Random Life (Book Thing 1)

As soon as I walked into the room I was blinded by a sensory overload, the most prevalent being blinded and my eardrums feeling like they just got ruptured by the room screaming ‘SURPRISE!’. In less than a second I was on my ass, I looked around and saw a sea of ponies. I’m not kidding, there has to be over a hundred n’ fifty ponies all in the same room, and yet there was only two I know; Pinkie and Twilight.

Pinkie came bouncing up to me, and I’m not kidding, she was seriously bouncing towards me. “Doyoulikeit? It’s your ‘Late-Welcome-To-Ponyville-And-Canterlot’ Party! So do you like it? Huh,huh,hu-“ Pinkie was cut off as a lavender aura closed her mouth. I looked over to Twilight, who was now walking over to our little group. I got up and nodded to Twilight in a silent ‘thank you’, and looked behind me only to see both Luna and Celestia back in there pony forms.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, it’s so good to see you again!” Twilight exclaims as she runs up to both princesses, enveloping them into a hug. She then turns to me with a warm smile, “So how was your date?” Twilight asked. I shrugged, “it was nice, we both learned more than a few things about each other, and it was fun.” I said, a sincere smile on my face. I was about to say something else but was interrupted by Pinkie screaming ‘LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED! BAR AND FOOD IS OVER HERE, HIT IT VINYL!’ as soon as she said that the entire room was assaulted by what can only be described as hardcore Dubstep, I was not a fan.

I could handle the normal stuff but I was more of a heavy metal fan, so I made my way up to the DJ. I had already took out my IPod, that I forgot I had and was fully charged somehow, and had a song preselected; The Vengeful One by Disturbed. “Hey, you want to hear some human music?!” I shouted at the DJ, she had a white coat and two tone electric blue mane, she also sported a pair of shades and headphones. As soon as she heard the word ‘music’ she shook her head in excitement. She gave me a cord to plug in my IPod, as soon as it was plugged in I let the song start. I got down from the stage and went over towards the bar, and saw Kim about to go into a drinking contest against a HUGE red pony, and by huge I mean the ‘I’ll send you flying in one hit’ huge. I walked up next to them and said “Count me in, I’m about to wipe the floor with you guys.”

Kim just slugged me in the arm, yelling about her leg, but I ignored it as I saw our drinks coming to us. They were labeled Hard Cider, this is gonna be fun. The bartender gave us all our drinks and called out, “Ready. Set. GO!” as soon as he said that we were all downing our drinks. I finished first, while the red pony was second, and Kim was dead last.

“HA! Told you I would win!” I gloated while giving Kim a shit eating grin and ordering the strongest thing that the bar had for me and Kim, the red pony just disappeared somehow. Didn’t even get his name. “So, how have you been?” I asked, while stupidly downing half my drink, It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

“Good so far, could be better if my leg wasn’t, ya know, SHOT OFF yesterday. Only to be reattached, it’s sore as hell right now! What did you shoot me with?!” Kim barked, she already looked a bit tipsy and I was felling it. “Well for one, I didn’t shoot you, Celestia did by accident, and two, it was with a .50 cal. So be happy that it was your leg. But on a side note, do you want to do something stupid?” I ask, both of us finishing our drinks, we were both drunk as hell so any rational thought was thrown out the window. “Sure, why not?” Is all she slurred in a carefree way.

I flared my magic, using the song in the background, and dressed us both in military combat gear. I motioned for her to follow me up to the stage, once up there I grabbed two mics and handed one to Kim while speaking into mine. “WHO’S READY TO ROCK!” I yelled, only getting a few stares in reasponse, but I started the song anyways, it was System of a Down. Kim and I both took turns on verses, but on the second round of the chorus we had the entire place singing ‘I-E-A-I-A-I-O!’ it was awesome. After the song was over I leapt off stage and left Kim to continue her drunk singing, the song changed to Angel by Shaggy. I found Luna and Celestia, and after a minute we were all dancing. Did I mention I’m a horrible dancer, cause I am, but I didn’t give a fuck. I was drunk and happy, the last thing I remember was Jon saying ,”Go home your drunk!”

-Dream-

I open my eyes only to find myself chained to wall, I was in that throne room once again. I tried getting out of my bindings for what felt like hours, only to end up with hurt wrists. “Are you done yet?” A deep voice asked, it made me jump. “What do you want? And who are you!?” I screamed into the air, I was answered by a deep laugh. The laugh itself made me feel uneasy, and caused the air to feel oppressive, it felt as if it was crushing my body. “You still don’t know who I am, but I’ll enlighten you, I am King Sombra and you will speak to me as such.” Sombra said in a commanding tone, one of which could probably send me to my knees if I were standing.

