The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

Twilight informs me that Rarity’s boutique is all the way across town from the open market. No big deal, I like to walk and now I get to see more of the town. As soon as we are away from the hustle and bustle of the market Twilights stops mid stride and turns to talk to me.

“Brendon?”

“Yeah.” I don’t even realize what she says for a moment, when it clicks I look down to her and grimace.

“How the hell did you know that name?” No one has used that name since… since the accident. I’d like to keep it that way.

“Pinkie called you by that name a few times earlier, but you told me that your name was Lafayette. Why did you lie to me?”

I groan and try to think of a way to avoid telling her. If I don’t tell her now she’ll ask again later. I don’t think that there is any way to leave it out. Shit.

“I didn’t lie, my legal name is Lafayette Ryder, but my birth name was Brendon.” Just before I can end the conversation and save myself some bad memories, Twilight carries on.

“Why did you change your name, did you not like Brendon?” her question is innocent but the answer hurts to bad to fully explain.

“There was a… an accident when I was young. Afterwards I moved away from my hometown and changed my name because of it. OK? Now please don’t bring it up again.”

We start to walk again and Twilight hangs her head as we go. I look at her and can’t help but feel bad; I did raise my voice towards the end there.

“Hey.” She looks up at me; her eyes are already slick with tears. “Don’t cry, I didn’t mean to shout it’s just… painful memories. Now can you do me a favor?” she nods. “Don’t EVER feel sorry for me, I know I’ve had a few rough patches in life but I can deal with it, what I can’t deal with is upsetting my friends. Ok?” She smiles and we lapse into silence until we are in front of the boutique. Good God is it gaudy. I prepare myself for the upcoming assault of not frou frou and girllyness but of strong candle fumes. I can smell them from outside and I already feel lightheaded.

Twilight knocks on the door while I rid my boots of mud, dirt, and OH, WHAT THE HELL?! I know the ponies walk around nude but seriously, this is ridicules. I abandon the footwear and walk into the boutique in my socks. I figure that this Rarity pony would prefer me to be shoeless over the alternative. Twilight motions for me to take a seat but the chair and sofas seem to be made with ponies in mind and I dislike adding ‘sorry I broke your shit’ to people’s first impressions of me. I’ve already done that three times more than I would have liked to. So instead of plopping down on any of the furniture I sit straight legged on the ground.

I bite my nails and scratch my neck as we wait for rarity.

“I’ll be down in just a moment darling!” a voice, presumably that of Rarity, calls from upstairs. Twilight pulls a book out and seems content to sit and read until then. A white filly with purple hair (why are there so many purplish colors and so few words in my vocabulary for purple?) trots in and waves at Twi and I, I guess I’m not too scary, and goes into the
kitchen. She says something but all I hear is ‘cereal’ as she opens the fridge. Hmm so ponies have fridges. Weird.

I cross and uncross my legs; I pop my back and knuckles, much to Twilights displeasure, and lean against the wall. I fiddle with my sidearm; a Desert Eagle and begin to sharpen my knife. My spit stone is wet and my blade is unsheathed but I don’t start yet. I smell smoke. I sniff again and find that it’s coming from Kitchen. Twilight smells it as well and stands to see what the matter is; I beat her to it and find the filly at the table desperately trying to extinguish… a bowl of cereal that she had managed to light on fire. Homer Simpson would be proud.

“How the fu...”

“SWEETIE BELLE!” The scream cuts me off and I turn to see a rather upset white unicorn with diamonds for a Mark storm in and enclose the flaming bowl in a sphere of magic, effectively asphyxiating the fire and causing it to peter out. Her look of amazement and confusion rivaled my own; she tried but couldn’t even get a full sentence out.

“How…but…cereal… milk…my good china bowl…how?” She stopped speaking as Sweetie Belle began to explain herself.

“But sis I was just making breakfast.”

“No buts Sweetie, you know you’re supposed to ask me to make food… you always manage to destroy something.” Rarity was furious, I slowly step back to ensure that none of her venom would be sent my way.

“But you were busy in your room with your coltfriend and wouldn’t help me so I decided to do it on my own.” On queue an ashamed looking stallion bolts for the door. Rarity face hoofs and looks ready to throttle her sister, fortunately Twilight decids to step in and prevent the murder. I just slink into a corner as Twilight calms the two and tells them that I will need some clothes. Rarity and Sweetie Belle both look at me for the first time; Sweetie Belle smiles and waves, Rarity gasps and feints. I see that it was just a bit of drama as a sofa is summoned beneath her as she falls.

“Worst possible THING!” she moans and stands again giving me the evil eye all the while. God I hate drama queens.

“Oh how hideous, downright disgusting! Dirty and ugly and the colors don’t even work. Oh my, oh my we’ll fix it, I can fix it. Now where are my needles? We must burn the wretched thing.” She speaks hurriedly but calmly as she searches for a pincushion. Before she can burn or dispose of me I interject.

“Hey now, I know I’m not the best looking guy but I think you’re getting a tad bit out of hand here.” Twilight looks at me. Rarity looks at me. Sweetie Belle looks at me.

“What? She’s talking about stabbing me with needles and burning me!”

All three mares begin to snort and laugh at once.

“WHAT?!”

Twilight stops for a bit and tells me what.

“She was talking about your clothes! She’s a seamstress.”

Damn, my stupidity is showing. Better zip up.

“Well how was I supposed to know?”

I stand there for another five minutes while I wait for them to stop laughing. When they are finally done Sweetie Belle excuses herself to go hang out with the ‘CMC’ whatever that is and Rarity starts taking my measurements. I tell her at least five times that I’m not letting her burn my BDU but she keeps up. As she begins to ask again I tell her that she can burn it off of my body when I’m dead. That shuts her up nice and quick.

Rarity finishes my measurements and asks me what I want made. I tell her that I just want t shirts like the one I had one and jeans or cargo pants. She gawks at me.

“You can’t seriously WANT to dress like this!”

“Yes, yes I can and yes I do so if you would please make them for me I’d be very happy.”

Rarity forces a smile and nearly begs to make something else for me.

“Oh all right, I could use some polo shirts and khaki pants.” I draw a rough sketch and describe the material to her. “Can you do that for me?”

“Certainly dear, oh before you leave I wanted to invite you two to dinner tonight. A new restaurant just opened up downtown and the head chef is from Canterlot! I’ve heard great things about him. The rest of us are going, will you join us?”

“Sounds lovely.” And with Twilight's agreement on dinner plans we leave Rarity to work on my clothes.

Up next; Fluttershy’s cottage.

I was right about today being a long one.