The clouds swirled around Princess Cadance as she stepped forward, walking slowly and admiring her surroundings. This special place, high above her city and her worries; no ponies came here, partly because so few of her citizens were pegasi, and fewer still were brave enough to dare fly this high. For her, however… she was born in the sky, in a manner of speaking, it was her birthright. Her subjects looked upon clouds as delicate things, dendritic crystals in the sky; beautiful, yes, but too hard a touch and they fall apart, and for most of her little ponies, she supposed that it was true enough. They would be no more substantial than gossamer—for her, though, they were solid as any stone.
It was freedom, in a way, she thought airily and threw herself onto her back like a filly might jump onto a bed, splaying her wings to their absolute maximum in a loose-limbed sprawl. The sudden cold moisture against her coat made her gasp and shiver for a second, until the coolness became more refreshing than shocking. She smiled, as she looked up at the crystal clear night sky, with its brilliantly full moon gazing down upon her; above her, everywhere she craned her head, she could see stars twinkling, little pricks of icy light…
Cadance let out a sigh full of contentment, even as her crown fell off her head and rolled away.
A special place, her secret place…
Still and calm, she amused herself for a little while, picking out stars and murmuring their names. It was all so vibrant now, with Princess Luna once more shepherding the sky. And lonely.
A muffled sound, more of a vibration, traveled through the cloudstuff. Cadance felt it more through her feathers than something she heard with her ears. A whisper, if that. Shifting, but not quite raising, she looked toward the source of the sound; had somepony found her cloud? A momentary flash of irritation ran through her as the cloud vibrated with steps of a pony who was more used to walking on solid earth than solid clouds.
The irritation in her breast evaporated when her guest came around the corner. Secrets weren’t much fun if they weren’t shared, after all, and she was always welcome.
“Hello,” Twilight said, her face lighting up like it always did when she saw Cadance as she stepped delicately on the cloud. “I… saw you fly up here. Um, am I interrupting?”
“Mhmm,” Cadance murmured, unable to tease the younger mare just a little bit, even if it always made her feel rotten, the way her face fell. “I don’t mind, though.”
“Okay,” The other alicorn looked up at the night sky, twisting her neck around and taking it all in, only to return to Cadance’s face with a warm smile once again on her face… they held each other’s gaze for a moment, then Twilight’s eyes began to wander, slowly drifting down Cadance’s body, taking it in like she had the night sky. Although she seemed to enjoy it far more.
Cadance’s cheeks coloured, and suddenly the coolness of the cloudbank was very welcome, as purple eyes practically caressed her flanks, her wings, her… It wasn’t lost on her that she was completely exposed like this. She shifted her tail, drawing it up over her belly as if to preserve her modesty, but she had no illusions as to how pointless that was.
Twilight’s expression slowly shifted, from the warm, friendly smile Cadance had always admired, to something more thoughtful, something more lustful.
“I suppose…” Twilight’s voice was low and silky, her eyes half-lidded. “It wouldn’t do to leave a young defenseless mare like yourself—”
Cadance snorted, causing Twilight’s heated expression to vanish for a moment—but only a moment.
“Oh you know what I mean.” Twilight’s voice was slightly surly as she met the other princess’ eyes with a withering glare. “I almost think I’m not wanted here!” she added, spreading her wings ever so slightly as if she meant to take off and leave —there was too much of a playful tone in her voice, though, for Cadance to take her seriously on the threat.
“Oh! Oh no,” Cadance pleaded, the frightened tone in her voice ruined by tiny treacherous titters. “I—I am! Young and defenseless, and, um...”
“A mare, perchance?” Twilight supplied with a smirk.
With effort, she resisted pointing out that Twilight’s eyes certainly hadn’t left the question open to debate. “Just a small, helpless little princess, um, who’s forgotten the names of the stars…”
“Somepony should defend you,” Twilight murmured as she stepped closer to Cadance, and leaned down to kiss her lightly on her lips. “from ignorance, at least.”
