Everything I've Ever Wanted

“C-C-C-COLD!”

Twilight Sparkle hugged herself tightly. There wasn’t much wind, but it was still far too cold to be comfortable. She never thought she’d so miss having fur.

OKAY NOTE TO SELF BAD IDEA TO GO FROM WARM TOASTY CASTLE TO OUTDOOR HIGH SCHOOL FRONT ENTRANCE WITHOUT WINTER CLOTHES!

Twilight ran through the snow towards the main door. She pushed against the glass, but it didn’t budge.

LOCKED?!

Twilight peered through the glass into the hallway.

Empty.

Twilight quickly ducked back into the portal and pulled a leather-bound journal with a bright sunburst embroidered on the cover from its place above the mirror. She opened it to the last page and frantically scribbled into it.

Help I was in your world and the school is closed and I didn’t see any students anywhere!

It gnawed at her that she didn’t start with “Dear Sunset Shimmer” or end with “Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle,” but in her agitated state she had inscribed the message of immediate importance without formalities. She galloped to her room with the journal in order to retrieve some warm clothes, but after a few minutes without a response, she began to panic again.

Did something happen to Sunset Shimmer and the girls? Did they close the school because of all the weird stuff that’s been happening because of my crown? What if…

“BZZZZT BZZZZZZT”

The stream of ridiculous ideas her imagination was conjuring was fortunately interrupted by the buzzing of the book vibrating in her magic. She opened it again and right under her previous message was a reply from Sunset Shimmer.

School’s closed for Winter Break. I’m at the café across the street with Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Come join us, we’re having cocoa and coffee.

“…Well I suppose that makes way more sense,” said Twilight to herself.

***

“…so Sciencey-Twilight is settling in just fine with everyone but she’s not here right now because she’s gone back home to the city to visit her family during Winter Break and so she can’t help you since she probably brought her pony-magic-collecting thingy with her! Also, Applejack is busy at Sweet Apple Acres and Rainbow has gone home to Cloudydale, so it was going to be just the four of us for about a week which is why it’s so cool that Pony-Princessey-Twilight dropped by so we can all hang out!”

Twilight Sparkle frowned slightly at Pinkie’s explanation. “Well I guess that explains why no-one was here when I came though the portal. I was a little worried when the whole place looked deserted. I’m lucky Sunset Shimmer was carrying her book around or I would never have been able to find you girls.”

Sunset Shimmer grinned. “I’ve been keeping it with me ever since the Battle of the Bands. I always want to read any replies you send me right away.”

Twilight smiled, blushing slightly. “I look forward to your messages too. I really should have written before I came. Without the other Twilight’s device I’m not sure how I can detect the residual Equestrian magic in the school. I can’t use my own magic here and I don’t want to bring any other magical tools from Equestria in case they only make things crazier here than they already are.”

Twilight was hoping to discover exactly why there were still odd magical incidents occurring near Canterlot High and how much of that magic still remained. She had been looking forward to discussing the matter with her human counterpart, but it seemed like that would have to be put off until the school vacation period ended.

Rarity leaned back, foam cup in both hands, and sipped her cocoa. “Twilight dear, are you absolutely sure that we aren’t just sensitive to magic that your crown is somehow pouring back through the portal?”

“Yeah, like a Wi-Fi signal!” chipped Pinkie Pie.

“What's a Wi-Fi signal?” asked Twilight. She shook her head. “Never mind, forget it. I didn’t detect enough magic flowing through the portal to cause all the weird stuff that happened during the Battle of the Bands and the Friendship Games, at least when I measured it from the other side. It was one of the first things I checked. Anyway, I don’t exactly have my crown anymore.”

“WHAT?” yelled all her friends in unison.

“It’s nothing bad! We had to put the Elements back into the Tree of Harmony - which is where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna found them a thousand years ago when they needed them to beat a spirit of chaos called Discord.”

“I studied magical history extensively and I’ve never heard of a Tree of Harmony,” said Sunset Shimmer, one eyebrow raised. “All the books I’ve read on Discord and the Elements never mentioned it.”

“What kind of tree is it?” asked Fluttershy. “A Tree of Harmony sounds really nice. Is it a giant tree that protects all the animals that live near it?”

Twilight smiled at her friend’s sudden interest. Fluttershy usually loved hearing about the exotic flora and fauna from Equestria. “It’s in the Everfree Forest, and it does actually protect the forest from dark magic! It’s not quite as big as you’d expect a thousand year-old tree to be, but it is very pretty. Little glowing orbs hang off the branches like leaves, and the trunk has Princess Celestia’s, Princess Luna’s and my cutie mark engraved into it. There are also five gems for the other Elements spread amongst the branches. It turns out that the Tree was preventing some evil vines from sprouting and covering the entire forest, but it ran out of magic and-”

A sudden gasp from her immediate right interrupted Twilight. She turned to look.

Sunset Shimmer’s was staring blankly ahead in shock. All the color seemed to have drained out of her face. The girls waited a moment for her to recover, but she didn’t move.

“Sunset, is something wrong?” asked Twilight cautiously.

