Author's Note

Based off of the setting and characters of the Mentally Advanced Series (watch before reading).

So, at our third chapter now. I hope this is a decent enough frequency of uploads for everyone. I'll try to keep to the one-two week schedule.
Things are slowly developing, threats are quickly growing, all as the story lengthens.
On the other side, this semester's closing out, my health is slowly ever-deteriorating, and though my passage to BronyCon this summer has already been guaranteed, my finances are growing less and less stable (largely connected to the deteriorating health issue) But I'll keep writing . . . and everything else that I do.

Know that I exist elsewhere:
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Good Old YouTube

Enjoy your axial rotations everybody! :)

Better Crap than Usual

A very, very irritating clock tocked by each and every second as Twilight waited outside the office of her canine psychiatrist. Ironically though, it probably didn't aggravate her as much as others, especially since it was a rhythmic sound as opposed to random noise. Plus, it was really only stupidity that actually aggravated her to the point of anger.

Not that Twilight had to listen for long. The door opened nearby and a white pegasus mare with a twin-shades of blue mane walked out into the hallway, pulling a small suitcase behind her. "Sorry for bothering you doc," she said, looking back into the office, "I just wanted to drop in before I left. You know, just in case I don't come back down as soon I expect to."

"There's nothing to be sorry for Miss Song," one of the calmest, most docile voices in Equestria responded, "friends are always welcome here, even if my windows may be narrow."

"Right," the pegasus acknowledged, "bye doc. See you in a few weeks." She smiled and hummed a tune she walked past the waiting Twilight and on down the hallway.

Taking her cue, Twilight stood up and stepped into the office.

"Ah," the suited wolf greeted her upon her entering, "welcome back Miss Sparkle. This is pretty unusual, seeing you on our scheduled appointment. I've gotten rather used to you postponing a couple times before actually coming in. So, how are you doing?"

Twilight closed the office door behind herself and went over to take a seat. "Yeah well, I didn't exactly have anything else better to do this afternoon." She said, sitting down. "Plus, I can postpone individual appointments all I want but I'm still legally required to see you at least twice a month until August. If I don't my insurance is gonna demand I pay back everything they've covered so far."

"Oh?" The psychiatrist's eyes went quite wide at that revelation. "That's an . . . interesting policy . . . well, in any case I'm sorry to hear that your present circumstances are leaving you feeling forced here against your will. I am aware of how much you seem to dislike these sessions."

"Seriously?" Twilight responded, "Please, doc, you're making money off of this; don't go trying to play the sympathy card with me."

The canine's ears fell just a little bit at the back-lashing comment. "Yes, well," he began, "while your first point is certainly true, it's not as if I'm exactly fond of earning money when it's to the detriment of others, to say the least. You know that despite whatever you think about me or psychiatric therapists in general, I do want to help you if I can, Miss Sparkle."

"What? Hey, look, you can relax." Twilight said. "Ok I'm not stupid, I'm irritable. I'm going to SAY irritable things, and often enough, I'm going to say irritable things about things that irritate me."

"One of the most prominent being the fact that circumstances have forced you into this present arrangement of therapy sessions." Doctor Wolf concluded.

"Yeah," Twilight confirmed for him, "trust me, this is a lot more of me being pissed off at my insurance than it is anything having to do with you."

"Ah. And, given your remarkable intelligence," the doctor went on to verbalized an assumption, "I'm assuming you've already given some amount of consideration to changing to a different insurance provider?"

Twilight's reaction to the obvious suggestion came out in the usual tone. "Yeah, been there, thought of that," she dismissively replied, "It's a bit too late to go for that option. See, since I was a student at Celestia's school it was mandatory that I fell under Canterlot's royal insurance group like all the other students," she went on to explain, "While granted I'm not actually attending her school anymore, and I could, therefore, switch to a different coverage plan if I wanted to, my coverage is government-run. So, Celestia would notice if I left the royal coverage plan, and I don't know if you've managed to gather from all of these ""sessions"" we've had, but drawing Celestia's attention for ANY reason is never a good thing."

"So I've heard," the psychiatrist acknowledged ominous undertone given to the implication of drawing Celestia's attention before saying anything else, "and I"m sorry to hear now that your prior circumstances seem to have pre-established your current ones as seemingly inescapable. But, I'd like to take our focus off the circumstances surrounding these sessions themselves. So, how have things been going for otherwise? Any new developments since we spoke last month?"

