YHaY: Who the Hell Do You Think I Am?!
“Later… buddy…”
With a gasp of air, I woke up. Instantly I was sitting up and panting hard, beads of cold sweat rolling down my back. My hand reached up to hold my head steady, elbow resting on my now raised knee. Only one thought dominated my brain at that moment:
“I’m… alive?” I voiced the thought aloud. “Was it all a dream? Did I survive after all?” My brain instantly focused as I jumped to my feet, looking around desperately. “Simon! Simon! Yoko! Boota!” I keep looking around, but.. I was alone. All alone. And… where the hell was I‽
Before, there was nothing but sand and dirt around us. Now, everything looked… green. Lots of green! I’d almost swear I was in a land of green! I looked up to see that big light bulb in the sky, using my hand to cover my eyes as I did. Still hurt to look right at that thing. Was nice to see it, though; better than any ceiling.
My gaze fell back to the land around me; nothing in every direction but green. Also nice to see, but it certainly wasn’t making anything better. If anything, it was even more confusing. Where was everyone? I could have sworn we’d won and should have taken that giant Gunman fortress. Did… did they leav-” I shook my head as soon as that thought rolled into it. “Like hell they would do that to the Mighty Kamina! I am the leader of Team Dai-Gurren! A team like that would never leave their leader behind!”
I had myself a mighty laugh at ever thinking they’d do that. Especially Simon; he’d never leave his bro behind. I taught him better than that. But then… how the hell did I get here? Where the hell is here? And more importantly, how the hell do I get back to my bro and my team‽
I sighed, scratching the back of my head with my eyes closed. “Well this sucks. No clue where I am, no team in sight, and I don’t even have my bro with me. Welp,” I stood straight, stretching out a crick in my back and my eyes pointed to the horizon, “Better get started then.” With that in mind, I trudged onward on a path back to my friends!
“Oh god I’m so hungry!” I whined, almost ready to collapse from my walking. My stomach was completely killing me, it was almost like that time I met that annoying prick Kittan. He’s still a friend, don’t get me wrong, but he was a complete prick. Hell, he tried to kill me when we first met! As if! “No one could kill the Mighty Kamina!” I shout to the air… before slumping back down. “So hungry!”
Damn my stomach, why do you require so much food to work? Oh but food is so delicious~. Like pigmole steaks. Oh how I could go for one of those cooked to perfect right now. Hell, I’d go for one raw if I could.
I let out a slight groan as my stomach rumbled even more, thoughts of food only making things worse. I looked up at the “sun”, as Yoko called it, to see how long I’d been walking. She said the lower it was in a certain direction meant it was getting later in the day. It was pretty high up there when I started so it should be…
“What the hell‽” I shouted. That big yellow ball hadn’t even budged! What a rip off! This place is just trying to piss me off, I just knew it! “When will the torment end, dammit!” I shouted, falling to my knees and hitting my fists to the ground.
‘Keep yourself together, Kamina.’ I thought to myself. Had to keep things in mind; I still had my little bro to find. Simon may need me, or Yoko. Aw hell! How are they gonna pilot Gurren Lagann without me‽
“I have to get back!” I instantly decided. “Maybe there’s something up ahead that can lead me back to them!” I jumped to my feet and took off running. “Don’t worry, Simon! I’m comin’!”
...Didn’t take long before that spike of energy was gone. This one was actually really stellar; when I was reminded of how empty my stomach was, I completely lost the spark and tripped over a rock (not my own feet, that’s unmanly!) and went tumbling into a bunch of bushes. Didn’t even see these before. Wait, bushes can have…
I opened my eyes and they shone brilliantly at what I saw. Berries! Loads of them! I chuckled a bit to myself before muttering, “Jackpot!” I was on those morsels like an animal, grabbing handfuls at a time and sending them on a one way ticket to my empty gullet.
“Aw yeah, dat’s da stuff!” I mumbled through bites. They certainly weren’t as filling as meat, but it would do. I had no idea what kind of berries they were, but I didn’t care; they tasted decent and my stomach wasn’t killing me more than that blasted gorilla was trying to.
I felt a sudden prick on my neck that stopped my little chow down. Mouth full of berries, I looked down at my arm where the prick was and saw a tiny little dart there. And like that, I was pissed.
With an angry glare, I shot to my feet and started looking around. I spotted something, no wait! Two somethings off in another pair of bushes not too far from me. I swallowed my mouthful of berries and started shouting at them. “Hey! It’s a coward’s tactic to hit a man while he’s eating! Come out and face the Mighty Kamina like a man!”
