Dan Vs... Stuff

by neorenamon

I claim no ownership of My Little Pony" Friendship is Magic, Fluffle Puff, Regular Show or Adventure Time. Thank you.

At the Round Table of Friendship

...

"Please?!" asked Dan as he placed himself before Twilight Sparkle on his hands and knees.

"For the 12,345th time, NO!!!" replied Twilight as she crossed her arms under her bosom and refused to look Dan in the eyes.

"Why?!"

Her head snapped back to his gaze as she replied, "WHY?! You have the nerve to ask me 'Why?!' again?!"

"That's the general idea," he mused, "You know I don't know all that much about... magic stuff."

"And that's why I shouldn't try combining my teleportation spell with Starlight Glimmer's time travel spell just to get your last birthday cake back! Who knows what kind of paradox that might create!"

"Pair-of-ducks?!" he asked, "What does that have to do with anything?!"

"No!!" she snapped, "Paradox! What happens when you mess with history and change things!"

"Oh come on!" he moaned, "How can getting my last birthday cake mess with history?!"

"Because!..." she stammered at a loss for words.

"Besides, I'm sure we both remember that one quarter of that cake vanished without a trace and nopony ever was found to have eaten it!"

"Oh, and it just had to be because it was teleported into the future so you could eat it now?!"

"You have a better explanation?!" he demanded, "You know your truth detection spell found no one was lying when they said they didn't steal any of my cake!"

"Probably somepony ate it and just forgot about it," she replied, "My lie detection spell only detects deliberate lies, but a memory lapse doesn't count as a lie you know."

Starlight Glimmer poked her head in the door as she asked, "Excuse me, but could you tell me where the library is? You should really start putting signs on the doors in this place."

"Hey you!" said Dan as he looked in her direction, "Come here a second!"

She blinked as she came in.

"What do you need, Mister Dan?" she asked curiously.

"We're friends, aren't we?" he asked as he waggled his eyebrows.

"I... surely like to think we are," she replied awkwardly.

"Well I have this brilliant plan to get back the birthday cake that vanished from my last Pinkie Pie birthday party," he said as he slipped up beside her, "and with your time travel spell, I'm sure I can get it back. All I have to do is convince Twilight Skeptic over here that she can use her teleport spell thingy in conjunction with your time spell thingy and I'll be the happiest man in all of Equestria!"

"Haven't you two been going over this for more than a month?" asked Starlight as she looked between them.

"Yes!" hissed Twilight, "He won't stop nagging me about it! I keep trying to tell him that combining spells like that can spell disaster!"

"I don't see the harm in going back to get Dan some of his own cake," she replied.

"But this was before you... you..." stammered Sparkle.

"Before I messed up time for you and your friends?" she asked awkwardly.

"Yes!" she replied, "If you got caught in my library, that would surely create paradox and who knows what might change!"

"Then just wear a disguise!" replied Dan, "With all those ponies there, only Pinkie really knew everyone who was invited and she ran off in the middle of the party because we ran out of punch!"

"Oh yeah," replied Twilight, "I do remember that now..."

"See?!" he answered, "What could possibly go wrong?!"

"It's the least I can do for my new friend Dan," agreed Starlight.

"But what do you need my teleport spell for?" asked Twilight.

"You know..." he mused, "In case something goes wrong and Sunset Glimmer can't get out herself. You should always have an escape route in case something goes wrong."

"But I can teleport myself," said Starlight, "Why does Twilight need to be there too?"

"Besides, even if I was inclined to go along with this crazy plan of yours," said Twilight as she glared at Dan, "We'd have to modify the conditions of Starlight Glimmer's Time Travel Spell. It was meant to be a trap after all."

"I don't think the changes would be that hard to make," replied Starlight, "It would just take an hour or two now that I know how to modify Starswirl's spell."

"Well, I guess I could learn something by observing how you modified that spell in the first place..."

"See?!" said Dan, "A win-win situation for everyone involved!"

"Alright!" sighed Twilight, "But we're only doing this for the sake of research!"

"Right!" said Dan, "For research!"

"I can't believe I'm going to do this..." muttered Twilight under her breath.

...

One Week Later in Twilight's bedchamber...

...