"Well, yeah, apart from getting screwed over by my insurance everything else is actually going pretty great." She answered, much to his very visible surprise.

"Oh?" He prompted for her to continue.

"Yeah," she went on, "and I'm not even flooding that statement with condescending sarcasm. Really, stuff's . . . actually been alright. I mean, I'm not saying my life's like, all cheery smiles now or anything, don't get me wrong."

"Still," he said, "that's certainly pleasant to hear things have been somewhat well for you for a change."

"Oh yeah," Twilight kept right on going, "I mean for starters I can't even remember the last time I got to go this long without Celestia sending me on some random deathtrap assignment to stop a giant monster, or spread the magic of borderline personal tolerance or any of that stuff. If this were any other time of the year I'd actually be a little suspicious but since it's tax season I know she's probably just busy with The April Hunt."

The doc's eyes widened slightly and his head reflexively began a twist to the side. "April . . . Hunt?" He inquired.

"Yup," Twilight confirmed what she'd said, "she takes sadistic pleasure in personally hunting down anypony committing tax evasion. So ah, ha-ha, I hope you remembered to file."

The small wolf's eyes were now wider than ever, left to imagine the consequences that Celestia brought upon those guilty of tax evasion. "Um, yes, I have," he said, eyes slowly returning to normal, "duly noted. But, please Miss Sparkle, continue about yourself as you were."

"Ah right, I forgot you don't like thinking about all the danger and horrors that surround us all." She responded," But, ah, let's see . . . oh yeah, you'll never believe this, even though you're still at least probably gonna act like it since you're sort of supposed to, but I actually met a guy. Or, I mean like, I'm actually WITH a guy now . . . finally."

The canine psychiatrist looked just as surprised as expected, and went on to react with positive belief just as Twilight had expected. "Ah, well, that certainly is a development; in the positive direction I'm assuming?"

Twilight's first line came back with her usual snark, though the rest fell back down into the strange, brightened attitude she seemed to have come in with. "I really love how you phrase that like a question after I literally spent an entire session a while back talking about nothing but the fact that I thought I was never gonna have a boyfriend. Oh! And you should have seen Rarity's reaction! Y-haha, y-you should've seen how pissed she got when she found out. I mean seriously, that's definitely gonna end up being a cherished memory right there on my end."

"She got that excessively upset at the fact that you're in a relationship?" The doctor came off as initially confused. "That . . . is rather unhealthy, you may want to recommend your friend come in for visit." He said.

"Huh? Oh don't worry," she told him, "I'm sure she'll be in here eventually. I mean, you're kind of the only psychiatrist in Ponyville, and only therapist of any kind, actually, so it's not really like she has a choice."

"Well . . . yes, but-" He began to say, but Twilight ended up starting up again.

"Right, so yeah, I know you don't like hearing anypony saying anything negative about other ponies or whatever," she said, "so I'll get off of the subject."

That caught the doctor off guard, leaving more than impressionable amount shock. He took down a note on his writing pad about Twilight's choosing to not go on about a subject because of her belief that it would make him uncomfortable.

"So my boyfriend though," Twilight resumed on in a different direction, "his name's Meteor. I met him at the hospital a little over a month ago, and by all means at the time I kinda just wanted him to buzz off like everypony else who just walks up and starts talking to me. But things started to, like, dawn on me one after the other: like for once, I was ACTUALLY talking to another pony who wasn't stupid, wasn't insane, and whose every thought WASN'T about something sexual. So I had like, just a slight kind of realization that I wasn't alone in the world. Granted he doesn't really know anything about the good stuff like astrophysics and whatnot, but for the most part he actually understand stuff when I explain it to him."

"Ah, so you're finally able to-" Again the doctor didn't even get to finish.

"Finally able to talk about things are actually above the high school level with everything I'm saying just flying over the other pony's head? Yeah, you have NO idea." Twilight said.

The canine took another brief note, while a light smile grew across his face.

