The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

Though this morning started out Chaotic things are running smoothly for the time being. We’ve been working almost none stop for ten hours now, our only real brake being a half hour for lunch, and are about done. Granny Smith talked all day about how Ponyville was founded when she was young and how she met her husband. She told me how the cider we were making now would be seasoned and stored until next year, half of it will be allowed to ferment and become hard cider (A slightly alcoholic beverage.) and most of the rest would be stored throughout the winter and just a bit, one or two barrels, would be used to make that delicious Appleshine. What would be sold tomorrow was the, now properly seasoned, cider from last year, and then the hard cider from last year would be distributed later on in the night.

Granny said that it was a shame I wasn’t here for Zapapple season to help out and try some of her famous Zapapple wine and whiskey. “It’ll put hair on yer chest!” she said. Although it meant little to a fur covered pony I found it amusing and promised to help next harvest.

At the moment Mac and I are pulling the cider machine back into its shed as Granny, AJ, and Applebloom are pouring the last of the liquefied apples into their containers and adding the first batch of seasoning to them. Mac and I then pull those containers into another shed and call it a night, Mac heads off to take Fluttershy to dinner and I accept an invitation to stay and eat with the rest of the Apple’s.

An hour later I sit down to a delicious vegetarian meal of mashed sweet potatoes, steamed veggies, a few pony only dishes, and apple cobbler for desert. Everyone digs in and I say a quick, silent prayer and cross myself before I join.

“Wut was that?” Asks Applebloom curiously.

“What was what?” I reply without thinking.

“That,” She mimics the crossing motion I made. “That weird move ya did with yer hands.”

“Oh, you mean this?” I do it again to ensure that it’s what Applebloom meant.

“Yeah, wut was it?”

“It’s part of a prayer, it has four points,” I repeat the motion once more and match my words to the position my hand is in. “Father, son, holy, spirit.” Temple, chest, left shoulder, right and then a finger to my lips.

“Ok, but who are ya prayin’ ta?”

“I pray to my God, he is the Father from the prayer.”

“Ah, ah getch ya. What are ya prayin for? And why do you call him father?”

“Most people pray for a lot of things but I don’t, I usually thank him for letting things in my life go well, a minute ago I just thanked him for the food and the good company and for keeping me safe. I also prayed that he would keep my wife and baby girl back home safe.” I get a bit choked up and stop. A few tears escape from my eyes and I hiccup.

“Applebloom I think that’s enough, I don’t think that Lafe wants to talk about it anymore.” AJ sounds irritated, like she’s the one who doesn’t want me to talk about it anymore.

“’S OK Applejack, I’m fine.”

Granny rocks a bit in her chair and starts watching us like a tennis match, back and forth, as Applebloom and I start again.

“We call him Father because he created us and has guided us along the path to life and when we pass on he welcomes us into his home with open arms.”

“Whose ‘we’?”

“When I say ‘we’ I mean everyone who believes in him.”

“So some people don’t believe in him?”

I eat a forkful of beans (Why the hell do ponies use forks?) and swallow. “Yep, some don’t believe in a God at all and some others believe in other gods.”

“Oh, wait if there’s a buncha gods how do ya know which un is the real un?”

“That’s the reason I said ‘believe’, I don’t really know, n one does. All we can do is believe in what we feel to be right and true n our hearts and hope that it’s right.”

“That sounds lika buncha hogwash!”

“Applebloom!” AJ scolds her sister.

“That’s the thing Applebloom. In a way it is all hogwash, everything humans have come to know, do, and believe are based on guesses, hunches, and gut instincts. But that’s also the reason we cling to those guesses so dearly, we have nothing else to cling to.” I smile and pat Applebloom on the head.

We don’t discuss religion again for the rest of the dinner, instead we chit chat about little things. I tell Applebloom about the university I worked at and how big it was compared to Ponyville elementary or even the college in Canterlot. I tell Applejack about the massive agricultural endeavors back in my home state of Illinois. “Mare, I wish I could have on of them fancy tractors instead of my beat up ole truck. Sure would make life around here easier.” I ask her if I could see her truck later and she says sure. Just before we wrap the meal up I tell Granny smith about the rum runners and moonshiners of the prohibition era. “Heh, maybe we oughta try an make some apple spice rum.” She replies. I tell her that I would love to help. If it involves alcohol then I’m game.

I help to clear the table and wash dishes. I soap them up and rinse them off before handing them to Applejack to put them away.

“So what kinda truck do you have?”

“I dunno really. They stopped makin’ ’em just after they started so I know next to nothin’ bout it.”

“How’d you get it?”

“My uncles friend worked for the company that made them, he didn’t want it so my uncle got it, my uncle didn’t want it so I got it and now I don’t want it because it doesn’t run.”

“What doesn’t work?”

“Mmmhmm,” AJ shrugs her shoulders. “The damn thing jus won’t start.”

“Well let me have a look at it, if it’s an internal combustion engine then I can fix it.” I pass the last of the dishes to AJ.

“An interno what now?”

“Internal combustion engine, it’s what all vehicles on earth run on.”

“Oh, I knew that.”

We leave the house and walk out past several sheds and barns to small grove of trees where a large truck rests (And rusts) under a tarp two sizes too small to cover it. I yank off the tarp to reveal the truck in all its… hideousness. It’s heavily rusted but a shade of neon pink paint is still visible across the entire body of the vehicle which is shaped like an apple. I pop the trunk to find nothing wrong, save the fact that the battery isn’t attached to anything.

The engine is a common V-8 and in pristine condition, oil is full and so is the gas tank. I reconnect the battery and hop in. It has two seats up front, a padded bench in the back, and a small flatbed behind that. For whatever reason it’s big enough that I can comfortably sit in it. I turn the keys in the ignition and it rumbles loudly.

“Get in!” I shout over the noise of the engine.

AJ hops into the truck, pulls her door shut and fastens a harness across her torso. I look at the harness and strap part of it around my waist, effectively making it a lap seat belt.

“Where are we goin’?” AJ nearly screams to be heard over the roar of the engine. Oops, I have my foot on the gas, maybe that’s why its so damn loud. I move my foot and the noise dies down to a purr, I look over to AJ.

“To town.” I smile as I shift into drive and put the pedal to the metal.

We tear out of Sweet Apple Acres and down the road to Ponyville. It takes us just a few minutes to reach town. I lay on the horn as we come barreling down the main road at sixty miles an hour. Good God this is fun. Next to me AJ is whooping it up as I fishtail and start to do doughnuts in front of the library. In record time, I’m sure, Twilight runs out to see just what the hell is going on.

“Get in!” I yell to her.

Now with Twilight in the back I drive over to Sugarcube Corner. I honk for a full minute until Pinkie sticks her head out the window.

“Get your pink ass down here and hop in back!” Startling us all Pinkie somehow manages to take her seat even before im done yelling to her.

“What da fuq?” Twilight and AJ both look at me and shrug. Fuck it.

We drive around town for a bit and then head back to Sweet Apple Acres.

“Hey AJ?”

“Yep?”

“Would you be willing to sell this thing?”

“Sure, how much you got?”

“Seven hundred bits.”

“I’ll sell it to you for five as long as you let us use it for harvest season.”

“Deal.” We shake on it and I promise to get the money to her tomorrow.

I drop Everypony off at their homes and crash at Twilight’s. I have to be up at four in the morning to help out tomorrow but at least ill have a new ride.

I drift into a sound sleep as I determine what I’m going to do to pimp out my new ride.

I sleep with a smile on my face.