Surprise Days

~Surprise Days~

by NoGiantRobots1983

Interrim Scene

Tightrope's Daily Life

~Let's Begin!~

"You see, Ray," Surprise explained to her pet human in the comfort of their own house, "School isn't really about education.  It's about finding out in what fields a pony excels by having them try a little bit of everything."

"So it's basically like a not-destructive version of a Cutie Mark Crusaders get-together."

"Exactly," Surprise chuckled at the thought.  She had seen a lot more of the youngsters since her own son had become one of them.  Their plots and quests had only gotten better since Tightrope joined their ranks.  Cutie Mark Crusader Chimney Sweeps, Cutie Mark Crusader Stagecoach Drivers, Cutie Mark Crusader Fashion Models, Cutie Mark Crusader Boxers, Cutie Mark Crusader Sign-makers, Cutie Mark Crusader Architects, Cutie Mark Crusader Munitions Manufacturers... "But that worries me," Surprise added, "Tightrope's already so well-educated.  Do you think he'll even fit in at school?  If he starts sleeping in class..."

"Cutie Mark Crusader Student Teacher?"

"It's no joke, Raydence.  His future could ride on this!"

Raydence stroked his chin.  Then he said, "Well, I can't think on an empty stomach.  I'll give it some thought and get back to you."

Surprise sighed.  "Okay."

And Raydence was out the door.

At that moment, Tightrope, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were walking by.  They weren't going to Surprise's house, it was just that said house was right on the edge of town and almost right before the path leading to Sweet Apple Acres, so they passed the one any time they were heading for the other.  Which they were.

Then they saw Raydence leave the house and make straight for the woods, his Marle-gun in hand.  Sweetie Belle mumbled, "I wonder what he's up to?"

Scootaloo looked doubtful.  "He goes in there every day.  Tightrope, you live with him, doesn't he ever talk about it?"

Tightrope shook his head.

"Haven't you ever asked?"

Bashfully, Tightrope shook his head again, and his eyes became glued to the spot where Raydence had disappeared into the trees.  The colt took a few cautious steps towards it, before his curiosity gave way and he said, "I'm gonna follow him!"

"Tightrope, wait!"  The girls called, rushing in after him.

By the time Scoots and Sweets caught up to Tightrope, they were already in too far and, truth be told, they too wanted to see this adventure through.  There was Raydence, not far ahead of them.  Somehow they could plainly see him.  Probably because he was carrying a hot pink shotgun.

The girls glanced at each other uncertainly, Tightrope alone seeming confident that they would neither attract Raydence's attention nor that they would fall prey to the thingamabobs that lurked in the ever-dangerous Everfree Forest.  Sweetie Belle felt sure that she had stepped on so many twigs or nearly been caught by so many serpents that she was beginning to lose her nerve.

Then Raydence stopped.  Fortunately, the girls and Tightrope had found a rock large enough for them to hide behind and watch from safety.

What was Raydence doing?  His eyes (they assumed--he still had the bangs-covering-his-eyes thing going on) followed something they couldn't see, but could hear only as faint rustling.  Then, out of nowhere, a giant brownish-green blur flew at the human!  Somehow, he caught it and bashed it into a tree three times in what seemed like only a second!  Only when it was dead did they see what it was:  A snake, one with big brown spots decorating its green scales and thick body.

Raydence held the snake-corpse in his hands and looked at it, mumbling to himself, "Now, how am I gonna cook this?"

Scootaloo couldn't help exclaim, "You eat snakes?!"

"Sometimes," Raydence answered without even glancing her way.  He dropped the body, grabbed a bunch of twigs and piled them together.  Then he shot the twigs with Marle, and started a fire which he appeared to use to cook the snake's remains.  The kids, now knowing the game was up, came out into the open and closer to the fire.

Sweetie Belle asked, "You knew we were there?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"Because I've been coming to these woods every day.  I know what sounds normal and what doesn't.  And the hoofsteps of three little ponies, doesn't.  Now, you might not want to stick around.  The next part might turn your stomachs."  He held the warmed portion of snake close to his mouth to indicate his meaning.  The girls quite agreed with him and walked away, but Tightrope sat and watched.

