The Detective Who Likes To Watch Rainbows

… Moriarty, though you didn’t know that the first time around.”

“You’re right,” I say as lean left, “we were too caught up fighting to, sit down, and, have a little chit-chat.”

“Hmm.” Moriarty inches his beak right. “So no matter how hard we deny our origins, it still corrupts us in the end.” He claps his talons as his eyes open wide. “I’m glad I’m not alone in that battle then.”

“Say, did you like that letter I sent you?” His head leans left, his face displaying some kind of pity.

“But I have no letter by which you have signed for.”

Jim stands up straight. “Ohh, come on now; I know you’re not that dumb. After a while, it must of became apparent to you, no?”

“Figured it out today, actually.”

Jim steps back and raises a tallon to his beak, his face filling with sadness. “Oh no, no. No. No! You can’t be like the other toys, you’re supposed to be different! Someone I can relate to, please tell me you’re joking?”

“Afraid not,” I reply, “I had to limit my drug use because of a mare, and I got caught up in the moment myself. I found myself enjoying somebody else's presence, which brought down my deductive power.”

“Oh,” Jim says, “then this should make it a whole lot easier then.” With a whistle, I hear a crane move. Next to the railing which Jim stood on, came Rainbow Dash, clutched within the crane. I curl my right claw as the crane looks to be almost crushing her. She has binds around her legs and one covering her mouth.

“You wouldn’t believe my luck with mares, my boy.” Jim walks along his stage, admiring his right talon as he does so. “I typically have to find a way to have mares come to me: Oh, Jim! Will you please murder my husband and or father? Lovely mares those are, but quickly does fun run out.”

“Now, you have a bit of a stronger type. Like Dash here, these mares are special, in which, they are like no other. So much harder to corrupted, but the feeling when you do so is tremendous. Now, while playing with Dash here would be so much fun! I have a greater thing before me, something changes someone.”

I sigh as I keep looking at the griffon, my eyes doing their best not to look at Dash. “So, why are you doing this all this for? Just for fun and games?”

Jim continues to lean over the railing, giving me a smirk “Why do you think I’m doing this all for?”

“You want me to tell you what you already know?”

“No. I want you to prove you know.”

I narrow my eyes and look to Dash. “You’re not doing it for her. You’re not doing it for the headway. You’re doing it to meet someone, someone who interest you great. Or perhaps, someone you think of as the same.”

“Bravo!” Jim says, pulling back from the railing. “You hit all the major points! Mind you, you forgot the why to my how.”

“So. Why then, are you doing this?

Jim begins to smile. “I’m doing this because I’m bored. Life is too easy! Ponies always arguing, saying things to sound smart.” He jumps right. “Look daddy! I read books; I perform a basic function.”

He jumps left. “No, daddy loves me more! Because I worked really hard to impress him, and that’s all it takes, right? Hard work to be loved?”

Moriarty looks to me. “Waste of space, aren’t they?”

“A hundred percent,” I say.

“Hmm.” Jim yawns, patting over his beak. “See, boredom wasn’t an issue for me at birth, and I assume it wasn’t for you either. We had things to look forward to, things to achieve and make. Though, I didn’t have family there to direct me onto the right path.”

“No worries, I took the wrong path anyways.”

Moriarty shakes his head. “No you haven’t. You’re still on the side of the angles – the, boring side. Now–” he licks his beak “–I became a master of crime. Honestly, beatings were pleasure and the bits were worthless. I rose so high that I became king of it in only a few years. And, oh honey, you should see me in a crown.”

I smirk. “I think I can borrow one off a Celestia for you.”

“Oh Celestia!” Moriarty moans, “how she is so much fun to play with. But, the problem with her is, that, if I get too involved, then everyone will know of my interaction within the system, and just how much I own. Celestia is a good toy, but only one I can play with sparingly.”

Jim clenches his talon and snaps his head to me.

“With so little toys to play with, I can’t tell you how bored I’ve been!” He shouts, darting around like a madman. “I know how everything’s going to play out. Ponies falling for the same tricks, ponies wanting the same things. It’s not only ponies, my own race is bunch of pride-ridden fools. And dragons, ha! To easy over there. I truly thought I was alone in this world.”

“But then, I learned of your existence, Spike. Oh, how I wasn’t alone anymore! Here was a dragon that used his power not achieve strength, but instead placed it all in his mind! How you remember so much, figure out everything, just knowing. MmmmMM!”

“Someone who was like me! Someone who was alone in their own mind as a kid.” Jim sighs, taking a moment to calm himself. “I’m too smart for my own good; let’s be honest, I’m a freak, Spike. And not because of my nature, but because griffons aren’t supposed to reach this state of mine.”

