The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

I toss and turn all night. Next to me Twilight sleeps soundly despite the ruckus I’m making, in their crib Thaddeus and Starbright doze quietly as well. Around midnight I give up on any hope of sleep and decide to take a walk around town.

I slip out of bed and leave Twi a note; ‘Going out, be back before sun up’ it says. I dress in my old clothes, my BDU from the Marines. Long forgotten memories flicker though my mind as I pull the scratchy and slightly too small shirt over my head, I guess I’ve put on a bit of weight since I got here. I finger a hole on the shoulder of the shirt; a round in Baghdad, I took it and saved some army grunt’s life, a stain so deep not even magic could remove it; the blood of a teenager who died in my arms, he jumped on a grenade to save our group and I carried him through a firefight to a medic. I shed a tear as I think of him, I took three bullets and some shrapnel in the calf to get him to that medic, I did everything I could to save that boy, that man, who had saved me. I failed. I pull my pants up and fasten my belt closed, I slide socks and then my bloodstained, dirt caked boots on, the boots are clean now, and no one but me can see the imperfections on them because no one but me was there to remember the events that covered them so. Most days I wish I didn’t remember that accident either.

I unlock my gun cabinet and pull out my weapons; I holster the desert eagle and shoulder my rifle. I pull out a knife as well and sheath it, I don’t know why but I feel like I should bring it. Maybe it’s Jeff back again wanting blood, maybe it’s Dulcie warning me of some impending danger, maybe I’m just getting paranoid now. I don’t know and I don’t care. I hear the rain before I see it so I grab my coat, the one Rarity made and modified for me, before I head out. I don’t bother grabbing a hood or a hat, I like the rain to fall on my head, it feels… soothing I guess.

I quietly open the door to the back porch and then close it behind me, I don’t want to wake Twi or worse startle the twins. The rain falls fast and hard, it actually hurts a bit to be hit by it. I walk over and cover the truck’s sunroof, I could have sworn I already closed it, and the magically clean the damp interior out. Even after I dry the seats they still smell odd, chocolate again, odd indeed. I shrug off the thought and begin my walk.

I love the night, I love seeing the world as it is with no one in it, with little to no light, noise, or movement. The wind and rain in the background act as white noise, amplifying the mood I’m in. I skim through my music and pick Modest Mouse; I crank the volume up and stroll through one deserted street after another. I stop at a bench and sit for a minute in order to roll a joint; I think I’ll try out Fluttershy’s grass at the moment. I finish making the Jay and light up, pretty good shit if I do say so myself. I take a few hits and snuff it out, in its place I pull out a Cuban and start puffing on that. Just enough of a buzz to feel good and then a nice cigar to smoke as I walk, if I just had a glass of Guinness this would be a perfect night. Thinking of that I scroll through my IPod and switch to some smooth jazz.

“Much better.” I say to myself.

“It most certainly is.” a voice behind me agrees.

I stop in my tracks, that voice.

“Oh, so you do recognize me.”

“Jeff?”

“Yes,” The voice draws the word out two or three times as long as it should. “And no. Kind of, you could say I’m the inspiration for Jeff, the mind after which he was modeled. But I never have had direct control over him, the fact that he coupled with your mind and that you are now here with me is a complete coincidence. Fate huh, what a bitch?”

No longer fearing that the same demon that has plagued my mind for years is behind me I turn around and face the owner of this eerily familiar voice.

I look in awe and disgust at a monstrous amalgamation of various animal parts that have been plundered from their respective owners and slapped together to form a creature even Frankenstein’s monster would call hideous.

“What the fuck are you?”

“My, my, what a rude way to greet the man who saved your life and brought you here in the first place.”

“What?”

“Oh you silly human you. You don’t even know a god when you see one. I was the one who brought you here; you can start worshiping me now, the name’s Discord.”

I stare at the creature in front of me.

“Discord, as in Celestia’s half brother, the guy that’s supposedly trapped in stone by the elements of harmony and should be in Canterlot garden serving his punishment for whatever the hell he did. That Discord?”