Sweetie Belle winced, and tried hard to not think about what Raydence was doing behind her.  This was perhaps why she bumped into Rainbow Dash.

Scootaloo looked up in surprise.  "Rainbow Dash!  Why are you here?"

"Following you," Rainbow Dash answered.  "I saw you come in, and had to stop you.  Everfree isn't safe, you know."

"We know," Scootaloo cringed.

Rainbow Dash called out, "Tightrope, you come too!"

Tightrope, however, was too interested in his big brother's food.  Momentarily he asked, "Does it taste good?"

"Kinda."  The human answered.

"Can I try some?"

Raydence glanced down at him with a look like he hadn't expected the question, but also wasn't put off by it.  "Well..."

"Hey," Rainbow Dash said, "Give me some too!"

Raydence sighed, pulled off bits for Tightrope and Dash and handed them over, tossing Dash's because she was far away.  Dash caught it in her mouth and wolfed it down, not even acknowledging the wide-eyed shock of the two girls.  "Man that stuff's tasty!"  The blue pegasus said, then said, "Okay girls, let's get going!  You too, Tightrope!"

Tightrope happily followed, while the girls followed in astonished silence.

The issue was well out of their mind when they came to the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse, where Apple Bloom was impatiently waiting, excited with the idea of her latest scheme.  "Sit down, girls and guys!  Ah know just what it is that we'll get our cutie marks in!"  From somewhere, Apple Bloom lifted up something heavy onto a desk.  That something heavy was...

"A penguin?"  Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah!  Ah just happened to find it wanderin' mah yard!  It must be a sign!  Cutie Mark Crusaders, our destiny is to be Penguin Herders!"

Sweetie Belle cheered, but Scootaloo scratched her cheek and said, "That doesn't sound like a very exciting destiny."

Tightrope, at the moment, was more interested in the penguin than in his destiny.  He came up close and got a good look at the critter, which he thought was kind of cute, especially the birdlike ways it tilted its head and boked things with its beak, sometimes flapping its insubstantial little wings while making short little honk noises.  "What's a penguin doing in Ponyville of all places?"  He asked.  "We're nowhere near the arctic!"

Apple Bloom shrugged.  "Who knows?  That's why Ah say its gotta be a sign of somethin'!  It's got to have sumthin' to do with our cutie marks!"

Tightrope pet the penguin, who reacted to this gesture in no way except to cock its head in that awkward way birds do, then to poke its beak under its wing presumably to scratch an itch or catch bugs or whatever.  The colt said, "I don't know.  I think if there's a penguin here, it must belong to somepony.  We'd better find its owner.  Besides, none of us knows the first thing about caring for a penguin."

Apple Bloom sighed.  "Oh, all right.  But where do we start?  Who in Ponyville would own a penguin?"

"Ya'll found this funny-lookin' critter on mah land?"  Applejack cocked an eyebrow.  "Well, he ain't mine.  Dunno where he came from."

"Oh, he's so cute!"  Fluttershy petted and cuddled the bird, who continued tilting his head and needlessly flapping while looking positively stupid.  "But I'm afraid he's not my penguin."

The story was the same everywhere.  It wasn't Pinkie Pie's, it wasn't the Mayor's, it wasn't even Surprise's.  To all appearances, this dumb, head-tilting, wing-scratching bird had just come out of nowhere.

And so, in the middle of the road in the middle of town, the four Cutie Mark Crusaders sat and sighed.  And the bird kept tilting its head.

"Well, if it isn't the blank flanks!"

Three of the four didn't even have to look to see who it was.  Diamond Tiara was well known to them.  They recognized her by sight, by sound, by stench, by that pervading aura of evil about her... okay, they might have been making some of those points up.  Even so, their opinion was justified when Diamond Tiara said, "What are you trying to find your cutie marks in now?  Loitering?  Getting in everypony's way?"

"We ain't in anypony's way," Apple Bloom grumbled.

