Fluttershy's sorrow, in pursuit of happiness

Prolouge: Forever alone, forever hated.

There used to be a time when I wasn't shy like this.

A time when life for me didn't seem like a dark, joyless abyss.

You ask me, why are you shy like this Fluttershy?

Why do you almost never smile and often bitterly cry?

Read on if you will, and I will tell you why.

The reason why I speak so little, and became so reclusive and shy.

The past

It was my first day at school, I was hopeful that everything would go well.

Up to that day, my life for the most part, had been swell.

I had a happy life, and a kind caring mum and dad.

They were never cross with me, and never got mad.

Though I had never made many friends in life, I was hopeful to make some at school.

I was optimistic someone would think I was cool.

That was when I saw him standing there in the corridor.

I walked to him to ask for directions to a classroom I had never been to before.

I did my best to be polite, and to make my tone formal.

Yet it was from that day on that my life would never again be normal.

He ignored my question, and introduced himself as "Rainbow Dash ,the dashing".

And when I told he my name and asked him if I could be his friend, little did I know I was in for a thrashing.

He began to laugh at me, after telling me my name was stupid and made me sound like a sucker.

He told me that it was clear to him,my parents were fuckers.

Soon two other bullies, both of them older and taller than me, came out of nowhere and began to laugh at me as well.

And soon, just about every student in my school joined in, and from that moment on my life became a living hell.

Rainbow dash "Dashie" ,the dasher.

Since the day I saw him, he loathed me and put me through hell.

Don't ask me what kind of horrible things him and his friends did to me, I'll never tell.

His name was Rainbow Dash, he called himself the dasher.

Since the day he met me ,he became my tormentor, my fear, my lasher and skull basher.

He was selfish, and had two equally as selfish friends, one of them with red hair called Sunlight Shimmer.

The other, with purple hair, called herself the "beautiful" Starlight Glimmer.

He had other evil friends too, other members of his gang, he called them "his cronies"and "his goons".

One that particularly frightened me went by the name of "nightmare moon".

Yet only I knew how evil he really was, to everyone else he was the greatest person alive.

Everyone who saw him gave them all their admiration and showered him in high fives.

He acted cool towards the other kids to maintain respect and to look cool.

But he embarrassed me in front of everyone and made me look like completely useless and uncool.

He could treat me any way he liked, no one gave a damn.

He followed me wherever I went, he and his gang, I could not simply take it on the lam.

I tried to tell my parents, but it turned out they had gotten a new job working far away.

And when the teachers refused to listen, there was no one to keep Rainbow Dash and his cronies at bay.

Several times, Rainbow Dash made blood gush out of my nose.

And slashed my face until blood gushed from it like water out of a garden hose.

He liked to make red water come out of me, he told me one day.

He seemed to think that because I had no one to turn to, abusing me for fun was perfectly okay.

He called me horrible things and wrote horrible things about me by spraying graffiti onto the walls.

The message "Fluttershite is a fucker" was soon sprayed on the walls of the toilets, the corridors and even the school hall.

Sad.

No one wanted to talk to me, they seemed to think I was bad luck.

And so it was in a state of loneliness and great grief and depression that I was constantly stuck.

Rainbow Dash told his gang to "take care" of anyone caught talking to the outcast.

And in this way, in terms of popularity among the other students, I would always be the unlucky last.

My only friends were the poor little animals I managed to find and rescue, they were the only company I had in my miserable life.

But all too soon, Rainbow Dash and his gang "the Capone mob" found my friends, they killed them all and gave me even more strife.

My animal friends were the only company I had, the only ones I could say were "my friends".

But Rainbow Dash killed them, knowing that me seeing them die would leave me with a deep scar that would likely never mend.

People who passed by me each day would ignore me, as if I didn't exist and as if I meant nothing and was not worth their attention.

And as if that wasn't enough, Rainbow Dash often framed me for things I didn't do and often put me in detention.