“My savior,” Cadance murmured, raising her head off her pillow, following those soft, purple lips upward. “Of course, I think I do remember the name of one star.”
“Only one?”
“Mhmm.” She smirked, and added; “Her name is Twilight, and she’s very special to me.”
Twilight paused, her lips millimeters from Cadance’s, and frowned in confusion. “There aren’t any stars named—” The confusion was replaced with dawning realization. “Oooh.” Then she wrinkled her nose up adorably and added, “That’s awful.”
“It was supposed to be romantic!”
“Getting facts wrong is never romantic!” Her mane swayed as she shook her head, flicking against Cadance’s face. “Plus it was kind of corny, too.”
“Oh, shut up and kiss me,” Cadance grumbled, reaching up with her hoof and pulling her lover’s head down towards her lips. She let out an utterly adorable noise, more of a squeak than anything else, then melted into Cadance, with her body half draping itself over her. Her wing’s feathers intermingled with Cadance’s as she murmured something unimportant, as her eyes closed blissfully.
It was wonderful, laying there with Twilight’s warm body pressed up against hers as their tongues explored one another’s mouths and hooves did the same with one another’s bodies. It wasn’t that it was unfamiliar territory, true, but it still made her smile when her hoof stroked a particularly sensitive part of her marefriend’s wing, or cupped her cutie mark and squeezed it… Not that Twilight’s hooves left her unattended.
Cadance broke the kiss as she let out an involuntary gasp of her own, when Twilight’s hoof brushed against a particularly needy part of her body. It was a warm night, but it almost felt too hot to her. “Y-you’ve been practicing.”
“I wouldn’t want to let you down,” she panted ever so slightly, as if she had been running.
“You? Never, Twilight, never,” Cadance whispered earnestly, nipping at Twilight’s ear. “You can never let me down, or disappoint me…”
“So, I take it you… you like it?” Twilight smiled hopefully, erasing the beginnings of a pout.
“Oh.” Cadance shivered, her voice slow and smooth like silk. Twilight was always so considerate, so caring, even when they were only just friends. And she was so eager to learn. Learn Cadance’s body, learn how to do things, just how to please her and make her writhe. The faithful student, indeed… but it wouldn’t do for Cadance to give nothing in return—it felt wrong, and oh how much more it was, when both sides sang together. “Oh yes.”
Before Twilight could respond, Cadance took matters into her own hooves, wrapping her wings and hooves around her lover, and pulling her over, rolling until it was Twilight who was pressed against the clouds, looking up at her. Without pausing, she peppered the mare with a series of gentle kisses—and a nibble, or two—and pressed her body against hers, their wings intermingling as she touched her just so, making Twilight squirm.
“H-hey,” Twilight gasped. “Not fair!”
“All is fair,” she breathed in that delicately twitching ear of her ladylove, “in love, my dear Twilight…”
Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but her voice was very much not her lover’s: “I’m surprised, Cadance.”
A sudden spark of alarm and fear gripped her, and with a startled yelp—quite unbecoming of a princess—she snapped her wings forward as she jumped, a classic flight response, and one that only managed to drive herself back first into the cloudbank behind her. That, at least, gave her an excellent view of the pony standing on the cloud in front of her, looking down at her with a slightly tilted head. Her expression was neutral—perhaps too neutral, in her opinion—if perhaps slightly curious.
What was Luna doing here? How much had she seen?
Twilight was gone, of course. That shouldn’t surprise her; now that Luna stood before her, Cadance could feel the unreality of it, the drifting nature of the dream. And it had to be a dream, of course. She was still back in her bedroom, in her Crystal Palace. Warm under the covers and certainly not shivering—from the cold, of course. It had to be the cold.
Under her covers and next to her husband.
Shining…
Perhaps she hadn’t seen much. Cadance didn’t know how dreams looked to Luna, could they have been as sharp? Or blurred or unfocused… And, she had been… on top. The thought made her cheeks feel warm, despite everything else.
