You Can Lead a Horse to FimFiction, But You Can't Make Her Ship
Hello hello hello! 'Tis I, the great and friendlyific Pinkie Pie! Now you may be wondering, human on the other side of the screen, what I could possibly be talking about. Well I guess not talking. I mean I'm typing this, aren't I? Human typewriters are a lot different than our type writers, but then again most ponies here don't use typewriters, since they're a newish invention and kind of expensive and honestly most of us don't need them I mean yeah maybe we're missing out on a lot of great 2.5 million word epics since hoof writing, mouth writing, tail writing, or whatever writing, with the emphasis on writing isn't as fast, but I think we've gotten by alright. Honestly the only typewriter I've ever seen in person (yes we are people too, just not human ones. we are pony people. Does that blow your mind? Do you look like the late great Carl Sagan?
He was a pretty cool guy, I hear. May he rest in pepperonis.) was the one Daring Do used. Oops! I mean A.K. Yearling. Oops! You weren't supposed to know that! Wait, you watch that show about us, you already know. Next time I'll tell you that PikaPetey and PostitPony are the same person. That will really blow your mind! You'll need like three Carl Sagan GIFs for that! Wowzies!
Where was I?
Right right right, I was talking about writing versus typing, but I don't think I really need to expound on that anymore. "Expound" is actually a really cool word. Look, I'm not the smartest cookie (And hey, in our world that saying actually makes sense. Oh by the way, don't tell Applejack but she sucks at acting. Like, not to be a Cranky Doodle (And I know you know where that expression comes from!), but she just is way to rigid and mechanical. Acting is all about forgetting yourself and becoming the character! Maybe that's a bit too close to lying for her? Anyway I do appreciate her effort as Smart Cookie though. I mean, look at her, isn't she adorablezees?!
Now that is the face of a pony ready to save her hide from windigoes. Nasty buggers, them windies! Brrrrr I encountered one on my way to Yakyakistan, you know. Of course, I showed it the magic of friendship so it flew away, which is kind of darkly tragic if you think about it so I try not to think about it too much because when I think about things too much it starts to get weird as I ponder the inevitable heat death of your universe and the inevitable revelation of the truth of how things really work (the world beyond ours is an illusion maintained by Celestia, or something dark like that) in ours. So I prefer to focus on baking and parties and FRIENDS! Friends like my dear Applejack, who can't act but tries her best anyway, because she's just that sort of a swell friend. Aren't friends great?!
Where was I? See, this is why I stick to song writing.
Right, so I'm not the smartest bee in your bonnet, but I do like to expand my vocabulary every here and now, mostly by just being in the presence of Twilight, because eggheads in a basket, is she smart! Once she tried to use her smartness to try to understand my Pinkie Sense, but even that is ineffable. Ineffable is another really cool word, by the way. You should try using it sometime, especially when describing how awesome I am. Oh Pinkie, don't be a Rainbow Dash!
So yeah, I guess since I have Super's computer tablet thingie in my possession right now I should use it to tell you a story or something.
But it can't just be any story because most stories are laaaaaame. Not to put down Rarity's stories or anything. Not to name names. She makes a valiant effort, and I appreciate her desire to entertain, but wowzies, have you ever sat through fifteen minutes of "the tale of the missing hair brush"? A true true friend tells her friend when she's boring, but I just don't have the heart to interrupt Rarity when she's in the zone. Does that make me a bad friend or good one? Zonk! A conundrum! Best not think on it too hard. Don't want to tear a hole in reality again like last Tuesday.
Oh you probably want to hear about that don't you? Jeez I already got a sequel cut out for this, don't I? I can call it, I don't know, maybe I'll use some cheesy human pop culture reference, like um... I know! "For You, It Was the Day Pinkie Pie Ripped A Hole in Reality, But for Me, It Was Tuesday!"
Yeah, that will catch they're attention. Though I don't know if I should capitalize that second "for". Somehow I doubt it really matters. That was a hard lesson for me growing up, realizing when to let go. You can't solve everyponies' problems you know. But when you can, it's great! Anyway, M. Bison is pretty funny. There's a pretty sweet story about the actor who played him in the Street Fighters Movie. Go look it up, even I know that's a tangent.
Geez, I'm rambly today. I mean, I'm always rambly, but I'm especially rambly today perhaps this human technology ought to be beyond my ken. I think Super Trampoline will wake up from his nap soon, and then he'll want his iPad back, and then I'll be sad 'cause I'll have to go back to Equestria and while that's cool 'cause Equestria is super duper awesome, the human world is also pretty neat. But it's all okay, because I know where the portal mirror thingie is. Don't tell Twilight that. I don't think she needs that headache. One Pinkie Pie is plenty for her. Hope it's plenty for you too.
Author's Note
A speed writing exercise. My brain is wired pretty much exactly like Pinkie's so I'd say it went pretty well.
~Super Trampoline
