Thy Namesake

"Celestia," Luna spoke in an urgent tone, right in her unsuspecting sister's ear.

"Discord's Hell, Luna!" Celestia hissed and jumped in surprise. "How did you know it was me?"

Luna's expression dead panned. "Surely, you jest? Right? Celestia I could be blindfolded, dipped in hot lava, and burned alive and still be able to sense your magical presence."

Morbid as ever, the Celestial Princess groaned to herself. So much for a disguise.

"Keep your voice down, and don't call me Celestia!" She rasped, glaring at the Lunar Princess sharply. "My name is Red Mane! And what are you doing here?!"

"I could ask the same of you," Luna shot back with a quirky smile.

"I-I am doing mere reconnaissance," Celestia quickly muttered, a blush creeping on her disguise's face.

"Within our own borders?" Luna cocked her head to the side with an amused grin. "You are spying on Twilight Sparkle, aren't you?"

Celestia held her head high and brushed past her sister, not bothering to dignify that question with an answer.

Truth be told, Celestia was having an even harder time dealing with... Whatever this was she was feeling... Even more so now than the days following The Incident, as she had so properly dubbed it in her mind. She really couldn't put it into words, if there were even diction created to describe her current debacle, and thank Luna no one had asked her to. Even the Lunar Princess herself had been less vexatious than usual and courteous enough to leave Celestia alone and to her thoughts lately. Until now, that is.

She just couldn't understand how Twilight could be so apologetic and forgiving. After learning that Celestia inadvertently broke all concern for her privacy, why hadn't she been angry? Why hadn't she stormed the castle in rage? Why hadn't she been as effected as Celestia had been? After all, Twilight had done nothing wrong. Celestia was slow to admit it but the fault had been her own.

And what was with her confession? How could she seem so sure of herself and her love? What did she mean, she was happy with things as they were? She wouldn't want to date anyone else? Did that mean she had given up hope of even trying? Certainly she saw how foolhardy that was, right? Still, Celestia had been indescribably happy to hear it. Proud, even. The fact that Twilight could stand tall and proclaim a love so strong that she undeniably and unwaveringly held firm her belief in it had stunned the Solar Princess speechless.

Oh, to be young and in love.

It plagued Celestia so that her work now suffered from the distraction. Her mind was very excercised and tamed in the ways of mantras and meditation, but this was a mystery she simply could not solve. Any given moment of the day now occupied her thoughts with Twilight. Her smile, bright and cheery, gave Celestia light. Her frown, somber and melancholic, sang a sorrowful tune in the older's heart. And now her moans, sensual and erotic, enticed the Sun Princess beyond any temptation she resisted to date. Her body's catalogue could be added to the cumulus. It was a dangerous territory for Celestia to endeavour. Twilight now filled her every sense. Not just ex-student and Princess Twilight, but now silouettes of passion induced dreamy expression Twilight begging for Celestia to take her. She shivered at her mind's perversions. Why did she always want what she could not have? The universe could be so cruel.

Instead of simply giving in, because she could never allow herself anything pleasurable lest it be taken from her, she did nothing. Nothing could quell her traitorous thoughts and lustful daze. She was quickly drowning in something she couldn't even properly name. Lust? Too primitive. Love? Too complicated. Friendship? Not complicated enough.

It bothered her how easily Twilight was willing to play her part. Was she truly unaffected by all of this? How could she say she loved Celestia in such a way and not have it rip her sanity to shreds? Celestia had to know the truth. It wasn't exactly something she could pen in a letter or discuss over tea. Instead she devised a plot that involved taking to the streets of Ponyville in disguise in her time off. She wouldn't call it spying, not quite so; Celestia would never spy on her subjects. She liked to think of it as information gathering. For a good cause, of course.

Which brought her to the present, with Luna having caught her in the act. She shrugged it off, she would not allow herself to feel guilty over this. Not yet, not when she had finally managed to see Twilight in a day where she hadn't been herself. Twilight had been shop- hopping with Rarity, but upon closer inspection Celestia had been able to place the lack of interest in her eye. She seemed distracted and distraught, not even caring where the fashinista dragged her.

"Sweet Celestia!" Rarity roared from down the road and both Celestia and Twilight flinched at the exclamation.