I don’t know what possessed me to do this but I did, “Heh, ya right, what are you going to do to me?” I asked in a cocky tone. “This is going to be fun breaking you.” Sombra said before the room went dark, the only light on me and a cage with a tarp draped over it. Slowly the tarp was removed, leaving me with I sight I feared the most, It was Luna.

“Corbin, where are we, how did we get here?” Luna asked franticly, I tried to speak but I couldn’t, I could only watch. “This is what happens when you disobey me.” Sombra boomed, Luna was about to say something when she burst into flames. I kicked and fought against my bindings as I tried to save Luna, her screams getting louder and louder. But against my will my body stopped, and my eyes locked with Luna’s, I couldn’t look away as she slowly burned to death. I was in tears, a water fall of them as I tried to look away, break the chains, but everything seemed to slow down as she spoke her final words, “Why didn’t you help me? I trusted you Corbin, but you didn’t help me.” Her words were strained, but they were her last. Those last words broke me, I couldn’t stop the voices. “Worthless, why didn’t you help me, nothing, you didn’t do anything to help, you are shit and you know it, you can’t help anyone, failure.” All of them spinning around in my head.

“You see Corbin, you can’t stop me, and this is what happens when you try to defy a king. But as much as I would love to chat, I think it is time to go.” Sombra said as a black beam hit me in the chest.

-Reality-

I shot up from my dream in a cold sweat, I was breathing hard. Once I calmed down a little bit, by telling myself it was just a nightmare, I looked around and noticed that I was in my old room in the castle. I looked to my left and saw Luna, who was in pony form, and to my right was someone I had never seen before. She was as big as Luna and Celestia, had a black coat, a teal mane, and what looked like bug wings and a jagged horn. I was slightly worried but at the same time I wasn’t cause I hadn’t had my coffee. I slowly made my way out of the bed, how I didn’t wake either of them was a complete mystery for me, and headed into the kitchen only to hear a knock at the door.

I slowly made my way to the door, my hangover now making itself apparent with a massive head ache. When I opened the door I was pulled into a warm embrace by non other than Celestia, she was about to say something but her face fell into a scowl. I turned around and saw that the mystery mare had made her way out into the living room, and was just staring at Celestia in horror. “Ok, dude, before you say anything, THINK.” Jon says, though I don’t exactly comprehend him well at the fact that I’m still only half awake, so I do the first thing that comes to mind. “Wait here.” Is all I say to Celestia before closing the door in her face, I turn back to the new comer, “It’s too early to be arguing, so who are you, and why dose Celestia hate you?” I say in a groggy tone as I pull her with me to the kitchen.

“I’m Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings….why are you not afraid of me? Or Celestia for that matter, you just outright slammed the door in her face!” Chrysalis asked in a bemused voice, though who can blame her? I basically just gave the finger to what amounts to a god, I do that a lot don’t I? “Yes, Yes you do.” Jon said only for me to grunt in irritation. “A Queen huh, nice. I’m not afraid of you because I don’t know you, and I’m not afraid of Celestia because she’s basically a giant cuddly marshmallow once you get to know her. Anyway what’s up with you two, it looked like she absolutely hated you, why?” I ask while idly sipping my freshly made coffee, leaning against the counter. “Well…I may or may not have tried to take over her kingdom so my hive could survive. You see changelings feed off of love and Equestria gives off so much, and most of my hive was dying, I tried to do what was necessary. Though we failed and had to retreat….How are you taking this so well!?” Chrysalis asked, I just shrugged “I’ve heard worse, that and I think you were justified in your actions because of your motives. You only did what you thought best for your children, just like any good mother would, no matter the cost. Though we’ll have to pause the conversation for a moment because Luna’s been standing there in shock for a while and Celestia Is going to be coming in, in a few seconds. So be prepared to see a Princess get tazed.” I say as I summon a small tazer, and as if on cue we hear the front door slam open to reveal a pissed off Celestia.

“GET AWAY FROM CORBIN CRIMINAL!” Celestia boomed, knocking Luna out of her trance. “Okay, before any of you make a move, I want Luna and Celestia to go to the living room and sit on the left couch, as for you Chrysalis I want you to sit on the right. I’m going to come in there in five minutes and I want to see everyone getting along, okay? Now go.” I say in a calm yet stern voice, all of them miraculously complied, all heading to the living room with surprised expressions. “Huh, never thought that that would work, or for you to take charge, good job.” Jon said, making me feel a little better.