"Wow," gushed Twilight, "Seeing how you modified Starswirl's spell has certainly taught me a few things."

"Well the way you completed Starswirl the Bearded's great unfinished spell," replied Starlight, "was pretty amazing too!"

"Oh that wasn't such a big deal," she replied modestly.

"Not a big deal?! That's how you ascended to your alicorn Princess status!"

"Can we stop with the mutual admiration society meeting and get to what's important here already?!" interrupted Dan.

From the corner of the room, the Fluffle Puff gave a short gasp.

"What are you up to this time?" asked Chrissy, "I'm sure it's nothing..."

"Well no one asked you two!" snapped Dan as he face started turning red, "So just mind your own beeswax!"

"Anyway," continued Twilight after giving Dan a moment to cool off again, "I've prepared a spell to disguise you as Bon-Bon. She only showed up for a short while, vanished and then she came back again towards the end of the party. That should be the perfect cover."

"What about you?" asked Starlight.

"I have a Cloak of Invisibility Spell so no one should notice me from my upstairs bedchambers. After all, I should know that I locked the door and no one was there for most of the night. I can follow you until you mingle in the party in case something goes wrong."

Dan rubbed his hands in gleeful anticipation. Twilight glared at him even though he was oblivious to it.

"Let's just get this over with," she sighed as Starlight began casting the modifier Time Portal Spell. The portal appeared over their heads as both Twilight and Starlight were sucked into the overhead portal.

The two mares were dropped into the same room, but of course it was now dark considering there was no need for lights. So Twilight lit up her horn as she looked around. The clock on the wall showed that they had come back to the time they were aiming for. She sighed as she cast the disguise spell on Starlight and then the Cloak of Invisibility Spell on herself. Using her magic to quietly open the door, the two of them slipped into the hallway.

"I don't see anypony around," said 'Bon-Bon'.

"Just as I remember," sighed invisible Twilight, "Let's go. I have to stop at the top of the stairs. After all, it would be hard to explain why somepony just bumped into thin air."

'Bon-Bon' nodded as they headed for the stairs. She peeked over the edge to make sure that nopony was lingering around where they could see her coming down. No one from the party was supposed around the upper levels of the castle as per Princess Twilight Sparkle's instructions.

"Just be careful about bumping into Lyra," said invisible Twilight, "Bon-Bon and her are really close friends, and she might try to rope you into not leaving. It would be really suspicious if you just ran out on her."

Starlight nodded to the one she couldn't see. Slipping down the stairs quietly, she went to the main hall where the party was in full swing. She was dimly aware of the magic that Twilight was using remaining behind even though she couldn't sense her in any other way.

As she turned the corner, Pinkie Pie bounced by. They had arrived too early.

"Hey there time traveller," she said cheerfully as she bounced towards the front door, "I'd like to talk, but I have to get more punch ASAP or somepony's gonna become a poutypuss!"

"Oh Pinkie," giggled 'Bon-Bon', "You're so... RANDOM!"

She just kept hopping towards the door as 'Bon-Bon' sighed. 'That was... too close!' she thought. Slipping into the main hall, she was relieved to see Lyra on the other side of the room making small talk in the corner. It looked like she was involved in some kind of energetic conversation with Dan. She wasn't looking her way. In a nonchalant sort of way, she made her way past several ponies to where the birthday cake lay. 'They didn't say anything about having to avoid Dan!'

"So I said to them," said Dan, "I'll get even with them if it's the last thing I do!"

'Just remember, only take one quarter of the cake. That's all that supposed to be missing.'

She used her magic to pick up a plate and then began placing slices of cake on it. It was a marvelous cake to behold. A German chocolate cake made specially by Pinkie herself with a load of black whipped cream frosting and the words, 'Happy Birth... D...' in blood red icing. The other parts of the message were already taken and eaten by then.

She heard a familiar gasp and turned her head to face the Fluffle Puff. Just behind was the Changeling Queen and Marksaline.

"A little hungry?" asked Chrissy as she raised an eyebrow.

"No no," she said quickly, "This is all for a sick friend who couldn't make it. It's not fair that everypony doesn't have an equal chance to get their share."

"Uh-huh."

"Well... gotta go," she said as she made a quick move towards the door.