Twilight still kept going. "You know he even plays chess? Seriously, no pony else ever wants to play chess; I mean I can force Spike to play, but he just whines about how bored he is and doesn't even try. Plus the few ponies that actually ARE willing to play sometimes are a little to stupid to actually get it. But Meteor actually enjoys it. I mean, he's not necessarily good, but he still likes the game itself, and he's actually been paying attention to some of the stuff I've said about strategy in the game: the general stuff, not the theoretical-formulaic models or anything. Like, at first I used to beat him in about twenty moves or so, but now it's more like around thirty, as opposed to basically beating Spike in single digits most of the time. I'm finally getting to play games that require actual cognitive thought and don't just rely on running around, or blind luck or Rainbow Dash desperately wanting to touch Applejack's hoof."

The very end of her last comment obviously left him with a blank, cautious stare, unsure of whether he even wanted to know the context.

"Don't even ask." She went ahead and just clarified that for him before he even spoke.

"Ok . . . well then," he left that particular question behind, "I will say you seem much more pleasant than I've ever seen you before, and I'm glad to finally see something uplift you to such a degree. And despite your earlier irritable comments, you also seem a fair deal more calm overall than I've come to expect." He remarked.

"Huh? Oh yeah," Twilight fiddled around until she found her Xanax bottle and held it up in front her, "well, I mean I'm not gonna lie, that's kinda because I finally got my Xanax."

"Oh," the doctor took notice, "you've been seeing more than just me then, I presume?"

"Yeah," she answered, "I went to see Nurse Redheart. Turns out Meteor was right: lower-level staff are a lot more willing to give you medications. And since she kinda knows me and knows how I was always flipping out all the time, she didn't have really have a problem with it."

"Ah," he acknowledged, "well I'm glad you ended up taking your own initiative on something you felt would be for your overall betterment. Please do forgive me if my own inclination to not prescribe you something right away myself left you feeling trapped in any sense."

"Oh no, trust me," she said, "like I said earlier that was all for stupid financial reasons."

"Well, that's somewhat relieving at least." His response came. "So, if I may ask Miss Sparkle, how are things otherwise going overall, aside from the new developments you've spoke of?"

"Huh? What do you mean, exactly?" Twilight asked.

Her psychiatrist readily explained. "Well, ever since you first started therapy appointments here they've primarily consisted of you venting out your frustration at the rather large assortment of problems plaguing your life. I'm more than willing to continue trying to help you through them, but I'm also beginning to wonder if there are any positive goals you're striving to achieve. I only ask because I haven't heard any mention of such since you began coming here."

"Uhh, Ok, look doc," Twilight started, "I think you might of gotten a little bit lost there. I don't have any long-term goals in life BECAUSE of all those problems you just vaguely mentioned. Really, my life up to this point has pretty much consisted of studying or just doing whatever while I wait for the next problem to show up." She explained.

"Yes, so I'd gathered." The doctor responded. "But, you have been dealing with less and less it seems. Either that, or you've just learned how cope with everything much more steadily."

"Egh," Twilight just shrugged, "some stuff's gone away but a lot of it's still there; it's just, like . . . dormant, I guess."

"Still," the canine went on with his point, "having something long-term that you're striving towards often can help to distract one from only seeing the negative in their life. So, is there perhaps anything always wanted to achieve?"

Twilight considered the subject off and on for a second or so at a time between gaps in her response, actually finding herself legitimately wondering about it herself. "I mean, the more time dragged on the more I really wanted to find a guy at some point, but that's really more something that was dependent on chance than, say, getting a degree or something. And that's kinda already happened now." She said, and broke for a second before resuming. "I mean mostly I just like studying and learning new stuff and enjoying the fact that I'm not stupid. I have enough of a background to get into medical school, probably, so that option's there, I guess. But the prospect of becoming a doctor isn't exactly that appealing to me given I can barely handle the amount of stress I already have except when I get to take my Xanax."

"I can certainly agree with the truth behind that sentiment." The psychiatrist interjected. "Still, there's certainly less stressful career options, and your choices are definitely broad with the sheer amount of knowledge and schooling you have, not to mention your demonstrated leadership capabilities." He paused for a moment, this time, and then a potential potential idea struck him. "Becoming a professor, perhaps? I don't suppose that's a path you've considered? Less stressful than a doctor or a surgeon, no doubt, and you'd get to spend the better part of your days around other ponies who enjoy gaining knowledge just as much as you do."

