Dead on Arrival

"What're we gonna do, Twi?" asked Applejack after eons of silence, still partially stunned of what just happened before her.

"I- I don't know, Applejack, but what if we plug the turkey with the billiard balls?"

"Sounds like a sure deal!" Applejack said, her face slowly transforming into a red delicious apple. "That ought to get Buttershy back in one piece!" Applejack continued.

As she trotted over to a bird, pool balls in hoof, she tripped and slammed on the floor with a loud "Umph!" Severely bruising her apple-y forehead.

Twilight made a farting noise with her mouth and Applejack responded by hissing in disgust, apple juice squirting from her head-wound.

The golden rays of sunshine shimmering through my window put an end to my eccentric dream of Applejack and Twilight stuffing billiard balls into turkey anuses while making flatulent noises. The once previously dark room had become filled with sunlight, brightening my senses to a mysterious figure in my bed.

I groaned to myself in confusion, noticing another lump on my mattress besides me. I rolled myself over to the right to investigate.

"BWHAAAAH!" I screamed in surprise, seeing a yellow alien face staring right back at me. I jumped halfway out of bed and toppled onto the floor face down with a thump.

"Wh-what was that?" I asked myself, climbing back on my feet and gazing upon the strange entity on my bed. "Who are you?" I asked it with a twang of fear. I took a second look, rubbed my eyes, and noticed many details I failed to catch in my quarter-second view: a head with a long, pink flowing mane that hid kind, sleeping eyes; her butter yellow fur and flattened, floppy ears; and an adorable curved muzzle poking out of the covers, resting its head on my pillow. Deep in slumber.

"Is, is that? No, that's impossible! Is that?" I grabbed the blanket and pulled half of the covers off the mysterious form, revealing its top section. It was unmistakably her. Fluttershy is in my bed lying on her left side. She looked exactly like she was hovering in place in the air, but instead lying on my bed.

"I-I-I can't believe it!" I stuttered in shock. I approached her side the bed with intense excitement and disbelief, the feeling in my heart tingling wildly. A few moments passed, and reality kicked in. "I can't believe it," I said to myself in monotone, dampening my impossible hopes early. This had to be a fake. Someone in a Fluttershy costume for sure. No, a really expensive plush doll. But who would break into my house just to pull a prank? Is it a burglar? Why would they be dressed as Fluttershy?

I climbed on my hands and knees and crawled towards her on the bed, being careful not to trigger anyone  to jump out at me or something. The closer I got, the more realistic she looked. Little details became more noticeable: individual black eyelashes, a little swirl of fur on her chest, unbelievably lifelike hair, complete with shine; and smooth, leathery yellow lips, of which were a few shades darker than the rest of her coat.

Once I arrived at what had to be an imposter, I inspected her to confirm that the Fluttershy in my bed was just an ultra-realistic plush. No cosplay is this lifelike.

I gently prodded her furry chest and, feeling the signature squish of body fat, my glimmer of hope exploded into an inferno of excitement while my heart soared along with it. I reached my arm out and started curiously petting her wing lightly and caressed her soft, warm fur in awe, confirming my impossible suspicions. Careful not to wake what is most definitely the real sleeping Fluttershy, I stroked her wavy mane, feeling ... something cold and wet under my other hand. I glanced at what was causing the intrusion of my investigation and discovered a huge dark splotch on the blanket, the diameter of which stretching from the middle of her belly and ending at the end of her flank, and my hand was right in the middle of it.

"Oh, shit," I said to myself. I raised my damp hand and looked at my palm, which now smelled strongly of ... No. Hell no. I threw the rest of the blanket off her body, noticing the sudden stench of urine and feces and the repulsive sticky sound the latter made when I uncovered it, confirming what I suspected. A large, fresh urine stain. She probably ... lost control while she was sleeping.

"Oh, God. How the fuck did I miss that?" I sighed to myself.

I looked at the base of her long pink tail and yellow flanks, now tainted brown with a gush of a cold, adhesive stew of fecal material. Her signature trio of butterflies spattered with brown. Some of it looked flattened down, too. I checked myself for stains. "UhhhhheeeeEEEEEEWWW!" I yelped with a quick remembrance of what my hand was soaked in, coupled with the clammy fecal material on my leg prompted an immediate hot shower. I jumped off the bed and hobbled towards the bathroom for a long hand washing and thorough cleansing. As I was speed walking out of my room, holding my hands out like I was sterile, I glanced at the clock as I left, '8:14 AM'.

Being careful not to touch anything with my 'Flutterpiss' hand, I waddled to the bathroom, washed my hands thoroughly, threw my pyjama pants down the laundry chute, and gave myself a very lengthy shower. After I finished my decontamination, dried myself off, brushed my teeth, washed my face, shaved, clipped my nails, and doing anything that might halt my return to that horrid house of stench to get dressed. A sarcastic quip came to mind.

