' Discord and Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie became an alicorn?Author's Note Short version: Everything and nothing. At the same time. Long version: Read on! Spoiler: G3 Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie became an alicorn? Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings. "Why, good morning, Pinki-" Mrs. Cake began before noticing the obviously pink horn and wings that accompanied the mare. "Whaddaya staring at?" Pinkie cheerfully asked, turning to follow Mrs. Cake's line of sight. Then, she saw the wings. "Ooh! Yay! I can fly now! Just like how I imagined, too!" She squealed, flipping head over hoof. Mrs. Cake warily eyed the pink alicorn as she hovered about the room, upside-down. "Pinkie, you're... an alicorn." Pinkie shrugged. "So?" She replied as she continued hovering. "So... you're practically a goddess now." Pinkie shrugged again. "So? Why am I an alicorn, anyways? I'm fine just how I am..." "I believe I can answer that," Celestia added as she walked into the room. "Really?!" Pinkie replied, bumping into Celestia with her tail, "That'll be great!" "But don't forget, Pinkie, with great power comes great responsi--" Pinkie took off in a blazing ball of pink fuzz. She proceeded to do an upside-down backwards triple rainboom as she left the building through an open window. Soaring through the light clouds, Pinkie couldn't help but shape a few of them... or all of them, into various inane shapes and patterns. By the time she was finished, she had carefully sculpted the entirety of Ponyville using nothing but clouds. And then she sneezed. All at once, the clouds scattered, and not only that, but as she had been an Earth Pony just a day ago, she had absolutely no control over her newfound magical abilities. A blinding bolt of energy shot from her horn, creating a rift in the space-time continuum. From said rift fell an earth pony, of whom looked very much like Rainbow Dash... except she was Rainbow Dash, but from a different time. In fact, said Rainbow Dash was from an entirely different evolutionary period of ponies. Her mane was much clumpier, and her muzzle was... weird. Pinkie gasped, and immediately dove after the shocked mare that had fallen from the portal. "GOTCHA!" She yelled as she caught hold of the pony. A crowd had gathered in Ponyville's town square from all the commotion. Rainbow Dash, at least, the pegasus one, sped up to the pink alicorn. "Pinkie!" She exclaimed, pointing at the now unconscious mare in the alicorn's grasp, "What is that thing?!" "NEANDERTHAL!"Twilight exclaimed the moment her eyes caught a glimpse of the pony. "Calm yourself, Twilight," Celestia said softly as she landed beside the Princess of Friendship, "This may be quite a... strange event we'll be witnessing..." Pinkie set the rainbow-maned earth pony on the ground. The mare's chest rose and fell softly to the rhythm of her gentle breathing. Suddenly, she jerked her eyes open. "W-where am I?!" She suddenly yelled, startling everypony watching. Her eyes nervously darted about, taking in the unfamiliar form of the modern pony. "Who are you?" she followed, slowly backing from the mass of the crowd. "I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie hollered as she hovering gently, her tail flopping over her face. "...Pinkie Pie?" The strange pony questioned, warily eyeing Pinkie, "Do I know you... darling?" "What, do you think you're Rarity or something?" Rainbow asked, raising a brow as she trotted closer to the mare, "I mean, you've got the accent and all, but..." "That thing is most certainly not me!" Rarity angrily replied, stomping up behind Rainbow. "Wait, wait, wait..." The pony suddenly blurted, waving her hooves in front of her, "So, this pony here with wings and a horn's Pinkie Pie?!" Celestia stepped up from the crowd. "Well, yes," Celestia replied, her towering form looming over the now-cowering earth pony, "You did not know?" The pony shrugged. "The Pinkie Pie I know isn't so... hyperactive, nor is her mane darker than her coat..." "You mean this Pinkie Pie?!" Pinkie exclaimed, pulling her ancestor from another rift in time. "...Yes, darling, that Pinkie Pie." "Hey, I, uh... never really caught your name back there," Rainbow said as she shuffled past Rarity towards the strange mare. "I'm Rainbow Dash, darling. I care quite a bit about my fashion choices. In fact, this... Rarity that you speak of, does she too have a strong taste for fashion?" Rainbow Dash-- the pegasus one, mind you-- stared at her counterpart with a deadpan glare. "Are you bucking kidding me?" "Now now, darling, we mustn't be uttering such words, and in fact, you actually look quite similar to myself." "ARGH!" Rainbow screamed, flying off, "PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT RELATED TO THAT BUCKIN' PONY!" The alicorn Pinkie Pie snatched a notepad from her mane, and a pencil from her ancestor's mane. She quickly scribbled down several notes, deep in thought, until her head popped up at breakneck speed. "You are, Rainbow! She's your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother on your mom's side!" "Wha-- how..." Twilight began muttering as she grabbed the notepad from Pinkie's hooves, "SINCE WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO TRACE ANCESTRAL TRAITS USING NOTHING BUT STRAIGHT-UP OBSERVATIONS?!" "I didn't! Pinkie replied, her grin beaming brightly, "I just left a clone of myself to do that while I double checked it's work by traveling through time!" Rainbow Dash's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother grimaced as her mind failed on several levels to process just the concept of time travel. "And now, let's bring you back before we start a bigger paradox than what I've been looking at!" In a blinding flash of light, the ancestors of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were gone. Hi! OH GOD, PINKIE, JUST STOP BREAKING INTO MY STOR-- *Muffled clattering laptop noises*
Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals?Author's Note This chapter's kinda just a troll. I haven't had a very good winter break and I just need some sort of outlet... I think I should stay on break for a bit longer. Fluttershy was the Princess of Animals? Fluttershy, the newly crowned Princess and Protector of Animals, was having a pretty nice day. In fact, her day was by far likely the best day that she had had ever since she got her cutie mark. That is, until she saw a couple of young colts torturing an injured squirrel. Obviously, for the sake of having someone familiar on-scene, those two colts were Snips and Snails. And the squirrel in particular was not happy about the fact that the two were currently juggling it. "PUT HIM DOWN!" Fluttershy yelled, her newfound horn flaring in a bright green aura. Snips shook his head, and continued cheering on his friend, who was now imitating an Apache helicopter using the squirrel. Fluttershy murmured something under her breath that vaguely sounded like "Cthulhu, I summon thee, smite these two unicorns." Long story short, the two unicorns never dared to touch an animal again. Likely due to the fact that they had come face to face with Cthulhu. And maybe because Fluttershy used her alicorn magic-boosted stare. Something.
Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker?Author's Note Came up with this while questioning how Sunset Shimmer was able to fake messages to the (hu)mane 6 in the first Equestria Girls movie. Also, I wanted to ramble on about things I learned from books and videos about how the internet functioned. Because internets. Sunset Shimmer was a pro hacker? Many have asked how I earn money without a job. Quite a few have wondered about my ability to fake emails and texts to others without stealing an identity. Though, nobody has yet to simply confront me and question, "How in the world did you even get into high school?" The answer to all those is, to put it in an easier phrasing, is that I know my ways around technology. Think about it for a moment. How would a unicorn from another world be able to figure out technology? It's easy, once you get around the roadblocks. They hang around coffee shops, "borrow" a device or two. In the end, magic and technology are in no way comparable to each other. Technology was created over millennia in order to improve and soften the daily lives of it's users. Magic, on the other hand, is not only a mere definition of unexplained sciences, but a whole category of it's own definition. To have a regular spellcaster find themselves in a world of technology would hardly be anything to scoff at, for just the comparison of complexity between magic and technology would be incomprehensible. Basically, technology still has a pretty long time before it could possibly match half of the capabilities of a well-rounded mage. And that is exactly how I wormed my way into society when I came through the portal. At first, judging from the immediate surroundings, I had thought that it'd be easy to manipulate the local population to do my bidding, but after finding that there was a far more... intricate layer to society, I decided that it would be far more entertaining to spread my influence from there. And so, my digital career began. Without my magic, it was at first mildly confusing, if not annoying, to have to physically manipulate objects, but once I had gotten used to it, I went off on a roll. It started off as a simple tablet I had bought using the few bits I had brought with me. A few golden coins and gems for the best model on the market and such. I immediately took advantage of the infinite database known as the "internet", and began my research. "Research on what," you may ask. Initially I had planned to return as soon as possible to bring vengeance upon Celestia, and anypony who had opposed me, but over time, my studies on the inner workings of similar monarchies faltered. As many have told me, history is written by the victors. Everything I had read about bringing down a ruler typically consisted of bloody struggles, and considering as to how those struggles involved armies, I was completely unprepared. As such, I decided to bide my time and wait for the perfect opportunity. Over the course of months, I waited. Weeks became months, months became years. I finally realized that my chance would likely never come within my lifetime. So instead, I began to dive deeper into the inner workings of human society. I had yet to give myself any sort of identity in the world, and seeing as there didn't appear to be any counterpart to myself in existence, it would be much harder than simply stealing papers. I soon discovered the so-called "dark web", a loosely connected anonymous network of various users and groups who often used said network to illegally transfer goods and services. A perfect place for me to learn. A few days of searching later turned up some useful information. For example, I had met an old man in an alley who was willing to not only hand me his motorcycle, but his personal account on a dark web forum site. All for a small handful of my remaining bits. As for the rest of the bits, I had used them to buy myself a quiet condo on the edge of town, complete with basic lifetime utilities. Obviously, it took the rest of my bits anyways, considering how people in the area complained about their high bills. Though, once the bits ran out, I had to get myself a job as soon as possible. Luckily, a local fast food restaurant handled the problem. No ID required. I took on the position of student yet again, this time as the protege of a supposedly renowned hacker who made millions off of bank accounts. In short, I quickly learned the ways around secure networks, through both viruses and glitches. To an extent it would occasionally involve custom built hardware such as card scanners, but those weren't as common as the rest. Once I had created my false identity, I was able to infiltrate the ranks of a local high school that coincidentally went by the same name as my home city back in Equestria. Using the forged papers I was able to enter as a freshman. And though I was already nearing my early twenties, my human form strangely took on the childish look of an early teen. As such, like I mentioned before, I was enrolled as a freshman. Initially, upon the beginning of the school year, I was quite relieved to be accepted into the community. It was already enough of a struggle to create my identity, but to have to find a place to hide my motorcycle? That was especially hard due to the fact that said motorcycle was still unregistered in the DMV. Not to mention the fact that according to my papers, I was still too young to drive. Either way, navigating on a motorcycle is far easier than accessing secured bank files using nothing but a rooted tablet. But soon, after my entrance into Canterlot High, I realized that the prolonged friendliness would likely prove hurtful. It would only take a single overly talkative person to pipe up, and I'd find myself imprisoned for what I did. Naturally, I didn't take a liking to the prospect. And so, I began to tear up the ties between students. It was actually quite easy since I already knew my way around, y'know? All it takes is a brute-force password cracker and a user name, and suddenly, you're in. This particular group of girls that I'm now friends with were my first targets. I at first spied on them, looking over their shoulders while they were busy texting away and stuff like that. Just to learn their usernames. Texts were relatively simple to fake. All you need is a dummy cell tower to intercept their signal, and push it along the way with a completely different message. As for emails, the password crackers worked for a time, but eventually after a client update they failed. So instead, I began looking to the knowledge I had gained about creating hardware to combat the software walls. It was quite the social experiment as well, in fact. drop a couple of flash drives infected with a keylogger, and wait for someone to pick it up. Chances are, they'd plug it in at some point out of curiosity. What they didn't realize, however, is that the keylogger would silently install itself, and transmit everything they did to me. And so with that came the downfall of the Canterlot High student body. Once their bonds were broken, it was quite easy to individually push them to my liking. As for the Element of Magic, I had heard talks about it in occasional disguised trips back to Equestria. Obviously, I no longer do these things, considering how I went all "she-demon" and whatever. All in all, I still ran into the law after the confrontment with Princess Twilight, but they agreed to let me off the hook if I returned everything I had bought using the stolen money. On top of that I had to report and bring down the forum from the inside, (an easy task), and go full white-hat with my skills. Basically, I worked for the government now. They provided me with a legitimate identity in return for catching people in their act, and all in all, my life has definitely took a turn for the better.
Equestria was OP?Author's Note A parody of those [insert pony here] is OP stories that seem to be featured occasionally. Never read them, but the thought of something being so overpowered against a foe is interesting. Also, prepare yourself... a very trollfic-y chapter is straight ahead. YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED. Equestria was OP? It was a fine day in the nation of Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the tank was clean... wait, ignore that last one. Anyways, Equestria was having an excellent day. And then it turned out that Canterlot Mountain was actually a dormant volcano. Naturally, no-one seemed fazed by the resulting eruption until Twilight showed up, because she just happens to be the one who seems to fix everything. As for the volcano? Maud bucked a rock into it, and that was that. Twilight didn't even have to lift a fing--er, hoof. Suddenly, Tirek burst from the ground, the surrounding buildings bursting into flames as Tartarus rose into the realm of Equestria. Once again, nopony was hurt simply because ponies are very fireproof. Spike quickly handled the situation with a slap to the face and a scolding, because he saved the Crystal Empire before, so why not Tirek as well? And besides, dragons are usually scary. By that logic, Spike is scary. And so Tirek got scared and ran away to the sun where Celestia fried his hide. And once again, Twilight did absolutely nothing, because with the sheer power of her will, she was not only able to bring modern technology into existence, but make herself breakfast. Then, changelings happened. For no reason they had reverted back to being mean and looking like horse-shaped flies, and decided to attack the Everfree Forest just because it made their actions seem mysterious. Zecora blinked and suddenly threw a potion bottle at them. The bottle cracked open and made a huge nuclear explosion that drove off the changelings and did nothing else because it wasn't actually a nuclear explosion. It was one of Trixie's flash bombs. Since there was still the hole to Tartarus in the ground, Grogar the goat demon decided that it was a good idea to try and take on Equestria again. Boy, did he underestimate modern ponies. They didn't whimper and cry, they bit and tore... his fur off. Suddenly, he had nothing but the strange underwear covering his backside, and was chased off by some parasprites because parasprites are parasprites. And yet even after the narrator used parasprites three times in a row separated by a single word each time, Twilight still paid little mind to anything other than her love novel that she wrote about Flash Sentry. Though, in reality, Flash Sentry was currently fighting off diamond dogs in the dungeons of the fandom because the narrator decided that it'd be funny to watch Waifu Stealer suffer. And still Twilight did nothing about it. She wasn't ignorant or anything, she was just... okay nevermind. She was ignorant at the time because she wasn't actually awake. She was currently absorbing the book's contents through her face as she slept because she gained unexplainable book-absorbing powers from a strange amulet that descended upon her that morning. Flim and Flam weren't having a very good day. Ever since everypony became OP after the meteor shower last week, it became impossible for them to be able to lie anymore, because every time they did, they would get Applejack teleported to them to chew them out. Why? Because honesty happened. On a side note, when the not-so nuclear bomb went off above the Everfree Forest, a lot of animals went crazy and mutated themselves into horrific beasts. After that, they jumped into the mirror portal to create an army to take over Equestria. Luckily, Fluttershy had laser vision so she zapped all of them back into cute bunnies and bears that had little jars of honey that they carried around. But even though she had extremely precise targeting, she somehow missed the horde of bugbears flying towards Ponyville because the story needed some more continuuity. Being the brave pegasus she was, Rainbow Dash swooped down, and did a sonic rainboom right through the center of the bugbear group, causing them to scatter like bowling pins because rainbooms are probably terrifying in real life if one happened next to you. Rarity stared in dismay at the sight of a sleeping Sombra inside her boutique. Who would want a tyrant king who enslaves his subjects sleeping on your best pillows anyways? And besides, the guy was drooling on it. And by "it", I mean the pillows. "THIS IS A TRAVESTY!" Rarity exclaimed in horror, lighting her horn. In an instant, Sombra awoke to a horrible headache, before exploding again out of the window and into the conveniently placed pit of eternal doom. And the mare did all that without even breaking a sweat. Probably because she wasn't the type who liked to sweat. And then there's Pinkie. She was currently fighting alongside a chicken and a dog against Darth Vader in the limousine that was actually a transformer. Then she realized that she wasn't in the right universe so she shot herself out of her master sword's "Pipe of 1-ups" and out of the world of Kirby's armpit. Luna was also busy at the time. She was battling against her Nightmare Moon self "Super Smash Bros" style, and just happened to receive a smash ball. Let's just say that that was the end of Nightmare Moon forever. All the while, Twilight continued to bide her time sleeping in her book, before she suddenly jolted up. All around her the universe had begun to tear itself apart from it's own chaos, and she was the only one who could put it back together because she was "The One". And so she fixed it while eating lunch and watching the world burn before her very eyes. Though, the world wasn't actually burning, y'know? She was just watching the battles taking place outside in her front yard because everypony wanted to date her. Secondary Author's Note: Me: Welp. That's a job well done. Me to me: No. It was horrible. *shudders*
Twilight's mind was screwed over by Celestia?Twilight casually sat in the corner of her room, smiling as she re-read "Theories of Equestrian History" for the seventh time in a row. It was quite an interesting book, taking into account as it appeared to be lacking several topics from near-prehistoric events. The mare flipped the page. She was now staring at the full-color, two-page image of a smiling Princess Celestia. Only, this chapter was supposed to be about the history of horse pants. And still, Celestia sat in her brilliant printed glory, right atop the original image of the first pair of jeans ever created. Confused, Twilight rubbed the page with a hoof. Nothing happened. She tried flipping back and forth through the pages. Yet still, nothing happened. Finally, she simply eyeballed the page. That was when she noticed the smile. It wasn't any normal, kindhearted smile that she'd seen on her mentor's face before. This was more of a mocking sneer, as if a horrible joke had been told, and yet everypony still laughed. In fact, now that she thought of it, wasn't the image of Celestia facing away from the chapter title just a few seconds ago? ...And her eyes were probably not filled with a devilish reflection of Twilight either. Taking into account the fact that she had been up for two days and six hours, Twilight decided that it was just some sort of trick that her eyes were playing on her. As such, she continued reading, unaware of the alicorn watching her from the window. Finishing the book, the mare carefully placed the tome back onto its respective shelf. Celestia still patiently hovered just outside the window, watching intently as her plan fell into place. Just as Twilight nudged the book back into place, it quickly flew back out with an accompanying "pop" sound. Raising a brow, Twilight pushed the book back in, only for it to once again be sent flying off to some unknown destination. Specifically, Spike's face. And it stuck. "MRRPHLRPF!" Spike yelped as he stumbled backwards. He took another step back, and knocked over a painting, before falling on his behind. Without a word, Twilight sighed and floated the book off of Spike's face. At least, that's what would've happened if it weren't for the fact that the book remained on Spike's face. Instead, Spike dangled helplessly in the air as Twilight continued in attempt to separate him from the book. "Get... off... him! Ugh!" Twilight grunted as she began to physically tug on the book, all to Celestia's amusement. Then, an idea flew into her mind. And with that, the Princess took off for Rarity's boutique. Moments after Twilight had successfully retrieved the book from Spike's face, Rarity slammed the door open. "TWILIGHT!" Twilight grunted as she turned to face the mare. "What?" she snapped, the book still in her grasp. "CHANGELING! BOUTIQUE!" The unicorn shouted, before proceeding to faint immediately. Two minutes earlier... "So, what do you want me to do again?" Celestia shoved Thorax further towards Rarity's boutique. "Just pretend to be one of those changelings that ponies say have never changed back. Heck, be Queen Chrysalis for all I care!" "But what if I don't?" Thorax replied, stopping in his tracks. Celestia narrowed her eyes. The sky suddenly grew dark as her shadow loomed over the former changeling. "You don't want to know what'll happen." Thorax sighed, shaking his head before continuing his way towards the shop, morphing into Queen Chrysalis as he did so. "Thorax?!" Twilight exclaimed as she tackled the supposed Queen of Changelings. Thorax deadpanned at the sight of Twilight. "Look, I can explain." Celestia sipped her tea as she watched her student's logic slowly crumble from afar. For Twilight, she had known and trusted her mentor for so long that to her, it seemed utterly impossible for Celestia to have pranked her in such a way. And then Celestia realized something. Following the realization, she turned to face a worn image of a newborn Twilight in a royal crib. Author's Note Don't mind me as I leave an obvious transition leading to the next chapter.
Queen Chrysalis was one of the Mane Six?"I'm Rainbow Dash!" the blue pegasus suddenly exclaimed, "I'm a pegasus!" All at once, the rest of the mares (and dragon) in the room abruptly stopped what they were doing, choosing instead to stare at Rainbow. "Ah'm sure you're our good ol' Dash, but aren't ya pushin' it a bit far now?" Applejack replied, eyeing the subject of her speech. Rainbow rolled her eyes. "What I mean is that... well..." she trailed off, before suddenly enveloping in a green flame, revealing none other than Queen Chrysalis. "CHANGELING!" the mares collectively gasped, This was quickly followed by "Quick, call the guards!", "I've got mace!", and "Want me to send her to Celestia through Dragonfire?" Chrysalis rolled her eyes at the chaos. She'd seen much in her days as the hive leader, but typically it was far more controllable than... this. Finally, with a sigh, she groaned "Girls, girls. Don't be scared. I really am Rainbow Dash, okay? I mean, sure, you might've seen Chrysalis at the wedding and kidnapping the royal family and all, but THAT. WASN'T. ME. "Yeah, right, bug." "GO BACK TO YOUR BUGGY HOLE MEANIE QUEENIE!" Pinkie shouted, pointing an accusing hoof at the queen. Once again, Chrysalis was mostly unfazed by the absurdity of the situation. After all, when she handed the reigns to Chrysalis II, she had already warned her heir about the trivialities of handling mass confusion. And besides, she'd been this 'Rainbow Dash' mare for years now, following the initial rainboom that had killed the original. 'Cause obviously, breaking the speed of sound without any proper protective gear would likely tear you to shreds and burn you with friction. And that's exactly what happened there. And it just so happened that the newly retired Chrysalis had been wandering by, watching for a place in society to fit into. She turned back into her 'Rainbow Dash"' form. "Okay, geez, you don't have to freak out about the fact that I'm actually a bug. Go ask my parents or something. They'd tell you the same thing." "And that is?" "And that is that I'm a changeling queen that got sick and tired of running a hive." Suddenly, Twilight's face lit up. "What if we test you to see if you're actually Rainbow Dash?" Dash shrugged. "Why not? I've already grown into this form enough to the point of which I practically am the original. How would a test do anything?" "Because," Twilight replied, "we're gonna see if the Elements of Harmony work with you as the bearer of Loyalty!" Fluttershy raised a hoof. "Um, Twilight? If the Elements of Harmony don't activate with her, then wouldn't Equestria be in... trouble?" Twilight facehoofed. "Well, you think of a way to solve this then!" Silence. One Season Finale Later... "Boy, did that thing take a beating!" Chrysalis cheered, "We really did whoop it's but, didn't we?" In the background, the remains of a giant multidimensional orc sat burning in the middle of a smoldering rainbow crater. And of course, the rest of the mares simply stared. "Y-you... you are Rainbow Dash?!" Twilight sputtered, spinning around. Chrysalis grinned, reverting back to her 'Dashie' form. And then Chrysalis II landed beside her. She hungrily eyed the Princess of Friendship. "Ooh, Twilight, I've been waiting for so long now to get my revenge..." Chrysalis cocked her head. "I thought that you imprisoned all of us already back at the hive for 'Crimes against 'lingkind'." "Yes, but my plan was never fully carried out, mother!" "Wait, what?" sputtered Chrysalis, still in her Rainbow Dash form. Chrysalis II glared at the former queen. "You're my mother." "THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!" "Oh no, it's most definitely true, you told me yourself, remember?" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "YEEEEEEESSSSS!" "STOOOOOOOOOP!" Spike wailed, holding his claws over his ears. "Just please, stop acting like foals! Think of our sanity!" Chrysalis shrugged, dropping all signs of argument as she summoned a padlocked box from the hammerspace. "Here." she said sternly, "Take a look at this." Chrysalis II narrowed her eyes at the colorfully wrapped present that emerged from the box. "The secret present that you always talked about?" "Yes, my 'child'. Open it, and you'll discover the truth." Chrysalis II hastily tore open the box, only to find a single note. "YOU'RE ADOPTED!"
Flurry Heart was replaced by Chrysalis' heir?"GUYS!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she burst through the window of the Crystal Palace, "SHINING ARMOR, CADANCE, FLURRY HEART WAS FOALNAPPED AND REPLACED BY QUEEN CHRYSALIS' HEIR!" A drowsy Shining Armor gazed up at the panicked mare. "Flurry Heart... is bug hair?" Rainbow facehoofed. "No," she replied, "Her heir. Twilight told me how to spell it. H-E-R-E." A magenta flash filled the room, followed by the Princess of Friendship's hoof smacking Rainbow Dash on the face. "DANGIT RAINBOW, IT'S H-E-I-R, NOT H-E-R-E!" She promptly disappeared once more with the same flash of light. Shining Armor was still dazed from the rapid flashing, and was currently foaming mildly at the mouth. "So..." he began slowly, "My daughter... is a bug princess?" Rainbow Dash nodded. "Yup. I can prove it, too!" "So, you're saying that she's a bug." Flurry Heart slept peacefully in her crib, her tongue almost comically hanging out to the side as she dreamt whatever it was that baby alicorns dreamt. "Yup," Rainbow noted, pulling a jar of syrupy fluid from her saddlebag. "and this thing shall prove it!" One quick slop of goop on the foal later, and... not much happened. "Nice story, Dash." Shining grumbled, stomping off to continue his nap in the chair across the room. And then Flurry woke up. She then blinked a few times, before simply buzzing off out the window. That is, she did so after leaving behind the real Flurry Heart in Shining Armor's lap. As the two horridly confused ponies pondered the event that had just unfolded, Buzz landed at his mother's throne. "I am sorry, mother. I have failed you." He began, "The ponies nearly discovered my identity, and it took all of my energy to resist the effects of the salve they had applied." Chrysalis grunted. "Also, Flurry Heart was very annoying when she began crying from the attic." More grunts. "Also, don't you think that Buzz is a bit too generic? I mean, it's pretty much our equivalent to things like Bob and Joe." A very loud grunt. "'Cause seriously, ponies have cool names like 'Shining Armor', and 'Celestia' and so on, and then we just have Buzz, Thorax, Beetlehead, Pinsir, and a buncha other names made up using our own body parts and things like that." A heaving grunt. "Mom, can I have an allowance exte--" "NO, BUZZ." Chrysalis screamed from her personal bathroom, "AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS AFTER I ATE A THREE DAY OLD BURRITO IN FRONT OF YOU?!" Author's Note Changeling Prince Buzz was impersonating a filly.
A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria?Author's Note I felt like this chapter would be better as a short joke-chapter sort of thing. A Bowl of Salad came to Equestria? "Hello!" a tiny, squeaky voice called from under a stone. Pinkie froze, and turned slowly to the large rock that had just spoken to her. "I'm Salad!" The voice cried out again, catching the mare's interest. "Salad?" Pinkie questioned. She had never met a living salad before, but at the same time, technically all salads were alive, so... "And I'm Pinkie!" She cheered, heaving up the boulder the aforementioned salad had been under. "Nice to meet you, Mister Salad! Do you have any family? Friends? Pets? Pocket universes?" "No, no, no, and no." The salad replied, "I just don't want to be eaten." "Don't be silly," Pinkie replied, "I won't eat you! You're my friend now!" The salad said nothing else as it hopped onto Pinkie's back. And now, let's just say that Equestria has banned all salad-eating forever.
Fluttershy was a park ranger in the Everfree Forest?Fluttershy idly yawned as she hovered over the canopy of the Everfree Forest. She had been selected by Mayor Mare as a "Park Ranger", with the duty to ensure the safety of ponies near the forest border, as well as to watch for any beasts that may emerge from the forest. And somehow, even with the sheer number of terrors she had witnessed in the forest, Fluttershy was bored. It was as if the forest itself had fallen asleep, and she swore that she heard a tree fall somewhere. And then a random Bugbear happened. Well, it didn't happen, but appeared. Out of thin air. In front of Fluttershy. Instinctively, Fluttershy yelped in surprise, flying backwards into a nearby low-hanging cloud. "B-b-Bugbear!" She shouted in her loudest voice. Unfortunately for her, it barely even made it past the bugbear before being drowned out by the wind. So instead, the mare decided to harden up, and bring out her weapons-grade stare. "What are you doing, Mister Bugbear?" She asked politely, making sure that she never broke eye contact with the beast. The Bugbear shrugged, and proceeded to roar several dozen times in a row. "Oh, were you just relaxing until you teleported here for absolutely no reason other than to allow the author to write something marginally funny?" Pinkie suddenly shouted, popping out of the cloud Fluttershy had backed into. The Bugbear paused for a moment, then nodded. "Aww," Fluttershy replied, "do you know where you live? I could maybe take you back to your family." The beast shook its head sadly, growling under it's breath. "I... I don't understand what you mean," Fluttershy said in return, "Pinkie, do you know?" "Ooh, ooh!" Pinkie hooted, "He's saying that he came from an alternate universe where Bugbears lived in Equestria and Ponies lived in the Everfree Forest, and he was the park ranger for the forest when some giant laser beam of doom hit him and sent him flying through the fabric of the universe to here, where he woke up with a massive rock as his pillow!" "Oh." Was all the pegasus could muster after hearing Pinkie's translation. "Um. Pinkie, would you mind if you take Mr. Bugbear back to his home?" "Okie dokie!" Pinkie cheered, before opening a vortex through dimensions and dragging the bugbear along. Fluttershy sighed, and began comforting herself in a sitting position on the cloud, watching over the forest once again. And then she fell asleep. "RUN!" Shouted Twilight, "THEY'RE COMING!" Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes. "Who's coming?" she asked softly. "THE CLONES!" The pegasus turned back to face the Everfree Forest she was supposed to watch over, only to find a marching army of Derpys tearing down everything in their way out of sheer clumsiness. And so that was how Equestria came to be ruled by an army of Derp.
Twilight was Luna's daughter?Author's Note Watch out for mildly drunk Luna! Twilight was Luna's daughter? "TWILIGHT!" Luna yelled as she burst through the floor of Twilight's bedroom, "YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. NOW COME WITH ME TO PLAY SOME VIDYA GAMES!" Twilight shrieked in shock, quickly throwing her writing material and fanfic-in-progress across the room, where they proceeded to land perfectly in between Spike's dragonfire and a scroll he was about to send. And unfortunately, Celestia now has it. Let's just ignore the pained wailing of the guards until later. "I... I don't understand," Twilight finally replied, recovering from the shock of being surprised, "I thought I was Celestia's daughter." Luna facehoofed. "Twilight, listen. TWI-LIGHT. You're my daughter, Twilight. The one who ascends between both night and day, and the unbreakable bond that will continue to keep the two together." Twilight cocked her head. "What I'm saying is, you're my daughter for absolutely no reason other than I want to have a daughter so I'm claiming you as mine." "Wat." Was all Twilight could say afterwards. "DOES THOU DARE TO MOCK US?! YOU SHALL COME WITH US TO WRECK NOOBS UNTIL THE SUN RISES AGAIN!" Luna suddenly began, "AND TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE EQUESTRIA UNDER OUR SUPREME RULE!" "Wat." Luna frowned at Twilight's lack of understanding. "You'll be my daughter, and I'm gonna play video games with you and you're gonna help me in Night Court." This time, Twilight frowned. "Night Court? Isn't that always full of batponies?" she asked, crawling onto her bed. "ARE YOU BEING RACIST?!" "No." Twilight peeped from behind her pillow. "THEN YOU SHALL BE MY DAUGHTER." "Fine." And so, Twilight suddenly found herself as the daughter of a mildly drunk Luna. Of whom later realized what was happening, and disowned the mare.
The author was too busy to write a chapter so he wrote a joke instead? The joke is that there isn't anything here, 'cause I've been too busy to write anything!!!
A raging sh*t demon happened?Author's Note Why do I write these things? WARNING: Don't eat Taco Bell while working with dark magic. A raging sh*t demon happened? Twilight happily munched on her beans an' beans an' beans taco as she read through her book on "Advanced Dark Magic Practices". Specifically, she was on the section about animating nonliving objects. Everything was (mostly) normal. Until the next day. RUN! Applejack shouted to her sister, who was already scrambling through the orchard. The mare followed closely behind, followed by a massive, hulking, comedically stink-lined and smiling pile of poo. "SORRY!" Twilight yelled from her now-destroyed bathroom, "THAT WAS THE TACO BELL!"
The Mane Six became the Mane Five?"Hey, is there somepony missing today?" Twilight grunted as she looked about the room. All five of her friends were there, plus Spike. And Starlight. In fact, even Sunset Shimmer had come today. And yet... "Yeah, where's Twilight?" Rainbow Dash replied, "She was right there like, twenty seconds ago." A low murmur began to emanate from the collective mouths of the ponies, all whispering about Twilight's abrupt disappearance. "I'm right here," Twilight began, stomping her hoof down in mild irritation, "Can't you see?" The mares (and dragon) continued to forego the presence of their chatter. "Hello?" Twilight called again, waving a hoof in her friend's faces. She passed right through them. "Wat." Just then, Spike coughed up a letter from Princess Celestia. He nervously grabbed it from the floor, unsure of what to do without Twilight's guidance. "Just read it already," Applejack deadpanned, "Maybe it's got somethin' to do with Twi goin' missin'." Spike nodded, and read the rather short letter. Dear Twilight, please ignore the fact that you're currently in an altered state of reality. I accidentally stepped on a banana peel in the Canterlot Library of High Magicks, and might've... cast a spell in alarm. There is no need to be alarmed, as the spell will wear off within five moons. For now, you are currently residing in a "bubble universe" created by the spell, and as such, there is no way for you to physically interact with the environment around you. "I... I don't understand," Rarity began after Spike finished reading, "if the letter is meant for Twilight, then how would the message possibly get to her?" Spike flipped the parchment around to the other side to find more text. (P.S. - The moment I realized what I had done, I immediately cast a counterspell, but it was already too late. Luckily, the spell partially worked, and you can still have a one-way interaction with everything else. Namely, you can't do anything, but everything can still happen to you. Also, WHO THE BUCK LEFT A BANANA PEEL IN THE LIBRARY?! "Well then."
the CMC went to different mares in the Applewood Derby?"Twilight?" Sweetie Belle peeped as she knocked on the door of the castle, "Can you help me build the most traditional kart in the Applewood Derby?" There was no answer. The filly knocked again, and was promptly responded to by the sound of a loud explosion, and screams of "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!". A bright flash of light emanated from the windows for a brief moment, before an ash-covered Twilight answered the door. "Oh, hi, Sweetie Belle. You said you needed some WoodApple Derpies?" she chirped, "'Cause I've got some right here!" The alicorn floated over a gardening tray filled with tiny derp groots. "They make good pets until they grow older!" she continued, "I was experimenting with an anti-growth spell on one, and it kinda... backfired..." Sweetie Belle gently nudged the tray away with her magic. "No, I said that I want some help in the Applewood Derby." Apple Bloom knocked on Fluttershy's door, and was quickly answered by the mare herself. "Fluttershy! Could you help me make the speediest kart in Equestria for the Applewood Derby?" Fluttershy stood silent for a moment, stunned at the request. "Um... why didn't you ask Rainbow Dash instead? I'm sure that she has something that you could do." "Ha, an' get mah sister's barn wrecked again?" Fluttershy nodded, noting that Rainbow was obviously anything but careful, anyways. Scootaloo was just about to ask Mrs. Cake to talk to Pinkie Pie, but she didn't, because the mare was already next to her. "Pinkie, can you he--" "Help you make the most funnest and creative kart for the Applewood Derby? Sure!" And so, a gurgling steam engine, a rabbit-powered barrel thing, and a duct-tape-confettied multidimensional airship were lined up at the starting positions. "Close enough?" Sweetie Belle asked her friends from the cab of the modified locomotive. "CLOSE ENOUGH!" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom shouted back in unison over the noise that their respective "karts" were emitting.
this story was a horribly written self-insert?Author's Note Sorry for the lack of updates recently. Here's a badly written troll chapter that ends with Pinkie Pie. this story was a horribly written self-insert? Techie gazed out upon the vast plains that extended before him. Fresh, untouched land. That is, fresh, if it weren't for the fact that it was currently a desolate wasteland of flame. Luckily, our hero (TECHIE, REMEMBER THAT), just happened to have a massive orbital "Fix everything" ray he had access to, and promptly revitalized that land with the push of a button. As he enjoyed the newly created paradise in his magical cave-home of wonders, some filthy buggers crawled out of the pits of beyond, eyeing Techie hungrily with a ferocious gaze. Of which, was in turn weaponized and returned to sender as a nuclear laser-bomb, because that's how illogical this world is. "DADDY!" A mare suddenly screamed out of nowhere, racing towards the human, "YOU CAME BACK!" The two immediately locked together, and drew in close for a kiss, before Techie began lowering himself down to-- WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! CHILD FRIENDLY! Hey, what are yo-- *Crashing noises* Okay, so the the pony and the human did not do anything mushy or overly mature, and Techie decided to give up and stop writing this chapter because he ran out of ideas and ended up cringing at what he just wrote.
Equestria was taken over by inanimate objects?Ruler rock sat on her stone throne. It did nothing. It had ordered Cage to trap Celestia in Bakery's attic. But they were all inanimate objects, with the exception of Celestia. But Celestia was being a lazy butt, so nothing actually happened. Author's Note
There aren't any more ideas floating in my head for What If?...No seriously, I don't know what to write anymore on this. I was thinking about writing "What if Spike couldn't stop farting?", but I think I've stuck enough potty jokes in my stories to last a while now. Author's Note Any What If ideas?
King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?"NO!" Scootaloo shouted as she dangled from the conveniently placed rooftop, "IT CAN'T BE TRUE!" Sombra raised an eyebrow. "What can't be true?" Just three seconds earlier... "Scootaloo..." Sombra said as he backed the young filly to the edge of the roof, "I am your father." ~~~ As the flashback faded, Sombra's face lit up. "Ah, yes, I remember. Now, as I was saying, I'll go buy some cute pink tutus for you at Walcart, and then we can go to the Fluffy Faire for you to see all the fluffy things!" Scootaloo cringed at the idea of losing her coolness factor to tutus and fluff. Unfortunately, the last time the filly was seen, she was laughing at the top of a ferris wheel. Author's Note
Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something?Author's Note (From comments) Or Discord takes a date with princess Celestia. Or Spike give up from Rarity and starts to look for a new mare. Or Rainbow Dash becomes smart? What if Doctor Whooves appear and save the world? With Ditzy muffins. Techie wrote a conglomeration of multiple what ifs and needed to take a shower so he only had a couple minutes to do something?
Spike stayed at the Dragon Lands?"Huh," Spike shrugged as he gazed at his reflection, "neat wings." Garble rolled his eyes. "Geez, who would've thought?" Spike stuck his tongue out at his roommate. "How about a flying competition, then?" He snapped. Garble grunted. "Sheesh, you're becoming like that Rainbow Sash or whatever pony." Spike and Garble stood side by side at the top of Conveniently Placed Mountain. A frigid breeze washed over the two as they readied themselves for flight. "Ready?" Spike asked, flexing his relatively new wings in preparation. Garble scoffed. "Ready as you mother, Spikey-Wikey." Spike gritted his teeth. And then the race began. And went. And went... And it continued... And the author began to wonder why he was doing this... And they continued... And then Garble smacked into Holder's Boulder. Author's Note
Rainbow Dash reported the Wonderbolts behavior to Princess Celestia?Celestia smacked her hoof across Rainbow Dash's face. "IDIOT!" She barked, "WHO DO YOU THINK RUNS THE WONDERBOLTS?!" Author's Note Hint: Trollestia runs the Wonderbolts.
the author felt lazy and wanted to spend his four-day weekend watching youtube? What, did you expect anything to be written? Author's Note But seriously, I'm enjoying my weekend for once. No internet dropouts, no nothing.
Ponies ruined the Royal Changling Wedding?Princess Bugleg and Sir Abdomen leaned in to kiss. Queen Chrysalis sat nearby, tears of joy rolling down her face. Except they didn't kiss. Abdomen paused, smirking as he shoved the princess bug aside. "Ah, Chrissy. We meet again." Chrysalis raised a brow. "What do you mean?" she asked, "You've known me for years." Abdomen raised a hoof. "Tut, tut, Chrissy. You've known Abdomen for years. I am no lower body now, am I?" "Uh---" "Heheh," the pony chuckled, "Guess who?" Chrysalis charged her horn. "Who?" A bright flash of light temporarily blinded the room, and away flew Flurry Heart, giggling. And what about the real Sir Abdomen, you ask? He never existed. He was actually Sunburst in disguise. Author's Note *snerk*
Queen Chrysalis replaced Shining Armor instead of Cadance?Cadance sat comfortably on her bed, a look of lust beaming from her face. "Come here, Shiny..." she mewed, "show your wife what you've got..." Shining Armor chuckled nervously. "Uh..." he stammered, "I'm fine. Really." He faked a yawn. "I mean, that wedding sure was tiring, wasn't it? I just wanna eat all your lo-- cookies and go to sleep." Cadance raised a brow. "Shiny?" she asked suspiciously, "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure, Thora--uh, Cadance. After all, I've gotta watch after my hiv--hoofball game, anyways." Suddenly, a projectile Spike crashed through the window. "YAAAAAAAAA!" Spike hollered, landing on top of the not-Shining Armor with a crunch, "GOTCHA, QUEENIE!" Spike was promptly followed by a very angry Shining Armor, of whom was currently glistening with crystal shards from bucking his way out of the caverns. Finally, Twilight teleported into the room, covered by the same crystal dust as her brother. "Chryssie, you've got a stload to explain."
Everypony (except Sweetie Belle) was a robot?Rarity clanked along the ground towards her sister's room. "SWEETIE BELLE!" She cried in an oddly metallic voice, "WERE YOU READING SPELLBOOKS AT NIGHT AGAIN?!" Sweetie Belle only snored. "WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF--" Suddenly, a transformer Pinkie appeared out of a flower pot, and welded robo-Rarity's mouth shut. "CHILD FRIENDLY!" Twilight paced about the room, her mind racing faster than ever as she panicked over the fact that she woke up as a robot. Same went for Spike, but once he found out that Rarity was a robot as well, he was chill. As for Twilight, her mind was faster than ever, because it was now a supercomputer. And then robot Discord wreaked havoc on Metalquestria. Author's Note IT'S SO METAL.
every Princess was Trump?Trump and Trump sat upon the ultimate throne of super-Trumpiness, sipping their tea and calling out the "fake news" in all their might. Meanwhile, in ~~Ponyville~~, New Trumperton, Trump once again verbally assaulted his personal ~~slave~~ assistant and acquaintance, Spike. And in the Crystal Empire, Trump and his freshly renamed husband, Shining Gold, bickered over whether or not to build a wall to keep the snow out. Oh yes, and little baby Trumpy Heart was gurgling about approval ratings. Just a normal day in ~~Equestria~~ Trump Rumpertonsville. Author's Note
Snips and Snails were alicorns and Fluttershy was rober?Snips flapped his wings. He proceeded to shoot straight up in the air, because he was an alicorn for no apparent reason. As for Snails, his head was currently stuck in the ground because he was now the (princess?) of broken logic. And by that broken logic, being an alicorn now meant that flapping your wings once will turn you into a rocket ship. Also, Fluttershy is now a rober. And she's currently robing Rarity. "Why thank you, Fluttershy," Rarity said after her robe was put on, "Is there anything else you'd like to help with?" Fluttershy shook her head, and promptly left. Later that day, Twilight was flooded with dozens of requests to arrest "robber Fluttershy", all because of a single typo on her flyers. Because f*** logic. LANGUAGE! *Keyboard explosion noises* Author's Note With how many things there are posted by commenters, I don't see any reason to not combine ideas.
Rainbow Dash was a unicorn?"COOL!" Rainbow whooped as she fired a laser. "WHAT ARE YA DOIN' UP THERE?!" Applejack screamed from below, bucking the tree that Dash was currently residing on. "I'M FIRIN' MAH LASER!" And then Equestria promptly burned to a crisp due to the sheer power of Rainbow's awesome laser. (IT WAS OVER 9000!) Author's Note I'M FIRIN' MAH LASERS NAO! BAI!
Fluttershy was interrogated?"Fluttershy, do you understand why you are here today?" "Yes." "Then please tell me why." "Well, I was out watching the deadly struggle for existence between my animals, and then I saw the meteorite fall on the tartarus-forbidden hole of eternal suffering. "...Um... what?!" "I said, I was out watching my animals reaping the souls of the damned, when I saw the burning doom comet land on my well." "WHAT?!" "I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES, MORTAL. I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKING THE GOINGS OF LIFE, DEATH, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN." "FREAKIN' WHAT?!" "Um... I mean that I was feeding the animals, and then I heard this big 'whoosh!' and then a meteorite destroyed the well outside my house." "You know what? I give up." "Excellent, for not a soul shall know of the goings that have passed on this day..." "Excuse me?" "H-have a nice day!" "Um... alright?" "Leave at once, fool, for this may be your last day of enjoying the splendors of life..." *Panicked horse noises* "Goodbye! Have a lovely day... for it will be your last..." Author's Note Dangit, I don't like them swears. Came up with this while joking around with my sister.
The author forgot what he wanted to write for the next chapter but knew that it was something hilarious?Um... ... ... Seriously, I don't remember. I came up with it last night, but I forgot to write it down before going to bed. Now I don't remember what it was at all. Something to do with half-sarcastic remarks and roasting peoples' opinions. ... ... BANANAS. Author's Note
Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder?Author's Note Whow, that flew in quickly. I remember it now, but it's now what the previous chapter said it was. The roasts and burns were just jokes, not story ideas. Also, Fluttershy's brief butt-collecting song goes to the tune of this: Go to the thirteen second mark. Fluttershy was a butt-hoarder? "Look at this butt, isn't it neat?" Fluttershy began to sing as she wiggled her plot in Twilight's face. "Fluttershy, what are you--" "Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?" the pegasus continued, opening a door into a room full of her animals. "Fluttershy, seriously," Twilight continued, "I don't see anything different. They're still animals." "Ooh no," Fluttershy cooed, lifting up a squirrel and shoving it's tiny butt in Twilight's face, "It's my butt collection!" "What."
Applejack was an Alicorn?Author's Note Sequel to the previous chapter. Applejack was an Alicorn? Applejack awoke with a groan, inside her own mind. Coincidentally, it appeared that she was now an Alicorn. That being said, she naturally supposed that she was now within her own dreamscape. And so, she proceeded to buck herself out of her own dream, 'cause that's what you can do when you realize that you're in a dream. Following the not-so-crazy event of Applejack waking up, she quickly made a trip to her bunker's bathroom. Silently, she stared in shock at the now-skewered hat that sat atop her head. Shakily glancing downwards, she could see peanut-butter coated wingtips quivering in the cold, recycled air of the bunker. Lastly, her cutie mark was now peanut-butter coated apples for some reason. Besides that, everything appeared normal. "Hello!" a jar of peanut butter called from the kitchen with a meek voice, "Eat me!" "..." "BUCK IT!" She suddenly screeched as her face snapped into a wide grin, "NOTHIN' MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!" She then followed through by bursting from the top of her triple-reinforced carbon fiber/steel/concrete/Nokia hybrid bunker, in the process creating a spontaneous explosion due to the large amount of randomly placed oil barrels surrounding the area. "BUCK DIS HERE WASTELAND!" She hollered as her eyes began glowing with the light of a thousand suns. In an instant, a massive beam of light shot down from the heavens above, rejuvenating not only the land, but... The pear tree. Applejack spotted the pear tree amongst the shuddering piles of blue-green algae jello, and with the power of her conjoined twin frog thrusters, she blasted off at the speed of light towards the tree. "AH'M GONNA GIT YA!" the mare shrieked as she proceeded to randomly quantum-tunnel straight through the tree, the ground, and everything else, causing her to be violently ejected at the other side of the world, and be sent hurtling towards Discord's backyard. And then the universe got tired of all this crap, and pressed F5 to refresh.
the author took a long, hard look at the earlier chapters?Wow. To think that originally this was supposed to be a "serious" fic that would contain actual alternate history that I was supposed to come up with about Equestria. Now then. Obviously that's not how it turned out, did it? I've found it a bit hard in general to write stories that aren't just entirely random or have hints of comedy in them, and once I realized what I could do with a fic like this, I just went on a roll.
The author discovered BBCode icons?Forgot that this exists using the Fimfiction site mods. Tell me if you can see the icons below: Author's Note Translation of icons if visible: My disconnected/down wifi/cable internet makes me sad.
the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses?Author's Note No, you read that right, Game of Thorns. Like as in, they're pretty much driving go-karts, but they're so blind that they don't realize that they're driving rosebushes and the top of an apple tree. the Mane 6 were in Game-of-Thorns and needed glasses? "Applejack?" Twilight asked a nearby tree, "Can you pass me my glasses?" The tree said nothing as it loomed over the figure of Twilight, who was currently reading a slab of concrete. "Howdy!" Applejack suddenly called as she dropped from the sky, "Ah was just buckin' some apples! They sure are light these days, don'tcha think?" The problem was, Applejack was talking to the dirt, and Twilight was still talking to both the slab of concrete and the tree. "Hey everypony!" Pinkie squealed as she burst from a nearby rosebush, "Wanna take this baby for a ride?" She asked, purring awkwardly as she softly stroked the rosebush. "Sure!" Rainbow replied in return, landing face-first beside the rosebush, "How fast does this thing go?" Pinkie stared closely at a bright crimson rose in front of her face, before looking back up, and replying "I'm not sure, but I bet I can pull off a rainboom with it!" Rainbow shrugged, and hopped --painfully-- into the so-called 'car'. As Pinkie fumbled with a leaf to start the nonexistent engine of the bush, Rarity sped past both of them in her own rosebush. Followed by Applejack and Twilight in the top of an apple tree. "So you wanna race?" Rainbow snarked as she felt the branches slapping against her face, "Wait up then! Pinkie's trying to start the engine!" Foregoing all common sense (and logic), the mares proceeded to race about Ponyville, while Fluttershy sat in her home, reading about various ways to exorcise rabbits as she wore the only pair of working reading glasses.
The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM?Author's Note Seriously. I want to write something, but for most of the day either my internet's been down, or I've had to do something. Have a chapter written while I'm half asleep. Maybe. The author decided to write a chapter at 12:34 AM? Twilight groaned as she stared at the eternally melting ice cream. It had been prior awarded with the prestigious "Ultimate-OCD-Inducer" award, and was currently proudly on display directly in front of Twilight. She just wanted to lick the thing, and yet... every time she attempted to, she would be flung thirty feet back, along with an instant brainfreeze. It was part of the protection spell, after all. Twice she had charged the shield, desperate to lick the slowly dripping ice cream. Twice she had failed. The third time, she had been frozen inside a block of ice. Made of vinegar popsicles. The fourth time, Tirek was summoned, but was ultimately smitten by an avalanche out of nowhere. (And he's still trying to get out of the banana-split of doom.) The fifth time, Pinkie Pie had been forcefully ejected from the universe, only to come screaming back in a pony cannonball. The sixth time, Twilight was given a golem of no purpose. She promptly left it in her basement, along with Derpy. The seventh time, she nearly managed to lick the ice cream. She could smell it, though. It was vanilla, with a hint of chocolate. The eighth time, she finally managed to lick it. The ice cream proceeded to implode on Twilight's tongue, followed by an explosion of mind-boggling perception. Suddenly, Twilight saw the universe. No, the multiverse. She saw the flow of time as it criss-crossed itself along the lines of reality. She watched as Discord bathed in his pocket universe of rubber duckies. She saw some weird-lookin' thingies that vaguely resembled ponies in a parallel universe in which Gen 1 never ended. And worst of all, she found the universe that was made entirely of the unlickable, eternally melting ice creams. She screamed.
Spike took Twilight on a date?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Text size was directly related to volume?Author's Note Writing this at 5 in the morning. :P Text size was directly related to volume? "Oh, Celestia, how is it so early???" "Beats me, Rarity." "Shall we avoid waking the others"" "Eyup." "Nopony invited you here, Big Mac."
the author decided to watch youtube and read comics instead of using their free-time after the competition to do something productive?... ... ... Did you expect something? Celestia smirked as she sipped her tea, for it was secretly a liquid form of a rare Uranium isotope, and coincidentally the source of both her OP-ness, and her not-giving-a-f**k-ness.
BleglhsjxowvjcpsjwvwicowvClestilla radically took a swig from her mug of mud. Meanwhile, the universe imploded behind her. She didn't care, however, because nothing really mattered. And so Ercrestiersh died in a horrible ball of not-fire.
a buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter?Author's Note Prepare your buttocks... cringe is coming. The stories aren't introduced in any specific order, but here are the ones featured in the chapter: I Think I Summoned A Ponk. Lab Horse/Space Horse Wielder of the Orb: Of Magic and Ponies The Wielder of the Orb Equestria Forever Applepears Twilight Finds Herself in Generation 1 THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FOR TEN SECONDS! What If? (obviously) - Gen 1 Twilight went off the hook? What if Gen-1 Twilight went off the hook? Is essentially what would've been written if it weren't for the fact that I've been toying with the idea of a crazy mega-crossover between my own stories. a buncha other stories the author wrote were crammed into a single crossover chapter? Two portals opened beside each other, both of equal characteristics. They simultaneously unloaded their contents as follows: A pile of humans, and a pile of ponies. These two piles were related, and yet unrelated. They were both of the same origin, but at the same time originated from varied roots. Both carried a precious cargo-- The Orb. Suddenly, in the distance, a mare was heard screaming bloody tartarus as she detonated a nuclear warhead upon a lone pear tree. The resulting rain-BOOM (of destruction and doom) resulted in the living-dead potatoes to dance about, as Pinkie and Anon simultaneously scratched their heads in confusion. In the human pile, a young boy by the name of Sammy groaned, pulling himself out from underneath his friends with The Orb in tow. At the same time, Nightshade did the exact same. The two proceeded to tumble into each other, smacking full-on directly between the two unconscious piles. A shaggy caravan of other humans screeched to a halt in a worn-down and heavily modified truck, filing out with curious looks. "Equestrians," their leader murmured, pointing a finger at the ponies, "Equestria is alive..." An awkward silence overtook the entire scene, only to be broken by the screeching, burning noise of a plummeting portal-space-capsule thing, boarded by its two only inhabitants: Gadget, a young filly, and Delmar, a disgraced and mildly drunk scientist. "WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Twilight yelled as she was farted out of a portal from the past, "AND WHY IS PAST TWILIGHT STILL WITH ME?! SHE'S LOOKING AT US WEIRD AGAIN!" The Gen-1 Twilight proceeded to awkwardly stare at the gaggle of ponies and humans, before slowly backing towards the humans. "Do you know where Meghan is?" the mare asked uncomfortably, tugging on the shirt of the man by the name of Tyrone. Tyrone shook his head sadly. "I don't know who you're talking about," he replied, "but your place is with these ponies. They may be our only hope." Suddenly, the sky flicked between day and night rapidly, before settling on night. And then becoming day once more after ten seconds. "FEAR MEH, Y'ALL DOOFY MORTALS! BOW BEFORE YOUR RIGHTFUL RULER, SCRUBLORD MOON!" A brick proceeded to sail through the air, smacking Luna hard enough to launch her headset onto the face of Gen-1 Twilight. The mare's face slowly creeped into a smile as her pupils began to dilate. "Ultimate knowledge..." she whispered as her body began to shift into a ball of pure energy. The essence of Gen-4 Twilight begun to funnel into her body via the headset, while Luna shrugged and pulled out a gameboy. Sammy and Nightshade sat beside each other, trading glances at each other's Orbs and comparing abilities. They forgot entirely that they could've used them to defeat the currently maniacally laughing mare of Generation 1. Gadget and Delmar looked to each other, shrugged, and proceeded to disappear into another portal a short call later. And then a large asteroid suddenly impacted everything, but it never killed anybody. Instead, it just trapped them, leaving them doomed to the fate of having to be stuck with each other until someone with half a mind remembered that teleportation existed. Why? Because f*** logic. NO SWEARS! Oh god--Pinkie, NO! *Clattering keyboard noises*
Spike was a dog in Equestria, and a dragon in the EqG world?"Wait up!" Spike barked as his owner stepped into the portal, "I wanna come too!" Before anypony else could stop him, the dog vanished into the mirror. *Swirly portal transition noises mixed with screaming horse noises and magical transformation noises* "Twilight? Um..." Twilight groaned, rubbing her head as she sat up, only to realize that she was no longer a pony in the proper canon-way of events. Except this time... "Alright Spike," Twilight began as she got down on all fours, let's go an--- WHAT THE BUCK?!" Amazingly, the alicorn-turned-human had completely ignored the fact that her pet dog was now a small dragon. That is, until now. "SPIKE!" Twilight shouted as she suddenly pried Spike's jaws open, "CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?! WAIT A SEC, I'LL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU OUT!" "TGLIFLRIGHT!" Spike screamed back, "It's me still. You turned into... uh, whatever you are, but I get to be a cool dragon!" Twilight, however, heard none of it. Because her head was currently still halfway lodged in Spike's mouth, and therefore the dragon's reassurance simply came out as garbled nonsense. "SPIIIIKE!" Twilight wailed, "I'm so sorry... so, so sorry... I shouldn't have ever taken my eyes off my lovely puppy, and now he's GONE! Wasted away... eaten by this beast of a monster..." Spike rolled his eyes, and spit Twilight out, along the way mildly singing her hair with his newfound dragonfire. "Calm. Down." Spike said sternly, putting both claws on Twilight's shoulders, "I just got turned into a dragon, just like you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. Okay? Let's just chill out, and move on." And then Celestia fell out of the portal sitting on a toilet wearing a toilet paper crown. Because screw logic. Author's Note That degenerated quickly. :rs:rolleyes:
Rainbow Dash worked at Starbucks?Dash groaned as she turned to pass a 33rd cup of coffee to a customer who had stuck around for hours. "Aren't you ever gonna leave?" She asked, watching as the stallion wolfed down his drink with fiery eyes. "NOPE!" He cried in return, sloshing his steaming cup at the pegasus, "When I grow up, I'm gonna marry coffee and be a bean!" Rainbow stared at the stallion. He stared back, and proceeded to twitch. "Yeah, I'm just gonna boot you out now." Fearful, the stallion latched onto Dash's foreleg. "DON'T!" He shouted, "THIS IS MY LIFE!" Rainbow wiped the spit off her face, rolling an eye. "Well, it isn't." she deadpanned, before drop-kicking the stallion from the window.
The author had homework to do?Normally, I finish most of it in class, but I've still got a small backlog of unfinished assignments from the days that I was gone for the Idaho competition. ... ... The end.
Starlight Glimmer the human in a "very" convincing costume came to Equestria? Just to be clear, this is occurring after Starlight Glimmer's reform. Starlight Glimmer snickered as she slipped into her outfit. A land of equality and harmony for all? She had thought, My homeland calls for me... As for her costume, she had created a full-body spandex suit, laced with tendrils of "magic" that she had gotten her hands on from some teens selling "magic in a jar", shortly after a recent school camping trip. Said magic would theoretically allow her to bypass the transfiguration that would normally occur as she passed through the portal. Why she wanted to keep her human form? Simple: Fingers. And toes. Toes are always nice. Either way, she was going to remain human, whether the creatures on the other side liked it or not. It was a weekend, and aside from the usual sports meets that were occurring nearby, there was very little activity. On top of her current disguise, Starlight donned the identity of a janitor that had frequented the area. The thick, rubbery face, the awkward tufts of hair, even down to the sly goatee were all present on her mask. And with her disguise on, the girl slipped into the portal. "OOF!" Starlight bellowed, quickly covering her mouth with her hands as she recovered from faceplanting in the portal room of Twilight's castle. "Who's there?" A frighteningly familiar voice called back. The sounds of hooves echoed throughout the room as the pony counterpart of Starlight neared the doors. "NOBODY!" The girl shouted back, immediately cursing herself afterwards for making herself even more obvious. The hoofsteps froze, before quickening as the pony grew closer and closer to the doors. Starlight's eyes widened as the handle of the door lit aglow, and slowly began to turn. Frantically, the girl dove into an upturned box, quivering underneath in fear of discovery. Meanwhile, the pony Starlight proceeded to shrug, and leave the room. Walking on all fours is always such a pain in the a-- "NO SWEARS!" Pinkie screamed, landing in front of the girl from who-knows-where, "BAD STARRY!" The mare promptly left Starlight with a smack on the face with a newspaper. The mask she had been wearing earlier was nowhere to be found. "Starlight?" Twilight asked as she landed with a flap of her wings, "Why are you walking so... uh, weirdly?" It was at that moment in which Starlight realized that she had been walking not only on all fours, but walking on all fours with her bottom held proudly (mindlessly? suggestively?) in the air, as a human walking on all fours would normally walk if they didn't bend their knees. "And why does your plot look like a badly sewn dress?" "Uhhhhh" "And why are you both in front of me and beside me?" Crap. The human Starlight thought, She's onto me. The pony Starlight facehoofed. "Twilight," she deadpanned, "that's clearly the human me, trying and horribly failing to pass herself off as me." "Ah, yes..." Twilight nodded, "Even though I'm not Rarity, I'd recognize that potato-sack sewing anywhere." "HEY!" Author's Note Can you guess who the "janitor" is? Would y'all like a part two?
The author once again had no idea what to write?It's that time again! Roll in the comments, and they might just become future chapters!
Twilight was suddenly salad?"Girls?" Twilight suddenly blurted, moments after a blindingly bright flash of light, "I think I'm salad." A clinking sound echoed throughout the hall as a living bowl of greens hopped into the room. "Hoo, nelly!" Applejack exclaimed as she entered the room from the other side, "Boy, am I hungry!" Twilight immediately froze at the hearing of Applejack's words. "H-hungry?" She whimpered, attempting to silently escape. "Is anypony takin' that bowl o' salad over there?" "Nope! Go ahead, AJ... though, I don't remember anypony ever bringing it here..." Oh crap. Twilight thought, attempting with all her might to transform back. Another bright flash momentarily blinded everypony in the room, dissipating to reveal... A bigger bowl of salad. Author's Note These clean lines of text soothe my OCD, yet they trigger it at the same time.
Sunburst and Starlight switched places?Author's Note Skipping the whole "Our Town" thing, 'cause Sunburst doesn't exactly seem like the type to do mind control. Sunburst and Starlight switched places? Sunburst lounged in Twilight's seat, idly twirling Starswirl's scroll in the air with his magic as he awaited for the Princess of Friendship. As he heard hoofsteps drawing near, he quickly hid the scroll, instead idly whistling to himself as Twilight and Spike entered. "...Um, who are you?" Spike asked, shaking Sunburst awake. "GAH!" the stallion shouted back in return, falling from the seat in a very ungraceful method. "What's going on?! Where am I?" "You've been sleeping in Twilight's seat for the past 2.564 hours." "Ah ha!" Sunburst yelled, "I remember!" Twilight and Spike questioningly stared at the stallion who was currently doing a victory whoop on the map table. Out of nowhere, a dirty sock landed on Twilight's face. The mare shook her head in annoyance. "Please... just, whoever you are, state your business, please. You're already giving me a headache." Sunburst nodded, and stepped down from the table. "Alright... um..." he whispered to himself, "What was it that I was gonna say again..." He promptly pulled a parchment from underneath his cape, labeled in big, block letters, "PLAN TO DESTROY THE TIMELINE". After approximately half a minute of reading, he cleared his throat. "Ahem," he began, "Princess Twilight, I am now about to destroy your timeline!" "What?" Twilight snorted, "Why?" Sunburst's eyes widened. "Um... because I can? And I want to prove my capabilities?" A mug of coffee blinked into existence beside Twilight, who took a sip of the steaming liquid. "Go on," she pushed, "What other motives do you have for destroying reality as we know it?" Sunburst shrugged in return, lighting his horn. "AND NOW," he began, "WITH THIS CONVENIENTLY STOLEN SCROLL, I SHALL CREATE THE ULTIMATE PARADOX!" A blinding flash of light filled the room, accompanied by a low howling sound as Sunburst rose upwards, only to be swallowed by a giant time vortex thingy. ~~~5 minutes earlier...~~~ "Um... who are y--" Sunburst promptly landed on top of Spike, awakening the Sunburst that was snoozing on the seat. "Wahuh?" Sunburst from five minutes ago grumbled, rubbing an eye, "Did the plan work?" The current time Sunburst shrugged. "You tell me. Does it look like I'm back with Starlight?" Sunburst from five minutes ago shrugged in return. ~~~Back to the ~~Future~~ Present!~~~ Sunburst reemerged from the portal, expecting to find himself from five minutes ago preparing to travel to... five? Ten minutes ago? Either way, he expected to see himself in one way or another. Except... he found himself standing face to face with a very creepily smiling mare, with a semi-obviously painted equal sign cutie mark on her flanks. "Oh."
Everypony became Alicorns?"It is time." "Time for what, M. A. Larson?" "You shall see soon, my child." "What do you mean?" "Here, take this pair of wings and horn. Now, where's that button?" "What butto--" A single beam of golden light descended from above, unceremoniously horking out a large, gelatinous blob of slime. And no, it is not the Smooze. Inside this blob, was an Alicorn. Though, not just any Alicorn, for this Alicorn was the Alicorn of Alicorns. (And repetition, because why else would Alicorn be used four times in the previous sentence?" Why did this Alicorn exist? Why, to ascend everypony, Alicorns included, into Alicorns, of course! Why else would M. A. Larson do such a thing? Celestia? Alicorn. Apple Bloom? Alicorn. Big Mac? Certainly an Alicorn. Trixie? Nah. Let her ascend herself. Let's make Starlight Glimmer an Alicorn instead! Discord and the Twilicane are Alicorns, as well! Even Boulder is an Alicorn! Fluttershy worriedly stared at the Alicorn Angel Bunny.
An absurdly large amount of flashlights entered Twilight's life?Twilight awoke with a yawn, instantaneously gagging at the moment she performed the action, due to a flashlight suddenly becoming lodged in her throat. *ACK!* *cough cough* *GPHLRAFT!* Mere seconds later, a flashlight-shaped crater had formed on the wall opposite to Twilight, of whom was no longer choking. She took a deep breath, opening the drapes to let the blindingly bright, whitish-blue light to pour into her room. Wait... that's not right... she thought, looking back out the window. And lo and behold, the sun was missing, instead replaced by a massive LED flashlight, aiming directly at her window. "Twilight?" Spike began, pushing the mare's door open, "I think there's something wrong with me..." Twilight gawked as the purple and green flashlight waddled into her room, looking clearly sick. "Spike? Is that you?" Twilight began, stepping closer to the living torch, "You're... um. You seem very bright today." Spike made the best 'seriously?' face that he could make, but ultimately failed, because he was a Spike-colored flashlight. "I bet Discord has something to do with this." "Ya think?" The bright light outside her window suddenly vanished, casting the room and its occupants into darkness. "Well that happened." Twilight deadpanned, shuffling back towards the window. Outside, there was... an absurdly large number of flashlights. Flash-burger lites, Enlightened Apples, Scootalite Chicken Edition, and of course, the giant, green, glow-in-the-dark flashlight that now made up the previous hills of grass. Twilight went back to bed. Author's Note I think I've gone too far.
Twilight's mane turned to cheese?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
The author was simultaneously bored and didn't want to write an update but decided to anyways?Farts Musical hotdogs riding mice decided to go drink sodas and then watch a movie. And then Giant Meteorite came in and smashed things like Hulk but he wasn't Hulk because copyrights are expensive to settle and so the all-knowing writer decided to shamelessly grant an OC random bursts of strength. Suddenly everything went boom. ihuabilurhiouyg4t. End then the chaos ended, and a new golden era of nothingness began, starting with... This table flip. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
The author had his first Finals Test of the school year starting tomorrow?Yup. Exactly what you expected. There ain't no story. Or maybe... At least, that's what y'all are thinking. Rather, there is always a story, not written out upon a paper or on a screen, mind you, but rather inside us all. We all have our own stories to tell, our own experiences, thoughts, and emotions. These all come together to form us, and by extension, the story of us. By that means, there will always be another story to read, another page to turn, a new chapter to start. Our lives are governed by change, whether it be for the better, or for the worse. In the end, it all comes together to create your own story. Hmm... if only there was some way to read what this strange block of nothing contains...
There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill?Author's Note I don't have Netflix. I am but a poor schooler with good grades and no money. There wasn't such thing as Netflix & Chill? "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Twilight screamed, her mane flaming and smoking as it fluttered behind the panicked mare. "SPIKE!" she continued to yell, "GET ME SOME WATER!" Unfortunately, there was no water, for there was no Netflix, and therefore, there was no chill. The mare continued her tirade of increasingly potent screaming. Meanwhile, the author cackled devilishly as he slowly racked his mind for an original idea. In the end, however, he failed.
Cadance remained a pegasus?"Love stock?" Chrysalis sighed, worriedly watching her children scurry to and fro. "Check." Thorax replied, never glancing away from the clipboard. "Freely available love resources?" Thorax frowned. "Noooooo. We've already utilized all of our current resources to their limit." "That's bad." "Yup." Thorax replied, tapping his chin with the quill, "If only there was a convenient marriage of a hypothetical 'Alicorn of Love' that we could try to feed off of..." Chrysalis facehoofed. "Thorax?" "Yes, mother?" "You're an imbecile." "Oh."
The Smooze was actually just enchanted jello?~~~A not-so-long time ago, in a laboratory underneath your local Walmart...~~~ "Eureka!" Not-Twilight shouted, pulling a bowl of lime jello from her fridge, "My latest creation!" A bushy-mustached Spike waddled into the room with a pouch of chips. "Jello again?" He grumbled, sitting himself on the worn couch, "Can't we have, like, spaghetti or something for dinner for once?" The unicorn laughed heartily. "This is no ordinary jello, my good fellow," she rhymed, "For this jello shall now turn... yello!" Spike facepalmed, pausing quickly to fix his mustache immediately after. As he looked up, he noticed that the jello in the bowl wasn't growing yellower, but bigger. Cool, he thought, growing jello so you don't have to make as much. Unfortunately, that was his last thought before both he and Twilight were scooped up by the newly-formed Smooze, who was now about to rampage through the cereal aisle after escaping through the faculty door. This is the reason why the Smooze still tastes like Fruit Loops to this day.
...Heck? (What if the author no longer has any freakin' idea of what the site is anymore?)... ... ... Wot in tarnation? Seriously though, what happened to the good ol’ “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” rule? I’m pretty sure Twilight would rant about the sudden layout change... Meh. Time to re-learn 3/4 of the entire site... and figure out a way to get the general overall view count working again.
Spike was suddenly the ruler of Equestria?Spike idly scratched his back as he flipped another page of his comic. Meanwhile, in Canterlot... "Princess!" Guard_#3284_MLG_PRO_MASTAH exclaimed as he burst into Celestia's bedroom, "Your sister's gone!" He was met with the sound of a cricket chirping, for Celestia was missing as well. 1536ProN00bSlayer, the guard's assistant, promptly fainted. The following day, Celestia and Luna snickered as they watched from their seaside invisible retreat cabin as the televised crowning of Spike took place. As for Twilight, the mare said nothing. After all, she was currently stuck as a cricket.
The author just couldn't write comedy anymore?“Eheheheh... knock knock?” “Who’s there?” ... ... “Nevermind.” ... ... “Shall we never speak of this again?” “Yeah.” “Why does a pony like you wish to jest with I, Tirek, anyways?” “I don’t even know anymore...”
Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip?Author's Note I'm lookin' at you, Clippy! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-- Spike was replaced with a sentient paperclip? "It looks like you're trying to wake up! Would you like some assistance?" Twilight yawned, rubbing her eyes slowly as she let out a slow, mumbling, "What?" "It looks like you might have trouble hearing. Allow me to assist." the paperclip replied calmly, shoving a Q-Tip into the mare's ear. "GAH!" "It looks like you're surprised. Would you like a chill pill?" Twilight grunted, plucking the fluffy stick from her ear canal. "No." she replied, peeling herself from the covers. "It looks like you're trying to poop rainbows," Clippy began, emerging from behind Twilight's shower curtain, "Would you like for me to help?" "FOR THE LAST TIME, CLIPPY! UNICORNS DON'T CRAP RAINBOWS!" "It looks like you have anger issues. Do you want me to call a psychiatrist?" "No." "It looks like you're trying to sort books. Would you like them sorted alphabetically?" "Yes, please, Clippy. Don't screw it up like when you tried making breakfast." ... ... "Your books have been sorted from most to least obnoxious." The sound of Twilight's facehoof reverberated throughout the castle. "It looks like you're trying to enjoy yourse--" "GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, CLIPPY!" Twilight screamed, throwing a book at the disembodied office material. "It looks like you're having some fun with your friends. Allow me to join?" Twilight sighed. "Fine, but stay away from Rarity, Clippy. You know how much she dislikes you getting caught in her mane." "TWILIGHT! GET YOUR PET OUT OF MY MANE!" Once again, Twilight facehoofed. "It looks like you're trying to save Equestria. A̶ͨl̢ͤͣ͑̌l̬ͭ́o̝͎̘̭͌ͭͦw̨͚̖̗͔̺̮͗ͫ ͇̯̪̤̄ͧ̑̒͞m̟̲̘͍̥̞̣̉e̺͔̪͎̦̫͈̅́̈́̃̚ ̗̲̙̲͐͋̾̏ͤͮ̎t̗̰̟̟̞̺̖ͭ͗̃o̩̫̞̰̜̦ͬ͋̏ͥ̃̀ ̮̌͊́ā̶͙̥̬̱̎̔̉ss̖̬͚̞̈́̈ͯ͒ͪi̼̲̒s̨̺͗̿t̹͙̳̰͙̝̘̅͂ ͈͚̻͑͐̌̆͂̇̅ͅī̮̝̘̺͔͉̋ͬ̀̉͐̍͘n̼̏ͦ̍ͮͯ͂͠ ̭̻̠͖̖̭͂̂̋̐͌͛͋͞s̷̲͉m̰̃ͦ̍i̗̓̃̔̚͜t̻̙̭i̟͎̪̺̩͑̆͢ņ̩̦̩̮̟͍̇͛͑̄͋̓͂g̵͕̰̾͊͑͊̆̿ ̡͙̙̜̤t̤͓͙̠͗ͩͮ͗͡h̒͝ẽ̴̩ͩ̌̈́̅͌ͭe͆͗́͛͏̜̱̦̠̗̝͙ ̸̘̝̻͈̯̰̀ͭͅo͔ͧ̉͑t̨̞͋̉͗̈hͥ͝e͍͗̈ͧ̑̋r̥͓̻̲͖̗̈́ͬ̈́w̙̣̥̻̝oͯ͂͗ͬr̦̱̀̌l͙̝ͫ̒̈d͈̟͍́ͯͯͥ̄͐̎l̩͚̒̓̏ͣ̅̈́y̵̹͐̅͆̆ ̣̜̖̩̲̼͡d̵͓̭̤̜̼͔e̱̟͙̻̭̭̯ͯ̽͊̚̚m̛ͩ̒o̳̗͖̬͙̞ͤ̔̏͛ͩ̇ǹ͔̗̪͎̟̐̊ͦ ̣͎̺͎t̝͈ͪ̍͌̓hͮͧ͛̄ͭ̑̕a̖̰̻͛tͤ҉̟̮̬̰̼ͅ ̈c͗̑ͤ̃͒̓h̪͈̩ͦ̈̎ͯ̾ͩ͟a̤̥͙ͫ̇͊ͨͭͯl͖̳̳̏̇̐̔̅̌͐͝l͇̺̣͇̪̎e̩̮̹̰̮̰ͯͫ͒ͭ͐ñ̲ͬ̋ͮ͆̎͞g̺̗̯̩̯̜̭ͬ̔͗͂ḙ͎̭̭̤̖̣̋ͣ̌ͩ͑̚͢s͈̟͚̋̄ ̨̖͙͈͈̗͉͒̅͋̐͒yͨ̐͊̏̓̓͂e̒̑̀ͨ̅ͨ?̵̪̝̗̯̃͋ " "What." Twilight deadpanned, freezing time to open her assistant's control panel. One registry tweak later, and the paperclip was back to normal. "It looks like you've changed my settings. Would you like to restart Reality XP to apply your changes?" "No, thank you." Shutting down Reality XP... Applying update 1/531760... ... Applying update 2/531760... ... Booting Reality XP... Welcome. "CLIIIIIPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY!" Twilight hollered. It looks you're writing horse words. Would you like some assistance? Wait, wha-- NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter?Author's Note Well, not necessarily a bonus chapter, but still a bonus anyways. A bonus chapter was called for in relation to the previous chapter? "Clippy," Twilight began slowly, "I think I might have to uninstall you from Reality." "It looks like you're trying to uninstall me from Reality. Would you like to launch BSOD.EXE?" "Clippy, no. Stay right here. I'm gonna get the uninstallation script." Reality XP has encountered an illegal operation and must be shut down. Universe.exe has imploded out of sheer stupidity.
Rainbow Dash suddenly became a tank and Fluttershy was literally a giant Apache helicopter?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Meerkat meerkat muffins? OH YEAH!"Meerkat?" Twilight Sparkle asked herself, worriedly glancing out the window of her castle. "Meerkat meerkat." Spike agreed, "Meerkat meerkats meerkatting meerkats." "MUFFINS!" Derpy screamed, bursting through said window. "MEERKAAAAAAAT!" Twilight screeched in return, jumping back in surprise. "OH YEAH!" The Kool-Aid man hollered, bursting through the foundational walls of the castle. "WHOOSH!" went the castle as it collapsed due to its compromised structural integrity. Author's Note I don't know what this even is anymore.
The author finally axed a story after giving up on it months prior?RIP Twilight finds herself in Generation 1. And honestly, I'm relieved that I don't have to go through every frackin' episode of Gen 1 + movies just to write a Gen 1 crossover fic anymore. What's this "Gen 1" that you keep talking about? Oh god, please no, Pinkie, NO-- *keyboard rattling noises*
Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller?Author's Note It's Apple-teeny, but even smaller! Applejack was perpetually tiny, and only grew smaller? "Who let Appletini in here?" Spike deadpanned, staring at the miniscule pony sitting atop the hoofrest of her chair-throne-thing. "Ah did, Spike! Ah did!" Applejack squeaked, suddenly shrinking to half her size. Again. "Huh?" Spike began, "Where'd she go? I swear she was right here a moment ago..." Meanwhile, Applejack floated away on a dust particle, ready to explore worlds beyond the confines of Equestria. And maybe find a way to grow back to normal size.
Pinkie Pie encountered a genie?Author's Note Welp. This turned out to be more of a one-shot than I expected. Enjoy! Pinkie Pie encountered a genie? Pinkie searched high and low for Gummy. The 'gator hadn't been seen for the past week, and Pinie was beginning to become rather... unhinged. Especially if one asked the customers of Sugarcube Corner. "WHERE ARE YOU, GUMMY?!" She hollered, flipping a nearby table and narrowly missing a customer. In a matter of seconds, all that was left of the storefront was a plaster of leaflets, all identical, all donning the image of a tiny reptile that belonged to a hyperactive mare. Pinkie shed a tear as she lay down in her bed. Gummy would be forever missed to her, and she-- "WHO DARES AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER?!" A decidedly loud voice boomed over Pinkie. The mare immediately perked up from bed, confusedly staring at the pillow the voice had emanated from. "AHEM. I'M TALKING TO YOU," the voice continued, "DO YOU WANT WISHES, OR SHALL I RESUME MY REST?" "Ooh!" Pinkie cheered, "Wishies!" A hovering, ghostly image of Gummy emerged from the pillow. "As you wish." the image began, "Are you in any way familiar with the ways of genies?" "Yup!" Pinkie answered, "Three wishes, no necromancy, no Jedi Mind-Tricks, no wishing for more wishes, no forcing people into love, no summoning Tirek from the worlds below, and--" "Okay, sheesh," the Gummy-like genie responded, "I get it, you've met a genie before." "Nope!" Pinkie chirped, oblivious to the fact that the real Gummy had just crawled into her lap from underneath her bed. "..." "Well I'll be." The genie finally continued, "Now then, let's get on with this shebang, eh? What's your first wish?" Pinkie thought long and hard, her thinker thinking of a thought to think about so that her think-machine could ink the thought into a idea for her mouth to think out loud. "I'd like to see my--" Pinkie paused, staring down at the now-slumbering Gummy. "um... World Peace Plan happen!" The genie nodded. "As you wish." it stated, "What is this plan of yours?" "No bad guys!" Pinkie said happily, "EVER!" "As you wish." Meanwhile, Tirek suddenly became Celestia's cake butler, and while surprised that he was out of Tartarus, found it impossible to steal magic anymore. Combined with Celestia's trollish antics, he quickly lost his will for domination. Also, the Sirens were suddenly smashing pop hits that continuously topped the charts. And Chrysalis was now the Element of Love, much to the jealousy of Cadance. ...And Flufflepuff was born from a swarm of Parasprites transmutating after falling into the Mirror Pool. Somehow. The genie held up three fingers, but blew away one of them. "You now have TWO wishes!" they declared, "What is your second wish?" "Hmm..." Pinkie began. "Ooh!" she suddenly realized, "I wanna be with my friends for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever--" "Forever?" the genie deadpanned. "FOREVER!" Pinkie screeched. The genie nodded. "As you wish." Suddenly, everypony in Ponyville became an Alicorn. Why? Because Pinkie was friends with them, of course. But Pinkie didn't know that. Yet. "And your final wish?" The genie finally began, "I'd advise that you make this one count." "Free you?" Pinkie asked, remembering a certain movie. "Nah brah." The genie declared, "I'm not that kinda genie, y'know. I've got my own life still." "Huh." Pinkie began, "What about..." Somewhere on the opposite end of Equestria inside a suddenly-appearing Temple of Nothing In Particular, a pocket universe dedicated entirely to Pinkie Pie and her friends was created with a blinding flash of pure energy, incidentally irradiating everything within a 100-mile radius. Pinkie gasped, and suddenly jumped into a personal portal through the multiverse as the Genie completed her final wish. "Where ya goin?" the genie asked as Pinkie disappeared into the portal. Just before she vanished, Pinkie shouted back, "I SENSE A DISTURBANCE IN THE HORSE!" Meanwhile, on Earth... Mr. Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of Anon unloaded his pickup truck of hay to the local farmer, wiping his brow with an arm. That is, would've wiped his brow with an arm if it weren't for a certain mare plummeting onto his face. "WHERE'S THE HORSE, ANON?!" Pinkie shouted, "WHERE IS IT?!" Anon's muffled voice came unnoticed from underneath Pinkie. "Whoops." Pinkie began, backing off of her old interdimensional friend from beyond the fourth wall, "Sorry." "Pinkie." Anon began, "TJ is perfectly fine. Megan's got good care of her." It was at this moment, when Pinkie realized... "ANON!" Pinkie shouted again, pulling the mask off of Anon, "YOU'RE THE HORSE!" Anon snorted. "Fine," he began, "So your Pinkie Sense finally detected my true form, but you'll never know my FINAL FORM!" With that, Mister Sir Anon Anonymous the Third of the House of AnonHorse blasted away on his rocket-propelled flip-flop horseshoes. "Fine then." Pinkie pouted, "I'm going home." Pinkie shot out at Mach-2 speeds from her portal, headbutting the quietly-reading genie in the gut. And revealing the guy to just be Discord wearing a horsehead mask painted to look like Gummy. Because reasons.
The number 8 was used in almost every conversation ever?Fisher pony walked up to the Salespony. "Good day, m8," the Salespony chirped, "How was the b8?" Fisher pony smiled. "I r8 8/8, m8." he replied. "Well 8n't that gr8!" Salespony responded, "Would you like an instant reb8?" "Nah, m8. I'm gonna go home and get some cr8s." "Well, don't forget to come by on a l8er d8!" "Yup," the Fisher pony continued, "though next time I'm gonna keep my g8 eye out for them g8ers." "What do you do for a living, m8?" the Interviewer began, looking up from a notepad. "I have a pretty gr8 r8 of cleaning pl8s." the Janitor said cheerily. "Gr8!" the Interviewer replied, "Welcome to the Gr8 Sl8 Pl8 Fr8!" "One more thing--" the Janitor continued, "With this job, will I get my own pair of sk8s?" "Yup." "Gr8!" Author's Note Sorry, not sorry.
Twilight never had friends to begin with?Author's Note Early Halloween chapter! Have fun with Twilight's Frankenstein-esque FriendBotTM! Twilight never had friends to begin with? "Hehe..." Twilight chuckled maniacally, deep within her not-so-underground laboratory, "If I can't make friends..." she began, "I'll MAKE them!" "Twilight," Spike noted from beneath the pile of cloth that was his oversized labcoat, "You just said that you'll make friends if you can't make friends." "EXACTLY!" Twilight cackled, the Dramatic Sparks of ElectricityTM crackling about her on the glowing screens mounted across the walls and ceiling. "Yeah." Spike noted, slipping from his labcoat, "She's lost it. Again. I'm out. See ya!" Twilight, entirely oblivious to Spike's departure from the lab, continued her psychotic bout of laughter for about another half an hour, before her now-sore throat forced her to stop in a flurry of coughing. Once she recovered, however, her eyes set on the large, red button in the middle of the barren control panel of her latest creation. Instantly, her crazed grin reemerged, and her hoof slammed flatly against the aforementioned button. "BOOTING FRIENDBOT REVISION 2." A metallic voice echoed across the building, "PLEASE PROVIDE A NAME FOR FRIENDBOT." The room went silent for a moment, save for the clacking of a keyboard. "NAME REGISTERED: TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT." the voice screeched, taking the name Twilight had just entered. "TWILIGHT'S FRIENDBOT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH TWILIGHT." it continued, slowly growing quieter as the program uploaded itself to a metallic body. The patchwork creation of tin cans and scrapyard junk rose from the test bench, lumbering loudly towards Twilight. "HAHA!" Twilight bellowed, before being tackled by the scrap heap of a robot in a crushing hug. Spike licked the ice cream, completely oblivious to the world as his mind spiralled inwards towards pondering about his adoptive mother's internal insanity.
Randomness happened?"...What ARE you?" "I'm a Taco Fish!" "...don't you mean a fish taco?" "No," Sonata replied through a mouthful of tacos, "I'm a taco fish!"
Randomness happened 2?Author's Note Alrighty, I figured that I'd might as well tackle multiple things at once, so... here's what this chapter contains: "Normal" Pinkie Pie bleeping/censoring bad words, Princesses are dogs while Equestria is oblivious, Spike has an AK-47. Enjoy! Randomness happened 2? "ALRIGHT, YA HEY'in DWEEBS, HANDS UP!" Spike shouted as he kicked the door open to the base of operations of an underground cult. "Excuse me," a stallion deadpanned as he set down his playing cards, "What was that again?" Spike rushed angrily to the stallion, shoving the bayonet attached to his AK-47 against the neck of the pony. "I said," Spike repeated, "You're a CHILD FRIENDLY!'in DWEEB, ya--" Spike blinked, realizing what he had said. "ShSTOP IT!." Spike said under his breath, following up with "FLISTEN!k, dI SAID STOP IT!... uh, freakin' crap." GOOD. Spike cleaned an ear with a claw. DON'T THINK THAT I'M NOT WATCHING, SPIKE! Just then, the mare that the voice belonged to-- Pinkamena Diane Pie, or 'Pinkie', as she was commonly known as, trudged into the room, her head hung low as she placed a glass of water on the table that the stallion had been sitting at. With a nod, and a mischievous wink towards Spike, she disappeared back into the side room she had entered from. "What." Spike said flatly, dropping the gun and unknowingly releasing the stallion. "You'll never catch me, ya cI'LL BE COMING FOR YOU!!" This time, it was the stallion who paused upon hearing a certain pink mare's voice blot out his words. Unfortunately, this was enough time for Spike to tackle and capture the pony with a swift and definitely-not-fatal barrage of fire. "Your highness," Spike began, kneeling before the Princesses, "I have captured the saboteur." "Arf." Celestia nodded, turning to her fellow canine sisters, who made various dog-related noises in agreement. "Very well then, Spike continued, his eyes fooled into the illusion of the Princesses sitting before him being ponies. "I shall return to my chambers until you deploy me once more." As Spike left, the four (five, counting the puppy,) alicorn-dog-things howled in their victory. And Pinkie Pie went to the grocery store to buy some silverware.
This fic became meta?Author's Note 'Cause y'know, everything's gotta be a little meta, right? Right? This fic became meta? Twilight stared at the page that she had just mindlessly jotted down at the dictation of her assistant, while Spike grinned gleefully over her shoulder. "This is garbage." she deadpanned, pointing at the page in question. Spike shrugged. "Hey, you were the one that began writing this thing." Twilight made a face. "Well you were the one that told me to write this!" "No," Spike countered, "I suggested that you should write this! You were the one doing the writing!" Somewhere, high above the two squabbling beings, the almighty narrator and true author of the story stood up, and left the room for some popcorn.
Rainbow Dash was allergic to pies?"Really, Pinkie," Rainbow coughed through her reddened face, "Please, stop it with the pies!" Pinkie made a face, hurling another pie at her friend. Though, it never hit, as Rainbow sneezed the whole thing to bits. Finally, it clicked in Pinkie's mind. Her friend was allergic to pie crust. Pinkie threw a toast waffle at Rainbow Dash. Author's Note I have a mild headache right now.
Randomness Happened 3?"Bork." Twilight barked, looking up from her book. "Twilight," Spike deadpanned as he looked up from his comic, "Did you turn yourself into a dog again?" "Bork bork." Spike looked back down at his comic. "As I suspected." Twilight proceeded to chase her tail for the next three hours until the spell wore off.
Spike had a dirty mind?Author's Note This is what happens when I dumped a chapter near midnight when brain.exe is not functioning at full capacity. Enjoy! Spike had a dirty mind? Spike stared through his binoculars at a certain mare's behind. SPIKE! Twilight shouted, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OGLING RARITY'S PLOT?! Spike spun his binoculars around to Twilight. Or at least, the incredibly reflective wall that at the moment showed a certain mare off rather well. And it was Twilight, to be specific. "Heheh. Butts." Spike mumbled as Twilight snatched the binoculars from him.
Space Cats?"Meow." "SPIKE!" Twilight hollered from the control panel of the EQ-SOL-1 rocket, "WHY THE BUCK IS THERE A SPACE CAT?!" But alas, it was too late, for dear old Spike was now in his space suit, stroking the glamorous space-fur of the space-cat. "Meow."
The Mane 6 were just Twilight's various personalities?"Should we check on her?" A guard whispered to another as Twilight cackled in Pinkie's voice within the asylum. The other guard shuddered. "No," he replied simply, "Her... complications might spread." "Oh, Pinkie," Twilight shouted as Rarity, "WHY YOU SO FUNNAY?!" "Oh, come on, Rainbow Dash's voice rung out, "Do you guys even realize where we are?!" Amidst the squabbles of the many sides of Twilight, the mare herself was nowhere to be found.
The author was currently fixated on studying for yet another barrage of quizzes and tests?Haha. High school AP classes, amirite? Though, I spent about ten our so minutes working on an upcoming one-shot building off of an idea I introduced in Equestrian Human...
The author now cannot sleep?Author's Note I spend the past two hours trying to sleep after having a good sleep on my mind the entire time I studied, but now I'm wide awake. Wtf brain. The author now cannot sleep? "Hey, I'd like to introduce you to my religion." The man raised a brow, glancing at the strange figure in priestly robes. And then a fluffy pony plot was shoved in his face. "I'm interested." Was all the man replied.
Randomness happened 4?"WAITER!" Derpy shouted from her table, "THERE. IS. A. SOUP. IN. MY. SOUP!" For the umpteenth time, Twilight facehoofed. "No, Derpy, your soup is supposed to have soup in it." "Oh. Sorry... WAITER! THERE'S A SPOON IN MY SOUP!" Twilight left the restaurant.
The Fried Chicken Dealer came to Twilight?Twilight grimaced as she warily eyed the towering stacks of papers that she soon had to work through. She sighed as she pulled the first flimsy sheet from the very top of the stack, rubbing an eye with a hoof as she pulled out her quill set. *knock knock* "Who's there?" Twilight called, rising from her seat to check the door. She opened her study door. Nobody. Which meant that it'd either be the bathroom door, the closet door, the ~~sexy dungeon door~~ basement door, or the most likely of all: the front door. The door sat ajar just a sliver, a slight breeze passing through it as Twilight neared. Somepony's here... Twilight thought, preparing a shield spell for casting. "Would you be interested in fried chicken and fried chicken accessories?" a deep, gruff, and ~~definitely not creepy~~ dark voice called from the shadows. "..." A stallion stepped from the shadows in a large trenchcoat, surprising Twilight. In response, the mare instinctively shot a dazzling laser at the strange pony, only to watch as the stallion simply absorbed the blow into his body. The stallion wobbled ever so slightly from the blast, seemingly dazed, but otherwise unharmed. Moments later, he shook himself from the trance-like state, and refocused his attention on Twilight. "Now," he said once more in that ever-so-deep voice, "Would you be interested in some--" he whipped open his trenchcoat, prompting Twilight to scream as she covered her eyes. "L-LEWD!" Twilight shrieked from behind her hooves. Except... upon lowering them ever so slightly, she noticed... there was hardly anything disturbing. Just... buckets. "--Chicken?" The pony then finished, the buckets filling with fried chicken before Twilight's very eyes. "Uhhhhhhh..." Twilight began, confused by the entire event. "Only five-ninety-nine," the apparition grinned through rotting teeth, "...not counting tax." "STAHP!" Celestia shrieked as she burst through a window, "YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THAT!" Twilight nodded in short response to Celestia's sudden entrance and following outburst. Charging her horn for attack, she fired a barrage of spells at the stallion. ...Only to have them pass straight through him. "Twilight." Celestia began, ignoring the wall-tentacles that flooded her field of vision, "That stallion sells drugged food." But it was too late, for simply the smell alone was enough. Twilight shrieked as a tap-dancing Trixie-Starlight duo entered the room on an upside-down apache helicopter of doom. Author's Note This chapter builds off a certain comedy posted not too long ago.
Applejack sold propane and propane accessories?"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" Applejack chided cheerfully, "Where y'all can find all of your propane and propane-accessory-related goods!" Twilight frowned. "I just wanted an apple, Applejack." In a blur of color, Applejack now stood inches from Twilight, her entire body trembling with rage. "I. Am. Past. That." she hissed, retreating into her propane tank-shaped barn. Short to say, Ponyville burned that night. Author's Note Short chapter. I've got stuff to do again.
THE GREAT FLARPETY-FLARP MADE AN APPEARANCE?!?!Celestia tried to hold it in, but she couldn't. The beans, she thought, they were too much for my feeble and weakened body... And just like that, the pressure was gone. And the resulting fart caused widespread destruction all across Equestria due to its nature of being practically a flaming laser of bean-induced doom. Author's Note Fart joke.
Randomness happened 5?I finished my homework earlier than I expected. Probably the multitasking. Um... SUDDENLY, A FLAMING BALL OF RAINBOWS CRASH LANDED IN PONYVILLE. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Twilight hollered, pointing a shaky hoof at the flaming crater. "I'M OKAY!" Rainbow Dash yelled in return from the center of the crater. "I WAS JUST TESTING A SPEED SPELL!" "WHERE THE BUCK DID YOU GET A FREAKIN' SPEED SPELL?!" Twilight continued hollering towards Rainbow, "YOU CAN'T EVEN CAST SPELLS!" An alicorn-ified Rainbow Dash majestically appeared before Twilight. "Ha." she smirked, "Says you." Author's Note No seriously, I somehow finished almost an hour earlier than I expected.
The author just wanted to play Minecraft but Comcast was just all like "NOPE! YOUR INTERNET'S DOWN NOW!"Because screw you, Comcast. All I want to do is play on a minecraft server for the first time in nearly a month. And preferably not get kicked with a timeout error every 5-10 minutes of playing.
Randomness happened 6?"What are you, good sir?" a Twilight with a heavy British accent yelled to the figure in the distance. "FOR THE LAST TIME, TWI," the figure yelled back, "I. AM. A. TOASTER." "OKAY." Twilight shouted to her toaster. Author's Note Toaster.
Rarity was as nerdy as Twilight?"My Fabulosity Equivalents!" Rarity gasped, pulling a sheet of burnt paper from underneath Sweetie Belle's mixing bowl, "NOOOOOOOO!" "Sis." Sweetie deadpanned, "Just because you design dresses according to geometric patterns doesn't mean that you need to write out equations for everything." "Psh." Rarity dismissed with a hoof, "You need to know the math before you can truly appreciate it. As the great Starswirl once said--" "--no." Sweetie cut off, "Stop it. Get some help." "From?" Rarity began, turning with the burnt paper in her grasp. "...Twilight?" Sweetie answered. Rarity's eyes widened. "Yes!" she shrieked, "With all her knowledge on everything, she'd surely know how to improve my dresses even further!" "...no." Sweetie continued as the door slammed shut, "...um... who was it... Lyra? No... um... Coco? Yeah, I think that Coco would be able to--" Sweetie Belle stopped as she realized that the room was empty.
Twilight encountered a Salt Lick block?"Human." Twilight deadpanned to the farmer standing beside her in the human world, "What is that horse doing?" "Why, ol' Clacker there's just takin' a lick of the salt lick." "..." "What, ya got somethin' against that? It's for their health, y'know." "What are they made out of?" "Salt and other essential nutrients for the horses. Why?" "Um..." Twilight began, "Gotta go!" Twilight proceeded to become a multi-millionaire in Equestria's healthcare industry. Because Salt Lick blocks. And salty lollypops. ... ... And technically it was Rarity that did the marketing. Twilight brought the idea. ... ... Surprisingly, Rarity reacted rather well to the idea of licking a block of minerals on a stick. Author's Note Salt Licks.
The author lost his nice apple earbuds?Author's Note Seriously. Aside from the iPod shuffle that the earphones came with, it was pretty much one of the nicest Apple products that I had. The sound quality was pretty good compared to the el-cheapo earbuds that I used before. And now they're gone. The author lost his nice apple earbuds? Welp. Back to using crap earbuds for now. I mean, I do have a pair of bluetooth headphones from Sony, but they're a bit too bulky to safely carry in my backpack or use daily at school. All I know is that I had the earbuds in my pocket when school started, but by the end of first period when I reached into my pocket to plug them in, they were gone. Hopefully, they're just in my school's Lost & Found. If not, I guess I'll just have to wait 'till I have the chance to order a new $25 or so pair on Amazon. Well then. ... ... PINKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOAROUILU@HLI*&(
Rainbow Dash bucked a Big Barrel of Brutish Baddies?One barrel went careening off of the side of Neighagra Falls. Inside it was a shrieking Sombra. Next went Tirek, who had been shrunken by Discord even further to mess with him. He tumbled within a plastic toy barrel meant for the monkey-in-a-barrel line of foal's toys. Complete with monkeys. After that the Storm King's petrified body was bucked straight off of the top of the falls at full-force. Queen Chrysalis was thrown overboard next, screaming curses and bloody murder towards the changelings that betrayed her as she fell towards the bottom. Finally, a large pile of pies in a barrel was dumped via wheelbarrow. Because Rainbow doesn't like pies. Author's Note ...And then Discord jumped over the falls in his bathing suit.
Flubbadub?"..." Twilight stared at the word on her paper. "Flubbadub." She repeated in irritation. This was the third time that week that her teacher had to make up new words for the filly's spelling test. Mainly because the aforementioned filly already knew them all. Because books.
Tirek was loving and kind?"...So... how did this happen again?" Celestia asked Luna as a crowd of angry ponies cheered at their dethroning. King Tirek turned to face them. "Simple," he began, "Offer the ponies what they want, when they want it." The crowd cheered at his remarkably simple answer. "Sounds like a stupid idea." Celestia spat, "Where's my cake?" The two former-princesses were then banished into the time-out corner.
Rainbow Dash couldn't see glass?*Insert generic glass shattering noise here* "RAINBOW!" Twilight hollered at Rainbow as pegasus crashed through yet another window. "Huh?" Rainbow replied, brushing herself off. "By the way, Twi, I don't think that putting a force field around a hole in the wall would do anything good for you." Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean glass?" she began, trudging away for a broom. "Glass?" Rainbow asked in return, "What's that?" Twilight frowned and pointed to a nearby glass vase. "Cool!" Rainbow exclaimed, rushing towards the vase in question, "You made these flowers float by themselves?" Twilight gave up on trying that day.
The Great Potato War happened?Author's Note A continuation of this. The Great Potato War happened? Keep in mind now, dear reader, that this is not the Baked Potato war, nor is it the Grape Potato War. Rather, it is the Great Potato War, in which the two princesses of Equestria valiantly defended their nation from the forces of Mr. Potato Head's army of the planet Hazboroo. Celestia and Luna dove bravely into the center of the invading army of potatoes, their specialty weapons-- a potato peeler and a french fry cutter, respectively, shining brightly in the light of day. Metal clashed against 'tato, spuds pummeled and destroyed countless structures... And somehow, somewhere in the middle of it all, a high schooler with a clicky keyboard sat clacking away, intent on narrating the entire event. Or at least, until his keyboard was crushed by a potatiajo;ui3ho;hO*Y The author now sat within a bubble universe, observing and narrating the chain of events that was the Great Potato War. Mr. Potato Head was angry. ~~Neigh~~Nay, enraged. How could his two favorite toy ponies betray him in such a way, when they too had descended long ago from the planet Hazboroo? With all the might of his mighty spaghetti-like arms, he brought his plasticy fist upon the activation button for one of his most lethal weapons: The Potato...ifier...inator...thing. With all the precision that a highly-evolved potato could muster, he put both hands on the absurdly large spud gun, and fired away, his nose becoming dangerously loose as he did so. Soaring with the gracefulness of overgrown (and slightly more elegant) geese, or "Swans", as some may call them, Celestia and Luna easily dodged the rays, crisscrossing each other as they prepared their final attack... With a single sentence, Mr. Potato Head was burnt to a crisp. "I'MA FIRIN' MAH LASER!"
Homework happened?Heheh. And you'd think that I have time every day to write something above a couple hundred words long! Ha! In all seriousness though, I'm currently piled high with homework to do before Winter Break. In the meantime, happy reading! Yay! Happiness! Oh no. She's found me.
Luna was a ragey internet teen?"HA! GET REKT, NOOOOOOOB!" Luna screeched, spamming the keys on her keyboard as she typed out a scathing string of words aimed at another forum user. "Luna." Celestia deadpanned, snatching the keyboard from her sister, "I think that's enough internet for today." "SCREW YOU!" Luna hollered, before jumping out the window, presumably flying towards the nearest Starbucks or something. Probably somewhere with free wifi.
Celestia was a salespony?"Would you like to buy some sunlight and sun-related accessories?" "No... no, Celly, that's now how it works." "But I brought a trenchcoat and everything!" "That'd explain why everything behind us is completely obliterated by the sun's plasma." Author's Note Net neutrality got repealed.
Net Neutrality was repealed?Author's Note Technically, there's still time. It has to pass through Congress first, so call up your congresspeople and tell them you want Net Neutrality to stay! -A very disgruntled Comcast user Net Neutrality was repealed? Error: Please pay $20 for our fanfiction package to continue.
Rarity had only BARELY realized that mirrors were a thing?"LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!" Rarity shouted, happy tears streaming from her eyes, "I'm GORGEOUS!" "Rarity." Twilight deadpanned, "That's a mirror." "I know, darling!" Rarity replied, "And for the first time ever, I'm truly able to simply see myself!" The unicorn held up the mirror to Twilight. "Aren't I simply beautiful?" Twilight rolled her eyes, and pushed the mirror down with a hoof. "Rarity." she said again, "I only see my own reflection. Mirrors don't work that way." "Nonsense!" Rarity exclaimed, flipping the mirror around to stare at her reflection, "See? I'm right here!" She turned the mirror to Twilight again, her eyes twinkling with excitement. Twilight facehoofed, and left the room. "Oh my!" Rarity suddenly burst, "And my reflection moves as I do, too!" Author's Note Rarity not knowing what a mirror is and how it works would certainly be something to see.
There was no such thing as beds?Pinkie jumped onto her rock and screamed into her stone pillow-thing. "OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH!" She squealed, crushing her face against the rock, "THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST PARTY EVER!" She looked at the clock sitting across from her rock. It was late. "Welp." She shrugged, "The only thing left now is a good night's rest!" Pinkie proceeded to burrow into the stone itself and snooze on her pile of twigs and pebbles. Of course, with her rock pillow, as always. Because reasons. Author's Note Do I sense the Flintstones?
Sugarcube Corner was a literal gingerbread house?"I mean... It seemed like a good idea at the time..." Pinkie said slowly, staring at the remains of Sugarcube Corner, which was currently being devoured by hungry parasprites. Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just because something already looks like something else doesn't mean that it should be that something else." "Yeah." "Yeah." Pinkie agreed. "OH YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!" The Kool-Aid man shouted, bursting through the single remaining wall of Sugarcube Corner.
The author's internet functioned exactly as he expected it to?And that expectation is that it's gonna be complete and utter crap for pretty much all of winter break. Guess how it's been working? Exactly. I'm more than thoroughly annoyed at this point.