After five minutes rolled by without a sound of an incident, I slowly made my way to the living room, tazer in hand cause you never know when it can come in handy.  I turned into the living room and saw all rulers on their respective couches, the only problem was that Luna and Celestia were glaring daggers in to a scared looking Chrysalis, much to my distaste. I coughed to get their attention before addressing the first of many issues, “Okay, you two stop scaring my guest” I start, looking at the royal sisters, Celestia was about to say something so I continued quickly. “And I know she tried to take over your kingdom but she had good reason, so just hear me out on this, but just know that even if you say no, I’m still going to explain it.” I say, only for both sisters to mumble something under their breath, I think I heard Celestia say something about getting me back later, but I ignored it.

“Now I know that you two just want to throw her in the dungeons or some shit like that, I would want to too if I was in your position” I looked over to Chrysalis, panic and horror on her face, so I went and sat down and wrapped her in a hug, much to her surprise. I could tell because her body stiffened, and her breathing hitched, but I continued. “But I’m guessing that you never got to hear her reasoning behind her actions, and before you say anything, let me ask you two a simple question. What does any good mother do?” I ask, confusion flashed across both princesses faces, but Luna was the first to answer. “They protect, care, and love their children. Corbin, why are you asking us this?” Luna asked, Celestia nodding in agreement. I looked over to Chrysalis, who had slowly began to hide in my hold from the co-rulers across the room. I chuckled and began to pet her like a dog, avoiding the razor sharp looking horn.

“What if I told you that the only reason that Chrisy here attacked you was a last resort to save, not only her children, but her entire race that was on the brink of extinction? But before you two answer,” I looked down to Chrysalis with a stern expression, “Did you ever try to just talk with them, try to negotiate some kind of agreement?” I asked her, she instantly looked away with a guilty expression, it told me everything I needed to know.

I looked back over to Celestia and Luna, “So now that you know the full story, will you be able to give her a chance? And even if you don’t, I will, because someone has too.” I say with pure determination, both Celestia’s and Luna’s faces flashed through almost every emotion until Celestia spoke. “ okay, say that we make a deal with her, where is she going to stay, and how do we know she won’t break the agreement?” She asked, her voice coated with pure malice, but also had a hint of respect.

“That’s simple, she’ll stay here in the castle because she’s royalty, and to make sure she won’t double cross ya, I’ll have her stay with me all the time.” I say matter-of-factly, the response I was meet with was almost exactly as I planned. Celestia looked absolutely livid respect (A phenomena that only occurs when someone gives you respect, but is absolutely pissed at why. –The Author of this piece of shit), Luna looked like she was back in shock, and Chrysalis did something from far left field. She threw her forelegs around me in an awkward tackle-snuggle-hug that landed both of us, me on my back and her on top, on the couch. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I’m so happy I could kiss you!” she yelled in pure joy, and unfortunately, she kept true to her word. She leaned right down and kissed me full on the lips. ‘Ah shit here we go again.’ I thought to myself as Chrysalis suddenly pulled back in shock sputtering, while looking around towards Luna and Celestia in fear, “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean to do that, I swear!” I took her head in my hand and forced her to look at me while holding my other in a stop motion to halt the now pissed looking princesses.

“It’s okay, I would have done the same thing in your position, but how about we go figure out the terms of this new treaty, huh?” I ask the now slightly blushing mare, though Jon decided to join in, but he sounded not fully awake. “OKAY what the FUCK is going on! I just got up assholes; now shut the fuck up so I can go back to BED! You all are on my shit list you Goddam-motherfuckin-cocksuckin-asshat-SHITFUCKS!” the last part sounded like he was walking down a hallway, but I ignored it cause I was being gently picked up by Chrysalis, who still had a blush. ‘Oh god not her too, I don’t need another Celestia incident!’ I panic thought to myself, I just realized that she’s still blushing, and that could mean only one thing. Or many things given the situation, ah fuck this, I can’t read women dammit!

Once I was back on my feet, a bright flash blinded me, again, I’m starting to see a pattern here. When I could see again I noticed that we had been teleported to the now reconstructed throne room, both princess seated on their respective thrones with their best poker faces with Chrysalis and I standing before them. I was about to speak, but was cut off by Celestia. “The royal court has been called for a treaty between Equestria and The Changelings, let the case begin.” Her voice regal and unmoving, this is going to take a while *Sigh*