Diamond Tiara payed no heed.  Her eyes were now on the penguin.  "Just what is that freaky looking animal?"

Yet as Diamond Tiara looked at that freaky looking animal, she became uncomfortably aware that it was looking back.  She walked around, and its eyes followed her.  She didn't like those eyes.  Diamond Tiara had to admit, she felt just a little disturbed.  "Stupid animal," she muttered under her breath, and tried to walk away.

And the penguin walked toward her.

"Go away!"  Diamond Tiara called out to it, but it kept following her.  "I said go away!"

And then her fear was confirmed, when she saw that there were hearts in its eyes.

"EEEEEEEEEK!"  Diamond Tiara shouted at the top of her lungs as her little hooves galloped as fast as they could, and yet that was not fast enough to elude a lovestruck dumb bird too thick to realize it wasn't wanted.  Seeing no other solution, Diamond Tiara rounded a corner and into an alley, which led around the back of the building.  But she heard that waddling thing closing in on her!  She couldn't rest!  She had to run!

Her mad dash for safety took her by the library, where Twilight Sparkle happened to be standing outside and saw, as she put it:  "Diamond Tiara!  You've found Pemzeek!  If you'll just--" but Diamond Tiara was too busy running to answer.

Her travels somehow took her back around to where the Cutie Mark Crusaders were waiting.  Tightrope kicked up a box, and said "Hide in here!"  And Diamond Tiara obediently did.  Tightrope closed the box, sat on it, and when the Penguin came around he pointed the first direction he thought of and said "She went that way."  The dumb bird believed it, and took off.

When the coast was clear, Tightrope opened the box again and said, "It's okay, he's gone."

"Why did ya save her?"  Apple Bloom asked, "Ah was kinda enjoyin' that!"

Diamond Tiara took great offense to that, and in retaliation, hugged Tightrope and said smugly "Because he's a gallant gentlepony, unlike you!"  Then, glad at seeing her words had hurt like they intended, she indulged her personal curiosity.  "Just what was that thing?"

"Looked like a--"

"AAAAHHH!"  Diamond Tiara shrieked and jumped ten feet in the air, and then fell into the arms of Raydence, whom she had not heard approach.  Indeed, he could be as quiet as a cat sometimes, and his sudden appearance had taken everypony by surprise.  "You big brute!  How dare you scare a lady like that!"  Diamond Tiara angrily beat on Ray's chest.

"Oh, sorry.  Didn't mean to scare you."  Then he glanced ahead at where the penguin had gone.  "As I was saying, that looked like a penguin.  But why would there be one of those here?"

"I can answer that!" said Twilight Sparkle as she entered the gathering.  "That penguin is Pemzeek.  My aunt Arctica was having a housecleaning day and needed him out of the way, so I offered to penguin-sit.  Unfortunately he got loose.  We have to get him back!"

"There he is right now," Raydence noted, "I'll just put her down and--"

A second ago, Diamond Tiara would've welcomed being put down, but as soon as she saw Pemzeek heading her way she quickly scrambled right back into the very arms she had just vacated, even as Pemzeek stood at Raydence's feet and looked up with lovelorn eyes at the filly he was scaring so much.

"Oh, good!"  Twilight Sparkle sighed, "Thanks for everything!  I'll just take Pemzeek home with me... come on, Pemzeek!"  But the penguin refused to move.  Twilight grrrred, and said, "Fine, how about this?"  and then used her teleport magic to send Pemzeek right to the library!

Diamond Tiara looked around, asked, "Is it gone?" and sighed with relief when it seemed like the answer was yes.  Yet no sooner had she started to scramble back to the ground than Pemzeek came running up yet again and Diamond Tiara had to scramble right back into Raydence's arms!

Sweetie Belle whispered, "I know this sounds crazy, but I'm starting to feel sorry for her."

Sweetie Belle didn't feel sorry for long, for all the sudden Pemzeek fell over backwards!

The event was so sudden, that every pony at first couldn't believe what had happened.  Diamond Tiara was the first to take advantage of it, jump out of Raydence's arms and run home as fast as she could, leaving the rest to puzzle out the mystery of the fainted penguin.

