It was a dark and stormy night. The sky was dark and eerie. Clouds covered the sky, hiding the moon and it's white glow. The only thing that could be seen was the bolts of lightning illuminating the sky, followed by a violent rumble of thunder. It had been storming ever since the sun had set to make way for the moon. A large gust of wind blew through the cool night sky as several branches were ripped from the trees and sent flying. Ponies slept through the storm, or at least most of them were. In a dark and sinister looking fortress, the Shadowbolts stay. Few Shadowbolts wandered about in the hallways. Not very much activity was going on, except for one place. In one room, the lounge, laughter filled the entire room. In there sat several ponies: Blade, Angel, Shadow, Moon, Sin, Ruin, Captain Nightshade, and the newbie, Rainbow Dash. They all sat at the table, cards in their hooves, watching them closely. On the back of these cards read, "Cards Against Equestria: A Horrible Card Game for Horrible Ponies". They all put down one card, then swiftly slid it over to Moon. He let out a sigh before rolling his eyes and taking the cards. Her cleared his throat, breaking the silence, as he began to read.

"What do I enjoy to do during my free time?" He paused. "Jerk off to your imaginary friend." He continued. "What do I do in my free time? Give spine tingling blowjobs." He glanced around the table before going on. "What do I do in my free time? Sex, sex, get drunk, and more sex." Moon, as well as the other Shadowbolts focused their attention on Nightshade as she bounced her eyebrows and licked her lips at Dash. She pulled her wing up near her face and used two feathers. She put her tongue between them and moved it back and forth with a slight chuckled afterwards. Dash back up a little and stared wide-eyed and a crimson blush.

"Do you mind NOT doing that?! I'd prefer you not to give drop hints about eating out.... I am currently closed, Captain." Dash stared in unamusement.

"Oh? But you do know, I can get you to open up, riiiight?" Nightshade asked, her brows bouncing as she smirked.

Moon huffed before continuing.

"Anyway.... What do I enjoy doing during my free time? Drugs." He raised an eyebrow before shaking his head and going back to reading. "What do I enjoy doing during my free time? Standing out on the streets and showing my ass." Moon stopped and glanced around the table while raising both eyebrows.

Everyone started laughing as Moon continued to read the cards.

"What do I enjoy doing during my free time? Ramming Celestia....." Moon stopped again and glanced around the table yet again, a disturbed look on his face. "Ok then... Someone here pleasures the princess."

Ruin broke down into a laughing fit before falling out of his chair and continuing to cackle loudly.

"And final one... What do I enjoy doing during my free time? Stripping for the Wonderbolts."
The Shadowbolts' eyes widened and some snorts and chuckles came from a few of them as Ruin continued to cackle.

"Alrighty, I am going with the stallion prostitute..." Moon said.

Blade laughed then took the card with the question and smirked. The others looked at him as if they were trying not to laugh.

"So, Blade..." Nightshade said, "since when do you work out on the streets? You get stallion customers?"

Blade went red as his ear fell back against his head. He sighed and put his head on the table and groaned.

"Ffffuuuuucccckkkk!" He grunted.

Nightshade continued to smirk as she leaned back in her chair. Blade lifted his head and shook it out before chuckling and taking another card to make up for the previous one he gave to Moon. The others did the same except for Moon. Blade grabbed a question card and cleared his throat before reading.

"Ahem... Why can't I sleep at night?" He said.

"Pfff.... maybe because you're too busy with your prostitution..." Ruin snorted.

Blade glared at him and snorted.

Everyone looked through their cards thoroughly before they started setting them down. Shadow had hers down first followed by Nightshade, Moon, Angel, Sin, Ruin, and Dash. Blade grabbed their cards and snatched them up as he began to speak again.

"Why can't I sleep at night? Flying sex snakes... Alrighty.... Why can't I sleep at night? Stallion castration." Blade stopped and looked around as all the stallions immediately covered their stallionhoods with their forehooves. He shook his head and shuddered before continuing. "Why can't I sleep at night? Prostitution..... Fuck you, Ruin..." Blade slightly growled at Ruin. "Why can't I sleep at night? Half-assed foreplay... Why can't I sleep at night? Tentacle porn.... Alrighty then.... Why can't I sleep at night? Sunshine and rainbows... Gay, but ok... Why can't I sleep at night? A middle-aged stallion on roller skates..... Creepy.... Ok this one goes to castration..." Blade shuddered.

