Ein Deutsher in das Land der Pony

Hans woke to a knocking at the door, along with Twilight’s voice telling him to open up, the princess was here. Hans, of course, refused. This mattered not to the ponies, as they entered Hans’ room anyways. The princess was much, much taller than the other ponies he had met so far, so Hans felt fear for the first time since he woke up in the barn. He was able to muster up enough courage to say one sentence, however.

“I will only speak to a pony mit a white coat, blue eyes, und a blonde mane. Nobody else” Hans said. This made the princess and Twilight look at each other, but did nothing else. They questioned Hans anyways. After a few minutes of Hans not saying a word, the ponies sighed and left. This was to the relief of the Obersoldat. He went back to sleep, only to be rudely awakened once again by a pony he had not seen yet. She seemed more scared than he was. The Princess, who Hans learned through context that her name was Celestia (and that Twilight was also a princess), told him that they would monitor everything he said and did. His “Empty 40” and “Looger” would be returned to him if he co-operated. The white pony sat down and stared at Hans, before finally being able to speak up.

“W...who are you?” she asked

“As I have told all of you, I am Obersoldat Hans Fischer. I am with the Waffen-SS paramilitary group in Germany” said Hans, knowing the pony didn’t understand most of it, “But you can call me Herr Fischer”.

“O...okay. My name is Anneliese. Pleasure to m...meet you, Hair fisher.”

“Yes, anyways, I need to know where I am. What city and country, and is there any way I can get to Odessa, German Reich?”

“N...not that I know of, but you’re in C...Canterlot, Equest...t...ria”.

“I have one more question for you, okay Anneliese? You must listen carefully”.

“Yes, Hair fisher”.

“Do you feel appreciated?”

“W...what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just wondering. You’re clearly above everybody else. You have the best colour coat, hair, and eyes. Quite beautiful, if I say so myself”.

“W...what are you getting at here? Are you h…”.

“I’m saying that you are better than all other ponies in the world, your kind. Blonde mane, blue eyes, white coat. All perfect. I’m asking you if you feel properly represented in the government und society”.

“The p...princess is perfectly fine. S...she and her sisters are benevolent to us”.

“So a filthy purple is more qualified to run than you? Tell me, do you have any complaints?”

“Well the roads near my home are not that good, but…”.

“Exactly! Something as basic and important as roads, neglected! Those like you would never pass that up!”

“Well pegasi can fly over them…”

“So they must ruin it for the rest of you? Aren’t you tired of shoveling scheisse for the flying ponies, while you with no say in your life? Aren’t you tired of being ruled by those who you know you are superior to? Aren’t you tired of t…”

“Stop. Now” said the princess, as she burst in the room. Twilight got Anneliese and brought her out. Her face told Hans that he had stirred something inside her. Twilight’s showed one of anger.

“What do you think you’re doing?” questioned the princess.

“What needs to be done in your god-forsaken country” replied Hans.

With a sigh, the princess said that she was one of her word, and gave him back his weapons, saying she couldn’t find a way to make it dangerous other than as a melee weapon, which would be useless when her soldiers can either fly or shoot.
Hans was satisfied with that, and went on his way. As he left the hotel, he took a deep breath, and suddenly things all went dark. He could not see, he was panicked, and suddenly felt immobile. He drifted off to sleep, making a loud thud as he hit the pavement.