“And neither was I supposed reach mine,” I say.

“Exactly. And just like me, you’ve felt distant from all other. Family is just an annoyance, ponies and friends are looking at you weird. You try to be yourself BUT IT DOESN’T WORK. So we remove our hearts and become this. And ohhh my, is insanity just a delight!”

“That it is,” I say as I take a step forward, “but I don’t dabble in it too much. I find drugs to be a great alternative, and solving crime and even greater fix.”

“You should try crime, Spike my boy,” Moriarty says, “I find it to be much more fun.”

“Maybe one day, if I get bored enough. But I’m on a case right now, and that’s bringing her home.”

“Ah, yes.” Moriarty walks over to Dash, looking over her features like he’s about to dissect her. “The mare. So this is the one that almost turned you into something you’re not.”

“Eh, I don’t like that; I don’t like it! But…” he turns to me. “IOU one, so I guess I don’t have a say in your next choice.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” Moriarty starts, “I consider us to be brothers from different species, Spike. We both hate our origins, smarter than almost everyone else in the world, and bored out of our guts. You claim to be a sociopath, while I’m just a plain psychopath. But hey, half brothers is close enough.”

“Is the point-thingy starting now or later?”

“Oo! That’s clever, very clever. But yes, we’re about to test who you really are.”

Moriarty produces a vile from out under his wing and closely inspects it. Smiling, he tosses it to me. I catch it, and inside the vial is a pure black liquid. Damn it, Moriarty has his bases covered.

“Now, can I get you opinion on something, Spike?”

I nod my head.

“This yellow crane… it would look so mucher better with bloody red on it, wouldn’t you agree?”

A cry passes through the folds on Dash’s mouth, as the crane is dangerously tight on Dash. My claw reaches out to her on it’s own.

“Ah, so you do have something placed in this mare.” Moriarty shakes his head. I wish I could crush it under my claws and throw the body over the damn railing. “Oh well!”

“Now, normally for the game, you would’ve drank that poison, and my crane would’ve looked far nicer. But alas! you have one favor left.”

I inspect the bottle, bringing it before my eye. Again nothing jumps out at me. I sigh and look up at the holy-beast.

“So either you drink that poison and I’ll let the mare live. Or, the far better option, destroy that nasty vile and we’ll kill the mare togher. Than you and I can have many more fights that will relieve our boredom. What’cha say? Number two looks so-so tempting!”

Bastard. I twirl around, looking for anything I could use to get me out of the situation. But another cry from Rainbow Dash keeps me in place. I sigh and admit defeat in my heart, while the vile burns in my claw.

For the first, I’ve been beaten.

I want to drop the vile. Let it shatter and walk away. To be alive. Free. Death means ultimate boredom and I don’t want that. Besides, Dash has a smaller lifespan, so she’s lived a good chunk of life anyways. It wouldn’t be fair to die now and leave my imaginary future in ruin.

Besides, Twilight will miss me! She said it herself, right? That she wanted us to both tocome back. I’m allowed to live, right? I really want to live. I know I complain about being bored, but I really enjoy life even for what is it right now.

I look up to Dash. A weak smile spreads across my face, as I feel a tear drip from my right eye. I look at her and she stares back at me with those beautiful rose color eyes. She’s shaking her head, while tears trace down her cheek. Oh, how I want wings just to fly up there and wipe those tears away.

Everyone wants me to live. Before, not a soul truly cared about what I did; I’m just that distant cousin you forget about. But today, everyone wants me for some reason or another, and it feels pretty good.

It feels like I have a reason– no, a purpose to live.

So, in looking to Dash, I smile. I smile until it reaches my ears, until it starts to hurt. Then I looked to Moriarty, uncap the vial, and drain its contents past my lips.

He looks so disappointed. He shrugs his shoulder calls out something which my ear cannot hear, and Dash is released. I fall to the ground, with everything becoming black. I try to look up, to hold a claw out to something, but my body is weak. So I close my eyes.

Everything will be alright. Dash will go and catch the griffon, beat the daylights out of him, and turn him into the Royal Guard. Equestria will be a safer place with him locked up, and a better place with me gone.

It sounds like the perfect plant to me.

So then, why the heck is Dash helping a dying, useless dragon stand up!?

“Ge-t him… you fool.”

I can’t hear her. I don’t even see what’s happening. I can feel my body moving, the change of air tells me I’m outside.

I want to go to sleep.

“...royal guard...freeze!…”

“please...help him!”

“...Dash?”

“Twilight! Spike...poison...please help…”

“No...Spike!...Guard...Find...Moriarty…”

My neck could no longer support my head. My blank eyes unable to keep open, I close them and drift into sleep.