Twilight Sparkle gasped, and then suddenly teleported him again.  "He must be overheated!  I have to go run him a cold bath.  See you later!"

The girls and guys alike waved their goodbyes, and then Raydence said, "So, it looks like you four ran into something interesting."

Apple Bloom sighed.  "Yup.  We thought it'd lead to our cutie marks, too."

"Well, don't despair.  I'm sure you'll find your special talents when you least expect it."

Well it turned out, they were done talent-scouting for the day.  So what did they do instead?  Why, just found themselves a beach ball and played a little game of bounce-the-ball, a fun little kid's game where they bounce the ball to each other with their heads.  The only objective is don't let the ball touch the ground.  It was slow, it was relaxing, it was relatively noncompetitive.  In other words, it was a time waster.  And the kids loved it.

Tightrope absolutely sucked at it.  Perhaps that was no surprise, but after the third drop, Sweetie Belle suggested a modification designed specifically to let the colt get some practice in.

It was while Tightrope was running to catch the ball on his noggin', after Sweets had accidentally knocked it into some bushes, that he had his second run-in that day with Diamond Tiara.  The ball bounced off her head, but she barely seemed to notice as she came out of the bushes, her face in Tightrope's.

"What do you want?"  Apple Bloom asked with a hint of challenge in her tone.

Diamond Tiara ignored the question entirely.  She spoke directly to Tightrope.  "I just wanted to thank you again for saving me."  That was what she said, but the look on her face said something more.

"Uhhh... okay."

Tiara glanced around.  "Is this what you do with your time?  Stand around playing ball?  Aren't you a genius or something?"

"Ummm..."

Diamond Tiara came and scootched right up next to Tightrope.  "I could show you a much better time than these bozos.  You'd like to see a good time, wouldn't you?"

"Uhhhh..."  The truth was, there was just something about the way she said good time that made the little fellah just slightly uneasy.

Scootaloo put her hoof down, "What are you talking about?  He's having a good enough time right here!  He doesn't want to hang out with you!"

Diamond Tiara made a smirk, "Why not let him decide that?  Come on Tightrope, who would you rather hang with?  These country bumpkins, or someone suave, clean and beautiful, like myself?"

Tightrope backed away from Diamond Tiara at that very moment.  The truth was, something about her reminded him too much of another pony he would just as soon forget.  Diamond Tiara didn't seem to be happy about this, and tried to keep pace with him, but Tightrope backed away faster, and she caught up faster... and then he backed into a tree.

And then Diamond Tiara backed her little rump right into Tightrope's face!

Apple Bloom, Sweets and Scootaloo gasped, and Diamond Tiara smirked a bigger smirk and continued the backing.  "You like that, huh?"

All the sudden Tightrope pushed her off, and cried out "Soap!  I need soap!"  And spat and ran towards the nearest pond.  Even after splashing his head a few times, he still declared, "Dirty!  I feel so dirty!"

"DIRTY?!"  Diamond Tiara cried out in rage.

"Ewww," Sweetie Belle ewwwed, as the three Cutie Mark Crusaders went to Tightrope's side, casting awkward glances at Diamond Tiara as they did so.  Tightrope, meanwhile, felt so dirty that he even tried rubbing actual dirt in his face, because that felt cleaner.

Scootaloo said, "Hang on, I'll get some soap," and she dashed off to the nearest house and was back in just a split second.  Tightrope washed his face three times, and even then he gargled some pond water because he was afraid his mouth might be dirty too.

When he was done, he glanced around, but Diamond Tiara had left.  He breathed a sigh of relief.

It was something like seventeen minutes and twenty-two seconds later that they ran past Twilight Sparkle, wearing saddlebags and looking quite upset about something.  As she passed by, something jumped out of her saddlebags and right into Apple Bloom's hooves.  A wet, wiggling thing...

"What the hay is Twilight doin' with a fish?"

"MY FISH!"  Twilight rushed back and reclaimed it, and left again with a brief "Thanks, girls!"

"Hey, wait up!"  Apple Bloom asked, "What's goin' on?"

