The 2nd Human

He was prodded forward, both sets of manacles jangling with each step. The stone walls on either side were bare, save for a few light-stones embedded every few feet. Their frosty glow did little to warm the hall.

Ahead he saw a pair of large, wooden doors, bare of any decoration or detailing. The dark mahogany was smooth and well-polished, however. A guard stood on either side, each holding a spear in their classic, stoic pose.

Beneath his hood, he smiled. Some things never change.

They stopped ten feet away, as the right guard knocked three times. A feminine voice called from within, “Bring him in, please.”

As one, the two near the door opened it outwards, while the two behind him nudged him on. He trudged through the door, was steered towards the only chair, and promptly sat down. While one guard locked his chains in a manacle set into the table, the other set a spearpoint to his neck.

He grimaced. Least they’re smarter, now.

“That will be all, guards,” the voice spoke again. He kept his head low, eyes glued to the table.

“Look at us, Hunter,” she asked, softly as goose down.

He snorted, “Fat chance.”

A magical aura wrapped itself around his hood, swiftly pulling back with a clump of his hair. As his eyes were brought to see straight ahead, they met with four other pairs, each set into faces of the four alicorn princesses.

The teal set, glowering at him, belonged to a dark blue alicorn in obsidian jewelry. Her horn was also surrounded in a wavy, star-ridden aura.

“We are not amused, Hunter Knighte,” she growled.

“Ain’t a party over here either, Luna,” he quipped, rolling his eyes.

The one sitting to her left, resplendent in gold jewelry with a mane like a flowing aurora, put a hoof to Luna’s shoulder. Luna looked down to the alabaster-coated hoof, took a deep breath, and released her magical hold on Hunter’s hood.

As it fell behind his head, Hunter took a moment to scan the princesses from left to right, stopping to look at the last one more closely. “Princess Cadence, right? Ruler of the Crystal Empire?”

She nodded, her tricolor maned bouncing slightly with the motion. A small smile popped onto her face as she spoke. “I’m also Twilight’s sister-in-law.”

Hunter let his head fall into an open hand. “And you’re here because…”

“She’s here as an unbiased perspective,” Twilight interjected. “In any legal proceedings, there must always be-”

“Let me cut you off right there,” he said, causing Twilight to frown. “What do ya’ll want? My letter was pretty clear.”

Celestia stood to her full height, her horn less than a foot from the ceiling. “What we want, Hunter, is the full story. Why you left Ponyville, what happened in the Everfree Forest, how you managed to escape Discord, where you’ve been for the past two years-”

“Rockapulco.”

She blinked once, then twice more. “You were in the largest diamond dog city, known across multiple countries as Party Central, and is the third most lucrative gem mining operation in existence. Why would you go there?”

He held up a finger for each point. “One, no ponies allowed in the city. Two, no winter to stock up for. Three, that’s where Sage’s family is.”

“You speak of your travelling companion?” Luna asked, eyebrow quirked.

“One of ‘em, yeah. Speaking of companions” – he smiled – “where’s the rest of the gang? Figured the rest of the Elements of Harmony would want to be here for something like this.”

Celestia, Luna and Twilight decided, as one, that the ceiling needed their personal attentions.

Hunter shook his head. “Unbelievable. Twilight, a pencil and piece of paper, please.”

She tilted her head to the side, one ear going off to the side. “What for?”

“To save time. You mind?”

She shrugged, enveloped her horn in a billowing pink aura, and floated the requested items into Hunter’s waiting hands. He quickly wrote something and set the paper down, idly tapping the table with the pencil’s eraser.

Twilight levitated the paper over, squinted at the words, and then passed it to Cadence. Her brow was furrowed as she read the page aloud.

“The 2nd Human, by Whispering Pine. What’s this?”

“Everything you wanted to know and a lot more you don’t. Not gonna waste my breath when you can read and find out. How I escaped Discord, what really happened in the Everfree, the time I saved Appleloosa, as well as why I bit the three of them on the butt.”

Twilight and Celestia winced, shifting uncomfortably in their seats.

Luna cheeks flushed a deep red. “It is a book?”

“Yep.”

“Why have we never heard of it?”

“Me neither. And I’ve got both ears to the ground for any and all published works in Equestria!” Twilight piped up, waving her forelegs in the air like wet noodles.

Hunter grinned. “Part of the deal. Only sold outside Equestria. Nearest copy’s in Whisper’s hometown.”

“Would you mind telling us where that is, Hunter?” Celestia asked.

He shrugged. “Ask Fluttershy. She probably knows how to find deer.”

Luna unleashed a frustrated groan. “Enough of this! You will tell us what we want to know, unless you-”

“I’m not telling you jack-diddley-else about my life, you glorified dream-leech. Not unless I go home and invite you to visit. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Each of the princesses bore the same look: bulging eyes, shrunken pupils, and gaping jaws.

Twilight propped her forelegs on the table, dropped her head onto them, and sighed. “Fine. I’ll ask Fluttershy.”

Hunter leaned forward, still grinning. “Tell Whisper I said hi.”