Sunset didn’t seem to have heard her. Her eyes looked wide, unfocused, and her lips were quivering, silently mouthing a whisper too soft to hear. She began breathing very quickly, almost hyperventilating, and her brow gradually drooped, tears welling in her eyes. It was if a very horrid realization was slowly dawning upon her. The girls started to look concerned for their friend, but before anyone else could speak Sunset Shimmer suddenly realized that all four of them were peering worriedly at her in her distress. Immediately, her face reassembled into an impassive calm. She wiped her eyes and stood up with a slight sniffle, pulling her bag behind her.

“Uh… Excuse me just a while.” She sounded composed, but there was just a tiny edge of control in her voice as she then turned and quickly walked to the restroom. The girls remained silent until the door closed.

“Was she crying?” mouthed Pinkie Pie to Twilight.

“I don’t know. Has… has this happened before? You girls spend way more time with her than I do.”

Rarity’s eyes still hadn’t left the restroom door. “Well, not very often, Twilight. Sunset Shimmer is usually so very self-assured and collected. I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry.”

“Um, I think the last time was after the Fall Formal,” added Fluttershy. It was a hard image to forget. Sunset Shimmer had quickly become the most popular girl in school after she had first arrived at Canterlot High, and spent years afterward bullying and dominating the entire school population. At the Fall Formal all the students had been shocked to see that same Sunset Shimmer crawling out of a ruined crater, whimpering and broken.

“Oh yes, that must have been quite humiliating for her,” recalled Rarity. “Oh! I think she had another breakdown last year, during the Anon-a-Miss incident. We ah, were kind of hard on her, weren’t we?”

Fluttershy gazed down at the table guiltily. “Actually I think she broke down twice, both times in the school hallway. She just knelt there and sobbed for about half an hour while everyone yelled at her.”

Twilight Sparkle looked thoughtful. “I remember her writing to me about that. I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“Well, we were really sorry after that,” said Pinkie. “And then we all got together again to celebrate the holidays, and she was much happier. I think the rest of the school started warming up to new-Sunset later on, too – especially after the Friendship Games! So she’s been pretty cheerful since.”

“I think I’d better go check up on her. She looks like she needs support.” Twilight rose from her seat and headed towards the restroom.

“I’ll come too! Maybe she could use a hug!” exclaimed Pinkie, jumping out of her seat. She attempted to bound after Twilight, but Rarity’s hand held her back.

“Pinkie, I think it might be best if Twilight went in on her own. It seems that whatever is bothering Sunset Shimmer might be related to something back home… her pony home, I mean. Twilight was talking about Equestria – maybe Sunset is homesick. Also, I’m not sure she would be very comfortable with all of us seeing her if…if she’s crying.”

“Oh.” Pinkie sat back down, rapidly deflating. “Well, you’ll tell us if she needs the rest of us to come in and give her a hug, right?”

Twilight Sparkle nodded and opened the restroom door.

***

Sunset Shimmer was not crying.

She closed her eyes, placed both hands on the edge of the washbasin, and drew a long, deliberate breath. She held it momentarily before exhaling and resuming a slow, rhythmic breathing – followed by opening her eyes to check her appearance in the mirror.

Don’t think about it now. There’s time for that later.

She used a paper towel to dry the few remaining droplets in her eyes and then blew her nose. Next came some concealer and eyeliner from her bag, applied under her eyes to cover the mild puffiness. She then straightened her trademark black jacket – that last action gave her the most reassurance, allowing her mind to assume a tranquility to match her now calm visage.

I am not a little filly anymore. My past is not today.

The restroom door creaked. A familiar head of sapphire blue hair with violet and pink streaks, accompanying a face filled with concern, peeked through the gap.

“Sunset, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“We’re all just a little worried about you. You look like you’d seen a ghost.”

“No, I’m fine.” Sunset turned the faucet on and washed her hands. Her icy tone carried a slight tinge of irritation that felt like it could turn into a growl at any moment.

“Are… are you homesick? If you want to go back to Equestria, you know we will always welcome you back. Princess Celestia’s asked me to tell you-”

“I am NEVER going back to Equestria!” snarled Sunset. For just a moment her image reverted into that of the aggressive bully she had once been, causing Twilight to shrink back in surprise. But as soon as the words left Sunset Shimmer’s lips she suddenly wilted, putting a hand on her own forehead and taking another deep breath. “Wait.”

I can’t push my friends away!

“No. No, I’m not fine,” she continued. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. And I’m not homesick. But I don’t wanna talk about it now - I just need to be alone for a while. I promise I’ll explain later, okay? But I’m gonna go home first.”

Twilight nodded. She stepped forward, arms outstretched to hug her friend goodbye, but Sunset stopped her.

“Not right now. Bye, Twilight.”

***

Sunset Shimmer exited the bathroom quickly, giving a half-hearted wave and an equally lukewarm smile to her friends as she strode directly to the exit. She got on her motorcycle and rode away in a hurry. The girls watched her form fade into the distance before turning to Twilight, who slowly exited the bathroom.

Fluttershy broke the awkward silence. “Is she going to be all right?”

