State of the Ship

But... We're Married!

Tedium had struck again, threatening to collapse the foundations of reality and send the whole world crashing down on her.

Or so it seemed to Scootaloo. Though on reflection, she conceded to herself that she might be overestimating the effects her boredom could have on her surroundings. Hopefully.

How was it possible for her to have so few customers? The last few days had seen exactly zero bits fall into her lock-box. What's more, most ponies were giving her a wide berth, which had the extra outcome of making the marketplace even more crowded.

Scootaloo didn't understand how everypony could think she was at fault. Sure the town had almost been destroyed, but was she really to blame? How was she supposed to know that encouraging the Ponyville's resident tinkerer to ask- well, Derpy- to be his special somepony would prove so catastrophic? Besides, Twilight and the others had managed to put the muffin golem down before too much damage had been done.

Spotting the lovestruck duo across the square, Scootaloo sighed contentedly. They really were perfect for each other- never mind the potential for property damage.

Though they might have caused a serious problem for her. If business refrained from picking up, Scootaloo was going to have to give up her stand and work from home. That would be the worst, as there was a strange smell in the house that refused to dissipate.

“There she is, down at the end.”

Scootaloo's ears perked up. The little pegasus' stall was at the end of the row, maybe the pretty voice was talking about her. She turned and saw Equestria's infamous Alicorn of Love, who was indeed pointing out Scootaloo's stand to her husband. Before long, they were both standing before the filly.

“A good day to you, Princess Cadence,” Scootaloo greeted, slipping with well-practiced ease into business mode. This was the real deal, an opportunity to impress the authority on love herself. She wasn't about to mess up now. “And to you, Shining Armor.”

Cadence nodded graciously. “We've heard a lot about you, Scootaloo. You've really made a name for yourself.”

“You wouldn't happen to know why The Great and Powerful Trixie's basically preaching a sermon against you on the outskirts of town, would you?” Twilight's brother inquired, a perplexed look dominating his features.

“Trixie's still in town?”

“Anyway...” Cadence redirected. “Shining and I are on vacation, visiting Twilight and the like-”

As she paused for a breath, Scootaloo took the chance to interrupt. “But didn't you just have a baby?”

“Twilie and her friends have agreed to take care of Flurry for today,” Shining Armor supplied.

“To give us a bit of a break. Which is why we're here, Scootaloo. We thought it'd be fun if you gave us one of your Equestria-famous consultations.”

“Oh, I don't know if they're that famous...” The little filly bashfully traced lines in the dirt. Or at least she hoped that's what it looked like. She still had to keep up appearances. For now.

Cadence must have bought it. “Of course they are, Scootaloo. Now will you perform one?”

“I never turn down a potential client,” the filly proclaimed. “Not yet, anyway. So who is going to be matched up today? And might I add how, um, progressive you are as a couple to be so... open.”

“No no no, Cadence and I aren't looking for somepony else!”

“We wanted to see how well you rated us as a pair,” Cadence clarified.

“So you want me to play matchmaker to an already-made match?”

Shining Armor nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Truly, this is unprecedented.” Scootaloo murmured as she thoughtfully rubbed her chin. “But this mare ain't a mare to give up without trying. I'll do it. It'll cost double, though, to defray any extra costs.”

“What extra costs?”

“I have... costs.” Scootaloo didn't shrink from the princess' gaze.

Cadence sighed in frustration, but relented all the same. “Fine, we'll pay double.”

“Then let us begin!” Scootaloo declared, rather loudly and for effect, before lowering her voice's volume again. “You guys are terrible.”

“Wait, what?” was the bi-vocal reply.

“In terms of shipping, you two are the worst.”

Cadence gaped. “B-But... we're married!”

“Yeah- but you're too, I don't know, plain? You love him, he loves you, and that's that. There aren't any dark secrets in either of your pasts, there aren't any hateful arguments leading to passionate reconciliation. You aren't trying to reform one another. Shining doesn't even have leather pants. All you have is... happiness. It's not very interesting.”

“I-I-I don't know what to say,” Cadence stammered. “This is inconceivable!”

Scootaloo shrugged. “It's shipping, the rules are the rules.”

“I am the Alicorn of Love! I think I'd know a good match when I'm in one.”

“Cadence, come on.” Shining Armor placed a calming hoof on his wife's shoulder. “She's just a filly. We got the consultation, so let's go back and have some fun with Twilie and Flurry.”

As the pair stomped away in a huff, Scootaloo shook her head with a dismissive snort. There were always going to be critics.

But at least she could look down at the two shiny new bits sitting in her box.