I hear voices by my side. Some are crying, some are shouting. My arm feels it’s been pierced by a sword, and the world is fuzzy to me. Still, better than complete blackness. My eye slithers over to Twilight and Dash, along with some other ponies.

I imagine that this is the group that Dash was talking about, and funny enough, the same one Twilight left me for. I’ve always had a hatred in my heart for them, but now, I think that flame’s died out.

An orange earth pony nods her head at me, while a butterscotch pegasus studies me. She doesn’t get too close to me. A pink mare is frowning, and a white one is looking most curious. They don’t know I’m awake and I don’t have the energy to make it known that I am.

They chatter amongst themselves, leaving the room. Rainbow Dash pauses at the door, pays me one last glance, then leaves.

I guess that confirms my fate. Though I thought it would’ve come quicker.

My heart spikes – I’m about to die. It’s not the loss of life that I’m scared of, but the boredom of nothingness that is to ensure. Dying wouldn’t be so bad if it were endless dreams, spanning all of eternity.

Oh wells. Whatever happens, happens. Might as well clear my mind and kick it back. My time is gone and it’s time to say farewell. I did some pretty cool stuff and even my existence was unique.

Even in my hour of death, I feel sympathy for Moriarty. From the way he spoke to the way he thought, we are alike in a way. Just, I never acted on those thoughts in the back of my head – while he performs them.

You know what the funny thing is? If Moriarty just asked me to sit down with him for lunch one day, to just talk about anything, I would’ve done it without hesitation. None of this stealing and none of this mess. All he had to do was ask.

Now how funny is that? Though, I am glad to know of his existence, because now, I know I’m not the only one of my type in this world.

And Dash. If only she could know how wise she is. She’s got potential, and not only for the Wonderbolts. She can become something great one day, so it’s a shame I’ll never see her on that day. But hey! At least I can say I knew Rainbow Dash before she became the Dash.

Oh wait, I’ll be dead. Shit.

And, shit, so much for clearing my mind! Oh well. There’s a click at the door, and something hovers over me. I look up, to see a snow white coated griffon with glasses on his face and a lab coat as white as he.

“Now, patient number– who cares!” He throws up his clipboard and laughs. Producing a needle from his jacket, he takes out the IV from my left arm and injects the needle in its place. The liquid shoots in my arm as my body uncontrollably shakes .

“That should hold you off for a little while,” he says, disposing of the needle along with the others. “Now, my dear Spike, I’m afraid I’ve come to a mistake about you. But I’m not the only one making mistakes.”

I keep looking at him.

“When I looked at your file,” he sits on the bed and inches closer to me, “you looked like a replica of me except in dragon form. Before that, I thought I was truly alone in the world. But you came along and made me feel something.”

“So many come after me, but all end up in the same way. It’s a process now really, a boring one. Imagine my delight when I found out about you. And for the little time we spent together, I really did enjoy it. But I don’t want the game to end just yet.”

“I wanna learn more about you and you wanna learn more about I. We can’t exactly do that if you’re dead. The many battles we’ll have, the distractions that’ll take place. Boy, can’t I wait!”

“So…” I mutter, “you’re going to let me live?”

“Not that easy, Spike chap! I realize, that for all future endeavours I’ll place upon you, that it’s okay if I owe you one more favor. The problem with that is, I’ve already injected the serum to stave off your death, so we’re even. But there’s one more requirement for you to make a bounceback.”

“And that is?”

“It’s something that’s going to prove that I’m alone in this world.” He backs away and present his claws to the ceiling. “Alas! At least it’s worth the pain to help a friend find out who he really is.”

I burst out laughing, clutching my belly as I do so. “Heh, all my life, I’ve considered everyone else to be just acquaintances.” I grip Moriarty wrist, looking into his brown eyes. “But you, Moriarty, are the only one in the world I can call my friend.”

Moriarty moves a talon to his chest. “I’m touched Spike, I really am! You more than just toy, you’re a friend as well. A friend that I’ll one day skin.”

“And you’re a friend that I’ll one day lock up behind bars.”

We both lean forward and smirk, a fire dancing in both of our eyes. He pulls back and claps his talons. “Now isn’t this great! Now we both have something to entertain us. But this deal isn’t over yet, Spike. I only owed you one, the next you have to do yourself.”

Moriarty turns his head to the door. “I hope you brushed your teeth, because you don’t want bad breath on your first kiss.”

I turn my head and see Rainbow Dash at the door.

“Dash…” I utter, she in such a mess. Coat all messy, mane going in different directions – actually, her mane looks pretty badass that way.