Nightshade took the card and smirked. All the stallions, including Blade, covered their privates as they shuddered at the card. Nightshade reached for a new answer card as well as everyone else. She then grabbed a question card and began.
"Alright, here we go... I drink to forget...." She glanced up and around the table, a smirk appearing on her face as she quietly snickered.

Nightshade waited patiently as they all looked through their cards. She quietly sighed in content as she leaned back in her chair. Within a few minutes, the cards were placed in front of her. She sat in her normal posture and took the cards and began reading again.

"I drink to forget your microscopic penis..." She slightly chuckled as well as the others. "I drink to forget last night's failed sex attempts." Nightshade slightly snorted and chuckled at that. "I drink to forget your sister... I drink to forget my inner demons.... I drink to forget stallion meat.... I drink to forget the Blood of Celestia... Goddamn... I drink to forget the series of ponies I killed.... Jeez... fucking brutal. I like it... Alright, I think I have my pick..."

Nightshade held the card stating the failed sex attempts up and smirked. Shadow laughed then took the question card and smirked. Shadow and the others, except Nightshade, picked out a new card for the next round and prepared themselves. Shadow licked her lips and snickered.

"What will always get you laid?" She said right off the bat.

Shadow sat there, slightly looking at Angel seductively and bouncing her brows. She leaned in and licked his cheek as she chuckled. Angel's face turned bright red.

"Hehehehe....." She snickered deviously.

She waited a few minutes for everyone to turn their cards in which they eventually did. But before she went to read them, Ruin started cackling as a devious idea came to mind.

"Heeeeyyyyyyyyy..." Ruin said, "I have an ideeeaaa...... What if......" He cut off, his smirk growing wider.

"Well? Spit it out!" Nightshade said.

"What if we added some alcohol? Get shit-faced. Make this game a little more interesting...." He continued.

They all looked at each other and nodded, agreeing on Ruin's idea. Ruin cackled again as he got up and walked over to the cabinets and the fridge, grabbing different types of alcohol and bringing it over towards the table as well as some glasses and Nightshade's wine glass. They all started pouring themselves their drinks. It wouldn't be long now before they were drunk.

~a couple hours later~

Angel laid passed out on the couch with Shadow on top of him licking his chest while slightly giggling in her sleep. Moon was asleep on the floor while everyone else remained awake, but drunk. Nightshade and Ruin taking the lead in most shit-faced. Following them, was Sin, then Blade, then finally Dash. Nightshade took another sip of her wine and let out a drunken giggle. Dash, being the least drunk, shook her head and sighed.

"My god, I am so screwed...." She said.

Ruin slithered around her and put a hoof on her shoulder.

"That, you are, my dear Rainboom. That you are." Ruin sneered before cackling. "But not in the good way. Well, not for you. For the Captain? Hell yeah!"

Nightshade grinned as she rubbed herself on Dash, who tried to escape but had no prevail.

"THIS IS BAD! BAD TOUCH! CAPTAIN, BAD TOUCH!!!!" Dash flailed.

Nightshade only smirked and tugged on the collar around Dash's neck abruptly.

"AGK!!!" Dash slightly gagged. "OW! CAPTAIN!"

Ruin continued to cackle as all of this went on. Blade snorted and let out a few laughs. Sin hugged his poster with a huge drunken grin on his face.

"Hehehehe....poooosstttteeerrrr...." He slurred.

Ruin leaned over so far to try and snatch the poster but fell face-first to the floor. He burst out into laughter before rising back up and getting back into his seat. He laid his head on the table and continued to grin and snicker more. Dash sat there and huffed as Ruin and the remaining drunks laughed and snickered as Nightshade kept poking at her.

"I know you're the captain and all, but do you mind NOT poking me repeatedly while you're shit-faced?!" Dash snorted.

"Hmmmmmmmm............ No, I do not mind. So, I shall continue with my business." Nightshade said with another drunk giggle.

Dash groaned and flicked her ears back.

"Goddamn you..." Dash said with a low growl as she laid her head on the table.