He called it "substitution"he would do something awful like graffiti on the walls, and force me to take the blame.

He was a devious devil who specialized in getting innocent people framed.

I often wondered if I should just kill myself, I felt I really had no reason to live, no reason not to die.

I could not help myself, each and every night, the moment I got home I would begin to uncontrollably cry.

And sometimes, when I felt particularly bad, I would impale my finger through a nail on the wall as hard as I could and begin to shout.

"I like it when the red water comes out".

Every time I went to sleep, I would wake up sweating all over, looking more dead than alive.

I went to school each day, wondering whether or not I would even survive.

How long had I been at this school for since the day I came here?.

It might well have only been a few weeks, but it seemed like several years.

Saint valentine's day massacre.

Two weeks before valentine's day was due, I received a letter from my long absent mum which made me smile.

They would come back home and spend valentine's day with me, they promised me presents too, a huge pile.

For those two weeks, even though I was still bullied, I stopped hearing voices in my head.

And for those two blissful weeks, my eyes were no longer soggy and red.

But I came home that day with a pep in my step, and found a nasty surprise.

My loving parents had finally come home to see me, we were finally together once more, but it came at a horrible price.

Mum lay in her chair, her face was a mask of terror and a giant knife protruded from a gaping wound in her chest.

My father sat there smiling at me through emotionless eyes, trying to cheer me up even though his condition was not the best.

Blood gushed from several wounds in his lifeless corpse, it was clear he had been stabbed many times by some sort of knife.

Yet even in death, his smile was almost as reassuring and comforting as it had been in his life.

He sat there smiling at me, trying to tell me he loved me and that he missed me, his silence said more than words ever could.

And as I sat there, I could not help but think that god was punishing me for not doing something I should.

I could not help but curse fate for being so harsh to me, even though I tried so hard to be both kind and polite.

My blood was as cold as ice, I was too shocked to say a thing, my face was ghostly white.

But what made it so much worse was that when I looked out the window, I caught a horrific sight.

I caught a flash of rainbow colored hair dashing away at what appeared to be the speed of light.

I didn't know what to say then, whether to cry out in anger, or break down in tears.

To lose the only two people in the world who had any love for me, was my worst fear.

Rainbow Dash had read my mind, and I congratulated him for it.

Too angry to think of anything to say, I muttered to myself three words "shit, shit, shit".

Rainbow Dash had gotten away with yet another crime, I had no way to show anyone that he was the culprit.

I had no evidence to incriminate him, no not one bit.

Today.

Since my parents left me never to return, I could barely utter a whisper, let alone speak.

It appeared the loss of my parents, had taken my level depression and lack of self confidence to its very peak.

Gradually I said less and less, until eventually I could hardly say anything at all.

Not that it would matter anyway, since I spent my breaks alone forever, sitting alone in the empty school hall.

Hoping that the bullies would leave me alone to wallow in my misery, often they did not.

They took my lunch money too, and a knuckle sandwich was the only food at school I ever got.

Here I sit, writing this poem, shy and nervous as can be.

Wondering if I will ever leave this awful hell alive, wondering if I will ever be set free.

Wondering if anyone will ever want to talk to me and whether I will ever have what people call "a friend".

And wondering if I can keep myself from committing suicide, when I go home for yet another sehr furtchbar abend.

One time I nearly ate cyanide instead of cereal for breakfast, because I was so depressed.

Another time, I very nearly stepped off a building because a voice in my head told me to, another step and I would certainly be dead.

I couldn't just run away from school, it would mean I had no grades and no future.

I was trapped in school, like a prisoner in a prison. Rainbow Dash and his gang were like a horrible disease with no cure.

They would torture me until the day I graduated, and that was several years away.

Yet how will I get that far when my suicidal thoughts grow day by day.

Rainbow Dash is a selfish, heartless freak. Why will no one ever see.

And why will no one in this cold cold world ever help me?

Fin.