Dan Vs... Stuff

by neorenamon

Twilight paced about her cell listening to the ramblings of Lumpy Space Princess. It wasn't like she couldn't have used a distraction from her current situation, but still she was somewhat amazed at how LSP could ramble on for hour after hour about herself as well as a bunch of other things completely irrelevant to the situation. She wondered how much she was making her friends worry. As much as she just wished to teleport away, she was stuck in an odd situation she felt had to be resolved before she could leave. She wondered if LSP was truly the prisoner of the Ice King, or she was just hanging out there because everything else was so boring to her.

"And that's when my parents forbid me from seeing Brad again!" hissed LSP, "My parents are like totally squares. Don't you agree?!"

Twilight snapped out of her reverie as she replied, "Uh... I've never met your parents, so I have no idea. Besides... is being square bad? How can someone even be square?"

"Of course you can be square," she grumbled, "Being square totally sucks!"

Twilight imagined herself as a square and wondered how she could do anything if forced into such a shape.

"Do you like totally have a boyfriend?" she asked as she floated closer to Twilight.

"Boyfriend?" she replied, "Oh no... I have far too many duties as a Princess for such familial relations."

"Duties?!" asked LSP, "Well that must totally bite!"

"All of Equestria depends on me being there to do my job," she answered as she turned to look at LSP, "Who knows what's gone wrong since I've been taken to other dimensions?"

"Little full of yourself?"

"I've seen alternate timelines where me and my friends never came together," she sighed as she turned away, "None of them turned out well at all."

"That must be a totally sucky burden," replied LSP, "but why are you and your friends so special?"

"Because together, we are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony."

"Elements of whatnow?" she asked as she floated closer.

"The most powerful relics in Equestria," she replied as she leaned against the bars, "Each bearer must embody the Element that the gem represents or chaos will reign."

"Embody?"

"Yes, like me. I am the Element of Magic."

"So like you're some kind of magic woman?" she asked quite curiously. For once, she seemed to take an interest in something other than herself and her own problems.

"I'm no Starswirl the Bearded," she sighed, "but I hope one day to take on his legacy as the greatest practitioner of magic in the realm."

"Say, is this Starswirl..."

"He's been... gone... for hundreds of years before I was even born," replied Twilight as she rolled her eyes.

"Dang," she muttered, "I always totally miss out."

"I suppose if Princess Celestia wasn't so busy ruling..."

"Your country is run by a Princess?" she asked, "Don't you have like a King or Queen or something?"

"Come to think of it, I've never understood myself why Celestia just doesn't make herself Queen of Equestria."

"You never asked?"

"Well no," replied Twilight, "I was too busy studying magic and taking on responsibilities to... think about asking such things."

"Well if you ask me, something fishy's going on and YOU need to find out the truth! It's probably like way too much work... for me to go to your country... like totally not my problem anyways."

"As soon as I get home," she replied as she looked back at LSP, "I will find the truth!"

Just then, she heard a short gasp. Looking towards the door, she noticed the Fluffle Puff and some penguin with her.

"Where's Chrissy?" she asked as she looked at the Fluffle.

The pink one blew a series of long and short raspberries in response ending in a gasp.

"You think the Changeling Queen is seducing the Ice King to keep him distracted from his prisoners?!" asked Twilight in mild alarm.

"Wak," said the penguin.

The Fluffle gasp.

"Well I guess it makes sense he's never bedded a Queen before," she replied, "but what if he realizes he's been tricked?! His ice powers... they're pretty formidable!"

The Fluffle gasp again.

"Do you understand what either of these two are saying?!" asked LSP annoyed.

"I've been around the Fluffle... the pink one... long enough to get most of what she says," replied Twilight as she looked from Fluffle to LSP and back, "So are you ready to bust out of here?"

"Yeah," she answered, "I figured at least Finn and Jake would have tried to rescue me by now."

"Maybe they didn't even know you were here," mused Twilight, "but I'm pretty sure they'll come for me."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because the Ice King kidnapped me from Finn and Jake's place."

"Uh," grumbled LSP, "It's hard to be Princessnapped right from Finn and Jake's place. You're so lucky."

"I... guess that's one way to look at it."

Fluffle gasp.

"Oh, we don't have to wait for keys," she replied as she touched LSP. In a flash of light, the two of them appeared outside the icy bars.

"Like you could have done that at any time!?" asked LSP.

Twilight ignored the question as she asked Fluffe, "Can your friend here take us to the Ice King's bedchambers?"

"Whak!" replied the penguin as the Fluffle gasp.

"Oh, it's nice to meet you too, Gunter," she said as she followed the two of them out. To her surprised, LSP was following them. It didn't take long to find the King's bedchambers, and even less time to hear strange sounds coming from it. She looked about the doorframe into the room to see herself naked and half buried in the Ice King's beard. He was on his back as he lay in his own bed.

"Chrissy?!" she asked in dismay, "What are you doing?!"

"Chrissy?!" asked the Ice King as he looked at the woman on top of him, "I thought you were Twilight!"

"I'm sorry... if I misled you," she sighed as she changed back to the Changeling Queen.

"Oh don't be sorry," he replied, "I think you're even hotter looking like this!"

"You... really think so?" she asked as she blushed a bit.

"Oh yeah!" he grunted as he latched his hands onto her breasts.

"Well... I guess you aren't in trouble..." said Twilight softly.

"The King and I..." panted Chrissy, "We're just negotiating for your release..."

"You can stay to watch if you want," said the Ice King, "I wouldn't mind."

"That's... quite the icicle you have there," she added as she began moving her butt up and down. With all of the Ice King's beard in the way, Twilight couldn't see what was going on underneath.

"Wak!" said Gunter as he used his flipper to cover the Fluffle Puff's eyes.

"We'll... just wait outside..." said Twilight awkwardly as she stepped towards the open doorway, "Until you're done... with those delicate negotiations."

Gunter towed Fluffle along behind as the three of them left the room.

"Princess Twilight?!" asked Finn as he charged into the room with Jake in tow, "Are you alright?!"

"We're fine," she replied, "Queen Chrysalis... she's negotiating with the Ice King... for my release."

"That means like she's totally doing the Ice King!" added LSP.

Finn blushed as Jake said, "Wow, he finally bagged royalty?! I guess his bad luck can't last forever."