The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

Ponyville isn’t that big, it’s a mile, mile and a half tops, wide circle with the town hall in the middle. Twilight tells me that Sugar Cube Corner, where Diana… Er…Pinkie I guess works, and Rarity’s Boutique are both about five blocks from town hall. The former five block to the east and the latter five blocks to the west. The library is about twenty blocks north. Sweet Apple Acres, the Apples’ home and farmland, is about a mile past the outskirts of town and Fluttershy’s cottage is between it and the Everfree forest.

This may not be of much interest or importance to you but for me it means walking… and a lot of it. Now I’m a marine, I’m used to hard work and tiring exercise, I’m also used to having a full stomach while doing that work and exercise. I’ve come to find out that some oatmeal and toast will only fuel my large self for a few hours. The last time I ate was at six thirty in the morning. It’s almost two in the afternoon now.

I refuse to let my hunger slow us down on our way to Fluttershy’s but my thirst overcomes me. Halfway to Sweet Apple Acres I break down and ask Twilight for some water, which she quickly summons for me. I feel a bit greedy as I ask her for a fifth cup but I can’t risk dehydration, I was lucky to have survived the crash landing that brought me here and I didn’t want to tempt fate any more than I already have.

After my water break we make our way towards the farm. The wind begins to pick up and I resort to covering my face up with my goggles and a camouflage dew rag. The goggles fit poorly; they always have, over my glasses. While my sight wasn’t bad enough to keep me from joining the corps it was bad enough to earn me a pair of heavy duty, plastic, hipster frame glasses. As the years have gone by my vision diminished and my glasses got stronger, hell if I didn’t have them on right now I couldn’t see the filly five feet in front of me.

Thankfully the gods of irony smile upon me and blow coarse dust into my goggles so I can’t see her anyway.

I hear Twilight cry out as I trip over the filly and face plant into the ground. Damn you gravity! My ex doesn’t have to obey your laws so why should I?

I pick myself up and clear my glasses off. I know it’s no use fighting with gravity, I’ve done it many times before and I’ve yet to win once. After dusting myself off, I crouch down and help the orange filly to her feet. Her tears and struggle to speak lead me to believe that I had hurt her badly but the redness of her eyes and ability to stand proves me wrong; someone else had upset this poor filly.

Twilight obviously knows the girl and hugs her tightly.

“What happened Scootaloo?” Twilight’s voice is calm and soothing.

“Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon called me a… a…” Scootaloo buries her face into Twilight’s shoulder and bawls. I stand back awkwardly; I’m very good at doing this because I’ve had a lot of practice.

“Were they calling you a blank flank again?” Twilight seems determined to find out the reason for the girls distress. I just now notice that Scootaloo doesn’t have a Mark. Thinking back neither did Applebloom or Sweetie Belle.

“No, they called me a…”

“A what?”

“A homeless whorse.” At this Scootaloo sobs even loader and Twilight gasps. Either Scootaloo has a speech impediment or she had just been called a whore, given the context I think the second guess is a safe bet.

Knowing now what to say I crouch down again and tap Scootaloo on the shoulder. She looks up at me and gasps. In the kindest voice I can muster I address her.

“Hey there, don’t cry. I bet you that these girls are just like the bullies where I come from.” Twilight and Scootaloo both give me odd looks. “The bullies I grew up with were just jealous, they teased other because they were unhappy and being mean made them feel better about themselves. I bet that Tiara and Spoon, whatever their names are, are just miserable themselves and they act asinine to feel better. So don’t let them rustle your jimmies, just pity them. If anyone feels so bad that they have to cause others pain to feel pleasure themselves they are a pretty miserable person. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She must have because she had detached from Twi and was now curled against me and nodding furiously into my chest.

“How about we go find these girls and teach ’em a lesson about bullying?” a wicked smile crosses her face and mine both and we begin to follow her to where the other girls were at. I carry Scootaloo as we walk to the school house where she had run from. On our way there she tells me about her scooter, her lack of flight, and her worship of one Rainbow Dash. That name seems familiar.

As soon as the school house is in sight I tell the plan, Twilight will hide behind the building, Scootaloo will confront the bullies, and I’ll provide back up.

We split up and I watch Twi and Scootaloo as they get in position. Once Scootaloo starts talking to a pair of snobby looking fillies I creep over into the bushes behind them. I hear a torrent of what I presume to be swears shouted at Scootaloo, for saying hello. I smile and raise my rifle; this is going to be fun! A fresh batch of obscenities is launched at Scootaloo as I lock my sights on Tango primary. I wait for the filly to take a breath and… Fire!

The shot echoes across the playground and everyone jumps, Twilight and a mare who I assume to be a teacher included. Shouts and screams fill the air but all are silenced by the high pitch of Diamond tiara’s voice.

Tears burst from her eyes as she held her precious namesake in her hooves; it had been shattered by the bullet.

Damn, I aimed a bit high. Oh well I can still make this work.

I walk out of the bush with my rifle resting against my shoulder. I make my way to where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are at and kneel down so I’m about eye level with them.

“Hello, do you know who I am?”

For a second I thick their heads will come unscrewed, they’re shaking them so fast.

“My name is Lafe. I’m a friend of Scootaloo’s. If it means anything to you I’m a blank flank too.” I lean in close and speak softly so only Diamond and Spoon can hear me.

“I really, REALLY don’t like bullies, so if I hear about you two little prissy bitches pulling shit like this again I’ll be back.” I stand and walk away with Scootaloo in tow. Just as we reach twilight and the teacher I shout over my back.

“And don’t think I’ll miss next time, so DON’T let there be a next time.

Though I don’t look back I’m relatively certain a few fillies just pissed themselves.

I introduce myself to the teacher, Miss Cheerilee, and tell Scootaloo to have a good day. Twilight and I leave as soon as we can and get back onto the road to Sweet Apple Acres. We walk for a good ten minutes before she starts yelling at me.

“I can’t believe you would do that! And then you threatened two little fillies and… and… and they kind of deserved it.” Her anger fades away and growing laughter replaces it.

We reenact the scene and describe the looks of terror on the girl’s faces for the rest of the walk.

I’ll probably have to deal with their parents later but oh well, I'll burn that bridge when I get there.