She looks to me, then the griffon. “What’s going on here?”

“Hm!” Mortality chuckles, “I may be the one dressed up as a doctor, but you're the one that’s going to save the life. You see, I’ve injected Spike with his cure, but it needs a kick to beat out the poison before it’s too late.”

Mortality leans on my bed. “And none of us want that.”

Dash sprints forward and knocks the griffon down onto the table, two hoofs secured around his neck.

“Whoa!” he playfully pleas, laughing all the while.

“What is it, that I need to do, to save Spike’s life?” Dash grinds the words out from her teeth, her eyes just before his. Moriarty sticks out a tongue and points to his neck. She releases some pressure

“Quite the grip you got there!” he jokes with his newfound air. “To answer your question, I have an odd answer. Only with pegasus saliva, can the antidote work at twice the speed, and thus, beat out the poison that’s already accumulated close to his heart.”

Dash lets go and backs away, her eyes filled with horror. My own heart is beating furiously against my chest; shoot a cannon at me and I’m fine. But put me close to a mare and…

Dash looks to me and I look to her. We say nothing but in our minds ask everything.

Moriarty backs into the corner of the room. “Now, you can’t get mad at me, Spike. I did give you chance to kill her, but you didn’t take it~. Now why so grim? It’s just a kiss, Spike, which should be nothing to a highly-functioning sociopath.”

“And Dash, a kiss is nothing special, am I right? Only ponies like Rarity would think their first kiss is something special – only mushy ponies think like that, right?”

I dart my head to Dash. “You’ve never kissed anypony before!?”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m not the type to be in the lovey-dovey stuff. And besides, it not like you’ve kissed anyone before.”

“Well, yeah. That’s true.”

She sighs and closes her eyes. Her body relaxes, the wings on her sides stop fidgeting. “But, it’s not like we have any choice in the matter.”

“You mean… you’re okay… with—”

Dash exhales. “Spike, kissing you isn’t that big of a deal.” She chuckles. “I mean, you’re not that ugly.”

I chuckle as Dash steps forward. “Are you sure, Dash? I mean, you could run out quickly and find a handsome stallion to smooch. You don’t want to be telling your friends down the road that your first kiss was with a dragon.”

“Why not?” she says, chest prodding out. “It sounds kinky and it’s unique. Besides, if I’m with the same dragon years later, then it won’t come as a surprise.”

Her face is in front of mine, those rose colored eyes taking up my entire view. She smiles, though she also trying to hide under what mane she has. I giggle and she flares up. Finally, I compose myself and ask her a question that can change our future.

“Dash, did you mean that… as a joke?”

She pauses for a second, then shakes her head. “That wasn’t a joke.”

I smell her breath. Muffins. Heh. Probably from the cafeteria. My cheeks burn. My heart is thumping faster and faster, and not because of the poison. I start to lean forward. “ Are you sure you want to stick around, Dash? I am the greatest prick you could have the displeasure of knowing.”

“I agree that you’re a prick,” she leans forward, “but knowing you has been a pleasure. And besides, you’ll be my prick.”  I dare to move an inch forward, and my entire body tenses up as my lips meet her soft furry ones.

Each strand of fur brushes my lips, almost tickling me. My entire body melts, as all my pent up stress leaves my spirit. My body feels at peace, while my mind is in heaven.

She kisses me and I kiss back. Cocking my head left, I deepen the kiss. To hell with thoughts, I’m letting my body act on it’s own. My body just want to be contained in my lips, so I could feel more of her.

I raise my claw to the back of her head, rubbing it and bringing her closer. I’m in heaven; I could handle that eternal boredom as long as I have this memory.

Both are lips are coated, and unfortunately, we break, gasping for air. We broke it too soon, I think, becuase I just want to go in for more.

After regaining her breath, Dash opens her eyes and looks at me in wonder. “That was… pretty awesome.”

“My life is complete,” I say. I hate when ponies say stuff like that, but my heart made me. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt anything down there. I look back to her. “I didn’t mess that up at all, did I?”

“It is my first kiss,” she says, “so I have no way of knowing. But I liked it though.”

“Oh Celestia, I’m the luckiest dragon to have ever lived.”

Dash giggles and flashes me a grin. “So, you’re just not going to leave me hanging again, are you?”

I sit up in my bed with my body in my full control. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, I know we’re going to have many more cases to solve.” I look to Molarity, who hides his laughter behind his talon.

“Oh, pathetic, Spike my boy. To know that a girl can win you over so easily. And that dialogue, please! Be glad I know of your past, or else I would’ve bombed this Hospital for the disappointment that it is.”