Dash sat there with an annoyed expression on her face as she kept on getting poked repeatedly. She eventually fluffed up from aggravation. Ruin quietly snuck around behind Dash, raised his forehooves and suddenly pressed them against Dash’s back while hollering out.

“BOOOOOOOOOOO OPEN UP FOR THE CAPTAAAIIINNNN!!!!!” Ruin shouted.

Dash shouted and jerked around to attempt and slap him but ended up falling out of her chair with a loud THUD. Shadow jerked up, only to fall off of Angel, his mane in her hooves giving it a large yank. Angel yelped and woke up as he flopped off the couch onto Shadow.

“Ah!!! SHADOW! What… the HELL?!?!” Angel said, slightly tipsy still.

“Hey! Blame Skittles! She’s the one who shouted like she just got fucked or somethin’!” Shadow growled tiredly.

Ruin hovered in the air pointing a hoof at Dash and laughing loudly. Dash grabbed Nightshade’s wine bottle and aimed it for Ruin’s head. Just as she went to launch it, Nightshade snatched Dash’s hoof and furrowed her brows.

“I highly recommend putting that back down, or else you’ll lose the hoof.” Nightshade said, her alto voice, dark and commanding.

Dash stared then snarled at Ruin and pointed the wine bottle towards him.

“But Nightshade!!!! He’s the one being an asshole!!!” Dash whined.

“Dashie, listen to me. Now. Put. The Bottle. Down. NOW.” Nightshade snapped.

Dash yelped as Nightshade’s grip got tighter and she eventually put the bottle back down and continue to growl and snarl at Ruin. Nightshade released then leaned back and sighed in relief as she took another sip of her wine.

“That’s better…” Nightshade said quietly.

Dash held her sore hoof in her other on and slightly pouted.

“You’re mean…” Dash mumbled.

“I know I am. But isn’t that what you say to me all the time? Especially in bed?” Nightshade said as she bounced her brows.

Dash stared, her face slightly red as she mumbled a few swears. Not long after that, a set of hoofsteps were heard approaching the room. Everyone looked over towards the doorway to see Starry and Descent walk in. Both wearing extremely blank and unamused faces. Starry directed her attention towards Nightshade and stared.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Who gave her the wine?!” Starry quickly questioned.

Nightshade glanced side to side as she used her wing to pick up the wine bottle and hide it behind her back.

“Wine bottle? What wine bottle? I have no idea what you’re talking about…” Nightshade said, her lips curving into a smirk as she began to giggle and laugh.

“Yeah, she’s drunk….” Descent said with a sigh. “Good luck dealing with her now. You think she’s bad sober? God no. Try dealing with her shit-faced. Not pretty.”

“Well, looks like you’ll be her stress ball tonight, Skittles.” Starry said, her voice monotone and emotionless.

Dash sat there, her eyes wide as she groaned loudly.

“OH, FUCK ME!!!!” She shouted out.

Nightshade immediately perked up and looked at Dash.

“Oh? Don’t mind if I do!” Nightshade said as she stood up and began dragging Dash out of the room. Ruin cackled some more. Dash quickly grabbed the wine bottle and threw it at Ruin, knocking him in the head with a loud THONK. He quickly fell backwards and RIGHT onto Moon.

“OOOOOFFF!!!!” Moon jerked up with a loud grunt. “RUIN! GET THE HELL OFFA ME!!!!”

Ruin laid there, out cold with a giant grin on his face. Dash kept getting dragged out of the room, her face full of tiredness and aggravation. Starry quickly trotted over to the table and snatched something that sat beside Nightshade’s chair.

“Hey! Wait!” She called out.

Dash looked up with hope in her eyes. Starry then pulled the object from Nightshade’s chair and held it up. It was a whip. She walked over to Dash and jammed it into her mouth and nodded.

“Have fun with the captain, Skittles!!! I’m sure she’ll treat you nicely tonight!” Starry said.

Dash glared then removed the whip from her mouth and held it tightly as she spoke up.

“Hey Starry.”

“Yeah?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Author's Note

Yeah, first fanfic so go easy on me! xD I will add pictures later! I had a hard time figuring out how to submit this damn thing xD

But yeah.....Enjoy xD

EDIT: I rewrote this whole chapter with more details and comical dialogue. ENJOY!