Luna’s neutral expression shifted to one of wry amusement. “I can see I’m not the only pony surprised, mhmm, daughter of mine?”
It was a slim chance, the barest of chances, perhaps, but Cadance seized on the opportunity for distraction. Hopefully, hopefully! the princess had only caught the end of the dream. She could be pulled off track before she could ask what Cadance wasn’t sure she was ready to answer. Or think about. The night was surely still young, and she’d have to leave—there’d be more pressing issues, nightmares to hunt down and put a stop to, surely.
“Why do you insist on calling me your daughter, Luna?” Cadance asked, taking a calming breath as she pulled herself into a more dignified position on the clouds. “You know I’m not, really.”
“Perhaps not in blood,” The Princess said, settling down opposite her, “but certainly in ink.”
“It was… just a fiction, Luna.” When Celestia had taken Cadance under her wing, she had made her her niece, although it had struck her strange at the time that the mare wouldn’t just adopt her as… well… her daughter. When she had gotten older, it seemed obvious that Celestia wanted to keep some distance between herself and Cadance, though; keeping her as ‘just a niece’ rather somepony who might get dragged into court politics, and for that she was grateful. It had given her a chance to be a relatively normal filly.
Then, of course, Luna returned, freed and cleansed of her madness and rage, and suddenly Cadance found she did have a mother. She never did look at the paperwork that closely.
“I see,” Luna said, inclining her head in acknowledgement, although she said nothing further.
“It’s just,” Cadance continued, licking her lips. It’d be easier if Luna argued back, although they rarely argued on the topic, truth be told. She, herself, tried to take it in stride, and she thought Luna did too. “Well, it isn’t as if you consented or agreed to sign the papers, you know? Auntie did that for you.”
“Oh?” Luna’s eyes danced with a certain fey light. “I think you’ll find more than a few mothers who never agreed to the burden of motherhood, daughter. And what happy accidents they are, hmm?” Luna chuckled. “Of course, I’m given to understand that this has changed somewhat; contraception is certainly a marvelous thing, if I might say so.” The mare gave her head a slow shake as she smiled, almost cat-like, at the younger Princess. “Although, I will confess that even in my day, it was somewhat unusual to find one’s sister helping you become a mother.” She paused her smile—more of a smirk, really—grew wider. “Usually.”
Cadance couldn’t help blushing, feeling a bit off balance. She was used to Celestia’s sense of humour, and sometimes she found herself reminded that auntie wasn’t the only alicorn who enjoyed teasing.
“Nevertheless,” Luna continued, her expression grew serious, almost grim. “I am your mother, in some manner of speaking at least, even if I… wasn’t there. For you.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Cadance shook her head. “I…” It seemed wrong to suggest that she wasn’t needed, or at least, it seemed unwise to phrase it in such a way. She bit her lip then sighed.
Luna seemed to hear her thoughts, and eased her serious expression into a softer, friendlier one. “I may not have been able to have been there in the past, Cadance, but I would like to be now—as a friend, if nothing else.”
“Of course.” Cadance smiled, feeling some the tension drain out of her. “I’d be happy to have you in my life, Luna.”
“Excellent!” Luna’s smile burst forth into a grin that seemed to brighten up the night sky—given the nature of dreams, it might very well have done so, too. “I’m glad to hear you say that, daughter, I’ve been meaning to speak to you of these dreams you’ve been having of late, for some time now.”
She so rarely recalled her dreams, except for fleeting warm feelings, a certain warm glow and a particular desire to spend some personal time with her husband after waking up. Yet, recently, especially since Shining had confronted her about her feelings towards his sister, she would more often wake up with a sense of dread, of panic and self-loathing. It didn’t take a genius to realize what they had been about…
Her chest tightened briefly, and Cadance could feel her mouth go dry, as she glanced away from the other princess, casting about for a distraction of any sort. She had seen her then, with—with Twilight. There was no denying it, as far as she could see. What must she think of her? Perhaps that’s what had prompted all this mother talk— Did Luna think of her as some poorly raised foal, cheating on her husband?