"Not really," Twilight answered, "I mean, it would be easy enough, but . . . I don't know, I guess it's kind of like an inhibition about breaking out of this whole little cycle-thing I've gotten used to."

Dr Wolf thought for a second, just long enough for the likely reality behind what Twilight had said to become clear. "A fear that if you spend time building upon something . . . that it will only come crashing down?" He asked.

Twilight didn't say anything . . . for once. At least not at first. Even when she did, all that came out was, "Yeah . . ."

***

"Rarity!" Pinkie Pie's voice intruded into Rarity's boutique from just outside the front door. "Rarity," she called in, "yes! Pinkie has come to alleviate your long-deserved despair! Yes! Let Pinkie in!"

The marshmellow horse looked up from her sewing with an irritated expression. "Oh really?" She called back to the door. "Well, one, if it's not some kind of plan to kill Twilight then I'm not even going to listen. And two, even if it IS, I'm not actually going to go along with because I'm not a schizophrenic psychopath, and I have no desire to spend the rest of my life in one of Celestia's dungeons."

"Hehehe," the Pink ponies notorious giggles echoed back, "silly Rarity, Pinkie has no such plans. Yes!"

"Oh really?" Rarity's lack of belief made no attempt to restrain itself. "And just what sort of plans does Pinkie have then?" She asked . . . with deep, instant regret.

"Hehe-hehehe-hehe," the disturbing laughter came again, "Pinkie comes to offer companionship, that which Rarity seeks but will never again find now that her inner hag has been revealed. Yes!"

"Pinkie, do you remember back I threatened to shove a hot curling iron down your throat?" Rarity asked.

"Pinkie recalls, yes." The pony answered from outside.

"Well," Rarity continued, "that threat still stands if you even so much as try anything."

"Hehe-hehe," chuckles were the first thing to come back, "Oh, Pinkie sees, yes, Rarity is into the kinky things, yes!"

Rarity had to take a moment to collect herself before saying anything in response. "Pinkie," she eventually said, "I want to listen very carefully. If I EVER go to prison for anything, it will be for murder, and the one and only pony that would ever push me over sanity's edge would be YOU!"

"Hehe, do not worry your marshmellow bottom," Pinkie said back, "Pinkie understands, yes, you need to reach the final realization, yes!"

"What are you even talking about?" Rarity snapped. "Pinkie, I know you're insane, we all do, but could you PLEASE at least be consistent with your insanity?"

"No! Yes!" A perfectly non-sensical response from the Pink pony outside began. "PInkie's inconsistency is her ultimate weapon, yes! How else do you think she has eluded the agents of the government all this time, yes! Their spies seek to track her every move, yes, but Pinkie has outwitted them!"

"Pinkie," Rarity managed to calm herself again, "go away."

***

"--just sayin, Aye think it really might be a good idea." Spike said as he Twilight approached Sugarcube Corner. "Aye draw my purpose from you, so as long as your life stay aimless, so does mine. And besides, you already make me do most of the work around the library anyway, so it's not like you couldn't just have me take care of everything that doesn't require your direct attention." He finished his point about the potential for Twilight becoming a professor.

"Yeah," Twilight said as they both walked inside, "I figured that much. I mean, no offense but you're gonna be doing most of the work in any situation." She reminded him.

"Aye. It ain't exactly like experience has taught me anything else." Spike said, just before they noticed Meteor, Applejack and Rainbow Dash sitting around a table in one of the front room's corners.

"Oh, hey." Twilight greeted everypony as she and Spike walked up to join them. "Look's like half of everybody's here. So, what's going on?"

Applejack was the first to say anything out of the seated three. "Well, Dash just found out that yer boyfriend here's an author so she's been tryin ta convince him about why he should write a story about space-ninja-pirate-turtles."

The look that left on Twilight's face ended up being the same she found on Meteor's when she looked over at him, along with seeing something along the lines of "help me" written in his eyes. ". . .Ok then . . ." She said, walking the rest of the way up and taking a seat of her own. "So nothing too far out of line with a typical day then. So, what're you up to?" She asked Meteor. "I thought you didn't come in here?"

"Not normally," Meteor answered, "not as long as Mrs. Cake's in here."

"Sooo, what? She's gone today, I'm guessing?" Twilight asked.