The bushes started to rustle and I grinned, seeing I was inspiring even wannabes. But what emerged caused me to blink and rub my eyes. It wasn’t human, and it certainly wasn’t beastman. If anything, I would have said they were tiny horses that took a bath in paint! One was completely brownish-green (think Yoko said it was called “Olive”) with a strange hat on and the other was red all over with an even redder mop of hair under an even bigger hat.
“What the hell?” I whispered. My vision started to blur, causing to make me rub my eyes, but that didn’t change anything as I started feeling woozy. I started to wobble on my feet, falling to my knees after a moment as things kept getting blurry. I looked up at the strange creatures that had approached me fully now.
“Wooks wike we got ‘em, Sammy,” spoke the olive one. He let out one of the weirdest chuckles I’d ever heard, like he was repeating “Ha” over and over again in an instant.
“That we did, Fudge! He’s gonna go for heeeeyuuuge bits once we get ‘im inta town!” Oh come on! The red one doesn’t even sound like he’s talking at all! “Lez git the varmint inta the carriage.”
I tried to back away with an angry scowl at them, but whatever that dart had in it was too strong. I was blacking out and then I’d be at their mercy. “Just… who the hell… do you think… I… am…”
Author's Note
So... my first try at writing a Your Human and You story... hope you liked it! I'm trying out a few things to see if I can back into the swing of things and I figured this would be an interesting way to start things back off. This story is just gonna be more of a comedy tale that I can throw ideas into as well as tell a compelling story. Hopefully you'll see more coming soon from... well, everything really. See ya next time; brony on!
YHaY: Who the Hell Do You Think I Am?!
Let's See You Grit Those Teeth!
Ya know what’s worse than waking up when you don’t want to? Waking up when you don’t want to after being drugged to sleep. It feels like utter crap! I should know as that’s how I felt when I finally came to after those… things attacked me. They looked like tiny horses, but horses aren’t supposed to be tiny. And they’re not colorful. And they especially don’t talk!
“Just what kind of hellhole have I wound up in?” I asked myself as I pushed myself into a sitting position, rubbing my aching head. The ground was really hard, and cold. Felt like that time Simon and I fell asleep in the hangar that the people of Litner had taken. What was it they called the stuff? Concrete? Wait, I was outside before, why would there be concrete outside?
I looked up to find there was a stone roof over my head. Hated it instantly. I wasn’t outside anymore, that was for sure and… Oh hell no! Just a little ways from me was a set of metal bars that prevented me from leaving my cell. I was in a freaking cell! No one puts the Mighty Kamina in a cell!
I stood up on my feet where I realized another problem… “Where the hell are my pants‽” Now I may not be a man for shirts, but pants were a necessity! Gotta keep those manly jewels nice and safe. Now, where did they go?
Looking out of the cell was kinda hard. The place was so dark, just some light off to the side but not much. I think I could make out a desk at the other end of the room and maybe some other stuff but nothing solid.
“Damn. From bad to worse. But I can’t just sit by when they could be looking for me out there! Now, how to get out of the hellhole?” I started by pulling on the bars really hard. Unfortunately, they didn’t budge in the slightest. Oh, but that didn’t stop me! I tried each and every corner of that damn room and… nothing. Not a single stone moved or gave way to get me out. Once again, I was stuck under a ceiling.
“This blows,” I sighed, having given up for the time being. I sunk down on my rear at the back of the cell with my arms crossed over my chest. I closed my eyes and waited, thinking plan after plan to get me free and back on my way.
It was sometime before there was finally something happening. Turns out that little bit of light was actually from a doorway which i found out when one of those weird horses came through. It was that red one that had captured me and I couldn’t help myself from glaring at him from cell. Even as he approached, I didn’t let up.
The red thing chuckled at me with a leer. “Got sum spunk in ya, I see. Well, we’ll whip that outta ya before puttin’ ya on the market.” He slammed his hoof on the bars, probably an attempt to spook me, but my attention was driven at something else.
And that, was pure, unadulterated rage.
That asshole thought he could turn me into some… slave‽ Like hell that was gonna happen! I didn’t let it show in my face, but I was burning with fury at that moment. I slowly got to my feet and moved towards the bars, a passive look on my face.
He just chuckled more at me. “Don’t scare too easily? Don’t worry to much ‘bout that. We’ll put the fear of Nightmare Moon in ya yet!” He let out a hearty chuckle just as I got to the bars.
I dropped down to his height, grabbing hold of two bars in my hands. I looked him right in the eye, my furious spirit washing over his. “Listen to me, you fuzzball. No matter how this looks to you, I’m not going down without a fight. And when I’m done with you, you’re gonna be begging for me to end your pathetic life, ya got me?” Then I grinned; a wild, manic smile that would show that s.o.b. I wasn’t fooling around.