"At least I know for sure that's the real Fluttershy," I quipped to myself sarcastically. I stopped for a moment, realize what I'm reacting to, and came to my senses.

"Oh, come on! It's just some number 1 and 2. I used to clean up after the dog all the time. It's not toxic or anything." I looked to my  hand. "I guess I just got a little re-sensitized to it. It's not like she has Ebola, and as far as I know the worst thing that she could ever bring over is the Feather Flu or Ponypox, and as far as I know she's only ever faked having that last disease," I said to myself, my anxiety faded, but still slightly disgusted.

Remembering the episode that gag came from reminded me of the new episode airing today. I peeked my head out the bathroom door to the hanging clock in the hallway. '10:49'. Damn, missed it. I'll just watch a stream later, but who cares about that right now? Fluttershy somehow made her way into my bed, and promptly soiled it as well.

Which reminds me. I should try to wake up Fluttershy. I can't just have her sleeping in her own shit. The sheets are done for sure, but I can wash the blanket and flip the mattress. She can use my shower to wash off the mess. It's okay if she has a few incontinence problems, I can always buy her some diapers if she needs 'em.

I walked back down the hallway from the bathroom in my undies, bringing my undershirt up to my nose to protect my facial protrusion from the nonetheless awful smell. I stepped back into the room, the stench almost just as bad as when I left it. I approached Fluttershy without the concern of waking her up I had before, so I strode casually towards her tainted depression on the bed, knelt down, and tapped her shoulder. I noticed a slightly tugged out portion of the otherwise taut sheet, but thought nothing of it.

"Hey, Fluttershy, wake up," I said softly into her flopped back ear. "I have to flip the mattress," I continued "You're going to find out pretty soon why," Fluttershy didn't budge, not even her ear twitched. "Come on, Flutters," I said in a louder voice, shaking her shoulder repeatedly. She felt slightly colder than before. It must be because I threw off the blanket.

After several minutes of attempting and failing a somewhat peaceful awakening, I grew slightly frustrated with her rock-like slumber and decided to take a more aggressive approach.

"Hey, get up!" I shouted, administering a series of hard slaps to her wing, dare not touching her flank for sanitary reasons. Despite the rude gesture, I still didn't even arouse a stir. "Fine, have it your way," I muttered. I turned her body upright, a sickening squishing noise coming from her rump, her wings partially unfurling and forelegs flopping to their respective sides, mouth hinging agape. "You're gonna need air sometime," I whispered in her ear with a prankster's tone.

I wrapped my hands around her muzzle and plugged her nostrils. Asphyxiation will get anypony out of the deepest sleep eventually. Giggling maniacally, I waited for her to spring awake, wings snapping open and forelegs flailing or something. A pang of confusion and worry struck me when I felt no resistance, and no attempts at inhaling or exhaling. 5 seconds passed and my pang of worry turned to fear.

"What?" I asked myself in confusion. I released my hold on her muzzle and my anxiety grew stronger when there still wasn't any release of breath. I snapped my eyes to her chest, and seeing no rising or falling, my worry gradually built to alarm.

"Fluttershy?!" I asked in a panic. I pressed my index and middle fingers on her carotid, trying to find a pulse. There was none. "Oh, shit," I sighed with dread. I shuffled to her bedside and hurriedly placed my hands on her chest and began CPR.

        "C'mon, Fluttershy!" I encouraged her. "Wake! Up!" I said in between compressions, bouncing her body up and down on the bed. After a minute I began to lose hope. After two, I stopped trying to revive the undoubtedly dead Fluttershy. "No..." I whined, my heart plunging.

I stared at her corpse. Just to be extra sure, I lifted her saccharine eyelid, it was already stiff from rigor mortis. Her cornea was shrouded in a murky cloud of fluid. What did I expect? I released her eyelid, expecting it to snap closed, but instead it kept open, leaving Fluttershy in a permanent, dead wink. Staring through the boundaries of death, through the murk and mud in her eyes, and to the ceiling.

I stood up, staring at her restful cadaver with growing melancholy. After what seemed like an eternity, I said to myself, shock replaced with disappointment: "I- we could've done so much together," I said with a 'what a shame' tone. "She's gone," I continued. "Why did it have to be her? Of all ponies it had to be her," I continued my improvised eulogy, "She didn't deserve this, she's too innocent," my chest continuing it's dive.

        I knew I had to swallow the bitter pill sooner or later from experience. "She's gone. Gone forever and there's nothing I can do," I whined. "It's not like I didn't try to save her, it was just ... too late for her. I felt her eyes, she must've died a while ago," I rationalized, the disappointment fading  slightly. "It was always too good to be true, anyway," I sighed. "Wait, who's going to take care of her anima-" The day before sparked through my mind, possibly ignited on the subject of ponies. The flier at school made a prominent appearance. "Wait," an idea snapped into my mind, grin creeping across my face, my spirit rising from the abyss.

        "Maybe there's still something we can do." I stared at Fluttershy, and her grotesque wink, and sized her up.