Moriarty steps away from the corner, darting his eyes into me. “Oh, and by the way? There was absolutely no reason for you two to kiss! Why in Tartarus would kissing a mare make a antidote work faster! You know better than this, Spike. I know you know better.”

He leans forward. “I guess this means you’ve had a desire to kiss her for a while now, huh?’

I stare daggers into his chest, but he laughs it off. I sigh; getting caught up in the moment always being an issue for me. But this is the first time I’ve let it affect me, and cloud my judgement.

“Congratulations,” I say, “you won.”

Moriarty pushes his beak left. “And why is that? Your friends have their Elements back.”

“You did all of this for me. This case? All for you to prove I was something else, and in that, you’ve succeeded. Even with the Elements back, you still win this.”

“Huh.” He shakes his head, tilts his head slightly left, then bows forward. “Thank you for that, Spike. And for playing my little game.”

The griffon hangs up his coat and takes off his glasses. “You better make the future worth it to me, Spike, as you owe me one.” He walks to the door, and Dash tenses up. I grab her by the hoof, she looks to me, and I shake my head.

He pauses at the door, sighs, and looks to me. His body is slouching, his face tired. “This case has taught you many things my friend, but has taught me one: that I am truly alone. Goodbye, Spike – let’s play again soon.”

He leaves the stage, like a tragic hero. My body falls back into my bed, as a pensive sadness takes hold.

“Spike,” Dash says, hovering over me. “You’re seriously not upset over him, right?”

“I am upset,” I say while I stare at the ceiling. “He and I are alike in a way; we even thought the same. I never opted in for feelings, but they were still there. So many times I was close to acting on them.”

I sigh, taking a moment to compose my thoughts. “I think he and I viewed the world in the same way, and now, we don’t. He proved that I could never act on those feelings for my own gain, and that I’m not truly a sociopath.”

“I think, that those days I spent alone when Twilight had left, if I were to meet him then, that we would’ve been the best of friends.”

Dash sighs and slowly moves her head around. “Spike, I don’t, understand what your feeling… but I kinda get it. You guys were kinds the same and now you’re not.”

I nod my head.

“But, hey! At least you’re going to live life for the better now. That’s gotta be an improvement from the slunk you were in.”

“I hope so,” I say. “But still, I feel a bit empty. It’s kinda like the aftermath of a drug overdose, when at the end, there is only darkness. Where you’re forced to face all your fears alone.”

“Well, just like in the hotel, you’ll have me.” She beams, giving me a smile.

I return the smile. But I soon raise a brow, as her smile turns seductive; her eyes closing slowly. She hops up onto my bed and climbs up my body until she reaches my chest.

“And just think of all the stuff we could do alone, together.”

Annnd my nose is bleeding. See, while I can never understand another ponies feelings, I can tell at a glance what they are feeling, and in most cases, thinking. So ponies require I look a little harder, but in the end, I could tell tell you someone’s life story by what they wear.

But my Celestia, I haven’t a clue what Dash is thinking right now! I want to scream, but a hoof covers my mouth. I take hold of that hoof, and yank Dash down. She gasps, as I throw a claw around her neck, bringing her in for good hug.

In reality, I don’t have my blanket. But fur will do just fine pressed against my body.

She steals a peck against my cheek, and I return the favor. Both of us yelp, not used to the sensation of being kissed. But we’re both laughing like kids as we cuddle close.

If me and Dash had been friends when we were kids, then I wouldn’t have become friends with Moriarty as a teen. Oh well! I have her now, don’t I?

“Hey Spike?” Dash says, as she wraps two hooves behind my head. I look to her. “When we first met, I had two thoughts on my mind, care to guess what they are?”

“This guy is weird and probably going to kill me?”

She giggles, laying her belly on top of mine. Her legs reaching half down of mine. “The first one is true, but the second isn’t; I know I could’ve kicked your butt easily. But no, my second thought was this: I wonder what that dragon would look without clothes on.”

“Oh?”

“And now, this is the second time seeing you without them.”

“And I how do I look.”

“Enough to make me hot.”

And I’m dead. Yep. Died and left. Just a corpse now. Dead dead dead.

“But please keep do wearing cloths, then when I see you without them, well, it makes it my rarity.”

“Um, Darling?” A shaky voice asks, as I look to Dash and she looks to me. Both mortified, we turn to look at the doorway, which is filled with all her friends. Everyone has eyes as big as saucers, though funny enough, it’s Twilight who passes out.

“I-I take it the dragon fellow is feeling better?”

Rainbow Dash slaps me the world goes back to being black, the sound of the slap bouncing off the walls as Dash jumps off me.

We have a lot of explaining to do.