The bastard looked like he was about to piss himself as his pupils shrank, backing away slowly. “Wh-wha… That’s… that’s not possible.” He shook his head a little and began to glare at me. “You rotten lil’ varmint! I’ll show ya what fer!” The horse thing ran over to the now-confirmed-to-be desk and lifted up a key with his hoof… I was too angry to question it. He rushed back over to the cell and unlocked the door, using himself to block the exit. “Fer that lil’ stunt, yer gunna be gettin’ yer first les-”
I didn’t let him finish, slamming my left hook into his jaw. The bastard went rolling head over hooves towards the desk, his head slamming into it. As he groaned, I walked out of the cell towards him. Rubbing his head, he looked up at me with a mixture of fear and hatred, and, I’ll be honest, I relished in it. Just looked so right on the bastard. With a snarl, he lunged at me, but I was out of the way and flanking him before he realized it. I grabbed the scruff of his neck and, with a mighty toss of manliness, I chucked his butt into “my” cell. The bastard slammed right into the back wall. I walked right up to the door and slammed it shut, locking him in there.
“We’ll see how you like it, ya s.o.b.,” I told him, tossing the key away to who-knows-where. “No man belongs in a cage, nor do they belong to any other man. Scum like you make me sick.” I turned and decided to rifle through the desk and I hit the jackpot! Two times over!
The first was my clothes were right there on the desk! They were even folded, how nice. I got to throwing them on as fast as I could. And… there we go! Decked out in my dark brown pants, held up with my white double belt, and sandals on my feet once again. And what made the score better? In another drawer was… a bag full of gold coins! I hit the freaking jackpot with that find! I grabbed the bag with a grin plastered on my face and tied it to my belt, patting it so I wouldn’t lose it.
With that all set, I marched up the stairs a free man…
Or so I hoped.
“Stop wight there, you scwewy hooman!” Dammit, forgot there were two of them. That one with the funny hat was holding a bow and arrow at… me… It has a horn. That ol… I’m just gonna call it green. That green horse thing has a horn on its freaking head! Not only that, but it was glowing and holding that bow and arrow in the air! It was both cool and deadly! Speaking of which…
“Woah!” I yelped shouted like a man as an arrow can flying at me, moving out the way just in time. And like that, it was on! One after another, the weird talking pony kept firing arrows at me while I kept moving out of the way before they could cut into me. Until one was a little too fast and it cut my shoulder as it passed. The sudden spike of pain made me trip and bowl over into a wall.
As I rubbed my head from returning headache, something fell from a shelf above my head. I yelped that time as a spear nearly pierced into my manliness. Wait… a spear! I reached for the weapon before I heard the sound of a bow being pulled. I looked up to see that green pony not all that far from me with an arrow pointed right at me head.
“No where to run, hooman. Your goose is cooked!” Wow is his laugh weirdly hilarious.
Well, this looked like the end. Arrow at my chest and slavery down the road, I guessed this was gonna be the end of the Mighty Kamina…
AS IF!
“JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM‽” I shouted, my words stunning the pony so bad he backed away in fear of my mighty, manly power! I wrenched spear out of the floor and slammed the staff part into the side of the horse’s head. He staggered again, so I went with the old trick of putting my foot in his face! That mighty kick knocked the slaving monster back into the far wall where we was out like a light.
I grinned at my successful beat down, looking at the weapon in my hand. “Well, you ain’t no sword, but you’ll do.” Now that the commotion had died down, I was finally able to hear a tip tapping on the house I was in and looked out to see that it was raining. “How fitting,” I grinned, moving over to the bow the horse had dropped.
It was a little small for me, but I figured it would do too. They might not even have gunmen out here so I was gonna need to have what I could find in my corner. With those two guys out, I decided to raid the house a little and I think it turned out rather okay. I had my spear and bow of course, but I was also able to find a few small knives around. Not really the best to fight with but they could make some good throwing weapons. The quiver had about ten or so arrows left in it, and only half the arrows he shout at me were still in usable condition; still, it was something. I found a few more of those gold coins, some of those fruity things (apples I think Yoko called them), and what I really liked: a cloak! It wasn’t as epic as my cape, but man, did I look cool as hell wearing it. The deep red material really suited me and of course I kept the hood down at parted down the middle so it looked like a cape.
So, now I was decked out in cool gear and boasting some nice ass weapon, oh and rich! Can’t forget rich. Yep, I figured it was time to get back to my journey. I’ve got friends and a bro to find after all. I went to the door and closed it behind me.
“THE MIGHTY KAMINA, LEADER OF TEAM DAI GURREN, IS OFF ON ANOTHER ADVENTURE TO PIERCE THE HEAVENS!” I shouted amazingly and took my first step away from the cabin and off into a new world.
Author's Note
New one already! Gotta get that manliness pumping!