She glanced around and no one seemed to notice her illusion. Once she realized she was safe, she sighed, then seethed at yet another mention of her namesake in vain within the company of Twilight. Twice in one day. And as if that were not bad enough, both times had affected Twilight as well. Celestia slammed a fist on the wall from where she hid, but she did not see that there was a man on the other side holding a very topsy box of apples that she startled with the noise. He tripped and all of the apples spilled from his box, causing a few random citizens to slip on renegade fruit tumbling about. As a result, meshed apples and juice splattered all over the place and on innocent bystanders, Celestia included. The poor fellow fumbled upon seeing the mess he created and with a nervous laugh he ducked back into the store he had just come out of.

Luna laughed merrily from her refuge behind her sister and Celestia grit her teeth. This was quickly becoming a losing battle.

After a quick cleaning spell she spotted a berry stand to the right with fresh mangoes polished enough so that they gleamed in the sunlight. No lines to wait in, no customers around, Celestia quickly hurried to the merchant and asked for two mangoes.

"What is your new obsession as of late with Twilight Sparkle?" Luna asked from behind Celestia, her voice raised enough for the merchant to overhear. Celestia cringed and immediately began walking away from the stand and from the nuisance tailing behind her.

"S-Sir, Sir! You forgot your berries!" The merchant called after them nervously.

"Admit it!" Luna smiled brightly after finally catching up with Celestia's stride, "You are obsessed!"

"I am not obsessed!" Celestia forgot herself and shouted, the square stopping to stare at Princess Luna and a very flustered disguised Celestia. She glanced around, momentarily disoriented, then turned on her heels and walked away, Luna almost running this time to catch up.

"Sister!" Luna hissed and pulled on Celestia's arm to slow her. Luna turned behind Sugarcube Corner and yanked Celestia with her.

"If you want her, go get her!" Luna put on her most demanding demeanor, her hands on her hips and her eyes set.

Celestia scoffed, "I do NOT want her!"

"Celestia-"

"My name is Red Mane," Celestia corrected.

Luna rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh, "Exactly my point. You are under an illusion roaming through Ponyville spying on-"

Celestia moved fast as lightning to cover Luna's mouth, "Hush! Someone will hear you!"

Luna glared and licked the hand that covered her mouth in an attempt to get Celestia to lower the offending appendage, but Celestia smirked. "I am not moving my hand unless you swear to Cerberus you will be quiet!" She could feel Luna's mouth tighten as her sister narrowed her glare.

"Besides," Celestia averted her eyes and lowered her hand, "It's not that simple, Luna."

It was simple to her, to anyone really. But then again, Celestia wasn't just anyone. Complications and all, and that's what made her special. Luna mused, if Twilight had known about this insecure side to Celestia, she would probably think of it as an endearment of some sort. She snorted. They really were a perfectly odd match. Surely Celestia could see that.

Luna shook her head and sighed, "Pray tell, why not?"

Celestia hesitated, rebuttal just moments from being released, then she stopped. She couldn't bring herself to speak these indiscretions, not here and not now.

"What did you hope to accomplish by pulling this little stunt?"

"I just.. Wanted to see if she was really okay.. With this... With all of this," Celestia murmured, eyes averted.

Luna folded her arms as she readied her voice in a stern, lecture-type tone far too chastising for her own tastes, "And what if she was not? What would you do then, Sister?"

Celestia snapped her head up, once again a rebuttal well formed and waiting; but with a click of her tongue she remained silent. She let loose a groan of frustration.

"You know what this has done- is doing- to her, to you both. You know this is tearing both of you apart. This whole mess is, to say, your own fault."

"Luna!" Celestia barked back, a tad of offense overpowering her, "That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"No, not at all," Luna stated matter-of-factly, "Not when you yourself harbor feelings for the one you repeatedly send away."

"E-Excuse me?!"

"In denying them for yourself, you have also denied both of you a chance for a true, honest, and genuine type of love."

"You know it's not that simple, for me or for any of us!"

The two sisters stood opposed to each other, the unspoken question still looming over their heads like dark clouds bringing rain. Luna did not waver, it was evident she would not be moved until she got her answer. Celestia cursed her know-it-all sister for all her worth. It pissed her off how she could go galavanting on a whim without careful consideration, not at all like herself, who bore the burdens of the Kingdom so deep that it had jaded even this small portion of herself. Her sister would never know this type of pain, this type of longing, this type of suffering.

"Because she is-" The Sun Princess hesitated, conflict evident in her voice, "Because she is untouchable to me," She spat bitterly.

"Oh, Celestia," Luna sighed, "What are you so afraid of?"

Now it was Celestia's turn to fold her arms in irritation, "Tch, you couldn't possibly understand how I feel, Luna."

