Chapter 1) Swordplay

"Oh, I can scrimmage my friend!"

     With this new development, and a good sized sword in my mouth, I venture out into the horrendously post-apocalyptic lands I once called home. About ten minutes into my trek into a forest I had no knowledge of, I take a deep breath and begin to silently process what my day has consisted of thus far.

     "Right, so, Canterlot is under attack by what I assume is zebra Aerial weaponry, a pink gas cloud shows up out of nowhere, the princesses die and the shield falls......

     My thoughts shift focus to something much different as I stumble across a young unicorn colt pissing on a tree, and decide to let him finish his business before introducing myself.

     "Excuse me sir!" I call as soon as he stops urinating on the poor, shriveled up foliage.

     To my surprise he jumps and laughs like a lunatic, after moving backward a bit and proceeding to use his magic brandish a large wrench with nails stuck into it, He snarls and eyes me up and down like a wolf sizing up its prey.

     "I'm so sorry to jump out at you like that!" I try to reason, "I mean absolutely no harm to you, I swear!" I attempt to calm the furious looking colt down, but he will have none of it and with the wrench floating close to him, he charges and swings the makeshift weapon at me.

     "You're gonna be delicious!" He howls in a bloodthirsty and hungry tone, not realizing the mistake he's made.

     I tense up and hit him in the front legs with the flat of my sword, taking care to only knock him away so I can further my attempts at diplomacy.

     The colt flies about three feet to the right along with his wrench-weapon, and starts getting up while I my pleas for mutual nonviolence continue to fall on the deaf ears of a psychopath.

     "Hahaha, you're so boring and juicy! Hey, everyone! I found food!" The insane colt shouts over his back him as three other psychotic ponies arrive from behind to flank him on his left and right.

     I inspect the colt and his new friends carefully, trying to piece together who or what they are, and why they're so nuts; the colt has his wrench and a large scar on his left eye that winds down his entire face, and the newcomers include an earth pony mare with one ear and a chair leg with a hunk of metal taped to it, a unicorn stallion with a broken horn and a kitchen knife in his mouth, and a disgusting zombie pony with another knife.

    "Listen, I don't want any trouble, so why don't we stop the fighting and talk instead? I'm sure you have a logically reasonable leader among you, right?" I querier, hoping for a good answer from one of the newly involved.

    The broken-horned stallion answers my question almost comedically timed by saying: "Hesh da leadah." And pointing to the deranged wrench-wielding maniac.

     "Of course he's the leader, why wouldn't he be?" I think the colt and apparently leader, points at me and begins to advance, murmurs of cannibalistic acts involving my legs, and excessive fornication with my detached skull are offered as proof of his lack of sanity and common decency.

      I regard the colt with annoyed anger. "You have one last chance to stop before I whoop you and your band of misfit's asses, you hear me? What's it gonna be? Peace, or death?" I ask with a threat of violence, the muscles in all of my legs tightening at the same time as my grip on the sword's handle begins to tighten in preparedness for any attack that may come from him.

      "Ha, this is gonna be fun, watch me gut this fucker like a blind foal!" He announces advancing on me once more with his wrench.

      I get into a good stance from which to swing the sword. "You got it bitch!" I yell as I bring the sword around horizontally to meet his sweeping strike with the wrench.

      "You're so damn weak!" The colt barks ironically, before being disarmed by the sheer force of my swing.

      No, dishooved is more akin to what I did. Literally, as in; I removed his entire front right leg.

       "AAAGH FUCKING NO!" The foolish nutcase screams in horrible agony as I bring my sword down vertically to behead him and look up at his shocked entourage. "Want me to do some more organic subtraction? I already took one away from four, how does three minus three sound, you ignorant, pony-eating fucks?!" I demand as I slowly move towards them, sword in mouth.

       The mare speaks up for the rest of her shocked group. "Kill him!"

       "Great, first day after a fucking terror attack on my nation's capitol, and being trapped inside a stone statue, and now I'm killing ponies left and right. Anything goes now that the princesses are dead I guess."

        I swing the sword a third and final time, executing an almost movie-worthy double decapitation.

        Only the zombie pony remains, and he backs off to speak in a gravely and broken voice. "Don't kill me please, I never even swiped at you or said nothin! I'm innocent, I've never killed in my life! Please let me live!" He pleads with fervor, scared of me and my much better weapon.

