Thy Namesake

Twilight was having a particularly rough week.

It started when the Cutie Map summoned The Mane Six to a distant land called Craig Valley, home to several Dragon covens, and a dispute that threatened to drag Equestria into the battlefield if not handled properly. Except that the warring clans hadn't been the most reasonable to negotiate with, even with Fluttershy's mighty stare against them. If it hadn't been for Spike, Twilight decided, she would have never liked Dragons in the first place. They were too selfish and blinded by rage to see logic in their actions.

On the third unsuccessful day of banter with the enraged covens, and more damage to the borders pending, Twilight penned a letter to Celestia updating her on the stalemate situation. Generations upon generations of feudal warfare would take more than just a few encouraging words and a song about friendship to fix. The Kingdom would need to be prepared in case this was a task she and her friends could not solve, as desperate as it seemed. Twilight was finally able to break through to the Elders on the fourth eve, and so delegations for peace began. After an intense seventy six hours of straight bickering, threats, fireballs, and anything but what Twilight would consider 'peaceful negotiations', a compromise had been achieved, both feuding sides appeased, and a very tired, sleep deprived, and irritated Twilight Sparkle had been victorious.

Upon her return she sent a report to Celestia as expected, and she also set a request for a potential lunch date and time- after Twilight was well rested, of course. It had been nearly two weeks since Twilight had been able to see Celestia in person and talk about the recent progressions in the Kingdom. She heard from Cadance about the Great Yak-Yak Border Expansion, and while she would have loved to hear about the delegation from Celestia herself, she understood that the Princess had been busy as of late.

Still, when Celestia's response had been short and rather curt, neither giving praise nor denying Twilight's hard work in the Dragon Compromise, Twilight had to wonder if the Princess had been overworked yet again. The rejection to her lunch invitation had been bittersweet to read over. Celestia always, always made time for a lunch date, even if she could only spare an hour or so. And her letters were always signed with the usual letterheads, "My Dearest Twilight," and "With Love," or, "Faithfully Yours," but this letter was devoid of anything Twilight had known to be normal. It was as if someone else had been ordered to pen a response, as if Celestia hadn't even had the time to put her own words to paper for Twilight. If she were being honest in a moment of selfishness, she would admit, it stung a bit.

The more she thought about it, the more it bothered her.

If there was something wrong, Twilight would have wanted to know. If she needed help with anything, Twilight wanted to be there to lend a hand. If the Princess needed rest, or needed some time to herself, Twilight would drop everything to make sure she would get it. Didn't Celestia know that? Didn't Celestia trust her enough to lean on her whenever she needed?

So she penned another letter, this time asking if the Princess was okay and if there was anything she could possibly help with. Maybe an afternoon tea in Canterlot? If the Princess had been held up, Twilight did not mind traveling. It was only a short stretch of wings or train ride or instant transmission away. Twilight would surely make the time for Celestia, whatever she needed.

When exactly five days, ten hours, thirty- six minutes, and seven seconds passed without a sign of response from the Sun Princess, Twilight began to panic. What if something happened to her? What if she had been kidnapped again! Or worse- what if she was off fighting some strong adversary and left all alone to suffer as she drained her strength? What if she was drowning in paperwork? What if she was upset at something? Or worse- what if she was upset at Twilight?! Had she been upset that the Dragon delegations had taken so long to resolve? Had she been upset to learn of Twilight's doubts about the effectiveness of friendship? What if- What if Celestia wanted to banish her for her incompetence! Make her live with the Dragons! Or worse- What if Celestia would turn her into an actual dragon herself! Was that even possible?! Who knows, someone as powerful as Celestia surely has powers Twilight could only dream of having!

Her imaginative mind conjured up a mock- Celestia, wings bare in all her regality and intimidation, with a dour look on her face, "SINCE YOU SEEM TO HATE THE DRAGONS SO MUCH, LETS SEE HOW YOU DEAL WITH BECOMING ONE YOURSELF!"

A few sleepless nights later found Twilight in the company of her friends who all were concerned about her well being. Of course they all thought she was overreacting; but then again, none of them had been as close to the Princess as Twilight had been. They couldn't possibly understand the worry in her eyes, the heaviness of her heart, and the anxiety that consumed her every thought.