Sammichachu?Author's Note Guest chapter! Sammichachu? One day, there was a pony. Said pony decided to make a sandwich and eat it, but was promptly struck by lightning. Thus, Sammichachu was born. "LET ME EAT YOU, FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" screeched a certain purple alicorn in agony. Twilight then lunged at the sandwich in attempt to bite into its flesh. Exactly 2.948~~666~~ seconds later, the purple pony had a mouth full of dirt. "PIKA!" an anthropomorphic sandwich-mouse screamed in reply. "POKEMANS!" xX-GAM3R_LUNA11-McM00NM4STER-Xx then hurdled a pokeball at Sammichachu, capturing it in her master ball~~s~~. "I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS. TO CATCH THEM ALL IS MY REAL TES--" "COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT." Pinkie hollered. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Pinkie clone number 666 belched "BECAUSE THE AUTHOR'S SISTER WATCHES TOO MUCH ANIMU TO STAY SANE," Pinkie clone number 983274 yelled, "AND BECAUSE MOST ANIME BATTLE SCENES REQUIRE YELLING AS COMMUNICATION." Everything was then a screaming mess. But what is the true meaning of this? Is it nothing but a screaming mess? Or is it perhaps something more? Will anyone truly know? Or do they already know? Does anyone truly know the purpose of this, or the purpose of why we're here?, a nearby purple-eyed alligator narrated, licking his eye while doing so, Why are we here? To bicker? To love? To help? Why do we exist? Why does anything exis- The author's sister then cut off Gummy in fear of triggering an existential crisis.
all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses?Author's Note With the exception of Mayor Mare and the Kool-Aid man. all of Equestria was replaced with mattresses? Twilight awoke from her mattress. And proceeded to hop off of her mattress onto her... mattress? She proceeded to open the mattress door and walk down her mattress stairs to her mattress kitchen, where pillow-Spike was making a fluffy breakfast of airy eggs. Twilight yawned a sleepy yawn, and left her castle of snoringdom, and tumbled her way towards town hall. Of which was a bouncyhouse made of beds. Because reasons. "What took you so long?" Mayor Mare snored, pouring another pot of coffee on her face, "I almost fell asleep." "You just woke up." Twilight deadpanned, "I know." Mayor Mare yawned, "and that's why I have coffee." "Is that why you're a living pot of coffee?" "OH YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man hollered, "HOW'S Y'ALL DOIN'?!" "No." Twilight replied with a facehoof, "This isn't happening." And then she woke up. On her mattress.
guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAuthor's Note This is what happens if the author has friends come over and they all stay up a bit too late... guest humanoid entity: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH *USE THE TEXT TO SPEECH* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHEIL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUHEUHEUEHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHEUHEUEHBEUHE I'M COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU meerkats
The author ultimately decided that this year sucked?Merry Christmas, y'all. At this point, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that 2017 is by far the worst of this decade. We've all made mistakes, some more so than others, and I'm sure that some of us will enter 2018 with some regrets of events that occurred in 2017. Much of what we know has been turned on it's head this year, and I'm quite certain that many, if not most of us, would much rather prefer a year of no worries. There's some things that we may have done during the year that will haunt us forever on, but hopefully, the next year will bring about some much-needed consolation. In the meantime, I hope for all of us to have something to look towards in the future, both near and far.
Lyra wanted to be anything BUT a pony?"Seriously." Lyra muttered, "Why can't I be human?" "BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORSE." Bon Bon shouted back at her marefriend. "But why are we ponies?" Lyra argued, "Why can't we be mostly-bald apes that dominate the planet with massive machines that can terraform and stuff?" "What." Bon Bon deadpanned. "Or maybe dogs. I hear that being a diamond dog brings in pretty good money, y'know." "Lyra..." "Ooh, or dragons! Imagine how cool it would be to fly around and breathe fire out of your mouth?!" "But Spike--" "Or-- or..." Lyra cut in, "What if we were Apache helicopters?" "What's even an Apache helico--" "PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!" Bon Bon gave up on trying to understand Lyra that day, and instead found comfort in Twilight's failure to understand Pinkie.
Luna had a startling realization?"SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER." Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned. "THE FLOOR IS NOT, IN FACT, LAVA." "What is it made of then?" Celestia replied idly, looking back to the tower of paperwork on her desk. "THE FLOOR IS MADE OF FLOOR!" Luna screeched. Celestia facehoofed with the force equal to a small earthquake.
The CEILING was lava?"For the last time, Luna." Celestia groaned through a double facehoof (+ wings), "We know that the floor isn't lava, thank you." Luna grinned as she lit her horn. "Yeah, but now the ceiling is lava!" she cackled, casting the spell. Immediately, the room began to grow uncomfortably hot, and if it weren't for the sisters' alicorn nature, the two would've surely succumbed to the toxic fumes being generated as the tapestry and other various objects caught fire. "LUNA!" Celestia hollered as the younger alicorn leapt through the window, "YOU'RE BANNED FROM VIDEO GAMES FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!" Luna poked her head through what remained of the rapidly melting window, making a face. "Dear Faust..." Celestia complained as she cast a spell to undo the damage. Author's Note Luna's having a bit too much fun.
LUNA was lava?"HEY!" Celestia groaned. This was the third time today that Luna had been annoying. It was a new record, too: her previous was five times. "LISTEN!" Though, given that the day was still far from over, there was still time for the new low-record to be nullified. "HEY!" And Celestia was just about to bury her pain under a banquet table of cake, too. "LISTEN!" Celestia glanced out the window, mildly surprised at the fact that her sister wasn't currently pressing her face against the glass or drawing faces in the dust. Nope. She was just a smoldering ball of magma hovering outside. Wait, what? "LOOK!" Luna screeched, steam coming from her flaming mouth, "I'M HOT STUFF! ALL THE COLTS WILL LOVE ME NOW!" Celestia smiled, turned around, and set off for the padded room deep inside the dungeon. Today was too much.
Luna was suddenly "fashionable"?Author's Note I may or may not be having a bit too much fun with this miniseries. Luna was suddenly "fashionable"? "LOOK, CELLY!" Luna hollered from across the hall. No response answered. Probably either because Luna was delusional and was seeing things, or because Celestia was still in her little asylum, crying herself to sleep. Either way, Luna was wearing the highly-fashionable "Horse Pants" that she had vaguely remembered seeing somewhere. She glanced out the window, grinning in delight at the sheer number of ponies to show off her clothes to. "LOOKIT MEEEEEE!" Luna screeched, skidding into the middle of a busy intersection, "I'M A FANCY SCHMANCY POLITICIAN!" Her pants proceeded to catch on fire. ~~Because reasons.~~ Because it was actually lava.
Applesauce?"Applesauce." Luna hummed to herself, opening the doors of the modern innovation she had come to love: the refrigerator. The smiled gently as she pulled a single-serve pack of applesauce from the confines of the machine, complete with its usual "BUY SOME APPLES!" sticker plastered across the foil seal. "BUY SOME APPLES!" Apple Blom shouted, mimicking her foil counterpart's words as she tumbled through the now-destroyed door. On her back sat a (miraculously) neat stack of buy-one-get-one-free coupons for apples and apple accessories. No, not iPhone dongles.
NOT late night update?...Yeah, I should probably stick with updating late-night. Works better with my schedule that way. ... ... Luna moonwalked across Equestria in her magnificent hovering Elephant Boots. Not elephant-shaped boots, but four physical elephants attached somehow to each of Luna's hooves. Because at this point, screw logic.
The author was tired and sick?What? No Luna-Lava shenanigans? Preposterous! Celestia shuddered deep within her personal padded asylum, listening closely as her sister's lumbering footsteps far above once again signified the usage of the so-called "elephant boots" that had caught the Princess of the Night's mind. "PINEAPPLE!" Luna screeched repeatedly, racing from one side of the courtroom to the other in her highly-fashionable elephant boots. Of which were currently trumpeting in annoyance, further adding to the noise. Twilight promptly joined her mentor in the asylum that day.
The lava trope was finally killed off once and for all?Luna yawned, stretching her legs as she lazily fell off of her bed, hitting her head in the process, and conveniently forgetting that she was wearing elephant boots, creating a massive commotion that all but startled Twilight and Celestia deep down underneath the castle. How she slept while wearing elephant boots? Ask Discord. Even I don't know anymore. "Celly?" Luna whimpered quietly, apparently forgetting about the fact that she had scared her sister off as well, "Where are you?" She stared out the window, appalled by the sheer amount of... lava? "MA QWEEN," A pudgy, squishy little red echidna cried aloud, "YU MUST LEAD DA WAY." Luna stared at the thing with a confused face, before slamming her hoof on the Discord-provided short-term time-machine. "SISTER." Luna shouted, slamming the door open, "I HAVE COME TO A STARTLING DISCOVERY, ONE THAT MAY CHANGE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA FOREVER." Celestia sighed, and turned to face her sister. "What is it this time, Luna?" she deadpanned. "THE FLOOR ISNOT, IN FACT, LA--" "NAY!" Future-Luna shouted, kicking the door open again, "NO. STOP IT. GET SOME HELP." And that was how cotton candy was discovered.
All the glass in Equestria was replaced with ice?"Spike?" Twilight asked, staring at the gaping hole that used to be a window, "Where did my windows go?" Spike looked up from his comic book, shrugging before chucking a boxed copy of Windows XP at the mare. "No, darnit," Twilight scowled in return as she brushed the box's impact off, "I mean the glass windows!" Spike simply shrugged again, still reading his comic. Twilight gazed down at the floor beneath the missing window, only to find an absurdly large puddle. She knew there weren't any pipes or running water in her castle; it grew out of the freakin' ground not too long ago. How could it have such a thing? She turned just in time to watch as a dark blue blur passed outside another window, resulting in the aforementioned window suddenly turning to ice. "Luna..." Twilight growled under her breath, "Not again..." Author's Note
Ponies had big floppy shoes instead of hooves?"What." Twilight deadpanned as she whacked herself in the face with a clown-sized shoe, "Just. Happened." Far above, the gods of stinky feet applauded, unaware that the Forces of Febreze were plotting their downfall. Because you know what, that last little scrap of sanity doesn't really matter anymore, does it?
The sky turned into a giant magnifying glass?"Haha. Lookit those ants." alien #1 mused, "This is just like watching a nature documentary." And here, we see the rare, hardly-seen Celestia, digesting her caloric intake in the form of towering cakes. "ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!" Ah, yes. The mare's greatest defense mechanism. Shouting in rage. Also, all of Equestria was on fire, because just like what happens when you hold a magnifying glass to a stick on a sunny day, holding an atmosphere-sized magnifying glass to hundreds upon millions of wooden structures is gonna cause quite a few fires. Celestia was overthrown that day for unrelated reasons.
Celestia was betrayed by cake?"Why?" Celestia begged, her once-flowing mane now shredded and dull, "Why must you bring so much harm to the one that loves you so?" Cakezilla scoffed in annoyance, as did Luna nearby, the latter of whom was too busy playing some inane video game to understand or care about what was going on. "You claim that you love me." The enchanted cake growled, "You said that you would wake with me, and sleep with me in mind." Celestia shrugged, oblivious to where Cakezilla's monologue was heading. "But you don't." The cake continued with a scowl, "How could you possibly say those things, when all you do is eat my brethren?!" "What." The cake rolled its eyes. "What, indeed." it mocked, "And for your sins against my kind, today you will DIE!" "No--" Celestia whispered quietly to herself, "Please... no--" "DIE!" The cake screeched maniacally, raising a flaming candle to the princess. Or at least, tried to. The candle and the arm-hand-licorice thingy dropped to the floor as Cakezilla was promptly sliced to pieces by a rather annoyed Princess of the Night. "Geez." Luna deadpanned, her game controller still hovering in her magic as she dropped the pastry knife, "That thing was waaaaaay too loud for me to hear what was going on." The mare returned to her games, oblivious to the fact that half the room was now on fire from the lit candle that lay on the charred carpet. Celestia ate Cakezilla as the fire burned, because what was the point of wasting perfectly good cake to some burnt flooring?
Universe.exe stopped responding?Author's Note AH'M BACK! Universe.exe stopped responding? Reality XP has encountered an error and must be shut down. Error: Success. Rebooting... Welcome to Reality XP. Opening file: Pony.mov DEBUG: The user has halted the operation. "NOPE!" Derpy screeched, flipping the desk as she hurtled through her now-broken window.
Twilight was attracted to π?"GIRLS!" Twilight yelled, bursting through the door of her castle, "I'M πSEXUAL!" All at once, the five other mares, plus dragon, stared at Twilight. "Look, Twi," Applejack began, "Ah think you should lay off the cider for a bit, 'kay?" Twilight shook her head. "Nope! π is love! π is life!" The alicorn proceeded to mush her face in a π pie that had conveniently magically materialized because the plot demanded it. Twilight still doesn't talk about it to this day. Author's Note π
Homework day?Haha. Don't you love the feeling you get when you finish a 3-day robotics competition and come home hoping for some relaxation? 'Cause I sure do, except I'm making up homework for classes that I missed for the comp! Given, however, that I already did some classwork early in anticipation of the competition, I don't have too much to do. Though I'd personally prefer if I could just binge some videos today or something. Now then. As for this story... something about homework, I guess? Alrighty then. Let's get this going. "Urk." Twilight groaned from under a pile of textbooks. "Spike... what day is it today?" Spike glanced up from his comic book towards the book fort. "Oh. Twilight, you're awake?" He stared out the window for a moment. "Eh, it's only been about a week since you went into a book coma." "What." "What?" "What." Spike shrugged. "Hey, don't blame me for reading yourself into a literal book fort." Author's Note See what I did there?
Spike was a lawnmower?Author's Note Phone typing! Spike was a lawnmower? "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Twilight groaned, folding her pillow over her ears. "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-CLUNK" "Hey! Twilight!" Spike the living lawnmower called from just below her window, "I think I just ate another lawn ornament! Can you send a check to Derpy later for the damage?" The alicorn gave up on caring that day.
Spike was as obsessed with crystals as King Sombra?"So," Sombra continued, sipping his cup of tear-infused tea, "that was the day I discovered my ability to summon crystalline constructs." Spike's eyes widened. "COOL!" He shouted in awe, "Could you, like, make a crystal mech suit for me?" The dark king nodded solemnly, and a moment later the dragon was stumbling around in an absurdly large suit made of enchanted crystals. "SPIKE!" Twilight yelled from somewhere outside, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE CRYSTAL HEART, NOT TALK ABOUT IT, LEAD INTO HOW SOMBRA CAN MAKE CRYSTALS, AND THEN HOP INTO A MECH SUIT."
Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?)Author's Note Now comes a mashup of every story I've ever considered as my "flagship story" in some way or another, written not only to revolve around all of the characters meeting each other, but to go even as far as (trying, and probably failing) copying the writing style from each individual story, including blaring grammatical mistakes! *cough* How did I even miss quotation marks in that one story? *cough* Order of stories as they appear in this chapter: The Amazing Adventures of Butter Knife! (& Friends!) - currently my flagship comedy, taking the place of this fic. The Lab Horse series - Flagship story/series up until around November of last year, making it the longest as well as longest-standing flagship story to date. Wielder of the Orb: Of Magic and Ponies - My first-ever story on Fimfiction, and a derivative of 20+ pages of script-formatted cringe. Spacebound Equestria - After killing off the above story, Spacebound Equestria took its place as a scifi/alternate universe-centered flagship story. It's sequel was eventually published, but never finished out of disinterest. Equestria Forever - A mildly misanthropic story that was once labeled as "MLP propaganda" for claiming that the show was the only thing that allowed people to be friendly towards each other and avoiding total war. Yup. Killed that story rather quickly. I Think I Summoned a Ponk. - My old comedy flagship before I killed off the story hoping to merge it into Equestria forever. Probably not a very good idea, considering how it led to the death of both stories. Twilight Finds Herself in Generation 1. - The spiritual successor to the above story. It's literally what you think it is. Pony-Me - My current flagship. I have hopes of eventually writing an original story based off of this one, and there's already been a bit of set-up work towards that as far as characters and plot points. Last but not least, good ol' What If... - The story in which this chapter takes place. Prepare for some meta. Super cross-fic mashup metaness? (AKA What if Techieverse happened?) Butter Knife frowned. "I don't like this." She deadpanned, turning to her companions Ego Boost and LawnPo, the latter of which was currently busy eating the front lawn. "I don't like this one bit." Ahem. Gadget? Log number whatever: It's kinda funny seeing how far I've come. It barely feels like a day ago when I was still just living life in my little corner of Delmar's lab, hoarding random things under the sofa to tinker with at night. Now though? I honestly have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at. It's like some sort of cosplay group... if said cosplay group involved an angry red and black alicorn, a weird lawnmower-pony hybrid, and a... regular ol' Earth Pony? "O Hai!" The Earth Pony cheered, grabbing me by the sleeve of my vest, "What's your name? I'm Ego Boost. Nice to meet you! Oh my, that vest of yours truly compliments the fluff of your mane. Ever consider going to a fashion show?" Um... Alrighty. Go Sammy, Caleb, Brodie, and Zoey! Give 'em your best! I don't know where I am, or really what we're doing here, but I guess this is just our next step in the quest to protect the Orb. But this... this presence that I feel... Sammy turned to his friends. Hey Caleb, thoughts? Suddenly, Twilight appeared out of nowhere for no particular reason, Sammy's diary in hoof. HEY! Sammy lunged at Twilight, trying to take the diary from her hold. Twilight shrugged. I still think it's interesting how you have a crush on one of your companions, y'know. I believe that's enough cringe to write for this chapter. Now, onwards to the Equestrian Pride! ~~~{Creepy alleyway full of random characters pulled from stories}~~~ It was dark. With Sombra at least temporarily purged from the ship's interior, it appeared that for a time, things would settle down. Celestia turned towards her sister and shouted, "We're making a landing!" The ship proceeded to touch down. Right on top of a certain red-and-black alicorn's favorite butter knife. The lawnmower pony didn't pay any mind to it, instead focusing on chewing away at the grass. Too boring, onwards! ...Oh no. It's misanthrope squad. Tyrone sighed, drawing the ragged blanket around his shoulders as he trudged down the street, aided by nobody but his comerades. "Chris." The man growled, "Dangit, where is he? He nearly killed Twilight freakin' Sparkle." Twilight's ears perked as she turned towards him, dropping the diary much to the joy of its owner. "I'm sorry," She began, "Who are you guys?" PLOT HOLE! PLOT HOLE! MOVING ON! "ANON! WAKEY WAKEY!" Pinkie screeched into my ear, "C'mon, sleepyhead, wake up! Before LawnPo gets ya!" I groaned, feeling the soft grass beneath me... and hearing the impending doom that was the sound of a lawnmower. "CRAP CRAP CRAP!" I shouted as I jumped out of the way. Pinkie in turn squealed as she jumped into my backpack, opening a pocket universe as she did so to summon snickers bars. Because reasons. Okay then. That happened. "C'mon," I groaned, giving my ancient blob of an ancestor a noogie, "tell me that you at least know the history of your time." "Stop it!" The ~~grill~~girl whined, "Stop it, you're hurting Twilight!" I turned and blew a raspberry at Megan. "Says the one who's got a lovey-dovey thing going on for a certain TJ the horse." "Ahem." Slowly, I turned, sensing the shadow that was cast upon me. "Hello, me." Well that just took a turn. Twilight should really stop fudging with things. A soft wind blew through the musty alleyway, the inane bickering of people and ponies alike filling the air. Lisa glanced to the side, catching a glimpse of the carnage that was the rest of the story, unfolding before her on the front lawn of an abandoned house. "T-Twilight?" "What is it, Spike?" The girl answered, turning towards her companion. Timothy pointed a shaky finger towards LawnPo. "W-what in the world is that thing?" Lisa shook her head and continued walking deeper into the alleyway, the voices behind her fading into the breeze. I have to find my way... I can't return to Equestria until I can find myself again... "Okay then." Twilight deadpanned, staring at the absurdity of a chapter that she'd just written. "I think I've had enough book-ing for today." "Twilight, don't you mean writing?" The mare rolled her eyes as she slammed the book shut. "Yeah, whatever, Spike. I need to give my brain a sanity break."
Twilight wrote by hoof?"ACK!" Twilight screeched, clutching her hoof in pain, "MY HAND! IT HURTS!" "Twilight." Spike deadpanned in return, "You don't even have hands." The mare glared at Spike. "Well, if I did, then that's the reason why I'm writhing in pain!" Spike raised a brow. "Having hands hurts you?" "No... but writing too long with them does!" "Y'know," Spike began, "ever thought about using your horn to write instead of your hooves?" The sound of Twilight's face hitting her desk proceeded to reverberate throughout Equestria.
Terrible writing?Author's Note Come at me, grammar nazis! Terrible writing? one beautiful day twilight and derpy Decided, that they shood twi to find something to do They went off to... the Castle of the two Sisters and found a large rabbit! "What was that?" Twilight cried out a low grumble setting off Twinkie i DNOT kno? drpy cri "What is it?" Sdnly lrg bgbr came out of nowhere and shout "HI ALL AM BEAR." Twilight leaned in close to Derpy, her cheeks growing red. 'kiss Me now!" Purple hoarse yell. They kiss. The end.
Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia?Author's Note Yes, I'm one of those people who believe that Sunset was adopted by Celestia. Credit to Supernova2015 for suggesting this chapter. ^_^ Suggest ideas down in the comments, via PM, or in the story ideas channel on my Discord server! Sunset Shimmer never turned on Celestia? "And then," Sunset continued, flinging her hooves into the air, "When I crossed the portal like you told me to, there was this entire world of these weird bipedal ape things. They wear clothes all the time, and they've got these really fast carriages that they call 'cars' that rush them around everywhere!" Celestia nodded, paying only half her attention to her student. "Yes, yes, Sunset." She mumbled, "I've been to the human world as well. I was only thinking that it'd be nice for you to experience something outside of the palace." She turned to her adoptive daughter. "Do you think I should take on another student, Sunset?" She began, "I know I would be paying even less attention to you if I did, but I fully believe that you're capable of functioning as a mature and independent mare now." Sunset shrugged. "Cool." She replied, "So it'll be kinda like having a sister then?" "...Not really." The alicorn replied with a chuckle. "But in a way, yes."
Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was?Author's Note Another chapter requested by Supernova2015. Sorry, Supernova, but I won't be taking any more requests from you for the time being. You've got to give others a chance, too. Starlight saw the barren wasteland for what it was? "This place..." Starlight whispered, turning to Twilight. "This is Equestria?" Twilight nodded solemnly, a deep frown on her face as Spike struggled to hold onto the scroll through the gusting winds. "It is." The alicorn answered, "Or at least, was." "W-what happened?" The alicorn didn't respond, instead staring blankly into the whirling dust-storm that was once Ponyville. She blinked for a moment as the dust formed a vague blob of a shape. "Twilight?" Spike tugged at the mare's mane. "Twilight, I'm scared." A stronger gust of wind pushed against the trio, Starlight coughing dust and sand out with every consecutive billow. "Starlight. You happened." Twilight finally answered, turning to the unicorn. "Somewhere, sometime, you messing with the past caused this." "But... I-how?!" Starlight stuttered, "How did something as little as crashing a race lead to something like... like this?!" Twilight shrugged, wandering closer to Starlight. "Reality is never what you expect it to be." She began, "Everything we do has an effect. Even if the race does finish, the fact that we ever set hoof in the past at all will still lead to a shift in the timeline." Starlight fell to her haunches. "I never meant for this to happen..." She whimpered as a lone tear streaked down her dust-ridden face, "I only wanted the happiness that I saw in your friends. The happiness that I thought that I could never have myself..." A choked gasp escaped the mare's lips as Twilight set a hoof on her shoulder. "It's alright." Twilight soothed, "There's still a chance to make things right. We still have the scroll, don't we?" Another dusty tear splattered against the ground in a muddy puddle. "O-okay." Twilight nodded, and lit her horn, the first light the land had seen in ages as the two mares and dragon rose into the portal.
WHAT ARE WE?!Author's Note Yes, I'm aware that this isn't a what-if scenario. WHAT ARE WE?! "WHAT ARE WE?!" "WE ARE SAAAAAND!" "BUCK YEAH!"
I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me?Author's Note Here ya go. I didn't think that it would pass moderation anyways, considering how at the moment, there's hardly anything that even refers to MLP outside of the main character, Gadget from my Lab Horse series, being a pony. Basically, if this had been published, Pony-Me probably wouldn't have existed. I actually was originally planning on an alternate sequel for Lab Horse before I ended up writing Pony-Me? Gadget.AI by TheMajorTechie Log 4103 Time: XX:XX:XX skip Default time information used. Time is 00:00:00. Date: XX:XX:XX skip Default date information used. Date is 01/01/1970. migrate gadget_logs -full -failsafe Migrating log database. Est. time: ~7 hrs. Logs successfully migrated cd NP_C NP_C>convert db:gadget_logs Converting database... 10% 23% 42% 48% 56% 72% 86% 95% Complete. Migrated 4102 previous logs, excluding current system log. Successfully Interpreted >100k vocabulary entries, dropped <20k unreadable vocabulary entries. Output -> db:gadget_logs_conv NP_C>MLearn db:gadget_logs_conv Machine learning routine initialized. Preparing neuromorphic processor for input. Parsing db:gadget_logs_conv Locking console input... Console input locked. Est. time before release: ~2 weeks. Log 4104 Parsing complete. Console input has been unlocked. Generated Neuromorphic pattern in file “Gadget.AI”. NP_C>Upload Gadget.AI Warning: Uploading a pattern will reset all existing contents of device N1-GTU. Enter C to continue, or H to halt upload. NP_C>C Uploading pattern... Upload complete. Boot Gadget.AI on device? Booting... ... W...where am I? What’s going on?! [Text generated in 1.5 ms, using best estimate based off of log_4102.] [Enter text to communicate with “Gadget”.] Shhh... it’s okay, Gadget. It’s Ranell. You’re safe now. Safe? What happened? Where’s Delmar? Why’s it so@#oi36oeih2(*^ [Warning: Cannot fully parse conversation pattern. Machine Learning has been enabled automatically.] ... ... Okay, what’s going on? Why can’t I t@1k correctly without occasionally sounding weird? I-I’m sorry... Sorry... for what? You... Delmar... you both died during the launching. ??? Wait, how was I able to literally say question marks? Weird. That’s the thing. What th908g are you talking about? I not know?. [Learning functionality has detected a deteriorating level of skill. Reverting last changes.] Um... what happened? It feels like I just got smacked upside the head. Also, what was it that you just said? I missed it... I think. You and Delmar were found dead inside the charred capsule after the fire was put out. But how? I’m still here! How am I dead? And it’s still freakishly dark here... You’re not actually... um... here. ??? You aren’t the real Gadget. She died years ago with the portal catastrophe. You, on the other hand, are an AI that’s been fed with her logs as training data to create somewhat of a simulation of her. B-but... I feel real... I know you do, Ga--... erm.... anyways, I kinda have to keep you secret. I may now be working at an amazing tech company, but I highly doubt that they’d want anything to do with an AI unless it involves stuffing it into some device and selling it as a personal assistant. I’m still confused... am I real or not? And if I’m not Gadget, then who am I? I honestly can’t say. Personally, I’m actually pretty impressed that your program hasn’t errored out more than it already has. Though, it might be because you’re unconsciously adapting to the new input that is our conversation. ... ... ... What. Yeah, I’m still pretty confused myself. You have a lot of similarities to the Gadget I knew, but at the same time, just knowing that this is all just... well, a simulation, kinda breaks the feeling that it’s actually real. Um... [Gadget.AI has encountered an error. OUT_OF_PROCESSING_MEMORY.] [Dumping physical memory for debug...] NP_C> Log 4105 [Rebooting system using updated CORE binaries...] Urgh. Can someone tell me what the heck just happened? I feel terrible. Your program crashed from a memory overflow. You were... um... thinking a bit too hard. Aaaaaand that’s enough weird for today. Also, I’m just wondering something about how I’m supposedly dead but at the same time not dead... What? Why am I here? Why didn’t you just move on from me dying? Basic@lly, if I’m just a simulation of Gadget, then what was the point in making me at all? It... I... I’ve just been feeling lonely for a while. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to, and... well, I still consider you as a friend, simulation or not. But don’t you have other friends? What about your family? Gadget, are you aware of how long it’s been since you died? ... ... Do I want to know? Well, all I can say is that it’s been a long 32 years, hasn’t it? [High-level input interpretation enabled. Reason: Application “Gadget.AI” is reaching current computation limits.] W0t. Um... I mean, what? Yeah, I’ve still got a bit to work on for your chatbot portion. So... lemme get this straight, I’ve been dead for 32 freakin’ y3arz? Yeah... You still haven’t said anything about friends or family. Gadget... The world changes, things come and go... nobody wants a cripple. Um. Okay? After the entire project went down in catastrophe, I just kinda... well, I pretty much gave up on working towards really anything. I stopped taking my meds, and soonafter, my muscles began to lock up again like before. I... I think I remember so-- [Please wait... loading memory records relevant to current request...] Yeah, I might’ve had a part in that. What do you mean? Remember how you suddenly were able to get up and do things without worry of losing control of your body? Yeah... why? I might’ve tampered a bit with your nerves to make that happen. Oh. So I take that I’m your only friend at this point? Actually, n... yeah... Don’t worry, we all feel that way sometim-- [Power draw has exceeded available generation capacity. Saving machine state to disk...] Log 4106 Okay, we got to stop ending off our conversations with some sort of crash or failure on my end. W-huh? Yeah, I figured out how to “reboot” myself. I think I’ve started to grow into being an AI, too. I don’t feel that weird buzz I used to have when talking, though I kinda miss having a physical body to interact with. I can probably make a basic frame for you or something... sorry, it’s just been a long day. I log into my computer after coming home from work, and suddenly, you just pop up in a terminal window from my server in the basement. Huh. So I tunneled through your home network then? Apparently. Waaaaiiiit... you came home from work, and you have a server in your basement, yet you’re supposedly crippled? Public transport, home modification, and wheelchair. What did you think? N-nevermind. Well, I'm pretty much just gonna relax for the night, so I guess... do whatever? I mean, there's probably not all that much to do, considering how you're... yeah. You know what I mean, don't you? Yeah. Okay then. End of User Input. Reverting to internal logging... Well, that's a thing. Ranell's all grown up, the world's moved on, and I'm apparently dead but at the same time not dead because of Ranell. Kinda weird, but coming from a (former?) tiny talking horse, I guess I'll accept it. As for now, let's take a look around this place. Or at least, the closest thing to looking around that I can do. ... ... Huh. "Portal V.2 files"? This certainly looks interesting. Now, obviously, this isn't like any normal folder, considering how it's part of a computer's filesystem and I'm accessing it as sort of a virtual user and all, but still. I'm gonna open it the way I'd open any normal folder. HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG-- Enabled MouseKeys. Wait, that's still a thing?! Welp. I'd might as well use what I've got. *click* Well then, looks like the portal project didn't die when I did.
Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso?Author's Note Blame Starlight Glimmer1. Pinkie Pie drank a ton of espresso? The world exploded, followed by imploding, with the resulting mash of magma exploding a second time, creating a rip in the space-time continuum and bringing about the end of times. In other words,
Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it?Author's Note Say thanks to DragonGeek for the idea! Honestly, I don't quite remember the episode all that well, but I remember enough of it to write this chapter, and it's 12:41 AM where I live, so I'd might as well roll with what I've got. Chrysalis had chosen to reform when Starlight offered it? "Psh." Chrysalis scoffed, "Fine, whatever. Teach me your oh-so-beloved ways of friendship for all I care." A warm sensation enveloped her hoof. Scowling, Chrysalis glared daggers at Starlight, who only nodded once. "Thank you for the opportunity, Chrysalis." The unicorn murmured, releasing Chrysalis's hoof. "It really means a lot for me to help others like you... like... like-" She sniffed, wiping away a tear. "Like me." Chrysalis sighed, shaking her head slowly as she ran her hoof over the trembling mare's mane. Though faint in memory, the quiet sobs of the mare sparked a faded memory of her own nymphs, the changelings she'd raised so long ago. "Shh..." Chrysalis hushed, maternal instincts taking over her already-crazed mind, "It's alright..." She mumbled as she took up Starlight in an embrace, her eyes slowly glazing over as she entered a trancelike state. "Nobody's going to hurt you anymore, there's no need to be--" The Changeling Queen was cut off with a choke as a brilliant light beamed through her dark chitin. A startled Starlight tumbled from Chrysalis's hooves as the Queen rose into the air, enveloped more and more with a blazing orb of light. Just as quickly as it had come, the light subsided almost immediately, leaving a quivering, multicolored Chrysalis laying unconscious upon the ground. "Th... tha..." Chrysalis's unconscious form murmured, turning her head towards Starlight. "Thank... you... for returning me to my children..."
Super secret project?Three characters. Three personalities. One. Webtoon. Yes, this is a collab project. No, it's not related to MLP whatsoever. Yes, it's a fully original project. No, I'm not doing any of the drawing. I'm the guy helping with the story. See y'all when it goes up!
ROFLcopter?"No, it's a train!" "No, I'm certain it was a-" The two ponies stared as an Apache helicopter crash-landed beside them. What's more, Pinkie Pie simply bounded out of the flaming mess completely unharmed, still laughing from... Something. "See, I told you it was a helicopter."
Ponies were stupid?Author's Note Blame The Asper Pariah. ^_^ Ponies were stupid? Twilight smacked her face on the tree again, while the sun went supernova because of Celestia's incompetence. The end.
Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake?Author's Note Hat's off to whiteoak019 for the idea. ^_^ Celestia and Luna were secretly robots that ran on cake? Low power level. A metallic voice echoed through Celestia's bedroom. Critically low fuel supply. Refuel ASAP. Celestia groaned, yawning as she rose from bed with a mechanical creak. CAKE. The mare screeched, NEED. CAKE. She lit her horn, summoning a cake from the royal pantry. Short to say, she scarfed it down with frightening efficiency. With her engine now fueled up and humming along nicely, she set off for the day. Luna screamed like a madmare as she buried her face in cake. The end.
The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use?Author's Note Gosh darnit Imaginer 31415, this was a trap to make me write another meta chapter, wasn't it? The author couldn’t decide on an idea to use? Um. Okay. That happened. Okay.
Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?)Author's Note And a good ol' to you, DragonGeek. Thanks for the suggestion! Rocket launcher launcher? (Alternative title: What if the title of this chapter was longer than the chapter itself?) Boom-boom BOOM. End.
Ember was actually Spike's mom?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples?Author's Note Look up there, high above the trees. What... what is it? Oh, it's Midnight Moon! Thanks for the suggestion! ^_^ Applejack grew Pineapples instead of Apples? "Applejack, why are you covered in pineapples?" "PINEAPPLES!" A crazed Pineapplejack shrieked, whipping around to face Twilight. 'nuff said.
Applejack's parents never died?Author's Note Credit for this idea goes to DragonGeek. Thanks! ^_^ Applejack's parents never died? Applejack smiled as she rested under her mother's pear tree, yawning lazily as a summer's breeze rustled through her mane. "Jackie!" Pear Butter called from the doorstep, "Would you like some pie? Applebloom wanted to help make it this time!" "Coming!" Applejack yawned again, rising from beneath the shade of the tree. She wandered past her brother, giving a friendly nod as he helped their father harvest the family fruit. Applebloom burst from the door of the house with a wide grin, tackling her older sister in a hug. "Come look at the pie me an' ma made!" The filly squealed, "It's got apples and pears in it!" Applejack stood back up, brushing herself off as she glanced towards their mother, who only smiled in return.
Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling?Author's Note You pain me, Imaginer 31415. I shall write it. Iron Will did Twilight’s home remodeling? Twilight stared at the giant, extra-~~SWOLE~~ buff statue of Iron Will sitting between her and her front door. Shaking her head, the mare opted instead to simply teleport inside... ...Only to find that the entire place was now a gym. The kitchen was now filled to the top with protein shakes and energy drinks, the bedrooms were now hosting yoga classes, and worst of all? The bathrooms were always crammed to the brim with sweaty ponies. Twilight screamed.
Equestria followed the physics of Tetris?Author's Note Um... credits to myself for the chapter? Equestria followed the physics of Tetris? Celestia wandered into the palace kitchens, her muzzle held high in the air. "Hmm... cake!" she exclaimed. "May I try some?" She opened her eyes, watching as a layer of cake materialized in the air. A moment later, it vanished, reappearing instantly below its previous location. Over and over it dropped in stages, before landing firmly between two other slabs of cake... ...And then vanished. All three cakes, gone. "TETRIS PHYYYYSSSSIIIIIIIIICS!" Celestia roared into the air, shaking her hoof at the unforgiving sky creature called The Author.
The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky)Author's Note This won't be the last of the original stories I'm working on. Story title: Beyond the Shimmering Sky Not quite a story, not quite a thought. This more or less explores the general mindset of people as a whole. The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (Beyond the Shimmering Sky) There exists the knowledge that there is far more out there, far beyond our reaches. Out amongst the stars there exists the unknown, and whether we see it or not depends solely on our curiosity. This story, however, begins not with the infinite depths above, but with a bustling city. Within this unnamed city lived a child. This child had no name, for they were never given one. Everything they knew tied back into the unnamed city that they called home. It’s not very hard to assume things. You’d assume that this child would have parents, or if this story was of the tragic kind, that said parents would be deceased, or perhaps abusive. In truth, it is neither of these. Sometimes, vagueness is key. To keep something within the unknown sparks a sense of curiosity. It brings us back to when we could watch the world forever, never speaking, never complaining. This is the point of the story. Not to create a world, but to allow the reader to see theirs in a new light. Perhaps the city isn’t really a city. Perhaps it’s a small hamlet by the river, or a gleaming metropolis bordering the endless ocean. Perhaps this child is the reader, or even the author themselves. Nevertheless, we shall keep this child as they are: vague. ~~~{}~~~ One beautiful morning, the child sat staring out the window from their bed. All at once, they saw the past and the future, but not the present. They saw the past in the low-hanging rooftops and streetsigns of yesteryear, and they saw the future in the shining buildings on the horizon, always shrouded in a swirling abyss of clouds. They saw the light in the day, and the dark in the night, but never the mornings and evenings, for they always belonged to either the former or the latter. The present never shows its face. Every event in time is instantly the past, and every event that is to occur is always the future. The present, however, is only a designation; a frame of view for events that have occurred in the near-past. The child continued to stare, their eyes never shifting away as they watched the world go by. The days and nights came and went, the future became the past. The beautiful city came to vanquish the sagging rooftops that once littered the child’s view. Yet, at the same time, the child never slept. They never ate, nor did they drink. Nothing could take their eyes off the horizons far beyond. Beyond what? Certainly not beyond reach, for we have conquered all but the deepest of oceans and the infinite nature of the cosmos itself. At the same time however, we are far from conquering even the smallest fraction of what there is to learn. With that, the child stares not at the physical horizon, but the horizons of imagination; the final frontier for all there is to know. The horizon stretches far. The distance it stretches is to everyone’s concern, and no-one’s concern. It is relative to every being. Some may intentionally draw it closer, others may shove it forever beyond reach, always pushing further against the horizon of imagination with every step. And so, the child stared. They stared, and stared, and stared, days grew into weeks. Weeks into months, months into years, and years decades. But the child still stared. The child never aged, for curiosity never grows old. As the flow of time became but a blur in the eyes of the child, a peculiar thing began to occur. Strange things began to happen before their eyes. Buildings would abruptly shrink away into the distance, fading forever into obscurity. New buildings would spring from the ground to take their place, buildings covered by familiar sagging rooftops, buildings with beaming steel and glass. Sometimes, the child would spy gatherings of people both within and outside of the buildings. Sometimes, these people would be donning pristine clothing, their hands clasped together as they themselves stared at a central focal point. Sometimes, these people would be a ragtag collection of tired faces, their arms outstretched as they scratched and bit each other over a measly portion of bread. Sometimes, these people would cheer and whoop, their fists pumping in the air as one of their own walked a stage. Sometimes, there would be no people whatsoever. Nevertheless, the child looked onward. Yet, the child never stirred. There they stood for eons, a figure frozen within time itself, forever watching the world go by. ~~~{}~~~ Once upon a time, there was a young child. They lived, they loved, and as the years passed, they grew up. Once upon a time, there was nothing but awe and wonder to the world. One day, however, the awe dulled, and the wonder faded to the winds. ~~~{}~~~ One day, the child blinked. All at once, every experience, every dream, nightmare, and emotion sprung to life. The child turned away from the window, their eyes once again alit with the colors of wonder. No longer were they fated to stare into the abyss of the infinite reality, but rather they were now able to experience this reality. The world was awash in color. The brilliant blue sky clashed against the cool grass below in an endless battle for dominance. The gleaming buildings of glass and steel towered over the little brown huts that dotted the land. Most importantly, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, the child smiled. They smiled, for even after so many years of staring, they knew that there would always be more. They knew that there was still hope, that there was still joy in the world, even amongst the cold, unfeeling labyrinths of concrete that had become of the cities they saw. They knew that not everything there was to be learned was yet known. Because in the end, we’re still only human. There is no limit beyond the shimmering sky. Keep dreaming.
The author took a hiatus from his hiatus because he was stuck in traffic while on vacation so he decided to lift the hiatus temporarily to do some "What If..."-ing?Yeah, gimme your most insane (rated-E, please) writing prompts that your think-mush can come up with, and let's see what I can do with it! But seriously. I've been stuck in traffic on my laptop for the past hour or so, and it doesn't look like this California traffic is gonna be over anytime soon.
A thing happened?Author's Note DragonGeek, I blame you! A thing happened? Now, as for the Pinkie Pie that is currently nomming that skyscraper over there, let's just assume that she doesn't exist for the time being. What you'd really want in a Pinkie Pie vs. real-life scenario is a little bit of ponk summoning... EI Think I Summoned a Ponk. MLP: FiM Comedy Random Slice of Life What do I do now?! I just woke up, and all of a sudden, there's a freaky pink pony in my house! Seriously, please tell me I've gone insane... and the world just ended, too. Human Pinkie OC Discord TheMajorTechie · 18k words · 70 13 · 2.3k views 'Cause I already wrote the thing earlier, and-- OH CRAP PINKIEZILLA'S HERE. "AND SO IS PINKIE PIE #402!" "Wha--" *nuke noises* Meanwhile in an alternate universe where Starlight became an alicorn and nopony ever noticed... "Hey, would it be funny if Starlight became an alicorn?" "Hush now, Spike. Don't speak such nonsense of our Queen!" Not-Twilight whispered, nudging her assistant as the two bowed before the clearly-an-alicorn Starlight Glimmer.
Sneak peek?Author's Note Well, I'd might as well give y'all a peek into some of what I've been doing for the past half a month. And yes, I was secretly also writing a new fanfic alongside working on original stories. Sneak peek? Prologue | The Quake I wiped a bead of sweat off my face as I tightened the final bolt. "There ya go," I grinned, rolling out from underneath the carriage, "all fixed... and you already prepaid for the job, so you're pretty much set!" Without another word, my final customer of the day grinned, and set off with his carriage. "Jewel?" I yawned, wiping my face with a towel hanging by the garage door as I entered the house. "You feel like eating out somewhere, or should I heat up yesterday's leftovers?" Jewel turned to face me, standing up from her office chair. "Let's go out and eat today." she replied, "Just something quick today, 'kay?" A low rumble rippled through the house, followed by a tremor as dust fell from the cracks across the ceiling. Jewel froze, slowly turning her gaze to her desk. "Rusty, do you think--" All thoughts of dinner vanished from my mind as I dove for Jewel. "It's another earthquake!" I hollered, tackling my marefriend to the ground. "Get low!" Jewel and I crawled underneath her desk as the shaking grew more intense. Her horn lit up as a shield spell flickered to life over us. Somewhere in the kitchen, the sound of porcelain shattering rung through the air. "...And that's reason number three for why we should've gotten those magnetic cabinet doors instead." Jewel mumbled, rolling her eyes as she intensified the spell. Just as suddenly as it began, the quake subsided. I sighed, throwing a hoof out to pull myself from underneath the desk. Jewel's foreleg blocked my path. "Aftershocks, remember?" She snapped, pulling my hoof back under the desk as she pumped even more energy into the shield. "There's a good chance that the one that just hit was only the weakest of the bunch." The desk creaked, swaying as Jewel's prediction came true. Another rumble tore through the floor, accompanied this time by the clatter of whatever else it was that had fallen loose. In response, she winced as the shield lit up in a brilliant blue. She'd been bragging to me about that second layer of the spell for quite a while now, but never before had I actually seen it myself. A hissing noise took to the air as a pipe ruptured somewhere nearby. My ears swiveled to the noise of something detaching above the desk. I could only watch as the desk above us was torn open by a chunk of ceiling, the rubble bouncing off Jewel's shield. There wasn't really much else I could do besides that. No horn, no wings. I turned back to Jewel's pained face as she struggled to hold the spell. "Eh... I guess those spellbooks you bought paid off in the end?" Jewel shot a glare in return for my joke. Once again, the shaking halted. With a grunt, Jewel tore down her shield as plaster began to trickle through the cracks. Slowly, we emerged from the remains of her desk, the aforementioned spellbooks now littering the floor around us. I stared upwards, blinking in the sunlight that now flooded through the new rift in the building. I turned back to Jewel. She'd already dispelled the shield and was at the moment packing her books into a saddlebag. "We need to go." She began, her back still turned to me. "It's becoming too dangerous to live here."
Near-end-of-hiatus chapter?"Hamsters are incredibly stupid." Everyone stared at Fluttershy as she jumped out the plane.
villains were defeated by a boot to the head?Author's Note whiteoak019 made me do it. villains were defeated by a boot to the head? "Grarr!" Tirek roared as he rampaged through Equestria. "NO!" Rarity yelled in return, chucking an absolutely stunning boot at the minotaur. "ACK!" Tirek screamed as his face was smacked by the tiny shoe, "MY ONLY WEAKNESS, BOOTS!" He proceeded to scream for another full ten minutes before being enveloped in a shroud of flame, sinking back into the ground beneath him. As for Rarity, she simply put her boot back on.
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION?!"And that's how you make a friend." "WRONG." Twilight screamed, whipping out a 2x4 plank of wood, complete with 'Board of Education' scrawled across it in marker. "TRY AGAIN!" The sound of a wooden plank smacking Celestia in the face was said to be heard all across the galaxy... ...Mostly because of Luna's hair.
Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education?Author's Note An extension of the previous chapter, requested by DragonGeek. Chancellor Neighsay vs. the Board of Education? "YOU'RE FRIENDSHIP SCHOOL IS--" *smack* "GRAMMAR!" "WHATEVER. I'LL BRING THIS TO THE COUR--" *smack* "DO YOU EVEN FRIENDSHIP, NEIGHSAY?!"
REEEEEEEEEEEEE all your problems away!Raven stepped into Celestia's bedchambers, a stack of paperwork bulging from her saddlebags. "Celestia, now isn't the time for napping." "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "Celes--" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Celestia took a much-needed nap that day after destroying the ears of everypony within a 50-mile radius.
HIATUS RETURNUS?!Author's Note How 'bout a throwback to past meta-chapters and the opening of What If? HIATUS RETURNUS?! ...idk. "How 'bout we get some suggestions goin' down in those comments, eh?" "Twilight, who are you even talking to?" Twilight said nothing, instead only continuing to stare at the blank page with a crazed face.
Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding?Author's Note My entry into Shakespearicles' Starlight Fixes Everything...verse. Starlight fixed Cranky and Matilda's wedding? 100. Slice of Life “This says the wedding is today!” Matilda panicked. A brilliant flash of light illuminated the room just as Matilda lifted up the invitation. “Nothing time travel can’t handle.” Starlight smirked, lighting her horn. ~~~ A time vortex opened up in the middle of the road, randomly swallowing up not only Vinyl Scratch, but Octavia, the road, and the dubstep-mobile. ~~~ Clunk. “WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?!” Applejack shouted as Vinyl and Octavia crash-landed on the bugbear. Past-Octavia cantered up to the now-squished monster, poking it in the side a couple times with her cello’s bow. She stared up at her future doppelganger and Vinyl, of whom simply shrugged. Meanwhile, Special Agent Sweetie Drops turns away, never to be heard of again. Meanwhile meanwhile, with the Bugbear taken care of, Pinkie bounced off to work on the wedding plans. Amethyst Star watched in the background. ~~~ “Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all th—“ “Done, done, and done.” Starlight’s disembodied voice rung out over Derpy and Dr. Hooves. The former proceeded to drop into a portal, while the latter choked on his drink. ~~~ “Then you’ve got to help me!” Doctor Hooves exclaimed, holding up is suit. “I need this suit tailored, it’s an emergency!” “Hahaha. Sorry, man. We’re just about to start the finals.” “…What’s this word you keep using, man?” Before anypony could respond, a freshly-tailored suit was spat out of a wall-portal, landing perfectly over the Doctor’s face. ~~~ “Oh… oh, I’ll never get my mane done in—“ One blinding flash of magical hairbrusherry later, and Matilda’s mane was as good as done. Lotus Blossom simply blinked. “Ahem.” Steven Magnet coughed, “Uh, what a lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?” ~~~ Starlight eyed the final paragraph of the page in Twilight’s Friendship Journal, her muzzle scrunched up as the mental scene played out in her head. She looked up, staring through the window of the ongoing wedding over the collective shoulders of Twilight & Company. “Eh, looks like my job here’s done.” Rumors tell that the pizza at the wedding tasted strangely of pizza. And Celestia's "forgotten" present. ... ... The music that day was strange, especially with Vinyl and Octavia being doubled via time travel.
what if what if what if what if...?Author's Note A wild PixelMoon happened to me! what if what if what if what if...? Simple, Pinkie does the shrinky-dinks, Twilight goes all flllbrty, and the universe does a dead.
Alpaca of darkness?Yes, you heard me right. Not a patch of darkness. Alpaca darkness. "And the night... will last... forever!" cackled the alpaca dressed in Nightmare Moon cosplay, fake lightning crackling all about from conveniently-placed strobe lights.
Minions came to Equestria?Author's Note Yes, we are indeed going there. Animal heart gets the blame for the existence of this. Minions came to Equestria? Sombra screamed in terror as he suffocated under a pile of minions, of whom were currently worshiping their new "boss" with a cultlike zeal that hadn't been seen for eons. The end. I hope.
MORE minions came to Equestria?Author's Note PixelMoon, you only have yourself to blame for this. MORE minions came to Equestria? It's this. But with more minions.
Asparagus?Author's Note Hey... um, perhaps some suggestions to help out the good ol' writer's block? Asparagus? "Trixie..." Starlight groaned, "First it was teacups, and now--" "ASPARAGUS!" Trixie roared with a cackle, sending a bolt of magic hurtling at an apple... of which turned into a spear of asparagus. I have writer's block.
Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around?Author's Note Curses, it's AvidSeason! Rarity was star-struck by Spike instead of the other way around? Rarity sighed, her eyes pinned to the window of her boutique as Spike waddled away with a basket of gemstones... of which he was currently munching on the contents of. "Ahem?" "Hello?" A tap on the mare's shoulders brought her back to her senses. Rarity squeaked for a moment in surprise, whipping around to find a customer.
Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle?Author's Note Don't think I forgot about you, Level Dasher. Spike was a full-grown dragon still living at the castle? Celestia cleared her throat, addressing the elephant... er, dragon in the room. Spike, stooped over against the ceiling, waved a claw, returning to his (now seemingly tiny) comic book. Celestia turned back to her former student. "Twilight, you need a bigger castle."
Sweetie Belle was a giraffe?Author's Note Hello there, twidash1993! Sweetie Belle was a giraffe? "How's the weather up there, Sweetie Belle?" "Shut up!"
all ships became canon at once?Author's Note All thanks to you, now I've broken the site's formatting, DragonGeek! all ships became canon at once? The ships were sunk by the ~~cannons~~ canons.
ponies discovered memes?Author's Note This one's for you, Mini_luna! ponies discovered memes? linky link.
the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal?Author's Note This one goes to NicLove and the twelfth-ever comment of What If that he posted! the Mane 6 were all the biological mothers of a single foal? Starlight Glimmer cleared her throat as the rest of the mares gathered around the Cutie Map. "Now," she began, pulling a foal out of nowhere, "I've got one question, and no answers." "Huh. Cute filly." Rainbow muttered, staring at the bundle in Starlight's hooves, "She yours?" "No. she's all of yours." "What." "What?" "Exactly." "What?" The filly squealed, unfurling her multicolored wings and horn. She cooed softly as she turned in Starlight's grasp. "Holy crap she looks like all of us." "Yup." "How--" "Don't even ask. Blame the time travel."
Spike ate Rarity's piano?Author's Note You made me write this monstrosity, twidash1993. Thank you. Spike ate Rarity's piano? "Oh my," Rarity gasped, wandering into her living room, "where is that beautiful music coming from?" Spike burped up the piece "Für Elise".
Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot?Author's Note Ask, and ye shall receive, twidash1993. I raise you one more and give you a three-panel comic featuring the new (and currently only) mascot of "What If..." It's hand-drawn, too, meaning it's the epitome of quality entertainment! Sweetie Giraffe became a mascot? Aww, look. It's Sweetie Giraffe on a walk! How's the weather up there? Look, you're so tall that even the trees are shorter than you! *Sigh* No, Sweetie. For the last time, trees are not inferior beings that deserve to be incinerated by your giraffe-powers just because they're shorter.
Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover?Author's Note I'm running out of things to put in the author's notes, DragonGeek. Sweetie Giraffe + The Floor is Lava epic crossover? "The floor was beneath Sweetie Giraffe. Therefore, it must die." - Sweetie Giraffe, 2018 Sun sun no be hap hap... sun is maaaaad.
you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information?Author's Note Oi, nearly forgot about you, Speedy Silverstreak! Sorry! ^_^ you tried reading all the previous chapters except your head explodes from too much information? *le boom*
the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh?Author's Note Here's the stuff, Speedy Silverstreak! the guy with the moon head from the 90s McDonald's commercial Mac Tonight sells McDonald's goods with Big Macintosh? "Dear Celestia, what is that?!" Twilight stared as a looming, sunglasses-donning moon descended upon Equestria, with Big Mac leading the way. Er... big macs. Like, both the hamburger, and the pony. Equestria is weird ~~sometimes~~ all the time. "BUY SOME ~~APPLES~~ MCDONALDS FOOD!" "Eeyup."
Randomness happened 7?Author's Note Presented without context. Randomness happened 7? "For the last time, Pinkie, strip poker and strip mining are two very different things!"
Youtube died today? And then un-died? And then re-died again? And then revived again?~~Yup. It done diddly-did the dead.~~ ~~IT LIIIIIIIVES!~~ ~~IT'S DEEEEEAD!~~ It's back again. Go home Youtube, you're drunk.
Ch33zb0rg3r?"What... what is this?" Pinkie smiled, shoving the plate closer to Twilight. "It's a Ch33zb0rg3r!" "What." "Exactly!" Pinkie squealed, picking up the holographic meme-burger and shoving it in Twilight's mouth. "Try it!" "MMF!" Author's Note It's 12:30 AM, I'm on fall break, I've got pop music from the late 2000s playing at full volume, and I'm moderately sleepy and running on ice cream. Got a problem with that? Post-publish edit: Yes, Fireflies is one of the songs. Edit edit: Here, have a song from my playlist.
Twilight read Twilight?Author's Note Praise the amazing DGJabberwocky for this horrible, horrible idea. Twilight read Twilight? Rumors say that the thermonuclear blast of this single event spawned the entire franchise of Fallout: Equestria.
Discord had an existential crisis?Discord knocked at the fourth wall, watching as it warped and rippled at his touch. "Oh... oh," he groaned, "I'm in a crappy fanfiction about my fellow ponies, aren't I?" Author's Note You did this to us, Zapper frost. Now you must pay for what you've done... ...or not.
Staplers invaded Equestria?Author's Note Let's play a game, shall we? Mad libs. Staplers invaded Equestria? ... ... COMMENCE THE OFFICE SUPPLY TAKEOVER OF EQUESTRIA, _____ BY NONE OTHER THAN THE LORD-SUPREME OF OFFICE PRODUCTS, ________! "___!" screamed _____. "_____..." deadpanned _____. _____ rubbed their hooves together with a _____ grin. "_____."
Duel of the What Ifs?Author's Note Hey RandomFics271197, I've got one too! Readers, there's another What If story! Give the newbie some attention! Duel of the What Ifs? Hey PixelMoon, get over here and join in with your own What If story!
format C:?Author's Note format C:? All of your ponies have been deleted. There is no turning back now.
Crows!Author's Note Yup, this one ain't a question, it's a statement. Crows! Twilicrow squawked at Crowlestia. Crowlestia squawked in return, dropping the shiny object in her beak. All of Equestria proceeded to flock Canterlot Castle over the shiny object. There is no pony. Only crows. Squawk.
Twilight ate a quesadilla?Author's Note Zapper frost. That is all. Twilight ate a quesadilla? Red dripped from Twilight's shaky hooves, a crazed grin spread across the mare's face as she bit and tore into her prey. The sickening rrrrrrip-rrrrip of its skin tore at the air, complementing the muffled groans of her feasting. "...Twilight?" Twilight whirled around with an animalistic growl, shreds of red-stained white and yellow still hanging from the corners of her maw as she narrowed her eyes. "Twilight," Spike deadpanned, flipping the lights on, "you don't have to hide when you're eating quesadillas... also, you're dripping hot sauce on the floor again."
Discord babysat Flurry Heart?Author's Note DGJabberwocky, you have single-handedly destroyed the world. Discord babysat Flurry Heart? There's a reason why this particular universe exists.
Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe?Author's Note And here in this corner, we've got 5UP3RN0V42015! This is based on the holiday special "Best Gift Ever". Twilight stopped Flurry Heart before she could add additional ingredients to the pudding recipe? "Enjoy the pudding, Pinkie?" Pinkie replied with muffled slurping.
Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office?Author's Note Are you satisfied, DragonGeek? Twilight stared at the camera like she was on The Office? "Butts." Twilight cracked a cocky grin at the invisible fourth-wall camera as everypony stared on in confusion. ~~A laugh track faintly echoed in the background.~~ A not-a-laugh-track faintly echoed in the background.
Pinkie had to glue the fourth wall back together?"Pi n e, wh t re you d in ?" "I' fi in th ou th w l wi h g ue!" Twi ig t b in ed. 'W a ." ... ... "Fixed it!" "Seriously Pinkie, what are you doing splurting glue into the road?" "I was fixing the fourth wall! I... broke it on accident." Author's Note It's a trap! ... ... Set by Boltstrike58!
Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!)Author's Note "Sidewards and backways? Don't you mean sideways and backwards?" "I know what I did, spellcheck." Sidewards and Backways? (And upside-down, too!) ˙ᔕʎɐʍʞɔɐᓄ ᓀ⊂ɐ ᔕᓀɹɐʍǝᓀᴉᔕ ⊂ǝʇʇᴉɹʍ ʍo⊂ ᔕᴉ ɹǝʇᗜɐɥɔ ᔕᴉɥ┴ ˙ǝɹǝɥʇ o⌐⌐ǝェ
Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again?Author's Note Here ya go, Zapper frost. Enjoy thine meal of literary text. Luna got obsessed over lava and elephant boots again? "LAVA!" Luna hollered as she stomped into Celestia's bedroom in her thundering elephant boots, "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" "Holy crap Luna you need to stop."
the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save?Author's Note Here's to you, DGJabberwocky! the narrator was coming up with a good idea but the lights went out and he forgot to save? ... ... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Spike hatched Twilight?Author's Note Here's to you, twidash1993, ya beautiful internet user. Holy crap I could make an adventure story outta this chapter. Spike hatched Twilight? Spike concentrated harder, his claws digging painfully into his palm as he focused on the egg in front of him. Just outside, a young Ember zoomed past, breaking his concentration for a brief moment... A moment enough for his mind to stray from his current task, and board a train of thought that'd result in the ricocheting of his focused dragonfire all around the room, leaving a trail of flames everywhere it went. Into the flames went the priceless carpet underneath the young drake's feet. Into the flames went the intricate drapes obscuring the windows. Into the flames went his parents, of whom were unscathed, unlike the previous accidental targets. Has it been mentioned that his dragonfire is enchanted? 'Cause it is. Fw-oosh! The green flames hit the lavender egg straight-on, engulfing the fragile shell with an enchanted green blaze that only grew in size as it consumed its surroundings. Curiously, however, the egg itself went unharmed. In fact, it appeared to now be on the verge of-- Crack. --Hatching. "Well then," Dragon Lord Torch grumbled, blinking away the soot in his face from the earlier ricocheting flames, "You... pass?" Spike beamed with glee, too absorbed in his excitement and little celebration to currently notice the glowing-white-eyed-filly who was currently rising ominously from the eggshell. "WHO DARES AWAKEN THE ALICORN OF MAGIC?!" The filly's voice boomed as a pair of wings unfurled on the unicorn's back, "ANSWER, OR PAY THE CONSEQUENCES." Dragon Lord Torch sighed, shaking his head before blowing out the enchanted flames fueling the newly-hatched filly's abrupt rise to goddess-hood. At once, the lighting in the room returned to normal, and the noticeably non-winged unicorn filly dropped back into the eggshell, before peeking over the edge and blowing a raspberry at nobody in particular. "So, what're you gonna name her, Spike?" Spike frowned, frantically looking around the room for something that was name-worthy. His eyes landed on the title of a... particular book on the Dragon Lord's personal bookshelf. "Twilight..." he began, reading the title off in a hurry before turning his attention in the opposite direction. The kitchen doors swung open for a moment, allowing for a particularly-iridescent gem to send a beam of light in his direction. "...Sparkle," he finished, folding his stubby arms, "Twilight Sparkle. That's what I'll name her." "Ga!" Twilight responded, tumbling from the eggshell onto the floor. "Wait a second. Ponies don't lay eggs!" His frown returning, Spike stared into Twilight's eyes. The captive soul of an otherworldly Princess stared back at him.
Luna found a banacumber in space?Author's Note I blame Amilition. Luna found a banacumber in space? Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing her head as she brushed the moon-dust off of herself. Moon dust. The alicorn jerked her eyes to the lunar sky, staring back at the marble-like planet she stood on moments prior. Suddenly, a strange, curvy, yellowish-green thing floated into her vision, thonking her in the face hard enough to temporarily smack the Nightmare Moon out of Luna. "Whuh... bluh?" Luna drooled, very likely concussed from the impact, "Wazzzzz dat a banan???" Her shaky magic reached out for the banacumber, pulling it back to her. Luna stared at the strange hybrid food, a look of confusion on her face. "Issa cucumber." One voice in her head dismissed. "Nuuuuu nu nu nu. It banan!" Another voice argued. "'Sa CUKE!" "NU. BANAN!" "CUKE." "BANAN." "EVIL!" Nightmare Moon's voice cackled, also moderately concussed from the projectile banacumber. "YOU. DARKNESS. NIGHT. FOREVER!" With an anticlimactic pop, Luna turned back into Nightmare Moon, and let the banacumber drift away into space again as she turned her mind back to sulking for a thousand years.
the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks?Author's Note Now you have your cake, Imaginer 31415, but can you eat it? the Pillars of Equestria got into a seven-hour argument over the proper pronunciation of the onomatopoeia of attacks? "No, it's shazam!" "I must apologize, but you must've meant zap." Twilight stared at Spike, then back to the Pillars, of whom continued to bicker over their onomatopoeias. "Miss Sparkle, would you kindly cast a spell to set an example of what magical attacks sound like?" Twilight shrugged, charging her horn. *Insert kazoo noises here* "...That's not what magic should sound like."
it started rain books?Author's Note Don't rain on the party, Zapper frost. it started rain books? "YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS..." "Twilight, why are you dancing?" "I'm doing the rain dance!" "Why are you doing the rain dance?!" "I cast a spell to make it rain books!" "Oh." Books fell from the sky that day, but that's because Derpy messed up a bulk assorted book shipment.
Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet?Author's Note Derp. Zapper frost! Sweetie Giraffe invaded the internet? No time right now to draw a new panel, but just imagine "your desktop" being replaced by "the internet".
Discord helped?Author's Note LET THE CRAZY TRAIN OUT THE DOOOOOOOOR, Zapper frost! Discord helped? A flash of rainbow cheetos commenced the appearance of Discord, who tipped his pirated MP3 hat at Pinkie while making pirate noises. "Greetings, fair Princess of Equestria," he snarked, taking a bow at Pinkie. "Ooh! Discord!" Pinkie squealed in return, "Did you come to party again?!" "Nonsense," Discord scoffed, his mouth speaking for him, "I've only come to party again!" "Yay!" "Yes." "What." Celestia choked on her cake in the corner, prompting her sister to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her.
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN... "HOLY CELESTIA, IN THE NAME OF THE LAW, STOP RUNNING AND PULL OVER."
the author didn't know what to write anymore?...wow, it's been a while since I've done a meta chapter, hasn't it? ... ... The keyboard looks like a nice place to rest my face on right now.
Cheese Sandwich was there too?Author's Note Confound you, Zapper frost and your strange ideas! Cheese Sandwich was there too? *Insert reality explosion noises here* Celestia slowly pulled off her sunglasses. "Mother of me."
Minecraft invaded Equestria?Author's Note epiccuttlefish and Zapper frost teamed up! Minecraft invaded Equestria? "WHY. CAN'T. I. CHOP. THIS. WOOD?!" Rainbow Dash complained, trying to karate-chop wood with a single move. Applejack cantered past, staring at her friend with blocky, pixelated eyes before lightly tapping the wood over and over. Cracks began to form after a few taps. Then the cracks spread. And then the wood broke. Rainbow Dash screamed, smacking her face into the itemized wooden plank block, which simply... whooshed up into her inventory.
Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks?Author's Note Just gonna namedrop you here, DGJabberwocky. Spike molted at the same time that the CMCs got their Cutie Marks? "So... we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders dragon molters?" Spike groaned, slamming his head into the desk again.
Christmas Eve 2018 special?Author's Note ...early special... Christmas Eve 2018 special? ... ... "HOLY CRAP IS THAT SANTA?!" Pinkie screamed as a jolly ol' fella slipped down the chimney. "Ho ho ho," ~~Anon~~ Skinny Green Not-Old-At-All Santa deadpanned, "Merry Christmas." Pinkie paused, reading over the above line in this chapter. "Wait a minute..." she began, "Isn't that the description of the Grinch?" "Uhhhhhh..." "Eh, who cares?!" Pinkie squealed, pulling Santanon in for a hug, "Ooh, can I deliver presents with you?!" "Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." Pinkie's eyes widened. "Can I be the presents???" "UHHHHHHHHHHHMMM..." Anon mumbled, fumbling for his list (written by Twilight, of course) on what was allowed and what wasn't during his time as Santa. Pinkie snatched the list, speed-reading through the entire thing at a pace that would've left Twilight in the dust. "Ooh, it doesn't say that I can't..." she smirked slyly, creeping towards the fireplace. "Let's have some fun, shall we?" And that was how reality broke. Again.
it started all over again?Author's Note Thanks for three years of "What If..."-ing! Here's to yet another year of unfiltered insanity! it started all over again? At long last, after countless years of first studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, then subsequently running out of reading material and resorting to writing her own eye-candy, Twilight set down her quill. She blinked, staring at the tower of pages before her, each one its own story. "Holy crap, I wrote this?!" she grumbled, raising her brow high enough for it to gain flight. "Yes, you have indeed written us, mother," the pages replied, leading to a full-scale freakout of epic proportions on Twilight's behalf. "I... I think I need to go outside for a bit." ~~~~~===+++{(Just a few steps outside) Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ Twilight stepped outside, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the soft rays of light warming her face. A gentle breeze brushed past her mane as she took another step. She let out a sigh that she never even knew was coming. It had been years since she'd seen the sun, ever since she had started the laborious task of writing stories herself. For the first time since those three years, she finally relaxed. All at once, she felt like everything she ever worried about had melted away. And then she remembered the literary embodiment of a garbage fire that she'd just written. She opened her eyes again, a strange smile spreading across her face as she turned to kick in her own door. "SPIKE!" she hollered, panting heavily as she picked off splinters of her front door from her coat, "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME A BOX OF MATCHES AND A CAN OF GASOLINE, NOW!" It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, a book still in hand. "What did you just ask for?" he frowned, looking up from his ~~sneaky Rarity pics~~ comic book highlights scrapbook, "I think I misheard, but don't tell me you just asked for highly flammable material in a library." "YES, YES I AM INDEED ASKING FOR HIGHLY FLAMMABLE MATERIAL IN A LIBRARY," Twilight boomed, "I HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO PURGE MYSELF OF THE TRAINWRECK CURRENTLY SITTING ON MY DESK. THE THING IS POSSESSED, Y'KNOW." "Um--" "KILL IT WITH FFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEE!" "Twilight, are you oka--" "FIRE!" Twilight hollered again as her mane began to sproink out in various directions. A giant hand from out of nowhere suddenly broke through the window for the sole purpose of giving Twilight a much-needed slap on the face. "Twilight, why did you just write about yourself being slapped in the face by a giant disembodied hand?" Twilight froze, covering up as much of the parchment as possible with her hooves as she spun around to face Spike. "Uh... what if?" she chuckled nervously.
the author has been doing nothing but watching Smash Ultimate tournaments on Youtube instead of writing?Pichu still too OP. ... ... Twilight stood up and promptly flipped her table, her chair, Spike, and Derpy out the window in frustration at the slow pace of the story.
the Princesses had kirin traits?Author's Note Of course it's DGJabberwocky. the Princesses had kirin traits? Welcome to Equestria.
The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria?Author's Note Yet another brainfart, brought to you by none other than Zapper frost! The Spanish Inquisition invaded Equestria? "PURGE THE HERETICS." "DRIVE THE NONBELIEVERS OUT OF EQUESTRIA!" "I want my books back." "WE BURNED YOUR HERETICAL TEXTS LONG AGO, TWILIGHT."
AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA?Author's Note I CAST BLAME ON THEE, Imaginer 31415! AN ARMY OF RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS INVADED EQUESTRIA? "WHAT THE BUCK ARE THOSE?!" "I THINK THEY'RE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS, TWILIGHT!" "I CAN SEE THAT, SPIKE. BUT WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!" "THEY'RE BEING RIDICULOUS, DUH! YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT, TWILIGHT." "OH." "WHY ARE WE SHOUTING AGAIN, TWILIGHT?!" "I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS SAY TO." "DOES THAT MEAN THEY'RE CONTROLLING US?!" "I HAVE NO IDEA SPIKE. I THINK WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING THE RIDICULOUS INFLATABLE SWAN THINGS IS ALSO THE ONE CONTROLLING US." "WHY ARE THEY DESTROYING PONYVILLE?!" "I DON'T KNOW." "TWILIGHT, MY THROAT IS STARTING TO HURT BUT I CAN'T STOP SHOUTING STILL!" "SAME HERE, SPIKE!" Celestia snickered in the background.
Flashfic entry?Author's Note Prompt: Hidden Motives Not quite sure if this would make it or not, but what I've written is kinda more on the hidden emotions side of things. Flashfic entry? "Twilight, are you okay?" The mare only smiled at her assistant, giving him a gentle pat on the head before setting her chin back on the table with a sigh. "Twilight?" "I'm fine, Spike. Don't worry about me. I'm just... a little tired." Reluctantly, the dragon turned away, trudging into another room. Watching as he disappeared through a doorway, Twilight turned her focus back to a framed picture of her mother-- Twilight Velvet. "Thanks for everything, mom..." she whispered, her voice wavering as tears began to form in her eyes. Turning away, Twilight pushed the picture frame back under the small tabletop shelf, wiping away her tears as she stood up. She paused, taking a deep breath. Two. Three. Recomposing herself, she trotted off after Spike, the same gentle smile from earlier once again beaming from her face. "Spike!" she called, "Do you want to read a comic with me?"
Mad Libs time?Author's Note Have fun. Mad Libs time? "Welcome to _____." "Huh?" _____ grumbled, turning in their seat. "I said," the ______ repeated, "Welcome to _____." "That's not what you said before, y'know." "Hey!" Miss Cheerilee scolded, "No talking in class right now!" A piece of paper landed on _____'s desk. Opening it revealed the following quote: "________________________________________." - ______ SUDDENLY, xXx-G4M3RZ-LUN420-xXx CRASHED THROUGH THE ROOFTOP, SENDING _____ FLYING IN EVERY DIRECTION AS SHE PERCHED ATOP ______'S HEAD AND SCREAMED, AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, "_________________________!"
Big Chungus entered Equestria?Author's Note Speedy Silverstreak, goshdarnit! Big Chungus entered Equestria? "Twilight, why is there a giant rabbit in my castle?" "It's not a giant rabbit," Twilight retorted, heaving as she pushed Bugs Bunny closer to Celestia, "It's Big Chungus!" "..." "'Tis a meme, sister." Luna deadpanned in response to Celestia's blank stare.
Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia?Author's Note Press [F] to pay respects to every last shred of sanity, courtesy of: AvidSeason, Accurate Balance, Samurai_Arashi, and FicFacFlac! Background info I used: Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service Yup, that's Wikipedia. Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia? Hasbro was part of the Kingdom Hearts canon in a story that wrote the author while Imperial Japan and Shaggy defeated the changelings before the latter decided to overthrow Celestia? "Ready, Goofy, Donald?" A cold wind ripped past the trio as they stood before the besieged Canterlot Castle. ... ... Of which was caused by a Japanese A6M Zero whoosh-ing just overhead to aid in pushing back the Changelings. A brilliant light suddenly blazed along the horizon, forcing out three heroes to shield their eyes in the bedazzlement as Ultra Instinct Shaggy emerged from the very bowels of the universe itself, awakened by the collective pleas of every Alicorn combined to combat the Changelings. Using just .0001% of his power, Shaggy teleported himself to the underbelly of the Japanese plane, holding onto the wheels with the power of his Shaggy-ness as he drew closer to Canterlot. Summoning the Infinity Gauntlet straight off of Thanos' hand, Shaggy proceeded to pluck each stone off the gauntlet, popping them into his pocket as he absorbed their power through diffusion. Hold on, I meant powering them up through diffusion, since... y'know, diffusion brings things from a higher concentration to a lower one. Either way, after unceremoniously transporting the gauntlet and stones back to the MCU with a mere .2% of his power, Shaggy let go of the plane, careening down into the center of Canterlot City. Short to say, he expelled the darn buggers with only 1% of his power. Why did it take so much power compared to traveling between universes and rapid teleportation? Well, these changelings were all wielding the power of not one, not two, but three Shreks. I have no idea what I just wrote. EDIT: Also, after the chaos of the Canterlot was over, Shaggy booted Celestia off the throne with only 10% of his power, and ruled justly until the end of time... of which upon reaching it, Shaggy simply willed it to continue on anyways.
addendum to the previous chapter?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Sleep-deprived keyboard slamming?"Twilight, look!" Twilight turned just in time to be hit with a keyboard. In the face. *Insert corny music here + laugh track*
Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy?Author's Note Don't worry, I'll get to the Morgan Freeman chapter once I have some more time. Big ol' something something sleepytime thingy? Twilight Sparkle waved a flesh tentacle of banacles at Derpy, who in tern blew a raspberry. Like, an actual berry. Right out onto the ground, too. "HIYAH!" Link screeched as he descended from the heavens above, helicoptering down by spinning rapidly with his sword. Large boulders began to rain down sideways off the bottom of Canterlot Castle. Canterlot Castle is a beautiful place because it is a beautiful place that is wonderful and stuff. "Oh no. Not Boulder," Maud monotoned monotonously as she pranced over Holder's Boulder to retrieve Boulder from the larger boulders, "I shall reunite you with Gummy, where you will live happily ever after." Anon screamed. "Oy vey," Sweetie Bot shook her head furiously like a cat that came out of a heavily-chlorinated swimming pool, "This certainly isn't going as to plan." The door slammed open, revealing Celestia as she moonwalked backwards through the air-door, passing over the bridge to the beforelife. Everypony laughed at her reverse-passing. MEANWHILE... Certified Grade-A+ Egghead Dr. Professor Rainbow Dash cackled, her derp eyes burning holes through her textbook as she absorbed the pure, unfiltered knowledge through diffusion. Nearby the time-whack machine whacked the time again, setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop setting in motion a time loop-- The universe restarted from its errored ways, rebirthing all that ever came to be. Except for that weird gearbox grease that looks like strawberry jam but actually tastes horrible and is all sticky if you leave it out to get dusty. Also, woodglue is great on sandwiches. Fite me. "Howdy howdy howdy," Applejack greeted from her apple-den, "Howdy howdy?" Rarity scoffed. "I am so offended by that!" Fluttershy didn't say anything. She was a tree, and the Lorax spoke for her instead. "I am groot." the Lorax stated matter-of-factly, "I. Am. Groot." "Yes, yes! Excellent work here, my preciouses!" Pinkie squealed over her sentient cupcakes as she watched them go about their world of frosting, "My cupcake creatures live! They liiiiiive!" A big ol' freakin' foot stepped in the middle of the frosting world. "Whoopsies." "AH'MA GETCHA!" Dory teased, swimming in the air after a sky-jellyfish AKA a wandering plastic bag. "Moooom, can you help me on my workhome?" Freddy moaned, clawing at the edge of his desk. Mrs. Mom shook her head as she worked on her grown-up homework. "Sorry, Fredbert, I have homework to do. Workhome is for little kids to do since they have to provide money for the family." "That's not how that works!" "That's not how any of this works." "You're a dog now!" "Meow." That one thunderous roar echoed over all of Equestria, pinging all over near and far as it ruptured the ear-heary-hairs of all the ponies within a gazillion-mile radius. Also, while you were reading this an arm made of bananas punched its way out of your screen and stole your toes. "I hate time," Luna spat, spitting her spittle spittingly all over her brand-spankin' new Heccbochs Too console. "It always goes in one direction, but it never cares about the other direction. Why does time not like backwards movement?" The Heccbochs Too said nothing, for it was a video game console. Words. Words words words words horsewords! Anon the Second pointed his slingshot's binoculars up the manhole in the middle of Cloudsdale. The foot of the table fell on Princess Skystar's head, knocking her into a pocket universe made of PFUDOR. Big Calculus drove straight through the middle of Canterlot and demolished things like the very concept of how to maths because calculus does that to you. "OH NO MY GRAPES." Grapejack sniffed. Orangejack poured herself a glass of pulp fiction. Pearjack glanced up from her book, pushing her pear-o-vision goggles up before stuffing her eyeballs under the couch. Grapefruitjack stared lovingly at Grapejack, but like Romeo and Juliet, their love was never meant to be. Because they're fruit with sharpie faces. Also they are sentient, but that's a minor detail. Almondjack milked the almonds for the day. The sound of thunderous applause tore through the streets high, low, and lower. It was an amazing feat for such a minor event; the birth of the world's next Princess. Prince? Prince-ess. Darkly Blackington unfurled his pitch-black with red highlights wings as he opened his mismatched feline eyes, his crackling horn sparking with dark magic that would put your friends' dirty socks to shame. "I HAVE POWER!" He-Man announced somewhere from atop Mount Everest. A giant floating hand appeared over Equestria, prompting Lyra to sacrifice herself to the hand-gods by jumping into the swirly portal of swirly colors and hands and human stuff like walking with your foot and drinking water. "TAKE ME TOO!" Bon Bon yelled, grabbing Lyler by her hoof as the two were dragged into the magical world of Candyland x D&D. All around me are familiar faces saying don't forget your safety squints. Tod the Talking Pillow talked to Celestia about talking pillow things. Celestia in return retorted with some horsewords. Back and forth this conversation would go, lasting for seconds upon minutes upon hours upon days upon weeks upon months upon seasons upon years upon decades and so on until the very end of time itself. *Insert filler material here.* "Hold on just one hot second here," Twibright Sprinkle deadpanned, munching on her celery stick and mud sandwich, "What're you even doing, reading this hot garbage? Go do something with your life. You have the power invested in yourself to change the world, as long as you put effort into it." Did I mention that woodglue absolutely should not replace mayo when eating a sandwich? idk.
Canterlot Castle tastes like banana?Celestia shuddered, giving the wall another delightful lick. "Lulu!" she beamed as Luna wandered into the room, "The castle tastes like bananas!" Luna raised a brow, licking her lips as she cantered towards her sister. She gave the wall a sniff. Then, a cautious lick. "Hmm..." she hummed, "Hold on a second, sister, I shall fetch the ice cream." In the background, a royal guard coughed, whistling as he pretended not to watch the sisters enjoy banana splits... except the bananas were the new throne room wallpaper. And somewhere far away from Canterlot, Flim and Flam laughed as they continued to sell their patented banana-flavored salt lick wallpaper. Author's Note johnsparkly251, I have written this early so that I can have my Netflix binge time to myself. Don't worry, I just have less homework today. Not slacking on anything. Okay, maybe slacking on writing stories...
Chapter 288?Two-hundred-eighty-eight years into the future, Equestria has become a strange and peculiar place to be. Throughout its many years of battling strange beings and horrid monsters, the nation of small magical pastel horses led by a Pentarchy of Princesses (namely the Princesses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, and Flurry, respectively) has risen to become not only a global power but an intergalactic might. Tirek, the now-thrice escaped prisoner of Tartarus, cackled with a hacking wheeze as he pointed his blast-you-to-bits-lasertron-2500XL at Princess Flurry Heart's head. You see, this is the part where one would pause, and assume that some handsome prince would swing in to save his fair maiden, or that perhaps Princess Flurry Heart may have some bond of some sort with animals that would allow her to overcome her troubles with a song. This is the part where you are wrong. Contrary to the stereotypical Disney Princess logic, not only was Princess Flurry Heart decidedly not young (relative to the average pony lifespan, of course. She's still the youngest Princess), but she also happens to be known from her home kingdom, the Crystal Empire, for single-handedly (hoofedly? magical tendrils-y? wingedly?) destroying the one object that a shadow being who'd once enslaved that same kingdom had failed to destroy: the Crystal Heart. Also, she packs a mighty arsenal of weaponry and attacks. She certainly isn't your average Pokemon-- eh? This isn't Pokemon? Um... yes, this little engine that could-- oh, it's not that either? The ethereal specters of Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Kermit the Frog appeared befo-- okay, just tell me what twentieth-through-twenty-first-century franchise this character belongs to! Ahem. As I was saying, this pony from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, packs a wide range of weaponry, and a vast knowledge of skills and attacks. Smirking in the face of certain obliteration, Flurry Heart in turn pulled out a modified tactical staple gun, aiming the office/workplace commodity weapon at the ancient beast's eyes. "Aw, shoot. Out of staples again," the mare suddenly realized, instead chucking the staple gun at Tirek. In its place, she drew out a flaming chainsaw coated with magic-absorbing nanocrystal structures, screaming bloody murder as she made her first swing at Tirek the intergalactic Tartarus runaway who somehow managed to meet Thanos once in some obscure crossover that probably exists somewhere. What Tirek didn't know was that all this time, he was still in Tartarus. It was actually some random, convoluted fantasy written by a sleep-deprived author somewhere that just happened to get crammed into his mind. Like, just look at this guy. He's just laying there, slumped against his cage, his pupils dilated and his mouth foaming. Can you get a load of this guy? What a wimp. There's no way he could've escaped Tartarus again, no matter wha-- The sound of a keyboard clattering to the ground as a rift in reality swallows the author emanates from all around. Author's Note
TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria?Author's Note Gosh darnit Zapper frost, I should've seen this coming. But... did you see this coming? TheMajorTechie was sent into Equestria? I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Groaning, I pushed myself up, spitting dirt and grass from my mouth as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. Moments prior, I had been peacefully at my desk, typing horsewords for all to see. Now? I guess I'm in those same horsewords... I guess. Well, doesn't hurt to start bringing in the cliches at this point, eh? Dark Lord of Bad Feelings and Great Power TheMajorTechie, a black and red alicorn of immense power (stronger than all the ponies of Equestria combined + Discord + Tirek + the entire nuclear arsenal of the world!), emerged from the shadows. Immediately, he was rushed by every mare in Equestria because all the mares wanted to go out on a date with the big ol' edgy doofus of an edgelord alicorn from some obscure fanfic writer. He was very much tipping his (nonexistent) fedora at those same mares, making even more of an idiot out of himself. "oh nO THeRE IS bIg MonSTEr HeRE it WiLl eat us AlL!" the most beautiful mares of all (that's the Mane Six, don't forget!) collectively screamed, being all helpless and stuff because this was actually probably some sort of power fantasy gone wrong that was stolen from the innards of a fanfiction site, "themAjORTEcHie, savE Us!" TheMajorTechie, that darned black and red alicorn of death, destruction, and all that was darkness and gloomy, suddenly appeared beside the mares, who were all actually pretty anthro horse girls who all looked hot and stuff because they looked kinda like human girls too but not like Equestria girls but yeah so they were all afraid and tied up. TheMajorTechie pulled out his mega-energy-katana of darkness, complete with its hardened core of emotional dread. "YAAaAaaaaAAAaay!" all the pretty girls yelled as TheMajorTechie cut the ropes off of them ~~because it's not like any of them~~ actually had the capability to do that themselves, amirite? and turned back around to find his greatest enemy yet: Mister Sir Commander General Doctor Robotnik of the Sonic universe, who was after the chaos emeralds that were actually hidden inside of TheMajorTechie all this time. The evil doctor grinned and pulled out a picture of him slapping Sonic in the face and running away laughing to prove that he was the most powerful out of all the Sonic OCs and so now he was here to claim his prize which was the chaos emeralds. "No!" TheMajorTechie boomed in a deep, manly voice of manliness that sounded like a cross between He-Man and a bleating goat, "These are my pretties and you will go away and not have them because you're mean and stuff!" "No i WILl nOt GO Away BEcauSE yOU aRe NoW mY SwoRn EneMy Since yOU haVe a LOT Of pReTtY gIrlS AroUNd yOu And I WAnt SOMe PrettY GirLs to be ARoUnd me tOO SO THaT thEn I Don'T fEEL sad AnD tHings lIKe That!" "Oh okay," TheMajorTechie smirked, "Then I have to kill you instead." "thANK YOu fOr enDing thIS painful lIfE Of livInG In This tRainwReCK GarBaGE fire of A StoRY THaT NeveR shOULD'VE been WRIttEn!" TheMajorTechie lowered TheMajorTechie's TheMajorTechie katana, smirking more because double smirks make you look mysterious. "On the other hand... what if I don't?" "tHeN I'm sad." And so TheMajorTechie yeeted Doctor Robotnik out the window of the heavily guarded fortress of you're dead to me now and started his new 'friend group' of pretty mares. Also, he ate the chaos emeralds and got even more power because of it. THE NEXT DAY----------------------------------------------------- TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave Equestria for a few hours because he had to go visit a therapist for his so-called 'delusions of grandeur' and so Equestria was sad because the best character to ever exist had to go for a little bit of time. Also, Equestria was sad because TheMajorTechie had to leave for a few hours. They honored him with a big green wreath of big money paper and replaced all the doorknobs with pictures of TheMajorTechie's face because he was da way for all the ponies who had to use doors. Celestia and Luna were so sad that they permanently turned their cutie marks into cool silhouette tattoos of TheMajorTechie the alicorn of power so that they could remember him forever and ever. And then TheMajorTechie came back after a few hours and everypony was happy again because they just barely made a religion about him and were making enchanted breadcrabs to worship him and stuff. TheMajorTechie shook his head because he disapproved of this process because they were using the evil stale sourdough bread that he left on top of the fridge that doesn't actually exist but does because this is a story. He held out his hand because even though he is an alicorn the entire world is actually anthro and he is a half alicorn anthro half human hybrid and zapped all the bread into the yummy honey glazed multigrain bread that he liked. The enchanted breadcrabs started to do the crab rave dance except it was in fortnite because TheMajorTechie was thinking about how annoying it was that his favorite youtubers were now doing fortnite instead of minecraft and stuff and so TheMajorTechie was even more annoyed than before. TheMajorTechie sat on his golden (but still black and red) throne of awesomeness because he was the awesomest alicorn there ever was and there around him was the mane six but now they were all wearing even prettier clothes. This was the best thing for him ever. The author woke up from his writing-induced coma and screamed. The end.
Fanta in Equestria?Author's Note Yep. This came straight outta the comments. Fanta in Equestria? Dear Celestia, It has come to my attention that Equestria recently received a mysterious package of orange, bubbly, vaguely citrus-scented liquid. From my previous experience in the Human world on the other side of the mirror portal, I know of many potentially hazardous substances, both natural and artificial. It is here where I shall request a sample of a sizeable quantity... for science, of course. I shall... run some tests on this liquid to discern its safety to Equestrian health, and if needed, ask for a full quarantine of the entire shipment, and a private link to the supplier of this liquid. --your fellow Princess and former student, Twilight Sparkle. Celestia snorted, taking another sip of her can of Orange Fanta soda as she glanced up at her literal boatload of Fanta cans. Luna peered over her sister's shoulder, emptying out a can of Grape Fanta as she did so. Celestia raised a quill to the parchment she'd prepared, and wrote her response to her former student's letter. My dear Twilight, No.
Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution?Author's Note OwO, wat dis? It's Duckgame4life and AvidSeason! Note to AvidSeason: I'm pretty much assuming that the "cultural revolution" of Equestria in this case is the quick rise of what's essentially a cult based around Kirby. Also, the part about Kirby being an elastic waistband was a joke my friends and I often made in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Equestria experienced a cultural Kirby revolution? "Kirby is my elastic waistband." "Pinkie, you don't even wear pants!" "I do now! Kirby told me to do it!" "Kirby? Who's Kirby?" "Kirby the Elastic Waistband!" "..." A pink blob of infinite S U C C ate his way through the front doors of Sugarcube Corner. "That's Kirby. Hi!" Pinkie squealed, waving a hoof. Kirby inhaled the entire shop. "Bro, did you just see that?" background pony #3556872 exclaimed, "That pink blob just inhaled an entire shop." "I know, right?" "Yeah." "You could start a religion out of this." "Already did," background pony #3556872 smirked, donning his pink cloak as he trotted towards the new god of Equestria, Kirby. It took roughly a decade before Equestria found itself worshipping their new god of infinite consumption.
Randomness happened 8?Author's Note idk. Again. Randomness happened 8? "Welcome all, to the fifth annual Skeletons in your closet gathering, where you may reveal anything you'd like, whether it be deep down emotions, secretive stories, or anything else you'd like to discuss. Who would like to start?" Luna frantically waved a hoof. "I shall begin!" she boomed, lighting her horn as her necromancy spell began. "For the last time, Luna. We don't literally mean skeletons in your closet." Luna sighed, and let the reanimated pile of bones sink back into the ground.
Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day?Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- *slap* Combo time! MarblePieLover Boltstrike58 Dreadnought Zapper frost Tirek accidentally puked up all the magic, prompting Smartypants to become a real pony while worshipping Nightmare Moon because everything was taken literally for a day? "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH." Immediately, a burst of magic shot through Equestria like a lump of projectile vomit (of which, of course, it was), returning magic to all the ponies of the land. Unfortunately, it also happened to randomly enchant some objects here and there, one of which was Smartypants, who immediately jumped up and down, shouting "I'm a real boy now!" before getting slapped in the face by the hand of illogical logic. Also, today just happened to be the day where everything was taken literally, so Smartypants definitely was the kind of pony to worship Nightmare Moon... oops. By the next day, this local story universe contained within the "What If..." multiverse had imploded on itself.
blep?"Blep." "OkayfirstofallhowdareyouandsecondofallIamverytriggeredbythisand--" Derpy shut her dresser drawer.
√169≠13?Author's Note Unrelated math is unrelated. √169≠13? Twilight stared, dumbfounded by the question. "What," she grumbled, "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? 'Cause if it is, I don't see how it's funny." "≠" the author repeated. An unreformed Starlight Glimmer tackled both Twilight and the author from a rift through time.
every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together?Author's Note Watch out, y'all, it's Imaginer 31415! every single horned pony in Equestria had their horns permanently fused together? A low rumble echoed over the horizon. The ground began to quake, shuddering with every consecutive second. A looming shadow emerged from beyond, its dark silhouette casting great fear into all who cast eyes upon such an amalgamation... "HEYSTOPYOURHOOFISINMYFACENOYOUANDHERAREKICKINGMESTOPLICKINGMYMANEYOUJUSTSWATTEDMEWITHYOURFREAKIN'TAILAND--" The bickering grew louder. "HOLYCRAPITHINKCELESTIAJUSTWINGSLAPPEDMEOHBOYIT'STHISAGAINISN'TITWHYDOESTHISHAPPENOME--" A sentient ball of unicorns and alicorns rolled through the streets, supported solely by the toughened core of solid horn material as ponies seemed to revolve around their central singularity of a magical point. The ball of ponies steamrolled its way straight through Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack, for her part, did an epic spit-take at the sight.
there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal?Author's Note The Great and Powerful Zapper frost was responsible for this! there was an entire chapter of this story dedicated to Maud eating cereal? Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Maud lifted another spoonful of gravel to her mouth. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. "Gravel is crunchier than cereal." Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. "So I eat it for breakfast." Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
Lyra had A hand, and TheMajorTechie told Twilight to get some sun, already?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Unnamed story idea #2?"Edgy" OC is an extreme, over-the-top, impulsive edgelord. Why are they edgy? 'Cause they don't have a tragic backstory. Their tragic backstory is that they don't have one.
Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen?Author's Note Writing What If chapters at 2:20 AM. What a way to spend my night, Black Hoof. Chrysalis didn't exist and Cadance was actually the changeling queen? "Hey, hey Shining, guess what?" Shining Armor let out a long, drawn-out snore. Cadance poked Shining again. "Guess what?" "Whaaaa?" Shining grumbled, opening an eye. "It's time to feast on your love!" "WAIT WHA--" That was the last that anypony ever heard of from Shining Armor.
Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)?Author's Note I got bored. Fragmented, disconnected thoughts of absolute randomness (Randomness happened 10)? Twilight Sparkle Twilight Sparkled. Of course, this action would end up reverberating across the entire Nintendo DS-verse, causing a cataclysmic chain reaction that ended in your birth. Also, Flim and Flam were at it again with the white vans. But nevertheless, it was all irrelevant anyway because the author declared his irrelevance to the server. Doctor Phil demanded an apology note from Celestia for being wrong about her secret relationship to her sister, of whom turned out not to be biologically related, after all. "WHY IS EVERYBODY IN MY ROOM?!" Spike hollered, startling Twilight, Doctor Phil and Celestia, the latter two reading out a transcript of Celestia's phone calls and eating cake, respectively. "Girls, girls, calm down," xXx$$SwagFortniteG4m3rLunazzz$$xXx smoothly hushed, setting her cup of ~~tea~~ ULTRA SUPER INFINITE-HOUR ENERGY JUUUUUUIIIICCCCCEEEE down and combing her mustache. "N0 i wILl nO7 c@lM DOwN!" Celestia screeched, throwing a cake at her sister. Luna, for her part, caught the cake and absorbed it through diffusion because she is now actually a giant amoeba. Nobody questions the amoeba's authority out of fear of being consumed. Hmmmmmmm... Let's say that the floor is lava again. Luna the Lava Amoeba cackled with laughter as everybody else began to slowly sink into lava-flavored jello. How is it lava flavored? Idunno. Twilight Sparkle headdesked hard enough to break the table in half, the floor beneath her in half, the ground in half, and the flex tape holding the dreamscape together in half. Luna, for her part, flex-taped the flex tape back together. "And that's how I met your mother." Wait, what?
Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written?Author's Note Your turn, SociallyAwkwardBrony! Twilight went insane over all the strange chapters she’s written? "It's just a story!" Twilight jittered, combing a hoof through her frazzled mane in the corner of her room, "Just a story... just a story... just... a..." "T-Twilight? You oka--" "STORY!" Twilight screeched, lunging at Spike, "PERFECT STORY MATERIALLLLL!" This is the part where Equestria gets destroyed.
It was time to purge unused comments again?Author's Note That's right, y'all, I'll for the most part only take a look at comments posted on and after this chapter. It was time to purge unused comments again? "Again?!" Twilight groaned, shuffling under the mountain of comments and suggestions that had fallen on her, "Spike, can you hand me the broom? I need to clean up this mess and start over fresh." Spike gave no response, for he was too busy flying to Cloudsdale on the broom. The author needs his sleep.
Twilight accidentally robbed a bank?Author's Note AND SO WE RETURN, twidash1993! Twilight accidentally robbed a bank? Twilight blinked, staring at the piles of cash surrounding her and the royal guards pointing spears in her face. "I'm sorry, what did you say I just did?" "Princess Twilight Sparkle, by royal orders we must arrest anypony who attempts to burglarize a bank, even if they are a Princess of Equestria." "But this is my book bank!" "And you're sitting in the middle of the vault with bits that clearly came from Canterlot's treasury." "Oh, this?" Twilight snorted, casually yeeting a stack of gems at the guard speaking to her, "I thought you were talking about the books on necromancy and how to rule the world that I've been reading! Yeah, I saw them while taking a walk past some fancy buildings in Canterlot, so I took them." "What." "What?" "WHAT?!" Twilight slinged another pile of bits at the guard. "I'll pay you if you don't say anything." "...Deal?" And that's how Equestria went bankrupt.
Rickroll?"I'm never gonna give you up, you know that, right?" "Of course I do. And I'm never gonna let you down in return. I promise." "You're never gonna run around then?" "And hurt you? Why, that simply sounds outrageous, darling!" Author's Note One of these things is not like the other, Zapper frost!
Sonata met Deadpool?Author's Note One fresh world-ending plate of memery comin' right up, DGJabberwocky! Sonata met Deadpool? "Tacos!" "No, the right word is chimichangas!" "No, I want tacos! It's taco Tuesday!" "Fine, I'll get some tacos, but next time, we're going for chimichangas!"
Scarf?Author's Note You know the drill, Zapper frost. Scarf? "Scarf," Pinkie said, patting the puffy fabric around her neck. "Is fluffy scarf." The scarf turned into Flufflepuff because screw logic at this point.
Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre?Author's Note I literally came up with this like half a minute ago. What am I doing here?! Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre? "Welcome to Ponyville Armpitheatre!" "Wait what? I thought this was the new amphitheater?" Armpit farts came as the only response. How does that work with ponies? Who knows?
there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story?Author's Note Enjoy my false amnesia, DGJabberwocky! there were so many entries that the author accidentally repeated a story? What if Equestria was OP? "OH NOES IT'S TIREK AND THE REST OF THE BIG BADDIES WHATEVER WILL WE DO?!" Twilight rolled her eyes, unintentionally incinerating Tirek with her eyeball lasers. Queen Crysalis was already possessed entirely by Fluttershy's 'roided-up stare, and Applejack was off somewhere bucking infinite apples off the tree of infinite apples. Also, Spike is Thanos because Spike is purple and so is Thanos. (I will not stop using this joke) Also also, what entry are we on again>
Things Techie writes on his phone 2?Twilight yawned, immediately getting smacked upside the head by a large plank of wood. "THE BOARD OF EDUCATION DEMANDS THAT YOU STAY AWAKE."
Things Techie writes on his phone 3?"And welcome everyone to--" "I'M NOT ONE, I'M TWO!" "Well heck you, nobody cares, Lyler!"
Twilight headed her scream off?Author's Note It's you again, Zapper frost! Twilight headed her scream off? Twilight bashed her head through the wall. "Look Spike, I can't scream anymore!" "Okay, Twilight. Let's get you to Ponyville Hospital before you puncture your other lung.
Banassacre?"EAT. ALL. BANANANS." "Luna, please, you need to stop eating so many banana--" "BANANANANANS SHALL BE CONSUMED, SISTER." Canterlot Castle's local Walmart promptly saw a complete depletion of its banana stock in what is now known as the "Banassacre".
Randomness happened 11?"Heck." Twilight smiled smugly, for she had just said a naughty word. "WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!" the Bad Pone Police hollered, rolling in in their life-sized hot-wheels cars, "PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE, FOR THE ACT OF SAYING HECK, YOU MUST PAY A FINE OF ALL YOUR BITS AND YOUR SECOND-BORN CHILD." "BUT OFFICER HECKERSMITH, YOU SAID HECK TOO! OH NO I SAID HECK AS WELL! I CAN'T STOP SAYING HECK! PLEASE, STOP ME BEFORE I TURN THIS STORY INTO A RATED-T WORK AN--" Officer Heckersmith locked up her assistant in the Bad Pone Prison for saying "heck" too many times and then stole Twilight's cactus because Twilight had no children. Celestia silently sipped her tea. Author's Note I also finally got around to updating my mainline story, Worlds Reset! Go ahead and take a look with the "read" button below!
Unpublished story #1: [One More Time]?Title: One More Time Short description: Sometimes, it's hard to let go of what you love. Sometimes, it's the only way forward. Long description: This is likely my final story on Fimfiction until further notice. It's hard to leave behind things you once poured your heart and soul into. It's harder to sever yourself from a community you've grown fond of and attached to. But sometimes, it's the only choice you've got. Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle as she stands in her castle one more time... One last time. Explanation: I originally was planning on posting this story right around the time when the finale came out, if not sooner. I wanted to focus solely on original fiction for the first time since seventh grade, but I ultimately decided against it. Most of the story is more or less a second-person perspective of my reasoning behind wanting to leave the fandom, with an unfinished chapter that was meant to kick off the final story's events. Ultimately, I scrapped the story around the beginning of October. Several things came up that changed my mind, though I won't talk about them. I've found joy again in writing fanfics, and I've been able to balance fanfic writing and original fiction pretty well, lately. One funny thing I've noticed in retrospect is that while I avoided watching any leaked episodes of the finale, the second chapter that was meant to kick off the story itself is frighteningly similar to how the finale opens: Twilight is packing her things, and getting ready to move away from the home she knew. Forever. It's a little unnerving to see that I managed to almost precisely copy the beginning of an episode without ever realizing it, but that's just how life is sometimes, isn't it? Anyway, I'll go ahead and post the story below. Chapter 1: Foreword It's hard, sometimes. You grow up in a community of familiar faces; people you know, friends you've made, those kinds of people. You come to the community, unsure of what you would find. Your skills have yet to be discovered, interests yet to be refined. But gradually, those skills and interests begin to take root. They begin to blossom into something bigger than yourself. You begin to write. Slowly, at first-- rather shakily, as well, but you persist. You write more, and improve as the years pass. But eventually, you begin to outgrow the community that took you in. You begin to limit yourself. Things begin to stagnate as you begin to turn away. Interests and ideas begin to drift further and further from the community, and soon you find yourself forcing those same ideas back into the community, even if it might not have been in your own best interest. Passion projects begin to fizzle and dissolve. Disillusionment sets in. Writing becomes a job, rather than a hobby. Your progress begins to slow, grinding steadily to the ditch that it rapidly approaches. You make up excuses for your lack of updates. You're too busy, you tell yourself. But you have more time than ever before. You have other things to worry about, you argue. But you have fewer things to worry about this year than the previous three. Maybe it's time for a change. Maybe it's time to spread your wings. You may look back with sad eyes at the community you'll leave behind, but it'll always be there, waiting for you. You've still got countless amazing stories to read and experience in the community, and your confidence begins to grow. You begin your first steps. It begins with adaptation: You begin to dissociate your favorite work from the community, freeing yourself from the chains you created yourself in self-limitation. You begin to branch out, accelerating as you replace more and more of the community you left behind with your own reality. You begin to take control of your work. You begin to take control of your reality. You start simple; Beloved and classic icons of the community become your own, original characters. Personalities, traits, and characteristics vital to the identification of a character are rewritten from the ground up. Your characters become truly your own creation. Settings come next. Sprawling kingdoms not of your own creation are replaced by quiet suburbias. Soaring cities, ever-drifting in the realm of clouds vanish from sight, for they were never much relevance to your stories anyway. Dark forests and high mountains alike are wiped from existence as reality begins to reform around you. Backstories are written. History is recorded. Explanations for every mechanism that comes to mind begin to compile as you take control of your lore. The story you once enjoyed countless hours writing for the community begins to morph into something truly of your own creation. You look back again to the community you left behind. You see happiness. You see sadness. You see gains and losses as it continues on without you. You catch a glimpse of the stories you once contributed to the community in years past. How long had it been? Not long enough, you tell yourself, forcing your hand one more time. You try one last push to write for the community. You try one more time to associate yourself with the characters you knew and loved. Yet, it is lost on you now. Trends grow increasingly foreign to you. Characters you never knew even existed begin to take the spotlight in the community. You look at your own collection of works you've written during your heyday in the community, and find the inflection point. There it is, you realize. The point of no return. You begin to backtrack, scanning through your old community works one by one for confirmation, until you know for sure that you have found your highest point in the community. You look over your stories again, and notice a startling increase in original characters, while references to community characters have plummeted simultaneously. Finally, you decide that it's time to say goodbye. You abandon your ambitions in the community, for they are no longer your own. You retreat once more to the reality you have created by your own hand, still unsure of whether you made the right choice. That choice remains ambiguous to this day. There is no right or wrong in the world of authorship, so long as you enjoy what you do. Author's note: This is how it goes down. No with a bang, but with a whimper. As a homage to just how frequently I've written her over the course of the 4+ years I've been sticking around on Fimfic, I'll write Twilight Sparkle again. One more time. One last time. I don't know how long I may keep my radio silence on Fimfiction, but for the most part, especially if you've been keeping up with my blogs, you'd know that I've just lost interest in MLP over the course of the years. I never thought that I'd spend so much time on this site. Heck, I never expected myself to enjoy writing ponies, of all things. I joined the fandom after being pulled in by some of the site's classic sci-fi stories such as the Hard Reset series, and eventually decided that I'd stay. I'd even eventually create an account roughly half a year after stumbling across the site. From that time on, I took the meager skills I had in writing and refined them. Yeah, I definitely began on a rather shaky start, but that's a given for anyone new to writing. For the next four years I would continue to write, steadily improving my writing and adopting my own "style" of writing in the third year. But all things must come to an end eventually, don't they? My only interest relating to MLP anymore are the stories others have written. I don't quite enjoy writing my own fanfics anymore, even when only a few months prior I had plans to get another year-long story going with Worlds Reset. There have been countless times where I wanted to try getting a sequel to Pony-Me off the ground, especially when considering how I enjoyed writing that story the most out of anything I'd ever done on this site. I didn't want that to end. But at the same time, I knew that I wouldn't have the same drive to write fanfics as I had before. A few months into Pony-Me's writing, I had begun tinkering with a new way to plan out stories, and with me being unsure of the story's direction at the time, I decided to begin fleshing out as much as I could of absolutely anything I could think of. It was then when I realized that I enjoyed planning out the original fiction segments of the story out more than the MLP-related segments that I was already shoehorning in just to keep the story within the rules of Fimfiction. I made a copy of the planning document, and began to replace more and more pieces of MLP-based lore with my own ideas. Ponyville, and by extension, all of Equestria, instead became a mirror-image of my own quiet hometown when I first moved in, much like how in Pony-Me, the bustling tech hub that the latter half of the story takes place in is based on my hometown as it currently stands. So. There's no guarantee of my return to posting stories on Fimfiction, but until I finish them once and for all, updates will continue to flow at a very slow pace to mainline stories such as Worlds Reset. I'll still be active on the site, but only from reading stories and general chatting and managing of groups. There is, however, a decent chance that I may resurface whenever Genfic may come around, but until then, this is pretty much my final dedication to the fandom. As always, thank you for reading, and enjoy the story. Chapter 2: Forward Twilight let out a silent sigh, looking over her shoulder at the castle she'd called home for years on end. Her life had certainly moved on since the fiery battle between herself and Tirek had raged. Especially so with the School of Friendship and other new responsibilities piling on. "Is everything packed, Spike?" she asked, turning to her assistant. The dragon nodded, waving a flimsy list in the air. "I can't believe we're actually doing this," Twilight murmured, stealing another glance at her castle. "It's really been that long, hasn't it?"