"Of course I do, Sister, isn't it obvious? Aside from the fact that your love for Twilight is plain as day, even in a clever disguise, might I add; I understand all too well the way you deny yourself even the simplest of pleasures in favor of your duty to the Kingdom. But don't you see? What you've worked so hard for, what you've sacrificed time and time again, the happy ending you seek is right before your eyes. If only you allow yourself to see it."

Celestia scoffed, but Luna didn't give her a chance to respond. She was tired of the excuses when the evidence was clearly given. Enough with her silly notions of formality and outdated politics of the heart. Enough with it all.

"It's been so long since we were young children without a care to the misfortune of those around us. The world may have been different, unkind and unforgiving before your rule, but now a thousand lifetimes have passed. Why should you continue to perish by your own hand? Why continue to deny yourself? So what, you fell in love with Twilight Sparkle. Do yourself a favor and admit it. Equestria will not fall, your reign will not be tampered, and your life will not crumble in the wake of disaster."

Luna pulled her into an embrace as she continued, "All will be well, my Sister. You are always so quick to forget that you have others to lean against; not only myself, but Cadance, and Twilight, and even her friends as well. Let down that guard you have and learn to trust us, we aren't leaving you alone like that ever again. Don't you know this by now?"

Celestia stood in a stunned silence, her sister's warmth invaded her soul like an untamed wildfire insistent on burning everything it touched. Her walls meant nothing around Luna. She could see straight through them, like she had always done when they were younger. At times when she had forgotten how it felt to be dependent on someone, it left Celestia feeling embarrassed to be this exposed to another who knew so much about her, maybe even more so than she knew herself. She knew Luna was right, Luna was always right, in ways that Celestia could never understand.

"I... May be in love... With Twilight Sparkle," Celestia replied in a forced whisper after a short while.

"Good," Luna smiled as she lessened her hold. She gripped Celestia's shoulders with a satisfied grin, "Now go get her."

Celestia's eyes met her sister's in panic. Admitting it out loud was one thing. Actually acting on it, however...

"You know I can't," Celestia stammered. Her heart was pounding faster than ever. "Not yet."

"Fine," Luna replied calmly but through narrowed eyes she released her sister. She knew there was more than one way to light a fire within Celestia. "Fine, but if you don't, and soon, someone else will before you even have the chance."

The Sun Princess took those words in slowly. That hadn't been something she considered yet. How would she feel if Twilight were with someone else, especially now that Celestia knew what she felt for the younger Princess? It was impossible, her mind decided to remind her of those resolved words, /"I don't need to try, I already know I could never love someone as much or in the same way as I love you, Celestia."/ How long would that resolve stay now that she had been turned away?

"Besides, you will have plenty of time to tell her yourself tonight, when she will be staying with us. Well, myself, to be specific," Luna said with a smug expression. "That was my true intent in following you. Maybe I'll reveal our newest discovery myself, since you are dawdling?"

Ah, there was the look Luna had been waiting for. Brows furrowed, cheeks tinged, lips practically pouting, Celestia could never hide her jealousy so easily. Luna couldn't help but smirk. So predictable.

"Don't you dare! Luna, I swear I will make you wash Philomena for a month! And you know how much she detests it," Celestia threatened her sister with a menacing glare but couldn't stop her curiosity. Damn Luna for toying with her like this. "Why is she staying tonight?"

"She sent me a letter shortly after sunrise asking if I was free tonight for a... Sleepover, of sorts," Luna announced with a wicked insinuating smirk. "Who knows what troubles have bothered her so? Hmm, I wonder."

"You will behave yourself!" The older sister turned away in a fluster of conflicting emotions. She peered around the corner in favor of watching her subjects meandering through their normal lives completely unaware of the inner turmoil their Princess was facing. She wondered how normal citizens dealt with the burdens of their heart; surely it had to be easier to fall in love among common gentry rather than aristocracy.

"I've lost her, thanks to you," Celestia sighed bitterly.

"They've just gone into the Spa," Pinkie chimed from behind them. She bounced along with two giant garbage bags at her side.

"PINKIE PIE?!" Both sisters shouted together. "When did you- How did you-"

"How much of that did you hear?" Celestia, still in disguise, asked in a nervous voice.

Pinkie's eyes flashed in that Pinkie Pie way and she smiled. "Don't worry Princesseses, I can keep a secret!" She hummed to herself as she continued back into the store, "Oh, I know! How about a SUPRISE SUPER SECRET KEEPING PARTAAYY! Gummy will love this!"