"Pemzeek is sick!"  Twilight briefly explained as she ran home.  The Crusaders glanced at each other, and mutually made up their minds to follow Twilight and see what the problem was.

The path took them to a small, rarely-seen room of the library, somewhere in the middle of the tree where there were no windows and all the illumination came from candles, and yet the reflective crystals of ice all around served to make this meager light more than adequate.  The minute the kids stepped in, they realized how chill it was.

There, sitting in the middle, was Pemzeek.  He slouched, and carried an air about him as if his grandmother died or something.  Twilight Sparkle lay a fish in front of him, and said, "There!  A yummy fish!  You like fish, don't you?"

Scootaloo asked, "Penguins eat fish?"

"Of course!"

"Ugh," Scootaloo made a disgusted look.  "Where do all these meat-eaters come from?"

Twilight Sparkle barely heard the question.  "Oh... come on Pemzeek, you must eat!"

Sweetie Belle considered, "Maybe it's just me, but it looks like he's depressed about something."

"I know, but what?  What do penguins get depressed about?  Oh, what to do what to do!"

Apple Bloom tried to cheer her up, "Well, maybe he's just tired from chasin' Diamond Tiara all around town?"

Almost instantly Twilight lit up.  "Of course!  Nova Scotia!"

"Nova whatia?"

"Nova Scotia!  Oh, she's a little filly Pemzeek loved to play with up in the arctic!  She looks almost just like Diamond Tiara!  Oh, when Pemzeek saw her he must've thought she was his little friend!  We've got to get them together again!"

The minute Tiara's name had been mentioned, Tightrope was already backing out the door.  Just before he left, he said, "Y-yeah, good luck with that.  I've... got to get going."

And Tightrope went running before anypony could voice any objection to his leaving.  Even so, as he ran downstairs, he justified to himself, Anyway, they can find Diamond Tiara without my help.  I'd just... I'd just get in their way!  Yeah, that's it!  That's what he said, and yet in his heart he knew the truth.

His heart was forced to confront that truth when, halfway home, he found himself getting tackled by two girls.

"Well well well!"  An all-too-familiar female voice said, "What happened to your girlfriends?  They dump you already?"

"G-g-get off me..."  Tightrope tried to sound tough, but just couldn't manage it.  Being this close to Diamond Tiara made him feel nervous in ways he could barely understand.  Oh, he had read textbooks on this kind of thing, of course, but reading a book and being confronted with it up-close were completely different!

"Get off you?  Ooookaaaayyy!"  And Diamond Tiara rolled to her side.  Just as Tightrope was about to bolt, another filly pushed him onto her.  The colt went EEP!  And Diamond Tiara asked, "Is this better?  You're a strong, dominating man, right?"

Tightrope jumped back as far as his little legs could carry him, and said, "Please, just leave me alone!"  And yet it only took him a split-second to see that Diamond Tiara and that friend of hers had no intention of any such thing, so he turned and ran.  And in his blind rush to get away, he made several wrong turns, tripped over far too many things that just happened to be out in the road, and finally made the classic mistake of turning into a dead-end alley, where to his horror he found Diamond Tiara and her friend--Silver something--were still right behind him.

"What do you want?!"  Tightrope demanded.

"What do you think?  I'm not gonna let those dirty little peasants have the satisfaction of finding a boyfriend before I do!  So you're gonna like me, and you're gonna enjoy it!"

"NOW, GIRLS!"

Who?  Where?  Almost clear out of the blue, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo jumped on Diamond Tiara and Silver-whatever, pinning them down!  Tightrope almost couldn't believe it, and had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't just hallucinating his out-of-nowhere rescue!

"Let go of me!"  Diamond Tiara demanded.

"Thanks!"  Tightrope said to his friends as he squeezed past, his heart racing, glad to be out of that alley--and no sooner did he leave than he bumped into Filthy Rich!  And he didn't at all look pleased.

"What are you Crusaders doing to my daughter?!"  He demanded gruffly.