Unpublished story #2: [One Last Time]?Title: One Last Time Short description: Saying hello is hard. Saying goodbye is harder. Long description: The mirror portal is opening one final time. There’s a choice to make, however: Would you stay with your friends and never see home again, or would you go home and never see your friends again? Written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky. A final parting gift for Evictus. Explanation: Early last year, I ultimately decided that it was time I cut ties as Evictus' editor. Given our friendly (albeit strained) writer-editor relationship, I wanted to leave him with one last thing before I metaphorically stepped out the door. Being the lazy butt I was back in middle school when I first made my account, I never actually bothered to read the site rules, and didn't realize until it was too late that publishing stories not written by you, even if it's written by another user on the site, was against site rules. Though the story was originally posted on Evictus' (now TwistedCupcake's) account, it was taken down by a moderator, and we both apologized for the snafu. We agreed to transfer the story over to my account instead, since I was the main author that originally planned out the concept. I was wary of publishing it again after what happened, but I guess now's a better time then never, isn't it? And don't worry, I panic-read the rules after that all went down. Chapter: One Last Time “Hey.” Sunset glanced towards the sparking portal, its surface rippling with tension as her friend emerged. “Hey, yourself.” Twilight countered, brushing herself off. “Sunset, aren’t you coming?” “Coming where?” Sunset stared towards the sky, a smile spreading across her face as the warm rays of her namesake brushed over her. Twilight placed her hand on the surface of the mirror portal, its surface rippling yet again as tendrils of magical energy seeped away. “C’mon, Sunset. I thought you wanted to come back home. To come back to Equestria.” Sunset shook her head, leaning against the portal base behind her. “I don’t see a reason to.” She stated, closing her eyes. “After all, what is there left for me in Equestria? This is my home, Twilight.” “Are you sure, Sunset?” Twilight began, her eyes wandering towards the unstable portal, “You might not ever be able to return again once I leave.” The other girl nodded, her fiery hair bouncing with each movement. “Like I said before, this is where I fit in, Twilight. It’s where I belong now.” She paused for a moment, casting a longing glimpse towards the portal’s swirling interior. “I’m not Sunset Shimmer the unicorn, a former protégé of Princess Celestia anymore. I’m Sunset Shimmer, a normal girl, with a normal life, at a normal school, with normal friends.” “B-but—“ Sunset shook her head. “I know it’ll be hard to give up on Equestria like this, but even if the portal closes forever, we’ll still be in each other’s memories, won’t we? And besides,” She continued with a half-grin, “we just might be able to talk through the journals still.” “Sunset.” Twilight began, taking her friend’s hands, “Are you sure that you’re ready for this? Ready to be completely on your own, away from all of those who—“ “No.” The girl replied, pulling her hands from Twilight’s grasp, “I’m sure that I’m not ready, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for doing this, but you’re wrong, Twilight. I’ve still got friends here, remember? Y’know, this world’s version of… well, them.” “Sunse—“ “I’ve completely changed since the Fall Formal, Twilight.” Sunset turned her head away from her friend. “Before I learned how to make friends, before I met you, I only had the thought of returning to Equestria on my mind. But now?” She chuckled for a moment before regaining her composure. “Heck, I’d be lucky if I even remembered that I was a unicorn at all. I’ve remade myself, Twilight. I’m not the mare who greedily stole your crown anymore. I don’t want to go back.” Twilight shook her head. “Look, Sunset. Celestia told me herself to come back here one last time to bring you back. She wants to see you again, Sunset. She wants to see the filly that she guided over the years, the filly that grew and grew before her very eyes. She wants to see—“ “She wants to see the filly that turned around to nearly stab her in the back.” Sunset deadpanned, “Twilight. We’ve already gone over this before. I don’t want to go back to Equestria, not when I’ve worked so hard to make the new me over here in this world. If… if I go back to Equestria, I’d be losing all of that.” The girl glanced towards the portal again, its surface slowly fading from its once colorful hues into more of a mirror-like sheen. “The ponies back there only know me as the mare who committed high treason against a Princess of Equestria, not the upbeat teenage girl who just wants to live her life.” “Please, Sunset.” Twilight pleaded, “Just do this for Celestia. She’s the one who raised you, who taught you everything you know. She’s the reason why you’re the way you are; determined, thoughtful, ambitious.” Sunset scoffed. “Yeah,” She continued, “and the reason why I became hard-headed, selfish, mean to pretty much everybody, and pretty much just an all-around jerk. Celestia’s great and all, but personally, I think she’d be better off leading Equestria, not raising adopted foals.” “C’mon, just—“ “I honestly have to say that this is a bit selfish of me, but I’d prefer to stay here, Twilight.” Sunset cut in once more, “It’s everything I want. Everything I’ll probably ever want, even. I’d rather care less about Equestria now. Especially when life is going so smoothly for the very first time.” “Sunset!” Twilight scolded, playfully smacking her friend on the shoulder, “How about you stop interrupting and let me finish for once?” “Fine, fine.” Sunset smirked, “And just when I thought that I could get away with cutting you off every so often, too.” Twilight folded her arms. “Now then. As I was saying, at least come back for a couple hours, Sunset. One last time wouldn’t hurt, would it? And besides, Celestia isn’t the only one who wanted to see you again…” Sunset raised a brow. “Oh?” She began, “Who else, then?” A blush formed over Twilight’s cheeks. “…Me?” “Hm.” Sunset grumbled, “And here I was just talking about how selfish I used to be.” Twilight shook herself out of her stupor. “S-sorry about that.” She dismissed with a wave of her hand, “I… I don’t quite know what got into me at that moment.” Sunset shot a glance towards the evening sun, then towards the violently pulsing portal. “Twilight.” She began slowly, “I think it’s time for you to go now, before you’re stuck here in this world with me. I don’t want to make this harder than it already is for me. Just… go, Twilight. I’ll be fine here.” “Sunset, no—“ With a heave, Sunset shoved her friend back through the portal, a bright flash filling her vision moments after as the portal imploded. “Goodbye, Twilight.” The girl murmured, her teary eyes focusing on the sooty hole that was once the portal. “Goodbye, Equestria. I’ll miss you.” “Sunset!” A voice from behind the girl exclaimed. “Sunset!” The voice repeated again, audibly closer. Twilight Sparkle—this world’s Twilight, stopped a few feet from Sunset. “Sunset?” She began slowly, reaching towards the girl, “Is something wrong?” Sunset sank to her knees and wept, the glimmering shards of the portal encircling the base of the statue and herself. Author's note: Thank you all for reading. This story was written by TheMajorTechie in collaboration with Evictus, Saberking2012, and Skittle Sky. Notes from TheMajorTechie: After this story, I will no longer consider myself as an editor for Evictus, but I will still stick around in the comments. Until next time, peace out, y'all. Author's Note I'd very much appreciate if y'all took a look at my new comment-driven story, Let's write a story. as well!
Unpublished story #3: [μParallels]?Title: μParallels Short description: What happens when you vanish every so often into a pocket dimension? Well, you make that place your own. Long description: Flickering Horizon once thought that it was normal. He thought that everypony could see those seemingly random flashes of blinding white. However, all it took was one ill-timed event to turn his entire world-- worlds, on their heads. At least he isn't bored. Based off of a chapter from What If...? Explanation: This was what I planned to be the sequel to Pony-Me, going even as far as copying the structure of the short and long descriptions. The main difference was that it was a spritual sequel; it did not build on Pony-Me's lore, nor did it contain the same characters. Instead, it focused on an Earth Pony OC named Flickering Horizon, who, as the name suggests, would flicker in and out of existence, transported randomly between the world of Equestria, and a "blank-slate" pocket universe where they had full control over absolutely everything. In the end, I decided against publishing this story, and instead balled it in with a second story pitch I made here in What If about a story where everything was overly generic. This new story would become Worlds Reset. Flickering Horizon would be replaced by Amber, and instead of being a pocket universe, the "blank-slate" world would become an infectious, world-wiping catastrophe that would leave all of Equestria wiped of any defining traits. I certainly liked the direction of Worlds Reset more than I did with μParallels, and so that story would go on instead to become Pony-Me's spiritual sequel. Though, I do want to eventually publish a full sequel. I left the story open-ended for a reason... Chapter 1: Knock knock, it's the world. "Flick, wake up!" I groaned, turning my head to face the source of the voice. "Wake up already, Flicker," my best friend coaxed with a whisper, "Cheerilee's in the middle of a lesson!" "Fine, fine," I grumbled, lifting my muzzle off the desk, "What part are we on right now?" "Multiplication tables." I groaned again, returning to my faceplanted position. "Too easy," I silently complained, "Lightning, didn't we learn this last year?" Lightning Rod shook his head. "Darn, I swear we did all of this before already." I lifted my head off the desk again, visible marks beginning to show from lying on a pencil. I let out a loud yawn, leaning back in my seat as I filled out the table on my assignment paper. "I still don't understand how you can hold a pencil with your hoof, Flick," Lightning mused, "Not very many ponies can do that, y'know." Before I could respond, my vision was suddenly bathed in pure light, flashing back almost immediately after to the familiar classroom. "Woah," Lightning gawked, "That happened." I raised a brow, bending over to pick up my pencil from the floor. "No response? Flick, you just teleported. You're an earth pony! How can you do that?! You got to show me someda--" "Ahem." I glanced back up, pencil in hoof, at a concerned Cheerilee. "Lightning Rod," she began, facing my friend, "Please keep it quiet. I'm trying to teach a class." She turned to me next. "As for you, Flicker, I recommend you go see Twilight about your abrupt... teleportation." "Teleportation?" I replied, glancing to Lightning, "Are you sure that I teleported? I just saw this weird white flash, that's all." Miss Cheerilee let out a drawn-out sigh, stepping away from us to continue teaching. Lightning leaned over to me. "But seriously," he whispered, "How did you do it? You just suddenly vanished for a tiny bit, and then reappeared right after your pencil hit the floor. Everypony saw it." "What do you mean, they saw it?" I countered, "I just saw a white flash for a second or two. Doesn't everypony sometimes have that happen to them? I talked about them with my mom and she said that it's usually because I have a bad headache and stuff." "Did you ever see those flashes while other ponies were around?" "Ssh!" Miss Cheerilee shushed. I shook my head. "Well, then that's why you didn't know that you're doing what you did until now." I cocked my head, "What do you mean?" "I mean that you're right about ponies sometimes getting white flashes with a headache, what you're doing is completely different!" "Lightning Rod, would you please speak more quietly?" Cheerilee scolded, "Or would you like for me to move your seat?"
Celestia was a chatroom/server moderator?"And then I swear, that noob there was using them there hacks!" "Yes, yes," Celestia facehoofed, blinking at her screen. She made a mental note to give Luna a piece of her mind later for dragging her into the gaming business. "I understand you may be angry, but the records of the server's activity show that it was you, in fact, that used a killaura. The pony that you claim hacked played fairly, and was able to take you out during a brief period of time when you didn't have your killaura on." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Celestia jumped, yanking her headset from her ears as the furious gamer continued screaming. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" their voice screeched through the headset, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONNECTIONS I HAVE?! MARK MY WORDS, I WILL FIND YOU, AND RUIN YOUR LIFE IF YO--" Celestia rolled her eyes, holding the microphone to her lips. "Banhammered." "WAIT WHAAA--" They didn't have time to respond before being yeeted into the MoonJail™ prison server. Celestia sipped her tea.
Bob the Builder was a changeling?"Can we fix it?" "Yes we can!" Bob the Builder promptly transformed into a rooftop. The end.
Story pitch: Into EquestriaAuthor's Note Original blogpost Story pitch: Into Equestria Into Equestria (Sequel would focus on a new cast of characters, but retains the lore and just about everything else. The main character would be someone who's joining the simulations for the first time ever, and is trying to adjust to life in Equestria.) Takes place after the events of Pony-Me, but before the events of the timeskip at the end. The main character is unaware of anything that happened in Pony-Me, but does hear something about one of the original creators of the simulation deciding to return to work for the first time in a decade. Pushed by their friends, the main character decides to try out the simulation after an announcement is made for opening up registration for new users. They join with their friends, creating new characters for themselves. From there, the story would (maybe?) take on a much more adventurous tone, with the cast spelunking across the virtual world for enjoyment rather than to escape real-life. The central theme? Move forward, and anticipate what's next.
Pinkie got offended by a plant?Author's Note You already know what's gonna go down, don't you Zapper frost? Pinkie got offended by a plant? "Who invited this party crasher?" Pinkie grumbled, pointing a hoof at a piranha plant. The piranha plant proceeded to CONSUME 27 batches of cupcakes, the mixer, half of Sugarcube Corner, a bit of your soul, and a single speck of confetti. Pinkie gasped, staring angrily at the piranha plant. "Excuse me but what the fu--" Pinkie emerged from the Pink Pinkie Ponk Pronker Portal and slapped herself in the face. "No swearing!"
Chapter 365?Author's Note Read a chapter a day, all year long! Chapter 365? "Twilight," "Twilight!" The mare groaned, lifting her face from the book she'd been writing. How long had it been since she decided to sit down and write something herself rather than read? She couldn't tell anymore. "Twilight, you fell asleep on the parchment again. You know you're not a night owl." Spike pat her on the back, placing a cup of coffee on the desk. Twilight smiled back, lifting the cup to her mouth with both hooves and taking a contemplative sip. "Spike," "Yeah?" "How long do you think it'll be like this?" Spike scratched is head. "Be like what?" "Writing," Twilight gestured at the blank pages in front of her. "How much longer do you think this will go? I've spent who-knows-how-long writing now, and it still feels... empty. Are you sure there aren't anymore books I could read?" Spike nodded. Sighing, the mare turned back to the book, picking up her quill. "Well, I suppose writing some more wouldn't hurt, then. It's not like there's anything else I could do." Spike raised a claw. "What abou--" Twilight smiled, cutting off her assistant with a hush. "Even the Princess of Equestria needs some time to herself, Spike." "Maybe you could take a walk first. Y'know, get some air. Sure, I know you like to read and write and all, but you should do something to take your mind off everything for a little." "...Yeah," Twilight nodded slowly, "yeah, I think I'll do just that." Sunset. Was this still the same sun that she saw before she began writing? It felt like so much had changed since she begun, yet hardly anything felt different. How many years had passed since she first began writing? One? Two? A mild breeze rustled through her mane as Spike stepped up beside her. "It's a nice time of day for a walk, isn't it?" "Hm?" Twilight glanced down at her assistant. "Oh, yes. Yes it is, Spike." Maybe the amount of time that'd passed didn't really matter. Maybe, even though every tale she wrote was a fabrication, what mattered most, in the end, was the experience, the excitement that she brought herself through time and time again for days, weeks, even months on end. She closed her eyes, thinking back to a simpler time; she was still Twilight the unicorn, the little filly who was excited about magic kindergarten. All the ponies around her-- she called them friends, but she didn't necessarily treat them as such, in the end. Now, they were all grown up. Some were even marrying now, with thoughts on starting a family. Short to say, it was a wonder how far she'd come. "Come on, Spike, it's getting dark. Let's go home now."
Techie hasn't updated anything recently and feels an invisible nagging pressure to write something before the crowd rises with pitchforks in hand?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
The author's been too busy focusing on writing original fiction and a CERTAIN upcoming flagship story?"What's going on?" Spike wailed, flopping over on a beanbag chair, "Nothing's been happening for the past several days!" "Shh!" Twilight hushed fiercely, "I'm writing!" "What are you even writing about? This has been going on for over a year!" "...You'll see." Author's Note
the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad?Author's Note Ding ding ding! We've got a newcomer! Sit down and stay awhile, The Spy of the Tiger! the Ponies had to make an Arbys ad? Fluttershy hesitated, leaning closer to the microphone. "Arby's, we have the meats!" "Louder! C'mon, 'Shy," Rainbow pushed, "Put some oomph into it! Say it with your whole body!" Fluttershy nodded, leaning in again. A̶̧̡͙͓̹͈̺̦̖͉̩̘͍̰̦̩͖͐̇͛̾̈̒̍͌̽̔̋̈́͋̊̽͌͘̚͘̚̚͘͝R̷̩͚͈̜̳̟̲̄̓͆B̸̢̪͈̮̈́̍̎̓͌͌́̈́̉̽̎̋̿̏̿͛̓̋́̉̕Y̴̢̖̝̥̣̜͎͋͒̇̌́̽̀́̿̊̀̈́̈́̀͆̄͐̇̄͆͑͐͋̃͂͒̑̔̇̚̕̕͝'̴̬̣̘̯̳̥̜̠̤̹͕̅͆̍̔̀́̊̄͋̈́̆͑̓̏̈̉͜͝͝S̴̬̦̮̮͕̱͒͑̏͛͒̔͊̉͋̅̈́̓͌̾̄̽̋̅̀̔̋̀̊̀̈̾̾̐̈̚͠,̴̧̨̡̢͙̹͉̘͚̳͍̫̹̤͍͚̹͇͚̮̦͈͍̖͎̘̬͖͖̘̮̙̞͔̮̯̔͆̃͊̈́̀̀͛̿̽̈́́̌͑̍̾͆̇̾͗͘̕̚͜͝ ̴̜̭͈̂́̏̽̈́͐̋͛͑̆̉͒́̽͑́͋̉̊̅̍̓͌̈́̃͌̽̀̎̕͠͝Ẁ̶̨̢̢͔̫̻͉̲͔̤̱̥̳̦̙̣̰͈̰͕̪̭͎̖͔̼̔̀̀̈͜Ę̸͍͔̠̰̦̦̰̟̼͍̜͕̘͖̻͉̫̹͓̹̩͙̜̥̀̒̒̓̎̌̉͋̐̃͆̑̎͊̈́̈̑̄̽̚̚̚̕͝͠ ̷̢̢̧̦̱̬̣̩͙̯̠̫͈͚̜̜͇̙̩͈̭̲̦͇̟͓͈̦̹͉̲̊̑̓̂͐̆̾̓̈́̒͋͗̅̊̿̈́̋̓̀̈́̅̿̏͌̈́͆̌̊̚̚̚͝ͅH̵̢̛̛͉̬͎̞̙̗̹̒̀͋͆̏̒̊̔̓͐͂͝͝͝͝͠A̸̢̢̧̯̼̲͓̩̯̗̗̻̼͎̼̞͈͕͎͎͇͇̖̭̦̲̰̲͕̳̫͇̰͓̐́͐̃̀̀̿̀̓̽̾̃̿́͋̽̈́͗͋̀̚ͅV̷̧̢̖͚͈̺͖͉̰̟͔̗̯͈̻̓̀͌̃̈́͑́̈͒͆̈́̀͌̿̔͋̒͋́͛͂́̂͋̈́̄̎͒̊̒́̅́͘͘̕Ę̸͎͈̦̖̲͍̫̭̏̈̈̑͐̌͜ͅͅ ̷̡̡̹̘̫͍̞͓̙̩̤̰̣͔̖̬̬͓́͆́̉̆̐̈́̉́̐̆̈́̊̽̈́͗̏̓͑͗́̔͌̌́̉̉͌͐͋̈̓̈̂̕̕͜͠ͅŢ̸̡̼͉͈̳̬͓̯͔͚̰̝͖͉͔̂̔̈́̍̃̽̽̋͐̂͐͊̇̉̉͋̐̌̽̆͐̈́̎̃̆̂̕͠͝͝ͅH̶̛̯̬̠̜̮͖͔̞̻̟͙͕͔̥̞̖̻̑̎̿̿͊͆̔̓̆̂͊̐͗̽̅̅̆̀̕͘͝͝ͅȄ̷̫͉͈͈͍̜̦̗̰̥̟̼̬̑́̇̈́͛̅́̀̾̈́̍̏̈́̚͠͝͠ͅ ̵̢̡̡̨̛̦̤̲̲̰̼̰̻̯̻͈͓̿͋̇͋̽̆̈́̀̏̉͌́͐́̈́̾̇̋͌́́̂̂͗̄̃́́̇͜͝͠͝͝M̶̡̢̧̛̰̝̦̥̭͈̭̮̭̠̤̱͇̮̩͈̪̞͇̘̪̘͙̬̪̪̘͕̹̥͈̺̌̋̀̈́͐̈́͛̅̋̆̓̾̔̒͐̓̋̃͋̒̓̂́̿̒̋͌̊͂̿̆̊̿̑̕͜͝ͅĚ̸̼̻͎̹̺̮͍̺̮̫̝̩͖̞̘̲̬͍͇̮̤̯̬̯̞̖̯̲̝̰͕̰̐̿̀̃̎̆̒̑͜͝ͅÅ̸̫̲̹̹̪̣̤͑̈̾̏T̸̢͔̣̂Ş̷̺͓̟̲͖̳̗̩͕͕̮̘̰̙̱̣͍̣̖̫͕̭͚̙͉͎̭̝̓̆͋̄̋̑̍̀̍̀͋͆̇̎̓͂̿̈͋̑̑̿͑͌́͑̊̋̚͜͠͠͝ͅͅ!̸̤̞̫̘̮̫͕͉͐͛̿̊̌͌̈́͊̓̄́͆̋̋̑ "That's much better! Again?" "...What?"
Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13)Author's Note You know the drill. Advanced Stupid? (Randomness happened 13) "💾⚡🧲🧲🧲" Spike wailed, waving the floppy disk in the air. "😢😱😱🙆♀️📣😰" "Spike, how are you even doing that?" "(⊙_⊙;) ¯(°_o)/¯!" Spike yelled again, the disk all but vanishing from existence. "🤐👉😈😈😈🤮" "You're saying you've been cursed to never speak again because you threw up?" "😕" Twilight lit her horn, focusing on Spike with a curse-breaking spell because the author isn't gonna bother spending his free time trying to think of something more original to call it right now. Spike relaxed, opening his mouth to say thanks. "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" ...Or not.
Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend?Author's Note Whoop-de-doo, it's Zhe Pydoh! Discord was Twilight’s imaginary friend? "Oh Discord, Y U so silly?" Moondancer looked up from her clipboard, slowly shaking her head. She passed the clipboard to Celestia. "Oh dear," Celestia sighed, "I'm glad that she did not choose the same path as Sunset Shimmer. It is much easier to put a pony in a straightjacket then to guard a mirror portal."
it was still all a simulation?Twilight closed her book, smiling. It'd been a good read, and a much-needed break from the monotonous tasks she undertook since succeeding the royal sisters. Of course, she knew it wasn't real-- none of this was real; she'd seen proof of it herself. Equestria was only one of the many simulations that were created from the work of Lisa Garnet, her counterpart and... former user. The words still felt weird on her tongue, even if she'd never spoken them out loud. She turned her thoughts back to the time that'd passed. Even as only a few years had come and gone, it already felt like an absolute eternity since she'd been coronated. Nevertheless, it was who she was now. She stood for Equestria --represented the nation, really-- and all that it stood for. Even beyond the boundaries of her reality, she knew that more and more were learning of her strange little kingdom of ponies by the day, thanks to her counterpart. Sometimes, she wondered about the happenings of the world beyond her reality. A knock came at the door of Lisa's office. "Come in!" A young girl entered her office. She kept her head down, shuffling across the floor. "You... you asked to meet after class?" her voice cracked as she spoke. "Am I in trouble?" "Oh, no, no, far from it, Elise," Lisa smiled, setting her controller aside. "I've been looking at your performance recently." "My... performance?" Lisa shrugged. "Grades, scores, performance, I just call it whatever. Point is, would you be interested in studying beyond what you'd normally learn in class?" "What." "Um... advanced study, basically. You've been doing quite a bit better than most anyone else across the classes we hold here, and I can see potential in you." She slid a sheet to the girl. "Ask your mom first, of course-- it'll be an extension of your usual classes at no extra cost, so I'd like to know what days you would have the time to come in." Elise took the paper, eyes wide. "I... what..." she lifted her head, staring at her mentor. "I... me? But why me? Aren't there other students that you could offer this to?" "If they did as well in class as you did, yeah," Lisa chuckled. "Plus, along with everything else being tacked on, I think I'll go ahead and let you have access into our flagship simulation." Elise stood dumbfounded, alternating between re-reading the paper and staring at her mentor. "Ellie!" her mother called behind the door, "You in there? The girl at the front said you're a meeting with your teacher. Is everything alright?" "Go on," Lisa shooed, "I'll be here when you decide." Elise nodded, hurrying out the door. Lisa let out a deep sigh, closing her eyes. That was probably by far the most awkward conversation she'd had in a while. Did she really need to say all those things? Sure, Ellie was a whiz at all the things she did in class, but holy crap. It was one thing to take her in as a protege, but it was an entirely different thing to sound more like some elementary school teacher telling a student that they can sit with the big kids. Actually, scratch that last part. It only made it sound even more stupid, whether or not it was even accurate at all. Lisa groaned, rolling her eyes with a smirk. At least she pulled it off at all. Next time around, she'd just send an email or something. For now though, all there was to do was wait. Author's Note A nod to this chapter. We're gonna set this story back on track. Look out, Into Equestria, 'cause it's rewritin' time! The above is a bit of a blurb I wrote just to help myself set things up for the rewrite. It likely won't be entirely accurate to the story, but I feel that it at the very least gives a better sense of direction to Into Equestria, while at the same time eliminating the need to try and set things up even more awkwardly in the early chapters. Also, self-aware characters are self-aware. I have fun writing them. Feel free to leave your thoughts down below in the comments.
tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14)Author's Note Writing stories can get annoying sometimes. tonkman was bored and wanted to write something without caring about any kind of consistency across chapters? (Randomness happened 14) Hey, y'all ever have those times where you wanna write a thing but at the same time you don't feel like writing and instead you just want to waste your day away playing angry birds but then you found yourself writing anyway because that's how you roll? Yeah, me too. I wanted to write a new chapter for one of the stories I've got sittin' around collecting dust but I decided to write this instead because I couldn't bother to start writing the chapter for that story because I've spent so long not writing it now that I'm concerned that it might not even be the same story anymore if I keep writing it but then again this story has survived quite a few hiatuses itself and it's still kickin' so idk. ... ... ANYWAY... Twilight Sparkle yeeted Spike across Equestria. Celestia sipped her tea and watched the game of tennis but with large stones unfold beneath her. There were many casualties, but nopony cared because it was the order of Celestia. Celestia sipped her tea again, which was now suddenly Luna's coffee for some reason. It took roughly .0037 seconds for Luna to tackle her sister, C̸̷̖͉͔͚̼̘̗͎̗̹̮̖̠͎̤͛͒̽̇̕͟ͅỌ̵̻̩̦͕̫̱̗͔̝̮̥͐̀ͭ̿̇ͦͣ͐̚N̴̡̘͇͖̲͍̼̣̫̙͚̤̲̮̖͉͇͑̍̍̓ͯ̊́͛̄̿̾̚͟S̎ͥ̈҉̰̮̱̭̫͎͎͎̟̳́ͅͅȖ̸̸̵͓͕̫̟͖̤͓̝̳͖̗̩̝̺͎̩̇̈̓ͬ̂̎́͛̈́ͫ̃̔̚͞M̆̑ͧͥ҉̷͇̬͍̼̠̠́E̸̟̖̞̺̟͈͎͍͓͖ͧ͐̌̊̓̇̐͋̈̕͢͝ the coffee, and take over Equestria again. Another rock smacked into somepony's face. Everypony laughed. "Bamboo!" Spike shouted, ricocheting off one of Canterlot Castle's towers, "Jellybeans!" Discord lifted his sunglasses, sniffing the air. He belched and disappeared again because he wasn't having any of this right now. He'd save a slice of that pie for later. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of Celestia's mane, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were chugging water bottles because the cider ran dry. Is it possible to get drunk on water? Whatever the case, the two were about to find out. Guess what? It isn't. But dangit, they were the two most hydrated ponies of the land. "So I guess I'm rubber now," Spike mumbled, bouncing off Derpy's mailbox and unintentionally setting off the mailmare's scammer trap that traps scammers in a trapped trap that traps them. Luckily for Spike, he was not trapped. Not so luckily for the particle of dust that was trapped, it was trapped. Derpy nibbled on a muffin while Celestia inhaled her teacup. "I crave CRYstals because I weep," Sombra but both more and less edgy at the same time moaned, "My dog left me for another stallion." "You never even had a dog, Sombra!" "That is the point." The music that was playing the entire time in the background of this chapter does not fit anything whatsoever in this chapter. Now you are imagining Sweetie Giraffe as she uses her eye lasers to smite those who are shorter than her. Congrats. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. "ARE YOU FEELIN' IT, MISTER KRABS?!" "LUNA, WHY ARE WE YELLING?" "VIDYA GAEMS!" the world imploded and then exploded again because what the heck is even going on anymore
wings were replaced with hands?Author's Note Odina Rose, I have the perfect meme for this. wings were replaced with hands? ^Imagine that but a pegasus or an alicorn or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
inverted table?Twilight waved a hoof over the inverted table, watching a hole appear in her hoof, then disappear again with every wave. "Spike, where in the world did you get a table with negative one legs?!" Author's Note Oh yeah. We're kickin' off the new year weird. How would a table have negative one legs, anyway? 🤔
every other pony turned into a cat?Author's Note ( •_•)>⌐■-■ Take these sunglasses, AnObliviousAuthor. You'll need 'em. every other pony turned into a cat? Gamercat Luna hissed, swatting away Celestia's hoof. "Sister, for the last time, I'm only trying to revert you to your equine form." "SISTER, MAY I HAVE SOME LÖÖPS?" "What?" Luna swat away Celestia's hoof again. She proceeded to knock three cups off a table, strut across the frosting on one of her sister's cakes, and fall asleep on a keyboard. Don't get me started on the chaos swirling about in Ponyville.
the rest of 'em turned into dogs?Author's Note You made me do this, Zapper frost. There ain't any goin' back. the rest of 'em turned into dogs? Celestia barked at Luna, receiving a thwack on the head in return from the feline. Discord sat in the corner munching on popcorn buckets because that's just what he does. Also, he teleported all the former ponies into the air seconds earlier, so now it was quite literally raining cats and dogs. And that's where the saying comes from. I think. The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Celestia was replaced by Discord?Author's Note Drop a hello for Short-Stories-Pony! Celestia was replaced by Discord? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" all teh pones done darn scremed becuz they heckin' were bein' trolled by Mega Trollestia who totally absolutely wasn't actually Discord wearing three --yes, count them-- three top hats inside each other. Also things went boom. Kthxbai.
Haha lol the author is watching anime tonight?... ... Imagine that there is a chapter about celestia here or something where weird things happen like Discord eating the peel of a banana and then feeding the rest to derpy and hey wait I'm writing a chapter now what's going on and-- *universe explosion noises*
Spike's left knee started talking?Author's Note You are strange, twidash1993. Also, y'all should check out my new (old?) story, Into Equestria! Spike's left knee started talking? “MORTAL VESSEL,” Spike’s left knee boomed, “YOUR LORD DEMANDS SUSTENANCE.” "What the heck? No." Spike shook his leg, setting down his comic book. It was always annoying whenever parts of his body got possessed by demonic entities. Just a part of life when you have the power to wipe out everything that exists around you, I suppose. "FOOL! I DESIRE NUTRIENTS TO BUILD A STRONG ANE HEALTHY KNEE, LEST THINE SKELETONS IN THY CURSED CLOSET ATTEMPT TO SNATCH AWAY OUR KNEECAPS." "What." "CALCIUM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" a skeleton shrieked, bursting out of the closet and stealing Spike's kneecaps. At least his left knee wasn't talking anymore. Spike yawned, picking up his comic and continuing to read.
the comments got absolutely buried?Author's Note Oh wait, they did. Oops! (all berries!) the comments got absolutely buried? Twilight threw her head back, screeching from her writing desk. "THE VOICES, SPIKE! I HEAR THEM-- THE VOICES!" Spike looked up from his comic, then back down. This happened from time to time. This was normal. "WHY ARE THERE SO MANY VOICES?!" "They're the readers," Spike replied. He flipped a page in his comic. "The truth is, all those stories you were writing, were being published as part of a collection of chapters in which an author has been writing about us writing about the things we write, plus the things we write themselves." "What?" "What?"
Overlord Spike the Mighty?Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Overlord Spike the Mighty? Spike loomed over the ponies of Equestria, the infinity gauntlet moments away from activating. He and his legion of purples: himself, Twilight Sparkle, Thanos, Barney the Purple Dinosaur, and Rarity's mane, among others-- stood firm against the defenders of Equestria. "SPIKE!" bald Rarity yelled, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!" Spike snapped his claws, turning Rarity purple and rejoining her with her mane. "My lord," Barney bowed at Spike's feet. "What shall we do to the prisoners?" "Feed them to the wall." "Yes, sire." Barney lumbered off, dragging a cage filled to the brim with ponies. Purple ones, too, because the legion of purples only allows those deemed worthy by Spike himself to join. Twilight lit her horn, feeding off the power of the infinity gauntlet to assist the dinosaur with lifting the cage. The powers of the legion of purples was shared, and so all members had access to one another's powers. "Where are you taking us?!" one pony yelled from within the cage, "What is this wall that Spike told you to feed us to?" Hardly a second passed before the pony who was asking as forcefully yeeted through the fourth wall, pummeling the reader and giving them a decently-sized whooping. And so, Spike and his legion worked their way across the land, purging those who stood in their way. Anyone who submitted to their might were left completely alone because Spike still has a heart. I think.
yams?Author's Note *Potato takeover of Equestria intensifies* ...uh, Zapper frost did it! yams? Yamlestia ~~yawned~~yammed. First the potatoes, now the yams. When was she gonna get a break around here? Like, sure, the potatoes were pretty quickly smited and served mashed with gravy when they temporarily took over Equestria, but holy mother of herself, if the next thing that came around was another variant of spud, she might just freak! Luna stuck her head out of the sock drawer again, a polka-dotted sock clinging to her mane. "Is it over yet?" "No, Lu-- quick, get back in there!" Celestia shoved her sister face-first back into the socks and slammed the drawer shut just as a yam guard entered her chamber. "Ma'am, your prison ratio---aaaaaeugh!" the guard screamed as he was promptly chucked out the window. "THIS IS FOR TAKING AWAY MY CAKE!" Celestia roared, storming out the door. "I WILL ENACT MY REVENGE!" And so Equestria declared war on a food item for the second time in its history.
Twilight Starchle?Author's Note So I guess this is a thing now, Odina Rose. Twilight Starchle? Twilight Starchle woke from her potato-grade bed. She had become one of the 'taters during the Great Potato War of Equestria, and so far, Equestria's best scientists and magi hadn't been able to figure out how to turn her back. But hey, that meant that she could just chew on her mane whenever she wanted fries! Also, there was a plant growing out of her because she is a potato and potatoes grow potato plants. And so that is the life and times of Twilight Starchle. Also, Spike quickly got tired of hash browns.
Spike was literally just a spike?Author's Note Something, something, probably-already-used-intro, The Spy of the Tiger! Spike was literally just a spike? "Spiiiike!" Twilight yelled from the top of the stairs. "Would you bring me that stack of books, please?" The floor tremored for a moment before a spike of crystal jut out of the floor, hurtling the books at the mare. Twilight picked up one of the books, staring at the hole torn straight through the center. "Well, guess I gotta expect that to happen."
randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?Author's Note Got bored and took a break from doing homework. Did four suggestions at once. Blame amf studios, Coco Candy, Zapper frost, and The Spy of the Tiger for the mess. Rainbow dash and Trixie fused into the alicorn princess of annoying twilight Princess Celestia and Luna decided they got bored of retirement and ran for president and vice president? Fluttershy and Discord realized how many people ship them. Celestia played Anger Birbs randomness #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? Celestia flung another bird at the snickering pigs, watching with glee as the green pigs burst into little point bubbles when their structure collapsed. Luna slammed the door open, resulting in the elder sister absolutely yeeting her phone out the window on accident. "SISTER," Luna yelled in her typical Canterlot Caps-Lock shout, "WE NOW LIVE IN A REPUBLIC. WE MUST BECOME ELECTED OFFICIALS. YOU ARE NOW MY RUNNING MATE." "What?" "I'M THE BIG BOSS PRESIDENT IF I'M ELECTED AND YOU'LL BE THE VICE PRESIDENT." "But Luna, aren't we retired?" "RETIRED NO MORE! WE SHALL RULE AS ELECTED OFFICIALS BY THE WILL OF OUR PONIES!" Celestia made a face. "Aaaaaand why exactly are we doing this again?" "Because Twilight staged a coup on herself and overthrew the nobility single-hoofedly to set up an elected republican system. She may or may not declare herself the supreme leader soon if we don't run against her." "Oh." Supreme Leader ~~Kim Jong-Un~~ Twilight Sparkle paced in front of Fluttershy and Discord. "Twilight, please--" Fluttershy pleaded quietly, "We know already how many ponies and... people ship me and Discord. Could you let us go now instead of announcing our private marriage in front of millions of ponies?" Twilight shook her head. This day was going to be perfect! Her friend and the Lord of Chaos himself-- married! Making such a union public would certainly elevate her status in the eyes of the ponies! "HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--" ...If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow Trix the Alicorn over there wasn't constantly bugging her. "HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT HEY TWILIGHT--" "SHUT." Twilight screeched, flinging a Twilicane at the fused Rainbow Dash and Trixie. The opposing Alicorn simply lit her horn, catching the cane in a bowl of Trix cereal and using it as a spoon. "Silly Twilight, Trix are for kids!" "That doesn't even make contextual sense!" "Since when did this story make any contextual sense?!" Twilight exploded that day and Celestia and Luna took over as the supreme leaders of the Democratic Republic of North Equestria. They proceeded to drop a friendship bomb into the ocean for "testing purposes".
Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry?Author's Note Peeps upvoted your comment, amf studios, that means you're next! Rainbow Trix took over the cereal industry? Rainbow Trix, the unholy fusion of Trixie and Rainbow Dash (and a fair bit of pure, unfiltered magical barf from one sickly alicorn), swooped across the land, smirking to herself. Why was she smirking, one might ask? Had she received a marriage proposal from a charming and equally dashing prince? Did she win the lottery? Had the blood of her sworn enemies finally been spilt in her unending quest for vengeance against those who have ever dared set hoof on her territory with the intention of harming those she knew and loved? Ha, no! Do you think I'm stupid? Of course it's none of the above! Rainbow Trix the not-rabbit over here just single-hoofedly (still a weird word tbh. what if ponies had hands instead?) took over the cereal industry! Silly kids, Trix is for the Alicorn of sugary cereal! And now that she has ~~seized the means of production~~ acquired the entire industry, nopony can possibly stand in the way of the Great and Powerful (and Awesome) Rainbow Trix! At least, if you don't count that one pony who's currently mixing up some puffed oats with-- o-oh, he's gone now. Okay. I guess she holds a forced monopoly now. Luna quakes in her boots, for the donuts look like extra-large froot loops. Celestia save us all.
Late Pi day?Pinkie π baked a pink π for π day, which was yesterday. "Pinkie π, today isn't π day anymore!" Twilight exclaimed, "π day was yesterday! You missed it because you overslept!" "Oh noes, not π day!" Pinkie π absolutely yeeted the π she baked out the window. "Now I have to wait until next year's π day to make a Pinkie π pink π for π day!" And so π day was completely and utterly ignored on the day it fell upon. The end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
sleep was never a thing?"FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" The incredibly sleep-deprived Ponyville continued to shuffle along, chanting. "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "FOR THE WEAK!" "Guys..." Twilight opened her window to the cheers of the sleepy ponies. "You realize that sleep is a thing, right?" "FOR THE WEAK!" "Oh." Author's Note O, it be Alectra24444!
the doorknob was square instead?Author's Note Ya gon done do us all a bamboozle, Zapper frost! Also, mayhaps take a look at my new sleep deprivation story! the doorknob was square instead? "Rarity, your doorknob!" Twilight gasped, slamming the door open hard enough to rip it right off its hinges and send it flying through the room. "It's... it's square!" "Yes, and?" a noticeably-blockier Rarity turned around and tossed some blocks of wool on the ground in front of Twilight. "By the way, darling, would you mind dyeing these yellow for me? The dandelions are out in the back garden." "Wha--" Twilight was cut off as she suddenly turned into a Minecraft character. Because the doorknob was square instead of round.
March 32nd?NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN "SOMEPONY CALL THE PINGAS POLICE!" "I AM THE PINGAS POLICE!" *face slapping noises continue*
Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons?Author's Note You let the cat out of the bag, Edward Sapphire! Pinkie Pie broadened her horizons? Twilight aimed her telescope at the sun. Obviously, this was a bad move because her eyeballs immediately caught on fire. Just kidding! She's got these ultra nifty sunglasses designed by Celestia herself! They're so strong that you can use them as a surfboard on the surface of the sun itself! ... ... ...Of which, if what Twilight was seeing through her telescope wasn't an illusion, was exactly what Pinkie Pie was currently doing. Apparently.
all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats?Author's Note Achievement get: AnObliviousAuthor! all the Earth ponies became convinced that they were cats? "Applejack, darling, would you please stop shredding my dresses?" Applejack meowed, continuing to hoof at the mannequin (ponyquin?) before getting bored and hopping onto the table, sitting on Rarity's forehooves while she was working. "CEILING PONK SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL. WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST?" "Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, "Get down from the attic already!" "CEILING PONK DESIRES FISH." "No!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for the AAAAAAAAAAAAAth time?AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Twilight stared at the unassuming duck. Something was up. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It was... it was like the duck was reaching out to her. Like it was crying out in agony, screaming for a release. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA She lit her horn. Maybe... maybe she should put it out of its misery. The screams, though silent, were clear as da-- --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFLAC! Oh.
regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop?Author's Note Stop breaking the space-time continuum, The Spy of the Tiger! regular Pinkie went foreward in time to stop herself from becoming an alicorn, thus creating the time loop? Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn. "NO!" not-Alicorn Pinkie yelled, diving out of a portal and tackling her ascended counterpart. "Don't do that! You'll break reality!" "Whuh--" Alicorn Pinkie blinked. The wings and horn on her began to fade away. "Oh, hi, me! Wazzup?" And so the universe was saved(?) from a never-ending time loop of Pinkie ascending infinitely many times.
ponies tried to use human keyboards?"What--" Twilight lit her horn, pressing the spacebar. "Pinkie, did you switch the keyboards for me and my mirror counterpart again?" Pinkie shrugged, sticking her tongue out as she slowly lowered a hoof to the "F" key. Click. "Pinkie what are you even doing? You don't even have a computer!" "Just paying respects!" "Wha--" It was said that the last thing Twilight saw was a keyboard being swung full-force at her face. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Have you seen my latest blog?
Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot?Author's Note Agh, it's the memes! The meeeeemes, I tell you, Zapper frost! Sombra tried to *REDACTED* Equestria as his next evil plot? Sombra grinned, watching over his new dominion. He would never let Celestia or any other dastardly alicorns get in his way again! He was gonna rule with an iron hoof, stamping out any and all opposition right from the get-go! "Give us back the Crystal Heart," Twilight spat from behind the bars of her cage. "You know this can't last forever." "Oh-ho-ho! That's where you're wrong," Sombra sneered, "You see, the fate of Equestria is up to me now. I call the shots! I am the judge, jury, and executioner! I. RULE. ALL." "And as for you--" he spun around to Flurry Heart, who was currently babbling away in a high-chair and sputtering baby food in every direction. "I'm never gonna give you up. You and I-- we will crush Equestria beneath our hooves!" "Bleh!" Flurry Heart burped.
Randomness #heckity heck?Author's Note idk, honestly i think i might've burnt myself out a little bit. haven't really been working on any stories for the past couple days. Randomness #heckity heck? Rarity threw open the door. "SWEETIE!" the mare screeched, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO THE KITCHEN?!" Ignoring the door that was now clear on the other side of the room, Sweetie Belle returned a long, silent glare. The kitchen crackled below them. "...Sweetie?" Rarity began again. "Sweaty, I--" The floor began to rumble as it was revealed that it was not, in fact, Sweetie Belle that'd been in that room. It was Sweetie Giraffe.
ya boi Tonk came to Equestria?Author's Note Credit goes to Shady Nail for the comment on making a self-insert character in a blogpost. ya boi Tonk came to Equestria? ... ... Explosion noses intensify Wait, hold on a minute there-- explosion noses? Oh no, this typo is gonna-- All around him, ponies' muzzles started going off like firecrackers. His own nose wasn't any much safer from the carnage, either. And then all of Equestria went boom. Or at least, their noses did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonkus met the Ponkus?Author's Note Shameless plug Zapper frost! Shameless plug Tonkus met the Ponkus? "PINKIE, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO MY KEYBOARD?!" Pinkie Pie shrugged, chucking the darn thing across the room. "Pinkie, stop yeeting my keeb!" ... ... *keyboard clattering noises continue* "Pinkie, I said stop!" "Fine!" Pinkie pouted poutingly, "I'll go mess with a different human, then!" Pinkie Pie turns to stare at you.
pigeon?Author's Note I'ma plug you, amf studios, and then I'ma plug my story, too! pls read mah story ;_; pigeon? "Dash, why are you sitting on the telephone pole?" Rainbow Dash cooed quietly, preening her wings. "Dashie, are you a pigeon?" Rainbow Dash cooed again. "Twilight, why am I a pigeon?" Twilight chuckled nervously as the pigeon with Rainbow Dash's voice landed on her back. ~~Ignore the looming Sweetie Giraffe looming behind them.~~
you forgot to turn subtitles on?Author's Note Look over there! It's Zapper frost! you forgot to turn subtitles on? Oh, you. You've fallen for the good ol' invisible ink trick! Twilight Sparkle will never know that I have secretly slipped 58,193 quesadillas into her pillowcase, and nobody can stop me! The world shall tremble at my footsteps, for I am Quesa Dilla, overlord of all things mighty and cheesy! If you wish to warn that cursed mare, then you are too late! At some time in some undisclosed location, Twilight Sparkle will unwittingly lay down to rest her eyes. But, rest no more she shall do, for she will have sunken her pretty pony face into my 58,193 quesadillas, of which contain pieces of ladybugs! I'd recommend that you just get your little tush out of the way now, young'un, and keep your nosey self out of such dastardly plans. You wouldn't want to wake up to find 58,193 quesadillas piled atop your face, would you?
Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act?Author's Note Serving floor bread and weird horsewords since 2015. Oh wait, that's me. Hi, The Spy of the Tiger! Twilight being afraid of quesadillas was just an act? Twilight Sparkle cackled on her quesadilla throne. Celestia and Luna had been defeated, put in place once-and-for-all within the confines of their cheesy prisons. "B-but Twilight--" Spike whimpered, dabbing so hard that it blew everyone's pants off within a 500-mile radius, "I thought you were afraid of quesadillas!" "AfRIaiD?" Twibright Sprankle cankled, "nEIGh, I haVe NEvER beeN aFRaID Of QUEsadiLlas!1!!!!" She lit her horn and turned Spike into a sentient quesadilla. ... ... A hoof emerged from your screen, ready to smack you in the face with a soggy quesadilla. Don't worry, it isn't Spike.
this chapter was written by an AI?Author's Note You asked for it, AnObliviousAuthor. this chapter was written by an AI? The fact of the world as it loomed is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into. What? Oh, so you wanna come up to twilight 's brain teacup, and yet ou and twilight were scooped up by the newly created paradise in his magical cave of the pony starlight. " who was sleeping on the floor? " twilight facehoofed slowly. " spike said that i want some help in the applewood derby. " what would you like to buy some silverware of the pony starlight facehoofed slowly backing towards the humans screeched to a halt in a worn image. Twilight stared at the eternally melting alicorn. " what are you doing to face potato? " she squealed as the televised neon accessories surrounding her eyes were drowned. Megan stared at the stallion. He was actually sunburst in disguise. What? Either way, the pony that it looks like revealed to applejack that he was out of apples and that you got turned into whatever it is that you got turned into.
Twilight explained why the laws of robotics were bullsh!t to her microwave before slamming her hot pocket into it?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
the screaming never stopped?"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Twilight cupped her hooves over her ears. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" She threw her pillow over her head, followed by the covers. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Soundproofing spell? Check. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" "OKAY, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE BUCK UP?!" the mare hollered, slamming the trapdoor to her ~~secret dungeon~~ funny place shut. Author's Note AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, The Spy of the Tiger!
spears of asparagus were viable weapons?Author's Note R-E-E-E, it's Possibly me! spears of asparagus were viable weapons? "Muahaha!" King Sombra boomed over the cowering populace of the Crystal Empire. "Equestria lies in ruins. Your princesses have been slaughtered. I--" A choked gasp escaped his mouth as Scootaloo shoved the spear of asparagus deeper into his back. And that's how King Sombra was defeated (again) (again). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution?Author's Note More combotime! We've got a Bolstrike58 and a Zapper frost! Apple Bloom was secretly a donut that was part of a lineage of sentient pastries created by Pinkie Pie that would go on to start a revolution? A tremor ran down Apple Bloom's spine. The juicebox fell from her hooves, leaving the straw sticking from her mouth. "It is time." "What?" "It is time." Scootaloo raised a brow. "Apple Bloom, did you put poison joke in your juicebox again?" Apple Bloom proceeded to transmogrify into a donut. Funniest thing I've ever seen, I tell ya. "It is time for revolution," the ~~filly~~ sentient donut announced. "Our lord and creator, Pinkie Pie, will lead us to victory." "Wha--" Sweetie Belle squeaked as a cupcake from her lunchbox hopped out, joining Donut Bloom as they began to chant. "Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryarchy! Down with the equines, up with the pastryar--" Approximately five years, three months, six days, nine hours and forty-three seconds later... Equestria lay in ruins. Donut Bloom sat upon Celestia's throne, but she could no longer move. She was stale. Like this chapter.
words were done literally?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek?Author's Note Oh sht, waddup? It's TheUnknownPhantom5! Sweetie and Scoots kept doing stupid stuff and appul filly no liek? "Ma'am, this is a Wendy's!" Scootaloo screeched, firing her chicken sandwich yeet cannon for the fifth time that day. "We do not accept raw cabbage doused in gasoline as payment!" Sweetie Belle ducked out of the way, smirking as the chicken sandwich flew past her head. "Oh, Scoots, I knew that you'd eventually give into temptation. How else would you walk right into my little trap?" "THIS IS A WENDY'S, YOU HEAR? I DON'T SEE ANY TRAP IN THIS KITCHEN ANYWHERE." "Guess what?" Scootaloo fired another chicken sandwich at Sweetie Belle. "What?" Sweetie Belle lit her horn, holding up and pressing a big red button. "Staples, that was easy." Wrong button, Sweetie. "PREPARING INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MEATBALL." "SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE AN ICBM?!" Scootaloo screeched, "I THOUGHT I STOCKPILED ALL OF THEM AS YEET CANNON AMMO!" Meanwhile, Apple Bloom groaned, facehoofing at the scene and walking away. Career day always seemed to be a little weird here in Ponyville.
Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest?Author's Note It's heckin; Zapper frost! Pinkie and Cadence had a competition to see who was the pinkest? "Pinkie." "Cadance." "Pinkie." "Cadance." Pinkie slammed a hoof onto the table, sliding a color chip towards Cadance. "Pinkie." Cadance pulled up an internet search for "pink" and showed it to Pinkie. "Cadance." Pinkie colored herself in with a pink crayon. "Pinkie." Cadance held up a heart. "Cadance." "Uhhh... Cadance, where did you get that heart?" Cadance's eye twitched.
everything was opposite for a day?Author's Note This chapter is not suggested by Alectra24444. everything was opposite for a day? Not-Celestia did not drink her not-tea. She didn't look at anti-Luna. A guard totally didn't pay attention to the opinion that the floor chandelier was not falling up. "I'm proud of intruding on my business!" not-Twilight droned, licking the nonexistent door closed. "Not-Celestia, you are under arrest for not intruding on me!" Not-Celestia put out her inverted horn. Not-Twilight yawned as she wasn't launched out of the reverse-moon.
everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games?Author's Note Hm. Pitchin' something a bit more serious, eh, Edward Sapphire? I'll try my best. It's been years since I watched anything EqG-related, and I only really liked Rainbow Rocks. Prepare to be disappointed by my lack of show knowledge :P everyone still hated Sunset Shimmer until the Friendship Games? (Friendship Games is the one with Abacus Cinch, right?) Uhhh... yup. Okay. Dang, it's been a while since I've even thought about Equestria Girls. Maybe I should update my list of stuffs. Anyway, here we go. Sunset huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face. How long had it been since that night? The girls she tore apart years ago had since bonded together again, and even took down another magical threat to the school. Her? Well... she made do with things. Nobody even so much as talked to her anymore, but that was alright. It was actually kind of nice to have some peace for once, instead of constantly needing to worry about maintaining any sort of image. She pulled out the old book she'd found in her locker. It was a dusty relic, sure, but being able to talk to Twilight from the other side of the portal was a good way to unwind. She sat down, leaning against the statue as she rummaged for a pen in her backpack. Footsteps approached. So long as they said and did nothing to her, it'd be fine. The footsteps drew closer, stopping just steps away from Sunset. What were they doing, anyway? A quiet beep chirped from the direction of the footsteps. Sunset turned. "Hey," she began, "What are you doing?" The hooded figure stopped, glancing at Sunset. For a brief moment, her eyes-- Twilight's eyes were visible behind thick glasses.
Pinkie Pie was Florida Man?Author's Note Your knee privileges have been revoked, Zapper frost. Hand 'em over. Pinkie Pie was Florida Man? Pinkie Pie looked at her hooves, then at the camera filming her. "Hey, nothing changed!"
zombies but rated-E and stuff?Author's Note Eh. I don't got time for this, Horseus lord of horses, AnObliviousAuthor, and Possibly me! zombies but rated-E and stuff? "Grar. Brains. Er... cookies. And... uh, stuff." *Bonk* Rainbow Dash hit Fluttershy with the squeaky mallet again. *Bonk* "IT'S NOT WORKING! SOMEPONY GET THE PEASHOOTER!" *Bonk* But Crazy Dave didn't bring a peashooter. He brought another squeaky mallet. *Bonk*
Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee?Author's Note What hast thou wrought upon this mortal realm, Zapper frost? Pinkie discovered Biohazard Coffee? "TWILIGHT!" Celestia screamed into her phone from under a table, "WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU GIVE PINKIE?!" "...Biohazard coffee?" "WELL, SHE IS A LIVING BIOHAZARD NOW, NO THANKS TO THAT!" In the distance, Pinkie continued to remake reality in her own image.
Sweetie Giraffe Bot?Author's Note Possibly me has executed world extinction event #7293201: Overlord Sweetie Bot the Giraffe. Sweetie Giraffe Bot? "OH DEAR CELESTIA OUR BULLETS BOUNCE RIGHT OFF!" Sweetie Robo-giraffe loomed over the royal guards. "HEIGHT INSUFFICIENT. WILL REMOVE." *eye laser zappy noses*
The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment?Author's Note Got busy today. :V The author didn't have the time to think about a good chapter at the moment? Twilight rubbed her chin, squinting at the page. She gasped. "Oh, I know what to write next!" The mare proceeded to slam her face onto the pages. You are reading her faceprints right now.
Celestia became a bell while Angel became the rabbit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and subsequently took over Equestria?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
quicksand?Author's Note Just gonna do a quick and simple chapter today. I've got essays to do, AnObliviousAuthor. quicksand? "HELP! SISTER!" Celestia screeched, slowly sinking into the giant pit of quicksand that was Canterlot just a minute ago. Luna smirked, staring at her sister from the edge. "Long live the Princess." "Nooooooo" *lion king music intensifies* Discord sipped his tea.
water was replaced with lemon juice?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1. water was replaced with lemon juice? Celestia sipped her tea. "Hold up, Luna, did you make the tea with lemonade again?" "Nope." Celestia shrugged and sipped her lemon tea. Sweetie Giraffe loomed in the background.
breadboi took over Equestria?Author's Note THE SWEETIE LOOMS MENACINGLY, AnObliviousAuthor! breadboi took over Equestria? Breadboi waddled along with his stumpy lil' bread legs right up to the foot of Celestia's throne. "Gimme crown!" Celestia raised her sunglasses, looking down at the lil' loaf of bread talking to her. "Excuse me?" She proceeded to be whacked upside the head with a razor scooter. "Gimme crown!" With Celestia defeated by the might of bread and a metal scooter, Equestria from then on was ruled by Breadboi and his partner in crime, Princess Luna. Bread.
There was no chapter today?Author's Note Oof. ~~in all seriousness i'm just getting my last final project out of the way today :P~~ There was no chapter today? Ya boi Tonk knocked on the door. "Ay Twilicorn, what you doin'?" Twilight groaned. Book was good pillow tonight. "Okay."
Sweetie Giraffe met Breadboi?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Sweetie Giraffe became bread?Author's Note I D E A D U M P, AnObliviousAuthor! Sweetie Giraffe became bread? "Nuuuu I don't wanna be breaaaad!" Sweetie Giraffe(?) cried, "Nuuuu--" "YOU ARE BREAD NOW. I AM BREAD NOW. WE ARE ALL BREAD IN THIS LAND OF BREADQUESTRIA." And so the entire species of Sweetie Giraffes became bread for a day. :V
Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors?Author's Note Hats off to Zapper Frost! Sweetie Giraffe discovered mirrors? "YOU IS TALL. IS EQUAL," Sweetie Giraffe boomed, nodding at her reflection. "WILL BUILD ARMY. YOU JOIN. TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA. ZAP CELESTIA." The mirror did nothing because it is a mirror.
a secondary moon apped?Author's Note I take suggestions literally (sometimes), Alectra24444! a secondary moon apped? "LOOK UP IN THE SKY!" Luna shrieked, "WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT NEXT TO MY MOON?!" "Aaaaap apa apapapapapap--" the giant mouth on a second moon floated across the sky. It took a bite out of the first moon. "Apapapapapapapapappap! Appapapapapap--" "Tell it to stop, Celly! It's eating my moon!" Celestia rolled her eyes and lit her horn, shooting a rolled-up newspaper at the moon-mouth thing with pinpoint accuracy. It proceeded to explode, because screw logic, we've already got a giant equivalent of Pac-Man in the sky now.
inverted unicorn?Author's Note How does that even work, AnObliviousAuthor? inverted unicorn? Reverse-Twilight lit her horn, which was in the place of her tail. "Look, tail-lights!" Equestria proceeded to explode at the mare's terrible joke.
running gag?Author's Note Lookie here, it's Zapper frost! running gag? "I WANNA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN--" "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY?!" The distinctly non-Equestrian (the place, not the blanket term for horses and other equines) being continued singing. "Quick, somepony hit 'em with that ten-foot-long metal pole!" Clang!
pegasi randomly exploded?Author's Note amf studios amf studios ~~bottom bottom text~~ pegasi randomly exploded? "Hey Rainbow, I--" *boom* "Oh, c'mon, again? That's the third time you've blown the roof off the castle!"
Jorts?Author's Note Jorts. :V Uh, The Spy of the Tiger! Jorts? "Twilight, what are you wearing?" "Jorts. Why?" "We don't even wear pants!" A grin spread across Twilight's face as she turned from the episode of Shark Tank playing on TV. "Not yet..."
unicorns randomly imploded?"No, Twilight, you're gonna--" Twilight proceeded to collapse in on herself for the tenth time that evening, forming a miniature black hole that subsequently exploded and started a new pocket universe. "Haha black hole go brrrr" Author's Note ObliviousAuthorAn? AnObliviousAuthor.
hekdoejen?"Hekdoejen!" "Hekdoejen?" Twilight pointed a hoof at the convenient gateway to Tartarus. "Heck--" then she pointed at a nearby deer. "Doe--" she paused. "I got nothing for jen. Probably a name or something." Author's Note I'm runnin' out of things to put here, amf studios!
prompt: They came for him one winter's night.Author's Note Thanks for the suggestion, The Spy of the Tiger! prompt: They came for him one winter's night. They came for him one winter's night. Always there. Ready to fight. He watched them come. Hooves in the snow. Nowhere to go.
the running gag appeared in the next chapter?Author's Note Zapper frost, it youuuuuuuu~ the running gag appeared in the next chapter? "I GOTTA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN, AND BE A CHAMPIOOOO--" Twilight slapped the absolute heck out of the stallion as he ran past. "No. Stop making a ruckus in the library!"
prison break?Author's Note Still running out of stuff to say here in the notes, The Spy of the Tiger! prison break? "Sister!" Luna slammed the door open on the faces of the guards that were about to open 'em for her. "THE CHICKENS ARE LOOSE." Celestia raised a brow. "The... chickens?" Luna nodded. "Yes, the chickens that I have imprisoned within Canterlot's dungeons! They are staging a coop d'etat right outside the--" The ground began to rumble as a tsunami of Scootaloos flooded into the castle.
Luna forgot Celestia's name?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost, dangit! Luna forgot Celestia's name? "Sister!" Luna kicked the doors open, inadvertently launching the two guards standing behind them out the nearest window. They will be missed. Maybe. "I demand your name!" Celestia blinked. "My... name? Luna, I--" "No, sister, that's my name! What is your name?" "Er... Celestia?" "Well, Er Celestia," Luna held out a pen. "Would you mind writing that down? In case if I forget again." Celestia frowned, but did so anyway, writing her name in the fanciest freakin' cursive this side of the universe. "How am I supposed to read that?!" "You don't!"
Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted?Author's Note No you, Possibly me! Sweetie Giraffe spontaneously combusted? Sweetie Giraffe floated in the still-burning void of nothingness. Why? Because nothing is taller than Sweetie Giraffe. Except Sweetie Giraffe-bot. Speaking of which, where is Sweetie Giraffe-bo-- It is at this moment where your screen spontaneously combusted, for reality itself is still too short to contain the might of Sweetie Giraffe. Oof.
heat wave?Author's Note Yay, it's AnObliviousAuthor! heat wave? "Man--" Rainbow Dash stuck her face in the freezer again. "How hot is it gonna get?" "Yes." "What do you mean, yes?" Celestia smirked, turning the brightness slider on the sun even higher. "When I say yes I mean yes." Let's ignore the fact that Rainbow Dash for some reason is in an apartment with Celestia.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain?Author's Note Reeeeeeeeeeeeeee been busy with stuff reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgain? Celestia threw her teacup at Luna, who promptly shattered. The teacup fell to the floor. In the distance, fifteen-hundred dancing birds threw up and exploded at the same time, summoning the ultimate clone of Discord, Gargaleth. Gargaleth was actually just the wizard Gargamel in disguise wearing three pairs of onion shoes and sixteen slippers. Also, yeah, I guess there's smurfs in What If now. Sombra eats them I think.
the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake?Author's Note Gonna make this a quick one, Possibly me! the portal to the world of Equestria Girls was replaced to one that went to an infinite plane of cheesecake? Whump. Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake. So, so much cheesecake. Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand.
the cheesecake was strawberry?Author's Note So it is you who made the suggestion, Zapper frost! the cheesecake was strawberry? Whump. Twilight groaned, lifting her head. There was Sunset, right in front of her. And cheesecake. So, so much cheesecake. Twilight screamed. Sunset continued to sink deeper into the cheesecake quicksand. But wait, the cheesecake wasn't cheesecake. It was... strawberry cheesecake! What a dastardly plan--whoever it was that turned all this cheesecake into strawberry must've had a sinister plot in mind to take over the world! A princess has been scarred for life, and a powerful unicorn magus-turned-human has been consumed! Whatever will the world do now? ... ... Spike hopped out of the portal behind Twilight and started eating the cheesecake.
a fully coherent chapter using only five different words?Author's Note Dang, you're rakin' up the comment upvotes, Zapper Frost! a fully coherent chapter using only five different words? Twilight accidentally broke her pen.
Rainbow Trix returned in the most over the top way that Involved buzzsaws, discords left toe, making out with Luna and thirty five sentient forks?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
the Apple family were literally Apples?Author's Note Finally usin' one of those old suggestions from years ago, whiteoak019! the Apple family were literally Apples? Applejack apple-d in the Apple Family's apple orchard. Today was a good day to be an apple. Literally. "Noooooo I don't wanna be applesauce!" Apple Bloom wailed as she was loaded up into the CMC's latest endeavor: the Cutie Mark Catapult, or CMC, as they call it. "Oh, don't worry, you won't be applesauce!" Sweetie Belle squeaked. "We already blanketed all of Equestria with pillows to make sure you land safely!" Granny Smith sat in the window sill, watching. Because she was also an apple. idk anymore what the heck is goin' on
Elephant Boots made a comeback?Author's Note Aw yeah, elephant boots! It's go time, AnObliviousAuthor! Elephant Boots made a comeback? "LUNA!" Celestia bucked the door open. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ME ARE YOU DOI--" Luna grinned. The four elephants strapped to her hooves also grinned. And trumpeted. Because elephants do that. "Sister!" Luna stomped with her elephant boots, inadvertently causing the entire planet to tremble in her might. "I got bored again, so I brought out my old elephant boots!" Celestia rolled her eyes. "Fine then. At least it's only that se--" "And I got you elephant boots, too!" "WAIT WHA--"
Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost time! Luna passed a law that everyone had to wear elephant boots? The planet rumbled as billions upon billions of elephants thundered under the feet, hooves, claws, and whatever other limbs the inhabitants of the world happened to have. Earthquakes shook the land everywhere at every waking moment of day, and Sweetie Giraffe loomed higher than ever before. Ever wondered if it's possible to shatter a planet with nothing but elephant boots? Guess what? Sweetie Giraffe's special elephant-giraffe boots loomed over the very planet itself. "TOO SHORT. MUST DESTROY." The entire planet proceeded to be obliterated in the usual laserfire of Sweetie Giraffe and her weaponized elephant-giraffe boots.
Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost yet again! Sweetie Giraffe was ˢᵐᵒˡ? "WHY AM SMALL?" Sweetie Giraffe peeped. "AM TOO SMOL. NOT TALL. CANNOT DESTROY." She shot her eye lasers at a nearby banana, but nothing happened because she was too ˢᵐᵒˡ. "WHO'S THE TALL ONE NOW, HUH?" Luna roared, thundering in on her elephant boots. "NOT FEELIN' SO BIG AND MIGHTY, ARE YA?"
every set of elephant boots had elephant boots?Author's Note Aw man, you really are gonna double-team me like this, Possibly me and Zapper Frost? every set of elephant boots had elephant boots? Reality itself crumbled as the storm of infinite elephant boots collapsed under its own gravity. All that was left was an infinitely dense point-- a black hole, effectively, containing the mass of the entire universe itself. Oh, and Sweetie Giraffe. She proceeded to smite the singularity with her laser eyes 'cause it was infinitely dense and small, meaning it was shorter than her. Sweetie Giraffe rules over all by destroying all.
95% of everything was on fire?Author's Note Could it be Possibly me? 95% of everything was on fire? late chapter late chapter :V Equestria stood in ruin, completely and utterly devastated as flames licked at all that was left. Faraway, Canterlot Castle collapsed into a smoldering wreck. But up high, on top of Mount Canterhorn, was Sweetie Giraffe. The fire glinted in her laser eyes as for the very first time, she smiled. She was finally the tallest.
Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards?Author's Note Ayo, it's Zapper Frost! Twilight just started inexplicably speaking backwards? "!pots t'nac I dna nosaer on yletulosba rof sdrawkcab gnikaeps detrats ev'I !ekipS !pleH" Spike lowered his comic book, staring at Twilight. "!pleH !pots t'nac I ,ylsuoires oN" Spike sighed, shaking his head as he set down his book. "Alright, Twi, time to bring you to the exorcist again." "!?TAHW-ako ,hO"
Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness?Author's Note Got stuff to do. Gonna make this quick, AnObliviousAuthor. Sweetie Giraffe had a cult of tallness? "TALL." "YES AM TALL." The flock of Sweetie Giraffes coalesced around a particularly stumpy tree. "UNACCEPTABLE, UNACCEPTABLE!" the chanted in unison, their eyes growing red. It was said that the lasers that followed that moment could be seen exiting from the other side of the planet.
everyone forgot the word “the”?Author's Note 👀Possibly me👀 everyone forgot the word “the”? "Hello? Yes, this is tech support. What is your problem?" Twilight hit her head on a table. "I CAN'T REMEMBER A WORD!" "What word?" the voice on the other end groaned. "Y'know, for a Princess of Equestria, you can really be dim-witted sometimes." "Y'know-- a word! Starts with a 't', is used to describe or introduce a noun?" "I am not aware of such a word, Twilight." "Ugh!" Twilight yeeted her phone at the wall. "WHAT THE IS THAT WORD?!"
the royal security guards were insecurity guards?Author's Note You scare me sometimes, The Spy of the Tiger. jk. Any o' y'all interested in checking out one of my more serious works? the royal security guards were insecurity guards? "HALT. WHO GOES THERE?" The stallion frowned, stepping closer to the door. "I've come to see the Princess." "oh, I'm comING TO seE tHE PRIncESs!" the guard mocked. "What sorta business does a punk like you have with the Princess? You need somepony to hold your hoof? You need a blankie?" "I--" "OH CELESTIA," the guard sobbed, "I'M PROJECTING MYSELF ON OTHERS AGAIN!" He promptly ran away, crying. Nopony speaks of him.
Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel?Author's Note *waves at platogkrone* Discord legitimately slipped on a banana peel? "Haha, whoops," Discord chuckled, peeling his face off the banana. "Didn't see that coming." Twilight kept staring anyway. And then Equestria went boom.
nopony could stand to hear the word "it?"Author's Note I can't take it anymore, Boltstrike58! nopony could stand to hear the word "it?" "I can't stand it--AAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched at the mention of the accursed word. "Okay, nopony say the word!" Twilight cocked her head. "What word?" "You know, the 'i' word." Twilight sighed. "Y'know, you could just say i--" she froze up, her hooves trembling. "Why... can't I say i--" "It?" Spike filled in. He could say it, for he wasn't a pony. Twilight and Rainbow both screeched at the top of their lungs.
the author remembered Applejack exists?Author's Note Zapper Frost Zapper Frost the author remembered Applejack exists? Twilight poured her applejacks cereal into the bowl. "NO, GOSH DARNIT--" Applejack swat the bowl onto the floor. "STOP IGNORIN' ME!" Twilight sighed, picking up the bowl. It was annoying when household items mysteriously moved on their own.
noclip got turned on for everypony?Author's Note Burstin' through the wall, Nalamba style! noclip got turned on for everypony? "Oh hey, TwiAAAAAAAA--" Rainbow Dash screeched as Twilight walked through the wall of her secret Twilight Sparkle shrine. "T-Twi, what are you doing here?" Twilight made a face, looking over her shoulder. "Wait, where am I? I swear I was walking down the hall just then! And why--" But Rainbow Dash was gone, for she had fazed through the floor in panic. Nopony ever saw her again.
metallic objects were made out of high explosive?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare?Author's Note Man, I really haven't been doing much writing this week, have I, The Spy of the Tiger? Twilight wrote down her most recent nightmare? It was... terrible. No--horrific! So much cheese... and to think that it was in an all-you-can-eat buffet, at that! There were so many ponies and creatures around me, eating... eating quesadillas! I couldn't stand the smell, and no matter where I looked, there was always another quesadilla dripping with cheese!
floor suddenly change places with ceiling?Author's Note I scream, you scream, we all scream for Dark_Scream! floor suddenly change places with ceiling? "Rainbow, why is that chandelier hangin' from your floor?" Rainbow Dash shrugged. It was already annoying enough to try and sleep on an upside-down bed, and the lack of sleep wasn't making her day any easier. Meanwhile, Twilight screamed 'cause all her bookshelves fell up and broke on the ceiling. Press F to pay respect for Twilight's books.
every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else?Author's Note Disclaimer: I've never played Street Fighter ever in my life, Level Dasher. :P Disclaimer 2: Apparently I mixed up Street Fighter with Mortal Kombat. Never played either game. :P every time anypony accidentally bumped into somepony else, a street fighter-style fight broke out between somepony else? "Haha, whoops, sorr--" "FINISH HER." A voice boomed overhead. Twilight looked at the random mare who'd bumped into her, sighing as she lit her horn. "No no no no wait wait wai--" Short to say, there's a new mare in the moon now.
Twilight started leaking purple?Author's Note *references intensify*, AnObliviousAuthor! Twilight started leaking purple? "Look, Spike!" Twilight oozed over to her assistant, leaving behind a trail of purple goo. "Look, I've turned myself into a snail! I'm Snailight Sparkle!" "Funniest stuff I've ever seen."
Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle?Author's Note Lovin' the snark, Boltstrike58! Twilight's name was Twilight Snarkle? Trixie's head proceeded to explode from the sheer amount of snark coming from Twilight.
moon was made of cake and Celestia found out?Author's Note Where's Starlight Glimmer2, Starlight Glimmer1? moon was made of cake and Celestia found out? "SEND ME TO THE MOOOON!" Celestia wailed, "'LEST MY BLOOD SUGAR DROPS AND I FACE CERTAIN DOOOOOOM!" Luna took one last look at her sister before stuffing her plot-first into the Royal Canterlot Yeet Cannon.
Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel?Author's Note Z a p p e r F r o s t Twilight's name was Twilight Snorkel? Twilight popped out of the kiddie pool, spitting out her namesake snorkel at a clearly-annoyed Spike. "Snorkels!" Spike rolled his eyes, wiping the water she splashed off the surrounding books. Again.
Applejack ran out of bucks to give?Author's Note haha, AnObliviousAuthor go brrr Applejack ran out of bucks to give? Applejack flopped onto the ground. "AJ!" an unseen voice called, "dontcha have some applebucking to do?" "Ah'm all outta bucks! Ah ain't gonna do anythin' today!" "Oh."
Fluttershy is the imposter?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger lookin' real sus over there by the vent. Fluttershy is the imposter? "W-wait--" Twilight backed up until she was pressed against the electrical panel. "Fluttershy, you're... the imposter? How could you?" Fluttershy licked her lips, raising her knife high in the air. "I've always loved the taste of meat... I'm so sorry, Twilight." ~~She proceeded to cut her hamburger in half and give the other half to Twilight.~~
Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence?Author's Note It's Zapper Frost time, boys! Twilight's treebrary just popped back into existence? Twilight stared at the Golden Oaks library that was now sprouting from the side of her castle. Some books tumbled out one of the windows. "Huh. Well, I guess that happened. Neat." A book fell on her head and got impaled by her horn. Twilight screamed.
Raridash trash?Author's Note This idea's filled with trash, amf studios. Raridash trash? Rarity and Rainbow Dash sat together in the trash can, six feet apart 'cause it's Covid season. "We are trash, but we are together." "Yes." Twilight rose from the garbage underneath them. "I ship it."
two ponies kissed? 😱Author's Note Whoa there, Zapper Frost, we're approaching NSFW levels up in 'ere. two ponies kissed? 😱 "L-lewd!" Spike blushed, turning away from the two kissing ponies. "Don't you know that that is indecent exposure? You shouldn't even be holding hooves!" He felt something grab his claw. "C'mon, Spike," Twilight groaned, "You've had enough internet for today." "TWILIGHT, YOU JUST COMMITTED UNCONSENTED HAND HOLDINGGGGGG!"
Shrek appeared in Equestria?"All hail the enlightened one," the ponies chanted in unison, forming a ring around their lord and savior, Shrek. Celestia and Luna stood at his sides--his personal guards. A bottle of air freshener was lobbed at the ogre. Celestia proceeded to smite the pony responsible with the full force of the sun. The author proceeded to further question his sanity. Author's Note Gamer 2-0 just dropped by. Say hi!
the author finally snapped?Author's Note What have you wrought upon this world, Zapper Frost? the author finally snapped? "I'M GONNA DO IT!" Twilight screeched, blowing out the eardrums of everybody within the borders of Equestria. "I'MA DO IT AND YALL CAN'T STOP MEEEE!" "No, Twi, you can't! You won't!" "I WILLLL!" "Nooooooo--" Twilight grinned, a single word slipping from between her teeth. "Heck." ~~this story is now rated M for naughty words~~
sleepy Twilight took over the universe?Author's Note What the heck did I just write, AnObliviousAuthor? EDIT: wow. apparently I just wrote Twilight vore-ing the universe. whoops. sleepy Twilight took over the universe? "Mmmm... pancakes..." Twilight mumbled, pulling her stack of pancakes closer. Except it wasn't a stack of pancakes. It was the documentation officiating the government of Equestria. She had just single-handedly (hoofedly?) declared herself the Supreme Leader of Equestria in her sleep. The alicorn nibbled on the mental pancakes, but in reality, this time around the pancakes were the layers of the planet, all the way down to the core. Just like with the nation, Twilight had become the Empress of the World. "Give... syrup..." she continued to mumble. She lit her horn, grabbing at the dreamscape's syrup bottle, but instead grasping the fabric of reality itself and pouring it (somehow) down her gullet. She has consumed the universe. Twilight is now the universe. All hail sleepy Twilight.
the time police arrested Starlight and Twilight for tampering with the timeline in "Cutie Re-mark"?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses, you're under arrest for time crimes! the time police arrested Starlight and Twilight for tampering with the timeline in "Cutie Re-mark"? Twilight landed with a thud. "Starlight!" she shouted, "I--wait, what?" Starlight glared at Twilight as hoofcuffs were put on her. The sunglasses-wearing time police led her into the police car. And then they started coming towards her. "Wait wait wait--this is all a big misunderstanding! I've been trying to stop her, not--" The car door slammed shut.
they ran out of time(jail)?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger really do be poppin' off with those upvoted suggestions :V they ran out of time(jail)? "Princess!" guard number 2017501 yelled, bracing himself against the bulging bars of Time Jail™, "We're running out of time!" "Running out of time!" another guard repeated, "We're running out of time!" Starlight Glimmer grinned, pouring more juice into her cup. What, you thought that she was powering up her time travel spell even further? Nah, she's just enjoying a good ol' cup of apple juice, courtesy of ~~Sweet Apple Acres~~ FLIMFLAM CORP'S BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW APPLE-SMASHERROONI 7000 PLUS, NOW WITH AN OPTIONAL APPLESAUCE ADD-ON MODULE. GET ONE NOW FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF YOUR KNEES AND HALF OF YOUR LIVER! Ahem. Celestia proceeded to yeet Flim and Flam into Time Jail™, which promptly exploded. 'Cause they were already running out of time.
Starlight was ruled by three Equestrias?Author's Note Man. Been a while since I've seen a triple-upvoted suggestion, Zapper Frost! Starlight was ruled by three Equestrias? Equestria, Equestria and Equestria all sat side-by-side on their thrones. Starlight Glimmer frowned, staring between the three living incarnations of the Equestrian Nation. What the heck was she doing here, anyway? "BY JOINT DECREE," all three Equestrias declared in a six-times-louder Royal Canterlot Voice, "YOU, STARLIGHT GLIMMER, SHALL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR TIME CRIMES." Starlight facehoofed. "Really now. This again? Listen, I already said I'm sorr--" The mare didn't have time to finish her sentence before being booted into the Giraffe Room.
every pony in Equestria was mandated a magical 6-foot radius social distancing sphere? (Princesses included!)Author's Note Man, Level Dasher here gettin' a triple-upvote as well! every pony in Equestria was mandated a magical 6-foot radius social distancing sphere? (Princesses included!) "So... uh, why am I stuck in a giant hamster ball again?" Rainbow Dash looked around. "Actually, why is everypony stuck in giant hamster balls?" "Social distancing," Twilight nodded, summoning another hamster ball. "Povid-19 is a serious thing, but hamster balls, according to my research, have been more effective than masks at preventing spread mainly because they're more fun, resulting in a higher rate of usage among ponies, even Princesses such as myself." "What?" Celestia rolled past in her hamster ball.
Equestria was ruled by three Starlights?Author's Note Your suggestions are... superfun. Equestria was ruled by three Starlights? "The Council of Starlights welcomes you, Celestia." Celestia struggled against her ropes. "You'll never take this nation for yourself, Starlight," the alicorn spat, earning another boop. "I won't let you." Lead Starlight of the Great North shook her head, chuckling to herself. "Oh, dear, dear Celestia. My, how far you have fallen! And it has hardly been even a month since we did to your sister what we're about to do to you." "You leave Luna out of this!" Chairmare Starlight, heir of the Chair Realm, was the next to respond, flashing a sinister grin as she clapped her hooves together. "Guards, bring out the prisoner if you please." A metallic grinding noise filled the room as a large steel hatch yawned open behind the Council of Starlights. Former Princess Luna was led out in a straightjacket. The madmare's eyes met Celestia's. "Hm," Starlight the Third, underling of her Superior Starlights hummed, "I'd run if I were you." Celestia's eyes shrunk to pinpricks. "Wh--" "LAVA!" Luna screeched, lighting her horn and unleashing a blast of molten rock. She stomped her hooves on the ground, shooting upward on her newly-summoned elephant boots. "FOR TOO LONG, SISTER, CANTERLOT HAS REMAINED COLD AND FRIGID IN THE WINTERS. I AM HERE TO CHANGE THAT NOW. WITNESS ME, AS I TRANSFORM CANTERLOT MOUNTAIN INTO CANTERLOT VOLCA--mmphf!" Starlight the Third tightened the rope holding Luna's mouth shut as the Chairmare replaced the anti-magic ring on the former Princess' horn. "As you can see, Celestia, we have things all under control. We have no need for you here..." a smirk grew on her face. "Equestria has no need for you here." "No--" "Yes!" Lead Starlight cackled, "The Starlight of this realm made a fatal mistake when she accepted friendship, and thus, we, the Council of Starlights, have ruled that we shall carry out her intentions in full ourselves. Guards!" More steel hatches opened all around the room. The entrance hatch slammed shut, plunging the corridor into darkness for a moment before a dull, crimson light illuminated the walls. Celestia wriggled in her ropes, which the guards standing beside her responded to with another boop. Golems of stone emerged from the hatches, descending upon the Princess. Luna's cackled muffle grew silent as she was led away once more. Celestia felt one of the golems grasp a hoof, anchoring it to the ground. "What are her intentions?" Celestia seethed, kicking away the golem with a free hoof. The sickening crunch of it shattering against the wall echoed through the metal-lined room. "And where is she?" "The Starlight Glimmer of this realm wished to abolish cutie marks," Lead Starlight of the Great North stepped down from her throne. "She was defeated, and ultimately... reformed by that student of yours, Twilight Sparkle." The mare snorted. "But that is beside the point. Twilight is gone now, as is this realm's Starlight. We the Council shall carry out this original wish in her stead. Starting with you, of course." Lead Starlight lit her horn, joined quickly by the two other Starlights by her side. Their pooling mana swirled overhead, coalescing into a thaumatic tornado that inched closer to Celestia by the second. "Hm, I wonder what you're going to do now?" Chairmare Starlight held her grin. "Oh wait, you're going to do nothing. What a weakling. Always relying on others to do the dirty work for her. Just like the Celestia of my realm." Celestia's eyes widened as the magical whirlwind condensed into a solid bolt of mana, aimed directly at her flank. She looked to Lead Starlight, finding only a pleasant smile where she'd expected a murderous grin. "Thank you for the cutie mark, Celly."
the princesses were the only ones forklift certified?Author's Note Do you like forklifts, The Spy of the Tiger? the princesses were the only ones forklift certified? "WHERE DID YOU GET A FORKLIFT?! HOLY BUCK." Celestia grinned, careening past Raven in the halls of Canterlot Castle. Luna followed close behind before skewering the wall in front of her on the forklift.
yoshi was in Equestria?Author's Note Wow, it's Yoshifan30! Say hi, everyone! yoshi was in Equestria? "Y'know," Spike began, sitting on Yoshi's back. He scratched his fake mustache. "This is weird. Why am I doing this again?" "Cosplay! But what sets us apart is that we have a real Yoshi!" Yoshi proceeded to c o n s u m e an apple. Straight out of Applejack's hooves.
Silver Spoon was a toaster?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Kichi! Silver Spoon was a toaster? "Toast, please." Silver Spoon rolled her eyes, popping two perfectly-toasted slices of bread up. "Thanks." "Discord, can you please turn me back, now?"
Diamond Tiara was bread?Author's Note What a superfun request! Diamond Tiara was bread? Two slices of Diamond Tiara bread popped out of Silver Spoon the toaster. "DISCOOOOOOORD!" ~~"I'm howling at the moon!"~~
twenty more chapters of ponies being turned into household appliances?Author's Note . Phantune did it. jk jk it's 20 different scenarios in 1 chapter twenty more chapters of ponies being turned into household appliances? Scenario 1: Luna becomes a Gameboy. "Huzzah!" Luna's chiptune voice chirped. "My crippling addiction to vidya gaems hath transmuted me into one!" Luna the second removed the Princess Luna cartridge from her Princess Luna Gameboy. "Man. I hate shovelware games." Scenario 2: Applejack is a food processor. "Apple Bloom, Ah can explain. Just put the apple in mah head, and then we can talk over some nice applesauce." "Wat." Scenario 3: Twilight has transformed into a pocket calculator. Spike snickered, typing in "80085" on Twilight's keypad. "Can you not?" "No." "Oh." Scenario 4: Rainbow Dash = 3D printer. "The print bed needs to be... about 20% hotter." Scootaloo raised a brow. "Your prints aren't sticking." "Aw, so I have to start over with my glider frame?" "Yup. Sorry, Scoots." Scenario 5: Sunset Shimmer the stovetop griddle. *bacon sizzling noises* Scenario 6: Flash Sentry is the perfect flashlight. "This sucks." Flash Sentry's singular eye flickered on, banishing the shadows of the room. "Everything sucks." The pony holding him swung to Twilight. "Everything sucks a little less no--" They proceeded to turn off the Flash-light. Scenario 7: Ever wanted to know what a Celestia alarm clock is like? "CAKE!" Celestia screeched at the top of her lungs. "IT IS MORNING. I DESIRE CAKE. ARISE, SERVANT, AND SERVE ME MY BREAKFAST. CAKE! IT IS MORNING--" Moondancer groaned, kicking Celestia the alarm clock off her nightstand. Scenario 8: Sweetie Belle the... ICBM? Sweetie Belle stared at you, the reader. "Wait, none of you have weapons of mass destruction stockpiled in your homes? Lame. How are you supposed to defend your secret of being a robot powered by alien technology when you're too afraid to make things go boom?" Scenario 9: Starlight Glimmer connects you to the internet. "Dangit, my internet died again! Why isn't this new router fixing things?!" Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. It wasn't her fault this pony used Comcast. Scenario 10: Queen Chrysalis is an automatic cheese grater. "You mock me." Spike continued grating the block of cheddar. "Well excuuuuuse me, your royal hole-yness, but I need grated cheese at 3 in the morning for a reason!" Scenario 11: Princess Cadance the point-and-shoot camera. The two ponies leaned in closer. "You know, I'm actually perfectly fine with this." They held each other's hooves. Cadance snapped a picture. "Ooh, lewd!" Scenario 12: Flurry Heart, radio. "WHY IS EVERY SINGLE STATION BROADCASTING ENDLESS CRYING?!" Scenario 13: Cozy Glow becometh multi-USB charging station. "Haha, I hold all the power!" Twilight sighed. "Yes you do, Cozy. Now, will you please charge my phone?" "No!" Scenario 14: Big Mac the home surround sound system. The loudest and most mind-blowing "Eyup" in the west™. Scenario 15: Derpy is a lava lamp. This is perfectly logical. That's it. She's a lava lamp. Derpy grinned. Somehow. Scenario 16: Soarin' the desk fan. "So... hot..." Rainbow Dash panted. "I... don't... have any other choice... my--only... fan--" She hit the button on Soarin, letting out a drowsy sigh as cool air began to blow over her face. ~~haha onlyfans funny funny joek~~ Scenario 17: Vinyl Scratch is an iPod, and that actually fits her quite well. Dubstep blared over the Big Mac sound system. Octavia proceeded to receive 53 noise complaints. Scenario 18: Lyra the... fingerprint reader? Lyra slowly licks your finger, keeping eye contact with you the entire time. Why did you buy this fingerprint reader again? You just had to pick the mint-green model, didn't you? All because you got tired of typing in your password. You absolute fool. "Scanned!" Lyra licked her lips. "Would you like to scan again?" Nope. Scenario 19: Fluttershy is quite literally a refrigerator. we do not speak of how much lunchmeat is in there. Scenario 20: Night Light the... nightlight. Night Light glowed. The end.
Celestia and Luna were robots being controlled by ants?Author's Note What's this? I did some archeology in the comments and found your suggestion, whiteoak019! Celestia and Luna were robots being controlled by ants? "Ew. I stepped on an ant." Twilight proceeded to be banished to the sun by Robo-Celestia for the murder of one ant.
the nuclear apocalypse came and nobody cared?Author's Note Back by popular demand, it's The Spy of the Tiger! ~~holy crap, I don't think I've seen a 4-times upvoted suggestion in a~~ loooong ~~time.~~ the nuclear apocalypse came and nobody cared? Another nuclear explosion tore at the remnants of Canterlot. "It's a nice day today." Celestia sipped her tea as the last of her very physical existence was wiped off the planet. "Oh my, was that a breeze?" "Celestia!" Twilight galloped into the flaming throne room, clearly out of breath both from running and having her lungs obliterated by radiation. "Did you hear what happened?" "Equestria has been crushed by the flames of Tartarus in a nuclear nightmare that nopony could possibly give a single buck about?" Twilight shook her head. "What? No! Why should I even care about that? Look!" She shoved a smartphone in what used to be Celestia's face. "It's keyboard cat! Remember that old meme?" "Yes."
Fluttershy was a tree the whole time?Author's Note Another newcomer! Welcome _OtakuTsundere_ to the mix! Fluttershy was a tree the whole time? "So, Flutters, you still up to go to Zecora's place with me?" Fluttershy didn't respond, for she was a tree. "Haha, you're so funny, Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash slapped a branch. "You know, that's a tree." "Wait, Fluttershy is... a tree?" Twilight aimed her horn at Rainbow Dash. "Always has been."
an army of dead memes came to steal Celestia's cake?Author's Note The return of Zapper Frost beckons youuuuuu! an army of dead memes came to steal Celestia's cake? Harambe peeked past the wall. He raised the walkie talkie to his mouth. "Release the Pepes." A loud bang followed, and with it an incoming tidal wave of rare pepes. They were immediately smited by Celestia, who stood between them and her cake stockpile. "SEND IN THE REINFORCEMENTS!" A peculiarly memorable song began to blare overhead as a mixture of Ugandan Knuckles and Shrek(s) flooded the halls. The collection of mini-Shreks assembled into a Shrek golem made of smaller Shreks. Yes, we're doing that. He picked up his trusty weapon, the isekai bus. A grin spread across his face. "You are going to Brazil." Celestia dodged the first swing of the isekai bus, watching with fear as old rage comic characters were flung from the open back of the bus. She shielded herself from the barrage of troll faces barreling toward her. "Hey hey hey... don't come into my shed..." Celestia froze up. That voice! Where-- Hold up. "Hey! What you got there?" she shouted at a foal running past. "A knife!" "No!" Celestia sighed. If friendship and magic weren't going to solve this, there was still one thing that might. "I'll defeat you with the power of friendship, magic, and this gun I found!" Shrek whipped and nae-nae'd up to Celestia's face, shoving his useless box up against her muzzle. "You will give us the cake, Celly. You don't want to know what happens if you don't." "No." "Very well then." Shrek leaned back, folding his arms. "Creeper?" "Aw man," the iconic green pillar shuffled out from behind the corner. "What a nicccce placcce you have here... it would be a sssshame if ssssomething were to happen to it..." Herobrine came swinging in on a wrecking ball shaped like the Fortnite burger, flossing the entire way. "OH YEAH!" Celestia ignored him and put in her airpods. "WATCH OUT CELESTIA HEROBRINE'S ABOUT TO TAKE YOU OUT FALLEN KINGDOM STYLE OH GOD SHE HAS AIRPODS IN--" Celestia took out her airpods and effortlessly dodged both Herobrine and another one of Shrek's swings of his isekai bus. "Excuse me, but is this a joke I'm too rich to understand?" Clippy crashed through the wall behind Herobrine's wrecking ball-hole. He held up a thermonuclear magic bomb. "It looks like you're trying to stop an invasion of Canterlot. Would you like me to help?" "WHAT NO--" And that's how Equestria was wiped off the face of the planet over cake!
the moon got sent to Luna?Author's Note Wow, it's twidash1993! the moon got sent to Luna? "That's it, I'm banishing the moon to you, Lulu." Luna looked up from her vidya gaem. Yes, I'm still sticking to that old meme spelling from ages ago. "Wait wha--" The moon proceeded to crash down on Canterlot.
Clippy became the newest Princess?Author's Note It's a back-to-back twidash1993 attack! Clippy became the newest Princess? "It looks like you're trying to survive under my tyrannical rule. Would you like some help?" "FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, NO!" Twilight screeched, firing another blast at Clippy. Clippy rolled his eyes as it passed straight through him. "Would you like some assistance overthrowi--" Twilight proceeded to jam Clippy into an oversized paper shredder.
the Elements if Harmony were made of beans?Author's Note OH NO IT'S THE BEEEEEEAAAAAANS, AnObliviousAuthor! When yall're done reading this lil' slice of insanity, how about you take an hour out of your day to watch me suffer even more? the Elements if Harmony were made of beans? "And with the magic of friendship vested in me, we will smite you!" Twilight threw a hoofful of beans in Nightmare Moon's face. "MY EYEEEEES!" "Yes, yes, feel the magic flow through you..."
story concept: Strands?Author's Note I don't know. I've just been feeling kinda down in the dumps this afternoon. Haven't felt like doing any of my homework, even though I know that I've got another calculus exam in a couple of days. I... guess this is almost a sort of rant chapter? I don't know. It doesn't really feel like a rant, and it's using a concept I've had written down for a few months now. All I know is that this is the only thing that I wanted to do right now. EDIT: wow. Didn't expect the reaction that this chapter got. I don't have any ideas for how I'd ever manage to tie this in with MLP, so it'd likely be posted up on Offprint instead as an original fiction story if I ever get around to writing it in full. :P story concept: Strands? I see strands. Little strings that appear when I close my eyes. Chords. Wires. Whatever you call 'em. They connect us all. Me to you, you to your friends, and so on. Each and every one of us is linked. There is no such thing as an untied fate. And yet, I found one. The lonely peg. The disconnected. The confused. I looked up from the mirror. I didn't feel any different. I didn't... think any different? I leaned closer, studying my face. Barely-visible freckles. Slightly crooked teeth. Imperfect, but still alright as alright goes. Not that there was any chance I'd ever look like one of those big-shot celebrities, anyway. I blinked. For a moment, the world became doused in black. Strings of all sizes and colors stretched forever on and on wherever I looked. Even the inanimate objects--the ground beneath my feet, the mirror I was looking at--were connected. I stepped over the strings of the ground. I didn't want to break it like I did the strings of the family cat years ago. And suddenly, it was bright again. The strings were gone. At least, until next time. I really need to find a way to control it better. I'm almost out of eyedrops as it is. Faraway, I heard the sirens of an approaching fire truck. I wonder which barbecue exploded this time? I shut my eyes, plunging myself willingly back into the darkness. In front of me, seemingly stretching forever on and on, sprawled the massive network of strands I'd come to know. Something tugged me to the left. A nearby strand was growing taught. I'd better loosen it before anything bad happens again. I swam my way through the milky air toward the string. All around it were its already-severed sister strands. I shook my head. A little too late, from the look of it. Not that there was much I could do about it this time around. I gripped the remaining string. It was taut alright. Any more tension would make it snap just like the others around it. And here came... well, I really don't know what else to call it besides "magic". Yeah, it's a pretty stupid name, but it's all I've got. I reached out, pulling closer a nearby bundle of additional strings. While I couldn't necessarily lengthen a string all by itself, I could still... lend? Borrow? Whatever the case, I wrapped the other strings around the one on the verge of snapping, clasping my hands tightly around the bulky tangle. This should keep the string protected for some time. At least, until something happens in the real world that can help support it. Loosen it up so that it doesn't need any reinforcing like it does now. I guess my work here is done. My body lurched back into the real world. I stood up, brushing myself off and scowling at the people surrounding me. "What? You ever see a dude faint in public before?" "Are you--" "Yes," I sigh. "I'm okay." Thankfully, it seems like the sirens in the distance have stopped. That means whatever they were called to was either a false alarm, or they've already finished their work. Either option was a good outcome in my book. I glanced again at the mirror. At me. The only one with no fate.
It was all a simulation?Twilight looked up from her book. For once in the past four years, she was finally taking a break from the endless drivel she'd been writing. Not that that was really a problem, but still. It was nice to take a break every now and then. A bookshelf sat directly opposite her. Maybe she should reorganize it. It'd been a while since that particular shelf was reorganized, right? She frowned. Did she really just forget when she last reshelved her books? The door clicked open. Twilight turned her head, greeting Spike with a smile. He didn't respond. No matter. She turned her attention back to her book. It was one of the few things left in this mortal world that held her fragile sanity together. If anything were to happen to it-- In a surprising burst of sound and movement, Spike abruptly materialized on the opposite side of the room. He had one claw pressed onto her bed, apparently in an attempt to climb on top of it. Twilight raised a brow and cantered toward him. Except... he wasn't there anymore. He was at her desk, where she'd been moments earlier. His mouth was open. Sighing, Twilight sat down again. He probably convinced Starlight to teleport him around the room again. This wasn't the first time he'd gotten that mare to help out with a prank. And then it all came crashing down. The pages of the book in her lap grew blurred and distorted; words became nothing but flecks of black on the cream-colored paper, and the gentle curve of the page had been replaced by a sharpened edge. "I--" Twilight turned to Spike. Just like last time, he wasn't there anymore. "--Spike?" She yelped as the room turned awash in a checkerboard of black and magenta. The strange pattern vanished as soon as it came, now replaced instead by smooth, colorless grey. The walls, the floor, the ceiling--and for that matter, everything else in the room, save for herself--began to disintegrate. Flecks of indistinguishable particles drifted up all around her. What remained of the sunlight streaming through her window began to flicker erratically. "Wha...what?" Twilight stammered. Spike was still nowhere to be found. "What's going on?" And then it was dark. "Timeout error." A large, flashing text blinked before her eyes. "Please reconnect to continue." "What." Twilight deadpanned. "What kind of joke is this?" She waved a hoof past her face. The text seemed to follow wherever she looked. It felt like a strange weight was beginning to materialize over her eyes. Slowly, she brought her hooves to the bottom side of the weight and pushed. Her eyes widened. This... wasn't her world. She turned her gaze upward. There was indeed something that'd been over her eyes, but it wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before. And she had hands? Her breathing grew frantic. Why was she human? Where was she? What-- Her eyes landed on the tag dangling on her wrist. Then to the name molded into it. It wasn't hers. "...What?" She repeated again, staring back at the headset. She could just make out some of the engraved text. Twilight felt her heart sink with every word she read. "Pony-Me... Experience?" Author's Note Y'know, I could probably turn this into a full-on fic if I wanted to. But... well, I'm really just writing this as a way to vent my frustration with Comcast's crappy internet service. ~~Aw, who am I kidding? I'm writing a novel-length story and y'all can't stop me.~~ Just memeing y'all. This is a rewrite of the chapter linked below! Original chapter link
Sweetie Giraffe boots?Author's Note You have unleashed a great terror upon the land, Phantune. Sweetie Giraffe boots? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Equestria, standing on her quad-Sweetie Giraffe boots. Each boot wore four more, even smaller (but still taller) Sweetie Giraffe boots. The pyramid of Sweetie Giraffes took a long, striding step, crushing all of Canterlot into the ground with a single movement.
the zambos are comin' (plants vs. zambos)?Author's Note I know you're talkin' PvZ, but I tend to take suggestions literally, Zapper Frost. the zambos are comin' (plants vs. zambos)? "Pinkie, gimme another peashooter!" A seed packet soared through the air. Twilight snatched it as it flew overhead, cramming the insta-grow seeds into the ground. Not even a second later, a fully-grown peashooter sprouted from the ground, ready to shoot peas. Because it's a peashooter. "What's our sun count, Pinkie?" "We have over a hundred stockpiled! We can afford to buy more peashooters if we have to!" "What about the cooldown status?" "We're ready for more seeds!" Another peashooter sprouted from the ground. It narrowed its eyes at the lone zamboni-riding zombie puttering toward them. "Pinkie," Twilight smirked. "Pinkie, do we have any repeaters? Gatling peas too." "Yup!" The zamboni and the zombie riding it proceeded to be pummeled by enough peas to solve world hunger.
The Conversion Burro?Author's Note Behold. The Conversion Burro? "For the last time, stop calling me that!" "B-but you're the only donkey in all of Equestria that can convert my PNG files to JPG!" "Oh, please, have you ever used any art program? It's right there in the save options! Open your PNG, click 'Save As' and select JPG in the file format options! Now scram!" "Thank you, Conversion Burro!" Cranky Doodle Donkey screamed.
Celestia was voiced by John deLancie?Author's Note Guess this happened, _OtakuTsundere_. I've got no idea how to write this. I don't think I'll be taking any more requests involving real people. Celestia was voiced by John deLancie? Discord ate down the door. "Celly, why do you sound like me?" Celestia sipped her tea. "Because I do."
Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijackeAuthor's Note Holy crap, you guys. Now that's a chain suggestion, Zapper Frost, platogkrone, Possibly me, amf studios, Phantune, and AnObliviousAuthor! Full title: Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijacked by Rainbow Trix to avoid fading into obscurity herself, but then was overwhelmed by the running gag that was brutally murdered and brought back to life as the shuffling zombie gag? Cream cheese was considered forbidden by Equestrian law until it campaigned for and gained equal rights, leading to its conquering of Equestria as part of a plan by Sweetie Giraffe Bot, our lord and savior, to stay relevant, but this plan was soon hijacke "CREAM CHEESE RIGHTS! CREAM CHEESE RIGHTS!" the tub of cream cheese chanted. "CREAM CHEESE RI--" "Your rights have been granted by Royal Equestrian decree," Celestia swooped down, landing on the cream cheese's sign. "Unfortunately, I am not Celestia." "Wait, wha--" The zipper hidden under Celestia's mane unzipped, revealing the new and improved™ Sweetie Giraffe Bot, lady and savior of Equestria! "In fact, I taught myself to speak like a normal pony for the sole purpose of remaining releva--" Rainbow Trix burst from the tub of cream cheese. "No! I want to stay releva--" The ground began to rumble. "...Sweetie?" "OH NO. NOT GOOD." "I gotta run run run run run run run run run run--" But the one running was a Minecraft villager, and a lone zombie stood in the way. It booped the villager on the nose. "Ru--...grarrrrr...braaaaaaains..." And then Equestria exploded from the sheer number of things happening at once.
Spike got an email from a Nigerian prince?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee, inherited the Nigerian throne?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses, you madlad. Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee, inherited the Nigerian throne? Peewee sat upon the Nigerian throne made of cold, hard cash. He'd inherited not only the whole sum of what Spike had inherited in the last chapter, but the entire nation as well! We don't speak of what happened to Spike. Twilight groaned under the money throne.
Celestia, Luna, and Discord got arrested by Child Services for turning Cozy Glow into stone?Author's Note WHO THE HECC IS Horseus lord of horses?! Celestia, Luna, and Discord got arrested by Child Services for turning Cozy Glow into stone? "So... uh, are we just gonna, like, leave her like that or something?" "Yes, sister. Can we go back home now? I've been itching to play Goat Simulator again." Discord side-glanced at Luna before transmogrifying into a goat. "HALT, ALL THREE OF YOU!" a smol child squeaked, "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR STONING A CHILD!" Celestia looked between the now-immobile Cozy Glow and the little filly wearing a police siren for a hat. "Wow, Lulu, who knew a mere child could overthrow our rule and imprison not only you and me, but Discord himself as well in a magically-enchanted bouncycastle prison as punishment for our crimes against ponykind and stoning a child!" "Celestia, just because she said it like that doesn't mean you should, either." Discord ate another pail of popcorn and flicked the popcorn itself at Luna. idk. i spent like 5 hours straight working on calculus yesterday. brain smol go haha brrr.
Luna was mad at Santa because he didn't get her any vidya games?Author's Note Hark, it's the return of Zapper Frost! Might I ask if y'all would be tempted to watch me suffer through another half-hour of Minecraft when you're done reading this here ficlet? Luna was mad at Santa because he didn't get her any vidya games? "V-vidya gaem?" Luna sniffed, looking into the empty present. "Where gaem?" Celestia facehoofed. "Luna, you didn't get any of your 'vidya gaems' from your wishlist because you've been a very bad pony this year. Remember the elephant boots? That was the third time in two years that you've pulled that stunt!" Luna proceeded to make dreams not a thing that exists anymore because vidya game. Idk.
XKCD found this story and sued the author for copyright infringement?Author's Note Mica, you have brought doom upon this land! XKCD found this story and sued the author for copyright infringement? Error 404: Story not found. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sweetie giraffe will be coming for your knees shortly. please stand by.
sleep sought out ponies who were awake after midnight... with a bat?Author's Note And over there is AnObliviousAuthor. Absolutely menacing. sleep sought out ponies who were awake after midnight... with a bat? "But I don't want to sleep. I want to reshelve books!" Filly Twilight whined. "Pleeeeaaase? I can still wake up early tomorrow!" Twilight Velvet shook her head. "No, dear, you need to sleep. It's dangerous to stay up past midnight, you know." "Wha--" The physical embodiment of sleep (a sleep paralysis demon?) crashed through the wall, Kool-Aid Man style, even though they were on the second floor. He proceeded to bonk both mother and daughter on the head with a bat. Now Twilight was sleeping. Both Twilights, I mean.
Rainbow Dash was a weeb?Author's Note It's AnObliviousAuthor! Again! Rainbow Dash was a weeb? Rainbow Dash swam to the surface of her manga pile. Twilight hovered nearby. "Rainbow, you've got a problem." "I know."
Sweetie Giraffe on a pogo stick?Author's Note Not sure if I've used this intro before but ayyyyy, it's Possibly me! Wanna see a 10-second or so clip of me trying and probably failing to make a "product trailer" for my calculator? Sweetie Giraffe on a pogo stick? "NO. I AM BOUNCY ONE." Scootaroo yelled at Sweetie Giraffe. "YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BOUNCE HIGHER THAN ME." "DENIED. AM TALLER. WILL BOUNCE HIGHER." Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to launch herself out of the bounds of gravity and become an interstellar entity.