“W-what about them?” Cadance licked her lips, trying to work some moisture back into her mouth as she tried to calm herself. Perhaps it was the ethereal nature of a dream that made it so difficult to rein in her emotions. She took a deep breath, then another, deeper one in an effort to steel herself from what was coming.
Rather than responding, Luna rose and crossed the space between the two mares, settling down beside her with her wing draped across Cadance’s back. She must have seen the distress on her face; for a heartbeat or two, Cadance tensed further as the dark feathers brushed against hers, before relaxing ever so slightly against her. “I would like to offer my counsel on them, Cadance.” Luna’s voice was a whisper against her ear, “for ‘tis rare to see love cause such distress, and it pains me to see you so…” She paused thoughtfully. “Have… does your husband know?”
“Yes.” Cadance said faintly, after a moment’s hesitation. “He does.” There was a pause, and Luna didn’t say anything, after a moment she forced herself to look at the older alicorn. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, Luna, I really didn’t!”
“Desire can often surprise us,” Luna said gently, her wing pulling Cadance ever so slightly closer. “I know I’ve been surprised by it a few times over the centuries myself… How did he take you… you sleeping with her?”
“Sleeping with…” Cadance’s face grew bright red, both with the idea of her and Twilight doing such a thing—and the implications! “I haven’t slept with her, Luna! How could you say such a thing?”
“I…” Luna paused, looking somewhat confused and embarrassed. “Perhaps you should tell me what has happened, Cadance, as it would seem I have misunderstood the situation.”
Cadance glared at the other mare briefly for suggesting what she was suggesting, before sighing and playing with a bump in the cloud’s surface. It was bad enough that Shining knew; she wasn’t certain she really wanted any other pony to know about her stupid, troubled heart. Yet there also didn’t seem to be any way out of it, either. There was no trace of anger in Luna’s face, either, and perhaps she truly did mean to be a sympathetic ear, rather than to chastise her for her failings…
“I… I’ve...” Even now, it pained her to admit that she loved Twilight, and loved her in the same way she loved her husband. Perhaps love was the wrong word, since it was doubtful that the mare cared for her in the same way, and yet it was a struggle, even here, in this world of dreams and phantasms, where Shining would never hear her say so, it was difficult, near-impossible, to say ‘I love her’, with all its implications. The words stuck in her throat, and after a moment she just shook her head and took a different tact.
“Shining confronted me a few weeks ago about—about feelings I’ve started to have for Twilight,” Cadance said, avoiding Luna’s eyes as best she could. “I… he could sense them, you see, the emotions between us—Socius, you see.”
“Ah, of course,” Luna paused, and Cadance could almost feel the mare’s gaze drift back to where her cutie mark was covered by the elder alicorn’s wing. “Your talent. I remember you speaking of it, and…” The Princess’ voice trailed off, before picking up again. “I see. And, well… what did Shining Armor say? How did he react?”
She barked a bitter laugh. “How do you think he reacted?” Luna started to speak, but Cadance cut her off. “He said he understood.” She turned and looked at Luna, who slowly shut her mouth. “That he was okay with it.”
It wasn’t surprising that Luna stared back at her, her eyes studied her face for a moment, with her own eyebrow slowly raising, and a slight frown upon her lips. The very portrait of confusion.
“I fear I am still a bit...lost, Cadance,” Luna said after a moment. “I know your dreams are often troubled, and you certainly seem to know the reason why, yet the source of your distress escapes us, daughter.” She grimaced. “Or me, rather. If Shining is accepting of your… romantic interest in fair Twilight, why does your affection for her cause you such pain?”