"Yup!" The response that came from her boyfriend was probably one of happiest she'd seen in the month and half they'd been together. "I like watching the trains sometimes," he explained, "so I was out by the tracks earlier today and I saw Mr. Cake saying goodbye to her as she got on one and rode off to go visit her family or something."

"So ya'll figured this was finally yer chance?" Applejack chimed in.

"Oh yes!" Meteor's excitement left Twilight wondering whether he wasn't as withdrawn as he thought he was, and might actually just be one of those ponies who slowly grew more expressive the more he knew somepony. Regardless, Meteor went on, "Finally get a fricking donut without some creepy middle-aged woman telling me that: while she does except bits, she prefers being paid with ""alternative"" means. And then she gets really bitchy when you don't go for it."

"Heh," Twilight remarked, "sounds like somepony else I know."

Applejack, of course, instantly picked up on it. "Yeah, speakin'a Rarity, Ah ain't even seen her around recently. Least, not since last week's Monopoly night, n even then all she did was look real bitter the whole time n ask when we were all got start insultin her."

"You guys don't think she's super depressed again lik that one time do you?" Dash suddenly asked, referencing the time Rarity's fashion mogul boyfriend had blown her off to ""hang out with the guys"". "I don't wanna have to cheer her up again. All she did last time was keep asking if I was looking at her butt."

"I don't know," Twilight answered her, "she's pissed that I actually have a boyfriend now, that's about all I know."

"Wait," Meteor now appeared relatively confused, "that's . . . that's really what this is over? She's been this pissed for over a month just because of that?" He asked.

"Oh yeah," Twilight confirmed, "me being single and miserable was like the one thing she really held over me, and probably wanted to keep holding over me. Though I'm not the only one; she's been holding the single thing over Applejack too, kind of, but she never really got as much out of it as she did with me."

Applejack spoke up again right afterward. "Ah feel like the whole thing just revolves around the fact that even though she, quote-unquote, ""gets"" more guys than anypony else will ever see in their lifetime, she knows in the end she's just gonna end up alone."

"Aye." Spike agreed. "The classical case of the promiscuous lifestyle leads to nowhere."

Meteor gave something of a fake confused look. "No I'm pretty sure it leads to STDs." He said.

"Yeah-haha, both are equally likely outcomes." Twilight said.

"Now come on y'all," Applejack interjected, "you know promiscuity's a three way street . . ."

"Ooh, right," Spike responded, "Aye forgot about the unexpected pregnancy option."

"Yeah," Twilight said, "but even ponies who don't use condoms still take pills, so that one's not really as common as the other two."

"Still more common than NOT sleeping around to begin with." Meteor remarked.

"Actually you'd be surprised . . ." Twilight went to correct, but Meteor actually voiced what she intended too.

"I know," he said, "ponies who do sleep around just run their mouth a lot more . . ."

"Making the statistics seem skewed, yeah." Twilight finished the conclusion.

"So, she's really that upset over it?" He asked again.

"Yeah, well," AJ answered him this time, "she ain't much been one fer actin sensibly, but you know, ""who are we ta judge"" and all that er whatever."

"Aye." Spike took his turn speaking again. "Whatever, move on to somethin else will ya? It's enough we have to hear about her life from her every second she's with us."

"Yeah, I've heard enough about her myself." Twilight agreed, and tried to push the conversation in an alternate direction. "Let's talk about something else, anything else. Like . . . I don't know, AJ how'd your cousin's court case with the mine go?"

"Whatta'ya mean how did it go?" AJ answered. "Wasn't it supposed to be a foregone conclusion? He lost. And he spent three months worth of harvest profit payin for a lawyer too."

"Wait, what?" Twilight found the idea of an apple family member actually acquiring any kind of legal counsel somewhat quesitonable. "He actually got a legitimate lawyer?"

"Yeah, well . . . Ah wouldn't go callin it legitimate," Applejack corrected, "it was just their local Appleoosa lawyer, so . . ."

"So he paid several tens of thousands of bits to be represented in court by some desert hillbilly who's probably never even been inside a courtroom before in his life?" Twilight basically laid out the entire scenario.

"Braeburn don't tend to trust nopony outside'a the family fer anything," Applejack explained, "so it ain't like he was ever gonna get a real one. Plus, since the guy's the only one in Appleoosa he has a monopoly, and kinda gets ta charge whatever he wants."

