"You don't honestly have to follow me to go shopping do you?" I asked offhoofedly, picking up a box of preserved flowers. "Or are you just a creep?" I sniffed the box: eghh. I think the preservation charms were faulty.

Discord grabbed a bottle of detergent and started sipping it like a baby would a bottle. "Oh I assure you, this is most certainly in my job description. The very last thing I want to do right now is follow some mare around a store, believe me." He tossed the empty bottle into my buggy, which I picked up with my magic and put in somepony elses buggy while they weren't looking.

"Then make yourself useful and get some ice trays, you drank all of mine." I said as I picked him up and tossed him out of the aisle. I sighed in relief as I picked up a different box of flowers, pushing the buggy along to the next aisle. Though a flash of light and applause from two aisle past that one caught my eye.

I narrowed my eyes at the all too familiar flash of light as I sulked over to the aisle. "Congratulations Silver Lips!" I heard as I rounded the turn and glared down the aisle. "I can't believe you got your cutie mark already!" Ugh. Why did I have to be here for this horrible event? I spotted Discord wandering around half the tiny store's trot away.

"Hey!" I yelled at him. "Hold this!" I then proceeded to chuck my buggy across the store, I can't have people taking from it now can I? I didn't bother watching, but I almost chuckled when I heard something fall and break. "Oh children~" I said, prancing down the aisle towards the two foals. "I couldn't help but overhear that young Silver Lips here just got his cutie mark!" I said, kneeling down to them and grinning widely.

"Mhm!" They both nodded, smiling back.

I gave a strained laugh as I gently shoved Silver Lips down the aisle, "Would you excuse us? Thanks" I turned on the filly who had grown a very confused expression, "Don't trust him!" I hissed in her ear. "He just got his cutie mark, now he's going to abandon you and all his other blank flank friends and go on to live a wonderful life while you're left in the dust with nothing!"

The filly frowned. "But I'm his sister?"

"That doesn't matter! He'll disown you as a sister in that case!" I looked up and down the aisle cautiously. "There's only one possible way to fix this." I gestured her closer, I couldn't have Silver Lips overhear. She leaned in and I whispered. "You have to get rid of his cutie mark, and fast."

She pulled back, pushing me away with a hoof. "Uhh... Yeah, okay." She looked back at Silver Lips and mouthed something to him. "I'll go do that right now actually." She pulled away and trotted a few steps before bolting and yelling, "Stranger Danger!" as she and Silver Lips both ran.

"You ungrateful little mistake of nature!" I yelled after her, throwing random items from the shelf at her as she ran. "You'll regret this!"

"What are you, a psychotic Friendship Justice Warrior?" I turned around and found Discord being cradled in a cast by the buggy.

"She'll regret this! He's going to abandon her and leave her for dead and then she'll wish she'd listened to me!" Out of the corner of my eye I saw the filly and the colt talking to the store manager and point my direction. "We'll discuss this later, go wait by the door." I said, tossing him out of the buggy. I watched him walk over to the door and frowned. "One more step to the left!" I commanded. He shrugged and side-stepped. I grinned as the door opened.

"Miss? I think we need to talk." The manager of the store said, walking up to my side. I spotted a couple security guards behind him.

I gasped. "Oh no, whatever for?" I asked before running, shoving the buggy in front of me. I ran past Discord and climbed over the buggy, seating in the storage area on my stolen goods as it tumbled and rolled down the street. "Discord, hurry up!"

He roller-skated up along side the buggy. "Doesn't this count as going against your parole?"

"Am I trying to end Equestria?"

"You traumatized two foals and you're stealing twenty pounds of food and ice trays." He said, plucking one of the blue plastics from the buggy and sipping on it. "I'd say this is a class two friendship problem, I'm surprised Princess Twilight and her gang of over enthusiastic mental patients aren't here to give you a hug and smack on the wrists."

"Aren't you friends with them or something?"

"Well that doesn't mean I don't think they're insanely too nice and forgiving." He started manicuring his talons, another hand sprouting and doing his eyelashes. "Why, I'm surprised they haven't tried seducing a villain out of tyranny and into bed yet."

"Regardless, it's not like I'm going to pay for this stuff! I won't be segregated by something like unemployment!" I yelled at him, taking my ice tray back.

He climb up and started skating in place on my head. "You're unemployed?" He asked with a laugh. "Oh this is rich! The great and powerful Starlight Glimmer, the unicorn who stood up to the Princess of friendship laser beams and nearly bested her at magic, has no job!"

I shook my head, trying to throw him off. But it was like trying to throw your hair off your head: very hard. "It's a choice you idiot! Jobs in Equestria are just another way of causing sorrow and hatred!" I jerked the buggy out of the way of an oncoming carriage. "The only way to fix Equestria is break that cycle, one pony at a time!"

"Equestria will have paying jobs, No More." He grumbled, growing twice his usual facial hair and pulling a little metal wand from somewhere or another. He pressed a button and the sound of an air horn flooded my hearing as a blue light lit on the tip of the wand. "Drat, wrong setting!" He then proceeded to smack the wand against his palm several times until it stopped.

"You just don't understand." I muttered, weaving around a baby stroller and the mother before I ran over the former. "No one ever understands." I sighed, pulling a box of sun flowers from under me and opening it rather grumpily. I needed to stuff my face.

Then I retched as rotten flowers touched my tongue, "Equality buck..." I paused my curse, peering at the name on the box. "...Buck Sunset Flower Ranch Incorporated to the moon! They will pay for this injustice when I personally beat their faces in with this–" I shook the smelly box in my magic above me, "–very box of rotten flowers!" I held the box even higher above me, growling. "This: I swear!"

"Don't swear, swearing is very naughty." Discord then took and threw the box at a poster promoting order and calling for the the disbanding of The Sons of Chaos, Discord's tribute heavy metal polka band.

«♦»

“Segregation is a word of the past. Unity is the key to a peaceful future.”
― Suzy Kassem

Author's Note

So I've decided this is just going to be funny little stories that have no real plot, at least for now, but I'm fine with that.

"What are you, a psychotic Friendship Justice Warrior?" I turned around and found Discord being cradled in a cast by the buggy.

Whoops, tautology!