But there was one person who would be able to understand- Princess Luna. Who better to know what might be troubling Celestia than her own sister? As soon as the thought presented itself, midnight of yet another restless night for poor Twilight, she wasted no time in transmitting herself- in full pajamas and messy bed hair- up to the Canterlot castle steps in the middle of a chilly, starry night to seek the counsel of Princess Luna. Upon retrospect she supposed she could have waited until morning, but Twilight hated a mystery. She needed answers, and she needed them now.

"Princess Twilight," a royal guard haistly met her on the steps of the castle, eyeing her state of dress as he spoke. "How may I be of service tonight?"

"I would like a word with Princess Luna, please," she replied, a faint blush on her cheeks from the night air.

"Of course, Princess," the guard bowed and escorted her through the castle to the Lunar Wing's study. With a knock to the door, Twilight took short shallow breaths to calm her beating heart pounding like drums humming in her ear.

"Princess Luna?" She called as she opened the door.

"Ah, yes, Twilight Sparkle! What a surprise!" She stood and waved a hand invitingly. "Please, come in!"

Luna had also been dressed in nighttime apparel, flannel pants decorated with crescent moons and a silk top as dark and creamy as night itself. She grabbed her robe, a shade of magnificent midnight blue also adorned with a large half moon on the bottom skirt, and slid effortlessly into the heavy fabric of soft felt. She wrapped the front around her body and tied the ends with the belt attached around the middle.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you about something," Twilight spoke while Luna dressed.

"Yes, of course, my Love. Have a seat. Fancy a glass of wine?"

"No, that's alright, I'm hoping this wont take too long, actually," she bit her lip and held her hands behind her back, a nervous habit of hers. Her eyes were set tracing the patterns on the tiled floor beneath them.

"You see... I was wondering," she hesitated, then brought her right hand to hold her left arm in a half hug of sorts. "Do you know if Princess Celestia is.. Mad at me?"

Luna furrowed her brow and considered Twilight cautiously. "Why would you think that, Twilight?"

"Well," Twilight fidgeted under Luna's scrutiny, "She's been ignoring me for the past two weeks now, and I keep racking my brain on what I could have possibly done to upset her."

Out of nothing left to distract herself with, Twilight began to pace only a few steps back and fourth. She now haphazardly threw a hand on her forehead under her horn, as if checking her temperature, the smack from the contact echoed throughout the chamber. "Except that I can't think of anything, and I don't know why she won't return my letters, or accept any invitations to lunch... And when I asked if she was feeling okay, she never responded at all..." Twilight paused, the panic rising in her chest again. "I understand if she's just been busy, but she usually always, always sends a reply, even if it's just a few lines or so."

She stopped her pacing and now turned her pleading eyes on the Lunar Princess, who had been silently observing her while she ranted. "I figured if anyone knew what was bothering her, it would be you, Luna."

Luna watched the younger's shoulders shaking in panic. And honestly, she made a mental note to chastise her sister at her earliest convenience. What was Celestia thinking, dropping all contact so suddenly like that? Did she not know Twilight would panic like this? Does she not know how easily Twilight gets worked up over the simplest of worries? Of course their young Princess would piece together the misplaced problem. If Celestia wanted time away, she should have taken a different course of action altogether. What was she thinking!

"Oh, Celestia," Luna sighed as she shook her head. Her sister could be so dense sometimes.

She walked to Twilight and placed a warm friendly arm around her shoulder. "I do in fact have the knowledge you seek, Twilight Sparkle. But... Perhaps you should sit first? I'm afraid this may take longer than you expect it will."

Luna walked to a large wall cabinet and opened the doors to inspect the collection of her finest brews she harbored. Deciding on a dark brandy for tonight, she summoned a glass and poured herself a heavy serving. The next conversation warranted it.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like a glass of wine, dear?" Luna asked again over her shoulder and Twilight shook her head.

"I appreciate the offer, but, well, I've never had alcohol before. And I'm so anxious, I don't think it would really help," Twilight replied as she sat on a black leather sofa, which was surprisingly more comfortable than she thought it would have been.