"Nothing suspicious about that at all."

Marksaline nodded. But 'Bon-Bon' was long gone by then.

At the top of the stairs, Twilight blinked as she watched 'Bon-Bon' come rushing up the stairs with several pieces of cake on a plate.

"I barely avoided making a scene," she panted to Twilight.

Twilight dropped the two spells she was maintaining as they returned to her bedchambers. They opened the door and went in while Starlight prepared the return spell. Her horn began to glow as Twilight prepared for the return trip.

"Hey Twilight," said a voice nearby, "Who's your friend there?"

Twilight lit up her horn just in time to see Spike in her bed reading a Power Ponies comic. "Spike?!" she asked, "What are you doing here?!"

"Well you left the door unlocked so I didn't think you'd mind me catching uuuuuup..."

Spike and the comic were sucked into the portal along with Twilight and Starlight causing the portal to burst in a flash of light after they had all left the room.

...

Twilight and Starlight landed on their rumps from where the portal dropped them along with a comic book. They weren't back in the room they started in. It looked like they were back in the main room of the Golden Oaks Library. He could see Dan sitting in one corner playing a console game next to a pile of broken controllers. When they made a sound hitting the floor, he turned to look.

"Hey!" said Spike as he rushed over to the fallen, "That's my Power Ponies comic book that vanished from Dan's birthday party! I've been looking for that everywhere!"

"Hey!" said Dan as his eyes turned red, "Where did you get MY BIRTHDAY CAKE?!"

"But Dan," replied Starlight, "We went back to the past just to get this for you."

"I asked you to do that for me?!" he asked suspiciously. He got up, ran over and snatched the plate from where Starlight was floating it.

"That and learning more about Time Travel Portals," added Twilight.

"Well I never asked anything of the sort," he snarled as he began shoving cake in his mouth.

"But that's what friends do," said Starlight.

"WHO SAYS I'M YOUR FRIEND?!" he growled, "I'VE NEVER MET YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!"

"OH NO!" said Twilight, "We've somehow ALTERED THE PAST!"

Starlight gasp as Dan kept shoving cake in his face... with his hands.

"I just know this is somehow YOUR fault!" called a male voice from outside.

"How can this possibly be MY fault?!" asked a second voice.

Twilight walked quickly over to the window and looked out. She could see a strange wheeled cart with some kind of humanoid blue jay and raccoon standing next to it. They were clearly arguing with each other. In the back seat of the cart sat some kind of humanoid robin who was clearly female.

"Well if it's not your fault," said the blue jay, "Then WHO'S FAULT IS IT?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!!" he yelled back.

"I bet you have no idea how we wound up in this backwater village standing next to the Keebler Elf Tree either!" he said as he waved his wing in the direction of the Library.

"What makes you think I know what going on?!" asked the raccoon in dismay.

"We won't figure anything out if you're just going to stand there and argue," said the female from her seat, "Placing the blame can wait until later... if either of you really have done anything wrong at all."

"Are you taking his side, Margaret?!" asked the blue jay.

"Of course not, Mordecai," she replied, "I like you both so I'm not taking sides. Both you and Rigby."

"She likes me better," muttered Mordecai (the blue jay).

"Whatever!" huffed Rigby (the raccoon).

"Something's gone horribly wrong!" muttered Twilight.

Fluffle Puff bounced into the room and gasp as Chrissy followed her in.

"What do you mean you sensed a disturbance in the force?" asked the Changeling Queen suspiciously.

But Twilight was already running for the front door even as she was stared at.

Fluffle gave another short gasp.

"What do you mean, 'Why do I have hands?'" asked Chrissy as she looked at her own hands, "We've always had hands."

She gasp again.

"What about clothing? It's perfectly normal. Do you think I run around naked all day?" she asked as she glanced at the Fluffle, "Well you have so much... body coat... You probably could get away being naked."

Fluffle's eyes glazed over. A thought bubble began to form over her head showing the bare hooves of Chrissy, but then the Changeling Queen just waved it away as it dispersed into the air around Fluffle's head.

"Stop that!" she protested, "I don't need to see that sort of thing... right now."

Dan grumbled as he choked down his cake, "I need some milk stat! Colder the better!"