Returning to a Dangerous Game

I’ve been an ‘official’ citizen of Equestria for a year now and I’ve been thrown through the meat grinder… my wings were ripped off, my throat was slashed, I nearly froze to death and before I knew it Twilight turned into a princess. The gems containing the Elements of Harmony were given back to a tree they were taken from and Celestia decided to set me free from my sentence so I won’t be going on any more misadventures with the six, although they did manage to drag me back to the Crystal Empire for a political meet n’ greet where all Twilight had to do is smile and wave while I avoid any royal at all costs.
The aroma of ginger wafts into my nose… it’s been two hours since the royals left, Luna found me hiding in the rafters and invited me for tea though it’s been months since we ever had a conversation that wasn’t in my dreams.

“Is something the matter, Frostbite?” Luna asks snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look into her navy blue eyes then to my sunglasses lying in the middle of the tea table made of sapphire and sigh.

“Just the usual… trying to adjust to ‘civilized’ society after fifteen years of seeing so much evil shit that the only thing I expect from anyone is evil”

“There is more to this life than the pain you’ve gone through” she answers calmly refilling her cup.

“You’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard someone say that, now that your sister released me from my sentence I’ve had a lot to think about and that’s something I’ve dread every time I go back to my apartment”

“Isn’t being able to gather your thoughts a good thing?”

“Not when you’ve lived your entire life being beaten and ridiculed, you of all ponies should know most don’t dream when they pass out and on the nights where you’ve seen my worst memories, you know it could be YEARS before I can even look in the mirror without wanting to slam my face into it.”

“True… but you have no sin to carry”

“Yeah not even the hundreds or so ponies I’ve killed can weigh me down-” I chuckle “-but even as I killed them it didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong I knew most of them could have been responsible for the deaths other ‘innocent’ ponies if we want to go and define any of my actions as good or evil, me killing them was a necessary evil”

“Yet you’ve shown mercy”

“Only so a pony and his daughter could get slaughtered by a psychotic griffon, mercy isn’t always a good thing Luna in fact it can be the worst thing you can give to someone.”

“And what about the changelings? You had a chance to kill the queen, yet you offered them more than just a pardon from their actions you would have given them a chance to live among us in peace.”

“Only to be thrown out of Canterlot like the rest of them and spend most of the year as the queen’s gimp although despite Shining’s protests, I don’t think the Changelings are evil, but what I find strange is that you didn’t intervene when the invasion started.”

She blushes, looks at the table and adds more sugar to her tea.

“I’m… a very heavy sleeper” she mumbles.

“I’ll bet. But you and me… we’re just like them-” she looks up at me like I’ve just stabbed her in the heart after saying ‘I do’ ”-we’re not evil Luna, just misunderstood.”

She takes a sip of her tea “Why are you so sure that there is no innocence?”

“Because we all have our own guilt and we want someone to forgive us but we never think to forgive ourselves, I however have done too much so that the only way I can be forgiven is for me to put the barrel of a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.”