"You'd be surprised," Luna muttered under her breath as she capped the brandy and placed it back on it's shelf. She idly wondered how she was ever going to survive the two of them, her sister and Twilight. Or rather, how they would survive without her, it seemed.

Twilight took the opportunity to finally glance around Luna's study. She sat ramrod straight, not allowing a moment of relaxation until she cleared the air. Her eyes, now adjusted to the dim lit area, noticed the walls were laced with an overabundance of candles, many of which were almost melted down to the quick. The colors were set in dark hues of blue and black and violet, resembling a clear night sky, and accented with white and black wall art and decor. It was quite elegant, Twilight thought to herself. A small desk sat towards the back of the area, followed by a surrounding wall of books, and Twilight was overcome with a sudden curiosity to browse whatever topics the Lunar Princess chose to keep in her company.

Her curiosity was cut short when Luna joined her on the opposite end of the sofa, cuddling into the comfort and sinking further into her robe's warmth. She cradled her glass gingerly as she considered her words before she spoke.

"I'm afraid my sister has found herself in a mix of emotions lately," Luna stated after a while. It was a good start, she decided.

"Is everything alright?" Twilight asked as she subconsciously leaned closer.

Luna took a sip, her lips leaving a mark around the rim of the glass. "Everything will be, eventually," she replied strategically.

"What happened?"

"It is a rather delicate subject to approach," Luna warned before continuing, "You see, she wanted to bring you news of the excellent delegations with our neighbors to the north-"

Twilight interrupted, a perplexed expression defining her features, "But Cadance was the one who-"

"Yes, I realize. But Celestia knew days before the Proclamation was delcared. And so she made a special trip to Ponyville to share the revelation with you," Luna paused, unsure how to proceed at this point.

At this, Twilight's confusion only grew. Celestia had been in Ponyville? She made a special trip to tell her the news? Then why hadn't she seen the Princess? And why was Luna stalling? Her brain was rapidly trying to catch up but failing to connect how everything was related.

"She happened to, ah, stumble in on a rather private moment you were having with yourself," Luna spoke with her lips to her glass. She took another sip as she watched Twilight piece together the puzzle.

"Private moment? With myself?" Slow to process what Luna's words could mean, Twilight's thoughts turned to the horrible possibility that Celestia- Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria, her mentor and friend Celestia- had found herself in her rooms that day, caught in the heat of passion that her flesh was particularly weak to. Her face flushed instantly.

"Sweet Celestia, no!" Twilight cried, the embarrassment immediately choking her. This was simply the worst possible outcome. The absolute worst possible thing that could happen. There was nothing she could think of that would be worse than this. She buried her face in her hands.

Luna moved closer to comfort her. "Twilight, relax. I can assure you, I am the only one my sister confided in."

That was the least of Twilight's worries, at least for right now. Celestia had- had seen! Had heard! Had witnessed it all! Oh, sweet merciful Celestia, what had she done?!

She tore from the Lunar Wing without another word to Luna and rushed to the Solar Plexus, determined, no, more than that; absolutely set on apologizing and making amends to Celestia. The coldness of her letters, the absence of her presence, it all made sense now, and left Twilight on the verge of tears and a break down at what it could mean. This was worse than banishment, this was worse than being turned into a dragon, or sent away from her friends in Ponyville. This was her worst fear and nightmare fully realized, Celestia's gaze of usually kind and gentle looks turned into a mean and cold glare. She couldn't take it. Her knees wobbled weakly as she ran up the last set of stairs that led to the Sun Princess's bedroom.

She knocked, winded, doubled over and clutching her chest as she gulped down giant heaps of air into her lungs. "Celestia, please, let me in!" She spoke in gasps, "I need to talk to you, in private, please!"

She waited for what seemed like an eternity, or perhaps just a few seconds. When she heard nothing from the other side, she knocked harder, her knuckles red from rasping on the hard oak doors complimented with half suns as handles. When the doors were closed, as they were now, they made the sun whole.