Cadance shrugged her ‘mother’s’ wing off and got up, stepping slightly away from her and staring up at the moon. It still felt empty, to her, years after Luna had been freed from the moon and the face on it has disappeared. What a terrifying night that had been, although it hadn’t appeared to be so with her fiancé by her side… and now…
Absentmindedly, she rubbed the fetlock over her eyes before turning back to Luna. “He says he’s okay with it, Luna, but… it hurts him, I just know it does. And I know he says these things because—” the words caught in her throat and she forced herself to take a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. “Because he wants me to be happy—even if it costs him his own happiness.”
“You do not think he could accept you taking on another pony as a lover?” Luna asked, sounding like somepony who was carefully trying to remain neutral.
“I don’t know.” Cadance shook her head and looked away again, back up at the moon. “Perhaps things would be different if it wasn’t Twilight, his sister… I know he loves her as much as any brother could.” She smiled to herself, recalling how goofy her stallion could be when it came to Twilight, to making his sister feel happy and safe… at least, until now. Would he still treat her the same, knowing what he did now? What feelings she had for Twilight? The thought caused the smile to slide off her face.
“He’s spent most of his life in her shadow, and now, just when he’s successful in his own right, Captain of the Guard, being a Prince—” Getting to be with the mare of his dreams, she added privately, and bitterly, given the circumstances, “—his sister comes and… the worst part is, I know she doesn’t mean to! And so does he!” Cadance let out a gusty sigh. “I can see the hurt in his eyes.”
The silence between them stretched for a minute, unbroken by even the sigh of the wind, or rustling of either mare’s wings, before Luna finally broke it:
“I am… not unfamiliar with those sorts of feelings, Cadance.” Her voice was so sad—and pained. She would be, Cadance supposed, she would be. “To be surpassed, overshadowed at every turn… ‘tis a difficult thing to live with, especially…” Luna’s voice trailed off for a moment before she continued: “Perhaps, I should have a word with him?”
“No.” Cadance only gave it a moment’s thought. “Or… maybe. I don’t know. I’m not sure how he’d feel, me talking to you like this, Luna.”
“If that is what you wish, I won’t approach him, then,” Luna shadow covered her as the mare stood to stand beside her, wrapping her wing around her barrel as she did. “I will note, however, that his dreams are not nearly as troubled, Cadance.”
“I said we’d drop it.”
“I’ll admit that I do not know your husband as well as you do, daughter-mine,” Luna said lightly, “As I recall, I believe the longest interaction I’ve had with the stallion was when he was eating me out after your nuptials—”
“He did what!?” Her yelp was hypocritical, given what they were discussing, but at least she had never gone behind his back and—!!
“Oh yes,” Luna nodded, smiling at her. “He made it quite clear that he had expected much more out of his rulers, and he seemed to hold me personally responsible for not realizing you had been… replaced.”
Cadance closed her eyes and rubbed her muzzle. “You mean he chewed you out.”
“‘Tis what I said, yes?” Her mother’s voice carrying a note of confusion in it. “We are being led astray from my point, Cadance; I may not know him as well as you, but you would do well to remember that he is Twilight’s brother, and he does not strike me as an easily fooled pony.” Luna let the words sink in for a moment before continuing. “Do you really think that he believes you could just push away your feelings towards Twilight? To do nothing? Say nothing?”
“What else can I do, Luna? I don’t want to betray him, to… to treat him like doesn’t mean anything to me.” Cadance tried to shrug off the older alicorn’s wing again, only to find Luna’s grip on her far firmer this time.
“Do you love him?” Luna pressed her nose against Cadance’s cheek in a small affectionate nuzzle, and continued, without waiting for a response. “I do not think, if your heart wasn’t devoted to him, that his feelings would matter so much to you. You obviously love him, Cadance.”
“Of course I do!” Cadance snapped, jerking away from the gesture. She hardly deserved to be comforted. “I should just love him with my whole heart! He’s my husband! He deserves that much and more!”