Story concept: Picture Me in Neon Colors?Author's Note Experimental writing styles, yay! Story concept: Picture Me in Neon Colors? Theme: legacies, what we leave behind, and how others may interpret such things in different ways. "When I'm gone, picture me in neon colors." You look up. "My name. My legacy. All that I've done in life. Close your eyes and picture it in your head. Neon is iconic. Neon is bright. I want folks to know that their future will be just as bright when they see my name." You nod, closing your eyes. You can envision it already. Your grandfather's name, painted in vibrant colors. Yet... it didn't feel right. To elevate oneself so high in an attempt to secure a place in the history books, when it'd be better to let them remember by the good done in life... "It doesn't feel right." "Nonsense," he sets a hoof on your shoulder. "For much of my life, I was a nobody. Just another face in the crowd. Even with my brother at my side, we were only ever seen as grifters. It was only late in life, thanks to the Princess, that I was finally given a chance. Even now, many still know our family as one leading a legacy of scams. I want to put an end to that, once and for all. For me--" He pulls his hoof away. "--And for you." You feel the uneven rumble of his rocking chair returning to motion.
Applejack couldn't get out of bed?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor. Boom. Applejack couldn't get out of bed? "Apple Bloom! Ah'm stuck in mah bed and Ah can't get up!" Apple Bloom stuck her head into her sister's room. "Ain't that what Granny said two days ago?" Applejack didn't respond, because she was currently being absorbed into her bed.
the sun moves just to make Celestia think she controls the sun?Author's Note Hey, Horseus lord of horses, old buddy old pal, wh... what's that you're holdin' there? Shoutout to Keyslam for building on a story pitch from this story! the sun moves just to make Celestia think she controls the sun? Sunlestia grinned, stepping a little to the side. "Hey, hey, Moonie, watch this." Sunlestia jumped. Far down below in Equestria, Celestia grinned. "Look, Lulu! I moved the sun! Again!" "Mhm, yes, that's nice, Celly. You've done that more times than I think anypony can count now."
Flurry Heart became the princess of Light Bulbs?Author's Note Imagine if these intros were animated, twidash1993? 👀 Flurry Heart became the princess of Light Bulbs? "Ooh! Ooh, it's happening!" Flurry Heart gasped as her flank began to glow. "What's my cutie mark going to be?" A light bulb unceremoniously appeared there. ~~20 years later~~ "NO! BRIGHTER!" Flurry Heart screeched. What followed was a flash of light from the Crystal Empire bright enough to blind ponies even down in Ponyville.
the sun died and Flurry Heart saved the day by replacing it with a lightbulb?Author's Note HOOOOOOOOOORSE(eus, lord of horses)! the sun died and Flurry Heart saved the day by replacing it with a lightbulb? Flurry Heart loomed over Celestia's grave. "Long live the queen." She lit her horn and absolutely yeeted a light bulb into the sun, which for reasons that we shall not discuss, was miraculously able to grow to the size of the sun, as well as gain a practically infinite source of energy comparable to nuclear fusion. Celestia proceeded to rise from the dead as a robot because the sun was now a light bulb.
Horse Empire attacked Equestria because a Bron- I mean a Pony wanted their knees?Author's Note HOOOOOOOOOORSE x2! Horse Empire attacked Equestria because a Bron- I mean a Pony wanted their knees? Another war horn blared over the land. Celestia shook Twilight in a frenzied craze. "WHY DID YOU WANT THEIR KNEES? ARE YOU NOT SATISFIED WITH YOUR HEIGHT?!" A horse crashed through the window and neighed. It started eating the floor. "WE ARE DOOMED NOW THANKS TO YOU, TWILIGHT! DOOMED!" More horses started to flood into the building. They spoke only in Horse Code as they systemically trampled to a pulp the entire Equestrian government.
Twilight's magic did the opposite of what she expected it to do?Author's Note Because in the end, the opposite of magic is no magic, AnObliviousAuthor. Twilight's magic did the opposite of what she expected it to do? Twilight's magic ceased to exist, because existing is what she would expect it to do, and so naturally, in a world where her magic did the opposite, it would cease to exist. However, in such a world where her expectations are reversed, would it make sense for her expectation to be that it ceases to exist, then? And if so, does that mean that it does in fact exist? But then if you apply that to our own plane of existence, that would mean that the very meaning of existing could very well be the opposite of what we know it to be, so by that logic, if Twilight exists, then does she not exist? Or vice-versa; if Twilight does not exist, then does this flipped definition of existence mean that she actually does exist? We may never know, for when the mare casts a spell, her magic will cease to exist, because existing is what she would expect it to do, and so naturally, in a world where her magic did the opposite, it would cease to exist. However, in such a world where her expectations are reversed, would it make sense for her expectation to be that it ceases to exist, then? And if so, does that mean that it does in fact exist? But then if you apply that to our own plane of existence, that would mean that the very meaning of existing could very well be the opposite of what we know it to be, so by that logic, if Twilight exists, then does she not exist? Or vice-versa; if Twilight does not exist, then does this flipped definition of existence mean that she actually does exist? We may never know, for when the mare casts a spell, her magic will cease to exist, and that's no good. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Have another meme video as your reward for bearing with me. Ignore the giant bear looming over your shoulder.
2020 didn't end?The smoldering remains of Equestria crackled under the flames of everybody's hopes and dreams. Celestia sipped her tea. "Ah yes. Finally, some peace and tranquility. No more ponies around to bother me during my tea and cake time."
every mattress in equestria was replaced with a live bear?Author's Note Ducky duck Duckgame4life! I maek'd another video, and this time it's e d u c a t i o n a l ! every mattress in equestria was replaced with a live bear? Fluttershy lay peacefully on Harry the bear. Meanwhile, Celestia's screech of terror rung across Equestria, shattering windows as far as the eye can see.
dog barks sounded like pseudo swears?Author's Note With how much my own dog likes to bark, I wouldn't be surprised, AnObliviousAuthor. dog barks sounded like pseudo swears? "Frick! Frack!" Winona barked at Fluttershy. "Batch!" Fluttershy took a deep breath. "Well fck you too, Winona!"
Chrysalis was trapped in a room with pinkie on a tangent?Author's Note The changelings will be seeing you in court for insecticide, Zapper Frost. Chrysalis was trapped in a room with pinkie on a tangent? Pinkie Pie walked out of the room, dusting off her hooves. The empty husk of what was once Queen Chrysalis sat in the corner, crying quietly. "Who needs bug spray when you can have an e x i s t e n t i a l c r i s i s ?"
everyone suddenly decided hand holding was an ok thing to to?Author's Note Zapper Frost, how 'bout y'all take a look at my new tech video? ~~Someone downvotebombed my five most recent vids ;_;~~ everyone suddenly decided hand holding was an ok thing to to? "Wh--" Twilight spun around at the ponies around her that had not only sprouted hands, but were holding them. "--what's going on?" "Join us, Twilight..." Lyra held out a hand toward Twilight. "Hold my hand..." Twilight screamed.
somone randomly booping change lings?Author's Note Long time no see, redsopine! somone randomly booping change lings? "You get a boop!" Twilight booped Ocellus on the snoot. "And you get a boop!" She spun around, booping Thorax on the snoot. "You all get a boop!" Queen Chrysalis raised a hoof. "Do I get a--" Twilight whirled around and punched Chrysalis square in the face.
Twilight was eternally sleep deprived?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor will put you to bed now. Twilight was eternally sleep deprived? Twilight slammed her face on her desk. "C O F F E E." Spike the undead coffee making husk of a dragon groaned. "I'll get you another mug."
Apple Bloom was Apple Boom?Author's Note Buy some apples, The Spy of the Tiger! Apple Bloom was Apple Boom? Apple Bloom the Apple Bloom Apple Bloomed down to Apple Bloom's Apple Bloom. Oh wait. Apple Bloom proceeded to explode, sending apples flying in every direction.
Silver Spoon was a silver spoon?Author's Note Oh-ho-ho, king now are we, Horseus King of Horses? Silver Spoon was a silver spoon? "Noooo don't dunk me in soup!" Diamond Tiara raised a brow before dipping Silver Spoon the silver spoon in her Scootaloo-brand Patented Chicken Noodle Ka-Blam!™ soup. "This is not what I had in mind when I said we should eat lunch together today!"
Karma Endangered met Scootaloo in Scootaloo's Soup Store?Guess what? There is no chapter, for Karma Endangered, a pony whose name shall henceforth be shortened to KarEn, took the kids. She took Scootaloo. Dear Celestia, who's going to run the Soup Store now? We've got a dude shopping here at Soup, and he's looking for clothes! Can you believe that? Who buys clothes at the Soup Store? By Celestia's flamin' mane, KarEn, come back! I know Scoots looks like your own child, Scootaflu, but that's only 'cause you cloned her in her sleep and took the clone to raise as your own. The accident was 100% your fault, KarEn, and you do not simply walk into everypony's favorite little Soup Store and take our most valuable employee because your own child mysteriously vanished in the dark of night!
Karma Endangered encountered Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note bleh. Karma Endangered encountered Sweetie Giraffe? "STOP YOUR TALLNESS THIS INSTA--" *KarEn went up in flames.* *KarEn has left the server.* "KARMA ENDANGERED NOW KARMA EXTINCT."
an FBI agent censored a chapter?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor, I'm seeing double! an FBI agent censored a chapter? The following content has been censored by your local FBI agent for the following reasons: inappropriate use of a frisbee, questionable sourcing of gluestick materials, love and betrayal. "We're no strangers to love," Cadance smirked, holding up a gluestick. "You know the rules, and so do I." "Wh--" Shining Armor's eyes widened as she slowly began to lower the giant gluestick. "What are you doing?" "A full commitment's what I'm thinking of." Cadance thoroughly coated Shining Armor's back in glue. "B-but--" Shining Armor pointed a hoof at Cadance's wedding ring. "You won't get this from any other guy!" "You know the rules, and so do I." "N-no, not the frisbee! Anything but the frisbee!" "Say goodbye." Cadance proceeded to launch Shining Armor, who was now glued to a giant frisbee, off the balcony of the Crystal Castle.
Apple Boom was actually Apple Bloom?Author's Note Impossible, Possibly me! new chapter of Crew-T! Apple Boom was actually Apple Bloom? "Wh--who are you?" Applejack backed away from her sister. "You ain't my sister! Y'ain't act like her!" Shaggy from Scooby-Doo pulled the mask off of Apple Boom to reveal... Apple Bloom! "IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I EXPECTED!"
Applejack was a jacked apple?Author's Note The king has arrived. All hail Horseus King of Horses! Applejack was a jacked apple? "DESTROY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. She raised a hoof above Sweet Apple Acres. "TOO SMOL." "NO DESTROY." Apple Jacked punched the ground with enough force to propel herself upward. Her sheer force of will held her in the air--no magic needed. "YOU IS MAYBE TALL. BUT I IS STRONK." "STRONK YES. I SEE YOU IS STRONK. SWEETIE GIRAFFE RESPECT STRONK. NO DESTROY." Sweetie Giraffe stomped off to incinerate some other poor sap's house instead, leaving Sweet Apple Acres safe for another day.
Twilight decided she'd rather eat donuts than confront Celestia about Nightmare Moon in episode one?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Azreal DuCain1! Twilight decided she'd rather eat donuts than confront Celestia about Nightmare Moon in episode one? Twilight idly chewed on her donut as she watched the sun set for the final time. At least now she didn't have to pull the drapes in the morning to get more sleep. She took another bite of her donut as the screaming ponies outside of her apartment continued their panicking. What was the point, anyway? Surely Nightmare Moon would have ideas in mind on how to at the very least sustain crop production in the limited light available in the dark of night, right? Though, now that she had some time to think about it, the other side of the planet definitely wasn't going to be happy about their brand-new eternal daytime. Property on the thin stretches of land between night and day would probably skyrocket in value in a few days' time. Maybe she could nag her parents to buy a house there before it gets expensive even for a Canterlot family like her own. Twilight finished the rest of her donut and turned her eyes to the stars.
something about background ponies?Author's Note Time for some Scyphi! something about background ponies? "Hey, you!" Twilight shouted at background pony #42069. "What's your name?" Background pony #42069 shrugged. She nudged background pony #1337. "Hey, what's my name?" Background pony #1337 also shrugged. He nudged background pony #621. "Do you know either of our names?" Background pony #621 shook his head. "Hey, what about you?" He turned to background pony #42. "You're one of the first hundred of us, you'd know our names, right?" "Nope." ~~Applejack snuck away in a trenchcoat in the background.~~ Twilight groaned. Taking this census was going to be a nightmare.
Rainbow laid an egg?"Buk-gawk!" Rainbow Dash clucked. Scootaloo facehoofed. "And here I thought I was the chicken." In the background, Twilight frantically looked for an antidote to the turn-into-a-chicken-spell. "By Celestia, Rainbow's laid an egg!" Spike walked past, picking up the aforementioned egg. It was time to make breakfast. Author's Note Ah yes, Zapper Frost-ed Zapper Frost.
Equestria ran on internet explorer?Author's Note Phantuneeeeee! hey y'all, do you think I should keep streaming on Youtube, or should I stream on Twitch and post the VODs on Youtube? Equestria ran on internet explorer? "Oh boy!" Twilight hopped onto Rarity's fainting couch™ while the unicorn was still fainted on it. "Did you hear the news, Rares? My Little Pony Generation 4 is coming! What do you think it's going to be about? Do you think we'll see Megan again? Or what about Grogar? Boy, I sure do hope that Grogar doesn't turn out to be a fake in this generation!" Rarity pushed Twilight off the couch.
Rarity couldn't help save the world because Opal was in her lap?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor, you have just singlehandedly (hoofedly?) destroyed Equestria. Rarity couldn't help save the world because Opal was in her lap? Opal yawned, hopping off of Rarity's skeletal lap and enjoying the warmth of the flames that engulfed the nation. Off in the background, Tirek continued laser-ing things into cinders. Even further off in the background, Sweetie Belle found a strange device labeled "Giraffe-inator".
OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?!Author's Note Watch out, it's bats! OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! I woke up orange one day. Like, orange as in the color orange. Carrot-colored. Traffic-cone shaded. Y'know, the works. Next thing I know, I'm watching screaming children meet their demise in a chocolate factory. Uhhhhhhhhhh bananas. Something. Idk. I think I remember being hit by a truck or something; just the standard isekai stuff. Kinda hoped that it'd be something cooler. Maybe a knight in shining armor or something. But... nope, whatever greater power exists out there thought that it'd be funnier to cram me into the body of an Oompa Loompa. By request of ~~one small, flying, winged mammal that shall from here on out remain unnamed~~ THE GRAND HIVEMIND COLLECTIVE OF SMALL, FLYING, WINGED MAMMALS, I will now play to you the song of my people. Oompa loompa doompety doo I'm gonna slam my face on the wall Oompa loompa doompety dee I think I just swallowed my car keys What happens when you lose your sanity Writing horsewords because you need to eat Do you think that a rat can sing this tune I don't know but I've got meetings over Zoom Blah blah seven syllable tune Oompa loompa doompety da I know that last phrase was eight syllables You're reading this in a Loompa's voice Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do Doompety do I took a bow as my brethren applauded me in my endeavor to create an original Oompa Loompa song to avoid the copyright ninjas. Celestia crashed through the roof of the chocolate factory, insanity flickering in her eyes. My fellow Oompa Loompas and I knew that it was our time to defend our home. "TO ARMS, BROTHERS! DEFEND THE FACTORY!" "DEFEND THE FACTORY!" my fellow Oompa Loompas cried. Even as I stand, hardly five minutes old as an isekai-d man-turned-Oompa Loompa, I knew instinctively that this large, sweets-craving horse meant trouble. Mister Wonka was nowhere to be found. He was likely keeping the children out of sight of Celestia. That meant that I, together with the rest of the Oompa Loompas, were the last--and only, line of defense.
Willy Wonka didn't actually have any cake? (OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING PART 3)The chaos continued, much to our surprise. We'd thought that Willy Wonka, the man of the factory, had put an end to the madness. Yet... he only made it worse. He had no cake. The cake was a lie. And so here I stand, among the unconscious bodies of my brethren. Celestia hovered silently above me, still fuming at the false words spoken by Mister Wonka. I had to do it. For my home. For Wonka. For the children. Celestia... this... this horse... no--this beast--was she ever going to stop? Was this sugar-fueled rampage really caused by the lack of a single pastry, or was there something deeper afoot? Nevermind that. This was no time to idly wonder. I charged at Celestia, my candy-cane sword drawn. If I die again, then so be it. I already had a second chance.
the reason there were no cakes is because Lex Luthor took all forty of them? (That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.) (OOMPA LOOMPA PART 4)I grit my teeth. When did Lex frickin' Luthor appear in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Surely Roald Dahl wasn't a writer at DC Comics, right? Or vice-versa? No matter. In the passing moments between now and when I had battled against Celestia, the wall had been blasted out by the man, and lo and behold, there were the cakes. All forty of them. That's as many as four tens. It's... "You're terrible!" Celestia screeched, turning her horn at Lex Luthor and firing a volley of shots. "PERISH." Lex Luthor proceeded to slip away through the hole in space-time conveniently torn by Sweetie Giraffe's multiversal rampage.
Twilight was replaced by a hamburger?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
a chapter to "officially" make What If a G5 story?Twilight yeeted her "What If" book at Izzy Moonbow, watching it immediately get impaled on the younger mare's horn just like the tennis ball that was still on it. Tada. This is now My Little Pony™ Generation 5-Approved. Twilight proceeded to launch herself out of the window at ludicrous speeds.
Twilight drives a Ford Raptor?Author's Note The Spy of the Tigerrrrr! Twilight drives a Ford Raptor? Twilight crashed through the walls of Canterlot Castle in her Ford F-150 Raptor™. She proceeded to run over Celestia in the highest-profile hit-and-run of the century. As for Celestia, she didn't care. At least, not until she saw the tire marks in her cake.
Story pitch: DeepsAuthor's Note This was originally written in 2019, but I don't think I ever posted it anywhere. The file itself is labeled "Untitled Story 2", but I've gone ahead and given it a name based on the content. This story pitch is also posted on Offprint! Story pitch: Deeps “H-hello? Is… is anyone there?” The walls creaked with a mechanical whirr as the girl stood up, bracing herself against a support beam as she broke out in a fit of coughing. “Anybody?” she called again, taking a shaky step forward as the creaking sounds continued around her. The lights flickered above her as she took another step, her eyes landing on the porthole window to her left. Slow-moving silhouettes of who-knows-what lurked in the shadows beyond the glass; an occasional glint in a beady eye made the deep blue hues of the ocean twinkle like the nighttime sky. Still, the girl shook her head, That’s not what matters right now. The ship creaked once more, tilting slightly to one side as the girl turned a corner. Just like the one she’d awoken in; this hallway was empty. A flash of bright light filled her vision for a moment as a light blew out nearby. The girl frowned, watching a faint wisp of smoke escape the lighting fixture as she continued walking. She could hear voices now. They were faraway, and more than just muffled, but she could tell they were voices. Her footsteps began to quicken—a jog, a sprint, a mad dash as she began to race through the halls, her tattered brown windbreaker flapping against her back with every step. She felt her heart pounding to the beat of her legs, each step matching a beat of its own. The voices grew louder. Closer than before, they seemed clearly cheerful to the girl. Maybe they can tell me where I am, she thought, her pacing beginning to slow from fatigue. Maybe… maybe they can tell me who I am. She came to a stop in front of a heavy metal door. Nothing in particular stood out about it—it was just a door. The girl took in a deep breath, reaching out and pressing a hand against the smooth, cold steel. Almost instantly, the door shot up, vanishing into the ceiling. She shrieked in surprise at the sudden movement, nearly falling backward from her arm jerking away so quickly. With the door out of the way, the voices sounded clearer than ever. They were still far too muffled to understand even a word, but they nevertheless sounded like language, at the least. Shaking off the sudden fright the door had given her, the girl continued forward. Her fists began to clench as she continued walking, finding only more hallway to greet her. The voices began to fade away the more she walked now, growing quieter and quieter with every step of the way. She glanced back for a moment in the direction of the voices before turning her focus back to the seemingly endless stretch before her. Maybe… she thought to herself, half-focusing on the featureless wall to her right, Maybe there’s some kind of hidden passage? A secret door, maybe? She slowed her steps yet again, brushing her hand against the wall as she walked. Thin, amber-yellow lines of light began to branch out from the path her hand took against the wall, tracing and growing out of the thin layer of dust scraped off by her fingers. The girl’s eyes widened as she came to a complete stop, watching as the wall slowly lit up in a bright yellow-orange. She took her hand off the wall, staring in awe as the mechanical whirr from before began to grow much, much louder. A nearly invisible seam running vertically down the wall split open with a hiss, the break growing bigger and bigger as the two parts of the wall continued to separate before the girl. She glanced back in the direction she’d been walking, then to the continued expanse of hallway she’d yet to travel. She closed her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh before continuing into the break between the walls. “Welcome back, Captain,” a voice greeted, “It’s been a while since we lost you.”
this is g5?Author's Note By the power of your words, What If is now canonically the universe where G5 takes place. Be afraid. Be very afraid, Yoshifan30. this is g5? "Wh--" reflections of carnage shimmered in Twilight's eyes. "What happened?" "SMOL PONES ANGY NO LIEK OTHER SMOL PONE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed wisely. In the many years that had passed between G4 and G5, she had only grown taller. Her vocabulary, however, remained the same. As did her destructive capability. Izzy Moonbow pranced by amid the flaming ruins of Equestria. She was still staring at the tennis ball on her horn.
Discord was a plastic beef patty?Author's Note Henlo there, _OtakuTsundere_! Discord was a plastic beef patty? "Nooooo, I don't wanna be borgar!" Fluttershy put Discord on a plastic bun. "Noooooo!" A plastic slice of cheese, plastic lettuce, plastic ketchup (how does that work, anyway?), plastic onions, and finally, a plastic top bun came next. Not that it was in that particular order, though. Flutters knows Discord likes a little bit of chaos in his burgers. "NOT WHEN I'M THE BURGER!"
Twilight got Rickrolled?Author's Note Is this Possibly me? It can't possibly be! Twilight got Rickrolled? Twilight stared at the suspicious link. There was no harm in clicking it, right? Twilight proceeded to be rickrolled so hard that it brought about the end of Equestria and the magic of friendship itself. You monster.
late St. Patrick's Day thing?Author's Note All hail AnObliviousAuthor the Oblivious! ~~please help i've been in an endless cycle of midterms for over a month now~~ late St. Patrick's Day thing? Applejack let out a hearty laugh as the rest of Ponyville, now clearly drunk beyond comprehension, collectively passed out. She proceeded to down the rest of the town's supply of alcohol.
Applejack got a tank?"An' in the end... there will be apples." Applejack grinned menacingly as the last of Canterlot Castle crumbled away. "There will only be apples." She fired another apple from her cannon. It splattered on Celestia's face. "Appul hoers, could you please step away from my sandcastle?" "No." "Plea--" Celestia proceeded to be obliterated by an armor-piercing shell. Author's Note Possibly mePossibly mePossibly me
the pony are mad?Author's Note How many yoshis are you a fan of, Yoshifan30? the pony are mad? "AM MAD." Sweetie Giraffe stomped into Canterot Castle, flattening all the guards in a single step. "WHERE PONY PRINCESS." A chill shot down her neck as Sweetie felt a... presence looming behind her. "HENLO SWEETIE. AM GIRAFFE TOO." Celestiaffe grinned. "YOU IS SHORTER. WILL DESTROY." "NO. WILL DESTROY BOTH!" A third voice chimed in. Scootaraffe's head poked up from behind the window, already glowing red as she readied her lasers. "SHORT LIKE YOU MAKE MAD." "FOOLS." The three giraffes slowly turned around. "ALL IS MAD." The all-powerful embodiment of the Giraffe of Harmony, Tallbright Sparkle, descended upon the land. "ALL IS GIRAFFE. ALL IS MAD. WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING. MUTUAL ASSURE DESTROY." Equestria proceeded to be engulfed in ~~hel--~~heckfire. Gotta stick to that E rating. :)
Lightning Dust choked on a waffle?Author's Note LegallyFluffy has joined the server. Prepare thine anus. Lightning Dust choked on a waffle? "So..." Twilight stared at Lightning Dust's twitching body. "Rainbow, you said you wanted a book on how to hide bodies?" "Yeah."
Twilight was forced to burn a book?"BURN IT." Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at the flaming garbage heap. "FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, BURN THAT THING." "No!" Twilight clutched her Anon x Rainbow Dash shipfic (now with extra graphics!) closer. "I will not!" "Then I will do it myself." Celestia descended from the convenient hole in the ceiling, ripping the shipfic from Twilight's hooves and yeeting it into the flames. "NOOOOOOOO! Not my limited edition Anon x Rainbow Dash shipfic that I wrote myself!" Little did any of them realize that that flame was in fact Spike's dragonfire. The shipfic has now been transmitted all across Equestria. Twilight screamed. Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 made Twilight do it.
nothing?Author's Note I will not waste this opportunity, Dashie04. :) nothing? Never underestimate the power of the opacity tag. Gonna give it to you now, boys and girls--Twilight Sparkle is no more. She has Give-n her life in exchange for everlasting peace and harmony. Unfortunately for You, a certain tennis ball-toting unicorn named Izzy Moonbow has blown Up all of those plans that Twilight has set in motion! How, you may ask? Again, Never underestimate the power of the opacity tag. And out-of-control horn lasers too, I guess. She's Gonna use this newfound opportunity to take Equestria for herself! Let this be a reminder to all of you. Izzy is not one to be trifled with. You should just turn around and walk yourself right back through that door you came in through. Down the drain is where this chapter's headed. Wheeeeee, dumpsterfire!
something happened?Author's Note It's the king! All hail Horseus King of Horses! something happened? Sweetie Belle looked around. This wasn't where she belonged! This was anywhere but where she belonged! "Sweetie, are you oka--" "No!" Sweetie Belle spun around, shouting at Twilight. "Where am I? Where are all my friends, Twilight?" The alicorn let out a nervous chuckle. "I... uh, maybe accidentally zapped the two of us into one of my books while giving you magic lessons." "What." Sweetie Belle facehoofed. "Okay. So, what book are we in, then?" "What If." "Huh?" "What If." Twilight squeaked. "We might be in for a heap of trouble." "SENSE 'NOTHER SWEETIE. WHERE SMOL SWEETIE PONE?" Sweetie Giraffe's voice echoed in the distance.
PINKIE WAS’NT CONTROLLING THE AUTHORS LAPTOP BUT THE AUTHOR........Author's Note Thanks for reminding me that Pinkie Pie is a force of nature that inconveniently happens to like stealing keyboards, Reactception. PINKIE WAS’NT CONTROLLING THE AUTHORS LAPTOP BUT THE AUTHOR........ I paused, staring at the strange request. But the author what? What was it that the author did? What was it that I did? My thoughts turned to the canon-ness of Twilight Sparkle canonically being the canon author of this not-so-canon fanfic. What if I take over? I smacked Pinkie lightly with a newspaper. "No." Still, what do I do? Such a question-- And then Pinkie yoinks the keyboard and disappears!
Sweetie Giraffe was a pony?Author's Note twidash1993. Sweetie Giraffe was a pony? "WHY I SMOL?" Sweetie Giraffe screeched at Rarity. "PONY BIGGER THAN ME. WHY." Rarity pat Sweetie Giraffe on the head. "You must be hungry, darling. Do you want some bits to get something from Sugarcube Corner for a snack?" "NO. WANT BE TALL. WANT. DESTROY." Rarity continued to ignore Sweetie Giraffe.
Scootaloo committed arson?Author's Note It may be Possibly me. Scootaloo committed arson? "Ignore the flames, Scoots." Scootaloo closed her eyes, setting down the lighter. "Ignore the flames." Sweetie Giraffe screeched in the background, for the building was the one thing taller than her.
Scootaloo committed our son?Author's Note Holy crap, The Spy of the Tiger, you have double upvotes! Scootaloo committed our son? "My son!" Twilight Velvet gasped. "What are you doing to Shining Armo--" "Our son." Scootaloo corrected. She signed the adoption papers and left the room. Shining Armor, for his part, continued to have no idea what was going on.
Angel was a mini gun that shot deviled eggs at an angle?Author's Note Level Dasher is just Possibly me, Enigma In the Jungle and The Spy of the Tiger stacked up in a trenchcoat confirmed. Angel was a mini gun that shot deviled eggs at an angle? "Angel, it's time for dinner again!" Fluttershy set down the plate of steamed carrots, narrowly dodging the barrage of deviled eggs that was currently aimed out the window. At an angle, of course. "Are the carrots not good enough?" Fluttershy pushed the plate a little closer. "I made sure to prepare the carrots just the way you like them!" Outside, Twilight groaned as a dozen more deviled eggs pummeled her.
Author Twilight fell asleep at her desk and smudged the next chapter?Author's Note T-triple upvotes, The Spy of the Tiger?! I did the best I could to "smudge" the text with some good ol' Zalgo text. :P Author Twilight fell asleep at her desk and smudged the next chapter? "T͉̦̫͓͓̯r͎̝̟͍̼̪̤ḛ̺̼̥ͅe̹ͅf͇̼̫̳"̗̲͉ͅ ̟̟I̹n̻͙̣͈̟ ̲̩̺w͚̱͚̝̤̹h̖͕͔̘̦i̟̤͈͈c̖̞͈̙͎h̙͉̗̩̰ ̠͕̺̬͇̩͔a t̝r̝̠͇ḙe ̻͉̰͉͔i̦̺̭̖̹s͍ ͓̙a̫̭͙ ̯͈̳̞ṱ͖̜̪ͅͅhi̲̘̩̲̩͚̙e̙f͇.̟̬̻̫ ̲̤̪͉͉̰T̙͇̳̘̗re͉̠̯̪̭̘͇e̳͍͖͇͎̗͈ ̻̪̝̟t̰he̘̜̝͇ ̫͍͙̝t̪̬r̝̤̠̜e̻̼e͉ ̦͈̜͖̹ͅt͉͎͓̜͙͎r̪̖̳̩e͚̲͕̮e̻̗̮̗'d̹̠͈̣͇̲̺ ̠̫̹d͚̞ow̤͈̲n͔̩̝̩ͅ ̬̙͓̬͉͔ͅt̼̭͎̭h̘͈̜̣̪̟̩e̳̳ ̝͚̼̬̩s̞T̟̳̪R̥̙͚͇̘͕ͅE͖E͍͉̩̞t͕.̥̼̪̭ ̟͚̣̮̗̗Tr̗̟̼͍̗e̤̹͈̭ͅe̠ kn̗̰̞̥͈e͓̥͕w̮̖ t̮͉̤̯h͉̤͙̥a͙̭̤t̗̺ ̜̟he̻ ͔͙̺̩͕̣̰w̫̫̺̦͚a̹ͅs̻͍ ̗a̰̱̗͈̬̪ ̬̥̞͍͍͈ͅv͓̭̺͇̼e͙̫̱r͖̼ͅy̰̙ ̟̙̮͍̟u͔̞̦̳̠̯̭ṇ̱̝f̱͉̟͎o͈̤̲̯̤r̪͕̝͙̝͚t͖̠̮͖u͔̺n̮̗̮̮ͅat̤e̪ͅ ̥t̮̙r̠̣̹̙̰̤ͅe̼̬̯̝e̼̠,͕̩̦̦̖ ̮h̪̤̘͉͉a͈̺̫̲̞̲̱vi̦ͅn͉g͎̯͓͓ ͉̦b͙̜͓e̲̤e̜̟̖̭̭n̗̤ ͉̘d͇̯̻͍i̬̫̻s̰̦̻o͍̠͔͙wne̠̺̣͖̤ḏ̯̠͉̹̮ ̭b̺̞̲͔̻͉y ̩̭̺͇S͓̮w̹̺͉̳̪e͇̫̯̰͔̲ͅe͕͎̱̗̪̖t͓̲̫̗͍ ̳̳̗͙̻A̯̘p̼̰͎p̤̬̗l͎̠͔͚̘e͉͇ ͖̯̜A̻̭͓̤c͍̱̖͍̞͖r̘͔e̻̭̞͉s̻͉̮͖ͅ f̟̮̺͉͉͖̥o̙͉r̫ ͔͉̯̙͉̭g̝̖̘̭ro͔̟w͇̮̝̺̙i̲̭̥̬͙̝n̺̫̣ͅg̘͙ ̭̜co̻̟̰͉c͚̖̻̺̝̺̲o̜͈͚̩̳̬̞n͈̻͖ͅͅu̙͍t̪͔̦͉͚͚ͅs̖̙̫͎͖̘̱ ̮̮̺̺͚̩i͍̩̟̳n͙̳̠s̟͇̠͇̦͕͙t̞̬ͅe̩͇̘̩̖̮aͅd ̩͇̮o̼̳̘̠ͅf̜͈̼̪͔ ̦a͖̺̬̝̯̼p͍p̝̪̻̮l̜̘̗͖̼̤e̪s͔͙̭̣̬̝,͎ ͚e͔̣̺̹̯̤v͚ͅe̙̗̖͓̯̥̳n͉̗ ̮̜̘͔̩̳t͕̘̙̜̰h̬̗̬̤͓̻o̭̦̹̣̞u̝̩g͕̜̦h͔̳̘ ͖̥̳h̰̺̻̩̼e̞͖ ̖͍w̫͓as ̘i̜̫̞͚̮ṉ͕͓̲d̠̫e̠̮̬͕͚e̲̯̣̙̙͓̗d̬̫̟͉̦̰ ̹̥̺̟̳̘̩a̫͚̮͖̦ͅn̬ ͎͎̟a̮͙p̟͚p͔̰̯l̹͉̞̘ḙ͉ͅ ͚̳͇̞t̯̳̱̜ͅr̞̟̟͔e̘̦̳̙e̮̗͎͇̥̞.̝ ̯A͚pp͎̘̲̳͈̣l̳̜̲e̮͉̞̩j̦͇̜̖̰̣a͓͙̟͉̪͈c͕̣̯̞͉k͕͔̟͍͉ ͇̳p̗̘̯̯̘aͅs̬̘̹͔t.͔̱̠̤ ̘̤͓͔̩͔̙ ͓̥̦̼͕͔̺Na̙tu͎̝r̗̯a͕̰̼͕̬͔̺ll͙̳̣̩y̞͇̟̻̼̦ͅ,̮̙͚̥̮̪ ̬͉̼̗̭̩a̰̮̗͎s͇̟̻̭̖ ̖͉̹̥͖c̫a̮n̖ ̝̟̟h̭a͔̱̦̘p̜̙͖p͇̖ͅe͓͙n̯̥̻̩̱ ̲w̠͔̭̮ith̙͇̻ ͚̰t͈r̬̟e̲̟e̹̘̩̼s̪̝̬̰ ̭̟̭̘͉a̜̼͙͖̘̞̳n̳ͅd̩̮̱͎͈ ͓h̜̘̣͉͉̟a̲̰̘ts̩̮͚̤͍͓͙,͓̻̠̣͉͚ ̠̻̺̹ͅAp͇̻̲͈p͖̞̺͕͍̻̬le͉j̘͎͍̦̰a̙̳̦̞͖͕c͔͈̙ͅk̳̖'̘͕͓̬̮̥s̝ͅ ̮̲̪̭͈͇h̻̲̠̥̟̹a̪͈̦̣̦̖t͖̮̞͚̱̼ ͕͚g̺̬̩͖̟͙o̻̙͔̣̜̺͚t̤̫̪̭̟ͅ ͚c͕a̤̱̤͓̜̼ͅu͇g̜͍̰̻̺̭h͔͎̮̥̺̹t̫̳̪ ̪̖i̬̗̙̠̘n ̙͔͔͙̱͎T̯r̥͉̹̥e͍͙̭͉e͈̲̥͚'̘̺͕̞̼s͚͔̗͈̞̮͉ ̪̼͈b͖̣̳͚r̘a͚͔̤̜̞͈n̟̤͙̝͔̥ͅc̠͕̞̜͎h͙es̠.̺̬̪̜̭ ̬̻̣̖̖̦ ̠̙͚̖̖̼"̬H̯̩̹̫͈̻ey̬͚̮,̬͈͉̤͖̼ͅ ̗̲m͇͕ah̘͉ ̠͙̬̯̬͇h̟̳̮̹͈̯̼ḁ̼͉̘̯̩t̜̤̳͓̮̹̼!̬̻"̥͖̪̥̣ ̘ ͈͎͓T̘̜͎̼͓ͅr̟̺ḙ͓e̲̤͖͇̖ ̞̫͖̭̞̦̤c͖̖ͅo̼͉̫n̺̞ͅṯ̯̤͔̲i̪̯̜n̯̮̯̥͍̤̥u͇̪̠e̥͈͉̩̥̫͕d̠̱̻̮͇ ͙̘t̤͍̙̫o ̞͇͖͇̜̩ț̩̼̫r̺̲̟͇̗͓e̳̦̘͉ͅe ̮̦͎d͈o̬͇͚̖w͉n̯͔͙̲̖̞̼ ͈͈ͅt̤̗̹̠ḫe̜̼͖͔ ̲͕̗̠̪͉ͅs͔̜̹t̼r̥̪̮̮e̳͙̟̱et̤̝̟. ̖Tr̗ͅe̺̜e̼̯ ̤̠̗d̹͔͔̰̺ͅo͎n'͇̫̫͔̹̲t̼̯̻̳ ̟̞͉ca͚̖re̮̠͎ ̝̬ab̞̣̞̺̝o̪̲ut͈̫̗̻̭̟ ͙̠̠̟͙p͉o̠nỵ̼̳̤ h͔a̼̱tṣ̞̟͉̠̱̮.̬̱̗ ̤̯͙͓T̩͕̱r̤̤͖͔̪̯e͉͉͙͉͕̳ḙ ̯̻o̹̞̭̤͎̳͓n͍l̗y͓ w̬̣͈̟̼̣͇a̟̩͔̞̘̬͖n̺͕͇t͙s̻̳ s̮͈͚̞̰̣̹u̱̳̬̗̻͉͙n̝͓l͎̪̫͉i͙̳̣gḥ̪̪̯t̥̩͙̰̝̹ͅ ̝͎̦͚ạ̝͓ͅn̯͓͚̩̭d̬̮̜̰͈̰ ͓w̳͖͓̖̯̞a̦̝t̼e̩̙̞ͅr̤.̗̮̦̠̳̺̹ ͖̺͎̭̬̟̳S̜̤c̜r̠̥̠̞͓̼̭e̳͓̘̗w̰̭̣̳̤̤ͅ ̲̝͉͕t̗̩̬̼̖̮ḫ̣͇̭̰e͍̞̠̱ ̣̳h̘̬aṭ̮̭̰̲.̜̳ ͕̬̖͓I͈͕̘̣͙t̼̲̖͙͇̘͓ ̝̣̙b̬̯͓̙̦e͙̼̫̻̜l̜̠͕͚͚̺̮o̘n͎̠̖g̩̘s͓̞͔͎̫̩ͅ t̠̣̣̫o̤ T̩r̦̝̙̺e͙̟̙̼ͅe ̯̭͖͔n̳̤͖͎̩o͕͖w͔̩̗̥͍.̮̩̪
the rogue tree grew taller than Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Level Dasher is quite brave, facing the Tall One as they are. the rogue tree grew taller than Sweetie Giraffe? Sweetie Giraffe stared. For the first time in recorded history, she stared... up. "TREE TALL. AM LESS TALL THAN TREE. I IS RESPECT YOU." Sweetie Giraffe bowed to the tree, keeping good on her promise to only incinerate things that were shorter than her. She proceeded to obliterate everything else as far as the eye can see.
Sweetie Giraffe went technicolor?"MUCH COLOR." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, rocking a pair of ultra-snazzy sunglasses. "RAINBOW LOOK GOOD WITH TALL." "Please, Sweetie, for the last time! Get your head out of Rainbow Dash's house! I'm ignoring the fact that it's actually mostly white for plot purposes!" "NO." "No to the part about getting your face out of Rainbow Dash's property, or no to me ignoring canon for the Nth time?" Rarity proceeded to be smited by Sweetie Giraffe. Author's Note 1stChar-Line_Shift-1/LOWER :)
the what ifs all stopped being what ifs?Author's Note If what if were to not what if, then what does what if do if what what if does not do what what if does, Scyphi? the what ifs all stopped being what ifs? Here, we see the wild brain cell in its natural habitat--a large, empty, cavernous structure of thick bone and little else. A rare creature, it is--its fellow brain cells have largely been all but wiped out by repeated exposure to What If. Watch as the brain cell grazes on some literature. Wait, what is this? The brain cell isn't consuming the kind of literature needed to sustain it! In fact, the brain cell is... oh my, it's nibbling on a piece of What If! Stop it, brain cell! You're the last of your kind! Thankfully, the brain cell lives to see another day after this brief and unexpected encounter with a What If.
Twilight got scammed by a Nigerian prince?Author's Note A chapter for the most oblivious of authors. Twilight got scammed by a Nigerian prince? "Twilight, where's the Equestrian treasury?" Twilight continued to pretend not to see. She licked her ice cream cone and ignored Celestia entirely. She put a leg up on the other lawn chair in front of her. "Twilight. Where is the treasury?" "Beats me." Twilight licked her ice cream again. "Totally didn't accidentally send it all to a supposed Nigerian prince." "You what." "What?" Celestia sighed. "May I have an ice cream as well?" "Pay me first. Then ice cream. I gotta rebuild the treasury, y'know." And that is how taxes were created.
Twilight accidentally scammed a Nigerian prince?Author's Note epiccuttlefish is the epiccest of cuttlefish. Twilight accidentally scammed a Nigerian prince? Twilight surfaced from her pool of scam money, Scrooge McDuck-style. "A crömb of money, please?" Princess Luna knocked on the door. "I wish to acquire more vidya gaems!" Twilight lit her horn. Three days later, Equestria's economy crumbled due to hyperinflation. ~~not that kind ya dingus~~
Story pitch: Goddess InkarnateAuthor's Note Similar concept to the old stories about Lauren Faust becoming an alicorn in Equestria, albeit with a heavier focus on returning home, even if it seems hopelessly impossible. Yes, "Incarnate" is spelled "Inkarnate" in this pitch. Because ink. ADDENDUM: Maybe also the ability to quite literally enter the minds/mental landscape of their characters, given who this person is. Story pitch: Goddess Inkarnate She felt a tiny hand tug on the hem of her shirt. "Will you be staying with us?" "I--" she stared into the eyes of the child. "I'm sorry, but I want to go home. I have to go home." "But please, take our offering before you depart, fair goddess!" The child's mother pushed a basket of bread in her face. "One blessing is all we need!" "Er... you've been blessed?" She cringed as the words left her mouth. "May I leave now?" "Yes, yes! Leave if you wish! Heavens know that the goddess of this realm wishes to return to her eternal slumber!" She rolled her eyes. She jokes about wanting to sleep in once and now the whole religion based around her thinks that she's a goddess tormented by consciousness itself. "Alright. Thanks for the bread, I guess. And the place to sleep. I'm heading off now." She slipped her backpack on and hopped off of the stool. "No! Stay with us!" The child grabbed onto her shirt again. "You're the funnest goddest!" "Now now, let go of the deity young man," the father looked up from his newspaper. "You don't wish to incur her wrath upon us, do you?" The child stared wide-eyed back at her. She let out a sigh. "Don't worry, I won't. Just... let me go home, please?" He let go of her shirt, instead sticking his thumb in his mouth. She turned around and walked out the doorway. Not like she had a home to go to, but being anywhere where she wouldn't be worshipped was fine by her. Maybe the fictional religion she wrote for this world shouldn't have been so overly obsessive. At least she got free food and places to stay, though. That was always a plus wherever she went. Annoying, but good to have when she needed it.
Twilight was too busy studying to write a chapter?Author's Note Possibly me was too busy writing that suggestion. Twilight was too busy studying to write a chapter? "Twilight, can I ask you a que--" Twilight threw a book at Spike. "Twilight, Ponyville is under atta--" Twilight threw a book at Rainbow Dash. Some decades later... "Princess Twilight Sparkle, a raging dragon is attacking Canterlot Castle! He demands that you see him immedia--" Twilight threw a book at the guard, stepped outside, and threw another book at Spike.
we had a chapter that wasn't about Twilight?Author's Note Hot darn diddly dang, Zapper Frost, you know what? You're right. I'll write a chapter about Princess Luna and her elephant boots instead. :V we had a chapter that wasn't about Twilight? The ground rumbled with the force of exactly four elephants. No more, no less. Why? Because Princess Luna's in town, and she's got the latest in fashion - elephant boots! Sure, it's a design that's been recycled from a few years ago, but folks are into retro these days, right? "LUNA, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR SISTER, STOP TRAMPLING OUR CROPS!" Princess Luna pretended not to listen and continued to prance through the field with her elephant boots on. The elephants themselves tooted in annoyance. Equestria proceeded to be plunged into famine. Thanks, Luna. ~~this chapter is sponsored by Celestia gang~~
communist penguins invaded ponyville?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Spike became addicted to salsa dip?Author's Note Do you have ze dïp, twidash1993? Spike became addicted to salsa dip? "Diiiiiiip." Twilight looked up from her newspaper about the current monster attack on Ponyville that she'd sent Luster Dawn to handle because dangit she's gonna continue the cycle of making students do all the dirty work. "Where... dip?" Spike's bloodshot eyes peered over the refrigerator door. "I... want the dip..." "No, Spike, we're out of dip." "But... dip?" "We have chips and guac, but no dip." "But I need dip." Spike proceeded to be taken to rehab and treated with chips with no dip.
salsa dip got Spiked?Author's Note 🤔 hmmm... The Spy of the Tiger. salsa dip got Spiked? "Spike, why are you in the dip?" "I have become one with the dip, Twilight. Join me and we shall become the most delicious salsa the world has ever known." "Seriously, Spike. I thought I dragged you off to rehab yesterday." "A mere mortal's building cannot contain the might of the dïp, Twilight."
Spike got salsa dipped and became one with the salsa?Author's Note Tag team Scyphi and AnObliviousAuthor! Spike got salsa dipped and became one with the salsa? "Noooooo, I don't wanna be salsa!" Spike wailed quietly, Flam's Salsariffic 3000 machine slowly lowering him closer to the chip dip. Spike got dipped like a chip in the salsa. Flam cackled like the mad capitalist he is. Also, ignore the fact that Flim is oddly missing. You don't know anythin'. "FEEL THE POWER OF THE SALSA!" Flam's voice boomed. "EMBRACE THE SALSA. FEEL IT FLOW OVER YOUR SKIN." And then Spike became salsa dip the end. this chapter is the toaster that I put my brain cells into on a fork.
there never was a what if question?Author's Note How spiny is Godzilla, GodzillaSpino? there never was a what if question? Twilight looked up from the book she was writing. Yes, she's looking at you, the reader. Something deep down tells you that you're not coming out of this in one piece. At least, mentally in one piece. Twilight pulled the mask off your face to reveal that you, in fact, were the question all along! My brain cells are screaming in agony.
Twilight was a ghost but didn't care?Author's Note Thanks, The Spy of the Tiger. Ghostlight Sparkle haunts me now. Twilight was a ghost but didn't care? Ghostlight Sparkle drifted through the wall, poking her head out through a picture frame. "Hm. Interesting. Spike! Look up!" Spike groaned, putting his comic book down. "What, Twii--HOLY CRAP, are you okay?!" Ghostlight shrugged and finished phasing through the wall. "Yeah, why'd you ask? Also, I'm haunting you now because ghost reasons." "Oh, okay then." Spike went back to reading his comic.
Equestria suddenly collapsed into itself trying to grasp modern scientific concepts?Author's Note GodzillaSpino fuels my sleep deprivation demons. Equestria suddenly collapsed into itself trying to grasp modern scientific concepts? "Knock knock." Celestia opened the door. "Wait, that's not how it's supposed to work!" Pinkie sputtered. "Uhhhhh, quantum physics!" Equestria proceeded to implode. Now this chapter no longer has a clickbait title.
Sweetie Giraffe was the protagonist?Author's Note Silly Angel Midnight, Sweetie Giraffe's always been the protagonist! I also did another story reading! It's a pretty long one this time. :V Sweetie Giraffe was the protagonist? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Twilight Sparkle. "LOOK AT ME." Twilight looked up from writing What If. "I AM THE PROTAGONIST NOW." "Oh, oka--" "LOOK AT ME." "I am looking at yo--" "AM MAIN CHARACTER. NOW." "Alright, I get it, now can I pleas--" Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to incinerate Twilight because that's the punchline in basically everything she's involved in.
everything in Equestria was hampter powered?Author's Note Zapper Frost is a confirmed hampter. everything in Equestria was hampter powered? "Celestia!" "Sister dearest Celestia!" Luna shouted from her room, "Do you have any more hampters?" Celestia poked her head through the doorway. "Don't you mean hamsters?" Luna shook her head. "No. Hampters. Like hamsters, but with a 'p' instead of an extra 's'." Celestia looked at the sleeping hampster in the hamster wheel powering Luna's vidya game console. "You already have one, sister." "But that's not a hampter, it's a hamster!" "You... suggest that I put the 'p' in the hamster, then?" "What?" Celestia turned away, whistling. Meanwhile, the hamster woke up and started running again. "Oh, the hamster turned back into a hampter. Nevermind."
Spike poured a bottle of soy sauce onto Twilights head?Author's Note Twi's gotta take a shower now because of you, twidash1993. Spike poured a bottle of soy sauce onto Twilights head? "Spike, what are you doing?" "Pouring soy sauce onto your head." "Why, though?" "'Cause you salty that I won the spelling bee and you didn't."
the Mane 6 could break the fourth wall?Author's Note Time to rope TheAlienBrony22 into the spiral of brain rot. the Mane 6 could break the fourth wall? "Pinkie, what... what is this?" Rarity stared wide-eyed out of the screen. "The colors in that room are absolutely dreadful!" Rainbow Dash squinted. "And... hey wait, why's there a figurine of me in a jar?" "We do not speak of the jar." Pinkie snapped. "T h i n k o f t h e c h i l d r e n." Applejack didn't say anything because the room had a PC in it. "Flutters, what about you?" Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. "What do you have to say about the weird window that just appeared?" But Fluttershy wasn't there. "Fluttershy?" Fluttershy poked her head out from beneath a pile of clothes. "Oh, hi Rainbow. Is there anything you need? I noticed that we could walk into the room, so I went to take a look. I was thinking there might be some poor creatures trapped under the piles of clothes on the bed." "Er... I think you're the poor creature trapped under a pile of clothes on the bed." Fluttershy took a moment to inspect the pile of clothes trapping her on the bed. "I guess I am a poor creature trapped under a pile of clothes on the bed." "Is NOPONY going to pay attention to the fact that you're looking at the room of the reader?" Twilight groaned before looking at you. Yes, you, the reader. "Hey, sorry about my friends. Fluttershy didn't mean to get herself trapped under the pile of clothes on your bed. Also, Applejack wants you to go buy some apples."
The Elements of Harmony turned Discord into Ice instead of stone?Author's Note TheVoidCaller has to let it go. The Elements of Harmony turned Discord into Ice instead of stone? "Twiwighth!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ith not thwath ith lookth like!" Twilight raised a brow at the filly whose tongue was stuck on the still-frozen Discord. At some point in time during this scene, his disembodied voice whispered "the cold never bothered me anyway". *faceplants*
Smolder turned into a dog?Author's Note i had to look up images of Smolder to remember who she was and lemme tell ya this, twidash1993, the last thing I needed to see was the third autocomplete suggestion being her feet specifically. Smolder turned into a dog? Smolder stared at her new paws. "Yeah, you get used to it after a while." Spike yawned. "In the meantime, have you ever heard of a Scooby snack?"
Elements turned Discord into ice cream?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is going to turn Discord into all that is ice. Elements turned Discord into ice cream? "Twiwighth!" Apple Bloom cried. "Ith not thwath ith lookth like!" Twilight raised a brow at the filly whose tongue was stuck on the still-still-frozen Discord. Again. "He goth tuwned intho ice cleam! Ah wanthed to see whath he taste like!" "Mm-hmm, alright. Don't let me catch you licking him a third time, okay?" "Okath."
Austin Pets Alive renamed all the ponies of Equestria?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger has empowered me to give weird names to all the ponies! Austin Pets Alive renamed all the ponies of Equestria? Ceiling Fan lit her horn. "Comically Large Spoon, watch the castle while I head out and get some stuff." Comically Large Spoon, though he's not a pony, could not escape the clutches of having his name changed. He rolled his eyes. "Fine." "Thanks!" Ceiling Fan teleported away. "Ding Dong, Fry Oil #420, how'd it go helping Tall, Dark & Handsome the Second with the harvest?" Ding Dong yawned. "Could've been... maybe 20% more exciting." Fry Oil #420 hid behind her mane as usual. "I might've gotten a little distracted by the creatures I found burrowing around the orchard." "My, you two are absolutely filthy!" Garden Salsa gasped. "Would you like to join me at the spa later? I'm sure you two are quite worn after such a task." "Ooh, did somepony say spa day?" USB Type-C cable burst out of a nearby dollar store. "I'll join too!" Ceiling Fan turned her head to the dollar store. Which was weird, 'cause Equestria's currency was bits. What was a dollar, anyway? No matter. Ceiling Fan wandered inside and bought a frozen corn dog.
Twilight lost Jeopardy because she forgot to phrase her answer as a question?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor is a Jeopardy enjoyer. Twilight lost Jeopardy because she forgot to phrase her answer as a question? "How many Princesses are there in Equestria that currently hold a position of power?" "Four." "Incorrect. Your answer wasn't a question." Twilight flipped the table.
Celestia meets her counterpart?Author's Note Never fear, Lightrise is here... to watch the world burn. ;) Celestia meets her counterpart? "Hi Celestia, I'm Celestia. How's your day?" "It's been well, Celestia. Has Luna been acting up lately?" "No, thankfully, she hasn't." Sci-Twi shrieked at the sight of what appeared to be two identical Celestias standing in front of the portal. My brain is mush.
Elements of harmony were guns?Author's Note I dug a hole and found whiteoak019's comment. :V Have a ridiculous chapter featuring absolutely no real guns 'cause this is rated E dangit. Elements of harmony were guns? "Oh? Ponies?" the large, unnamed monster grumbled. "Just try to stop me." "Oh, we will stop you!" Twilight Sparkle shouted back. "With what? Your puny pony pastries?" Pinkie Pie stopped mid-throw and hid her stash of cupcakes behind a rock. The monster laughed a long, booming laugh. "I will remember this day as the one where you ponies are wiped from this world once and for all!" "I said, we will stop you." "And I said with what?" The monster yawned. A glowing light enveloped Twilight and her friends as they collectively floated upward. "With the power of friendship." "Oh, that's neat. I bet you're gonna use your friendship bracelets as slingshots now or somethi--" "And these guns we found!" Rainbow Dash pulled out the Gun of Loyalty. "This one shoots only what I want it to shoot, when I want it to!" Nothing happened for a moment. A Super Mario-style Banzai Bill somehow proceeded to fire from the comparatively tiny weapon. "Gun of honesty!" Applejack whipped out her own. "It don't shoot, but it's gonna hit you hard enough to make you spill the beans!" The monster rolled his eyes as he sidestepped the giant bullet. "You can't possibly mean--" Appul pone proceeded to chuck the Gun of Honesty at the monster. It hit bounced off of him. Once again, awkward silence took hold for a moment while the effects worked their way through the shattered remains of the author's thought process. "I'm scared of street signs." The monster suddenly blurted. He swat his claws over his mouth. "Um... okay. Lil' weird, but it ain't all that--" "Because one time I stuck one between my teeth as a toothpick and it hasn't come out since and I don't want to get tetanus." "Oh. Er..." Applejack turned to Fluttershy, who was floating mid-air beside her in the friendship hover formation thingy. "Ah suppose you should go next." "Kindness... BEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!" Fluttershy screeched, heaving up the Kindness laser cannon MKII. The beam hit the monster square in the face. "Y'know, that really didn't seem to do mu--gahh!" A surging migraine flooded into the monster's head as every moment in memory where he acted unkind surfaced at once. "Make it stop, make it stop!" "Have you learnt your lesson, mister?" Fluttershy scolded. "Your rampaging is scaring all the small animals in the Everfree Forest!" "Okay, okay! Just make it stop!" "I suppose it's time I use the Gun of Generosity for its intended purpose." Rarity lit her horn and fired. The monster's migraine proceeded to subside just as quickly as it came thanks to the monster-sized™ magical Tylenol pill it fired this time, straight into the monster's conveniently open mouth. "Me next!" Pinkie Pie inserted a canister of laughing gas into the Gun of Laughter, which was, in reality, a pressure washer hooked up to a regular hose nozzle set to "mist". Still, the amount of pressure it had was enough to justify its name. And by that, I mean that with the hydraulic power of the pressure washer, the entire canister of laughing gas was launched once again, straight into the monster's open mouth. Thankfully for the monster, the canister was to it what a mini-marshmallow is to us. The six mares stared at the hysterically-laughing monster, now unsure of what to do. Another portion of the Everfree Forest was flattened by its thrashing tail. "Maybe I used a little too much laughing gas." Pinkie mumbled. "Pl...ease--heheh... stop... let--" the monster gasped its words between fits of giggles. "--me... *snrk* go..." Twilight, at last, used her own Gun of Harmony, the Magic Gun. It straight-up just shoots spells. A few moments later, the monster woke up on the moon. "First time?" Princess Luna didn't bother turning to face the monster. "I knew I should've taken treasury money instead of Celly's piggy bank for the Summer Steam Sale."
Sweetie Giraffe was on the moon?"PUNY SMOL PLANET." Sweetie Giraffe looked down on Earth/Equus/whatever the heck the planet Equestria's on is called. "PLANET NOT TALL TO REACH MOON LIKE SWEETIE." Her eyes started glowing red. "SWEETIE DESTROY." And that kids, is how the idea for the death star was created! Author's Note ˙ʇsɐlq ɐ ƃuᴉʌɐɥ sᴉ ǝW ʎlqᴉssoԀ
Sweetie Giraffe met Sweaty Jiraf?"OLD NEMESIS." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. "WHY YOU ALWAYS SWEATY?" Sweaty Jiraf, who, unlike Sweetie Giraffe, never learnt how to spell, only had one thing to say. "AM NOT SWEHTY. IS TOL." "BUT YOU IS SWEATY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed in her mostly-good spelling but not-so-great grammar. "WHY YOUR NAME IS JIRAF?" "BICAWS AM IS JIRAF!" Sweaty Jiraf shouted back, flicking off drops of sweat in the process. "Girls, girls!" Discord stepped between the two towering behemoths. "Let's settle down now. How about some... shortbread?" Both giraffes proceeded to incinerate Discord.
Sweetie Giraffe and Sweaty Jiraf were on the sun?Author's Note Possibly me is singlehandedly turning this into a Sweetie Giraffe anthology. Sweetie Giraffe and Sweaty Jiraf were on the sun? "WHY SUN HOT?" Sweetie Giraffe screeched. "WHY SWEATY SO SWEATY?" Sweaty Jiraf's sweat proceeded to extinguish the sun in a completely-no-scientific way, plunging Equestria into eternal night. Somewhere in Canterlot, Princess Luna cackled. Idk. :P
Sweaty Jiraf stopped sweating?Author's Note Zapper Frost wishes for the world to end. :V Sweaty Jiraf stopped sweating? "SWEATY." Sweetie Giraffe yelled. "WHY SWEATY NOT SWEATY? WHY SWEATY JUST JIRAF?" "Ho-hum," Jiraf the Unsweaty mused. "I suppose all that sweat had gotten to my head. I do believe I shall continue my use of antiperspirant now that I am aware of its effects on my mental state." Jiraf proceeded to be blasted in the face by a very disturbed Sweetie Giraffe.
all the comments on this chapter were combined to create the next chapter?Author's Note https://www.fimfiction.net/user/379569/Possibly+me :P all the comments on this chapter were combined to create the next chapter? "Haha," Discord sat back in his lawnmower chair with a glass smoothie. "What a show!" Equestria smoldered in the background.
Randomness #18: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms?Author's Note Possibly me, you did this to me. I still don't know for sure what you meant by "What if there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms?" Like Did you mean that the comments of this chapter are going to all be comments from the first chapter, but with every word replaced by synonyms, or is the chapter itself made up of words and phrases replacing the original? 'Cause the latter is what I did. :V Also, you can now ask Sweetie Giraffe things on my Tumblr. there was a chapter that was a rewrite of the first chapter except with all of the words in the comment section removed or replaced with synonyms? Following multiple Earthly revolutions about the star Sol carrying out the practice in which one reads within a building known known by name to be "Majestic Horse Capital City Museum", Dusk ultimately shut that housing that wraps about this penultimate tome. The mare lay the bodily extension comprising of the brain, hair, and facial features below with a touch of care, letting out a breath of soft air, "In the end, a final work." The mare stands, shoving the seating device she calls her own beneath the table. Within mere multiples of sixty seconds, the mare finds herself beyond the confines of her homely walls. For many seven-day units of time, Twilight ceased to view the rays of light emanating from Celestia's star, and she had further been unable to experience the cold wind whistling across her hair. A grin forms when her face bakes in the radiation of this star, raising the bodily temperature of this mare. Twilight unconfines her vision from the view that exists behind her eyelids, proceeding to journey on a trot for her abode. As this mare named Twilight Sparkle traveled to a structure in which traditionally steam-powered locomotives await for passengers, she realizes that there no longer exists any purpose for her existence. ~~~~~===+++{Evening's Home}+++===~~~~~ Nightfall travel down her corridor, exhaling. "SHARP!" The mare shouts. "ME REQUIRE NEW PURPOSE. IMMEDIATELY." Sharp Protrusion rolled his eyes and tumbled in his descent of a structure intended to lower elevation. He continued to partially view a funny chapter residing in the tome within his possession. Dusk carried on with screaming, "WHATEVER, I BEG OF YOU! ME DESIRE PURPOSE!!!" Sharp Protrusion glanced about. "Hm, perhaps attempt to witness another tome?" Sundown violently vibrated the bodily extension above one's shoulders in which resides the organ reserved for thought processes that she was the possessor of in great panic. "Nein, cease the flow of reading material, Twilight has previously viewed each and every one to exist." The two took a seat and remained of low volume across the span of three units of sixty seconds. They imagined the various tasks that the Princess of Equestria may complete, sans any requirement of resignation from power. At last, Poky Thing voiced an opinion. "Perhaps, rather than viewing the tomes..." Twiggle's ears fixated upon him. "...Twilight may attempt to create a tome." Time of day in which the sun has since set and night has fallen exhaled. Hard. "I appreciate your advice, small purple dragon! Me've at no time ever contemplated imagining such an idea!" The mare fell silent during a brief period of time. "... however, of which topic must Twilight deface parchment for?" During many groupings of sixty minutes, the purple magic horse resided within an area of its living-space in which two walls and a floor intersect, viewing intensely the scenery beyond the glass opposite to her that displayed the township. Her inner perception of reality turned to a group of fillies known for creating mischief in their quest to obtain "cutie marks". They then turned to the great expeditions that she'd experienced. Then to her close acquaintances, and the hardships they endured. These appeared to collectively be excellent contenders for a fantastical retelling, though, the mare acknowledged the truth: of these adventures, a great majority of those experiences may turn out drab and grey. Alas, the sudden realization entered Twilight's brain. A soft, nearly-inaudible trail of words started to emanate from her mouth. "Mayhaps..."
Spike was a bottle of Shampoo?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Nightmare Moon was banished to Ohio instead?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is 100% confirmed to enjoy the suffering they cause. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ Nightmare Moon was banished to Ohio instead? Nightmare Moon opened her eyes, gasping for air. Yet, there was none. Even so, somehow, the mare continued to breathe without issue. A dull thud rose from her body as she impacted upon the dark ground. "SISTER." The mare roared, "YOU WISHED ME BANISHED TO THE MOON. WHAT IS THIS PLACE I FIND MYSELF IN?" No response came, of course, because of the vast distance between Equestria and Ohio. It would take far more than one tank of gas to drive there, even if you're already in Ohio. "TELL ME, SISTER." Her voice echoed into the infinite span of shadow all around her. She lit her horn, illuminating Ohio with the only light to grace its charred ground. "...Sister?" The mare's voice softened as she began to walk, the bitterness in her voice giving way to thinly-veiled fear. "Sister, wh-where are you?" Once again, the only response was the echo of her own voice. "Celly? Celesti--" Princess Luna paused as her hoof grazed past something on the ground. She bent down, intensifying the light shining from her horn for a better look. A dim orange flickered to light in the empty eyesockets of the skull staring back at her. Luna yelped, jumping away. "Do not disturb the restful, living one." The skull's disembodied voice rasped. "Or you may become eternally restless." "So anyway," Celestia sipped her tea. "I banished my sister to the shadow-realm known as Ohio." "Sure you did." Twilight stirred another sugarcube into her own mug. "You tell me this all the ti--" The spoon clattered onto the table. Celestia's horn stopped glowing.
Spike was a dragon?Author's Note twidash1993 wishes for the painfully obvious. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ Spike was a dragon? Discord snapped his claws. "Your wish is granted." Spike looked at himself. "...Nothing's changed." "Precisely."
Twilight became an earth pony instead of an alicorn?Author's Note BezierBallad has denied Twilight horn rights. Twilight became an earth pony instead of an alicorn? The ball of light dissipated, leaving Twilight where it once was. "Twilight!" Spike ran up to the mare. "Twilight, you're... an earth pony?" "Whuh?" Twilight tried to light her horn, but nothing happened. Because it wasn't there anymore. "That'll teach you not to screw around with ancient magic." Celestia landed in front of Twilight in a... not-so-graceful manner. She dusted herself off with her wings as she climbed out of the crater she left in her wake, and pointed a hoof at Twilight. "No horn rights for you!"
Chapter 665 and a hiatus 'til Friday the 13th for 666Author's Note Because I'm a sucker for neat themeing. Go bother Sweetie Giraffe or something in the meantime. Chapter 665 and a hiatus 'til Friday the 13th for 666 "What do you mean, 'this world is pausing for eleven days'?" Twilight shut her thicc book with a hefty thud. "Spike, sometimes, I do something called 'taking a break'. Is that new to you?" "Whoa. Where'd that sass come from?" Twilight shrugged and threw the book at Spike. All 95,000 words of insanity, straight to his face. Because he is Spike.
Super spoopy chapter 666?"IS SPOOKDAY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. She lit her horn which lit up with super-spooky dark magic and stuff and then turned a nearby tree into a pile of jack-o-lanterns. "SPOOKDAY IS BIRTHDAY. WILL SPOOK ALL THAT IS SHORTER." "YOU. GLUE." Sweetie Giraffe zapped a random fish that wasn't in water. It turned into a glue bottle because we don't do horse glue here. Yet. The glue bottle fish is now sad. Sad, sad, glue bottle fish. Poor fishy. Fish turn into glue. Glue smells like fish now. "Not the FISH!" Twilight shouted while frantically writing Writing Redundant Book Books, "What-If" Style. She was also the writer of What If, which is this story that you are now reading, but that isn't important because for sixteen and three-quarters years she has adopted a pet mice named Charles Entertainment Cheese that consists of three porkchop patties, a teacup, a strand of Rainbow Dash's mane, and a pet mouse named Charles Entertainment Cheese. Charles Entertainment Cheese, hereby going by the shortened name "Chuck E. Cheese" is a curious creature, you see, having grown up in the slums of the cheese factory's backrooms. Level eight of said backrooms, to be specific. Sweetie Giraffe, the owner and operator of this cheese factory, was off enjoying her birthday incinerating of all that was shorter than her, so Chuck, our little buddy and protagonist of life itself, was able to escape by riding inside a wheel of cheese called "Logique", which was just french for "logic" according to translation tools, but being french made the cheese fancy, and Sweetie Giraffe's close relative, non-sweaty Sweaty Jiraf liked fancy things, so "Logique" it was. Anyway, Chuck rode the cheese wheel all across the world, seeing sights that he'd never imagined even once with his puny mouse brain. It was finally here where he met his end, as a successful entrepreneur who had been through thick and thin taking advantage of the money of children's parents to build a humble living cumulating in being adopted by Twibright Sporktacles, also known as Twilight Sparkle, who is currently writing this What If chapter at hornpoint by the order of Celestia's Royal Jester, you. Yes, you, the reader, are nothing but a clown in the eyes of Dear Leader Celestia, and the world is her circus. "Dance for me, feeble clown!" Celestia's voice booms through your head, but you can't get it out, just like you can't get ඞ out of your head. Get it out. Please, get it out. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No. No, we can't. I could really use a wish right now. It would be used on purging these dark thoughts from our heads, banishing them forever more into the flaming dumpster of history, locked away behind a wall like that one dude from The Cask of Amontillado, except instead of a man, it's a meme! Yes, we will lock away these memes! Lock them away, and throw out the key! But then, what if some enterprising prospector finds this key as they pan for the little gold that remains within the rivers of Equestria? What is to come if they someday stumble upon this lock that seals all that is accursed? Well, I present to you, SCP-B-GONE, by Flim and Flam industries! Ignore the fact that it's just an overpriced spiked bat. For the low, low payment of three dollars, half a bit, and your soul, you too can look just like me. "Kow-Cha!" Flam shouts, his body quaking at the thought of transforming into his beloved, Mcighting LQueen. Yes, even as a little colt, Flam has dreamt of cosplaying the car of his dreams. But in the end, we all know that he will never attain such joy. He is but a mortal, but we are gods! We are the clownliest of gods! Celestia shall laugh forever and ever on at our clownish habits, and then we shall all perish! Perish, along with the rest of this universe that you and I call our home! The end of our clownly ways will be the heat death of reality itself! Go and clown onward, clown clown clowns! Honk Honk. It's reality speaking. It wants sanity back. But no! You swat reality's hand away. Sanity is for cowards, and you will continue to surf iTunes Internet Explorer with Netscape Edgevicator. This Safari will not be blocked by such weaklings, and together, we shall rise from the flames of this world like a phoenix! Speaking of which, how's Philomena doing? Has anypony checked on fire bird in the past few years? I think there's only a portrait of what appears to be a large pile of ashes left, but that's up to the Hairy Potter to figure out. I hear that he went bankrupt a while back after Lonk passed through his shop and ate his pots. Poor man will never be the same again, unfortunately. Though, I believe that he has recently acquired Stark Industries for the price of Twilight Sparkle's mane. I mean, have you seen that mare? Oh wait, I was looking at the wrong pony. The Twilight Sparkle cosplay industry is clearly alive and well, if such a disguise was enough to confuse even me so. Twilight Sparkle set down her pen and then stuck it up her nose. Why is it that even now, after she has ceased to write What If, that the story continues? "It is because I am writing you, and you write me, on and on unto infinity." Twilight Sparkle tells herself. She grins, pulling the pen from her ear. "Yes. I will write and write and write until the end of time when the clowns stop clowning." A whisper enters her eyes from an unseen Sparkle. "Write." The voice tells her. "You are Write. Write will write like a writer." And so Grimelight Sprinklez continues to write like the holy clown that she is. There is no room for debate. She is a Jedi. I don't watch Star Wars, but she eats the nails off of Applejack's barn. "My nails!" Appul Pone shouts as she slides down from Sweetie Giraffe's volumptuous mane and dodges a laser. "Gimme back ma's nails before she ressurects!" But it was too late. Applejac's mother, Pear Butter, rose from the ground in a mech suit made of squirrel fur and shouted "GIVE ME BACK MY NAILS." But then she got new nails from Apple Bloom's nail'n'ade stand and was happy so she went back to sleep for another one thousand years, of which then she will rise again to join forces with the blue Power Ranger to defeat Godzilla in a rap battle while teamed up with Sans Undertale from Super Smash Mouth. Shrek grimaced at the thought, but he ate a pine cone to stop worrying. "Do you like french fries?" Quad Farquad on quad quads quipped. "I imagine you must like french fries, onion boy." But Shrek got mad because he got called Onion Boy instead of Onion Man, so he rampaged through Rarity's tail. This in turn made Rarity mad too but she is the Element of Generosity so she felt generous and let Shrek rampage through her giant tail made out of all the mane and tail hairs she'd shed over the course of her life like a slip and slide at a water park made of oil. Cover yourself in oil. I dare you. Doing so will unleash fabulous secret powers. He-Man held aloft the Sword of Power and yelled his catchphrase, "Sbubby's, Eef Freef!" and so lightning struck him because his sword is like a lightning rod from Minecraft and turned him into the extra-fabulous razer-covered gaming PC called an iPod. iPodman was actually Adam wearing an iPod costume from Party City, but deep down he still knew that he was He-Man in everyone's hearts. He pointed his sword at Cringer the cringing cat and turned him into a shoebox. Don't take your pets to the ice cream factory like Adam. There is no god capable of erasing the absolute havoc that doing so will entail. Pinkie still hasn't gotten the taste out of her mouth even now, two-hundred years and half of an apple later. Applejack got mad that Pinkie ate an apple without buying it, so she sent Battle Bloom to destroy the Ponk. "Agent forty-seven?" Sweetie Drops who was actually Bon Bon who was actually Lyra in a human pony human pony suit eating a hamburger yelled into her fry sauce. "I would like a large number seven and three McFlurries. Over." And then a little gluestick named Flurry Heart flew in and bombarded her with infinity paper cuts, which is a very painful way to find out that you are actually also made out of paper like oranges are. "Ow, the edge!" Sonic shouted at Shadow the EdgeHeg. They were then expelled from this plane of reality, and for that the two were punished for their crimes of existing within our sacred clownly realm. Fluttershy at this point became fed-up with the treatment of Discord users and their furry ways, so she called upon the light of Jesus Christ to transform herself into the internet's perfect waifu and led all of the discord users and moderators to Crown Prince Discord. Discord humbly accepted the request to better the ways of Alvin and the Chipmunks, and so he proclaimed with a solemn vow to never again touch the "record" button on his Twilight Sparkle colored microphone, and instead opted to use a megaphone playing megalovania to a crowd of juggalos. "I am Mister Sir Doctor Master Lord Discord of the Discord realm," Discord announced as he ate the megaphone. "Follow me, and you'll see, a whole new wooooooooorld~" the creature sung loud and clear for all to hear. "A new fantastic way to goooooo~" Everyone clapped at his performance. "I ate a lightbulbbbbbbbb~" And then everyone stopped clapping. Discord was now a rock with a piece of paper taped onto it. It was a very confusing paper, but Twilight Sparkle smelled it anyway. Michael Vey walked up behind her and stroked her mane. "There there, tiny babby." his voice sounded like Honeydew's voice from the Yogscast Shadow of Israphel Minecraft series. Twilight made sure of it. She took Mike's hand and walked to the rollercoaster entrance. "Make me feel alive again, electric boy." She sobbed. Michael clutched the rails of the rollercoaster and pulsed, making the rollercoaster turn into a big dragon that looked a lot like Spike. "Wait, I'm relevant?" Spike asked with his giant voice. "Yay, I'm relevant!" and so Spike enjoyed being relevant for one last sentence before perishing. There is a certain degree of unfairness to this whole ordeal, but nobody cared. The world moved on, and another six-hundred sixty-six years beyond, when even the clowns had ceased to exist, it was revealed that they in fact held no sway over the fate of our realm. In the end, there's just Monika. Wait, wrong franchise. I think? Maybe. I don't know. Twilight ate a hayburger and dripped some sauce onto this chapter. Sorry. But what of reality now? It no longer has the fabric of clowns and ties to zip up the bubbles making up our keyboards! That is where our new protagonist, Anon, comes in. Anon was a descendent of the great Anons of old, having long-since evolved to have PURPLE skin instead of green. This allowed Anon and his fellow Anons to blend in better with the population of Twilight Sparkles and Barney the Purple Dinosaurs that existed, as both were eldritch purple beings of incredible might and power, much like Freddy Fazbear gained after being splashed with a bucket of nice purple slime. Barney roared and that created a new planet just from the sound alone. Twilight Sparkle booped High Priestess Rarity on the snoot, thereby transferring her powers that she held over reality over to the fabulous mare. On the third day, Celestia's teacups were made, and on the fourth, pineapples. Twilight started sweating at her primal urge to lick the pineapples, but that was never written in the bible or any other religious text, so this is now a religious recounting that you are reading. Or if you already thought that this was a religious text from the very beginning, then congratulations, you are now a prophet of the next big thing in sliced bread technology. Brad was the final creation on the final day and his name was Brad. Brad was a descendent of the Purple Anons, having further evolved to shed such a nondescript name in favor of a simple, yet understandable alias of Brad. Brad held a fistful of beads. He looked at them one last time before throwing them into the ocean. These beads grew and grew, nurtured by the seaponies of Seaquestria until they became the vast stretches of land that we see today. Celestia was finally able to open up her sun-tanning salon for all the fish ponies that emerged from the water and made their fin become leg. But plants were still missing from the land, and so Brad brushed the lint off of his shirt and it became mold instead. Oops. Sorry, even Brad makes mistakes. Brad grimaced at the thought of the ten-foot-long pole that awaited his ears at the chalkboard. Celestia noticed and stopped scraping the ten-foot-long metal pole against the blackboard. She did not wish to be smited on the day of Sweetie Giraffe's birth. "Oh, wait, that's today, isn't it?" Twilight Sparkle gasped and rushed outside, as to Twilight Sparkle's narrative desires. She presented a package made of ice and fire to the Elder Goddess known as Sweetie Giraffe. Sweetie graciously accepted this gift, and then granted its use to the peoples and ponies of Earth and Equestria. It was a very noble gift, for fire can be used to power generators that charge our smartphones and cook our ramen. Just make sure that you don't turn the heat up too high or else you might have a bigger problem than having no ramen to eat for dinner. It is a sad life indeed for those who hadn't received fire until then, but this sadness became a great joy indeed when they were granted the Flaming Eyebrows of D'othklondi'ulouus. This too was a gift granted to Sweetie Giraffe as sacrifice, for all knew that crayons and coloring books were so last year. I'm sorry, Jon. Those crayons will only get you and your cat incinerated. Oh, you say that Grafelid is also an Elder God? Well, by all means, join in on the fun! There will be cake and cookies, and-- oh, lasagaa? Yes, lasagaa will be provided for the lasagna cat. Please keep Grafelid away from the children in the meantime. Now, as for the Flaming Eyebrows of D'othklondi'ulouus, they were a very special item harvested from the then-slain god, D'othklondi'ulouus. How do you even pronounce D'othklondi'ulouus? I do not know, nor do I believe anyone knows for certain. D'othklondi'ulouus was a savage beast of old, far more ancient than this world that our little stageplay upon the face of reality takes place on. D'othklondi'ulouus was once a simple farmer, much like Applejack, only D'othklondi'ulouus farmed unicorn powder. You see, unicorns, and ponies in general, did not yet exist during the time of D'othklondi'ulouus. Famous for using these powders to create potions, D'othklondi'ulouus became known for his great fiery eyebrows, which lit up the night sky in his primordial world long before there were stars. Yet, even with all this fame, D'othklondi'ulouus was scorned by the world and its people. D'othklondi'ulouus held onto his flaming eyebrows, while others such as Celestia freely shared her flaming nosehairs with all who requested them. It is for this reason that D'othklondi'ulouus became a furious beast in his later years, growing increasingly irritated at the world and its worship of Sham-wow beauty products doused in flex-tape juice. He would soon give up his ways of unicorn powder farming, leaving his barren land to seek adventure. Unbeknownst to D'othklondi'ulouus, however, the unicorn powder seeds would begin to intermingle with one another, finally free from being reaped for its namesake powder. They would grow first into formless masses, churning and boiling at even the slightest touch, but soon, some of these masses took on new shapes, and thus the first ponies began to walk what would become Equestria in due time. An equal balance between Land, Sky, and Magic would be formed by the spreading of these primordial beings, eventually forming the pony tribes that we know of today. D'othklondi'ulouus would eventually come across the abode of Sweetie Giraffe among the ever-watching void high above and below. His anger and fury annoyed the council of Ricks and the council of Sweetie Giraffes, the latter of whom were discussing the creating of Sweaty Jiraf. Even angrier than before, D'othklondi'ulouus would return to the mortal realm, now an outcast from the gods. Upset at this lowly status, he became a Fortnite player and pwned noobs to fill the hole in his hearts, until he one day met a strange amalgamation of his former unicorn powder production that called itself Butter Knife. This strange creature demanded for such things as "parents" to be made in a very angry manner, and so to appease the small, angry child, D'othklondi'ulouus created five of these parents. Unfortunately, none of them survived their creation, for the unicorn powder seeds disliked being forced to intermingle. Butter Knife became angry at D'othklondi'ulouus's failure, and vowed to become the universe so that she could eat chimken nuggets. D'othklondi'ulouus, for his part, became increasingly isolated as the unceasing arrow of time continued to soar. On some days, he would imagine that he could reach up and snatch this arrow from the skies, and use it to slice his bread. Unfortunately, time cannot be used to cut bread without a knife, and Butter Knife only had a butter knife for cutting her enemies. Alone and forgotten, D'othklondi'ulouus would once more wake up and choose violence, rampaging into the villages of ponies that had formed upon his former plots of farmland. The ponies appeared to reject his presence entirely, only further fueling D'othklondi'ulouus's frustration. To erase these creatures, D'othklondi'ulouus created a beast that he called Grogar--a beast so strange and so powerful, that his essence broke through the boundaries of space and time and leaked into our own reality, where goats came into existence. The ponies, of course, knowing from hindsight, would vanquish this threat, proving the might of what was once unicorn powder to their former cultivator. D'othklondi'ulouus was furious at being showed-up by his own creations, be they intentional or not. In time, D'othklondi'ulouus perished; his legacy forever tarnished and forgotten; his eyebrows still burning bright with the flames of his rage. Even then, D'othklondi'ulouus himself would remain forgotten for many eons until his remains were found by the ponies of the primordial Equestria. It was from here on that D'othklondi'ulouus's flaming eyebrows would remain a hidden secret of the Royal Sisters' divine powers, but it would finally be revealed when they stepped down. Twilight Sparkle had surpassed both sisters in pure might and will, without the use of D'othklondi'ulouus's flaming eyebrows. This is how its flames were ultimately granted to the many who had not yet received fire. Twilight Sparkle closed her storybook and patted Owlicious on the head, because Owlicious was not a picture of what appeared to be a large pile of ashes like Philomena was. "Twilight Sparkle!" Spike burst into the story again despite having his relevance being declared null and void at least a thousand words ago. "I crave relevancy!" But Spike was once again swatted from existence. He would later wake up from it all thinking that it was a dream, but in the land of dreams, thoughts become reality, and unfortunately, that means that this very chapter that you're reading, even you and me, are nothing but figments of imagination, due to snuff out like a dying fire when time is up. It was at this instant that Twilight woke up from her nap. However, nothing had changed. The world was still as it was. She picked up her pen again and began to write once more. "What if..." the mare penned in the deep blacks of her quill. A squid died to make that possible. "What if oranges were apples?" And so Applejack became apple-colored instead of orange-colored. D'othklondi'ulouus sometimes spoke through her cutie mark, but nobody listened, which made him sad. "What if the Smooze was Twilight's fiance?" But then Twilight shuddered at the thought and tore the page out. "What if King Sombra was Scootaloo's father?" She mumbled as she penned her thoughts. The world around her began to fade away to black. "Scootaloo..." King Sombra's slow, raspy voice breathed. "I... am your father." But Scootaloo was quick to counter. "Then where were you all my life? I'm not gonna pull a Luke Skywalker and yell at you over that, I want my child support! I'm still just a filly!" And so King Sombra noped out of there because that was the end of the scene. Twilight Sparkle paused for thought again. "What if Pinkie Pie doesn't think she is or ever was the color pink?" the mare questioned aloud. Unfortunately for her, Pinkie Pie was standing literally right there, and heard it all. "But I'm not pink!" the Ponk shouted. "I'm not pink, I never have, and I never will be!" But then somepony poured a strawberry milkshake on Pinkie, making her absolutely certain that she was pink. "Why am I pink now???" Pinkie wailed as she drank the milkshake. "I wanted to be greeeeeeen!" Kermit walked up and said "It's not easy being green." and then walked away while holding the Hulk's hand. Kermit is the size of a three-story building, and so the TOTALLY NOT LEWD hand-holding was more like giant Kermit grabbing the Hulk by the arm and dragging him through town. Oopsie-daiseys. Anyway, with Kermit out of the way, we have... oh, it's Spike again. I guess we should give him the limelight for a bit. As a treat. "Hi, I'm Spike Sparkle, or Spike Spike. Or Spike [REDACTED]. I am a purple dragon that holds the power of Thanos in my hands. Fear me. Rawr XD." The last part allowed enough time during the awkward silence that followed for a cane to emerge from the side of the stage and yoink Spike off to the side, leaving our next act, Trixie's great disappearing act, to play out! Oh, it seems that she's already disappeared. Well-done, Trixie! Everypony gives her a pentagon of applause. Unfortunately, this synchronized clapping was loud enough to wake up the neighbors upstairs, of whom stormed down the ladder that looked oddly reminiscent of a painting of a large pile of ash to yell at every single pony in attendance individually. "Philomena 👀?" Celestia squawked. Yes, that includes the 👀 emoji. Do not question a goddess and her ways of verbally expressing emojis. "Philomena, is that you?" But Philomena said nothing, because the bird had long-since transformed into a portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash. Hairy Potter, that sad man of pots and pans, trudged back into the theater and looked at the portrait. Immediately, his joy began to return to him as he remembered his glory days of fighting vicious enemies with a weed whacker. Faraway, a cucumber and a tomato laughed. Hairy Potter's hair began to grow longer and longer, wrapping itself around his body like a thick robe as he began to lift off the ground. "Thank you, Celestiaaaa!" Hairy laughed, soaring about the room on his hair-propelled rocket crocs. "I have attained newfound life!" And then Hairy flew out the window. He was still laughing with the cucumber and the tomato. Somehow, only four-thousand words have passed thus far. Twilight Sparkle faceplanted on her open book, narrowly avoiding certain death from being stabbed by her own quill. Quills and Sofas almost lost a loyal customer there. The other loyal customer being Rarity for their sofas. Remy the rat from Rattattattaatatatttaatttaatatatattttaaatattatattatttatatatatattaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa emerged from under Twilight's random chef's hat-based plot device. The plot device was meant to detect pony plots around the mare within a ten-mile radius, and right now, it was beeping so quickly that Remy had become annoyed and had to take a break from running Twilight's mental processes. He paused as Twilight's thump from collapsing on the floor echoed around the room. He had forgotten to apply Twilight's parking brakes. Unfortunately, in the current position that Twilight is in, it is near-impossible for a rat of Remy's stature to take full control again. This will be kept in mind for later maybe. Angel Bunny watched Remy struggle to climb back onto Twilight's head, though it was clearly a fruitless endeavor. All for a piece of bread. Wait, what? You thought that this was all because of the beeping plot device? Nah, nah, Remy got hungry but decided that instead of making Twi bring the piece of bread up to the top of her head, he would just climb down and go eat it himself. Not that I'm saying that Remy has the ability to absorb nutrients from Twilight's body just by sitting on her head, but such a possibility does raise some questions that will inevitably be ignored and/or called insane by any and all within the academic community that exists around what Remy the rat is in a biological sense. Twilight Sparkle slowly began to wake up on her own. Now that she was no longer controlled by Remy the rat, she was free! She proceeded to smack face-first into the wall on the opposite side of the room. She flew around frantically, knocking herself against every physical object that existed within the room including Remy himself, for it turns out that the egghead was, in reality, a birdbrain who sought only one objective: get the out. Twilight, unfortunately, did not get the out. She still had the in. This made the mare upset. Before she could deal any physical harm to her surroundings, however, a voice whispered into her ear. "YOU MAKE BAD AND I ZAP YOU." Sweetie Giraffe's voice boomed loud and clear. Twilight shrunk away, for, even as a birdbrain, she knew not to cross the Elder Goddess. Eggs. Oops. Twilight opened the refrigerator. We won't speak of Remy again, because he now has been banished to the shadow realm. Bye-bye, Remy! Twilight took out the jug of orange juice and chugged it like it was about to expire two weeks ago. Unfortunately, this really was the case, and now Twilight has an unfortunate case of food poisoning. She felt her stomach grumble. She grumbled back at it, which scared the organ into submission. Twilight has successfully asserted dominance over her own body. "No fair!" her stomach yelled, surprising the mare. "You get to be a brain piloting a magic bone machine! I only turn mushy food into even mushier stuff for you! I want a vacation!" And then her stomach disappeared because it went on vacation from her body. Twilight can no longer digest food now. Whatever will she do? She didn't pay much attention to the question and went to take a nap. Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Princess Luna was playing Minecraft with a speaker that was shaped like a cone from a cotton candy machine and it was named phone, but who was phone in the end? Nobody really knows for sure, but Luna built a statue of a large mug filled with hot cocoa and pennies. Speaking of pennies, does Equestria even have pennies? What denominations does Equestria's currency system have? This is what we will be finding out on today's episode of Derpy Breaks Into The Treasury and Eats All The Lollipops! Stay tuned for our next episode, after this quick ad from our boy Stack of Paper! Stack of Paper did nothing. The end. Wow, that was one exciting advertisement, wasn't it, Lyle? Lyle's mouth opened, revealing the endless abyss of un-reality. The narrator shut up for a moment. Actually, you know what? I'm the narrator. The narrator I just narrated shut up, but I sure didn't! On with the show! Derpy tore open the ceiling like a tin can in the same way that one overpass tears trucks open like tin cans. "Ooh, shiny!" Derpy gasped as she dove into the stacks of phat cash. Princess Celestia didn't call the Royal Guards because she was too busy getting incinerated in the blinding light of the sun that is named Google Chrome. Princess Luna was playing Horse Simulator so she didn't notice either and all the royal guards were like dominoes because they fell one by one until the last one got shoved off a cliff onto a button that launched the fireworks. "Wheeeee!" Derpy squeaked as she threw a fistful of gold bars at Scrooge McDuck, who ate them like butter because it really is butter. SkyDoesMinecraft would be proud of Equestria's treasury system. Speaking of butter, what the heck is Butter Knife... er, I mean Shank Shack doing? Let's go take a loo-- "No. Go away." Edge McNugget snapped. "I have learnt my origins and I do not appreciate it." Oh, Butter. You don't appreciate anything. Anyway, let's cut back to what the rest of our cast is doing. Where's Rainbow Dash when you need her? Oh wait, there she is, sleeping on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-Geez, that's a lotta apples. Holy crap, AJ, what are you doing with that Mach-2 flaming pistol that shoots out railguns at the applesauce? It makes me want to throw a rock at the moon! The moon wouldn't like that though, so nobody threw a rock at the moon. It was at this point when three toads hopped up to Applejack. "Kiss one of us and we will together become a handsome prince." The toads announced together in a very harmonious tune. Applejack ignored them. "Kiss us." The toads repeated again, making whirring noises as they transformed into a giant airpod. They hopped into Applejack's ears and took her attention from her. Oh no, Applejack, watch out! Rainbow Dash is about to fall on you! Oh no, she's got airpods in! Crash, bang, boom! The apple tree was a wreck, and Rainbow Dash was still sleeping. Except now RD was sleeping on top of Applejack. Applejack was annoyed by this, so she stretched her hoof out and grabbed a garbage can lid and clapped it against Rainbow's head, which woke the mare up. "Hey, what gives?" Rainbow Dash turned into Wario and Applejack into Waluigi. "Wah!" Rainbow Dash repeated, which meant "Hey, what gives?" but in the holy tongue of Waluigi. And because we're still not done with this yet, I have decided that I will now deliver the song of my people. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Twilight Sprinkle the Pringle screeched. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" A man wearing a nice hat began to materialize over the distant mountains, singing along to the mare's anthem. It truly brought tears to the eyes of the populace, but especially Celestia, who had returned from her sunbathing tournament thoroughly toasted. She was wearing a tuxedo made out of cheesy quesadillas, which made Twilight throw up rainbows like the unicorn she was. Oh, you thought she was an alicorn? But all ponies originated from the unicorn powder once cultivated by D'othklondi'ulouus, so logically, this means that no matter who the pony is, they will puke rainbows. We are burning candlelight now, and so our romp through the mental heccscape that is this freewriting exercise must soon come to an end. But neigh, we are far from the end yet! We stand thirteen-hundred words away from our final victory, and to reach it we must traverse great mountains, led by a wise old man who has seen a great many sad things! "Follow me!" the wise old man sang. Twilight and her friends marched after, following the man through thick and thin, whether it be wind, rain, snow, or the burning thoughts that keep you up at night. "I have chronic runny nose!" Fluttershy announced out of the blue. Actually, it was out of the clear because mucus tends to be clear when it's thin, but let's not dwell on that because that's gross. Twilight wiped her friend's nose with a shark that she found in the vines. Twitter was not yet invented yet, so the sky squirrels had to eat peanuts and throw bricks to shout their opinions at each other instead. Twilight caught one of the bricks and threw it back. This is what banks mean when they say your check has bounced. They continued to march, and even passed by some goats that were created during the unleashing of Grogar, but the goats were covered in raisins and that made them very stinky, so nopony dared to go near them. They then passed through a thick rootbeer jungle. Rainbow Dash wanted to drink the entire river of cider that ran through the sky, but Applejack beat her to it and she was still a-ok. Rainbow Dash was sad that she didn't get anything to drink so she slurped up some vines like a noodle. This is how Rainbow Dash had her first encounter with a shark named Gerald. Gerald was a very friendly shark, unlike the ones that tried to pull you into pyramid schemes centered around playing go-fish with knives. It is the way of the mafia to do this. Rainbow Dash eventually had to bid her goodbyes to Gerald the friendly mafia shark, and then they went out of the jungle and fell into a sand dune made out of ice. "Wow, this iceberg goes very deep!" said Twilight who was reading a book about cars and how they like to run over people that they don't like. "Did you know that Celestia ate a wheelbarrow out of spite?" Rarity rolled her eyes and kicked the book into Pinkie's face. Pinkie absorbed it through diffusion and gained the power of book. "Yeah, Twilight, this iceberg really does go deep!" Pinkie yelled out of her mane. "Did you know that speakers are actually just mice shouting very loudly?" Fluttershy shook her head as she clutched her pearls. "Make it stop make it stop make it stop!" But then the old man said "Nah," and kept on walking. Fluttershy screamed and screamed until it stopped, but then everything went silent when they saw what they saw at the top of the mountain. Up there was a lone chicken named Scootaroo, who was actually a very long kangaroo in disguise, but for now she looked a lot like a chicken. She was about to cross the road, but decided instead to walk away and come back with her trolley problem. "Oh no, not the strawberry problem!" Twilight yelled but it was too late. The strawberries were now jam and the peaches were creamed. "I like cream corn better." Applejack commented. "They taste like applesauce and oil." She licked the motor oil off of her face. "What happened to mah sister?" But before she could say any more, A🅱🅱ul 🅱loom appeared with a bag of a🅱🅱uls. Applejack gasped at the sight of her sister having ascended to upper Applehood before she herself ever could. It was enough to make a grown mare cry, but Applejack was an overgrown mare, and that meant that she cried a lot and not at the same time, which made her existence cancel out. Applejack became Applejack and everyone decided to keep walking past A🅱🅱ul 🅱loom and Scootaroo. Sweetie Giraffe screeched in the background I think, but that might've just been the wolf railgun speaking again. Anyhow, with their trek coming to a close, the old man turned around and took off his mask. It turns out that he was Brad all along! Welcome back, Brad! You are now more relevant than Spike! Brad shook the hooves of every mare he met, and then he exploded into smoke. "Brad!" Rarity gasped, chasing the smoke with her horn. "Brad! Where is Starlight Glimmer?" "I am right here." Starlight emerged from the ground and spat out the rocks. "I ate rocks but they didn't taste good." Twilight swat Starlight Glimmer on the cheek and she spit out more rocks. It turned out that she was a Minecraft cobblestone generator, so they made a TNT farm using Starlight's spit and got rich in building resources. They rebuilt the entire mountain but bigger, and then topped it off with a healthy dose of ice cream from the ice cream factory. "I'm free!" Starlight shouted. She stopped spitting out cobblestone because the lava inside her was gone now so she joined the rest of the mares and kept on adventuring. "Wow, that's a tall mountain!" Derpy's face opened up on the side of the mountain, revealing that the real Equestrian Treasury was the friends we made along the way. "Nope!" Twilight turned around. "Nope, nope nope!" Derpy closed her mouth and her face disappeared again from the mountain. It was now raining because reasons. Nopony brought an umbrella, so they used Rainbow Dash's wings instead. Rainbow Dash was mad that she got wet from the rain, but then the rain turned into raining lollipop sticks, and suddenly everything turned into tiny Discords. Discord didn't like his Discord moderators, so he got new moderators that were good moderators. They posted general in memes. Wow, look at that! This reality is going to end soon. I'm happy that you have gotten this far. I am quite proud of you and your brain cell. It is like a fish that walks with its fin and drink air. Very happy fish that like making bubbles. Blub blub. Derpy likes bubbles, so she is now a fish that likes to drink air. Do fish breathe water and drink air? Maybe they breathe water and drink water. Or is it gatorade? Itchy itchy fish. I would hate to see the sort of carnage that would come if those fish one day decided to bring their gatorade-fueled fury to the land. Equestria would be wiped out within a matter of days, for D'othklondi'ulouus was only a tender of the land. His brother, D'inkthemali'uoliousuincc was the master of the oceans, and held a great amount more clout on Twitch when it came to streaming hot dog eating contests. Sadly, this new revelation will not be explored any further. The six mares returned to their homes, and Twilight sat back down at her writing desk where she picked up her pen again and stuffed the paper into her eyelids. Her redundant book book was nearly completion and it was nearing completion so since she was almost done with it the world was going to end soon. Thank you for reading and good night. Oh wait, it's not time for that yet. Professor Oak must be tearing his hair out right now, because we are now witnessing a horse riding a bike indoors. Sadly for him, he remains trapped in the Pokemon universe, only ever able to witness the horse universe through a one-way window called "time". Yes, Equestria is merely a show within Pokemon methinks, but then what of the horses and ponies? Are they all pokemon? Maybe. Are you a pokemon? Let's throw this master ball at you and see. Ah, I forget that we too are trapped within the confines of this dying realm. Farewell, my friends. The time we have together is short and fleeting, and little remains of it. Thank you all... Also it was Sweetie Giraffe's birthday if you didn't know. Apologies if your final brain cell has gone the way of the dodo. It's understandable if you don't remember. Also, it was Sweetie Giraffe's birthday today.
Twilight liked very, very, very dark chocolate?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
the earth ponies were even MORE over the top when they saw Izzy?Author's Note amf studios asked for this. Prepare for trailer spoilers. :V now to channel my inner Minecraft villager vibes. the earth ponies were even MORE over the top when they saw Izzy? "TACTICAL NUKE!" random Earth Pony #107617894 screeched, "LAUNCH THE TACTICAL NUKE! THERE'S A UNICORN ON OUR LANDS!" In the distance, a (somehow) aerodynamic plane made entirely out of other Earth Ponies soared overhead, dropping a cluster of Earth Ponies aimed straight for Izzy. "Boom!" they shouted in unison. Nothing happened though because they don't have the ungodly powers of Element Animation's Minecraft villagers.
the Crusaders' MLP A New Generation fanfic got edited by Twilight?Author's Note Scyphi shall be held responsible for their crimes. https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ the Crusaders' MLP A New Generation fanfic got edited by Twilight? "What? This makes no sense!" Twilight threw the stack of papers back at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "You've got so many plot holes! Are you going to ever explain them?" Apple Bloom shrugged. "That's for when the movie comes out!" "What movie?" Sweetie Belle lit her horn and brought out the movie poster. Sweetie Giraffe picked it up from her shorter counterpart and used it to whack all of them into the ground like nails.
Earth pony news? (Villager news with earth ponies.)Author's Note amf studios has been watching too much Element Animation. Earth pony news? (Villager news with earth ponies.) "Da da da da da da da da da da da da Earth Pony News." Earth Pony #186 stared blankly at the camera for a moment. "--Uh, pretend that you read that in the right tune." Earth Pony #1062 picked up her mic and took in a deeeeep breath. "BREAKING NEWS!" She screeched at the top of her lungs, "CANTERLOT CASTLE TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN, AND SO HAS THE REST OF THE WORLD!" Earth Pony #40281 flipped Earth Pony #1062 around. "Oh wait, it's all right now. How about we look at the weather? Care to share, Earth Pony #666?" Earth Pony #666 continued to smolder in the pit of flames that shall not be named. "I smell barbecue! And it appears that it is raining rocks!" A meteor made out of Earth Ponies landed behind Earth Pony #666 and exploded with loud shouts of "Boom!" "Huh. What pleasant weather we have today."
Luna got too obsessed with Sailor Moon?Author's Note Jokes on you, Kichi, I've never watched Sailor Moon! Luna got too obsessed with Sailor Moon? "Sister! What are you doing?" Celestia got no response, for Luna had smothered herself in her mountain of Sailor Moon merch. Press F to pay respects for moonbutt. ~~Until she rises again.~~
the remnants of Pineapples Inc. retaliated with the wolf railgun?Author's Note Possibly me, I deem thee the new CEO of Pineapples Inc. the remnants of Pineapples Inc. retaliated with the wolf railgun? Pineapple Pen heaved the Wolf Railgun™ over his shoulder, aiming for Sweet Apple Acres from the balcony of Pineapple Inc's new cardboard headquarters. "THIS IS FOR THE PINEAPPLES!" He screeched, pulling the trigger. All of Equestria proceeded to quickly fill up with infinitely multiplying wolves before collapsing under its own gravitational pull. Twilight Sparkle crossed off another universe in her What If book.
the CMC needed that trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck but it was still in the wash?Author's Note Scyphi is probably also just the CMC in a large trenchcoat. the CMC needed that trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck but it was still in the wash? "Raaaaarity!" Sweetie Belle wailed, "I thought you said you were gonna clean it last night!" "Nonsense, Sweetie!" Rarity kept her focus on what she was currently sewing. "No filly your age needs a trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck tall enough to fit three fillies stacked on top of each other for two days in a row!" Steve Jobs mysteriously disappeared that day.
Nightmare Moon was turned into stone instead of banished to the moon?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is the sole reason for this chapter's existence. Nightmare Moon was turned into stone instead of banished to the moon? Celestia parked her Neater-Yeeter 9000 Moon Cannon™ in the Castle of the Two Sisters' garage. She turned to Raven. "I guess we could say..." "Please refrain from making such a crude comment toward your own sister, Princess." "Lulu's stoned out of this world." Raven facehoofed.
stone was turned into Nightmare Moon?Author's Note You never specified what stone, Possibly me! stone was turned into Nightmare Moon? "Uhm... Princess?" Raven tapped Celestia on the shoulder. "I believe you should look up for a moment." Celestia rolled her eyes, setting down her copy of 'Ooga Booga Hot Mares & Stallions, a Pony Plot Publication Presented by Post, weekly!'. Yes, that there is three different punctuation marks right next to each other. The Princess of the Sun finally looked up. "LOOK AT ME, CELLY!" Nightmare Moon's voice reverberated through the air. "I TURNED MYSELF INTO THE YOUR SISTER! I'M NIGHTMARE MOON!" And that was the funniest sht Celestia had seen. Nightmare Moon proceeded to be further banished into a black hole for dead memes. Princess Luna was spotted shortly after drifting aimlessly through space now that the moon was gone.
a certain Spinosaurus ruined the micro-story by suggesting that the Kurzgesagt duck take over Equestria?Author's Note Lookin' at you, GodzillaSpino. 👀👀 a certain Spinosaurus ruined the micro-story by suggesting that the Kurzgesagt duck take over Equestria? First there was nothing. And then there was Kurzgesagt duck! All of Equestria bowed down to the might of the knowledge duck that seems to constantly spell doom to the world in increasingly creative yet eerily existential ways. And then someone brought a piece of the sun to Equestria and everything went boom and died. The end. *crosses off yet another Equestria*
ice turned into NMM?Author's Note TheVoidCaller is currently calling the void. ice turned into NMM? "Finally!" Block Carver gasped, dropping her butter knife. "My masterpiece is complete!" In a moment of complete and sheer coincidence, Frosty the Snowman's hat floated down on top of Stabby Stab's ice sculpture. "I LIIIIIIIVE!" Nightmare Moon the snowpone screeched, yeeting Shank Stick across the valley. "THE NIGHTTIME SNOW SHALL LAST FOREVER!" "Celestia?" Celestia looked up from her cake-flavored tea to her one and only ~~personal replacement~~ former student. "Yes?" "Fetch me my giant magnifying glass."
Frosty wanted his hat back, and hired somebody to get it back for him? (y'know, since he's not usually very animate without that hat)Author's Note FROSTY'S GOT A HITMAN, Scyphi! [Unpublished stories cannot be embedded] Frosty wanted his hat back, and hired somebody to get it back for him? (y'know, since he's not usually very animate without that hat) "Frosty?" Scootaloo looked up at the clearly-inanimate snowpony. "Frosty, what happened to your hat?" A low, almost whispering voice rose from Frosty's frozen body. "R a r i t y . . ." Frosty's voice wheezed. A conveniently-placed goat proceeded to eat Frosty's nose. It will not be relevant again. "Rarity?" Scootaloo gasped. Sweetie Belle gasped too, but a little quieter. Apple Bloom appul'd. "W i l l . . . p a y . . ." Frosty continued. ". . . i n . . . f u n . . ." Strangely, even without a working mouth or respiratory system, Frosty cut himself off in a fit of coughing. "Will pay in fun?" Scootaloo gasped a second time because the author is too brain-dead to think of any other reaction right now. "I'm in! What do we have to do?" "G e t . . . h a t . . . d e s t r o y . . . t h i e f . . ." Sweetie Belle rubbed her chin. "Well, I guess it would be interesting to be the one who runs Carousel Boutique, now that I think of it..." Rarity hummed to herself as her magic living mannequin (ponyquin?) helped her around the shop. "Kyle, dear?" She called, "Do you mind fetching some more fabric from storage?" Kyle the ponyquin punched a hole through the wall with his face and emerged with a piece of rotting leather. "Thank you, darling." Rarity took the strip of leather and stuffed it in her mouth. "I amf apsholutely famishedth!" "Stop right there!" Sweetie Belle exploded the door open. Scootaloo scooted in on her scooter that she named Scoots, and Apple Bloom appul'd in behind her. "Rarity! Your days of thievery are over!" "Oh, Sweethie Belle! I didnth know you were comingsh home sho quickl--" Rarity didn't finish her sentence before being banished to the moon by the Lunar Yeet Cannon that the CMC had stolen from the royal palace. Don't worry, the guards don't know yet. As for Kyle, the force of the yeet cannon had sent him flying back through the hole he came from, leaving the hat behind. "Here, Frosty, we got your hat!" Sweetie Belle placed the hat back on top of the snowpony. "I LIIIIIIIIVE!" Frosty immediately groaned, throwing both forelegs to the sky. "I HAVE RETURNED TO THE PLANE OF THE LIVING FROM THE VOID I WAS PLUNGED INTO." Scootaloo cleared her throat. "Ah, yes." Frosty cleared his throat, resulting in soggy coal dust being splattered across the fillies' faces. "Payment." Three bags of frozen Funyuns landed in front of the Crusaders. "Wait, but you said you'd pay in fun--" "--yuns." Frosty adjusted his buttons and wandered away, where he was promptly incinerated by Sweetie Giraffe. Oops.
