Try-$quad

(Karma)

So far in this story, the Try-Squad has sounded pretty competent, right? They've been able to succeed in all of their missions. But that's because I was there. Even though they don't know I help, just my presence helps them make better decisions. There was one time where I wasn't there. It was only for 5 minutes, but during that time, all hell broke loose.

The Try-$quad found their dream-mission, fighting an endless supply of henchman. I knew they had it covered so, in a momentary lapse of judgment, I told the Try-Squad, "I'm leaving for 5 minutes. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." When I came back, not even 5 minutes later, the universe was nearly destroyed. Needless to say, they did everything stupid while I was gone. I asked them, "I left you guys alone for 5 minutes, and this is what happens, you stupid super-hero idiots! What happened in those five minutes?" I'll pass the torch to Captain Obvious to give you a first-hand account of the Try-$quad's idiocy.

(Captain Obvious)

It's obvious who's speaking, I don't need to say it, but if you must know, it's Captain Obvious. The best mission we ever messed up was the time we had an endless supply of henchman to punch. Distortion is Minuteman's archenemy and was trying to draw Minuteman out to fight him. He found a factory and used his distortion powers to teleport henchmen from all across the time stream to the factory. He was using his distortion powers to resurrect the fallen henchman back to the factory from before they were defeated. This was Try-Squads dream, to go to a factory that endlessly supplied bad guys to punch. The Try-$quad knew of Distortions plans and knew Distortion wanted Minuteman to show up. They also knew that if Minuteman were there, the battle would've been over in a minute and they wouldn't be able to have as much fun. We had to get rid of Minuteman somehow. Minuteman is all about the minute and very competitive. If you bet him that he can’t do something in a minute, he will alway try to prove you wrong, because, at the end of the 60 seconds, he thinks he will be done. What he always overestimates is the number of steps he has to go through, each taking a minute. So the Try-$quad got together and decided to bet him that he couldn’t break the Clock of Ages in one minute. We knew he would have to teleport, break the clock, and teleport out, giving us three extra minutes of glorious henchman punching. What we didn’t know, was the effects of the Clock of Ages being broken.

(Minuteman)

That lousy Try-$quad. They knew they could take advantage of my competitive spirit. They bet me that I couldn’t break the Clock of Ages in a minute. What do they know? The Clock of Ages is the biggest clock in the universe. It regulates the universe’s time and makes sure it stays constant. I don’t think the Try-$quad thought through their plan, they just wanted to get rid of me. I couldn’t just couldn’t back down from their bet even if it did destroy the universe. I had to teleport back to the Time Palace to get to the clock. I didn’t factor in the minute it took to teleport, but I still knew I would win the bet and destroy the clock. I played a quick game of solitaire during the minute it took to teleport to pass the time. The towers of Time Palace glistened in the sunlight as I sped towards them, turning the plan to destroy the clock over in my mind. I reached the Time Palace, running through the halls, searching for the Clock of Ages. Intent on not losing the bet, I burst into the Clock room, ready to tear it apart. The Clock tower was bigger than I remembered; the tallest tower in the Time Palace. I knew it would quite a feat to thoroughly dismantle it in a minute. I climbed the tower, ten thousand steps up, and lunged for the minute hand. I grabbed it, hanging over the oblivion of space. I pulled with all my might, bending the minute hand away from the clock, not pointing towards the clock face. The internal mechanism broke and the minute hand lurched back and forth, sending the universe's time into flux. As the time of the universe fluctuated, minutes seemed to pass and go, slipping in and out of existence. I was phasing in and out of an existence of as well and couldn't hold on to the clock any longer. I fell to what I thought was my fifth death, contemplating the stupidy of my bet. I phased out of existence right before crashing into the ground and was able to survive my fall. I knew I needed to get to the Hourglass room, the only place in the universe to keep me from fading away. I stumbled through the halls for what felt like hours before finding myself in the hourglass room.

"What's going on?" Spoilers asked me, panicking.

"You should know what's going on better than anyone!" I replied

"I only know the endings. All endings. I don't know the events that led to them." Spoilers said.

"I destroyed the minute hand on the Clock of Ages and now the universe's is distorted. Maybe Distortion is behind this. Or maybe this is happening because Karma left. Normally, she rewards our good intentions with good results. But with her gone, we are left with the consequences of our really stupid decisions. We need to find Karma to make this right again. She can fix the clock. I would try to find her, but if i go out of this room, I'll slip out of existence. You're the only other one here; you need to do it," I pleaded.

"I'll be super dumb if I leave this room. How will my dumb self, find Karma and save us?" Spoilers asked.

"Let's make a plan now while you're smart, and write yourself thorough directions that would be impossible to mess up." I said.

"I highly doubt that. I'm going to mess up anyway. It's just a matter of when." Spoilers moped.

"It can't hurt to have a plan. Let's think of all the places Karma could be."

We sat down down and brainstormed ideas. After writing Spoilers detailed instructions, she set out to find Karma.

"Wish me a little bit of dumb luck," Spoilers said.

(Captain Obvious)

Hi, it is Captain Obvious if you did not know,  and while I had the highest henchmen beat-up count (120) turns out that Distortion's distorting powers became more powerful and the henchmen are getting smarter. How do you ask? It is because every time we knock down a henchman it teleports out then teleports from the factory a minute before they were knocked down, but they remember how they were defeated and learn from their mistakes improving over time. Then Distortion told us, "I feel powerful! Time to spread my power throughout the universe!" At that moment I morphed my wrist into a watch and to my dismay, the minute hand disappeared. I realized that this was our doing; that these were the effects of Minuteman breaking the Clock of Ages.

Distortion roared, "The minutes of the universe are distorted and clearly I didn't do it. My powers have increased to superhuman levels. You may have succeeded in defeating my henchmen here, Try-Squad, but try to defeat my henchmen when I teleport them to every planet. But don't think that there will be any henchman on Pluto; that hunk of rock only wishes it could be a planet."

We were in over our heads.

(Karma)

You might wondering where I went when I left. It's a hard job to make sure the universe runs smoothly and sometimes I just need a break. When I get stressed, I have to meditate. I went into Germ-O-Man's secret changing room behind the giant hourglass and meditated there in the dark. As I was meditating, Minuteman burst into the room. He was in a daze, slipping in and out of existence.

"Karma? How how long have you b-b-been in h-h-here?" Minuteman stuttered. "I couldn't stay anywhere for a minute, I had to move. I don't remember this room being back here," Minuteman said, jittering. "I broke the Clock of Ages. I didn't mean to do it. The rest of the Squad dared me to do it and I couldn't back down. Now minutes don't exist and I don't exist. I can't stand these time fluctuations. It's killing me." The broken Clock of Ages was affecting him.

"Since I left Try-$quad, you guys have just messed everything up. That shouldn't surprise me, though. I guess I'll have to save you guys. Give me a minute." I said.

"There are no minutes!" Minuteman yelled. "I'm disappearing fast!"

"Ok, fine. Fixing this will just be snap." I snapped my fingers and the clock repaired itself, the minute hand snapping back in place as if it had never been broken. Universe-bending powers are just part of my job. You don't want to see my evil side.

We're back where we started. I guess don't have to rehash exasperation with the Try-$quad again. I do love them, though. They may be idiots, but they're my idiots.

The fun was over. The endless supply of henchman teleporting throughout the universe disappeared. The Try-$quad teleported back to the Hourglass room to debrief. They all gathered around when they noticed something didn't feel right.

"Wait! Where's Spoilers?" Minuteman asked.

(Spoilers)

"Hello?"

to be continued...