“Do you think he doesn’t deserve your honesty, then?” Luna asked, looking at her sharply. “You’ve pledged to love and trust him, yet you bundle your pain up and try to hide it from him. If there is a betrayal here, Cadance, surely it is that.”
There was a certain conviction in the mare’s tone that drove the words like a stake into Cadance’s heart, and caused her to blink and look away. Luna would know about hiding one’s pain from those you cared about and the wrongs that could bring as well.
“I should love him with my whole heart, Luna,” Cadance managed, her tongue feeling thick.
“I said the very same thing, Cadance, about two centuries after my first husband passed away when I found myself falling for this pretty colt…” Luna smiled and pressed her wing against her, drawing her into a hug. “I still love them both equally, and my love for one was not diminished by loving another, and they were only the first of many.”
“I don’t know what to do.” She felt tired, so very tired. Why couldn’t things be simple for her? For them?
“Be honest with your husband, Cadance, and honest with yourself,” her mother said kindly, before kissing her just below her horn. “If I could, I would ease your troubles… but only you can do so, I’m afraid.”
Honest with herself? What did she truly feel… in her heart of hearts, she knew, of course, how could she not? She could lie to herself, and goodness only knew how long she had been doing just that, pretending she only cared for Twilight as a sister would, pretending that her feelings for the filly—the mare—ran no deeper.
Pretending, if honesty was the watchword of the day, that her husband would never notice anything was amiss.
Honest with herself? What did she truly want? Her husband, of course, by her side, sharing her life with her, their life. Their triumphs, their failures, those little ups and downs, joys and sorrows that made life worth living after all. She wanted to hold him, and she wanted him to hold her, and kiss and make love and make him smile, watch his eyes light up at the very sight of her…
And she had all that, there was no denying it.
She couldn’t deny that she wanted to have the same with Twilight too, though. Not truly, not if she was sincere with herself.
“I think I’d like to wake up now, Luna,” she said as she scrubbed the wet spots off her cheeks.
***
It was dark in their bedroom, and it didn’t surprise Cadance that she didn’t feel particularly well rested, as she forced her eyes open with a weary sigh. Nor did it really surprise her that her face in the waking world was damp either, even as she fretfully ran her hoof over it. It was early, so early she couldn’t even see a hint of the sun on the horizon. She doubted very much that she’d be able to get back to sleep.
“Cadance?”
She started at the voice, and looked over at her husband in time to see him shift in the bed and lifted his head to look at her, his eyes gleaming in the inky darkness, before he lit his horn and bathing the room in a wan, pinkish light.
Gently he reached over and rubbed the damp spot on her cheek, where her coat was matted slightly. “You’ve been crying.”
There was no point in denying it, as she reached up with her own hoof and touched his lightly. “Yeah.”
“Want to talk about it?” Shining asked softly. Soft though the light was, it threw his features into sharp relief and made them difficult to read, yet she had the impression that he knew what was wrong.
Oh Shining, what did I ever do to deserve you, her thoughts turning bitter, and what did you ever do to deserve somepony like me?
“Not really,” Cadance said instead, shaking her head and pushing herself upright so her eyes were level with his. “I think we should, though…”
She swallowed.
“Shining, I love Twilight…”
Author's Note
What happens next, you ask? Read and find out:
Shining stared at her for a moment, then rolled his eyes, "yeah, I know, we talked about this, like, two weeks ago." Then went back to sleep.
"I just had a major emotional breakthrough here, Shining!"
"Yeah, you've admitted you want to sleep with my sister, that's cool... if you know, it wasn't like 4 am"
"Oh come on!"
"I'm just saying."
I can't say I have too many terrible weighty things to say about this fic; sequel to Love the One You're With, obviously, and goes a bit further. I've marked it as complete but there's a good chance I might revisit this with a second chapter that details what they talk about, although that might preface a sequel to this fic, should I ever write it.