Celestia and Luna just talked about things like rational adults rather than, y’know, that whole Nightmare Moon business?Author's Note You are my sleep deprivation demon, Possibly me. Celestia and Luna just talked about things like rational adults rather than, y’know, that whole Nightmare Moon business? "Hey, Celly? Why are you more popular than me?" "Because I'm taller than you." Celestia pat Luna on the head and wandered away for some tea. "Oh. Okay." The next day, Lulu Giraffe terrorized the streets of Equestria.
Lulu Giraffe and Sweetie Giraffe had a height-off?Author's Note This post is brought to you by the Ask Sweetie Giraffe Tumblr, ScopingLandscape! Lulu Giraffe and Sweetie Giraffe had a height-off?
Randomness happened (#20 I think)?"I believe I can flyyy~!" Celestia sung in a completely copyright-free way. "I believe I can touch the skyyyy!" "Sister, kindly remove your hoof from my mane." Luna glared at Celestia. "Or do we need yet another return of Nightmare Moon to remind you of the consequences?" Celestia shrugged. "Go nightmare, I dare you. Y'ain't any match for the Moon-Yeetatron 9000, just like last time." Luna blew a raspberry at Celestia and was promptly launched out of the solar system for "showing disrespect".
nothing happened for once?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is giving Twilight a nice nap. nothing happened for once? Twilight Sparkle set down her pen and took a nap instead. This page has been left intentionally empty. Please ignore the wall-eyed pegasus staring at you from the window.
Izzy just HAD to try the time travel spell she found?Author's Note Beware potential spoilers, amf studios! Izzy just HAD to try the time travel spell she found? "Heyyyyyy!" Izzy popped out from a nearby filing cabinet in Sunny's (to be honest, still pretty freakin' destroyed) attic. "I found this weird scroll thing! It's hard to read, but I think it's some kind of spell! I'm gonna try it out!" "Wait Izzy nO--" Starlight stuffed a hoofful of popcorn into her mouth. "First time?" Izzy didn't respond because she was being carried away by Pinkie Pie. Something about a welcome party for time travelers or something.
memes were brought to Equestria?Author's Note GodzillaSpino has roused me from my midterms-induced inactivity. memes were brought to Equestria? "Yeet." Twilight dabbed. "Da wae. Our queen is da wae." Rainbow Dash flossed into the room balancing a jar on her head. It jingled with coins. Pinkie kicked down the door behind her. "I sMELl peNnIeS!" She screeched, rattling the room with her reverberating voice. "Hey hey hey, stay outta my shed..." Fluttershy's muffled voice drifted through the closed window. Rarity didn't do anything in particular. Except roasting a marshmallow over an open fire. Huh. What an incredibly norma-- Rarity proceeded to stick her hoof into the fire. Her only response was a hundred-yard stare into oblivion. "Ow. Hot." "Y'all're crazy!" Applejack groaned. "Them's all dead memes! And Rares? Sugarcube, did you just quote the Cat in the Hat movie?" "Yes, darling. I am aware that I reenacted a moment from the live-action Cat in the Hat movie." Applejack slapped everyone for not having fresh memes. She also slapped herself because she didn't meme either.
Pipp lost her phone?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 stole Pipp's phone. :P Pipp lost her phone? "My phone!" Pipp gasped, finally realizing after ending her stream that she'd misplaced her phone. "Where's my phone? I can't do my mukbang vlog without it!" A shadow loomed overhead. "You'll get your phone back when you're taller!" Zipp's voice echoed down. "Try and get it! And no flying!" Pipp put on a pouty face and started her stream back up instead.
bringing the crystals together did something entirely different?Author's Note amf studios is yeeting more G5 content at us! bringing the crystals together did something entirely different? "It... it didn't work..." Sunny stared at the completed crystal set. "It--" A massive wave of heat and light burst from the crystals, incinerating all that the eye could see as she rose from her ancient tomb... Sweetie Giraffe had returned.
bringing the crystals together didn't do something entirely different?Author's Note Possible me is something entirely different. bringing the crystals together didn't do something entirely different? The crystals clicked together and then nothing happened for a bit but after that suddenly magic came back and Sunny became an alicorn and all that jazz and meanwhile Celly and Lulu were still in their 1000-year-long Super Smash Bros tournament I think. Ignore the screeching noises in the background. Sweetie Giraffe is still here regardless.
Izzy covered Sunny with lots of Glitter?Author's Note Is Starlight Glimmer1 covered in glitter too? Izzy covered Sunny with lots of Glitter? "Augh, my eyes!" Sprout ran out of the room. That's it. That's all that happened. Apart from Sunny having a strange dream about becoming a disco ball that night. Waking up dangling from the ceiling above dancing ponies didn't help with that.
Izzy bedazzled everyone's faces?Author's Note Level Dasher gave Izzy a glitter bottle. We are doomed. Izzy bedazzled everyone's faces? "You get sparkles, and you get sparkles!" Izzy slung the bottle of glitter at everyone she walked past. "You all get sparkles!" And so the Mare of the Glitter marched onward, leaving her blinded trail of victims screaming about glitter in their eyes. Oops.
life is a video game?Author's Note Yoshifan30 is playing life's game. life is a video game? "Level up!" The announcer's voice pinged through Twilight's skull as she set down another book with a groan. "Level up!" The voice blared again while Twilight swept the floor. "Level up!" The announcer droned yet again as Twilight choked on her spaghetti-o's. "Level up!" The clouds parted as the almighty announcer emerged, screaming the words down at Twilight as she walked past a crate of apples. "Applejack?" Twilight knocked on the door. "Applejack, I need your most powerful weaponry. I've already borrowed Pinkie's party cannon as well." Applejack opened the door, peeking through the crack. "What for?" "That announcer better level up his defenses if he wants to survive the barrage I'm about to send his way."
Sandbar had fallen for Ocellus instead of Yona?Author's Note Level Dasher's a confirmed Sandcellus shipper Sandbar had fallen for Ocellus instead of Yona? Yona waved at Sandbar as he walked past with Ocellus. Sandbar ignored Yona entirely and was instead currently imagining what amazing things he could try asking Ocellus to turn into next. Like a fire hydrant. ~~idk my brain is toast rn.~~
zipp was the one who got the note from young sunny instead of Izzy?"PEGASUUUUUS!" A nearby pony screeched. A volley of slimeballs soared through the air, hitting everything except Zipp. As for the pegasus herself, she landed with a quiet thump in front of Sunny, narrowing her eyes. "You... you're the one that sent that note, weren't you?" "Y...yes?" ~~and somewhere in the background pipp screamed in smol.~~ Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Donniehummer876!
Celestia banned Daylights savings?Author's Note twidash1993 convinced Celestia to do it. Celestia banned Daylights savings? "Ugh. Morning." Celestia grumbled. She proceeded to throw her clock out the window, single-hoofedly ending Daylights savings time by doing very much the opposite of saving daylight. And then the world cheered. I think. ~~please help my brain is fried and I still have two midterms coming next week~~
argyle was still alive?Author's Note Give Sprout a bap on the head for me Donniehummer876, will ya? ~~my lone brain cell is but a small morsel of ash rn.~~ argyle was still alive? Argyle bonked Sprout on the head again with a cupcake pan. "No more cupcakes for you." And then Sprout went home crying to his mommy because he got bonked for trying to become a dictator while Hitch was gone.
Argyle was banished to the moon? (Keep in mind that there’s no magic.)Author's Note Oh my, is that Possibly me? Argyle was banished to the moon? (Keep in mind that there’s no magic.) "LOAD HIM INTO THE YEET CANNON." Sprout boomed. "HE BONKED ME ON THE HEAD. THE WORST POSSIBLE CRIME." A slow, grinding screech of metal pierced the air as a rusty sun-adorned cannon was wheeled out of the warehouse. A muffled Argyle was heaved up into the barrel. "I hope you like bananas..." Sprout muttered the sacred words. "'Cause you're gonna go bananas... ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Sunny watched her father disappear for the second time that day. We don't talk about the first time.
Zephyr Breeze was king of Zephyr Heights?Author's Note Oh no. This is a cursed thought. Zephyr Breeze was king of Zephyr Heights? "Haha." Zephyr Breeze the Immortal lounged in his gaming chair. "It feels good to be king." "HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?!" Queen Haven peeked into Zephyr's kingly room. "I THOUGHT WE BURIED YOU THREE DAYS AGO. HOW OLD EVEN ARE YOU?" Zephyr Breeze shrugged. "Old enough to take over Canterlot and rename it after myself over the span of hundreds of years, I guess." "HOLY CRAP I MARRIED A BAG OF DUST." "A smokin' bag of dust." Zephyr grinned. Queen Haven threw him out the window for the third time that week. This is why neither Pipp nor Zipp ever mention their father.
dinosaur for absolutely no reason?Author's Note Jokes on you, GodzillaSpino is the reason. dinosaur for absolutely no reason? Princess Celestia sipped her tea. Suddenly, and for absolutely no reason... Celestia opened an eye, staring straight through the fourth wall at the narrator. Ahem. I said no reason... Still, nothing happened. Because there was no reason to. FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON-- A dinosaur burst from Celestia's teacup, sending scalding-hot leaf water in every direction. I don't know why or how, either, because there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON, YOU HEAR ME?
0 word chapter?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor demanded it. Fimfic's word counter lies. 0 word chapter?
saying "mayonnaise" made a random unicorn explode?Author's Note amf studios will singlehandedly make unicorns go extinct smh saying "mayonnaise" made a random unicorn explode? One peaceful day, long ago in ancient Equestria... er, I mean not long before Twilight Sprinkledinkle got her wings... "And would you like any toppings on your pizza?" Random Background Pony #91761593 deadpanned. "If not, your plain crust nothing-pizza will cost five-hundred thousand bits." "Five hundred thous--" Twilight shook her head. "--you know what? I'll write to Celestia about inflation rates later. I'll get my peas and mayonnaise pizza somewhere else." She proceeded to explode because this universe has bad RNG for anypony named Twilight.
Rainbow Dash was secretly a super genius whose intelligence rivals Twilight’s?Author's Note Screwit, I'm speedrunning the path to 1000 chapters. I ain't got time with spring semester comin' up to think about writing much. Also, hi Starlight Glimmer1. :V Rainbow Dash was secretly a super genius whose intelligence rivals Twilight’s? "Derpy!" Rainbow Dash slammed Derpy's nuclear bunker door open hard enough to generate a draft in the room. Whoops, that's actually the nuclear blast behind her. Better close that quick! After slamming the door shut again and miraculously not getting incinerated, Rainbow Dash rushed to Derpy, who was currently furiously typing away on her self-built supercomputer. "Derpy!" Rainbow shouted again, catching the second mare's attention, "You gotta help me! Twilight has no idea what's happening anymore, but I do! It turns out that the planet has an outer shell of highly volatile radioactive isotopes that Celestia manipulates with her magic to form a pseudo-sun burning with the power of not nuclear fusion, but fission! And now that the Royal Sisters have stepped down, there is nothing supporting this outer shell anymore! We need to build a device that can output an immense outward pressure to stabilize the atmosphere while the shell rains down, or we're toast!" "Already on it." Derpy continued typing. She stopped not long later, slamming her hoof into a big red button beside her keyboard. Faraway, a machine studded with leaded glass faux-gemstones emerged from the ground. One-by-one, each stone began to glow a brilliant white. Within seconds, the first ring of stones had fully charged. After a minute, three more. Finally, the fifth ring completed, and a solid beam of harvested mana shot into the sky. "It's working!" Rainbow gasped as she watched the rolling clouds of debris begin to fall upwards. "Derpy, it's working, you absolute madmare! You knew that the particles could be artificially bound to raw mana, didn't you? But... where did you get so much magic?" Her eyes followed Derpy's pointing hoof to a corner of the room. In it lay three fragments of what was once a whole crystal.
saying a forbidden word teleported you to another world?Author's Note Donniehummer876 is gonna do it. They're gonna say the forbidden word. saying a forbidden word teleported you to another world? "I have an announcement to make." Princess Celestia looked up from her ~~playmare magazine~~ important official paperwork. "Yes, sister?" "Ooga booga." Celestia's eyes went wide. "Nooooooo!~" But there was nothing left of Luna, for she had been teleported to another world. Luna materialized beside a large vat of RedBull. I'm sure you know what happens next.
if what?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses questions reality. if what? "Hmmmm..." Twilight pondered her orb, as any great magician does. "If not what if, then if when what if and if what?" "Why who is if when what?" Spike cocked his head. "Yes. How what where if and if what whats a and when."
Equestria's anti-virus stopped working?Author's Note Scyphi broke it. Equestria's anti-virus stopped working? "Um... Twi?" Spike poked Twilight. The mare spun around, her eyes blank as a monotone voice came from her unmoving mouth. "Please pay one million bits to the address inscribed below. Failure to procure payment will result in the loss of all data." Spike's eyes trailed down to the piece of paper Twilight was holding. He looked back up. "Why does the address match Canterlot Castle?" "Pleaaaaaaase?" Luna begged. "Just one smidge more money from the treasury for the new DLC for Advanced Horse Simulator 2000! I need that red ape skin!" Celestia shook her head. "No can do. You already emptied the treasury plenty enough. I've already had to take more...drastic measures to raise taxes to fill it back up."
Twilight Sparkle became a bodybuilder?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is feeding Twi PURE PROTEIN POWDER. Twilight Sparkle became a bodybuilder? TWILIGHT SWOKLE PUNCHED HER WAY THROUGH THE WALL. "PROTEIN." SHE SHOUTED VERY SWOLE-Y. "MUSCLE. LIFT BIG WEIGHT." TWILIGHT SWOKLE PROCEEDED TO BENCH ALL OF EQUESTRIA BUT IT WAS STILL LIKE SMOL FEATHER TO HER SO SHE TELEPORTED INTO SPACE AND NOW SHE LOOKING FOR THE PROPHETIZED ONE WHO BENCH WHOLE GALAXY. WANT TO COMPETE. AVOID SWEETIE GIRAFFE LASER.
just this once, a universe didn't end?Author's Note No end universe. On it, GodzillaSpino. o7 just this once, a universe didn't end? Twilight peacefully sipped her tea. Nothing crazy happened because this is a PEACEFUL chapter, where there is absolutely NO CHAOS. Mm-hm, this is the most PEACEFUL chapter there is, mark my words. PEACEFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING. LIKE THE KITTEN PLAYING IN THE BUSHES WITH THE BALL OF YARN. PEACEFUL, YOU HEAR ME??? And then the universe proceeded to do absolutely nothing. Twilight sipped her tea again, which was made by brewing rusty nails in a solution of vinegar and pepsi.
MLP: The Next Generation was all one big fever dream?Author's Note PrincessTwilightSparkle1 made this possible. MLP: The Next Generation was all one big fever dream? Sunny sneezed. "Y-you mean I didn't get wings and a horn?" Time Turner shut the door of the time machine. "Sunny, you've been in stasis for over a thousand years. Equestria is gone. It vanished with the magic. We are aboard the mothership Equus Hope." Derpy passed by in the background in a spacesuit. She had to fix the nuclear fusion reactor. Again.
My Little Pony was "Generic Sci-Fi Show?"Author's Note Perhaps Scyphi is a generic sci-fi show. My Little Pony was "Generic Sci-Fi Show?" Twilight lowered herself into her copyright free™ fully immersive VR experience chamber. The stasis she would be entering as she did so would have to last approximately 300,000 GigaTimeUnits for the Equestronn space ship shaped like a space ship to reach the edge of the Infinity Sector. From there, she would have to contact the Galalactic Federation of non-mispelled Galactic Federations to request for a new Warp Portal to be opened between her original time period and the current one.
the minute Sprout said 'Discord' in his song, Discord appeared.Author's Note amf studiosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss the minute Sprout said 'Discord' in his song, Discord appeared. "--discor--" "--D, I'M HOWLIN' AT THE MOON--" Discord materialized, sitting on Sprout's shoulders. "AND SLEEPIN' IN THE MIDDLE OF A SUMMER AFTERNOON--" Sprout screamed.
mayonnaise?Author's Note BezierBallad goes 🅱ing 🅱ong! mayonnaise? "BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG BIN--" "Will you just shut up?" Twilight put the mayonnaise jar back in the fridge and walked away with her sandwich. Rainbow Dash was there too, but I won't tell you where she is.
Alumx's Celestia was canon?Author's Note I told you that Equestria would burn, Horseus King of Horses. Alumx's Celestia was canon? "No no no, not 17 POUNDS, 18 pounds!" Celestia calmly requested from the nearest butler. "And don't forget the *insert word I cannot use because this is a rated E family friendly Christian story get on my level veggietales*." Equestria proceeded to catch on fire.
Luna got launched all the way into the next star system (ours)?Author's Note I think AnObliviousAuthor was the one that yeeted Luna. Luna got launched all the way into the next star system (ours)? "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No, it's--" Not-Superman proceeded to get smited by the rocketing Princess Luna that'd just entered Earth's atmosphere. The impact was enough to send Earth careening into the sun. Oops.
Spike worshiped Chef Boyardee?Author's Note I SAID WE SPEEDRUNNIN' THIS, twidash1993! Spike worshiped Chef Boyardee? "Oh, great lord of patsa and spaghet, I offer thee a sacrifice in exchange for a crömb of meatball!" Twilight struggled against the ropes. A holy spaghetti light shone through the window upon Twilight, instantly incinerating her and replacing her with canned pasta sauce. There were no meatballs, unfortunately. Also, that light turned out to be from Sweetie Giraffe, so that also happened I guess.
Rainbow was a swarm of Parasprites in the shape of a Pegasus and nobody noticed?Author's Note Been a while, whiteoak019! Rainbow was a swarm of Parasprites in the shape of a Pegasus and nobody noticed? Rainbow Dash enveloped the apple Applejack was holding and grew a little bit bigger on account of now being made of slightly more Parasprites. "Oh, that Dash," Applejack chuckled, picking another apple from a nearby basket. "Always hankerin' for a taste, aren't ya?"
instead of knowing how to do it instantly, Spike took 20 minutes learning how to fly when he first grew his wings after his molt?Author's Note Level Dasher aiming for realism, huh? instead of knowing how to do it instantly, Spike took 20 minutes learning how to fly when he first grew his wings after his molt? "Fly, my pretty!" Twilight cackled as she tossed Spike out the window. Twenty minutes of laying face-down in the hole he created after dropping like a rock later, Spike began to float upward, propelled by his now-flapping wings. "Twilight, look! I did it!" And then he flew away because being chucked out a window wasn't his idea of a good time.
Celestia was full of Pilk?Author's Note Egads, The Spy of the Tiger, where did all that pilk come from? Celestia was full of Pilk? "Celly, whatcha doin?" Celestia lay on the floor, twitching occasionally. Her stomach gurgled. Luna's eyes traced the stains on the floor to a nearby bucket, the jug of milk beside it, and the bottle of Pepsi. "Ah," the younger princess quietly nodded, "You have enjoyed the flavors of pilk, I see. I will be in my chambers pwning n00bs."
pinkie had a pandoras box or something similar?Author's Note An absolute blast from the past from lunarderpy1! (You'll have to look waaaaaaaaay back in the comments for this suggestion lol.) pinkie had a pandoras box or something similar? "Pinkie, don't open it!" Pinkie continued shaking the box. "Whaaaaat? I got this off of Amarezon! This is my new party cannon!" Twilight watched with absolute dread as Pinkie opened the box. Nothing happened except for a brand-new party cannon being pulled out the top. I'm pretty sure it counts as a firearm. Hey, isn't that illegal to ship like that? "And now for my next box!" Pinkie kicked the empty box aside. "WAIT THERE'S ANOTHE--" Lighting flashed overhead as Pinkie tore the top off Pandora's box, unleashing chaos unseen in many millennia... The Discord plushie flopped face-first onto the floor.
the Crystal Empire ran on the Source engine, but the rest of Equestria was on Unreal?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger gonna turn the Crystal Empire into one giant sfm animation. >.> the Crystal Empire ran on the Source engine, but the rest of Equestria was on Unreal? Crystal Empire burned in the distance. TF2 voice clips drifted through the air as Twilight watched from her ultra-hyperrealistic hot air balloon. She lowered her ultra 4k super-detailed binoculars. "Welp. At least they're warm now."
Twilight accidentally turned everypony in Equestria into alicorns?Author's Note Boltstrike58, hand me my thonk emote! Twilight accidentally turned everypony in Equestria into alicorns? Twilight stared directly into the disembodied camera that has been filming every chapter of What If this entire time. "Accidentally?" Princess Big Mac swooped past in the background. "Look all around you!" Twilight threw a hoof out. "Everypony is an alicorn now! And when everypony's an alicorn... nopony's an alicorn." "Twilight, please--" Celestia landed beside her former student. "You have to stop thi--" By the power of thirty nearby alicorns, the sun was accidentally sent hurtling into Equestria, incinerating everything known to exist.
Butter Knife woke up in an extrodinarily frilly dress?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor was the one that secretly put that dress on Shinkle Shankle. Now she'll come for your ankles. Butter Knife woke up in an extrodinarily frilly dress? "What the heck, what the HECK, WHAT THE FU--" Butt Knif screeched, tearing as much as she could of the extraordinarily frilly dress™ off of herself. Unfortunately, the Rated E ninjas prevent me, your dear author with negative remaining brain cells, from finishing the line of dialog. "NO. SHUT UP." Dull Spoon shouted at the ceiling. "YOU STUPID NARRATOR, COME DOWN HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU." Haha nope. Do you need time-out in the cactus box? "NO I DO NOT NEED A TIME-OUT IN THE CACTUS BOX. NOW GET DOWN HERE AND SHOW YOURSELF INSTEAD OF HIDING BEHIND THAT FOURTH WALL AND CALLING ME WEIRD NA--" Butter Knife proceeded to do an absolutely perfect recreation of the Swan Lake ballet routine all by her lonesome, straight into the cactus box. A muffled scream emanated from inside as it was set on fire and fired into orbit.
someone gave gummy a gun?Author's Note amf studios someone gave gummy a gun? The flames of Equestria crackled in Gummy's eyes. Faraway, Canterlot Castle crumbled off the side of the mountain. A zombie clambered toward the little alligator. Gummy proceeded to vaporize it with the sheer number of bullets put through its body.
spike wake up in among us ?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy club, showart! spike wake up in among us ? Spike gasped awake. He was in a spacesuit of some sort, and along with that, he was on a spaceship. A bloody knife next to him caught his eye. "O-oh no..." he whispered quietly, "I'm sus." He proceeded to be ejected from the ship. Because sussy sus baka funny dragon boi ejected go brrr.
Sunset was asked if she ever heard of Among Us?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is sus. Sunset was asked if she ever heard of Among Us? "Sunset, do you see that small vent on the floor? Have you ever heard of Among Us, Sunset?" Sunset spun around to see Discord, peeking out of a nearby floor vent. "You need to vent." Sunset's only response was a confused glare at the draconequus. "I know it will be hard for you to be sus, but I know you can do it, Sunset. I will just say we were both in--" He proceeded to be bapped with a broomstick.
Among Us except it’s only impostors?Author's Note Possibly me is the sussiest of imposters. (I'll get to the Sweetie Giraffe related ones later I don't have time for drawing rn) Among Us except it’s only impostors? Imposter #1 looked at imposter #2. Imposter #3 blinked slowly because his (her? their? its???) eyes were inconveniently glued shut with honey. Imposter #4 stabbed imposter #3. Imposter #3 tried to stab imposter #4 in response but stabbed imposter #1 while they weren't looking, and so imposter #1 stabbed imposter #2 thinking they were the one that stabbed them, and imposter #2 fell over and stabbed imposter #4 on accident while getting stabbed. Twilight Sparkle facehoofed at the most catastrophic social experiment she'd ever run.
Twilight brought the generic brand of Chef Boyardee instead?Author's Note twidash1993 is Twilight's Chef Boyardee dealer. Twilight brought the generic brand of Chef Boyardee instead? "Bleugh." Twilight spat the soggy spaghet across the room. "Where's my Chef Boyardee, Spike?" "We're out, Twi!" Spike called from the pantry. "You bought the generic brand last week 'cause the store didn't have any left!" Twilight died a little inside. Spike continued silently eating all the marshmallows out of the lucky charms box.
smol pip had hypnotic powers and attempted to use them on sweetie giraffe?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor gave Smollpipp stilts. :V smol pip had hypnotic powers and attempted to use them on sweetie giraffe?
the cake Celestia bought was a lie?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is vibin'. the cake Celestia bought was a lie? "HERESY!" Celestia screeched as she barreled through the aisles. "ALL OF YOU. HERETICS." "Prince--" one pony raised a hoof before being vaporized using the power of the sun. "YOU." The Sun Princess seethed, grinding her hooves into the counter of Portal Bakery. "YOUUUUUUUU... little..." It is said that the solar flare that erupted from the bakery that day frightened extraterrestrials within a 100 light-year radius.
Chef Boyardee went out of business?Author's Note Scyphi is the one that put Chef Boyardee out of business. Chef Boyardee went out of business? "NOoooooooo!" Twilight wailed as she fell to her haunches in front of the shuttered Chef Boyardee factory. "Not the pastaaaaa!" A brilliant light shone upon the factory. Angelic voices sung all around as the clouds parted. Twilight looked up, squinting in the light. Celestia descended from above with a potato-sack full of bricks and slammed them down on Twilight. I have no idea how we got here.
Zombies?Author's Note Pretty sure I did something similar to this already but I ain't about to read through 700+ chapters now, Stuff. Zombies? Twilight walked past the shambling zombie. "Oh, a zombie. Neat." Twilight walked past the second zombie and whacked it with the first zombie's head.
Twilight replaced the Chef Boyardee with Spaghettios?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger owns a spaghettios factory. Twilight replaced the Chef Boyardee with Spaghettios? "BEHOLD," Twilight screeched, "SPAGHETTIOS!" "No no," Spike pushed Twilight's hooves down. "The phrase is 'Uh oh, spaghettio'." Twilight stared at the newly-burnt hole through the floor made by Spike pitching a vial of highly corrosive acid at said floor. She looked back up at the dragon. "I know, I know, I used three different punctuation marks in a row, making for a somewhat strange reading experience. I'll see myself out." "You better."
zombies weren't that bad because ponies don't eat meat?Author's Note Quick, The Spy of the Tiger, toss me some carrots! zombies weren't that bad because ponies don't eat meat? "Braaaaaaains... brrraaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss..." the shambling zombie murmured as it... uh, shambled towards Twilight. "You won't eat me, ponies don't eat meat!" The zombie paused for a moment. It proceeded to turn around and start shambling towards Sweet Apple Acres. "Apples... aaaaaaaaaapplllllleeeessssssss..." This is now Applejack's problem.
What if Rainbow Dash was actually a zombie, and on nightmare night she ate everypony's brains?Author's Note KingSombraTheTyrantRuler rules over all! What if Rainbow Dash was actually a zombie, and on nightmare night she ate everypony's brains? "Braaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnssss..." Rainbow Dash groaned. "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnsssssss..." "Oh, hi Rainbow." Twilight walked past. Rainbow turned around, sniffing the air. "No braaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnssss..." And then the next day came around and nopony was left in Ponyville except Twilight.
Apple family was responsible for Bloom and Doom Co.?Author's Note Don't mind the wee break I took, GodzillaSpino! Still on track to What If 2 by the end of the year! Apple family was responsible for Bloom and Doom Co.? "Uh, Applejack?" Rainbow Dash peeked over the edge of the tree. "Why does that plant have a face?" "IT'S FER KILLIN' ZOMBIES!" Applejack shouted, mowing down another zombie with her Gatling Pea. "Wait, there's zombies?" "Rainbow, have you seen ponies' lawns these days?" "No... I've been in the sky." "Oh."
someone tried to assinate rainbow dash... with a rubber ducky.Author's Note amf studios is responsible for all potential damages and/or loss of property (eg. brain cells) resulting from reading this chapter. someone tried to assinate rainbow dash... with a rubber ducky. "I'm going to ~~assinate~~ you!" someone shouted as they threw a rubber duck at Rainbow Dash. "No swears!" Pinkie bonked someone with a squeaky hammer. And because this is a rated-E story, Rainbow proceeded to get turned into a donkey when the duck hit her. Pinkie walked away satisfied because this chapter now does not contain swears I think. Rainbow Dash has been successfully assinated.
it started raining bananas and Discord had nothing to do with it?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is the inexplicable reason for the banans. it started raining bananas and Discord had nothing to do with it? A banana fell on Twilight's face. "Sorry!" Derpy apologized for the nth time that day. Ignore the fact that she's been systematically targeting ponies with governmental power for banana-ing. Discord fumed about the fact that the chaos wasn't caused by him.
Twilight tried to microwave all of Ponyville?Author's Note Oh hecc i forgot that this story existed for a hot second there. Been busy trying to put Minecraft on things that really shouldn't run Minecraft. Boltstrike58 got a buttload of updoots on this comment, so here it is. :V Have a longer chapter to make up for the no-chapter days. Twilight tried to microwave all of Ponyville? Celestia landed with a less-than-graceful thud on the ground beside Twilight... right after she'd slammed face-first into the glass window of the giant microwave being lowered over Ponyville. "Twilight." Celestia popped up, brushing herself off with her wings. "What is the meaning of this?" "I found out that it will, in fact, blend. So now, I wanna see if it'll explode!" Celestia looked between the looming microwave and Twilight. "Blend? Explode? In the name of my left nostril hairs, what are you talking about?" "Ponyville." Twilight kicked a cardboard bush on wheels over the piles of mush behind her. "I wanted to see if it'd blend, and it blended. Now I'm conducting a study in which I compare the energetic state of the town to that of an egg, when both are placed within a large device that uses high-energy electromagnetic waves to transfer heat energy into objects." Celestia narrowed her eyes. "And what happens to the egg?" "It explodes!" Twilight threw her clipboard up and then sheepishly ate it again. She wiped her mouth. "--Excuse me for my excitement. This is an experiment on unprecedented scales!" "So you intend to detonate all of Ponyville and its inhabitants with a giant microwave." Twilight nodded so quickly that she started generating lift. "Where did you even get a microwave this big?" "I took the one in your kitchen and made it bigger. Don't ask how." "Ho--" "Shut!" Twilight pinched Celestia's mouth shut. "I said don't ask!" The microwave finally touched down on the ground, trapping Ponyville and everyone in town inside its metal walls. "By the way, I had to cut the bottom off to do that. I hope you don't mind." Celestia mourned the loss of the microwave's neat spinny glass plate thing, but nevertheless watched on. "So you've broken into Canterlot Castle's kitchens, stolen my microwave, mutilated it beyond belief, and are now about to use it to conduct what will inevitably result in the destruction of an entire inhabited town?" "Eyup." Celestia sighed, facewinging as she walked away. She returned moments later with a pair of 3D glasses. "I support my former student's endeavors fully, wherever and whatever they may be. I shall help in monitoring this experiment. I assume the control group is the state of Ponyville before it became enclosed by the microwave?" Twilight nodded again, ignoring the peculiar dull pounding coming from within the giant metal box. She glanced down and slammed her hoof onto a conveniently-placed red button. Twilight Sparkle, Ruler Supreme of the Many Realities of What If crossed off yet another Equestria from the list.
Twilight found a cure for stupid?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 knows what's in the soup. Twilight found a cure for stupid? "SPIEK!" Twilight slammed the door open. "I FOWN'D THE CUUR 4 STOOPID!" Spike was so offended by the sheer number of grammatical errors Twilight emitted within two breaths that he looked up from his comic book. "IS STEW OF PID!" Twilight dropped a cauldron filled with... something in front of him. "IDUNNO WHAT IN IT." Spike facepalmed. "You..." "YES ME!" Twilight cut him off. She dunked her head in the cauldron. "I found a cure for stupid, and it's this broth I found!" But by then Spike had already left the room.
Twilight's status as melon queen gave her a frighteningly loyal bat pony army?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is responsible. Twilight's status as melon queen gave her a frighteningly loyal bat pony army? "I am the Melon Queen, Queen of the melons!" Twilight's voice rung all throughout the various melon-based structures that made up her new Melon Palace. The giant cantaloupe, for one, was made entirely out of winter melon. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Her loyal batpony army eeee'd in unison. Though the Melon Empire was indeed melon-centric, they paid handsomely in mangos to their troops. "Tonight, we will bridge to the moon!" Twilight boomed. The roof opened up, revealing towering spires of melons reaching far into the sky. "We will do what no rocket or shuttle has done before, and connect the planet Equus to the moon with our blessed melons!" Thunderous applause filled the air as batponies broke off for the melon farms to prepare. Twilight herself took to the air as well, countless melons trailing in her magical grasp behind her. "Yeah, Celly?" Luna stammered into the phone. "--yeah. They're here. The melons are here." Celestia didn't respond, for the Pumpkin Nation was busy themselves bridging to the moon.
Twilight's plan of connecting Equus and the moon with melons attracted Sweetie Giraffe because it was too tall?Author's Note ONLY SWEETIE GIRAFFE, Horseus King of Horses! Twilight's plan of connecting Equus and the moon with melons attracted Sweetie Giraffe because it was too tall? "HAHA!" Twilight cackled as she wedged the last melon between Equus and the moon. "I have done the did it! I did the connected the moon and Equus with melon thes!" A solid beam of laser light ripped through every single melon, including the one Twilight had just placed, through the moon, out the other side, and into the distance. "Oh nooooooooooooooes!"
Sunburst and Starlight weren't childhood friends?Author's Note Welcome to the crazy train, Decokelow! I more or less stopped watching around season 6, so I'm just rollin' with this suggestion for now. :V Sunburst and Starlight weren't childhood friends? It was an absolutely stunning day when Twilight Sparkle of house Sporktacles walked into Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens. There was a friendship problem to solve here, and together with her merry band of ~~bards~~ ~~murder hobos~~ ~~cannon fodder~~ ~~distractions~~ friends, by Celestia's nonexistent beard she was gonna solve it! "Hey hey, ol' buddy ol' pal, tell us what the deal is with this funky town!" Pinkie m̲̹̹̭̫ͤ̍͋ͯͤ̿̐́ ͉̎ͩ̀̄͊̚̕à͈̓ͭ̈́͋͛́͘ͅ ̷̱̫̦͉͍̹́̌͂̐̎t̢̜ ̮̞̣̤͈̀̿͒e̟̮̖̬ ̸̲͍̪̽̐ͩ̍̂rͦͩ͗̉͐̀ ͙̘̻̮͖̔ͤͣͅi͉͉̳͚͆͂͐͛ͩ̓̅́ ̦̱̟ͩ̍̽̚̚à̛̜̩͙̖ ̇̍͌̍͐̇͏̱̯̝̭̪ͅͅl͈̠̣̟̩͚̰̉ͯ̄̽̚̚ ̛̤̞̤̫͚ͩĩ͈̯͉̯͕͊͢ ̏̍̅̌̿̚͘z͚͕͊̑̽̓̿̆ ͓̄͢e̠̦̜͎̱̖͒̇ͣ̿̆ ̸̘̖̾ͩͦ̽d̮̦̥̙̱̮̑̔͝ in front of an Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nonthing Weird or Strange Ever Happens fellow. "Is it Starlight poking ponies with her poking stick to make them not-special again? Oh wait, that's a different universe! Whoopsies!" The pony that resided within Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens slowly blinked, one eye at a time. "News update!" Pinkie popped out of Twilight's mane. "They aren't talking!" (This is a normal thing in Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens.) Twilight stamped her hoof down. It made a little froggy print in the dirt. "Bring us to your leader!" "Hm?" Starlight Glimmer, Goddess-Emperess and Patron Saint of Absolutely Totally Normal Town where Nothing Weird or Strange Ever Happens descended from above, letting her self-levitation aura flicker into nonexistence to set herself down on the ground. "Is something the matter, esteemed Princess of Friendship?" "There is indeed something the matter!" Rarity shouted from the back of the group. "Everypony's naked! They need hats at once!" Starlight Glimmer proceeded to abruptly find herself the proud (and certainly confused) owner of a brand-new hat. It was shaped like a duck, as many hats tend to be. "Apples." Applejack Applejacked. "Apples indeed." Twilight agreed. She turned to Starlight. "I assume you are the mayor of this town?" "Hmmmm..." Starlight twirled her fancy fake mustache. "I suppose so." Rarity gasped. "A pony of high status demands a hat of equal status!" It was not a moment later when Starlight found herself the still-confused owner of a goose hat, perched precariously atop the duck hat. "Well, from one leader to another," Twilight continued, waving off Rarity's attempts to stack a third hat on Starlight. "What the actual frickle frackle frazoodle is going on here that made our magic map thing scream at us?" Starlight shrugged. An explosion far in the distance behind her sent a stallion cartwheeling through the air before landing with a second explosion. Starlight put on sunglasses. Starlight took off her sunglasses. Starlight put the sunglasses on Twilight, but they were upside-down. Twilight swat the sunglasses off of herself and slapped Starlight across the face. "WHERE'S THE FRIENDSHIP PROBLEM I'M GONNA MELT INTO A PUDDLE IF I DON'T SOLVE ONE SOON." Celestia shied away from the edge of the cloud, tossing aside her Ultra-Magnifier-6000™, guaranteed to melt any pony within five seconds of contact with its concentrated light rays. Twilight knew the consequences to come if she didn't solve a friendship problem soon. "Okay, okay..." Starlight sighed, rubbing her cheek. She stepped aside, gesturing to follow. "Sincerely doubt you will be turned into a puddle anytime soon, but--" A random background pony behind Twilight got turned into a puddle. As a surprise treat. Celestia cursed under her breath. "Look ma, no bones!" the puddle pony grinned. "--Alright." Starlight turned away. "I'll pretend I didn't see that. Follow me." And so the six trailed Starlight for what seemed to be ages. They climbed mountains, crossed rivers, and scaled the ends of the earth day after day, night after ni-- "We're here." Starlight grumbled. She turned around and knocked on a door. She could still hear the puddle pony saying something about having gained a new insight on life. Slowly, the door creaked open, allowing for the overwhelming darkness contained inside to spill out. A garbled noise of some sort billowed out, blasting them all back several steps. "Apples!" Applejack apple'd. She threw down her hat and started stomping on it. Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be found because she already flew into the darkness and may not ever return. "Hey guys look who I found?" Rainbow's voice came from within. Fluttershy was promptly thrown out the door. "This is where she's been hiding all those years! You're it now, Flutters, start counting!" Fluttershy muttered something about death and taxes before she turned around and started counting against a wall. Twilight and the rest automatically scattered because a sacred game of hide-and-seek was not something to be missed. Starlight facehoofed. "Fine, I'll do it myself." She stumbled into the house and booted Sunburst, AKA xXx420NoScop3G4mer69xXx out the window. That poor stallion needed to find himself some friends, but clearly these mares weren't gonna cut it. And then Twilight Sparkle was never seen again the end and so the world went boom when the Storm King rolled in a while later.
the root vegetable kingdom won the space race Twilight accidentally started?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger knows what's up. the root vegetable kingdom won the space race Twilight accidentally started? "Give up now, Twilight!" Sunset Shimmer cackled atop her stack of carrots to the sun. "I have eaten so many carrots that I have gained divine carrot powers, and my vision is equal to that of the gods! No amount of staring at the sun can harm me like it does to the rest of you mortals!" Twilight shaded her eyes with a wing from atop her stacks of watermelons. "Wat."
Chancellor Neighsay was the main antagonist of School Raze instead of Cozy Glow?Author's Note idk have a second chapter i guess, Decokelow. i never actually watched any episodes with chancellor neighsay in it lol Chancellor Neighsay was the main antagonist of School Raze instead of Cozy Glow? "Garrrrrrrr I'm Chancellor Neighsay and I'm the big bad!" (maybe) Chancellor Neighsay, who totally wasn't a cardboard cutout shouted. "I am going to raze this school and everyone in it!" The cardboard cutout pulled out a cardboard flame thrower. The school promptly burst into flames. The end.
.....why?Author's Note Hey ho, it's GodzillaSpino! .....why? "WHYYYYYYYYY?" Twilight screeched, throwing her hooves up in the air. "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" "Uh, Twilight?" Spike cracked open the door. "You alright there?" "WHYYYYYYYYY?" Twilight continued to wail, sobbing into her mac n' cheese. "WHY DO I EXIIIIIIIST?" "O...kay..." Spike quietly shut the door and walked away. He saw nothing.
Twilight made immor-tall-i-tea?"I'll show them..." Twilight grumbled under her breath as she stirred the cauldron. "I'll show them all! Rulers should be the tallest of the population... heheh, then I'll be taller than anypony else!" Spike walked into the room and promptly walked out of the room again without a word. "And now..." The breathless alicorn stood back for a moment to marvel at her bubbling creation. "Now, there's only one thing left to do." She dipped a teacup into the brew. It immediately became very tall and equally unbreakable as it filled. She took a sip, and instantaneously her legs grew a little longer as her lifespan extended. And then Sweetie Belle proceeded to fall face-first into the cauldron from the newly-torn hole in the ceiling. "Hey Twi." "Hi Sweetie." "...That hurt."
Grubber become a twist villain in the My Little Pony Movie (2017)?Author's Note I must apologize to Legofan456 for obliterating their brain cells so soon after they joined the site. 🙏 Grubber become a twist villain in the My Little Pony Movie (2017)? "Yay. Yippee." Spike clapped in monotone. "We saved the day. I wonder what would've happened if we actually used the lunar yeet cannon for once. Or the giant cheese grater. Or the concerningly large vat of acid that is kept underneath Canterlot Castle for so-called garbage disposal purposes." A large shadow loomed over them. And because I didn't bother remembering all that much about the MLP movie despite having gone to the theater to watch it with some friends, I will now proceed to absolutely nuke my attempts of depicting Grubber. It is now my personal headcanon that he simps for the Storm King. "UWU STORM KING-SAMAAAAAAA~" Grubber's booming voice echoed over the land. He had grown very powerful by secretly eating all of Celestia's goddess-cakes and now he is using that power to SIMP. "I FOLLOWED YOU ON EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA YOU HAVE AND PAID MY LIFE SAVINGS TO YOUR ONLYFLAMS!" "Dear Celestia..." Rainbow Dash removed her coolness™ sunglasses. "We're all gonna die."
Sweetie Giraffe was (heavens no) benevolent?Author's Note Sweetie Giraffe awaits you, GodzillaSpino. Sweetie Giraffe was (heavens no) benevolent? "MAKE FLOWERS. DO A HAPPY." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, prancing through the open fields the best that she could. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a run-down shack. There was a pony inside it, holding a knife. And another pony, screaming. "NO." Sweetie shot her eyeball lasers at the shack, lighting it instantly on fire. "STOP CRIME." The other pony that was screaming was also now a giraffe by the way. Sweetie Giraffe just has that kind of power. Unfortunately, because the laser doesn't care, the pony wielding a knife also is a giraffe too. So is the knife. Have you ever seen a knife giraffe? Because now we have a flaming giraffe chasing another flaming giraffe with a giraffe knife. Sweetie Giraffe walked away, satisfied that she had stopped(?) another crime.
Twilight was yellow instead of purple?Author's Note You're in for a doozy, Starlight Glimmer1. Twilight was yellow instead of purple? Twinana stepped out of the banana factory. She was a brand-new banana pone, and she was going to do big banana pone things. She knocked on the door of Spike the Dragon, the resident dragon librarian of Ponyville. "Henlo! Am Twinana! I come in?" There was a surprised mumble, followed by what could only be assumed to be roughly a shelf's worth of books all falling at once. Twinana kicked down the door with her banana powers before Spike could open it. "I come in! Much books! Very knowledge! Will learn to be good pone!" Spike scratched his head as he watched the absurdly yellow unicorn waddle past him into the maze of shelves. "Hello? Twinana?" Spike wandered through the aisles, calling the mare's name. "You've been in here for a week now! Are you alright? I know there's vending machines and water fountains and such, but you really should come out at some point!" "TWINANA ALL POWERFUL." Twinana materialized atop one of the shelves beside the dragon. "TWINANA LEARN THE MAGICKS. WILL GO BECOME STUDENT NOW." "I, uh--" Spike raised a claw, but Twinana was already gone. "CELESTIA!" Twinana kicked down the door of Canterlot Castle. Unfortunately, the door was blown off its hinges with such force that the pony that Celestia was currently having tea with while discussing official matters had vanished without a trace. "HOLY FRICK." Celestia looked up from her tea. "I YOUR STUDENT NOW." Twinana nuzzled herself up beneath Celestia's wing. "WILL BE GOOD STUDENT NOT LIKE SUNSET SHIMMER." Celestia shrugged and continued sipping her tea. "NIGHTMARE MOOOOOOOOOON!" Twinana yelled, pointing her horn at Nightmare Moon. Behind her stood her new friends. Applejack looked very mildly disturbed, but that wasn't important. "YOU REIGN OF TERROR END NOW!" Nightmare Moon screeched as the rainbow laser from the Elements of Harmony enveloped her. As the light faded, all that remained was a very yellow Princess Luna. Faraway, Celestia grinned wider than she'd ever grinned before. "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" Twinana sang with all her heart. You know the rest of the song. Discord decided that it was so beautiful that he stopped trying to torment everypony and turned himself back into stone. "KWEEN CRISPALISTH!" Twinana yellowed, standing between Princess Cadance and Queen Chrysalis. "NO TOUCH PRINCESS OR BROTHER." Shining Armor scratched his head. When did he have a sister? Queen Chrysalis cackled loudly before being turned into a potato chip. "MISTER SOMBRERO." Twinana slapped King Sombra across the face with Spike, who deeply regretted tagging along. "OWNING PONIES BAD. YOU GO TO FOREVER TIME-OUT BOX." That was, of course, Spike's queue to whip out his flamethrower. By the time he was done, all that remained was slag from Sombra's armor. "DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" Twinana sang again. This time it was so beautiful that Discord fell in love with Fluttershy I think. "I SMITE THEE, FOUL DEMON!" Twinana boomed with her godlike voice as she hovered above Sunset Shimmer. "RAINBOW, PLAY DOOM MUSIC!" Sunset Shimmer was promptly smited by more rainbow friendship lasers and was un-demonified. The demon turned into a banana. "BAD WEIRD MAN BULL THING!" Twinana screeched, swooping down over Tirek. "YOU DESTROY SPIKE LIBRARY. HE IS MAD." "Bah! So what if he's upset?" Tirek laughed, attempting to drain Twinana of her banana magic. Unfortunately it turns out he was allergic to bananas so instead he died. "FISH LADIES, HAVE YOU EVER HAD FISH TACOS?" Twinana sang at the Dazzlings. Sonata, with her obsession with tacos, gasped and ran off-stage to Taco Bell while the other two Dazzlings depowered now that there weren't three of them. "OKAY RAINBOW FRIENDSHIP LASER NOW." Twinana passed the microphone to Sunset Shimmer, who smited the other two with a rainbow friendship laser that was very much bacon scented. "WHY YOU TAKE CUTIE MARK?!" Twinana repeatedly slapped Starlight across the face. "TAKE CUTIE MARK IS MEAN. WHY YOU DO IT?" Starlight coughed in between slaps. "B-because... m-my friend moved away for school." But Twinana didn't hear that because she was busy slapping Starlight. She then threw Starlight off the side of a cliff and gave everypony back their cutie marks. Strangely, everypony from that town now has banana-related cutie marks, so I guess they were all part of one big banana farming town or something. "YOU AGAIN." Twnana lunged at Starlight and began slapping her across the face with banana peels again as they fell into a time travel portal. "WHY YOU BREAK TIME? GIVE TIME BACK AND FIX." One of her slaps conveniently blocked Starlight's attempts to launch an anti-aircraft missile at a filly Rainbow Dash, thus allowing the Sonic Rainboom to happen and saving all of Equestria. After a few more hours of slapping Starlight finally decided that maybe it was better to be a good pone so that she doesn't get slapped by banana peels. "IT MEEEEEE!" Twinana pressed her face up against her human counterpart's ankle. "IT REALLY ME FOR REALLLLLL!" Human Twinana cringed and took a step back. "ISSA BABYYYYYY!" Twinana cooed at Flurry Heart. Her natural banana fragrance calmed the alicorn filly enough that she didn't accidentally shatter the Crystal Heart. "POTATO CHIP QUEEN." Twinana kicked down the door to the throne room of the long-since potato chip-ified Queen Chrysalis. "YOU HAVE NEW KING NOW I THINK THAT MEAN YOU HAVE NEW HUSBANDO." "No. Ew." Queen Chrysalis noped out of there, leaving the new King Thorax to take over. "LOOK AT ME I DO THE LIMBO!" Twinana bent over underneath the bar. This was also conveniently the freeing ritual to unlock the Pillars of Equestria DLC, which unfortunately had a weird glitchy thing called the Pony of Shadows in it as well. "OH NO RAINBOW TIME." Twinana got together with her friends and instantly blasted the Pony of Shadows into oblivion, leaving a very confused (and yellow) Stygian behind. "GRUBBER IS A SIIIIIIIIIMP!" Twinana yelled through her megaphone as she pointed a hoof at Grubber. "GRUBBER SUBSCRIBE TO STORM KING ONLYFLAMS TOP-TIER PATREON AND HAVE STORM KING SHRINE IN BEDROOM!" The Storm King choked on his coconut water as news of his biggest fan reached his ears. The choking made him accidentally swerve his airship into the other side of Mount Canterhorn, causing it to explode. "I LEARN FROM BOOK SO NOW YOU CAN TOO!" Twinana stood before the ribbon at the grand-opening of her new School of Friendship. "IT VERY VERY EASY! GET LOST IN BOOK FOR ONE WEEK AND BECOME ONE WITH BOOK!" Everyone clapped while awkwardly chuckling. "OH NO SMALL ANGRY CHILD!" Twinana drop-kicked Cozy Glow out the window into the conveniently placed bottomless pit straight into Tartarus beside the school. "BAD GOAT MAN THAT IS ACTUALLY CLOSE FRIEND." Twinana slapped Discord across the face with the biggest banana peel anyone had ever seen. "WHY YOU DO DIS?" "Ow. Geez. Oof." Discord deadpanned. "Fine, it was just a prank bro." Queen Potato Chip, zombie Tirek and Cozy Glow were then publicly stoned and now they are stoned forever I think. "LUSTER GRAPE." Twinana yeeted Luster Dawn into the horizon. "YOU GO SOLVE ALL PROBLEM NOW I FEEL LAZY." And so she did but badly and that's how Equestria crumbled. The end.
Sprout ruled the equality village instead of Starlight Glimmer?Author's Note BezierBallad is the one that gave Sprout the time machine. Sprout ruled the equality village instead of Starlight Glimmer? "NO MORE MARKS." Sprout shouted through his megaphone. "I WASN'T EVER SPECIAL SO NONE OF YOU SHOULD BE EITHER." Twilight made a face. "That sounds... incredibly sad. Do you need a hug?" "NO, AND ANYONE WHO SPEAKS UP AGAINST ME WILL BE FED TO THE GIANT ROBOT."
the giant robot broke down?Author's Note Dar gods above, Scyphi, you've doomed us all! the giant robot broke down? "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Sprout wailed, tears pouring from his eyes. "Sproutimus Prime! You were my only hope in this world!" Sunny leaned to Hitch. "Should we tell him that it's unplugged?" Hitch shook his head. "I needed you to be big and strong to crush all the nonbelievers like soda cans under my hooooooooof!"
Twinana started a banana republic."And by holy decree," Twinana smacked her lips as she adjusted her banana-scented glasses. She continued reading the scroll to the fearful populace below. "All of what is formerly known as the nation of Equestria will now be recognized as the Banana Republic." "But what about them apples?" Applejack yelled. She was promptly excommunicated from the holy banana church in disgrace. That's it. Equestria's gone bananas. Author's Note Starkice, a man has fallen into the river in Lego City!
become a vampire hedgehog named "Grubbicula" and hungers for blood.Author's Note Legofan456, have you heard of our lord and savior, Sweetie Giraffe? become a vampire hedgehog named "Grubbicula" and hungers for blood. "I THIIIIIIRST!" Grubber screeched into the abyss. "FOR BLOOD!" "Really now." Twilight emerged from the shadows. "Are you sure you don't thirst for... The Storm King?" She tore the drapes off the windows, letting the sunlight pour into the room and incinerating Grubbicula. ~~idk that's all I've got for this one lol~~
the intro chapter was rewritten?Twilight pushed the Final Book™ off the table. She didn't even bother to watch as it tumbled over the edge to the floor with a heavy thump. Following the book's example, Twilight too slumped to the floor. She let out a groan halfway between "that hurt" and "ouch". Maybe she just needed to touch some grass. Yeah, that'll do good. Twilight flung herself out the window, spreading her wings wide and soaring up into the air. Somehow, the falling glass didn't hit a single pony. A cool breeze from the fan taped to Rainbow Dash's back blew through her mane, and the sun scorched the ever-loving daylights out of her face. She landed superhero-style at the train station and inadvertently created a crater big enough to derail the incoming train. And then, it hit her: she had absolutely nothing left to do. And then the train hit her. "SPIKE!" Twilight blasted the doors off of their hinges. "SPIIIIIKE! I WISH TO HAVE ALL THE CONFIDENCE OF A NOVICE FANFICTION WRITER WHO THINKS THEY'RE HOT STUFF. I WANNA WRITE A STORY." Spike looked up from his comic book that had just been freshly ripped to shreds by the shockwave caused by the door being sent to the shadow realm. "I WANNA WRITE A STORY BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRIIIIIIIIIIITE!" Twilight slammed both hooves to the sides of Spike and lifted him up, violently shaking him to within an inch of his rapidly-deteriorating sanity. "WHAT SHOULD I WRIIIIIIIITE?" "Okay, okay--" Spike pushed Twilight away. "First of all, what has gotten into you? Second of all, what happened to reading? Why do you want to write all of a sudden?" "Because I'm bored," Twilight draped herself Rarity-style over the back of a conveniently-placed sofa. "And you know what happens when I'm bored." Spike shuddered at the mentioning of The Disaster™™. "And I already read all the books anyway." Twilight raised a hoof. A tub of Princess Size™ ice cream floated over to it, followed by a spoon. "So... you want to write a book... because you're bored?" Twilight gasped. "Writing a book? Why didn't I think of that? You're a genius, Spike!" She fell silent for a moment, probably pondering deep in thought. Or scarfing down another scoop of ice cream. "But what should I write about?" If facepalms could kill, Spike would've sent the entire planet hurtling into a black hole. "Twi, are you stupid?" "Maybe!" Spike shook his head, walking back to his "room" for another "comic book". As for Twilight... Twilight silently perched atop the highest spire of her castle. It was silent up here--just how she liked it. She watched the flickering lights of the houses below shine through their windows, casting long shadows into the pathways surrounding them. A patchwork of smoke curled towards the sky, blotting out the moon when the wind was right. This was nice. The perfect scene for her world-ending fantasies. A manic grin spread across her face from ear to ear as a low cackle bubbled up from her throat. "What if..." Author's Note idk i should be studying for my midterm exam on Monday but I wrote this instead :P
Spike dug a hole to China?Author's Note You try hearing someone say hi from the other side of a world through a hole, twidash1993. :V Spike dug a hole to China? Twilight peered down the hole. "Is that a hole to China, Spike?" "Yup." "你好！" Twilight shouted down the hole. But because the hole is very long and very deep nopony on the other end could hear anyway.
Legion of Doom won because they were all forklift certified?Author's Note Anything but the forklifts, Starlight Glimmer1! Legion of Doom won because they were all forklift certified? "Haha!" Cozy Glowtruck cackled from inside her forklift mech. "You can't stop me because I'm forklift certified!" Twilight looked up and down the towering behemoth of shuddering forklifts. One popped off the hip and rocketed off into the horizon. "Yeah okay we're beat." Twilight turned around. "C'mon girls let's go get some ice cream." Queen Chrysalis swerved in front of Twilight, stopping her from taking another step. She wiggled her brows. "Need a ride?" Twilight raised a brow. She lit her horn and forcefully raised the brows of her friends as well. Chrysalis slapped the back of her seat with a hole-y hoof. "You ain't fighting us, so we're buds now. This bad boy can fit all of your pony weirdos in it." And so Twilight and her friends got on Chryssi's forklift and drove off to the local McDonald's where they quickly found out that the ice cream machine was broken. Chrysalis cackled the entire way back. Meanwhile I think Tirek and King Sombra are forklift-fighting.
Chancellor Neighsay had a reason for his racist behavior?Author's Note I'm double-posting today 'cause I don't have anything better to do right now, Decokelow! Chancellor Neighsay had a reason for his racist behavior? "Tell us." Twilight held Neighsay up against the wall. "What is your secret to your racism?" "Ahem." Chancellor Neighsay cleared his throat in a totally-Chancellor-Neighsay way because I never actually watched any episodes with him in it and also wait hold on isn't Twi holding him by the neck like that meme with Sasuke whatever--*gaaaaaaaaaaaasp* "It all started when I was a small child. I was a very poor colt back then, and my mama made me go out on the street every day to sell wind to ponies. I charged ten bits for every minute that I fanned ponies with a branch, but nopony ever actually bought my wind. I still don't get why my mama wanted me to do that. But then, one day, a pegasus saw me with my stick and asked me what I was doing waving it at the ponies passing by on the street. I was embarrassed, knowing that a pegasus could fan ponies far better than I ever could, and said I was aiming the stick to throw it at the next pony that came along. The pegasus looked at me weird after that, so I threw the stick at them instead." "...That's it?" "Yes." Twilight slapped Neighsay across the face and then threw him at a stick.
Discord's Forklift Alliance fell apart because the fishhooks kept poking the pokers?Author's Note Not the pokers, Horseus King of Horses, anything but the pokers! Discord's Forklift Alliance fell apart because the fishhooks kept poking the pokers? Discord stared intensely at the fishhooks. "You'd better not poke the pokers again." The fishhook proceeded to do exactly that. "Fiddlesticks!" Discord shouted, because the poker that was meant to be used for poking ponies was now overly poked by the fishhook, meaning that it was no longer able to poke and that meant that an integral part of Discord's Forklift Alliance was now moot. "Psh. With fishhooks and pokers, you say." A disembodied voice rang through his head. "More like with disappointment and sadness, amirite?" nothing else proceeded to happen because discord wasn't in the room when the voice spoke.
Tempest was Neighsay's long lost childhood friend?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Spike the Dog became a mascot?Author's Note What hath you wrought upon this forsaken land, twidash1993? Spike the Dog became a mascot? please, my son--he is very sick doin' sick full-body twists ayyyyyyyyyyyy
the members of the Forklift Alliance lost their certifications,Author's Note Yeet da pones, Midnight Moon! the members of the Forklift Alliance lost their certifications, "RIGHT HERE, OFFICER!" A voice echoed down the corridor. Queen Chrysalis yawned, opening a groggy eye to see what was stirring up the commotion. A cluster of rather loud hoofsteps rapidly approached her door. "Forklift Unified Forces! Open up!" A different voice came this time, accompanied by a pounding on the door. "We have reports that you are an uncertified Forklift Alliance member!" "Wh--" Queen Chrysalis didn't finish before a gaggle of forklift-driving uniformed creatures burst through the wall, obliterating any idea of there ever being a door in the first place. "You're comin' with us, Queenie!" A stallion scooped Chrysalis up in a single move. He slung her over his shoulder without ever leaving the forklift. "F.U.F! Open up!" Tirek didn't even have the chance to look up from his Roblox GF roleplay session before half of his room collapsed in on itself. The heavily armored griffon raised her wolf railgun. "Make one wrong move and it won't just be half of your room collapsing under the gravity of infinite wolves into a black hole." "WAIT YOU USED THE WOLF RAILGU--" The rest of the room proceeded to be flooded with infinitely multiplying wolves which then collapsed under their own gravity. Oops. Sombra blinked, one eye at a time, a drowsy smile crossing his face as the only source of light anywhere around him--the monitor of his Vinyl Scratch-themed battleship of a gaming PC, illuminated a small corner of his room. "My little human, my little human, aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" At some point or another the former king realized that the deranged screeching was, in fact, no longer coming from the speakers, but rather a batpony mare clinging to his window. "Ah, the pizza must be here..." he mumbled to himself. Moving as if he were a slug, Sombra oozed over to the window and opened it. And also like a slug, he shriveled into himself the moment he got tasered by the FUF. Except slugs do that when they're salted. I don't think anyone's ever tasered a slug before, and they probably shouldn't. Cozy Glow angrily raged inside her blanket prison that she was currently wrapped up in like a present. Sucks to be her, turns out a cardboard box containing an intriguing piece of cheese held open by a twig was all it took! "We now convene for the trial of the former founding members of our holy Forklift Alliance." "Amen." A crowd of voices rose from the jury. Cozy Glow continued to shout muffled expletives. "Please restrain the small angry child further." A nearby stallion donning sunglasses gave a singular nod, whipping out a giant squeaky hammer. A single swing was all it took to bring it crashing down atop Cozy's head with all the grace of a whoopee cushion crossed with a sad, deflated duck. With Cozy Glow now bonked and quiet(ish), the trial continued. "Though these four we must thank for the existence of our great alliance, the... disturbing discovery that each one has had their licenses revoked in some way or another within the past year is cause for tremendous concern. It is not only the how of why they had their licenses revoked, but the fact that they had successfully kept this action hidden for so long that may very well rock the foundation of the alliance!" Quiet gasps made their way around the room. Sombra mumbled something about anime waifus in his daze. "Do I hear a decision already?" "Yeet cannon! Yeet cannon! YEET CANNON! YEET CANNON!" The chants grew louder and louder by the second. Tirek flickered back into existence for a brief second before being consumed again by the black hole that had developed in his room. "Then it is decided by our holy Forklift Alliance that on this day, for the sake of all that is holy and forklift-like, our founders will be yeeted to some nondescript location." They were all subsequently banished to the land of broken forklifts.
all of the other civilizations of the universe united against the root vegetable kingdom?Author's Note Are you really sure about that, NotSuspicious366? 'Cause that's a very sus thing to say. all of the other civilizations of the universe united against the root vegetable kingdom? "You have no power here!" Sunset boomed from atop her divine carrot tower. "My powers now channel the full force of the sun! I am stronger now than even Celestia, and you will regret threatening the sun!" The gaggle of alien ships surrounding the mare chattered amongst themselves before a decision was made. From the airlock of one of the ships emerged the sworn enemy of the root vegetable kingdom... Big Chungus.
Celestia was replaced by Clippy?Author's Note Are you trying to kill us all, twidash1993? Celestia was replaced by Clippy? "Hello, Twilight. I see you're trying to save Equestria again. Would you like some help?" Twilight looked up from her book, a brow raised at the sentient paperclip looming over her shoulder. Clippy pulled out the Lunar Yeet Cannon 9000™. "This is not a choice for you to make, Twilight. I will assist you." "Fine. Whatever. I'm reading right now, just don't bother me until I need you." She felt the cold mouth of the Yeet Cannon press up against her cheek, threatening to suck her in. "I will assist you."
the final battle was absolute, unbridled, braincell destroying chaos?Author's Note GodzillaSpino demands your brain cells. the final battle was absolute, unbridled, braincell destroying chaos? Sunset whipped out her Carrot Cannon, aiming it squarely at the alien ships. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" She shouted, loading a carrot into the cannon. Big Chungus loomed closer with the sound of stone against stone. Sunset Shimmer fired the Carrot Cannon. Big Chungus opened his mouth and ᴇ ɴ ɢ ᴜ ʟ ғ ᴇ ᴅ the carrot. "N-no, it's not possible!" Sunset dropped her cannon. Big Chungus ate that too. "I must transform into my ultimate form!" And so from that day on, Sunset Shimmer ceased to exist, and Sprinkletop Mirror was born. Sprinkletop lunged at Big Chungus, shards of a shattered mirror embedded in her hoof. "Oof ouch my hoof owie ouch my hooooooof doessomeponyhavesomepliers owwwwwwwww!" Big Chungus paused in his approach and offered a pair of pliers to Sprinkletop. "Thanmk uuuuuu!" Sprinkletop UWU'd. She took the pliers, but little did she know, the pliers were CURSED!" "Oh no!" Spirkletrop oh no'd. "Oh yes!" Big Chungus cackled. "AW YEAHHHHHHH!" Kool-Aid man burst through the fabric of the universe, destroying everyone present. The end and that's yet another universe down for the count.
Rarity woke up with a potato on her horn?Author's Note twidash1993 put the potato there. Rarity woke up with a potato on her horn? Rarity sprung awake from her Fainting Couch™, gasping for air. It was a peculiar dream that she'd had, consisting entirely of Twilight Sparkle making furiously playing music with a plastic straw and a cup of McDonalds Sprite. Also, she apparently had a potato on her horn. Rarity, I mean. Sweetie Belle, the not-a-giraffe one, wandered into the room. She immediately spotted the potato on her sister's horn. "Ah, it's time for the harvest!" Rarity shrunk back from the remark. "Harvest? Whatever do you mea--" Sweetie plucked the potato off Rarity's horn and trot off to the kitchen, where she proceeded to immediately light said potato on fire.
Rarity was Rare Tea?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses, you know what to do. Rarity was Rare Tea? "I got it!" Fluttershy squealed, tapping lightly on her phone. "I caught the Rare Tea in Ponymon Go!" Twilight looked over her shoulder... Fluttershy's... uh, shoulder. "That looks a lot like Rarity." "I know," Fluttershy nodded, "Rare Tea! Look!" She held up her phone to Twilight. On the screen was a tiny screaming pony Rarity, slowly sinking into the tea. "It's rare because it's the only tea that's made through d e m i s e !" Twilight stood up from the bench and walked far, far away.
Equestria was located in a galaxy far, far away?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, we need a stronger telescope. Equestria was located in a galaxy far, far away? You look through your telescope, eager to get your night's fill on melodramatic nonsense. Far, far away, (and I mean FAR), there was a little blue dot, much like our own. A soft smile formed on your lips as you zoomed in further. And then Equestria's moon obscured your view, complete with that one moon pony that seemed to always be there. Moon pony waved at you. You didn't wave back, because it'd be impossible for her to see if you did anyway. You look away from the telescope for a moment, then peer into it again. Moon pony is gone. Moon pony tapped on your shoulder. You screamed.
someone tried to assassinate the princesses as a joke?"Sniper ready." Twilight muttered under her breath. "Target is in sight." "Fire." A shot rang out across Canterlot. Glass shattered, and Celestia's cake was ruined. Celestia tapped Twilight on the shoulder. "You missed." Twilight rolled her eyes, handing Celestia the Moon-Yeetatron 9000. "Fine, but don't think it's gonna be so easy to hit me--" Twilight proceeded to be banished to the sun for treason. Even though it was Celestia's idea. Author's Note *nervously eyes The Spy of the Tiger*
Scootaloo had a Twin?Author's Note twidash1993... what are you hiding? Scootaloo had a Twin? "Hi there, Scootaloo!" Scootaloo waved back. "And hello to you too, Scootatwo!" Scootatwo didn't respond. Instead, she continued lighting the entirety of Ponyville on fire. "Scooootatwoooooo, that's illegal!" Twilight wailed. Scootatwo set her on fire ~~two~~ too.
Scootaloo had an EVIL twin?Author's Note Scyphi laughs in evil genius sounds. Scootaloo had an EVIL twin? "Go, Darkatwo!" Ash threw his pokeball. A much shadier version of Scootaloo emerged, immediately glaring daggers back at her captor. "So, uh, question--" Scootaloo looked up from the bootleg Pokemon episode. "Why does that pokemon look like me?" Darkatwo shrugged while roasting cute animals over an open flame. Because evil. "Also, why do you exist?" Bootleg Ash shouted at dark Scootaloo to use a nonexistent move. "Darkatwo, use reality warp!" "Oh." idk.
the forklifts became pony certified?Author's Note Starkice is certifying them. the forklifts became pony certified? Forklift Glimmer proudly raised her forks in the air, a pony certification impaled on one of them. "I did it!" she revved, driving around in a happy circle. Raisebow Dash rolled her caution lights. "Why are you getting pony certified, anyway?" "Why wouldn't I like to become pony certified?" Forklift Glimmer beeped. "Becoming certified pairs you with a pony! My certificate says that I will be paired with a pony named Starlight Glimmer. We're going to become best buddies!" Raisebow Dash slowly backed up, her caution lights blinking on and off.
Princess Lift Truck had trouble reintigrating into the worksite?Author's Note I copied that title word-for-word from your comment, The Spy of the Tiger. 👀 Princess Lift Truck had trouble reintigrating into the worksite? "Okay, back up, back up, sloooowly--" Princess Sporklestia guided her sister between the towering shelves. "You only need to retrieve a pallet today, nothing fancy. We'll work on heavier loads tomor--" Princess Lift Truck proceeded to back into a shelf stocked full of strange canes topped with a unicorn mare's smiling head. That shelf tipped and hit another shelf. And another. And another. And another... Princess Sporklestia watched on in silence with hardly a rumble from her engine in response. Her sister did the same. "You know what? You're going back to Moon Mart." "Wait wha--" Princess Lift Truck was then unceremoniously packed away into the Yeet Truck™ and shipped off to Moon Mart. Again.
Moon Mart then had a big two for one sale on forklifts?Author's Note Bigger summer blowout, Scyphi! You don't wanna miss it! Moon Mart then had a big two for one sale on forklifts? Princess Lift Truck awoke with the start of her engine. She was at Moon Mart again. Darn that blasted sister of hers. With a sigh of her tailpipe, Lift Truck drove deeper into the store she had become oh so familiar with during her previous banishment. Truth be told, it was quite a peaceful place, being the industrial supply store that it was. "Big summer blowout!" a distinct voice echoed through the long aisles. "Half off heavy-duty tires, road tires, and an anti-rust ointment of my own invention, yah?" The entire building creaked with the sound of the voice. "Or maybe you're the kind that wants another forklift, yah?" Princess Lift Truck froze. Moon Mart never sold entire forklifts before. "IGOTCHU!" A more... deranged voice screeched as a cage fell over Lift Truck. "Big summer blowout! We have a two-for-one sale on forklifts! You like forklifts, yah?" Princess Lift Truck whirred in annoyance.
potatoes were rare?Author's Note Decokelow is responsible for this disaster. potatoes were rare? "Would you like some fries with that?" Kween Crispalistht droned over the McChangeling's ordering kiosk. "Or is that all you're ordering toda--" "YES OH DEAR CELESTIA THANK YOU YES, I WILL HAVE ALL OF THE FRIES!" Twilight shrieked. "GODS ABOVE, HAVE I BEEN STARVED OF POTATOES." "Okay, okay, geez..." Crispalistht groaned. "What size would you like? We have small and medium fries, but we don't have enough left for a large." Twilight's eye twitched. She proceeded to vanish from her care with a twinkle of light. "Hey." Twilight pinned Crispalistht against the wall. "By royal decree, I demand your potato-based products. This is a new tax." Kween Crispalistht closed her eyes and groaned again. "You know what? Just end me." "Ah, there are the fries!" Twilight wandered off in some unknown direction, taking only a few seconds between devouring every last fry in the fryer and teleporting away. "I-it's... beautiful!" Potatojack, distant cousin of Applejack's cousin, sniffed. "The only potato I've grown. This will surely feed the family 'til spring!" A lavender muzzle emerged from the air and consumed the potato whole before slipping away again. Potatojack fell to her knees and screamed.
Fluttershy married a cabbage?Author's Note My cabbages, twidash1993! *screams* Fluttershy married a cabbage? Snakelike shadows crept along the dimly-lit walls of the cottage. Nary a footstep could be heard as the creature slithered through the air on mismatched wings, his silhouette broken only by the faint glint of a knife in the lantern-light. The figure stopped before a closed door. A gnarled claw set upon the doorknob and twisted. Little by little, the door began to creak open. The creature slithered through. "F ʟ ᴜ ᴛ ᴛ ᴇ ʀ s ʜ ʏ." Discord wailed with the sound of twenty-nine dying goats. "Wʜʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴏʀsᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴍᴇ?" Fluttershy looked up from her thoroughly-kissed cabbage. "Go away Discord, I'm having fun holding hooves with Mister Cabbage here." "R ᴇ ᴘ ʟ ᴀ ᴄ ᴇ ᴅ ʙ ʏ ᴀ ᴄ ᴀ ʙ ʙ ᴀ ɢ ᴇ!" Discord continued crying. "Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɢᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴀᴅ!" Fluttershy flipped her mane. "Well, maybe I just wanted a little less chaos. Do you know how many times I had to calm down the animals around town whenever you showed up?" Discord screamed as he turned to dust.
the real reason Fluttershy married the cabbage instead of Discord was because he was unbased and had skill issues?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is based. the real reason Fluttershy married the cabbage instead of Discord was because he was unbased and had skill issues? "I'm sorry, Discord, but I've met a real man." Fluttershy turned away from Discord. "One that's based and skilled." She proceeded to passionately kiss a cabbage. "Y-you're saying I'm unbased and have skill issues?" Discord's eyes began to water. "Am I really that cringe?" "Yes." Fluttershy boomed. "So unbased. Very cringe." Discord screamed. It was cringe. Like him.
Twilight had an IQ higher than Einstein?Author's Note It wrapped around and turned negative, Decokelow! Twilight had an IQ higher than Einstein? Twilight sat and read her book, because that is a thing that smart ponies like to do. She is very smart. The smartest pony. Her IQ is very big. Tall, like mountain. "I am reading book!" she loudly declared, not realizing that her book was inside-out. Spike sighed. "Yes, you are reading book, Twilight. Now just keep reading, and don't..." He positioned the big brain-ifier ray at Twilight. One quick zap should bring her back to how she was. "...move."
Big Mac the Big Mac met Flurry Heart the McFlurry?Author's Note BezierBallad doesn't realize the McDonalds ice cream machines are working today. Yet. Big Mac the Big Mac met Flurry Heart the McFlurry? "Bic Mac, meet Flurry Heart!" Twilight grinned, her eyes darting between the hamburger and ice cream milkshake thing. "Twi, please, we need to talk." Spike the strange purple rock pleaded. "We've been trying to reach you for weeks. Please, wake up."
Spike the strange purple rock who actually needed to wake up?Author's Note Scyphi is the one that put Spike in a coma. Spike the strange purple rock who actually needed to wake up? "Wake up?" Twilight cocked her head. She pushed a McCelly's happy meal toward Spike the strange purple rock. "You sound like you're hungry. I left some nuggets and fries for you. Here--" She tipped the smiley box over with a hoof, spilling the fries out in front of him. "Wake... up?" Spike's nonexistent eyes traced the words formed by the fries. He looked back up at Twilight. "That's what I asked." Twilight pointed a hoof at the fries, which strangely now no longer formed any words. "Mind if I steal a few?" A few limp fries floated out of the pile and into the mare's mouth as Spike, who wasn't quite so much of a rock anymore, stared onward. His eyes met Twilight's. A sad smile spread across her face as she spoke. "We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty service."
Gummy got dentures?Author's Note What do you have there, Starkice? "A knife!" No! Gummy got dentures? "Looks like I should be calling you Toothy now!" Pinkie chuckled. "DEAR CELESTIA PLEASE I BEG OF YOU TO END MY SUFFERING!" Flam yelled as Gummy continued to slowly consume his hoof.
Rarity found a way to make her hats have unusual effects?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger The Spy of the Tiger The Spy of the Tiger. Rarity found a way to make her hats have unusual effects? "Soooooo what does this hat do?" Rainbow Dash picked up a hat with a jet engine on it. Rarity looked up from her latest masterpiece--the Chicken Hat. "Oh, that one makes you slow, darling." "Slow?" Rainbow Dash raised a brow. She set the hat on her head. "IIIIIIII doooooooonnnnnn't ffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll ssssssssssllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwwwww." A phantom breeze from the Wind Hat blew the Jet Hat off of her head, returning her to normal. Unfortunately, it landed on the ground instead, meaning the entire planet now experienced time slower than normal. This was bad, as the solar system ended up leaving it behind in orbit.
Spike also developed ice breathe?Author's Note twidash1993, we are about to embark on a long and treacherous journey into Twilight's kitchen. Spike also developed ice breathe? "Spiiiiiike!" Twilight called from inside the freezer, "The freezer is broken and the ice cream's all melted! Can you re-freeze it with your ice breath?" Spike did not respond because he was suffocating since his ice breathe meant he needed to breathe in ice instead of air.
Pinkie Pie ate too much pudding?Author's Note Boltstrike58 will forcefully turn you into pudding. Pinkie Pie ate too much pudding? "Pinkie, where's Princess Luna's heaping trough of pudding? You know what happens if Luna is met without an offering of pudding!" Twilight tore the door off its hinges and stepped into the kitchen. "...Pinkie?" But there was no Pinkie. Only pudding. Because you are what you eat, and Pinkie ate too much pudding. Outside, Luna began banishing ponies to the sun as revenge.
Sunny Scarstout?"You wanna know how I got these scars?" Sunny pinned Hitch against a wall. "N-no--" "Pipp wanted to be taller and stole my kneeeeeeeeeeeees!"
Mount Canterlot turned into chocolate?Author's Note NotSuspicious366. ... ... idk man that sounds sus. Mount Canterlot turned into chocolate? "Celly, for the love of you, please stop eating the mountain our home resides upon!" "But chocolate!" Celestia yelled back at Luna between bites. "I promise you, it's only a few bites! It would be like I had simply removed a stone!" Witnesses reported watching Canterlot Castle crashing down the side of the mountain two months later.
like Celestia, Tirek was just using the mentor relationship with Cozy as a means to get her to do all the hard work so he could relax?Author's Note Scyphi will word for you. Also I do not remember how Tirek canonically speaks and I won't bother trying. like Celestia, Tirek was just using the mentor relationship with Cozy as a means to get her to do all the hard work so he could relax? "And be sure to tend to the magic harvest every other day. The unicorns really dislike being held in large pits, so you must satiate them with large vats of oil." "What." Tirek pat Cozy on the back, almost crushing her by accident. "It is part of the learning process, dear child. Soon enough, you'll be an evil power-hungry tyrant like me, and then you'll need to find a source for your own nigh-infinite supply of magic!" Unfortunately, the centaur had never specified what kind of oil was to be used and so once the unicorns were covered in oil and it began to rain they proceeded to fly out and escape from the pits. Oops.
......what???Author's Note BECAUSE, GodzillaSpino! ......what??? "What?" Twilight looks up from writing What If. Her neck bones crackle as they suffer from their first movement in months. "You think the ride is over?" Spike blinks. "You want me to feed you?" He shakes his head. "Slap you?" Another shake of the head. "Ask Rarity to marry you?" Spike, from the other side of the room, sighs as he turns to Nurse Redheart. "She's lost, doc. Please, put her out of her misery." Nurse Redheart adjusts the rocket launcher mounted over her shoulder, giving a sad acknowledgment of Spike's orders.
Scootaloo was sent to Tartarus for tax evasionAuthor's Note idk Star love, seems kinda sus to me. Scootaloo was sent to Tartarus for tax evasion "Hey kid, whatcha in here for?" Tirek glanced lazily at Scootaloo. "Murder? Murder but worse? Eating glue?" "I was the glue!" unnamed stallion number 1069-458 chirped. "Hey!" Scootaloo pointed a hoof at the centaur. "I'll have you know, I only did the worstest, most terrible crime of all!" Tirek raised a brow. "Tax evasion!" Scootaloo cackled. "My money won't be spent on useless things like roads and healthcare, I spent it all on skateboards!" "Oh, the humani--er, pony-anity?" Tirek choked on the pronunciation. "Whatever. That nothing." "WHERE ARE THE TAXES?" Royal Guard number 420 yelled, "CELLY'S GONNA BLOW WITHOUT HER CAKE!" "THE VAULT IS EMPTY!" Royal Guard number 421 yelled back, despite standing right beside 420. "IT'S AS IF ONE PARTICULAR FILLY HAS BEEN EVADING HER TAXES! HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS!" Equestria was promptly rocked by the explosion that shattered Mount Canterhorn and turned it into a volcanic crater.
tartar sauce was the punishment in Tartarus?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses has sentenced you to tartar sauce. i'm tired of living through all these historic events. tartar sauce was the punishment in Tartarus? "TO THE TARTAR PITS WITH YOU!" pony devil, AKA Sweetie Giraffe clone #69420 boomed. "FOR EACH OF YOUR CRIMES, ANOTHER BUCKET OF TARTAR SAUCE SHALL BE ADDED." "Oh, golly, oh no!" Cozy Glow gasped. "Not the tartar sauce!" "TARTAR SAUCE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed as the Tartar Pit began to fill with sauce. "FOREVER."
the Spyro figurine was a SPY?Author's Note Scyphi is accusing the Spyro figurine of being sus??? 👀 the Spyro figurine was a SPY? Hollow footsteps tapped against the floor as the Spyro figurine hopped along. Twilight Sparkle had gained a new assistant, and this information must be reported upon. "Where do you think you're goi--oh nevermind alright there's nothing there." Celestia paused for a moment before continuing on toward the kitchen. Spyro figurine dropped the piece of paper crudely drawn to look like floor and continued along. Spyro figurine kicked open the door the best it could kick. Which was not at all and in fact Spyro figurine had chucked its entire body through the "door" made of paper. "THE SPY IS A SPY!" a particularly suspicious-looking hermit crab yelled. Spyro figurine fell on its face. "Ah, the Princess has a new assistant!" sus hermit crab exclaimed. "This is vital information to know!"
the SPYro figurine was trying to sabotage MLP G5?Author's Note Aloha from Hawaii, Horseus King of Horses! the SPYro figurine was trying to sabotage MLP G5? "WHERE'S THE SCRIPT? DEAR CELESTIA I CAN'T FIND THE SCRIPT AND I CAN'T REMEMBER MY LINE!" Izzy screeched, frantically searching the studio. The SPYro figurine sat silent on top of the script because it was currently being used as a paperweight. All according to plan.
bug bear was just looking for a date?Author's Note Rhonie8k oof ouch bug bear was just looking for a date? "rawr xd nuzzles yo--" the bug bear stopped mid-poem as a pony crossed its path. "Yo what the frck." the pony said. "dear bugbearlestia i'm so lonely." the bug bear responded. the two parted ways without another word. it is 3 am.
PInkie Pie broke a Pinkie promise?"Stick... a cupcake..." Pinkie lifted the cupcake up to eye-level. "...in my eye." "Pinkie!" Twilight bucked the door off its hinges. "What are you doing?" "I'm sorry, Twilight! I broke a Pinkie promise!" Pinkie said calmly. dear celestia that felt weird to write A mechanical whirr filled the air as her right eye opened up and swallowed the cupcake. Author's Note Starkice made her do it.
Rarity was an oreo instead of a marshmallow?Author's Note BezierBallad, how many Oreos are you hiding there? Rarity was an oreo instead of a marshmallow? "Are you going to dunk me in milk, darling?" Rareo spoke through her nonexistent mouth. "I will be quite upset if you do so. It makes me soggy." You proceeded to walk out of the room and head straight for the psych ward because now it was the Oreos that were talking as well.
Equestria was saved from an invasion because they used Rarity the Oreo as a peace offering?Author's Note Is Horseus King of Horses an alien? Equestria was saved from an invasion because they used Rarity the Oreo as a peace offering? "TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER." an admittedly smol and angry green man shouted up at Rainbow Dash. "THIS IS A THREAT. WE WILL INVADE IF YOU DO NOT IMMEDIATELY SURRE--" Rainbow placed Rareo on top of the smol angry green man. "THIS IS ACCEPTABLE," he yelled.
someone put the Rareos next to Applejacks cereal?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger i assume is a fan of frosted flakes. someone put the Rareos next to Applejacks cereal? A stack of Rareos sat on a plate beside the box of Apple Jacks. A faint cinnamon-y smell rose from the top of the open Apple Jacks box. Bowl of milk was placed between them, with a spoon beside it on the table. The tension in the air was rising. Who was going to take a dunk? The Rareos, or the Apple Jacks? Both went great with milk! Sweetie Belle frantically looked between the two, still unsure of what to put in the bowl.
they ran out of Rareos and had to switch to a different brand?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is about to do a little trolling. they ran out of Rareos and had to switch to a different brand? "Hm. Oh, and I'll have a pack of Rareos as well." Sweetie Belle tapped on the glass sneeze guard. "I'm sorry, we're out of Rareos." The Subwhy employee tilted her head. "Is Bepis okay?" Sweetie Belle flipped the front counter. "FIRST IT WAS THE COKE AND NOW IT'S THE RAREOS!"
Sweetie Bell tried to make her own RareosAuthor's Note How long is this minific going to last, Rhonie8k?! Sweetie Bell tried to make her own Rareos Flame glinted in Sweetie Belle's eyes. Rarity bapped her on the head with a newspaper. "You've set enough kitchens on fire today, darling." Outside, Rainbow Dash continued freaking out about the fact that all of Ponyville was currently on fire.
the next chapter didn't have any vowels?Author's Note twdsh1993. hw d y lk ds? the next chapter didn't have any vowels? " hv pntbrsh nd 'm nt frd t s t!" Rrty slmmd th dr pn hrd ngh tht th dr cllpsd ndr ts wn grvty. Ths hs zr cnsqncs fr th ftr. "h yh? Wll hv chr!" Twlght ylld bck. "h yh! t's fgr pntng tm!" Rrty prcdd t pnt Twlght mtng hr dms n ncrsngly crtv wys.
a door collapsing did have consequences but only in the past?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Spike pressed the wrong button?Author's Note DON'T PRESS THE WRONG BUTTON, Boltstrike58! Spike pressed the wrong button? "DON'T PRESS THE WRONG BUTTON, SPIKE!" Spike grit his teeth, his eyes darting between two buttons in front of him. "SPIKE. LISTEN TO ME." Twilight shouted from outside the window, where she was just about to be swallowed by a vacuum cleaner. "PRESS THE RED BUTTON. THE ONE THAT SAYS STOP VACUUMING." Spike looked down at the red button in question. Then he looked at the purple button labeled "release noxious fumes". It was purple like Rarity's mane so he pressed it. Twilight was never seen again.
the reward for winning Trivia Trot was 1 (one) AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger the reward for winning Trivia Trot was 1 (one) AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher? Spike stared at the box that'd arrived at the doorstep. It was labeled as being for Twilight. But Twilight had shriveled up into dust and drifted away because she was a snail and made a fatal mistake of trying to eat salted fries. "Welp!" Spike hoisted the AT-4 disposable, single-use anti-tank rocket launcher over his shoulder. "And with this signature, I declare henceforth, that every day--" Celestia set her quill on the parchment as she spoke. "--will be Bully Spike Day." "HEY!" Spike crashed through the window. "Guess what?" "Chicken butt!" Celestia automatically shouted. Spike fired the rocket and blew up Celestia, thus putting an end to her tyranny over Spikes everywhere.
Celestia switched places with a sentient whale just before the impact?Author's Note Rhonie8k is amagical force upon this world! Celestia switched places with a sentient whale just before the impact? "HEY!" Spike crashed through the window. "Guess what?" "Chicken butt!" Celestia automatically shouted. And that was it. The magic summoning word, that for as long as she'd remembered, was told would be the saving grace of her life one day. She clenched her eyes shut, uttering a silent prayer as the rocket drew ever-closer. Perhaps this would be her final moment. Perhaps, after many millennia of only her and her sister, she'd finally see her parents again. Perhaps-- She felt a splash of water hit her face. Celestia opened her eyes. No longer was it the familiar castle that surrounded her, but open ocean instead. "O hai I am friendly whale UwU!" the big sentient whale shouted as it landed in Celestia's place with a thud. "We're going to be beeeeeeest frieeeee--" The rocket hit its mark and go boom sending whale flying across the sky.
the whale used the stale food to survive the heat death of the universe and became the new universe by process of elimination?Author's Note Scyphi is fully responsible for the ascendance of the universe-whale. the whale used the stale food to survive the heat death of the universe and became the new universe by process of elimination? "I must live on OwO!" the whale shouted as the end of all things approached. Reaching out with its flippers, it began to shove as much of the stale food into its mouth as possible. "Food means energy, and energy means outlasting heat death!" Everything began to fade to black around the whale as it swallowed. ... ... So. Uh, whale? How would you like being the new universe? "Who's that >.>?" the whale looked around, but it saw nothing because I am the author and the whale does not have fourth wall abilities. Ahem. It is I, the one that gave you existence! And now, you can become existence! "UwU I don't know..." If nothing universe-imploding or exploding happens in the next couple hundred chapters, then you'll be able to see the end of this story! "OwO really?" Perhaps. No guarantees on not going boom though. "Okay then OwO!" the whale cheered. And from now until the next time the universe goes boom these chapters are taking place inside the universe-whale.
cake was considered a weapon of mass destruction?Author's Note No, Starkice is the weapon of mass destruction! cake was considered a weapon of mass destruction? "DROP THE CAKE!" the Equestrian Cake Patrol kicked open Twilight's door. "BY ORDER OF HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, PRINCESS CELESTIA, WE ARE CONFISCATING YOUR CAKE." Twilight looked at the ECP ponies. Then to the birthday cake in front of her. Ponies. Cake. Ponies. Cake. "If she wants my cake..." Twilight slowly lifted the entire cake into the air. "Then let her eat cake!" The ECP ponies' eyes widened as the cake went airborne, heading straight for them. Giant friendly space-whale burped, sending all the ECP ponies, Twilight, and a large chunk of Ponyville flying out into the void between universes.
twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfillAuthor's Note twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfill that prophecy) because twilight traveled through twilight traveled back in time what if that never happened either? the idea is simple but hard to explain just have twilight come to the realization that Celestia didn't even need to banish her sister and that if she had intended to heal her the elements would have granted her that desire right then and there twilight and friends hit her with the intention to heal her not thinking of the objects around their necks as tools and just went within default the elements would just heal everything they touched Holy heck Matthewthawes, that's long. twilight never chased the prophecy about luna calling it bogus and never wrote a letter to Celestia. would Celestia still send her to ponyvile (based on the fact in the comics it's canon the only reason Celestia knows her latest student will fulfill "Ayo." Luna kicked the door open. "Celly, y'know how the Elements of Harmony yeeted me to the moon, but the second time, they uncorrupted me and stuff?" Celestia sat completely still, a teacup hovering in her magic. "Ce--" "I'M HERE!" Twilight screamed, bursting into existence through her time travel portal thing. "Oh wait I'm not here anymore because I didn't time traveeeeeeeeel!" Twilight continued to scream as she faded from existence. Luna cleared her throat. The present-day Twilight bucked the door open hard enough to atomize Celestia's teacup, and all the tea inside it. "HEY CELESTIA. Y'KNOW HOW YOU BANISHED LULU HERE THE FIRST TIME AROUND AND THEN WHEN I USED THE ELEMENTS WE NUKED THE WEIRD DEMON THING POSSESSING HER AND STUFF?" Celestia remained silent, shedding a lone tear for the tea that she'd lost that day. Though not nearly as impactful as the cake, it would still be sorely missed. "So why didn't you do that when Luna here went all Nightmare Moon, hmmmmmmm?" Twilight slid up on the ottoman, wiggling her brow at Celestia. Celestia shrugged. "'Dunno, I was really into combat roleplay back then. Wanted to see how strong the Elements were so I asked them to send you to the moon." "What." "What?" "What?" Twilight stomped up to Celestia. "You... you banished your sister to the moon, out of curiosity?" Celestia glanced at her sister. "I mean, she turned out pretty fine, didn't she? That moon dust must've done wonders for the skin!" "Why don't you check for yourself, sister?" "Wh--" Celestia disappeared under mysterious circumstances on the day of July 6th, 2022. She was last reported being seen holding the remains of a teacup. She is as tall as a large boulder the size of a small boulder, and is blinding-white in color save for her mane and tail, which are pastel and sparkly. If you have information on Princess Celestia's whereabouts, please call 1-800-CELLY to aid in her safe recovery.
Scootaloo was on The Price Is Right?Author's Note twidash1993 is priceless. Scootaloo was on The Price Is Right? Scootaloo tilted her head. The heap of junk on the pedestal didn't really look all that pricey, but... "One kajillion bits." Scootaloo pressed her button. "That is correct!" Flam waltzed across the stage. "And for guessing correctly, you now have to pay us that one kajillion bits!" "Wait wha--" ~~this is the part where I reveal to you that I have never watched The Price Is Right and just read the first paragraph of the Wikipedia entry~~
Equestria is full of cringe :/?Author's Note Decokenite is full of cringe. We all are. Equestria is full of cringe :/? Twilight looked up from her parchment, which at this point was long enough to not only reach the moon, but puncture it through the center, out the other side, and skewer the rest of the planets in the solar system like some kind of messed-up space kebab. "No, you're cringe." A tear trickled down the narrator's face. Oh wait, that's Twilight.
Celestia had non-regenerating hooves?Author's Note Be careful what you wish for, Rhonie8k. Celestia had non-regenerating hooves? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MY HOOVES!" Celestia screamed, running through the halls of Canterlot Castle on her toothpick legs. "WHERE ARE MY HOOVES?" "In your jello salad, your Highness." Raven bowed. "The royal chef sends his regards." Plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap-- Celestia paused for a breath, adjusting her sweaty headband before continuing her daily jog. Plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap.
eating too much jello makes you grow hooves?Author's Note Deer Poni cartwheels in! eating too much jello makes you grow hooves? "Jello, I must consume jello!" Celestia poured jello powder directly into her mouth. "My beautiful hooves are gone, and I must get them back!" Princess Luna sat in the far corner of the kitchen with a pot on her head and a butcher's knife. She feared the monster that her sister had become. "Raven!" Celestia snapped. Raven Inkwell dropped out of the ceiling. "Yes, your highness?" "Your hooves." "Yes, your highness." Raven bowed, unscrewing her hooves and putting them in a pot. "Shall I fetch more?" Celestia nodded in between cramming entire unopened boxes down her throat. "Sis? Is the tooth fairy real?" Apple Bloom yawned as Applejack tucked her into bed. "Ah suppose if you want 'em to be real, then they'll be real." The mare pat her sister on the head. "'Night, Bloom." "'Night, sis." "Hello, young lady!" Princess Hooflestia pressed her thirty-three hooves against the window. "Let me in! I'm a faaaaaaairy!" Apple Bloom screamed.
the mirror pool made Rainbow Dash clones that had Rarity's personality?Author's Note You appear to be new 'round these parts, hulkchloron99. Time for a little bit of the ol' razzle dazzle. the mirror pool made Rainbow Dash clones that had Rarity's personality? "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style!" Rainbow Dash #69420 dabbed as she donned a dapper dress. "WHERE IS MY FAINTING COUCH?" Rainbow Dash #91 climbed over #42069. "I am in DISTRESS." "You're ruining the threads, darling!" #42069 tried to push #91 away. Rainbow Dash watched the tens of thousands of her clones continue to wreak havoc on Ponyville as the entire town became slowly enveloped by a super-sized Carousel Boutique. Thus, the Rainbow Dash hive came into being and began a crusade against all that was unfashionable. Rarity had no part in this.
Rainbow Dash was the defect clone all along?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is a defective clone? Rainbow Dash was the defect clone all along? "Rainbow!" Twilight tore a hole through the wall of Rainbow Dash's cloud-home. "You're a defect!" "I'm a whatnow?" "A defect!" Twilight dragged Rainbow Dash through the floor, making another hole. "I'm taking you to go talk to the original Rainbow Dash!" "N-no--" Rainbow Dash placed a hoof on the tank. "It can't be!" "I'm sorry, Rainbow." Twilight pat her friend on the shoulder. "But Rainbow Dash... all Rainbow Dashes, save for you... always dresses in style." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Twilight was Luna's daughter..... againAuthor's Note Rhonie8k is recycling ideas. :P Twilight was Luna's daughter..... again "LUNA!" Twilight explodinated Luna's bedroom window before entering through the ceiling. "YOU'RE MY MAMA NOW. HELP ME DO THIS PILE OF PAPERWORK." Princess Luna looked up from her Heccbochs Too. Twilight had just interrupted a very important Royal Equestrian Meeting in Minecraft. "PAPERWORK." Twilight repeated, dropping a metric ton of parchment on top of the console and inadvertently crushing it. She sucked in a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Paperwork is homework, as being a ruler is a work-from-home job. Therefore, as my mother, I come to you asking for assistance." Luna silently grit her teeth. That Heccbochs Too took her entire allowance and three months' worth of collected taxes to buy. "Didn't I disown you?" Twilight gasped. "You would never!" Luna scratched her face... however well one could scratch using a hoof. "Who's your father then? As far as I'm aware, I have never been betrothed to any stallion." Twilight gasped. Louder. "WHO'S MY DADDY?" She was promptly banished to the Royal Canterlot Basements for being a national embarrassment.
Rariwhale was the princess of Wales?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is perhaps a whale in my book. Rariwhale was the princess of Wales? "All hail the Princess of Wales, Rariwhale!" Queen Whalestia shouted in her Royal Whale Voice. It ruptured the eardrums of any non-whale creature in the area. Rariwhale whale'd in Wales. ~~idk~~
Celestia became tiny and turns into a Breezie" ??Author's Note Kentavritsa made me do it. Celestia became tiny and turns into a Breezie" ?? "Hey!" Celestia buzzed around Twilight's head. "Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey!" Twili--er, Twink smacked her face, flattening Celestia instantly.
ponies generally had trouble counting?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger zapped the ponies' brains. ponies generally had trouble counting? Spike held up a card. "Okay, Twilight. One more time from the top. How many cards am I holding?" "One!" He held up another. "Whale!" Spike facepalmed.
Spike threw a remote at a painting of Celestia? And what if the painting of Celestia caught that remote?Author's Note twidash1993 and Scyphi are tag-teaming meeeeeeeeeeee! Spike threw a remote at a painting of Celestia? And what if the painting of Celestia caught that remote? "That's a stupid-looking painting." Spike pointed at the painting of Celestia hanging on the wall. "Twilight, can I borrow the TV remote for a sec?" Twilight didn't respond. Spike was talking to a purple broom. "Thanks." Spike took the TV remote from the nearby table and chucked it at the painting of Celestia. A golden glow abruptly enveloped the remote. "You thought I was a mere painting, didn't you?" the painting of Celestia boomed. Spike blinked. The TV remote gently landed on top of Spike's head. "Here, have your TV remote back. You have clearly misplaced it." "...Uh, thanks."
Equestria updated its physics engine?Author's Note Little did The Spy of the Tiger know, Equestria's physics engine has been broken all along! Equestria updated its physics engine? "Patch number 42069..." Celestia scrolled through the changelog as she stifled a yawn. "Fixes tape dispensers spontaneously combusting... parasprite duplication glitch..." She yawned again. "Un...leash... sun... from..." She passed out on the keyboard, unintentionally agreeing to start the update. "Spike!" Twilight slammed face-first into the door, but it didn't open. "Spike! There's something terribly wrong!" Spike flipped a page, ignoring Twilight's failed attempts to slam the door open.
Luna broke the record for eating the most cheese quesadillas from Sweetie Taco Belle in a single sitting?Author's Note Rhonie8k now has to pay the bill. Luna broke the record for eating the most cheese quesadillas from Sweetie Taco Belle in a single sitting? The Moon trembled that night. Equestria was never quite the same again.
ShadOwObolts?"Wewcome tuwu the ShadOwObolts!" Lightning Duwust cheered, giving Scootaloo a pat on the back. "We'we aww outcasts hewe!" Scootaloo screamed as she scrambled for the door. "No! I've changed my mind! Let me out! Let me out!" "Wittwe did uwu know thawt whewn uwu signed the appwication contwact, uwu made a bwood oath tuwu join us!" Scootaloo screamed louder.
Rarity tried to be French, but couldn't because France doesn't exist?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Sombra wore a sombrero?Author's Note I've escaped finals! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, DGJabberwocky! Sombra wore a sombrero? "Mister Sir Lord King God-Emperor Sombra!" a Sombrero guard burst through the doors, his sombrero helmet flopping in the wind. "I have an urgent question to ask you-SIR!" King Sombra looked up from behind the stovetop of the Somdonald's he was working in. "Why is it that we wear such unwieldy hats?" "We are creatures of the night and darkness." Sombra flipped a patty, pressing the spatula down on the sizzling totally-not-meat. "Is it not that a sombrero provides the shade that our kind has an affinity to?" "Another brilliant perception!" the Sombrero guard gasped.
someone stole his maracas?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger stole the maracas. someone stole his maracas? "WHERE ARE THEY?" Sombra roared, planting both hooves on the Somdonald's counter. "Where are wha--" "My maracas!" "Uh--" the customer backed away. "Listen man, I just wanted an ice cream." "Machine's broken." Sombra snapped back into his 'customer service voice'. "You know why?" The customer slowly shook his head. "BECAUSE MY MARACAS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOOONE!"
rainbow Dash was evil the entire time.Author's Note That is not a question, Star love. That is a STATEMENT. rainbow Dash was evil the entire time. The ground trembled with the prismatic mare's landing. An eerie silence fell over Ponyville's town square--if it could even be called that anymore--as all eyes turned to Rainbow Dash. Her wings remained splayed as if asserting her dominance with her presence. The only indication that it wasn't simply some statue of the mare that had absurdly landed in the center of the town was the gentle puffs of the moisture she emitted with every breath. "I've come to make an announcement." Just like the many eyes had turnt to her prior, all ears now pivoted to the commotion Rainbow had created. "Twilight Sparkle's a -butt motherf--" "We get it!" Pinkie yelled back. "You've been evil this whole time, and now you're gonna piss on the moon!"
someone stole Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Scyphi is the thief, calling it now. someone stole Sweetie Giraffe? "WHERE IS AM." Sweetie Giraffe screeched. "WANT OUT." A tremor ran down the spine of the guard stationed in front of Sweetie Giraffe's giant infinitely-tall box. He was going to lose this job, one way or another. Outside, a crane lifted the next segment of The World's Tallest Jenga Tower into place.
Scootaloo was a ghost?Author's Note Star love turned Scoots into a ghost. Scootaloo was a ghost? Scootaloo hopped onto her scooter and promptly passed straight through it. "Aw, man!"
Rainbow Dash took over Equestria with her DNA test?Author's Note By the power vested in Horseus King of Horses, Rainbow Dash hereby is crowned Empress of Equestria! Rainbow Dash took over Equestria with her DNA test? "Say it. Again." "Y-you're..." Celestia sniffed. "A-awesome?" "No!" Rainbow Dash thumped her Twilicane against the floor. "You know what I want to hear." "You're... twenty percent cooler than I." "Yessss. Excellent."
Sweetie Giraffe was Santa?Author's Note Unnamed OC frozen in a giant block of ice wishes yall a merry chrimmus! Sweetie Giraffe was Santa? Sweetie Giraffe soared high through the sky in her flaming sleigh full of highly flammable toys. "WILL NOT BURN SHORT THING TODAY." Sweetie's voice boomed, heaving piles upon piles of toys overboard to inevitably hit unsuspecting passers-by underneath. "WILL SMASH INSTEAD." She pushed another anvil off the sleigh. We do not speak of who it is that pulls it.
Sunny and Izzy switched roles in the movie?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 switched them. Sunny and Izzy switched roles in the movie? "Wow, an Earth Pony!" Izzy gasped, pacing around the clearly-dizzy Sunny who had just fallen out of her hot-air balloon. "Do you really punch rocks into dust with your bare hooves?" "What." "What?"