"Ugh! Seriously, I'm gonna end up dying from over-exposure to stupidity before I ever get anywhere near old age!" Twilight complained.

Applejack let out a sigh, one that actually sounded as if it carried some guilt. "Ah'm sorry . . ." She said.

"Oh no!" Twilight snapped. "Don't you dare start acting like Humble Fly."

"Guys I"m really bored." Dash suddenly spoke again, attracting everyone's attention.

"Ok, and?" Twilight didn't even feel like putting in the effort to entirely ask why they should care.

Dash didn't her to though; she went off on her explanation with the tiny amount of prompting she'd received. "I think I'm gonna go see how many loops I can do before I get sick and throw up on somepony's roof." She decided aloud.

Everyone . . . just stared, like always. Only Twilight actually said anything. "Yeah, ok . . . you do that."

"Alright!" Dash got up and flew out with more than enough enthusiasm.

"So," Twilight instantly turned back to Applejack once the blue pegasus was gone, "does your cousin have any other plans?" She asked.

"Well," AJ started, "Ah ain't sure exactly. Ah just know he's gettin madder since the mining ponies started knockin down parts of the apple orchard to make room for some'a the building they've been putting up."

"Refineries." Meteor assumed.

"Yeah, he's right." Twilight said. "They're probably going to be refining the ores on-sight, since that's the more cost-effective option. I mean it'd be kinda stupid to pay to ship literal tons of unrefined ore that collectively only contain a few ounces of the rare metal you're looking for."

"This is only going to get worse ain't it?" AJ asked after another sigh.

"Yeah, probably." Twilight confirmed . . . though it didn't come out as apathetic as might have in the past.

"Ah'm just hoping his orchard don't go outta business." AJ said. "We're the first relatives he'd probably ask ta live with and, well, let's just say puttin up with Big Mac's enough as is."

***

~Meanwhile, elsewhere in Ponyville~

"Applebloom!" A deep and familiar voice called for the yellow filly's attention.

"Huh?" Applebloom turned around. "Oh hey Thrackerzod."

"The list of potentialities has been narrowed." The possessed unicorn filly told her.

"Oh? What, did y'all do some other kinda test again or somethin?" Applebloom asked.

"Yes. We sent a small contingent of our forces into the Pixarian Plane and after a great battle against the endless hordes of the sentient children's toys, we recovered one of the fabled Magic 8 Balls of Destiny." Thrackerzod explained.

The look on Applebloom's face was as one would easily expect. "Uhhh, ok?"

Thrackerzod, of course, went on to explain further. "It is a mystical artifact from the time of The Elder Beings. Each allows for a single prophetic consultation before imploding upon itself."

"Huh, well alright then. So what did y'all find out?" Applebloom asked.

"Given that this being who threatens us all both disguises themselves as a female, and has been seen by our spies using female bathrooms, we decided to narrow the range of possibilities by half, and thus asked the artifact to confirm the being's gender for sure. And it was indeed confirmed, this mysterious being is in fact, a female pony." Thrackerzod answered what she'd been asked.

"Alright," Applebloom processed everything, "so assumin this ""being"" is one of the ponies that went through Celestia's school, that at least eliminates any male students from the list. Though I don't know what the male/female student ratio at that place is."

"40% to 60!" Scootaloo's voice suddenly reached their ears, as the orange filly entered the clubhouse. She then proceeded to toss a file full of student rosters in front of them.

Thrackerzod investigated the contents in the file, and very quickly found it to be rosters of students at Celestia's school from every educational year since the records began a few decades ago. "How, did you these?" The possessed little filly was entirely bewildered.

"Good old fashioned blackmail, baby! Hoo!" The orange filly answered.

"Wait, but givin you official records could really get somepony into lot's of legal trouble. How much dirt did y'all dig up?" Applebloom questioned.

"Everybody's got a diiirrty history baby! And ponies will go ta all kinds of lengths ta keep that dirt buried. Hoo!" The answer came.

"Regardless," Thrackerzod refocused, "this data shall prove most useful. Not only does this provide the male to female student ratio, but now we also have the precise number of former students, and their assumptive age categories. We must hurry in putting this to use. The being's campaign across the multiverse is quickly gaining momentum. Narnia has already fallen! And our spies report she is making preparations to invade Middle Earth within the next month!"