“I don’t know,” replied Twilight. “When I asked if she was homesick, she… didn’t respond well. But she says she just needs some time alone and will talk to us when she’s ready.”

Rarity agreed. “Then we’ll just have to give her some space. Perhaps this isn’t as big a matter as it seems.”

Twilight wasn’t so sure about that. She sat down quietly. Something bothered her about the way Sunset Shimmer had reacted.

This seems so unlike Sunset Shimmer. When she ruled the school she had every clique eating out of her hand. She only doubted herself afterwards when literally every student in the school hated her - besides us of course. But then the girls told me how well she handled the Friendship Games, especially with what happened to human-me. Rarity was right. Sunset Shimmer is normally so confident.

She recalled the image of Sunset Shimmer rallying the Rainbooms when they were almost beaten during the Battle of the Bands. Throwing off her jacket, standing defiant against the triumphant, fully powered Sirens, Sunset Shimmer had looked impossibly cool and unshakable.

Wait, why am I dreaming about how awesome she is?

She shook the thought out of her head. She needed to focus on what was happening today. Did Sunset see something that upset her? Or was it something we said? What were we talking about that could have made her react that way?

Let’s retrace what’s happened since I arrived here. I said hi to the girls, and we talked for a while about how the school year has been. Rarity mentioned that she was doing some last minute shopping for gifts; then Fluttershy said that something about… oh yes, that she was spending the holidays with Pinkie Pie’s family since she wasn’t going to visit her parents in Cloudydale. Sunset was telling me that she’s been helping the human version of me adjust to her new school and then I brought up the magic-detecting device which made Pinkie explain why everypony wasn’t around for the winter break. What did we talk about after that?

My crown! The Element of Magic! Was she upset because it reminded her about what happened at the Fall Formal? No, that can’t be right. We’ve talked a lot about it before and Sunset Shimmer’s accepted that. She’s even told me that she was glad how everything turned out.
Well, then I told them about the Tree of Harmony and… ah! That’s when it happened. But why would Sunset be upset about the Tree of Harmony? That doesn’t make any sense. Maybe whatever she was upset about wasn’t related to our discussion?

Then Twilight remembered what Sunset Shimmer had said in the restroom.

I am NEVER going back to Equestria!

That was what bothered Twilight the most. This wasn’t the first time she had asked if Sunset Shimmer wanted to return to or visit the land of her birth. She clearly recalled that awkward exchange.

***

“Hey, Sunset… have you ever thought about going back to Equestria?”

Sunset Shimmer shrugged and looked away. “I’m not sure I could face Princess Celestia again after all that’s happened. I must be quite a disappointment to her…”

It was in fact Princess Celestia who had asked Twilight to persuade Sunset to return. Twilight had however been warned not to mention that. Celestia had been afraid it might make Sunset more reluctant to visit.

“I’m pretty sure she’d be happy to see you. Anyway, don’t you want to visit your family again, at least?”

“No.” The speed of her reply made Twilight’s eyes widen in surprise.

Sunset Shimmer noticed Twilight’s reaction. “I wasn’t really close to my… family,” she explained. “Anyway, I’m happy here in my new life and with the friends I’ve made.”

***

That had ended the discussion. Twilight hadn't wanted to pry into Sunset Shimmer's family life.

What about her friends back in Equestria? No, wait. She didn’t understand friendship at all when I first met her.

Also, the way she reacted, that sudden anger and lashing out - it was like touching a raw wound… or maybe an old wound that was reopened? It feels like whatever upset her - hearing about the Tree of Harmony, maybe - is linked to why she doesn’t want to go back to Equestria.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a dull poking sensation from her face. She glanced to her left and noticed Pinkie Pie’s finger prodding her cheek.

“Oh hey, you’re back to reality!” said Pinkie. “You were really quiet for a while there. Didja figure out what’s going on?”

Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Not really. All I’m thinking up are even more questions. Anyway I think I’d better get back. It was really great to see you girls again, but if human-me isn’t around, this trip is kind of a bust. I’ll drop by in a week or so when winter break is over.”

“I suppose we had all better be going,” Rarity smiled. “It was fun catching up, Twilight. Do see if you can come visit more often.”

“Yeah! It’s really awesome to have TWO of you around! Plus it’s hilarious seeing you talking to yourself. Your other self, I mean. Or should that be ‘both of yourselves talking to each other?’ Anyway, watching the two of you geek out together is so cute!” added Pinkie.

Twilight exchanged hugs with her friends and exited the café, making the short walk back towards the portal. Before she stepped through, her gaze fell on the pathway in front of the statue. It was at that spot that she had her final confrontation with Sunset Shimmer at the Fall Formal. The crater had since been filled and the path rebuilt, but she still remembered how Sunset had grovelled before the whole school, saying that she was sorry and that she never knew there was another way. Twilight felt a sudden pang of regret as she realized how little she knew of the path that Sunset Shimmer had taken to arrive at that point.

I really ought to find out about Sunset Shimmer’s life before the Crystal Mirror, she thought to herself as she stepped through the portal, back into the world from which they had both come.