“The one and only, now how about you help me out Brendon, seeing as how I’m the reason you’re here in the first place. So be a good little meatbag and go break my statue and free me completely.”

I laugh.

“Huh?” Discord doesn’t get it. “What’s so funny?” I keep laughing in his face and he’s starting to get mad. “Go free me NOW or else I’ll make you pay!”

“What?” I stop cackling and look him in the eyes. “What are you going to do to me, kill me? I can’t be killed.” I pull out my knife and slash my right wrist; it bleeps profusely for a few seconds and then stops. The flesh seals itself and then glows green. “Torture me? You could never do any worse than what Jeff has already done.” I clench my fist and my body glows just as my wrist did a moment ago, every self inflicted injury Jeff forced me to commit shows and Discord flinches at the sight. “So what are you going to do Mr. Disharmony, Dr. Chaos, Sergeant Sprinkles? You can’t do shit too me.” I sit down on another bench and take a long drag on my cigar. Discord walks over to me and I blow smoke in his face. “What are you gonna do?”

He smiles sadistically and sits next to me. He clears his throat, crosses his legs, laces his mismatched fingers behind his neck and begins.

“Well you’ve put me in an inopportune position, I can’t hurt you, I’m not stupid enough to mess with your loved ones, you’d kill me if I did, and I can’t just force you to obey me. Or maybe I can.”

“Sure you can.” I mock.

“No really,” he insists. “I can tell you all about how I caused those insurgents to ambush you’re convoy, how I blew you up, brought you here, oh and how I’ve tainted Celly and got her to try and kill you. It was so much fun watching you kill her, and then seeing you strangle your beloved was even better. Too bad you had to go and bipity bopity boop everything back to normal, I was really rooting for you to snap and go on another killing spree. If you had that would have been, what, you’re sixth one?”

“Shut the fuck up.” I order him.

“Oh, don’t like to talk about that do you? Do you even regret it? No of course you don’t, you enjoyed it too much to regret it; killing those soldiers and wearing their flesh as a cape, strangling that pimp and then shooting all of his ganster buddies, oh and we can’t forget beating Tyler to death back in high school!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I scream at him.

“Oh, hit a nerve did I, oh well, what’s done is done, now go release me.”

“No.”

“No?”

“NO.”

“Well that won’t do, maybe I can get Dulcie to have a word with you.”

“What?”

“Dulcie, you know that sexy punker angel in your mind that you have such a hard on for, I created Jeff and her both in a way, I made Dallas too but that lazy bastard hasn’t done anything other than give you wood for other guys, ew, how gross.” Discord sticks a finger in his mouth and groans.

“Dulcie has nothing to do with you!” I argue.

“I’m sure you know all about the kinship of the voices you hallucinate up, I really am, but I must not tell lies, I made them, I just don’t control them. Think of those pesky little voices as computer viruses; I programmed them to infect you and lead you here, through whatever means they thought necessary they did just that and now, walah, you’re here. Now. Go. Release. Me!”

“Fuck you.” I stand to walk away but a sharp claw grabs my arm and digs in.

“Not so fast. Release me NOW!”

I turn to Discord and pull my gun.

One shot, left thigh.

Two shots, mid torso.

Three shots, left side of chest.

Four shots, head shot.

Five shots, head shot.

Seven, eight, nine, the entire clip. I keep firing into his fucked up face even as he falls to the ground, I can’t help it. Once he’s down I slam my knee into his groin, I start stabbing and punching him, I know he’s dead but I can’t stop.

‘Kill.’ Said Jeffery. I killed him.

‘Dismember.’ Says Jeffery. I dismember him.

‘Feast.’ Says Jeffery. I gorge myself until nothing but feathers, scales, and bones are left, I burn them and snort the ashes. I’m high on hate; I can’t think I can only do what Jeffery tells me to.

‘Run. Canterlot. Statue. Break. KILL!’ Says Jeffery. I run, I leave Ponyville and head for the capital of Equestria.

I don’t look back once.