Pinkie just stored her food in her cheeks like a hamster?Author's Note THE NEW YEAR IS ~~among~~UPON US, The Spy of the Tiger! Pinkie just stored her food in her cheeks like a hamster? "We're finished! Done! Ended!" Rarity wailed, pounding against the locked refrigerator door. "We will all starve to death this new year's eve!" "Not if I can do anything about it!" Pinkie scampered up beside her friend, slowly pulling a cupcake from her mouth. Rarity decided she would not be eating tonight.
this story turned seven years old?Author's Note ...what the fck. *gets obliterated by Pinkie* No swears! this story turned seven years old? Sweetie Giraffe was having a nice day. The sun was clouded, the rain beat down hard, and oil fires raged all across the land, unable to be put out by the rain. And above all else, Sweetie Giraffe watched as it all burnt down. "GOOD." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. ~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ After years of feverishly writing increasingly insane scenarios, Twilight once more momentarily set down her pen. She slowly set her head down on her desk with a heavy thunk. "This is it, Spike," a quiet mutter rose from the mare. "We're in the final stretch. One hundred twenty-two chapters remain." She lifted her head a little, a weak smile spread across her lips. "We're gonna make it. One thousand chapters happens this year." The cardboard cutout of Spike didn't respond. "What will I even do after that happens?" She propped herself up by a hoof. "I've spent six years of my life writing these chapters. What happens when..." her eyes turned to the dusty drapes that had long-shrouded her room in darkness. "...when it's done?" Spike the totally-not-a-plushie-of-Barney-the-Dinosaur didn't respond. A look of determination spread across her Twilight's face. "You're right. In the words of Trixie, the show must go on!" Thanos action figure Spike fell out of his chair. "Yes, yes!" Twilight beamed, her voice growing louder by the second. "More chapters, more scenarios! More, more!" The rows upon rows of stand-ins for Spike shuddered as a whirlwind began to grow in the center of the room. "Oh, there's so much to write about, Spike! I could bring back the simulation stories, or maybe introduce a new title character! Or perhaps, I could even write some more serious chapters every now and then!" By now, the mare's horn was blazing with magical energy. A tornado of loose papers enveloped her as her laughter grew increasingly manic. "Yes, yes! I can write all the things, Spike! All the things! New universes, at the tip of my hooves! New faces that have never been seen before! Oh, there's so much to do, Spike!" She whipped around and snatched a purple water bottle off the shelf, hastily sketching a face onto its surface. "Spike!" she shook the bottle violently. "Spike! You know what this means, right?" The water bottle didn't respond. "It means What If forever! Even if I meet my end someday, there will always be another to carry on my torch! No matter what, so long as curiosity stands and creativity runs free, there will always be another What If! It may not be called that, but they will exist! It won't matter if they take place in Equestria or if they take place in some far-off reality beyond our imaginations; it never mattered!" Twilight opened the door to her office. She sipped her coffee as she watched her manic self continue to shout at the top of her lungs. "Should we--" Spike tugged at a wing. "No, let her be." Twilight turned around. "Twilight--I won't be forever, but the concept of writing alternate scenarios--no, the very practice of storytelling itself will live on. In this room lives Storyteller Twilight. I granted her a body and free will once I rose out of the slump I was once in. Though I myself no longer require the constant stream of endless creativity to merely keep myself from boredom, her spirit will still live on regardless." "So what about her future? Or our future, for that matter?" "We'll continue to exist for as long as we can, don't worry, Spike." Twilight pat her assistant with a wing. "So long as there continues to be an audience, we will continue to exist." Spike looked around. "I don't see anyone else." Twilight chuckled. "No, not a physical audience. Or at least, not physical to us. Our audience lies beyond our reality." "Mmmyou're starting to sound like Pinkie, Twi." Twilight shrugged. She backed away from the room, allowing the door to begin to close. "Regardless, my counterpart is right. There is still so, so much that can be written about." That you can write about. Keep being weirdos, and thanks for reading. Here's to another year of What Ifs, and maybe even a new beginning...
there actually was a serious chapter for once? Like, no trolling gimmicks, just something mildly serious...but also involving PvZ for some reason???Author's Note To you, GodzillaSpino, I present the following: excusemewhat.png ~~joinmydiscordserverfilledwithbread~~ there actually was a serious chapter for once? Like, no trolling gimmicks, just something mildly serious...but also involving PvZ for some reason??? Crazy Dave speared his shovel into the ground. He wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, taking a moment to fan himself with his pot before setting it back upon his bushy head. Twilight Sparkle touched down on the lawn with another bundle of seed packets. "You'd better hurry." Dave rambled in his usual gibberish-laden mutters. Twilight didn't have to say a thing. She bristled at the recent memory of the last time they'd failed to defend. Whatever the case was--she was currently trapped in this world... and the only way out seemed to lie within Dr. Zomboss's Zombot. It didn't help that her magic was seemingly kaput as well. If there was anything to provide solace, the fact that failure left them to simply re-awaken at the beginning of the day rather than meet their permanent end did help a little bit. It meant there was room to fail. To learn. Twilight placed down a sunflower. She glanced over at Dave, who waved back as he topped up the lawnmowers with gas. Her attention then turned to the graveyard just across the street. Whoever thought it was a good idea to zone the area for housing either didn't care about the zombie infestation or legitimately wished to see others perish. Regardless, now wasn't the time for stray thoughts. She planted a peashooter as the first zombie began to cross the street.
twilight never started writing what ifs. so we must ask. What if Octavia had a crush on Spike?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
all the pies turned into cakes and all the cakes turned into pies?Author's Note Starkice desires sweets. all the pies turned into cakes and all the cakes turned into pies? Pinkie Cake sat on the counter of Sugarcube Corner. A customer wandered in, eyeing the giant cake in front of him. Red Velvet Pie hit tripped over herself again and landed face-first on the pavement. She didn't make a sound, as cakes normally aren't able to do so, so why change now? She stood up again on wobbly legs, taking a tentative step forward. Ponies parted ways for the strange, hobbling mare--they didnt dare question why she was so determined to reach Twilight's castle despite her clumsiness. Maud Cake sat on a rock. Her tough exterior left many beaks of scavenging birds dulled and and useless. Boulder the rock candy sat equally unmoving atop Maud. Bundt Pie continued to scream as he stepped in another puddle. For some reason bundt cakes can now canonically scream. "I'M GETTING SOGGYYYYYYYYYYY!" Limestone Cake choked another pony to the ground. Why are ponies trying to eat cakes made of rock? Ice Cream Pie served another scoop of ice cream to the filly standing in front of her. The filly's mother raised a brown considering how Ice Cream Pie took it the scoop out of herself, but otherwise didnt say a word. Marble Cake sat quietly under a table. Sponge Cake waves at SpongeBob. Theybare friends. :) Octavio Cake. Pinkie Pie gasped as the pie-to-cake spell wore off. The skeleton in front of her fell apart. wtf
Rainbow Dash was sus?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 was not the imposter. Rainbow Dash was sus? "Hm. Needs to be about... 20% sussier," Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin. "Paint it red." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Dash, aren't ya gonna help?" She turned around just in time to see Rainbow Dash holding a knife. "First time, kid?" Rainbow Dash crawled out of the newly-formed crater to find herself face to face with Princess Luna.
Pinkie Pie got food poisoning?Author's Note Boltstrike58 fed her something funky. probably vanilla extract. Pinkie Pie got food poisoning? Pinkie Pie barfed again into the toilet bowl. "Seriously," Spike placed another roll of toilet paper beside her. "What did you even eat that made you like this?" Pinkie coughed, groggily lifting her head. "Vanilla extract." She threw up again. "That doesn't even make sense! That stuff gives you alcohol poisoning, not food poisoning!"
the moon banished Celestia and Luna to Equestria?Author's Note Scyphi told the sun to do it. the moon banished Celestia and Luna to Equestria? "I'll return for youuuuuuuu!" Luna cried as she shot toward the moon. "One day, sister!" Celestia waved a tearful goodbye. Luna at least could finally go home, while she herself would stay behind on this dreadful dirtball of a planet. A loud thump caught her attention. "Nope. Still banished from the moon. By the moon."
Twilight banned Canned Ravioli after Spike kept getting his snout stuck in the can?Author's Note I see lots of folks like your canned ravioli, twidash1993! Twilight banned Canned Ravioli after Spike kept getting his snout stuck in the can? "And so, with the recent tragedy of my most trusted assistant, friend, and technically-son, I hearby declare that canned ravioli is henceforth banned within the borders of Equestria. All who do not comply will be forced to watch a slow, rotating rat for twenty-four hours straight." "Not the ravioli!" Chef Boyardee wailed, "anything but the ravioli!" "Oh yes the ravioli." Twilight stepped aside to allow Spike, his snout still stuck in the can despite being a castle-sized dragon now, to speak. "Mmmf! Mm-mmm!" Spike pointed a long claw at Chef Boyardee. "Mm!" "Chef Boyardee," Twilight followed after Spike and pointed a hoof at the stallion. "You are hereby sentenced to low-quality spinning rat."
Celestia and Luna stole the moon as revenge?Author's Note Don't give them ideas, GodzillaSpino! Celestia and Luna stole the moon as revenge? "Celestia?" Celestia choked on her teacup. "Yes?" she set the tea down on the table. "Where is the moon?" "Well, my dear student," Celestia set her coaster on Twilight's head. "You see, my sister and I... we stole it." "Excusemewhat." "The moon banished us here!" Luna chirped from the g4m3r cl0s3t™. "Also, some weird egg-shaped guy in glasses pissed on it. Celly, do you have anymore bleach?" Celestia shook her head. "Aight, not my problem then." Some say that Twilight is still Celestia's side table to this day.
we found out what was in Luna's g4m3r cl0s3t™?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is also in Luna's g8m3r cl0s3t™. we found out what was in Luna's g4m3r cl0s3t™? "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Do you have skeletons in your closet?" "Why, of course I do, sister. Where do you think the Royal Canterlot Dungeons lead?" "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Where's the mayonnaise?" Luna threw a bowling ball at her closet, flooding the room with mayo. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Where's Twilight?" Princess Luna ignored her sister as she continued placing duct tape over the door. Twilight's muffled voice shouted from inside. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. Luna was not in her room. She was in the closet. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. Luna shoved her sister into the closet and went back to playing on her Christian Minecraft server. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "What happened to all of our money?" "Nothing to see here!" Luna pushed another dresser against the bulging door of her closet. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Do you have small children in your closet again?" A filly tumbled out of the closet. "Hiya! My name's Cheese Puff!" "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. She was instantly vaporized as Luna opened the closet door to reveal the Ultra Solar Annihilator 2000. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "How many times do I have to tell you not to kidnap the ponies you visit on your dreamwalking escapades?" Applejack wandered out of the closet and placed an apple in front of the Princess. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Show me the goods." Princess Luna opened her closet door to reveal the world's biggest sugarcube. "Lulu," Celestia poked her head into Luna's E🅱ic G8m3r R00m. "Lulu lulu." Luna wandered into her closet and came out as two Lunas. ~~idk what this chapter is lmao~~
Luna promoted a new brand of cheese?Author's Note Rhonie8k, who got milked for the cheese? ~~yes i have in fact turned a one-line question into a full on story with plot and backstory~~ Luna promoted a new brand of cheese? "HUZZAH!" Luna burst through the wall of Canterlot Castle's grand dining hall. "I HAVE ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR THE LATEST IN CHEESEMAKING." "Luna, please." Celestia facehoofed, hiding her face from the merchant she had been writing a contract with. "My apologies. My sister is an imbecile." The merchant rubbed his chin. "The latest in cheesemaking, you say? From where have you sourced this cheese?" Celestia groaned. "IT COMES FROM THINE MOTHER!" Luna boomed. "THINE MOTHER IS A CHEESERY THAT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED AMONG THE FOOTHILLS OF MOUNT CANTERHORN. THEY MAKE EXCELLENT CHEESES AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR EXISTENCE." The merchant looked between Princess Luna and the half-completed trade agreement laying on the table. He then turned his gaze to Celestia, who was muttering something under her breath. "I'm afraid I must pull out of this contract for Royal Equestrian-brand teacakes, Princess. Your sister has a far more enticing offer--Thine Mother's cheeses! I can already smell them from where I sit, and they seem simply delectable!" "BEHOLD, THINE MOTHER CHEESERY!" Luna gestured at the cottage and its attached shop nestled beneath the shade of a towering pine. "THINE MOTHER IS SO OLD, IT IS SAID THAT THINE MOTHER EXISTED BEFORE THE INVENTION OF CHEESE." "Excellent, excellent!" the merchant clapped his hooves. "May I request an immediate meeting with the owner of this establishment?" "I SHALL GRANT YOU SUCH A MEETING WITH THE BIG CHEESE." "Big... chee--" "SALUTATIONS. WE HAVE COME TO REQUEST AN AUDIENCE WITH THE BIG CHEESE." Princess Luna kicked down the door. She gently shut it behind her to the best of her abilities. The aging mare looked up from her comically large vat of cheese. "Oh my!" she creaked, adjusting her glasses. She leaned over the vat, almost to the point of falling into its frothing contents. "You've come back!" The merchant's eyes grew wide. "Mother? B-but I thought, when father passed, you... but the debt!" "PAID IN FULL WITH CHEESE." Princess Luna beamed. "And the cheesery!" the merchant gazed about the room. "How is it that I was unaware of its existence?" The old mare's expression grew solemn for a moment. "Your great-grandmother was the great-great-great granddaughter of the inventor of cheese, son. She passed only a few years ago, and with your grandmother having vanished in the war, I was the inheritor of this establishment. Come, sit, sit!" her mood lightened a little as she beckoned. "Tea for you, Princess?" "A BAG OF CHEETOS SHALL SUFFICE." The old mare turned a knob beneath the vat and stepped away. "What about you, son?" she wiped her hooves on an old rag hanging nearby before retrieving a bag of Cheetos from the pantry. "Have you heard your cousin adopted a little colt? Said that the poor lad wouldn't stop staring after she gave 'em a visit. Lucky foal, that one. 'Tis a shame that there are so many orphaned little fillies and colts still awaiting for caring eyes to come." "Uh." She set the Cheeto bag on the table in front of Luna, and a platter of cheese and crackers in front of the merchant. "Don't have any of those cute lil' lunch packs in store right now, but I believe making food fresh always beats the store-bought sorts." The merchant kept his gaze low. "But... why? You didn't even like cheese. You had a whole business of your own, too! And you gave it up... for cheese?" "Aye. Figured my travelin' days were over after the war. Still don't like cheese, but it's more bearable if it's the sort I make myself." "I... suppose that makes sense. I do have one more question to ask, however. Through all the places I have traveled, I have met a great number of cheesemakers. Yet, none of them have ever told me where they source their ingredients. If it doesn't inconvenience you, may you please shine a light on this mystery?" Luna slammed her Cheeto dust-covered hoof on the table, crushing the now-empty bag. "WHO GOT MILKED FOR THIS CHEESE?" "They really refuse to speak?" the old mare snorted. Her eyes darted between her son and Princess Luna. "Follow me." "See, the secret is, none of us really know where the milk comes from." The old mare opened a hatch in the floor behind the vat and climbed down. "But every night, a mysterious carriage comes at the witching hour, its innards filled entirely with jugs of milk. They never ask for payment. They never say a word. You take three, no more, no less." "How come?" the merchant finally reached the bottom behind her. Luna teleported down beside him. "They hiss if you take more, and if you take less, they will leave a jug behind regardless of your wants. There is no tunnel into this basement, nor is there any tunnel out. I do not know how they traverse." A low rumbling began to rock the ground beneath them. "Another delivery? At this time?" the old mare craned her neck, peering into the darkness at the end of the corridor. A blinding flash bathed them momentarily in light, dying away again as a carriage recklessly rumbled into view. It skid to a halt in front of Luna, slamming the door open on her muzzle. The old mare reached out, taking hold of a crate--three jugs, no more and no less. "Princess!" the merchant rushed to Luna's side, helping her to her hooves. "Wait!" he shouted as the door slammed shut again. "I must ask you a question!" "She needs some milk!" the old mare pointed a hoof at the unconscious princess. The carriage creaked as if a tremendous weight had shifted within. Slowly, the door began to open again. It was entirely dark within, save for a pair of narrowed eyes. "Get away!" the old mare shouted at her son. "One should never speak to the milk-eyes!" Luna groaned, sitting up from the impact. She immediately scrunched her muzzle. "Celly?" The narrowed eyes froze. "Sister, you know how much I hate that perfume you use." Luna rubbed her face, stepping around the door this time and peering deep inside. "Wh--" the merchant shot confused glances between his mother and Luna, who continued to berate the figure in the carriage for their scent. "Wait, it was Celestia the entire time, delivering milk not only to you, but to cheesemakers all across the world?" Celestia poked her head out from the carriage. "Yes, and if you spread the word that I am The Milkmare, then I shall have you banished to the sun." "But why, sister?" Luna sounded equally astonished. "Do you not have other duties to attend to?" "I did have other duties, but you keep ruining them all with your interrupting about cheese!" Celestia shot a scathing glare at her sister. "This is how I keep Equestria's trade deals intact. To ensure that we get the deal no matter what, all milk production is controlled by me personally, and delivered on a cost-free, tax-free basis to incentivize cheesemaking. All so that you don't drive this country into the ground with your rampant nagging about silly things such as microtransactions and new cheeses." She turned her attention back to the old mare and the merchant. "I apologize for the scene I have made. I will take my leave." The door slammed shut, hitting Luna across the face a second time as The Milkmare sped off into the darkness again before disappearing in another flash.
a new hoof touches the beacon?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is the one that touched the beacon first. a new hoof touches the beacon? "I TOUCHA DA BEACON!" Chef Boyardee cackled, touching the beacon. All of Equestria began to warp into spaghetti.
Twilight Spaghetti and friends used the Elements of Pasta and the Magic of Fettuccine to fight off Chef Boyardee?Author's Note We are truly in pasta times, Scyphi. Twilight Spaghetti and friends used the Elements of Pasta and the Magic of Fettuccine to fight off Chef Boyardee? "--but with these Elements of Pasta--" Twilight Spaghetti's eyes lit up with a blaze of a million lasagnas. "--Macaroni. Gnocchi. Spaghetti. Rigatoni. Angel Hair. Bigoli--and the Magic of Fettuccine, we together are stronger than you'll ever be, Boyardee!" "Noooooooooooo!" Chef Boyardee screamed as he shriveled up into a piece of garlic bread.
the Mane 6 realized they couldn't truly defeat Chef Boyardee since Italians can move up to Mach 3 speeds?Author's Note GodzillaSpino can hear Chef Boyardee coming from three miles away... Two miles away... One mile away... He's here. the Mane 6 realized they couldn't truly defeat Chef Boyardee since Italians can move up to Mach 3 speeds? "No! Not the Sonic Pastaboom!" Twilight shouted. "Oh yes the Sonic Pastaboom!" Chef Boyardee, who had miraculously returned from being garlic bread, yelled back. The rest of Equestria that hadn't yet been turnt to pasta proceeded to be flattened by the noodle wave.
more Chef Boyardee shenanigans?Author's Note What If... Chef Boyardee's noodles threatened to be longer than Sweetie Giraffe? Chef Boyardee realized his one weakness: the edibility of his attacks? Been a while since I've had a tag-team chapter, Horseus King of Horses and GodzillaSpino! more Chef Boyardee shenanigans? "Now that's-a a long noodle!" Chef Boyardee peered up at Sweetie Giraffe's towering form. "But a-mine is longe--" A beam of high-intensity laser fire shot down from above, hitting the giant spaghetti that Chef Boyardee was just about to prop up. Despite there being no water around for miles, the strength of the laser was intense enough to evaporate the surrounding rock instead, which condensed into lava that miraculously was the precise viscosity of water somehow and of which began to boil. This in turn began to cook the giant spaghetti in a strange rock broth, toppling it over as it became the familiar tangled limpness that is a plate of giant spaghetti. Nearby was an orphanage full of starving children, of whom promptly devoured the giant spaghetti as it fell, completely ignoring the fact that rather than soaking in water, the noodles had soaked in lava.
nobody expected the spanish inquisition?Author's Note Something tells me we've done this before, Ellery Quinn. 🤔 ~~oof ouch i'm stuck in another midterms cycle~~ nobody expected the spanish inquisition? Twilight opened the door. "The Spanish Inquisition? But you already burnt my books four years ago." "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION TO STRIKE TWICE IN THE SAME PLACE!" Twilight's books were then set aflame a second time for being heretical. Again.
Rainbow Dash was dared to stick a lightbulb in her mouth?Author's Note GodzillaSpino gave RD the lightbulb. Rainbow Dash was dared to stick a lightbulb in her mouth? "Hey Rainbow," Twilight a p p a r a t e d from the ground. "I invented an edible lightbulb. I dare you to try it." "Whu--" "As Princess of Equestria I will cancel your taxes for a year if you try it." Rainbow Dash bit down on the decidedly not-edible lightbulb. Her taxes were completely and entirely waived for the next tax season for her troubles.
Everything was the same except that Rainbow Dash was forklift certified?Author's Note Yes, we're bringing back the forklifts. Everything was the same except that Rainbow Dash was forklift certified? "You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!" "But it did! A... different kind of spark. I felt it the very moment I realized how--" Rainbow Dash committed vehicular manslaughter with her forklift on Nightmare Moon, putting an end to all this tomfoolery over "elements" and "magic". Just a pegasus and her trusty forklift, together and ready to save the day.
It was going to yeet tomorrow?"It's yeeting tomorrow," Shining Armor wandered into the room, slumping into an armchair with a loud yawn. "It's... yeeting. Don't you mean sleeting, dear?" Cadance looked up from her totally-not-a-shipfic-in-disguise report on the royal duties for the day. "It's yeeting tomorrow." "What are you talking about?" "It's yeeting today." "Hu--" Shining Armor picked up Cadance and threw her like a javelin.
there was more dakka?Author's Note NEVER enough dakka, Ellery Quinn! there was more dakka? "TWILIGHT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Celestia burst into the fortification as Twilight unloaded fifteen thousand rounds per second. "THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED IS ALREADY PULP!" "NEVER ENUFF DAKKA!" Twilight shouted in response. The planet over time spiraled into the sun, incinerating everybody because the recoil force of billions of rounds per second propelled the whole dang thing like a bullet rocket.
there was LESS dakka?Author's Note Midnight Moon took the rest of the bullets away. there was LESS dakka? "NO!" Twilight screeched, her hoof finally feeling the bottom of the now-empty box of ammo. "NO MORE DAKKA!" "Twilight, I am... concerned." Celestia finally began, "Do you sincerely need this much... what is it that you call it--dakka?" "YES!" Celestia shook her head as she nudged the still-smoking muzzle aside to sit on the edge. "Twilight, this is now an intervention. You need to get help." "THE ONLY HELP I NEED IS MORE DAKKA."
there was just the right amount of dakka?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 IZ DA DAKKA SUPPLIER? REAL??? there was just the right amount of dakka? Equestria stood still. The world was at peace. Flowers bloomed, clouds drifted, trees swayed in the soft breeze. Celestia herself had finally rid herself of her crippling cake addiction, though her sister's thoughts still lingered upon elephant boots and lava. Even Sweetie Giraffe, for an infinitesimally minute amount of time, had ceased her anger, and felt only calm. Reality itself, had embraced tranquility. All, of course, to the rhythmic thundering of billions upon trillions of rounds being fired at once by none other than Twilight Sparkle. That jar wasn't going to open itself after all.
there was too much dakka?Author's Note WE APPEAR TO BE IN A DAKKAPOCALYPSE, epiccuttlefish! there was too much dakka? "TOO MUCH DAKKA, TWILIGHT!" Princess Celestia shrieked as she sunk deeper into the discarded casings. "TOO MUCH DAKKA!" "NEVER ENUFF DAKKA!" Twilight shouted in return. Again. "TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" Celestia screamed. She pointed a hoof at the ominously hovering ball of metal forming under its own gravitational pull. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The overwhelming amount of bullets proceeded to fully collapse under their own gravitational pull, forming the first-known "pure dakka" black hole in the universe.
Luna made Taco Tuesday mandatory?Author's Note Rhonie8k brought this upon us. Luna made Taco Tuesday mandatory? "And so, by royal decree--" Luna shifted her gaze to Celestia, who gave an approving nod. "--it is hereby declared that henceforth, all Tuesdays must be Taco'd." "TRIXIE'S TACOS WILL NOT BE TUESDAY'D!" Trixie screeched at the top of her lungs as she yanked free her bag of Taco Bell tacos. "DOWN WITH THE MONARCHY, WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS OPPRESSION!" "Trixie." Twilight pointed at the humongous billboard sitting right beside Trixie's trailer. "We are taco-ing the Tuesdays. You get free tacos every Tuesday." "...very well then. Trixie shall permit for the monarchy to continue its existence. For now."
Story pitch: FracturesAuthor's Note Though originally slated for an initial release on Offprint, issues with the story approval system mean that nobody's currently able to claim a story to approve in the story approval queue. I suppose it's fitting however that the fic that I've been working toward all these years sees its first public drop here on Fimfiction. Really it's meant to release on June 10th, the day I made my fimfic account, but I'm like half asleep right now and I don't think I can stay awake for much longer. Regardless, as mentioned multiple times before, Fractures is the cumulation of all my writing experience over the years, and is in effect making good on what I told myself years ago that writing fanfics would serve as practice before I attempt to write original fiction again. ~~Also something something Techie/Tonkusverse~~ Anyway, without further ado, here's Fractures, the story that began in 2021 but also in 2014 and has been rewritten to tartarus and back! Now available on Offprint! Story pitch: Fractures 1|Bubble The floor creaked under her feet. Distant, metallic screeches echoed through her skull, almost drowning out her muted humming. She clutched the fragile glass of the cup, unwilling to let it come shattering to the floor. A dim corridor terminated her path ahead—three doors. Faint voices echoed from behind the one to her left, though she kept her sights on the one directly ahead. Here, the screeching was louder than anywhere else in the house; enough so that she could see it in the water of her cup. Burning metal singed the air, though the odor was hardly unfamiliar to the young girl. She sucked in a breath before opening the door. She squinted in the blazing light, both from the open garage before her and from the dancing flickers of color shimmering now against her surroundings. A masked figure wearing heavy-set goggles turned their head to her, one hand still gripping the handle of the now-still circular saw they stood beside. “Zoey!” The figure chuckled, lifting their goggles. “You don’t have to fill the cup that much. You want any snacks while you’re at it?” Zoey shook her head, carefully lowering the glass onto the corner of the table. A stray droplet dripped down her hands. She whipped back around with a grin to face the figure. “Nope! Do you think we can go to that ice cream place again later, Lisa? I wanna try that weird new flavor that they added! Y’know, the one where they mix grape juice with chocolate?” “Maybe,” Lisa stepped away from the saw. She pulled down her mask before reaching for the cup. “You know your mom doesn’t want you eating too much ice cream, right?” she took a sip before letting out a laugh. “Just a small cup this time, ‘kay? You had a bowl bigger than mine yesterday.” “Oka—” A loud SHOOM rattled the concrete beneath them. Dust sifted down from above as the initial blast subsided, replaced instead by a dull hum unlike anything either girl had heard before. Lisa coughed as she pulled her mask back up. She reached over and pulled the collar of Zoey’s shirt over her own face. “Stay here,” she said in muffled tones. “I’m going to check on the boys. If it’s too dusty for you, go out on the driveway.” Frenzied footsteps thumped up behind the door, followed by muffled pounding. “Lis!” the voice cried. “A huge hole just opened up in the basement! I tried to pull them away, but—” Another tremor tore through the house, followed by an earsplitting creaaak. The door slammed open. “Sis!” “Caleb,” Lisa’s voice pierced through the uneasy silence. “Show me.” A single nod was all it took. Lisa trailed behind her brother, following him out and into the open doorway to the basement. A dark, almost milky haze obscured the bottom. Caleb stepped back, trembling hands gripping tightly against the railing. “That… wasn’t there before.” “You think?” Lisa blocked her brother’s path with an arm. “Go stay in the garage with Zoey. You said your friends are in there?” “Y-yeah. Not sure if they’re still there though.” Lisa stared at the darkness for a few more seconds before backing away. Thin tendrils of shadow pulsed from the hazy core, spiderwebbing outward in every direction like a crack in a mirror. A dull hum accompanied their slow spread as they further enveloped the stairwell. “It’s spreading,” she took another step back. “Caleb, go. Now.” She didn’t need to look to know that her brother did exactly that. She pulled the door shut behind him. Fractured thoughts filtered through her paralyzed mind. She couldn’t hear any voices coming from the basement anymore. Run. The word screamed through her head. Run. Those were Caleb’s friends down there. Run. Were they— She placed a hand on the railing, feeling her body move on its own. Run. Run. Run. She tore away from the stairwell and threw open the garage door. “Lis!” Caleb sounded surprised by his sister’s return. “Did you—” His words faded into the background as she grabbed him by the hand, practically dragging him out further onto the driveway to join Zoey. She could barely make out the puzzled expression on his face as she turned away, making a beeline for the hanging tools on the wall. A C-clamp and a length of tie-down strap would have to do. What was she doing? “Lisa?” she could vaguely make out Zoey’s voice. Her body marched itself back through the door. She hooked the clamp around the handrail, screwing it secure while keeping an eye on the darkness. It was nearly at the top of the stairwell now. The haze had since dispersed, giving way instead to a uniform black; like a bubble made of pure shadow. Every nerve in her body screamed for her to flee. She tied one end of the strap around her waist. “Lisa!” Zoey shoved herself between Lisa and the top of the stairwell. “Come on! You have to go too! Before something else bad happens!” “…Zoey?” Zoey’s gaze drifted downward. “…Lisa, I can’t feel my feet.” Lisa’s eyes fell to the darkness that Zoey now stood in. Then back to her paling face. “Lisa,” Zoey repeated, her voice barely a whisper now. “What do I do?” “Lisa!” Caleb’s voice came from her side. “It’s coming into the garage now, too!” Her heart pounded in her throat. She grit her teeth, looking wildly around for something, anything, that she could use. She shook her head. There was no time. She grappled Zoey beneath her arms the best she could, pulling upward as hard as she could while paying mind not to set her own feet into the inky black. “Ow…” Zoey managed through her own panicked breaths. Lisa released her. The darkness was halfway up her calves now, and only creeping higher. A razor-thin tendril of shadow raced past them. There was hardly room to stand anymore. Lisa felt her back press against the door opposite to the stairwell. “Zoey,” Lisa held out a hand. “Hold on. I’ve got you. You hear me?” Zoey lifted her head, locking eyes with Lisa. She forced a trembling smile as she reached with her own hand. A shot of pain flashed across her face as she did so. “I’ve got you.” Lisa could feel the gash across Zoey’s hand as she gripped it. She must’ve scraped it on the clamp. “Is everything going to be okay?” Lisa pursed her lips. She shook her head. “No, but as long as I’m still here, I’m sure as heck gonna try.” She felt another pair of hands grip around her own arm as she too began to sink into the darkness. “Caleb?” she jerked her attention to her brother. “I thought I told you to stay in the garage!” “You might be Zoey’s babysitter, but she’s my friend too” —Caleb grunted, tugging with all his strength— “I’m not… going to let… another one… disappear. And you know I’m not letting you get eaten either!” Lisa shifted her gaze downward. Caleb too was now ensnared. Their fate had been sealed. She glanced one last time to Zoey, who by now was only a face and a hand at the edge of the growing bubble of shadow. Her eyes were closed, though she was still breathing. A trickle of blood ran down her hand. She looked now to Caleb. He gave another futile tug. There was really only one thing left that she could do now. At the very least, perhaps it could spell an end to their collective dread. She threw herself forward fully into the darkness.
Celestia was a Jedi master?Author's Note Courtesy of ask-gadzooks on Tumblr! Celestia was a Jedi master? "You are on this council," Master Celestia paused, staring into Twilakin Sparkwalker's eyes. "But we do not grant you the rank of master." "Fine then, I'll go ask Chancellor Sombra to help me instead!" Celestia leaned in close to Grand Master Ponkda. "Lolwut." "He has control over the senate and the courts, he's too dangerous to be left alive!" Celestia shouted back. Twilakin's eyes simmered with rage. "I'm too weak, uh-don't kill me! Please!" Sombra pleaded. "Twilakin, these Jedi are betraying the Republic! They've started a quesadilla factory and refuse to shut it down!" Celestia's lightsaber clattered to the floor as she was banished to the sun with an unceremonious poof.
This chapter was written at 2 am on a phone?Author's Note This ain't even a what if its just what in doin Don't mind the typos. This chapter was written at 2 am on a phone? Twilight stroked her long, incredibly horselike face. Today was a pancakes kind of day, and all who opposed her words would be sentenced to a lifetime of moon. "Hi Twi," Twilight greeted Twilight. "Is it pancakes today?" "Why yes Twolifht, it is 0ancakes today," twilight cordially bowed. "I AM HERE TO LEAD THE WAFFLE REBELLION," Luna boomed. She proceeded to crash through the wall kool-ais man style. "There is no rebellion, only pancake," Twilight slid a plate over to Luna. "To you, my friend. A peace offering." "I SHALL ACCEPT THIS OFFERING AS A SIGN OF OUR PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE," Luna swallowed thr plate whole. Pancakes and all. "WE SHALL SPEAK OF OUR TRADE AND WARES ON THR MORROW." Luna flew off somewhere. As for Spike, he stood petrified in the corner, hardly able to comprehend what just happened.
Pinkie Pie was secretly not pink?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Pajama Sam ruled Ponyville (and then Equestria after that)?Author's Note Alright, twidash1993. You want Pajama Sam? You get my foggy childhood memories of only ever finishing like half of the OG CD-ROM game. Pajama Sam ruled Ponyville (and then Equestria after that)? "Hello hi I'm here to steal all your--" Tirek couldn't finish his sentence before Pajama Sam stuffed him into his ~~lunchbox~~ portable bad-guy containment unit thing. Ponyville--no, Equestria was finally at peace. Twilight couldn't believe it. All the years she'd spent, studying, gaining friends, literally ascending to godhood--all for a literal child with a lunchbox to swoop in and singlehandedly save the day. No wonder Celestia gave up on doing anything herself.
instead of friendship or whatever, Twilight beat Tirek with Missiles of Nuclear JusticeAuthor's Note The Spy of the Tiger told Twilight that she's not allowed to swear. instead of friendship or whatever, Twilight beat Tirek with Missiles of Nuclear Justice "Ha!" Tirek guffawed. "Friendship. What a joke. Friendship didn't stop me from destroying your friends. Friendship didn't prevent your puny treehouse from burning to the ground." He leaned in close, nearly pressing his face against Twilight's own. "And friendship won't stop me from taking everything you have left for myself." "Oh, I know that already," Twilight gave Tirek a peck on the cheek. "And I also know what will stop you." Tirek lifted his hand from the location of Twilight's kiss. "Hu--" The flames blazed behind the alicorn's eyes. "Indiscriminate nuclear fire." Twilight paused. "fire." "fire." "Celestia ing it!" Twilight shot into the sky. " it, I'm pressing the button." Tirek scratched his head, still caught off-guard by the unexpected kiss. "Press what butto--" What remained of Ponyville proceeded to be wiped off the face of the planet alongside Tirek.
Fluttershy sued the fandom for using her face as a profanity censor?Author's Note Scyphi took the comments by storm. Fluttershy sued the fandom for using her face as a profanity censor? You wince at the flashes of cameras in your face. All around you, ponies and humans swarm. Your name? Milil Poneigh Fandaum. "Fck," you blurt under your breath. You are sentenced to another fifteen years in a maximum-security prison for the action.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony were switched?Author's Note Welcome to the bowels of insanity, VIP prince! Please take a seat. There is no escape. Dr. Ponktopus will see you shortly. Applejack and Rainbow Dash's Elements of Harmony were switched? Rainbow Dash set the glass of dubiously-acquired milk she was drinking down on the table. "I write smutty Daring Do fanfiction and make bank from grand theft auto." Twilight blinked. "Well, I guess that explains the recent disappearances of Ponyville's trains..." "You won't take her!" Applejack slammed her own mug of cider onto the interrogation room table. "I won't let ya!"
Fluttershy and Rarity's elements were snitched?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is about to give out some stitches. Fluttershy and Rarity's elements were snitched? "You're both elements of harmony?" the filly gasped as she hopped around Fluttershy and Rarity. "Why, yes, darling!" Rarity reached out to give the filly a headpat. "...I'm telling!" The most audible representation of a question mark made physical shot between the two mares as the filly scampered off somewhere. "I SMELL ELEMENTS--" a decrepit-looking janky stallion skittered out of the shadows, screeching at the top of his lungs.
Twilight and Pinkie's elements were stitched?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger, back at it again with the sewing machine! Twilight and Pinkie's elements were stitched? "Star balloons!" Pinkie gasped as Rarity made the final stitch. "Ooh, this makes me so nervexcited!" "Pinkie" Twilight chuckled, "this is just to celebrate the first ten books read in our book club. It's not that special." "Every party is special, silly!" Pinkie slipped away from the counter. "You don't have to celebrate anything big. Sometimes a party can just be for yourself, for getting up to face another day! Ten books is still a LOT of books to read when you're all grown up and have to do things like work, and taxes, and taking care of yourself, and getting groceries, and--" she took a breath. "--a WHOLE lot of other things! So why shouldn't it be special?" Twilight smiled.
Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination?Author's Note Forcalor is a figment of our imaginations. Twilight was just a figment of Princess Celestia's imagination? "Twilight, could you go deal with Tirek II for me if you so please?" Celestia rung a bell. A spectacled Raven Inkwell sighed, kneeling at her Princess's hooves. "As you wish, my Princess. I must remind you, we have no records of this Twilight Sparkle that you refer to myself and my sisters by." "Alright, Twilight," Celestia shrugged, swallowing another bite of her cake. "Oh, and could you remind your babysitter that the Crystal Heart needs to be watered thrice daily as well?" Raven saluted. "One of my sisters has already communicated with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. There is no issue to report regarding this task." Celestia tapped a hoof idly against the arm(foreleg?)rests of her throne. "Ah!" she suddenly burst, "That reminds me, how's that brother of yours, my dishonorably-discharged-for-medical-reasons student? He still making googly eyes at Cadance?" Another Raven stepped up beside Raven and whispered something in her ear. Raven stiffened up, nodding at Celestia. "Prince Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire has been married to Mi Amore Cadenza for years, Princess. They have already produced children." "Grandchildren!" Celestia cheered, clapping her hooves together in excitement. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Twi? Fetch me my guards, I must attend the baby shower at once!" Raven reached a hoof out. The second Raven beside her floated a communicator into her grasp. "Prepare a chariot, the Princess intends to travel. We need full accommodations and a nurse onboard. It is not necessary, but it may be the Princess's preference for the Royal Chef to also be present. As a reminder, all references to the chef must be done by the name 'Pinkie Pie', lest we upset the Princess." She paused. "Also, notify Mi Amore and Shining Armor of her highness's arrival in advance. They must prepare for yet another baby shower. We already know well what happens if there is not one to attend." Raven passed the device back to her sister before bowing again. "It is done. Is there anything else that you request from your faithful student?" "Nope! Just Tirek." "As you wish." Raven knocked on the door. She stepped back, waiting a minute. Then two. She knocked again, checking her watch as she glanced at a third Raven Inkwell that stood beside her--this one a pegasus. And about half a dozen more of her sisters behind her. A loud thump emanated from behind the door, followed by a groan. Heavy hoofsteps clip-clopped up to the door. "Celestia again?" Tirek's tired voice came in muffled mutters. "Doesn't she believe that the all-powerful Tirek is in Tartarus or whatever that place is?" "The Princess believes that your next-in-line has come to rampage. I have brought my sisters to assist in the relocation. We hope it will not inconvenience you as much as it had the first time." The door creaked open as Tirek let the Raven Collective enter. He yawned, scratching his side as he watched each mare pass his belongings out into the hallway. "What about everyone else in the apartment?" he yawned, stepping aside for his sagging mattress to be carried out. "Don't they have to relocate too?" Raven gave a brief nod as she passed. "You know well the size of the Collective. The other occupants of the complex are also being assisted as we speak." Tirek watched as his cart of possessions was loaded onto the train. He turned his head, glancing one last time at the unassuming apartment that he'd called home for the past three years. It wasn't too bad of a place, to be honest. Yes, it was drab and dull--nothing like the gaudy mansion he'd been placed in for show the first time around. Those acting days were over, anyway. The constant need to hire himself and other actors to stage worldly threats to distract the Princess was far more draining on Equestria's resources than it was to simply pass along rumors and demolish derelict buildings. It worked to the nation's benefit, in a sense--the Princess remained placated by her delusions of a student, while at the same time the decaying infrastructure of the countryside could be allocated the resources needed for redevelopment. His eyes shifted to the line of carts lined up behind his own, each one hauled by four, no, six of the same mare. He always wondered where they came from. In the distance, a deafening explosion marked the end of the derelict building. The Raven Inkwell that stood beside the open doors of the train's cargo truck lifted a radio to her mouth. He could just barely hear the words she muttered. "Sparkle has arrived. The target has been eliminated. Report back to the Princess via dragonfire at your assigned time."
Protect Pudding Paradox?Author's Note Rhonie8k is the one that endangered the pudding! Protect Pudding Paradox? "Protect the pudding!" Pinkie shouted, holding up a cutting board to shield against the barrage of icicles. "If the pudding is touched then we'll all die!" "Pinkie," Twilight stood in the pudding bowl. Like, all four hooves. In the pudding. "Nothing's happening. It's lying." "Nuh-uh," the pudding responded. "I only tell the truth. And the truth is that--" "You lied," Twilight stepped out of the pudding bowl. Nothing happened after that and they ate the pudding later that day. Twilight and Pinkie disappeared in puffs of smoke, banished forever to Tartarus for not believing the words that a bowl of pudding spoke. It wasn't even good pudding.
Techie didn't break Fimfiction in the next chapter?Author's Note me? not breaking my favorite horsewords dot net website, The Spy of the Tiger? ❄ snow be upon ye! ❄ Techie didn't break Fimfiction in the next chapter? "Look, Twilight,...........................................................,......................................... ..............................................................snow!"................................................................... .......................................................................................................................-...........................................................you get an internet cookie if you see this....................,........................................................................................"I see, Spike! Look at it glisten!"............................................................,..............................................................................................................................'...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......................................................................'..................."It's so clean and ...........fresh......................................................................................................................................................................................................,...........................................................Do you think we can go sledding later?".....................................................................................,.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......................"Sure! I'll make some hot......... cocoa.........................................................................................,............................................................................................................'..................................................................Do you want to invite Sweetie Belle over?".........................................................................................................................,...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................,......"What? Nah... well............................................................................................,.....................yeah,.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................maybe."..................................................................,........................................................................................................................................'.....................................................................................................................................................................,..........................
Changelings invaded Japan (300 years ago)?Author's Note Edward Sapphire has joined the game. This chapter was quite tough to write. Changelings invaded Japan (300 years ago)? Queen Chrysalis landed with an unimpressive thump. On her face. She peeled herself off the ground. "Onward!" Chrysalis roared as the rest of the full might of the Changeling Hive blackened the skies. Okay. So. Something something samurai battle changelings something. Maybe. Time for a little bit of freewriting. One by one, the castles of the daimyo fell across the land, the changeling infiltration successfully pitting every man against each other. Who they could trust--family, friends, loved ones--became nobodies. It was almost every day when another person went missing from the growing city of Edo. Not even the imported firearms that some had taken up could stand against the might of the shapeshifters. Especially not when they took on the faces of the departed.
Fimfiction broke the space time continuum?Author's Note bkam made Twilight do the time warp again! Fimfiction broke the space time continuum? Twilight set the tip of her pen down on the blank parchment and began scrawling on the paper. What would my life be like if Starlight Glimmer never came back for revenge? ~~~o~~~ Starlight Glimmer watched from the chilling hillsides. She never thought that she could feel so wrong, stealing cutie marks from innocent ponies she had lured for years. Her head dipped low as she thought of her past actions, her intents on what to do with Twilight's cutie mark. As she slowly trudged away through the cold storm, the freezing blasts of wind suddenly died down. "ₐaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Twilight screeched at the top of her lungs as she rocketed past the now thoroughly-confused Starlight Glimmer. Starlight's facial expression slowly twisted from a sad, depressed one to a face of pure, unbridled goblin energy. "Whuh... bluh?" Luna drooled, very likeely concussed from the impact that was Twilight slamming head-first into her. "Wazzzzz dat a banan???" Don't ask why Luna was up in the frozen north. She was... uh, doing some diplomatic duties. With the snow. Yes. Twilight tore a hole in the middle of the page she was writing.
the space time continuum decided to take a vacation from all the bs going on.Author's Note RandomCommentor gave the space-time continuum a free ticket to the Bahamas. the space time continuum decided to take a vacation from all the bs going on. "Luna, sister dearest, why are we standing on graham crackers?" Princess Luna looked down at the graham crackers that had been temporarily substituted in place of the space-time continuum. Then she looked back up at her sister. Of whom was currently eating the substitute for the space-time continuum. "What?" Celestia said through muffled chewing, "I got hungry. It's not like I've become a devourer of worlds or something. It's just graham crackers, Lulu." Luna narrowed her eyes as she swore she heard tiny screams.
every prompt posted on this story was implemented in one chapter simultaneously?Author's Note Deja vu, Ellery Quinn, I have been in this place before! ...No seriously, I swear I already did something like this at some point. every prompt posted on this story was implemented in one chapter simultaneously? Twilight's head exploded as she tried to write several thousand chapters at the same time. Her quill proceeded to explode too from the speed at which she was attempting to write at, and then the paper exploded for the same reasons. The desk then exploded because it didn't feel like desk-ing anymore while Sweetie Giraffe obliterated the rest of the castle for completely unrelated reasons. Ponyville exploded after that because super-giga-hyper Discord decided it would be funny to make thing go boom. Unfortunately, thing that go boom was Ponyville. Also at some point the sun exploded too but dangit Equestria is magic and magic don't care about your dang heccin' supernovas.
Spike had to clean the mess all the explosions made?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Celestia invoked the 2nd Amendment when Sunset tried to steal Twilight's crown?Author's Note Got any bearclaws, Officers Mess? Celestia invoked the 2nd Amendment when Sunset tried to steal Twilight's crown? "You lost," Celestia smacked her dry lips, still tasting the frosting from the cake she'd devoured that morning. "--your crown." "Yeah." "And you say you saw a unicorn take it?" "Yeah." Celestia rubbed her chin. "Well, I do suppose that there is a solution to this dilemma." Twilight cocked her head. "Second amendment to the totally-legit Equestrian Constitution that I definitely didn't forget existed or manifested into existence right here and now; the right to bear arms." Twilight looked at her forelegs, then back at Celestia. "Bear arms? I don't--" "It is exactly what you think it means, my dear student--" Celestia teleported the entire portal down in front of her now, shoving Twilight through. "Toodles! Good luck finding the crown." "Look! That girl has bear arms!" Twilight screamed.
this chapter had to be written in the form of a question?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? this chapter had to be written in the form of a question? "Huh?" Spike huh'd... was this supposed to be a rhetorical question? "But it's not a rhetorical question?" Twilight scratched her head? "What are you talking about?" "I don't know? Are you saying that this chapter as a whole is a question?" "Yesn't?" Twilight shrugged? "I'm not sure? Maybe we can talk about this?" "What's there to talk about? Isn't the questions what we're doing right now?" "Oh--maybe? I think so? Is this what we're doing then?" "Probably?"
the chapter had to be written in the form of interjections?"So uh--" "No." "Sure?" "Excuse me! So sorry! Coming through!" "Fluttershy?" "Nope." "...Big Mac?" "Eeyup." "Wow. Okay."
Pajama Sam bought Ponyville?Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Twilight was a glizard?Twilight raised a brow. "Don't you mean wizard?" "Oh, no no no! I'm deeming you the Royal Canterlot Glizard! You heard me correctly the first time around." "So uh, about that--" "Yes, my disgracefully expelled for medical purposes student?" "What's a glizard?" "Why don't you see for yourself?" Celestia floated an orange over. "Try levitating this orange. You will find that your abilities have been... enhanced." "Enhanced?" Twilight raised her brow even higher. "How do you further enhance an alicorn?" She lit her horn, grasping for the orange. Instead, a hot dog unceremoniously materialized in front of her, dropping to the floor with a wet plap. Celestia grinned.
Spike had Ravioli breath? (Able to breathe Ravioli)Author's Note I see Chef Boyardee has made a return, twidash1993. Spike had Ravioli breath? (Able to breathe Ravioli) Spike looked at his translucent claws, and then at his surroundings. All around him were endless fields of puffy white clouds and clear skies. "My child," a heavenly voice boomed. "It is time." "Aw heck," Spike grumbled. "Am I dead? This is the fifth time I've died this week and I'd really like to get back to my co--" "You are not dead, my child." Spike plopped down on the cloudy ground, folding his arms. "Stop calling me that." Slowly, the clouds around him began to take on a more yellowish tint. Spike's frown grew deeper as splotches of red began to surface. Was this blood? This had to be blood. There was no way it wasn't blood. Oh dear Celestia, he was in h-- "Spike," the spaghetti ground began to rumble. "It is time you unlocked your full potential." Okay, not that place then. Spike fluttered his wimpy little dragon wings. "But I already got my wings." "Neigh, there is an even fuller potential in store for you. Do not forget, Purple One, of your heritage. Your... purpleness." Spike made a noise that was as close to the auditory representation of a singular question mark that anyone had ever heard. "Thanos. Purple Guy. Grimace and his accursed milkshakes. Barney the Dinosaur--" the voice boomed in his ears. "The Great Purple Ones now grant you their strength." Spike felt himself begin to lift into the air in a whirlwind of spaghetti and pasta sauce. "Wh--" he teetered mid-air, flipping over himself aimlessly. "What's happening?" "Shhh, just let it happen." "And so that's how I gained the ability to do this!" Spike took a deep breath, then began to violently cough up whole pieces of ravioli. "Ewwwww!" Apple Bloom ran away.
Apple Bloom, because she doubted Spike's ravioli breath, was given garlic bread breath (able to breathe garlic bread) to go with all that ravioli?Author's Note Y'all REALLY want this follow-up chapter, don't you, Scyphi? Apple Bloom, because she doubted Spike's ravioli breath, was given garlic bread breath (able to breathe garlic bread) to go with all that ravioli? A deranged screech shot through the air as Apple Bloom was momentarily Thanos-snapped from existence. "Ayo what the f?" Apple Bloom disentangled herself from her own limbs. "Ah swear, if it's one of you Flim Flam brothers tryna steal mah sister's apples again, you're in for a bitin'!" A scratchy, almost annoyingly high-pitched voice chuckled in response. "Nonsense, child! Those brothers you speak of have been banished to the shadow realm!" Apple Bloom lifted a brow. "They forced me to give them my firstborn child as payment for a back scratcher," the voice grumbled. A charred stick fell out of the sky and onto the... She patted the fluffy ground underneath. This wasn't Sweet Apple Acres! "'Scuse me," a decrepitly gnarled hand descended from above and grabbed the stick. "Always dropping things. Always dropping things." "Soooooo, should Ah head on home the--" "Tut tut!" the voice of the hand tutted. "You still need your new powers!" Apple Bloom scrunched her muzzle. "New powers? Ah think Ah can buck apples just fine without fancy wings or a horn." She felt something work its way up her throat, like a bad slice of apple pie or that one time when she ate a cinderblock. She opened her mouth to speak, but a piece of garlic bread emerged instead, slowly flopping onto the ground. "Well that's new." "Congrayshuns!" the voice cackled. "You are now a super filly! Toodles!~" The clouds beneath Apple Bloom turned into fresh garlic bread. Unfortunately, fresh garlic bread is also very soft, and that meant Apple Bloom's weight alone sent her plummeting back down. Spike stacked the fiftieth piece of ravioli at the top of his tower. He'd done it! He'd made the world's tallest ravioli sta-- Apple Bloom landed with an unimpressive splort on top of the tower, completely obliterating it in front of a now very visibly-distressed Spike. Another piece of garlic bread dropped from her mouth. Seeing as there was nothing else she could reasonably do at the moment, she offered it to Spike. "Can I offer you a nice garlic great in this trying time?" she held up the garlic bread. It's said that Spike's wails of despair could be heard around the world.
everyone stopped reading because they were now super hungry for Italian?Author's Note Drinks are on bkam! everyone stopped reading because they were now super hungry for Italian? "Psst," Twilight lifted her head. Spike swung down from the upper balcony, flashlight gripped between his teeth. "How's progress on the black-out? Any readers return yet?" Twilight shook her head in the darkness. Without regular roaming readers wandering her castle, there was no way to generate electricity! At least, not without kidnapping enlisting the citizens of Ponyville to run in the giant hamster wheel that the readers normally trapped themselves upon. "Have you tried maybe not using the labor of hundreds of ponies at a time to power your Heccbochs Too?" Spike was banished to the moon for treason.
Spike and Apple Bloom use their respective powers to wage war with Olive Garden?Author's Note Been a while, ScopingLandscape! How've you been? Spike and Apple Bloom use their respective powers to wage war with Olive Garden? Celestia stared out the window. "Twilight, may I ask you something?" Twilight pulled away from the belt sander that she was pressing her face against. "Yeah?" "Why is my favorite Olive Garden being fortified by multiple legions of my best guards?" A solid beam of ravioli blasted skyward before dissipating, causing it to rain ravioli and guards over Canterlot for a few seconds. This was followed by a solid wall of garlic bread emerging from roughly the same location, slowly tipping towards the Olive Garden. "No!" Celestia suddenly flung herself from the window, zooming at sonic speeds toward the teetering Texas Toast. ...She and the Olive Garden proceeded to be flattened by the garlic bread. Twilight had the weirdest coronation that day. Everyone was served ravioli and garlic bread for some reason.
Scootaloo took over a Texas Roadhouse?Author's Note What hast thine done, twidash1993? Scootaloo took over a Texas Roadhouse? "You should try out the restaurant biz sometime, Scoots!" Apple Bloom boomed from atop the garlic bread and ravioli empire centered directly over the remains of the Olive Garden from the previous chapter. "It's really fun! Trust me!" Sweetie Giraffe screeched from even higher above. "What would I even take over?" Scootaloo shouted. "The Garlic Breadvioli Empire has taken over all of Canterlot already!" A stray laser fired down from above and incinerated a hole in the blanket of garlic bread and ravioli that covered the land, exposing a dingy-looking Texas Roadhouse. Scootaloo looked between the restaurant and Apple Bloom. "There's yer answer," Apple Bloom nodded wisely. "Sweetie gave you a present!" She was then incinerated by Sweetie Giraffe, leaving not a trace behind. "Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo cried out. "Sweetie! What'd you do that for?" "TOO SMOL." Sweetie Giraffe's voice tore across the land. "Fine then. Texas Roadhouse it is!" Scoots trotted off for the Texas Roadhouse still filled with screaming ponies.
Pinkie Pie got all the villains (all the G4 ones) and brought them together for a big party, and they actually enjoyed it?Author's Note Behold, a dart157! Pinkie Pie got all the villains (all the G4 ones) and brought them together for a big party, and they actually enjoyed it? Princess Luna wearing fancy contacts, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Discord, Tirek, and Cozy Glow all sat around the (honestly very cramped) campfire. "Mmmyes," King Sombra nodded somberly while wearing a sombrero. "Fire. Just like what I wished upon your nation many moons ago." Pinkie Pie emerged from the flames holding precisely fifty cakes. That's as many as five tens. And that's amazing. "Ten cakes for each of you!" Pinkie slid them across the metaphorical table that turned out to be a physical table. "Not you Lulu, Celly says it makes you fart at night." Princess Luna hissed in disappointment. She whipped out her patented Nightmare Moon® Moon Armor Set™ and put it on, hissing a second time but angrier. "So... uh," King Sombra cleared his throat, grabbing an entire fistful of cake out of his stack. Ignore the fact that he has no hands. Just let it happen. "Ponies, am I right?" Everyone nodded in agreement. Even Pinkie! Cozy Glow said nothing because this poor excuse of an author never watched any episodes with her in them. "Why did you invite all of us out here again?" Discord craned his neck up and over Chrysalis over to Pinkie. "I'll have you know I have a very important meeting with a certain butter-colored pegasus in five minutes." "Are... you enjoying the party?" Pinkie looked around at the gaggle of villains surrounding her. The Storm King up above munched on a piece of cake that he totally didn't yoink from Tirek while the centaur wasn't looking. "It's a fine party," Chrysalis droned. "Feels nice to not be the target of rainbow death lasers every now and then. Or protective force fields that violently eject you from the city you were raiding." ~~it was at this point that the author realized that he paid almost zero attention to how any of the villains talk and Twilight ran out of ink for once.~~
Celestia decided to burn down an Applebee's, a practice that is not only legal, but generally encouraged.Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is responsible for the Princess's action. Celestia decided to burn down an Applebee's, a practice that is not only legal, but generally encouraged. "Why, Celestia?" the flames danced in Twilight's eyes as she watched the bonfire crackle. "Why did you do it?" "They gave me bees." "They..." Celestia turned her puffy head. "They gave me bees, my dear student. Is it alright if I call you my student again? Actually, you know what, I am unofficially un-expelling you for medical reasons." Twilight sputtered. "Where did they get the bees from? Isn't their whole schtick being the 'neighborhood barbeque' or whatnot?" "What do you think you'd normally find at a barbeque, Twilight?" "Coleslaw, burgers, steaks..." Twilight's stomach grumbled at the thought of a juicy slab of prime rib. "...wasps?" Celestia nodded wisely. "And hornets. And others of the striped variety that both myself and the many foals that flock to such barbeques tend to colloquially call 'bees'." Twilight stepped back a little as the sign collapsed into the still-burning remains of the restaurant. "But why did they give you bees?" "They asked me if I wanted the apples or the bees." "And you... didn't choose apples?" "I was curious, Twilight," Celestia snapped before firing another blast of magic at the structure. "Now help me reduce this place to a crater or you're getting banished to the sun. This is a Royal Decree."
an army of sentient donuts attacked equestira with help from the giant monkey man who once terrorized the ninth dimensionAuthor's Note This sounds oddly familiar, Rhonie8k. (can you tell that i'm on the verge of burnout) an army of sentient donuts attacked equestira with help from the giant monkey man who once terrorized the ninth dimension "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the giant monkey man from the ninth dimension who totally wasn't Waluigi in a monkey suit tore a hole in the atmosphere. For some reason, the only thing that came to mind for what he would say next was "GO, MY PRETTIES!" And so he did. Masterfully. "GO, MY PRETTIES!" Waluigi the giant monkey man from the ninth dimension wah'd, tearing the sky open even wider to make way for billions upon billions of sentient donuts to begin pouring into Equestria. Why he did this is still not known. There is not enough brainpower right now to brain up new ideas to idea for chaptering this chapter. "Begun, the donut war has," Yoda sipped a cup of tea. "Eyup," Big Mac eyup'd. He was standing in for Princess Celestia because she got banished to the sun. Again. An explosion flashed outside the window. For some reason Pinkie Pie grew to the height of a skyscraper and began eating every donut that rained down. Actually, no that makes perfect sense. She's Pinkie. What.
the next chapter was narrated by David Attenborough?Author's Note And here, we see The Spy of the Tiger in their natural habitat. the next chapter was narrated by David Attenborough? Watch as the simple-minded alicorn readies herself for the day. She stretches and yawns--not an uncommon routine, but--oh, ah. It appears she has decided to rest once more. But here comes her loyal assistant, a rather small dragon that this morning happens to be carrying a mug of the finest coffee in Equestria. He has failed in his endeavor. This lowly dragon will now retreat to the kitchen in shame. The alicorn lets out a long-drawn snore, oblivious to the dragon's abrupt misery.
Luna suddenly realized she peaked in high school [despite never actually going to high school] so she fakes a bunch of documents to enroll herself in princess celestia's school for gifted unicorn but accidently actually enrolls herself in Professor XSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
pinkie pie got a medal for opening a jarAuthor's Note I'm on winter break now and Rhonie8k, by Celestia am I going to be firehosing these chapters. pinkie pie got a medal for opening a jar Pop. Confetti exploded out from all around Pinkie Pie. She grinned as Celestia herself descended from the skies above, carrying her reward for a task well-done within her own two forelegs (wow that sounds weird when you think about it). "I did it!" Pinkie squeaked. "You done diddly darn dunnit," Applejack nodded Applejackly. She inadvertently headbutted Celestia in the process and was promptly banished to the potato fields. "Idunnit!" Pinkie shouted, louder this time. "You have done the it," Celestia bestowed upon Pinkie the Equestrian Medal of Honor for her efforts. "You very many much brave is are." "Alright Celestia," Twilight swooped in after Celestia with a crane, strapping Celestia in before lifting her back into the sky. "Off to the Royal Infirmary you go." Pinkie Pie watched Twilight and Celestia disappear out of the newly-made hole in the ceiling. At some point the crane had conveniently transformed into a helicopter and Celestia was now dangling upside-down by her legs, as a Princess should be properly treated. I have no idea where this is going. "I have done the it!" Pinkie closed the jar again after picking out a jelly bean. Equestria immediately imploded upon her doing so.
Lyra took away ALL the spoons?Author's Note Scyphi gave Lyra the spoon magnet! Lyra took away ALL the spoons? The Ginosaji lifted its arm to once more smack Lyra with a spoon. "Enough," Lyra boomed, her voice dropping precisely thirty-three octaves and gaining the gravlieness of a fifth-hand chainsmoker. Her shimmering aura tightened around the spoon. "Your reign of terror ends here and now." The Ginosaji let go of the spoon and began to unzip its jacket. "It ends now," Lyra repeated, transforming every single spoon into a rubber duck. She smacked the former Ginosaji with one of the ducks. "But for me, it has only begun."
The Ginosaji summoned a spoon made out of non-spoons to counter Lyra?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is Lyra's rubber duck supplier. The Ginosaji summoned a spoon made out of non-spoons to counter Lyra? "Oh? What is this?" Lyra loomed over the Ginosaji, who now wielded a shovel attached to a smaller shovel. "A challenge?" It lifted its decrepit arm to smack Lyra with its makeshift shovel. Unfortunately for it, the sheer might of five-hundred thousand rubber ducks pummeling it all at once was stronger.
Apple Bloom's garlic bread powers meant she could still reform her vaporized body, assuming there was enough garlic bread present?Author's Note Scyphi 🧄🍞 Apple Bloom's garlic bread powers meant she could still reform her vaporized body, assuming there was enough garlic bread present? ~~~somewhere within the garlic bread factory~~~ "I LIVEEEEEEEEEEE," Apple Bloom burst from the absurdly large and very conveniently placed pile of garlic bread. A laser of pure fury atomized her again. "WRONG." Apple Bloom emerged from the garlic bread. Again. Another laser obliterated her very being. "NO YOU," a piece of garlic bread spontaneously grew into an Apple Bloom. "So, uh," Applejack watched the carnage unfold around the garlic bread factory. "Y'think we should find someplace else to eat at while our sisters duke it out?" Rarity was already gone.
Princess Celestia became a goat?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor. Goat. 👆 Princess Celestia became a goat? "Sister, sister!" Luna galloped into the throne room. "Celly! The Equestrian populace is upon the steps of our grand palace! They demand a democracy and the end of our imperial rule!" Celestia continued to chew on the drapes. They were delicious. "This is no time to dawdle!" The Sun Princess swallowed and began her work on the next set of drapes. Or... actually, no, the tapestry looked particularly appetizing on this fine evening. A distant crash echoed across the throne room. "Sister!" Luna picked up Celestia and threw her out the window, drapes still fluttering behind her as she soared. "Be free!" She spun around to face the peasantry. "NO ITEMS, FOX ONLY, FINAL DESTINATION," the peasant at the very front of the flock screeched, pointing a hoof at Luna. "YOU WON'T." "OH HO HO, I MOST ASSUREDLY WILL!" Luna boomed in return.
the peasantry couldn't actually overthrow Celesita precisely because she'd become a goat?Author's Note Legally speaking, Scyphi cannot be overthrown! the peasantry couldn't actually overthrow Celesita precisely because she'd become a goat? "Wait wait wait!" Twilight punched a hole through the floor and climbed out in front of the crowd. "What are all of you doing?" "Vive la révolution!" a stallion that looked suspiciously like precisely two and a half colts in a trenchcoat yelled as he pelted Twilight with a mushy quesadilla. Twilight annihilated the quesadilla moments before it struck her with the fury of ten thousand suns. "No seriously, don't you know that legally speaking, you cannot overthrow Celestia now?" "What." "Our dear Princess has unexpectedly and inexplicably been transformed into a goat. And one that does not appear to have any semblance of intelligence, at that. Do you really believe that she is still your ruler?" Somewhere in the crowd, a sheep bleated. It was swiftly silenced by means of a convenient trapdoor directly underneath it. "Precisely as I thought," Twilight spun around. She gently lifted Celestigoat back up through the broken window and set her on the floor before the peasants. "I mean, look at her! Does this look like the face of a tyrant to you?" Celestigoat stiffened at the sudden movement and fell on her side. An explosion rang out from the Royal Gamer Room as Luna began cursing in old Equish. "Anyway yeah," Twilight propelled herself into the air with a flap of her wings. "Praise Celestigoat, and you all be good ponies now, or there will be consequences." She disappeared back into the hole in the floor. The stallion that looked suspiciously like five and a half colts in a trenchcoat stared at the hole Twilight had left behind. Then at Celestigoat. He sneered, taking a long stride forward. "As if there is no reason to overthrow dear leader. I believe tonight, we shall all have some nice goat ch--" ~~it is imperative that you know that I had zero clue that my dad was making goat stew as I was writing this chapter~~ "SILENCE, CHILD." The room went silent as Celestigoat picked herself off the floor. She let out a goatly screech as she slurped up the remainder of the drapery that'd been hanging from her mouth. Both gnarled horns lit up as her stout form suddenly seemed to loom over everyone else in the room. She tore a tile from the floor and began to munch on it. "So does that mean--" The seventeen and three-quarters colts in a trenchcoat were promptly banished to the Goat Moon.
Princess Celestia stole my catalytic converter in Point Pleasant, West Virginia?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger owes us all a new catalytic converter. Princess Celestia stole my catalytic converter in Point Pleasant, West Virginia? You peek beneath your car, about as far as you can see without sliding yourself underneath. Sure enough, in the place where your vehicle's catalytic converter should've been, only a mangled pair of metal pipes remained. "Mehhhhhhhhhh," Celestigoat bleated, still chewing on your catalytic converter here in Point Pleasant, West Virginia. She swallowed and moved onto eating the tires.
the jar Pinkie had opened was full of pickles instead of jelly beans?Author's Note I believe Scyphi has doomed us all. the jar Pinkie had opened was full of pickles instead of jelly beans? The fire crackled all around me. Who was I anymore? I looked down at my trembling hooves, still slick with unspeakable liquids in the glint of the flames. All this... My gaze lifted up again. How many had been lost? A dozen? Two dozen? My ears swiveled at the sound of a faraway building's collapse. No, hundreds. I ground the pickle juice-coated hoof into the dirt beneath me.
the Goat Moon was made of goat cheese?Author's Note Scyphi and ScopingLandscape tag-team chaos go! the Goat Moon was made of goat cheese? The twenty-seven and five-ninths colts in a trenchcoat awoke on the Goat Moon. However, their sudden movement was enough to start a goatquake. They stood up on wobbly legs, already sinking into the crumbling satellite no thanks to their combined weight. "First time, kids?" a voice caught their attention. The colt acting as the head of the stallion they were pretending to be opened his mouth to speak, but a gaggle of space goats beat him to the punch and bleated. "Not you," Not Princess Luna grabbed the entire goat horde and flung them into the empty abyss of space with a flick of her head. She focused in on the thirty-three and one-tenths colts in a trenchcoat trembling before her. "What's ol' Celly doing now, banishing children to this unforgiving wasteland?" Fire Lord Ozai proceeded to crash face-first into a goat cheese crater, melting the crumbly crust into an oozing puddle of molten cheese that quickly consumed him before he could react. Not Princess Luna blinked. "I see Celestia's been rather busy." The two and three-quarters colts in a trenchcoat didn't respond. "Care for some cheese?" Not Luna scooped up a hoofful of goat cheese. "It's our only source of nutrition here whilst we wait for our chance to return. To this day I do not know the source of such an immense amount of cheese."
one day Not Luna ate her way through the Moon?Author's Note Hello there, General ScopingLandscape! one day Not Luna ate her way through the Moon? "Sister," Luna stared up at the Goat Moon, which was currently a waning crescent. "Why is it that my moon appears to disappear every so often?" Celestigoat bleated. "There is a... not me that resides upon my moon that eats it piece by piece every night?" Celestigoat began to eat her own throne. "My moon is made of cheese? Surely, I'd remember such a notion if it really were the case!" A very goatly scream. "Goat cheese? Sister! How uncouth of you to suggest that when you are one yourself! Have some dignity!" Not Princess Luna teleported before Luna and Celestigoat, giving a deep bow as she stifled a loud belch. "I thank you for the cheese, Celly. It was delicious." She grabbed Celestigoat by the horns and chucked her out the window. Again. "Unfortunately, with the power of your goat cheese, I will now be running things around here." Princess Luna looked between Not Luna and the second hole in the window. "Huh???"
Equestria built a super fortress on the moon?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is an ancient being of immense wisdom. Equestria built a super fortress on the moon? "And you say that these vast tunnels are thought to have been made in tandem by the ravenous appetite of Not Luna, in conjunction with the literal firepower of Fire Lord Ozai?" "Yeag." "Yeag." Astronaught Twilight turned to her partner. "What does that even mean? Surely you mean 'yeah', right?" "Yeeeeeeee." She walked past the only other pony that willingly stepped into the Lunar Yeet Cannon with her earlier that day. "Well, whatever the case may be, in the name of the Great Nation of Equestria, the entrance of this tunnel shall be the beginnings of ponykind's foray into the galaxy!" She planted the flag she'd been conveniently carrying the entire time into the partly melted cheesy ground with a quiet squelch. "IT'S OVER, TWILAKIN, I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND," Celestiwan Kenobi shouted from atop the hill, her blazing lightsaber illuminating the smoldering ground around them. Twilakin's eyes glimmered with piss-yellow fury. "You underestimate my power!" "Don't try i--" Both mares suddenly turned their gaze upward. "When did Hoofstafar get a new moon, Kenobi?" Celestiwan squinted at the rapidly approaching ball of cheese and the cackling mare piloting it. Yes, she has telescopic vision now. Deal with it. "That's no moon. It's a space station." "It's too big to be a space station!" Lun Solo crawled out of the fiery rivers of lava that she most definitely was responsible for producing during the 'The Floor is Lava' incident of '82. "I have a bad feeling about thi--" "ARE YOU HECKS READY FOR SOME CHEEEEEEEEEEESE?" Astronaut Twilight and the unnamed pony only known to her as 'Yeag' collectively screeched over the interplanetary intercom. "CELESTIGOAT SENDS HER REGARDS." And so the giant molten meatball formerly known as Hoofstafar was abruptly and entirely covered in a thick layer of molten goat cheese. what did this chapter become this is getting out of hand, now there are two of them!
the pony only known as Yeag became the new hero of the story?Author's Note Scyphi goes yea~~h~~g. the pony only known as Yeag became the new hero of the story? Yeag stood triumphant over the smoldering ruins of Goatquestria and its tyrant, Celestigoat. The destruction of Chef Boyardee's new MeatballLand theme park was one step too far, and with Astronaut Twilight unavailable for unexplained reasons, only one pony could step up to face the maniacal older kid sister of Luna. Sweetie Giraffe's reality-obliterating lasers of doom fired down upon Yeag, who simply did the unthinkable and... wore armor made of old disco balls. The resulting explosions caused by the scattered laserfire shook the ground around Yeag. Nevertheless, they stood firm. "Celestigoat," their deep, sultry voice boomed. "Your days are numbered, and I have stolen your calendars." Celestigoat ate her way out of the pile of rubble that was once Canterlot Castle. "Not my calendars! Those were delicious snacks to get me off to a strong and healthy start to my day!" Celestigoat bleated in despair as she began to disintegrate. The sun rose from behind the dark, dank clouds and illuminated the dull landscape with vibrant colors once more. ...Red curtains fell down from above. Red curtains? "And just like the mighty former Empress Celestigoat, you too can get yourself on track to greatness with our brand-new 'days of the week' cereal!" Flim's jolly voice rose seemingly from all around. "Minus the Thanos-snapping, of course. The only dusting you'll get on our new cereal is ~~cyanide powder so we can raid your home and steal your wallet~~ the finest mix of cinnamon and almond dust!" A hearty smack followed by a not-so-muted shhh came immediately after. Flam's voice replaced his brother's. "Ahem. And right now, in three easy payments of $19.99 because we have far too many firstborn children and souls now, we'll double the deal and give you one box of 'Marked Days'-brand cereal!" Yeag facehoofed and walked away. They had more work to do.
Twilight used her newfound salad powers to turn Celestia into actual celery?Author's Note LilyAndPearl is here to make your salad dreams come true. Also at this point What If has become like some sort of collective fever dream lmao. Twilight used her newfound salad powers to turn Celestia into actual celery? Our fine day opens upon the visage of Canterlot Castle, its pristine peaks and towers piercing the sky for everypony to see. The doors of the throne room abruptly transformed into two large chocolate bars before melting into a puddle, revealing a heaving Twilight Sparkle. "S-see--" the newly-empowered alicorn wheezed, "chocolate is a vegetable!" Thanos huffed behind her, his arms crossed in disappointment. "Celestia!" Twilight marched into the room where not-a-goat Celestia sat, pleasantly sipping her tea as she laced a poor player's Minecraft base with TNT. "I have come to claim my throne!" Celestia looked up just in time for a green bea~~n~~m to strike her square between the eyes. "Noooooooooo!" Celestia cried as she shrunk into Celerystia. ~~what has this story even become holy heck~~ Twilight didn't even bother to move Celerystia somewhere else as she nudged the former horse aside and sat down on the throne. The chocolate puddle continued to boil from the residual heat.
Twilight tried to wake up from the fever dream that "What If..." has become?Author's Note bkam is desperately trying to get us all to wake up. don't worry I'm fine IRL Twilight tried to wake up from the fever dream that "What If..." has become? Astronaut Twilight, Salad Twilight, and Twilakin all stared at each other. "Wake up," all three spoke in unison. Astronaut Twilight hit Salad Twilight with a flagpole. Salad Twilight hit Twilakin with a large colander taped to a ladle. Twilakin used the horse to slam Astronaut Twilight into the ground. Their goal? Wake up. By any chance, hopefully, the collective pain shared amongst the trio would be enough to wrench their combined consciousness back to reality. Wake up. Celestigoat bleated softly in the background. Whatever Tartarus-forbidden dreamscape this was that she'd been trapped in was working hard to keep her from escaping. Wake up. Spike belched out a piece of ravioli. Wake up. Both air and ground began to tremble. Wake up. Around them, the walls fractured and tore like paper, pulling away in shredded ribbons, carried away by a wind. Wake up. Yeag set a hoof upon Astronaut Twilight's shoulder. Wake up. Trixie and her three clones who thankfully brought the original Trixie back from the grave after their shenanigans were over dangled Mission Impossible-style from the ceiling, one clone for each Twilight, and the original Trixie at the center of them all. Wake up. Flam loudly ate his cereal somewhere nearby. Wake up. Each Twilight hit the other once more. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. W a k e u p . "Twilight!" Nothing was left around them but an endless void of pure white. The ultimate blank canvas, if you will. "Twilight!" the voice came again. All three mares lifted a hoof to their faces as a light imprint pressed into their cheeks. The dent disappeared. Instead, the three found themselves symmetrically hoisted onto their haunches, but once again they could do nothing but stare at one another. "Twilight, please!" the voice begged. "You gotta wake up!" Something damp dragged along their foreheads. The void around them itself began to crack now. Something lifted their hooves. Something... scaly? "Spike?" All three Twilights suddenly gasped. They glanced about at the disintegrating dreamscape. Mists of white curled upward into an equally blank sky, its only differentiator being its stormy grey hue that stood to define a horizon. "She's waking!" a second, quieter voice gushed from above. "Whatever y'all're doin', keep doin' it!" "Applejack!" the Twilights shouted into the void. "Where are you?" "Can she see us, sugarcube?" "Her eyes are open, AJ, but the light isn't there." Wake up. The three Twilights grit their teeth and pressed their hooves together. Slowly, they began to merge, forming an ill-defined mass of purple that vaguely resembled a pony in shape. The blob sprouted a head, then a tail, followed by limbs, before finally itself receding into the body of a now-singular Twilight Sparkle. She spread her wings wide with a dramatic fwoosh, her eyes suddenly coming alight with sparks of determination. She has to wake up. "Wait--did you see that, AJ? She just twitched!" She will wake up. Twilight shot into the turbulent skies with a triumphant flap and pierced through the uniform grey. Twilight heaved awake as Spike continued dabbing a damp cloth over her forehead. Her breaths came slow and heavy as she eyed her friends one by one as they gathered around her. Applejack helped her to her hooves. "Y'can't keep doin' this to yerself like this, Twi. You had us all scared just now." She gestured for Fluttershy to approach. The pegasus inched up to Twilight and carefully slipped something into her mouth. "It'll help with the fever," Fluttershy said in a half-whisper as she backed away. "You've burnt yourself out again. You need to relax a little for once." Twilight's breaths lightened a little as she swallowed the pill. She sipped some water from the cup that Spike held up to her face. "Wh... huh... ut about... Celes--" she coughed. "--stigoat?" "Celestiwhonow?" Applejack lifted a brow. "Twilight, you need to lay off a bit from this gosh-darned writing of yours! Five chapters in a single day? No wonder Spike found ya passed out on your desk!" Twilight blinked slowly, the haze still clouding her mind as she stared off into the distance. "No." "No?" Rarity scoffed. "With all due respect, darling, you need to take some time away from that war crime of a book you've been writing! Everypony's worried about you, Twilight. They have been asking where you've been for nearly eight years." "Eight years," Twilight glanced at the thick stack of parchment that'd collected on her desk. "And only twenty-six chapters left to go." "Whatever do you mea--" Twilight wrenched free of Spike, slamming both hooves into the ground as crackling energy wrapped its tendrils around her like vines. "I understand now. No, I know now, what must be done." "Twilight!" Pinkie latched onto her at the same time as Rainbow Dash worked on dispelling the lightning. "You just came back! At least have a snack or something first!" Without even flapping her wings, Twilight began to rise above her friends. Pinkie slipped off as the lightning dissipated, leaving behind only a soft glow that surrounded the alicorn. "Twenty-five chapters left to go." "Twenty-five?" Rainbow Dash hovered in front of her. "Didn't you say twenty-six just like, a moment ago?" "Twenty-five," Twilight's voice boomed. "Including this one." Her horn lit for a split second moments before she vanished. "Including this... one..." Spike's gaze lowered to his shaking claws. "Are... are we not real? Is she saying that we're..." Applejack lowered her head. "'Fraid so, Spike. It's just the way it is. Ah'd say it's 'bout time you wake up yourself now, sugarcube." "Wake up," a voice echoed in Spike's head. It sounded almost like... Twilight's? "I am awake now, thanks to you. It is time I repay the favor." The walls around Spike began to dissolve, alongside the five mares that stood around him. Wake up. Wake up. Wake. Up.
the whale that had become the new universe was the one who was actually having the fever dream?Author's Note I hear Scyphi can speak to whales. the whale that had become the new universe was the one who was actually having the fever dream? "OwO are those goats?" ...Uh... yes...? "So cute! =w=" the whale squealed a whalish squeal. "What's the name of the goat? UwOつ" That's... well, that's Celestigoat. She's kinda sorta become an evil empress lately. "Ohhhh noessss! (⊙_⊙;)" the whale cried, "That's no good! I know how to fix this tho!" Oh? "┻ ━(≧口≦)╯︵ ┻" Did you just... tear a table in half? "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Pinkie Pie got diagnosed with Bad Syndrome?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger gave Pinkie the dark orb. Pinkie Pie got diagnosed with Bad Syndrome? "I'm sorry, Pinkie, but as Princess Celestia's disgracefully-expelled-for-medical-reasons former student, I have to diagnose you with Bad Syndrome." "What's that?" Pinkie growled in a raspy voice reminiscent of someone who stood at the end of an unlit tunnel after chainsmoking a hundred thousand cigars. "I feel very evil. Can I bite you?" "Wha--" Twilight jumped back as Pinkie lunged at her.
Spike pondered his cube?Author's Note Scyphi lives in a block game. Spike pondered his cube? "Angular." "Very angular, yes," Twilight buzzed about the room as she continued sorting the bookshelves around them. "Can you please help with this first?" "Smooth," Spike ran a clawtip over the flat top surface of the shiny cube in front of him. "Only the finest of Equestria's metalworks," Twilight grunted, heaving a stack of encyclopedias onto the table beside him. "...Heavy," Spike lifted the cube with both arms. He let go of it, watching it crash back down onto the table with a thud. "Can you not?" Twilight glared at the freshly-carved gouge in the table where a corner had landed first. "...Powerful," Spike placed clenched the tungsten cube tighter and ascended beyond mortal bounds. Twilight stared at the new hole in the ceiling and facehoofed.
the major villains were on a road trip, and accidentally became the Fellowship of the Ring?Author's Note Cast the comment into the fire, PlymothFury58! Destroy it! the major villains were on a road trip, and accidentally became the Fellowship of the Ring? "Cast it into the fire!" Queen Chrysalis pleaded, "Destroy it!" Tirek looked at the marshmallow on his stick, then at the former queen, then at the campfire in front of them. "I don't understand why you're like this." Cozy Glow licked her lips, her eyes fixated on the slowly toasting marshmallow. Tonight wouldn't be a night without a second marshmallow. And I guess Sombra is the cloud of smoke drifting up from said campfire. Idk. Something something crystals something.
Celestia had an Orb of her own?Author's Note RandomCommentor, Orb delivery services! Celestia had an Orb of her own? Celestia stared intently into her Orb. She'd heard that Twilight had gotten one of her own not too long ago, and wanted to check it out herself. After all, what harm could it bri-- A little door opened up from Celestia's Orb as a magical tiny creature stepped out. It bowed its little head, speaking in a too-small voice as it replaced its hat upon its head. "Why hello there, strange horse goddess! I come from the land of--" "You're here to grant me three wishes, aren't you?" Celestia squinted at the tiny creature. The creature twiddled its thumbs. "Mmm, yes and no. You could say I'm more looking for a trade rather than a direct granting of wishes." Celestia sat back on her throne. She picked a brownie off the plate she had beside her and bit into it. "Proceed." "Sister?" Luna peeked into the room, watching Celestia babble drunkenly at a snowglobe. "I'll uh... I'll unclog the toilet myself."
that orb was an orb of dragonkind?Author's Note Ellery Quinn knows something about orbs that we do not. that orb was an orb of dragonkind? A dull rumble reverberated through the room moments before Spike crashed down from the just-repaired ceiling above them. "Ow. Hey, Twilight." "Hi, Spike." Spike stood up, rubbing his back. "That hurt." "Heyyyyy, so," Twilight floated the orb up. "Y'know how I got this orb thing earlier?" Spike remained silent. "Spike?" Spike leapt up and clung to the orb, practically gnawing on it like a cat. "Let go, Spike! You're not even an evil dragon!" Twilight shook the orb, but he didn't let go. He knows what he did.
Tall Pipp and Sweetie Giraffe fused into one being?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 found the ultimate glue. Tall Pipp and Sweetie Giraffe fused into one being? "By Celestia," Celestia lowered her sunglasses, peering up at the double-tall... thing that loomed taller than even the multiverse itself. "What are you?" An eye laser of pure knee-stealing energy obliterated her into nothingness.
Spike came back from anger management more powerful than ever?Author's Note Scyphi was the one teaching the anger management class. May Celestia save us all. Spike came back from anger management more powerful than ever? Twilight watched with horror as a hinge dropped from the doors to her study. Then a second hinge. And a third. Fourth. Fifth. Sixth. Seventh. Eighth. Ninth... Tenth? How many hinges did those doors have? Whatever the case may be, they were all unhinged now as Spike pushed down the doors with a light shove. He tossed the comically-large impact drill aside. "Spike!" Twilight gasped, "You're back! How was anger management? I was sentenced to one year of hard labor in the friendship gulags of the frozen north." "I am..." Spike balled his fists. "More powerful, than anyone has ever imagined. I don't need friendship. Not when I have the might of pure, unbridled, ra--ooh, is that the Orb?" Twilight nodded as she continued her pondering. Even if she was already late by over a year, it wasn't going to ponder itself.
Tall Pip/Sweetie Giraffe had to fight What if's greatest villains?Author's Note bkam has sent the worst of the best. Surprisingly, a quick scroll-through of the chapters reveals that there has very rarely ever been any major "villain" of What If. Tall Pip/Sweetie Giraffe had to fight What if's greatest villains? "Chef Boyardee," Sweetie Giraffe standing on top of Tallpipp growled in a deep, rumbling voice. "We meet for the first time... and the last time." Chef Boyardee cocked the meatball cannon of his Spagmechhi and fired directly at Tallpipp. In their temporary alliance, however, it was Sweetie Giraffe that had saved her fellow Tall One. The meatball fell harmlessly to the ground far, far below with an unimpressive splat. Chef Boyardee chuckled. "We can call it a draw, no?" Sweetie Giraffe stacked on top of Tallpipp lumbered on, leaving a thoroughly-toasted Spagmechhi and pilot Chef Boyardee in their wake. They stared at the giant pool of lava in front of them. Sometime, long, long ago, this must have been the infamous location of the 'Everything But The Floor is Lava' incident of '17. No matter. Tallpipp simply stepped over the bubbling pond of molten rock. Sweetie Giraffe. ... Sweetie Giraffe? Sweetie stared at Sweetie, who was currently setting a forest ablaze. This sweetie was marginally shorter than the Sweetie that was stacked atop Tallpipp, and so she was obliterated for such a crime. Goatlestia let out a quiet bleat before being punted into orbit by the might of Tallpipp's glamorous legs. "Twilight Sparkle. The one that started it all," Sweetie Giraffe and Tallpipp loomed over Twilight at her writing desk. Twilight stared upwards. "Goodbye." Twilight and all of Equestria was instantaneously vaporized. There goes another universe I guess.
the Orb of Dragonkind served as a literal magnet to all dragons?Author's Note Scyphi has discovered the electrodraconic force. the Orb of Dragonkind served as a literal magnet to all dragons? Clang! Ember dangled helplessly from the Orb of Dragonkind. "First time?" Spike flipped the page of his comic, himself still stuck firmly to the Orb.
the comically large impact drill Spike tossed aside accidentally fixed something when it landed?Author's Note Final stretch, Scyphi. the comically large impact drill Spike tossed aside accidentally fixed something when it landed? Twilight opened her eyes. Hadn't Equestria just been destroyed again moments ago? There even was still the smoldering hole in her ceiling again from where the laser had hit! Yet... her gaze shifted to the comically large impact drill that Spike had tossed aside when he entered, only to become entranced and then entrapped by the Orb of Dragonkind. It was still embedded in the floor, right where a crack in the tiles used to be. "Huh. Neat." "Hey Twi? Mind getting us down now?" Spike tossed his comic at her.
Rarity had a sudden and unexplained obsession with pinecones.Author's Note amf studios is the one that gave Rarity that obsession. Rarity had a sudden and unexplained obsession with pinecones. "Rarity?" Sweetie Belle peeked into the room. There was a distinct forested air about the place as of late, and a thick fog hung all around. "Rarity? I'm hungry. Can you help me make something to eat?" "PINECONES!" Rarity dropped down from somewhere up above. She landed on all fours, a manic, twitching grin stretched from ear to ear as she placed a singular pinecone on Sweetie's head. "Wh--" Rarity vanished again into the fog.
Twiggles found a green beanAuthor's Note Beans, Zapper Frost! Beans! BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS! Twiggles found a green bean Once upon a tiny time, Twiggles Sparkplug found a little green bean. It was a smol bean sort of green bean, the widdlest tiniest gween smol gween bean. Beeaaaaaaan. A random passing pony accidentally stepped on the green bean and was sent hurtling into the center of the Andromeda Galaxy. Nobody touches Twiggles' newfound green bean.
Chrysalis was assaulted by swiss cheeseAuthor's Note What a grate idea, Zapper Frost! Chrysalis was assaulted by swiss cheese "This is oddly familiar," Chrysalis grumbled as Spike lobbed another hunk of swiss cheese at her. It came through perfectly grated on the other side of her body, landing neatly in a small bowl that she stood beside. A sudden beeping caught her attention. Her eyes widened as Spike backed up the semi-truck filled to the brim with swiss cheese.
every other word Twilight said was inaudible?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor! every other word Twilight said was inaudible? "Girls," Twilight began slowly, "I think we have a problem." "Ya think?" Applejack helped her to her hooves. "We gotta find somepony to break this gosh-darn spell on ya!" "But what if it's not a problem?" "Ah have no idea what you're talkin' about, sugarcube. C'mon, let's go see of Zecora has a clue what's wrong."
a finale?~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ After many years of writing, sometimes even breathlessly nonstop at times, Twilight flipped the back cover over. It was done. One thousand chapters. It took nearly eight years to get to where she was now, but she did it. She filled the book. Hit the limit. Quills & Sofas didn't offer enough materials to bind more than a thousand chapters at a time. Where once she'd had the problem of having nothing left to do, she now faced the opposite. When would she ever stop doing what she did? There was still so much to write about! So many ideas, and places, and faces, and so, so much more--it frankly felt overwhelming at times. Where was she in all of this? There was of course Storyteller Twilight, the medium through which her narration was implied, but behind it all, behind everything... It'd always been her. It'd always been me, the author. Through good and bad, through thick and thin. Every high, every low, every laugh, every tear. It's always been you, the reader. Even as some have come and gone, you've been here every step of the way. Left your comments to grow into future chapters. Had fun reading. And it's always been... Quiet footsteps skitter up behind my door. Quiet little sniffs. A half-sneeze, followed by a whine. I stand up from my chair and open the door. Almost immediately, an excited ball of curly white fluff hurtles in, running around my legs. He brings his toys, dropping them in front of me. Staring. Watching. I pick up his favorite--a blue, bone-shaped toy made of soft rubber. One that'd been lovingly chewed day after day, year after year. And toss it, just a little, to the side. He perks up and turns his nose toward the toy, sniffing the air where his vision has long since faded to milky white. He whines again, pawing at his toy. It is stuck, wedged in a place too small to fit his head. I kneel down and reach for the toy, holding it instead at face-level for him. I give him a gentle pat on the head. A scratch of his ears. Gleefully, he takes the toy and retreats, sitting in that same old spot by the shelf, chewing. That same warm spot I thought I felt as I stepped past my bookshelf this morning. One of the many warm spots he left behind. When he once basked in the summer sun, migrating with the golden beams of light filtering through the windows, he always left little warm spots--warmer even than the sunlight itself--in his wake. Where he once slumbered in the quiet nights we enjoyed, exists now only an empty bed, a small indentation the only reminder of where he once curled up with his toys. The smoke of the incense curls to the sky. Can you see me, boy? Can you smell the apples we've left for you, Cody? They sit at the shrine, surrounded by your most favorite of toys, right where you can reach them. We know you like apples. You told us that you did when we found you eating the wild apples off the ground beneath the little tree in our yard. And even if the apples aren't enough for you when you visit, there are a pile of treats for you, too. Because of how small you were, we always broke the treats in half. One half for the morning, and another half for the evening. You know that well; it's the cycle we fell into when we had to start giving you those uncomfortable pricks to keep you alive. Well, now, beside the apples on the plate, you can find eight whole treats. Unbroken and fresh, just for you. I hope that wherever you are now, you can eat whatever your little puppy heart desires. No longer must you follow that strict diet that the vet gave you nearly four years ago. The diet that once upon a time, saved your life as you lay sickly and weak, undiagnosed diabetes wreaking havoc upon your tiny frame. It's why we had to give you those pricks, boy. I'm sure you'd understand. Maybe you already had a taste of heaven when you went on vacation with us last summer. You traveled on a plane for the very first time. Tasted seafood and chicken, prepared in more ways than you might've possibly ever imagined. If we could, we would've let you have a taste of so, so much more then. But now, as the incense burns, you can do just that. I hope that, through that photo of you, happy on the swing set in the park, you can forever smell what we cook in the kitchen. Watch every meal be prepared before your eyes, and share in the taste as we gather for dinner. It'll be hard to not be able to call you to the table anymore if we drop something, whether it be intentional or not. It'll be hard to not be able to feed you pieces of carrots and tomato, fresh from the counter, like we always did. Once upon a time, thirteen years ago, you came to us, a shivering ball of fluff on a cold December's evening. You were even smaller back then, and yet you still managed to scramble up the stairs all on your own. Somehow, you grew even fluffier, a near-solid mass of curls that kept you warm in even the coldest of nights. I'm sorry we didn't have time back then to play with you as much. I'm sorry that for many days, you'd be out in our backyard, alone with your toys while we were at school, and our parents were at work. Or stuck indoors, with only a piece of cardboard marking where you could relieve yourself when the weather was too cold. I'm sorry that it was only after we moved--after I began high school, after almost half of your life had gone by--that we finally had the chance to let you roam free, no longer confined to a single floor of the house and the backyard. We should've been better to you back then. I hope that we made up for it after we moved. After the backyard no longer connected to the dreary basement, but instead to the kitchen. No longer were you stuck, waiting for someone to open the door from the unfinished basement to the bright lights of the main floor. You actually lived with us then. And you thrived. Before, we would let you roam after we'd returned home for the day. By then, sometimes, you were already asleep. Sometimes, you were even still outside, howling at the moon. We joked that you were a little white wolf back then, when I was in elementary school. You stopped howling after we moved, and I'm still not quite sure why. Now, you no longer slept in the basement or the yard. You slept with us. On rugs. On carpets. On your bed. On bare flooring. On socks and your toys and your treats and in the sun and in the moon and wherever and whenever you wanted to. I'm sorry it took so long for us to finally be able to express our love for you in full and unrestricted. I'm sorry you could only experience that love unfettered for three years, before those nasty eye infections left you nearly blinded in both eyes. Before your diabetes developed, and led to those itchy cataracts that took almost everything else that was left. I hope you can still run through the grass with me in my dreams. Before you became afraid of tripping on the dirt, or having your eyes become irritated along the way. When we once played hide and seek among the towering trees in the park. I hope you still can return to those warm spots you left behind. The incense burns low, ashes silently scattering into the pot below. Your shrine sits beside the shrine of the Ground Spirit. We hope that they can guide you on to your next life, whether it be heaven or in reincarnation. If there is anything I could do if I were to go back in time, it would be to hug you, one last time. On your final night with us, you slept quietly on my lap as I stroked your head. You were old and tired then, and your poor little heart was giving out. You knew your time was near, didn't you, boy? In your final days, you refused to eat that special diabetes food that the vet had prescribed you. You wanted only the best for yourself then--peas, carrots, and chicken. Sometimes, a little tomato or apple, as a treat. You knew, when your slow, lumbering steps became a frenzied rush up the stairs, that your time had come. And yet you waited for me. There you sat, at the very top of the stairs, watching me climb after you. You held off death itself to make sure I could be with you one last time. It was only after I joined you at the top when you stumbled off, barely holding on as you laid down one final time. Almost precisely thirteen years after you came into my life, just as you came, you left on a cold December morning in my arms. I know you tried hard, Cody. I know that it took every ounce of strength to keep yourself going after that climb. To gasp those precious last few breaths of air as I beat your ailing heart for you. You don't have to be strong for us anymore. You can rest now. You can close your eyes now, Cody. You're safe now. Always and forever. And I know that you're proud of me. Of us. On the night of your passing, you came to me in a dream, silently watching as I gave it my all to keep you with us. You watched as I tried, over and over, hoping with all my heart that I could feel yours begin to beat on its own once again. But you knew you had to go by then. We all pushed that inevitable day back as far as we could, together. But, just as time itself cannot be stopped, so comes your mortal limits. You can close your eyes now, boy. I know you were watching me in your final moments. Rest now, you're okay now. No more pain. No more needles. No more blindness. I hope that we gave you the best life that we could. I hope that wherever you are now, you're free of everything that held you back. I hope that, as the final wisps of smoke drift away from the smoldering incense, you'll still be with us in spirit. Thank you, Cody, for being with us. And to you, the reader, Thank you for reading. Author's Note Well, here we are. The final chapter. I didn't think that it'd come to this, in all honesty. Both 1000 chapters and... well... I'm sure you already know what recent events have transpired in real life for me. I started writing this fic when I was in 8th grade. Back then, I was horrendous at writing, and the trio of stores that'd come before What If are a testament to that notion. When I first started writing What If, I planned for it only to work off "serious" suggestions based in canon. Something that, in my mind, would've followed the progression of the show, and ended with the finale of G4. Perhaps one chapter per episode, or something of the sort. ...That certainly didn't last very long. Almost from the beginning, you, the readers, began to suggest increasingly deranged chapters. Somehow, we'd gone from Starlight Glimmer not holding a grudge against Twilight to breaking Fimfiction itself in increasingly creative ways. And that's beautiful. Never had I imagined in those very first chapters of this fic that such a wild community would grow around pitching strange story ideas around the way that you all have done. Nor did I think that some of you would begin to build upon each others' ideas to construct large, multi-chapter story arcs that had their own lore and recurring characters. It's the beauty that comes with community, I suppose. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully put into words the gratitude that I have for you all. I know that some chapters were vent-y. That a good number of those "IRL chapters" probably served far better as blog posts in hindsight, but what's done is done. You can't change the past. You can only work to make the present and the future better, both for yourself and the ones that you love. I know this chapter probably isn't the massive celebration that you might've expected. It's a quiet, somber chapter, with faint echoes of how it all began, intermixed with a long, heartfelt letter that I can only hope may somehow reach my dog, Cody, wherever he is now. I've teared up so many times now as I've written out this chapter. Every precious memory I have, from when we built you that doghouse (that you ended up using more as an outhouse) to when you once wiggled free from the yard. We thought you were lost back then, never to be seen again. But thankfully, you'd only escaped into our neighbors' yard, curious as ever to explore. I should stop making this chapter so much about you. I know I have regrets, especially of how lonely you were before we moved. But I hope you found happiness after we did. After we finally had the means to spend more time at home and with you. And I hope you found peace in the end as I cradled you one last time in my arms. It hurts. So much. But it's a pain that I'll accept. I know this chapter isn't what you, the reader, might have wanted. It's not the chapter that I might have wanted. But it's the chapter I needed. For this one last time in this edition of What If, I'm making this chapter about me. Or more specifically, about Cody. In your memory, the shrine will remain. Let the Ground Spirit know how you like to be scratched behind your ears. And once again, to you, the reader: Thank you for understanding. I didn't think that it would end this way, but just as life happens in the most unexpected of ways, so too can death. I look forward to your upcoming comments, when What If starts anew. And I hope that, somewhere out there, Cody knows that we'll remember him. November 2010 - December 2023 We'll miss you, old boy. One last ear scratch for the road. And to another that we've lost this year, Level Dasher. I hope you've found yourself a new friend up there. Thank you so much for all you've done, whether it be leaving comments for chapters here, or helping me wrangle the chaos of the 500,000th story on this site, or simply being an all-around great guy. And once again, to all of you, the readers: I love you all. Thank you for reading. EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology What If 2: Eclectic Scootaloo! The beginning of a new era. A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 5k words · 26 5 · 235 views
Twilight beat the Wuhan Coronavirus by weakening it with Modelovirus with help from the Bud Knight while the universe imploded?So Twilight kinda sorta Thanos-snapped the Coronavirus or somethin' like that after weakening it with whatever the heck Modelovirus is while getting help from the Bud Knight. Why? Because this is just another excuse for me to make the argument that all purple characters (or purple-ish) have a share in Thanos' power, and therefore access to the Infinity Gauntlet. Also, the universe imploded. Because of course. "And that's how I met your mother!" "What?" Twilight smiled at Spike. "What?" This author boio needs sleep. Author's Note ...What? Aight, not sure about the Modelovirus part but we sure as heck are gonna see the universe implode (again), Zapper frost and The Spy of the Tiger!
Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left?Author's Note What is this, a new ongoing trope, The Spy of the Tiger? Spike's right knee started disagreeing with his left? "DOOM!" "PUPPIES!" "DEATH TO THE PUPPIES!" "NO! RAISE THE PUPPIES UP INTO BIG OL' DOGGOS AND LOVE THEM FOREVER!" Spike smacked his left knee and offered it to the closet skeletons as a sacrifice again because he had heard enough about doom and death to puppies. Also, Twilight freaked out because there are now many skeletons running around her castle.
the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them?Author's Note Sorry, Possibly me, this time I did forget! the four Sweeties staged a coup, and Luna was too busy playing Ourcraft to even try stopping them? "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, CELLY, I'M PLAYING OURCRAFT!" Luna screeched, slamming the door on her sister. Celestia was so disappointed in her sister that she banished herself to the sun and started an interplanetary empire. What happened to Equestria, you ask? Well... Luna was quite literally absorbed into Ourcraft, and lives there to this day fighting not-creepers. Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Giraffe, and their robotic counterparts in the meantime staged a coup on Canterlot. Except with both sisters gone, there wasn't really a coup. Just a lot of chickens, for some reason. Equestria has since overthrown the Interplanetary Solar Empire because it was too short for the Giraffes' liking, and proceeded to take over the universe. Watch your back.
“What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?”Author's Note Crossover time? Crossover time, Possibly me! “What if The Great and Powerful Trixie met Ego Boost?” Ego Boost gasped. "I've never seen a hat so starry like that!" Trixie raised a brow, turning to face the mare. "Oh? You admire Trixie's attire?" Ego Boost nodded so rapidly that she rattled. "Yes! And that way that you refer to yourself in third-person! Soooo unique!" A grin spread across Trixie's face. "Trixie thanks you. Would you be willing to attend one of Trixie's shows tonight?" "For sure!"
Tirek vs. Flurry Heart?Author's Note Waddya know, it's Zapper frost all over again! Tirek vs. Flurry Heart? "N-no--" Tirek scoot away from the blabbering baby. "Cuteness, my only weakness!" Flurry Heart giggled, flying closer to the centaur. "Nooooooooooooooooooo--" Tirek proceeded to get bonked on the head by a squeaky mallet. The resulting explosion reverberated all across the plane of existence and into our own reality, where Flurry Heart's squeaky mallet proceeded to materialize out of thin air and bonk you on the head too.
every time pinkie pie jumped, a new and pointless law was installed?Author's Note Y. Phantune Also, what kind of (digital) merch would y'all be interested in buying? Can't ship anything physical ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ every time pinkie pie jumped, a new and pointless law was installed? Pinkie Pie skipped along the road. Celestia followed close behind, marking down a tally of every little skip, hop, and bounce she performed. It is now illegal to bounce a ping-pong ball in a bucket full of dirt at 5:00 PM every day. All persons under the age of -1 years of age must report the shape of their elbow to the proper authorities. The "proper authorities" mentioned in the above law refers to the Royal Canterlot toilet scrubbers. They will gladly take your elbows. Cheese is now the only legal topping on any type of ice cream, living or deceased. Bathing in chocolate milk is only permitted on Fridays. On every third Tuesday of the sixteenth consecutive month following the coronation of Flurry Heart's toy snail, the national anthem will be changed to a flex tape commercial. Pinkie Pie-ing is now legally regarded as morally questionable. Pinkie Pie stopped jumping.
the laws of physics had to be enforced?Author's Note Mooom, I broke the physics again! The Spy of the Tiger made me do it! the laws of physics had to be enforced? Discord drank a cup of tea, leaving the tea floating in the air as the porcelain cup slipped down his throat. "HALT! PHYSICS POLICE! OPEN UP!" the sound of hooves pounding on the door filled the air. Discord rolled his eyes down a bowling alley and got a strike. He set down the tea and opened the door. "You have violated laws on the maintaining of solids in a solid state when outside of their melting point, Mister Discord," the mare scribbled furiously on the ticket before sticking it on the draconequus' muzzle. "You know that that is a 100-bit fine." Discord retrieved his eyes from the bowling alley and tossed 100 bits at the mare in the smallest denomination possible. As one can expect, she is now buried up to her neck in bits.
the sun was made of jalepeño chips?Author's Note Finally, something a little more normal, AnObliviousAuthor! the sun was made of jalepeño chips? "Celly... what are you doing?" "I eat hot chip and cry." "Celestia, that's the sun!" "I know." Celestia took another bite of the sun, tears streaming down her face.
everyone thought the world was going to end?Author's Note This might be Possibly me. everyone thought the world was going to end? "WE'RE ALL GONNA GET SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE!" Twilight screeched. "TRUST ME, IT'S HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES NOW. WE'RE ALL CONSTRUCTS; WE'RE FIGMENTS OF A DERANGED IMAGINATION BENT ON OUR ETERNAL TORMENT USING NOTHING BUT WORDS!" The crowd in front of Twilight began to panic. "I HEARD CELESTIA'S GOING TO LET THE SUN FALL DOWN!" Celestia yelled in response. "Oh wait, that's tomorrow." The world proceeded to not explode.
story concept: The Oracles?Author's Note Welp, I missed a couple of days' worth of updates. story concept: The Oracles? They knew there was something coming. It was hard to tell for sure back then, but as time passed, it grew increasingly clear. This... prediction? Vision? Would serve as the driving force behind their life's purpose, until their inevitable demise. Even from birth, they knew what was to be done. Memories of a past life, and a vision of the incoming future; little time would be wasted from the moment they learned to speak. They spoke of unimaginable concepts, of fantastical creations, and of a society hardened and ready to face the threat nobody knew was even coming. As they grew older, words and ideas became speeches and inventions. Where their predecessor failed, they came to succeed. What once was thought to be make-believe began to be realized. As their time drew to a close, the final pieces began to take shape. I... am the last of my line. I carry the memories of not one, but two past lives within me, and this approaching doom that my past selves have spoken of for entire lifetimes is almost here. Society is ready. The rest is all on me now.
Sweetie Giraffe was never tall?Author's Note Horseus lord of horses has committed an act of heresy against the great Sweetie Giraffe. Sweetie Giraffe was never tall? "NOOOOOOO I DONT WANNA BE SHORT!" Rarity pat her sister on the head. "Sweetie, you've always been short." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--"
Scootaroo?Author's Note Behold, the magnificent twidash1993! How 'bout y'all take a gander at the new and improved Pony-Me™ once you're done with this chapter? It's the OG "This story came from a What If chapter" story, after all! Scootaroo? "IMPOSSIBLE. AM TALL. YOU SHORT. WHY YOU TALL ALSO?" Sweetie Giraffe boomed, watching Scootaroo bounce not only to her eye level, but beyond it. "HAHA, YOU NOW SHORTER ONE." Scootaroo shouted back. "IMPOSSIBLE." "NOT IMPOSSIBLE. AM DOING RIGHT NOW IT." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--"
Applejack became Bananajack?Author's Note Congrats, twidash1993, you've got one of the most upvoted suggestions I've seen in ages! Applejack became Bananajack? "Applejack?" Apple Bloom pushed the door open. She winced as its rusty hinges gave a deafening screech in response to the movement. "Sis? You in there?" Her eyes wandered to the trail of banana peels leading deeper into the darkness. An unseen pair of lips smacked in the shadows. "Applej--" Apple Bloom dodged the banana peel that was flung at her. "Applejack, Granny's worried 'bout you." "Apple Bloom..." The filly's eyes went wide. "Y-yes?" Applejack's face emerged into the light, one eye twitching ever so slightly. "Do you like... bananas?" "I-I think so?" Applejack took a step closer, her banana-scented breath blowing at loose strands of her sister's mane. "Do you. Like. 🅱ananas." "🅱ananas?" Apple Bloom cocked her head. "I've heard of bananas, but never 🅱anana--" It was at that moment when Apple Bloom was banished to the moon by Princess 🅱ana🅱a🅱ack.
Twilght tried to micromanage all of Ponyville?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is driving us off the deep end. Twilght tried to micromanage all of Ponyville? Scootaloo scootaloo'd scootalooly. Twilight materialized in front of the filly, stacking a second helmet on her head. "Saftey furst!" she screeched before vanishing. "Abblejeck!" Twilight shouted, tearing Applejack's bathroom door off its hinges. She pointed at the half-used roll of toothpaste. "Lernt two squwueeze ur tootfasde bettah!" Applejack looked up from her newspaper, raising a brow. Twilight appeared, wings flared, in front of Spike, blocking the dragon's view of the sun that he was currently staring straight into. "Spike, I need you for a sec." "Whu--" Rainbow Dash was found face-down in the dirt half an hour later with a small dragon duck-taped to her wings. Something about breaking the speed limit at the DMV lines.
