Anti-Brony Sky Soldier

*opens eyes*

I start to look around and get my surroundings. Tall dark trees. Growth of plants are in abundance. No markings of human activity. Definitely a forest preservation.

*Gear check*

I lug a rocket jumper from my back and a Market Gardener that unfolds when wielded. My boots feel very comfortable in my Mantreads as the design easily absorbs knockback and has a very silly attribute of crushing people when you land on them.

Not a bad loadout.

Obviously not the best for fighting an army, but great for recon/hit-and-run.

Considering the fact I had just arrived in a new world for some Gaben forsaken reason. I felt like I might need a good map or an indication where I am.

For all I know I might be in Heaven. Or Hell.

*an hour of rocket jumping later*

*sigh*

"Where am I Gaben dam going?"

*gurgle* *gurgle*

Hmm my stomach also wants to know where the nearest food is as well. Good thing for the conch's regen, but a soldier needs his meal.

*bush to the right rustles*

I instinctively raised my Market Gardener up and ready for combat.

(I'm one of those F2P noobs who shoot Jumper shots at people when the gun say ZERO DAMAGE on the tag. sigh such a sad thing to see)

And what I see next confirms my Hell theory.

A fucking horse. A fucking colored horse at that. And two others emerge as well.

One normal, one with a spear head, and one bird hybrid.

And there cartoonish looks tell me that the Internet Gods are creating a FanFic.

*sigh*

"well dam. If you can talk then I am going to kill you and fucking paint this forest red. If you don't then I am still going to kill you and eat you considering in pretty dam hungry."

With these words they look at me with complete fear. But somehow with faint curiosity.

"You going to say something or will I choose"

"neeeeeigh" "snort"

"Well looks like I'm going to try some horse today."

They bolt. Not a big surprise. I simply aim my jumper down and I can see there retreat.

I feel lazy and don't equip my MG but considering they may have low health I land on one.

*crrrratck*

The other two continue to run none stop. I examine my kill.

A yellow horse with red hair. The reason I chose this one was: A. this was the biggest one, B. the flying one was to skinny, C. I didn't want a spear-head up my ass.

The neck is snapped in a very close to perfect 180 degree angle. I pull out a standard issue K-Bar knife and skin the horse.

I'm not sure why but I cut the tail off and wrapped the cut part with duct tape. I might need to keep track of my kills.

No matches. No problem. I position my jumper straight up and fire a round. As it launches out of the tube I reflexively grab the rocket and angle the thrust down towards the group of logs laid out and ready.

And soon I'm walking witha satisfied belly and Horse-Tag (dog-tag) in my satchel.