The Perfect Job

Acting from experience (of a certain incident regarding the Grand Galloping Gala), Discord skipped the mailing process altogether and went to post his resume up on the list serve himself. While there, he took the liberty to swipe a free list of needed applications that he could read back home. But first, he had a stop to take in the garden.

The wings of a dragon and a bird took no effort in his smooth flight upon the highest branch of the one natural thing in his jungle of a backyard: a strong, proud redwood which rose a whopping 375 feet into the air. This was, ironically, the famous thinking tree.

Paying no mind to the bizarre patterns and oddities of his cottage in the background, his thick snake tail curled around the bough as he drifted into thought. And think he did, for Discord could not get his mind off of the vision which had occurred in the castle study yesterday. He couldn't wrap his head around it, but he had a sinking feeling that this wasn't just a disorderly side effect. Why, you ask?

This was far from the first occurrence.

He had kept trying to shrug it off, but throughout his eternal life, his patience had worn thin. This must have been, to little exaggeration, the 400,000th time. He commonly had repeating gags - there were only so many ways to reek disharmony, after all, and he had been doing it for a literal eternity - but that was a few dozen times at minimum. There was something special about this particular...well, whatever it was.

There was no time to dwell on this, however, for a quiver went up Discord's spine (or as much of a spine as can be found on a draconequus). Luckily, he was able to identify this sensation.

Just as Pinkie Pie had a Pinkie sense, Discord had a sort of magical perception of his own, a feature which he liked to call his "disharmonic sense." He preferred not to mention this to anypony, although it sometimes came when he would least prefer. For example, he remembered that he had sensed a magical improvement in Princess Twilight Sparkle when he had betrayed the ponies and sided with Tierek. In this case, the prophecy was that the telephone would ring momentarily. One disappointed sigh and a claw snap later, Discord teleported into his living room to wait for the call.

And the call came, no more than fifteen seconds later, the number "1-(766) 772-4665" appeared on the screen of the phone, and Discord's signature cackle (and ringtone) echoed around the room. Upon his floating recliner, his hoof bent down to press the "TALK" button. BEEP!

"Hello," greeted Discord in his most professional-sounding voice. "This is Discord speaking."

A kind voice replied on the end of the line. "Hello, Discord, this is Mrs. Cherilee Pie on the line, talking to you on the behalf of the Ponyville Public Schoolhouse."

"Why, hello, Cherilee. Yes, I've seen you around Ponyville before, I remember now. I didn't know you were a Pie!"

"Not biologically, but yes, it's a little-known secret for those in the know. I guess I would be Pinkie's second-cousin-in-law? Anyways, my colleagues and I noticed your resumé on the career listings, and we've decided to ask you if you would be interested in applying for occupation?"

Trying not to burst into cheers, Discord cleared his throat and responded, "I see. Well, that sounds interesting. And what, specifically, would be the title of said occupation?"

"You see, we are currently in need of a student therapist. Our previous counselor, Mrs. Harshwhinney...well, let's just say she wasn't extremely empathetic with our pupils, and quite frankly, since you're not exactly an...uncommon name in our hometown, I've caught wind of a few of your traits: namely, personality relatable to by youths, persistence, and whatnot. We would appreciate if you would consider application, because we are in urgent need of hiring."

"Um," stammered Discord, hardly daring to believe that his not-so-good name had been taken so seriously so soon, "alright then. Could you send me information and a form? I think my address was on the resumé."

"I do, too, and we'll contact the Pony Express as soon as possible. It should be there in around three days' time."

"Actually," countered Discord, once again recollecting his grudge against the Pony Express mail -mares and -stallions, "I don't really live in a very good location on their route. Chaosville isn't exactly near Pony Express headquarters, you know," he added with a chuckle. "Would you mind if I stopped by tomorrow morning instead?"

"Oh, okay, gotcha. Well, in that case, are you free around 8:00 AM?"

"Eeyup," agreed Bigcord, although Cherilee was blind to the fact that an unusual cross between Discord and Big McIntosh was the recipient. Even if it was only for a few seconds, the allusion still pleased the Discord half.

"Then I guess I'll see you on Monday. Bye!"

"Arrivederci!"

A gentle laugh met him shortly on the other end, before being cut off by static.