"Discord." Celestia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her magic as she sat above us on the golden throne of tyrany. "Do you know who I am?"

"Why, did you forget?" My ears flattened against my skull, trying to deface Twilight was one thing. But now having Princess Celestia upset with me? Discord, please stop making things worse.

"I am one of the three rulers of the Equestrian triarchy. Do you know who Twilight Sparkle is?"

Discord laid back into a hammock that sorta... Appeared when he laid on it."Did she forget too? Wow, this country needs a form of democracy or it'll be stuck with idiots who can't even remember their names for the rest of eternity."

"She's also one of the rulers of Equestria." She continued without missing a beat or even listening to Discord's nonsense. "Do you remember what she ordered you to do?"

"You're no fun, so lets just skip the boring questions." Discord stands up, taking a fancy suit from a clone of himself and putting it on behind a curtain. "Do I need a lawyer?" He stepped out, adding crescent moon shaped eyeglasses to finish the ensemble. "Ehh..." He then took them and squashed them between his hands, using what was left to slick his short black hair back and straight up. "Perfect." He said, fixing his red tie.

"Discord, this isn't court, you don't need a lawy–."

"Objection!" He pointed to her, now standing almost close enough to poke her eye out. She teleported him back to my side, now missing his costume. "Must you always be a killjoy?"

As Celestia turned and regarded me I gulped. "Starlight Glimmer, charges against you are being dropped on grounds of total insanity, any objections?"

"I'm not insane!" I yelled as Discord leaned against the air like a mime.

"If you're not insane, you're going to royal prison for no less than two life sentences." I moved my mouth in silence as I considered her offer.

"I am a banana!" I yelled with a stomp, as if to solidify the point further. "I am a big, bright red banana!"

"Good filly." She turned to stare at Discord again. "Discord, if you fail to actually help turn Starlight Glimmer into a decent citizen, then..." She thought for a moment. "Absolutely nothing will happen."

Discord fell through what he was leaning on immediately. "What?" As he hit the ground it fell away for a moment, him dropping aside Celestia's throne. "No punishment? No three decades of stone imprisonment? Not even one of those stupid slap bracelets?"

"Nothing will happen to you, I assure." Celestia nodded, causing Discord to cheer. "Starlight on the other hoof will be sentenced to life imprisonment."

"Wait what?" I vocalized. "But... I'm insane! He's my parole officer!" I stared in objection as Discord moon walked off the platform Celestia's throne was on. "I mean look at him!"

"Regardless. Discord is just a tiny bit too foalish—as you can plainly see—so it's up to you to guide him along the path of being your parole officer." She leaned down, giving me a wink. "Who knows? Maybe you'll end up doing something fantastic together." She leaned back up. "Oh, and by royal decree, you have to see a therapist once a week until I say otherwise." A slip of paper fluttered to me in a sheen of golden light. "Have a good day. And Discord, I expect my money back. With interest."

«♦»

"Don't you wanna go deface another museum?"

"Yes, but I can't." I said with a sigh, my eyes further narrowing.

"Oh! I know!" Discord scampered along on all twenties aside me. "Lets storm a preschool and teach them the immorality of a cutie mark!"

"I wish."

"You're a lot more uptight now that Princess Sunny–Dee–Flanks gave you her stern face." Discord commented lazily, his body erecting to a bipedal stance as his numerous other limbs popped like bubbles. "Good."

"Good? Good?!" I jabbed his chest or his belly or something on his abdomen. "I'm one good deed away from the end of my life! And you think that's good?!"

Discord bent over, pushing me back a bit. "Well I'm your parole officer. You obviously didn't understand that while you were running around, defacing museums and traumatizing children that it would get you in trouble, or you just didn't take me seriously." He snapped his fingers, a tally card with three check boxes on it. "One, two..." He checked each off before showing me the card, one box left. "One strike left. If you're gonna use it, make it a good one."