        "Alright," I reply, lowering my sword to regard him more calmly. "But I want some answers, and I want some good ones." I finish, allowing the almost completely skinless pony to utter a reply.

        "What do you want to know?" He asks, choosing his words every carefully and enunciating every word as if he was a hostage talking to and armed robber.

  "Well, I guess he is a hostage talking to an armed robber, except I'm not robbing him."

        "First: what the hell are you, second: what happened to the world, and third: why did you all attack me?" I supply.

        "Well, I'm what most people call a ghoul and I look and sound like I do because of the massive amounts of radiation I was exposed to. In regards to the second thing; the fuckin zebras dropped some  magic bombs and shit, Equestria really went to hell. A lot of ponies got into these bunkers called Stables, or escaped the blasts. I wasn't one of them, because I wasn't on the list." He pauses and spits into the dirt. "Got baked like a motherfucker by the radiation." He summarizes, finishing with spiteful distaste.

      "Right, but you still haven't explained why you attacked me." I pry, hoping for some closure.

      The ghoul blinks, and does a double-take. "Because we are, eh....were raiders. They killed ponies and looted the bodies. I only stuck with then because it was safer than traveling alone."

      "I see, but I have one more question actually." I continue, confident in this pony's mental capacity for sane conversation.

      "I'm not going anywhere kid." The ghoul says, appearing more comfortable with his current situation than before.

      "How long ago did the bombs drop exactly?" I question, inquisitive as ever.

      "200 years give or take, I'm not the best with numbers or dates and my memory isn't what it used to be, but I'd definitely say at least 200. Why?"

      "Pardon me, you skinless old cunt, but what the hell did you just say to me?" I calmly and quietly ask, no hint of anger in my voice.

      The ghoul frowns. "I said 200 years! That's it, that's how long! I swear!" He promises, desperately trying to stave off death at the hooves of my sword's sharp edge.

   ...Equestria.....is dead? That's not.....it can't be....how am I.....why am I...

      I stagger back a bit as Sadness and anger begins flowing freely through my veins, poisoning my usually non-violent mind with an unimaginable hate and bloodlust that I've never felt once before in my entire life. I black out, and in my destructively enraged state of mind, I step forward and swiftly gut him like a murderer would a blind foal.

     Then I continue forward, hacking and slashing anything that gets within a four foot radius of me, until I reach a hill with a large rock at the bottom, a skeleton pinned under it.

      Finally settled down, I inspect the long dead pony, and notice a faint green glow emanating from a device on its bony leg. Cut away the bone with my sword, and look at the device carefully.

      "This must be one of those pipbucks I heard about before the world went to complete shit, I wonder if it fits?"

       Without stopping to reflect on my heinous act of pillaging a corpse, I detach it from the bone and slide it onto my left front leg, watching in amazement as it perfectly fit onto my hoof, and registered its new owner.

       "Woah, it even has inventory!" I coo like a clothier discovering sewing machines for the first time, "radio? Sounds interesting." I comment as I turn the dial and select the only available frequency.

       The pipbuck plays the last bit of a song I don't know, by an artist I've never heard of, and then the voice of a familiar pony emanates from its speaker.

       "Hey everypony it's me, your good friend Dj-Pon3 here, and I have some more important news, this time about raiders! Yeah, I know it sounds bad and usually, it is! But it's actually some good news about raiders this time! Go figure, am I right? So anyway, I'm sure anypony who's ever been through BadGarden has had to either fight off a horde of crazies, or deal with getting lost in that fustercluck of a forest, and that its just a really dangerous area to wind up in in general. Well, guess what? Not anymore! As of yesterday morning, my sources have reported that the group of raiders that have been ambushing and eating anypony who dared step for in the area....have finally been taken care of! Yeah, You heard me right, all of them! And you'll never guess who killed them! It wasn't more raiders, it wasn't hellhounds, and it wasn't the StableDweller or Security. Wanna know who done it? Stop me if you've heard this one before; some random Stallion, some sword-wielding badass, stormed through and after lopping their crazy heads clean off, decided that BadGarden needed a path, so he made one, straight through the entire forest into Ranger Territory!" The radio host pauses and a triumphant trumpet sound declares to further the point.

      "This is Dj-Pon3, the voice of the wastes saying; wether you're planning on trading some stuff with the Rangers near BadGarden, or just passing through the area, travel at whatever speed you want, because the Knight, has made it safe again!"

      The voice stops once more, and a beautiful orchestral piece by Somepony named Octavia plays for an hour or so