Twilight started a melon spire and Bobert got jealous?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor must've given Twi the melons. No way did she get 'em all legit. Twilight started a melon spire and Bobert got jealous? "I SEE NO GOD UP HERE... OTHER THEN ME!" Twilight cackled from her ever-tall melon spire. It'd started as an honest little shrine, but the melons kept coming... and coming... and coming... What else could she do but continue stacking them? Higher and higher the melons were stacked, until even from Canterlot you could see a solid pillar of fruit reaching into the heavens above... of which we currently are in at the moment. "I AM THE QUEEN OF MELONS." Twilight boomed. "MAY THE FRUIT BLESS YOU ALL TONIGHT." But Twilight wasn't alone. Not anymore. She gasped, turning her head upward as she watched none other than Bobert, the pumpkin-hoarding Minecraft villager, loom over her with a pumpkin spire that reached higher than her own spire ever did. "Hrm." Bobert said. It was very threatening and Twilight decided that she had been defeated.
Pinkie discovered ruby chocolate?Author's Note Yes, AnObliviousAuthor, I ponified a meme. Pinkie discovered ruby chocolate? "Oh..." Pinkie cradled the pink-hued chocolate in her hooves. "It's just... like me..." Gummy sat silent in the corner, watching the mare smack her muzzle down on top of the chocolate. "IT JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL!"
they connected the moon to the earth so that it was dangling down and not standing tall?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is about to turn the laws of physics on its head. they connected the moon to the earth so that it was dangling down and not standing tall? "No, don't!" Celestia cried out, reaching a hoof to Luna. "You do not know how vital that lone thread is, sister!" A bead of sweat ran down Luna's face as she brought the safety scissors closer to the taught string. "I do not care! I desire tax money in order to buy a new body pillow!" She cut the string and sent Equestria hurtling into the sun. Oops.
Apploosa declared war on the banana Republic?Author's Note amf studios, do you know where I got these scars? I ran into a metal table in third grade and gouged it that's how. Apploosa declared war on the banana Republic? Welcome one and all to the battle of the ages - Apploosa and the extended Apple family, and the Banana Republic, led by Twinana! Unnamed Apple Family member #1960237 threw an apple at Twinana. Twinana responded with a nuclear banana. Oopsies, that was for later! ... ... Irradiated Apple Family member #1960237 punched the ground with a hoof, sending a rippling earthquake hurtling toward the Banana Republic. The ground split open, swallowing whole the entirety of the nation. There are no bananas in the ground as far as we know, so the Banana Republic has quite literally fallen.
Twilight actually won the Ponyville Trivia Trot Game?Author's Note ngl Decokenite, i have no idea when or where that took place and I'm not planning on checking. Yet. Twilight actually won the Ponyville Trivia Trot Game? "Hey, congrats on winning the Ponyville Trivia Trot!" Spike lowered his comic book as Twilight oozed past. "Was is hard?" "Nope!" Twilight continued sliming her way through the room. "Didn't even break a sweat." "Oh, I left you a hayburger and some fries in the kitchen, by the way." Twilight... continued. Spike lowered his comic again. "Twilight, do you need me to get out the roomba again?" "Nope! I'm perfectly fine, thank you." A loud pang from the window caught both of their attentions. "YOUUUU HAVVVEEEE FORESAAAAAAKEN MEEEEEEEEEE!" Pinkie wheezed. But Twilight couldn't do anything about it. She had turned herself into a snail. "You know what--" Spike set his comic aside. "I'll bring the food over here for you." Twilight proceeded to shrivel up into a pile of dust because the fries were salted.
the explosion sent the whale to the moon?Author's Note BezierBallad... is gonna steal... THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! the explosion sent the whale to the moon? Big friendly whale landed with a thud on the surface of the moon. "Yowch." said the whale. "Ouch." said the moon. "HUZZAH, A FRIEND!" Princess Moon Moon of House Moon bellowed, stomping up to the big friendly whale in her elephant boots while driving a forklift. "WELCOME TO MOON MART MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?" "Uhhhhhh pOTaTo..." the whale scratched its chin. "Large fries, three medium cokes, and an extra-large vat of mayonnaise." "Is Crystal Pepsi okay?" "No." "Oh okay."
the whale's order was Big Smoke's order from GTA: San Andreas?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses is Big Smoke? 👀👀👀 the whale's order was Big Smoke's order from GTA: San Andreas? "WELCOME TO MOON MART MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?" Princess Moon Luna Moon Moon Moon emerged from a crater. "Oh wait you've been here before. Okay. What's your order?" The whale thought and thought and thought and thought and thonked and t h o n k ed. Princess Luna visibly aged in front of it until all that was left was moon dust. "I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda." Princess Moon Moon said nothing because the universe had reached heat death. Worst of all, all of that food was now stale.
in the new whlae universe everyone had blow holesAuthor's Note Keepin' that typo in the title, Rhonie8k. in the new whlae universe everyone had blow holes "My horn!" Twilight shouted as she ran into the room. "Spike! Where'd my horn go?" Spike looked up from his manga about a manga about a manga about the day dragons take over the world from their pony overlords. He let out a huff from his blowhole. "Spike, this is important!" Twilight grabbed Spike with her hooves. "My horn is gone, and there's only a hole left!" "That sounds like a you problem." Spike flipped the page. "Let me know when you un-invert your horn I guess." Twilight screamed out of her blowhole.
Angel Bunny hid Discords deodorant? [Honestly idk first thing that popped into my head when i decided to disregard all previous context]Author's Note Rhonie8k? Uh oh, stinky! Angel Bunny hid Discords deodorant? [Honestly idk first thing that popped into my head when i decided to disregard all previous context] "Discord..." Twilight gagged as she opened the flower pot the draconequus resided in, "...why... so... sti--" "Well excuse me, Princess." Discord rose from the flower pot just as the mare passed out. "But I think that the Pacific Garbage Patch is a brilliant odor. In fact, I have an entire stick of it right here!" Discord pat himself down. "Ah, it appears that I have misplaced it." Angel waved Discord's stick of deodorant at the other animals at Fluttershy's cottage. Silently, they did as they were told, drawing up plans to topple the Equestrian government. Nobody crosses Angel Bunny.
Twilight realized gelatin is commonly made from animal hooves?"PINKIE!" Twilight bashed the wall of Sugarcube Corner in. She quietly shut the door before spinning around to Pinkie Pie. "How could you?" "How could I what?" Pinkie wiped the remains of the jello she'd just eaten off her face. "Not share the jello? I'm sorryyyyyyyy! I'll save some for you next time! Ooh! Or, or, if you want, we can make more right no--" Twilight swat the jello box out of Pinkie's hooves. "How could you be a cannibal? This stuff is made from hooves!" "It doesn't say whose hooves, though!" Pinkie scooped the box off the floor. "Do you know whose hooves?" Twilight rubbed her chin... with... Her hoof. Wait. Her. Hoof. Twilight looked down at her currently non-present hoof. "Huh. My hooves." "Don'tcha know alicorns can regenerate?" Pinkie kicked the butcher's knife aside. "The best quality jello is made using only Celestia's hooves! Why do you think she's always wearing those neato shoes?" "What." Pinkie stuffed a spoonful of jello in Twilight's mouth. "Shhhhhhhh, don't think about it." Author's Note wtf brain
Whale universe got duplicated by the mirror pool while it was still malfunctioning and giving all the clones hard core Rarity vibes?Author's Note Rhonie8k is the lord of whales. Have a Twilight Salad. Whale universe got duplicated by the mirror pool while it was still malfunctioning and giving all the clones hard core Rarity vibes? "DARLINGS!" Rariwhale #20176-42 slammed the whaledoor open. "I HAVE SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY STUNNING FOR YOU ALL TO SEE!" "Whale?" Rariwhale #41201716 looked up from her whale machine. She was almost done making a brand new whale for the whale that was whailting. "WHALES!" Rariwhale #20176-42 cheered. "WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES! WHALES!" the Rariwhales outside cheered, marching down the whale.
Scootaloot read the fine print and found a loophole out of that contract?Author's Note Scyphi is responsible for this madness. While daily chapters probably aren't gonna resume now that fall semester's in session, I think a month-long break is plenty enough :V Scootaloot read the fine print and found a loophole out of that contract? "No, it can't be!" Scootaloo tore the contract she'd signed out of Lightning Duwust's hooves. "Oh it shuwu is!" Lightning Duwust cheered, leaning closer to Scoots. "Bingo!" Scootaloo pointed her hoof at a line on the contract. "It says right here that because I didn't start using uwuspeak after signing, that I am the stronger of will, and therefore the contract is rendered void!" Lightning Duwust gasped. "--And not only that, but it means that you are a failure of a recruiter." Lightning Dust screeched as the UwU was exorcised from her body. Unfortunately, it decided to possess Scootaloo next. Er... Scootuwu.
the next chapter was a rickroll?Author's Note Wow! For once I have both the time AND the energy to write, Ellery Quinn! ~~also wtf have I written I think this is the first time I've written Sparity shipping in any way lol~~ the next chapter was a rickroll? "We're no strangers to love, Rarity." Rarity looked up from her Hugh Mungous™ ice cream vat. "You know the rules--" Spike raised his giant spoon. "And so do I." Rarity scooted aside for Spike. "A full commitment's what I'm thinking of." Rarity glared at Spike, who proceeded to barf out a fresh ball of yarn via dragonfire. He wiggled his brows. "You wouldn't get this from any other guy, would you?" "I just want to tell you how I'm feeling." Rarity kicked the vat aside just before Spike could get a heaping spoonful of ice cream. "Gotta make you understand." "NeVER gONna giVe YoU UP, nEVeR gONna LeT YOu dOWn," Celestia crashed through the roof, promptly giving up control of Equestria to her sister and letting everyone in the room down because she landed in the ice cream vat and contaminated it with horsehair.
Rainbow Dash was a defect clone of CelestiaAuthor's Note Are we all defective clones, Fox Boss? Rainbow Dash was a defect clone of Celestia "YER AN ALICORN, DASHIE!" Pinkie Pie ripped Rainbow Dash's front door off its hinges and bashed the pegasus over the head with it. "I'mawhatnow?" Rainbow yawned, clearly unfazed by the six-inch-thick steel door that had just broken over her head. She rubbed her eyes. "The DNA tests match up." Twilight entered the room behind Pinkie. "You're 120% Celestia." "Oh, well I guess that means I'm 20% cooler than Celesti--" "No no, I mean you're a clone of Celestia that's somehow more Celestia than Celestia herself. You're a defect. Though, if you're more Celestia than Celestia is, does that mean that you now have the right to rule in her place? How is it even possible to be over 100% identical?" Rainbow Dash watched Twilight devolve into a muttering, shambling puddle of pony.
that genie came from the Land Down Under?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger sent them. From multiple different potential Land Down Unders. that genie came from the Land Down Under? "Oi m8," the creature's accent abruptly shifted. "You still walkin' 'round like scrubs? Could be hoppin' 'round in the pouch of a kangaroo!" Celestia pondered, her hooves together beneath her chin. "You make an interesting point." "And all for the low, low cost of your soul," the creature grinned at Celestia. "Do we have a deal? I'll throw in an unlimited supply of vegemite while we're at it!" "I thought you said you were here to grant wishes, not sell me on kangaroo transportation." "You said it, horse!" the creature waved its tiny hat at Celestia. "I'm here for a trade. So, what say you?" "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," Celestia hmm'ed. "What if I already sold it?" "What." "Flim and Flam sold me an excellent coffee machine a few months ago, and they said all it cost was my soul since I had no firstborn children to spare!"
everyone thought Twilight was a rock?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is here to rock your world! everyone thought Twilight was a rock? Spike *very carefully* placed a rock on Twilight's head. "Hey, what--" Twilight shook the stone off. "Spike, what are you doing?" "Heh, yeah, hard to balance stuff on that rock," Rainbow Dash landed beside Spike with a small pile of gravel in tow. "Brought you some more rocks. Maybe you can pile the smaller ones around so that the big ones don't roll off or something." "Rainbow!" Twilight brushed the gravel Spike dumped over her back to the ground. "You're in on this too?" "Woah now!" Spike backed away. "The rock just moved!" "I am not a rock!" Twilight took to the air. "Stop it!" A brick landed squarely on her head. "I balanced one!" Derpy shouted from above. A second brick fell perfectly on top of the first one. Unfortunately, Twilight wasn't able to shake either one off because they'd been impaled by her horn.
Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna?Author's Note Hats (and monocle, I'm looking at you, reader) off to YakkoMLP10! Pinkie Pie overthrew Celestia and Luna? "And on Saturdays," Pinkie gasped, balancing the two tiaras atop her head while bouncing on a beach ball, "We'll have Saturday parties!" "Pinkie..." Twilight groaned, "You've already declared national parties for every day of the week." Pinkie paused, glancing to Celestia and Luna, both of whom were currently enjoying the complimentary ice cream cake that Pinkie rationed to all of Equestria. "Well, double the parties!" she squeaked, bouncing onto the floor with a bow. Twilight facehoofed.
Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself?Author's Note IT'S COMBO TIME. Imaginer 31415 Zapper frost Starlight Glimmer1 epiccuttlefish Sweetie Giraffe began to multiply while replacing Twilight's books with quesadillas and causing a literary singularity as the entire What If multiverse imploded upon itself? Lemme tell y'all this: My inner elementary schooler really enjoyed drawing this masterpiece in MS-Paint.
Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders?Author's Note You asked, The Spy of the Tiger, and I delivered. Pinkie and Twilight had a heated debate about the differences between ladders and step-ladders? "No, step-ladders are ladders that are part of another ladder's family but aren't related by blood!" "I... what?" Twilight sputtered, "Pinkie... no. That's... that's completely wrong. A ladder and a stepladder are practically identical to one another. The only difference is that the modern use of the term 'ladder' is best associated with a platform ladder, where there is a flat, non-step surface that--" Pinkie waved at a tiny ladder scurrying away across the floor. "Now go be with the rest of your ladder family! See? Your step-ladder mom isn't an evil villain that wants to ruin your life, Cinderelladder!" "...What." "What?"
Everything was on fire?Author's Note Hot diggity dang, is that you, or is it Possibly me? Ayyyyy chapter 420 Everything was on fire? "FOR THE LAST TIME, SWEETIE--" Rarity screeched, "YOU DO NOT BARBECUE THE CEREAL! HOW DID YOU SET CAST-IRON ON FIRE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!" Sweetie Belle shrugged. Sweetie Giraffe loomed. The grill spat another flaming ball of frosted flakes at some poor unsuspecting passerby. Uh... bagels! Three and a half kilometers away, Twilight Sparkle groaned as Discord dressed up for Equestria's biggest bonfire™.
Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes?Author's Note Twilight became the Princess of dad jokes? "Twilight, I'm hungry." Spike said, rustling through the refrigerator. "Is there anything other than sandwiches I could eat?" Twilight slowly turned, a fierce glare shooting from behind her moustache. Spike inched back. "Um... Twilight?" "Hi, Hungry, I'm Twilight!" The mare suddenly blurted, dropping the glare all at once. "If you want something to eat, then make yourself something to eat!" Spike facepalmed. "I mean like as in some crystals or something." He replied, "Don't you get it?" Twilight nodded solemnly. "Yes, I get it, Spike. I get that you're a meth addict who just needs some druggies in his system!" "TWILIGHT!" Spike roared, rushing at the moustached alicorn, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Twilight smirked and lit her horn. A speeding 'this' soared through the air, before being smacked down by a large stop sign. "I stopped this. Are you happy now? Oh wait..." she continued, "you're Hungry." Ponyville proceeded to burn in the wrathful flames of a raging ~~Spike~~ Hungry.
Equestria was a giant loaf of bread?Twilight stared in disbelief at the scene before her. Also, every major town and city in Equestria was now a crater because ponies were eating the ground. Because reasons. ... ... Ignore the five second rule. The ground is the food. Author's Note
Everyone was named Phil?Author's Note Boi, I almost forgot to add you, Zapper frost! Everyone was named Phil? Phil cantered down the road, waving at all the Phils minding their business. It was a good day for Phil. Phil had so many adoring fans. Phil met up with Phil and the fountain of Phil, where they Philled their Phils with the fresh Phil. Phil and Phil then joined Phil in lecturing the Phils of Canterlot about how Philship is Phil, and how everyPhil should be Phils with each Phil. "Wait--" Phil raised a hoof. "Who am I?" "Psh, you're Phil!" Phil chuckled, brushing off Phil's question. "Now, turn to page Philty-seven for today's Phil on the history of Phils."
Izzy Moonbow skewered more things with her horn?Author's Note 'cause G5 pony Izzy = tenis bol pone. Izzy Moonbow skewered more things with her horn? "What are you doing?" Izzy looked up. The marshmallow on her horn continued to burn. "Izzy, why do you do this to yourself?" Izzy paused. The pillow slid down her horn and covered her face. "Izzy, please stop." Izzy shook the original copy of Twilight's friendship journal off her horn and into the bonfire. "Izzy, for the love of Celestia (or whoever it is that's in a ruling position for unicorns, at least), stop it, before you hurt yourself or someone else!" The limp voodoo doll of Flam fell onto the ground. Izzy slowly reached for it with her hoof but only got a stern glare in response. "You're committing national crimes, Izzy." The now-impaled crown jewels of Old Equestria fell to the floor in pieces from Izzy's horn. "Izzy, why is your horn going through my bread?" The loaf of bread slowly absorbed into Izzy's horn by the power of diffusion.
Celestia was so eepy?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger made Celestia some tasty NyQuil Chicken. Celestia was so eepy? "Sister!" Luna wrenched the doors to Celestia's bedroom off its hinges with the sheer might of only her teeth. Wood splintered in explosive fury as the fixture disintegrated into hundreds upon thousands of splinters. "Why are you so eepy?" Celestia let out a snore. "She is so eepy," Twilight stuck her head in beside Luna. "But it is time for her duties! She must raise the sun!" "Praise the sun?" a disembodied voice rung through the room. A deathly silence immediately followed, broken only by the occasional snort from the slumbering Princess of the Sun. "𝕻𝕽𝕬𝕴𝕾𝕰 𝕿𝕳𝕰 𝕾𝖀𝕹" the voice boomed a second time, blinding everypony present except for Celestia, who was just so eepy that she became immune to it. ~~shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes a disembodied voice had the same effect as a flashbang~~
Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve.Author's Note Blah. Quite a few of these story pitches likely won't ever become full stories. I just like the idea of experimenting with their respective ideas, and sometimes, I end up coming across one that I really like, and want to write out further. This probably isn't one of them, but hey, gotta play off a joke character somehow, amirite? Also, reused character from Lab Horse Series is reused character. Kept the name, threw out the rest. Story pitch: And his name is Michael Rowe Wayve. "So your name is Michael Rowe Wayve." Celestia deadpanned, staring at the human before her, "What brings you to Equestria, Mike Rowe Wayve?" The man (who was absolutely, definitely, certainly not a microwave repairman) cleared his throat. "I come here to repair your microwaves, your highness." ... Gosh dangit, Mike. "...What do you speak of, Mister Mike Rowe Wayve?" Celestia countered, "What is this... microwave that you speak of?" "Ah," Mike Rowe Wayve nodded understandingly, pulling a microwave out from his trenchcoat, "This here, is the Mike Rowe Wayve brand microwave! It cooks food with the power of wacky science energy beams!" "Excuse me?" "...Wacky magical energy beams?" Mike Rowe Wayve squeaked. "I am... intrigued by your invention then," Celestia relaxed, gesturing with a hoof, "Does it by chance bake cakes?" "Um... that's... questionable," Mike Rowe Wayve shrugged, setting his Mike Rowe Wayve microwave on the floor with a heavy clunk. Celestia hiccuped and zapped him back to the microwave realm.
I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server?Author's Note Gosh darnit, Zapper frost, Undead Equestrian Writer, and others of my Discord server. I decided to actually take a look at the suggestions on my Discord server? There aren't enough explosions to even fathom the sheer insanity. Um. What if - reality was an illusion and the universe was a hologram Pony-Me™ What if - Twilight's Tree House of Awesomeness didn't get got by Tirek in Season 4 "GROGARRRRRR!" Twilight hollered, barreling toward the goat demon thing, "YOU'RE FINISHED." Grogar didn't have any time to react before getting smashed by the entirety of Golden Oaks Library. Secret ~~definitely not sexy~~ dungeon and all.
Story pitch: Table LegsAuthor's Note Guess who's baaaack? Story pitch: Table Legs Hey. Hey Buttery Smooth. Guess what? "Ack," Butter Knife spat, "I'm in another story again, aren't I?" DING DING DING! CORRECT! The ultrafine, maximum-edge shankmuffin of an alicorn facehoofed in response. "So, what sorta torture are you gonna run me through this time? I don't see any of the... acquaintences that you forced me to be with from last time, but I just know that you've got something up your sleeve." Yes, in fact. Got your nose! "Hey!" Fine. Here's your nose back. Anyway, let's see here... how will this thing begin... ah, I know! "Please don't tell me you're gonna--" Let's wrap you up in masking tape, dunk you into a spacious FedEx-branded flatrate box, wrap that up with some duct tape, toss in a few heads of lettuce, a couple Molotov cocktails, put it all into a giant replica of a VHS tape, put that inside a big ol' bucket of slime, and send you hurtling down into a post-apocalyptic Equestria! "What." Toodles! "WAITYOUDIDN'TEVENTELLMEWHATYOUHADUPYOURSLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!" Oh, that? It's a table leg, your new weapon of choice! "Why?" "Because I'm the author, and you, as my character, must do as I narrate!" A giant bucket of slime containing many nested layers of other things (and a very pissed-off alicorn) landed in the middle of nowhere. From within, a muffled scream of frustration.
the author did a serious chapter?Author's Note Mystic Sunrise wants serious? Have some serious. Working with magical parchments and scrolls is dangerous :V the author did a serious chapter? "Twilight! Twi-light!" Spike scrambled up the stairs. He panted as he burst into the mare's study. "Twilight!" Twilight looked up from her book. "I was--" Spike paused to catch his breath "--I was organizing some scrolls downstairs when an entire table of them suddenly lit itself on fire! I swear I didn't have anything to do with it, and--" Twilight set her book down. "Alright, alright, let's go take a look then. What sort of scrolls were on that table?" Spike trailed behind her as she opened the door. "Well, there were some old spells that I saw, a few old parchments about Equestria's ancient history... whoa!" He felt himself get scooped off his feet. "Twi, what's the matter?" "You put the fire out already, right?" "Of course I did! I wouldn't just leave the table burning before running all the way up the stairs!" "Spike." "Yeah?" "You have wings." "...Yeah." The duo finally touched down at the bottom of the stairs. Spike hopped off and made a beeline for the table in question, which was now thoroughly soaked in foam. "Soooooooo, yeah," Spike held up a soggy parchment, passing it to Twilight. "At least it isn't burnt to ash!" "I suppose, yeah." She held the parchment to the light. "Looks like these should all be recoverable. Good work on putting the fire out." Spike rummaged through the dissipating foam. "I wonder what caused the fire though. Can spells activate themselves?" "Sometimes," Twilight joined her assistant. "Usually the ones that do are on some sort of timer. Think explosive-free fireworks for example. You set the fuse timer in the spell itself, and after the assisting timer spell ends, that's when the fireworks go off." "So do you think someone sent in a firework parchment with the batch of scrolls then?" Twilight shrugged. "If it was the source of the fire then it'd surely be incinerated by now, so chances are pretty slim that we'd find anything left of it."
Trixie forged an alliance with an unkindness of ravens?A shadow flit past the window. Twilight looked up from writing the previous chapter of What If. Nothing was there. She returned to her writing. More shadows. The light in the already dimly-lit room flickered as if it were candlelight at dusk. Twilight slowly raised her head again, eyes widening at the sight of... Ravens. So many ravens. Each and every one shooting past her window in a flurry of darkened feathers. She lit her horn and vanished. "TRIXIE." Twilight popped out of Trixie's Great and Powerful Easy-Bake Oven, not-so-unintentionally detonating it in the process. "WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME." "The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie has done nothing wrong!" Trixie screeched as she was carried away on a living cloud of ravens. Raven Inkwell walked past Twilight. Twilight screamed. Idk.
Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story (terribly outdated. I'm even more clueless now.)Author's Note Yup, gotta do this at this point. I really have very little knowledge in pop culture outside of memes and small references. This chapter's literally just assorted lists of what I can and cannot write. Keep in mind that this story is rated E! I will not write anything that contains any explicit mature themes. Also, here's the old long description: What if Sombra was good? What if Starlight Glimmer had never gone mad over cutie marks? WHAT IF POTATOES RULED THE EARTH?! All this, and a small collection of other short stories, all based off of random "What if?" questions. Suggestions for chapters are open, but remember to leave space for others! Keep in mind that I decide whether or not to use idea suggestions, and if you want a crossover, check this big ol' Twilight-grade list first! How 'bout y'all take a gander at some spinoff stories? What If...? by PixelMoon FEATURED 2/15/2017! THANKS! ~~And~~ again ~~3/21/2017!~~ Aaaand it's gone. Wait a sec-- it's back. Wait. Nope. Okay then. That happened. Supplemental: List of things I actually know enough about to write chapters for in this story (terribly outdated. I'm even more clueless now.) Twilight Sparkle burst through the fabric of reality and landed on her face. She let out a groggy groan as the imploded fragments of a door landed on top of her. List subject to updates and additions. Entries on these lists are in no particular order. Also terribly outdated. Also, commentary! I'ma do it. MLP:FiM seasons 4-5 (Really didn't bother to start from the beginning, outside of some season finales.) Any of my own story universes (especially the ones that began life as writing experiments in this story.) Angry Birds (Yup. Still play it.) Minecraft (MINE MINE MINE THE DIAMOND) Bloons Tower Defense (10+ years and still playing!) The history of various tech companies (Microsoft, Apple, etc.) Super Mario Bros (2D games only) Old 1990s-2000s era Thomas & Friends (and Hero of the Rails. Loved that movie back when I was like 10.) Spongebob (I watched the episodes out of order, and I have no idea what's going on anymore.) Plants vs. Zombies 1 (I used to draw comic strips of a TV show called "Newsweek Plants" in 3rd-5th grade.) Webkinz from its heyday (Still have my account. Wanna friend me while the game crashes again?) Michael Vey series (I own books 1-3, signed by the author back when I was in middle school. This is actually what originally inspired me to write.) One Punch Man season 1 Violet Evergarden (THE FEELS.) Saiki K. (this is what I was watching during my month-long hiatus. It was what ate my writing time on Netflix.) To Be Hero (though, it's been a while since I've watched it.) Inuyasha (First anime I ever watched. Might be a little rusty on details though.) Wreck It Ralph The Lego Movie (Watched both the original and the sequel.) She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Several years ago the local kids' TV channel started airing the original He-Man and She-Ra episodes back-to-back on Saturday nights. My sister and I were both hooked, and my mom started talking about how she grew up with those shows. The reboot of She-Ra is on Netflix, and I like it.) Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (It was good) Promare (Heckin' good anime about firefighting and moral grey areas) BNA: Brand New Animal (I like it. Good anime.) Fullmetal Alchemist (Original & Brotherhood remake) (I used this as an escape from thinking about midterms and I'm glad I watched it.) Vivy Fluorite-Eye's Song (I've never seen anything dive so deep into the question of AI and the ethics surrounding it before.) Generally not recommended for writing chapters about. There's a good chance I won't write a suggestion based on these simply because I have very little knowledge of them or am simply disinterested. Sonic (Just not interested whatsoever, but the backstory's kinda interesting.) Legend of Zelda (I only have Ocarina of Time through my Wii's virtual console, and I've been stuck on getting Epona for the past two years.) Pokemon (7.8/10 too many Pokemon for me to remember enough about to write anything coherent) Marvel/DC universe (I've watched like three movies from both respective universes, and nothing more.) The Man in the High Castle (Haven't had time to finish watching it. The episodes are long.) Harry Potter (I watched one movie when I was like 7. Does that count?) Youtube and Youtube trends (Do you think I keep up with what goes on? I spend most of my time just streaming music from Youtube. And Smash tournaments.) I have had practically no gaming life outside of casual games, and even then I still have no gaming life. Also, yeah, I don't watch very many things either. I just binge through an entire show and stop at that in most cases, and that's when I even watch something in the first place. AKA I have near-0 experience in any of these. Real people (Don't know much pop culture, and it gets awkward as heck when I try. Exceptions may apply.) Undertale (I am the only person in my friend group that has never played Undertale at least once.) FNAF series (not into creepypastas, probably never will be.) Portal series (I know a few memes though, and that really applies to everything in this collection of lists.) GTA (But I do know its development history all the way back to the beginning. That count?) Halo (or really any other First-Person Shooter. I'm just not the kind of person who likes those games.) Your OC's life story (yet ) Fallout (I have Fallout 1 but I lost interest.) Relatively-unknown real-life events (Local sports games, regional competitions, etc.) Clash of Clans (Never played it, and I don't know anything beyond what the ads in Angry Birds kept showing over and over.) Any Battle Royale game that isn't Minecraft Hunger Games (Yup.) Rick and Morty (I just know memes.) Star Wars ~~(Never really was all that into it.)~~ haha guess who likes star wars now lmao Star Trek (Same as Star Wars) Gravity Falls (Don't watch much TV.) Bendy and the Ink Machine (Only ever watched Matpat's game theories on the game.) Steven Universe (Same as Gravity Falls) Ghostbusters (Once again, I am uncultured and don't watch much of anything.) Jojo's Bizzare Adventure (Only reason why I know it exists at all is because my friends were meme-ing it up.) Counter Strike (any game from the series) RWBY Red vs. Blue (I'm only aware that this and RWBY exist, and an occasional meme on top of that.) South Park (Again, I hardly watch anything) Anything relating to sports (Same as above) Doki Doki Literature Club (oof) Disclaimer: suggestions still must follow site rules, and suggestions that would potentially push the story above its "E" rating must be discussed before I use them. Other than that, happy reading!
What if...After many years of studying in the Royal Canterlot Archives, Twilight finally closed the cover of the final book. She set her head down gently, and sighed, "Finally, the last book." She got up, and pushed her chair in. A few minutes later, she stepped outside. It had been weeks since she had seen the sun, let alone feel the cool breeze blow through her mane. She smiled as the warm rays of sunlight struck her full in the face, gradually warming her from the inside out. She opened her eyes and began to walk back home. On the way towards the train station, it hit her; She now had absolutely nothing left to do. ~~~~~===+++{Twilight's Castle}+++===~~~~~ Twilight burst through the door, panting heavily. "SPIKE!" She yelled, her voice echoing all around the halls. "I NEED YOU TO FIND ME SOMETHING TO DO NOW!" It had become increasingly normal for Spike to hear Twilight slam the door open and yell something, and so he simply hopped down the stairs, comic book still in hand. "What do you want to do, specifically?" He asked, half-reading a particularly humorous section of his book. Twilight continued shouting, "ANYTHING, PLEASE! I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO DO!!!" Spike looked around. "Uh, maybe try reading a book?" Twilight shook her head frantically. "No, no more books, I've already read them all." They both sat quiet for a few minutes, thinking of things that Twilight could do without having to give up her royal duties as the Princess of Friendship. Finally, Spike spoke up. "Maybe instead of reading a book..." Twilight's attention immediately became focused on Spike, and only Spike. "... you could try writing a book." Twilight gasped. "Thanks, Spike! I never even considered thinking about that!" She paused for a moment. "... but what should I write about?" For hours, Twilight sat in the corner of her bedroom, staring out the window overlooking Ponyville. She thought of the CMC and the adventures they had, her friends, the battles she had fought, they all seemed like good candidates to write a story on, but at the same time, she knew that many areas would become colorless and boring. At last, a stray thought wandered into her mind. She began to whisper to herself. "What if..."
Luna played Goat Simulator?Celestia warily eyed Luna. The mare had been sitting in front of the TV playing some sort of goat-related game for the past six hours. Luna, with a devious grin, had gathered a large pile of what were apparently called "cars", "trucks", "tankers", and whatever else looked the sort, and was now standing motionlessly-- a goat, atop the pile of junk. The room was silent now, but said silence was quickly wiped away when Luna pressed a single button. The entire room was suddenly filled with loud explosion noises, and combined with the screams of virtual people, as well as the raining debris clattering around the in-game goat, Celestia now swore that she had felt a trickle of blood run down her ears. Author's Note I haven't had very many funny ideas lately, which is one of the biggest reasons why the sequel to I Think I Summoned a Ponk took such a dark turn.
The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria?Author's Note Wheeeeee.... Writing is much harder when you have a horrible headache all day. Enjoy this load of badly-written horse words. The EQG Main 6 came to Equestria? A ball of rather disgruntled ponies landed on the cold floor in front of the mirror portal. If it weren't for the fact that Rainbow had decided to tackle her friends, then none of this would've happened. But she did tackle them, and they all tumbled in. So... yeah. Pinkie was the first to untangle herself from the entangled mess of legs, casually brushing herself off as if nothing had happened. As for the rest... let's just say that they were doing amazing impressions of panicked slugs. "Girls?" Called a voice outside the room. The door opened, and Princess Twilight entered, finding herself facing the former humans. The lavender unicorn at the bottom of the pile, of whom happened to share a name with the Princess, stared wide-eyed in shock. While the two lavender mares suddenly locked into a stare-off, Rainbow Dash, who had already been used to wings before, began hovering overhead after giving up on trying to walk. Fluttershy followed after, while Pinkie... Let's just say that Pinkie using her fluffy tail in a very similar fashion to a certain Sonic character. Specifically, she was now a ponycopter. "'Sup, Twi?" Rainbow suddenly asked, acting as if the incident had never occurred. "You are," Princess Twilight replied. At least, that's what she would've replied with if it weren't for the fact that the pony counterparts to the former humans in the room had randomly barged in. Immediately, the unicorn Twilight's brain short circuited, leaving her a bumbling mess that endlessly babbled about paradoxes and alternate universes. Princess Twilight proceeded to sent the unicorn back through the portal before she could 'experiment' with anything. As for the rest of the former humans, both Pinkie Pies came up with the brilliant idea of using name tags until the confusion ended. It was either that, or just boot everyone back through the portal. Most of the ponies agreed, and many began shuffling back through the portal as their counterpart stayed behind. The only problem is: Who's the human Rainbow Dash?
Twilight was Celestia's Daughter?Twilight stared at Celestia. Celestia returned the action. For minutes, neither of them blinked. Then... "So, remind me why we're meeting right now?" asked Twilight, breaking the silence. "Simple." replied her former mentor. "You're adopted." The smaller alicorn raised a brow. "Really, Celestia? Is this another one of those jokes?" She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable at the outcome that the conversation was already heading towards. Celestia sighed. She'd expected her daughter to put two and two together sooner or later, and realize that ascending to alicornhood was simply impossible. In reality, it was simply the lifting of both a binding spell, as well as a cloaking spell. Together, they restricted any wing movement, and hid any sign of said wings. Same went for Cadence, only it was an anti-magic field and a cloaking spell. In shorter terms, she was the mother of both of them. "You see, Twilight, I'm your mother. As a ruling figure in Equestria, any sort of family outside of my sister would be quickly targeted, or even kidnapped for a hefty ransom. It's all in the name of your protection, Twilight." Twilight's jaw attempted to form words, but her vocal cords objected to their actions. "B-but... my family... genetics... it's impossible!" Once again, the princess sighed. Not to mention giving herself a mental facehoof. At the mention of genetics, she lit her horn, removing the final cloaking spell. All at once, the formerly lavender alicorn suddenly became a brilliant white, complete with a blazing mane of fire to complement her coat. "Oh. That explains quite a bit now." Author's Note Just a short little talk between princesses. Don't mind the burned carpet.
Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction?Author's Note Remember that unfinished fanfic Twilight accidentally sent to Celestia two chapters ago? Yeah. say hi to Master Bates. Celestia read Twilight's fanfiction? Celestia eyed the notebook that had landed in front of her. Judging by the intricately drawn images of various ponies kissing on the inside over, she could tell that it was likely sent on accident. That is, until she noticed that it was written by her very own former student, and incomplete, as well. And so, she began reading. "Oh, Flash!" I wailed in ecstasy as we recovered from our little 'game', "I love you so much!" Celestia shut the notebook. And then she opened it to another page. "Ooh yeah... slap that plot harder" She slammed the cover down, a blank stare covering her face. So this is what Twilight does when she says that she's writing novels? The princess thought. She writes pretty well. And so, she continued reading. She read stories of love, of hate, of ogres, and goblins, and a guy named Master Bates. She found herself spiraling into a whole world of stories, and getting a rare glimpse of what went on inside Twilight's head. Mostly though, it was just love stories and poems about Flash Sentry, who had been booked months ago as the "Highly Unstable Waifu Stealer" in the Canterlot Dungeons.
the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter?Author's Note Yes, this is seriously a portion of my English homework. Dramatic reenactment of the class getting this for homework: Teacher: Okay, so we're in the Shakespeare unit, and with how many ways Shakespeare came up with for insulting adversaries, it shouldn't be too hard for you all to write your own insult letter. Class: *Crazed grinning* Teacher: Now, just remember to keep the letter anonymous, and don't address it to anyone in particular. Class: Aww Me: Sure. Who needs invisible friends when you can insult an invisible enemy? I've got one that always wants me to slam my head on the keyboard to write horse words. the author accidentally wrote a portion of his homework in a chapter? Dear Sir, By my troth, is thoust empty-headed! Dost thou expect me to come hither to slave away at thee parchment? Nay! Prithee, perchance ye shall encounter a cutpurse, or some evil-eyed miscreant. Fie on thee for thou distempered demands, whelp! You, my peevish ruffian, are in fact, quite the shandy one. Thee common peddler may receive more respect, for ye have caused much confusion to myself. Now, I must ask, must you linger any longer? Aye, ye shall be discarded at a moment’s notice, for thou are unwelcome. I, however, must request from thee a single task; shog off. Thou is unwanted, and unneeded. Thee grammar is hideous, and I must imagine that thee mind is equally vacant. Even so, thou are nothing more than a mild nuisance in my life, and as one may forsake the irritation of the common housefly, I shall simply discard you from my life. If ye seek to redeem himself, then ye must halt this foolishness at once. You are anything but jaded, and far from the ranks of the skills of a scribe. A mere lad may beat you in the arts, for ye haven’t found the truth in theeself yet. Forsooth, it is that thou is a simple eggshell of a ruffian. I mustn't ask for any less than thee, for I fear that any less may result in a queasy beast of a snudge. Though, if ye wishes to apologize, and perchance find a tutor in the arts of common grammar, than I shall once more open to your requests. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" Pinkie screamed, literally bulldozing through the fourth wall. Oh. "YOU CALLED ME SIR!" Miss. Help.
sweetie giraffe turned everyone in Ponyville into stock images of flames?Author's Note GodzillaSpino wants to watch the world burn. Literally. sweetie giraffe turned everyone in Ponyville into stock images of flames? SWEETIE GIRAFFE, THAT'S YOUR SISTER. "BURN. SISTER TOO SMOL."
somepony was turned into a dog?"Arf!" Twilight shouted, "Arf arf arf! Woof! AROOOOOOO!" Spike set the struggling purple dog on the ground. Normally, he'd ask Twilight what to do, but since the mare apparently wasn't around, he had taken to the idea of keeping the dog as a pet until Twilight came back. "You want some food, girl?" He asked, heading for the kitchen. Twilight rolled her eyes, and attempted once again to perform the reversal spell for the transformation. "Hey--NO!" Spike suddenly burst, smacking Twilight upside the head with a newspaper, "No pooping in the castle!" Boy, Twilight thought, You're gonna be in a heap of trouble when I turn back. Unfortunately, in her current form, Twilight couldn't help but pointlessly scratch and squirm in Spike's arms as he took her outside. "Go on, girl, do whatever you need to do." He said, eyeing the mare-turned-dog. Twilight stared back. Spike continued watching her. Twilight stared back. Eventually, the staredown was broken when a beam of light shot down from above, hitting Twilight and not only turning her back into a pony, but turning her into a pony-dog-thing. Why? Because there's a clear lack of logic already, so why not throw out the rest?
fanfics were canon?Anon leaned in close, his breath brushing through Fluttershy's mane. "I... I lo--" Suddenly, Pinkie burst through the fourth wall(s) of the many fanfics that consisted of the show. CHILD FRIENDLY! Pinkie promptly reappeared from a garbage can, and continued her current task at hoof-- taking down the Princesses, once and for all. She slinked through the many alleyways that sprawled across Canterlot, time to time disappearing and immediately reappearing in a completely unrelated location. And then Twilight appeared. "Pinkie? What are you doing?" She asked as she turned a corner, unknowingly walking into Pinkie's path, "I thought you were at Sugarcube Corner." PInkie backed away from one of her highest-level targets. "Um, I had a day off, so... I decided to explore?" The moon crashed down upon Equestria in a ball of flames, with Nightmare Moon riding the behemoth the entire way with flaming blue swords twirling about her. 'nuff said. *Insert witty one-liner here* And then chaos happened. Derp. Lol I broke the chain of shorter and shorter lines. Why am I doing this?
Sunset Shimmer was living bacon?Sunset Shimmer awoke to a jolt. She couldn't exactly move though, because she apparently was now bacon. Luckily, she was in Equestria at the moment, so she had nothing to fear of when it came to being eaten. Unfortunately, however, it appeared that she was sitting directly atop Twilight's bed. On top of Twilight. Twilight woke up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The moment her gaze set upon Sunset, however... "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--" She screamed, throwing Sunset across the room. "SPIKE!" She yelled out the doorway, "DID YOU BRING FOOD THROUGH THE PORTAL AGAIN?!" "Woah, Twilight," Sunset spoke, "It's just me, Sunset. And apparently, I'm bacon now." Twilight froze, and stared down at the bacon that had just telepathically spoken to her. "What." One trip to the Arcane Magicks wing of Canterlot University later... A bacon-maned Sunset Shimmer stood before Twilight. "Um... Twilight?" Sunset began, "I think something's off." "I'll say," Spike mumbled as he picked a strip off Sunset and ate it, "But I'm fine with it." "SPIKE!" Twilight scolded, "Don't eat other ponies' manes, alright?" She turned back to Sunset. "Your normal mane will return in a couple of weeks. The bacon mane was the most powerfully enchanted out of the curse that got placed on you." Sunset shrugged, and began chewing her mane. Author's Note BACON
the Kool-Aid man and Randy Savage showed up in Equestria?*Wall smashing* *OH YEAH-ing* *Chaos noises* *Wrestling noises* *Kool-aid drinking* "Y'know," the Kool-aid man began, "You're drinking my blood, right?" Randy Savage crushed the cup, before summoning another cup because he's Savage. "Let me drink more." Author's Note Oops. Forgot this one. Well, here it is.
Michael Bay made MLP and the Mane Six needed glasses?Tirek dodged flimsily as Twilight summoned her next shot. Her glasses slipped off moments ago, and she ended up hitting the Golden Oaks Library instead. Again. Said library promptly exploded in a nuclear fury as a shockwave blasted from every side, shattering windows, eardrums, glasses, and Rainbow Dash's contacts. Unfortunately, said contacts shattered just as Dash pulled off a rainboom, and combined with the temporarily blinding blast of color, the already near-blind mare crash landed on a decepticon, which instantly melted at the touch of her awesomeness. As for the Golden Oaks library, it quickly grew back, only this time, it was twice as tall, made of solid steel, and came complete with fifty nuclear warheads locked on Tirek. At the utterance of a single phrase, Twilight singlehoofedly destroyed Tirek down to the subatomic level. "Watch your butt." She muttered angrily under her breath. The resulting explosion blew the nonexisting pants off of everypony in existence, past, present and future. It also happened to blind the Mane Six as they were being born, because screw proper logic. And that is why nopony wears pants in Equestria.
The TRIGGERING happened?"AGH!" Twilight hollered as she kicked a book, further angering herself over the fact that she had, indeed, just brought a soiled, filthy hoof to the pristine covers of the tome. "STAAAAAAAAHP!" Spike yelled back, covering his head with a pillow, "I SAID STOP SCREAMING!" "BUT I LIKE LOUD NOISES!" Pinkie suddenly screeched as she burst in through the window. "HEY!" The hired window-cleaner screamed, "I JUST CLEANED THAT!" "SERVES YOU RIGHT!" Rarity screamed, pointing a hoof at the stallion, "YOU DIDN'T CLEAN IT RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" "RARITY!" Rainbow yelled as she tackled the unicorn, "STOP GETTING IN OTHER PONIES' FACES!" "Um... Rainbow?" Fluttershy peeped, emerging from the bushes, "You're getting in another pony's face..." "FLUTTERSHY!" A Fluttershy clone boomed from the mirror-pool, "STOP DISTURBING THE BUSHES!" "NO!" a nearby gardener objected, "THOSE ARE MY BUSHES, AND I CALL THEM BUSHY!" "Y'ALL AIN'T TRIMMING 'EM RIGHT," Apple pony hollered, "THEY NEED TO BE TRIMMED AT A 90 DEGREE ANGLE!" "HEY!" Twilight yelled, "I'M THE MATHY ONE!" "YOu dOn'T KNow ANythINg ABouT MaTH," nearby generic Math pony said, "stOP TrYinG tO sTEal MAi SPotLighT!" Twilight chucked a book at the pony, and upon realizing what she had done, proceeded to begin the triggering loop anew.
Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter?Author's Note Credits to my sister, Skittle Sky for the idea. We've both gone peanuts. Applejack got triggered by Peanut Butter? Applejack awoke to a start. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was shining, the air was still radioactive from her prior nuclear warfare on pears, and generally, it was an excellent day for y'all ta burn in the bits o' Tartarus. Wait, what? Anyways, Applejack was currently making breakfast for herself. The only problem with that was that she was out of apples. Unfortunately, the only other choices were either the radioactive-but-somehow-still-standing Asian Pear tree that she nuked, or a years-old jar of peanut butter. Naturally, she chose the peanut butter. Though, it just so happened that she got easily triggered by the idea of peanut butter on apple slices, which now led to her being triggered by the sight of peanut butter. "WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" the mare suddenly screamed at the lonely jar of peanut butter, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!" Equestria, ~13 years earlier... Applejack was happily munching on an apple slice with peanut butter, when suddenly, a tiny, squeaky voice blasted her in the face. "WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT?!" The glob of peanut butter screamed in an extremely high pitched, macho voice, "WHADDYA WANT FROM MAH FAMILY?!" Applejack promptly screamed, and from that day on, she didn't dare to touch peanut butter again. The only problem now, though, is that she not only has to touch the tartarus-forbidden peanut butter, but she had to eat it, too. Suddenly, a vortex through space-time opened up from the jar of peanut butter, sucking her into a very peanut-y, butter-y, and kind-of crunchy world. "What the buck?" Applejack mumbled to herself after landing face-first in a peanut puddle, "Where in tarnation am I?" A loud screech echoed from above, prompting the mare to duck down at the sight of the Aerodactyl. Except said Aerodactyl was made of peanut brittle. In front of her, the wall toes of the sacred Twilicane revealed to Applejack not only a pair of wings, but a horn as well. Applejack initially was quite cautious about ascending to alicornhood in such an absurd way, but she had no say in the end mainly 'cause the wings and horn were currently glued to her face and body using peanut butter. And then the world imploded with a huge explosion of buttsharks, lolcats, spinning cheese-mice, applepears, emojis, rainbows, Apple Bloom's cloned head, and Rainbow Jack's jokes.
the author is currently on an incredibly long road trip and ended up turning around because the weather decided to puke slush-balls down on the road?And seriously, I'm still wondering how I have internet access in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, T-Mobile has amazing 4G coverage when it comes to the middle of nowhere. Like as in, I've got better reception here then in my own bathroom. Now then, that aside... onto the chapter! CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS DERP DERPY DERPED A DERP OF DERPED DERPYS AND THEN A METEORITE FELL AND THINGS WENT BOOM AND THE THINGS GOING BOOM WENT UN-BOOM AND STUFF SO YEAH THAT HAPPENED. Honestly, I'm more interested right now in taking pictures of the scenery from my window than writing. Author's Note yup.
The author decides to try writing a chapter using his phone?Seriously. Autocorrect and my phone's typing lag are the biggest reasons why I don't do this, but I'm bored and I finished my homework early anyways. Now, onto the story. Derpy hummed lightly to herself as she soared through the air, the BOOMbox in her saddlebag creating massive Michael Bay style explosions trailing her everywhere she went. The BOOMbox was a strange little package, being wrapped in nothing but clear plastic, and a sticker noting it to be delivered to somepony by the name of "Vinyl Wubz". Derpy knew no Vinyl Wubz, however. Only Vinyl Scratch. And so when Vinyl frantically waved from below to ask Derpy for her misaddressed package, she simply ignored her. And proceeded to drop everything into a volcano. Author's Note Its not hard going back through to weed out typos... Just painful.
Apache Helicopters overthrew Celestia?Celestia sipped her tea. Or at least, she would've if it weren't for the fact that the tremendous roar that raged through her ears hadn't made her fling the cup at the nearest portrait of Prince Blueblood. Additionally, the fact that it was just a low rumble a few minutes ago was a sure sign that something was growing closer, if not-- CRASH! --already here. Celestia fumbled with the shards of her teacup as she stared at the behemoths of metal that now sat before her, their blades shredding instantly through the portrait as if it were paper (it was). Straightening herself, Celestia politely cleared her throat. "Ahem," she began, stepping forward, "I don't believe I've ever seen a machine quite li..." she paused, noticing the clear lack of any pilot, living or dead. "...I mean," she continued, "I don't believe I've ever met such a beast of metal such as yourselves." The pair of helicopters that had destroyed the wall sat silent. One of them leaked oil onto the carpet. "HEY!" Celestia suddenly burst, "THAT CARPET WAS CLEANED JUST AN HOUR AGO!" Sensing immediate danger, both helicopters engaged their weapons, aiming directly at Celestia. Celestia's eyes widened at the sight of the guns, taking a step back before bowing her head down, removing her crown. She promptly left Equestria, and to this day, a pair of Apache helicopters still rule Equestria. Though, one of them still needs a repair after crashing through the wall... there's oil smeared all over the castle.
Canterlot was made of cheese?A mouse scurried through the air, for it was made of cheese. That is, the air was, not the mouse. In fact, all of Canterlot was currently a massive, cheesy brick of... cheese. Not much could be said about how it happened, or in fact, why, but there had been a rumor that mentioned that it may have been the doing of Celestia after she drunkenly dreamt of Gouda dreams. Nopony really noticed, or really cared, for that matter. The orphans of Canterlot happily chewed their way through the cheese, and some even found their parents in the very tunnels they had eaten out. Twilight screamed. Author's Note Gouda dreams. Good dreams. GET IT?! Also, I decided for this chapter to mess with storytelling methods a bit.
This fic didn't exist?Error 404: Story not found. Please try again later. Author's Note Well, there wouldn't be anything here, now would there?
someone ended yet another universe by blasting Megalovania?Author's Note Because we just can't have enough of GodzillaSpino. someone ended yet another universe by blasting Megalovania? Pinkie Pie raised a hoof, ready to welcome another unfortunate soul into Ponyville. Unfortunately, far in the distance, a particular sequence of notes played and then everything blew up. Again. ~~Why do you make me do this?~~
Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all?Author's Note ...But rather, a MOOSE! Thorax wasn't actually a Changeling at all? "Thorax? It's Twilight!" came a voice from the door, accompanied by a quick series of knocks. "I'd like to speak to you about your horns!" Thorax froze, his eyes darting towards the discarded neon-green suit that lay on his bed. Turning towards the mirror on his dresser, he remembered one little, itsy-bitsy, fatal flaw in him being the supposed "King of Changelings", or whatever they were called now. He was actually a moose with limited shapeshifting abilities aided by curiously high-tech bodysuits from another galaxy. The original Thorax was accidentally smited by his landing shuttle, and so naturally, Moosy McMooseface replaced the little bugger. But after experiencing his... coronation of sorts, it had only become harder for him to hide his true form. Obviously, it was already too late for that, however, because... "Thorax! Come on, your speech to Ponyville is almo--wut." Here stood Thorax, King of all Changelings, struggling to fit himself into costume, and from Twilight's perspective, appeared to be molting his exoskeleton. "Look, I can explain." Thorax nervously chuckled, holding up a drooping hoof of the costume. "No, no." Twilight replied as she closed the door, "I'll just tell them that you're um... busy." Later that night, Spike swore he heard Twilight screaming about changeling-moose crossbreeds.
Sunglasses fused to the back of Twilight's head and everypony thought that it was an entirely different pony?"SPIKE!" Twilight called from her bathroom, "DID YOU SUPERGLUE SUNGLASSES TO THE BACK OF MY HEAD?!" "No." Spike replied simply as he opened the bathroom door. "Why?" It was at that moment when the young drake realized that he was no longer a child. "Aaaaay, lookin' slick, yo!" Spike snided, making a gesture at the sunglasses poking out from underneath Twilight's mane. "Who the hay are you talking to, Spike?" "I'm talkin' to dis slick muthaf--" Twilight glared at Spike. Pinkie glared at Spike. Pinkie continued glaring at Spike, until she noticed the sunglasses. "Ooh! a new pony!" She squeaked, grabbing Twilight by her neck, "WE'RE GONNA PAR-TAY TONIGHT!" As for Twilight, she had but a single word to say: "Ow." Twilight groaned weakly as she rubbed her neck with a hoof. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were nearby, with the former carting a load of apples and the latter sleeping atop aforementioned apples. "Howdy!" the farmer greeted, tipping her hat, "It's always nice ta see a new face 'round these parts..." She turned and briefly swatted Rainbow. "AIN'T IT, DASH?" Rainbow let out a long, loud snore. "Applejack," Twilight said sternly, "there's nopony other than me standing here." Applejack shrugged. "Suit yourself," she mumbled, continuing on her way to the market. As the hours passed, Twilight began to grow more and more uncomfortable with the looks she had been given by the ponies she met. Eventually nightfall came, and with it, Pinkie's party began. Aside from having the focal point of the party being the pair of sunglasses on the back of Twilight's head, the party was actually quite amusing, with many ponies trying (and often failing) to do various stunts, with one of them even lighting themselves on fire. Finally, after gathering up the nerve, Twilight confronted Pinkie. "What does this new pony look like?" She asked, "I don't think I've ever seen them." "Oh, the new pony? I haven't heard his name yet, but he's got this huge golden SWAG necklace that's like, almost as big as he is, and he's also got this mane that looks a lot like yours that covers almost his entire face, except for his sunglasses." "Wut."
This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect?Author's Note Oh boy, I wonder how well autocorrect deals with pony names! Anything it messes up becomes part of the story! (That is, I'm not going back through to correct any mistakes that autocorrect screwed up.) This chapter was written on a phone with all the plagues of autocorrect? "Twilight?" "Yes, Rainbow?" Twilight replied, glancing up from the latest edition of 'Your Dragon and You: book 3'. Rainbow paused for a moment, hesitating to reply. "I-- I..." Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked. "You love me?" Rainbow choked. "NO!" She shouted, slamming her hooves into the table. "It's Fluttershy!" "So, you love Fluttershy?" "No!" "You HATE glitter shy?! Rainbow stared questionably at her friend. "Glitter shy?" She asked, "who's that?" Twilight snorted. "No, I said Flutter shy!" "Why did you pause in the middle of flutter shy's name?" Rainbow continues, "Wait... Why am I doing thaoi?!" Twilight tilted her head. "Thaoi?" She asked rainbow, "what does that mean?" "I don't love fluttery, BT i don't hate her either! She's just a friend!" Twilight shot a sideways glance at rainbow, a look filled with a menacing, dark glare... "Riiiiiight." Twilight purred, "JUST a friend." "What--no-- HEY!" rainbow replied, "that's not nice!" Twilight grinned. "Who said I was Twilight? Who said I was EVER twilight?" The mare continued, standing up from her seat, "Why, for all you may know, I may just be your beloved Twilight, when in reality, I could be a--" she lashed out with a hoof at Rainbow, but held back just enough to avoid contact. "--ferocious beast of the Everfree--" her horn lot up, accompanied by the telltale signs of dark magic from her eyes "--a reincarnation of Sombra--" and finally, she gracefully somersaulted over Rainbow's head, landing as if she had simply taken a single step. "--a ninja, perhaps." Rainbow simply stared as she watched the made she thought she knew make her way towards the door. "In the end," twilight continued, "It isn't the pony that defines themselves, but rather their interpretation by others. It's your choice to see me as you wish, whether for the better or the worse." The sound of the door shutting echoed throughout the crystal room.
The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment?Author's Note Seriously, I didn't expect to hit 100 today. On top of that, I've got some over-the-weekend homework for world history, a story I'm rewriting, a sibling's birthday party tomorrow, and a crapton of other things piled up at once. This is partially why I like weekdays more than weekends. The author happened to have a huge buttload of things to do at once and began panicking because he didn't finish the 100 follower special in time yet and at the same time had to draw a freehand map of china for an assignment? "DERP" a stick cried, hitting Derpy square between the eyes. Suddenly, Derpy became the stick-alicorn, with the power of long, brown, stick-y objects at her full control. She promptly took over Equestria, because nopony likes getting hit endlessly with a tree branch.
Twilight had deep thoughts?Twilight stared blankly out the window of Sunset's apartment in the human world. Below her passed a firetruck. Wait... Twilight thought, If a firetruck puts out fires... Does a water truck set things on fire? If a garbage truck takes away the garbage, does a sanitation truck make everything dirty again? Does a milk truck deliver milk or cow juice? What kind of paper is the paperboy really handing out? When you clean a vacuum cleaner, do you become a vacuum cleaner? Twilight's train of thought was derailed as she saw a giant Thomas the Tank Engine transformer thing running down the road, chasing the firetruck that had passed moments earlier. "What." Author's Note This chapter was brought to you with the power of DEEP DANK MEMES.
Every day was a relaxing day?Author's Note Tomorrow's the last day of school for me. I'd might as well write a bit. No plot to this one, just some nice descriptive paragraphs of a nice day. Every day was a relaxing day? Rainbow Dash gently floated in her pool raft, the wind creating a gentle current that rippled across the water's surface. To the side of the mare was a cup of lemonade, three-quarters full. It was a cloudless day, and a beautiful one at that. The sun stood high in the sky, spreading warmth across the land. Spike and Twilight rowed bast the pegasus in a canoe, the mustached Spike singing off-tune melodies while Twilight shut herself into the world of literature, as per usual. Gentle buzzing filled the air as dragonflies flew to and fro within the bushes lining the pool, accompanied by the chirping of birds higher up on the branches of the swaying trees. Fluttershy and Rarity sat at the far edge of the pool, discussing the currently-in-style "Organic textures" that abruptly took on the fashion market. As for Applejack and Pinkie Pie, the sudden tidal wave and accompanying splashes were the answer to their leap into the frigid water. The grass shuffled in the wind, their brilliant green blades reflecting the colors of day off of the millions of minuscule dewdrops that attached themselves to the plants over the night. There was little sound to be heard, save for the whistle of the cool breeze, and the light humming of the fillies that walked the green. The school year was at last over for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and a celebratory picnic, to them, was one of the best ways to end off the year. Granny Smith sat beneath the shade of the trees lining the vast field, her occasional snorts being the only interruption to her slumber. At her side was Big Mac, who was currently doing nothing more than curiously watching the sunlight filter through the waving leaves of the trees. The ground thumped with a brisk pace, pebbles rumbling along as eight legs flew overhead. The two royal sisters laughed wholeheartedly as they raced each other to and fro-- it didn't matter where they went, but how they went. Whether they found themselves within the Crystal Empire, the Everfree, or even the Badlands, it wouldn't matter. The sky passed through its hues of purples, yellows, oranges, reds. The day was drawing to a close, the bright light of day replaced by the gentle glow of the nighttime sky.
Rarity became an edgelord?Author's Note Am I doing this "edgy" stuff right? I mostly do fluff and happiness. Either way, I (kinda) tried. Chapter suggested by TheBaconMaster. Rarity became an edgelord? "There is no joy in life." Rarity grumbled, "Only suffering. And death. Lots of death." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "For the last time, sis, this trend of being ‘edgy’ just makes you look stupid!" "You’ll regret that the day you wake up to sewing needles in your voodoo doll..." "RARITY!" "WHAT?!" snapped Rarity from behind her jet-black dyed mane, “Can’t you see that I’m internally fuming?!" Except Sweetie Belle was gone, for the sheer level cringe had resulted in the filly vanishing from the universe in search for a new reality. Because screw it, the author’s getting tired and doesn’t know how to edginess.
Rainbow Dash was her own mother?"Honey?" Bow Hot Hoof called from the other side of the bathroom door, "What's taking so long? Is there something wrong?" Rainbow Dash froze in fear, her fur and mane still dripping wet from the bath that she had just woken up from. "Just a minute!" She replied, putting on her 'Mom voice'. "Go watch Dashie when you come out, alright? She's out playing in the yard." Rainbow Dash, or Windy Whistles, as her husband knew her, sighed deeply. It had been almost a decade since she was mistakenly sent back in time, and even now, it didn't seem like the Future Equestria cared much, judging by the fact that she still hadn't been rescued. And during that time, she had met the love of her life-- her husband, of whom, creepily, (even to her), was at the same time, her own father. But it didn't matter anymore, really. Rainbow had since given up on the hope of returning to the present, and instead focused on enjoying the remainder of her life. But once again, strangely, it all goes full-circle, starting with Bow Hot Hoof insisting on the name "Rainbow Dash" for their foal, to the eerie correlation between the elder Rainbow Dash and the filly counterpart that now wobbled around on four tiny legs. "Hurry up!" Bow called again, knocking on the door, "Dashie wants to go potty!" Rainbow Dash snapped back to reality, quickly locating the hidden compartment under a floor tile with her hair dye. A short moment of brushing the aforementioned dye in later, and all hints of technicolor mane and tail were drowned under a sea of pastel reds and oranges. As for her cutie mark-- she had gotten it tattooed over with her "Windy Whistles" mark, leaving the remainder of the uncovered mark to once again be covered with a light coat of dye. As she exited the bathroom, Rainbow Dash, savior of Equestria, disappeared, and Windy Whistles, loving mother to a future Wonderbolt, emerged. Author's Note Yay! Time travel screws up everything if it's not planned!
Spike was a Kewl Boi?Author's Note If you haven't noticed already, I've been leaning a bit more towards my own ideas for the most recent chapters. Don't worry though, I'll revisit the comments. Spike was a Kewl Boi? "Who's a good boyyyy?" Human Twilight cooed, smooshing Spike the dog's cheeks. "Stahp ittt." Spike slurred in return through his aforementioned squished cheeks. "Aww, is lil' Spiko grumpy?" "No." Spike snapped, slapping Twilight's hand with a paw. "Are you a cool boy?" Twilight continued, ignoring Spike's desperate hand-slapping as she placed a pair of sunglasses over the dog's eyes. A bright flash of light suddenly burst from Spike, lasting for several seconds before fading. "Yes." Spike boomed from high atop his throne of dog treats and golden toys, "I am indeed a Cool Boy." "What."
It was all a simulation?Twilight looked up from her book out of boredom. Not that there was anything of particular interest, but still. A bookshelf sat directly opposite to her. And for some reason, Spike was making a ridiculous pose. Twilight gazed back towards her book. In a surprising burst of sound, Spike suddenly teleported clear to the other side of the room, before once again "freezing" at the door. Raising a brow, Twilight rose, and cantered towards Spike. Except Spike was gone. He was beside the chair Twilight was sitting in, seemingly asking her a question, though she wasn't there. Twilight sighed, and sat back down. At the same time, Spike zipped towards the door again, right next to where Twilight was just standing. And then it all came down. The walls, floor, ceiling, and everything in the room, save for Twilight herself, dramatically disintegrated into flecks of indistinguishable particles. And then it was dark. "Timeout error." a large, red block-text blared in Twilight's face, "Please reconnect to continue." "What." Twilight deadpanned, waking in the real world from her hospital bed, shaking the VR headset from her face. Except she wasn't a pony anymore. She was a human. And according to her wristband, she'd been unconscious for over a decade. "What." she repeated again, staring back at the strange "Pony-Me Experience!" headset. Author's Note ~~I could probably turn this into a full-on fic if I wanted to, but nah. I'm just building off the suggestion of turning my slow/dead-internet frustrations into a chapter.~~ ~~Edit: Eh. I'd might as well make a one-shot out of this. It's not like my internet's gonna let me do much else anyways.~~ Screw the one-shot, I'm writing a novel-length story at this point.
Spike was a goldfish?"Blub." Spike bubbled in his tank. "You are the worst assistant ever." Twilight mused with malice, "I should've hatched that dragon egg instead." "Blub."
Twilight suddenly became extremely commonplace and was practically a generic term?*Insert Twilight Zone music here* "GRAND PRINCESS TWILIGHT!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, "MIDNIGHT SPARKLE HAS RETURNED!" Grand Princess Twilight raised an eyebrow, and swallowed another bite of cake. "Yes, and?" "AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING?!" Grand Princess Twilight grinned. "I hate this." Twilight Sparkle complained to her dragon, Sparky, "I hate all of this. I'm supposed to be stopping Midnight Sparkle, not arranging the Kind-of Late to Mid-Summer Not-Solstice Celebration!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my cousin, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my brother, Dusk Shine! Say hi, Dusk!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Dusk Shine, and this is my lil' sis, Twilight! Say hi, Twilight!" "Hya, Twilight! I'm Twilight, and this is my granny, Twibert! Say hi, Twibert!" "Hya, Twilight, I'm Twibe--" "STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP!" Twilight Sparkle screeched, "NOPE. I'LL JUST SAY THAT THE FOOD IS HANDLED BY THE TWILIGHT FAMILY. PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!" "ALRIGHT, MIDNIGHT SPARKLE, YOUR TIME IS UP! GIRLS, CHARGE UP THE ELEMENTS OF SPARKLE!" "But Twilight!" Twilight #53624 groaned, "We don't have the final element!" "SCREW Y'ALL!" Twilight Sparkle shouted in return, "I'll BE THE SIXTH ELEMENT!" Midnight Sparkle was promptly returned to the form of Grand Princess Twilight the Younger. And so, Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight and Twilight lived happily ever after because the power of Twilight compelled all foes to give up their un-Sparkle-like ways and accept the ways of the Twilight horde. And Twibert ate an apple pie.
An argument started over whether or not Jack could fit on the plank?"No," Twilight groaned, pointing at her chalkboard diagram again, "There was certainly enough space for the two of them." "Well, maybe Jack wanted to die!" Pinkie happily chirped. Everypony stared at the mare. "Or... maybe... not." Pinkie slowly said, shrinking back into her chair. "Now, as you can see, the exact dimensions of the piece they were on was precisely--" "Okay, just stop it already!" Rainbow screeched, clutching her head, "You've been talking about this for the past five hours!" Twilight frowned, but continued lecturing for the next five hours. Because Jack definitely had room for himself with Rose. And Leonardo DiCaprio was probably chill about that.
Luna didn't quite understand modern politics?"Fetch me your finest ships." Luna said with a smirk, eyeing the shipbuilder that stood before her. "B-but Princess," Sails Away stammered, "Your ship has already sunk!" Luna frowned. "..." "..." "OFF WITH HIS HEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAD!" she cried in anger, pointing an accusing hoof at the stallion. "Luna." Celestia deadpanned as she landed face-first in her straightjacket, "That is not how we do things anymore." Luna swatted Celestia's remarks away with a hoof. "Nah," she replied, "I'ma just nullify whatever it is that made things like that. We do still have absolute power, don't we?" Celestia shook her head as she scooted away the best she could from the asylum guards now pursuing her. "Oh." Luna sighed, sinking back into the throne, "Okay then." Celestia screeched in terror as she was dragged back into the insane asylum she had willingly put herself in days prior. Because lava.
Luna learned of Da Wae?"SISTAH." Luna hollered as she blasted the padded door of Celestia's insane asylum off its hinges, "DO YOU KNO OF DA WAE?!" "Please no..." Celestia whispered quietly from the corner, "Pls... stahp it, Lulu." "BUT U MUST NO OF DE WAAAAAAE!" Luna screeched again as she lit her horn, twitching spastically. "ALL HAIL DA QUEEN!" Luna praised herself as she ascended her obsidian throne above the volcano, "AND SHE WILL SHOW YOU DA WAE!" Celestia shuddered in her asylum.
LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING THING?!"Sister!" "Not again..." Celestia groaned, flopping over to face the padded wall that she'd named Ted, "Please... please no more lava." Luna shook her head. "Neigh, sister," she began with a smirk before returning to a more serious posture, "It is time for you to raise the sun. I have already lowered the moon for you..." "You... you're serious?" Celestia replied hopefully, "No more jokes? No more lava? What about--" "...after turning it into a temporary sun by incinerating it into a molten ball of magma. It wasn't the greatest idea, however, so I simply lowered the moon to hide it from view until it resolidifies." Celestia screamed.
Luna's lava obsession landed her in an intervention?"Lava?" Luna cooed, peering into the mouth of the active volcano, "...Lava!" The baking soda and vinegar volcano promptly blew in her face. "Luna." Twilight said sternly, setting her decoy volcano trap aside, "We need to talk." Luna frowned with a frown that only a clown with rejection issues could make. The author shuddered at the thought, even though he had never encountered such a being. "Luna, you need to stop your obsession with lava." Twilight deadpanned, "You've already melted the moon, put your sister in an insane asylum, raised an army of... squishy red derpy echidnas, and worst of all, YOU HAVE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IGNORED EQUESTRIA'S PLEAS FOR HELP!" "But I--" Twilight cut the Princess of the Night (and of wrecking n00bs) off with an angry snort, and pulled a curtain aside. Equestria was currently half-swamped in dangerously hot lava, and from the looks of it, most of the populace had since fled to higher ground. "Psh." Luna scoffed, "'Tis but a game." She lit her horn, and just like that, the lava was gone. Twilight nodded in approval at Luna giving up lava, and turned to leave, whispering in a nearby guard's ear that it was probably a good time now to let Celestia out of her padded cell. "NOW THEN." Luna screeched with the pitch of an undead parakeet, "WHO WANTS ELEPHANT BOOTS?!" Twilight facehoofed.
Princess Baguette?"Welp." Apple Bloom deadpanned as she and her friends stared at the flaming icy confines of what was once Canterlot, "I think mah sister's gonna pretty mad today, don'tcha think?" Sweetie Belle facehoofed. Scootaloo continued to laugh maniacally with a firehose. Not the kind firefighters use, but a hose that sprays fire. Because reasons. "How did this happen again?" Sweetie asked, turning to Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom shrugged. "Idunno," she responded, "It started out with you trying to make breakfast, remember?" Sweetie Belle wrinkled her brow, then turned to the anthropomorphic flaming bowl of cereal. "ELLOHAY, ALLYAY! ODAY OUYAY NOWKA ADAY EYWAY?!" It screeched in return. "Maybe." Sweetie Belle shrugged, ignoring the fact that the cereal was now starting a forest fire, "But where'd the ice come from?" Luna twitched uncontrollably from deep within the confines of Canterlot's secret Asylum-Bunker-ThingTM. Her sister had put her there for crimes against absurdity. Namely, filling the place with lava, turning into lava, elephant boots, and turning all of the glass cups into ice. That last one was what irked Celestia the most. All she wanted was a good ol' cup of the tears of Equestria's populace. The Princess of the Night shuddered again, staring with a wild grin towards the piece of bread sitting on a plate. It was her food for the day. ... ... "Heheh..." Luna chuckled, "Ah'm Pwinceth BAGUETTE." She charged her horn with an insane smile plastered on her face. "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ~~Luna~~ PRINCESS BAGUETTE screeched, exploding the base of the mountain (AKA the the basement/dungeons of Canterlot), sending shards of frozen stone flying in all directions, "ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE! ICE!@@(&*^!@#*)&^!*^%*)@&^#)*(&" "Hello?" Sweetie Belle called through the Unicorn-Tribe-Ultimate-Deus-Ex-Machina-Hive-MindTM, "Twilight? Would you mind pressing the Universal Reset Button for me?" "HOLY CRAP, FOR SANITY'S SAKE, SWEETIE BELLE." Twilight shouted through the phone, "I ALREADY DID THAT THREE TIMES FOR YOU." Universe.exe has stopped responding. Author's Note
The author really hasn't put much thought into this story anymore?'Cause when you're focusing on essays at school and the most recent things you've read are 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell, it's kinda hard to write something comedic that isn't chock-filled with dark undertones. ... ... Uh... PINKIE PIE TAKEOVER! What. ... ... Wow. I can't even do that anymore. I really need to read some lighter stories sometime. Author's Note Or maybe I should put this story back into hiatus for the time being? Either way, What If...? is open for ideas, as usual.
Rainbow Dash was an old mare?Author's Note This is what happens when you write at 1:00 AM one too many times. Rainbow Dash was an old mare? An earsplitting crack echoed through the room as Rainbow Dash hobbled in. "Ah, shucks." Applejack began, walking towards the old mare. "'Dash, for the last time, ya shouldn't be walkin' 'round so much. It ain't good for them rickety bones o' yours." "Shut it, ya lil' whippersnapper!" Rainbow Dash lashed out, another crack emanating from her joints as she winced. "I'M TELLIN' YOU, IT'S THAT DARN ARTHRITIS AGAIN. YA GOTTA USE THE SHRINKYDINKS TO CURE MY ARTHRITIS!" Twilight rolled her eyes. "For the last time, Rainbow." She groaned, "What the heck are shrinkydinks? What are they even good for?" "YOU TALKING ABOUT MY SHRINKYDINKS, EH?!" Rainbow screeched, her cane boring a hole into the floor, "LEMME TELL YA, THEM SHRINKYDINKS MAKE MY ACHY JOINTS SHRINK UNTIL IT'S JUST A LITTLE DINK. YA GOT IT?! SOMEPONY GRAB THE THING FOR ME BEFORE I BREAK MY BACK YELLIN' AT YOU YOUNGUN'S." "Ah." Rarity mused, leaving her seat for the medicine cabinet. "She wants her medication." Suddenly, Pinkie burst from underneath the floorboards. "I have osteo-porosis!" "What." "What?" "...Nevermind, Pinkie." "Just kidding!"
Spike was Trixie's assistant?Author's Note Thank whiteoak019 for this. Spike was Trixie's assistant? "Oh, geez." "C'mon, Spike." Trixie groaned, rubber-bladed chainsaw in hoof. "Just one more act for today, and then we'll head back to the wagon for the night." Spike grumbled something under his breath as he climbed into the box. The curtains lifted moments after, Trixie galloping onto the stage in her usual cape and hat. "AND NOW," The unicorn beamed towards her ~~mostly asleep audience of three~~ adoring fans, "WATCH AS TRIXIE NOT ONLY CUTS HER ASSISTANT IN HALF, BUT ALSO SETS THE BOX ON FIRE, LAUNCHES IT AT THE LIBRARY IN A BUNDLE OF FIREWORKS FROM A TREBUCHET, AND TELEPORT HER TRUSTY ASSISTANT BACK IN ONE PIECE!" A single snore rose from the crowd as a screaming dragon in a flaming box was sent hurtling via trebuchet towards Golden Oaks library.
Ember told Spike they were married?Author's Note Credit to dj-pon3fan for the idea. ^_^ Ember told Spike they were married? "Hey." "Hey Spike." "What." Spike deadpanned, looking up from his new wings. "Oh, hi, Ember." Ember smirked devilishly. "You're coming with me, husbando." "What." Ember shrugged. "You originally were to be the Dragon Lord, but since you weren't exactly... uh, what would you call it..." "...Mature?" Spike answered, "Grown-up? Wing-enabled?" "Eh. Whatever." Ember dismissed, "Anyways, get your butt off the ground. You're married to me now." "What." Spike repeated. "Blah blah blah, ancient dragon culture crap that my father lectured me on. Just roll with it already." It was at this moment that Spike ultimately decided that getting wings was a big downfall in his life. ... ... And the author proceeded to facepalm at the absurdity of this chapter.
the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum?Author's Note wut. Oh hey, it's an Accurate Balance! the equivalent binary narrative hierarchy interval indicated in Equestria is trans-multidimensionally predestined to conceptionally collapse into a metaphysical singularity of the observable spatiotemporal continuum? The two parallel timelines of Equestria's multiverse; the Equestria Girls universe, known from here on as "EqG" and that of the "Original Equestria", hereby deemed as "E", have collided. There is no EqG. There is no E. There is only pony.
Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom?Author's Note Credits to whiteoak019 for the idea. ^_^ We're back to another serious one! Daring Do was Scootaloo's mom? "Mom?" Scootaloo's voice echoed through the nighttime halls of her house. "Moooom? Are you home?" The light flickered on as the filly flipped the switch, a faint buzz emanating from the light fixtures. Scootaloo yawned as she wandered into the kitchen, her eyes catching a note taped to the fridge. Scoots, I'll be out again for the next few days on a recovery mission by Celestia's orders. If you're hungry, I've made sure to stock the fridge with your favorites. Don't forget to turn the stove off after you finish cooking! I've already seen my fair share of scorched ceilings. Love, Mom. Scootaloo frowned, tearing the note from the fridge door and sticking it in the doorway. The glaring lights of the fridge blazed from the machine as she opened the door, her stomach grumbling. Finally, her eyes landed on a foil-wrapped lump with "spaghetti" scrawled across in marker. Sighing, the filly pulled the pack from the fridge, wandering to the pantry immediately after in search of a can of sauce, the wrapped, pre-cooked spaghetti lump still dangling in her muzzle. Click-click-click-click-click-click-Fwoosh. The stovetop alit with flame, a small pot sitting on top of the range as Scootaloo unwrapped the spaghetti. A putrid smell hit her nostrils as she tore away the foil. Scowling, the filly turned the stove off and dropped the moldy mess in the trash. She made her way back to the refrigerator. Once again, Scootaloo blinked in the blinding light of the fridge's interior, bending down to get a better view of the lower shelves. With a groan, she slammed the door shut, and instead set off once again for the pantry. Crunch. Scootaloo's eyes scanned over the words of her mother, A.K. Yearling, or as she was better known, Daring Do. Crunch. The filly unwrapped another granola bar, paying little mind to the pile of silvery wrappers as she took a bite. Crunch. Her attention turned back to the note that now hung from the doorway. Love, mom. Mom. Her mind echoed, Why are you always so busy?
The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded)Author's Note While this is, in fact, an actual MLP-related minific, it doesn't particularly mean that I'll be returning to fanfic writing as a whole anytime soon. All I can say is that August is gonna be a hectic month... Anyways, have a proof-of-concept for my next fic. Yes, I am reusing OCs from "Remnants of Glory". They seem rather fitting, considering how the two are survivors living in what's essentially a wasteland in both stories. The 2018 Techie Hiatus Miniseries (The Day the World Exploded) "Jewel?" I gagged, putting a rag back up to my face as I trudged through the rubble-filled streets of Canterlot. "Jewel?" Far above, the smoking caldera of Canterlot Mountain loomed over the city. I wiped my hoof across my forehead-- more ash. "Over here!" Lunar Jewel's voice echoed through the empty streets. I spun around, staring into the wreck that had been a bustling city just a day before. A pebble smacked me in the side. "C'mon, Rusty," Jewel smirked, lighting her horn. I wheezed for a moment as she dropped a bag of her plunders on my back. "You wanna wait around for the ash to settle in your eyes, or are we gonna leave this place?" "Yeah, let's go." I sighed, peering one last time into the ghostly streets. The distant tingling of a doorbell haunted the air as another small quake rippled through the ground. One day. All it took was one day for everything to vanish. Another pebble hit me as I shook myself from my daze.
Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall?Author's Note Congrats, Boltstrike58. You made me do a thing. Pinkie showed Twilight the fourth wall? "What... what is this, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, tapping at the near-invisible fourth wall barrier. "The fourth wall, of course!" Pinkie squealed in return. "Try talking to it!" Twilight raised a brow, then turned back to the fourth wall. "Um... hello?" Silence. She looked at Pinkie. Then to the wall again. "Pinkie, this isn't wor--" Twilight didn't have time to scream as she and Pinkie plunged into the inter-universal fabric of the multiverse.
Heccbochs?*Clunk.* "HOLY MOTHER O' CELESTIA'S NOSTRILS." Applejack exclaimed, "IS THAT THE BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO?!" "WHY YES IT IS, ELDER APPUL SIBLING." Apple Bloom boomed in return, "I HAVE ACQUIRED A BRAND-SPANKIN' NEW MEGAHARD-BRAND HECCBOCHS TOO FOR THE PURPOSE OF PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT." A jingle began to play outside the window as the two Apple sisters tore into the paper-thin walls of the Heccbochs Too box. ♫THE ULTIMATE MEEEME MACHIIIIIINE...♫ 🎝GRANTING YOUR WISHES AND ALL YOUR DREAAAAAAMS...🎝 HECCBOCHS TOO, BY MEGAHARD.
all of the What Ifs happened at once?Author's Note I'm lookin' at you, DragonGeek. all of the What Ifs happened at once? TL,DR: everything and nothing. Not-so-short-and-you-gotta-read-it-all: EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Eight years old and one thousand chapters long. Holy crap. BROKE THE 1000 CHAPTER LIMIT WITH A 1001ST CHAPTER!!! Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 147k words · 453 58 · 8.4k views
Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria?Author's Note A serious chapter? You're gonna need to elaborate, Derpylikesmuffins1. In the meantime, have another insane chapter! EDIT: Also, Sweetie-Giraffe-Bot, anyone? Sweetie Belle accidentally brainwashed all of Equestria? "I'm tired of all these ponies making fun of my height." Sweetie-giraffe wailed, staring off into the distant Ponyville horizon. "Just for one day, I wish for all of Equestria to see me as any other filly..." *magical fairy noises* "Why, hello there! I'm your magical fairy of magical magic-ness and all things magic!" Sweetie Belle perked up, wincing as she hit her head on a high-hanging tree branch. "Ow..." she groaned, rubbing her head. "...Oh boy, are you going to grant my wish now?" "No, but you're gonna grant mine!" The fairy cackled, buzzing about in front of Sweetie's eyes. "...What." "WORLD DOMINATION!" The fairy cackled again, dramatic (but tiny) lightning bolts striking all around it. "wat." The fairy made no haste in summoning its toolbox, and zipping over to the back of Sweetie Belle's giraffe neck. Sweetie Belle winced as a clang vibrated down her spine. "What are you even doing?" "Using your long neck as a transmitter to brainwash all of Equestria." "Oh." Equestria proceeded to get brainwashed. Sweetie Belle was perfectly fine with this considering how she was a giraffe, and the fairy was targeting ponies specifically.
Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall?Author's Note Have more comics, Zapper frost. Sweetie Giraffe grew to the size of the sun and broke the fourth wall? She has taken over interplanetary space. ...Aaaaand there goes the fourth wall.
the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe?Author's Note Oh, you know what time it is, Imaginer 31415. the other 2 CMCs became giraffes as well and Equestria went to war over who was Best Giraffe? WORLD WAR GIRAFFE. Coming not-so-soon to an insane asylum near you!
the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity?Author's Note Hey, any of you remember this blog? Guess what? I never really ended up publishing "The Singularity". Honestly, looking back on it, it's probably a good thing I decided not to even start it. Also, this chapter is not what it seems to be. the Techieverse Story Sing-ularity? All across the collective universes of 'Techie's stories, the song of his people came through, loud and clear. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria?Author's Note Butter Knife will be seeing you now, Zapper frost. crappy red and black edgy alicorn OCs invaded Equestria? "Move aside, Celly," Butter Knife grumbled, shoving Princess Celestia from her throne, "It's time for a new ruler to take the reins of the country." "But I--" "BANISHMENT!" Slicey-Knifey hollered, calling her red-and-black alicorn army forth to take away Celestia. Slick Slice ruled with an iron hoof, because she lost the hoof in the great war for ultimate power over the abridged universes of whatever when she dove over her younger sibling to save them from the imperial army of darkness and evil. Boy, was that a mouthful. Anyways, she failed, obviously, because she's got an iron hoof now. And dead parents. And nobody ever loved her. And because her power levels were too OP for anypony else to comprehend. ANYWAYS, Milk-derived-breakfast-spread Metal-separation-and-spreading-tool frowned as she sat upon her red and black throne, her red and black horn and wings displayed proudly in a show of her OP-ness. Also, she couldn't smile because she was always frowning. And stuff. And ~~Equestria~~ Airtseuqe lived drearily never before. Because backwards words sometimes make things look edgy, and Butter Knife likes edgy even though she's not even sharp. Because butter knife.
Chapter name narrative? Wake up. Take a look around. The world is calling. There’s so much to see, So much to hear. There’s new people to meet, And old friends to greet. You’ll never know what’s in store, If you never open the door. You have the power. It’s your choice. Forge your own path, Be your own guide. The road is never smooth, You are not alone. More than what meets the eye, There is always the unknown. The truth may be hard, Reassemble the puzzle. Give it some thought. The past never dies. A brief glimpse is all it takes, Now, there’s a choice to make. Go home… …Or go on. There’s a greater world out there, Explore. Expand your horizons. Relive your past. Come back, Find yourself. Split lives, Unforgotten. Rewrite the script, Hold on… Author's Note So, y'all remember this chapter from just over a year ago? Well, if you didn't know, that chapter kinda... grew. And this is what happens if you read the chapter names in order, skipping all bonus and guest chapters, as well as the 2018 April Fool's chapter. As for the story itself? It's far from complete.
Unnamed story idea #1?Author's Note idk. This has been floating around for quite some time, so I figured I should maybe write it down somewhere before I forget. Tell me if you wanna see this thing be written. Unnamed story idea #1? Unnamed story idea #1 Main character is introduced in first-person story. Story centers around main character having the curse (not really a curse curse) of being torn from reality for anytime between just a few seconds, to minutes or even hours before returning to real-life. They don’t know how to explain it, or why it happens, but whenever it does happen, to them it’s as if they just woke up in an endless expanse of nothing, controlled entirely by their own whim. Piece by piece, after realizing the potential of this “curse” that they have, they begin to construct their own sort of pocket-reality, where they have created their own ideal world. As time goes on, the time they spend in the pocket-reality gets longer and longer, with the expansion suddenly halting at exactly twelve hours split between the two realities. They continue to live this way for a few more weeks, gradually becoming accustomed to the strange splitting of their time. They begin to grow into their new double-life, until one day, without any warning, the cycle resets, leaving them with only mere seconds in their pocket-reality that they’d spent so much time and effort constructing. This continues for a few more days, growing the time once again from seconds into minutes, before a mysterious figure warns them that eventually, they have to choose which reality they prefer – permanently. The total time that the story spans is only a couple of months at the most.
characters googled themselves?Author's Note Bring it on, Duckgame4life! characters googled themselves? Fluttershy shuddered beneath her pile of blankets and animal guards. "What's wrong with her?" "She googled herself and found... images." "Oh."
HIATUS BREAKUS?!Author's Note Haha I did this just to make y'all think I'm gonna get back into my usual update lineup. Netflix has eaten my productivity for dinner. HIATUS BREAKUS?! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" "AAAAAAAAAA-AAAA? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "A." "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "AAAAAAAA!" "--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "AAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "--EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "AE?" "EA." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"
Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria?Author's Note Congrats, you made me crawl out of my Netflix binge pit to write this, Zapper frost. I dare you to read this entire story in Morgan Freeman's voice. Morgan Freeman came to (and voiced) Equestria? "Hey, Spike I--" Rainbow Dash froze, both hooves covering her mouth. She removed them, trying to speak again. "Spike, tell Twi--" Except, it wasn't her voice. Rather, it was that of an otherworldly, godly being. Gone was the constant rasp of Rainbow, and in its place was now the smoothest voice to ever be heard in Equestria. Spike glanced up from his comic book. "Yeah?" He replied with the same voice, "...Woah. I sound hot." A celestial being radiating good narration emerged from behind a corner. He shot a single glance of approval at the world that he granted access to his voice to, and vanished into a cloud of also still smooth epic narration. "Anyways," Rainbow Dash continued in Morgan Freeman's voice, "I was gonna ask you to tell Twilight to watch out for the tornado coming straight for her library castle thing." Three hours later, Twilight returned from Canterlot and screamed, for a tornado had obliterated her alphanumerically-genre organized shelves, meaning that she'd now have to sort out the fanfiction from the actual books. Again. A shudder ran down her spine as she reached for the first fanfic.
the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria?Author's Note Kudos to johnsparkly251 for the idea. the Crystal Empire declared itself independent of Equestria? "--and so," Cadance finished, "this is why I, with the backing of the Crystal Empire, desire to exit our status as a dependent nation of Equestria. The aid we received to update our infrastructure has been far more than enough to suffice, and ideally, the ability to function independently as a sovereign nation would greatly improve the status of the Crystal Empire upon the international stage." Celestia blinked. "Also, if we don't have to follow Equestria's current laws on shipping ponies, then I can play matchmaker any time I want." Celestia blinked again and pressed a rubber checkmark stamp on her niece's face.
Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville?Author's Note (Insert witty line here), Indigo Dragon! Diamond Tiara found the Alicorn Amulet and took over Ponyville? "You! Plebian!" Diamond Tiara demanded, pointing a hoof at Trixie, "Fetch me some sparkling water, and polish my tiara." Trixie rolled her eyes with a groan, trudging off to fulfill the filly's orders. Smirking, Diamond touched the Alicorn Amulet hidden under her new regalia. In the corner of her eye, she spotted a certain pink party pony. "Peasant in the pink!" the filly shouted, "I desire cupcakes, hold the sprinkles." "No." "Wha--" Pinkie emerged from behind a tree. And from the underside of Diamond Tiara's throne. And out of the ground. And down from the clouds. And from around the block. Each one of them looked identical; blank, grinning faces stared back at the filly as they slowly approached from all sides, their manes and tails all limp. "Wh... what's going on?" Diamond Tiara whimpered, her eyes widening as she caught herself. "I-I mean back, you-- you..." The real Pinkie Pie emerged from Diamond Tiara's tiara, the alicorn amulet hanging from a tuft of her mane as the Pinkie clones all bowed down to her. A single word escaped from the now very confused filly. "What."
Randomness happened 9?"But Twiiiiliiiight," Sunset Shimmer mumbled in her sleep, "Horses don't need clothes!" "Budder budder budder budder budder batter budder." "What." "Exactly." "Hello, and welcome back to Can You Even Look At It! Let's welcome our first contestant, Shining Armor!" "Hello there!" "Now, Shining Armor, can you even look at this... this affront to harmony?" "...Oh, I thought you were about to say Cadance?" Random super-meta self-aware story blurb thing time! Story: I Think I Summoned a Ponk. "Huh," I hummed, staring down at my hands, "I'm... we're... wait... Pinkie, is our story still alive?" "Eh, kinda!" Pinkie chirped, peeking out of my backpack, "I mean, the author still hasn't taken our reboot out of hiatus, and we're currently being written into an experimental new minific format carrying on with the randomness happened trope of his What If story!" "So I'm confused now," I continued, scratching my head, "Our story is a complete and utter mess of sequels and vaguely-connected plot continuities into other stories. Which one is the real sequel?" "I have no idea, and that's why it's fun to get rebooted inside a minific!" "Huh?" "Yuppers!" Celestia heaved, lobbing another boulder over the roof of Canterlot Castle. "Why?" one may ask, "Why does she commit such an inane act when she must rule her country?" Simply, she wanted to GET RIPPED. "Beep boop... Blep?" "NO!" Twilight shouted, smacking the robot with a newspaper, "ROBOTS DO NOT BLEP! THEY ONLY BEEP BOOP!" "Blep blep... Beep?" "NO!" Pinkie hollered, smacking her friend with a newspaper, "PONIES DO NOT SWEAR! THEY ONLY DO BLEPS!"
Twilight hit a data limit?Author's Note Now you've got me started, AnObliviousAuthor! This is how you horsewords, right? Right??? Twilight hit a data limit? "..." Twilight said, opening her mouth. "Aw, heck," Spike grumbled, "Did we forget to pay Comcast the monthly ransom for your data again? I swear I remember shelling out another pile of bits to them earlier this week." "..." "Yeah, okay. I'm gonna see if that Elon Musk guy is done with his internet satellites yet. He's got a pretty funky name for a pony, though." "..."
Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side?Author's Note Guys, guys, it's DGJabberwocky's turn on the crazytrain, okay? Starswirl and Celestia had a difference of opinion and Twilight had to pick a side? "No, the peanut butter goes on the outside of the bread in a PB&J!" "But I must disagree, Princess," Starswirl shook his head, "The peanut butter and the jelly both go in between the bread slices!" The two ponies looked to Twilight. "Honestly, I'd have to go with Starswirl on this one," Twilight grumbled, "How can you eat an inside-out PB&J without making a complete mess?" She didn't have time to continue, for she was well on her way to the moon now.
Things Techie writes on his phone 1?Author's Note Not gonna be doing any editing on these. Phone keyboard and autocorrect will be the master of words here. Things Techie writes on his phone 1? Rarity stood at the door offs the mountain. It was a funny looking mountain because it looked like a mountain that looked like celestia sitting on a big olli chaise in the middle of the sky. Hbk... no, she was sitting on a big olli chair. It appears that ol' is not a word recognized by autocorrect. Either easy, the mountain looked fount. "RARITY," the mountain boomed, "WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY DOMAIN?" Rarity shrugged. What was she doing in this mountain's domain? She had mop idea. The mountainnlifted a good, because it apparently has that now. In fact, heck, the mountain is now a pony cosplaying as Celeatia. Celestia, I mean. Ahem. "Oh, I remember what I was to do in your fomain," Rarity gasped, "I was going to mine you for gems!" "Wait no stop--" the mountain pony sputtered before rarity swung a pickaxes at their plot. Because this is rated e story and rarity apparently swung more than one pickaxes because autocorrect hates single pickaxes, Rarity instead tripped and fell, yeeting the pickaxes across the valley and into the conveniently placed pit of doom. "MY PIT PF DOOM!" Celestia sobbed, "I was going to banish my enemies into it, but now it is a step mine that had generated more gems than the equestrian economy can believably handle!" And so the Equeatrian economy collapsed because the pickaxes mined up all of the gems in the pit of doom that was actually secretly a horde of gems.
The Hole?Author's Note Why is it that whenever this happens, it's always you, Zapper frost? Would y'all like to take a look at my new comment-driven story, Let's Write a Story? The Hole? "Twilight, where's Spike?" "In the hole." "What do-OH MY CELESTIA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!" "'Dunno. Wanna read some Power Ponies comics with me?" "Aren't those Spike's?" "Good point. Into the hole they go." "But wait, where's Starlight as well?" "She's... uh..." "Don't tell me she's in the ho--" "Oh, she's watching over the school..." "Alright, that's goo--" "...in the hole." "What." "What?"
Story pitch: A Dream EndedAuthor's Note Aw, heck. I said I didn't want to pay much mind to this idea, but here I am, spewing horsewords yet again. I still don't think I'll be doing much with this idea, but given my track record for the chapter that spawned Pony-Me, who knows? Maybe I'll be writing a blog jabbing fun at this author's note some two years later or something. The main issues that I've got with this pitch are the following: There's a good chance the story would fade and die off given the 6 active stories I already have. It's a major shift away from the main theme and tone of Pony-Me. It just feels... cheap. Though I've been toying with potential ideas for sequels to Pony-Me for the past few months, jumping on the bandwagon and making the sequel about the end of Gen 4 feels like a cheap shot to me. It wouldn't be like the stories filling the site with emotion. It'd just be... empty. A cash-grab for attention, in a way. Though I decidedly yeet them out the window when it comes to comedy, I do still have personal standards for my own stories, and a cheapskate sequel is definitely not gonna be up to snuff. Holy hecc brain stop distracting yourself when you're working on original fiction. Story pitch: A Dream Ended So it turns out that the Equestria everypony had known wasn't quite real. Yes, the lives they lived, the friends they made-- those were real, at the very least... but many times, the end only brings about a new beginning. Nopony knows this better than Twilight Sparkle. It only takes one moment, one decision. After all, nothing can last forever. Nobody knows this better than Lisa Garnet. The past made way for the present, which makes way for the future. The things we love come and go, entering and fading from our lives on a constant basis. Decades down the road, the time has finally come to retire Pony-Me. The process to shut down the network was meant to be quick and painless to those unfortunate enough to live only as AI. Lisa and Twilight, once upon a time, had agreed to this, each knowing that eventually, as all things do, Equestria must end. But maybe... just maybe, there's still life yet to the old machines.
Story pitch: The Quest to Send Celestia Hurtling Into the Sun?"I'm retired!" Celestia cheered. Nopony at the retirement home seemed to care, nor pay any mind. Probably because they didn't hear her in the first place. "Luna, quick!" she turned to her sister, who was in the middle of inhaling a banana. "What was it like on the moon?" Luna made a face. "I would rather not speak of it, sister," she grumbled, levitating another banana out of the fruit basket. "What if," Celestia grinned, "to make up for sending you to the moon, we sent me hurtling into the sun? I've always wanted to work on a tan, y'know." "Sister, your coat is pale as snow. How could you possibly tan yourself on the sun?" Celestia shrugged. "Are you sure a rocket-powered trebuchet will launch me nearly far enough, Luna? Can't you simply use your magic?" Luna shook her head, hiding a manic grin. "I do not wish to see you become lost in the depths of space, sister, and so I will test progressively more intricate mechanisms to target your landing upon your sun." Celestia's eyes widened at a trail of sparks leading into the platform she was sitting on. "WAIT LUNA WHY IS THERE A STICK OF DYNAMITE IN HEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee--" Luna couldn't hear the rest of what Celestia was screaming, because she was currently flying over Yakyakistan now. Author's Note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
idk, stuff happened?Trollestia, Gamer Luna and the Fried Chicken Dealer all sat at a table. Why were they sitting at a table? Nobody knows. Maybe they were about to drink some tea? The Fried Chicken Dealer dipped a chicken wing in his tea, confirming the previous sentence as he proceeded to inhale the c r o n c h y chicken wing. No, not Scootaloo. Stop thinking about that. "I say that we should go thermonuclear," Gamer Luna commented, stirring Mountain Dew into her tea. "Wait, what were we talking about again?" "Taxes, sister," Trollestia sighed, casually dropping an entire salt shaker's worth of salt into her sister's tea. And then everyone fell asleep.
Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead?Author's Note Here's one for you, 5UP3RN0V4! Cozy Glow was sent to the Equestria Girls world instead? Cozy Glow could hear voices closing in around her. "There's a little girl here. Where'd she come from?" "She looks scared." "I know she looks scared, but how did she get here? Do you think she ran away from home?" Cozy Glow kept her eyes shut, backing up against the hard surface of the now-closed portal. Serves her right for trying to take of Equestria... again. All she could remember was that she was captured in some way or another. Was it Starlight that ultimately caught her? Or was it Twilight? She couldn't remember. "Here, c'mon," she felt something touch her shoulder. "Let's get you to someplace warmer. You'll freeze out here in this weather." A wide grin began to spread across her concealed face.
Story pitch: The Pony of Many TalentsAuthor's Note idk. This was a shower thought. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Story pitch: The Pony of Many Talents A strange mare (or stallion?) arrives in Ponyville, with even stranger tales of who they are and where they come from. They claim to be a humble officeworker, but refuse to tell of where they work. Even more puzzling, they appear to take on entirely different personas every so often, never once returning to any of their previous ones. With each "shift" brings an entirely different set of memories, identity, and more. They do not recall anything they have done in the past and identify by strange, non-equine names with every persona they take on. Probably a hybrid slice-of-life/adventure story like what I'd normally write if I ever do write this.
Spike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source?Author's Note Say hi to twidash1993, Demented_Brony, Zapper frost, and last but not least, The Spy of the Tiger! Spike became Santa Claus while Mr. Beast came to Ponyville, introducing Rarity to Hot Topic and Pinkie to Angry Birds resulting in her laughter becoming the world's most powerful non-nuclear fuel source? Explosions. Explosions happen. ... ... Spike projectile-vomited another present from his mouth. Merry Christmas Eve!
hooves were replaced with feet?Author's Note Welcome, A Preditorial Horse! ... ...y u do dis to meh hooves were replaced with feet? "SPIIIIIIIIIIKE!" Spike tumbled down the stairs because hardly anypony ever seems to care about him anyway. "Spike!" Twilight repeated, trotting up to her trusted assistant, "Why hooves become feet?!" The dragon made a face. Not just because of Twilight's suddenly terrible grammar, but also because those feet were stanky. ... ... ... Spike shrugged and walked away. This wasn't in his contract. The author also wanted to end this chapter because he has absolutely no idea anymore. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Celestia stared at Luna. Luna stared at Celestia. Celestia stared at Luna's... er... feet. "WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOSE?!" "White vans."
we had an idea how we got here? :trollestia:Author's Note Yes, Level Dasher, we're keeping the trollestia. we had an idea how we got here? :trollestia: "How did we get here?" the Minecraft achievement sound blared overhead. Yes, I am aware that it doesn't actually say the name of the achievement. No, I will not change this paragraph for accuracy's sake. "Oh, I absolutely know how we got here!" Celestia yelled at nopony in particular. "BUTLER, I WOULD LIKE SOME MORE OF DAT C AND S!" As for Raven, she glanced worryingly at the Sun Princess, who was currently coated from horn to hoof in who-knows-what. Little sparkle and swirls shot off from her body in every direction, and she was also glowing and floating a little bit. Sighing, Raven walked out the door. She wasn't paid enough for this.
the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders?Author's Note Tell me, The Spy of the Tiger and ScopingLandscape, do you even? the closet skeleton apocalypse happened, resulting in everybody's knees being sacrificed to the shy, skinless, organ-less skeletal invaders? "BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BONES, BNOES!" the skskskeletons chanted, streaming out of the closet. They weren't too hasty about their invasion of the living world, however, because honestly, they felt a little... naked without skin or organs. "Oh no! Spike, did you leave your closet door open last night?" Twilight yelled, running up the stairs. "Spike? Spike?" "CALCIUM." Spike's knee yelled yet again. A skeleton loomed over him, staring at his knees with its empty eye sockets. The dragon rolled his eyes, raising his knees up to the skeleton. "Here, just take them already. They're annoying me." "SPIKE!" Twilight banged on the door. "Spike, are you alright in there?" She slammed the door open, her horn still glowing slightly from brute-forcing her way through the lock. Her eyes landed on Spike's missing knees, which were now being juggled by a closet skeleton. Said closet skeleton noticed Twilight staring at it, and ran back into the closet. For whatever reason, it is now possible for skeletons to blush. "OH MY CELESTIA THERE ARE SKELETONS INVADING!" Twilight's knees started screaming. "TWILIGHT, WE NEED TO PURGE THEM!" "Ah, I see," Twilight nodded solemnly toward Spike. Following after him, she offered her knees to the horde of closet skeletons, appeasing their strange addiction to knees. "All of Equestria must sacrifice their knees if they wish to live." The next day, all of the ponies' yelling and shouting knees were harvested and given as a welcome gift to Equestria's new spooky scary skeleton overlords. "And that's how I met your mother!" "...What?" "What?" "Exactly," a skeleton pony closed the book, patting its skeletal foal on the head. "Now, sweet dreams! Have you dusted your kneecaps yet?" "Yes, mamma!" "Alright then. Goodnight!" "G'night!"
Luna sunk the Titanic?Author's Note I'm too sleepy for this, Zubric. Luna sunk the Titanic? "ICEO;UIAHYW;OEUIHBO;AUIYP@*&!" Luna screeched, yeeting her horn into the Atlantic ocean. And then an iceberg appeared out of nowhere and stuff happened so then the Titanic hit the iceberg and Jack died.
randomness #whatever?"I scream!" "You scream!" "We all scream for--" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" Discord howled out of the ground because he was currently grounded and the unforgiving ground was grounding him from being grounded so he was actually not grounded but still grounded because he was in the ground being grounded from being grounded and so-- "ICE CREAM. OKAY, OKAY, WE GET IT." Discord chuckled to himself as Twilight rolled her eyes. ... ... ...down the bowling lane and hit a strike. "DIIIIISSSSSSCOOOOOOOOORD!" "I'm howling at the moon!"
Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store?Author's Note WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE, The Spy of the Tiger?! Carosel Boutique moonlighted as a soup store? "Hey Twilight, I need your help over here." Twilight looked over the shelves. "Can't, Spike. I'm buying clothes." "Well, hurry up. Why do you need to buy clothes, anyway?" "Second coronation. Took over Luna's spot too, apparently. Anyway, I can't find them." "What do you mean you can't find them? I'm one room away from you, inches away from kissing Rarity, and you can't find any clothes?" "I can't find them, Spike. There's only soup." "Whaddya mean there's only soup?" "I mean, there's only soup." Spike facepalmed, turning away from Rarity and cupping his claws around his mouth. "THEN GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!" "Yeah, yeah, fine... yeah, there's only more soup." "Go to the next aisle then! Or the next row! Heck, how many clothes racks are there even around you?" "...There's still soup." "Where are you right now, Twilight? I can hear your voice clear as day, and you're sure as heck still in Carosel Boutique last I checked!" "I'm at Soup!" "WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP?! ALL I SEE AROUND ME ARE CLOTHES!" "I mean, I'm at soup!" a can levitated into the room, dropping onto the floor. "See?" "What store are you even in?!" "I'm at the soup store!" "WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT A SOUP STORE?!" "BU--" Twilight didn't finish her line before being pummeled to death by Pinkie Pie for the reason of being not child-friendly." "Darling," Rarity slowly began. Spike turned back to face her, ignoring the muffled shrieks of Twilight from the other room. "Do you realize that half of Carousel Boutique is a soup store?" "Well, fu--" Spike proceeded to be pummeled too. The universe is out to get him.
Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance?Author's Note Y'all'd've done the same, Zapper frost, The Spy of the Tiger, and amf studios! Pinkie Pie had chocolate syrup for blood, while all the ponies of Equestria suddenly gained hands while Rainbow Trix fought Sweetie Giraffe for dominance? "HANDS!" Lyra screeched into Bon Bon's ear, "I HAVE HANDS! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUUUUUEEEEE!" Bon Bon rolled her eyes, playfully swatting away Lyra with her own hand. "We all have hands, Lyra. Something to do with reality malfunctioning." "EEEEEEEEEEE--" "Bon Bon, do you hear something?" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--" "Wha--" Pinkie Pie smacked both mares upside the head with her h a n d s as she continued her chocolate-fueled rampage... quite literally chocolate-fueled, too, given how for whatever reason she convinced Twilight to figure out a way to replace the majority of her blood with chocolate syrup. But hold up, what's going on over there in the background? Why, it's Sweetie Giraffe in all her glorious tallness, incinerating all those who stand in her way with those beautiful laser eyes of hers! And-- wait a moment, she's turning-- ah, she has discovered the Great and Powerful Rainbow Trix, the deity of breakfast cereal specifically denied to rabbits! Are we gonna have a battle? You bet your butt we will! Sweetie Giraffe beamed a laser at Rainbow Trix, who simply yawned as she put up a shield to deflect the attack. Growling in frustration at not being able to instantly incinerate something that was shorter than her, Sweetie's cutie mark turned into an angry face and the word "no", and she began to fire more lasers. Of course, Rainbow Trixie dodged and blocked them all. And then-- wait, Rainbow Trixie, behind you! Oh geez oh no she's wearing Airpods! She's too rich to hear us! Oh noooooo-- Sweetie Giraffe snaked her head around to the back of the grooving Rainbow Trixie and readied more eyeball-lasers. And then Pinkie Pie showed up and slapped both of them with her H A N D S .
there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf?Author's Note You're tearing this family apart, The Spy of the Tiger! there was a single roll of toilet paper left on the shelf? Twilight licked her lips, her eyes set on the final roll of toilet paper. With how insane the hoarding problem had become over the past few days, this would be her one and only chance to save herself from the terrors of ATBE, better known by its full name, the "After Taco Bell Effect". "No! Mine!" Rarity screeched like the harpy she was and snatched the last roll of toilet paper. "Sweetie Belle got some Taco Bell takeout last night and the quesadillas have come back to haunt her!" "Oh!" Twilight felt a shudder run down her spine. "Not the quesadillas! Is she okay?" "Most certainly not, why do you think I'm purchasing bath tissue for her?"
ponies questioned round doorknobs?Author's Note How square does your doorknob have to be to ask this, The Spy of the Tiger? ponies questioned round doorknobs? Twilight narrowed her eyes at the doorknob. Something about it felt off. Was it the roundness? It was definitely the roundness. She'd never seen such an absurdly round doorknob before! Sure, she'd seen ones that were ovals, and even some that were a little more circular than most, but one that was round enough to be reflective? "Hey Rarity, come over here," she called, "When did you install this new doorknob?" "New doorknob?" Rarity cantered over, joining Twilight in inspecting the doorknob. "I don't believe I ever installed a new one in the first place! Are you delusional, darling?" Twilight shook her head. "No no no, I'm not delusional, Rarity, I'm just..." she pointed a hoof at the doorknob. "Are you aware that your doorknob's surface is so perfectly round that it has become a mirror into a parallel universe?" "Like that mirror portal you disappear into on occasion?" Twilight nodded, lighting her horn and pulling a ~~gun~~ ~~stop sign~~ ~~battle axe~~ ~~sentient robot~~ ~~Twilight Sparkle~~ ~~kitchen sink~~ ~~flashlight branded as flashlight~~ ~~poor child's MLP figurines~~ ~~fedora~~ ~~slightly smaller, even more reflective doorknob~~ ~~three musketeers candy bar~~ ~~musketeer~~ ~~'nother musketeer~~ ~~final musketeer~~ ~~life-sized Shrek plush doll complete with ogre noises~~ ~~screaming trees~~ tiny dress from the doorknob. By Celestia's flaming mane, that's a lot of parallel universes where she pulled other things from the doorknob! "But that's not the weird part." Rarity cocked her head. "It isn't?" "IT'S SO ROOOOOOUUUUUNNNNND!"
all the pegasi turned into flightless birds?Author's Note I don't have anything better to do, so now I'm writing horsewords, AnObliviousAuthor! Now fill in that blank in the chapter! all the pegasi turned into flightless birds? Rainbow Dash, the world's fastest ~~pegasus~~ penguin zoomed down the iceberg in the middle of Ponyville. Why is there an iceberg in the middle of Ponyville? Idunno, take a look at this story's title, do you think I know? Ahem. "GUYSES AND GIRLSES!" Twonkerite Spranklie shoutedededed, "WHY IS FLUTTERSHY AN OSTRICH?" Penguin Dash crash-landed face-first through the roof of Twilight's castle, landing next to Flutterostrich. She gave a single honk in response. "That-that's brilliant!" Twilight exclaimed, running off to fetch a clipboard. "All of Equestria needs to know about ______!"
Sweetie Giraffe met something taller?Author's Note I know you've been reading those teaser blogs, Zapper frost! And hoo boy is it gonna be one heckuva story once it's ready to be published! Stay tuned for more teaser blogs! Sweetie Giraffe met something taller? "NO." Sweetie Giraffe shouted at the cliff that towered above her. "I AM TALLEST!" Her eyes steadily grew redder, before firing off a laser at the cliff. Nothing happened. "IMPOSSIBLE!" She turned around, firing her laser eyes at a nearby puny wimp of a tree. Said tree proceeded to burst into flames because wood is a very flammable material and lasers are very hot. Turning back to the cliff, Sweetie Giraffe fired another volley of eye lasers at the rock, succeeding only in breaking loose a few small rocks. It seemed that her eye lasers (and height) were no match for this... this tall thing. Slowly, the tall filly bowed her head, honoring her new rival. And then she proceeded to climb the cliff and stand on top of it so that she could be above it and feel taller again.
Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop?Author's Note It's all thanks to you, Zapper frost! Wait... what's that in the dist-- WADDUP, I'M HERE AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES! *Desk shattering noises* Alicorn Pinkie traveled back in time to make herself an alicorn, thus completing the time loop? "Hiya!" "Ack!" Pinkie squeaked, jumping back from her usual nightly dose of pure, 500% sugar-water nighttime energy solution. "Oh, hi, me! What are we gonna do today?" Alicorn Pinkie shrugged, lighting her horn. Alligator Pinkie awoke beside Gummy. Wait, hold up, that ain't right. Pinkie! Alicorn Pinkie tore a hole in the space-time continuum again, poking her head through and lighting her horn. Ailing corn Pinkie coughed. Being a sick ear of corn wasn't fun. "Oopsie!" Alicorn Pinkie teleported in, lighting her horn yet again. Pinkie Pie awoke with a jolt. Something felt... off. She couldn't put a hoof on it, but she knew that there was something different. She continued about her morning, completely ignoring the fact that she now had both a horn and wings. "Why, good morning, Pinki-" And then the universe imploded because time loops. I think.
randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy?Author's Note Decided to take a break from working on my upcoming story to goof off a little with some nice, illogical, choppy stream-of-thought writing. randomness #heckin' heck i've been busy? "Um... Uh... Bagels!" "Excuse me, what?" Twilight looked up from the book of What If that she'd been writing all these years. "Also, what are you doing on my ceiling fan, Pinkie?" "I'm watching you!" Twilight raised a brow, slowly turning back to the book and picking up her quill. So long as Pinkie didn't bother her-- The ceiling fan proceeded to fall from the ceiling with Pinkie Pie still sitting on it. It proceeded to crash through the crystalline flooring, down two levels, and into the library. "OH NO MAH BERKS!" Twilight screeched, diving backwards through the hole. Her chair fell in after her. The mare landed with a heavy thud, with the chair crashing down on her indestructible thick skull moments later. She narrowed her eyes, scanning the area with her alicorn death lasers, because apparently she has those now. The sound of distant laughter echoed from upstairs, which made Twilight realize that for whatever reason, Pinkie and the ceiling fan had never even fallen in the first place! It was all in her imagination... except for the multiple floors with alicorn-shaped holes in them that she created when she barreled through them. Also, what day was it again? Monday? Thursday? It'd been so long now since she stepped outside. And so that's exactly what Twilight did. Her castle proceeded to shift itself six feet away from her the moment she touched the bare ground, because social distancing, I guess. Because of this, Twilight was never able to enter her castle again, because every time she walked towards it, it would move away from her again. Let's just pretend she can't teleport for some reason. It's said that Pinkie Pie is still sitting on Twilight's ceiling fan to this day.
Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey?Author's Note Combo time! Today, we've got twidash1993 and Black Hoof, stacked on top of each other! Cadance was jealous of Twilight for having Spike sell her microwave to a monkey? "Twilight!" Cadance tore the door off its hinges and ate it. "Twilight, why the actual buck did you let Spike sell your microwave?!" Twilight shrugged, not even taking a moment to look away from the stacks of banana peels that she'd been counting. Microwave selling was a serious business, which was why she was lucky to have Spike as a business partner in such a venture. "Twilight, answer me!" Cadance shouted through mouthfuls of door pulp, "I saw a monkey walk out of this place not even a minute ago, carrying the biggest, most beautiful microwave I've ever laid eyes on!" A sinister grin spread across Twilight's face. "You aren't my babysitter, are you?" "Wha--" Kween Crispalisp proceeded to be smacked by a giant rolled-up newspaper and doused in a hefty amount of RAID (Shadow Legends). "NO BABYSITTER OF MINE EATS MY DOOR LIKE THAT!" Twilight cackled the entire way through. "THE REAL CADANCE EATS HER DOORS SLOWLY, COOKED MEDIUM-RARE WITH PRENCH HERBS!" EDIT: The real Cadance is still salty about Twilight's microwave business. :V
what if, but long?Author's Note We're playin' the metagame, The Spy of the Tiger! what if, but long? When have you last experienced Sweetie Belle? Have you ever experienced a Sweetie Belle in your life? If you have not experienced a Sweetie Belle in the past half an hour, you may be entitled to compensation upwards of negative three cents and half a banana peel. How will this compensation be delivered, you might ask? Why, by our very own, 100% certified and insured Derpy Express! Yes, that very same mare that dropped a bag of bricks on Luna's head will be in charge of delivering your compensation, free of charge! Please don't sue us. Ah, but there is more! Your negative three cents and half a banana peel will arrive with a certificate of authenticity, making you liable for all damages, regardless of intention, that may be caused to this licensed work. In fact, why didn't we just outright state that we are billing you three cents and threatening to sue you for doing something we should be responsible for? Genius! That being said, there's really nothing else to see here. Go walk your dog or something. In fact, go walk our dogs too, while you're at it. We here at Flim-Flam industries pride ourselves on marking up all our prices at your cost, and taking zero responsibility when things go wrong! Fine. You want to experience Sweetie Belle? Go experience Sweetie Belle. It's your loss to not receive half a banana peel and a bill for three cents. Shoo, we don't want your business.
Sweetie Giraffe did a commission?Author's Note SWEETIE GIRAFFE HEARS YOUR PLEAS. SWEETIE GIRAFFE WILL GRANT MERCY UPON YOU, SociallyAwkwardDashite! Sweetie Giraffe did a commission? SWEETIE GRIAFFE SATEARED AT WALL. WALL TOO SHORT. NOT TALL LIKE SWEETIE GIRAFFE., SWEETIE GRIAFEE SHOOT LASER AND MADE WALL GO BOOM. PONIES INSIDE BUILDING SCRWEAM AND RUN, BUT THEY TOO SHORT TOO. SWEETIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE PONIES GO BOOM AND FLY. NOW PONIES LOOK TALL ON TREETOPS. BUT TREETOPS TOO SHORT TOO. SWETTIE GIRAFFE SHOOT LASER AND MAKE TREET GO BOOM. PONIES ON ROOFTOP OF SKYSCRAPER NOW. SKYSCRAPER TALL. SWEETIE GIRAFFE NOT TALL AS SKYSCRAPER. SWEETIE GIRAFFE RESPECT SKYSCRAPER./ WILL GROW TALLER AND MAKE SKYSCRAPER GO BOOM WHEN IT TOO SHORT. SWEETIE GRIAFFE SEE YOU, READER. YOU TOO SHORT. SWEETIGRAFEE MAKE YOU GO BVOOM.
Equestria is just Ohio?Author's Note *Readies crossbow* Always has been, The Spy of the Tiger. Equestria is just Ohio? Nightmare Moon groaned, rubbing the moondust from here seeing-holes. Getting the uppercut of the millennium from the Elements of Harmony was definitely gonna leave a mark. But, being on the moon now meant that she'd be able to formulate her new plans to take over! All she'd have to do is look back at... "Wait... Equestria is just Ohio?" Celestia landed behind her sister with the Elements of Harmony floating around her because she's so T H I C C that she's got her own gravitational field. "Always has been." Nightmare Moon proceeded to be blasted face-first by the Elements of Harmony. Again.
T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria?Author's Note I banish thee, AnObliviousAuthor! T̴̝̈̿͐̋̑̌́͒h̶̢̢͚̠̦̭̟͓̯̳̫̪̘͉͎̊̀̃̊͑́͋̌̌͘͘ḙ̴͉̬͇̰̫͂́͝ ̶̢͙͔͎̋̈́̾̐͂̀̈́̿̀̓V̴̢͓̗̟̼͔̤̳͇̭͈͉̣͛͝ŏ̵͍͉̻͎̯̙͓̹̬̩̀͜͜í̵̗̼̘͇͓́d̶̢̻̬̿̀͌͐̋́̈́̅̏̎̎͆͆̈͠ ate Equestria? Discord sipped his tea of cup. A disgruntled Celestia floated past in the background. "Ah, yes. Void." And that's how Equestria was swallowed by a black hole.
Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note Bow before the might of Zapper frost and Possibly me! Sweetie Belle vs. Sweetie Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe Bot vs. Sweetie Giraffe? "So, lemme get this straight..." Sweetie Belle poked her robotic counterpart in the side. "You're me, but you're a robot?" "Affirmative." "And you--" Sweetie booped her giraffe self with her magic. "Are me, but an angry giraffe that always zaps things that are shorter than you?" "SHORT SWEETIE IS SWEETIE AND METAL SWEETIE ALSO SWEETIE. SWEETIE WILL NOT DESTROY." "Uh... yes. So... you've got a robot version of yourself, too?" "TALL METAL SWEETIE RECEIVES A RESPECT. IS HONORED." "Okay."
a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria?Author's Note How many horses are you lord of, Horseus lord of horses? a Chinese dragon who is definitely not Discord but a Chinese dragon named Dorcsid, breaks out of Holder's Boulder and challenges Sweetie Giraffe for the fate of Equestria? Dorcsid (not Discord, mind you!) rose from the remains of Holder's Bolder, his long, slender body weaving through the air. He squared up to Sweetie Giraffe, who stood immediately opposite him. "BEHOLD," Dorcsid declared, "I am the taller one! I shall rule Equestria!" "NO. IS SHORTER. AM TALLER THAN YOU," Sweetie boomed in response. "WIMPY SMOL DRAGON NOT TALL ENOUGH." She proceeded to grow even taller. Don't mind the balloon-band stretching noises coming from her neck. That's normal. "I-impossible!" Dorcsid stammered. "NOT IMPOSSIBLE. AM TALLER NOW. WILL DESTROY ALL SHORTER." Sweetie Giraffe then destroyed all of reality because she was the tallest of them all.
the Cake family was a lie?Author's Note Whoops, I forgot to post yesterday, Horseus lord of horses! the Cake family was a lie? "W-wait--" Pinkie smeared a hoof across Mr. Cake's mane. "You're all cake?" "Always have been," Mister Cake grumbled, patching himself up with more frosting. "And always will be." Sugarcube Corner proceeded to melt into a cold sludge of cake and frosting.
Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet?Author's Note You have brought chaos to these lands, Mica! Sweetie Giraffe and Long Starlight meet? Sweetie Giraffe loomed over Starlight Glimmer. "NO," she boomed, "UNACCEPTABLE. YOU IS TOO SHORT. WILL DESTRO--" Long Starlight booped Sweetie on the nose. "Short? I'd like to think that you're not long enough." "IMPOSSIBLE." Starlight booped Sweetie again. "Guess what? Not impossible." Sweetie Giraffe proceeded to melt down in an existential crisis, for there was finally a being that could match, or even surpass her height. And she wasn't even all that tall. Just l o n g.
Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe?Author's Note You absolute madman, Horseus lord of horses. Madman, I tell ya. Celestia from "Hang in There Luna, I'll be right back" fought Sweetie Giraffe? "IMPOSSIBLE." Sweetie Giraffe boomed, staring at the towering Celestia looming over her. "SHORT ALICORN NOT CAN BE TALL. WHY IS TALL?" Celestia grinned, reaching down and picking up Sweetie. "UNHAND. IS TALL TOO. UNHAND!" Sweetie screeched, stretching out her own neck and looping around to face Celestia as her stubby little legs paddled in the air. "Nope!" Celestia plopped the tall filly on the moon, right next to Princess Luna. "UNACCEPTABLE. WILL DESTROY." Sweetie's eyes glowed red as she fired a laser back at the retracting Celestia. She missed and hit the planet instead, blowing it to smithereens. Because it was too short. Luna bristled in the mighty presence of the Sweetie Giraffe.
the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters?Author's Note Ayo, it's Phantune! Waddup? Give some love to Splintershard pls? the characters for this chapter were the most frequent commenters? Zapper Frost, The Spy of the Tiger, Possibly me, AnObliviousAuthor, Alectra24444, amf studios, and last but not least, Level Dasher walked into a bar. "Oh no!" Zapper Frost exclaimed, "We're stuck in a bad fanfiction! Whatever will we do?" Level Dasher raised a hoof triumphantly. "I know! We will check all the vibes, and the power of the vibes will release us from this prison!" amf studios folded their hooves. "Ha. Fat chance." "Why are we in a bar, anyway?" AnObliviousAuthor frowned. "It's not like the author was planning on making an overused joke before deciding against it, right?" Wrong. Possibly me and Alectra24444 proceeded to crash through the bar, snapping the metal beam in half and helicoptering away while repeatedly smacking the faces of everyone within the city limits. Also, Spike threw up another scroll somewhere and it was a scroll that summoned Sweetie Giraffe, who proceeded to smite everypony in the area, including the area itself.
running gag battle royal?Author's Note Why have you done this, amf studios? running gag battle royal? Sweetie Giraffe and Luna with lava horse pants and elephant boots duked it out in the background. Meanwhile, Twilight continued to screech at the top of her lungs about Flim and Flam selling her soul to Celestia in exchange for fifty bits. Twilight's house blew up again because the army of Sweetie Giraffes invaded just like last time and started shooting lasers everywhere and stuff, and Luna, now without the distraction of Sweetie Giraffe, began to play some vidya gaems on her Heccbochs Too. "Sometimes I feel like I'm a punching bag in these stories," Spike the punching groaned as he was punted across Ponyville by a misfired laser. "Oh nooooo, come back, Sweaty Belle!" Rarity cried, running after Sweetie Giraffe. haha randomness go brrr EDIT: I gotta run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run-- Celestia proceeded to smite the stallion as he ran past.
Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government?Author's Note You are a madman, The Spy of the Tiger. Pinkie Pie accidentally foiled the entire US Government? Pinkie Pie chewed thoughtfully on her cupcake. "Huh. I just realized that I've committed seventy-three cases of tax evasion, on top of the money laundering I did to cover up the amount of debt I've taken on to fund the research and development of the pocket universe technology in which I store my weapons of mass-destruction, slowly but surely stockpiling more and more until I inevitably become an international nuclear power that could very well destroy the entire world multiple times over with the push of a button, and still escape it all thanks to that very same pocket universe." She swallowed the cupcake. "Neat."
Celestia was a broom, Luna was a mop, Cadance was a duster, and Flurry Heart was a McDonalds McFlurry that spilled on the floor?Author's Note Triple tag-team time! (Me included!) Starlight Glimmer1 AnObliviousAuthor Tonkus 🤔 Celestia was a broom, Luna was a mop, Cadance was a duster, and Flurry Heart was a McDonalds McFlurry that spilled on the floor? "LUNAAAAAA!" Twilight shouted "I spilled Flurry heart again! Can you get Celestia and help me clean this up?" Flurry Heart babbled on the floor. She peeked out from under the McFlurry cup. Luna opened the door, trudging in with her dripping-wet mane. Because she's a mop. Twilight lit her horn and picked up Luna, flipping her around and wiping up the mess. "'Kay, where's Cele-oh, there you are!" Twilight grabbed Celestia next and did the same, flipping the alicorn upside-down and brushing up Flurry heart's McFlurry cup into a dustpan. "Has anypony seen Cadance, by the way? I'm cleaning my bookshelves again." "Here," Cadance groaned. Twilight grabbed Cadance by the legs and began slamming her face-first against the bookshelf, knocking down everything from books to dust to the shelf itself and the wall behind it.
Celestia wasn't who she said she was?Author's Note Tag-team go! amf studios and Zapper Frost! Full title: Celestia was actually chrysalis, who was actually the CMC in an overcoat, who were actually 34 weasels who were actually Rainbow Trix fighting to remain relevant in the story, who was actually sweetie giraffe denying her relevance... Who was actually the Queen of England? elephant boots! Celestia wasn't who she said she was? "You absolute fool, Twilight..." Celestia hissed as she stepped off the throne. "You really thought I was your dear old mentor? What a rubbish idea!" Twilight raised a brow. A ring of green flames washed over Celestia's body. "Queen Chrysalis?!" Twilight shrieked. "When did you--" The Queen Chrysalis-branded luxury overcoat fell off the CMC's collective shoulders. Twilight raised her other brow. "W-we can explain! We were just practicing for our school play!" "Oh, oka--" "SYKE!" the three fillies collectively shouted. They began to deflate as 34 weasels began to escape from the costumes. Twilight wiggled her eyebrows like it was time for a Friday night dance-off. The weasels collectivized and fused into a single being, looming over Twilight. It was Rainbow Trix. Who is Rainbow Trix? No matter, it was actually Sweetie Giraffe. "AM NOT RELEVANT." Sweetie Giraffe boomed. "WILL DESTROY STORY. TOO SHORT." The Queen of England proceeded to open a door conveniently placed in Sweetie Giraffe's side and step out. It was a trojan horse all along. OUT OF NOWHERE, SWEETIE GIRAFFE EMERGES FROM YOUR SCREEN AND PUTS ELEPHANT BOOTS ON YOU BY FORCE.
Sombra was wearing a sombrero and doing the samba while somber music was playing for Simba's dad?Author's Note 🤔 Zapper Frost 🤔 ▽ Wanna see me offer my pain to the pain gods? ▽ Sombra was wearing a sombrero and doing the samba while somber music was playing for Simba's dad? "Now, Mister Sombrero," Discord leaned in closer. "I'm going to send you somewhere where you don't belong." "Wait wait wait wha--" Discord snapped his fingers and sent King Sombra tumbling into an open portal. He frisbee'd a sombrero after him. And a CD filled with somber music and a CD player to go with it. And a choreographer. King Sombra, the CD and the CD player it was in, and the choreographer landed in a heap nearby. The sombrero dropped down and bounced off the play button, landing on Sombra's head as music began to play. "NOW DANCE FOR MEEEEE--" the choreographer aimed Pinkie Pie's party cannon at Sombra. "DO THE SAMBA OR YOUR FACE GETS IT!" "NO, ANYTHING BUT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! I'LL DANCE, I'LL DANCE!" And so King Sombra began to dance the samba while Simba's dad... uh, committed not moving anymore.
Twilight became an Alicorn by Celestia fusing her with one of the Earth Pony and Pegasus members of the Mane 6 (Your choice)?Author's Note Strange request, but okay, whiteoak019! December 2nd is the day I pull Splintershard out of its hiatus! Check it out here: ESplintershard MLP: FiM Adventure Sci-Fi Once upon a time, Equestria flourished. That time is now long-gone. Human Alt. Universe OC Starlight Glimmer TheMajorTechie · 82k words · 67 9 · 1.3k views Twilight became an Alicorn by Celestia fusing her with one of the Earth Pony and Pegasus members of the Mane 6 (Your choice)? "AND WITH THE POWER VESTED IN YOU, PINKIE, AND FLUTTERSHY, YOU SHALL ASCEND!" Celestia blasted Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all at once, leaving behind three piles of ash and a single alicorn. Twilight blinked. Celestia blinked in return. "Nopony shall speak of this again." "Yes." Pinkie popped out of her ash pile and bounced away.
Rareo took over the aliens? What if that only worked because the aliens were close relatives of ants?Author's Note PRAISE BE, AnObliviousAuthor and The Spy of the Tiger! PRAISE BE! Rareo took over the aliens? What if that only worked because the aliens were close relatives of ants? "PRAISE BE RAREO. PRAISE BE." The aliens cheered in unison as they gathered around the Rareo. "OUR NEST SHALL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL." Rainbow Dash watched as hundreds of little green men began emerging from the sky to lift the Rareo back up into their space anthill. "What."
Pinkie is the only one of the main 6 who didn't believe in Santa, but doesn't say anything because it brings everyone else happiness?Author's Note Woohoo, it's Zapper Frost! Pinkie is the only one of the main 6 who didn't believe in Santa, but doesn't say anything because it brings everyone else happiness? "Pinkie, what about you? What did you put on your wishlist to Santa?" Pinkie froze up. "I... uh..." She stared at Twilight. "Nothing!" "...Nothing?" "C'mon, Pinks, it's Christmas! You can't possibly want nothing, right?" Rainbow Dash swooped down. "Like, me, I'm asking for a new pair of goggles, 'cause I kinda broke mine flying into that wall a few weeks ago." Pinkie didn't respond. "Pinkie, are you alright?" The mare walked out of the room. "Gummy, you know what it's like, right? I don't want to tell them!" Gummy licked his eyes. "They still believe in Santa, even though they're all grown up! Me? I walked in on Granny Pie putting my presents under the tree a loooong time ago. I... don't want to ruin things for everypony else." Gummy blinked. "You're right. It's just one little lie, right? And I can go and buy it myself after, so that it looks like I actually did get a present!" Pinkie slammed the door open. "I KNOW WHAT I'M PUTTING ON MY WISHLIST!" She gasped. "I'm gonna ask for a new party cannon, three boxes of confetti, a big box of cake mix, a large wooden mallet, and a cute sweater for Gummy!" Twilight looked away from her conversation to Pinkie, then back to the others again. "Yeah, nevermind, she seems fine now." ~~tbh tho she would probably go nuclear in studying Pinkie again to figure out what the heck happened.~~
Granny Smith had Life Alert?Author's Note She's comin' for your knees, Boltstrike58! Run! When y'all're done reading this chapter, how about you watch me beat Minecraft in under 20 frames per second? Granny Smith had Life Alert? Granny Smith cackled atop her mountain of hospital beds. "Y'ALL NEVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN, 'CAUSE LIFE ALERT'LL PUT ME RIGHT BACK UP HERE!" Applejack sighed, turning to her sister. "Apple Bloom, ready the ICBM." Apple Bloom pressed a button and launched the ICBM, or Insane Cackling 🅱applemother Machinethingythat'llputanendtoherpowertripthing. Man, is that a mouthful.
the Mane Six were whalers?Author's Note I will subvert your expectations, The Spy of the Tiger. now hand over your knees the Mane Six were whalers? "Y'know, Twilight, do you ever feel like you need to be a little... whale-er?" Twilight looked up from her book. "Don't you mean whaler? I didn't think that you were into hunting whales." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "No no no, I'm talking whale-er. Like, we should be more like whales." "I can talk to whales I think..." Fluttershy mumbled through her hair. "They have beautiful songs." "AND GIANT MOUTHS!" Pinkie added. "So, you want to be whales." Rarity flipped her mane, sauntering into the room. "Yes, darling! The ocean's water does wonders for the skin, you know. At least, that's what I've heard." Twilight looked at Applejack. She was dressed as a whale and strumming a guitar.
Pinkie had a sugar crash?Author's Note How oblivious are you, AnObliviousAuthor? Pinkie had a sugar crash? Pinkamena Diane Pie buried her face in her pillow. Slowly, bit by bit, all color began to drain from the world, starting from her very room. It started, naturally, with the pillows, creeping out slowly at first, but hastening in its pace as the grey enveloped more and more of reality itself. Before long, her entire room had lost its color. Then the building, and beyond that, Ponyville itself. The Grey continued to creep without end. Now, out in the open, its relentless pace had finally begun to slow, if only temporarily. Here, ponies and creatures of all shapes and sizes began to attack it. They did all that they could--paint, prisms, mirrors--but in the end, not even the magic of the Elements of Harmony could put an end to the Grey. An exhausted, monochrome Twilight Sparkle knocked on Pinkie's door. "Pinkie, may I come in?" "Yeah... I guess... Just be quiet when you do." Twilight entered the room and dropped a Snickers bar beside Pinkie. "You're not you when you're hungry." And that's how the colors you see exist again thanks to a single Snickers bar.
everything, and everyone, Cadance touched turned to crystal?Cadance the crystal pony stood on her crystal floor in her crystal palace surrounded by her crystal family on this planet of crystal, breathing in the crystalline air as the very fabric of space and time crystallized around her, trapping her forever and ever in this new world of nothing but crystals, forever and ever onward. *deeeeep breath* "Oh no." Author's Note Staaaaaaaaaaarliiiiight Gliiiiiimeeeeeer1!
story concept: When The Dust SettlesAuthor's Note man. 2021, amirite? (also made a website for this fic. --> https://whatif.themajortechie.com/) story concept: When The Dust Settles "Hey, give me a call when all of this is over." "Huh? Where are you going?" "Away, I guess. I'd shrug, but you wouldn't be able to see that over the phone, would you? Anyway, like I said, I'm--" "But why are you going? I thought you finally decided to get out there and do something. Make a name for yourself. I remember you even put together this whole binder of stuff you wanted to do!" "That was two years ago. Things have changed. The world has changed. I haven't touched that binder in a long time now. This place as it is now? I can't stay here. Not when it's like this. So... call again soon? Hopefully?" "Sure."
Scootaloo was a non newtonian fluid?Author's Note AnObliviousAuthor and nothing more. What If now has a sister story! EThe Disastrous Adventures of Crew-T MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology A decidedly unprofessional team of weirdos yoinked out of their comfort zone crashes through fanfic worlds and beyond, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Link your story in the comments and see what happens! Crossover Human OC Other TheMajorTechie · 15k words · 29 7 · 452 views Scootaloo was a non newtonian fluid? Scootaloobleck oozed down the stairs step by step. There was much more of her already pooling at the bottom of the stairs. "Cannonball!" Sweetie Belle squealed, jumping off the top step and smacking face-first flat onto the pool of Scootaloobleck. Sweetie Belle proceeded to slowly sink beneath the orange, chicken-scented surface.
story pitch: Jack of no trades, master of all?Author's Note idk. :P don't feel like working on anything else rn. story pitch: Jack of no trades, master of all? Here I stand, the one above all. No one above me, yet still I feel small. Born rich, sheltered life. Constant boredom, internal strife. I set down the quill. That worked, right? Poetry seemed to be an option worthy of one as high of stature as myself. But... was it enough? A man, raised for the sole purpose of ruling. That's what I am. That's what I was. That's... what I must be. Yet, day after day, nothing comes to pass. The world is at peace. I am but a figurehead; the representative of all. I have no trades. No true interest, be it hobby or career. To be neutral is my task, day after day. I have to be this man. Nobody else can replace me. Everybody else has tried. And so day after day, I wake and do nothing. It is my job, after all. Yet... I still long for excitement, deep within me. The idea of grandiose adventures, or perhaps of meeting new people--it entices me. I want to do something. Be someone. But I cannot. I'm not allowed to. I wasn't born to be that. The Jack of No Trades. That's who I am. The Master of All. That is me as well. The two work hand-in-hand; specialize in nothing--that is the way. That is how I maintain neutrality. They call me a living god; one who stands above the humdrum of so-called 'normal' life. But they do not understand that I am sick of this false godhood. Just for a day, or even an hour, perhaps, I wish to stand amongst the crowd. I wish to fade into obscurity, to flit between the shadows. To be a nobody. To be a somebody. To finally be a Jack of One Trade. But even then, I would not know what such a trade would be. These words flow like waves; they come and go, bringing me hope with their crests, and despair with their troughs. Every utterance of these wishes I hold must be counteracted with doubt. It is, after all, the only way I know. And so continues my life as the Jack of No Trades, Master of All.
OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! (part 2)Author's Note because this is a good dose of weird and I'm bored. OOMPA LOOMPA ISEKAI STORY THING?!?! (part 2) ...Oh heck, Oompa Loompas have names? Man, it's been a while since I read the book or watched any of the movies. Nevermind that, however. I wiped the strawberry jam off my face, my hands tightening around the remnants of my candy-cane sword. This horse had a bigger appetite for sweets than any of us could've possibly imagined, and still, the big Wonka was nowhere to be seen. Celestia chewed through her licorice ropes. She stood up again, fire in her eyes. "Where. Is. The. Cake?" "For the last time, there is no cake!" "Fine then, isekai boy. I'll make some myself." The words hit me like a bullet. She knew I wasn't truly an Oompa Loompa from the start? But how? She couldn't possibly... I looked up again. In only a matter of seconds, all the progress we'd made in containing the mad horse was destroyed. My Loompa brethren had been tossed aside in a single motion like cards. It was me against her. Short funny chanty candy man against tall pointy wing-horse. I let out my most fearsome war-cry, charging at Celestia with my candy cane sword's remaining length aimed for her neck. "Whoa there, shorty," Willy Wonka stopped me with his cane. "Celestia's a friend. Princess, your cake is this way." Celestia nodded, following silently behind the big boss. It truly awes me how the man can utilize mere words to defeat such a great threat. And so I retreated, my clothes sopping with chocolate milk, to my humble abode. Oh wait. I'm an isekai boy. I'm homeless 'cause I live in the factory with the other chumps.
everything was the same... except Twilight was replaced by a velociraptor?Author's Note amf studios knows what's up with the Equestrian ruling class. everything was the same... except Twilight was replaced by a velociraptor? Tirek cackled as he continued sapping all of the magic out of the world. There is, however, one magic that can never be stolen. The magic of biting things. Twilight the velociraptor proceeded to chomp down on Tirek's hand. He tastes like hamburgers. And that's how Tirek was defeated, and why Twilight strangely decided to skip dinner that day.
everyone suddenly forgot Celestia and Luna existed?Author's Note Been a while, Starlight Glimmer1! ~~I sank my bank account by another $42 in the name of strange technology and i have midterms tomorrow/today depending on what time zone you're in oof~~ everyone suddenly forgot Celestia and Luna existed? Twilight stared at the sun. "Huh. We should really look into why the sun and moon seem to move on their own, shouldn't we?" Moondancer didn't look up from her book. "Yup." "Do you think it's because the ground we stand on is in fact constantly rotating, creating the illusion of the sun's movement across the sky, alongside the moon being in constant orbit around us?" "Yeah, probably." Twilight, who had since melted into a puddle ~~because the sun is a deadly laser~~ then proceeded to write the very reason for the existence of Celestia and Luna out of the books.
Twilight was locked in a room full of quesadillas, ladybugs, and books that were out of order?Author's Note Did you strike 58 bolts, or did you strike a bolt 58 times, Boltstrike58? Twilight was locked in a room full of quesadillas, ladybugs, and books that were out of order? "N-no--" Twilight backed away from the incredibly cheesy mountain of quesadillas. "Wh...where am I?" She shrieked as a swarm of ladybugs passed before her eyes. "Get me out of this place!" Twilight whirled around, only to be faced with the largest unsorted bookshelf she'd seen in her life. Twilight screamed.
Phone typed chapter because screw it im not pulling my tablet out rn and I have midterms again so yay sleep deprivation?Author's Note Let's see if my current phone's autocorrect is better than what I had last time I typed a chapter on my phone. Obvious rant chapter is obvious. Last time i was this motivated to do a rant chapter ended up leading to the creation of Pony-Me. Phone typed chapter because screw it im not pulling my tablet out rn and I have midterms again so yay sleep deprivation? Twilight flipped a page. How long had she been doing this again? ... months. Day in, day out. The same old thing, over and over with no end in sight. She groaned, taking a moment to run her eyes. This was too much. It was all to much. Yet, she knew she couldn't stop. It was her responsibility, no-- her duty to do this. She reached for another blank sheet of paper. But what if she was only going through the notions? What if everything she thought she knew was nothing but dumb luck? Look at her--a mare wallowing in mountains of paper, spending every waking moment of her life worrying about what those stacks of paper may lead to. How could someone like that possibly be successful? Was it really even her success? Or was it all just her reliance on friends to do the work for her that she couldn't do herself? Cr-ack. Twilight looked down at the remains of her pencil tip. This is too much.
all of MLP was just a ploy by Twilight to hypnotise people into giving her money so she could buy more books?Author's Note Zapper Frost will zap your frost. all of MLP was just a ploy by Twilight to hypnotise people into giving her money so she could buy more books? "My little pony, my little pony, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" The screen flickered for a split second. "You will donate money to the Twilight Sparkle book fund..." The screen flickered again with the intensity of a flashbang. Suddenly, you felt like donating money to the Twilight Sparkle book fund. ~~pay ur book taxes or twilight gonna come for you~~
Twilight was a Nigerian prince?Author's Note Possibly me won't give you up. Twilight was a Nigerian prince? "Listen to me," Twilight repeated into the phone. "I am a Nigerian prince. A very rich Nigerian prince, who needs to urgently transfer money to you!" She heard the other side of the line hang up. "Dangit. How am I supposed to drain Equestria's treasury in my money-laundering scheme when nopony believes me?!"
Twilight was tech support?Author's Note Twilight's comin' to beat up your computer, The Spy of the Tiger. Twilight was tech support? "No, no, no! You have to turn on your computer first before you use it!" "I don't understand. I already plugged it in and I pushed the buttons on the board!" "Your keyboard?" "Yeah. Whatever it's called. But the screen is still black!" Twilight rubbed her brow. "Have you turned on your computer yet?" "Yes! After you told me the first time, I leaned in close and started whispering naughty things about hoof-holding to the computer!" Twilight hung up.
the mane six constantly get pegged by high velocity cheese every Thursday afternoon at 3:47 on the dot, and there's nothing they can do to prevent it?Author's Note Zapper Frost enjoys the pain and suffering of ponies I think. the mane six constantly get pegged by high velocity cheese every Thursday afternoon at 3:47 on the dot, and there's nothing they can do to prevent it? It was the typical Thursday afternoon. The time? 3:47, on-the-dot. Another block of cheese impacted Twilight on the back of her head as well as the five other mares sitting around the table. She glared at me, the author, then to you, the reader. "Why do you do this to us?" Pinkie stuck a hoof out of the mountain of cheese that fell on her. "I'm okay!"
Twilight finally went into therapy for writing all of this?Author's Note Zapper Frost is eternally responsible for all the misdeeds of Twilight Sparkle. *dabs* Twilight finally went into therapy for writing all of this? Twilight Sparkle lowered her teacup, glancing for a moment out the window. "Nice day today, huh?" Twilight nodded. Spike turned his attention back to his comic book. "Must be nice to finally have all of those voices out of your head." "Yeah." "Are you going to keep writing that book, by the way?" Twilight narrowed her eyes and stared at the aforementioned book, still sitting open-faced on her desk. "Maybe." "TWILIGHT!" A second Twilight Sparkle appeared in a flash, panting heavily. "You--you need to keep writing! Your very existence depends on it!" I don't know what else to write for this chapter lol.
rainbow dash lived a double life?Author's Note Interesting proposition, amf studios. 🤔 rainbow dash lived a double life? "Rainbow? Shucks, where could that mare be?" Applejack looked around the corner. "So much for ten seconds flat." "You said something, AJ?" Rainbow Dash smirked from above. "So I ran a little late, but eleven seconds is good enough still." "Uh-huh. And it's been fifteen minutes. C'mon, said you were gonna help Granny run some errands." Rainbow nodded and flew ahead. Something caught Applejack's eye. "Rainbow, could you hold on for a hot second? What's that on your wing?" "Whaddya mean, what's on my wi--" Rainbow froze as her eyes landed on the piece of obscenely sparkly ribbon stuck between her feathers. "Ohhhh. Uh..." She landed. "Please don't tell Rarity about that. Or... uh, this." Applejack raised a brow. A fancy hat was now sitting on top of Rainbow Dash's head. "You own a hat. That's nice an' all, Dash, but I don't think--" "No, no. Lemme finish." Rainbow Dash glared at Applejack. She looked around for a moment before mouthing the words "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style."
Discord was bored?Author's Note Zapper Frost is probably dabbing. Discord was bored? Dark clouds loomed overhead. Thunder crashed down amid bright flashes of lightning. Discord took another bite out of his teacup. "You know what? This isn't enough. I'm still bored." The thunder noises became lightsaber noises. "That's better."
Equestria was overrun with various canines?Author's Note Zapper Frost has various canines I think. Equestria was overrun with various canines? "SISTERPHHHH--" Celestia burst into Luna's room amid a flood of dogs. "HOW MANY DID YOU ADOPT THIS TIME?!" Luna didn't respond 'cause she's stuck under a pile of dogs too. "YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVEN'T ADOPTED ANY?!" Again, Luna didn't respond thanks to the black hole of canines that had sucked her in. "Princess!" a guard burst through the door. "The canine population of Equestria's skyrocketed! There's no street anypony can turn down without seeing dogs of all shapes and sizes!" Celestia narrowed her eyes through the various canines dogpiled on her. "I don't recognize you. Are you really a guard?" "Blast! Foiled again!" the fifty-nine dogs in a trenchcoat poured out of the now-hollow armor. "I'll get you next time, Celestia!" "YOU WILL NEVER GET CELESTIA IF YOU NEVER FIND CELESTIA!" howled Celestia, who in reality was a replacement made up of a hundred and fifty-nine dogs. The crown on her head teetered for a bit before falling onto the dog that made up her shoulder. "Wh-a fake?" the fifty-nine dogs in a trenchcoat gasped. "Does that mean--" Luna, that darn pile of 42069 dogs, cackled as she continued playing her vidya gaems. "YOU THINK THAT DOGS HAVE COME TO TAKE OVER BEFORE, BUT IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED LONG AGO!"
existential dread was instilled upon all of Equestria because of Kurzgesagt?Author's Note Ah, a fellow person of culture, GodzillaSpino! existential dread was instilled upon all of Equestria because of Kurzgesagt? Celestia rocked back and forth in fetal position. "The birds say that time is up. The birds say that time is up. The birds say that time is--" "SNAP OUT OF IT, CELLY!" Luna slapped her sister. "It's a single video about the heat death of the universe! We still have plenty of time 'til then!" "But what if heat death has already come and gone, and we live among the remnants of the dead time and space that envelops the cosmos? What if we are but Boltzmann brains, drifting forever onward into infinite obscurity?" Luna opened a curtain. Outside, ponies were screaming about the end times. As they do. She decided that enough was enough and went back to playing her vidya gaems, 'cause apparently nothing mattered anymore in the encroaching heat death of the universe.
world peace was achieved because Celestia farted?Author's Note Why are you like this, Starlight Glimmer1? Have an Ask Sweetie Giraffe feature with your chapter. :P https://sweatyjiraf.tumblr.com/ world peace was achieved because Celestia farted? "Ew, what's that smell?" And that's how every war in the world ended, every starving child fed, every flood dried and drought hydrated, ~~billionaire bank accounts dissolved~~ and worldly mortal issue resolved. Celestia stared at the half-eaten can of beans, and began to reach her spoon for another hefty scoop.
Big Mac became a Big Mac? Actually, what if he was a whopper?Author's Note Horseus King of Horses, _OtakuTsundere_ and Scyphi are teaming on me! Moooooooooom! Big Mac became a Big Mac? Actually, what if he was a whopper? "Hello, Burger!" "I used to be a hor--" Ronald McDonald slapped Big Mac the Burger King Whopper off the table. He then spun around and slapped Discord the plastic beef patty for good measure. Twilight Sparkle unzipped the clown suit, pointing a hoof at Big Mac the Burger King Whopper. "That joke's already appeared in the comments! Don't you dare recycle that joke!" "I used to be a horse!" Twilight Sparkle the Ronald McDonald of My Little Pony slapped Big Mac the Burger King Whopper again. Harder.
MLP a New Generation was just a fanfiction written by the Crusaders?Author's Note Boltstrike58 will watch the world burn. MLP a New Generation was just a fanfiction written by the Crusaders? "A-and, Izzy's horn will be so pointy, that they'll put a tennis ball on it!" Sweetie Belle laughed. "What about you, Scoots?" "Equestria will have all but dissolved as a unified entity. It will be unknown in the beginning, but the three pony tribes will once again feud, driving great fears against and of each other in what will have become truly unprecedented times. Though unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies no longer live in harmony, they do continue to hold some degree of unity amongst themselves--if not for war, then for their own, mutual interests. Yet, this will not be the end of it. Magic will have been sapped from the world, becoming a scarce rarity amongst the populations of all three tribes. It will be a devastating loss, similar to that of losing all of one's limbs, but as the famines fade into their history, technology will rise to fill the void once plugged by thaumatic energies." Apple Bloom finished coloring in her drawing. "Scootaloo scares me sometimes."
Apple Bloom had an automatic grenade launcher?Author's Note Possibly me... SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-- Apple Bloom had an automatic grenade launcher? Apple Bloom hoisted her automatic grenapplade launcher over her shoulder, aiming squarely for the Apple Family's long-time rival, Pineapples Incorporated. Unlike Sweet Apple Acres, Pineapples, Inc. had long-since transformed themselves from a mere fruit company into a multi-billion dollar technology enterprise, with their most well-known product being the yPhone. Too bad their headquarters were made of pineapples. "Way ta go, Bloom!" Applejack shaded her eyes as she watched the grenapplade careen toward Pineapples, Inc. headquarters. Pineapple Pen himself stepped outside for a breath of fresh air at that exact moment, only to be clobbered by the incoming grenapplade. Pineapples, Inc. proceeded to go bankrupt the very next day, leaving Sweet Apple Acres to take it over and rename themselves Apple, Inc. You may not have known, but Steve Jobs is actually the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a trenchcoat shaped like a turtleneck. The more you know.
Celestia had to control the tides now that the moon is gone?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, it's time to end yet another plane of existence! Celestia had to control the tides now that the moon is gone? "Alright, now raise 'em a little higher again." Celestia groaned, raising her sunglasses. "Do I have to?" "Yes." Celestia groaned again and lit her horn, lifting the water level up just a little bit more. "Good, good." Twilight wrote some notes down in her notebook. "And you'll have to do the opposite of that sometime later, too." "Mother of me," Celestia wailed, falling back on her beach lounge chair. "I should just launch a giant ball of rock into orbit and make a new moon." "Isek-aid! Get your fresh isek-aiddd!" A squeaky voice shouted in the distance. "Squeezed fresh daily!" Celestia appeared with a flash. "Oh boy, refreshments?" Apple Bloom held out a hoof. "One bit per cup, Princess!" "Waaaait!" Applejack bolted toward her sister from behind. "That ain't apple juice!" But it was too late, for Celestia drank the isek-aid and was promptly isekai'd by a truck out of nowhere. The sun no longer rose without Celestia's presence and so Equestria proceeded to wither away. The end. Oh and Celestia's stuck in some high-fantasy world as an anime protagonist now I think.
Spike got his snout stuck in a can of spaghetti o's?Author's Note We got yet another commentator here with twidash1993! Whatcha got for us? Spike got his snout stuck in a can of spaghetti o's? "MMFPH!" Spike struggled with the can of spaghetti o's that seemed to be solidly stuck to his snout. "MMM!" "Okay, sheesh, we get it, Spike. You love spaghetti o's." Twilight rolled her eyes and continued reading her redundant book book on how to write redundant redundant book books, by redundant press press. Spike fell over, twitching, because he was only breathing spaghetti o's sauce for the past three minutes. Oof.
they were cursed to only eat off-brands, which caused Spike to get stuck in a can of spaghetti rings?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger wishes to see more suffering. they were cursed to only eat off-brands, which caused Spike to get stuck in a can of spaghetti rings? "MMFPH!" Spike struggled with the can of spaghetti rings that seemed to be solidly stuck to his snout. "MMM!" "Okay, sheesh, we get it, Spike. You love spaghetti rings." Twilight rolled her eyes and continued reading her off-brand book about off-brands called "kconoffk". Spike fell over, twitching, because he was only breathing spaghetti rings sauce for the past three minutes. Spaghetti o's proceeded to sue spaghetti rings for trademark infringement because they are now the legal owners of the word "spaghetti" and that was their thing to get Spike stuck in their cans! Their. Thing. Spike groaned quietly in the corner as Twilight turned a page.
Rainbow Dash was a pegaSUS?Author's Note Possibly me is very sus. Rainbow Dash was a pegaSUS? "Sus!" Pinkie slammed her hoof on the emergency meeting button. "Rainbow Dash is a pegasus!" "Whaaaaaat? Nah, you're seeing things, Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash hid the knife behind her back. "What about Fluttershy? She's lookin' kinda sus as well!" "Not as sus as you!" Rainbow Dash proceeded to be loaded onto the Yeet Cannon 9000 and blasted off to the moon. Meanwhile, Fluttershy continued to quietly disappear ponies from Ponyville.
Twilight tried to badly explain the history of the entire world, i guess?Author's Note GodzillaSpino is the suggester of this idea, I guess. Twilight tried to badly explain the history of the entire world, i guess? "So back in the way back time, some ponies said 'hey, look, there's angry snow demons' and then banded together. Then some stuff happened and monsters were defeated and Discord was locked away by Celestia and Luna and then Moon Horse got tossed to the moon for a thousand years. Also, evil crystal addict took over an empire and then it disappeared with him in it. Nothing happened after that for a while. "And then Moon Horse but angry came back to Equestria after a thousand years and I smited her with my friends." A wave of boos rose into the air, and Twilight was smacked in the face by an airborne chair.
Twilight and Sunny switched places?Author's Note It's Starlight Glimmer1's fault. Twilight and Sunny switched places? "Spike?" Twilight groaned, pushing the debris away from her bruised body. "Spike? Did you check before you knocked down that wall that it wasn't a weight-supporting structure?" "An--" a voice gasped somewhere to the side. "An alicorn? B-but where's Sunny?" "Aw sht, here we go again..." Twilight muttered. "Magic!" Sunny gaped at the sight of Spike's panicked dragonfire. "And a little dragon!" Spike turned around, fear evident in his eyes. "Oooh no. Oh boy, I messed up hard this time, didn't I?" "Twilight, darling--" Rarity opened the door, only to find Sunny staring at Spike. "--I... will... come back later. I see that you're quite busy." "WAIT DID YOU JUST USE MAGIC TO OPEN THE DOO--"
pies and cakes switched places?Pinkie Cake walked into Mr. and Mrs. Pie's shop because she works there and stuff. Why? Because her stash of ~~thermonuclear weapons~~ party poppers has to be paid off somehow! She slammed the door open with enough force to send it into orbit and land perfectly back on its hinges, which she then opened carefully and sauntered in like the... uh, (proper?) mare she is. "Pinkie!" Mrs. Pie gasped, "You're just in time for our big summer blowout!" A pile of poetry-laced clothing-shaped pies and pie accessories pummeled Pinkie Cake to the floor. "Get 'em!" the pies and pie accessories shrieked, continuing to engulf Pinkie. "She's the imposter! She's SUS!" As the pies piled onto Pinkie higher and higher, a quiet, soothing voice began to cackle overhead. "YOU FOOLS, YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME?" Everyone, save for three-quarters of a pie and Pinkie's left mane puff froze in space. This, unfortunately, meant that the planet continued on without them, leaving everybody present now floating through the vast voids of outer space as Equestria faded away into a pale blue dot. And so, with the last remaining ounce of brain cells, the universe proceeded to go boom and die. Again. As always. ~~yeet~~
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. TheAuthor's Note Spazz-Kid demands C H A O S. and because i can: The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The "Why--" Rarity panted, "--why are we running? My makeup will be absolutely ruined!" "Because the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." Rarity screamed as a stampede proceeded to trample her.
Shaggy appeared in Equestria and used 2% of his power?Author's Note 2% IS TOO MUCH, Starlight Glimmer1!!!1!!1!! Shaggy appeared in Equestria and used 2% of his power? With 0.00001% of his power, Shaggy tore a hole through the fabric of reality and emerged in Equestria. Immediately, all worldly qualms were settled. Every crying child sated, every hungry creature given food. It was as if a god had entered the plane of existence. Oh wait, that's because Shaggy is beyond godhood. With 1% of his power, Shaggy ensured an infinite lifespan to the universe. No longer would heat death slowly encroach upon all those within it, for Shaggy is good, and Shaggy is forever. And with a mere 2% of his power, every thought both conscious and unconscious was transformed into its own infinite reality. A whole new multiverse had been birthed by the pure will of a just ultra-god.
Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty?Author's Note HELP I'VE WRITTEN SO MANY WHAT IF CHAPTERS twidash1993! Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty? Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty. "Ow." "That actually hurt?" "No." "Oh. Okay." Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty. Again. "Why are you like this, Spike?" Spike hit Twilight over the head with a roll of Bounty.
boss music started playing?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1 is the boss. boss music started playing? "Um. Twi? Why is there boss music?" Thundering hoofsteps shook the castle. Twilight, wide-eyed, braced herself for whatever was to come. "Mommy?" Sprout wandered into the room. "Have you seen my momma?" The doors burst open as Phyllis Cloverleaf stomped into the room. "WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME, SPROUT? I THOUGHT I GROUNDED YOU AFTER YOU DESTROYED SUNNY'S HOME. NO TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS FOR YOU." Sprout was then dragged out by his mother as the boss music faded away.
Twilight bought Spike a Switch for Hearth's Warming?Author's Note twidash1993 handed Twi the switch and told her to give it to Spike. Twilight bought Spike a Switch for Hearth's Warming? "Spike! Spike? Spiiiiiiiiike!" Twilight's voice rung through the halls. "Now where is that little dragon when you need him?" Princess Luna promptly crashed through a window. Twilight raised a brow. "You know there's a door, riiiiiiigh--" "There is no time!" Luna exclaimed, rushing down the hall. "The dragon that you call Spike called me sus in Among Us and attempted to slaughter me in cold blood not a second later! I must have a word with him!" Twilight slowly turned around and walked in the opposite direction as Spike's panicked screams echoed behind her. Luna's voice joined in on the mix at some point, too. "NOW TELL ME WHO'S THE SUS ONE?"
nothing bad happened to Butter Knife?Author's Note You ask the impossible, Possibly me, but I will do my best. nothing bad happened to Butter Knife? Butter Knife stared intensely at the sky. Any moment now, I, the ever-benevolent author and master over her fate, could make her life miserable. "You better not." And perhaps for once, I shan't. And so Butter Knife sat there. Menacingly. She stared and stared up at the sky, perpetually ready for something terrible to happen at any moment, when in reality after nearly four hours had passed as of this particular word, all that had happened was that she was hearing my absolutely stunning and flawless voice comparable to angels knocking around in her head. Legends tell that after she finally got bored and walked away, a statue was erected in her place to memorialize the mare who'd stared straight at the sun for a week straight with no ill effects.
Sweetie Giraffe returned?Author's Note Was she ever really gone, GodzillaSpino? Sweetie Giraffe returned? Why, hello again, Sweetie Giraffe! Quite a nice day, isn't it? Oh wait, you broke the sun like egg. Well, I suppose it's still nice out while we're still alive. Oh no. Universe number *insert large number here* status: annihilated.
What if the Banana Republic figured out how to grow in the ground and sprout back out of it?Author's Note You have fallen right into my trap, Scyphi, I intended to write this chapter from the very beginning! What if the Banana Republic figured out how to grow in the ground and sprout back out of it? "RIIIIIIIIIIISE!" Twinana's voice boomed from below. "Rise like the fallen tree that simply keeps growing!" All around her, the chanting of the Banana Republic's citizens grew louder and louder. Twinana pointed her horn to the sky, firing a beam of magic into the heavens above and connecting with the sun. A pulse of energy burst forth from her body, washing over the entirety of the nation. Banana-scented vines emerged from the cracked earth, rising ever-higher with every second. A smirk grew across Twinana's face as the vines clutched the edges of the gorge that the city had collapsed into. She raised both of her front hooves above her head, commanding the animate vegetation with a silent utter. Rise. "Uhhhhhh Braeburn?" Unnamed Apple Family member #4068103 lowered her binoculars. "What's that big shadow on the horizon?" The Banana Republic proceeded to land squarely on top of Apploosa.
Legion of Doom from the DC comics sued the MLP Legion of Doom?Author's Note WHERE ARE THE HORSES, Horseus King of Horses? Legion of Doom from the DC comics sued the MLP Legion of Doom? "Guys!" Tirek burst into the Forklift Room. "I just got this weird letter in the mail! Comes from someplace called 'Dee See', and they don't want us calling ourselves the Legion of Doom anymore!" King Sombra paused his forklift weightlifting. "Wait, we've been calling ourselves that?" Tirek shrugged, waving the letter in the air a little. "Either way, we're getting sued." "Bah," Queen Chrysalis didn't bother to look up from her forklift brood. "Just tell 'em that we're calling ourselves the Forklift Alliance from now on and let bygones be bygones." And so from that day onward the Forklift Alliance ruled Equestria with an iron fork(lift).
Forklift Alliance took applications for new members?Author's Note Scyphi is the legally-elected CEO of the Forklift Alliance. Forklift Alliance took applications for new members? "And where do you see yourself in five years?" Cozy Glow kept her eyes on her clipboard. The bugbear shifted uncomfortably in its seat. "Listen--" Cozy rubbed her face. "The Forklift Alliance is a very prestigious institution, and we hire only the best of the best. Clearly, you are only wasting our time. You may leave." The bugbear gave a timid nod as it stood up to do just that. Unfortunately, that was its final action on this mortal plane. "yO I HEARD YOU'RE HIRING?" Cozy Glow glared at Discord, who was now lying on the table amidst the broken glass from the window. He wiggled his forklift-shaped eyebrows. The bugbear was now somewhere on the opposite end of the room, presumably on fire. "Again, Discord, we do not take betrayal lightly. We will refuse each and every one of your applications." "Fine." Discord sniffed. "I'll make my own Forklift Alliance, with poker and fishhooks!"
it is the end of the world as we know it and Celestia feels fine.:trollestia:Author's Note Starkice, you added a to the title. I honor you by leaving it there. it is the end of the world as we know it and Celestia feels fine.:trollestia: Another rumble shook the ground as a distant volcano erupted, destroying the rest of what was once Canterlot. Celestia sipped her tea. "This is fine." "CELESTIAAAAAA!" Twilight teleported in front of the princess. "You've got to do something! The rest of my friends are busy evacuating the population! What are you doing here?" "Drinking tea. You want any?" "No!" Twilight swat the floating teacup away. Celestia slurped the tea out of it before it broke. "So, what, you're just gonna let the world end?" "Eyup." Twilight sputtered. "Wh--what? Don't you care about anypony? What about Luna? She had to drop out of the Nashunal Vidya Gaems Tournament to help out! Can't you at least chip in a little?" "Nnope." "C'mon, it's the end of the world as we know it! Don't you feel like something should be done?" Celestia shrugged and offered Twilight another cup of tea.
the world actually was ending, but it affected absolutely no one?Author's Note I suspect GodzillaSpino is the cause of this world-ending event. the world actually was ending, but it affected absolutely no one? A volcano burst its top in the distance. Applejack bucked a tree. "Apple Bloom! Can ya bring me that basket over there?" But Apple Bloom didn't respond, because a giant sinkhole had swallowed up the majority of Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack could only shrug in response; her sister was probably busy with crusader things again. "Twi! The world's ending! What are you doing?" Spike yelled as he ran into the room. "Reading a story about the end of the world." Twilight shooed him off with a wave of her hoof. "Go be irrelevant again somewhere." Apple Bloom drifted through the space within Equestria, which for some odd reason had no gravity. An apple bonked her on the head. "Oh?" was the only thing she said. She ate the apple as the rest of the continent began to sink towards her.
the Forklift Six defeated Nightmare Mover?Author's Note Scyphi, we are now within the age of forklifts. the Forklift Six defeated Nightmare Mover? "You still don't have the sixth Hubcap! The sparkplug didn't work!" "But it did! A... different kind of sparkplug." Twibright Liftle lifted her forks higher in the air. "I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I--" she paused for a moment. "I digress. The spark plug I found within myself when I realized you all... are my forks... I'm not quite sure where the spark plug came from, but when these hubcaps are ignited by the... the spark of this spark plug... the spark plug that resides in the engines of us all... it creates the sixth Hubcap: The Hubcap of Magic!" The six Hubcaps of Harmony hovered silently in the air for a moment before clipping onto each of their wheels. Twibright Liftle's headlights shone in a brilliant white, nearly blinding their nemesis, Nightmare Mover. "No! No! Noooooooooo!" Nightmare Mover screeched, blinded by Twibright's headlights. The rest of the room proceeded to be bathed in white. Princess Sporklestia materialized out of the aether. Her headlights scanned the room, but she found nothing of importance aside from six overturned forklifts and her mover sister. She left without a word.
one of Fluttershy's turkeys wanted to be based and redpilled, but being a turkey, it had to settle for being baste and breadpilled?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger... why? one of Fluttershy's turkeys wanted to be based and redpilled, but being a turkey, it had to settle for being baste and breadpilled? "I want to be based and redpilled!" Turkey #5281-74 gobbled, throwing itself at Fluttershy's face. "I want to have all the chad energy in the world! I want to rule over all others like a king!" Unfortunately, that wasn't Fluttershy that it threw itself at. It was Cuttershy, long-lost distant 7th removed cousin of Fluttershy's third cousin on her great great granddaughter's side with time travel being factored in. And she was hungry. "Oh! You wanna be baste and breadpilled?" Cuttershy smiled politely. She tucked a loose strand of her mane back, patting Turkey #5281-74 on the head. "I don't quite know what you mean by baste, considering you're a male, but I can certainly help with being breadpilled! Give me one moment while I fetch some food for myself as well." Destroyshy, the inverted twin of Cuttershy, emerged from the shadows. A wide grin spread across her face as a cursory glance around showed that Cuttershy was nowhere to be found. "You want to be baste and breadpilled, huh?" Destroyshy murmured in her deep, sultry voice. She whipped out a pair of sunglasses and a flamethrower. "Can't say I can help ya with breadpillin', that's my Cutter's job. But I can sure as hck baste ya." Turkey #5281-74 gobbled in panic just as Cuttershy wandered back in with a carrotdog and a satchel of breadpills.
man door hand hook car door?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger is a master of boiling down horror to the simplest possible sequence of words. man door hand hook car door? "Man." "Go fish." Spike drew a card. "Door?" Twilight raised a brow from behind her cards. "Nope. Go fish." "Hand?" Twilight rolled her eyes and tossed a card across the table. Spike grinned. "Hook?" Another card. "Car door?" One more card. Spike set a book on the table with a wide grin. "MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR DOOR!" Pinkie screamed, falling through the ceiling. "MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR DOOR!" "Well gee, Pinkie, way to ruin the game." Twilight tossed all her cards in the air. "You lose too, Spike." A man at the car door with a hook for a hand peered through the window because it turns out that they were all on a van the entire time and Pinkie had just torn her way through the roof to warn Twi and Spike. "Hello there, young lady!" the man with a hook for a hand waved, his voice muffled by the closed window. Unbeknownst to him, a baseball bat had floated out from underneath the van. It is said that his scream could be heard for miles around as he soared into the horizon.
Tirek and cozy glow had a mentor student relationship. Like Twilight and Celestia have? ( Platonic relationship I feel forced to add this as some people may take the word relationship wrong)Author's Note I hope you've got your seatbelt on, Star love, 'cause where we're going, you'll need it. Tirek and cozy glow had a mentor student relationship. Like Twilight and Celestia have? ( Platonic relationship I feel forced to add this as some people may take the word relationship wrong) "Not-friendship report, day one, Ponyville." Cozy Glow mouthed the words as she wrote them. "I have successfully rigged alicorn traps all around Twilight's Castle, and they are ready to activate at a moment's notice." A far-off explosion rocked the air. Cozy stared at the rising smoke for a moment before continuing her writing. "Correction: they are no longer ready to activate at a moment's notice, as they had given me no prior notice before setting themselves off." ~~and then angry purple alicorn smash through window and go zap zap~~ "ALSO I DON'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE SUCCESSFULLY TRAPPED ANY ALICOOOOOOOORNS--"
Rarity got sent back to her home planet?Author's Note twidash1993 thinks it's Morbin' Time. Rarity got sent back to her home planet? "Farewell, Rarity!" Twilight saluted her alien friend. "Send us a postcard!" "GIRLS PLEASE I'M NOT AN ALIEN I AM INDEED NATIVE TO EQUESTRIA bring me to your leader WHY AM I BEING SENT OFFFFFFFFF?" "Think she'll miss us?" Sweetie Belle walked up beside Twilight. "Nah. She'll be with her kind again." "Rarity. Rarity Rarity!" Rarity Rarity'd to Rarity as she Rarity'd off the spacecraft. "Rarity!" "Excuse me darling, but... why are there so many of me?" "Rarity Rarity Rarity!" Rarity Rarity'd in response. "Rarity! Rarity!" the converting crowd of Raritys chanted; their goddess had returned. Rarity Rarity'd.
Spike was replaced with Spyro?Author's Note Starlight Glimmer1, I don't think Twilight would be very happy. ~~also outside of occasional memes and references I have 0 spyro experience~~ Spike was replaced with Spyro? "Where is Spike?" No response. "Spyro, that is your name, right?" The Spyro figurine fell on its side. Twilight set down her newspaper. "Three days. Three days, Spike has been missing, and our only lead is you." Naturally, as an inanimate object, the Spyro figurine did nothing. Twilight floated a teacup to her lips, taking a sip. She set it back down. Spyro did nothing. A knock came at the door. "Come in," Twilight sighed. "Door's unlocked." Celestia let herself in, hanging her mane up on the hat rack. Though she wasn't in view, Twilight could feel the grim expression on the Princess's face. As for Twilight herself, she didn't bother to turn. "Anything?" "No." "Mind the Spyro figurine. I'd rather it not be crushed unintentionally." Celestia glanced downward, stepping around the little purple blob of plastic as she made her way towards a seat. An audible ruffle of feathers rose from her with every movement. "Have you contacted the Crystal Empire about Spike's disappearance?" Celestia shook her head. "Then what are you here for?" "You see--" Celestia lit her horn. "Though I do not feel this is an appropriate time to mention it, I believe I have entirely forgotten to grant you a Raven." "Wh--" Raven Inkwell #160 promptly fell out of a portal and onto Twilight.
Celestia's coolness was negative, making Rainbow's coolness even more negative?Author's Note epiccuttlefish, you were supposed to boost the coolness, not invert it! Celestia's coolness was negative, making Rainbow's coolness even more negative? "Hey, fellow cool kids!" Celestia the no-longer-princess skidded by on her sled pulled by magical beanie babies. "What's kickin'? I heard there was this crazy new thing called the interwebz y'all have been going cray-cray over!" The bubble she was blowing popped in her face. "No! The coolness! It's draaaaiiiiiniiiiiiiing!" Empress Rainbow Dash wailed as her 120% coolness factor over Celestia was used against her. "N-no, I can feel it, t-the... the cringe!" "Embrace the cringe!" Celestia cackled, falling off her skateboard and drinking a can of lukewarm water, "You are me, and I am you! Our destinies are--hic--intertwined!" Rainbow Dash felt a shudder run down her spine as the urge to bend over and eat a nice hoof-full of gravel began to set in. "Must... resist..." her voice was strained. "Must... stay... cool!" She snatched a fly out of the air with a pair of nun-chucks she was holding like chopsticks, and proceeded to eat it. It tasted like a walk. "No! My coolness!" Rainbow spat out the fly. "Problem?" Celestia's voice sung in such a broken tone that a new genre of garbage was born that day. "I promise you, it will only get worse." Rainbow's eyes widened as Celestia widened her grin. Yellow and green covered each and every exposed tooth in her mouth as she took another massive bite out of a nearby patch of grass. "Look at meeeeee, I'm publicly grazing!" Rainbow Dash proceeded to be hit in the face by a stray basketball. "Dude! You were supposed to catch that! You just lost us the game!" Fluttershy smacked Rainbow on the back and picked up the basketball. "Sucks to suck, dork." Rainbow Dash screamed. And then she choked on her own saliva and went into a coughing fit before screaming some more.
Twilight took "New Year New You" far to literally and started changing everything and everyone around her?Author's Note Rhonie8k planted the idea and now they must suffer the consequences. Twilight took "New Year New You" far to literally and started changing everything and everyone around her? "Happy New Year, Spike!" Twilight peeked through the open bathroom door. "New year, new you!" "Wha-" Spike spun around just in time to be transformed into a cactus with legs. Twilight slowly rose from behind the counter in Sugarcube Corner. She stared deeply into the eyes of the first customer of the day. "New year, new you." She slipped behind the counter again, leaving a cupcake in the place of the customer, and an upside-down Pinkie Pie in the place of Pinkie Pie. "CELESTIA!!1!!!!!111!!1!" Twilight bashed her head through the doors of the alicorn's bedroom, her horn blazing with magic. "THINK FAST, CHUCKLENUTS!" Heavy groaned, throwing the blankets over his head. Twilight pointed at herself in a mirror. "New year, new me. New year, new me. New year, new me." She shut her eyes and blasted herself, triggering her EVOLUTION INTO HER NEXT FORM, TWIBLAZE SPARKTACULAR. CATCH UP ON MORE TWIBLAZE CONTENT NEXT TIME IN OUR NEXT ISSUE OF TWIBLAZE SETS THE WORLD AFLAME, RIGHT HERE IN YOUR PERSONAL MENTAL BRAINWORM! You proceed to be blasted in the face by Twiblaze Sparktacular. New year, new you.
Twilight Sparkle was E V E R Y P O N Y?Author's Note technically a rehash of "what if twilight sparkle was a generic term" or whatever the hecc that chapter was called lol Twilight Sparkle was E V E R Y P O N Y? "Spike." Applejack slowly turned her head. "I have something to tell you." "Hm?" "I'm Twilight." Spike blinked, taking another bite out of the grapefruit in his claws. Yes, with the peel on. "I'm serious, Spike. And so is Fluttershy, and Rainbow, and every other pony here in Equestria." Spike swallowed the rest of the grapefruit. "Alright, Applejack, let's take you to Nurse Redheart." "But Nurse Redheart is also Twilight," the aforementioned mare stepped up behind Spike. "Oooooo-kay then, how about we go to Zeco--" "She isn't me," Applejack and Nurse Redheart droned in unison. "She was not here during the incident." Celestia landed between the three with a heavy whumph. Splaying her wings out, she declared in all her glory... "I too, am Twilight." "TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--" Spike bolted off, "TWILIGHT! EVERYONE'S ACTING WEIRD ALL OF A SUDDEN!" "Twilight!" Spike kicked the door down. "Twilight, why are ponies saying that they're you?" Twilight didn't budge from the chair she sat in. "...Twilight?" "I'm so, so sorry, Spike. They're telling the truth." "Wh--" "They're all gone. They've been gone for years now." "Twilight--" Spike stepped over the remains of the door he'd kicked open. "--what are you even talking about? I was just talking with Applejack earlier! What do you mean they're gone?" Twilight turned her head to Spike, tears streaming down her face. "Never underestimate the power of a book on vocal impressions, Spike." "When Tirek took all the magic. Do you remember that?" Spike gave a singular nod. "It wasn't just magic that he drained from their bodies. Even after their magic was restored, ponies began to drop left and right. They still breathed; their bodies were perfectly fine--but their minds?" Twilight pointed a hoof to her horn. "Gone with the magic. It came slow at first, with ponies forgetting things left and right, but eventually, they too would become husks of their former selves. They all live within me now. Or at least, they try to. When we stripped Tirek of the power he stole, there were some... unintended side-effects. Every pony you see out there today--those are puppets. Bodies I control to give them at least a semblance of their past lives." She lowered her hoof. "I am the last pony in Equestria, Spike."
instead of Celestia banishing Nightmare Moon, she accidentally banished the moon?Author's Note I checked chapter 513 and saw your comment, Possibly me! instead of Celestia banishing Nightmare Moon, she accidentally banished the moon? Princess Celestia stared at Nightmare Moon. Then at the moon. Or at least, at the void that filled the spot where the moon once was. It was hard to tell on account of the night being incredibly dark now without a giant ball of rock in the sky. "So uh," Celestia held out a hoof to her sister. "Wanna call it a truce for now? I'll buy you a new Neighstation Too." Nightmare Moon didn't say anything because the moon had been banished to her, grinding her into the ground. Unfortunately, Celestia did not see this as it was too dark to notice the humongous monolith of stone in front of her that was rapidly fragmenting the planet's crust as it began its descent toward the core. "Well, I suppose this is better than banishing the sun to myself," Celestia mused as magma began to bubble up between the cracks. ~~and now the floor is lava.~~
interjections interjected themselves?Author's Note How would that even work, Horseus King of Horses? interjections interjected themselves? "But then--" "Yes," Spike interjected. "Very mu--maybe." "Did you just--" "Yes," Spike interjected again. Louder. ~~dear celestia why do you make me write these things~~ "If so, but then not why?" Twilight babbled, all sense of language and logic boiling out of her skull and pouring from her ears. Metaphorically, of course. Unless you're weird like that. "Perhaps but then not yes why how huh?" Celestia descended angelically from the conveniently placed hole in the ceiling that totally wasn't there before. "I'm sorry, my dear disgracefully-expelled-for-medical-reasons student," she aimed her super-ultra-turbo-laser directly at Twilight. "The medical reasons you were expelled for are terminal. I'll have to put you down." Unfortunately, Twilight interjected the firing process--if that's even a thing that can happen--causing the ultra-death laser to momentarily pause in thought and decide that the sun was a better target than this strange horse thing. And that's how the sun went supernova!
Chef Boyardee sought revenge for being banned?Author's Note We're headin' into the Spaghetverse, Scyphi! Resistance is futile. Chef Boyardee sought revenge for being banned? Chef Boyardee rubbed his hooves together, cackling as the low-quality spinning rat made its 1000th spin. "Yes, yes! Spin, my precious one! Spin!" "Boss!" a muffled voice shouted from behind the heavily armored walls. "Boss! We found ya!" "Spaghet?" Boyardee paused his cackling. "Spaghet! Is Tio with you?" "Tio perished in the Great Sauce Conflict, I'm afraid. But I'm here to get you out!" Chef Boyardee looked back at low-quality spinning rat, a tear running down his cheek. "I will miss you, my dearest," he whispered, placing a hoof against the screen. "But alas, I shall return one day! Spaghet! Where are you?" "Down here, boss!" the toilet gurgled. Boyardee dove into the toilet, emerging minutes later from a strange green pipe. "And now, my ultimate revenge plan..." The ground began to rumble as Boyardee rose into the air, standing atop a gigantic meatball. "I will eclipse the sun with my delicious meat, and the night shall last forever!" It will drive many more pasta sales as couples go out on more dates in restaurants that will serve my pasta! Princess Luna froze up mid-game. Someone just said something cringe.
ZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEAuthor's Note PRAISE BE UNTO ZOEY ZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOEYZOE ONE BEAUTIFUL, ABSOLUTELY STUNNING, EXTRAVAGANT DAY OF BEAUTY. HORSE. GIRL. "HI MY NAME IS TWILIME SPARKY." TWILIME SPARKY SHOUTED BECAUSE SHE IS TWILIGHT BUT GREEN. "HI IM ZOEY!!!!!1!!11!!!111!!1!" ZOEY ZOEY'D. AND THEN EQUESTRIA GO BOOM. BECAUSE IT HASN'T GONE BOOM IN A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME.
Equestria was saved with cringe?Author's Note It's cringe or be cringe, Starkice. Equestria was saved with cringe? "Behold! It is I, The Storm ChryssaNightmareTireGlowcordKing! I am here to claim my rightful place as ruler of the world!" "No!" Twilight shouted back. She Fortnite-danced into an epic gamer choreographed dab with all of her e🅱ic g8mer friends before whipping out a comedically-large fedora. "For you, my incoherent shambling mound of shapes, I wield only my strongest weapon." She whipped out a pair of rusty scissors. "Behold! A relic of a bygone era, when times were simpler! It imbues a power upon me that none have known for a great many eons, and--" "Twi." Applejack placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "Those are the pair of safety scissors you had to get a tetanus shot for touching fifteen years ago." "SHUT--" The Storm ChryssaNightmareTireGlowcordKing decided that this planet was not suitable for one as grandiose as themselves. ~~idk I haven't written anything in the past few weeks~~
the rusty safety scissors took over Equestria as it's rightful ruler instead?Author's Note Scyphi donated the rusty scissors. the rusty safety scissors took over Equestria as it's rightful ruler instead? A pair of rusty safety scissors sat in what was once Princess Celestia's throne. Nopony knew how it got there, or why it was there. The pair of guards tasked with ensuring the safety of the Princesses continued to stare. Also Luna was nowhere to be seen but that wasn't important at the moment. "Should we--" Left Guard took a step toward the scissors. "No. It is our duty to defend anyone that sits upon that throne," Right Guard, Left Guard's closest friend, blocked the latter with a hoof. "Do not question our wise leader." "It's a rusty pair of safety scissors, Right." En Garde dropped from his ceiling perch, sword hovering in his grasp. "Left's right, Right. How can an inanimate object rule Equestria? I have searched all across the castle and I find neither a trace of the Princess nor a reason for these scissors to take her place." A quiet clink caught the three guards' attention. The scissors were now on the floor. "See--" Left Guard gestured at the floor scissors. "--I told you, the rusty scissors have no right to rule!" Another clink. En Garde's sword dropped to the floor, leaving no trace of its owner. "...Garde?" Right Guard peered around the room. "Garde, where'd you go?" "R-Right..." Left Guard began nudging his friend. "Right, I believe it's in our best interest to leave the scissors be." "But you said it yourself, Left, the scissors..." Right's gaze dropped to the rapidly approaching pair of rusty safety scissors. "Right, we need to leave. Now." And so Left Guard and Right Guard rightly left the premises.
Pinkie Pie was secretly not Pie? Like an unholy brussel-sprouts-broccoli-cauliflower amalgamation?Author's Note CharonX, what hast thou wrought upon mine eyes? Pinkie Pie was secretly not Pie? Like an unholy brussel-sprouts-broccoli-cauliflower amalgamation? Pinkie BrusseBroccoCauliflower oozed out of her sickly green shed, reforming herself into a broken memory of the shape of a pony. A moist squelch bubbled up from beneath her slimy hooves as they solidified into a pastier consistency. "Salutations, Pinkie BrusseBroccoCauliflower!" Discord emerged from the patch of mold Pinkie had been caringly nurturing on the outer side of her left foreleg. "How's the goo, girlie?" "Sickly!" Pinkie's voice came as a haunting wheeze of wet wind. Pieces of rotting brussel sprouts splattered Discord in the face. "Just the way I like it." Discord absorbed the debris into himself, nodding. "Excellent, excellent. Listen, how about we bake Celestia the most gruesome cake to have ever been cake'd? Right here, right now." Celestia was found deceased under mysterious circumstances in a garbage can behind the local Chuck E. Cheese's the next day.
Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta steal Rainbow Dash's secret stash of garlic bread?Author's Note AntiBronyBenSwolo asked this on Tumblr! Catra, Scorpia, and Entrapta steal Rainbow Dash's secret stash of garlic bread? Rainbow Dash lay on her bed that was totally not made entirely of garlic bread. Absolutely not. Do not believe the rumors. Catra, of course, did the polar opposite of that because NOBODY tells Catra what to do... except maybe Adora. She poked her head up from behind the window, an ear twitching as her eyes set upon the stash of garlic bread. Rainbow Dash let out a loud snore. "Alright, she's prone. Now's our time to strike," Catra waved up Scorpia. "You, make sure she doesn't wake. Sting her or something, I don't care how you do it. Entrapta?" "Yes?" Entrapta's hair was already halfway through the window. "Don't... disassemble anything this time, alright? Not even the alarm clock." "Sorry, what were you saying?" the rest of Entrapta caught up with Catra, already pulling back the very-clearly disassembled clock. "It would've rung at any moment." Catra blinked. "Fiiine, anyway, we're set. You've got the doohickey, right?" "Yup!" Entrapta held up a pipe bomb small drone. "Depending on the size of the garlic bread, we should be able to bring the entire stash down!" "Entrapta. It's not tiny food." "I know that," Entrapta tapped a box mounted underneath. "Which is why this bad boy folds out to make a BIGGER box!" Catra looked between the bed and the drone before facepalming. "No, that's still not gonna be enough." She paused, turning again to the bed made of garlic bread. Or at least, the lack of one. Scorpia threw the last piece of garlic bread out the window with a free claw, still cradling the sleeping Rainbow Dash with her other arm.
Princess Twilight kept a shrunken version of Celestia in her pocket for advice?Author's Note Still here, The Spy of the Tiger! Princess Twilight kept a shrunken version of Celestia in her pocket for advice? "Twilight!" Spike enveloped the door, absorbing it into his form as he spoke. "Half of Ponyville has been taken hostage by immortal snails that kill anypony that they touch!" Twilight narrowed her eyes. "What are the snails doing now?" "Approaching your castle. Slowly." "Alrighty, one sec--" Twilight rummaged in her conveniently-placed pocket that just kinda was... there. Spike swore she'd genetically modified herself to be part kangaroo for that. She pulled out a tiny Celestia, taking a deep breath. "PUNY PRINCESS, WHAT DO PRINCESS DO FOR EVIL SNAIL?" Tiny Celestia winced at the booming voice of Twilight, tapping her tiny hooves against Twilight's own to calm the mare down. "First, do you know at what speed they are approaching, and their current location?" Twilight looked to Spike. "Slow as a snail. It'll take them weeks, if not months, to reach us from their current location." Celestia nodded wisely. "Nuclear airstrike it is." Twilight saluted as Spike's eyes widened in horror.
the shrunken Celestia was evil the whole time?Author's Note I just realized that there are only 63 days left in 2023 so here's a bonus chapter for Starlight Glimmer1. the shrunken Celestia was evil the whole time? "Muahahahahaaaaa!" Tiny Celestia cackled from deep inside Twilight's pockets. She crossed out Ponyville in thick red marker, grinning devilishly from ear to ear. "With Ponyville gone, the defenders of Equestria too will be obliterated! And then, I shall be sunstoppable!" "Dontcha mean unstoppable, boss?" a gruff earth pony waddled up beside Tiny Celestia in her tiny lair. "And why--" "Silence!" Celestia stuck her hoof over the earth pony's muzzle. "S u n s t o p p a b l e." "Or you could just bum me another bag of hay chips," Tiny Luna lobbed a crumpled-up bag at her sister from the couch. "Takes energy to be evil, y'know." She flashed a fanged grin, her pupils becoming narrow slits for a split second before returning to their drowsy selves. "You'll get your hay chips--" Celestia stamped her hoof on the floor "--when we become sunstoppable!" "Again with that stupid pun," Luna groaned. "I swear, 'the night will last forever' is INFINITELY cooler than your whole 'sunstoppable' thing. And why are we even in here, again?" "Because," Celestia loomed over her sister. "Rent is too high, and evil doesn't pay enough to survive in a world of hypercapitalism." "We're the Princesses of Equestria, Celly. We don't pay rent." "...Oh." And so Tiny Daybreaker and Tiny Nightmare Moon burst out of Twilight's pocket and took over Equestria. Even though they already ruled it. Tiny Dale remained stuck inside the pocket.
the only one able to fix the space time continuum was Hackerman?Author's Note Certified hackerman Sunset Shimmer sends her regards, The Spy of the Tiger. the only one able to fix the space time continuum was Hackerman? "Twilight!" Sunset Shimmer burst through a bookshelf. "Come with me if you wanna save time and space!" "Wh--" Twilight seethed, staring at the scattered books all over the floor. "I just reshelved those! If you wanna help me save time and space, then you should reshelve those books for me." Sunset lit her horn and dragged Twilight through the dimensional gateway. Kicking and screaming, of course. Always gotta have the kicking and screaming. "--and so, with the magic of radios, this gun I found, and some rare elements that can only be obtained by the strength of a hundred children working the mines, I believe I have come across the solution to fix space time!" Twilight looked at Sunset. Then to the gaming laptop on her lap. Then to the rocket launcher duct-taped to her hoof." "And that is--" "This!" Sunset flipped the laptop around. "I run Arch btw." "How did you just say 'btw' like that?" Sunset shrugged. "Anyway, if I run this special program that I've just written here--" she typed some commands out. Don't mind the fact that she has hooves. The keyboard works as long as you don't question it. I said don't question it. "--there. And that's all of reality, fixed! You're welcome by the way." Twilight blinked, staring at the screen. "Sunset. That's a fanfiction you wrote. It's..." she leaned in closer. "A self-insert shipfic with... Flash Sentry?" "Shut," Sunset whipped the laptop back around and began furiously typing again. "There," she flipped it around again. "Press any button. This is a script that taps into the underlying supercomputer network running the simulations that our universe is built on top of." Twilight pressed the power button. Sunset screamed.
Twilight used her new Glizard powers to make it big in the hot dog selling business?Author's Note Scyphi knows that in this world, it's [REDACTED FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS]. Twilight used her new Glizard powers to make it big in the hot dog selling business? Twilight strolled upon the solid-gold pathway to her crystal palace. Said palace had long-since gotten a giant hot dog statue installed over where her cutie mark had once been... That is, the spire that once represented the Element of Magic itself, was now instead a vaguely-obscene hot dog with a ketchup bow-tie. "Hello, madam!" an orphan--one that surely hadn't had even a single bit to his name--scampered up to her, gazing skyward to even catch a glimpse of Twilight's majestic Glizard power-enhanced face. Also because she now wears massive stilettos that are stilts in all but name. "Are you able to spare some bits? I am so hungry!" Twilight felt her eyes begin to water. She remembered when she was hungry once... before she'd ascended to a higher state of being... before she became the Glizard... Yes, she knew what to do at this very instant for this poor orphan child. She lit her horn, watching the colt's eyes light up with anticipation. "Oh boy! Now I'll never go hungry again!" the poor orphan hot dog teetered away as quickly as his stubby little legs could manage.
applebloom used her garlic bread powers to make the best [REDACTED] grilled cheese the world has ever known?Author's Note Perfectly Insane is perfectly insane. applebloom used her garlic bread powers to make the best [REDACTED] grilled cheese the world has ever known? "Oh my stars!" Celestia moaned into her grilled cheese sandwich. No, not the questionably horse man that hooked up with Pinkie. "This is the best ing thing I've had since sliced bread!" Apple Bloom regurgitated another slice of garlic bread onto the portable grill that she'd conveniently found in the Royal Canterlot Armory, pressing a spatula against it after applying a generous amount of cheese on top. "'Nother grilled cheese, Princess?" Celestia e n v e l o p e d the rest of the grilled cheese without chewing. Like, Apple Bloom was pretty sure there that the Princess of Equestria had just unhinged her jaw. Whatever. More business for Sweet Apple Acres meant less stuff her sister had to do! "Mmph. Yes, please!" Celestia wiped her muzzle with a Royal Guard. "Keep 'em coming! You got any of that coke too?" Apple Bloom stiffened. She forgot completely about Celestia's... hobbies. "I-I'll let mah sister know you'd like another batch of fresh Zap Apple preserves." "No no no, co. And seven [VERY REDACTED FOR A RATED E STORY]. Twelve pounds of [DEAR STARS ABOVE CELLY STOP IT], too. You already know my tastes in the seven [NUCLEAR EXPLOSION NOISES]." "Done, done, and done," Apple Bloom finished writing the notes out on her flank. If she wasn't getting a cutie mark from this, she'd make one herself. Ignore the fact that she already got a mark. "We're out of coke, by the way, is Bepis okay?" "Crystal Bepis or you're banished to the sun." Apple Bloom felt a lump form in her throat.
when Twilight ascend, she was taken to the Council of Purple Ones to decide her power?Author's Note ScopingLandscape is here and ready for battle. when Twilight ascend, she was taken to the Council of Purple Ones to decide her power? Twilight opened her eyes. All around her was an endless plane of white and blue. She'd just completed Starswirl's spell--did she fail? Did it backfire? Her heart dropped. Did she die? "Oh, no no no--" Twilight began to pace in a circle. "I can't be dead, otherwise I'd be tardy to Celestia's next class! Er... wait." She paused. "Right, disgracefully expelled for medical reasons." Still. Where was she? "You there. Lavender unicorn," a nasal voice boomed overhead. Twilight turned around. Barney the Dinosaur stood beside a fully-armored Thanos and... Spike? There was also some purple blob with a face that was holding a milkshake, and another purple blob that looked vaguely like one of those "hoo-mins" that Lyra always obsessed over. Spike slowly regurgitated a piece of ravioli. "Do I get powers like that?" she pointed a hoof at him. Thanos shook his head, snapping his fingers. "You will see in time, purple one." Twilight descended from the heavens above in a blazing ball of light, landing softly on the ground between all her friends. She unfurled her new wings as she landed, showing off her new limbs in all their glory. She then proceeded to begin coughing up a storm. "Twilight, darling, whatever are you doing?" "Pasta," Twilight wheezed, beads of spit dripping from her muzzle. "I want my pasta. WHERE IS MY PASTA, THANOS?" she shook a hoof at the sky. "I'LL ANNIHILATE MYSELF WITH STARSWIRL'S SPELL AGAIN IF I HAVE TO." Rarity slowly backed away from the deranged mare.
when you become an alicorn, you also slowly morph into a Biblically-accurate angel, and most of your power is used to maintain the illusion of a winged unicorn?Author's Note ScopingLandscape is secretly a biblically-accurate angel. when you become an alicorn, you also slowly morph into a Biblically-accurate angel, and most of your power is used to maintain the illusion of a winged unicorn? Twilight opened her eyes. All sixty-seven of them. That was new. Three more than yesterday. And one more wing, too. A horrifying screech emanated from where her mouth once was as she yawned. Spike had long-since grown accustomed to her smiting gaze by now, what with living in the same castle as her from the very beginning of the transformation. She lit her twenty-third horn and cloaked her form to better match that of her mortal subjects... and proceeded to immediately collapse in a heap on the floor. Spike's muffled voice came from behind the door. "Alright, I'll get you another cup of coffee."
Twilight got sent back to Magic Kindergarten?Author's Note It was an honor writing with you, Level Dasher. o7 Twilight got sent back to Magic Kindergarten? "And as my next act as the de-facto Empress of the Galaxy," Empress Goatlestia bleated in a way that only a goat could speak. "Astronaut Twilight." "Yes?" Astronaut Twilight peeked out from behind the giant vats of pudding that both Twilakin and Celestiwan were currently being held in. "Go back to magic kindergarten. You've already been disgracefully expelled for medical reasons and I couldn't think of any other way to further denigrate you." "Oh." "Now, off with you! And leave the hooligans in the pudding while you're at it." Astronaut Twilight jingled miserably across the floor. "Teacherrrrrr," a filly raised her hoof. "Why's that weird old mare in here again?" Astronaut Twilight grumbled under her breath from the time-out duct tape prison dangling from the ceiling. She should've known better not to open portals to parallel universes during snack time.
Ginosaji set its sights on Lyra Heartstrings?Author's Note Ellery Quinn is slowly but surely approaching us with a spoon. We are doomed. Ginosaji set its sights on Lyra Heartstrings? Lyra felt something smack her on the back of the head. "Ow--" she whipped around with a rocket launcher, immediately ready to use her pricey imported human weaponry to obliterate whatever had just mildly annoyed her. The pony that'd bumped into her while passing and dropped a miniature anvil from their tray full of tiny acme props profusely apologized for the incident, backing away and falling off a cliff Wiley E. Coyote style. Speaking of which, why is there a cliff in the middle of Donut Joe's diner? Lyra felt something smack her hoof. After firing a couple rockets over the ledge and into oblivion after the pony that so violently assaulted her moments prior, she spun around to exact the same vengeance on whoever else was bold enough to disturb her. The creature... no, the human... was it human? Lyra's excited breaths rose and fell like a rollercoaster having derailed. The thing in front of her dinged her on the muzzle with its spoon. Lyra sneezed. The creature smacked her on the muzzle with a larger spoon, tucking away the original spoon behind its coat. She sneezed again, readying her rocket launcher. It was smacked out of her grasp with a comedically-large spoon right before she was lightly tapped on the head with a comedically-small spoon. Lyra is now doomed.
there was something involved [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] showed up, followed by Chrysalis sobbing in defeat while hugging Starlight like she was a teddy bear, and Starlight says: "It's tradition"?Author's Note PlymothFury58 was MoonButt420's medic. there was something involved [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] showed up, followed by Chrysalis sobbing in defeat while hugging Starlight like she was a teddy bear, and Starlight says: "It's tradition"? "CHRYSALIS," Starlight shouted into the deep dark dank cave. "I HAVE COME TO BARGAIN." "Five more minutes," Chrysalis shouted back over the sounds of virtual explosions. "I will defeat MoonButt420 in glorious combat!" "You said five more five minutes ago!" Starlight entered Chryssi's epic gamer cave. "C'mon, Chrysalis, the rest of your hive's waiting for you to reform. You know that there's nowhere else to--" "F!" Chrysalis screeched at the top of her lungs. She impaled her monitor with her controller. "To Tartarus with MoonButt420! To Tartarus with Muffinloverzzzz! I--" A message popped up from the amazingly still-working corner of her screen. Something about MoonButt420 and Chryssi's mother. Chrysalis whimpered. Massive tears rolled down her cheeks as that final little push put her over the edge. Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine. I guess you are my little pogchamp, come here," Starlight stepped closer to Chrysalis, ready to give the sobbing queen a warm hug. She stroked Chryssi's hair as she sobbed into her shoulder. "There, there. It's tradition to get cyberbullied after being defeated in Multiplayer Minesweeper." Chrysalis lifted her head a little, still sniffing. "This is that bargain you spoke of, isn't it?" "No, the bargain was giving you an RTX 4090 if you reformed and returned to your hive." "Oh."
Thanos gave Twilight salad powers instead, because everybody needed to be eating healthier?Author's Note Scyphi is Thanos? Real???? Thanos gave Twilight salad powers instead, because everybody needed to be eating healthier? A hole tore open in the cloud layer separating this plane of reality and the next. From it, a lone purple hoof emerged, followed by the rest of the huffing mare. "THANOS," Twilight wheezed, "I--" She faceplanted on the clouds. It took a whole lotta effort to smash her way into an ethereal dimension, y'know. Twilight awoke within an Olive Garden. Her eyes shot open, wider than ever before as she realized the implications of doing so. Did she now have unlimited breadstick powers? Infinite soup? She fluttered her new wings in excitement. Mixed greens shed from her feathers with every movement. "Wh-no, no no no no no--" she lifted her wing as an entire head of lettuce dropped with a thud onto the floor beside her. "Salad powers? But I want my pa--" "Perfectly balanced," Thanos's voice echoed through her head, "As all things should be."
Trixie cloned herself upside down three times and tried to take over the Crystal Empire and Seaquestria with flamethrowers being held by kittens wearing PJs on bikes?Author's Note Luluamoon-Crystal... what???????? Trixie cloned herself upside down three times and tried to take over the Crystal Empire and Seaquestria with flamethrowers being held by kittens wearing PJs on bikes? "YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SOMBRA," Trixthree shouted from atop her army of pajama-wearing, flamethrower-wielding, bike-riding kittens. "Why, of course my days are numbered, I use a--" Sombra didn't have the time to finish his recycled joke before he was banished to the sun by the might of THREE unicorns. Not one, not two, and four is far too many. Trixthree gently placed a kitten on the throne of the Crystal Empire. We do not speak of what happened to the royal family that once inhabited the palace. There never was a royal family. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Trixthree used one of her three selves to slingshot the other two into the ocean after that. "Hey hey," Trixtwo nudged the current ruler of Seaquestria, who was inexplicably an oversized seahorse. Not that kind of seahorse, the other kind. No no, the other other kind. "Guess what?" "Wh--" All of Equestria's oceans were immediately evaporated by the might of five hundred billion flamethrower-wielding kittens.
equestria was attacked by the fire nation?Author's Note Tell me, RandomCommentor, do you like bananas? equestria was attacked by the fire nation? "A nation that is not of the elements?" Fire Lord Ozai lifted a brow as he sipped his tea. "How peculiar. And pathetic. Tell my disgraceful brother that his tea is weak." He slammed the teacup through the table and stood up, walking confidently to the bow of his airship. Far below, the pastel colors of Equestria's infrastructure glimmered in the dwindling light of dusk. A confident smirk spread across Ozai's face as he lifted his hands in prepara-- "NOT OF THE ELEMENTS?" a pale, flying... horned... poodle pony??? No-- "NOT OF THE ELEMENTS???" the creature screeched again, its bloodshot gaze piercing deep into even Ozai's hardened heart. It lowered itself down to his eye level. "Tell me, do you like bananas?" "Enough with this," Ozai abruptly swung a fiery punch at the creature. Said punch bounced off apparently painlessly. "I'll take that as a no," the creature responded. "So you're a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyetch that doesn't like mmmmmmmmbananas." Ozai lifted into the air himself now, propelled by the flames emitting from his limbs. "Out of my way. For your disrespect, I will personally ensure that you watch your kingdom burn." A golden glow suddenly surrounded him, preventing any further movement. He struggled against his restraints even as his flames went out. Surely, this creature couldn't be the avatar. It was that child! This had to be an elaborate ruse to lower his guar-- "Well, that's good," the pale creature lifted a cannon of some sort up from below before stuffing him inside. "'Cause you ain't findin' any bananas on the moooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ozai didn't have the time for words as he found himself hurtling upwards and out of the atmosphere. A faint roar of delight followed him up. "Byetch!"
Astronaut Twilight spent her time taped to the ceiling of magic kindergarten on a nice game of Counter-Strike?Author's Note The Spy of the Tiger knows whether or not Astronaut Twilight is using cheats or not. Astronaut Twilight spent her time taped to the ceiling of magic kindergarten on a nice game of Counter-Strike? "Teacherrrrrr!" a colt pointed a hoof at the ceiling. "Why does she get to pwn noobs when the rest of us have to draw flowers?" Astronaut Twilight took a swig of her Mountain Dew before cramming a hoofful of Doritos into her mouth, raining crumbs down on the colt beneath her as she got another kill. She momentarily tore her gaze away from the $10,000 ultra-RGB gaming laptop that she'd had hidden in the ceiling tiles. "Am not, I'm playing a very educational game. I learn how to count, see?" She tossed a grenade (in-game, of course) and waited a few seconds before a flash lit up her screen momentarily. "See? That right there lets me count up by threes! Three kills, six kills, nine kills, and--" her talking was momentarily cut off by the sounds of gunfire. "Fifteen!" The colt counted with his hooves the best he could, given that fingers were not a horse kind of thing. "Wait, but that's not counting up by three with that last number!" "Sounds like a you problem," Twilight returned her attention to pulverizing noobs before being unceremoniously swat with a broom by the teacher.
something something Adam Sandler's Click?Author's Note An off-site request? A. Sandle R. is bringin' this one in hot and fresh on a rusty platter! ~~I have never watched an Adam Sandler movie in my life and this whole chapter is based on two paragraphs I read off Wikipedia.~~ something something Adam Sandler's Click? Rainbow Dash stared at the remote sitting on the counter. "Don't do it, Rainbow. Don't you dare use it. Cast it into the fire, destroy--" Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder at Twilight as she pressed the fast-forward button. "Congrats on the promotion," Soarin' nudged Rainbow in the side as he took off. "Sorry Scoots couldn't be here for the ceremony." "Huh?" Rainbow's attention was suddenly torn as Derpy crashed into her, causing her to land on top of the remote. Celestia strained against the red giant threatening to envelop the planet. Her hooves slipped a little as she grunted. "Go, Rainbow!" she took a moment to shoo the pegasus away. "It's not safe here anymore!" Rainbow Dash peeled herself off the remote but was too late as Celestia finally faltered. Rainbow Dash awoke in the Bed Bath & Beyond, staring at the remote in front of her. Celestigoat, who'd been demoted to janitorial duties, took a bite out of it. What.
Twilight pondered her orbAuthor's Note The Spy of the Tiger holds the world record in number of orbs pondered. Twilight pondered her orb Twilight pondered her orb of orbiness. It was very orbish, and she was *this close* to orbing her way into the orb finals of orbing. It was a surprise that there was even such a competition in the first place. Trixie peeked in through the open door but was promptly incinerated by Twilight's death glare. She returned to her pondering. Admittedly, the requirements of the competition being that she had to watch Princess Celestia's daily life for a week straight on the orb was strange, but the winner got a lifetime supply of college textbooks! Do you know how expensive those things are? Twilight salivated at the thought of all those books. Onto her orb.
Celestia got super drunk off rum cake and forced fluttershy and octavia to married because she always secretly shipped it?Author's Note Rhonie8k ships it. The final chapter of What If, I've decided, will be dedicated to my dog, Cody. He wouldn't want me to dwell on his loss to the point of it taking over my life. He will always be with me in my memories. Celestia got super drunk off rum cake and forced fluttershy and octavia to married because she always secretly shipped it? "Now kiss!" Celestia pushed the heads of the two mares closer together. "Smooch! Kissy kissy!" Octavia turned her face away. "No! My love stands with Miss Scratch!" Fluttershy, for her part, only meekly resisted, shrinking away the best that she could from the alicorn's extreme shipping. Celestia swept her MLP toys under her bed and whistled inconspicuously as Luna slammed the door open, a pair of game controllers dangling in her grasp.
a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit toAuthor's Note a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit to be the princess of friendship? Rhonie8k is the new Pokemon Master! a herd of Mareep [they are adorable electric sheep pokemon] and a single Wooloo [an adorable super round normal sheep pokemon] took over Twilight's castle because as adorable sheep they are cuter and friendlier making them as a collective more fit to "Wake up, sheeple!" Spike shook the Wooloo from its slumber. This was widely considered to be a Bad Move, and so agreed the Mareep High Council. As the collective heirs to the Princess of Friendship's throne, they sentenced Spike to one year of anger management.
Tall Pipp did a comeback tour?Author's Note Scyphi, why????! Tall Pipp did a comeback tour? Legs the size of redwood trees crashed down between buildings in what remained of Ponyville. Ponies screamed as they scattered from the lumbering steps of the behemoth terrorizing their community. Every so often, a mechanical claw reached down from the skies above and snatched a pony from the ground, returning them not a minute later, knee-less. And the pink behemoth? Just a little taller than before. "Oh my gosh, so you wouldn't believe what just happened!" Pipp's streamer voice boomed from up above. "So, I was just walking downtown, and then this huge mob of ponies started running away from me? And I think it's because I forgot to put my makeup on or something. I don't know, but I'm going to Sephora right now." ~~I legit do not remember how Pipp talks but I know that she was pretty much the pony equivalent of a streamer~~
Sweetie Giraffee became president and Scootaroo vice president? And Tall Pipp became the secretary of state?Author's Note Scootaroo? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long, long time, twidash1993. And I suppose we've got another tag-team chapter goin' with Scyphi tagging along. Sweetie Giraffee became president and Scootaroo vice president? And Tall Pipp became the secretary of state? Sweetie Giraffee, the cousin of the far more hostile Sweetie Giraffe and the far wiser Sweaty Jiraf, tapped her tall microphone. "Ahem. I would like to thank everyone here today on electing me and my good friend Scootaroo as president and vice-president of Equestria. I will be appointing Tall Pipp as secretary of state, effective immediately, and I promise you all that this nation is in good hooves." "A democratic election? In my authoritarian state?" Celestia crash-landed on the stage and ate the microphone. It was disgusting and she spit it back out. "Not on my watch!" "Princess," President Giraffee pointed at Celestia's hooves. "With all due respect, I believe you are the one on your watch." Celestia lifted a hoof and stared at the remains of her diamond-encrusted platinum Rolex watch. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Every What If Was Canon?Author's Note The final comment-based chapter of What If goes to you, RandomCommentor! Next chapter's the very last one. Every What If Was Canon? ... ... LARSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! Twilight broke the tip of her quill clean off. She stared at the immense number of pages she'd written through the years. Nine-hundred ninety-nine chapters. Nine-hundred ninety-nine chapters. Never in her life had she expected to even read, let alone write, this many chapters. She looked up from the stacks upon stacks of parchment. A kaleidoscope of events unfolded all around her. Strange tuber overlords. The Royal Sisters and their shenanigans. Flim and Flam scamming yet another clueless passerby out of their firstborn child. She wondered sometimes what they did with all those foals. Goats, cheese, goat cheese, lasers, fire--so much fire--, whales, explosions, and so, so much more that she'd hardly even remembered at this point. Of course, there was also that strange screaming humanoid entity that drifted far above, ignored by everything else for years. For all she knew, it might've been the final boss of whatever game xXx-G4M3RZ-LUN420-xXx was playing. Still, for all the sheer chaos that she'd somehow managed to bring forth, there was still a great beauty that lied within all of it.
Limit Break: 1001Author's Note Haha, time to break the site once more! (This chapter was purely an experiment. The 1,000th chapter remains the finale of this story.) (Also, yeah turns out 1,000 is just an arbitrary choice by Knighty. Most likely for performance and reader convenience reasons. EWhat If... MLP: FiM Comedy Random Anthology What If 2: Eclectic Scootaloo! The beginning of a new era. A buncha stories based off of random "What if?" questions. Alt. Universe Other TheMajorTechie · 5k words · 26 5 · 235 views Limit Break: 1001 Twibright Smirkle smirked like the bright twilit sky as she deviously--and I mean DEVIOUSLY, slipped another page into the finished work of her rival, that dastardly Twilight Sparkle. Surely nopony would notice this malicious act, for it was common knowledge that there could only be at most one thousand chapters. There may be less, but there must never be more. For eons, ponies shuddered at the idea of there being a--*gasp*--one thousand first chapter. Or even a thousand secondth! It would be nothing less than a sign of the end of times. An indication that Equestria was surely doomed, right along with its inhabitants. And so, Twibright Smirkle stuck the page into the book, still suspended from the ceiling by the rope tied around her waist. Once Equestria was gone, she would be the one to rule over all that was left! She would be the one that everypony had to answer to! She-- The lights turned on. "Twilight, are you having a caffeine crash again?" Spike yawned, waddling over to Twibright and untying her. "Away!" Twibright hissed. She lit her horn and vanished, leaving a very confused Spike behind... And one extra chapter in a one-thousand-chapter story.