"Princess, I'm not going away until you let me apologize for my rude and obscene behavior!" Twilight yelled, her voice unsteady and her eyes glossed. She could hear a shift in movement grow closer to where she stood.

Celestia, who had been in bed but not slumbering, quickly yanked the doors open and dragged Twilight in by the arm, lest anyone who happened to be roaming the halls overhear them. She was covered up in her nighttime robe, silk and much cooler than Luna's had been, and much brighter in color. The mark of her being also occupied the bottom skirt, as Luna's had.

"Twilight, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night," she folded her arms and waited for an explanation.

Twilight bowed before Celestia, grim tears staining her face. "Celestia, I am so so so very sorry for my impulsiveness. Please, punish me, banish me, send me away to Tartarus, whatever you feel is appropriate, but please don't be mad at me anymore!" she managed to choke out before finally collapsing to her knees.

"Tch, damn it, Luna," Celestia mumbled as she turned away from Twilight. Leave it to her sister to spill the beans, so to say.

She turned back on Twilight, irritation evident in her tone. "Why are you here, Twilight?"

"I-I thought you were angry at me, because of how much longer it took us to calm the Dragons in the Valley, or maybe you were upset about something, and I didn't want you to turn me into a dragon, so I-I came to ask Luna if she knew why you were avoiding me... A-And she told me about what you.. saw," Twilight rambled in her panicked state, her head bowed dutifully to the floor.

Celestia gazed down at her Princess, the irritation she felt now replaced with guilt and endearment. She bent herself to offer Twilight a hand. The floor was no proper place for a Princess to lament. Twilight accepted it with a sorrowful look. Once she stood, Celestia cast a spell that produced a soft cloth and she held it firm as she dried Twilight's tears. Of course Twilight could have managed but Celestia couldn't help herself, the need to nurture overpowered her instincts as they usually did whenever Twilight was this upset.

"Why in Equestria would I turn you into a Dragon?" Celestia mused as she wiped Twilight's cheeks clean, "And as for the Compromise, I couldn't be prouder. It took Luna and myself several centuries after Discord's fall to negotiate proper terms with the Covens. What took us hundreds and hundreds of years, you accomplished in mere days. I apologize for not voicing my honest opinion until now."

Twilight's eyes rounded in surprise, "But I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

"Oh, Twilight," Celestia sighed, her voice soft and warm. "Why don't you sit with me for a while?" She gestured to the large ottoman that sat at the end of her bed.

Unlike her sister, Celestia had taken a less extravagant approach in room decor. Her bed was a standard queen sized spread, large and pompous with fluffy blankets and plenty of luxurious pillows. A large headboard sat at the top with her Sun Cutie Mark situated in the middle and a canopy of pastel colored silk fabrics cascaded the surroundings of the bed itself. Many, many pillows of varying size were scattered along the carpeted floor, almost covering the entire area like a sea of added comfort. Twilight wondered if the Sun Princess would sometimes find refuge amongst them, for it certainly looked inviting and comfortable enough. The light from the few candles she lit within the wall scones danced along the white walls and gave life to the shadows as Twilight sat, her head hung low, her fingers interlocked in her lap, and her thumbs fidgeted nervously.

Celestia took seat next to Twilight with a great deep breath. "I'm not angry or upset at you, Twilight. I am just.." she pursed her lips and her eyes favored watching a candle flicker as she tried to find the right word, "Confused. And I needed some time to process.. All of this," she waved her hand in a sweeping motion between the two of them.

Twilight's head shot up and she gave the Sun Princess an incredulous look. Celestia wasn't upset? She wasn't angry? She wasn't going to banish her to the ends of Equestria and strip her of her title? "You're not upset with me?"

Celestia gave a small smile. "No, I'm not. It was my fault, after all. I watched you out of complete disregard for your privacy. If anything, I figured the one who should be upset here would be you."

Twilight shook her head. "It's not your fault at all, Princess. I-I should have been more careful, I-I-"

Celestia held a hand solemnly, commanding the younger to be still. "Twilight, please. I can admit when I have made a mistake, I can own it, and I can apologize for it."

