The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

My peaceful slumber is disturbed by the beeping of my watch’s alarm, dammit, is it three thirty already? I get up and stow my sleeping mat away quietly so as not to wake a soundly sleeping Twilight. A quick shower is all that it takes to really wake me up and get me ready for the day. I grab a bagel and eat it as I pull my new truck out from behind the library and head off towards Sweet Apple Acres.

I arrive just as Mac and AJ are leaving the house to get the cider which now can be driven into town rather than pulled on carts. I coast up and stop right next to the shed where all the regular cider is stored and hop out. Applebloom runs over along with the CMC and two other foals I recognize but don’t know by name, the colt is white with brown spots and hair and is sporting an eye patch and a red bandana, the filly is light grey unicorn with bleach blond hair.

“Sup?” I smile and wave at the CMC and their friends who all wave back politely.

“Not much.” I don’t think it would be physically possible for Scootaloo to sound any less enthused.

“We wanted to introduce the two newest members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Sweetie, on the other hoof, is very excited.

“Ya’ll, this is Pip,” Applebloom begins the introductions.

“Hey.” Pip takes a bow.

“And Dinky hooves.”

“Hi!”

Applejack tells me that they are trying to get their cutie marks doing whatever the hell it is we’re doing today. Mac and I get paired with Pip and Scootaloo, the rest stay with Applejack and Granny as we start loading up barrels of cider. I jerry rig a few carts to the truck like trailers and we load the um as well. Somehow we manage to squeeze fifteen barrels of cider on before we go.

I drive, Mac calls shot gun and Pip and Scoots take up the back seat. I drive slowly for once because of the cargo we are hauling. We make it to the stand in about five minutes and unload the truck and trailers. Once we do that we’ll head back for another load.

“Mister Lafayette?”

“Yes Pip?”

“Could you tell us a bit about yourself?” he has a slight British accent and speaks formally and politely. I can’t remember that last time I heard a kid speak with such manners.

“Please do.” Adds Dinkie.

“Uh, Ok.” I agree as I unload another barrel. “I’m twenty eight, which for humans is kinda old, relatively speaking I’m about as old as Big Mac here. I was a language professor at a university and later a marine in the military. I got… in an accident and landed here. That’s about it. Your turn.”

We return to the truck and head back to the farm as Pip begins speaking.

“I lived in the Britcolt islands with my mum and pop before the war, neither of them made it though so I was an orphan for a while. Then some Equestrian guards found me and had me sent to Canterlot for schooling and such. Just a year ago a family here adopted me and ive been in Ponyville ever since.”

“I just gotta ask, is the eye patch real or what?”

“You bet! Look.” I turn around to see Pip raise the cloth and reveal a black void where his left eye should be.

“Damn, sorry I asked kiddo.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t. Same with my parents, I was too little when it all happened to remember it so it’s not all that bad.”

Big Mac swaps topics suddenly.

“Wut about you, young filly? I know your mother and soon to be step dad but I haven’t heard much about you.

“Well, I can bake muffins real well and I can draw good too! My mommy said so.”

“That’s nice.” I tell her.

We ride back and forth from the stand in town to Sweet Apple Acres five more times before we have all the cider ready, we drive back a sixth time to pick Everypony up.

We open the stand up and ponies immediately begin to make their purchases. Granny, AJ, and the CMC handle the money while Mac and I move barrels of cider over and attach them to a keg like pump. For whatever reason the Apples sell their cider by the pint in glasses rather than in jars or jugs or cartons of any sort. When I ask Granny she says it’s to keep anypony from stealing their secret recipe.

I think the entire town’s population comes by; Derpy and her fiancé, Bon Bon, Mayor Mare, the main six, and a few hundred others. Rarity and Toby both buy a pint and Toby asks me why I bailed on the poker game. I remind him that he never gave me a place to meet at for it. He apologizes and tells me that he’ll hit me up for the next game. Pinkie buys a few gallons worth of cider and drinks it in one sitting, Fluttershy brings a flask from home to get filled up, and Twilight gets a few as well.

The crowd starts to die down and I buy a mug myself, it’s wonderful. The cider is as cold and refreshing as any beer and smooth as can be, I can taste apples, cinnamon, honey, and dozens of spices in it. If I had the money I’d buy a keg of this shit. Granny, AJ and the CMC walk home and leave Mac and I to close up shop.

I’m enjoying my drink when suddenly; Rainbow Dash out of fucking now where with a bag of bits the size of my head.

“Sup Dash.”

“All the cider you got, right now.” I pour her the last of the cider in the taped barrel and hand her half a mug. She looks at me like she’s ready to kill me.

“What?”

“I WANT MORE!!!”

“Sheesh, cool your jets.” I look over my shoulder to see that there are no more barrels. “Sorry Dash, what I just poured you was the last of it.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“FUCK MY LIFE!!!” Dash slumps down to the ground and sips her half mug of cider slowly. Oh shit, I think she’s actually crying. I lean over the wooden stand and look her in the eye.

“You OK?” Why am I the recipient of so damn many death glares?

“You know they sell alcoholic cider after all the regular cider is gone right?” She looks up.

“You’re shittin’ me!”

“I shit you not dear Rainbow, all you have to do is go to the farm and buy it from Applejack or Granny Smith. If you want I’ll give you a…” Leaving nothing but a streak of rainbow in her wake Dash flies of in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres. “…Lift.” I finish lamely.

Mac and I close up shop and return to the farm where I buy a pint of hard cider and say goodnight to an already drunken Rainbow Dash. I drive back to the library just in time for bed.

In the library I find Twilight reading a book while curled up on a chair, I find a blanket upstairs and cover her up with it. She looks up from her book and back at me as I lay the blanket around her, her face is just an inch from mine and for a moment she seems to move forward, as if she were going to… no, this is Twilight. I’m sure she’s not the least bit interested in me when she has all of these fantastic books to keep her occupied. I whisper goodnight to her and head for bed.

I fall asleep almost as soon as I lay down but I could swear that I hear soft weeping just before slumber envelops me.

I’m sure it was just my imagination.