"Hold on--"

"ACK!"  Filthy Rich jumped ten feet in the air, and landed in the arms of Raydence, who once again had come up without being noticed and had tried to speak.  But since Filthy Rich was considerably heavier and nowhere near as cute, Raydence had to put him down.

The human said, "As I was saying, hold on a minute.  A better question is, 'why was Diamond Tiara chasing my little bro all over creation'?"  Raydence glanced into the alley.  "Seems like we've had a lot of chases today."

Filthy Rich asked, "My daughter was chasing him?"

Scootaloo rolled her eyes.  "Duh.  Probably wanted to stick her butt in his face again."

And Filthy Rich's eyes went wide, and he sighed painfully, "Oh, Diamond Tiara, you didn't!  Not again!"

"Daddy...!"  Diamond Tiara pleaded, her eyes all big and watery.

"That's the second scandal this week!"

"Scandal?"  Raydence asked, "What?"

Filthy Rich glanced around motioned the human closer.  He tried to whisper, but Tightrope was so close by that he was able to hear every word of what Filthy Rich said:  "Diamond Tiara's developing a little too fast.  She's a mare before her time, if you understand me."

"Ah," Raydence nodded.  Raydence stood, and said, "Well, I think we can avoid another scandal.  Looked to me like just a bunch of kids playing rough."

"Right, right.  So, I'll just take my daughter home..."

"Now wait a minute!"  Apple Bloom cried out.  "We need Diamond Tiara!"

"HUH?!"  Diamond Tiara's eyes went wide with shock.

"Pemzeek the penguin is sick!  Twilight thinks seein' Diamond Tiara again will make him all better!"

And if Diamond Tiara's eyes could widen any further, they did.  "WHAT?!  No way!  Let me go, let me go!"  She demanded, struggling like a skittish kitten to get out of a loving child's grasp.  And yet it was fruitless, for even when she finally managed to escape, her own father picked her up and placed her on his back.

"What, that fine bird in danger?  Well then, I'm sure my daughter understands her civic duty!  Come along, Tiara!"

And he carried her along, Tiara the whole time cringing in fearful anticipation.

So it happened at last that Pemzeek finally caught up with Diamond Tiara.  Together at last, Diamond Tiara sat on the chill floor with a scowl etched across her face, while Pemzeek picked the bugs out of her fur with his beak.  Twilight Sparkle giggled, "Oh, they're so happy together!"

"Yeah," Scootaloo smirked, "Thrilled!"

Sweetie Belle suggested, "Let's leave the two birds alone, shall we?"

Tightrope, meanwhile, had washed his face again, and gargled some mouthwash, while Raydence leaned against a windowsill and looked out.  Raydence happened to notice a little desk, on which Twilight Sparkle had begun a letter, but she had only gotten as far as Dear Princess Celestia.

The mischevious human could not resist pulling out a ballpoint pen, and finishing the letter:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that both Diamond Tiara and her father have frail nerves.

Then Surprise smirked, and added:

I also learned how one can be a nudist and still be a nymphomaniac.

MEANWHILE, IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!

"There!"  NoGiantRobots1983 declared.  "I've finished it.  I'm particularly proud of that scene where Diamond Tiara shows her soft side and reveals she really loves the penguin.  Yep, just a cute, fun, lighthearted story about a bunch of kids learning one of those sugary sweet life lessons!  So much better than the original version!  D.T. trying to force herself on Tightrope, what was I thinking?  That would get banned from the internet in like ten seconds!  Man, I'm glad I'm not posting that!  Now, I think I'll go grab a soda and play some Street Fighter!"

And so NoGiantRobots left his desk unattended, not knowing a mischevious white pegasus had been waiting for just that moment.  When the master had left the room, the pegasus came out to play.

"Hmmm... well, this story is cute," she said to herself.  "But you know, I think readers deserve to know what really happened.  I'll just replace this with the original draft.  NoGiantRobots will never notice!"

Surprise went back into hiding just in time for NoGiantRobots1983 to come back into the room, and say to himself, "Now to upload the story..."

COMING NEXT!

The Final Surprise Days Adventure

~ Miracle Road ~

We'll see you there!