I grabbed the card and stared at it before looking back at him. "One chance left to save Equestria..." I said with a sigh. "No. I'm not wasting this on a last ditch effort that entails randomly approaching ponies, it needs to be big if it happens." I mumbled to myself. "Anyway!" I announced loudly. "To the store."

«♦»

"This is not my fault!" I yelled, ducking under another sickly green bolt of magic. "You hear me?! Not my fault!"

"Actually, is it."

"It was my fault over a year ago! How was I supposed to know the store manager still had a grudge with me?!" I spat the words at my floating companion. He had, for whatever reason, transformed himself into something resembling a glowing parasprite.

"Hey!" He called out, bopping my head with his entire, teeny tiny body.

"What?!"

"Listen!" He started slamming into my head, knocking my running course down an alley.

"I'm listening!" I swatted a hoof at him, only stumbling a little before I planted it back down and sped down the alley.

"Press the A button to roll under that fence!"

I shook my head in confusion, "Excuse you?" I turned my gaze forward and squeaked as I dropped to the ground and slid under the sorta–broken fence. "Just for the record, it's not my fault! You can't write me up for this, you hear me?!"

"Do you have a disorder of some sort that makes you believe everything on the planet is deaf?" He asked, "You really seem to like asking if ponies hear you."

"You're the one with the dis–" His entire arm came out of my mouth, reaching backwards and holding my muzzle shut.

"Shh!" He pointed with his remaining arm around the corner. "Look!"

While gagging at his taste, I peeked around the corner at... Nothing. I groaned, yanking Discord's arm out of my mouth. "Seriously?" Then a door opened in the direction he pointed just a moment ago. I shut up immediately, summoning my binoculars from home as I laid down. "Discord!" I hissed, "Get me a bush!"

I grinned as a bright green bush appeared around us, feeling instantly at ease in my natural habitat. "I'm tellin' yah, Mickey, the Boss ain't gonna be too happy when he finds out that filly roughed up his caramel apple business at the Cutie Mark museum." I cringed at the stallions greasy pores being magnified by the powerful binoculars, quickly stowing them away. "He made some good money from them goons I hear."

"I dunno, Baleful." Mickey said, on his flank a cutie mark of a glass with two fizzing white dots at the bottom. "And I said to call me by my full name, Bruise–y! We's friends now, right? That's what friends do."

"Mickey, I'm not calling you Slippa Mickey. That is just a mouthful and you know it."

"Well'n I ain't gonna call you Baleful Bruises!"

His friend seemed taken aback, "B–But you can't use my real name, Mickey! The boys'll laugh!"

"Slippa Mickey, Daisy Shiner." Mickey grinned at his friend. "Slippa Mickey."

Daisy glared, audibly grinding his teeth so loud even me and Discord could hear it. "You can't use my real name, Slippa Mickey. Capiche?"

"Crystal clear, sunshine." Mickey tossed the garbage away finally, taking a lean next to the door. "I wonder if big boss, Titan will put out a bounty on her?"

"Who knows?" Daisy tossed his garbage away before walking past his friend, "C'mon fool. We gots' work to do."

They both went inside, closing and locking the door. I sat my binoculars down, sighing. "Well, there's another crime boss I've upset. Seriously, where is the police when you need them?" In retrospect, I should probably consider moving. More than half of Manehatten wants my head on a stake, and the other half want my head on their personal stake.

Whoooop! Whoop–Whoop!

I flinched as Red and Blue lights reflected off the wall in front of me, near blinding me. "Gah! What the Tartarus?!" I looked around, peeking out the bush.

"I think we have a mystery on our han–" He looked at his claw and bear paw. "Our appendages!" Discord stood, holding a siren and police light above us in a sort of reverence. Around his neck was a orange ascot. "Let's split up and look for clues!"

«♦»

Gang, we have a mystery on our hands! —Fred

Author's Note

and the other half want my head on their personal stake.

Tell me someone got that. Anyone.

Also, the names of the goons? Anyone get Mickey's reference either? I mean, c'mon. That's the most criminal–y name I could think of.