Good Golly Miss Molly, It's Another Story Marked Incomplete! Why Would Super Trampoline Do That? Doesn't He Know He's Never Going To Get Around To Finishing It? Well, The Author's Note Explain All.
Author's Note
Well, I was just going to write a few short anecdotes about each room, but I realized I can stretch them out to where I've reached a thousand words and still have plenty of rooms left, so I figured if I try to finish all the rooms first it will never see the light of day, so for the three of you who want to read my mediocre stories (and I'm not being negative narwhal here; this story really is mediocre at best.), you can still see what I've written, because some writing is better than no writing!
Good Golly Miss Molly, It's Another Story Marked Incomplete! Why Would Super Trampoline Do That? Doesn't He Know He's Never Going To Get Around To Finishing It? Well, The Author's Note Explain All.
"Hello!" Twilight Sparkle says to you. "Come on in, unnamed anonymous pony who's a stand-in for the reader. Since we're trapped in a lame attempt to reach a high story count and aren't even real, let's explore my family's house back in Canterlot rather than ponder the nature of our nonexistence, mere literary puppets of a mediocre author. I find telling you random bland stories about the various rooms here to be less terrorizing than existential horror." With that, she turns, and you follow her in.
"This," she says, waving her hoof around, "is the entryway to our manor. Here, ponies come into the house or leave it, as is the purpose of most entryways. Once upon a time, my dorky big brother said hello to Cadance here. He wasn't very smooth. Don't believe me? Check out this artistic reinterpretation:
"Oh," you say. It's your reaction to most things in life these days. Ever since that manticore accident, things just haven't been the same. Why did you have to chose that day of all days to visit the zoo? Why did it have to be the day of the eclipse? Why did she wander off? You flash back to a scene of screams and laments, and withdraw from the outer world, caught within the nightmare you must relive, over and over and over and--
"Yo, dude!" Twilight snaps you back to reality. "Next room!"
You follow her. She leads you to the kitcken. Her mom is there, baking pie. She's not the best cook, but pie, being one of the chief ordinances of the Equestrian millitary, is a required food in cooking class. So her pies aren't bad.
"Hello, Twilight!" Twilight Velvet sing songs. "Who's the guest?"
"Hi, mom," Twilight Sparkle responds. "That's an a random pony I found doing chalk drawings near our house. I'm giving them a tour because my life lacks meaning."
"Ah, well why don't you take your guest and your ennui elsewhere. I'm cooking."
Twilight sighs dramatically. You're pretty sure she's not being serious, because she isn't usually one to act like a snotty teenager. "Ugggh, whatever, mom." She rolls her eyes, and her mom glares at her for a moment, before they both crack up laughing. How sweet. Mother-daughter bonding. Mind you the daughter is arguably the 3rd most powerful pony in Equestria, but that's neither here nor there.
Anyway, You follow her up the stairs. Why not view all the first floor rooms first, you wonder. Wouldn't that be more logical? Isn't Twilight Sparkle known for being logical? Am I living in a simulated reality that doesn't know how to simulate Twilight? Does she know she's not real? Should I break it to her? I'm not sure if I have the heart. I'd better ask Suuny Disposition about this.
Twilight is staring at you again. "Buddy, I'm not sure if you're high or just distracted, but you've been standing on the stairs for 30 seconds now. At first I thought you were staring at my posterior, but my posterior made it up the stair 25 seconds ago because I know how stairs work. Do you?"
"Yes," you sheepishly concede, and hurry up for the rest of the tour.
"Very well," she continues. "This--" she points toward another room I'm too lazy to describe-- "is where Shining Armour lived."
"Armour?" You interrupt, somehow able to both hear and say that errant "u".
"Yes," Twilight replies. "After my original brother died in a tragic gardening accident, his Skittish brother from across the pond sailed over here to take his place. That's why his name is spelled like that. They do that--spell words funnily with extra letters--in Skitland you know."
"Oh," you say. I mean, how else do you react to learning that your favorite member of Cute Quintet of Boyish Sound is actually an impostor. Tonight, you'll lie awake in bed for several hours contemplating the ephemeral nature of knowledge and whether you can really be sure of anything in this cruel, cruel world that robs you of your idols with fake plastic Skittish copies of them. Also, you consider that technically this means Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armour aren't related, so maybe Friendship is Witchcraft isn't so crazy after all.
But let us not focus on tonight, for that is another story for another time and a separate web browser tab. Let us focus on the tour Twilight is giving you.
"Yeah, so anyway, Shining and Cadance spent a lot of time--" Twilight looks up at the "Everyone" tag on the front of the story-- "uh, hanging out there. Yep, hanging out. You can see he still has his Flash Sentry Sr. poster up there. He had another poster, but I stole it an put it in his new guest room in my gaudy Crystal *BUY OUR TOYS* Castle thingie.
"Did you hear something?" you ask.
"Only the sound of capitalism, nondescript pony following me around. Anyway, moving on, here is my mom's office. She writes stories there. Stories that wind up in the restricted section of the library. I bet the author really wishes he made this story rated 'Teen' so he could expound upon this in further detail, but such is the way of the world. Anyway she also ghost writes for A.K. Yearling, because believe it or not, Daring Do is pretty busy doing archaeology and also saving the world from c-list villains and what have you."
"A.K. Yearling is Daring Do?" you say. Whether that is sarcasm, or genuine surprise because you think Seasons One and Two are the only "true" seasons of the show because Faust left afterwards and thus you stopped watching after Twilicorn "ruined everything", I cannot say. But if you are that guy or girl or somewhere in between, I doubt you'd be reading this.
"Oh, yeah, I guess that isn't common knowledge," she answers. "Uh, do try to keep it a secret. I think she likes the anonymity."
"I'm great at keeping secrets," you say, conveniently forgetting that one time at your cousin's fifth birthday party. "Anyway, can she sign my copy of Daring Do and the Contractual Obligation? That's my favorite one.
"Do you have it with you?"
You don't. You loser. "Uh, no?"
"Well then, she can't sign it, can she. Besides, she's making pie right now. Come to one of her book-signing events. She holds one every couple of months at the Lexford branch of the Canterlot Library."
"Alright," you say, downtrodden. "Show me another room. Is your dad around? We don't see your parents very often.
"Who's we?" she asks.
Oh know, she doesn't even know she's not real. I have to tell her. But wait, she already mentioned that she realizes this when I first came in. Is she in denial? Are there different levels of realness? I should ask her.
You resolve to ask her the truth about reality, in the next chapter.