Twilight lowered her eyes. She was still confused as to why the Princess had responded the way she did if it wasn't out of anger or hatred. The short letters and ignoring her like that.. What could it mean? Was she really just that busy that she didn't have time? Or was there something else that bothered Celestia? She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at a large fluffy pillow off to the side. She wanted to ask, but given what exactly might be revealed, she couldn't bring herself to face what the answer might be.

Perhaps sensing the trouble in the younger's mind, Celestia spoke up, "I did not stop responding to you because I hate you. I stopped responding because... I'm afraid I don't quite understand your, ah, fascination? With me?" She gave Twilight a peculiar look. Celestia could not deny her curiosity, but her duty to the Kingdom always came first. Always. Twilight had to know that, as bitter and hurtful it would be to reiterate.

Again, Twilight shook her head. "It was something I had hoped you would never find out about, honestly. I-I would never, ever-"

"As I know, Twilight. You've given me no reason to doubt you before now," Celestia placed a warm hand reassuringly on her Princess's shoulder.

Twilight turned to the older, her velvet eyes shining in the light. They held Celestia's attention like burning flames of the sun. Oh, how beautiful, how radiant, how absolutely timeless they could be. She knew the very moment they consumed her soul.

"But, even now! I would never! I respect you entirely too much to even begin- And I would never, ever, do anything that would let my feelings for you get in the way of our friendship."

Celestia furrowed her brow. She was sure her heart skipped a beat just now. She felt the breath momentarily leave her and struggled to regain herself. "Feelings? Surely you are confused. I was your teacher, and I will always be there for you, but not in that way, Twilight. You should forget about me, find yourself someone who isn't as ancient and flawed as I am," she turned her head. This should not have been that hard to do. She was used to handing out rejection like a second nature. So why did this affect her so differently? She couldn't bare to witness the pain in those damn eyes that were already burned into her mind.

And what could that possibly mean? Did she love Twilight? Of course. As a pupil, as a comrade, as someone she took under her wing and taught her everything she knew. It would need to stay that way. Complications would only further the trouble. But why did it feel like she wanted to scoop Twilight in her arms and soothe her worries? Ugh, this was so confusing. Even after a thousand lifetimes lived, no one had ever affected the Sun Goddess in this way. It was unnerving, to say the least.

Twilight bitterly shook her head. "I don't need to try, I already know I could never love someone as much or in the same way as I love you, Celestia."

The Sun Goddess snapped her eyes to Twilight, who was smiling at her with a true, genuine, bright and happy smile that Celestia had always been content to see grace those lips.

"And I'm happy, honestly, with just being your friend. You don't have to love me back. Not in that way. I already understand. You're.. Well, you're you. Your Kingdom comes first. As long as I could remain your friend, as long as you would still see me as someone you could depend on, I really do think I could do anything for you, Princess. Including keeping my emotions and feelings for you to myself because you don't feel the same way."

Twilight stood, smile still in place despite Celestia's look of surprise and confusion. "I promise, this will be the last you hear of it from me. Good night, Princess."

She bowed and took her exit, leaving Celestia to stare at where she had been standing in complete awe, wondering if this was just a dream of sorts conjured by her sister in some devious ulterior plot. But as she sat alone on the ottoman of her bedroom, that now seemed as empty as it had ever been, she couldn't help but feel at a loss for words to the emotions arising in her chest.

"Oh, Celestia," she thought to herself, "You've done it now."

Outside the room stood Twilight, her back against the doors and her hands covering her chest in a false effort to still her beating heart. She was shaking and shivering, anxiety finally coming to a head, and tears fell down her face once more. That had been it; that had been the moment she dreaded, the very words she could not bear to hear in all her life. Celestia had rejected her. It was out in the open. Her words that cut like sharp stones across her flesh had been absolute. There would never be a chance now, not ever; not like she really expected there to be in the first place. But the hope of one day... Had now been shattered. The bitterness stung her heart like pure ice and she forced her body to move away from the treacherous memory, down the stairs, and back into the unforgiving night air. She transmitted herself back to Ponyville, but not before Luna gathered an eyeful of the sullen Princess in passing.

It was all she could do, however; in the next instant Twilight was gone and Luna shook her head in disappointment at her sister's obvious standoff.