Where there is one, there is always another...

"I'm ready to goooo ooohhhhooohh!" Pinkie and I drew out the last notes and entered my house.

"I haven't sung with someone like that in millennia my dear!" I laughed as I shut the door, it was only five forty so we still had time to set up the party.

I snapped my metaphorical fingers and clicked my hooves three time, saying "There's no place like home!" at each click.

"Whacha doin'?" Said Pinkie, causing me to blush.

"Nothin..." I said, looking up and whistling.

"Okie dokey Loki!" She said, and proceded to reach behind her, take out her cannon of canonness, and aim strait at me.

"Now then, tell me what it was or I will make you... ummm." She said, wondering what she could do to me.

I quickly turned the cannon around and said "Canon, You did not hear me say anything once we got in the door." And fired it.

*PMPHPHHPPH* I heard air rush out as it fired, and quickly put it in my Void-Space* and put a party cannon there instead, aiming it at me

"Soooo, mind pointing that thing somewhere else?" I said, acting nervous.

"Huh?! When did that get here? oh well, More cannons for me!" She said, and then fired it around my house, putting the snack table in place... and nothing else...

I still haven't figured out how it knows what's appropriate for when it's fired...

"Aaaaand DONE!" Shouted Pinkie, snapping me out of my reveree.

"Well... It certainly is my type of party."

"W-w-w... THERES NOTHING HERE!" Said Pinkie "Well, theres the snack table but THAT'S IT!"

"Perhaps the cannon jammed my dear?" I replied, smirking on the inside.

"Good Idea! I'll check." She said, sticking her hoof down her fun tube. "AHA!" she shouted "Now to pull, can you please help me here Uncle?"

"Sure." I said, getting behind her and putting my hands on her waist.

"3, 2, 1. PULL!" She heaved, with me attempting to help her, whatever it was it was jammed in tight.

"EEEEK!" Screamed Celestia and Cadence, being pulled out of the cannon blushing furiously and with... liquids on their faces, smelling of an intense heat.

"Well hello ladies!" I said, raising my eyebrows and smirking slightly at their discomfort. "Terribly sorry about... well Pulling your tails is probably the wrong word but-"

I noticed them glancing to each other and nodding, before they tackled me and dragged me to my bedroom... Of which I am absolutely fine with.

"Try the other cannon Pinkie, I'll be down in time for the party!" I called.

"No he won't!" Said Cadence, smirking at Pinkie.

"Have Fun you three!" replied Pinkie, bringing out the correct cannon.
I figured you should know, because of the male to female ratio issue, which I seem to recall is about 13 mares per stallion, there is an unspoken rule that males can help with heats and never talk about it, oddly enough females are exempt from the talking part.

2 Hours Later.

We came (haha) downstairs, two limping princesses with dopey smiles on their faces and one limping stallion with a look of pain etched upon his face, as well as a smile.

I saw Twilight and went to talk to her, only to get slapped and screamed at.
"WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH PRINCESS CELESTIA AND CADENCE?!"

"My dear," I began, "I believe you know the rule about fuck and tell."

"Excu-" she began.

"Frankly my dear I don't give a damn what you say. I'm old enough to show you true torture and if someone's willing and I know them well then I'll fuck them silly whether you like it or not."

I'll have you know that Pinkie cheered at that.

Twilight, scowling, glared at me and sparked her horn, a typical sign of offensive magic readying itself.

"Now see here Miss. If you fire that I will bring you harm." She hesitated, widening her eyes as i glowered with mine, then went into the ready position, standard if you must know.
Now normally I don't get very... ticked off. But she is both meant to be far above this, and purple, the colour of a... child harmer or harmed person, be it abuse, touching, or just general kidnapping. Ponies are bloody weird I tell you.

"Twilight Sparkle." Came a stern Celestia. "Stop this, he is a friend and we asked him, nothing more nothing less."

She began to disengage her magic, but I just couldn't resist one final offering.

"Just friends? Oh i'm just hurt Celly, all those days and nights, surely i'm something more?" I smirked, knowing precisely what it would do.

Celestia glared at me and Twilight. Twilight glowed?... this isn't good.

Twilight fired.

I didn't even see it.

Neither did the people behind me,

Or behind them.
Or the wall.
Or the forest.

"If you weren't an element of harmony you'd be dead for daring to fire that. Now i have to fix your bullshit. Get out of my house. and if i fucking see you here a-motherfucking-gain I will make you eat though a straw for eternity. Do. You. Under. Stand. Me?" Two guesses as to who that was.

She bolted and i activated my horn, casting not one, but two spells. One cursed her to not be able to come within two kilometers of this house, the other a powerful, and I mean i put some void magic into it, repair spell, attaching to the signature of the bolt, fixing everything it touched.

"Unc-"
"Yes, Pinkamena?" she shrunk down, tears welling up.

"Are, are you alright? y-you have a hole in you." I realised my mistake.

"I'm absolutely fine darling, I've had worse. I'm sorry for being curt with you, just shocked me she actually fired it."

Celestia sighed "Why do I keep you around I wonder? I can't remember the last time you've made a problem that bad. I will go after her, attempt to explain things more."

"She will not come here again, she hurt innocents. I placed a spell for a two click radius around the house." Pinkie, un-cowed, was now putting her hand in and through my slowly healing chest.

"Normally," Celly said while looking at what Pinkie was doing." I would disagree with you as everything turned out fine, but you two do not mix well. so i'll allow it for now."

"Cool, next time you're around i'll make a cake."

"I'll hold you to that, come Cadenza, we have a unicorn to talk to."

"Bye then." Said Cadance, before walking out with Celestia.

"So did you actually bang both of them?" asked Pinkie, catching me off-guard.

"W- No dear, only Celestia, Cadance was more into watching."

"Good to know, good to know"

The party ended about there and I went to bed. ready to just relax for more that 4 hours with the universal T.V and world-wide 'cameras'.